The All New Jobs Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

A mobile phone, you say? Like, a telephone, but you can take it around with you and answer it while not at your office desk?

[Magic]

A mobile phone, you say? Like, a telephone, but you can take it around with you and answer it while not at your office desk?

I guess it seems like a big deal to me because I'd resigned myself to UNIVERSAL CREDIT and SUICIDE.

[Ian]

I think he's more mocking his own situation.

[Magic]

I think he's more mocking his own situation.

I can't as my speciality is fixed line telephony, so he may mock but it will never cease.

[Ian]

I can't as my speciality is fixed line telephony, so he may mock but it will never cease.

No I meant that I thought Jimmy was referring to him being forced to work in the office.

Out of interest how are they doing three weeks of onboarding from home or have they not ironed that all out yet?

[Magic]

No I meant that I thought Jimmy was referring to him being forced to work in the office.

Out of interest how are they doing three weeks of onboarding from home or have they not ironed that all out yet?

Webinars (including partner training ones), screen sharing, and mostly going over T&Cs and processes, plus the internal systems. I don't need any other onboarding in terms of industry or products which is such a massive advantage especially at this time.

It'll be extremely weird to be part of a team I've never met. Can't wait to get down there. Plus I don't have a company car until this is over. :eyemouth:

[Ian]

It'll be extremely weird to be part of a team I've never met.

We were discussing this at work because our switch to WFH has (for the wider department we're in, at least) been very successful and we wouldn't be at all surprised if they look to make this the norm with smaller offices dotted about rather than paying whatever small fortune it is for an office in the middle of Glasgow. New starters were one of the main things we brought up because it'd be really hard to properly integrate into the team if you're only ever speaking to them on Teams or whatever.

[Jimmy Floyd]

No I meant that I thought Jimmy was referring to him being forced to work in the office.

This.

The MD has just announced we will not be changing the furlough situation for 'the foreseeable future'. He says business is at '50-60%', though I know my territories are at 83% as of yesterday so I am clearly a fucking underpaid legend.

[Ian]

We got told last week that the first furlough rotation is happening in a couple of weeks so I guess the plan is to do it in 4 week blocks until things hopefully start improving again.

[Spikey M]

This.

The MD has just announced we will not be changing the furlough situation for 'the foreseeable future'. He says business is at '50-60%', though I know my territories are at 83% as of yesterday so I am clearly a fucking underpaid legend.

I hope you are pressing this home and dropping some serious hints about seeking a pay rise or a new position?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I hope you are pressing this home and dropping some serious hints about seeking a pay rise or a new position?

Not just now while we're locked in limbo, but once things ease up I will be making reference to it.

[Spikey M]

What do you reckon? £50 Amazon voucher? It's what my lot would do.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I saw my pay was £38 higher than usual this month and wondered if El Presidente had chucked in a pack of toilet rolls each for keeping the ship afloat, but in fact it just seems to be some kind of tax change or variation that I can't be bothered to look up.

[Baz]

The woman I don’t like has been redeployed and now has people ringing her personal mobile asking boring council stuff like when are bins being collected and reports of broken alleygate locks. :drool:

Meanwhile I’ve watched Monsters Inc and Monsters University so far today.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I am wilting here. Mornings are OK but every afternoon the pressure just piles on relentlessly. Desperate customers, my 4 bosses all being different types of cunt simultaneously, absolutely no way of relieving the onslaught other than coming on here and venting. I need about 8 hours sleep at the moment when it would normally be 6.

The worst part is because I am the only one left to take phone calls (I would normally take like 20% of our incoming phone calls), any time I try to get anything meaningful done the phone rings 3 times in a row and it's fucked. Sometimes the phone will ring again while I'm still on to a customer, and it just rings into oblivion because there's no one left to handle it.

[Spikey M]

The same advice I have given twice previously applies. You need to do less. Much less.

[Don]

If it's made you up your sleep from what was no doubt an insufficient 6 hours to a far more recommended 8 hours, I suggest you buy them a gift. They may well have saved you from a host of negative outcomes if you maintain it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of my 4 bosses (the one who loves my work, because it makes him commission) has promised me a 'restaurant blowout' when this is over, a nice gesture albeit one I don't expect to see redeemed this side of 2035.

[bruhnaldo]

I'm always so desperately in love with my co-workers but this one, however, is married with children.

But by God I tell you what if he fucked off with the kids :drool:

[Foe]

You’re a breakdown waiting to happen Jim if you try and keep this up. Tractor engines really don’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things.

A pals company thinks the normal workforce returning to work will be a 2021 activity..

You got any decent noise cancelling headphones? Then you can just let the phone ring out when you’re trying to get something done.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What do you want me to do, quit and have no income? Or just sit there not doing work to be chased up on it an hour later?

In sales you can't really let things slide, it's not like project work. Either you get the deal or you don't. And it moves so, so fast in this industry. If you don't quote someone within a couple of hours they scream and cry until you do, as machine down costs them hundreds/thousands a day and we are often their only way out.

They transfer that desperation onto you, which in normal times is ok as there's a team around me and we all back each other up. Now it's only me, things are rather more stressful.

[Boydy]

Can they not bring someone else back off furlough?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Can they not bring someone else back off furlough?

They're not going to, at least not before June.

[Foe]

They're not going to, at least not before June.

...because you’re running yourself into the ground trying to keep up.

You’re in a difficult spot absolutely, the point we are trying to bang home is you’re letting it bring down yourself and affect your mental health. Which is absolutely not the right thing to do. If you slow it down and work at a sustainable level and sales slip because of it (because there’s not enough support) the business will listen, or suffer for it.

What happens if you get sick? The company will need another solution. Keep banging the door about call divert and working from home.

Look after yourself. Vent all you need here, but the advice we are giving you isn’t likely to change.

[Foe]

Ps hope you have good snacks.

I’m back to being super fat again. Going to have to take up running. :(

[Raoul Duke]

What do you want me to do, quit and have no income? Or just sit there not doing work to be chased up on it an hour later?

In sales you can't really let things slide, it's not like project work. Either you get the deal or you don't. And it moves so, so fast in this industry. If you don't quote someone within a couple of hours they scream and cry until you do, as machine down costs them hundreds/thousands a day and we are often their only way out.

They transfer that desperation onto you, which in normal times is ok as there's a team around me and we all back each other up. Now it's only me, things are rather more stressful.

This isn't your problem, it's your manager's. If you don't have enough bandwidth to address all the incoming sales then they will make less money - you need to be specific in a) your complaint and b) have a suggested solution to resolve it.

Anyone in their position with half a brain would bring someone back from furlough and help lighten the load. Capacity planning is a fundamental management task.

[Spikey M]

What do you want me to do, quit and have no income? Or just sit there not doing work to be chased up on it an hour later?

In sales you can't really let things slide, it's not like project work. Either you get the deal or you don't. And it moves so, so fast in this industry. If you don't quote someone within a couple of hours they scream and cry until you do, as machine down costs them hundreds/thousands a day and we are often their only way out.

They transfer that desperation onto you, which in normal times is ok as there's a team around me and we all back each other up. Now it's only me, things are rather more stressful.

Jim, I say this with love, but do you ever wonder if your managers take the piss because, well, because of this?

You are far too eager to please. Fuck the deal, fuck the sale, fuck the lost revenue. Your boss said it himself. They're running at 60% capacity. You said earlier that you normally shoulder 20%. You should have 2 coworkers in.

He's. Taking. The. Piss.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Another way of putting it is that I have a work ethic and that is maybe part of the reason why I am still earning a full salary and don't potentially have the axe hanging over me, like my furloughed colleagues do. There isn't a lot I can do about whether they bring furloughed colleagues back. If they paid me more to do this I'd be ok, but when the company has 25 people on furlough and are not sanctioning warehouse overtime because of that (even when it's in their interests to do so) then it's literally pointless bringing that up.

I've accepted the situation as the best way I have of paying the mortgage while a pandemic is on, but it is still knackering as fuck.

[Kikó]

This isn't your problem, it's your manager's. If you don't have enough bandwidth to address all the incoming sales then they will make less money - you need to be specific in a) your complaint and b) have a suggested solution to resolve it.

Anyone in their position with half a brain would bring someone back from furlough and help lighten the load. Capacity planning is a fundamental management task.

This. It's the ideal time to raise a concern Jim. You're grafting so you should be shouting about it and laying the ground work on your rise. Don't let them weasel.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh, I tell him every day that I am mental busy and it's hard to get everything done etc. That's very different to telling him how to do his job on the management side.

[Giggles]

This isn't your problem, it's your manager's. If you don't have enough bandwidth to address all the incoming sales then they will make less money - you need to be specific in a) your complaint and b) have a suggested solution to resolve it.

Anyone in their position with half a brain would bring someone back from furlough and help lighten the load. Capacity planning is a fundamental management task.

Every one of you up to now who has let this slide; we need to have words.

[phonics]

I've started using 'capacity' just because other people do and it's got less repercussions than 'i'm busy, fuck off'

[Spikey M]

There's a bloke at work that 'touches base' left right and centre. I want to cut his face off.

[Lewis]

What do you want me to do, quit and have no income? Or just sit there not doing work to be chased up on it an hour later?

In sales you can't really let things slide, it's not like project work. Either you get the deal or you don't. And it moves so, so fast in this industry. If you don't quote someone within a couple of hours they scream and cry until you do, as machine down costs them hundreds/thousands a day and we are often their only way out.

They transfer that desperation onto you, which in normal times is ok as there's a team around me and we all back each other up. Now it's only me, things are rather more stressful.

Willy Loman over here.

[John]

There's a bloke at work that 'touches base' left right and centre. I want to cut his face off.

Was it on this board or the previous one we had a thread for all those hateful management phrases? 'Let's run that up the flagpole and see who salutes' should see you publicly hanged.

[Spikey M]

That's just blue sky thinking.

[Kikó]

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[Spikey M]

"Backcomb the living shit out of this hairball" :D

[phonics]

I didn't have an opinion on Dominic Calvert Lewin before but that run of form before Corona and this from the other day and now he's firmly in 'Top Lad' territory.

1251177081569935360

[Shindig]

He was having way too much fun with that. Rumours are going round India wants more bodies from us because of their lockdown. That would leave about 3 people in the office at this rate. It'd be another line on the CV, I suppose.

[Ian]

Was it on this board or the previous one we had a thread for all those hateful management phrases? 'Let's run that up the flagpole and see who salutes' should see you publicly hanged.

I don't know so I dunno if it's recent enough for me to have said that we started making them up to mock a manager at my old work (he loved a bit of "a chain is only as strong as its weakest link" and "teamwork makes the dream work".) It was fun until he started using them.

It's all well and good telling him you think the team should throw some ideas around in the think-wok and fry up some solutions but then the dickhead went "Yes! Brilliant! Exactly that!"

[Shindig]

I don't think anything will disgust me more than seeing, "Get your nom on." in an email relating to a buffet. Management wasn't responsible for that one, thankfully.

[Kikó]

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One more for the thought fridge.

[mugbull]

Let's circle back Let's circle back Let's circle back

[mo]

I was rota'd in to work yesterday - 12 kids in school, half were absolute arseholes. Makes you wonder what these key worker parents are like. Then had a two hour meeting in the evening with my boss to determine this years GCSE History grades for our cohort. 75 kids discussed in a fair amount of detail. Ranking is quite hard though because you have to decide on their final grade and then across three classes (one for each of us and one shared) rank them in order - so these seven kids get a five, then you have to decide most to least likely to have achieved that. Difficult when you don't know each other's class. But aside from any SLT interference, it's done.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just taken five to count up how many emails I have sent so far this week. 265 :cool:

Managed 86 on Monday, that is one every 5.87 minutes.

[Ian]

And this is how Jimmy goes crazy, treating this as a high score to be beaten.

[Kikó]

Just taken five to count up how many emails I have sent so far this week. 265 :cool:

Managed 86 on Monday, that is one every 5.87 minutes.

You can set up a filter in outlook to count it for you. I have one for mails in - today's been relatively quiet with 150.

[bruhnaldo]

Can't you just highlight the mail from this week and it'll say "x items" or something?

[Giggles]

Or just, not count them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You can set up a filter in outlook to count it for you. I have one for mails in - today's been relatively quiet with 150.

I will try and do that. I receive around 200 a day although 95% of them are external which makes it feel like about a thousand.

[Baz]

You can set up a filter in outlook to count it for you. I have one for mails in

How?

[Kikó]

https://www.vpsg.net/knowledgebase/count-the-total-number-of-incoming-emails-per-day-in-outlook/

[Spikey M]

This is Jimmy at work by the end of May.

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[Jimmy Floyd]

Don't worry, today I have discovered the chink in the froggy customers' armour: the Labour Day bank holiday. Been sat around here reading up on 90s football for hours.

[Ian]

Were you doing that anyway or has the thought of Euro 96 inspired you?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The latter, although it's a topic to be returned to on a regular basis.

[Lofty]

Wife is keen on emigrating to Canada, a mate of mine did similar last year and now lives in a fucking mansion compared to the average UK house and I know he isn't making a mint. I would be up for it but the only person I know in my industry contracting over there is massive mates with my boss so can't really ask. Been searching about on some sites but not seen much relevant to my current job.

[Luca]

Mon then, Lofty mate. I’ll take you to the local amusement park.

[Lofty]

Supposedly I qualify on points even without a job offer and both of our jobs are listed on the 2020 skills shortage list but finding relevant vacancies is a ballache.

[Luca]

You’re a locomotive engineer, yeah?

[Shindig]

Engineer? I thought he just collected tickets.

[Lofty]

I was a Train Conductor, which is a different job in the UK than over there. That said it isn't just selling tickets, you have operational responsibilities and have to pass regular knowledge and safety tests to remain 'competent'.

Now I am a planning manager responsible for crew movements.

[Ian]

Locomotive Staff Logistics Engineer.

[Spikey M]

What's your opinion on Wifi Extenders, Lofty?

[Lofty]

Haven't a clue?

[Spikey M]

He's no Engineer.

[Lofty]

I once resolved a train engine failure owing to an air pressure fault with a pen, averting a cancellation.

[Lewis]

Wasn't Smiffy able to move to Canada without any problems? They must let everybody in.

[Shindig]

Smiffy probably got in on a tourist visa, shat the job after 2 days and then moved back to Wales.

[Spikey M]

Dav lived there for a bit.

[Lofty]

You can move without a job but I wouldn't, obviously.

[Spikey M]

I think Dav was there for a while. I was hoping to move there a while back and asked him about it. My takeaway from our chat was that they absolutely drown you in paperwork and if you miss a beat, you're out.

[SvN]

My cousin, who's entire work history in the 5 years since he turned 18 has been working part time at Tesco, moved there recently on a two year visa.

[Boydy]

Wife is keen on emigrating to Canada, a mate of mine did similar last year and now lives in a fucking mansion compared to the average UK house and I know he isn't making a mint. I would be up for it but the only person I know in my industry contracting over there is massive mates with my boss so can't really ask. Been searching about on some sites but not seen much relevant to my current job.

What does your mate do out there and where is he?

[Lofty]

Moved from BAE Barrow to Halifax Nova Scotia, last check think he was a draughtsman.

[Spoonsky]

Come to Montreal Lofty :cool:

This is on an island in the middle of the river

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.trvl-media.com%2Fmedia%2Fcontent%2Fshared%2Fimages%2Ftr avelguides%2Fdestination%2F178288%2FLa-Ronde-49270.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

[Lofty]

Isn't Montreal one of the more expensive areas?

[Luca]

Nah. Toronto and Vancouver are where house prices have skyrocketed. Montreal is doing alright.

[Spikey M]

How much is a gaff over there. 3 bed, outskirts of a city, somewhere you won't get stabbed / shot?

[niko_cee]

What would be the point of moving to Montreal to work with trains? Just go to fucking France if that's your bag. Train Big Speed and all.

[igor_balis]

Jimmy I love ya, but you conflating allowing to be manipulated by your employers with "work ethic" comes from the same malfunctioning part of your brain that makes you vote Tory. Although I am happy to admit that me conflating being a lazy, ineffectual member of staff with sticking it to the man probably probably comes from the same malfunctioning part of my brain that makes me vote Labour. Eh, what you gonna do.

[Andy]

How much is a gaff over there. 3 bed, outskirts of a city, somewhere you won't get stabbed / shot?

Its probably one of those questions you're better off not knowing.

Saw a youtube video yesterday of some guy buying a €500,000 house in Texas and it was a mansion, lucky to get four decent bedrooms around here and they would had a swimming pool, triple garage, bar built into the swimming pool and every room was huge.

[Shindig]

What would be the point of moving to Montreal to work with trains? Just go to fucking France if that's your bag. Train Big Speed and all.

Free healthcare and less Covid. And America's close.

[Spikey M]

He wouldn't be entitled to free Healthcare. I know where he is though.

[Spikey M]

Its probably one of those questions you're better off not knowing.

Saw a youtube video yesterday of some guy buying a €500,000 house in Texas and it was a mansion, lucky to get four decent bedrooms around here and they would had a swimming pool, triple garage, bar built into the swimming pool and every room was huge.

I've always wanted to move somewhere else. Our house prices and cost of living are a joke. The mrs is too tied to her family though, so I don't think it'll ever happen.

[Magic]

My God I love my new job already and I'm less than an hour in. MILES better than my previous joke of a company.

[SvN]

Its probably one of those questions you're better off not knowing.

Saw a youtube video yesterday of some guy buying a €500,000 house in Texas and it was a mansion, lucky to get four decent bedrooms around here and they would had a swimming pool, triple garage, bar built into the swimming pool and every room was huge.

I made the mistake of doing that when I bought my first house. I looked within 10 miles of where my sister lived in Australia and could've got a fucking mansion with pool, etc.

[Giggles]

You’d have to live in Australia though. That’s not a slight on Oz, I more mean that it’s all good saying about leaving home but a lot harder to do it. I know I definitely couldn’t live in another country again.

[Lofty]

What would be the point of moving to Montreal to work with trains? Just go to fucking France if that's your bag. Train Big Speed and all.

Why would I want to live in France? I'd be happy to move to Australia but she fears the 'killer Aussie animals' stereotype too much.

[niko_cee]

It was more of a snide comment about Le Québécois than anything else.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Quebec truly the worst of all worlds, apart from the Bayou that is, and Pondicherry, Jesus.

[Spikey M]

Why would I want to live in France? I'd be happy to move to Australia but she fears the 'killer Aussie animals' stereotype too much.

Wait till she finds out about the camel's.

[Foe]

I’d love to move to Texas. Demoralising seeing the amount of house you get compared to here.

Just have to accept a hurricane may come and knock it over or flood it.

[Lewis]

Yeah, wooden houses and endless land. My friend in Los Angeles pays London rent for a shithole surrounded by homeless people.

[Foe]

Arsed with LA and New York.

Live in the south and avoid Florida and you could live like a king.

[Pepe]

Those massive houses might look tempting from afar, but trust me, they are always in disgusting suburbs and you definitely don't want to be living in those places.

[Boydy]

Yeah, I mean it works on a smaller scale within the UK. You can get a bigger house for less money in Northern Ireland than you can in England but I don't see you all wanting to move here.

[Pepe]

Massive houses are overrated anyway. You will sit on the same couch every single evening regardless.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There's a reason why houses are worth a lot in certain areas and less in others. Good old market forces, dontcha love'em.

[Boydy]

Massive houses are overrated anyway. You will sit on the same couch every single evening regardless.

I would like a pool table though.

[Raoul Duke]

Having a giant house sounds great until you realise how much cleaning you'd have to do

[Jimmy Floyd]

*employ an ethnic minority to do

[Raoul Duke]

Or that.

[Danny]

I would like a pool table though.

I thought that too. I have used it probably less than 20 times in the 5 years we have had the house. Thank god I bought a second hand one.

[Giggles]

A pool table would be brilliant.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My territories got placed number 1 for sales in April :D

Normally we're sat in about 7th behind the people who do the Middle East, the South American mining sector, the south east Asian fishing boat sector etc etc.

In other news, the boss just came in and said it'll be end of June before the furloughed people return. Happy days.

[SvN]

He's basically milking the scheme for as long as possible, then. You better hope it doesn't get extended.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Surely it can't be extended? The country will go bankrupt. Although I guess it's that or a shit ton of people get laid off on 1 July.

[SvN]

They've already extended it once for some reason, it wouldn't surprise me if they do it again.

[Spikey M]

My lot Furloughed a load of people today. They're paying the extra 20% as well. I'm not included. :moop:

[Pepe]

I thought that too. I have used it probably less than 20 times in the 5 years we have had the house. Thank god I bought a second hand one.

That's how those things go. It is easier to just head to your local pub whenever you want to play.

[Pepe]

*employ an ethnic minority to do

I employ a white woman to do mine. Am I doing it wrong?

[phonics]

You should be applying a Phillipino to complete the circle of life.

[Boydy]

That's how those things go. It is easier to just head to your local pub whenever you want to play.

As if pubs have pool tables in them these days. Take that pool table out and you can pack in another two or three tables and an extra 15-20 people.

[Giggles]

We had our best profits for March April in 5 years but it would be the next three that would want to be worried about.

[Giggles]

That's how those things go. It is easier to just head to your local pub whenever you want to play.

I haven’t seen a pub with one in years. The cues are too good a weapon.

[phonics]

Is this an Irish thing? Every pub in Swansea had at least one pool table and they were legally obligated to serve drinks in plastic glasses in case a fight broke out most days of the week.

[Giggles]

They just seemed to die out more than being a rule or anything. You’d see the odd one in a proper pub in the country but any built up areas would rather have the floor space too.

[Giggles]

That was every weekend for me from the age of 16 to around 24. Pool on Friday and Saturday night in the pub, winner stays on among around 20 of us. We always used to be raging when he moved it away on a Sunday evening to clear the dance floor for the country and western band.

[Smjffy]

I've just done a 40 minute telephone interview with a news paper regarding the new starter bollocks. My anxiety levels went through the roof. :moop:

[SvN]

Imagine how the poor fucker on the other end of the line must be feeling.

[phonics]

40 minutes? Jaysus. Are you the only one being quoted in the story?

If you're actually pushing this forward Tim, I work in communications and I can provide some of our dos/donts when doing those sort of interviews. Really they're only looking for like 2-3 sentences to illustrate the point they already want to make so it's about hitting those. Happy to talk it through with you on another format.

[Smjffy]

I just spoken honestly about the situation as to how it affects me and others plus what could have been done, what could still be done to ensure many more are eligible etc.

I've never done anything like it but I've been at this for a solid month now. It's gone beyond getting furlough now, it's more the principle of the matter as it's just not right. Not just for me personally but for so many others. Every day the stories get worse, it's quite upsetting tbh so any advice is welcome advice.

[thommo]

Is this an Irish thing? Every pub in Swansea had at least one pool table and they were legally obligated to serve drinks in plastic glasses in case a fight broke out most days of the week.

He’s not wrong there, most of the pubs still have a pool table in around here, in awful, shoddy condition normally.

Only legally obligated to use plastic on match days though, so ample opportunity for glassing available.

[Shindig]

Today I discovered I can really sabotage my productivity by downloading something through steam or PSN whilst working.

[Giggles]

One in the house would be class though.

[Giggles]

Especially in this day and age of no pubs.

[Ian]

I reckon with music or sport on the telly or something I could kill hours if I had my own pool or snooker table.

[Giggles]

You’d probably really need to be single. Though the table would most likely take care of that anyway.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, that's the thing. It's always the dream, but if you ever even have a sniff at it there's a whole host of reasons why it isn't happening.

Until you go for one of those dining table flip jobs, to presumably take your weight when you decide to hang yourself.

[Giggles]

I toyed with the idea of putting a dart board up again but I’ve a savage board setup in my Da’s attic and I should probably get that (whenever that happens) before buying.

[Giggles]

Plus my brewing stuff is in the dartboard spot now.

[phonics]

I reckon with music or sport on the telly or something I could kill hours if I had my own pool or snooker table.

No-one likes the better at pool than everyone else guy though.

'Oh Ian, potted 9 in a row again, good game'

[Giggles]

No-one likes the better at pool than everyone else guy though.

'Oh Ian, potted 9 in a row again, good game'

That’s the only real way to get better.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My boss has been in for the last half hour telling us how MENTAL Tiger King is.

He really does stray into Brent territory sometimes.

[mo]

We have a wfh system in place, where I work 8.30/9-12 Mon-Fri, my wife works 1-5 Mon, Tue and Thurs. She's teaching music lessons over Zoom, which is handy as that keeps money coming in. Whoever isn't working has the kids, obviously, and as I know my wife is teaching most of the time I wouldn't dare dream of just walking in to get something and manage to keep our 3 year old from walking in constantly, but this doesn't seem to be a courtesy she can return me. Presumably she thinks it's ok as I'm not 'live' teaching constantly but even when I am in Teams meetings (and I tell her) she will still come in. It's doing my head in a little bit and I might have to say something, but in the nicest way imaginable because I think lockdown is making us (and the kids) a bit cranky and that shit will escalate quickly.

[Pepe]

No locks in your place?

[Kikó]

You have locks in your place other than on the bathroom?

[niko_cee]

Once you have small kids locks are a bit of a liability, as well as being weird.

[Baz]

I don’t even have a lock on my bathroom.

[Andy]

I don’t even have a lock on my bathroom.

Same. Its obvious if someone is in the bathroom anyway.

When we moved into our house one of the bedrooms had a lock on the door but you could only lock the door from the outside. Like they were locking a child in the room. Nasty stuff.

[Kikó]

Same. Its obvious if someone is in the bathroom anyway.

When we moved into our house one of the bedrooms had a lock on the door but you could only lock the door from the outside. Like they were locking a child in the room. Nasty stuff.

https://cdn.homedit.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Transparent-glass-wall-and-door-for-bathroom.jpg

[Pepe]

You have locks in your place other than on the bathroom?

I don't know.

[mo]

As others have said, only lock is in the bathroom. Considering a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign instead. Or a tie on the door handle.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've seen well to dos on twitter who put flashing bike lights on the door as their other halves don't pay attention to signs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of our joint managing directors has just been fired :drool:

Absolute juice central.

[Boydy]

Is that the useless one?

[Jimmy Floyd]

They are both useless, but no, this is the massively corrupt Indian one. The David Brent one lives on.

It was a cracking announcement email too. 'Please note that xxx is no longer employed by the company.' Ends.

[Boydy]

Have you found out why?

[Jimmy Floyd]

No, but he has a long history of being a naughty boy (including a stint in prison for fraud) so would imagine some continuation of that.

He will live long in my heart for, at the company conference last autumn, beginning his speech with: 'Women do not make reliable employees, some say, but I have seen differently at this company' in a room containing at least 20 women. Nearly shat myself there and then.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The remaining MD came in this morning, told me how well I was doing and to expect to be 'rewarded' at the end of the year. Fucking believe that when I see it. Or maybe he'll give me one of the free company baseball caps.

[Foe]

Put it in an email and make sure they respond so it’s captured in writing.

Also, document in the email exactly what you’ve been doing above and beyond.

Did you get a sense of satisfaction? Or are you still stressed to high heaven beyond caring?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Don't give a fuck, as I am well aware of what I'm achieving, and he isn't the one who decides such things anyway, though he could probably recommend it to the chairman.

I would get laughed out of town if I put that in an email. Remember this is a company employing 50/60 people but which doesn't have an HR function. It's cowboy central. Most of the tension in management seems to be this guy trying to modernise things as MD, while being pushed back by the 81 year old chairman who says 'Well we didn't do this in 1965, so why should we change now?'

[Boydy]

Are you on commission, Jim?

Maybe you'll get the new MD spot.

[Luke Emia]

I would get laughed out of town if I put that in an email. Remember this is a company employing 50/60 people but which doesn't have an HR function. It's cowboy central. Most of the tension in management seems to be this guy trying to modernise things as MD, while being pushed back by the 81 year old chairman who says 'Well we didn't do this in 1965, so why should we change now?'

In one of my previous jobs I worked for a fairly large insurance broker which was very much like this. No HR department nowhere for staff to go when they have an issue with management. When I started they had around staff it's now up to around 1000 if not a bit bigger and they still have no HR department my missus still works there and it will never change. Because they have made a success of the business over the past 20 years then the way they do things is the best. For example they only promote managers from within so no new ideas ever come into the company but they don't see that as an issue.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are you commission, Jim?

lol, no. I have a field manager (one of my 4 separate bosses) who is. He is my biggest ally and always goes into bat for me with the big dogs, which is probably why I'm still here and not on furlough.

I won't get a promotion any time soon but I do have my eye on maybe getting my own office, as there should be one coming up vacant pretty soon and I'm the only fucker here.

[Magic]

I have to say wall-to-wall video calls is absolutely draining...I didn't appreciate how horrific remote onboarding would be. Fuck this.

[Shindig]

You're getting a tractor. That short week got even better. Early finish today and off on Monday. Despite the government's lockdown announcement, we're sticking with working from home for the time being.

[Spikey M]

Jimmy on tour

https://i.ibb.co/PmJr7Md/20200510-145705.jpg

[Jimmy Floyd]

About right apart from the part where it insinuates I'm a key worker.

[Spikey M]

Cars have keys.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't deal with cars. I do however deal with crankshafts and they have keys, so you're spot on I guess. I'm basically one of those dead nurses, except I'm still alive and no one has chalked anything about me on the pavement.

[Giggles]

I hope you’re out lapping it up when they clap for you.

[Spikey M]

And you're not getting free takeaways.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Everyone around here has 'Thank you bin men :)' and so on chalked on their front drive by bored children, but do those children stop to think what would happen if there wasn't a ready supply of spare parts for those bin lorries' engines? Ungrateful little shits, and the parents are worse.

[Panda Bear]

Wife is keen on emigrating to Canada, a mate of mine did similar last year and now lives in a fucking mansion compared to the average UK house and I know he isn't making a mint. I would be up for it but the only person I know in my industry contracting over there is massive mates with my boss so can't really ask. Been searching about on some sites but not seen much relevant to my current job.
where are you looking

[Lofty]

where are you looking

To be honest I was more looking at what was available and working around that, British Columbia sounds nice but my mate lives in Halifax, NS and that also appeals. I think if we did move it would be for the bigger house, more country style living than metropolitan lifestyle so likely feature me commuting in from wherever.

[Panda Bear]

To be honest I was more looking at what was available and working around that, British Columbia sounds nice but my mate lives in Halifax, NS and that also appeals. I think if we did move it would be for the bigger house, more country style living than metropolitan lifestyle so likely feature me commuting in from wherever.
if you're looking at BC and want a house without dying from international speculation, you should look at these three: Langley, Abbotsford, and Chilliwack. you're close enough to drive in to Vancouver whenever you want. if you don't want to drive and rely on metro lines instead, you'd have to go to Coquitlam or Surrey. Coquitlam is right by water, tho, so that's a bonus.
https://cdn.thecrazytourist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/ccimage-shutterstock_489233848.jpg

if Vancouver/the ocean isn't that important to you, I believe CP Rail runs through Kamloops (I'm assuming you need a rail job), which is some hillock in the Okanagan Valley that's pretty gorgeous.
https://images.glaciermedia.ca/polopoly_fs/1.23287855.1585591227!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_804/downtown-kamloops.jpg

Halifax is a gorgeous, old-for-Canada city (although technically it is now a county that includes Dartmouth and Bedford). the Maritimes are well known for how relaxed and chill they are, and you'd be right by the water.

you can also try out Moncton in New Brunswick. three hour drive from Halifax. Moncton will be even cheaper. the knocks against the Maritimes are 1) their depressed economy and 2) Atlantic snow, so a snowstorm can sometimes hit for 2-3 feet.
https://downtownmoncton.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/aerial-view-of-downtown-34.jpg

if you're willing to put up with a disgusting winter in exchange for a glorious summer full of boating and fishing, you could also check out Kenora in Ontario, which is two hours east of Winnipeg (the nearest big city).
https://c8.alamy.com/comp/RWXA0D/aerial-kenora-ontario-canada-RWXA0D.jpg

[Shindig]

Ah, Halifax. Once home of the world's largest man-made explosion.

[AyDee]

Entering the last rotation around my law firm before (hopefully) qualifying in September and just found out that my final 4 months will be in the department I want to qualify into. Phew.

Should know by end of the month whether they'll be keeping me on from September but so far so good.

[Boydy]

Are you working from home?

MC?

[Baz]

mo ScousePig

Have you teachers been told when you’re expected to be back?

My wife (teaches year 6) has just been told she’s back full time from June 1st, and the school will be completely closed to kids and staff the week prior while it is “deep cleaned.” It’s outrageous they’re actually going ahead with it.

Childcare is gonna be a problem. I’ll probably end up doing my work in the evenings and just looking after my daughter through the day. Obviously not ideal!

[mo]

mo ScousePig

Have you teachers been told when you’re expected to be back?

My wife (teaches year 6) has just been told she’s back full time from June 1st, and the school will be completely closed to kids and staff the week prior while it is “deep cleaned.” It’s outrageous they’re actually going ahead with it.

Childcare is gonna be a problem. I’ll probably end up doing my work in the evenings and just looking after my daughter through the day. Obviously not ideal!

Does she not go to nursery yet? We're facing the prospect of my wife (primary TA) having to go back to work sooner than me (secondary teacher), but we have the option of childminder/nursery at least, although not sure how to feel about that as from what I've read it seems fairly evenly split between people saying kids spread it/kids aren't affected.

We've not had anything about a return to work date, but an email from the head today to say their seeking clarification on the situation with Y10s and 12s.

Unfortunately I think the unions trying to protect school staff are going to get swallowed up by the right wing media and it'll become 'lazy selfish teachers refuse to work like our NHS heroes'. It's already underway.

[Spikey M]

mo ScousePig

Have you teachers been told when you’re expected to be back?

My wife (teaches year 6) has just been told she’s back full time from June 1st, and the school will be completely closed to kids and staff the week prior while it is “deep cleaned.” It’s outrageous they’re actually going ahead with it.

Childcare is gonna be a problem. I’ll probably end up doing my work in the evenings and just looking after my daughter through the day. Obviously not ideal!

Take that, Mike.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Today it sounded like our company chairman (an 81 year old man in self quarantine) is pushing for those working from home to return to the office asap. Not sure what part of the government guidelines he has been reading.

The arrogance of rich men is breathtaking sometimes.

[Luca]

The state of recommending fucking Kenora, Ontario as a reasonable place to live. :D

You okay, Panda?

Northern Ontario is the fucking pits. I spent 3 months in Sudbury (that's only an hour flight form Toronto) on a client engagement and wanted to hang myself, and that was only M-Th.

[Baz]

I have a work call on Teams every morning at 9:15. They’d only booked them all the way until this week, presumably hoping everything would be back to normal by now, so the questions gone out whether they ought to be less frequent. Looks like they’re only gonna be twice a week from now on.

Moar skiving :drool:

[Ian]

Our daily Teams call is the guaranteed skive.

This morning we were looking at z-list celebrities on Cameo.

[Baz]

Our daily Teams call is the guaranteed skive.

This morning we were looking at z-list celebrities on Cameo.

That’d just piss me off. They’re my colleagues not my mates.

If work isn’t discussed, why am I wasting my time? I can realistically do my work in 2 hours everyday, but sometimes have to spend another hour making small talk with them. I tend to just minimise it and work away, with the camera and mic off, but I’m there and officially at work and can’t get told off.

[Don]

Sounds like a positive working atmosphere.

[Ian]

Baz has a proper Jekyll and Hyde situation going on between arch banterlord and miserable shite who has a tantrum about desk moves.

There are days on our call where I don't get involved much because I'm not in the mood but it's basically time set aside for sanctioned skiving.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Chairman has apparently relented on bringing back people from working from home, after it was pointed out to him that if the 2 remaining people in each department both gave each other CV the company wouldn't be able to function, but he still had a massive tantrum about it. Such an entitled tossbag.

[Ian]

He sounds like a sitcom character that, on screen, would seem like a caricature.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He is a self-made rich man, and in my limited experience they tend to be the most arrogant people on earth, genuinely believing that the fact they have made money and employ people puts them above the law.

He's also 81 and self-quarantining in his palace in Virginia Water, so lol.

[Lofty]

if you're looking at BC and want a house without dying from international speculation, you should look at these three: Langley, Abbotsford, and Chilliwack. you're close enough to drive in to Vancouver whenever you want. if you don't want to drive and rely on metro lines instead, you'd have to go to Coquitlam or Surrey. Coquitlam is right by water, tho, so that's a bonus.
https://cdn.thecrazytourist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/ccimage-shutterstock_489233848.jpg

if Vancouver/the ocean isn't that important to you, I believe CP Rail runs through Kamloops (I'm assuming you need a rail job), which is some hillock in the Okanagan Valley that's pretty gorgeous.
https://images.glaciermedia.ca/polopoly_fs/1.23287855.1585591227!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_804/downtown-kamloops.jpg

Halifax is a gorgeous, old-for-Canada city (although technically it is now a county that includes Dartmouth and Bedford). the Maritimes are well known for how relaxed and chill they are, and you'd be right by the water.

you can also try out Moncton in New Brunswick. three hour drive from Halifax. Moncton will be even cheaper. the knocks against the Maritimes are 1) their depressed economy and 2) Atlantic snow, so a snowstorm can sometimes hit for 2-3 feet.
https://downtownmoncton.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/aerial-view-of-downtown-34.jpg

if you're willing to put up with a disgusting winter in exchange for a glorious summer full of boating and fishing, you could also check out Kenora in Ontario, which is two hours east of Winnipeg (the nearest big city).
https://c8.alamy.com/comp/RWXA0D/aerial-kenora-ontario-canada-RWXA0D.jpg

Thanks for the indepth guide! The water would be nice but not essential. The wife prefers rural areas with woodland as that is where she grew up. Travelling on the metro would be decent especially if I could get a job with them as it would eliminate one cost, I have been commuting to work for free for nearly 15 years so would be a bonus to avoid paying now. All comes to down to the right jobs opening up though which I can't see at the moment.

[Baz]

Baz has a proper Jekyll and Hyde situation going on between arch banterlord and miserable shite who has a tantrum about desk moves.
:lol:

[AyDee]

Are you working from home?

MC?

Yeah, I've been working from home for 8 weeks now and quite enjoyed it tbh.

Magic circle? If so then nah, not my bag. Working for a national firm in Cambridge and it's been a really nice place to work for the past two years so I'm happy with my non-London decision. Saying that, I imagine my partner will want to move back to Kent one day though so I'd probably switch to our London office if/when that happens.

[Boydy]

Yeah, I've been working from home for 8 weeks now and quite enjoyed it tbh.

Magic circle? If so then nah, not my bag. Working for a national firm in Cambridge and it's been a really nice place to work for the past two years so I'm happy with my non-London decision. Saying that, I imagine my partner will want to move back to Kent one day though so I'd probably switch to our London office if/when that happens.
Fair play, thought you might have ended up following that well trodden path.

[Panda Bear]

The state of recommending fucking Kenora, Ontario as a reasonable place to live. :D

You okay, Panda?

Northern Ontario is the fucking pits. I spent 3 months in Sudbury (that's only an hour flight form Toronto) on a client engagement and wanted to hang myself, and that was only M-Th.it's gorgeous in the summer!! they could live in a cabin on a lake island and boat to town in the summer or drive on the ice roads in the winter!!

:D

(my wife's from there)

[Luca]

The proximity to the thriving metropolis of Winnipeg must also be seen as an absolute win.

[Panda Bear]

The proximity to the thriving metropolis of Winnipeg must also be seen as an absolute win.

Winnipeg is mad cute, you hater

[Shindig]

Describing a city as cute sounds like the words of a deviant.

[Ian]

Just had our daily Teams call there and one of the guys who is a notorious bullshitter was sitting in a normal but slightly different room to what he normally is. Didn't think anything of it until he lifted his arm to grab a drink or something and it flickered like mad as the Teams custom background thing does.

Had a closer look and he was obviously using the Teams background function just to be in a slightly nicer room. If you're going to pretend your house is nicer than it is have a bit of ambition, man.

[mo]

I'm so bored of getting 150 emails a week from KS3 kids with their work (some of which is brilliant, some of which is laughably shit, like no effort has been made whatsoever) and just giving the same old response thanking them for sending it and their effort. Just counting my lucky stars that out of the thirteen classes that I teach, only around half are bothering.

I've got to host an 'online lesson' in a bit with my year 12 class who are so apathetic it is painful. One's dropped off the face of the planet, one's doing really well and the other two are so lazy it's unreal. They can't even be arsed to get out of bed for 11am (when I normally do my lessons).

I need a change of school and to be back in the classroom.

[Baz]

just had our daily teams call there and one of the guys who is a notorious bullshitter was sitting in a normal but slightly different room to what he normally is. Didn't think anything of it until he lifted his arm to grab a drink or something and it flickered like mad as the teams custom background thing does.

Had a closer look and he was obviously using the teams background function just to be in a slightly nicer room. if you're going to pretend your house is nicer than it is have a bit of ambition, man.

1258402689513402375

[Baz]

How does “secondment” work? Been sent a “secondment opportunity” basically doing the same job in the same building, but for a different employer (ikr :cab:) who happen to pay a fair bit more for the same roles at my place.

Their staff member “has taken a different 12 month secondment position” leaving this one open. It’s for an initial 3 month period, with the possibility for further extension. Presumably to test you’re not useless before committing to the full 12 months.

How is that different from the standard “temporary contract” stuff? Can I expect to just waltz back into my current job after the 12 months is up? If not, why do people risk their current job to go do something else (or EXACTLY THE SAME, in my case) only to lose their actual job when the person whose seat you’ve kept warm returns?

My idea is I’d be so good they’d keep me on and I’d basically be giving myself a payrise, but obviously that might not happen.

[Spikey M]

It's as you say. You 'temp' in a role, then return to your original post upon completion.

Although quite often Secondments get made permanent.

[Baz]

What if my current bosses are like ‘nah’ though?

[SvN]

They could theoretically make you redundant.

[Foe]

All the sorts of question you should ask your employer.

Also, does it open opportunity at the other company. What guarantees do you have at your own place?

I’d be a bit hesitant outing yourself into no mans land in the current climate. You either want to be on the good books and critical to your current organisation or the other one. If you’re expendable at both it’s fucked.

[niko_cee]

You basically continue to be employed by your current employers, and they are lending you out to the other mob (and probably pocketing the sweet sweet agency monies themselves) so you still have a job at the end but you probably don't see the payrise unless you go permanent at the new place. No?

[Baz]

You basically continue to be employed by your current employers, and they are lending you out to the other mob (and probably pocketing the sweet sweet agency monies themselves) so you still have a job at the end but you probably don't see the payrise unless you go permanent at the new place. No?Oh right. No payrise during the secondment = no thank you.

Also I currently work for the local council and it would just be switching to the NHS/CCG, rather than actual companies, and they are supposedly a partnership but they’re not really.

[Smjffy]

I initially got told that we would survive the lockdown and that I would still have a job to go to but we got told otherwise over the weekend. Owners current stance is they plan on opening just one of the three restaurants as a trial run to see how things go. This year has been such a write off. :moop: I'm not sure if I am upset or just bitter but either way I feel so insecure as far as employment goes that I think I just need to bite the bullet on the head, sod off home and jump right back into care. At least it's guaranteed work and allows me to start earning properly again then maybe see what happens moving forward before I decide on my next step because quite simply my mind cannot hack this bollocks any more. FML.

FM and Spotify has been a saviour this weekend.

[Andy]

In your position I'd move back into care work and reassess once the hospitality industry is back on its feet.

Obviously not ideal but you just dont know how long you're going to be out of work and without the furlough scheme to help it's an impossible position.

[Spikey M]

I'd sell my arsehole on the streets before becoming a care worker. Especially in current climes.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Well you've got the technique down.

[Smjffy]

In your position I'd move back into care work and reassess once the hospitality industry is back on its feet.

Obviously not ideal but you just dont know how long you're going to be out of work and without the furlough scheme to help it's an impossible position.

It's probably the easiest line of work given my experience and I do think I would enjoy it still. I really enjoy cooking still but not in this moment and I'm convince that even when such places to reopen it's not going to last. I just don't see how it can be done whilst distancing. Kitchen alone you're bumping and grinding so God knows what the front would be like.


I'd sell my arsehole on the streets before becoming a care worker. Especially in current climes.

Not a great deal else I think I could jump straight into tbh and the only thing that concerns me most about going back into care is that going home means I'll be staying with my mother for a short time and that in itself brings issues but my sister had to move in during all this rubbish and she goes in and out of care homes all day every day so I'm sure we can make it work somehow. I can't survive on Universal Credit and already I reckon I have forfeited about £3,000 in earnings since end of March so as shit as it is, I think things will be a lot shitter if I don't start earning again soon. I don't have many bills but enough to cause me a few issues if left unpaid much longer.

I guarantee when I go home that absolute cunt Rishi Sunak will dish out the news I've been waiting for nearly two months.

[Don]

My nights at Tesco were still the most enjoyable job I've held to date, can't you jump on that? The fucking honesty and autonomy of it all made me feel so alive :drool:

[Spikey M]

+1 for Tesco Night shift. Easiest job I ever had. Especially if you get a night shift at the Petrol Station. You post the odd Mars Bar through the hatch but other than that you can do what you want for £8 an hour plus that sweet, sweet anti-social hours weighting.

[Shindig]

The only thing that stopped me enjoying the night shifts I've done is the sleep schedule.

[Giggles]

I’d love to do nights again but I don’t think I’d be able for it any more. Monday to Friday is such a shit way to work.

[Spoonsky]

+1 for Tesco Night shift. Easiest job I ever had. Especially if you get a night shift at the Petrol Station. You post the odd Mars Bar through the hatch but other than that you can do what you want for £8 an hour plus that sweet, sweet anti-social hours weighting.

Do they not let people into the shop?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Not after a certain time.

[Spoonsky]

It was like that in Mexico too, I didn't imagine Britain would need it though.

[Spikey M]

It was like that in Mexico too, I didn't imagine Britain would need it though.

It's only the Petrol Stations that do it. The 24 hour shops let people in whatever the time. For some reason, people just enjoy holding up Petrol Stations.

[Shindig]

It gives them a place to park nearby for a swift getaway. And it's staffed by one person. And there's always cash on the premises.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It was like that in Mexico too, I didn't imagine Britain would need it though.

Most of Europe has them.

[Lofty]

Do they not let people into the shop?

A friend of mine has been living the tesco night shift dream for years now and said you can basically get your headphones in and just crack on.

I spent a decade of my life working shifts desperate to go 9-5 Monday to Friday and am happy enough. Even though I work more days a year this way I can plan my free time around others easier, plus the nature of my work means I never have an issue taking time off when I want it. On shifts it was a constant battle to get holidays approved, I remember once I applied for every saturday I had to work in March off and was approved for none.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've had a fun few days at the office.

First of all, the 81 year old owner (quadruple bypass last July) decided on Monday he would bring an end to his shielding and start coming into the office every day again. Now, whilst he does own the building, this strikes me as fucking idiotic on a number of levels (50% of his workforce is furloughed with others working from home), and wasn't helped when he wandered around the very few places where there's anyone in and telling us we were all very lucky because there are people in the country who have no jobs and are struggling to eat. This may be true, but it is hardly motivating, and just sounds to me like laying the groundwork for freezing/cutting pay.

Next, the logistics lady basically has a breakdown as business has picked up and with her team furloughed, the workload is far too much for one person. She begs the MD to make the Chairman get one of her people back from furlough, working from home, so that things are more manageable. MD goes to Chairman, and the request is granted but not to work from home - the Chairman, you see, does not believe in working from home (government regulations be damned). So he tells logistics lady that she can only have someone back from furlough if they come into the office on full hours. This is a farcical condition, not least because the person in question is a single mother with childcare issues. So the request is ultimately turned down (or 'parked' as the MD helpfully put it), and logistics lady quite literally goes and cries in the ladies' for about half an hour while the Chairman goes back upstairs to stroke his white cat for the rest of the day.

I've learned a lot during this episode about the arrogance of rich men, particularly self-made rich men.

[Giggles]

Awful pity she wasn’t set up to walk with no notice.

[Lofty]

That's where the logistics lady needs to find a diplomatic way of saying 'not doing this will cost you a load of business you silly old cunt'.

[Shindig]

What does he think he loses from having a staff member work from home?

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's where the logistics lady needs to find a diplomatic way of saying 'not doing this will cost you a load of business you silly old cunt'.

She used that one up last week when he tried to bring all the workers from home back into the office en masse, finally relenting when it was pointed out that if one of them brought the virus then a whole department could go down and the company would basically cease to trade.

It's a very simple problem really, old man used to one thing won't adapt or change his ways.

[Boydy]

Sounds like he needs to be persuaded to retire.

[Giggles]

Sounds like he needs to be persuaded to retire.

That seems innocent enough until you say it in your accent.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I fucking love getting this sort of email (from a legitimate local company, as far as I can see) on a Friday:


Hi Jimmy,

In these difficult times I thought you might be interested in taking a look at our ‘Marketing Continuity’ guide.

It explains how, even if you are operating with a smaller or remote team, we can continue to create a steady stream of qualified new business opportunities. Opportunities that we can also help nurture remotely via email or telephony.

The guide will outline the strategies we are currently using to maintain sales pipelines for clients as diverse as Boots, Dun & Bradstreet, VMware, Broadcom and IBM.

Please let me know if you would like a guide sent over to you.

Many thanks for your time,

I love the idea that someone must have been sitting at IBM, received such an email and thought 'Fuck! I knew we were missing something all this time!'

[Spikey M]

Are you looking forward to your new business opportunities? Getting Carburettors onto the shelves at Boots would be some achievement.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dunno but I assume 'sales pipelines' is something to do with the exhaust manifold.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Blazing row this morning between logistics lady and the MD, it was quite awkward to be sat there witnessing it.

The MD's position seemed to be that because someone is currently working from home, it means they should also expect to work the hours they would otherwise be commuting. An interesting take which I haven't heard before, I'll give him that.

However the end result is they are actually going to bring 1 person back from furlough on Monday, albeit not in a way that will have any impact on me.

[AyDee]

Blazing row this morning between logistics lady and the MD, it was quite awkward to be sat there witnessing it.

The MD's position seemed to be that because someone is currently working from home, it means they should also expect to work the hours they would otherwise be commuting. An interesting take which I haven't heard before, I'll give him that.

However the end result is they are actually going to bring 1 person back from furlough on Monday, albeit not in a way that will have any impact on me.

That's incredible. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't think he actually meant it, or knew what he was saying, but as an emotional response it's telling.

[SvN]

It's genius :D

A friend of mine had a similar argument with his line manager about a decade ago. He was living about an hour away from work and used to get in at 8:30am to avoid school traffic (9am start). He eventually got fed up and moved a 5 minute walk away.

After a few days of turning up at 8:50am every morning, his manager took him aside and told him it wasn't on, and he needs to arrive at 8:30am as he had been for the last 6 months. The manager also said he was still "taking the piss" because he's saving 2 hours of his commute every day, and by rights he should actually be arriving even earlier due to the time saved.

Luckily an email to the MD had the manager apologising before the end of the day.

[Ian]

The MD's position seemed to be that because someone is currently working from home, it means they should also expect to work the hours they would otherwise be commuting.

Does.... does he think people are being paid to commute?

[Magic]

Reminds me of the Windows XP days: "You should be logged on and ready to work at 0900" even though it took about 20 minutes to logon and run all the scripts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Logistics lady was having a (justified) moan about never taking a lunch break during this period, often working well beyond hours, and her working-from-home colleague doing the same, as part of her continued campaign to get someone else back from furlough. (Yesterday we did over 100 sales jobs which is impossible for two people to ship, so about 25 went unshipped, in a time-critical industry).

For some reason that triggered MD into a fury: 'Well she's not commuting is she?! How about that?! An hour each way?! She can't say she's doing more hours!!!!'

All the funnier due to the ream of empty desks/chairs in the office as the fury echoed around.

[Ian]

Can you not bundle him in a box of tractor engines or whatever to the furthest possible destination?

I mean it's not like there'll be anybody there to witness it anyway.

[Shindig]

Well ... you can't knock that kind of passion for the job at 80, I guess. :D

[Spikey M]

My place tried something like that. It started when one of the courts moved a hearing from Chelmsford to 9am at Cambridge. Upon asking how he'd get the extra travel time back, they said 'well, you start at 9 and it's at 9', implying that replacing his 12 minute normal commute with a 2-3 hour battle with rush hour should be take on the chin.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The plot has thickened this morning. Basically, all my team members were furlough from 1 April and their responsibilities divvied among the few people who are left - as the remaining junior I got all the mopping up stuff like answering every phone call, a few extra national markets, and doing all the admin that can only be done from the office. Other bits went to the manager working from home.

Today the MD phoned up one of my furloughed colleagues and asked him to come back in for a week from Monday, in order to relieve the pressure on me. You can claim furlough for minimum of 3 weeks in a month, so if he only did one week and then went back it would be fine. This furloughed colleague (according to MD's acccount) responded by having a massive whinge, asking why he had to come in and couldn't work from home, saying he was a 'stickler for rules' (not sure what that means) and eventually accepting in a huff, saying he had no choice.

I've no idea who's right and wrong, really, but am just chilling like a boss on the moral high ground. The whatsapp group is fucking quiet :cool:

[Ian]

We're on a Zoom call (why, when we pay for Teams, I couldn't say) for a Q&A with our CEO and senior managers, etc. and at the start they didn't realise that IMing the guy sharing his desktop would cause Teams messages to pop up for everybody in the meeting.

"Have you clocked the question from [person]???"

I'm guessing it was a shiter.

[Kikó]

Our briefing today basically said we're at home for the forseeable. ~10% will return to the office in the UK but no one will have to if they're not comfortable.

Batted away my "well provide the equipment to wfh then and don't expect us to self supply" question though which is crap.

[Magic]

I had a VC with a company yesterday who said their boardroom has been open for social distancing meetings for weeks as their clients don't want to do business or sign contracts over the phone or video call.

So deals will be done in person. Interesting we might see the operations and engineering divisions of businesses pushed to the home. Lol at that when they are fucking bad enough working together in person...

[Ian]

Yeah we're not gonna be back in the office any time soon and even when it opens it sounds like they won't force anybody back. I think there'll be a big change for us and we'll be able to do as we please, within reason.

[Mike]

Back in full time for 5 of the next 7 weeks then done for the summer.
They’ve split people into groups, I’m with the key worker kids.
They’re allowing each of the 3 year groups in for 2 weeks each. Starting with Y6

[Pepe]

At this point the plan is to have all the students come back to campus in August, but we'll see. I hope they do come back, because we need their money, but the FEAR FOR THEIR LIFE brigade is out there spamming emails of how we should just do it online. I understand their concerns, but I don't want to take a paycut to feel safe, so I say let them all in.

[Lewis]

I was meant to be back in Monday, but it has been put back an extra week because 'the committee' doesn't want over a certain amount of people in the office. It seems unlikely that relevant guidance is going to change in that extra week to allow it, so they're either wasting a week or it's going to get rolled over and over (and we will all rotate in and out). I suspect they will have worked it out on people vs overall floor space, but I work in a separate office that most of the others can't access, so I can see it getting rolled over because they're going to be idiots about the entire thing.

[Shindig]

Unless there's a secret corridor to your office that only you access, you'll be staying home. Our office has now opted to use side entrances but you still need to walk round to the main entrance turnstiles to gain access to the place. They're not really solving a problem.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Lol at anyone in the public sector at this point. I've been using the same doors, the same bogs, the same kitchen, the same corridors, the same equipment throughout the peak of the pandemic and I'll be using the same until depressed wages starve me to death. This is business.

[Foe]

I was on the phone to my parents yesterday and my mum was telling me there’s a white van following the lorry around so the driver and worker are separate.

Enjoy that climate activists.