The All New Jobs Thread

[Ian]

If Tronald puts some big banks out of business I might even vote for him next time. :drool:

You won't get a vote where you're going, mate.:(

[Spikey M]

France?

[Ian]

Deporting Mexico to France is the sort of thing Trump might try as an election promise, to be fair.

[phonics]

HSBC are the dirtiest I reckon. There's the obvious reason why, then there's also what I know from working there.

From what I've seen here. It's similar to Liverpool/City, these two are in a league of their own imo. UBS are shady but they're just copying off the big boys. BNP Paribas are a similar type of arsehole to the rest of them but they're feeding off crumbs in comparison.

JPMorgan seem to fly under the radar here but considering their size they must be as knees deep in it as the top 2. They're very minimal though, you wouldn't know their office if you didn't work there.

[Magic]

How was your adventure smoke?

Terrible. I snuck round the back and listened to gangster rap with my headphones only to find out later my daughter had been crying. #fathers4justice

[Offshore Toon]

Terrible. I snuck round the back and listened to gangster rap with my headphones only to find out later my daughter had been crying. #fathers4justice
Yeah, that is pretty bad. Should have got Waff to come round and babysit whilst you got the bus somewhere quiet.

[Baz]

HSBC are the dirtiest I reckon. There's the obvious reason why, then there's also what I know from working there.

Barclays is* the worst.

https://scontent-frx5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/171674_10150092576035168_1438728_o.jpg?_nc_cat=109&_nc_oc=AQnT1HE60oZdVtpBWcNHZgZE619CZAqd3qJMJvpjJhg Pv0PJFh5EqWP3szg_NRHR7s8&_nc_ht=scontent-frx5-1.xx&oh=64a189c639f838b166adb0b13e43d8ea&oe=5DB66D63

*In 2011.

[Lewis]

That lad looks like James.

[phonics]

Barclays is* the worst.

https://scontent-frx5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/171674_10150092576035168_1438728_o.jpg?_nc_cat=109&_nc_oc=AQnT1HE60oZdVtpBWcNHZgZE619CZAqd3qJMJvpjJhg Pv0PJFh5EqWP3szg_NRHR7s8&_nc_ht=scontent-frx5-1.xx&oh=64a189c639f838b166adb0b13e43d8ea&oe=5DB66D63

*In 2011.

Paying 1% is something to be proud of these days. Nowadays you just move any profit to Ireland and declare a loss.

[Smjffy]

Signed contract today for old position. I was hourly last time but now salaried, it won't make too much difference but a few more benefits with salary than hourly as last time I'd get sent home early if quiet and holidays were less I think.

£21K a year which isn't too bad considering my level, I think an experienced CDP would get around £22-23 so I can't complain.

Booked a four hour course in Marylebone at the end of the month which looked handy. Knife skills and different cuts, the mother sauces and filleting fish. £150! Ouch.

[Shindig]

Pay review came in today. 0.75% :moop:

[Baz]

Submitted my request to move desks. :drool:

[phonics]

Would anyone like to take a wild swing at which bank was involved in bankrolling the paedo?

1149136238076731392

[Giggles]

Spent half the day on a remote fault finding session on the phone to two middling English speakers in Katowice. Christ, I'd rather dig holes for 12 hours straight.

[igor_balis]

Leave Igor alone.

:D I'm not actually senior enough to open accounts. I could book you an appointment though, Magic.

[Baz]

Submitted my request to move desks. :drool:Ever since I started there’s been talk of my team moving to the old banged up building that used to be the library in the town centre, but closed as a library due to it being unsafe. The office I currently work in is pretty swish and I was happy seeing it was just office gossip.

We’ve now been given a moving date. :moop:

And it’s when I’m on holiday so I’ll get the worst spec. :moop:

The building is horrific, doesn’t have a lift (I’ll be on the 2nd floor), everywhere’s damp and it smells like school trips to a museum.

Ah well, hopefully I will at least get to enjoy the best desk in the current place for four weeks.

[Baz]

Following on from that. The stupid fat lesbian who doesn’t actually have a job role has moved to the desk I wanted. :moop:

And just now my bosses boss just rang up to speak to my boss but she’s out. “do you have access to <a certain contract> to tell me how much we contribute?”

YES. THAT IS MY JOB. I LOOK AFTER THE CONTRACTS. OF COURSE I DO. :mad:

I swear everyone thinks I’m just an apprentice, here to make brews and print stuff.

[Offshore Toon]

It's just a nicer, less direct way of telling you to do something.

[Boydy]

Finished my first week at the new job. Really like it so far. Small team of five (including me, a sixth is joining in September) in our office and everyone's really nice. The work's a lot more interesting than my last job too.

[mugbull]

Startup tier?

[Boydy]

Startup tier?
Yeah.

[Spikey M]

Did you take the job with the geezer that's going to stick all his profits up his nose or a different one?

[Boydy]

Did you take the job with the geezer that's going to stick all his profits up his nose or a different one?

Different one.

[Smjffy]

I just enjoyed two glorious days off and then went in expecting a long week. Off tomorrow and Tuesday too. Banging. :cool:

I spent four hours cleaning a walk in fridge, stripped it bare and went to town before joining in service for the evening whereby I did pretty much sod all. As much as I like the days off, it bugs me that when I go back in I have to rearrange my section back to as it was and having to use what has been prepared by one of the other chefs. It's only little things but I do julienne cuts for my duck salads as it tangles in amongst the watercress better but this prat just shaves it with a peeler so it's wafer thin slices of carrot and mooli which looks shit. Leaving the tiniest bit of whatever in a container being another. Why would you wrap it up and pack it up when there's not even enough for a portion?

I've tried talking to him but his English isn't the best and he clearly doesn't understand my accent. Rabbit in headlights look but it's pissing me off.

[Shindig]

I just found out the office drunk got so pissed last week she came back into work at 7:45pm thinking it was the next day. Wow.

[Mike]

Last day in work until September.

[Spikey M]

I always feel jealous of teachers at this time of year but then I remember what they have to do for the rest of it.

[SvN]

My wife is off until April. Holiday then maternity leave starts just before she's due back.

[Giggles]

That's seriously short holidays for a teacher.

[Smjffy]

I think a new career change is in order ha. FML it's beyond roasting.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I think a new career change is in order ha. FML it's beyond roasting.

I remember when I did work experience in a kitchen during secondary school. I keep volunteering to get anything from the walk in fridge/freezer.

[Smjffy]

I deep cleaned that fucker on Sunday. A nice four hours but it was nowhere near as hot. I just got absolutely slammed for lunch service too.

Tomorrow scares the life out of me as we're due a hotter one and I already know we've got a lot of tables booked. I honestly don't know how people can eat meals in this weather, just a nice easy bite surely?

[mo]

Glad I’m not the only one - most of the country seemed to break up on Friday!

[SvN]

Had a meeting today and the guy was wearing a three piece suit. I was wearing shorts and t-shirt.

[Giggles]

Had a meeting today and the guy was wearing a three piece suit. I was wearing shorts and t-shirt.

Was he an employee, because that's ridiculously unprofessional if not.

[SvN]

It was a client. I work at a creative agency, not a bank.

[Shindig]

Fair play to him taking it seriously, then.

[Smjffy]

That was honestly one of the hardest days works I've ever had, I found cementing driveways in Canada easier and it was even hotter then.

I am most definitely not looking forward to tomorrow. It's the hottest day out the lot, isn't it? On the plus side, I smashed it throughout although evening became a little wobbly as I was jumping on starters and mains, it's the mains section that I'm trying to learn but it's difficult when you're only doing it in dribs and drabs, I'd rather have a few straight shifts on it.

[Offshore Toon]

Which are the best languages to learn when it comes to coding? I've been pissing about with HTML but I'd like to get proper stuck in since I've got a lot of free time at work.

[Baz]

I don’t know the correct answer but if I had time to learn, the one I’d aim for is React.

[Boydy]

Which are the best languages to learn when it comes to coding? I've been pissing about with HTML but I'd like to get proper stuck in since I've got a lot of free time at work.
If it's web stuff you're interested in, javascript is your best bet. You can do other stuff with it too but it's primarily a frontend (making shit move around and respond to the user on the page) web language.

You can use it on the backend (server stuff that dictates what you see when you go to a url/click on a link etc) too with NodeJs.

Freecodecamp is good and should be easily enough accessed from your work.

Java (completely different from javascript) or python are good shouts too if you're looking for a career in it.


I don’t know the correct answer but if I had time to learn, the one I’d aim for is React.

React isn't a language on its own, it's a framework for javascript. It'd be best to learn javascript first.

[Offshore Toon]

Cheers. I'll give javascript a go then. At what point did you end up applying for a developer role? I'm not sure if it's something I want to solely pursue, but I figure it's probably the best use of my spare time at the moment. Is it common for people to design as well as develop?

[Boydy]

Cheers. I'll give javascript a go then. At what point did you end up applying for a developer role? I'm not sure if it's something I want to solely pursue, but I figure it's probably the best use of my spare time at the moment. Is it common for people to design as well as develop?

I did a masters conversion course so about a year after starting that.

A mate of mine taught himself python and got a job with it after about a year though. Depends how much time you've got to dedicate to it, I suppose.

I don't think it's all that common for people to do design and development but I could be wrong. SvN would know more about that than me.

[Baz]

There was some boring email went round work this morning about a reward scheme, and then one an hour later saying it was malicious and if you’d clicked on the link you had to turn your computer off immediately and report it to IT.

So I went back to the original email, clicked on the link and then shut my PC down. :baz:

[SvN]

Offshore Toon

If you're serious about going into web stuff, HTML and CSS are a must before you start moving onto anything else. You don't need to be an expert, but you need to fully understand the basic principles of how the web works - especially if you want to learn something like React.

Vanilla JS is a good starting point before you move onto frameworks, as Boydy said.

10 or so years ago, you were expected to code if you were a designer. Since then, "development" has branched off into so many different subsets that it's no longer that common for someone to do both. It's also quite rare that someone can be creative and a competent coder - most people are either one or the other.

[Danny]

There was some boring email went round work this morning about a reward scheme, and then one an hour later saying it was malicious and if you’d clicked on the link you had to turn your computer off immediately and report it to IT.

So I went back to the original email, clicked on the link and then shut my PC down. :baz:

The scenes when they figure out you clicked the link after the email came out :drool:

[Offshore Toon]

I did a masters conversion course so about a year after starting that.

A mate of mine taught himself python and got a job with it after about a year though. Depends how much time you've got to dedicate to it, I suppose.

I don't think it's all that common for people to do design and development but I could be wrong. SvN would know more about that than me.


Offshore Toon

If you're serious about going into web stuff, HTML and CSS are a must before you start moving onto anything else. You don't need to be an expert, but you need to fully understand the basic principles of how the web works - especially if you want to learn something like React.

Vanilla JS is a good starting point before you move onto frameworks, as Boydy said.

10 or so years ago, you were expected to code if you were a designer. Since then, "development" has branched off into so many different subsets that it's no longer that common for someone to do both. It's also quite rare that someone can be creative and a competent coder - most people are either one or the other.
Okay, cool. Appreciate the advice. I'll just see how I get on for now then.

[phonics]

What kind of personality are you Toon?

I'd reccomend following SvN's advice with the HTML/CSS. Get yourself a pirated copy of Photoshop/Illustrator and put together a couple of projects with/for mates and see which things kept your attention more. The only way you get anywhere with either field is through repetition. If you're just pissing about and want a side-thing to learn I'd recommend pissing about with Ableton and plugins as that's already your scene.


Had a meeting today and the guy was wearing a three piece suit. I was wearing shorts and t-shirt.

My boss won't let me wear shorts in the same office out IT guys are wearing NFL tops and World of Warcraft t-shirts.

[Foe]

Came offshore on Monday after a week of annual leave. Was due off on Thursday. Flight cancelled. Was due off on Friday. Flight cancelled.

So here I am, at 8am on a Saturday awaiting a helicopter to take me home to salvage my weekend.

Fog is now my least favourite form of weather.

[Shindig]

And Helicopters might be my least favourite form of transport.

[Baz]

Following on from that. The stupid fat lesbian who doesn’t actually have a job role has moved to the desk I wanted. :moop:

And now she’s been signed off sick for four weeks :panda:

[Foe]

And Helicopters might be my least favourite form of transport.

I do not disagree there. I am contractually obliged to come 4 times a year, so I plan on being on one 8 times a year until I find a new job.

[Giggles]

And now she’s been signed off sick for four weeks :panda:

Piss all over it and mark your territory while she's away.

[Shindig]

On the way to being replaced by artificial intelligence. Sweet.

[Lewis]

Not here though mate. :console:

[Smjffy]

Who on here works with taxes and financial affairs?

[Baz]

Last day today then off for two weeks, which coincides nicely with the bank holiday, so my next day in is 27th August. :drool:

[Shindig]

Interesting day today. Easy enough time on the phones but there was one claimant I skipped calling on the grounds that his Islamophobia would become a nightmare to organise an appointment around.

[Lewis]

I had my mid-year review today. I told them I'm bored and that the shitty salary was beginning to annoy me (they were threatening to upgrade us six months ago, to contextualise that a bit), and they just said 'Well yeah...' and told me I'm too young to settle there anyway. Sorted.

[Lewis]

I have an interview somewhere else next week, and me leaving will probably end up forcing the salary upgrade. Go Team.

[Boydy]

What's it for?

[Pepe]

Lewis donning it. :cool:

[Lewis]

Policy analysis stuff, which is probably the best path for me because 1) I don't have a scientific background; and 2) I don't want to live/work in London.

[Offshore Toon]

I need to find something else in London. My boss is ridiculously lazy and has incredibly poor decision making skills. I was excited by the prospect of a blank canvas, but now I realise that some canvases are blank for a reason.

I fancy making good money again so may have to go corporate.

[Lewis]

I have an interview somewhere else next week, and me leaving will probably end up forcing the salary upgrade. Go Team.

'What do you think are the main defence challenges facing the country?'
*don't say it*
'OUR PRIORITIES ARE WRONG AND HAVE BEEN FOR SIXTY YEARS!'

It would have been good working there as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just write to you know who, make it about 50,000 words and say you refuse to work in London. He'll start you ten minutes later.

[Boydy]

'What do you think are the main defence challenges facing the country?'
*don't say it*
'OUR PRIORITIES ARE WRONG AND HAVE BEEN FOR SIXTY YEARS!'

It would have been good working there as well.

What should our priorities be?

Not that I even know what our defence priorities have been for the past 60 years.

[Giggles]

Invade everywhere I'd imagine.

[Lewis]

What should our priorities be?

Not that I even know what our defence priorities have been for the past 60 years.

Basically not pretending to be a global power. I don't think the answer was necessarily a shit one. The problem was that their follow-up question was, knowing what I know about them, what can they do about it? Had I given a n00b answer like Iran or 'hybrid warfare' I could have said something that sounded clever; but as a follow-up answer to mine you're stuck with 'You tell me mate not a lot I imagine'.

[Shindig]

That's a fair assessment. We might be top of the European pile (or second to Switzerland) but we don't have the sway without the colonies.

[bruhnaldo]

You're welcome :)

[Smjffy]

Still going strong in current job but I think I might just give it until the New Year then look for something a little better. It's a difficult place to judge as it can be mad busy one minute, dead the next and the area is starting to grind on me. £15 taxi single fare to the nearest town, nearest shop a good thirty minute walk away, bus stop a good twenty. It bugs me that if I have a day off then I either stay in or have to make a day of it and not having anywhere to gatecrash after work is slightly annoying.

This week I've been on the main pass more which is good but I really lack the 'bounce' that I have on my own section and actively have to think about the dishes I'm playing due to being unfamiliar with them. It doesn't help that I don't actually like too much of what we serve but menu change in a few weeks so it'll get interesting again, I hope.

[Manc]

£2.5k wage rise for merely existing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Of all the countries I look after, ze Germans are really beginning to piss me off. One thing I didn't quite have nailed about their national character is that because they live by ze rules and don't have a jot of creativity in them, it also causes them to cry like little girls, proper bawling, in the event that anything goes wrong. Even the French are mature enough to realise that shit happens (particularly when dealing with spare parts) but if the same thing happens in Germany they get a 20,000 word expert report from independent expert Dr Helmut von Frankenstein and expect full costs, then send empty threats about court action when we lol them off.

Poland is the best country to deal with. Those guys know the score.

[Shindig]

Saw the automation do its thing today. Very odd setup where we have to confirm it's doing the right thing. I had no problems so I reckon by December they'll be pitching that to our overlords. Some of the old guard are moaning and refusing to work with it. :D

[Spikey M]

4 days off now. Pool filling up in the back garden as we speak. Everything needed for a barbecue in. :drool:

[Kikó]

Saw the automation do its thing today. Very odd setup where we have to confirm it's doing the right thing. I had no problems so I reckon by December they'll be pitching that to our overlords. Some of the old guard are moaning and refusing to work with it. :D

What sort of automation?

[Boydy]

Confirming it's doing the right thing is you training it to replace you.

[Kikó]

Capacity release mate. Totally different. Can reallocate him to do high value activity.

[Ian]

Current job has hired a couple of people from my old place, but that was alright because they're all decent sorts. Thought they were about to hire an absolute cretin we know without having bothered to ask any of us what he's like but thankfully he doesn't seem to have got it.

It's genuinely made my Friday.

[Shindig]

What sort of automation?

Basically, our main job is keying information from one form to another. It's dumb but DWP would very much like to keep their data and not hand it off to any third party. Hence, 120 or so of us are copy and pasting our way through most of the day. The AI they've set up wants to do that. It's currently a 1 to 1 situation where a desktop effectively covers one operator. If it was going solo, it'd probably equate to five or six people working 12 hour shifts with no breaks. So, yeah, not gonna wipe us out. There's also the added complication of our contract with DWP being up in two years. And DWP have to approve this.

As for other shit, we've already transitioned into working the phones. I don't think that's got much more scope but who knows what the DWP will decide to do with our contract and workloads. And whether our company decides to secure work elsewhere.

[Kikó]

Oh shit, I'd have automated that ages ago. Perfect candidate for RPA. You don't need ai for that from your description.

[phonics]

You wonder how they manage to fuck up these IT projects despite spending a bajillion pounds while taking longer than your average government lasts and then you find out they're paying hundreds of people to manually edit the DWP database in 2019. My word.

[Lewis]

We're on Windows 7.

[Lewis]

And our special printer has been bust for six months.

[Giggles]

I had a cunt with Windows 95 a couple of weeks ago.

[Shindig]

Oh shit, I'd have automated that ages ago. Perfect candidate for RPA. You don't need ai for that from your description.

Actually, RPA does sound like what's going on.


These tools also automate interactions with the GUI, and often do so by repeating a set of demonstration actions performed by a user.
Lewis I'm on Windows 10 now. And our printers are also terrible. A case can be made for not printing at all, really.

[Danny]

Oh shit, I'd have automated that ages ago. Perfect candidate for RPA. You don't need ai for that from your description.

We are in the middle of doing this for some of our more 'brainless' activities as a toe in the water for future development. Unfortunately we kept it in house (read cheap) and the dev process has almost been going on a year. This is only for some report running and formatting too.


Capacity release mate. Totally different. Can reallocate him to do high value activity.

I wanted to laugh at this corporate wank but I think I have said pretty much all of this when talking about it. :face:

[Pepe]

We're on Windows 7.

:cool:

Best version.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:cool:

Best version.

I made the upgrade on my desktop as support is ending soon :(

[Pepe]

Probably better, no? No more updates to deal with.

[Shindig]

It's why we're moving to 10. That's a lot of new equipment in such a short space of time, too.

[mo]

Finally had my classroom computer upgraded to Win10 (last one done I think) but annoyingly when I want to switch to project what’s on my screen it displays fine on the board but my screen goes to like 800x600 res and hides the bar at the bottom. Nothing’s ever straightforward.

[Kikó]

We are in the middle of doing this for some of our more 'brainless' activities as a toe in the water for future development. Unfortunately we kept it in house (read cheap) and the dev process has almost been going on a year. This is only for some report running and formatting too.



I wanted to laugh at this corporate wank but I think I have said pretty much all of this when talking about it. :face:

Yeah, I have to say this to most of the teams to get them to work with us. "It's not about replacing your job, it's about giving you more time to do the core activity"

In reality, we are hiring X number of people to download files, do a bit of formatting then start the work. The first bit takes 90% of the time which means we need more people doing mechanical stuff and waiting for systems to load.

Who knows what will happen when we actually are able to add some intelligence on top. At the moment, it's only the brainless, rule based stuff that can be automated but the potential is limitless.

[Shindig]

We haven't hired anybody new in over three years so it's clear which way the wind's heading with this place. Plus every company bulletin contains something about supercomputers or AI learning.

[Kikó]

From my experience, unless you're in a FAANG company, that's not reality for most companies. AI and supercomputers are miles away.

[Smjffy]

I'm off today but as of next Monday I am being moved onto the sauce section for two weeks so I'll get to do some actual proper cooking during a service. :drool: This is the part I've been waiting for as I'm convinced I can do it. I can do the simple stuff like burgers and fish etc but steaks are a weakness as I've only really cooked them for myself. It seems like it'll be easy but steak nights on Thursday's get slammed so doing so many should be interesting.

Something is definitely happening behind the scenes that I'm unaware of, old head chef returned off his travels, new head chef about to go on his hols after two other chefs come back, one of whom has an op so will be out of action for two months which has opened the door for me somewhat. I reckon I could potentially get to Jnr Sous by January and I have a slight hunch that that's what work think too as they seem to be asking me to do more and more.

This weekend was carnage though and the heat just kills you.

[mo]

Back to work today. 90 minutes of being told results were crap, you've got to do better and we're going to be keeping a closer eye on you now, a break, an hour of being patronised and then an 'ice breaker' activity with new staff in department. I did at least get some time to get some work done for myself. More of this shit tomorrow.

[Shindig]

I spent the whole day sat next to someone who smelled of sick. Count your blessings.

[Giggles]

We had a new lad start today and it’s not busy enough for him so I informed the higher-ups that I’m not training a potential replacement and they can rethink that idea. Interview Wednesday anyway so hopefully that’ll be that issue solved.

[randomlegend]

My new consultant is baller. She apologised to me today because she's not managed to let me go home early many days yet :drool:

[Smjffy]

My last post said it was my day off before I got called in. Today was also meant to be my day off until I got called again in to make it 13 on the spin. I am absolutely broken physically.

I haven't started on the sauce section as planned but Wednesday I will be so that should be fun



I do feel like I'm learning more and getting better but not as fast as I would like. I still need to work in a cleaner manner whilst maintaining my current speed during service but it's hard. I also need to stop overlooking little things. We don't run a lunch menu on Sunday for example so I didn't need to unwrap a certain gastro, today I got caught short finding out I didn't make Tzatziki which goes on one of the dishes.

[Panda Bear]

Is there a reason why you can't say "no"?

[Baz]

I currently have a desktop PC but was recently told I had a choice between a Surface Pro Tablet or Surface Laptop. Obviously I’m gonna choose a laptop cos I’m at a desk 99% of the time and I’m not a child. Was on holiday when the choice was made and my line manager “isn’t sure” which she picked. :moop:

[Giggles]

The tablet will have a keyboard attachment.

[Baz]

It does, I’ve seen them cos lots of people have them already but they seem like floppy pieces of rubbish that always fall down. Plus you can’t have it on your lap and type, should the need arise.

[Foe]

Surface pro tablet is shite as a work pc. More problems than it's worth. Better just having a laptop.

[Pepe]

Or even better, a PC like a normal person.

[Giggles]

You won’t put a PC on your knee.

[Pepe]

Not if you are a normal person.

[Foe]

See that's America right there. Have a desktop so it's a 9-5 attitude.

Over here it's laptop central so we can work from home. Aye. Good one.

[Pepe]

Are you only allowed to have one computer or what? Also, lol at the US having a 9-5 attitude. I wish.

[Giggles]

What’s wrong with the Surface Pro as a work laptop anyway? It has Windows 10 and from looking at specs you can get exactly the same numbers as the Surface Laptop. Is the detachable keyboard really bad or is it just too small?

[Baz]

It doesn’t stay open if it’s on your knee. You need it on a table.

And yeah it’s with a view to working from home, which I don’t mind cos I can skive more easily.

[Foe]

I think they gave us an early version and it's a sack of shit.

Had to restart it twice today after taking it to a meeting.

The little box connector you need is a pain too. The tablet only has one USB.

For light email use it'd be fine. If you're ramming a load of software and digital security stuff on there it's horrid.

[Giggles]

Ah yes that makes sense. When I was looking at specs I hadn’t thought of ports.

[Danny]

If its a Pro 6 it should be fine as long they invest in a dock for you.

I have the 15in Book 2 set up with the dock and two monitors on it and really like it.

[SvN]

I've got a surface book 2 and it's superb. Only downside is having three monitors seriously impacts performance so I've reduced down to two.

[Danny]

I've got a surface book 2 and it's superb. Only downside is having three monitors seriously impacts performance so I've reduced down to two.

It does? Although I suppose you will tax it more for work than I do sat at home with occasional gaming on it!

I use mine with two monitors + the book screen but was contemplating upgrading to a 3rd actual monitor. I have the one with the 1060 in it if it makes any difference.

[Giggles]

It does? Although I suppose you will tax it more for work than I do sat at home with occasional gaming on it!

I use mine with two monitors + the book screen but was contemplating upgrading to a 3rd actual monitor. I have the one with the 1060 in it if it makes any difference.

Does your machine handle games ok with the 1060? Mine’s a complete shit heap even without an external monitor.

[Danny]

I have never been a PC gamer but yeah I would say it does ok.

I have played PUBG with a few people on here and handled that pretty well, it has been a while though. Recently I have tried Siege, CSGO and Rocket League and they all ran well. It is just fiddly to ensure its using the Nvidia GPU.

The SurfaceGaming subreddit has people testing games on various machines and has some tips.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SurfaceGaming/

[Giggles]

I have never been a PC gamer but yeah I would say it does ok.

I have played PUBG with a few people on here and handled that pretty well, it has been a while though. Recently I have tried Siege, CSGO and Rocket League and they all ran well. It is just fiddly to ensure its using the Nvidia GPU.

The SurfaceGaming subreddit has people testing games on various machines and has some tips.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SurfaceGaming/

Mine’s an XPS but has the same graphics card. Which is, as you say, if it’s actually using it at all. It’s a fiddly piece of crap so I just bought an Xbox instead.

[SvN]

It does? Although I suppose you will tax it more for work than I do sat at home with occasional gaming on it!

I use mine with two monitors + the book screen but was contemplating upgrading to a 3rd actual monitor. I have the one with the 1060 in it if it makes any difference.

I run 2 external monitors and the built in screen. However, mine are all running in 4K mode - perhaps that's why? It seems to be more of a power issue than anything, as everything is powered by the single power cable.

[Danny]

Yeah I think there is issues with running two external 4K monitors at 60hz.

There is a guy on the surface subreddit who sells docks and he wrote up a decent guide on it. I likely wont get a 4k monitor for a little while yet so will likely be something to worry about if/when they bring out the Book 3.

https://dancharblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/28/surface-book-2-core-i7-with-dual-triple-monitors/

[Baz]

Have any of you done PRINCE2? Or have any opinions on it.

[Raoul Duke]

Have any of you done PRINCE2? Or have any opinions on it.

I think Kiko and/or Adamski have. It's pretty well known and respected across the tech industry.

[Shindig]

They're stepping up their efforts on the automated stuff now. Should deal with about a third of the stuff coming in. Thank fuck I'm trained on other things.

[Kikó]

Absolutely haven't done Prince 2. Fuck project managers.

[Adamski]

Thanks pal.

I’ve done it, yeah. I guess it’s something employers look for but I’ve never applied anything I learned from it in any job.

It’s not flexible at all so when you come across something a little out of the ordinary it falls on its arse as a methodology IMO.

[Giggles]

All those things are impractical and just another line for the CV.

[Ian]

I did a Prince2 foundation thing about a decade ago and had entirely forgotten about it until reading it there.

[Baz]

All those things are impractical and just another line for the CV.Thats my sole intention.

Work are either stopping being involved with everything I do, or giving it to other people to work on. So before they realise I am surplus, I figured I’d use some of their budget to make my CV look a bit better.

Not quite as bad as the bloke who left in July who authorised payment for himself to attend a “well-being at work” course, while working his notice period, who then left to become Head Of Wellbeing (or something as equally hippie) at some big utility company.

[Shindig]

Personally, I think it's great we have a booking system that allows two or more people to reserve the same appointment slot. :moop:

[Spikey M]

We have a right dick head of a manager at work. She's about 97 and she enjoys belittling people. Well, on Wednesday she did it to one of the team for asking 'have we sorted lunch breaks out?'. It's a fair question, we've always been told to sort them out to ensure we don't all go at the same time. Anyway, for no reason at all she huffed and puffed before saying 'well it's pretty obvious who is going when. Why do you always have to panic about it?'.

No idea what her problem is, but it pissed the whole team off,. So in an act of defiance we deliberately didn't sort out lunch breaks yesterday, ignored her in beautiful, blistering silence when she asked if it had been sorted, and all went to lunch the second she got back from hers.

The proper manager is in today, so we'll pay for it, but it's the first revolt I've ever been involved in. :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of my colleagues lost Germany to me a few months ago and has been a bit resentful ever since, as he only got puny Holland in return and so often has nothing to do when the UK is quiet. After several weeks of quiet seething, he went in to see the big boss about it. In response the big boss has given him a new task which is to go out into the warehouse when it's quiet and work on the photography catalogue of every single item in our range.

I tried not to laugh when he was complaining about that as well.

[Lewis]

I didn't get the policy job, and here is the lol feedback:


Lewis expressed some interesting views around challenges facing Defence, showing that he could provide challenge. However, the board felt that his views would have been more persuasive if they had been better supported by a logical or evidence-based argument - his points came across as opinion-based, even when given the opportunity to expand his views. Lewis may wish to consider ways to demonstrate competencies and interpersonal skills, both through good interview preparation, but potentially through other means such as involvement in non-work related activities for example voluntary work, sports or other hobbies.

The opinion stuff annoys me given that 1) they specifically asked for my opinion[s]; and 2) I kept referring back to actual published academic work that I've done all by myself, which obviously met logical and 'evidence-based' standards otherwise it wouldn't exist and they wouldn't have greeted me as 'Dr Betts'. The rest of it though get fucked it's not Love Island.

[Ian]

Maybe switch it up from milk to orange juice at the bar to show off your spontaneous side.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The second bit is lol. People always love the cricket stuff on my CV. I added 'ECB qualified umpire' to it recently and had a sudden vision of bathing in gold coins as employers will finally have real evidence of my decision-making skills under pressure.

[Ian]

I don't put any personal stuff on my CV. Partly because I'm supremely boring and "I had a really nice saison the other day" isn't going to help matters and the only interviews I've done where I've ever thought to use that stuff from other people's CVs is where they're giving me so little while not seeming like a dickhead that I'm just trying to get them talking about something to find out if they're going to be any good or not.

[Pepe]

Lewis getting done by the bureaucracy is pretty lol. I do love the 'be evidence-based' shit on one side, and 'be a better lad' on the other.

[Spikey M]

I've got too fat to get away with 'going to the gym' as my stock answer to the hobbies question, so I can never apply for a job again.

[Lewis]

The only personal stuff they asked me was what I did to 'keep going' during my unemployment (which is shorter on my CV than it was in reality), and I basically said that I was unemployed not ill so I just cracked on with life because I'm not a mimsy cunt. Whatever. I think my face just didn't fit, which I thought might have been the case. But I'm old enough to hear that. I don't need two out of seven for 'delivering at pace' after I told you I'm nine months ahead of my current annual targets just so you can give me a crap overall score.

[Panda Bear]

Did I read that right? On your feedback, they rated you as a candidate to be a 2/7?

[Shindig]

I think the only time I've put personal stuff on my CV is when I was applying for moderator jobs with Tombola. Even had DM as a reference. Thank fuck I found some proper work.

[Lewis]

Did I read that right? On your feedback, they rated you as a candidate to be a 2/7?

No, I got two out of seven for that specific competency. I also got one out of seven for teamwork, which is wank because 1) I'm a one man band in my current role (and obviously was in academic terms); and 2) they then gave me six out of seven for 'experience', even though those two things form part of the overall experience criteria along with general subject knowledge and that. It's a bit nonsensical overall I think.

[Foe]

What shithole scores out of 7?

Jesus

Head up though wee man. You’ll get the next one.

[-james-]

lolled at "wee man".

[Shindig]

I'd rather hear about the make-up of Lewis' office. The ex-civil service lot in our place are the biggest whoppers by miles. This week off couldn't have come at a better time.

[Lewis]

It's half ex-services doing it as a semi-retirement doss job, half civil servants re-deployed from elsewhere working around them, and then a couple of wallies creating problems out of thin air and calling it management.

[Shindig]

Sounds about right. It's always odd how the worst ones survive because the decent managers simply don't want to deal with them. So they put them with a manager equally inept. Seniority should count for nowt when you're down to 40% productivity and loudly trying to rearrange your smear test.

Yeah, that's how my week went. :moop:

[Spikey M]

No, I got two out of seven for that specific competency. I also got one out of seven for teamwork, which is wank because 1) I'm a one man band in my current role (and obviously was in academic terms); and 2) they then gave me six out of seven for 'experience', even though those two things form part of the overall experience criteria along with general subject knowledge and that. It's a bit nonsensical overall I think.

They'll have known who was getting the job ahead of time.

When I was working for the MOJ the 'A Band' used to straight up tell people to apply for specific jobs, and coincidentally that person always ended up getting the role. It's how I got my promotion.

'Fair and open competition is a load of bollocks when the interview panel have been told the result ahead of time.

[Smjffy]

I haven't started on the sauce section as planned but Wednesday I will be so that should be fun



So I did the evening on the Wednesday and it was quiet so not much doing, I was then meant to do it the following day but that got switched up much to my annoyance which I then expressed by my mood suddenly changing. Weird. Anyhow, chef fixed it and had me back on a few days later and then shit hit the fan. At first I was told it would me just me and another working the Sunday, which in my mind was way too much too soon but thankfully a few tweaks meant that isn't happening, instead it happened today. It was myself and two others with me running sauce section (that's the daddy section) after just two previous efforts entirely on my own. GM put on a reduced menu for lunch which was appreciated but then we agreed to put full one on for evening service. Today I did 124 covers. It might sound wank to you lot but I am so proud of myself right now. Last night I was nervous as fuck because I just didn't know if I had it in me but I've got to be honest, I've smashed it out the park tonight.

Buzzing. :D

[Baz]

Well done Tim.

[Dark Soldier]

So my gay manager sent me an unsolicited, sexually led message on Facebook last night, which has freaked me out a little.

Weird as fuck.

[phonics]

Take the compliment, report him to HR. You won't be the first.

[Shindig]

He'll gauge your reaction tomorrow and then decide to act accordingly.

[Dark Soldier]

Take the compliment, report him to HR. You won't be the first.

There have been rumours I've heard about him sending things to other, not with the business anymore colleagues. There's a reason his nickname is 'Snapchat'. This time its been done on Facebook though so screenshot done.

[phonics]

Nice one. It’s not particularly about your opinion on it because I think you’re a pretty strong personality but whatever hole you stick it in, hitting on your employees is proper wrongun stuff.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I would have thought he has a screw very loose if he's doing that to people under him at work who he knows to be straight.

[Dark Soldier]

To put context to it:

There's another bloke, about 50, on our team. Openly gay, genuinely lovely, a good laugh etc. We were talking about how/when he came out the other day, and I mentioned my experience, as ya all know, with trans when younger and how after that it wasn't my bag, but I tried it out. The manager did overhear this so my guess is he's gone full lol in his head and gone gung-ho, despite knowing I'm straight and been with my missus for over a year.

All the guys he's allegedly done it to in the past have been both straight and in relationships, however.

[Boydy]

Even if you were of the same orientation as him, a senior approaching someone below them at work like that is an HR issue.

[phonics]

I would have thought he has a screw very loose if he's doing that to people under him at work who he knows to be straight.

1) Straight men swing too
2) The sentence should stop after the world 'work'.

He should be sacked.

[Raoul Duke]

Time to negotiate a massive payout :drool:

Or thumb it in, either way you're onto a winner

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, I was commenting on his mental state rather than his professionalism, which is a fairly open and shut case.

[bruhnaldo]

I've been covering at various hospitals recently and while at one of them met this tall brunette who I was immediately smitten by.

At the time it was unclear if I was going to be staying at said facility so I didn't give it a go because of the old rule "never shit where you eat", but once it was obvious I was going back to my old facility I never actually saw her again.

So I thought about doing a half court shot on facebook to see if I could climb aboard this fuckin amazon goddess but decided against it because I didn't want to become a meme if I missed and ever had to come back.

LONG STORY SHORT, looks like I'm gonna be coming to that facility full time, so I'm pretty fucking pleased I didn't give it a shot because that could've ended poorly either way.

[Spikey M]

The worse she can say is no. Give it a go.

[Dark Soldier]

Update on sex pest manager:

I raised it. Three others he's done it to said I could give their names, so I did. They told me they're taking it seriously, and will keep me updated.

Five days later (we're open 7 days a week) - Those who came forward with me have now decided to not actually say owt when questioned, and as I gave their names on their okay, makes me seem like a bit of a bullshitter. Work's done fuck all so far apart from make me switch teams (which hasn't happened yet but apparently will, he's still my manager and I'm still sat a couple of seats over from him).

Think I'm looking elsewhere now, absolute joke.

[Spikey M]

Escalate it further. You have evidence.

[Dark Soldier]

Escalate it further. You have evidence.

They've got until Friday to actually do something, if they don't I will be.

[Baz]

I’ve applied for another job, that was advertised as INTERNAL ONLY so at least there’s less people to be better than. It would be for £500 a month more. Sign me up!

Also did I mention I’m 99% sure I might one day go to a meeting with DC? :baz:

[Giggles]

If you had a fanny he'd have been sacked within the hour.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Release it publicly if they fail to do anything.

[Dark Soldier]

If you had a fanny he'd have been sacked within the hour.

Aye that's my argument and I basically said the same to them when I raised it.

[bruhnaldo]

What did the others say when you confronted them about selling you out?

[Dark Soldier]

What did the others say when you confronted them about selling you out?

I'll find that out tomorrow as only found out once I'd left work. Gonna be fun :D

[Baz]

There’s a new person at work to “do admin.”

What?

Besides, I don’t trust anyone to do a job better than me. I’d rather put aside 5 minutes to book my own room/ticket/whatever or process my own invoice than spend undoubtedly longer explaining how to do it and then fixing it when it’s done incorrectly.

[Ian]

'I don't trust anyone to do a better job than me' sounds unnecessarily ballsy when it turns out you're talking about booking a hotel room.

[Baz]

*meeting room

Well yeah I mean I trust the surgeon made a better job of my circumcision than I could have ever managed, but why would I waste time creating more work for myself, just to give the new person something to do?

[Ian]

If it's easier / quicker for you to do it will anybody even notice or care if you're doing it for yourself?

[Baz]

If it's easier / quicker for you to do it will anybody even notice or care if you're doing it for yourself?Someone just noticed I’d processed two invoices. “Oh Lucy could have done that.” Sure. She couldn’t though, unless I spent 10 mins explaining the process to her. Besides, it’s part of my job.

Side note: it’s one of the few parts of my job I’ve not had taken off me, so I think I’m just being cranky and protective over menial tasks because I need to chat to Yevrah.

[bruhnaldo]

So they want to pay you the same amount to do less.

[mo]

Baz if you like doing your own pointless admin and menial tasks that take up the majority of your life, you could always go into teaching.

[Spikey M]

We're getting an admin at my place because we're all getting the work piled on. It's going to be a life saver.

[igor_balis]

I got brought in as a temp to do admin at a small office to lessen the workload a few years ago and spent my 9 months there doing about 20 minutes of work a day and spending the rest on here, pretty much.

[Giggles]

Working my 7th straight day today and tomorrow is Monday, and can't get one ounce of help off anyone. If I hadn't the wife to think about I'd be about ten minutes away from walking.

[Lewis]

lol someone has been suspended at work for fiddling their flex-time. Seeing as everybody does it, and seeing as nobody usually cares, you can only imagine the lengths they were going to to take the piss.

[Ian]

One of my mates just started a job with the government and was telling me about their flexitime, and how there are always meant to be x number of people in their office on a Saturday but in practice you just build up enough hours to write the shift off.

[Lewis]

There is something about only being able to have so many 'flexi-days' off per four week period, but I don't think we bother enforcing that either. It's probably going to end up causing a bit of a stink, since there are people who will clock in and out on time but have however many breaks that don't get factored in, which again makes us think it must have been some serious piss-taking for them to have moved on it.

[Ian]

Is it liable to cause the sort of fuss where they'll start being stricter on everybody or just "Don't be like that dickhead, okay?"

[Lewis]

They probably won't say anything, which is another lol aspect of it, because the unit itself barely follows any rules.

[Shindig]

I could do with some time off. Had my first suicide call and the whole experience shook me to my core. Not least because the procedures we're supposed to have were put on the backburner.

See, we used to get rotas for who to pass these calls on to. Our overlords haven't given them out in months. So I had to gently close the call out (whilst she was... by the sounds of it, already taking an overdose) and then immediately get to work. This involved asking the substitute TL what the fuck to do before he left inside five minutes. He came back with a name he got from the proper TL who was on leave. This person did not answer their phone :moop:

So we grabbed an old rota from January and grabbed a name out of the hat. Rang her up, asked who was on the rota this week and then I made the call to her.

As far as I know, the claimant's not been called back. I'm absolutely done in and fed up. I don't care how rare those calls are, they fucking stay with you. :|

[Ian]

Some of my friends did 101 calls in Vodafone and although they're obviously not the fucking outlet for that those sort of calls would occasionally come through.

They'd been given about as much training as you'd expect.

[igor_balis]

It's my last ever week at rugby after 3 years and for 3 days this week I've been, quite literally, sent to Coventry.

Annoying I'm missing valuable time to have emotional farewells with my wonderful customers but I got to go to the quality noodle bar for dinner so it evens out.

[Shindig]

It's fight or flight shit but it pisses me off how our main site doesn't keep us in the loop. It was an absolute shitshow trying to find out who was on that duty. It's how quick the call turned that was the worst.

And it's only fucking Tuesday.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's my last ever week at rugby after 3 years and for 3 days this week I've been, quite literally, sent to Coventry.

Annoying I'm missing valuable time to have emotional farewells with my wonderful customers but I got to go to the quality noodle bar for dinner so it evens out.

Are you staying with the same bank when moving to Norwich?

[igor_balis]

Are you staying with the same bank when moving to Norwich?

Aye, seemed by far the easiest way to facilitate the move.

[Boydy]

You should learn to code. :)

[bruhnaldo]

Shindig what is it you do again? Sorry I'm sure probably postd a few times before.

[Shindig]

I work for the government dealing with disability benefits. Most of the time, it's not a phone job, except when it is.

[igor_balis]

I work for the government dealing with disability benefits. Most of the time, it's not a phone job, except when it is.

Christ, I knew it was something along those lines but not that specifically. Must be bloody bleak. Considering that I'm happy to almost entirely exonerate you for the 6 months or so you kept calling me a cunt.

[igor_balis]

You should learn to code. :)

I dunno, I'm really careless and illogical but good at interacting with people so I feel like it would be pretty much the opposite of a job that would best suit my skills.

[Giggles]

I'd say you'd hear some chancing wasters in that job too.

[igor_balis]

I'd say you'd hear some chancing wasters in that job too.

I feel like it would be bleak for both reasons. Similar at our place, ish.

[Shindig]

I rarely needed to ring customers during my bank days. The only ones that got under my skin were the ones who thought they knew your job better. In the current work, I don't tend to get many shit phone calls but they always carry the risk. Usually it just manifests in someone wanting to vent.

[bruhnaldo]

I've been covering at various hospitals recently and while at one of them met this tall brunette who I was immediately smitten by.

At the time it was unclear if I was going to be staying at said facility so I didn't give it a go because of the old rule "never shit where you eat", but once it was obvious I was going back to my old facility I never actually saw her again.

So I thought about doing a half court shot on facebook to see if I could climb aboard this fuckin amazon goddess but decided against it because I didn't want to become a meme if I missed and ever had to come back.

LONG STORY SHORT, looks like I'm gonna be coming to that facility full time, so I'm pretty fucking pleased I didn't give it a shot because that could've ended poorly either way.

So I've come to said facility full time and have been back here about a week. Didn't see her literally one time so I assumed she moved onto a different facility given her title.

Then today I was walking passed the little closet where they put a computer in to do online modules and there she was :wub:

I would never ask out a co-worker/peer/girl at my job but I'd still like to imagine doing scandalous things like holding her hand and going on a nice walk on the beach :wub:

[Ian]

Turns out from next month I'll be getting a payrise of about 7 or 8 percent that it sounds like I should have known I was getting but was apparently not paying attention at some point and was completely oblivious.

Not bad given I'm nearly a year in here and still feel like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I guess this is just me reaping the rich rewards of finally making it to #TeamEngineer.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sales conference today in one of those country hotels that exist solely for that purpose. For some reason, for the two hour lunch they decided to seat me with 6 Chinese people and an Indonesian. The former kept to themselves, but the latter told me at length just how shit his country is. It sounds like a 'best of' of shit dictatorships lumped into one sprawling mess of an archipelago.

[Giggles]

Turns out from next month I'll be getting a payrise of about 7 or 8 percent that it sounds like I should have known I was getting but was apparently not paying attention at some point and was completely oblivious.

Not bad given I'm nearly a year in here and still feel like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I guess this is just me reaping the rich rewards of finally making it to #TeamEngineer.

Rewards? I’m in the wrong section.

[mo]

2.75% to look forward to soon. Better than improvement on 2% last time at least.

I had to tell a kid to wash his hands at lunch as he'd covered them in about 200g of butter and was trying to get it on other people. Took five minutes of asking the same thing, over and over. Always good to have those moments that really make you appreciate working with young people.

[Mike]

2.75% to look forward to soon. Better than improvement on 2% last time at least.

I had to tell a kid to wash his hands at lunch as he'd covered them in about 200g of butter and was trying to get it on other people. Took five minutes of asking the same thing, over and over. Always good to have those moments that really make you appreciate working with young people.

I had to explain to a kid today that having red pen on his hands, that he had put on himself, wasn’t the same as bleeding and that he didn’t, in fact, need to go to the hospital. Little idiots! :lol:

[bruhnaldo]

So I've come to said facility full time and have been back here about a week. Didn't see her literally one time so I assumed she moved onto a different facility given her title.

Then today I was walking passed the little closet where they put a computer in to do online modules and there she was :wub:

I would never ask out a co-worker/peer/girl at my job but I'd still like to imagine doing scandalous things like holding her hand and going on a nice walk on the beach :wub:

Guys so today I went to go make a cup of coffee in the breakroom which is directly adjacent to the little computer closet where she's doing those little classes I mentioned before right...

so the coffee thing was empty and made a loud like "ahhh i'm out of coffee" noise (cause it's one of those industrial size ones with like a pump) and I, mumbling to myself, was all "oh no oh God why" and all of a sudden she like loudly laughed from said closet.

Me, not being a creep, decided to keep minding my own business and assume she was laughing at something on her computer, but then she said "Oh that's the worst thing ever", and I turned around fake surprised like someone was noticing my antics and said "oh what being out of coffee??" and she's like oh yea and i was all "Oh deffff top 5 at least aha"

Then proceeded to make a new pot of coffee and offer her a cup to which she politely declined but

IDK fam it seemed kinda like way out of the way to me!

There may be hope just yet. I may have to throw out my old rules for this one, lads.

[John]

There's a distinct whiff of pens and donuts about all this.

[Spikey M]

Just propose now m8.

[bruhnaldo]

There's a distinct whiff of pens and donuts about all this.

what dis means


Just propose now m8.

I've thought about it :wub:

[Foe]

Couple of new girls starting working at the work recently. Both attractive.

I’m going to get sacked for being inappropriate. :(

[Baz]

G’wan lads. :cool:

[Kikó]

The promotion long list closes tomorrow and then I should know whether I've not got it by December. Fingers crossed because it should lead to a good payrise.

[Foe]

G’wan lads. :cool:

Going to start stealing a pen a day to sell on eBay when it all goes wrong. Smart.

[Baz]

Looks like we’re finally moving offices (after the person who robbed the desk I wanted in the current office said ‘it’s only for 3 weeks’ nearly four months ago. :moop:

To avoid disappointment I made a point of scoping out the new one, drew up a table plan and assigned everyone seats under the guise of ‘people who work together on stuff’ but it’s really I’m sat with people I like and I’m out the way in a corner so nobody can see me on TTH/Reddit. Sent it to the PA of the big director hoping it just gets circulated as ‘this is where everyone is sitting’ but really I’ll probably get told off for wasting time drawing it, it’ll be a free-for-all and I’ll be sit with people I don’t want to sit with and my screen in full view to everyone, just like it is now. :moop:

[Pepe]

Hi Baz coworkers.

[SvN]

Looks like we’re finally moving offices (after the person who robbed the desk I wanted in the current office said ‘it’s only for 3 weeks’ nearly four months ago. :moop:

To avoid disappointment I made a point of scoping out the new one, drew up a table plan and assigned everyone seats under the guise of ‘people who work together on stuff’ but it’s really I’m sat with people I like and I’m out the way in a corner so nobody can see me on TTH/Reddit. Sent it to the PA of the big director hoping it just gets circulated as ‘this is where everyone is sitting’ but really I’ll probably get told off for wasting time drawing it, it’ll be a free-for-all and I’ll be sit with people I don’t want to sit with and my screen in full view to everyone, just like it is now. :moop:

:D He's going to think you're a right jumped up little shit

[Baz]

It’s okay, I’ve a job interview for a different department on 1st November. :)

[phonics]

Anyone know how to do text boxes on PDF?

https://i.imgur.com/lMJ4mjr.png

I make all my stuff in inDesign and can't find this functionality.

[bruhnaldo]

You could screen shot it, move it to like Paint 3D, text into it, then save it and reformat it back to pdf

But that's just some shit I would do because my work computer is very limited and annoying.

[phonics]

Yeah that’s a dogshit idea to keep quality. It would be mad pixels. I learnt how to do it in inDesign.

[Magic]

Lol so I managed to increase my wage by 50%, not quite the doubling I'd hoped for. Still working on it, though.

[bruhnaldo]

Yeah that’s a dogshit idea to keep quality. It would be mad pixels. I learnt how to do it in inDesign.

You're not wrong but to be fair the example you've provided doesn't look like it needs (whatever equivalent measurement insinuates a good pixel ratio).

[phonics]

You're not wrong but to be fair the example you've provided doesn't look like it needs (whatever equivalent measurement insinuates a good pixel ratio).

Hence why I'm remaking it.

[Mellberg]

I've been offered voluntary redundancy at work and I'm taking it. All signed off and leave on 20th Dec. Number's way too good to turn down. Not ruling out going abroad. Do we still have a few expats on here? I'd probably be looking at management of processes/people of anything up to 100 people, but am flexible. Any advice on best places to look? Presuming there are websites which cater for this?

[Baz]

Works Christmas Do has been "planned" since January (let's go get drunk all day in Liverpool on December 13th) but now the tee-total god-botherer in the team has declared it as Christmas jumper day and is trying to find somewhere to go for "lunch."

I've politely explained I'll be in Liverpool from 12:30 onwards with the colleagues I like, getting obliterated, and she's welcome to join us.

:mad:


It’s okay, I’ve a job interview for a different department on 1st November. :)
Also this went south, FAST.

Double :mad:

[mo]

What happened?

[Baz]

Went for an assessment today, with a follow-up interview on Friday. They may as well cancel the interview now. :moop:

First of all, when I saw the job advertised (internal only!) I read it and thought it sounded a lot like the job one of my mates at work does, and something I’d be really interested in. Plus it was quite a significant pay rise. When my initial application was successful, I asked my mate if he had any advice. He rang me to say he’s also going for the job. Great! :cab: Turns out he isn’t on as much money as I presumed, so this new job would also be a step up for him. He also said it was bad timing because someone else has told him another post is about to become available and it’s probably as good as his if he applies for it. Problem is, the role isn’t 100% gonna come up, so he didn’t wanna sit around and wait only for it not to come up and miss out on this job I’m going for in the process.

Anyway, we went to the assessment today along with some woman who he knew cos he knows everyone. I was out my depth, to be honest.

Actually, let me tell you more about my mate from work who’s going for this job. He’s about 50 and for most of his life has considered himself an “artist.” He started his own business in the 80s or 90s selling his own artwork, usually painted onto old furniture or bits of wood he salvaged. Since then he’s done a lot of spoken word gigs and has a fairly big following for his poetry. He also makes really weird music with his mates that I recommended to igor_balis once. He doesn’t sound like it, but he is a really funny guy and going for a drink with him is always entertaining. He’s great. But remember all this about him, okay?

Right, first part of the assessment was a spreadsheet with numbers on. We had to make a line graph to show these figures, then project the data for the rest of the year and also plot this on the same graph. Boring job stuff. My graph looked mega – not gonna lie – but I didn’t know what I was doing for the projection part. I use excel for accounting purposes mostly, in my current role, whereas my mate does exactly what was being asked on the assessment in his current job. The job is basically his, only somehow for more money. If he doesn’t get the job, it’d be very sus.

But forgetting how good he is at interpreting datasets and presenting information, because the second part of the assessment is where things got weird: write 400 words about this painting. My mate has since informed me it’s Guernica by Picasso. Of course he knew the name of it. Of course a job assessment about looking at data included a section on writing a critique of a goddamn painting. I mean, why wouldn’t it? :rolleyes:

So not only is my mate perfect for the job, based off the job description, but the seemingly complete curveball of an assessment is even more up his street. :wtf:

At the very least, I guess his current post will become vacant and I can apply for that. And probably fail to get it because I forgot how to do rudimentary trend calculations I probably learned when I was 13 and haven’t used since then. Curses.

Also one question on the first part was something like ‘explain why there may have been a decrease this year?’ and I’m staring at my graph that’s basically


https://i.imgur.com/3Zmdeqz.png

thinking DECREASED? Ehhhh… so just wrote two lines of made up stuff explaining what may have caused a decrease, despite my projections showing a definite increase. :lol: Couldn’t have messed it up more, tbh.

And then for the painting thing I just described how loads of people are scrambling around in a small room, screaming and stuff cos flames are beating at the door and they’re all gonna die. And then they all died.

Giz that job then? :baz:

[SvN]

First the seating plan, now this. I'd hand in your notice if I were you.

[Baz]

First the seating plan, now this. I'd hand in your notice if I were you.
Don’t even get me started. I’ve ended up with the WORST POSSIBLE SEAT. :moop:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Instead of the Guernica task, they probably asked him to design a seating plan.

[bruhnaldo]

"How did your interview go?"
*presents 11 paragraph analysis complete with graph*

and I'm gonna go back and read it, too. Pathetic.

[Giggles]

I looked at the graph.

[bruhnaldo]

Wouldn't the answer have been something like "Based solely on the data from year prior had we continued our downward trend from 2017 to 2018 we would've experienced a loss, but if patterns continued over the period of data available we potentially should see an uptick from year prior to date for the year of 2019 given the up and down nature of the data on file." but worded in better, less remedial terms?

[bruhnaldo]

Though Baz I'd imagine your interpretation of the painting would win you points in the data world. If I were hiring someone to create graphs and numbers I'd want someone who sticks strictly to what's in front of them and not try to interpret things that aren't actually there?

Or maybe it's the opposite, and they need someone creative to push out graphs and data that reflect what they want them to reflect in creative ways.

I'm actually pretty intrigued with the entire art thing in the interview that's kinda wild.

[Boydy]

What do you do Baz?

[Spikey M]

Annoy everyone else in the office by the sound of it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I looked at the graph.

The lack of labels pissed me off.

[Baz]

What do you do Baz?Process invoices, mostly.


The lack of labels pissed me off.The actual one had labels. This was a rushed reconstruction.

[Giggles]

Annoy everyone else in the office by the sound of it.

Along with an extra large portion of fuck all.

[SvN]

Had a disciplinary today with someone who's been at the company even longer than me. Gave them a copywriting task to do that was due today, and I was given a 30% completed document with a bunch of excuses about it taking longer then they expected - and they needed more time.

What they didn't realise was that it was a Google Doc, so I could see the entire edit history since the document inception, including the two days it wasn't touched at all. I was really pissed off going into it, but seeing them stumble over their words when I showed my hand almost made me laugh out loud.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There's something very odd going on in our office this week. The structure in our department is this:

Sales director
Sales manager (Russian)
Slightly more junior sales manager (Indian)
3 sales execs, one of whom is me

The director has an office away from the rest of us. The Russian and the Indian have little offices just offset from the open plan area where the rest of us sit.

On Monday night, as he was leaving the Russian (who was then off on leave for the rest of the week) went and shook hands with the Indian guy, which I found odd, as they are fairly close colleagues as you would expect, speak every day and don't normally go around shaking hands with each other.

Next, some random person from the warehouse is walking past his office and says jovially to the Indian guy 'Make sure you come back soon xxx, it won't be the same without you.' He laughs, and says something back to her which I can't really hear but includes the phrase 'starting on the 1st'.

Obviously both these incidents have made me think that the Indian guy is offski at the end of this week, but he hasn't told us so, nor has anyone else, and given that we all work together on things every day, and he is very good at his job, and has been here for 7 years, I would find it highly unusual if he was just off and nothing was made of it. I haven't got round to asking my other colleagues about it as we're all going pretty hard on our own work most of the day.

Then this afternoon, I was in the kitchen and in walks the Indian guy. Normally the kitchen is where any such secrets would be broken, as you're away from everyone else's earshot. He walks in, says how are you, I say great how are you, and he just starts going on about what a great day he's had, cracked some big deal in Mongolia and loads of orders have come in.

What's the betting on this? I reckon he's off and management have for some reason asked him to keep it hush hush until the bitter end, although that wouldn't explain how a random warehouse person seemingly knew about it. If he isn't off, why is the Russian going and shaking hands with him when he would otherwise see him on Monday? It's all very odd.

[Lewis]

Sex change.

[Pepe]

Throw a :sherlock: in there.

Do people not shake hands over there? Seems like a pretty common thing to do.

[Disco]

It is, but not on a daily basis with someone you work with.

[SvN]

I would feel absolutely ridiculous shaking hands with a coworker in the middle of the day. The only time that happens is if they've announced a big event (marriage/child) or it's their last day.