The All New Jobs Thread

[SvN]

Looks like the old one was a fatality of the switchover. I'll see if I can restore it, but we might have to start again.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

All the Korean stories :(

[Giggles]

The Koreans hacked it. Jimmy never existed :cool:

[Kikó]

I quit my job yesterday in honour.

[Magic]

All my revenge stories. :(

[Byron]

You should be glad there's no longer evidence of your shit.

[Magic]

:D

Fair point.

Can we delete the relationship thread too plz kthx.

[Pepe]

The Koreans hacked it. Jimmy never existed :cool:

Has he posted yet? :uhoh:

[Shindig]

Usually my jobs by email alerts get me some admin roles in the North East of England.

Today, a company recommended me an Assistant Manager role in South Carolina. At a Burger King Drive-Thru.

[phonics]

I got a new laptop today which would be nice (rendering times cut by 50% :drool:) but the fan on it is immense and never shuts up.

[Mazuuurk]

Sounds much like Arsenal Fan TV.

[phonics]

http://crisisproofyourfamily.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/stretch-logo-black.png

[Foe]

For the third time in four years there's a re-org of the company structure and job cuts imminent.

There's no chance I'm getting turfed less than a month after they threw shares at me to keep me, but it's really fucking annoying to keep having to deal with uncertainty in job roles, functions and what the company is doing.

There's a town hall tomorrow with some pretty senior folks in town (by no coincidence) and it's going to be a sight to behold. 3 months ago we were told me were right sized, now we're not. Lies, lies, lies!

[Giggles]

For the third time in four years there's a re-org of the company structure and job cuts imminent.

There's no chance I'm getting turfed less than a month after they threw shares at me to keep me, but it's really fucking annoying to keep having to deal with uncertainty in job roles, functions and what the company is doing.

There's a town hall tomorrow with some pretty senior folks in town (by no coincidence) and it's going to be a sight to behold. 3 months ago we were told me were right sized, now we're not. Lies, lies, lies!


What does "there's a town hall tomorrow" mean? Is it not there every day?

[Magic]

Omg we might be getting rid of the sales idiots.

Remember I said they were going to employ GENERIC sales people with no industry experience and train them up? Well that's been cancelled because of 3 of us internally (3 very highly thought of employees) to potentially make a sales SUPER TEAM, from point of sale to installation.

This could spell the end of the sales team as we know it. :drool:

The MD and owner both couldn't believe they hadn't thought of this before (which is lol).

Anyway...£70k p/a plus?

[Danny]

It’s just a bollocks business term for a meeting where the board talk at the minions about the company

[Giggles]

It’s just a bollocks business term for a meeting where the board talk at the minions about the company


Lots of touching base to be expected then.

[Foe]

It’s just a bollocks business term for a meeting where the board talk at the minions about the company

Pretty much.

Senior people in the company gather the plebs and talk pish.

[Pepe]

Anyway...£70k p/a plus?

Engineering pays. :cool:

[Magic]

Engineering pays. :cool:

Does it fuck. Comish pays.

[Giggles]

As if anyone is going to give a mong £75k :D

They'd be out of business in a week with decisions like that. From the stuff you say here you sound like one of the worst and most trouble making employees imaginable.

[Magic]

As if anyone is going to give a mong 75k :D

40k basic and I will earn double that in comish. I'll leave it to the mongs to sell lines and calls. CUNTS.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Omg we might be getting rid of the sales idiots.

Remember I said they were going to employ GENERIC sales people with no industry experience and train them up? Well that's been cancelled because of 3 of us internally (3 very highly thought of employees) to potentially make a sales SUPER TEAM, from point of sale to installation.

This could spell the end of the sales team as we know it. :drool:

The MD and owner both couldn't believe they hadn't thought of this before (which is lol).

Anyway...£70k p/a plus?

That sounds like management speak for cost cutting.

I don't get any commission for my sales work, but my field manager is commission only. It makes it a fun relationship, with him constantly screaming GET IT OUT THE DOOR and me not caring because my figures aren't measured.

[Magic]

That sounds like management speak for cost cutting.

I don't get any commission for my sales work, but my field manager is commission only. It makes it a fun relationship, with him constantly screaming GET IT OUT THE DOOR and me not caring because my figures aren't measured.

How so? I won't be doing just sales so I'll get on a good basic. I'll be selling, and delivering the service. Only thing I won't be doing is supporting. I will also be handing over post-sale to other engineers.

They could get rid of at least 3 idiot sales people, that's potentially up to 6. And they won't be employing the 4 sales people they are advertising for just now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And most importantly their overall payroll will be cut.

[Magic]

And most importantly their overall payroll will be cut.

Absolutely, and they'll probably make far more money too.

[Pepe]

When Magic realizes he will now have to do twice the work for the same money. :drool:

[Magic]

When Magic realizes he will now have to do twice the work for the same money. :drool:

Absolutely not, as I said I'm salaried at the moment, but will be moving on to a commission based package.

Imagine dealing with a technical sales person. Unreal, right? Unfortunately we are pretty well behind the times because of this. We are coming right backatcha.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is like when my dog reckons she'll get a walk and breakfast, but actually I'm just going to work.

[Magic]

On this day, in 2019, I will post a picture of my payslip. Quote me.

[igor_balis]

If work can sort a transfer, it looks like I'm moving to Falmouth. Something to do ennit.

[Giggles]

If work can sort a transfer, it looks like I'm moving to Falmouth. Something to do ennit.

Never heard of it but it looks a nice place. Is it far from where you are now?

[igor_balis]

Never heard of it but it looks a nice place. Is it far from where you are now?

About 300 miles, lol. My mate is living there, and his flatmate is moving out in a few months. I've visited and it's really nice, my walk to work would be 0.3 miles, literally along the seafront. It's quite twee and hoity toity but that's alright cus so am I. It's pretty small, but it's a student town with good pubs and restaurants and something of a night life, so I'm sold.

[igor_balis]

The flat is nowt special, but it's in a lovely, well located area. You can see the sea from the front door! Rent is just under 400/month inc bills for a room which is affordable if not cheap.

[Giggles]

We're still thinking of that whole area for summer hols as it's about the only place the Mrs hasn't been yet. If we do, then that place is on the list after a quick skim on Google.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Igor could give you a tour.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If work can sort a transfer, it looks like I'm moving to Falmouth. Something to do ennit.

I've been. Bring a book. Going there is the last 'something to do' you'll be encountering for a while.

[Disco]

RIP Igor, lost to darkest Cornwall.

[igor_balis]

I've been. Bring a book. Going there is the last 'something to do' you'll be encountering for a while.

:lol:

I dunno, I don't really do stuff anyway. There's nice pubs and nice places to eat and I matched with pretty art student girls on tinder when I visited before and my flatmate-to-be likes watching football and getting rat arsed on booze and occasionally other stuff every few weekends or so, so that's already a significant improvement on my current situation.

[igor_balis]

It beats having to feign interest in my mum's anecdotes about the thermostat or whatever.

[Giggles]

If you're still living at home then move anywhere to move out.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If you like cold wind and long grass, it's pretty good I suppose.

[igor_balis]

If you're still living at home then move anywhere to move out.

Well, quite. I really don't want to be stuck in Rugby long term, so I'm absolutely not going to waste rent on a shithole flat here, especially as my mum is incredibly easy to live with by parent standards, but I'm up for taking a gamble on anywhere half-decent. My basic plan is to move around from flat-share to flat-share with various pals around the UK until I find somewhere I want to settle, moving back home during the gaps between them.

Manchester mate and Sheffield mate are always moving from flat to flat on a nearly yearly basis, so that'll be the next move if I don't want to live in Cornwall forever.

[Giggles]

Does that SW bit not get proper weather in the summer?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Does that SW bit not get proper weather in the summer?

It does yeah. Good for holidays. Living there is another story.

[Lewis]

You can just learn the accordion or something you twee, hoity-toity faggot.

[Boydy]

Thought you were gonna come to Belfast? :(

[Giggles]

Are you in Belfast now?

[Boydy]

Yeah.

[Spikey M]

Does that SW bit not get proper weather in the summer?

South East gets the best. Driest part of the country. :cool:

[Giggles]

South East gets the best. Driest part of the country. :cool:

Is there much there in the lines of holidays? I've only been in Brighton and parts of Kent.

[Spikey M]

Is there much there in the lines of holidays? I've only been in Brighton and parts of Kent.

Holidays, yes. Good holidays, no.

[Magic]

Omg we might be getting rid of the sales idiots.

Remember I said they were going to employ GENERIC sales people with no industry experience and train them up? Well that's been cancelled because of 3 of us internally (3 very highly thought of employees) to potentially make a sales SUPER TEAM, from point of sale to installation.

This could spell the end of the sales team as we know it. :drool:

The MD and owner both couldn't believe they hadn't thought of this before (which is lol).

Anyway...£70k p/a plus?

So it went great and I've got another meeting with the MD next week to shore things up. Me and another guy will be 'super BDM/Consultants'. Our boss will be raging at losing two of his best engineers but he has to understand no more shite sales. We're getting the best partners to work with as well. :drool:

[Giggles]

Padlock on the gate in 6 months.

[SvN]

It doesn't sound good to me - sounds like a desperate cost-cutting measure.

[phonics]

I like how Magic, who moans every time he is asked to do a basic function, thinks being given someone elses job to do as well is going to make him happier.

[Shindig]

Running out of work at 6:30pm. This is my life now.

[Danny]

Came in to work yesterday and my computer wouldn’t start. Managed to get into safe mode and gather all my files into one place for IT to grab off it.

They came, took it and reimaged it, upgrading to Windows 10. They also added 4gb of RAM. Since I got it back yesterday afternoon + some time this morning in think it’s spent more time at 100% CPU utilization and frozen than it has working. Think it’s a hard push for a new one today.

[Magic]

It doesn't sound good to me - sounds like a desperate cost-cutting measure.

How come? They are still hiring two more basic account managers and two new engineers.

[Boydy]

So will you be doing sales on top of what you do now?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He'll be seething within the first few days at the extra work.

[Pepe]

He'll be flying straight into the upper middle class. You can quote me on that.

[Giggles]

He'll be flying straight into the upper middle class. You can quote me on that.

Skipping middle altogether?

[Pepe]

More than doubling his salary within a month, you bet he is.

[Giggles]

More than doubling his salary within a month, you bet he is.

No wonder she hung in there.

[phonics]

I have to write all the rejection letters to the design agencies we've interviewed over the past few days.

This is miserable.

[Magic]

So will you be doing sales on top of what you do now?

No. I have 4 years' experience, 10 in total of doing engineering. I know exactly what I would expect to be put in to me (instead of the absolute shite we get just now). It's more a consultant role but getting the sale too. Initially I will have a hand in bringing it through to install and maybe post-install but that's very much transitional.

Me and my very close friend and fellow hot shot in work will be taking this on (he has very similar experience to me). We're initially thinking of a 'team commission' structure as a lot of our ventures will be joint. Every job is done off a spreadsheet that is so dumbed down even quince could do it. Which means a shit load of mis-selling and us losing money, or massively ripping off customers. We will spec jobs up on a per job basis with the exact engineering costs and the right hardware.

Also this is a huge change, our current sales team consist of:

4 people with NO technical knowledge whatsoever.
3 internal sales admins with NO technical knowledge whatsoever.

I made the point of the market changing, and if we don't evolve we'll be left behind which is already happening because these clowns have no idea what to sell clients. With two consultant ex-engineers that's going to change, and change big time. They haven't even met half-target this year. Their initial plan was to hire 4 more sales people with no knowledge to make up those numbers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How come? They are still hiring two more basic account managers and two new engineers.

Count them when they're in the door.

[Spikey M]

In my experience cutting back on staff often leads to less work for those remaining.

[Pepe]

This has to be an even biggest delusion than GS believing he was going to quit.

[Giggles]

It seems a great way to get people who don't give a shit normally to care immensely, at the very least.

[Pepe]

Same reason why everyone is a 'manager' nowadays.

[Giggles]

Executive Vice President Magic :drool:

[Danny]

http://kampkrusty.altervista.org/img/Seasons/S09E14_25.png

[Magic]

Who wants to touch me?

[Disco]

Didn't it turn out to be no-one, there's a whole thread about that somewhere.

[Magic]

I think we lost that in the hacking scandal.

[Giggles]

That was left too easy.

[randomlegend]

I've just seen a really good friend from my first year at Uni at the hospital. She's doing an F3 year - normally you only do two foundation years but a lot of people are deciding to do a third one as they don't know why specialty to train in. Basically as far as I can work out you pick up locum shifts and stuff and then have a jolly old time.

I didn't have chance to quiz her on the logistics but she's living in Vienna and just flies back for the few shifts she decides to do :cab: I can only assume she/her partner are loaded because I can't believe that's financially viable but if it is, then fucking hell I'll have a bit.

[Magic]

Aren't locums paid like £2,000 for 8 hours work?

[randomlegend]

Locum consultants maybe, not a locum foundation doctor.

Friend said the highest paying locum shifts going for F2s were ~£500 for a weekend night shift. Still a lot obviously, although most shifts aren't weekend night shifts and pay less (not sure how much less).

EDIT: I guess the area of the country probably makes a difference as well, this is all based on East Anglia.

[Lewis]

She probably spends her days off sharing NHS crisis memes.

[Giggles]

My work laptop is doing my fucking head in today trying to convert files.

[Magic]

Mine was doing my head in with Excel, dealing with a big one with lots of formulas seemed to use 100% of my CPU which is infuriating because every click destroyed my machine.

[Giggles]

2nd attempt, 40 minutes in and it's doing fuck all bar telling me it's importing.

It's going out the window next.

[Danny]

Yep. Since mine died Monday and I got it back it has been horrible. Constant 100% CPU useage even when doing nothing. Still a year away from being able to upgrade too. Hoping the IT guy is a LAD and will help me get around that. Not looking good though

[phonics]

Just checked my holiday thinking I'd used quite a bit and wanted to see how much I have left.

42 days... I forgot that we get extra holiday when we have to travel for work. So now I'm considering just leaving for a month and seeing if the place is still standing when I get back.

[wullie]

Is that saved up or do you get that in a year? 42 days is incredible.

[phonics]

I think I had 8 days left over from last year. I've just had to travel quite a bit. Oh and Christmas/New Year fell on weekends so you get an extra 3 days there.

[SvN]

Would they allow you to take it all in one go?

[Magic]

Would they notice your absence?

[phonics]

Would they allow you to take it all in one go?

No chance, I design literally everything that goes out the door. I'll just have to take a week off a month and work my arse off inbetween I guess.

[Spikey M]

They can’t just let the guy that draws the pictures swan off willy-nilly.

[phonics]

If my job ever involved drawing I'd be fired immediately.

I'm currently searching for a stock photo because the one I used caused issues. Not a big fan of black people in Japan apparently.

[Smiffy]

I've had a really weird couple of days. Banana and me decided that enough was enough and it was time for a change.[\NotaNugget]

Anyways, we handed in two weeks notice. Snapped up a job in Oxfordshire then was asked yesterday to change mind by the GM. I said we'd think about it as it's Bananas decision. Spent the break trying to convince her then another manager from the company text to offer a job for us both.

In the end we decide we're staying and I'm going on an apprentice cpd course whilst the Mrs is being sat down with the higher ups so they can map our a career plan for her.

Pretty happy at the moment.

[Spikey M]

Who the fuck is Banana?

[Smiffy]

The Mrs. 😎

[Pepe]

Isn't that Jord?

[Magic]

I'd be more inclined to believe it is an actual banana.

What kind randomlegend though is important.

[randomlegend]

Bananas are rank. They can all fuck off.

[Magic]

Astonishing. Bit harsh considering you've never met Smiffy's one.

[Kikó]

The cunts withheld my bonus. My boss went on holiday yesterday so I won't even pretend I'm working anymore.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I gave up a due Korean bonus to come here. Worth it though.

[Giggles]

I gave up a due Korean bonus to come here. Worth it though.

How's the change going now you've had a bit of time to settle in?

[Panda Bear]

The cunts withheld my bonus. My boss went on holiday yesterday so I won't even pretend I'm working anymore.
What ground do they have for that?

[Giggles]

Companies can pretty much do what they like.

[Spikey M]

I literally saved someone’s life and got a £20 New Look voucher and a handshake from someone that could clear my mortgage once a year. Fuck your bonus’, fat cats.

[Kikó]

What ground do they have for that?

I've quit. :)

[Jimmy Floyd]

How's the change going now you've had a bit of time to settle in?

Definitely a good move, there's so much more going on here and you earn your money which is a lot more satisfying.

Might stay for 2/3 years and try to wring the maximum out of it, but I'm never going to properly learn about engines so I think that'll be it.

[phonics]

I've been offered a 10k raise and a promotion if I keep my house in order for the next 5 months. Turns out the big-big boss was at some place I was at and saw 'untoward behavior' around the same time that I made a couple of monumental fuck-ups at work. I have to prove that was a temporary blip and then I'm basically running the show from then on. Bit weird so I went out to the pub and plan not to do any coke in the toilet.

[igor_balis]

Smiffy tells me this time it's for real, he even wrote a song about her


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb2Yw3QwgZA

[Magic]

I've been offered a 10k raise and a promotion if I keep my house in order for the next 5 months. Turns out the big-big boss was at some place I was at and saw 'untoward behavior' around the same time that I made a couple of monumental fuck-ups at work. I have to prove that was a temporary blip and then I'm basically running the show from then on. Bit weird so I went out to the pub and plan not to do any coke in the toilet.

What? To all of that. What?

[phonics]

Bit of an embellishment but yeah it's pretty much all there.

[Giggles]

It read like he did the coke.

[John]

It reads like the big boss wants him out the door and they've given him a carrot to chase so he doesn't meff things up too much while they look for a replacement.

[phonics]

Probably.

[Panda Bear]

Since I now qualify as a student again, I am able to apply for student jobs. I know two principals at a national-size architecture firm, and I know the hiring manager for the Edmonton office. One of the principals told me to apply. So it's basically a shoe-in, but I'm still second-guessing everything. For example, do I include an Interests section in my resume? Do I take anything out?

» architecture (e.g. works by Max Dudler, Terunobu Fujimori, Kengo Kuma, C.F. Moller, John Pawson, Peter Zumthor)
» art (e.g. pieces by Franz Kline, Richard Serra, Marjan Teeuwen, Canan Tolon)
» bad jokes (e.g. paraprosdokians, puns, shaggy dog stories)
» community development (e.g. affordable housing, community arts programming)
» neuroscience
» political and social theory
» politics (municipal, provincial, national)
» soccer (coaching, playing)
» urban development issues (e.g. regional farmland management, transit-oriented development

[Magic]

Super cringe.

[Lewis]

Remember the mixology.

[Pepe]

Tell me more about these shaggy dog stories.

[Pepe]

Remember the mixology.

And the Panda Walk.

[John]

You should take 'paraprosdokians' out so you can surprise them when you turn up completely absent a sense of humour.

[igor_balis]

who's shagging dogs?

[Panda Bear]

What do you think, SvN? You're a professional.

EDIT Pepe: I've included "Barefoot running and walking". This is a design firm, so that's probably something they'd find interesting.

[phonics]

Don't include interests on your CV, anyone that can bullet point their personality is someone to watch out for. Work them into your cover letter where they make you look good like the local politics/urban/community development stuff. I couldn't give less of a shit of your opinion on Dadaism unless you're going to force me to listen to it, in which case I will hate it.

[Pepe]

EDIT Pepe: I've included "Barefoot running and walking". This is a design firm, so that's probably something they'd find interesting.

:cool:

I still wear my "barefoot" shoes. Don't care for the better walking mechanism or whatever, but they are very comfortable, especially the wide toe section.

[Ian]

Well the changes that saw a bunch of people get made redundant at work mean that for April, when we're apparently in a month between people leaving or (like me and another girl) having our secondments ended early and new people coming in to fill the gaps from elsewhere as part of the reshuffle, there'll be less people to do the management-y stuff than they have people to do it.

Can already hear me being asked to basically keep doing my secondment even though they're ending it early.

[Pepe]

What do you do Ian?

[Panda Bear]

phonics: apparently it's good to pair typefaces by serif for titles and non-serif for text, so I'm going with Bank Gothic and Trajan. :cool:

[phonics]

@phonics (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=1): apparently it's good to pair typefaces by serif for titles and non-serif for text, so I'm going with Bank Gothic and Trajan. :cool:

Seriously? I would heartily recommend not doing that.

I assume you mean Trajan for your title and then Bank Gothic as body text? Trajan is a headline font that you use for the front of a book cover, not for a resume title, you look like a Greek restaurant. And then for your body text you're going to force people to read a font in all capital letters? They'll zone out within 10 words. I must admit that I hate 99.9999999% of Serifs so I'm slightly biased but I'm still correct.

Go for DIN throughout. It's versatile enough that you can use it multiple different ways in the same block of text and it all works together. You can find a pirated copy in about 15 seconds of googling.

https://cdn.myfonts.net/s/aw/720x360/212/0/108779.png

[Ian]

What do you do Ian?

Work on a customer service team in a sort-of call centre (we don't really get enough calls for it to really be called that) and have been on a secondment managing one of the teams since December.

[Pepe]

What type of product?

[Panda Bear]

K, I'm bored of my resume charade now. There is no interests section anymore. There used to be one, but it never included bad jokes. The typefaces used are Aileron for the headings (Light, Regular, and Semibold) and Garamond for the body.

But I do have one real question: should I include in my education section that I will be attending UBC's Master of Architecture program this fall if I am going to be applying for student internships? Or do I mention that in my cover letter and exclude it from my resume given that I haven't technically started?

[Panda Bear]

I do like DIN as a typeface, though. I'm pretty into Neutraface 2 (https://houseind.com/hi/neutraface_no2) right now too.

Pro tip for piracy using a famous search engine: "site:github.com typeface". Add ttf or otf to narrow down if necessary.

[Pepe]

Times New Roman for everything and be done with it. "Typefaces." :sick:

[Panda Bear]

Times New Roman for everything and be done with it. "Typefaces." :sick:If you're an engineer, yes.

If you're doing anything remotely design-related, impossible.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm a Calibri man.

[Pepe]

I'm a Calibri man.

That's the Word default, isn't it? If so, then that is also what I use most of the time.

[Panda Bear]

That's the Word default, isn't it? If so, then that is also what I use most of the time.

Yeah, Calibri is easier to read on a screen than Times.

[Giggles]

Arial. Calibri is acceptable though.

[phonics]

Calibri is comic sans for people who want to be taken seriously.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Is it fuck, that's Arial's job.

[Lewis]

Times New Roman for everything and be done with it. "Typefaces." :sick:

'This'.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm a Courier New fan. Achieves that redacted Cold War memo vibe that is otherwise hard to nail.

[Boydy]

Cambria.

[Ian]

What type of product?

Telecoms. Until now it was mostly for public sector but that'll now be a mix of private companies too.

[Spikey M]

Is it fuck, that's Arial's job.

Like you know what it’s like to be taken seriously.

Arial :cool:

[Magic]

Telecoms. Until now it was mostly for public sector but that'll now be a mix of private companies too.

In Glasgow?

[Foe]

Left alignment or fully justified?

Anyone who uses left alignment is a wrong un.

[SvN]

It depends how clever the software you're using is when it comes to justifying the text. InDesign, for instance, is very good at analysing bit blocks of text rather than individual lines, and as a result, the text is a lot easier to read.

[Ian]

In Glasgow?

Indeed.

[Giggles]

Left alignment or fully justified?

Anyone who uses left alignment is a wrong un.

On a CV? Justified looks like you've just discovered word and had a quick play around with it.

[phonics]

Justified is for Newspapers and Annual Reports. That's it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

And essays.

[SvN]

An old designer here used to justify EVERYTHING, despite repeated feedback that it just didn't work on the web. In the end I told the devs to just ignore any justified text and left align it, because he simply couldn't stop doing it.

[Magic]

Oh no its all fallen apart. :D

[John]

A shocking and unexpected development.

[Magic]

Not totally. But they wanted us to take a 10k! Paycut and be be on a better commission package, have the same targets as the other clowns, and still leave the headless sales manager in charge of major decisions that could greatly affect our income. The clown was asking me for a proposition email to send to a customer today, for example.

Not the role I had in mind. At all. They are hiring two generic salespeople who will be on exactly the same package as well. Insulting at worst, missing the point at best.

Not happy.

[SvN]

The first thing to say about this is it's definitely not cost-cutting.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Couldn't agree more, the one thing they aren't trying to do here is slash outgoings and con their own employees.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Still going to publish your payslip next year, Magic?

£70k a year was what you were claiming, lol.

[Magic]

What should I do? Bearing in mind this was my idea.

[Shindig]

Meanwhile, they're asking for volunteers to train people on our work at another site. Not many takers given that's how most of the workforce lost their last job.

[Boydy]

What should I do? Bearing in mind this was my idea.

Leave with your other hotshot mate and set up your own company.

[Pepe]

I can't believe none of us saw that coming. Magic. :(

[Magic]

:(

[John]

Are they still hiring the two new engineers?

[Shindig]

They're hiring a mirror to compliment their existing engineer headcount.

[Magic]

Are they still hiring the two new engineers?

Yes. They wanted 3 but we said only two initially.

[John]

They're hiring a mirror to compliment their existing engineer headcount.

That mirror is busy in Snow White.

[Baz]

Let's get back to fonts.

I'm a Verdana man.

I remember deciding gardensoccer.com should all be in Verdana, including the forum, as a momentous day. What a life I've lived. :cool:

[Foe]

Not totally. But they wanted us to take a 10k! Paycut and be be on a better commission package, have the same targets as the other clowns, and still leave the headless sales manager in charge of major decisions that could greatly affect our income. The clown was asking me for a proposition email to send to a customer today, for example.

Not the role I had in mind. At all. They are hiring two generic salespeople who will be on exactly the same package as well. Insulting at worst, missing the point at best.

Not happy.

Tell them that. If they've missed the point then they've missed the point. Why would you sign up to something that isn't what was discussed, particularly given it's a pay cut. "No thanks".

On a side note, our gaff is doing another reorganisation which means another head cut reduction. That's the third time in 4 years and a distraction of a seven thousand strong organisation.

Told us in a webcast out the blue and even the individual team leaders had no warning or further info. Smashing. Sweeping changes I suspect, but not much in the way of job losses. Annoying.

[Giggles]

I was winding down Friday nicely and the fucking phone rang. 550km later and I'm just home and missed 1½ of the two live games tonight :moop:

Definitely taking up the holiday option next week.

[Ian]

In the midst of trying to watch an England game this development at Magic's work has really brightened up my evening.

[Giggles]

In the midst of trying to watch an England game this development at Magic's work has really brightened up my evening.

:D

For knowing some of the competition is swimming in ineptitude or just for the lol factor?

[Magic]

In the midst of trying to watch an England game this development at Magic's work has really brightened up my evening.

I feel better now I've thought about it.

[Giggles]

You're a positive fellow, I'll give you that. Absolutely blindly and insanely positive, but positive all the same.

You should have left when you had the chance.

[Ian]

:D

For knowing some of the competition is swimming in ineptitude or just for the lol factor?

Schadenfruede is a wonderful thing.

[Giggles]

Schadenfruede is a wonderful thing.

Now now, that's being frightfully negative. Why don't you offer him a hug and we'll all join hands and sing some nice songs.

[Magic]

Nobody quoted me on the doubling salary thing right?

[Magic]

I'd need to earn 80k p/a to double my take home salary lol.

[Ian]

Gies a swatch o' yer payslip, big man.

[Panda Bear]

Using my newfound clout, I have applied for a mighty student intership at a national-sized architecture firm.

[Shindig]

That sounds like something mert would say.

[Panda Bear]

That sounds like something mert would say.Mert is the successful version of me.

There's a chance that I'm a soon-to-be 31 year old making fun of myself for hoping to get a lowly student job.

[Smiffy]

I've had a really weird couple of days. Banana and me decided that enough was enough and it was time for a change.[\NotaNugget]

Anyways, we handed in two weeks notice. Snapped up a job in Oxfordshire then was asked yesterday to change mind by the GM. I said we'd think about it as it's Bananas decision. Spent the break trying to convince her then another manager from the company text to offer a job for us both.

In the end we decide we're staying and I'm going on an apprentice cpd course whilst the Mrs is being sat down with the higher ups so they can map our a career plan for her.

Pretty happy at the moment.




https://www.imageupload.co.uk/images/2018/03/24/20180324_122814.jpg
https://www.imageupload.co.uk/images/2018/03/24/20180323_205500.jpg
https://www.imageupload.co.uk/images/2018/03/24/20180324_122906.jpg



Mmm Banana.

The last couple of days has been interesting. I think once the emotion was taken out the decision to stick around was an easy one. I never thought working in a kitchen would be so stressful and it's not even the cooking side that makes it so.

[Shindig]

That third picture is how Magic's marriage ends.

[Kikó]

You look healthy mate. Nice to see.

[Spikey M]

Agreed, but lose the goatee Smiff.

[SvN]

Working in a kitchen was probably the most stressful job I've ever had, but I did enjoy it in a weird way.

[Baz]

Buy an iron.

[Magic]

I quite like the goatee. Is she ok with it when you feast on her cunt?

[Smiffy]

Working in a kitchen was probably the most stressful job I've ever had, but I did enjoy it in a weird way.

I think that's the key. I've had some pretty stressful jobs but I never thought I'd be stressing about running out of eggs midservice.

[Disco]

So Smiff threatened to leave before bottling it and sticking around anyway. This place really does predict everything doesn't it.

[igor_balis]

I was meant to be in work at 830 today. Got pissed up last night and woke up at 930, woops. Also sent a facebook message at 3am to a random nerdy lad I went to school with berating him for not accepting my friend request. Fuck sake.

[Smiffy]

So Smiff threatened to leave before bottling it and sticking around anyway. This place really does predict everything doesn't it.

You forgot the part whereby I emerge with a stronger hand than I had before handing notice in.

Now it's on my head but I prefer that

[Dave.]

Meanwhile, they're asking for volunteers to train people on our work at another site. Not many takers given that's how most of the workforce lost their last job.

What company do you work for Shindig? The line of work you're in sounds similar to what I was doing a while back.

[SvN]

Just rolled out of bed. Had an impromptu all day drinking session yesterday and feel absolutely dreadful. Really bad timing too, I've got so much I need to get done today.

[Kikó]

I'm in the last week of my notice and it's glorious. Just had my haircut and going to some talk now. It's glorious outside as well.

[Raoul Duke]

Just rolled out of bed. Had an impromptu all day drinking session yesterday and feel absolutely dreadful. Really bad timing too, I've got so much I need to get done today.


Meanwhile:

https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?1911-Football-Manager-2018&p=260567#post260567

:D

[SvN]

Yeah, the day ended up being rather unproductive in the end :D

I did finally start work at about half 2 and got the proposal I needed to finish completed, so not a total loss of a day.

[Shindig]

Pfft. The case I pulled out of the fire on Thursday was for nothing as the report failed the audit in every single possible way. Also, our HPs appear to be going through the naming conventions you get when Champ Man decides to run out of English names.

[Foe]

Fair play to you Shindig for having so much passion for what I can only assume is data entry work.

I, on the other hand, ruptured my third bursting disk in 10 months today.

Producing zero oil. :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Today the director rolled in barking DOES ANYONE HERE PLAY GOLF, which can only mean he is short of players for a ghastly corporate golf event so I stayed fucking quiet... or tried to, but my cover was blown when the logistics woman screamed JIMMY PLAYS (obv not my real name) and I realised I must have mentioned playing on holiday the other day.

I then had to make a load of noises about how I was really shit and would embarrass him, and made him go away. Truly horrible five minutes of my life.

[Kikó]

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/AbRmUleU52E/hqdefault.jpg

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You should just never speak in the office again, Jim.

[Lewis]

That's the saddest story ever on so many levels.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You should just never speak in the office again, Jim.

Golf is the most plausible available answer for me to the question 'What did you do on holiday?'.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They'd believe you were train spotting.

You'd never have to talk to them again.

[Pepe]

Isn't he working on an 'engines' company now? They'll be all over that shit.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bird watching then.

Again, definitely believable.

[John]

Neither of those would be remotely believable based on his posts here.

[Shindig]

The holiday he was referring to was his last job.
Foe: It's not passion. I simply like troubleshooting. If there was none of that, I'd be off.

[Giggles]

Desk bound for the last couple of days and I'm losing my fucking mind. Dunno how people do it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm a career desker and I've always had pipedreams about jobs that involve going out and doing things. Once in a previous job I had to go and look around a hotel or something, best day of my life.

[Foe]

I'm a career desker and I've always had pipedreams about jobs that involve going out and doing things. Once in a previous job I had to go and look around a hotel or something, best day of my life.

Go visit a farm.

Learn the tricks of the trade to advance your tractor selling career.

[Ian]

So I asked my boss whether there was any chance I was going to get told today what I'm actually doing next week with my secondment ending, both in terms of what hours I'm moving back to and what I'll actually be doing.

"Well I'm off so there's a good chance you'll just be covering for me." Excellent. First week after my secondment as a team leader gets ended early.... do team leader work for a week. They're good at this shit.

[John]

Tell them you'll only do it if you're paid whatever he would be for that week's work.

[Spikey M]

So I asked my boss whether there was any chance I was going to get told today what I'm actually doing next week with my secondment ending, both in terms of what hours I'm moving back to and what I'll actually be doing.

"Well I'm off so there's a good chance you'll just be covering for me." Excellent. First week after my secondment as a team leader gets ended early.... do team leader work for a week. They're good at this shit.

“My secondment is being extended again then?”
No
“Then why would I do that?”

[Jimmy Floyd]

Having initially been given UK, Ireland, Benelux and Poland to deal with at work, I've now settled in nicely and they've decided it's time to add me another large market. Naturally they've gone for the big one, the one no one wants, the one we love to hate. It's France.

At some point in our lives we must all face up to our one true foe, and for me that moment has arrived. Bring on the garlic-eating cunts.

[Spikey M]

I applied for 2 jobs last night. One I have a chance of getting.

The other one I have fuck all chance of getting, but my application is so brave that they may give me an interview just to lol at me. But, whilst they lol, my foot is firmly in the door.

[Ian]

Jimmy, eventually you're going to be sent on a trip to France where they expect you to meet lots of French people and be nice to them.

You must film the entire thing. For TTH.

[Lewis]

Worse than French people. French farmers.

[Disco]

Do you sell tyres? Got a lot of use for tyres does your average French farmer.

[Magic]

Aberdeenshire farmers are the worst.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't really deal with the end users, I deal with the corrupt middle man stockists and apparently in France these pricks are rampant.

[phonics]

Yo this shit sucks.

[Spikey M]

Just had someone throw an amazing spaz out in the office. Security matched them out in the end whilst the unhinged individual told everyone in sight which form of genitalia they were. I’m a ‘smirking cunt’ which sounds nice and tight.

[Kikó]

I still have another day off before starting my new job on Thursday. Even longer Easter :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I got an absolute full barrel pelting from some Brummie cunt earlier. Got called a 'fucking know nothing spastic' (pretty accurate apart from the spastic), and then an hour later he phoned back to order another grand's worth of kit. Who's the mug here, I ask you.

It must be international abuse-a-TTHer-at-work day.

[Panda Bear]

Did he apologize?

[Jimmy Floyd]

No. The customer is always right.

Was a fairly sudden and spectacular loss of temper, he must have problems in his life.

[Spikey M]

Living in Birmingham being the main one

[SvN]

Everyone's chimping out because they're back at work.

[Baz]

Do people actually care about their job (if they’re not the big boss)? My working day consists of finishing as quickly as possible cos I can go home when I’m done.

Last week they changed the bonus structure so it is practically unattainable so I honestly no longer care what I do. I don’t work weekends, I get a car and I finish between 3 and 4 most days - regardless of what I do, how much money I make the company or how hard I work. There’s literally no incentive to perform.

I’ll either have this job for the next 20 years and kill myself when I turn 50, or somehow stumble into an actual challenging job and consider trying to do well. :arry: There is room for progression here so hopefully I get lucky on a big bet or something.

[Magic]

Lol so everything has taken a tragic turn for the worse. On friday, we got an email from the HR director saying she was about to tell our boss about the upcoming restructuring and us leaving the team having applied for sales jobs (< NOT what happened).

We were together and both just looked in disbelief. Technically we haven't signed or agreed to anything, and we most certainly didn't apply for any positions.

So that's it. It seems to be set in stone. But if I can't agree personal terms (of which I have no idea what they will be, I've seen no commission plan, wages, anything), then I'm fucked. The board will dislike me for having stopped their recruitment and thinking they'd sorted the new roles, my boss will hate me because he thinks I'm a sneaky weasel that went behind his back, and the team will hate me for abandoning ship.

I'll be ostracised and become a pariah, and my position will no longer be tenable. I'll have destroyed my career at this company at least, 4 years of hard work down the drain.

I can't believe the wheels have been put in motion by the executives without us having agreed anything. Fuck sake.

[SvN]

Amazing start to the week.

Had to push a website update live for an important client. I told the devs well in advance and they made a total pigs ear of it for some reason. It was meant to go live at 9am and the client had social media posts all automatically firing out promoting the update. It's now 9:29 and it's JUST gone live.

Now I await the excuse, because I can't think of any that would be reasonable.

[phonics]

"It's 9AM on a Monday, the fuck was the client thinking?"

[SvN]

It's not uncommon. We knew well in advance and all of the prep work was meant to be done on Friday so it could be toggled on in an instant. It's now being revealed that my favourite pleb made a pigs ear of it, but it's not even his fault - the work should never have been delegated to him.

[phonics]

I refuse to launch anything first thing Monday because if/when it goes tits up, you've ruined your whole week.

[Magic]

Just emailed the MD asking for crunch talks sooner rather than later.

Might need to start reducing my internet package to dial up soon.

[Spikey M]

I have my 2 interviews this week. One of which I have to drive to fucking Ashford for, despite the job being in Dagenham. The other in Dartford. Fantastic time to come down with a cold. I’ll still be a snotty mess for Wednesdays ordeal, but I should be getting better for Fridays and that would be my preference anyway.

[Giggles]

I was working in Ashford today. Probably a different one though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've had it with Cork accents now. They could be ordering their dinner for all I know.

[Giggles]

I've had it with Cork accents now. They could be ordering their dinner for all I know.

:D which part? There's a few I struggle with myself.

[Baz]

The person I like working with best is pregnant. :cry: She’s due in November and having a whole goddamn year off. I need a new job by November at the very latest. Not good.

It wouldn’t be so bad because a lot of the locums are okay and we get early finishes, but the other full-time employed person I work with is the worst person in the world. I can’t bear more days with her. Oh god.

[Shindig]

In today's episode, Baz impregnates a teenage colleague and immediately feels the need to leave.

[Jimmy Floyd]

:D which part? There's a few I struggle with myself.

Dunno, just anyone whose address ends with Co Cork, Kerry or Limerick seems to talk like they're straight off the back of 30 pints. Most of them probably are.

There's also a cluster of accents somewhere in NI that sound like they're in the middle of having a stroke.

What I will say for Ireland, and this is a fact that not enough people know, is that you have the best postmen in the world and it's not even close. Streets ahead of anyone. If you sent a parcel to Ireland with 'you know, that guy' on it, it would probably get there by 7am the next morning.

[niko_cee]

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/donegal-postman-delivers-letter-to-your-man-with-the-glasses-1.2289890

[Mazuuurk]

You should just have them call you Jimmy in the office, Floyd. Doesn't seem like a tough sell.