The All New Jobs Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

I just worked out a way of pulling the data on who has done what work from the system without being detected (thanks to my mole in the IT department).

Turns out I've done 146 quotes and got £40k of orders in the last week, and the next highest person in our 18-strong sales team is 92 quotes for £15k of orders.

LOL

Also turns out the Russian is the laziest man alive, only done 10 quotes in the space of a week to my 146, probably earns about £10k more than me. Mind you he has to go to Siberia next week so swings and roundabouts.

[Baz]

You don’t help yourself, Jim.

Like you know they take the piss but now you’ve got the data to back it up. Finding out everyone’s salaries at one of my jobs was the final straw, that’ll be next.


Edit: sidekick met my son today :happycry:

[Luke Emia]

You don’t help yourself, Jim.

Like you know they take the piss but now you’ve got the data to back it up. Finding out everyone’s salaries at one of my jobs was the final straw, that’ll be next.


Edit: sidekick met my son today :happycry:

Good to get the meeting with his 'new mum' early I suppose.

[Dquincy]

You don’t help yourself, Jim.

Like you know they take the piss but now you’ve got the data to back it up. Finding out everyone’s salaries at one of my jobs was the final straw, that’ll be next.


Edit: sidekick met my son today :happycry:

She wants you to put a son in her. :drool:

She clearly likes you a lot.

[Baz]

Another work jolly today. An inconvenient four hour meeting in the middle of the day, bookended by Starbucks and cocktails.

[Dark Soldier]

Interview for Junior System Analyst on Tuesday. Somehow got the interview despite zero qualifications but I mentioned PEBCAK in the app which prob swung it.

Got to do an assessment pre-interview, written. I'm guessing troubleshooting or summat to see how you handle it.

Any IT bods in here have even a rough inkling of what kinda assessment it would be for this role? Even if its not directly the same or even close just a general idea would help me prepare.

[Ben]

News of pay rise today. 8% from April. Had 15% last year due to Covid and cost of living. Not even been here 2 years and wage has increased 23% lol

What a place.

What happened bro?

[Dark Soldier]

What happened bro?

The new role is within the same organisation and would be an additional 5% on top of the above. Internal role, not leaving

[Raoul Duke]

Interview for Junior System Analyst on Tuesday. Somehow got the interview despite zero qualifications but I mentioned PEBCAK in the app which prob swung it.

Got to do an assessment pre-interview, written. I'm guessing troubleshooting or summat to see how you handle it.

Any IT bods in here have even a rough inkling of what kinda assessment it would be for this role? Even if its not directly the same or even close just a general idea would help me prepare.
wullie does IT, if I remember correctly. He's probably able to turn almost any computer off and back on again

[wullie]

Only if I can do it remotely

[Dark Soldier]

Job sounds easy. I've been learning Powershell last few weeks but if I only have to press the power button, banging.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This place has reached peak moron I think. One of the sales team, an Italian woman, works in a separate office on her own and often complains bitterly about being left out of things / conversations. As a result she asked to move into the main sales office with us. There isn't any space at the moment, so to make space they decided to knock down a partition wall into a neighbouring, defunct reception area. Builders in, bang bang bang, the wall comes down like it's 1989. Room now much bigger and space for two more desks.

Italian woman: actually I've changed my mind, I'll stay where I am.

[Shindig]

Build that wall!

[Lofty]

Surely at a spot like yours where going to warzones is a non negotiable part of the job if you are unlucky enough to cover that area, the Saffas are going to lol the Italian woman out of her office? Is she attractive? That is the only reason they will accomodate a u-turn surely.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Rumour is that the MD has a soft spot for the Italian woman (she's pushing 60) because he likes her big nipples. At least that's what one of my bosses said last year after a bottle of white wine at a fish restaurant. She's certainly fond of crying straight to him when she doesn't get her own way.

Nipple size obviously a key part of any workplace dynamic.

[Spikey M]

It takes a certain type of man to deal with an Italian woman. The volume, the intensity of emotions and how tactile they are. They would crush me under heel.

Anyway, I'm off for a wank.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Her greatest Italian hit was when my boss (the old cockney geezer) forgot to thank her for her extremely small amount of help during the year during his bit at an annual get-together. She kicked off in front of everyone. The next morning he brought her in flowers to apologise, she took them from his hand and threw them straight in the bin.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What a woman.

[Lofty]

Going to need specifics on the nipple diameter here, are we talking drinks coasters or full on burger nips? Definitely why they are in her thrall.

[Kikó]

Rumour is that the MD has a soft spot for the Italian woman (she's pushing 60) because he likes her big nipples. .

https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/11/20/article-2510456-1987401F00000578-450_634x574.jpg

[Baz]

How has anyone seen her nips?

[Jimmy Floyd]

No one needs to have done. Middle aged men start drinking wine together, their minds race; a rumour, like a plate-sized nipple from a bra, slips out. Either that or someone has seen them.

[Bernanke]

Maybe the South Africans saved money on heating in her office.

[randomlegend]

I was unaware enormous nipples was considered a desirable trait.

[Spikey M]

I'm not sure they are, per se. It's more to do with knowing something about a woman's private parts. Especially if you're a sad, perverted old man.

It's similar to Angela Rayners Ginger Growler. Ginger pubes aren't exactly in demand, but there's something almost voyeuristic about knowing she has them.

I sound like I should be on a register, don't I?

[Baz]

FWIW my nipples are huge (and very dark).

[Spikey M]

One of my friends has started a new job and went for a team lunch. All the men got a burger - obviously - and upon seeing the size of it, his manager said "this might be a knife and fork job. What do you think?"

Well, "it's always a handjob for me" is what he thought.

Top work.

[randomlegend]

Was it bigger or smaller than the Italian's nipples? That's my only point of reference when it comes to burgers.

[Mike]

“Nipple and a half that burger! Pass me the knife and fork!”

[Dark Soldier]

Had the IS interview today. Everything I prepped for (Powershell, SQL etc), the questions were the complete opposite and about shit I haven't done. Complete disaster, knew about ten minutes in its a no. Love it

[Dark Soldier]

And another interview lined up for a week on Friday. Case review/Investigations for Specialst Applications. Thorough kinda job. Specialist apps are highly complicated and can take over 12 months to process. Let's have it.

[Shindig]

A couple of cracking emails to start the day off. Some bloke went postal at one of our Casablanca offices, stabbing three.

How does Durham follow that up? Someone's smeared shit all over the disabled toilet walls last night. This is not the first time this has happened. :uhoh:

[Spikey M]

That happened in the disabled toilet at my old work. Do you have anyone that's moved up there from Essex? We could solve 2 crimes here. :sherlock:

[Shindig]

No but we did have some fella come up from the call centre asking if we had any jobs going. That's probably the culprit.

[Dark Soldier]

Same happened in our old place, Dunelm. Not the disabled bogs but a phantom wall shit smearer in a cubicle.

Must be a modern youth trend.

[Lofty]

Someone was doing it on trains in Yorkshire but drawing a smiley face and writing hello in it.

[phonics]

Todays job is the 'Ombersley Cricket Club Business Lunch' brochure. Top priorities include "Complete refurbishment of our clubhouse to meet the demands of the 21st century." Whatever that means. Sounds like a load of shit but they secured big Dave Gower (OBE) so what do I know

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sports club fundraising is a grim business. Governing bodies have ridiculous requirements of you but also don't give you any money to meet those requirements, so getting a load of local business wankers to pay £500 a table to hear David Gower tell a few tall stories from the 80s sounds like quite a good wheeze.

[phonics]

What are the 21st century Demands put on a clubhouse? HD TV's for the bar?

[Ben]

Energy costs. My club isn't the biggest so doesn't have a huge footfall but they've had their money buffer wiped out in the last year through £2k/month electricity bills.

[Shindig]

And a digital clock on the wall. Maybe even a women's toilet.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What are the 21st century Demands put on a clubhouse? HD TV's for the bar?

Having googled them their clubhouse looks like a relic, so they probably want to build a new one or heavily renovate it, which is a 100-250k type job. The main thing you want is a big floor space that you can hire out to community groups or nurseries in the daytime, or at minimum a modern functioning bar to drive up revenues.

[phonics]

It just got more exciting, apparently Phillip from Bargain Hunt is a member and is turning up. That's the furniture and nick nacks sorted.

[Ben]

From a quick skeg on Google Street View, Ombersley looks like the safest Tory seat ever.

[phonics]

From a quick skeg on Google Street View, Ombersley looks like the safest Tory seat ever.

Welcome to the Worcestershire area. We've got an assortment of Brexiteer Tory headbangers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's been a fun week this week. The South Africans are over, ostensibly to celebrate the impending retirement of the reigning CEO, an outgoing, jokey man who is presumably a ruthless bastard underneath. He's turning 70 so in this industry an early retirement and he's off to do the following things over the next six months: cycle across Portugal, climb Macchu Picchu, and go to see the gorillas in Rwanda. Anyway, he's gone and he's being replaced by someone who has the personal charisma not even of a wet sponge, but of the empty washing up bowl after the sponge has done its work. The best way I can describe him is that if the Dementors from Harry Potter had a South African branch, this would be the guy who does their accounts. Earlier on some colleagues wondered whether he would come and speak to us in the sales team before he departed to try and boost morale. I said 'Depends if they've plugged him into the mains', and they all looked at me and said jesus, that's a bit risky, he's your new boss dontcha know.

Anyway, the week began with a ludicrous three-hour Teams call. It should be pointed out that in this industry we never do Teams calls, it's all business all the time and five-word messages to grease it along, but once the corporate goons march through the door everything changes a bit. During this call some untalented people made shit presentations. My actual boss, the sales director, had called me into his office an hour beforehand to proof read his presentation. It was absolute dogshit and clearly written by ChatGPT. I told him that it was fine (lie, but what can you do with an hour to spare) and he should be confident in himself (he clearly isn't). He duly read this thing out, with shit slides to go with it, and at least among the proles who discussed it afterwards, it went down like cold sick. Normally we are all very loyal to this guy, because he's a good guy and a good boss, but he gave away his shortcomings at the corporate level with this presentation and he'll need good results in the next year to undo the damage.

The South Africans were unhappy with how little input there had been from the floor, so a process started in which Piet Retief would call out everyone, in turn but in a random order, to give examples of something we need to improve to do sales better. I was the second-most-junior person on the call, at least in the sense that I'm not yet an area manager, even if I am the bloke who the sales director calls into his office to proof-read his set piece presentations. When I was called I said in about 25 seconds that we have none of the required market intelligence and our reporting capabilities are terrible. Retief didn't know what to say to that, so rather than the cheery agreement he had been giving to everyone else, he quickly moved on to the next person. They were all going mega-specific which is a waste of time because no one in a call like this cares about your crappy customer in Macedonia, this is big picture stuff that needs to work for everyone, but self-absorbed sales people never understand this.

Yesterday, there was a drinks party called at 4pm for the outgoing CEO. I chose not to attend, because I am increasingly an awkward bastard and I would much rather do an hour's work in peace and quiet than go and drink flat cava and eat a stale biscuit while doing awkward small talk with Warren from accounts. There are only about 5 stock retirement speeches by executives, but he apparently used one of them, which was the 'When I first walked through the doors of this place, I looked around and couldn't believe how much work we had to do. But now, thanks to all of you...' This is complete bullshit of course: it's largely the same people as were there before, and the place is exactly the same too, apart from the wall they've just had knocked down.

It was only today, the last day of their stay, that the real fun and games got going. A board meeting was called all day, with Retief now out and Nosferatu newly at the helm. The vampire-king was - I know, thanks to the Arab's mole in the room and his willingness to leak the secrets to me - quick to announce some changes. First up was the announcement that the Arab's brother, who runs IT, will now have to report in to the finance director, who is a guileless lickspittle and a South African plant. The Arab's brother took the opportunity to kick off and that ended in what I think is a genuine threat to quit, which will fuck the company, as has been clear from the results of the last 10 times he has threatened to quit over the last 20 years. Next up was the news that the guy running our American branch, a Palestinian who has been with us 30 years, is OUT and our MD will be promoted to become MD of both branches (USA is far smaller than UK). Finally, news emerged that yet another South African plant, and Arabic-speaker, is coming to the sales team from April, even though there is no obvious need for this to happen. The Arab seemed remarkably relaxed about this, given that they are quite obviously trying to machine gun his family and the influence that it has had on the company over the last 30 years. Maybe the Arabs have another set of cards up their sleeve that they won't yet tell me about. For now, though, it seems that boardroom warfare is going to be the order of the day for a while.

I'll have to see how it goes. If they honour the verbal proposal to give me France from April, then on we go. If they don't, it might be time to look around I think.

[Shindig]

They'll just replace that verbal proposal with another one and you'll lump it.

[Ben]

I’m more invested in Jim’s job than my own.

[Raoul Duke]

They're going to sell the company to South Korean robots

[Shindig]

Or the Metropolitan Police.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They're going to sell the company to South Korean robots

There's talk of them wanting sales to double over the next three years. Not even South Korean robots could deliver that kind of upscaling.

[Mike]

Might as well close the thread if you leave.

[Baz]

I’ll carry the torch :uhoh:

[Giggles]

You better hurry up and start banging her so.

[Lofty]

You don't even have to fully bang her. My wife knows some daft woman who gives a coworker a daily lunch time blowjob in a supermarket car park, said woman wonders why this fella isn't arsed about leaving his wife for her :D

[Adramelch]

And people thought workplace sitcoms are finished. Jimmy's place clearly shows potential.

[Baz]

You better hurry up and start banging her so.Never happening.

[Dquincy]

Oh :(

What if you were single?

[Baz]

Oh :(

What if you were single?Hmmm dunno. Not worth thinking about cos it’s not how it is. I don’t think we’d have got as close as we are if either of us were single - something sort of comforting/safe about being best mates with a member of the opposite sex if both are taken and not looking to be unfaithful. Like we’ve had some serious chats about what people must think, and our intentions (be mates, and she’s told me off in the past for being too complimentary about her appearance), but it genuinely all feels above board.

I feel lame as fuck saying it (especially with my brother likely reading :stamford: ) but she’s made me happy at a time when I was miserable. If I’m so much as a little bit down or visibly sulky, she gives me the tough love SORT YOURSELF OUT treatment and she’s actually said it’s because she gets the same from me as I do her. Like if I’m upbeat, it’s contagious and she’s happy, so when I’m not, she doesn’t like it. Especially cos we spend so much time together. I dunno, it’s probably weird and inappropriate for anyone on the outside looking in but I’m just enjoying it while I can. Like I can’t imagine a day without chatting now, just a constant stream of conversation, a mix of finding each other hilarious or geeing the other up. She’s lovely, best sidekick ever.

Plus she buys really thoughtful gifts (https://www.reddit.com/r/elliottsmith/s/0W6ZS2u2QP). Can’t wait to go to her wedding in Summer and show all her friends and family how class I am.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I feel like I could have written that...

[Lofty]

Need Mike's response here really, for balance.

[Baz]

He’s never met her

[Manc]

If it all feels "above board" send that post to your wife.

[Baz]

Nah I think she’s already sick of hearing about her without having to read about her too :sst:

[Ben]

Some Monday morning fun here. Everyone is breathalysed every morning and the tolerance is 0.0, anything over beeps red and at the very least you're booted off site for the day. One joker decided to pump a load of hand gel in the tester so the whole early shift has come in and blown red. Funny to us but H&S are flapping now because they aren't sure someone did it to cover their tracks (ie. was on a bender yesterday) so to prevent a pissed up geezer potentially crashing a telehandler or some such, they've taken the safe route and pulled the full site in and now they're queued up outside the nurse's office to piss in a pot. :D

[Gray Fox]

Piss tests are going to flag up someone for weed I bet. We've had to move away from them at our place because it stays in your system for so long that you could get blitzed in Amsterdam on the Friday before returning to the country and work on the Monday. You're fine but it's still in your system. Company insisted on zero tolerance, but there was an argument over the technicality being 'under the influence.' So they've changed the entire testing procedure now.

[Ben]

Yeah that's why we're saying it's a bit of a wild reaction by H&S but they don't see it that way. Although they all seem to have dispersed now and there's no way they've all had time to do it so I imagine someone with a brain has stepped in.

Another site down the road had to stop testing for all except when there was an incident because they kept losing all their welders to coke. Anyone in the industry will know a welder that isn't partial to a Santa's eyebrow is usually a shit welder.

[Lofty]

Some clown at my spot has apparently been caught positive for coke though his facebook post last weekend saying 'Friday Feeling' and a picture of a line racked up probably didn't help.

[Waffdon]

Some Monday morning fun here. Everyone is breathalysed every morning and the tolerance is 0.0, anything over beeps red and at the very least you're booted off site for the day. One joker decided to pump a load of hand gel in the tester so the whole early shift has come in and blown red. Funny to us but H&S are flapping now because they aren't sure someone did it to cover their tracks (ie. was on a bender yesterday) so to prevent a pissed up geezer potentially crashing a telehandler or some such, they've taken the safe route and pulled the full site in and now they're queued up outside the nurse's office to piss in a pot. :D

Every single morning? Christ.

[Giggles]

One of the women in work said she just seen something about that on TikTok this morning.

[Spikey M]

Some clown at my spot has apparently been caught positive for coke though his facebook post last weekend saying 'Friday Feeling' and a picture of a line racked up probably didn't help.

One of the girls I went to school with got her kids back from Social Sevices, only to put similar pictures on Facebook, get grassed up and have them taken away again. The blow up afterwards where she tried to find the grass was equal parts tragic and hilarious. Yes love, they're the problem. People really can be spectacularly thick.

[Spikey M]

Some Monday morning fun here. Everyone is breathalysed every morning and the tolerance is 0.0, anything over beeps red and at the very least you're booted off site for the day. One joker decided to pump a load of hand gel in the tester so the whole early shift has come in and blown red. Funny to us but H&S are flapping now because they aren't sure someone did it to cover their tracks (ie. was on a bender yesterday) so to prevent a pissed up geezer potentially crashing a telehandler or some such, they've taken the safe route and pulled the full site in and now they're queued up outside the nurse's office to piss in a pot. :D

What do you do that they need to be THIS hot on booze?

Plus, don't bread and oats contain alcohol (0.5% proof, iirc), so wouldn't a couple of rounds of toast be enough to have you packed off home? Or using mouthwash.

[Lofty]

Yes I am pretty sure the Railway is 0.5% rather than a flat 0.0%.

[Ben]

What do you do that they need to be THIS hot on booze?

Plus, don't bread and oats contain alcohol (0.5% proof, iirc), so wouldn't a couple of rounds of toast be enough to have you packed off home? Or using mouthwash.

It's our Client's policy. Fuck knows why.

Bread, oats and mouthwash don't seem to set it off. Poppy seed bread gets you sent home for opiate use until they run it through the lab to check you're not a closet heroin user.

[Spikey M]

:D the costs associated with doing all this must be peak, peak sillybollocks.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Breathalysing people on the way into work is proper weapons-grade arse covering. I'm sure any such environment needs everyone to be sober to operate the machinery, but surely most places go on the is he slurring speech / stumbling as he walks test.

[Waffdon]

I’ve heard of it before but I thought it was more of a random check at any point rather than strictly every single morning.

Surely if you fancy a day off you just eat some poppy seed bread and wait for the results to come back

[Spikey M]

Presumably the time off is unpaid and can take a while.

[Waffdon]

Well since eating bread isn’t illegal I’m not sure how they could get away with that.

But then again I work for the council and can get 6 months full pay off so what do I ken

[Baz]

When I was working in a lab making specs I'd have failed a breathalyser most days, jeez.

[Ben]

Presumably the time off is unpaid and can take a while.

It's paid. Usually get results back in 2-3 days.

But drugs tests are a lot more infrequent (reasonable suspicion or post-incident).

[Spikey M]

That's mental and anyone not taking the piss to get free days off should be ashamed of themselves.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm more thinking how much poppy seed bread would I have to eat to get high? Sounds like a challenge.

[Ben]

That's mental and anyone not taking the piss to get free days off should be ashamed of themselves.

But then you've got to come in and get yourself hauled in for a test. Like I said it's not the norm like alcohol testing and simply walking up to the nurse and saying "test me" will set alarm bells off. Unless you fancied causing an incident on site you'd have to tip yourself off anonymously somehow.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm more thinking how much poppy seed bread would I have to eat to get high? Sounds like a challenge.

You'd probably burst your stomach before you did.

[Dquincy]

Hmmm dunno. Not worth thinking about cos it’s not how it is. I don’t think we’d have got as close as we are if either of us were single - something sort of comforting/safe about being best mates with a member of the opposite sex if both are taken and not looking to be unfaithful. Like we’ve had some serious chats about what people must think, and our intentions (be mates, and she’s told me off in the past for being too complimentary about her appearance), but it genuinely all feels above board.

I feel lame as fuck saying it (especially with my brother likely reading :stamford: ) but she’s made me happy at a time when I was miserable. If I’m so much as a little bit down or visibly sulky, she gives me the tough love SORT YOURSELF OUT treatment and she’s actually said it’s because she gets the same from me as I do her. Like if I’m upbeat, it’s contagious and she’s happy, so when I’m not, she doesn’t like it. Especially cos we spend so much time together. I dunno, it’s probably weird and inappropriate for anyone on the outside looking in but I’m just enjoying it while I can. Like I can’t imagine a day without chatting now, just a constant stream of conversation, a mix of finding each other hilarious or geeing the other up. She’s lovely, best sidekick ever.

Plus she buys really thoughtful gifts (https://www.reddit.com/r/elliottsmith/s/0W6ZS2u2QP). Can’t wait to go to her wedding in Summer and show all her friends and family how class I am.
Fair play, Baz. The deviant in me wants you to try seducing her, but the rest of me thinks this is just a very nice friendship.

It does pose the question, however, whether male and females can be just friends if they find each other attractive. I mean, it's easy if one is butt ugly, but if both a reasonably attractive, it might throw up some thoughts.

[Dark Soldier]

I've still not heard about the IS job, eight days later. Tbf they said they're in no rush.

Also come to the crushing realisation that while I love the people I work with, and the company who have been very good with me, I fucking HATE my day to day job. I need more than 'yes doctor we have your email our team will respond withing five working days' x20 a day.

Another interview tomorrow anyway.

[Dquincy]

You're very up and down.

[Shindig]

I've still not heard about the IS job, eight days later. Tbf they said they're in no rush.

Also come to the crushing realisation that while I love the people I work with, and the company who have been very good with me, I fucking HATE my day to day job. I need more than 'yes doctor we have your email our team will respond withing five working days' x20 a day.

Another interview tomorrow anyway.

Are there any other tasks you can take on or asked to be trained in? That's probably the thing that stops my job being mind-numbing.

[Dark Soldier]

Are there any other tasks you can take on or asked to be trained in? That's probably the thing that stops my job being mind-numbing.

I'm a liaison for another team, so weekly meetings should help. Except the team I am the liaison for has been that hammered of late there hasn't been a meeting in three months.

It's more just tedium of this line of work. I'm good at it but cannot be fucked anymore.

[Dark Soldier]

You're very up and down.

Always up, just having a wee moan.

[Shindig]

I'm a liaison for another team, so weekly meetings should help. Except the team I am the liaison for has been that hammered of late there hasn't been a meeting in three months.

It's more just tedium of this line of work. I'm good at it but cannot be fucked anymore.

Yeah, I get that sometimes. The basic stuff is really fucking basic. A whole day of that drags. At least when we had phones at our desk, a call could sidetrack you for a good few minutes.

[Dark Soldier]

Interview done. Feel it was the best interview I've ever had, they were laughing along to some of the retail horror stories etc. Also helps being an internal candidate as have most of the base knowledge already there. Let's have it.

[Manc]

You've really sprung since ditching the Mrs.

[Dark Soldier]

Pussy only holds a good man down.

[Don]

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2024/feb/21/four-day-week-made-permanent-for-most-uk-firms-in-worlds-biggest-trial

Very surprising results, hard to imagine how the companies could be doing just as good if not better with one less day of useless cunts knocking around every week.

[Raoul Duke]

You must be out of your mind if you're against something like this for us common plebs. Would be the greatest life change for most people in a hundred years

[Spikey M]

People will just fill the extra day off with another job and inflation will go up because we're not allowed nice things.

[Baz]

Will schools still be Monday to Friday? :worried: Teachers usually end up getting shafted, so fingers crossed they do again. No offence mo, scousepig, Mike and RL’s missus.

[Dquincy]

Always up, just having a wee moan.
Glad to hear it. :)

[Dquincy]

Pussy only holds a good man down.

But are you seeking new pussy?

[Baz]

Went to Lofty’s beloved Barrow In Furness yesterday for a work jolly. Christ, what a shithole.

Stopped at Ulverston on the way back which wasn’t much better, and then Preston for tea and it was like a hat-trick of places I thought would be decent but that are no better than St Helens.

Going to Blackburn next week for another, expecting more of the same.

[Lofty]

Didn't get a selfie with the Emlyn Hughes statue then?

[Raoul Duke]

"No better than St Helens" is maybe not the strongest brag I've heard

[Baz]

Didn't get a selfie with the Emlyn Hughes statue then?sadly not but I imagine I’ll return in the not too distant future so will have a look out for it. I did notice Emlyn Street car park, but ended up at Hall Street cos it was 3 hours max (emlyn was 4) and it was a good excuse to bail on work and go drinking.

[Baz]

Lovely trip to Blackburn tomorrow. Hoping it’s nicer than Barrow.

[Spikey M]

Barrow is famous for a power station (or something). Blackburn is famous for... well, just being a shithole, really.

[Baz]

Barrow is famous for a power station (or something). Blackburn is famous for... well, just being a shithole, really.This is untrue. Blackburn is a million times better than Barrow. It actually seems decent.

No more faraway trips on the Horizon now, sadly. Stick to Liverpool sesh’s.

[Lofty]

Blackburn has never struck me as anything over than rough, as a Barrovian.

[Baz]

I'm officially a Chartered Manager, for whatever that's worth. :cool:


Chartered Manager is the highest status that can be awarded in the management and leadership profession. Recognising individuals with exceptional leadership skills and dedication to their own Continuing Professional Development.

Chartered Manager status is a key differentiator, and can only be awarded by the Chartered Management Institute. To achieve Chartered Manager status individuals are assessed on:

Personal skills
Expertise in leading people
Ability to manage and adapt to change
Applying management skills to deliver positive business results


What can Chartered Managers bring to your organisation?
Chartered Managers sit in every role, sector and industry and are able to demonstrate a positive impact on their organisations. Research shows that:


95% say that Chartered Manager demonstrates their use of managerial skills to achieve organisational results
Each Chartered Manager boosts their business’ revenue by £62k every year
78% say that since becoming Chartered, they have had a positive impact on the wider team in their organisation

My sidekick is one lucky lady.

[Raoul Duke]

The people that invented that nonsense are laughing all the way to the bank

[Dark Soldier]

Didn't get the Specialist Applications Team job.

Stock rejection email. No feedback offered. Didn't even ring me to inform me despite me being internal.

Interview was genuinely the best I felt I'd done. I hit every box, I already know 80% of their processes and how to handle them.

Contemplating just building skills and getting the fuck out now. Five roles applied for, five rejections despite me already holding the knowledge internally to do the roles. No marks on record, my stats are all above the team average etc. Rejected for additional tasks within the CC already multiple times. Requested AL for next week fuck em.

It's good pay but mentally it's fucking exhausting. Tedious. Dull as shit. Finding any drive or desire has just fucking evaporated.

Gonna get wrecked, cannot be arsed with this bollocks. Sick of it at this point.Venting like but doing my fucking nut in now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The two women in my office are having a conversation. One of them said to the other that she's getting her other half a Pizza Hut delivery tonight. The other one said why didn't she take him out to have a meal in the Pizza Hut, that would be much more romantic. The first one replied that she only ever eats at home, she can't eat at posh tables. Oh really, said the second, why's that? Because I eat like an animal, she said, I want to lie down and scoff, I can't eat all proper.

Either me or her needs to get fucking sacked, not sure which.

[Giggles]

Can't handle the fine china in pizza hut.

[Lofty]

Are you one of those twats who has his degree letters and his chartered manager ststus in his email signature, Baz?

DS, time to get back on the shagging.

I once saw a guy walk into Pizza Hut in Barrow, pay for an ice cream factory then just whip out a big plastic bag and empty all the topping sweets into it before leaving :D

[randomlegend]

Are you one of those twats who has his degree letters and his chartered manager ststus in his email signature, Baz?

DS, time to get back on the shagging.

I once saw a guy walk into Pizza Hut in Barrow, pay for an ice cream factory then just whip out a big plastic bag and empty all the topping sweets into it before leaving :D

:lol:

[Giggles]

Are you one of those twats who has his degree letters and his chartered manager ststus in his email signature, Baz?

DS, time to get back on the shagging.

I once saw a guy walk into Pizza Hut in Barrow, pay for an ice cream factory then just whip out a big plastic bag and empty all the topping sweets into it before leaving :D

He probably has He/Him and all.

[Baz]

Are you one of those twats who has his degree letters and his chartered manager ststus in his email signature, Baz?
No, totally opposite. I got told off for not having my job title in it.

[Raoul Duke]

Are you one of those twats who has his degree letters and his chartered manager ststus in his email signature, Baz?

"Please consider the environment before printing this email"

[Lofty]

At my spot some people have animated signatures of trains :moop:

[Lewis]

The second oldest person in the office (man) waltzed into my sub-office today and announced that the oldest person in the office (woman) was an 'evil old cow' who wanted pushing down the stairs. All of my fellow under-forties immediately started scolding him, but I was absolutely dying. It's not simply that what he said was funny, even though it was, it was that he felt we all needed to know and lobbed it out there. Everybody was too busy seething to appreciate the bizarre nature of it.

[Foe]

Didn't get the Specialist Applications Team job.

Stock rejection email. No feedback offered. Didn't even ring me to inform me despite me being internal.

Interview was genuinely the best I felt I'd done. I hit every box, I already know 80% of their processes and how to handle them.

Contemplating just building skills and getting the fuck out now. Five roles applied for, five rejections despite me already holding the knowledge internally to do the roles. No marks on record, my stats are all above the team average etc. Rejected for additional tasks within the CC already multiple times. Requested AL for next week fuck em.

It's good pay but mentally it's fucking exhausting. Tedious. Dull as shit. Finding any drive or desire has just fucking evaporated.

Gonna get wrecked, cannot be arsed with this bollocks. Sick of it at this point.Venting like but doing my fucking nut in now.

Sounds like you need to speak to your line manager, or someone independent a bit higher up and just ask for some developmental feedback or guidance on how to progress. From what I can tell, companies know who they want in a role before that role is ever advertised, so you probably need to get onto the radar before the job exists.

[Foe]

Had my pay review today too, 4.44% payrise and I was one of the chosen ones to get a bonus uplift. Odds of getting sacked now plummeted for at least a year or two :cool:

Celebrated the bonus by getting some babybell from the supermarket. :drool:

[niko_cee]

Jimmy, my man, can you sort me out for some 6200LB bearings?

[Jimmy Floyd]

£5.83 plus vat with 'Spare Parts World', now there's a shady-looking operation.

[Ben]

Is it for your car? Go to RS UK for them. Might be few pennies more but at least you can see the certs.

[niko_cee]

It's for a bike. Might just go to a shop. Pretty sure any sort of 6200 bearings will do, but there are a lot of LB/LLB/LLU type codings which worry me. These thing must be tens of years old so, whilst the size standard still exists I don't know if the LB has been superceded. They are NTN bearings.

[Ben]

LB only has the rubber seal on one side, LLB/LLU on both. B is non-contact, U is contact (I think).

[niko_cee]

The ones I have extracted have the rubber seals on both sides but are marked LB.

[niko_cee]

For example, I'm pretty sure this badboy (https://www.wychbearings.co.uk/6200-LLB-Enduro.html) would fit, but then RS has millions that would also ostensibly do the job.

[mo]

Nothing like a major trauma to make you re-evaluate your priorities.

I posted before about wanting to leave my position/teaching - it's a thing I go through with new challenges and I had ultimately decided to get my head down, put the hard yards in and suffer for a bit, knowing eventually I'd get better at being a Head of Year and it would get easier.

And then last week my mum died in a road traffic collision. She was in ICU for four days while they assessed the extent of her injuries, but it was just too much. My dad had a TIA (small stroke) on New Year's Day and was already having cognitive tests for dementia, so he's taken a big step back. He can do most things himself (except cook) but I do think he'll inevitably go down hill. Question is, how quickly. Can he stay in the house/does he want to, does he need more company, do we look at assisted living or is a cleaner and meals on wheels enough...lots of questions without clear answers.

I know that now is not the time for big decisions, but I don't think I can continue on as Head of Year. My working pattern is not sustainable, or conducive to splitting my time between my own family and my dad. I'd like to go part-time ideally, using my day off either for appointments for dad or doing work, so that my evenings are freed up. Financially it's a big hit, but one we could probably take. I've also thought about taking a break from teaching for a bit, but finding the right job is the next challenge. I'm in the process of applying for a job with a local college as Inclusion and Support Manager, which is well within my wheelhouse, but I do think I'll miss teaching/my school. Familiarity is appealing as well.

Got a call with the Head in the morning. He's been great so far, I've been off for nearly two weeks and everyone has said 'don't come back until you're ready'. Fuck knows when that will be though.

[Boydy]

Jesus, that's awful. Sorry to hear.

[Waffdon]

Sorry to hear, brother. Chin up.

[Shindig]

Jesus. That's rough. :(

[Don]

My condolences.

[Lewis]

Both of my grandads have dementia, and, based on their respective declines, if your old man can still do most things except cook then he probably has at least a year until you need to be getting more heavily involved.

[Kikó]

Horrible news Mo. All the best.

[Ian]

Bad shit, Mo, sorry to hear it. I've been through some of that but I can't imagine what the suddenness of something like the road accident must be like.

[Lofty]

Sorry for your loss, Mo.

[Spikey M]

Could you not look at some dependency leave / long term sick, rather than having to step down? Don't go doing your employer any favours at your own expense.

[mo]

Thanks all, appreciate the comments.

Spikey - work have been great and they won’t want me to step down. The head said he didn’t expect to see me until after the Easter hols (15th April) which was reassuring. I just think for my sanity I might need to give up some responsibility for a bit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The fucking useless new person has managed to delete all the training resources from the shared drive, as she 'thought she would give it a tidy-up' and there were 'too many files' on there. How do these people manage bodily functions? It's genuinely astounding.

[Lofty]

No way to recover them? :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

'Have you deleted them from the recycle bin?'
(defensively) 'Yes, I'm up to speed now, we didn't need them!'

IT now trying to bring it back from the dead. I think some people have real difficulty with the distinction between tidying a computer hard drive and tidying the living room.

[Lofty]

I like the defence resting on the idea no-one else will ever need training in the future, not least her replacement.

[Don]

This takes me back to reorganising the paper file system at the adult learning college during my work experience. My incredible initiative and efficiency was there from a young age (the girth came a bit later). It was in a meaningless order so I alphabetised them and the old gammons who ran the gaff had a meltdown because they couldn't cope with the change from what they were used to.

[Baz]

The only other person whose job I would want in my team, is leaving. She asked for part time hours which got declined (unlike mine lol) so she’s binning it all off. I thought happy days let’s have it but she’s leaving on MARS (dunno) which apparently means it’s been decided her role doesn’t need to exist, so her job will just disappear. Absolutely diabolical decision, obviously cos I wouldn’t mind a crack at her job, but because her role is very important and the ‘finances’ part of our team will go from shit to whatever’s worst than shit.

Apparently what it means is the tasks she does will be divided between remaining staff, with no change in job title or salary. Count me out of that one, thanks.

Also got sidekick literally crying about her line manager (we both manage her but my line manager flipped a coin for who would be her official line manager and be responsible for her onboarding process, which at the time I felt I lucked out by avoiding it but in hindsight I wish I was chosen) on a regular basis because she goes to him saying he’s giving her too much to do and he plays the sympathetic nice guy and then gives her more stuff he can’t be arsed doing. :rosebud: But then when I’m like ‘shall I bring it up with him?’ she’s NOOOOO cos she’s worried. Think I’ll approach him with caution tomorrow and drop a few hints, cos he sent a ‘is she okay?’ Teams message today when she came out of our one to one with puffy red eyes, so the door has been opened for NO LOL STOP BEING TIGHT

[Spikey M]

Giving the PA work to do. What a monster.

[Giggles]

The mickey has undone many far better men :drool:

[Baz]

Giving the PA work to do. What a monster.Thats part of the problem, she’s not a PA. And she’s not admin. But he treats her like one. It’s funny cos her job is what both of our old jobs was so you’d think he’d be considerate in giving her interesting stuff (like I do!) but he just forwards her stuff and says ‘send this out’ or ‘add the below update to the action plan’ and in the time he sends things like that, he could have just as easily done it himself (like I do!) and let her crack on with writing service specs or arranging days out. He’s got some weird superiority complex, it seems, and definitely revealed himself as an absolute jobsworth, which I never saw coming.

Maybe they’ll go back on the MARS decision thing and I can get the big contracts job and sidekick can have my gig.

[Spikey M]

I swear I remember you giving it the biggun about hiring a PA and just going for the fittest one. :sherlock:

[Lofty]

If they are disappearing roles to save money I might not go to laddo tomorrow and lead with 'stop giving this work to her she's not your PA' in case it causes a 'so what are we actually paying her for?' Discussion. From the lad who doesn't fancy her's point of view if he can disappear her job too he will probably get a gold star from higher up.

They did the same shit at our spot when someone in a niche assistant role left and we copped all their responsibilities for no uplift. Only just managed to palm them off on someone else 5 years later.

[Baz]

That is a good point but due to the team structure I can’t see it happening. I won’t bore everyone with the details but she reports to two people and so has two workloads, whereas the other two people with the same job title only have one, so she’d be the last to go. Plus I’d rather take the risk if it means she’s happier at work, cos I’m a soft arse. She could waltz back into her old job, worst case scenario.

The more I think about it, the more annoyed I am that that other job will cease to exist, cos it’s been my long term target since I started in 2018. :stamford:

[Baz]

Aaaand I’ve just emailed everyone inviting them to a hen do I’m organising. What a top manager I am.

[Baz]

her line manager:
https://i.imgur.com/3U6pglN.png

:youpi: What about making her cry everyday

[niko_cee]

Thought that was a football manager screenshot for a second.

[Baz]

True. I saw someone using Teams in light mode the other day and was nearly sick.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab has just been at my desk in floods of tears (I'm always the last person left in at this time of day). He needed some dental treatment which cost several hundred pounds and asked his parents back in Jordan to sub him the money (they are wealthy). Some kind of massive dispute followed in which his father accused him of being out of money because he does drugs (he doesn't, or mushrooms at most) and it escalated to the point where his mother told him to delete her number and consider her dead to him.

It's sad, how these fucking people carry on. No cool heads or ability to withdraw from arguments. Still, ceebs being the person he pours this out to in the office. I just sat there chewing gum like Big Keith and said 'it's not your fault'. What else am I supposed to say?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What is he spending his money on?

[Spikey M]

Drugs.

[Giggles]

Explosives.

[Mike]

Explosive drugs?

[Gray Fox]

Explosive mushrooms?

[Ian]

Mushbooms.

[Lofty]

Prostitutes.

[Giggles]

Explosives prostitutes?

[Shindig]

Combustitutes.

[Baz]

Thursdays gonna my last "work beano" for absolutely bloody ages. :(

[Raoul Duke]

Two 4-day weeks coming up though :drool:

(albiet I have to take one day as holiday as the Dutch don't do Good Friday :moop:)

[Bernanke]

They don't but my company gives it off anyway. :happycry:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Last week, the boss asked me for my honest opinion on the useless woman's work. Very generously, I said she had a good attitude and worked hard but needed to take more time to double check what she did and make sure it was correct. The truth is she's just too thick for this kind of work and will never improve, but I didn't say that.

This morning I come in and she's been signed off work for two weeks for 'personal reasons'. Oh well.

[Baz]

When they replace her you should request to be on the interview panel. :happycry:

[Lofty]

Did they ever recover all the stuff she deleted?

[Giggles]

:drool:


1769739352823705908

[Lofty]

Any union would arsefuck them to death with employment law over a statement like that.

Some clown at my spot tried to initiate a department re-org via the backdoor and was very sure of themselves until the union drafted a letter saying 'you've broken all these employment laws', suddenly the chief instigator had 'slept on it' and decided to do a proper consultation :D

[SincereTheRebel]

Im in the process of updating my CV which I have not done in about 10 years. :cab:

Looks like you can put your actual photo in your CV.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You could put a picture of your dick in your CV if you wanted, it's your CV.

[Manc]

Steady on.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Do it Sincere.

[SincereTheRebel]

I want to be hired for my brains and not for my body.

[Giggles]

:|

[Gray Fox]

That and the A4 isn't big enough.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Racist!

[Jimmy Floyd]

I should have said a picture of literally any object other than 'your dick'. Never involve genitals in flippant online comments before 11am.

[randomlegend]

One of the nurses I used to work with has just put up a bikini photo from holiday (as is her prerogative) and the weird paeds surgical reg has replied to it with a massive "WOW!" sticker and "What a click!".

She's probably early to mid twenties and he's in his late forties.

Absolutely deranged.

Then again this is a guy who: doesn't believe in human evolution; didn't believe in covid for months and then decided he did believe in it and went completely paranoid about catching it; doesn't believe in autism; said "the taliban aren't all bad"; was against Saudi Arabia allowing women to drive because "what if they don't want to drive"; etc.

[Baz]

Sounds like he’d be popular on here.

[Dquincy]

One of the nurses I used to work with has just put up a bikini photo from holiday (as is her prerogative) and the weird paeds surgical reg has replied to it with a massive "WOW!" sticker and "What a click!".

She's probably early to mid twenties and he's in his late forties.

Absolutely deranged.

Then again this is a guy who: doesn't believe in human evolution; didn't believe in covid for months and then decided he did believe in it and went completely paranoid about catching it; doesn't believe in autism; said "the taliban aren't all bad"; was against Saudi Arabia allowing women to drive because "what if they don't want to drive"; etc.
Was the bikini pic decent though?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Today is International Moron Day at my place of work.

First of all the Uzbekistan gold mine fuck-up rears its head again, another trip is required, this time with the chief engineer going out there as, you guessed it, a sales guy going out on his own to shrug at a broken engine didn't get things sorted. The chief engineer is summoned to the sales director's office to be given the news, the following conversation ensues:

CE: So do they speak Indian in Uzbekistan?
SD: Erm... no, no they don't.
CE: What language do they speak, then? Asian?
SD: ....

The Russian was quickly mobilised and added to the dispatch party. Meanwhile, I got drawn into the most needless argument in history with the Italian woman. The finance director used to send out an official exchange rate list every month, instead of this he has now said 'ceebs just use Google'. The Italian woman has chosen this, of all things, to be her hill to die on, claiming that the Google exchange rate takes too long to look up and isn't reliable. The Sales Director, already weary from the earlier conversation, delegated me to resolve this tantrum. I explained that the Google exchange rate is live, but she is absolutely unrepentant, saying that if the finance director can't issue a company-approved exchange rate for her to bung tirelessly into her calculator every time, then he isn't doing his job properly.

Finally, several hours later, I've managed to emerge, like Chamberlain from the Munich conference, waving a piece of paper with a pencil-written exchange rate which she can look up and rub out periodically before writing in the new one. Peace in our time!

[Lofty]

Donned by big nipple energy.

[mo]

Had a call with my Head of Department yesterday about returning to work after the Easter Holidays. Going to do a phased return, so current plan is exam classes first and pick the rest up over four weeks or so, but with room to deviate from the plan, which is helpful. I still plan to discuss going part time, but that won't be until September I imagine. I've rowed back a bit on quitting Head of Year entirely; it probably still needs to happen but will see what it's like picking it back up for the remainder of the academic year.

On the plus side, I've heard some snippets of some positive changes being made whilst I've been away (binning blazers, banning mobile phones, big push on defiance and disrespect) which has made me feel a bit more positive about going back.

[Don]

Binning blazers?

[niko_cee]

Presumably that means removing them as a uniform requirement, rather than some symbolic bra-burning type act.

[Ben]

I thought it was some roadman speak.

[Don]

How is that positive though?

[niko_cee]

Dunno. Probably lessens the number of places to stash a bladed item.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Or a phone, or any number of other implements.

Kids should all wear branded polo shirts to school really. All the discipline of wearing the right kit / the same kit as each other, without the bullshit. Cheaper too.

[Baz]

So should workforces. All dressed like they work for DPD or The Works.

[Pepe]

Polyester polos have to be one of mankind's worst inventions.

[Shindig]

big push on defiance and disrespect ...

About time that happened. They're my favourite NXT tag team.

[Spikey M]

Cheaper too.

This is probably the actual reason. Some schools take the piss with their uniform requirements. The demand for embroidered blazers, rather than allowing a badge be stitched on, being one of them. They can cost £70 odd alone. Fine if you're sending your kid to a Private school. Less fine if they're attending a school in the middle of an underprivileged community.

I imagine the current economy has made the calls to end the pompous bollocks too loud to ignore.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Big Uniform Shop is probably keeping the blazer racket going. Time to run them out of business so vape shops can move in.

[Shindig]

The maddest thing my mam ever did was knit me a uniform one year in the juniors. Nobody kicked off about it but it was just sewing badges onto a black sweatshirt from year 7 onwards.

[niko_cee]

I had a herringbone tweed [?] blazer at my posh school. Thing was absolutely indestructible, especially if you went full nonce and had the leather elbow patches [I didn't]. Modern state schools requiring them always seems odd to me. My eldest daughter's does and they are BIG on behaviour/respect/obedience, like, puts the CCP to shame levels, so I guess it's part of that. There was something on BBC2 recently featuring a Scotch poet/writer/rapper and one of the things they looked at was schooling, and compared it to the Finnish system, where everything is different better, and it just goes to show what 24 hours a day of darkness and no visible human emotion in a society can do for discipline.

[randomlegend]

Modern state schools requiring them always seems odd to me.

The argument is always that it reduces bullying because if everyone is wearing the same the less-well-off kids don't stand out by virtue of not being able to afford the latest must have fashion item.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, yeah, but that's an argument for uniform, which is fine, although Finland disagrees, not blazers. Just have jumpers/t-shirts. It's 2024. People who wear ties should be shot. I guess the Finalnd thing is that it is probably a far more equal society, which is why it seems less fucked up. Also probably far richer and smaller, which helps.

Also, it's almost impossible to avoid that sort of social fashion bullying unless you ban all non-uniform items - like bags [all the cool kids currently sport drawstring JD bag wtf?], watches, jewelry, phones, I dunno, everything.

I had a friend who's daughters, his kids are much older than mine, fell in with the kids of some extremely wealthy people and he said it was a complete nightmare from the perspective of keeping up with the Joneses. This was at a private school but he was a working class chap, so it happens at all levels.

[Don]

The argument is always that it reduces bullying because if everyone is wearing the same the less well off kids don't stand out by virtue of not being able to afford the latest must have fashion item.

My guy has explained the concept of having a school uniform to a post wondering why state schools need to make expensive blazers mandatory :happycry:

Edit: another brutal e-victory somewhat dampened but we move.

[mo]

Yeah for clarity, since I started there it's been blazers only (no jumpers), meaning the little pudgy lads in Y7 look like they're on work experience at the bank. Post-Covid plain black v-neck jumpers were allowed with the blazer (on account of having to have the windows open all the time) and of course, that just lead to hoodies, stone island clobber, etc.

Jumpers are great because, if done well, I haven't then got to nag kids about untucked shirts and those awful looking short, fat ties (that in itself is why I want clip on ties).

[Kikó]

I've got a job interview for a role in Berlin. Would mean a relocation if I go for it but it's with one of the biggest banks in the world so your pay off might be worthwhile. Also giggles would stop fuming at one other person working from home.

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of my colleagues has just quit not only his job here, but work entirely. His wife's income is enough for them both, apparently. Refuses to work his notice period. Heads have gone everywhere.

Leaves us very much in the poo, let's see if the South Africans come up with a sufficient budget to hire properly this time (they won't).

[Foe]

That’s such a baller move, to just basically give up. Presumably he’s done this just after payday.

[Lofty]

Wouldn't be surprised if Jim's lot actually persue him over the notice.

[Gray Fox]

I think at best they can withhold his final pay packet, but if he's sound financially anyway then it wont bother him in the slightest.

I'm sure this will end in Jim taking over the extra work with no extra pay. I do hope they recovered all of those training files the silly woman deleted for his replacement though.

[SvN]

They can't withhold his pay*. They could sue him for losses incurred as a result of him not working his notice, but they must be reasonable losses. For example, if they had to hire agency staff to cover him for the month, they could claim for the difference in pay.

*Edited to add: the exception here is if such deductions are specified in their employment contract.

[Giggles]

There's a big difference between what companies "can't" do and what they actually get away with doing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I do hope they recovered all of those training files the silly woman deleted for his replacement though.

No prizes for guessing who's been tasked with rewriting the training manual.

[Manc]

One of my colleagues has just quit not only his job here, but work entirely. His wife's income is enough for them both, apparently. Refuses to work his notice period. Heads have gone everywhere.

Embracing the soft life.

[Ben]

13% pay rise. :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

The useless woman has - literally since the day after she inexplicably passed her probation - been signed off sick. I don't know what with, but given the doctor's giving her two-week sicknotes at a time I'm guessing it's stress or whatever. Is this how people game the workplace nowadays?

We've since picked up a Romanian who couldn't be arsed working for McLaren. Moneyball signing.

[Pepe]

By couldn't be arsed do you mean that he worked there and quit, or was offered a position but chose your obviously superior company instead?

[Pepe]

As for the woman, people like that are the true geniuses of our times.

[Spikey M]

I can't remember what it's called, but there is a Reddit Group where members post their terms of employment, and the other members knock them up a plan for being off work as much as possible without getting in trouble. It's the sort of grind I really appreciate.

They're maximising sick leave, inventing fictional nephews and sick Auties for dependency leave, having fake pregnancies and conveniently timed miscarriages, the works. What a world.

[Jimmy Floyd]

By couldn't be arsed do you mean that he worked there and quit, or was offered a position but chose your obviously superior company instead?

He worked there and quit to join us. Not sure what he was doing, mind.

[Gray Fox]

2 weeks at a time suggests mental health or some kind of small injury.

There's a teacher at my Mrs school, who has been doing the same. She was attacked by one of the SEN children resulting in some minor damage to her shoulder. She was bringing in sick notes 2 weeks at a time. While she is fine on sick pay, this is of great inconvenience to the school who have to pay her still, but also then fork out for short term cover. That isn't cheap either.

She was due back with the new term starting after Easter, much to the relief of all trying to cover her absence, but that soon faded when she dropped off a new note signing her off with mental health issues until the May half term break.

[Yevrah]

I can't remember what it's called, but there is a Reddit Group where members post their terms of employment, and the other members knock them up a plan for being off work as much as possible without getting in trouble. It's the sort of grind I really appreciate.

They're maximising sick leave, inventing fictional nephews and sick Auties for dependency leave, having fake pregnancies and conveniently timed miscarriages, the works. What a world.

I mean, it’s one way of navigating your way through work but one can kiss goodbye to opportunity with that approach, even if it won’t necessarily get you sacked.

[Pepe]

Ah yes, the very physically intensive job of teaching. How could you ever do that with a sore shoulder?

[Pepe]

I mean, it’s one way of navigating your way through work but one can kiss goodbye to opportunity with that approach, even if it won’t necessarily get you sacked.

It is mainly done by useless people who will never get promoted anyway.

[Spikey M]

I mean, it’s one way of navigating your way through work but one can kiss goodbye to opportunity with that approach, even if it won’t necessarily get you sacked.

I imagine most employers find a way of sacking them anyway. It's not as if they'll be doing good work when they're present.

[Ben]

He worked there and quit to join us. Not sure what he was doing, mind.

A guy who worked for us in logistics for a while worked for McLaren in the past. He said it was amazing driving into the complex every day etc. but the job itself was boring and the pay wasn't great.

[Yevrah]

It is mainly done by useless people who will never get promoted anyway.

Quite. I'm probably too far the other way in terms of how much work I'll do so there's definitely a balance to be met, but if you asked me to swap my salary and current annual leave entitlement for a quarter of my salary and four times the number of days off I know which one I'd choose.

[Luke Emia]

I can't remember what it's called, but there is a Reddit Group where members post their terms of employment, and the other members knock them up a plan for being off work as much as possible without getting in trouble. It's the sort of grind I really appreciate.

They're maximising sick leave, inventing fictional nephews and sick Auties for dependency leave, having fake pregnancies and conveniently timed miscarriages, the works. What a world.

I might be wrong but I can’t imagine Jimmy’s workplace offer sick pay other than Statutory which is what 100 quid a week.

[Adramelch]

A guy who worked for us in logistics for a while worked for McLaren in the past. He said it was amazing driving into the complex every day etc. but the job itself was boring and the pay wasn't great.

I went through a couple interviews for them for the Computational Fluid Dynamics department (or whatever they call it, it's been a couple years) and the pay was quite low for that position as well. I think F1 teams just underpay on average, taking advantage of the "cool" factor of it all, even on administrative positions.

[Ben]

I went through a couple interviews for them for the Computational Fluid Dynamics department (or whatever they call it, it's been a couple years) and the pay was quite low for that position as well. I think F1 teams just underpay on average, taking advantage of the "cool" factor of it all, even on administrative positions.

Yeah definitely. That Red Bull mechanic with the dreads who is really popular with the cameramen these days said in an interview how you need to love F1 unconditionally to do their schedule without breaking.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A guy who worked for us in logistics for a while worked for McLaren in the past. He said it was amazing driving into the complex every day etc. but the job itself was boring and the pay wasn't great.

They are a huge employer around here but half the jobs are in shuffling about doing not much.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This week is my first solo sales trip. Spent the last fortnight absolutely bricking it and preparing to within an inch of my life. The venue, of course, is France. I'm down south in rebellious farmer territory. Today had two customers. The first one honestly couldn't have gone better. Got on with him great and business terrific, can get even better if I do a few things for him. Language was perfect and my confidence went through the roof.

150km later it's time to see the second guy and his female accomplice, talk about air out of balloon. This was like being bummed by Serge Gainsbourg and Brigitte Bardot for an hour, and I mean painfully. At one point they asked why I'd bothered coming with such a shit proposal, and demanded exclusivity for all of southern France. Like, a) it's my job, and b) why would I do that?

I'm now holed up in some shit part of Bordeaux where I've been forced to have dinner in a casino (everything else is closed) and been handed a 'pint' of beer, to rhyme with lint. Santé.

[Lofty]

You win some you lose some, Jim. Think of the greater good: content for this thread. At least solo you won't be dragged to some all night parties where they try and fix you up cos the old fella insists on being a good guest.

[Adramelch]

You win some you lose some, Jim. Think of the greater good: content for this thread. At least solo you won't be dragged to some all night parties where they try and fix you up cos the old fella insists on being a good guest.

And his inevitable autobiography.

[Spikey M]

I'm looking forward to the chapter where he loses his passport and has to come back on the underside of a lorry.

[phonics]

10% raise. Still underpaid but we're getting there.

[Spikey M]

Are you underpaid underpaid, or just a Brit that's used to a Swiss income underpaid?

[Ben]

Geezer is looking at exposed beam penthouses on the river, definitely the latter.

[SvN]

To be fair, the exposed beam does run through the middle of the lounge floor.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My boss sent my hire car expense claim back to me because it 'seems a little high, can you please check'. What do you want me to do, walk from Toulouse to Paris via 10 random places over the course of 5 days?

Probably doesn't even know where Toulouse is. This is the problem with people not knowing anything.

[Pepe]

I have one week left on my job and have started looking for others. What a drag it is.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh and now sent me back the expense for a 27 euro dinner because I only sent the receipt and not the item by item breakdown. This is truly the best of capitalism, keeping your men on the road motivated to bring in those thousands by querying the chicken risotto I had last night.

[Pepe]

You can get dinner for 15 Euro elsewhere instead of wasting company money like that.

[phonics]

Are you underpaid underpaid, or just a Brit that's used to a Swiss income underpaid?

Bit of both, I could be earning far higher at 'a proper job' but 10 years of the corporate grind broke me down so I work for a small independent place. I share work with 2 other designers so it's chill but I'm much better than them so it ends up me doing it or it being a bit shit. Sometimes I do think about asking to just do more work and get given their salary too.

[Spikey M]

You can get dinner for 15 Euro elsewhere instead of wasting company money like that.

Thinks he's too good for a sausage en croute from Le Grèggs.

[phonics]

It's right next to a Sainsbury's so the highlight of my day is the excellent Meal Deal on offer.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It really is a demotivating thing to get into the 4th different Ibis Budget on the last 4 nights and have to start combing through receipts from motorway tolls and service station sandwich counters, when you've conducted 6 meetings already, in your second language, meetings which no one else in the company would be able to have, driving 150km from each to the next, meetings which will with any luck at all bring in quite a large increase in business over the next year. This doesn't happen in proper companies, right? Just in shitboxes.

[Ben]

I thought Spanish was your second language?