The All New Jobs Thread

[Pepe]

You'll be the boss in no time.

[Magic]

3 more people leaving and the projects guy made redundant too. :lol:

[Giggles]

3 more people leaving and the projects guy made redundant too. :lol:

One of these days it'll be you :nodd:

[Boydy]

Is there anyone left?

[Disco]

Last one out unplug the phones.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

One of these days it'll be you :nodd:

Nah, they'll keep giving him 2% wage increases whilst his workload goes up exponentially. Magic will still think he's winning at life.

Magic was/is the milk monitor kid.

Soon it will just be him doing everything.

[Spikey M]

Got a 5% pay increase 2 weeks ago, now a 1.5% increase in August.

Making it rain.

[Boydy]

Remember that London job that I turned down? (Bottled it, yeah yeah).

I've got two job offers in Belfast now. I feel like the prettiest girl at the dance.

[SvN]

Started interviewing people to replace the pleb I sacked. Had the first one yesterday and it was a waste of time. Absolutely no experience or skills, despite apparently being "really passionate" about the industry and job. A more promising candidate this evening - I hope they're good, the entire process of hiring is so soul destroyingly dull.

[Jimmy Floyd]

90% (maybe more) of people who apply for things seem to be total wastes of time. Not even 'hmm, ok he lacks experience but could be worth a punt'. Just complete irrelevant shite.

[Baz]

That’s people like me though, who would be good if given a chance!

[igor_balis]

Give me a job

[Pepe]

Remember that London job that I turned down? (Bottled it, yeah yeah).

I've got two job offers in Belfast now. I feel like the prettiest girl at the dance.

I didn't know that you had turned it down. I have to give you credit for sticking to it and not falling for the 'a job's a job, you should be grateful' mentality.

[Boydy]

Yeah, I didn't post that I had because it would've been all the usual "BOTTLED IT!" shit.

[SvN]

So here's a new one - a promising applicant has said they live too far away to come in for an interview (1.5 hours) and want a phone interview instead. Is that normal and/or reasonable?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are they proposing to then commute to the same office every day, or would they move to take the job?

[SvN]

They'd relocate to take the job. If they were based 6 hours away I could understand their reluctance, but it's an hour and a half - some people commute that daily. She's requested the interview by phone due to "train and hotel expenses".

[Boydy]

Hotel expenses? You don't need a hotel for a three hour round trip ffs.

I'd tell her she can have an initial interview on skype or whatever but if that goes well she'd need to come in for a proper one in person.

[Shindig]

90 minutes is nowt unless they have completely bollocks transport.

[Danny]

Hotel expenses? You don't need a hotel for a three hour round trip ffs.

I'd tell her she can have an initial interview on skype or whatever but if that goes well she'd need to come in for a proper one in person.

This.

If the Skype one goes well get them in and see if they are still good. Last thing you want is a bait and switch with someone good taking the phone interview

[Baz]

She doesn’t want to get the job Just cos she’s flames.

Hire her now, guaranteed babe

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'd say if someone wanted a job they'd travel 1.5 hours to an interview. I certainly would without thinking about it.

[Disco]

I wouldn't go for a job that I had to waste 3 hours of my own time travelling to/from, but if I was I don't think an initial phone interview would be an unreasonable request. It's just as likely that an interview is a waste of time for the candidate as it is for the employer and all you're doing is talking so there's no real difference to doing it on the phone or in person.

[Foe]

Presumably if it's an evening interview they've worked all day and can't hack a 3 hour commute with interview on the back end of it.

Boydys suggestion isn't a bad one. If she's a promising candidate is it worth the hassle of two interviews?

[Giggles]

Plenty of people out there. Skip her and on to the next.

[Kikó]

Just have the chat over the phone. If she's a knob then you've lost nothing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Skype it so she can use her webcam.

[phonics]

Speaking of, does the one with the massive tits still work for you? If not, pics.

[SvN]

Had a chat with her and on reflection, I think that perhaps I was perhaps being a bit unfair in my original post. She doesn't drive, and despite it being an hour and 20 minutes away by car, it's almost 4 hours by train with 2 changes. So I get why she was a bit reluctant - who wants to do 8 hours of travelling for a job interview? She's also a recent graduate, and might simply be skint.

I've agreed to meet her for an interview in London, as that's about an hour of travelling for both of us. On paper she's an excellent candidate, probably the best I've had by some distance. So she'll probably turn out to be a nutter or something.

Had an interview yesterday with someone that was fairly good, so I've got a good fallback if this one doesn't work out. I might even hire both and have them battle for the job for 3 months.

[SvN]

Speaking of, does the one with the massive tits still work for you? If not, pics.

She doesn't, she went a couple of years ago on maternity and never came back.

[Boydy]

Had an interview yesterday with someone that was fairly good, so I've got a good fallback if this one doesn't work out. I might even hire both and have them battle for the job for 3 months.
That's horrible.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, that’s a bit of a dick move.

[Giggles]

It's extremely smart.

[Spikey M]

He’s just said that the girl is willing to relocate for the job, now he wants to play her off against someone for 3 months to see if she’s worthy. If I were her I’d decline the offer with a flaming bag of shite.

[SvN]

If they both perform well, I'll keep them both on. But it puts me in the position of strength knowing that if one of them isn't pulling their weight, I can let them go without worrying about how long it will take to replace them.

As for relocation, I try and be sympathetic in that regard. The guy I just sacked relocated for the job as well, and I went against my instinct and kept him on for 6-8 months more than I should have hoping he'd turn it around.

[Spikey M]

Fair enough then. That’s not how it read.

[Magic]

That's horrible.

:D

Do it.

[Boydy]

Yeah, if you're willing to keep them both on if they're both good, that's fine. I thought you meant you would definitely be getting rid of one.

[Magic]

I would hire them both, let them battle for the job, make their lives a misery then let them both go the day before their probation. That's what we do. Works well.

[bruhnaldo]

So I use this website to verify medical benefits for patients provided by the state government as a part of my job. The website is "home.blahblah.com" for example.

I got a Skype msg from one of the girls I work with asking to verify a patient's benefit.

Normally, I'd open Google Chrome and type "h" "o" and then hit enter as it brings up the website automatically from there.

This time I forgot to click on the actual website, was still in the Skype box, and promptly sent:

Co-Worker: Can you verify this account for me?
Me: Ho

Needless to say I've now panicked and tried explaining the same thing that I just did but haven't received response yet lolol

[Spikey M]

Ho

[Boydy]

Accepted one of the jobs today and let the other one know I was turning them down. They replied saying it was a shame as they really liked me and asked if there was 'anything else we could look at for you?' What does this mean? Can I just ask for a shitload more money or something?

[Foe]

Accepted one of the jobs today and let the other one know I was turning them down. They replied saying it was a shame as they really liked me and asked if there was 'anything else we could look at for you?' What does this mean? Can I just ask for a shitload more money or something?

Better terms or a more advanced role. If it's a company you'd fancy working for in the future don't take the piss, if it's not one you'd worry about, be bold. What have you got to lose?

Ps congrats :youpi:

[Spikey M]

Accepted one of the jobs today and let the other one know I was turning them down. They replied saying it was a shame as they really liked me and asked if there was 'anything else we could look at for you?' What does this mean? Can I just ask for a shitload more money or something?

Tell them why you’ve picked the other role. If it’s down to ‘better money’ or ‘better position’ then they might better them.

[Boydy]

I don't really want to work for them at all. The other one had a far better vibe about it (they even had projector set up in the office for the World Cup games). On the other hand, the one I'm turning down has a pretty bad reputation as a company to work for. To be fair, they're massive and have loads of different departments. But I've heard from actual IRL people who've had relatives/friends etc work there that they don't treat the staff well. And their Glassdoor reviews are terrible. I even brought that up with both the hiring manager and the HR guy. They both tried to explain it away that it's not like that as much any more/it's not like that in the department they're in/those are all just disgruntled former employees etc etc. But it's concerning given how many bad reviews there are. Location-wise it's also terrible - it's in the middle of nowhere whereas the other one is right in Belfast city centre.

[Spikey M]

Then either say ‘no thanks’ or chance your arm with a massive pay increase.

[Magic]

Hard to believe it's a near 40 year old man writing these posts and not some autistic 19 year old intern.

[Boydy]

Who the fuck are you calling nearly 40 you cheeky cunt?

[Shindig]

Had a check on my emails as I'm always worried I'll walk into bother after a week off. Shockingly, they're trialing new, reasonable shifts. Still no word on the pay rise. :moop: Doing this after the World Cup seems to be a pisstake as well.

[Lewis]

I got lolled at today asking for help sending a fax. Do I look like Gordon Gekko? If we ever get off Windows 7 (which we won't) I'll be the one lolling.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

No one should ever get off Windows 7.

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of my French customers always faxes me his purchase orders, scrawled on lined paper. It really is a confusing way of doing things.

[Pepe]

No one should ever get off Windows 7.

My PC is on 7. I wish my laptop was, such a superior product.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My PC is on 7. I wish my laptop was, such a superior product.

Same for me.

7 is so much better.

[Giggles]

We receive faxes too. Can never understand why in this day and age.

[Giggles]

Not a thing wrong with Windows 10 either.

[Shindig]

We had handy instructions on our fax machines. Very, very rarely used them.

[Spikey M]

Windows 10 is far superior if you actually know how to use it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A new guy has started today in another department; we've just had the manager come round and warn us that because he's a practising Muslim, he won't shake hands with women.

Top bombing.

[Giggles]

Literally.

[Spikey M]

That’s not being a Muslim, that’s just being a prick.

[phonics]

New Illustrator update crashes everytime you lock your computer. Good update. Adobe knocking it out of the park as usual.

[Dark Soldier]

Just had to come home due to my back being fucked. Asked for painkillers but couldn't give me any due to potential allergies. Cheers, lads, I've got none ya cunts.

[Kikó]

Anyone in here live in Birmingham fancy a pint on Tuesday?

[Giggles]

I'm normally just heading out now but holidays begin today :)

[Foe]

I'm two nights into a 14 night offshore trip and I'm currently 1 pair of boxers down. Put them in to get washed with the rest of my clothes, they did not return.

Ffs. What kind of shit is that.

[Boydy]

First sentence had me assuming you'd shat yourself.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't think of anything worse than having to do 14 day stints on an oil rig, even for £850,000 or whatever your salary is.

[Foe]

I can't think of anything worse than having to do 14 day stints on an oil rig, even for £850,000 or whatever your salary is.

The ironic thing is that coming to the oil rig is the least profitable part of my job. It's effectively underpaid overtime. Mental.

[SvN]

5 interviews and nowhere further forward. Reposting the job advert today. What a fucking pain in the arse.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Did you not offer the decent pair the job to fight it out? If so, did they see through your plan and reject?

[SvN]

They both fell through for different reasons. The one who is relocating has since revealed that her boyfriend (that she's moving with) has found a job 60 miles away, which is where they're going to relocate to. And she also revealed she has an interview in the same city next week. So there's no way I'm hiring her - she'll clearly be looking to get a job closer to home ASAP, so I'm not going to waste my time.

The other one is just being difficult. I wanted her to do a trial day with us (paid, of course) so she can get an idea of the commute (she lives about an hour away) and we can see how she fits in. She agreed to do it, but couldn't do any of the 8 dates I suggested. She was also taking 2 days to reply to any email, which tells me she's just not that bothered. In the end I just told her to get fucked (in nicer words).

[Lewis]

I thought I was working in a pretty happy, laid-back workplace (although I am insulated from much of it), but a few people have been filling me in on the 'poisonous' atmosphere between the management tiers these past couple of days and lol how have people even got the energy?

[Pepe]

It really is amazing what wankers worry about.

[bruhnaldo]

It really is amazing what wankers worry about.

.

[Boydy]

I thought I was working in a pretty happy, laid-back workplace (although I am insulated from much of it), but a few people have been filling me in on the 'poisonous' atmosphere between the management tiers these past couple of days and lol how have people even got the energy?

Every workplace ends up like that. After a while people get bored so you end up having office politics for something to do.

[Shindig]

I love the savagery of it. Office politics are the best.

[Lewis]

Every workplace ends up like that. After a while people get bored so you end up having office politics for something to do.

I can see why it happens in normal workplaces, but there is literally no prospect of promotion for anybody here, so it's not like anyone is getting ahead of anyone else. Why would you do it just for its own sake?

[Boydy]

They're a group of people who spend a lot of time around each other. Factions and grudges are going to develop.

[phonics]

I can see why it happens in normal workplaces, but there is literally no prospect of promotion for anybody here, so it's not like anyone is getting ahead of anyone else. Why would you do it just for its own sake?

Your brother isn't trying to get a promotion either, doesn't stop him being a wank. A large majority of humans are shit. As part of the workforce, get used to it.

[Lewis]

His life and work are basically the same playing field, so it is 'understandable' with him. Plus I don't think these people are necessarily twats away from work. I find it weird anyway.

[Boydy]

Just wait till someone steals your milk from the fridge.

[phonics]

His life and work are basically the same playing field, so it is 'understandable' with him. Plus I don't think these people are necessarily twats away from work. I find it weird anyway.

You've supremely overestimated humanity. Welcome to the workforce.

[Baz]

I've just applied to be a postman. :cab:

[igor_balis]

office politics are hilarious at my place, everyone is insane. one of my colleagues went behind my managers back and cornered our manger's manager when she was visiting and told her that one of our colleagues was "fucking incompetent" and that she should have her job instead. incredible. said big boss basically just went wtf and immediately told our manager. ace.

[mo]

I've just applied to be a postman. :cab:

There are worse jobs. I was a postie when I was 19 (13 years ago) and it was a pretty sweet gig. You delivered your round as fast as you could, the rest of the day was yours - if someone was sick you might take out another half a round but get paid overtime for a full round. They've stopped that since and you have a fixed finishing time now (2pm I think) but if you live near your round, nothing to stop you going home for a bit to kill some time (not that I need to tell you how to work as little as possible).

Plus you could pick up extra money by doing collections in the afternoon.

[Spikey M]

Pro tip: fill out your ‘you weren’t in’ cards in advance so you don’t have to bother knocking and waiting. My local Postie must save about a week a year pulling that shit.

[Spikey M]

En route to Ipswich and there’s some disgusting fuckers about. How is it possible to be dripping with sweat and stinking of BO at 8:30am. Should have gone by car. :face:

[Boydy]

First day. Done nothing so far.

[Pepe]

:cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I really am fed up with my Irish customers now. It's just a daily Ted and Ralph sketch.

'Are you ever going to pay for this stuff?'
'Oi wouldn't know about daht, sir.'

[Shindig]

Well, the trinity of staying put is complete.

- Not doing the thing I don't like.
- More favourable hours next week.
- Payrise worth over a grand.

Unions are great.

[Magic]

Jesus Christ someone who I worked with has topped themselves. Mid 30s two little girls.

[Baz]

^Me in six years if I’m still doing this job.

[Spikey M]

After my 5% raise for taking on a new role and 1.5% raise due next month, they’re now offering a 3% raise every year for the next 3 years. BUT anyone accepting it will need to sign a new contract. I expect this is an attempt to get at the Pension / reduce holiday / get rid of sick pay / reduce redundancy amounts / all of the above. We shall see.

[SvN]

My last day today before I fly out to the US for a wedding. Absolute mayhem, so much left to get done, phone is ringing off the hook. I doubt I'll actually get any sleep before my flight at 9am tomorrow.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Where's the wedding?

[Spikey M]

In the US.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Ah ok sorry, should have picked up on that.

It's a small country too.

[SvN]

It's on the East Coast

[Spikey M]

Of the US.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Thanks, I'll see you there SvN.

[Baz]

Thank you for applying for the role of 93512 - Postman/Postwoman with Driving - Newton Le Willows Delivery Office (WA12 9AA) .

Unfortunately on this particular occasion your application has not been successful.

:yop:

[Spikey M]

They were after a Transgender. Mike should give it a go.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They just assume that Sue Perkins had finally run out of work.

[Baz]

Neither of those comments make any sense.

[Spikey M]

Hurrrrrrrr

[Lewis]

My seventy-five year old predecessor came in today to explain all the crap he had left me. Seems like a bit of a legend.

[Shindig]

Our IT lot in Malaysia just gave me access to a namesake's email inbox. He hasn't left or anything, they just didn't check to see if it was actually in use.

Been a good week, lads.

[igor_balis]

Reminds of when the wba forum I went on accidentally gave me access to the mod's subforum and I spent an hour reading them calling people cunts and stuff :D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've been getting emails of meeting minutes from a hotel (health and safety team) in Cyprus for years now.

[Shindig]

You should probably inform them. Of their poor health and safety.

[John]

Reminds of when the wba forum I went on accidentally gave me access to the mod's subforum and I spent an hour reading them calling people cunts and stuff :D

I was going to screenshot and post all the best stuff from the old Office when we moved to this place, but it died completely before I finished checking it all out to see what was worth bothering with.

There was some quality stuff in there too. Henry and R-One did not like eachother.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It used to be absolutely class in there. Pure bitching at all times and I'm not ashamed to say I got involved occasionally. Didn't Mark fire Lewis after a while because he was off brand? I can't remember.

I can't even remember what the points of contention were that caused all the in-fighting either. Defining racism was a favourite topic, but it wasn't the only thing.

[Shindig]

One of the things I never did as a mod was look in there. Really, really wish I did now.

[John]

It used to be absolutely class in there. Pure bitching at all times and I'm not ashamed to say I got involved occasionally. Didn't Mark fire Lewis after a while because he was off brand? I can't remember.

I can't even remember what the points of contention were that caused all the in-fighting either. Defining racism was a favourite topic, but it wasn't the only thing.

I think Lewis jumped before he was pushed, but it was down to him questioning Admin decisions 'in public'. Mark didn't like that.

The best of the R-One vs Henry episodes was the former fucking around with people's profiles and the latter saying 'We must be adult at all times, we are the example.' I pissed myself laughing at that.

[Lewis]

Yeah, I was against the 'homophobia' warnings, but I could have kept on had I just not warned anybody. It was the public criticism (lol) wot did me in the end. The best threads were all the Harold (RIP) ones. For a while it was only me and Yevrah who were against permabanning him, so fuck knows how he avoided it really.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just had a customer scream at me down the phone (including calling me 'fucking useless') because his parts went to the wrong place - maybe 25% my error because I didn't double check, but 75% his because he didn't fucking tell me where he wanted them.

Nerves properly shredded. Should I have to endure that over £35.92 of push rods? I don't know.

[Foe]

10 days offshore had potential to become 21 so I'm off today.

Getting sent back on Tuesday or Thursday though :moop:

[Spikey M]

Do they have tv’s and stuff? What does ‘going offshore’ actually mean in terms of day in and day out?

[Boydy]

The training on this job is absolutely shit.

[Foe]

Do they have tv’s and stuff? What does ‘going offshore’ actually mean in terms of day in and day out?

It's like being in a hotel except you don't have your own room,
Stay In a bunk and have unlimited free food. Each bunk has sky and a wee tv and there's areas with comfy chairs and massive tv or projector. Rec area has like arcade games and PS4s and that.

Downside being it's 12 hour shifts, tiring as fuck and miles away from civilisation.

It's not that bad as a short trip. Fuck doing 21 or 28 days though.

[Spikey M]

It's like being in a hotel except you don't have your own room,
Stay In a bunk and have unlimited free food. Each bunk has sky and a wee tv and there's areas with comfy chairs and massive tv or projector. Rec area has like arcade games and PS4s and that.

Downside being it's 12 hour shifts, tiring as fuck and miles away from civilisation.

It's not that bad as a short trip. Fuck doing 21 or 28 days though.

Fuck sleeping on a bunk after some sweaty gibbon.

[randomlegend]

Hi guys idk if I've mentioned but I graduated yesterday and I'm starting work next week as a doctor.

[Giggles]

Hi guys idk if I've mentioned but I graduated yesterday and I'm starting work next week as a doctor.

Engineer of humans.

[Foe]

Fuck sleeping on a bunk after some sweaty gibbon.

You stay in the same bunk each night and typically there isn't anyone else in there.

Weird as fuck wandering around looking through grating into the North Sea though. Not something I could do long term.

[Baz]

Had a call about a job today. I can’t even remember the job title but she described it as “lead generation from an extensive database.” When I said if she meant cold calling, ‘well yeah....... extensive database!’ Haha wtf. No thanks mate. Plus it’s 50 mins drive away and I’d only finish at 5:30, and would need to buy my own car.

This [ludicrously shite] job of mine has spoiled me. :(

[Shindig]

Our IT lot in Malaysia just gave me access to a namesake's email inbox. He hasn't left or anything, they just didn't check to see if it was actually in use.

Well, the email saga just went up a notch. My old email address was closed overnight. My only way of contacting the namesake was to phone his mobile in his signature. Left a voicemail although I'd imagine he'd be well aware that, for the last three days, he's been unable to access his emails.

In the off-chance we were sharing the inbox, I sent an email to myself for the other fella to look at. There's been no response. I've won. This email address is mine. :D They sent a survey out to ask how they did, too. Unfortunately, our firewall blocks it so I can't explain to them in detail how much of a fuck-up they've managed. Maybe they'll reverse it (moral good) but, chances are they'll just give the namesake a new inbox (chaotic good) because that's less work for them.

[randomlegend]

I have the same name as another doctor who works as a GP but is also a tutor for the medical school. I was sent various pretty sensitive documents on a number of occasions, including exam results for students in his tutor group and a certificate awarded to him for some training. Lol.

EDIT: This one really wasn't me trying to jam "I'm a doctor lol" into every post...

[Shindig]

So far, all I've gotten is meeting minutes, an update on an ADSL line and a couple of invoices picked up by our spam filter.

[Baz]

I can’t remember exactly how it happened but I was once sent another persons Facebook login details. Assuming it wouldn’t work I tried it and it worked, logging me in as a girl from Birmingham. I checked her photos (not fit) and noticed all the recent ‘not allowed on timeline’ pics were her smoking at a party. I allowed them on her timeline and logged out. I presume I caused some lasting damage. :baz:

[Giggles]

:lol:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

dots

[John]

Proper thundercunt behaviour, that. What a surprise.

[Baz]

No it was me who did it, not you.

[Shindig]

If I was ever friends with Baz, I'd seriously wonder what level of distance I'd need to avoid being caught by something like that. :D

[phonics]

I'm on day six of a 9 day conference and I'm 99% of the way to quitting and leaving these fuckers to wallow in it. I've been called every name under the sun to my face by people who earn twice as much as me for concentrating on the job I'm paid to do rather than covering for their own fuckups.

I'm coming home. Unless several people come to me once their stress levels drop and personally apologise I'm abandoning the quitting in 2020 plan and just get a job at a Premier League club doing wank social media videos announcing transfers.

[Baz]

Got a job interview on Monday. Never really had one. Any tips?

Pulling a sickie to attend.

[Spikey M]

Offer them a blowjob/muffmunch.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My interview to get this job was weird as hell. The guy just talked about himself for an hour, promised me an answer by the end of the week (it was a Monday), and told me I was hired three hours later.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Practice making towers with marshmallows and raw spaghetti.

[Giggles]

I need to do a few too so as to keep in practice. Awful going for one after years of not doing them.

[Ian]

I will hopefully have some interviews soon as I've finally had enough where I am. I got home on whatever day it was and applied for a load of stuff. There's one in another department doing stuff not dissimilar to stuff I'm already doing and the money's ace but it would involve night shifts and I dunno how I'd get on with that.

[Giggles]

Did it for years and it has its advantages, but really nights is a young mans game.

[mo]

First day of school holidays. Feels fucking great, even if did still get woken at 5.30 by toddler.

[Mike]

Finished work for the summer, 5 and a half weeks off!
I’ve been split between a Y3 class and a reception class this year so have got a silly amount of presents. Most beer and chocolate too.


Got a job interview on Monday. Never really had one. Any tips?

Pulling a sickie to attend.
Tuck your shirt in ;)

[Ian]

Got a job interview on Monday. Never really had one. Any tips?

Pulling a sickie to attend.

I've been the interviewer loads of times now. Be there early, dress as smart as you can even if the end job doesn't require it, and if it's comptency-based come up with some decent stories.

[Lewis]

Put your feet on the desk and tell them you don't work Fridays.

[Shindig]

Get a damn haircut.

[Spikey M]

Don’t be yourself.

[Shindig]

Yeah, be Mike.

[bruhnaldo]

Go to the interview high on the marijuana so that when you get the job they just think that's how you normally are so you can get high every day before work and no one will ever suspect a thing!

[Baz]

Ha. I’ve never been high in my life tho.

Real talk: shall I lie about pulling a sickie?

[Shindig]

Depends how you spin it. You won't be the first person to do that and you might really, really want that job.

[Baz]

Depends how you spin it. You won't be the first person to do that and you might really, really want that job.I would like the job or else I wouldn’t go for an interview but I feel like “do your current employers know where you are today?” is likely to be asked, and saying no dey fink I’m sick lol could reflect badly on me. And god knows if it’ll affect my reference, should they end up needing one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That will not be asked. They won't care. And even if they do, then the answer is I said I had a dentist appointment.

[Spikey M]

‘No, it’s my off day’.

[Foe]

Back offshore. :moop:

Didn't get my extra pay in this months payslip either :(

[Boydy]

This morning in my 'training' I fixed one small thing that didn't work on Friday then spent the rest of the day doing nothing as the other guy in training with me faffed about doing his task for ages.

[Giggles]

My boss is away tomorrow for 3 weeks so it's going to be a cunt of a time. At least it's a holiday weekend coming up.

[igor_balis]

I was in today, am in tomorrow then not back until Monday after next :drool: :drool:

Longest time I've been off work since I got this stupid job 2 years ago.

Going Edinburgh on Sunday for a week, but I'm almost more excited for four days of doing nothing except wanking, sleeping and watching England India test.

[Lewis]

Both of our managers have been away all week, and then when the line manager had a day off as well it was like the last day of term.

[SvN]

So having lived in Southampton for 4 years, I'm now coming round to the idea that I need to move back closer to the business. 2 or 3 days a week simply isn't enough time to spend in the office. I feel like as things have been getting busier the last 6 months, work has suffered because of my proximity, and that has never happened before. I've had to reschedule meetings, skip some entirely because we couldn't arrange it on a day I was in, and in at least once instance, lost potentially lucrative work because I had to delegate a meeting to someone who wasn't really equipped to deal with it.

I'm thinking that it's probably a year away, but I guess I need to start planting the seeds now. My wife won't be too happy, but has always said she'll be supportive if I decide that I need to move back up. At least a pint will be a bit cheaper.

[Shindig]

Looks like they're pushing for people to work from home again. I'm up for it now that I haven't got a permanent spot in the office.

[Spikey M]

One of the new girls at work just said “You should do mentoring or something, you’re wise and the youth would really relate to you”.

I’ve just been called old. :moop:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:lol:

[Lewis]

Add her on Faceparty.

[randomlegend]

Start properly tomorrow. Terrified.

[Pepe]

I'm also supposed to start tomorrow, but my work authorization has not arrived yet. :harold:

[randomlegend]

Jesus, what a day. It is meant to be me, another first year doctor and two second year doctors covering the ward. We had no F2s today - on our first day - for some reason (someone said they had inductions but surely nobody would be retarded enough to arrange it like that, right?). Also ALL our bloods which were taken yesterday got lost and we had to do them all again. It was brutal.

[randomlegend]

A friend in London was the only doctor on her ward today. No consultant, no registrar, no F2. She had to do her own ward round on her first day.

But nah mate, Lee says it doesn't happen.

[Pepe]

Admins having no clue? Unpossible.

[phonics]

Someone keeps creating new accounts going across everything we've done posting 'Bill Clinton The Rapist' and YouTube doesn't allow you to backdate turning comments off. It's a good time.

[phonics]

I've also had to spend several days sucking up to that Eurovision song contest winner who's a woman with a beard or whatever. It's been a great couple of weeks.

My boss has been on total arsehole mode for the last month, to the point that a double-digit amount of people who barely have to interact with my team came up to me at the post-conference Staff Party and called her a bitch. A couple of the team are on holiday now and if she come's at them like she has me over the last week then I think our Comms team will serve notice and go from a team of 5 to a team of 2 and I'm not sticking around to rebuild it. Could be interesting times.

I was too tired to do updates from the Conference. I shook Prince Harry's hand and he came across as a much nicer person than 50-60% of the other people I interviewed. Warm blooded handshake too so I'm pretty sure he's not a lizard. Fuckin' massive bald spot though.

[Foe]

Not getting sacked, if anyone cares.

Also had 3 different types of cake for tea last night because the mains were shit and I suspect undercooked. Felt poisoned today.

[phonics]

Arrived into work today to find out my boss has decided to go on holiday. I already had very little to do and now I've got nothing. I'm leaving at like 3.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have fuck all to do either. Europe is a disgrace - Italy seems to be closed for the next three weeks. I've only done £11,500 in two days, most of it to Poland. Nightmare.

[phonics]

The problem with the death of the traditional website is now I just spend my time refreshing this place and Twitter instead of the several I used to be able to rotate though. I'm so bored.

[Boydy]

Fucking sunday night dread. :(

[Giggles]

Fucking sunday night dread. :(

Bank holiday :drool:

Good job too because I'm dying a death from last night.

[randomlegend]

I've actually quite enjoyed my job after the first insane couple of days.

Having said that the hospital is ridiculously understaffed (and from friends it's the same throughout the NHS) and all the stuff you hear about it only surviving because of the good will of the staff is 100% true. Literally every day people are staying hours after their shifts end because otherwise there's nobody to look after patients. It's not sustainable.

[niko_cee]

It's terrifying to imagine what percentage of GDP would be needed to provide a sustainable service.

I suppose the trick is gypping your defence spending obligations, but maybe that's not so sustainable anymore either.

[Lewis]

That or increasing the role of private provision like every other developed country.

[Pepe]

Or stop pretending that the deficit matters.

[Panda Bear]

Or stop pretending that the deficit matters. Healthy debt-to-GDP ratio >>> 'balanced' budgeting

[randomlegend]

When we first got our rotas I submitted a leave request on the online rota system because we are going to book a holiday for October half-term (girlfriend is a teacher). It showed on the rota as being accepted.

Then got told at induction all leave requests were done on paper forms which required a consultant signature, so I went and spoke to the rota coordinator. She said that because I'd submitted it online before the rota had been finalised it was all fine and I didn't have to do anything else.

Just had an email from someone else (2 weeks later) telling me actually I do need to do a form :) Why are people so fucking useless?

[niko_cee]

Because there's no incentive for them not to be.

[Shindig]

They're just covering their arses with a paper trail. Today I made a person cry. Her anxiety kicked in because the call was going a bit long or something.

[Lewis]

Because there's no incentive for them not to be.

I work for the Ministry of Defence, and it's a standing joke that nothing works properly. Two days in I asked why, if everybody knows that nothing works, why nothing works. That was the answer. Things can apparently be made to work, but only if the right people with the right credentials go around kicking people up the arse; but then they spend all day doing that, when they should be doing other stuff, so... Deadly Dominic Cummings wrote a lol blog (https://dominiccummings.com/2014/10/30/the-hollow-men-ii-some-reflections-on-westminster-and-whitehall-dysfunction/) about it years ago:


[W]hat is really happening in Whitehall: most of everybody’s day is spent just battling entropy – it is not pursuing priorities and building valuable things... Priorities slip unless you remain dementedly focused and demented focus is an alien concept in Westminster. Because ministers can never explain the truth about 'crises', and the official story is that any glitches are occasional aberrations for 'a Rolls Royce machine', there is a tendency for the baffled public to infer ministerial conspiracies, rather than chronic dysfunction, everywhere.

Nice to think I wrote a book about a geezer encountering this sixty years ago and now I am too.

[phonics]

This is exactly why the UN is both the most powerful and the most useless organization in the world. My friends boss managed to bring enough budget into his team to hire 6 database engineers where they took the ONE EXCEL FILE THAT CONTAINS EVERY REFUGEE THE UNHCR HAS ON RECORD IN THE WORLD into a searchable database with the camp they were in, the contact details for said camp, their medical records etc. etc. . He moved onto a more important position 4/5ths of the way through the project, the next guy didn't want anything the previous guy had done to come to fruition so fired them all. They needed two months to finish it for a total of 120k. They'd spent 1.3 million on it up to that point.

Take note of that next time you see an official list of refugees from the UN. It is one excel file.


I work for the Ministry of Defence, and it's a standing joke that nothing works properly. Two days in I asked why, if everybody knows that nothing works, why nothing works. That was the answer. Things can apparently be made to work, but only if the right people with the right credentials go around kicking people up the arse; but then they spend all day doing that, when they should be doing other stuff, so... Deadly Dominic Cummings wrote a lol blog (https://dominiccummings.com/2014/10/30/the-hollow-men-ii-some-reflections-on-westminster-and-whitehall-dysfunction/) about it years ago:

[W]hat is really happening in Whitehall: most of everybody’s day is spent just battling entropy – it is not pursuing priorities and building valuable things... Priorities slip unless you remain dementedly focused and demented focus is an alien concept in Westminster. Because ministers can never explain the truth about 'crises', and the official story is that any glitches are occasional aberrations for 'a Rolls Royce machine', there is a tendency for the baffled public to infer ministerial conspiracies, rather than chronic dysfunction, everywhere.

Nice to think I wrote a book about a geezer encountering this sixty years ago and now I am too.



Anyone that has worked Corporate Communications knows that this is exactly how everything private or public works though. It's just when easier to spin to shareholders.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have had decent stints in both the public and private sectors and can tell you right now that any similarities between them are purely cosmetic.

There's one simple difference which is that in the private sector, if everything goes to pot above you then by definition you are out of a job - which creates the constant incentive to continue performing your particular cog well, because everyone involved needs the edifice to stay upright. In the public sector, if everything goes to pot above you then some cunt resigns and some other load of cunts come in to take their place, but the building never crumbles (except literally) and you are never in danger.

[phonics]

I have had decent stints in both the public and private sectors and can tell you right now that any similarities between them are purely cosmetic.

There's one simple difference which is that in the private sector, if everything goes to pot above you then by definition you are out of a job - which creates the constant incentive to continue performing your particular cog well, because everyone involved needs the edifice to stay upright. In the public sector, if everything goes to pot above you then some cunt resigns and some other load of cunts come in to take their place, but the building never crumbles (except literally) and you are never in danger.

Asian private sector and American private sector are completely different. The amount of zombies we had on ginormous contracts at DuPont was insane. To hit our stock prices, the various regions would get together and you would ship 30 crates of paint from EMEA to South America, 50 crates of Teflon from South America to Asia. etc. etc. Because anything in transit isn't declared as on the books, meaning you would hit your stock declaration and everyone would keep their job for another 3 months. It's the same game it just involves better accountants and zero people ever having to take responsibility. Whereas with the public sector, someone always finds out and you can't pay them off.

We did that and then performed a stock buyback every quarter for 18 months. It was fraud, the entire company was a shell. And that's a NASDAQ Top 100 company that's over 200 years old. That actually makes stuff and real things that actually exist. Stuff that genuinely effects the world for the better (alongside a load of hanus shit). But that's not what matters. It's all a game.

GM made 2.4 billion in profits last quarter and hires 180,000 people. It's share price is 39 dollars. Tesla lost half a billion last quarter and hires less than 40,000. Stock price, 395. None of it is real. It is a game being played over and over and over by the people who have so much money they can afford to play.

[Shindig]

Yeah, this could be my job for life or one decision up top could end it all. It always feels that way when you're working in businesses that cannot stop.

[Boydy]

Say you had a choice between company A where the work isn't very interesting and probably not giving you the experience you wanted/hope for but has a pretty laid-back and relaxed atmosphere or company B where the work would likely be a lot more interesting but the company has a bad rep for how they treat staff, what would you pick?

[Lewis]

Company B, but lay somebody out on your first day.

[Magic]

Sold my first item without clarifying my commission plan.

[igor_balis]

back to work after a fortnight off, i'm not delighted

[Giggles]

B always.

[Spikey M]

C. Take both jobs like a hard working Protestant LAD.

[Giggles]

C. Take both jobs like a hard working Protestant LAD.

GS would be proud.

[Ian]

I have an interview tomorrow for a job that has "engineer" in the title. Beyond pushing an Ethernet cable into the back of a phone what else do I need to know? I'd hate to miss out on the promised land through sheer ignorance.

[Giggles]

I have an interview tomorrow for a job that has "engineer" in the title. Beyond pushing an Ethernet cable into the back of a phone what else do I need to know? I'd hate to miss out on the promised land through sheer ignorance.

Depends on more of the title. I needed to know stuff from programing a plc to tapping a hole to wiring a motor to setting up a network. Engineer is broad.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You might also have to sell things for no commission.

[Giggles]

I threatened to leave unless I could drop the selling part :drool:

[Pepe]

I have an interview tomorrow for a job that has "engineer" in the title. Beyond pushing an Ethernet cable into the back of a phone what else do I need to know? I'd hate to miss out on the promised land through sheer ignorance.

Our team keeps getting stronger and stronger. :cool:

[Magic]

It still needs considerable strengthening.

[Pepe]

How are those commissions going?

[Magic]

Fine, if I was actually unemployed I'd have doubled my salary by now. So take that.

[Shindig]

Our office alcoholic came in shitfaced today and got aggressive when she was sent home. Bleak.

[phonics]

Currently doing subtitles in Malawi but they haven't given me timestamps so I'm just looking at when they stop for a breath and guessing.

[Ian]

I'm not going to have "engineer" in my job title in the immediate future. The dream of being more like Pepe is over. :(

[Baz]

My employers are really dragging their feet with my reference. Is that allowed?

New HR rang me on 1st August saying they were sending for references. I said to send the request for personal one but hold on sending the one to my current boss because I haven't told them yet. Never got round to telling them and a request for a reference was sent on Wednesday 8th August and new HR still haven't heard anything back. I pestered my boss on Friday who then claimed to have sent it on Saturday. I've been on holiday until today so rang new HR checking everything was as it should be and if they could give me a start date (so I can officially hand my notice in) and they said they hadn't received anything. :mad: I messaged my boss telling her to send it. "Will do :thbup:" was all I got back. I'll ring them again tomorrow and they have better bloody received it.

How long can they delay it for legally?

[phonics]

Do jobs actually care about references? I've got them but I've never been asked to present them.

[Pepe]

I'm not going to have "engineer" in my job title in the immediate future. The dream of being more like Pepe is over. :(

You can still try being worse at video games.

[Foe]

Engineering is wank anyway. Avoid.

[Pepe]

Sales is where it's at.

[Ian]

You can still try being worse at video games.

I think we both know I don't have it in me.

[Foe]

Sales is where it's at.

I want to be a glorified auditor. Embrace the GS lifestyle in an oil and gas environment.

[Foe]

I think we both know I don't have it in me.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Oil-Platform-Simulator-PC-CD/dp/B005IWCCYC

Better yourself yo.

[Shindig]

I'm not going to have "engineer" in my job title in the immediate future. The dream of being more like Pepe is over. :(

Become a train driver. They call them engineers.

[randomlegend]

Did my first on-call yesterday.

So ridiculous. So out of my depth, far too much to cover for one person, asked to do so many dangerous things. Just absolutely horrible.

I don't think I'll be staying in clinical medicine long-term. I don't have the risk tolerance required - when the thing at risk is someone else's health - to work in the NHS in it's current state. Looking at medical writing, since it will use some of the skills/knowledge I already have whilst also giving a bit of a creative outlet which I definitely need.

[Baz]

You could start a medical and blancmange crossover Instagram account.

[randomlegend]

I'll give you a non-paying credit for the idea when I'm a millionaire.

[Pepe]

Sounds to me like you can't handle the pressure. Kids these days...

[randomlegend]

Yeah, IDK, maybe I'm just a pussy. Either way.

[Spikey M]

‘Maybe I’m just a pussy’ says the Chocolatier.

[Pepe]

First day of classes today. Donned it.

[phonics]

First actual vacation that isn't just taking off the time between christmas and new year in 3 years. :drool:

[Boydy]

Spent half of today watching video tutorials by some Australian wanking on about some business analytics software. It was like psychological torture.

[phonics]

Spent half of today watching video tutorials by some Australian wanking on about some business analytics software. It was like psychological torture.

Yeah Youtube culture has made learning awful. The amount of things that I have to watch an 8 minute video where the first 4 minutes are burnt giving shoutouts to his subscribers and asking for likes is infuriating. Back in the day when they just gave you a 1 through 8 steps in text from made it easy to breeze through.

[Boydy]

I quite like video tutorials (it was on Udemy where I've bought a few courses for myself before), it was more just the grating accent (sorry Ital) and the boring subject that isn't anything like what I expected to be doing when I signed up for the job.

[mo]

Results are in, and my class have done surprisingly well - one lad was predicted a 5 and got an 8 (that's B to an A* in old money). The other class however have dragged us right down. They weren't intentionally split by ability but they really were. Think I'll go into school though to see them, maybe try and recruit a few more for A-Level.

[Spikey M]

I quite like video tutorials (it was on Udemy where I've bought a few courses for myself before), it was more just the grating accent (sorry Ital) and the boring subject that isn't anything like what I expected to be doing when I signed up for the job.

You’re from Northern Ireland?

[Kikó]

Spent half of today watching video tutorials by some Australian wanking on about some business analytics software. It was like psychological torture.

Sorry, what are you doing?

[Boydy]

Sorry, what are you doing?

Learning how to use Qlik Sense.

[Kikó]

What are you trying to get out of using it?

[Panda Bear]

What are you trying to get out of using it?

I'd imagine money.

[Baz]

Seven days to go. :jayjay:

[Spikey M]

Until?

[Baz]

I’m done with my job and all the horrible people associated with it.

[Raoul Duke]

Learning how to use Qlik Sense.

I've used that and it is utter bollocks

[Boydy]

I've used that and it is utter bollocks

Yeah. I don't like it very much. Also, I took this job thinking I'd be doing some fucking coding and I've done fuck all so far. This Qlik Sense crap is new as some clients want some shit made with it and I'm the first one learning it so I'll end up getting pigeon holed in it.

Good job I'm leaving in a few weeks for the other job that I was offered at the same time. :baz:

[Raoul Duke]

It's just SQL which isn't coding per se. It's interesting if you want to go further into data stuff but frankly learning basic SQL and getting into something like Python is going to be more generally applicable.

[Boydy]

Yeah, I know SQL. You don't even need it to use Qlik Sense though.

I took the job under the impression it was a Java development job (my job title is 'Developer'). The online test I did for it had Java and SQL (and Unix although I didn't know any of that at the time) and was the hardest job application test I've taken (3 interviews, 3 jobs, 100% strike rate :cool: ) but there's really not very much code involved in the actual job at all. There's not even that much for the more senior guys. So I'm off to the other place to work on C# stuff. It's an actual software engineering (go team!) job so hopefully it'll give me better experience.

[Pepe]

Fuck yeah. :cool:

[Spoonsky]

Is this the one in London?

[phonics]

Was transferring cash onto my credit card and noticed my balance was massive. I'd forgot my bonus was coming in. It's the most I've ever had in my account so it's blackjack and hookers this week.

[Boydy]

Is this the one in London?

Nah, these two are both in NI.

[Magic]

So having still not clarified a commission plan (we have raised it multiple times but got nothing back), and having both sold products...the end result is this month's pay having no commission. Ha. Who'd have thought!

[Shindig]

Imagine if they backpay that.