The All New Jobs Thread

[Spikey M]

Low-intensity tennis.

Why was he playing women's tennis?

[Pepe]

Playing pickleball with the office LADS today. Better than working, I guess.

I lost.

[Giggles]

Is that not something for over 80's?

[Baz]

There's a comedy film being made about Pickleball, written by one of the Workaholics writers.

I presumed Kyle Newacheck (Karl in Workaholics, and also a director) would be involved but apparently he's busy directing Happy Gilmore 2. A film nobody wants, surely.

[Spikey M]

Teenage Spikey loved Happy Gilmore.

So no. They probably don't.

[niko_cee]

Adam Sandler's agent probably does.

[Pepe]

Is that not something for over 80's?

Yes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm up for a promotion into a new manager role that doesn't currently exist, and they've asked me to write a business case (for the existence of the role). Obviously not being a director or whatever I don't have access to key stats and data, just a general idea of why the role should exist. Is this a normal situation?

[Giggles]

Is anything there a normal situation?

[Baz]

I'm up for a promotion into a new manager role that doesn't currently exist, and they've asked me to write a business case (for the existence of the role). Obviously not being a director or whatever I don't have access to key stats and data, just a general idea of why the role should exist. Is this a normal situation?

I can picture it now: you’ll write a business case, the higher-ups will use it as a job description and advertise the post, you won’t apply cos they can get lost, someone with big nips gets the gig.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They've already written and sent me the job description, so then being asked to write a business case strikes me as back to front, but I could be wrong.

[Yevrah]

I can picture it now: you’ll write a business case, the higher-ups will use it as a job description and advertise the post, you won’t apply cos they can get lost, someone with big nips gets the gig.

That exact thing happened to a mate of mine and he had to work for two years under the numpty they recruited that phoned it in every single day, except in his case he was pushing to create the role rather than being told there was one.

I'd politely tell them to do one Jim.

[Magic]

Not content with shutting my department down they're now looking to sell our customers to the highest bidder. Fucking bastards.

[Raoul Duke]

I'm up for a promotion into a new manager role that doesn't currently exist, and they've asked me to write a business case (for the existence of the role). Obviously not being a director or whatever I don't have access to key stats and data, just a general idea of why the role should exist. Is this a normal situation?

Sounds like a job for ChatGPT

[Baz]

Sounds like a job for ChatGPT

Isn't everything? I couldn't do my job without it, these days.

[Shindig]

"Tractors are a four-wheeled vehicle often used for agriculture ..."

[Yevrah]

Isn't everything? I couldn't do my job without it, these days.

Like swearing, it should be used sparingly for maximum impact and I despair at people who haven't even attempted to re-word what it spits out before rampantly passing it off as their own work.

[Magic]

This is a genuine posting for an enormous company. Role is business development manager.

What we’re looking for:


Proactive and Driven: You should be highly motivated to find and pursue new leads and opportunities
Exhibit relentless drive as a go-getter, with the confidence to pick up the phone and make things happen
Excellent Communicator: You must possess strong communication skills, allowing you to quickly build rapport with potential clients, through a variety of different methods (including verbal, written and presentation)
Innovative Thinker: Creative in your approach to sales, developing unique strategies to attract new business
Track record of selling: Possess an unwavering "hunter" mindset with a demonstrable solid sales background

[Giggles]

I have to give a presentation for a second round interview in a couple of weeks time. What the fuck is that? I feel like just dropping out now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What if I have a "hunter" mindset, but it occasionally wavers?

[niko_cee]

Can you do it on micro-brewing?

[niko_cee]

What if I have a "hunter" mindset, but it occasionally wavers?

Then you become the hunted.

[Pepe]

What if I have a "hunter" mindset, but it occasionally wavers?

Who are we kidding, you are a farmer.

[Giggles]

Can you do it on micro-brewing?

I presume I need to do it on the job in question. I could waffle about brewing for hours.

[Magic]

What if I have a "hunter" mindset, but it occasionally wavers?

Then you're a complete failure and don't have what it takes. You need to pick up the phone and MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Who are we kidding, you are a farmer.

Hadn't occurred to me they were referring to that old chestnut. My drive as a go-getter must have accidentally relented.

[niko_cee]

Who are we kidding, you are a farmer.

Having never heard of such claptrap this lead me here (https://leadersedgetraining.com/hunter-versus-farmer-mentality/).

Chris Leader, of course. I bet his son is called Hunter Leader, whether he exists or doesn't yet exist, as is the mentality:


Hunters view every “no” as “not yet”.

Rapey.

[Magic]

"Your body, my choice".

[Giggles]

Sales must be the worst job of all time. You need a neck like a jockeys bollocks and even then it all depends on the mood of the cunt you're talking to.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My approach to being a salesman is to do the opposite of what sales experts / charlatans want me to do. I don't chase new leads. I don't follow up on contacts. I'm not persuasive and I'm not a people person. I simply give them what they want while talking as little as possible. Currently up 23% year on year, sales theory books on the bonfire.

[Magic]

My approach to being a salesman is to do the opposite of what sales experts / charlatans want me to do. I don't chase new leads. I don't follow up on contacts. I'm not persuasive and I'm not a people person. I simply give them what they want while talking as little as possible. Currently up 23% year on year, sales theory books on the bonfire.

Inbound is cute. The challenge is either you don't have what they want, or they don't know what they want.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If you're trying to sell things to people that don't want them, then, I mean, you're probably selling to the wrong people. It's much better to try and sell things to people who do want them.

You don't get this sort of insight in the business section at Waterstones. Read it and live it.

[Magic]

If you're trying to sell things to people that don't want them, then, I mean, you're probably selling to the wrong people. It's much better to try and sell things to people who do want them.

You don't get this sort of insight in the business section at Waterstones. Read it and live it.

I meant you aren't selling something anyone wants. Hence why you need to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN and be an UNWAVERING HUNTER.

[niko_cee]

Maybe sell things someone wants?

[Shindig]

I guess Magic isn't getting a John Deere crankshaft for Christmas, then.

[Magic]

Maybe sell things someone wants?

Bingo.

[Kikó]

My approach to being a salesman is to do the opposite of what sales experts / charlatans want me to do. I don't chase new leads. I don't follow up on contacts. I'm not persuasive and I'm not a people person. I simply give them what they want while talking as little as possible. Currently up 23% year on year, sales theory books on the bonfire.

The amount of cold calling emails I get because I sign up to a webinar drives me mental. I'm not the decision maker and even if I was, this is not the process for buying software. Fuck off and stop emailing me.

[Pepe]

Having never heard of such claptrap this lead me here (https://leadersedgetraining.com/hunter-versus-farmer-mentality/)

I only heard of it recently because my wife applied for a sales job and was asked if she was a hunter or a farmer, which made both of us lol.


My approach to being a salesman is to do the opposite of what sales experts / charlatans want me to do. I don't chase new leads. I don't follow up on contacts. I'm not persuasive and I'm not a people person. I simply give them what they want while talking as little as possible. Currently up 23% year on year, sales theory books on the bonfire.

This is the way. The number of salespeople I have contacted who then don't answer or not give me the information I need is astounding. You have a website, I know the product. Just give me the fucking price and how long it will take me to get it.

[Magic]

The amount of cold calling emails I get because I sign up to a webinar drives me mental. I'm not the decision maker and even if I was, this is not the process for buying software. Fuck off and stop emailing me.

Rule no.1: Don't pitch to the bitch.

[Magic]

This is the way. The number of salespeople I have contacted who then don't answer or not give me the information I need is astounding. You have a website, I know the product. Just give me the fucking price and how long it will take me to get it.

Your asking the wrong questions. You need to be asking 'where do I sign?', 'can I pay it all upfront before the project starts?' and 'do you do 10 year contracts?'.

[Pepe]

Can we set up a time for a call to discuss your needs?

I already told you my needs. Now fuck off.

[Kikó]

Following up on my last 15 emails,

[Magic]

"Just checking in."

[Spikey M]

I've just been speaking to a man that has been "basically made homeless" after assaulting his wife, mum and son and having restraining orders taken out against him.

"I slept in the car last night mate. Where am I meant to go?"

To hell, ideally. Save me the tears.

[Jimmy Floyd]

People like that should be conscripted into the army. There's my progressive, forward-thinking opinion for the day.

[Spikey M]

I'd prefer prison.

[Baz]

They just get packed off to hostels like the YMCA and Salvation Army, where they become addicted to substances.

I like to think of it as job security.

[Spikey M]

Not down here he won't. Single straight men spend years on the street. He will eventually be picked up by HARP, but they're massively overstretched and offer very little support anymore.

There are basically no support services left in Southend. Which is normally very sad, but in this instance lol. Unlucky m8.

[Magic]

Got my redundancy pay schedule (£1,400) lol.

I'll be on gardening leave for my 4 weeks' notice which starts either late next week or early Dec.

[SvN]

What's your next move?

[Manc]

Pip.

[Mike]

Not the button factory, that’s for sure.

[Manc]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/nov/21/iceland-36-hour-working-week-stress-job

Won't be long now, gents.

[niko_cee]

Things like this:


On his free days, he loves to sleep in, then to make long phone calls to his fellow pigeon fanciers while cleaning the kitchen, before going to the shops in search of interesting books. Moreover, he is home in time to pick up our son from school at 13.40. Since I collect our son the other days, this gives me the freedom every other Friday afternoon to meet friends for a chat, volunteer, or simply to go to the swimming pool alone, which is an absolute gamechanger for a tired teacher who wants to escape burnout.

Don't sound like real life to me.

[Pepe]

My brother in law's wife is also an engineer but in France and despite them having 35-hour workweeks by law, she works way longer hours than me.

My wife recently applied for a job that was only M-Th. That sounded great and I hope it catches on.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I would argue that there is already an unofficial 4 day week in many sectors. Today is absolute bedlam as usual with people trying to get things done, tomorrow will be deathly quiet.

[Pepe]

I work remote Monday and Friday and we all know what that means.

[Ben]

Yep the supplier of some of our critical gas equipment has dropped the Friday because they already make a shit load of money so why not have an extra day off. Chaos on Fridays here is not uncommon as a result, but they're rolling in our pounds so they don't care.

And no, there are not really any decent alternatives.

[randomlegend]

In classic NHS style, official communication to doctors from NHS Employers was that we will receive all backpay automatically, regardless of whether we have moved trusts or not, in this month's pay.

Slowly coming out that loads of trusts are not planning to pay it unless you specifically contact them and ask for it. They have obviously made absolutely no effort whatsoever to communicate this, people have just had this response to individual emails because they (correctly) did not trust the hospitals to do what they've been told they are meant to do. They are citing various excuses including GDPR.

Being a non-consultant NHS doctor is so fucking tiring. And yes, we are treated uniquely badly (because we are rotational so who gives a shit) compared to any other staff group. Case in point, Trusts made noise all over social media and via emails to make sure other staff knew how to ensure they got their backpay, but absolute silence for us.

[Pepe]

Thoughts and prayers, mate. Hope you can pull through these trying times.

[Pepe]

Nah but having to deal with a big beast like the NHS does sound quite tiring.

[SvN]

Funny how often GDPR is used as an excuse for organisations not being arsed to do something.

[Boydy]

Things like this:



Don't sound like real life to me.

What do you mean?

[niko_cee]

Just the narrative of what these people spend their time doing.

I mean, he's gone to some effort to concoct an apparently believable story to cover his morning of doom scrolling pornhub, I guess.

[Jimmy Floyd]

'meet friends for a chat, volunteer...' is proper early 2000s German language textbook territory.

'At the weekend, I play volleyball and spend time at the youth centre with friends.'

[Boydy]

Pottering about is what life is all about. Not fucking emails or calls or b2b saas.

[Giggles]

Waking up after 3 days in a bath robe not sure where the jizz starts and kebab sauce ends probably doesn't have the same ring to it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm about to become a top big bollocks canine alpha male at work (or heading up Europe, anyway) and the first decision I've been given is whether I want to sack my long time field sales 'boss', who is 75 and increasingly useless, and replace him with a younger model. I do want to sack him, but going from working under him to sacking him in the space of literally ten minutes feels like some KGB shit. Am I right to be trying to shove that decision upstairs?

[Pepe]

You've been hired to do it. Do it.

[Pepe]

Or send him on a six month sales trip to Africa on his own.

[igor_balis]

Had a bloke call in a lorry breakdown yesterday called Andy Townsend and I'm gutted (not really) that i bottled asking if it was his tactics truck.

[Gray Fox]

Perhaps it is a test from the superiors.

If not then it seems you are the designated hit man.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Had a bloke call in a lorry breakdown yesterday called Andy Townsend and I'm gutted (not really) that i bottled asking if it was his tactics truck.
Football cliches recently mentioned a lorry driver called Andy Townsend being mistaken for the real thing and invited on a football podcast, or something, surely it must be him.


Perhaps it is a test from the superiors.

If not then it seems you are the designated hit man.

They are itching to let him go, and his contract is with them, I don't see why I should be wielding the murder weapon. Oh well.

[igor_balis]

I've been doing shallow but fast paced and reactive work for 18 months now (call centre work), and i really do fucking love it, still, after years of middle class bullshit jobs.

A couple of us were invited into a teams meeting with some head office people, and it was fucking whiplash having to deal with that world for half an hour. The first five minutes was spent with us using some app to reply to questions like "what word describes how you're feeling about this quarter's challenges", and "give the name of a song that describes your mood"

By the fifth slide I was desperate to get back to answering fucking calls, and I'm the laziest cunt in the world. A third of my fucking working week was being in or preparing for meetings like that in my previous two jobs, now a typical week is like

Monday 2pm-10pm make and receive calls, do associated admin
Tuesday 2pm-10pm make and receive calls, do associated admin
Wednesday 2pm-10pm make and receive calls, do associated admin
Thursday 2pm-10pm make and receive calls, do associated admin
Friday
2pm-4pm make and receive calls, do associated admin
4.30pm-4.50pm quick huddle with some colleagues and a manager
4.50pm-10pm make and receive calls, do associated admin

I know it's prob most people's idea of hell but I fucking love it. I do appreciate it's a bit gutting to realise, despite being a high academic achiever, and naturally reasonably (more than I seem here) smart, my professional skill set is precision engineered to be really good at and really enjoy low paid work with little chance of progression but fuck it. I'm a lot happier.

[Giggles]

Football cliches recently mentioned a lorry driver called Andy Townsend being mistaken for the real thing and invited on a football podcast, or something, surely it must be him.



They are itching to let him go, and his contract is with them, I don't see why I should be wielding the murder weapon. Oh well.
Couldn't do it.

[Kikó]

We've had a new approach (or finally a decision on WFH policy) at our work. The managers have got it first ahead of the big announcement tomorrow and it will move to a mandatory two days in the office a week and more restrictive on working from abroad. There's quite a few in our team, me included, that likes the opportunity to be at a family home and still being able to work but that will pretty much be gone or harder to do without prior authorisation. While giggles will be happy, it will likely lead to good people leaving. There's also a group of people who are remote first and a few of them will not be offered a remote contract and be expected to be in the office. I'll have to have the conversation with one of my team tomorrow on that while I'm one of those who will be able to continue working remotely full time. Good end of year bonus for everyone.

[Giggles]

I am. Absolutely delighted this fuckery is being weeded out.

[Shindig]

I would love the novelty of doing my work from another country but the job strictly forbids it. As for another WFH hiccup, my laptop doesn't like one particular windows update so I've been hastily called to get it swapped.

I miss the good old days (July) when we had one desktop for home and one in the office If this laptop ever gets knackered, that's me out of work for however long it takes for a replacement.

[Manc]

Two days in the office is the sweet spot.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our new WFH policy is going to roll out soon, one of my soon to be team is mad keen to move to 3 days a week at home. No matter how many times I tell him the policy is going to be 3 or 4 days a month at home, he's not having it and 'believes' it will be 2 days a week in the office. Hopefully tripling the size of his commission will shut him up but I'm not sure.

[Yevrah]

Congrats Jim. If it’s the right thing for the business and the rest of the people in it bin your old boss off.

[niko_cee]

The boss.

:(

You need to at least take him on a road trip and end it with something like I told you the le centre du job was this way.

Oh wait, is the the boss of former trips fame or not? If not then yeah, congrats and in the bin.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, it's him. Recently he's been giving it the 'I don't even need the money, I just need to stay active' chat. He knows the gig is up.

The Arab's dad will then be the last of the old guard. Well, him and the Aussie who is the number one salesman so gets away with pitching up once a year and calling all the women 'sweetcheeks'.

[Shindig]

The thread's going to be class when the roles get reversed in 40 years.

[Baz]

Congrats Jim.

Sack the old codger.

[Kikó]

Two days in the office is the sweet spot.

I think it's fine and if I was close enough to the office, I'd go. I can see how it impacts people though as mandated days means having an extended home visit (most people who work for the company aren't German) is now not possible. I think ultimately my days will be numbered on being one of the remote exceptions but I cannot see myself living in Berlin in the short term.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You'd have to say there's a somewhat chequered history for those who choose to work from home in Berlin, and much more success for foreigners who have the get up and go to travel into the city.

[Magic]

Two days in the office is the sweet spot.

Zero.

[Kikó]

The call has begun with a stream of downward thumb emojis. The populace has taken this well.

[phonics]

I'm all for WFH but working from abroad is an absolute con. If I could have lived in the UK while earning my Swiss salary for 6 years I'd be out there with the farmers protesting about inheritance tax.

[Shindig]

Well, this laptop doesn't have the things I need to actually start working with it. I'm going to see how much of Half-Life 2 I can blast through instead. I think they might've given me the wrong accesses. :D

[Lofty]

Old Father Time would sack you in a heartbeat, Jim. Give him the Old Yeller special.

If they try and get me back in the office fulltime I'll be cooking off kippers for breakfast and exceptionally harsh curries for lunch every day in the office kitchen, under my newfound religion Loftism.

[Spikey M]

Nothing like a grief fueled 3 hour eviction to end the week. Brutal. Cherry Jim Beam on offer in ASDA on the way home though. £14. Bargain. I haven't got drunk in months, but I'll be doing atleast £10 worth of damage to that tonight. :happycry:

(Note: I won't.)

[Yevrah]

I'm all for WFH but working from abroad is an absolute con. If I could have lived in the UK while earning my Swiss salary for 6 years I'd be out there with the farmers protesting about inheritance tax.

Indeed. My UK wage in a second World country (or a cheap part of a first World one) would see me living like a king.

[Shindig]

Alright, this day was a complete write-off. I do have those systems allocated to me but they're just not coming down the pipe yet. At least I got to see Sunderland (had to go there to pick the laptop up) for the first time in 20 years.

It's still shit.

[igor_balis]

Big ITK news - Dundee United's bus has broken down.

We're doing all we can to help.

[igor_balis]

Shit, apparently we failed, apologies to Waffdon and his people

[Waffdon]

Last 5 week day of the year coming up. Followed by a couple 3 day weeks and then off from Wednesday 11th until Monday 6th January. Mon

[Spikey M]

My leave is shit this year. I'm only off on Christmas Eve because I've booked it off, and I'm back in on the 2nd. :happycry:

[Kikó]

I've got the two weeks over Christmas and I might do one extra for the first week of the year. Quite a bit of work to get done in the next three weeks before being able to switch off.

[Foe]

At least you can switch off.

We’ve got some wells stuff looking likely to sit over Xmas time, stuff we’ve never done before and v expensive equipment offshore. I’d noticed a few weeks ago it was sitting there in the schedule and started to query what we were going to do.

Christmas is cancelled, seems to be the outcome. My colleague is heading off to south east Asia for a family wedding and I’m pretty confident they’re going to try and get him to take his laptop. Absolutely fuck that.

I’ll be coasting the shit out of January if I have to dial into calls and check trends over the festive. If you can’t switch off then, you never can.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was going to have this week off but now going in because the CEO, my boss, the Arab, the Russian and another guy have all jetted off to Shanghai for the worst week of their lives. I was talking to my colleague, if the plane goes down it's probably a straight run-off between us for some big wonga board position.

[phonics]

I've been saving my time off because I have been in an extended house purchase process and was going to use it to move in, builders etc.

Now none of that seems to be happening until the new year I have 11 days to take before December 31st and I have nothing to do with them. My old job had rollover but they don't do that and they also don't pay you out for holidays not taken so I'm just going to be taking nearly 2 weeks off to get behind on work to sit on my arse 10 minutes away from said jobs office. I don't think this is a great use of anyones resources.

[Ben]

We've got a huge bid in and we find out next Friday if we've been successful.

If we are, then my last 5 days are getting banged in immediately and I'm going to fly somewhere in Europe on a whim, because January will be insane when all the prep work starts. If we don't win, I'll roll the remaining 5 days over to next year because there will be fuck all to do for a while anyway.

[Lofty]

I have 10 days left to take, 5 of those have been allocated towards taking 2 weeks at christmas (the other 2 days coming out of next year's allowance). I can roll 5 which might be handy as I am away on a few long trips next year and traditionally the run up to christmas is hectic in my job so unlikely I'll be taking days then - I can take days but it just means I have to do additional work to hit deadlines so unless it's something amazing why bother.

[Shindig]

I've got a week off in December and another day I fancy rolling over into next year. No idea what the Christmas workloads will be but I'll be in for all of it.

[Spikey M]

It doesn't really matter when I take my leave, nobody picks up my work for me anyway, so it's always a shitfest when I return. I often wonder what they'd do if I was long term sick. I hope to never find out, but I imagine the answer would be to panic.

[Gray Fox]

Most years there is an odd day around Christmas. This year it's the Friday 27th. We're closed the two days before and whenever this happens, said odd day always follows later on. It just tends to take them until about a week or two before to actually confirm it.

Well this year they've gone early and we're closing. Cue people now complaining that they're losing a days holiday to cover it off. Can't win.

[Baz]

Since condensing my hours (Mondays off) I’ve got more holidays than I need, cos when I book weeks off now it’s only 4 days used rather than 5. So I’ve had a few random days off, and have two more booked in December, as well as being off from Christmas Eve to 7th Jan, and having another 4 days to use before the end of March. Genuinely might have a week off to play Warcraft.

[Ben]

I feel like I'm in the wrong job when you spin it like that.

[Baz]

Nah you probably make 2 x my pay.

[Mike]

21st December until the 7th Jan for me.

[Kikó]

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2024/nov/24/enforced-return-office-rise-people-seeking-new-jobs

I don't know why employers are determined to make themselves less attractive as a workplace.

[Waffdon]

I feel like I'm in the wrong job when you spin it like that.

Pretty sure every single senior manager has them condensed hours. Must come with the territory of the job.

[mo]

Flooding closed my school today so worked from home. Had a parent meeting scheduled for after school so around 2 I emailed to say as the school is shut, can we re-schedule to tomorrow. Bloody mad woman replied about 10 mins later saying she was already in the school carpark! First of all, who leaves that early for an appointment 20 mins from their home, and secondly why did she think it would be going ahead with the school closed??

You'd think the number one obstacle in teaching is the kids, but it's the parents. Always the parents.

[Giggles]

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2024/nov/24/enforced-return-office-rise-people-seeking-new-jobs

I don't know why employers are determined to make themselves less attractive as a workplace.

Because they're running a business for themselves, not a service for their employees.

[Baz]

There's so much old fashioned stuff that needs fixing here. I put a contract up for bids and got a few written applications - all pretty good tbh but two absolute standouts. Wanted to interview just those two to narrow it down to one and award the contract but have had to interview them all, even though all the others have zero chance of getting the gig. Just a waste of everyones time.

Was meant to award the contract on 1st June and it's still not sorted heading into December. Embarassing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Is that old fashioned, or new fashioned in the name of transparency / accountability?

[Magic]

What's your next move?

I accepted a job as Head of Networks for a small CCTV company as they want to grow. Brand new department and they don't know anything about networks or tech.

However I've got a couple of other things on the back burner that are more exciting but if they don't come off at least I won't be unemployed.

[Manc]

What a tease.

[Baz]

Is that old fashioned, or new fashioned in the name of transparency / accountability?It's a waste of time, whatever it is.

[Lofty]

It's transparency, we all have to do training about it our spot since we are technically government owned now, all tendering of contracts has to be open and transparent, and you basically can't accept anything more than tea and sandwiches off them due to bribery legislation.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I had a weird run-in with IT today. We're launching a new website and whatever country list they've imported (for when you submit your details at checkout) doesn't include Kosovo (or South Sudan, it must be from about 2006). I told them that they need to add Kosovo. IT shot back with a harrumphing 'Well, you should have included that in the original parameters and we could have included it in last fortnight's sprint' (whatever any of that means). I said look, it's pretty important because we're going live this week and if anyone from Kosovo logs in then they will a) not be able to place an order, and b) may well take away from this that we are a company that doesn't recognise Kosovo, which is, you would have to say, a slightly more senstitive issue than accidentally leaving out Luxembourg. They responded 'oh, well, that's very unlikely isn't it? We don't have any customers from Kosovo' and I said actually we have two and - imagine this as a revolutionary concept - we might want to attract MORE customers in the future! They harrumphed again and said that I should add it to the 'checklist' for the next fortnight's 'sprint', neither of which I have the first clue what they are talking about.

I just cannot stand the attitude of IT people. God complex, all process process process, don't give a shit about results. Terrible people.

[Magic]

So elaborate on why you didn't include it within the original parameters?

[Shindig]

Given how old the management is, count yourself lucky the Weimar Republic wasn't still on the list.

[Raoul Duke]

A sprint is just a two week (usually) commitment of a bunch of tasks.

Isn't there someone in charge of this lot who has a brain? It should be a tiny change relatively, so sounds like they are gimps.

[Foe]

“Sprints” are such a bag of shit. Someone has made millions telling people to stop getting distracted and focus.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A sprint is just a two week (usually) commitment of a bunch of tasks.

Isn't there someone in charge of this lot who has a brain? It should be a tiny change relatively, so sounds like they are gimps.

He's who I was having the argument with. Lord knows they wouldn't let sales anywhere near the borrowers actually writing the code, it would be like Cortes discovering the Aztecs.

I just hate how they refuse to change anything on the fly. You - must - complete - tasks - in - the - order - assigned - by someone else weeks ago.

[Lofty]

Just say 'if you haven't added them to list by tomorrow dinner time you can explain to the top brass why we've lost those orders,' laddo's balls will shrivel quickly then.

[Boydy]

He's who I was having the argument with. Lord knows they wouldn't let sales anywhere near the borrowers actually writing the code, it would be like Cortes discovering the Aztecs.

I just hate how they refuse to change anything on the fly. You - must - complete - tasks - in - the - order - assigned - by someone else weeks ago.

I assume this is an outside consultancy team?

And while this sounds like a simple case of making a quick fix, the reason they're coming across as process droids is because as soon as you let the "business people" start making changes on the fly, they want to change fucking everything and they really don't understand how much effort some changes take.

[Serj]

Plus they'll start to make/demand changes another department hates and then you're caught in an in-house political shitstorm because you just wanted to help.

Not that that applies to the balkanisation of a website country list.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My customers make ludicrous demands all the time, and I either just get on with it - because the customer pays my wages - or I politely explain why it's not possible. Having a huff about why making a change to something THEY got wrong was not in the original parameters just makes me want to blow up their office.

[Yevrah]

IT only works properly when you have someone at the head of it that can speak English as well as IT. If you don’t, it’s a complete shit show.

[SvN]

I had a weird run-in with IT today. We're launching a new website and whatever country list they've imported (for when you submit your details at checkout) doesn't include Kosovo (or South Sudan, it must be from about 2006). I told them that they need to add Kosovo. IT shot back with a harrumphing 'Well, you should have included that in the original parameters and we could have included it in last fortnight's sprint' (whatever any of that means). I said look, it's pretty important because we're going live this week and if anyone from Kosovo logs in then they will a) not be able to place an order, and b) may well take away from this that we are a company that doesn't recognise Kosovo, which is, you would have to say, a slightly more senstitive issue than accidentally leaving out Luxembourg. They responded 'oh, well, that's very unlikely isn't it? We don't have any customers from Kosovo' and I said actually we have two and - imagine this as a revolutionary concept - we might want to attract MORE customers in the future! They harrumphed again and said that I should add it to the 'checklist' for the next fortnight's 'sprint', neither of which I have the first clue what they are talking about.

I just cannot stand the attitude of IT people. God complex, all process process process, don't give a shit about results. Terrible people.

Kosovo isn't included in ISO 3166 (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ISO_3166_country_codes) list of countries, which pretty much every platform uses when showing any sort of "Country" input. Depending on the platform, it might not be trivial to add in a custom country, and probably requires some investigation.

I'm not surprised they were arsey with you trying to add in new requirements the week of launch. Have you not had any visibilty to the website before now? Or exposure to the initial requirements at least?

[niko_cee]

Jimmy throwing a grenade into the IT bunker. :drool:

Like digging up an ant nest. Here they come!

[Giggles]

Every customer thinks that the only thing you ever have to do is sit outside their gate waiting for them to call.

[Kikó]

IT geeks unite. Raise a jira ticket and we'll try to prioritize it mate

[Giggles]

I don't think I've ever had a response to one of those tickets. I've a list a mile long, all waiting on a reply.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Kosovo isn't included in ISO 3166 (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ISO_3166_country_codes) list of countries, which pretty much every platform uses when showing any sort of "Country" input. Depending on the platform, it might not be trivial to add in a custom country, and probably requires some investigation.

I'm not surprised they were arsey with you trying to add in new requirements the week of launch. Have you not had any visibilty to the website before now? Or exposure to the initial requirements at least?

The week of launch? Oh don't worry, we're six months overdue and counting. It will end up not being the week of launch, just like the last 5 weeks of launch haven't been.

I personally hadn't seen it until now, and clearly the geniuses above me who had hadn't noticed this was an issue. They just set me loose testing and then told me to report any issues straight to Mr Happy. You're going to tell me that this is an issue with our internal processes - well duh, we don't have any, we are ad hoc problem solvers, outcomes people, not process people.

[randomlegend]

So elaborate on why you didn't include it within the original parameters?

Why would someone know that you need to specifically state in your "parameters" that Kosovo needs to be included on the list of countries?

[-james-]

The fact that Kosovo isn't in ISO 3166 means that any Kosovans will be entirely used to not being able to locate their country when registering on a website. They don't exist on ebay or alibaba either. It would probably be a surprisingly big ballache to maintain.

[niko_cee]

A part of the world famed for the reasonableness of its peoples.

[Spikey M]

It's basically the same as me having to select United Kingdom as my country, when it isn't. Ingerland m8. But never mind, just send me a pack of tractor spark plugs ffs.

[niko_cee]

Please select Yugoslavia in the drop down menu.

Hello? Hello?

[Ben]

Google Maps even give it the ol' dotted line boundary to avoid upsetting the Serbs too much.

[Magic]

Why would someone know that you need to specifically state in your "parameters" that Kosovo needs to be included on the list of countries?

Because he knew there were customers there lol.

[SvN]

I'd argue that it's exactly the sort of thing that testing is meant to catch. I find it hard to believe that the product owner will know off the top of their head that Kosovo isn't included in ISO 3166 and that they have customers there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've got into massive hot water before when we put out some kind of marketing piece that showed the flags of the 160 odd countries we sell into, and Arab customers absolutely lost their shit that Israel's flag was included (this was about 5 years ago). So since that experience we always go out of our way to make each country feel special.

[Spikey M]

Made the (probable) mistake of making a department manager look like a knob earlier. They have decided we don't have enough data on our residents. Ethnicity, religion, sexuality, pronouns yadayadayada.

So, the empty head in the office pipes up: "But surely, if we have all that on their account, any racists could use that information to discriminate!"

Manager: "I don't imagine anyone here would discriminate like that, do you?"

Me: "Isn't that the main reason we want that data? To make sure there's no discrimination, be it on an individual or institutional level?"

Manager: "I guess so".

I mean if you want to push us down the EDI route, fair enough, we did well to get this far without being sucked in, but at least know why you're doing it.

[randomlegend]

Because he knew there were customers there lol.

So he was meant to list every country in the world they do or might in future have customers in?

[Giggles]

The vast majority of those country drop down things finally have us right these days. Under I, not E or R.

[Magic]

So he was meant to list every country in the world they do or might in future have customers in?

If something is important to you then you make sure it happens.

I know working in healthcare you have no concept of that, of course.

[randomlegend]

If something is important to you then you make sure it happens.



How's your coeliac tripadvisor coming along?

[Magic]

It cost me £34 to wind the company up lol.

[Baz]

There’s a dodgy batch of heroin going round. After suspicions of some far worse contamination, it turned out it’s “only” mixed with spice.

Anyway, when it was thought to be laced with fentanyl an alert went out to the homeless shelters and hostels warning service users of the contaminated batch that has killed half a dozen people and nearly killed a lot more. The response? Absolutely buzzing there was some new drug on the streets and they all rushed out to buy it. :cab:

[Giggles]

Wiping out heroin users would be so obvious I'm surprised nobody hasn't thought of mixing it all.

[Magic]

Homeless heroin users, no less. Dream come true.

[Spikey M]

Wiping out heroin users would be so obvious I'm surprised nobody hasn't thought of mixing it all.

I don't know what tinfoil hat selling website you've stumbled upon recently, but you sound like Taz before he fucked off at the moment.

[niko_cee]

Ah RIP Don. You would have thought/think that an all conquering Liverpool team would prove an irresistible lure.

Did he join a jihad or something? Was he, in fact, that Daniel Khalife guy? Did you know Daniel is an anagram of denial?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Israel/Gaza sent him completely over the edge. He always had issues though. The BLM/ebony stuff he trotted out for years was some deep-rooted shit.

[Giggles]

I don't know what tinfoil hat selling website you've stumbled upon recently, but you sound like Taz before he fucked off at the moment.

It's ok to now guilt old people into getting the injection so you can get their house, but junkies are ok?

[Baz]

It's ok to now guilt old people into getting the injection so you can get their house, but junkies are ok?

Please consider not using such stigmatised language. :dc:

[Giggles]

Please consider not using such stigmatised language. :dc:

Sorry, I should have said elderly.

[Spikey M]

Nurse!?!?

[Lofty]

Israel/Gaza sent him completely over the edge. He always had issues though. The BLM/ebony stuff he trotted out for years was some deep-rooted shit.

Maybe a big black guy seduced his tick ting and he never mentally recovered.

[Magic]

The day before my final consultation it's just been announced we've bought our biggest competitor lol.

[phonics]

Jesus, I thought you boasting about your wages was a lie but look what they can do as soon as you're off the books.

[Manc]

My partner in crime is unexpectedly out of action for the next two weeks. Rough calculations, but I reckon I've got to pump out 110 hours to get through the work. I'm in the hospital on Wednesday, so that's a casual nine twelve-hour days ahead of me. Merry Christmas.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are you the co-host of Masterchef?

[Baz]

Tempted to apply for a 'Senior Communications Officer' job cos based on ChatGPT's summary:

What You’d Be Doing Day-to-Day
Developing and delivering campaigns to promote large-scale regeneration projects (e.g., town centre developments, housing schemes).
Writing content for newsletters, websites, and press releases to inform residents and businesses about upcoming changes or projects.
Liaising with journalists and preparing responses to media enquiries.
Hosting or attending stakeholder meetings and public consultations to ensure community buy-in for regeneration initiatives.
Using analytics to evaluate the effectiveness of communication strategies and making recommendations for improvement.
Collaborating with council colleagues in regeneration, growth, and other departments to ensure consistent messaging.
I could almost completely do this with AI and play World of Warcraft for 5+ hours a day.

Tell me why it's a bad idea.

[Magic]

"collaborating with council colleagues"

[Lofty]

Was tapped up for a job a while back but when it was finally advertised it was essentially the same salary as my current salary due to some internal arguing about pay. I said I only wanted to move from my current role for an uplift rather than a sideways move.

Just been announced the senior guy in my team has got it, he's on about 10k a year more than me and will have probably got an uplift on that. He does mental hours and a lot of long meetings etc, guess who's going be picking all that up for no uplift :moop:

[Pepe]

Uplift, mate.

[Magic]

Being forced to take my accrued annual leave (19 days) during my notice period. :(

[Boydy]

Can they do that?

[Magic]

Apparently so.

[Shindig]

Does your holiday year run from Jan-Dec? How the hell do you have 19 days to spare?

[Magic]

Does your holiday year run from Jan-Dec? How the hell do you have 19 days to spare?

I was saying them for potentially taking the days off for uni/working so hard to hit target I didn't have time to retire holidays.

Depends who asks lol.

[Shindig]

Our lot's a bit like that. If anyone's in line for retirement, they're encouraged to take as much leave as possible rather than getting a big dollop of holiday pay at the end. Same goes for anyone returning from long-term sick. I'm sure there's probably some small number of days they'd pay out but I'm not bothered enough to find out.

I'm sure there's some people on our leave sheet still with double-figure days to take. I can't really understand that. Even if they're holding it back for emergencies, we've got emergency leave (separate to our regular leave quota) that can be taken.

[SvN]

If you don't use it, your employer can just say "tough shit, it's gone". They don't have to pay for you unused leave.

[Boydy]

Of course you would know, Scrooge.

[Magic]

Yes daddy.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've had it with the fucking Irish. They do everything verbally, everything informally, refuse to write anything down. Then they come crying when something goes wrong and expect recompense even though there is no record of any of it because they are an 'everyone knows everyone' country and expect that somehow to translate into international business. What a strange people.

[Magic]

You lot taught them well.

[Baz]

The service manager of my biggest contract is leaving. :cry: Thankfully I already know her replacements, but I feel like I'm gonna have to do more work now. Bad times.

Only a 12-month secondment, but people never seem to return from those.

[Pepe]

Work lunch today. BBQ followed by bowling, billiards, laser tag, and arcades. Not sure how to feel about that. Can't be worse than being in the office.

[Giggles]

Work lunch today. BBQ followed by bowling, billiards, laser tag, and arcades. Not sure how to feel about that. Can't be worse than being in the office.

That sounds hellish. In a meeting here the other day someone mentioned us all going hillwalking some weekend as 'team building'. Hopefully he falls down a stairs.

[Pepe]

I figure I can just go to the arcades and play Street Fighter on my own for three hours.

[Mike]

That sounds hellish. In a meeting here the other day someone mentioned us all going hillwalking some weekend as 'team building'. Hopefully he falls down a stairs.

Anytime anyone suggests anything like that, the women at my work jump over the ‘will we get paid if it’s a work thing’ and it never happens thankfully.
The only out of work thing I ever do is if it’s the pub for Christmas and summer holiday drinks.

[Pepe]

I can count the hours towards my weekly hours whenever there is an event like that. Four hours for the lunch today and two for tomorrow's happy hour. After that I am off until Jan 2.

[Magic]

Anytime anyone suggests anything like that, the women at my work jump over the ‘will we get paid if it’s a work thing’ and it never happens thankfully.
The only out of work thing I ever do is if it’s the pub for Christmas and summer holiday drinks.

Only time it's acceptable is during working hours.

[Spikey M]

We had a Toby Carvery at lunch time today as our Christmas meal. They ran out of time to book an evening "event", thank Christ.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Who is it that actually likes those things?

Is it women again? I keep walking into traps that expose my misogyny.

[Giggles]

Get in, get out, get home, get paid. Fuck everything else.

[Spikey M]

Who is it that actually likes those things?

Is it women again? I keep walking into traps that expose my misogyny.

Women, yes (you sexist pig).

[SvN]

We typically do all day events for Christmas and one in the summer. People have the choice of having the day off and not participating (while still getting paid) and noone has ever taken it. Perhaps they're worried about retribution.

[niko_cee]

Perhaps you just employ a bunch of normal people who don't melt at the thought of having to go bowling or something equally fine.

[Waffdon]

On that positive note, AFF until 6th January. Hold it down for me, chaps

[Magic]

We typically do all day events for Christmas and one in the summer. People have the choice of having the day off and not participating (while still getting paid) and noone has ever taken it. Perhaps they're worried about retribution.

:harold:

[Lofty]

Some utter bell went to a team building afternoon bowling in Leeds once, our office is in Manchester and he lives in Liverpool, he got absolutely cunted, had to be helped onto the last possible train available to get him home then tried to submit it as overtime :D

[Giggles]

Perhaps you just employ a bunch of normal people who don't melt at the thought of having to go bowling or something equally fine.

Bowling is fine, just with people you like and not the cunts you have to work with.

[Spikey M]

I like my work colleagues, but they are people I only spend time with when I'm being paid. I don't socialise with them, nor do I particularly want to and I definitely don't want to see the annoying one drunk.

[niko_cee]

Bowling is fine, just with people you like and not the cunts you have to work with.

Like I was saying, kudos to him for managing to employ a bunch of people who aren't cunts.

[Pepe]

It was alright. Modern arcades are yet another thing that has gone to shit, but it was enough to kill a couple of hours.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It was alright. Modern arcades are yet another thing that has gone to shit, but it was enough to kill a couple of hours.

Absolutely.

The ticket system has completely fucked it.

No actual games, just ways to earn tickets for overpriced tat.

[Pepe]

Yeah, there are no proper videogames, just 30 second minigames. The only decent one was guitar hero (I think? the one with the guitar). There was a time when you could have played Turtles in Time, Street Figher, Off-Road, Cruisin' USA, Metal Slug, etc, etc.

[Giggles]

The likes of that is what's wrong with people now.

[Magic]

Yeah, there are no proper videogames, just 30 second minigames. The only decent one was guitar hero (I think? the one with the guitar). There was a time when you could have played Turtles in Time, Street Figher, Off-Road, Cruisin' USA, Metal Slug, etc, etc.

Maybe in taco town.

[Pepe]

Not in taco town, but there is a retro arcade that does have all those games in the neighborhood next to it.

[Dquincy]

If you don't use it, your employer can just say "tough shit, it's gone". They don't have to pay for you unused leave.
I don't think this is correct. Legally staff have a right to be paid accrued annual leave that is not used when they leave the company.

We have always paid staff accrued AL when they are leaving. And not because we want to.

[Magic]

I don't think this is correct. Legally staff have a right to be paid accrued annual leave that is not used when they leave the company.

We have always paid staff accrued AL when they are leaving. And not because we want to.

It is correct y u so dumb.

[Lofty]

There are a couple of retro arcades near me that allow you to pay an entry fee then it's all free play on everything, classic machines, modern machines, consoles, pc games. They have adults only sessions, think a friday night is about £20. I went to a special event there once and killed John Romero in a Quake 2 deathmatch :cool:

[Shindig]

Yeah, there are no proper videogames, just 30 second minigames. The only decent one was guitar hero (I think? the one with the guitar). There was a time when you could have played Turtles in Time, Street Figher, Off-Road, Cruisin' USA, Metal Slug, etc, etc.

At the very least, the one local to me has a bank of Daytona and Mario Kart cabs. The rest of the floor is UFO catchers. If I want a proper arcade, I have to go back to San Francisco for the Mechanique Museum or whatever it's called.

[Pepe]

Daytona USA. :cool:

Today they had something called Cruisin' Blast, but it was a very sad imitation of the quite excellent Cruisin' USA/World.

I've been to the retro arcade mentioned earlier a couple of times for the fighting games tournaments, but their schedule doesn't really work for me, otherwise I would be there more often.

[Dquincy]

It is correct y u so dumb.
"In England, the legal position is quite clear:

Employees are legally entitled to be paid for any untaken annual leave when they leave their job. This is based on the Working Time Regulations 1998 and subsequent amendments. "

[SvN]

You're arguing about something else entirely. I'm not talking about when you leave, I'm talking about not using your holidays before the end of the year.

[Magic]

Accepted a new job yesterday, starting in Jan. It pays £700 a month less but at least I can make up that and more with commission.

It's a hell of a challenge but if it comes off I could do really well.

Also got invited to their Christmas party which is today. Nice people.

[Magic]

Congrats MJ you da man.

[Waffdon]

Congrats MJ you da man

[Giggles]

:lol: sad bastard.

[Bam]

:lol: sad bastard.

:D

[Kikó]

Well done MJ. I hope you didn't make a twat of yourself at the Christmas party.

[Bam]

Was it all a bit tragic from magic?

[SvN]

Was that post made from within the party? :D

[Baz]

https://i.imgflip.com/9dquzg.jpg

[Spikey M]

I wonder if the chairs had padded feet.

[Magic]

No I was lying in my hotel bedroom waiting for the porn channels to start at midnight.

[Lofty]

Stone age wanking.

[Spikey M]

The nostalgia :drool:

[Dquincy]

You're arguing about something else entirely. I'm not talking about when you leave, I'm talking about not using your holidays before the end of the year.

This was in the context of Magic leaving his job. Magic Apologise.

[Magic]

I didn't leave I got made redundant.

[Spikey M]

Pretty sure leaving is a condition of your redundancy m8.

[Ben]

I've landed (well, been dropped into) a wider ranging role within the company which has me involved in all of our underground jobs (tunnels, mines, hydro, utilities etc.) in the UK that aren't joint ventures.

It's come at a good time for me because I've been working mainly on a single project pretty much for six years now but that is slowing down massively now so it's naturally the right time to get my teeth into something else. Unfortunately it means monthly trips to the Big Smoke to converse with the big cheeses.

[Manc]

Congrats, Ben, you da man.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Good stuff, nothing wrong with the odd large fromage.

[Kikó]

Re: Jimmy on yoof of today in the Health thread (wtf).

One of my team decided a few weeks back to reply to my text of "are you ok?" with a "sorry I had a house party at my house and I've just woken up, should I rearrange our 1-1?" as if that's normal behaviour. How he thinks that's ok to do in the first place is beyond me and now he's going to have an official warning on his file. I find the brazenness of it just baffling, we pay you to work, you have a lot of flexibility, what are you doing with yourself?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think that the psychological link between work and 'a living' must have been broken somehow, but honestly I'm not sure how/when this occurred. Maybe Ben is right re. housing costs / people still living with parents, but then that's Germany and things may be different.

[Kikó]

He's not German so it could be a factor.

[niko_cee]

Would he be in trouble if he just said he had the shits?

[Lewis]

Who was it? I'm guessing Samadini.

[Boydy]

To complain about the other end of the spectrum - these fucking Yanks don't know how to wind down for Christmas. I log off at the end of tomorrow for two weeks, stop pestering me you cunts.

[niko_cee]

They'll be seething when you're not working on the 26th.

It's Thanksgiving and that's your lot with them.

[Waffdon]

Re: Jimmy on yoof of today in the Health thread (wtf).

One of my team decided a few weeks back to reply to my text of "are you ok?" with a "sorry I had a house party at my house and I've just woken up, should I rearrange our 1-1?" as if that's normal behaviour. How he thinks that's ok to do in the first place is beyond me and now he's going to have an official warning on his file. I find the brazenness of it just baffling, we pay you to work, you have a lot of flexibility, what are you doing with yourself?

If it’s the first time it’s happened then it’s a bit jobsworth from you

[Boydy]

Most of the team here are off for about two weeks over Christmas (using our annual leave) and they have a bit of a meltdown about it every year. We didn't even have any customers the last two years. We have a few this year but they're still in early onboarding stages and one of them has already said they're off for like two weeks anyway so fucking chill out lads.


I need a new job in the new year.

[Giggles]

Every cunt in the country has decided they want me this week, though I'm finished at midday tomorrow so fuck 90% of them.

[Spikey M]

My last court hearing before Christmas today. Asking for outright possession within 7 days. Merry Christmas.

Shame for his neighbours that it won't actually happen until New Year.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've had a ridiculous amount of chancers trying to get deals done before the weekend. I'm working Monday and Tuesday as well so I'll go at my own pace thanks, wankers.

'Can you deliver before 9am tomorrow morning to Leiria in Portugal?' That'll be a no, Joao.

[randomlegend]

If it’s the first time it’s happened then it’s a bit jobsworth from you

:cab:

[Manc]

Keeks is just mad he wasn't invited to the party.

[Yevrah]

I've had a ridiculous amount of chancers trying to get deals done before the weekend. I'm working Monday and Tuesday as well so I'll go at my own pace thanks, wankers.

'Can you deliver before 9am tomorrow morning to Leiria in Portugal?' That'll be a no, Joao.

How many languages are you competent in now Jim?