The All New Jobs Thread

[Ian]

Is Lan short for Landon?

*Iandon

[igor_balis]

Yeah my mum insisted on me being Samuel on the paperwork cus delusions of middle classness, but I've ALWAYS been Sam, except for the first email or two with HR in new jobs before I tell them it's Sam not Samuel. Sam is a crap name as well though, I think I'd rather actually be Igor.

[Giggles]

#justiceforcaoimhe

[phonics]

My Dad was supposed to be Charles after the newly born prince. However upon delivery and the post-partum delirium my Grandmother responddd to t he question ‘what will you call him?’ And she said ‘Dave’. And therefore he became Dave.

My aunt is actually called Lesley but goes by Carole because she went to primary school and there were 7 lesleys in her class.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Going by random other names seemed to be a thing back in the day. My grandad was called Ernest but went by John. My other grandad was called Evelyn and went by Paul. Only two short of a full fake Beatles.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was originally named "Pavlos".

Bracelet from the hospital has that name on it and it was only 30 days after my birth when I had to be officially registered that my name was changed.

[Spikey M]

My other grandad was called Evelyn and went by Paul.

I don't blame him. :cab:

[Ian]

Our old neighbour was saved from being called Archibald by his uncle Robert dying because he was named after him.

[Foe]

Missed Hamish by a whisker.

Also scamp.

[igor_balis]

I don't blame him. :cab:

I dunno, Evelyn Waugh is a great author and definite bloke. And also the reason my mate didn't get into Oxford as he referred to him using female pronouns oops.

[Ian]

Also scamp.

Excuse me?

[Spikey M]

It kind of suits him tbf.

[randomlegend]

My mum wanted to call me Matthew.

That will be my sole contribution to this topic.

[Giggles]

I was supposed to be Peter after my uncle but was named after my grandfather instead. Lucky enough too seeing as Peter turned out to be a complete tramp. Even the old man, who’s placid enough, can’t wait to see the cunt pop.

[Shindig]

Any name that can be immediately traced back to a popular culture touchstone is a bit iffy. I'm talking about your Ayrton's born in May 1994 or kids named after Game of Thrones characters.

[Ian]

I wish I knew somebody thick enough to have called their kid Daenerys or Khaleesi or something so I could hear about the first time they google it and go "Erm what were you playing at you fuckwits?"

There is no story, interesting or otherwise, behind me being called Ian. I think they just wanted a short name because we have a long surname.

[Lewis]

I still get regular seethes out of Ian at work when I claim it's short for Brian. It might be the best value joke ever.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There is no story, interesting or otherwise, behind me being called Ian. I think they just wanted a short name because we have a long surname.

Presumably the same thought process that went into Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink.

[Lewis]

Ian Alebore of Probablystinks.

[Ian]

I may have said on here before that a kid in sixth form decided it'd be hilarious and irritating to me if he shortened "Ian" to just the first syllable, so "Ee", I guess you'd spell it.

I didn't find it irritating, it didn't catch on, nobody found it funny and he soon realised it's more annoying to say so I think that lasted about two days.

[Ian]

And I'll have you know I have a shower once a month whether I need it or not.

[Baz]

I was asked to write a service specification (or maybe a service level agreement? Still not sure if they're the same thing) so thought I did really well typing out a page and a paragraph outlining the need, the solution and the amount of money involved. Figured I'd send it to someone to ask what the formatting should be like and his response was basically 'good start, here's one I did recently for an example of formatting' and it was 22 fucking pages. Full of needless dross that I guess I've gotta try and emulate for this service I'm responsible for. :cab:

[Giggles]

2 interviews this week :moop:

[P_3]

Dad wanted to call me Maxim. Wouldn't have minded being a Max.

[Lewis]

I was roped into doing a three day first aid course at work on the promise that it's only first aid we'll be out of there by half-two. Give over. I thought it would be about running burns under taps and how to make a sling, but we're half-way to doctor status the depth this thing is going into. Practice defibrillators, chemical burns, and all sorts. I can't be expected to be doing any of that.

[Ben]

I did that early in the year. Got a nice certificate and have already forgotten everything useful with regards to helping any cunt in trouble.

[Spikey M]

I did it too and helped save a security guards life when he had a heart attack, so it's worth knowing.

That said, I let my certificate expire ASAP so I never found myself having to deal with that again.

[Waffdon]

I did it too and helped save a security guards life when he had a heart attack, so it's worth knowing.

That said, I let my certificate expire ASAP so I never found myself having to deal with that again.

Hero

[Spikey M]

Indeed. I am a top, top lad.

[Giggles]

Gammon.

[Spikey M]

Racism ban please Phonics?

[Kikó]

I did it too and helped save a security guards life when he had a heart attack, so it's worth knowing.

That said, I let my certificate expire ASAP so I never found myself having to deal with that again.

"Does anyone know first aid here?"
"I can't, my certificate has expired so I'm not sufficiently up to date on latest techniques. Good luck"

[Jimmy Floyd]

The boss just called me from northern France. He has gone to see a customer, turned up at their premises and the manager wasn't there, despite having arranged the meeting. He feared this was due to a recent bout of colon cancer. Unable to communicate with the finance woman who was there, he called me up on Teams (8.30am) to simultaneously translate, a skill that is far more difficult than non-linguists imagine, and frankly well beyond my French.

The boss: "I understand that Mathieu has a problem with his colon."
Me: "Erm... Bonjour. Je comprends que Mathieu est malade... erm..."
The boss: "Ask her if it's serious!"
Me: "I'm not a doctor."
The boss: "I need to know if he'll be here by lunchtime."
Me: "Erm... est-ce qu'il va retourner avant de..."
The boss: "I think he has cancer, yes."
Me: "Erm... mon gérant pensait que votre gérant... erm... que votre gérant est malade du cancer? C'est vrai, ou...?"
French woman: "Non."

It turned out to be Crohn's disease, not cancer. Anyway, a fine start to the day.

[Spikey M]

:D

[Spikey M]

There's been an eviction this morning that I couldn't attend due to an appointment later on this morning. They've gone in and there's a dead person sat in a chair. :|

The attending Housing Officer has apparently just been sick in the front garden. Word up to my boy Jesus for allowing me to dodge that one.

The police still have absolutely no idea who the dead person is and they subletting tenant has (understandably) gone to ground. I get the feeling that this is not going to be fun.

[Lofty]

GDPR non-existant at Jimmy's gaff then.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're culturally in about 1977.

[randomlegend]

There's a GP with the exact same name as me who works in the region and who is also a tutor for the med school.

I used to get emailed all sorts of shit meant for him, including exam results for other students. GDPR would have had a field day with it.

On similar lines, my brother works for a company which provides IT for some of the local schools. When they set up their email system, they asked them if they wanted some sort of safety built-in to try to make sure emails aren't accidentally sent to the wrong people. They said no, it would be unnecessarily cumbersome.

Within a few weeks, a staff member emailed a list of all the students with mental health problems to every child in the school and then tried to blame my brother for not setting up the email system in a way to prevent that from happening.

[Dave.]

I've been placed on gardening leave until the end of the year as I'm been made redundant on 31st December and there's very little work. This is all okay though as I start a new job in the new year on a £7,000 per year higher salary and get a nice redundancy payment.

Getting to watch the World Cup in it's entirety on full pay.:cool:

[Don]

Ooof, juicy. Why the redundancy and what field?

[Dave.]

Ooof, juicy. Why the redundancy and what field?

I was a manager of a small team in a contact centre, dealing with access requests for a bank. Work has dried up a little bit due to work now been done by robotics and apps. Now, I'm moving into the accountancy sector. Better pay, better prospects. Disadvantage is less working from home but I can definitely live with that.

[Panda Bear]

Muhammad is such a bullshit name to include on those "name popularity" charts given that Islamic naming convention for men is to throw "Muhammad" in front of their actual name.

[Ian]

I've been placed on gardening leave until the end of the year as I'm been made redundant on 31st December and there's very little work. This is all okay though as I start a new job in the new year on a £7,000 per year higher salary and get a nice redundancy payment.

Getting to watch the World Cup in it's entirety on full pay.:cool:

It's important to me that you know that I hate you.

[randomlegend]

Just had a bit of a gut-punch leaving work.

There's a kid I've got to know quite well over the past few years who comes in semi-often because of their underlying diagnosis. Doctors don't have favourite patients but they are my favourite patient.

I'm not on admissions today, but walk through the admissions unit to leave. Saw this patient's parent so I assumed they'd been admitted. I get on with the parent well so I just checked in with how they are doing and what had happened.

They basically had a total breakdown on me because the kid is having a really unexpectedly bad course with their illness and nobody really knows why or what to do.

Parent clearly completely at their wits end with watching their kid deteriorate and nobody being able to help them.

Don't really know why I'm posting this, I guess writing it out is cathartic somehow. But it was just really heartbreaking. It's these moments that sometimes make me question if I've really got the necessary emotional detachment to do this job for most of the rest of my life.

[Don]

Hang in there, champ.

[Shindig]

The call centre's phone system failed this morning so we were put on cover to hand out the "Sorry, I can't help you." messages. I helped one of them though because 'call back tomorrow' doesn't do much when they've got a text about an appointment first thing tomorrow morning.

Got a polite bollocking for it but whatever.

[Spikey M]

Imagine RL moaning about dying kids while Shindig is going through all this.

[Waffdon]

:lol:

[Ben]

:lol:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Imagine RL moaning about dying kids while Shindig is going through all this.

He did get a polite bollocking.

[Shindig]

Look, you come to this thread for that kind of tonal whiplash. I deliver.

[Lewis]

We had a week off during the summer because the air conditioning/heating packed in, and our nasty concrete building amplified the heat and got all of the women moaning. You'll never guess what has happened now it's coming in cold, because the management certainly didn't. Four day weekend (at least). :cool:

[Spikey M]

It's not even that cold. :cab:

[Lewis]

The main office dropped below the magical sixteen degree mark, which is apparently grounds to scatter. I run hot and people are astounded that I'm warm to the touch even in such freezing temperatures. Let me tell you, flower, it's not the blessing you think it is.

[Ben]

We don't pay for our electricity at work (Client's problem) so every office, corridor, kitchen, toilet cubicle has its own air con unit and they're all chugging away at 22C. I imagine the bill is eye watering.

[Lofty]

The main office dropped below the magical sixteen degree mark, which is apparently grounds to scatter. I run hot and people are astounded that I'm warm to the touch even in such freezing temperatures. Let me tell you, flower, it's not the blessing you think it is.

'It's not cold. Go on Sandra, touch me.'

[Lewis]

Anaemic/menopausal women and Southerners astounded by the t-shirt-wearing legend. Eleven degrees. How does he do it?

[Waffdon]

Real men wear shorts.

[Baz]

In the office today and when I went for a wee I definitely heard the rustle of someone who has brought their own wet wipes for use after a poo, which I’ve got a lot of respect for.

[Don]

That Evian bottle Akram is taking into the shitter with him isn't for hydration purposes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

On that subject, I took the Arab to lunch today (I've learned to flex). He received his order, picked up the onion rings from his plate and dumped them straight onto mine with a cheery 'I washed my hands before I left'. He then proceeded to talk about himself for an hour. Our relationship is almost precisely Wallace and Gromit, and I'm Gromit.

[Ian]

Barney will be Feathers McGraw in this scenario when he tries to destroy you both.

[Baz]

That Evian bottle Akram is taking into the shitter with him isn't for hydration purposes.

Please. I live in St. Helens, the Caucasian capital.

[Lofty]

Did you eat those onion rings?

[Spikey M]

This is like one of those deep philosophical questions to me, because I take "don't eat food other people have handled" and "never waste an onion ring" to both be indisputable truths.

[Lewis]

Proper Christian and Syed vibes about all this. Set your watch.

[Lofty]

This is like one of those deep philosophical questions to me, because I take "don't eat food other people have handled" and "never waste an onion ring" to both be indisputable truths.

An extra layer, because as Taz reminds us, it's likely Jimmy's mate was scooping shite out of his arse crack with his bare hands at some point prior.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I ate the onion rings.

[Spikey M]

Equal parts proud and disgusted.

[Giggles]

You have the patience of a saint Jim. I’d have hit the cunt with my plate.

[Gray Fox]

Been at my place coming up to 8 years now. Youngest kid is now old enough that the Mrs has been able to train up and has been offered and accepted her first job since before our oldest was born(now approaching 11 years old).

Her working at a school that isn't our kids, means I need to be dropping down to part time hours. My place is a bit funny in that you must adhere to one of the shift patterns they provide, but there are limits to numbers on the more 'niche' shifts. So my letter of change of shift request has gone in and I've been given the quick "are you sure there isn't another one of our shift patterns you could do?" chat, but not yet had the official meeting. They told me about the person limit and that I may have to go onto a waiting list.

I can see this getting a bit awkward as it's only going to be a matter of 2-3 weeks before she'll be starting. So while I'm going about the book for now, I'm not really asking, I'm telling them that once she starts I'm doing 10-2 every day.

Heard nothing back about this despite pestering them and writing a follow up letter. Even told them last week that the Mrs starts today at 8:30 and so will not be in until half way through the shift. Still nothing.

So I did as promised and rocked up at 10 today. Got called into see the manager not long after and got the "I notice you didn't start until 10 today" talk. Tells me the 10-2 shift I want is full and has a long waiting list.
I think it's just a case of not giving me what I want, because he could quickly put me on 6pm-10pm shift for the rest of the week. I can see them getting quite arsey about it.

[Manc sean]

If I was them I'd tell you to get your gear and fuck off.

[Giggles]

Yeah. There’s probably some sort of detail that’s missing but it’s hard to see how “I’m just going to work these hours now” really washes.

[Spikey M]

You can't ask for different hours, then just do them when they haven't agreed to it because it suits you ffs :D

[Kikó]

It's bullshit that they probably could find a middle ground especially someone who's worked there for a long time.

[Gray Fox]

Oh I'm aware I'm in dickhead mode now, but the alternative is to tell the Mrs to hold off on her job for a length of time I can't yet provide. Her prospects there are better than mine are so on with the show.

I'm quite surprised they didn't do as Manc Sean says, or something similar.

[igor_balis]

Finish at my old place on the 21st, start at the new place on the 3rd. Plus I get paid for all 8.5 days of leave I haven't taken with my final salary on the 15th. Two weeks off and plenty of bonus dosh, I'll try not to be DEAD before I start at the new place, but it's pretty class.

[Lewis]

First TTH colleagues?? :sst::sst:

What was this about?

[igor_balis]

What was this about?

I suggested a fellow member apply for a job at my current place, they got an interview but didn't get the job sadly. I might have stuck around a bit longer if they'd gotten it as they'd have been in my department and everything.

[Lewis]

Name and shame.

[igor_balis]

nsd

[igor_balis]

Nah I'll let them out themselves if they want to.

[Spikey M]

I might have stuck around a bit longer if they'd gotten it

It's not cool to tell someone to apply for a job only to torpedo their chances like that.

[igor_balis]

Dick Cheney?

[Foe]

Anyones work provided support for cost of living?

We are getting a one off payment of 6% of annual salary in our December pay, which is pretty good. Had thought the company were a bit quiet.

[Baz]

Anyones work provided support for cost of living?

We are getting a one off payment of 6% of annual salary in our December pay, which is pretty good. Had thought the company were a bit quiet.
Yeah we got a bump. “An extra £1,925 this year, equating to a 10.5% increase for the lowest paid workers. It will be backdated to 1 April 2022 and paid in November 2022.”

Funnily enough it coincided with my pay rise from changing jobs so my bank accounts looking very healthy, just in time for Black Friday. :)

[wullie]

We're getting something in January, not sure of the details yet. Everyone also got bunged an extra grand on two occasions as thankyou for efforts during covid. I mean I got back into Neighbours and barely spent a penny on petrol for the best part of a year, but you're welcome.

[Gray Fox]

We got a heart-warming statement that amounted to "It's not our problem, stop asking, go blame the government."

[Baz]

“And no you can’t work 10-2 everyday.”

[Gray Fox]

:D

[Foe]

This is pretty generous I think. And for me, who’s not struggling at all, it’s basically a free couple of grand in December. But I can imagine it’ll help a fair bit for a smaller proportion of the workforce who have massive mortgages and/or difficult family circumstances.

I actually asked my region VP flat out last week if they were planning anything as loads of people were asking. Clearly this was already in the works, but I’ll be claiming “man of the people” title regardless.

Bought a new George Foreman grill in celebration.

[Ben]

We got 10% in April and an increased bonus in the summer so they'll probably just point to that if anyone kicks up a stink.

[P_3]

I got an extra £18 this month. :flex:

[Lewis]

We had a week off during the summer because the air conditioning/heating packed in, and our nasty concrete building amplified the heat and got all of the women moaning. You'll never guess what has happened now it's coming in cold, because the management certainly didn't. Four day weekend (at least). :cool:

We are still closed, and we finally have the perfect explainer for the public sector. There is a 'process' that has to be followed to get some heaters sent to the building, so we follow that, and potentially wait however long, rather than just going and spending two-hundred quid on heaters from the supermarket within walking distance of the building, because they don't put a price on the actual work not being done whilst the office is closed for want of a few heaters.

[Giggles]

I’ll get a couple of grand at Christmas but that’s a regular one. I don’t see why they should have to give me more for the same work just because the shopping is dearer.

[Ben]

I suppose it’s the mantra of happy workers are more productive workers? If I’m going to work every day shitting bricks that I can’t feed my kid, then I’m not going to be all that focused on the work.

[Lofty]

I imagine we'll be getting fuck all as various parts of the company are on strike through into the new year.

[igor_balis]

I'm gonna be earning about 50 quid a month more after tax new place but spending about 300 more in trains which is annoying but I think worth it long run.

[Waffdon]

I love this time of year. 4 day week next week followed by a 3 day week. Then come off Friday 16th December until 9th of January :drool:

Think I’ve used about 10 days of AL for all that too. Lovely

[Ben]

England better win the group and go to the final because I've plotted all my holidays around that.

[mo]

We've been notified that Ofsted are visiting tomorrow and Wednesday. It's been on the cards for a while, to the extent that we've been in a semi-permanent state of limbo since September. Exclusions have been avoided to keep numbers low, formal grievances ignored by the head in the hope they'll go away, and as has been the trend of the 'post-COVID' times, we continue to follow the path of least resistance with the kids, allowing them greater and greater freedom (and worse - blurred lines to take advantage of) in the hopes that they'll shut up and go away.

I'm ignoring all the panicky emails from senior leaders reminding us of curriculum rationales, teaching and learning foci etc, because it's not going to help anyone. If these things aren't in place and robust already, then reminding everyone now isn't suddenly going to rememdy it for the next two days.

Not sure if I'll get to speak to an inspector, maybe from a pastoral point of view, but they're focusing on Geography not History so I think I'm less likely to be grilled.

I do actually hope they see all the systemic issues, as a rating of 'inadequate' would lead to much needed change. But I suspect we'll get good and trundle on thinking everything is ok.

[niko_cee]

Funnily enough one of our primary schools got inspected recently and the report was finally released today [although they get to edit out the actual headline ranking]. Most of the secondary schools are beyond bad and it seems the primaries, whilst better, are probably on the same path. The PR operation that went into operation upon publication was impressive. This (https://gov.gg/CHttpHandler.ashx?id=161478&p=0) was the report, and this (https://gov.gg/stmartinsprimaryofsted) was the headline reporting that went along with it, which seems to have been largely swallowed whole. Am I right in thinking that, in the UK, where you do get a rating, then if your 'quality of education' is rated as 'requires improvement' then your de facto rating is 'requires improvement' [ie 3 out of 4 on the scale] - whilst our mooks are selling it as if the fact that their 'personal development and welfare' scored as excellent [should be a given, the equivalent of getting an A in General Studies imo] meaning the school has achieved something that


Only 13% of primary schools inspected by Ofsted in England under its new framework have received an 'excellent' rating.

That relates to an overall ranking of excellent though, surely?

Teachers also moaning online that Ofsted changed the inspection regime shortly before bowling in, natch.

[Giggles]

Back in today and I forgot how much the cunts near make you feel guilty for having covid. Nobody did a fucking tap for me while I was out either.

[SvN]

Funnily enough one of our primary schools got inspected recently and the report was finally released today [although they get to edit out the actual headline ranking]. Most of the secondary schools are beyond bad and it seems the primaries, whilst better, are probably on the same path. The PR operation that went into operation upon publication was impressive. This (https://gov.gg/CHttpHandler.ashx?id=161478&p=0) was the report, and this (https://gov.gg/stmartinsprimaryofsted) was the headline reporting that went along with it, which seems to have been largely swallowed whole. Am I right in thinking that, in the UK, where you do get a rating, then if your 'quality of education' is rated as 'requires improvement' then your de facto rating is 'requires improvement' [ie 3 out of 4 on the scale] - whilst our mooks are selling it as if the fact that their 'personal development and welfare' scored as excellent [should be a given, the equivalent of getting an A in General Studies imo] meaning the school has achieved something that



That relates to an overall ranking of excellent though, surely?

Teachers also moaning online that Ofsted changed the inspection regime shortly before bowling in, natch.

That's hilarious. The press release (which is what it reads as) makes hardly any mention of the fact that they scores badly main category - i.e. the actual learning of stuff. It's like a dentist telling you your teeth are rotten, but surprisingly, your breath doesn't smell that bad.

[Don]

First day back in the office for 3 weeks (thank you, WC) and I get all the way to the train station, greeted by a packed platform, a train parked on it which is unable to depart for unexplained reasons and I proceed to wait for the train that's meant to immediately follow it. The train's departure time continually gets put back minute-by-minute during which time no useful information is released so after 30 mins I give up and return home. Godbless the flexibility my employer offers me and godbless the souls of those who actually have to put up with this country's rail network.

[Baz]

First day back in the office for 3 weeks (thank you, WC) and I get all the way to the train station, greeted by a packed platform, a train parked on it which is unable to depart for unexplained reasons and I proceed to wait for the train that's meant to immediately follow it. The train's departure time continually gets put back minute-by-minute during which time no useful information is released so after 30 mins I give up and return home. Godbless the flexibility my employer offers me and godbless the souls of those who actually have to put up with this country's rail network.I'm attending a conference for Merseyside providers on Friday. Just had an email to say the Greater Manchester equivalent has been cancelled due to rail strikes. :uhoh:

[Spikey M]

Nice one Lofty you layabout prick.

[Don]

I've managed to get out of a hideous 2-day work thing off the back of the 13/14th strikes so well in, Loffers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab is back from a holiday trip to Paris (his dad took him there for his birthday). The first night they went to a restaurant and ordered beef. This being France, the beef was cooked rare. They sent it back. The Arab's dad demanded to see the chef and told him that he could cook this beef better with his farts (a bold strategy when dealing with a French chef, I'll grant him). The beef returned no better cooked than it had been before. They refused to eat the beef and only paid for the wine.

They vowed never again to eat French food and so the next night it was McDonald's. The Arab was trying to order from one of the DIY screens but it was all in French. He found an Algerian nearby and asked him why the menu wasn't written in English. The Algerian, not unreasonably, said that it was because, in France, things are written in French. In a huff, the Arab got the Algerian to do his order for him on the screen, then took his ticket to pay up at the counter. Once again pressing the Algerian into service as his translator, he demanded to know why the woman behind the counter wouldn't speak English to him. The Algerian told him it was because she didn't speak English. The Arab said: "This is one of the biggest tourist countries in the world, and you don't speak English? I do not believe this. This is the worst service I ever received. You can keep your burger," and promptly walked out without paying.

The following day, they went to visit Burberry. In preparation for this, the Arab's dad dressed up in full Burberry gear from head to toe, as if he was a United fan dressing up in full kit for a tour of Old Trafford. Upon arriving at the Burberry store, they started looking at things. There was a jacket priced at 700 euros. The Arab's dad said to the shop assistant: 'Who wore this, the King of France?' The shop assistant said: 'Perhaps this store is not the class for you' (10/10 for Frenchness on this response). The Arab's dad obviously seethed at this comment, talking him through each Burberry item he was wearing and how he bought it for thousands. As the final piece de resistance, he bought a hat for 200 euros, gave it to the shop assistant, and said 'Here, keep this hat, from a man of my class, for otherwise you will never wear such a hat'.

The Arab told me all of these anecdotes on a 30 minute walk to town and back, during which he only stopped to pick up a lamb shish and chips which he had phoned ahead to order. I had a salmon sandwich.

[Boydy]

:lol:

I fucking love this guy.

[Bernanke]

The following day, they went to visit Burberry. In preparation for this, the Arab's dad dressed up in full Burberry gear from head to toe, as if he was a United fan dressing up in full kit for a tour of Old Trafford. Upon arriving at the Burberry store, they started looking at things. There was a jacket priced at 700 euros. The Arab's dad said to the shop assistant: 'Who wore this, the King of France?' The shop assistant said: 'Perhaps this store is not the class for you' (10/10 for Frenchness on this response). The Arab's dad obviously seethed at this comment, talking him through each Burberry item he was wearing and how he bought it for thousands. As the final piece de resistance, he bought a hat for 200 euros, gave it to the shop assistant, and said 'Here, keep this hat, from a man of my class, for otherwise you will never wear such a hat'.

:D :D :D

This might be my favourite one yet.

[Kikó]

What a guy.

[randomlegend]

As the final piece de resistance, he bought a hat for 200 euros, gave it to the shop assistant, and said 'Here, keep this hat, from a man of my class, for otherwise you will never wear such a hat'.
.

:lol:

[Ben]

Absolutely tremendous. :D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The hat thing is incredible :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

His dad is a don, tbf. Fought Taz's lot in the Iran-Iraq war, then got chucked out by Saddam, only to make bajillions elsewhere. The Arab is like a shit, James Murdoch style version of him.

[Shindig]

The Algerian > The Arab.

[Spikey M]

An Arab immigrant being the biggest little Englander in the country is a beautiful tale of acceptance and integration.

[Foe]

In role promotion confirmed today.

21.5% pay rise.

:drool:

Turns out applying for other jobs makes things happen.

[Ben]

That’s the ticket. Easier than moving on. I got £10k from the same thing.

[Foe]

Yeah, I didn’t really want to move. Had an interview for another (internal) job which I think sort of moved things along.

Target over the next 2 years is avoid getting sacked.

I knew the level above came with a “perk” which would’ve been about a 8.5% payrise in itself, but they bumped my salary up by more than anticipated too.

[Baz]

In role promotion confirmed today.

21.5% pay rise.

:drool:

Turns out applying for other jobs makes things happen.

Class that. You were already on a decent wedge too so that must be bloody mega.

Get a few boxes of World Cup stickers ordered from Groupon while the moneys still hot.

[Danny]

Congrats Foe

Angling for a promotion myself but I doubt it comes with 20%. More like the 8-10% range you mentioned. Although, right before Thanksgiving and my trip home my boss called to let me know they were looking at doing retention bonuses for select people in the group. 20% to stay for at least another year. Considering they are taking care of me, the money keeps going up anyway and I wasn't looking, it's a no brainer.

We have been seriously short staffed across the whole department this year though. Candidates have been few and far between for the entry level roles, fuck knows whats going on. Talking with one of the others getting it, we came to the conclusion its surplus in the budget they have to use or lose so they thought 'fuck it' give it the ones we like.

[Foe]

The community levelling up. :wub:

I think I posted previously the company was giving everyone a 6% of salary cost of living bonus in December pay. I racked my brain of what to buy in celebration of such an unexpected windfall and ended up with a new George Foreman grill and Pokémon brilliant diamond for the switch. :moop:

Not entirely sure what to do for this one.

[Danny]

Didnt they just bring out a couple more Pokemon games? Settled.

[Ben]

Mine’s gone on heating.

[Foe]

I just want them to re release Pokémon blue and gold for the switch.

Might just order the originals and get myself a gameboy advance.

[Spikey M]

Can't you buy it on the online store? I had it on the 3DS that way.

[Foe]

You can for the 3ds I think, but it’s not compatible with the switch.

Although you’ve just reminded me I have a 3DS so actually. GAME ON.

[Lofty]

Get a steam deck and emulate all the pokemon games.

[Baz]

Anyone else doing "christmas jumper day" today?

[Ben]

Isn't it a Friday thing usually?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Maybe from the roof.

Barney sent news of 'Baby Freddie' at 3am, his second child with as many women, so he's gone. The Arab just hasn't turned up today, he texted me something about penguins living in the UK at this temperature. As such it's just me and various members of the Wurzels to welcome the launch of our new e-commerce website. I say welcome the launch - we've decided to go with what's being termed a 'silent launch', i.e. we make a website but reckon it's rubbish, so don't tell anyone about it and just hope for the best. True marketing genius.

[Ben]

I live for Tales of The Arab these days. :D

[Waffdon]

I really hope the stories are true and Jimmy doesn’t have a hint of the the Igor’s about him. Regardless, it’s fun reading anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If anything I leave out a lot to improve the narrative flow. I didn't get into their friends Saleem and Albert (fuck knows) also being on the Paris trip and stopping passers by in the street to tell them they were wearing shit clothes.

[Spikey M]

Jimmy, you're going with them next time and we'll have no arguments about it.

[niko_cee]

Anyone else doing "christmas jumper day" today?

Kids were doing it at school today.

[Giggles]

I bet Baz was the one that organised it. Most banterest one wins.

[Baz]

I bet Baz was the one that organised it. Most banterest one wins.Again, this perception of me as some mad banterlord is weird.

[Spikey M]

I have 3. All bought for me and all worn once for about an hour or 2 at best.

One features Father Christmas writing "Mary Xmas" on to a snow covered floor in his own piss. Banter.

Another features an office worker Father Christmas wearing a jumper saying "Out Of Office On". Banter.

The last, is actually a t-shirt and claims that "Santa Says Relax" with the S wearing a cheeky Christmas hat. Shit Banter, lad. Fuck off.

[Ben]

My wife rang me yesterday when she was in Asda and wanted to buy me one that said "NUT ROAST" on it because it will make me look like a vegan. Beat that banter Baz.

[Manc]

Again, this perception of me as some mad banterlord is weird.

This is the role you have been assigned. It's easier to just accept it, ask Kiko.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Finally booked the South America trip for February which has been delayed a couple of times, going with a 79 year old man.

I'm there for 21 days, 13 of which contain at least one flight. There are 16 flights in total, mostly on the Colombian and Peruvian carriers. Going to seven countries - all bar Arg, Bra and Ven.

It's the point when you look things like having to arrive at 'Jorge Wilstermann International Airport, Cochabamba' for a 40 minute flight taking off at 7.05am that you realise the sheer scale of this undertaking. All in the name of learning how to do about 1.5 million of business per annum.

[Ben]

Giggles might top himself just at the thought of that many airports.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

At least you'll have wrapped up the best thread award early.

[Yevrah]

A 40 minute flight? Are you ever above 30,000 feet for that?

[Spikey M]

I don't think the type of single engine, coke shuttling, boneshaker he'll be on ever goes that high.

[Waffdon]

A 40 minute flight? Are you ever above 30,000 feet for that?

It takes around that to get to Amsterdam on a good day

[Jimmy Floyd]

As the crow flies that one is about the same as London to Leeds, but the drive takes more than 10 hours. Boliviana de Aviación it is.

[Ben]

It's insane how it takes days to get anywhere out in the Andes. Our company has a job about 3 hours up the mountain from Santiago (but only like 100km) so all the workers have to stay in one of those camps that looks like it belongs in Xinjiang. I was asked by a colleague a few years ago if I wanted to go on a visit there (and also Israel at some point too) in one of those jollies branded "knowledge building exercises" but I politely declined and went to Munich instead even though what they were doing there wasn't really relevant.

[Kikó]

This is the role you have been assigned. It's easier to just accept it, ask Kiko.

Yes, sorry that's your role baz. You're so edgy.

[Luca]

The Arab is a tremendous character. It’s a shame we won’t get to hear more about him after Jim dies in a dodgy South American airline accident.

[Shindig]

This is also my thought as well. Or we get a rather mundane tale of survival.

[Lofty]

Ideally both the Arab and Jim are sent to South America, end up surviving a plane crash in the Andes and Jim just compiles an exasperated survival diary to post here upon their rescue.

[Shindig]

His first day back would be The Boss bollocking him for not checking his emails for weeks.

[randomlegend]

Or the Arab does something mental and gets them sent to prison together.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab has already been to prison. I'm not sure what for (I'm guessing drugs), but whatever it was, prison terms over there seem to be less about what you have done and more about who you know who can get you released. As such he complains bitterly about having been in for 3/4 months, not because he didn't deserve it, but because there was a family friend who could have got him out but elected not to do so.

[Lofty]

Out of interest, who gets a Christmas bonus? I've never had one, or worked anywhere that subscribed to the notion. My wife however gets a pretty healthy one every year (£1500+). Is this the minority these days?

[Ben]

I don't, but I get an annual bonus (~10% of salary) which usually drops in the summer so I guess that's the same thing because I can't imagine many companies will double dip.

[Ian]

I've had one job where we got quarterly bonuses which were performance based and were dead easy to max out, other than that it's been firms finding excuses to not give it out that year or just bonuses weren't a thing.

[Kikó]

We don't get bonuses. The German government have offered to let companies offer their employees up to 3k tax free to help with cost of living which is pretty good.

[Giggles]

Usually get a grand in an envelope so as it can’t be taxed and then a 500 quid gift card as that also can’t be taxed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've had a Christmas bonus both at the Korean place and here. I remember one year in Korea it was weirdly high to the point it was about 20% of the pittance salary I was earning there. Here it started off at £500 and last year I got £2k, think it depends how arsed they are about keeping you.

[niko_cee]

Do you still get brown envelopes from 'the boss' geezer?

[Jimmy Floyd]

When he remembers, yeah. He's visiting the office next week so that normally results in lunch and a magnum of Chateauneuf-du-Pape which then sits gathering dust in my one-bed flat because when the fuck would there be an occasion for me to crack that open.

[Lofty]

When the computer lands a 100/1 shot.

[niko_cee]

What's a magnum? 1.5 litres? Could easily do that over Christmas lunch, surely.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't deprive my now retired father of about 34% of his annual leisure time in 'researching wine for Christmas'.

[Boydy]

Give him the wine and tell him to research food instead. Fucking paella.

[Danny]

No Christmas bonuses here. I used to get an annual bonus of around ~12% but a large company purchase and corporate restructure saw that off. It was only managers anyway but it seems like they tightened the level it trickles down to. I mentioned angling for a promotion (and the random retention bonus) above and hoping I can slide back in with that.

Though a large chuck of it depends on company performance so I am not sure it’s even been on the table the last year or so.

[Dquincy]

Give him the wine and tell him to research food instead. Fucking paella.

This.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Had my appraisal today. It was a far cry from the olden days where the Israeli owner would just talk about himself for 5 minutes and then give me a 2% payrise. I got 9% (nurses and postmen eat your heart out) and we had a decent chat about what I could do in the future. At one point I said: 'I'm not unambitious'. The MD said: 'So you're ambitious.' I was seething as that is exactly the sort of 3/10 mickey take gag I would do. At the end, he offered me the traditional bowl of chocolates. They were those round Lindt jobbies in different colours. I took one at random. He said 'Oh, you've taken the best one.' I said: 'Oh, have I?' It was turquoise. I don't know what the colours mean. Apparently turquoise means salted caramel. I said: "Oh, sorry, you must have had your eye on it," in a jokey way. He said: "Yeah." I thought: wait, should I put it back? Then I thought no, of course I shouldn't fucking put it back. So I ate it. It was nice.

[Foe]

9% is Hecking good. Congrats.

Those Lindt chocolate balls are supreme.

[Boydy]

Had my appraisal today. It was a far cry from the olden days where the Israeli owner would just talk about himself for 5 minutes and then give me a 2% payrise. I got 9% (nurses and postmen eat your heart out) and we had a decent chat about what I could do in the future. At one point I said: 'I'm not unambitious'. The MD said: 'So you're ambitious.' I was seething as that is exactly the sort of 3/10 mickey take gag I would do. At the end, he offered me the traditional bowl of chocolates. They were those round Lindt jobbies in different colours. I took one at random. He said 'Oh, you've taken the best one.' I said: 'Oh, have I?' It was turquoise. I don't know what the colours mean. Apparently turquoise means salted caramel. I said: "Oh, sorry, you must have had your eye on it," in a jokey way. He said: "Yeah." I thought: wait, should I put it back? Then I thought no, of course I shouldn't fucking put it back. So I ate it. It was nice.

I hope you ate while maintaining eye contact with him. Establish dominance over the old man. His time is over.

[Ben]

We have our appraisals at the end of the calendar year but any pay rises generally only happen at the start of the financial year, so by the time that rolls round the appraisal has been forgotten. Cute.

[Shindig]

I hope you ate while maintaining eye contact with him. Establish dominance over the old man. His time is over.

https://media.tenor.com/RhwLGw3klsUAAAAC/the-simpsons-lemon.gif

A real powerplay.

[mo]

Two sixth formers excluded for two days for giving year 7s 'sleigh rides' in the school car park, by attaching a boogie board to the back of their car and driving it round the school car park.

Ho ho ho.

[igor_balis]

Barclays gave an Xmas bonus along with another one or two earlier in the year, but considering the base salary was about 17k it wasn't that exciting. Was usually a couple of quid a pop.

Also, as mentioned before ages ago, when I was about to leave the super senior big boss told me not to worry about me leaving just before Xmas, she'd make sure that I'd get my bonus, which was gonna be £1,000 cus I'd been so fucking class and then I texted her a couple of weeks later I got the lol new number who dis response :moop:

Get absolutely fuck all at place I'm about to leave cus charity and they're so shit scared of OPTICS of some guardian exposé about donation money being spent on blah blah etc etc. Christmas meal isn't paid for, no bonuses, and when I went away to the conference they put us in a budget ibis by a main road and gave us £10/day food allowance. In London. Lol.

[Baz]

My work is having a restructure so had a meeting about it today. Unsurprisingly the job I started in October is still my job and nothing has changed. Yet they still tried to big it up as a super serious important meeting.

Also started with 'we'll just discuss job titles today and not put names to any roles yet... so this is now where Natalie sits'

https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.613763001.4940/flat,128x128,075,t.u6.jpg

They have opened up 2 more steps on the payscale for me to get to though, so there was some good bits.

[Kikó]

Barclays gave an Xmas bonus along with another one or two earlier in the year, but considering the base salary was about 17k it wasn't that exciting. Was usually a couple of quid a pop.

Also, as mentioned before ages ago, when I was about to leave the super senior big boss told me not to worry about me leaving just before Xmas, she'd make sure that I'd get my bonus, which was gonna be £1,000 cus I'd been so fucking class and then I texted her a couple of weeks later I got the lol new number who dis response :moop:

Get absolutely fuck all at place I'm about to leave cus charity and they're so shit scared of OPTICS of some guardian exposé about donation money being spent on blah blah etc etc. Christmas meal isn't paid for, no bonuses, and when I went away to the conference they put us in a budget ibis by a main road and gave us £10/day food allowance. In London. Lol.

Never leave before the bonus is paid in financial services. There's a reason why there's usually a mass exodus around April.

[Offshore Toon]

I've landed a new job and I'm genuinely DELIGHTED. 65% pay increase and I'm no longer allowed to express my political opinion publicly. Dream job. :huhu:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are you the new presenter of MOTD?

[Offshore Toon]

I'm too white and too male for that.

[Baz]

I've landed a new job and I'm genuinely DELIGHTED. 65% pay increase and I'm no longer allowed to express my political opinion publicly. Dream job. :huhu:

Well in.

[Bernanke]

65% :cool:

[Kikó]

Ridiculous pay jump. Well played.

[Shindig]

Frig. That's one hell of an effort.

[SvN]

What do you make of this? We had a video call with a new client earlier, and one of my account managers sent a summary email to the people in the call.

One of them just sent an email that contained this:


Thank you for the email.

We look forward to working with you and your team. However, I would appreciate it if you didn't refer to David and I as 'guys', we are both professional people.

To clarify, she started the email with "Hi guys". I'm tempted to tell him to go and swivel, but curious to see what others think.

[Baz]

Sounds like him and David (those guys) would fit right in here, the autistic bellend loser. :lol:

It's it not mega money, tell them to take their seriousness elsewhere.

[Boydy]

I thought it was going to be telling you off for using "guys" for a group of people who weren't all men when I got to the guys part.

Probably don't tell him to go and swivel if they're a client but it's fucking odd.

[Boydy]

Also, are they accountants?

[Giggles]

The very same as the pronoun cretins, tell them to lie in their piss and fuck off.

[phonics]

I was once reprimanded for using ‘Hey X’ instead of ‘Hi X’

[Giggles]

The X means they should have had their head held underwater for 45 minutes.

[Don]

Giggles is baying for some LGBTQ+ blood here.

Not a fucking clue what the guys are on about though, fucking hell, this ain't Victorian Britain.

[Boydy]

The X means they should have had their head held underwater for 45 minutes.

I think the X was just a placeholder, you mentalist.

[Giggles]

I think the X was just a placeholder, you mentalist.

These days? Are you really certain?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wouldn't call customers 'guys' in writing, it's not very professional. That said, them kicking off about it is a bit pompous to say the least.

Customer is always right etc.

[phonics]

Giggles getting full triggered by something that’s been in place for hundreds of years.

[Lofty]

Jim is correct, it isn't professional in the strictest sense. Always address them by name. Annoying at our spot because there are several people who go by names that aren't their actual names :moop:

[Dquincy]

What do you make of this? We had a video call with a new client earlier, and one of my account managers sent a summary email to the people in the call.

One of them just sent an email that contained this:



To clarify, she started the email with "Hi guys". I'm tempted to tell him to go and swivel, but curious to see what others think.

Ignore it. Doesn't matter if they're a cunt, as long as they're a cunt paying you money.

[Manc]

Annoying at our spot because there are several people who go by names that aren't their actual names :moop:

This is end of days stuff.

[Lofty]

So far it hasnt been problematic but when busy if you just reply using their screen name (for example Carl) but you know they insist on 'Jeff' it can feel like you have commited some inadvertant hate crime.

[Baz]

Someone from work who isn’t fit at all requested to follow me on Instagram. She has a recent bikini pic (phone strategically covering her face) and yowzer. :chief:

[Don]

You needed the IG account to discover it? Disappointed.

[igor_balis]

Lol my ex work colleague called a customer buddy and he went mental, shouting at him that he wasn't his buddy. Six months later he came in cus it turned out his russian girlfriend that he'd transferred 20k to wasn't actually his girlfriend, lol bad luck buddy.

[Dquincy]

Someone from work who isn’t fit at all requested to follow me on Instagram. She has a recent bikini pic (phone strategically covering her face) and yowzer. :chief:

Ya what? She's not fit, but she has a cracking body? Sounds like she's fit.

[Mike]

What do you make of this? We had a video call with a new client earlier, and one of my account managers sent a summary email to the people in the call.

One of them just sent an email that contained this:



To clarify, she started the email with "Hi guys". I'm tempted to tell him to go and swivel, but curious to see what others think.

Reply with ‘Sorry guys, won’t happen again.’

[Spikey M]

I'd call them a jumped up cunt and invite them to conduct a swivel. Or just get Taz in to gammon them to death.

[Ian]

Just reply to their email with the exact same text but the names swapped if they themselves opened with "Hi guys."

[randomlegend]

Lol my ex work colleague called a customer buddy and he went mental, shouting at him that he wasn't his buddy. Six months later he came in cus it turned out his russian girlfriend that he'd transferred 20k to wasn't actually his girlfriend, lol bad luck buddy.

Is your customer chabuddy g?

[randomlegend]

Regarding the email conversation, start your emails with "Sup cunts" from here onwards.

[Baz]

Is your customer chabuddy g?

Love that guy. Honestly one of the funniest characters ever written.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Right up there with Mrs Brown, yeah?

[Giggles]

Right up there with Mrs Brown, yeah?

Or that chav Instagram family

[Baz]

Right up there with Mrs Brown, yeah?

Polar opposites, from what I've seen.

[ScousePig]

We've been notified that Ofsted are visiting tomorrow and Wednesday. It's been on the cards for a while, to the extent that we've been in a semi-permanent state of limbo since September. Exclusions have been avoided to keep numbers low, formal grievances ignored by the head in the hope they'll go away, and as has been the trend of the 'post-COVID' times, we continue to follow the path of least resistance with the kids, allowing them greater and greater freedom (and worse - blurred lines to take advantage of) in the hopes that they'll shut up and go away.

I'm ignoring all the panicky emails from senior leaders reminding us of curriculum rationales, teaching and learning foci etc, because it's not going to help anyone. If these things aren't in place and robust already, then reminding everyone now isn't suddenly going to rememdy it for the next two days.

Not sure if I'll get to speak to an inspector, maybe from a pastoral point of view, but they're focusing on Geography not History so I think I'm less likely to be grilled.

I do actually hope they see all the systemic issues, as a rating of 'inadequate' would lead to much needed change. But I suspect we'll get good and trundle on thinking everything is ok.

I stumbled upon this post as I opened the thread. We had a Section 5 Ofsted this Tuesday and Wednesday. We had to work on our foundation curriculum as it was deemed an area for improvement when we had a Section 8 last September, so we've been a bit on tenterhooks for a while too. It was a pain them coming Christmas week, but much better to get it out of the way.

There will be nothing official until January, but it went well.

Edit: like you, I'm history coordinator and they did a 'deep dive' into history.

[Dquincy]

I stumbled upon this post as I opened the thread. We had a Section 5 Ofsted this Tuesday and Wednesday. We had to work on our foundation curriculum as it was deemed an area for improvement when we had a Section 8 last September, so we've been a bit on tenterhooks for a while too. It was a pain them coming Christmas week, but much better to get it out of the way.

There will be nothing official until January, but it went well.

Edit: like you, I'm history coordinator and they did a 'deep dive' into history.

I thought Section 8's were the only a 2 day inspections? The other being a 1 dayer.

I also was told that all Ofsted visits recently are to be Section 8 inspections due to the past years disruption by covid and local downs. Could be nonsense though.

Was their recent visit due to your school inviting them back? Or did they do it of their own accord? Seems quite a quick re-visit.

[ScousePig]

I thought Section 8's were the only a 2 day inspections? The other being a 1 dayer.

I also was told that all Ofsted visits recently are to be Section 8 inspections due to the past years disruption by covid and local downs. Could be nonsense though.

Was their recent visit due to your school inviting them back? Or did they do it of their own accord? Seems quite a quick re-visit.

Section 8 and 5 are both two days, 8 being an interim inspection and 5 being a full one.

We had a Section 8 the very first day we could have had one after their Covid guidelines changed (the second week of term last September). We were still quite restriction heavy and it didn't go down particularly well. We were a 'good' school and remained so, but if they see a particular area which requires development they will come back after around a year and carry out a full Section 5.

We won't see them now for around 3-5 years.

[Dquincy]

Ah, I see. Well done on getting through it and achieving a 'good'.

My son's primary school (I'm a parent governor) had one a couple of weeks ago. As expected, it did not go well and the school 'requires improvement'.

The main issue for my son's school is the head teacher previously passed away and they've taken 2 years to replace her. The school was effectively rudderless for those 2 to 3 years. A new permanent head has come in from September and alienated all the teachers. She thinks they're underachieving and she's trying to stamp down her own way of doing things. The next 12 months will be interesting. Not great.

[mo]

I stumbled upon this post as I opened the thread. We had a Section 5 Ofsted this Tuesday and Wednesday. We had to work on our foundation curriculum as it was deemed an area for improvement when we had a Section 8 last September, so we've been a bit on tenterhooks for a while too. It was a pain them coming Christmas week, but much better to get it out of the way.

There will be nothing official until January, but it went well.

Edit: like you, I'm history coordinator and they did a 'deep dive' into history.

Glad it went well. We've been informally told we'll remain good. I didn't even see an inspector while they were here, but some of my colleagues were seen 4-5 times over the two days.

Oddly enough, we've started excluding students again now.

[Baz]

All kicking off in Guernsey (https://www.itv.com/news/channel/2022-12-16/one-person-in-hospital-and-three-arrested-after-large-fight-in-pub).

Video here: https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/zo43m2/pub_brawl_with_brutal_ending/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

[Ben]

Well that cunt at the end is getting banged up for a long time.

[Baz]

Yep. Definition of heads gone. I wonder if the pool ball hit anyone.

[Spikey M]

I thought Guernsey was the civilised island and Jersey was the scummy, exploding house, nonce protecting one?

And yeah, the fella at the end is doing time.

[mo]

Assume this wasn't for the jobs thread though...

[Baz]

News of the day. :uhoh:

[niko_cee]

I assume this is the harbour lights (aka Harbour fights) fight. Some properly scummy behaviour if it is.

[Shindig]

From now on I'll judge all fights on how resource intensive they are.

[Spikey M]

Time for my annual pre-Christmas "I have zero motivation" post. Thus is bollocks. Pointless bollocks.

[Offshore Toon]

I thought Guernsey was the civilised island and Jersey was the scummy, exploding house, nonce protecting one?

And yeah, the fella at the end is doing time.
Clearly stints in Southend and Coventry have removed your ability to recognise civility.

[Boydy]

Time for my annual pre-Christmas "I have zero motivation" post. Thus is bollocks. Pointless bollocks.
Today's my last day and I'm doing very very little.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab is in full send mode as business winds down for the year. He just told me a story about the first time he visited London as a 20 year old. He was a jiu jitsu instructor at the time (or so he claims). He went to King's Cross and wanted a train to Hatfield. Being him he didn't look at the information boards or ask at the information desk, he just went up to a random man in a suit and asked how to get a train to Hatfield. The man in a suit said 'I don't see how this is my problem'. The Arab then elbow-punched him in the face (he demonstrated this, seems to be an MMA move). He was quickly arrested and told that if he offended again he wouldn't be able to enter the UK for ten years.

This was in the context of me trying to explain to him that in this country (especially when on a conditional working visa) it's not a good idea to solve disputes with pre-emptive violence, and that we don't care about 'honour'. He finds this frustrating as, back in Jordan, if anyone insults him or says something he doesn't like, he just lays them out and that solves it.

[Ian]

He genuinely sounds like a man without a redeeming feature beyond being a source of anecdotes for here.

[Spikey M]

Which is more than enough redeeming feature for me to be fair.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He is quite fun to be around in the sense that he entertains. He is an over privileged man-child with zero self-awareness and an inability to sit still or shut up.

[-james-]

Get him on the board. Best and Worst Poster 2023.

[Spikey M]

He wouldn't survive TTH. One ":harold:" and he'd be turning up on doorsteps.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think the thing that sums him up best is that he wouldn't accept that the Ancient Egyptians weren't all 10 foot tall until I showed him a graph of average human height over time. Until then it was all I PROMISE YOU and ON MY FATHER'S HONOUR.

[Spikey M]

I do love the honour stuff, which should be "I will be honest, modest and devout" but just ends up being "YOU will pretend I am honest, modest and devout or you're getting fucked up, son".

It's basically the Mafia model.

[Ben]

His Dad is the man. :cool:

[Pepe]

He wouldn't survive TTH. One ":harold:" and he'd be turning up on doorsteps.

I'm ready.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I just went and had lunch with him. He told me about both his prison stints. One was for supply of cannabis, the other was for banging an underage girl. 15 day sentence for each, but the first one ended up being longer because he kept breaking people's arms inside when they insulted him.

He also told me about his spell in Canada, where his dad paid for him to rent an apartment in order to study for a degree. He found the degree boring so quit almost immediately and started raking it in as a mixed martial arts trainer. Eventually his dad found out, flew over to Canada unannounced, came to the door and presented him with a ticket for the next plane back to Jordan.

Oh, and (I didn't know this before) someone in the warehouse apparently got fired last month after saying 'Here comes the camel trader' when his dad walked through.

[Pepe]

He's a virgin and never been in a fight, isn't he?

[Manc]

Knocking about on lunch with a nonce. Merry Christmas.

[SvN]

He sounds like a brown version of the IT nerd from The Office.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, I tried to do a 'Hang on there old boy, you're telling this story loudly in a Hungry Horse chain pub' but he doesn't have ears, only a larynx.

She was 16/17 so wouldn't have been underage here but still pretty noncey.

[Ian]

I would simply not go for lunch with the fightnonce, but this is why I never have good stories for the board

[Jimmy Floyd]

The company aren't firing him any time soon, so one is best off learning to live with him.