Coronavirus Death Thread

[Waffdon]

1251052055344496641

What?

Imagine being under 6ft smh

[Lofty]

No chance Rishi becomes PM at that height.

He should just pretend he is tall like Trump.

[bruhnaldo]

5'10" is the ideal height for humans.

[Shindig]

He'll be fine. He'll conduct all his business six feet apart from his peers for the full term anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Maybe Sunak engineered the virus in order to look taller on TV.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

5'10" is the ideal height for humans.

Short arse.

[Andy]

We've done the same thing, as have France. I don't understand whether the issue with fruit picking is no one will do it (find that hard to believe with thousands out of work and locked indoors), or that only illegal slave wages can be paid for it.

Its £14 an hour down here which isn'ttoo bad, I'd imagine its really hard work which puts most people off.

You arent allowed to take another job while furloughed or I'd go and do it while I'm off.

[Waffdon]

They’ve ran out of Gowns. #ToryBritain

[Spikey M]

Running out of shit is Labour's bag.

[Giggles]

The airports still being open means it’s all just a sham anyway.

[Kikó]

The fucking Waterloo clapathon last night with all the bobbies clapping along right next to each other is a complete fucking joke. The knobheads want to hassle some nobody sat on their tod in the park but happily go and clap like seal ions on a bridge.

I've heard they're going to limit police gatherings to less than 500.

[Giggles]

Test came back negative so I can keep working anyway. I’ll be taking another one on Monday.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I came back from work tonight and must have collapsed onto the sofa from some kind of mental exhaustion, because 90 minutes later I woke up from some kind of weird psychedelic dream that involved pet smuggling, and seduction by younger men. No recollection of even lying down there.

It must be doing this to a lot of people.

[Lewis]

Were these pets gerbils?

[Shindig]

Turning up at Heathrow with a coat full of parrots.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Were these pets gerbils?

Puppies. It was via sea freight. Lord knows what they ate and drank down there.

[Don]

Trump show today shoupd be a strong one, Cuomo and him have been going at it and he's also called on the people of locked down states to LIBERATE themselves :D

[Shindig]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mass_shootings_in_the_United_States_in_202 0

Just putting that here for the inevitable.

[Smjffy]

For any chess fans out there, Carlsen is currently playing Firouzja in the Banter Blitz final. It's a cracking match so far.
https://youtu.be/rJtyQLkmRsU

He lost to a 16 year old Iranian. :eek:

[Don]

Herd mentality, bruh

Trump dropping this just now :D

[Queenslander]

There are still people on cruise ships off Australia.

[Bam]

Its £14 an hour down here which isn'ttoo bad, I'd imagine its really hard work which puts most people off.

I hope you're joking.

[Spikey M]

Shut up Bam, you play Meccano for a living.

[Shindig]

There's a reason it was (and still kinda is) mostly done by slave labour.

[Spikey M]

No idea if there's any truth in it, but:

1250543363541131269?s=19

[Andy]

I hope you're joking.

Physically hard.

[Baz]

Just like me.

[Giggles]

:D You’re the least hard looking person on here.

[Baz]

If someone who isn’t too much of a pussy to post a pic of themselves said that, I might have taken offence.

[Alex]

:box:

[Waffdon]

If someone who isn’t too much of a pussy to post a pic of themselves said that, I might have taken offence.

You do look like you belong on the sex offenders list, tbf

[Lee]

https://www.buzzfeed.com/alexwickham/coronavirus-uk-lockdown-three-stage-exit-plan

Wickham is pretty good so the above is likely about right. Lots of uncertainty but the plan is to start some opening up next month.

[Giggles]

If they start opening anything next month then wasn’t all this a waste of time?

LOCKDOWN.....(a month later).....Actually, money so fuck you all.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not if they prevented the health service being overwhelmed at its most vulnerable point. If you can keep the number of cases and deaths manageable, then some parts of normal life can resume.

Keeping over 70s in perpetual lockdown won't work, by the way. Those (mainly the younger ones) are boomers, the most entitled of all generations, they won't accept it on any level if the under 70s aren't also doing it.

[Giggles]

You’ve never met a current 20-something.

[Magic]

Can't wait until Giggsy pops his clogs from Corona.

[Giggles]

Can't wait until Giggsy pops his clogs from Corona.

At least if I make it through I’ll be around for your suicide.

[mugbull]

:youpi:

[Boydy]

My cousin who lives down the road from me went back home today to pick up a prescription. I thought he was just gonna go back and get that and maybe say hello to his mum from outside her house. He's texted me telling it's so great and he's so happy and his mum baked him bread and made him chilli and his nephew washed his car. He also said his mum said he could visit me if I want and told me I should go home because 'nobody will know'.

This is from someone who's still working on a reduced amount of days and whose sister (with whom the aforementioned nephew still lives) got one of those letters telling her to stay in for 12 weeks because she takes some immunosuppressant medication.

For fuck's sake.

[John]

RIP Boyd's family.

[mo]

My cousin who lives down the road from me went back home today to pick up a prescription. I thought he was just gonna go back and get that and maybe say hello to his mum from outside her house. He's texted me telling it's so great and he's so happy and his mum baked him bread and made him chilli and his nephew washed his car. He also said his mum said he could visit me if I want and told me I should go home because 'nobody will know'.

This is from someone who's still working on a reduced amount of days and whose sister (with whom the aforementioned nephew still lives) got one of those letters telling her to stay in for 12 weeks because she takes some immunosuppressant medication.

For fuck's sake.

Is this the same fuckwit cousin as before? I'm sure you shared some anecdote about his complete boneheadedness.

[Spikey M]

The Russians have Ambulances queuing for 9 hours to get into the Hospital and Japan are concerned that their entire Health Service is going to crash. :|

[Boydy]

Is this the same fuckwit cousin as before? I'm sure you shared some anecdote about his complete boneheadedness.

I can't remember. I've probably posted tales of idiocy about my younger cousin (that cousin's nephew in that story).

[Lewis]

This could have been a godsend for Japan if it had wiped a decent chunk of their old people out.

[Yevrah]

The Russians have Ambulances queuing for 9 hours to get into the Hospital and Japan are concerned that their entire Health Service is going to crash. :|

How have Japan, a proper country, with fewer than 10,000 recorded cases and 200 deaths ended up in that position?

[Yevrah]

Are the vast majority of Asian countries just lying about their numbers?

[Shindig]

https://www.dailysabah.com/world/asia-pacific/japans-covid-19-cases-top-10000-as-emergency-medical-system-collapses


The outbreak has highlighted underlying weaknesses in Japanese medical care, which has long been praised for its high-quality insurance system and reasonable costs. Apart from a general unwillingness to embrace social distancing, experts fault government incompetence and a widespread shortage of the protective gear and equipment medical workers need to do their jobs.

There's your problem. They'd lock down the clusters but leave everyone else to it.

[Byron]

It's more that because of the age of their population, they can't treat the myriad of other sick people, so their health system is even closer to the line per se than UK.

Plus their PM, Shinzo Abe only extended lockdown measures to cover the rest of the nation outside of Tokyo from last Thursday.

EDIT: Out of the way Shinners.

[Shindig]

They chain smoke like it's a national sport, as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are the vast majority of Asian countries just lying about their numbers?

Anything that isn't a liberal democracy will have completely fictional numbers. Liberal democracies will have roughly representative numbers but far from exactly right.

There's absolutely no reason to think any nation's approach to these statistics will be any different to their approach to any other statistics. It's long been known that Chinese GDP is just a big number they invent for the sake of it.

[Giggles]

Everyone is lying about their numbers.

[Spikey M]

How have Japan, a proper country, with fewer than 10,000 recorded cases and 200 deaths ended up in that position?

Arrogance seems to be the short answer.

[Lewis]

I bet the Japanese health system folded like one of their paper houses the minute somebody somewhere was expected to improvise and make a decision nominally above their grade.

[Yevrah]

Ah, they took the Swedish approach. Clever.

[Giggles]

We seem to be sorted apparently.

The media shouldn’t be allowed put out stories like this as it just makes people relax and break rules.

https://www.rte.ie/news/coronavirus/2020/0418/1132249-coronavirus-ireland/

[Yevrah]

A lot of countries do seem to be getting to the "what do we do next" phase.

[Waffdon]

The press are turning on Bojo. You love to see it. They’re reporting he missed 5 Cobra meetings for ‘personal reasons’.

[Spikey M]

Were those personal reasons 'nearly dying'?

[Giggles]

What the fuck is Cobra? :D

[Waffdon]

Were those personal reasons 'nearly dying'?

Before it all kicked off. Says the first meeting he attended wasn’t until the start of March

[phonics]

I've not looked it up but COBRA is like an emergency meeting where all the various branches meet to discuss a joint plan.

It's a long shot but I'm going to go with it being 'Co-Bra'nches of Government or something?

[Spikey M]

What the fuck is Cobra? :D

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabinet_Office_Briefing_Rooms

Americanised bollocks.

[Boydy]

What the fuck is Cobra? :D

Cabinet Office Briefing Room A. It's where they meet for all their emergency planning and shit and it's become known as 'COBRA'.

[Giggles]

At least it’s (almost) an acronym and not like something from Austin Powers.

[phonics]

My reasoning for it being called Cobra is way better.

[phonics]

Semi-related, 'The Situation Room' is a fucking fantastic piece of branding.

[Spikey M]

My reasoning for it being called Cobra is way better.

It is to be fair

[Adramelch]

The SAGE acronym is not any better either.

[Jimmy Floyd]

No prizes for guessing which PM pointlessly introduced COBRA in order to try and sound more cool, presidential and American.

[SvN]

I have no idea, but I assume that it's Blair based on your sneer.

[Kikó]

Anything that isn't a liberal democracy will have completely fictional numbers. Liberal democracies will have roughly representative numbers but far from exactly right.

There's absolutely no reason to think any nation's approach to these statistics will be any different to their approach to any other statistics. It's long been known that Chinese GDP is just a big number they invent for the sake of it.

I'd argue that the bodies will have to turn up somewhere at some point if there is mass manipulation. Social media is too prevalent for it not to out.

[7om]

https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2020.04.14.20062463v1.full.pdf

A group studied antibody prevalence in a California county and found that it corresponded to a 50-85 times increased rate of Covid infection that the official numbers. If we take that high estimate as true and apply it to the UK what is that, 10 million infections? We’re also testing less than the US per million people so it could be an even higher figure for us.

[Adramelch]

California has less per capita tests than the UK, keep in mind.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They need to be LIBERATED.

[7om]

California has less per capita tests than the UK, keep in mind.

Ah okay, I didn't know that. I pulled the numbers for the UK out my arse, it's just interesting to see how far off confirmed cases and true cases are.

[Adramelch]

Given the focus of the cases on large cities, following this study I wouldn't be surprised if say 25-30% of the population of London, Paris, New York etc have gotten infected.

[Mellberg]

No prizes for guessing which PM pointlessly introduced COBRA in order to try and sound more cool, presidential and American.

The biggest fan of American ideology was Thatcher, so her?

[Waffdon]

He’ll be going full Lewis chimp out mode with that comment.

[Lewis]

That was more Austrian than American. Tony Blair wishes he was American, the televangelist freak.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The biggest fan of American ideology was Thatcher, so her?

American economy, her. American political culture, big Tone. His whole team grew up on or watching the Clinton '92 campaign and fell dizzily in love with it.

Before they were all trying to be in The Thick of It, they were all trying to be in The West Wing.

[Mellberg]

Fuck Blair. Thatcher's knickers were positively soaking at the thought of being more American and you both know it. She'd have been calling COBRA meetings every other day, the slag.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think you misunderstand her very much. Can be forgiven as these days she is just popularly used as a convenient Hitler-devil figure for lazy lefties rather than the nuanced historical leader she (and Blair, and all the others) was.

You have to remember in those days the Cold War was on and the Americans were the good guys. It's not like when we grew up and they spent enough time in sole command for the backlash to develop. But good old Tony stuck with his stars and stripes boys in 2003, to much popular acclaim, and the rest is history.

[Offshore Toon]

The local Coronavirus group has had quite a lot of photos/videos dobbing people in. Somebody that got caught in a video thought it would be a good idea to inbox the uploader with:

https://i.imgur.com/hqGl0v4.jpg

[Boydy]

The Americans have never been the good guys in their entire history.

[Don]

Just reading the Sunday Times article (here (https://archive.is/20200418182037/https://www.thetimes.co.uk/edition/news/coronavirus-38-days-when-britain-sleepwalked-into-disaster-hq3b9tlgh))and it's a horror show alright, gonna join Waff in using it as wanking material for the next week because there's a lot to :drool: at but the most damning bit of it all and the clear marker that Boris ain't cut out for any of this has to be this:


https://archive.is/hBnH4/dd283e55e57d874189fe878ee654dfbd21c29c7e.jpg

The fucking melt :D

Come on down, Mr. Starmer, you don.

[Queenslander]

Jealous?

https://i.ibb.co/5kMbkXY/FB-IMG-1587277807863.jpg (https://ibb.co/8bK1bnz)

[Giggles]

I’ve those jars.

[Magic]

:cool:

[Magic]

The press are turning on Bojo. You love to see it. They’re reporting he missed 5 Cobra meetings for ‘personal reasons’.

This was common knowledge. He took a holiday for like 2 months didn't he?

[Luca]

John Arne's lot donning it: https://e.vnexpress.net/news/news/covid-19-clear-vietnam-goes-three-straight-days-without-new-infection-4086826.html

[Queenslander]

Vietnam :cool:

Late 90's early 00's Brisbane high schools were chokkas full of 1st Generation Vietnamese Australian.

[John Arne]

John Arne's lot donning it: https://e.vnexpress.net/news/news/covid-19-clear-vietnam-goes-three-straight-days-without-new-infection-4086826.html

The international community largely ignoring Vietnam's success is bizarre. The perception seems to be... Vietnam is like China, therefore it's figures are completely made up. The reality is whilst they may be a few cases not being recorded, it's impossible to hide hundreds or thousands of deaths in a country that is so online and eager to screw over its own government.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's what having a one-party state does for you. Soz la.

[Kikó]

The Americans have never been the good guys in their entire history.

Maybe when they were kicking the Brits out.

[Giggles]

I was going to say that earlier (with a Mel photo obvs) but it was too predictable :cool:

[Spikey M]

It's hard to say if it was the right move though. Kicking us out makes you America, letting us stay makes you Hong Kong.

Then there's India...

Anyway, the rule of thumb seems to be that as long as you weren't colonised by the Belgians, you'll probably be alright in the long run.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The one small problem with the idea that Boris Johnson not chairing some meetings has caused thousands of people to die is that it assumes that Boris Johnson's chairing of meetings is perhaps the most powerful force for good in all of global public health.

Still, any chance for twitter blue ticks to tell us all how ANGRY they are.

[Mellberg]

I think you misunderstand her very much. Can be forgiven as these days she is just popularly used as a convenient Hitler-devil figure for lazy lefties rather than the nuanced historical leader she (and Blair, and all the others) was.

You have to remember in those days the Cold War was on and the Americans were the good guys. It's not like when we grew up and they spent enough time in sole command for the backlash to develop. But good old Tony stuck with his stars and stripes boys in 2003, to much popular acclaim, and the rest is history.

I misunderstand zero, and Hitler who you've mentioned was also a nuanced historical figure, it just so happens that his range went from walks in the park to having a small thirst racism, murder and trying to take over the world. Thatcher is judged by her actions, and whilst yes she did no doubt also enjoyed walks in the park, you don't get to throw Blair under the bus for touching up Bush in a golf cart, whilst defending Thatcher for giving Reagan the reach around, in the same post, no matter how much nuance (read: Tory defending gymnastics) you apply.

[Smjffy]

I would rather they waited until it was all over before finding out what should have been done earlier or whatever but then a tiny part of me is still sympathetic to the fact that no one really had a clue early doors but then it still seems to be the case now which is where the sympathy kind of runs out.

[Jimmy Floyd]

She didn't blindly follow Reagan into an illegal war (not my words, the words of Jeremy Corbyn).

[Mellberg]

The one small problem with the idea that Boris Johnson not chairing some meetings has caused thousands of people to die is that it assumes that Boris Johnson's chairing of meetings is perhaps the most powerful force for good in all of global public health.

Still, any chance for twitter blue ticks to tell us all how ANGRY they are.

I agree with all this though. People are far too reactionary and giving twats a platform like that means I avoid it like the plague. He's done okay. The main mistake was obviously locking down a week or so too late, but let's get through this before casting him to the inevitable Prime Ministerial scrapheap with May, Cameron, Brown, Blair, Major, Thatcher etc. I don't even know who the last one to come out reputation in tact was. Probably Churchill.

[Mellberg]

She didn't blindly follow Reagan into an illegal war (not my words, the words of Jeremy Corbyn).

You keep going after Blair. I don't like Blair. Fill your boots. I think Brown was unfairly treated if you want someone to target.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You keep going after Blair. I don't like Blair. Fill your boots. I think Brown was unfairly treated if you want someone to target.

Brown is a good man whose eventual premiership came at the most inopportune possible time given his technocrat skillset. Tony fucked him over as well.

I also liked Alistair Darling, if we're rehabilitating prominent figures from 2007-10.

[Mellberg]

Yeah, Brown was probably the best Labour have had in my lifetime time. Very unfortunate.

On the rehabilitation front you can have May, who was fucked over by Brexit, in a similar way to Brown by the financial crisis, and was reasonably well intentioned. Can't give you Thatcher though. Sorry. Birmingham is culturally more aligned to the North than the South.

[Lewis]

Thatcher was at her most American in foreign policy, where she was unusually universalist and 'values'-driven (they all have been since, but it was new then - probably Second World War legacy stuff). Economically her influences were almost entirely domestic.

The fixation on the COBRA meetings seems to work on the weird assumption that 1) everything discussed in them is massively important all of the time; and 2) that none of this then gets reported back to absent parties. I don't see how both of those things can be true, unless the British civil service has reached levels of uselessness beyond what even I can imagine.

[Lewis]

This (https://twitter.com/jamesrbuk/status/1251796389413208065) was news to me. I know the bastards impounded a load at the border a few weeks later, but our main contingency order (placed when they were supposedly wanking the days away) getting pinched seems like a half-decent mitigating factor that we should have heard more about. We ought to bin all of our bilateral defence agreements in return.

[Yevrah]

Shit like that will have happened all over Europe Lewis, which isn't to defend it, more further evidence that the European project is over.

[Giggles]

Shit like that will have happened all over Europe Lewis, which isn't to defend it, more further evidence that the European project is over.

Yev knee-jerk #379

[Lewis]

Logically it ought to expose a lot of their bullshit, but as if they're going to waste a crisis like this. Only a European budget can whatever whatever whatever, and then before you know it the Germans are running Italy again.

[Yevrah]

Yev knee-jerk #379

It's a good shout.

First sign of real trouble and not a single country listened to what the EU was saying.

[Yevrah]

And you can have supposed knee jerk, or you can go back to the halcyon days of the beginning of this thread, where apparently there was approximately a 0% chance any of us ever have anything to do with this virus.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, Brown was probably the best Labour have had in my lifetime time. Very unfortunate.

On the rehabilitation front you can have May, who was fucked over by Brexit, in a similar way to Brown by the financial crisis, and was reasonably well intentioned. Can't give you Thatcher though. Sorry. Birmingham is culturally more aligned to the North than the South.

Birmingham is culturally devoid.

[Mellberg]

:D

Alright Cov and Southend. Calm down.

[Spikey M]

Please not take my statement as an endorsement for either of those 2 places.

[Baz]

I’m derailing the thread here but I’ve a question.

I work with an ex-miner. He gives talks (lol) and the one I attended was delivered to about 100 over-70s. Part of his performance, for lack of a better word, asked everyone to raise their hands if they respected Margaret Thatcher and about 15 people raised their hands. He then asked the same for Arthur Scarsgill and one solitary person regretfully raised their hand and a few people jokingly jeered them for doing so.

What’s so bad about Scarsgill?

I have no clue when it comes to politics and recent history like this but, living where I live, I feel like I should have some idea. Educate me?

[John]

He forced the 1984 strike through without having a full vote of the membership, and the violence that followed went a long way towards killing public sympathy towards the miners.

[Raoul Duke]

Do you have the internet on your PC?

[Lewis]

He set the National Union of Mineworkers on a ridiculous course by making it effective policy to oppose any pit closure (at a time when the National Coal Board was pissing money), gave the government three years to prepare for a strike (at a time when there were fewer miners than ever), refused to hold a national vote on the 1984/85 strike because he knew he would lose, led half of the workers out anyway, inevitably lost and cost them all a year of their lives and wages, and then he's been scamming the union ever since.

It's a great myth about Thatcher busting the unions. The government just gave them the rope to hang themselves. Once they had to start behaving like normal organisations and not weird like secret societies they found that half of their members thought they were twats.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ours is what, 8 or 9 percent from all positive tests? There's not a chance the true rate is over 0.5%.

[Shindig]

Sorry, I got that number from a Yahoo article. It's miles out. They're at 4.7%.

EDIT: Actually, they account for 23% of all Covid deaths.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There is an interesting quirk to the numbers though on that side of things. The following all have death rates (per reported case) of between 10 and 15%:

UK
France
Italy
Spain
Belgium
Holland
Sweden

Then the following all have rates at 5% or under:

Canada
Switzerland
Ireland
Germany
Austria
Denmark
Korea
Japan
Australia
NZ

But not a single country, in the developed world, has a rate between 5 and 10%.

[7om]

I had a handshake bet with the wife at the very start that the rate will be 0.7%. I'd revise that way down if I could now.

[Shindig]

Ours is only high because we're still testing almost exclusively in hospitals.

[Giggles]

Looking like no pubs til 2021 at the earliest here. Main objectives will be getting leaving cert kids back in the 6 weeks and all of them back by Sept.
Sport won't come back here either this year I'd reckon. The GAA is lucky in a way that even though there's no money coming in there's no players waiting on wages or anything. And nobody would notice if most of the soccer clubs folded.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't imagine what people will be like by the autumn. We've been locked down for a month so far and people are already going mental.

[Giggles]

Bunch of entitled cunts.

Though if it means more months of C Listers dancing and miming on TikTok for attention I might go on a murder spree myself.

[Jimmy Floyd]

'Entitled' gets put about a lot but I can't think of a period of such curtailment of day to day freedom in all of human history.

[Andy]

I think as they loosen restrictions things will become easier, weve already got people treating the weekly food shop as a weekly highlight.

Once you can have small social gatherings, picnics in the park etc and more people back at work things will get a lot more normal.

[Giggles]

Aren't we lucky that entails watching television and not slave labour or fighting wars.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Aren't we lucky that entails watching television and not slave labour or fighting wars.

Yeah because all comparisons are to conscription or slavery, which in this part of the world haven't happened for 70 and 200 years respectively.

[Giggles]

Yeah because all comparisons are to conscription or slavery, which in this part of the world haven't happened for 70 and 200 years respectively.

But people are going on like they’re both happening yesterday.

[niko_cee]

"Hey Giggsy, you seen those students protesting in Tienanmen Square?"

"Entitled cunts!"

[Boydy]

I'm with Giggles here.

[niko_cee]

Also, Sweden, being weeks away from herd immunity, have donned us all senseless, with their no lockdown and vanishingly small ICU capacity.

[Spikey M]

We should nuke them really.

[Don]

Also, Sweden, being weeks away from herd immunity, have donned us all senseless, with their no lockdown and vanishingly small ICU capacity.

Fake news. Trump shined the beacon of truth on them last night, clarifying that the people are actually ignoring the government there and staying at home which is the only reason they're not being shattered like everywhere else.

[Boydy]

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-19/sweden-says-controversial-covid-19-strategy-is-proving-effective

This is quite interesting on Sweden.

[mugbull]

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-19/sweden-says-controversial-covid-19-strategy-is-proving-effective

This is quite interesting on Sweden.

The number one gating factor is average household size. In a hypothetical world where everyone lived alone, I don't think there would even be a need for social distancing in the era of corona. Vast majority of transmissions result from within the household, and it's also why the immigrant populations in Stockholm are very disproportionately affected, since they've got generational admixture going on

[Jimmy Floyd]

There seems to be a huge ethnic bias in the UK as well, even accounting for the fact that London is generally densely populated and more ethnic minorities live there than elsewhere.

[Baz]

I can't imagine what people will be like by the autumn. We've been locked down for a month so far and people are already going mental.How?! Staying at home all day everyday is awesome.

[phonics]

The UK going from 'we don't need to copy Europes lockdown procedures we're much smarter than them' to 'our lockdown procedures will go until 2021, while Europe opens up in July' is fucking incredible.

Just the most special people.

Meanwhile, we're lighting up the Matterhorn with the Saudi flag in solidarity :cab: So we all have our foibles, I guess.

[Spikey M]

If the rest of Europe 'opens' in July, they will be closed again by September.

[phonics]

Djokovic might be off the tour because he's a big ol anti-vaxxer :drool:

[Kikó]

Also, Sweden, being weeks away from herd immunity, have donned us all senseless, with their no lockdown and vanishingly small ICU capacity.

Be interesting if that rings true. I doubt they have enough data to know whether or not they have gained community immunity. But at the same time- we have no idea if you can be immune so lolidk.

[7om]

If the rest of Europe 'opens' in July, they will be closed again by September.

Lol, stop being so special.

[Kikó]

Djokovic might be off the tour because he's a big ol anti-vaxxer :drool:

No-vax Djokovic.

[Lewis]

He should be even more vegan for the duration.

[Disco]

Imagine how fit he'll be after taking all that extra veganism.

[Giggles]

UK vs Europe is by far the most important thing in all this.

[Waffdon]

The UK going from 'we don't need to copy Europes lockdown procedures we're much smarter than them' to 'our lockdown procedures will go until 2021, while Europe opens up in July' is fucking incredible.

Just the most special people.

Meanwhile, we're lighting up the Matterhorn with the Saudi flag in solidarity :cab: So we all have our foibles, I guess.

Holidays in July, August and September it is.

[Baz]

People are now moaning that the free food packages don’t contain enough nutritional food in them.

Let them die!!!

[phonics]

1252189977242406912


hahahahahahahahahahahahjahahahah

[Jimmy Floyd]

That sounds like FM when you're in dire financial straits, really want to buy a certain player and so just start rifling through your squad for any old toss to add to the offer in part exchange.

[Lofty]

'Entitled' gets put about a lot but I can't think of a period of such curtailment of day to day freedom in all of human history.

The Plague?

[niko_cee]

They just got on with it during the plague (and half of Europe died).

[Lee]

At some point we will just get on with it, but not until they think hospitals can cope and they’ve minimised the risk of a large second peak.

Looking good at my place. Lots of Covid-only beds empty now. Covid ED attendances dropping a fair bit. ICU still busy - and still above normal capacity - but less so. The daily Covid meetings are more focused on restoring normal activity (though no dates set for this) than on the impact of the disease itself. We are clearly past our peak.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They did a bit more in the 17th century plagues but even that was just a bit of curfew here and there, as we still weren't too medically advanced and the state was absolutely tiny, as indeed it was at every point until about 1940ish (Lewis can tell you the exact date).

State-enforced social lockdown is new.

[Yevrah]

Given it's not been done before, where did the idea originate from? Was it actually Laurence Fishburne?

[Yevrah]

Wikipedia says the bible references it, so I guess it's always been on the cards as soon as we got to the stage where those in charge cared enough about lives.

[phonics]

Surely you all remember your lessons where they drew Red Crosses on the door during the plague. It was in the Rugrats episode.

[randomlegend]

We got told off by the covid management yesterday because we're using too much PPE as a department and aren't following PHE guidelines (which reduced standards for about the 4th time on Friday). We made the point that swabbing or doing procedures on a compliant adult is evidently lower risk than doing them on an 18 month old who coughs, cries and screams in your face for an hour so perhaps it's not unreasonable we use a bit more than adult wards and don't stick rigidly to the guidelines for all our patients. You could tell they agreed but are completely impotent and beholden to whatever PHE tell them, which makes you wonder what the actual point of these people are.

Their argument was "what will you do in two weeks when you REALLY need it and don't have it?" so we asked what they would do in two weeks when they had no paediatric staff because they're all off sick which seemed to pretty much break their minds.

It's not even me I feel for, I've not had to do anything where I feel particularly unsafe. It's the poor nurses who are swabbing kids multiple times a day and getting sprayed with their spit, or my registrars who spend 2 hours right up close to a screaming, crying baby whilst they try to cannulate them.

I thought I might have overstepped with a couple of comments but my consultant came up to me after and said she was really pleased I'd said what I had. Wish I'd asked the buggers to come do our swabs in the PPE we're being expected to wear to see the response.

[Pepe]

Went to Wallyworld this morning and the bastards sent me back home for not wearing a mask. Got my balaclava out and I was good to go. Half of the workers are wearing their masks in such a way that it doesn't even cover their noses, but whatever.

[randomlegend]

Went to Wallyworld this morning and the bastards sent me back home for not wearing a mask. Got my balaclava out and I was good to go. Half of the workers are wearing their masks in such a way that it doesn't even cover their noses, but whatever.

Yeah we're asking all the parents to wear masks now and I've had to ask a few to move it to cover their nose. Baffling.

[Spikey M]

The fella who works in the corner shop near me uses his as some kind of chin guard.

[Lewis]

https://i.imgur.com/C1VS0oz.png

This manlet was hiding in plain sight. I will never not notice it now. It's like finding out someone wears a wig.

[Spikey M]

It's like finding out Ed Miliband can't eat a sandwich all over again. It was a surprise, but it probably shouldn't have been.

[mugbull]

Novak says he’d be opposed to getting the vaccine. Lol

[Disco]

What's one more injection?

[Lewis]

I'm on a dial-in with work, and although we are 'priority one' (legal requirement for what we do, and we can't do it from home) to get back to work, most of the staff are old, knackered, or sufficiently not arsed about it to just say that they aren't coming back in if they have to wear a mask (not me this one). I'm not sure how they expect to get us back in as soon as possible, and yet you get the feeling that our manager thinks doing so will impress people, so that should get quite funny at some point.

[Adramelch]

Went to Wallyworld this morning and the bastards sent me back home for not wearing a mask. Got my balaclava out and I was good to go. Half of the workers are wearing their masks in such a way that it doesn't even cover their noses, but whatever.

I had a cashier the other day pull down her mask to scratch her nose with her covid-ridden (presumably) gloves.

[Waffdon]

$2 for a barrel of oil. The actual barrel probably costs more. Lol

[Giggles]

77 more deaths here today. That’ll put the brakes on all the talk of opening up everything again.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How does a negative oil price work? Will MBS meet me round the back of a lock-up somewhere and hand me over both a tanker full of oil and a suitcase of cash?

[Waffdon]

Apparently so.

Crude oil is still trading at $24. Aberdeen is fine. Mon the Indy

[Spikey M]

I'll give you £30 for your shares Foe.

[Kikó]

Negative means they pay you to take the oil.

[Smjffy]

How does a negative oil price work? Will MBS meet me round the back of a lock-up somewhere and hand me over both a tanker full of oil and a suitcase of cash?

https://twitter.com/TheStalwart/status/1252318539677085697?s=20

[Foe]

I'll give you £30 for your shares Foe.

You’re overpaying son, jokes on you.

:(

[Foe]

For what it’s worth I’m in about a secure a job as I could have in Aberdeen.

A couple of my pals though. Ooft.

Drilling and reliability. Going to see a good few service provider companies go under I think, mainly in the drilling sector. They’ve been taking losses for years on the assumption the rates will go back up. Another drop will kill them off.

[Spikey M]

Negative means they pay you to take the oil.


You’re overpaying son, jokes on you.

:(

Give me £30 and I'll take your shares.

[Shindig]

Branson putting his island up to try and secure a bailout is such a top billionaire play.

[Disco]

Surely a billionaire can, by definition, get his hands on £500m. So jog on beardy.

[Shindig]

I think he's trying the "My money's only in shares!" defence which a certain Mike Ashley used once.

[Waffdon]

Barbers, Gyms, restaurants and Theatres all to open in the next week in Florida :D

[Luca]

Sounds like Kim Jong-Un is about to croak.

[Smjffy]

I have never realised just how young he actually is. 36?! Get the fuck out of it.

[niko_cee]

Gearing up for another justice campaign already (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/52362099)

:drool:

[Shindig]

He looks properly overweight in his last photo.

[Byron]

For what it’s worth I’m in about a secure a job as I could have in Aberdeen.

A couple of my pals though. Ooft.

Drilling and reliability. Going to see a good few service provider companies go under I think, mainly in the drilling sector. They’ve been taking losses for years on the assumption the rates will go back up. Another drop will kill them off.

Wasn't that going to be the case anyway? Even by normal standards, North Sea oil is expensive to drill and there are a few players in that area. Could easily see a biggie or two go under.

[Andy]

Gearing up for another justice campaign already (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/52362099)

:drool:

Arteta getting the virus will have indirectly saved so many lives, if not we would have seen the Man City/ Arsenal game go ahead and then probably a full weekend of fixtures throughout the country while the government were trying to push herd immunity.

Pubs, stadiums and public transport rammed all over the country.

[Smjffy]

Arteta getting the virus will have indirectly saved so many lives, if not we would have seen the Man City/ Arsenal game go ahead and then probably a full weekend of fixtures throughout the country while the government were trying to push herd immunity.

Pubs, stadiums and public transport rammed all over the country.

250,000 going to Cheltenham over four days, the Liverpool Atletico match and the general feeling that it wouldn't come to the UK so public transport still very much in use suggests to me that we would be out of control by now, Walking Dead minus the walkers.

[Spikey M]

I do love the Scousers banging on about the Atletico match. It's only because they lost.

[John Arne]

We'll look back on Cheltenham and ask some very serious questions. Absolute joke that it went ahead.

[Magic]

For what it’s worth I’m in about a secure a job as I could have in Aberdeen.

A couple of my pals though. Ooft.

Drilling and reliability. Going to see a good few service provider companies go under I think, mainly in the drilling sector. They’ve been taking losses for years on the assumption the rates will go back up. Another drop will kill them off.

Good, bunch of arrogant cunts.

[Smjffy]

I do love the Scousers banging on about the Atletico match. It's only because they lost.

It's nothing to do with losing a game of football and everything to do with nearly 55,000 people stood next to one another inside a stadium, those same people who then used public transport after the game etc. Just those two events alone is nearly 300,000 mingling around in close proximity then trotting off to spread it across the red of the UK.

If as Andy mentions the weekends games went ahead too then it's not too far fetched to suggest that our current death totals could be triple of those numbers that are reported, I say triple because let's face it, we know the current count is suspect.

[Smjffy]

We'll look back on Cheltenham and ask some very serious questions. Absolute joke that it went ahead.

Questions will need to be answered but let's be honest, it'll be glossed over and forgotten soon enough. It's the stuff we aren't hearing about due to the massive amount of reporting on Covid-19 that really worries me.

[John Arne]

I'm genuinely surprised that the UK hasn't done anything yet. They seem to be waiting for it explode, at which point they will start closing schools and playing behind closed doors - you know, when it's kinda too late.


#HumbleBrag

[Ian]

"UK government full of mongos" isn't the hottest of takes.

[John Arne]

"UK government full of mongos" isn't the hottest of takes.

Fair cop.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, it's a bit of a fortune cookie/Horoscope that.

'Your leaders will take unwise decisions'.

[John Arne]

Yeah, it's a bit of a fortune cookie/Horoscope that.

'Your leaders will take unwise decisions'.

It's not quite that vague, but yeah - kinda. A few posts after...


They will know what they're doing. While there's still a chance to contain it, there is no point in collapsing society around it.

Korean numbers continue to improve, and the Chinese are all going back to work (Hubei aside). However, I would suggest that in those societies, selfish idiocy is much less prevalent than it is in Europe.

In fact, this seems to be a first world virus at the moment.

Tbf to Jimmy, he pulls it back with the prediction that Europe will be way worse than Asia.

[Don]

ONS data continuing trend of last week but the approximate 2k increase of weekly deaths not attributable to DA PLAGUE clearly backs up the theory of ethnic cleansing going on behind closed doors.

More gloom: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/apr/20/studies-suggest-very-few-have-had-covid-19-without-symptoms

:drool:

[John Arne]

Sorted by Deaths per 1m Pop, the bottom 12.

https://gyazo.com/d7f791a0c9795e49a9dff9f58b478c95.jpeg

[John Arne]

Sorted by Deaths per 1m Pop, the real Top 12 :drool:

https://gyazo.com/6db70c3d25536f658a2973a0a0e213c8.jpeg

[Spikey M]

Arsenal had it right with "Visit Rwanda".

[Don]

Imagine being the poor solitary fucker with it in Yemen. Proper shunned down the local Revs in Sana by all the bishes.

[Mellberg]

Markets may be about to go again. Fed investment being reduced, negative oil weighing heavy on confidence of Dow and major supports are falling.

[Baz]

We’re over the worst of it lads. Back to normal working life soon. :(

Gonna order some masonry paint and crack on with the fences before it’s too late.

[Don]

Yeah, the virus has been killed off through clapping and political editorials. Pubs to reopen tomorrow.

[Waffdon]

Pints and chasers from 11am. Can I get a hell yeah

[Spikey M]

Jelly and Icecream when Waff gets gubbed.

[mugbull]

Antibody tests show that as of 1-2 weeks ago, 11% of Stockholm residents have had corona but due to a sensitivity of 70%, they estimate the true number to be around 16%. By early May, they expect 1/3 of the city's population to have had it. Pretty good news tbh, way higher than I would have predicted

[Jimmy Floyd]

WHO are busy claiming it's 2-3% in the world and that it doesn't matter anyway. Not sure who I believe, quite frankly.

[Waffdon]

I’ve just had to process a £10k grant for some fat twat with over £1,000,000 chilling in their bank. They won over £100,000,000 on the lottery the other year.

Shambles

[Waffdon]

Jelly and Icecream when Waff gets gubbed.

Cocaine scares it off

[bruhnaldo]

Barbers, Gyms, restaurants and Theatres all to open in the next week in Florida :D

I don't think this is accurate is it?

[Ian]

A lazy Google suggests it's Georgia that wants to open a bunch of shit back up.

[Adramelch]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfN2JWifLCY

Fairly interesting watch. The "how do you open up from the lockdown" question is a really interesting one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I once worked for that guy in the white shirt for three months. He is the definition of a smoothie chops posh cunt, bless him. Used to stroll into the office around 10.30 with a latte in hand and then not go home ever.

He took me on as a temp when I came out of uni to basically do the biggest load of data entry you have ever seen. When my three-month contract was drawing to a close, the project had grown in size by a factor of about 200. I needed a job, so I asked if they were going to keep me on longer to finish it. Reader, they did not. And that, ladies and gents, is the story of my brief life in Corporate London.

[Lewis]

UnHerd publishing something interesting is proper world turned upside down stuff.

[Spoonsky]

I’ve just had to process a £10k grant for some fat twat with over £1,000,000 chilling in their bank. They won over £100,000,000 on the lottery the other year.

Shambles

What did he spend the other 99 million quid on?

[Waffdon]

Companies bank account. She’s had a ton of failing businesses though, the fat mess.

[Giggles]

No gatherings over 5000 here til September. I knew it probably was, but that’s GnR officially gone now.

[John Arne]

No new cases for 5 days!!

It's time to open up baby.

[John Arne]

No new cases for 5 days!!

It's time to open up baby.

THE LOCKDOWN IS OVER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Our lockdown ends tomorrow, although face masks in public is still required, and social distancing encouraged.

[Waffdon]

Is it cheap to fly there

[Yevrah]

No chance they let Brits in normally.

[Yevrah]

Shaved my head this morning. Looks a bit crap but very liberating.

[John Arne]

Is it cheap to fly there

No, rather pricey. Plus international flights still banned.
Sorry :(

[Lewis]

No chance they let Brits in normally.


Shaved my head this morning. Looks a bit crap but very liberating.

https://i.imgur.com/GKQuzGJ.jpg?1

[Don]

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/apr/22/french-study-suggests-smokers-at-lower-risk-of-getting-coronavirus

:cool:

[Ian]

The French, eh.

Have they said anything about the effects of garlic and stripey jumpers on the virus yet?

[Smjffy]

Shaved my head this morning. Looks a bit crap but very liberating.

I did made this mistake two days ago. I'm back to being a hybrid of Dominic Mattero and Danny Murphy.

[SvN]

And Super Hans.

[Smjffy]

You what now? **Runs to Google**

You're mistaking me for someone else, surely.

EDIT: Actually, having Googled Matteo and Murphy's recent pics I've moved on from there too

[Bob Sacamano]

The haka video :face:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I just shaved my head, I was going to go for the usual 3 but decided I might as well just do 0.

Cut myself a couple of times annoyingly but I quite like it. I think I've left the sideburns/beard too high though.

[Lofty]

I haven't watched a briefing in weeks but notice Pornhub is ending it's free premium stint this week so we must be past the worst of it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Looking at the numbers I'd guess we're back to about 600-650 a day now (true figures) and gradually dropping. Think full lockdown will go at least another 5 weeks which would be end of May.

Joy.

[bruhnaldo]

I haven't watched a briefing in weeks but notice Pornhub is ending it's free premium stint this week so we must be past the worst of it.

oh i thought they already fucked that off cause the account i used to sign up had the password be "wrong" and when i tried to do the "reset pw" thing the email never came

[Smjffy]

The lockdown doesn't faze me too much but what is there after it does. I'm already resigned to the fact that hospitality will be one of the last things to emerge.

Career change once this is all done and dusted, I reckon. Perhaps there has never been a better​ time to go back into the care sector.

[Baz]

Pubs back open in June, ready for my birthday? :youpi:

[Smjffy]

Pubs back open in June, ready for my birthday? :youpi:

At least those that might remain. The whole industry is getting absolutely shafted from employees to employers.

[Lewis]

I just shaved my head, I was going to go for the usual 3 but decided I might as well just do 0.

Cut myself a couple of times annoyingly but I quite like it. I think I've left the sideburns/beard too high though.

You must look like a white Uncle Phil.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He only shaved the top part of his head though and left the sides and back.

But I'll take it tbh.

[Lewis]

You've done it wrong then.

[Spikey M]

How do cut yourself with clippers? Must be a claw issue.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How do cut yourself with clippers? Must be a claw issue.

Have you never tried clippers with no attachments on?

It's just razor burn/minor scratches similar to using a normal razor.

[Shindig]

I've only got scissors to work with but it's getting to the point where I'd normally have it shaved.

[Giggles]

I took the Gillette Fusion to mine.