The All New Jobs Thread

[Don]

Brav download Grindr and enjoy the travels and all that exotic manjuice.

[Spikey M]

Don't waste your v-plates on a Frenchman ffs.

[Giggles]

They should have an app where you can upload receipts on the spot and just dump them then. We've just switched to Pleo from having standard corporate cards and it's way better.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I thought Spanish was your second language?

Spanish third, German fourth.

We do have an app but we also have dickhead accountants, or, as they're better known, accountants.

[Baz]

Jimmy is so exploited it's untrue.

[Luke Emia]

Jimmy you are obviously a smart guy. You can sell by the sounds of it and seemingly build rapport with people why the fuck don’t you do something in Financial services? Your job is already soul destroying at least earn some fucking decent money whilst doing it.

Best thing I ever did was fuck my middle management job off and start doing what I do now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm not really motivated by (big) money, I earn OK, and don't have kids to provide for. Although I may moan from time to time this job is a good balance for me and allows me to use my language skills (which, I always have to tell myself when I get inferiority complexes or am being sneered at by Frenchmen, are fucking amazing given I've never lived in these countries and am 18 years removed from any formal education in them) and get home at a good time and try to be a top class cricket umpire at the same time.

When I was 22 I got through to the final 5/6 of two really big, competitive corporate London grad schemes, both of which involved a 2 day assessment centre. In both cases I absolutely breezed through all the pre-selection, competency tests, phone interviews, absolutely aced all of it but as soon as I got to the in-person assessment centres I knew I wasn't getting one of the 3 or 4 jobs because they just looked straight through me, I guess I'm just not attractive to corporate people for whatever reason. That convinced me I'd be better off just getting any old job locally and using natural talent to work my way up, that's exactly what I've done and that's probably for the best.

[Don]

Man got ensnared in the era of positive discrimination focused on BAME, which ironically found itself replaced by the more fruity variety of positive discrimination that would have offered wild riches.

All joking aside, you can't be making blanket statements about the corporate cretins and what they sought off the back off just two ACs. Getting at least half a dozen of them under your belt was the norm.

[Foe]

I thought my gaff would laugh me away when I applied but I’m still here 12 years later.

You don’t know until you find out.

But I wholeheartedly think an enjoyable job (or at least a tolerable one) completely trumps a stressful, soul destroying one for a little bit more. It needs to be game changing or it’s not important.

I’ve made that clear recently - I’ll stay as long as they don’t kick me out. I don’t need to rise up the ladder any more - this level is fine and comfortable for my needs.

All that level of scrutiny in expenses does is make you want to exploit it. Ungrateful fucks.

[Mike]

Submit your future expenses in overly complicated French, just to remind them they only have you who can work in French.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Don't get me wrong, the corporate cretins were right not to hire me. The people that got the jobs were all big, bold, high energy personalities which plays well in those settings and that's just not who I am, so there was no point pursuing that side of things any further.

[Lofty]

You could probably find as good a work life balance job for the same if not better renumeration without the complete circus, though.

If you really want to drive the point home to the thickos simply invite them along on the next one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The only real way to prove your worth in this business is in numbers, thankfully at this stage I'm 134% up on what the old bastard did last year in these territories so long may that continue.

[Boydy]

Isn't your commission shit though?

[Boydy]

Don't get me wrong, the corporate cretins were right not to hire me. The people that got the jobs were all big, bold, high energy personalities which plays well in those settings and that's just not who I am, so there was no point pursuing that side of things any further.

I dunno, you need some straight talkers who can get shit done. There's quite a clash of cultures in my place between the yanks (not all high energy but all full of bullshit and all seem to want to live in a fantasy land where everything is great and perfect) and us lot over here who will tell them shit is broken and not perfect and we actually get shit done.

They're a fucking exhausting people.

[Don]

The public sector is designed to soak up the freaks/non-cunts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Isn't your commission shit though?

It is at the moment, but then it's (success permitting) double what it was last year, and the boss recently called me and another guy into a room and said that at the end of the year one of us is getting made manager for all Europe with 6 people reporting into us, and if I lose the battle to that guy then it'll be time for seppuku anyway. So things are alright on that front.

And yes, Americans are a massive waste of time. They spend all their lives at work but never seem to actually do fuck all.

[SvN]

It is at the moment, but then it's (success permitting) double what it was last year, and the boss recently called me and another guy into a room and said that at the end of the year one of us is getting made manager for all Europe with 6 people reporting into us, and if I lose the battle to that guy then it'll be time for seppuku anyway. So things are alright on that front.

And yes, Americans are a massive waste of time. They spend all their lives at work but never seem to actually do fuck all.
Ah Jimmy. I genuinely like you, so don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like I've been reading this sort of post from you for years. The reward is always just around the corner.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Probably because I've been waiting for all the old cunts to die. The guy I went to South America with has finally been pensioned off, a month beyond his 80th birthday. From the start of this month I gained two countries from the guy who's 73. So progress is being made.

[Baz]

I’m at a football tournament in the morning, followed by someone’s “leaving lunch” and then the pub after work for their leaving drinks. Annoyingly I’ve got lots of work to try and fit in between.

[Ben]

I'm mainly with Jimmy here. Although you don't want to be completely taken advantage of, there's a lot to be said for managing to be happy and avoiding the corporate nonsense.

I earn a really good salary already, drive 8 minutes to work and am essentially my own boss. I could easily earn at least £20-30k more by stepping up a level (which I'm about to become qualified for) but it would involve interacting with corporate shite and probably travelling around regularly. At the moment there's absolutely no chance I'd even consider it because I can do things like be sat at the dinner table with my child by 5pm every day. I am still doing the necessary qualifications to future-proof myself but even just getting a small taste of what I'd be in for is wanting me to curl up and die.

[Foe]

The corporate bonuses are nice, though.

[Shindig]

It's looking likely I'll be switching to WFH permanently later in the year. That might be my cue to leave.

[Gray Fox]

Employer has proposed a new pay rise offer for us that includes a slideshow on removal of the paid break to 'bring us in line with the rest of the contract.'

They said the money lost from the 2.5h per week would be added onto our pay per hour to make up the difference. Then offered a small rise on top of that. The p/h figure they're offering is now almost £1 higher than now, but obviously most of that isn't actually a raise, it's just being made to look like one.
When presented with the offer we basically shit on it for a good 20-30 minutes to the GM. He went from being delighted at his offer and being ready to send us to the workforce to discuss it, at the end of his presentation, to actively telling us not to discuss it with them in any way, after our feedback.

Now in a very lol situation where the staff know we had a meeting and offer. We've been transparent and were hoping it would be a quick process. They know we've had a meeting and most now even know what the offer is down to the small details and yet we are still under instruction not to talk about it.

[phonics]

Unions sound terrible for us poor plebs. Seems like we should be glad to accept whatever that bloke was happy to offer.

[Pepe]

Just taught my last class ever. :cool:

[Baz]

How do people deal with lack of motivation? It’s quite a busy period at work with regards to closing accounts for the year and preparing for the new financial year, but I’ve absolutely zero fucks to give. Feels like time off would be counterproductive though, like I’d have a week off and have even less drive upon my return. Help?

[Yevrah]

Sounds like you're bored of your job. Get another one? (Obviously bringing your assistant with you).

[Jimmy Floyd]

Join the private sector.

[phonics]

Lack of motivation? You spend your entire day trying to do anything that isn't your job. You are a born skiver. You're just annoyed at having to actually do some work for once.

[Magic]

How do people deal with lack of motivation? It’s quite a busy period at work with regards to closing accounts for the year and preparing for the new financial year, but I’ve absolutely zero fucks to give. Feels like time off would be counterproductive though, like I’d have a week off and have even less drive upon my return. Help?

Minimum effort is always the answer.

[Baz]

Lack of motivation? You spend your entire day trying to do anything that isn't your job. You are a born skiver. You're just annoyed at having to actually do some work for once.

It probably is this isn't it. :D

[Baz]

7th May and accounts from 31st March still aren't closed. :panda:

STOP. ASKING. QUESTIONS.

[Pepe]

I've now stopped sending cover letters since they seem to be completely useless. Wish I figured that out a couple of weeks ago. Would have saved me an hour or two.

[Magic]

I've totally given up at my job. I do about 10hrs a week max and mostly just watch telly or play my Xbox.

I'm just making the most of it before I get made redundant or fired.

[Pepe]

Is that the one where you were going to make a fortune in commission?

[Magic]

Is that the one where you were going to make a fortune in commission?

LOL no I left that after 4 months. I just get paid 70k GBP with no commission but also no hope so it's kind of pointless.

Edit: how am I still in a job after 2 years, you ask? I still do my work when I have to and bring in big deals.

[Pepe]

Just enjoy your free time mate. No need to be so gloomy. If you do get fired (probably not, companies are firing-averse) then you will find something else quickly with your experience.

[Magic]

Just enjoy your free time mate. No need to be so gloomy. If you do get fired (probably not, companies are firing-averse) then you will find something else quickly with your experience.

Yeah I am. I have applied for Uni and am waiting to hear back from them. If I get in I plan to use my annual leave to take the day out each week for 3 years. I think it's about 26 days a year? Which is my annual leave allowance. :cool:

[Pepe]

Got an interview for a job in the UK on Thursday. TTH Meet in September is ON. :cool:

[Magic]

Got an interview for a job in the UK on Thursday. TTH Meet in September is ON. :cool:

Are you insane?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bring your raincoat, and a torch.

[niko_cee]

TTH meet Thursday surely.

Ah no, probably a remote interview.

[Spikey M]

Got an interview for a job in the UK on Thursday. TTH Meet in September is ON. :cool:

Don't do it to yourself.

[Luke Emia]

Piss Off We're Full...

In all seriousness though why do it to yourself. It rains all the time and it's shit that's all you really need to know.

[niko_cee]

And was Jerusalem builded here . . .

[Pepe]

Feeling welcome already.

[Ian]

Are there not easier ways to move to Rwanda?

[Ian]

I mean fucking hell at the idea of moving here but good luck with the interview, I guess?

[Pepe]

Is it really still raining? It is almost June. :D

Had one for a job in Italy last week.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In fairness, if one was coming in from America and can handle a bit of shit weather, shit food and misery, it's probably a massive improvement in many respects.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Is it really still raining? It is almost June. :D

Had one for a job in Italy last week.

We had a nice few days but yesterday and today have been wet as fuck.

[Pepe]

Shit winters is one of the main reasons I am moving from my current place.

[Magic]

It's grey and 13C here.

[Manc]

Is it really still raining? It is almost June. :D

Had one for a job in Italy last week.

Italy are currently donning the inflation table. No brainer.

[Lofty]

It's not just raining, it is raining all week in the north to the point there are weather warnings about localised flash flooding and landslides going out.

It never stops raining, even when it comes out all hot and summery the rain is always lurking.

[Lofty]

Shit winters is one of the main reasons I am moving from my current place.

Last summer was basically fucking warm wet winter.

[Pepe]

Italy are currently donning the inflation table. No brainer.

I could see the internal lol when the interviewer asked me for my salary expectations and I told him how much I earn here so something around that would be nice, thank you very much. If an offer ever comes, I am expecting it to be around 30% of my current wage.

[Lewis]

What and where is the job?

[Manc]

Immigration officer.

[Magic]

He works in education in the States so I'm going to guess janitor?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Didn't he move to France? Or was planning too.

[Pepe]

What and where is the job?

Engineering (mate) and in some place called Brackley.

[Pepe]

Didn't he move to France? Or was planning too.

That is the plan but while looking for that I have been throwing some cheeky applications all over the place and have a few interviews lined up. None in France though. :eyemouth:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Was the Italian one in a place called Maranello?

[Spikey M]

Engineering (mate) and in some place called Brackley.

The Midlands. :sick:

[wullie]

Near Banbury which is nice if you like an entire town that smells of coffee.

[Pepe]

Was the Italian one in a place called Maranello?

I wish. They didn't call back. :(


Near Banbury which is nice if you like an entire town that smells of coffee.

I don't drink coffee so I am sure I will love it.

[Spikey M]

They're Italians. Give them a couple of months.

[Mike]

Is it really still raining? It is almost June. :D

Had one for a job in Italy last week.

My phone flashed up a weather warning due to the rain earlier

[Shindig]

Engineering (mate) and in some place called Brackley.

That's just given me a mental image of Lando Norris getting full on Speedy Gonzalez quotes down the team radio. :D

[Lofty]

My phone flashed up a weather warning due to the rain earlier

I think 90% of the UK is currently under a yellow weather warning for rain :D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The other 10% are on a red.

[thommo]

Been dry here all day. Even got some watery sun through during nets. Don't know what all the fuss is about.

[Pen]

Immigration officer.

Immigration, officer.

[Pen]

I'm also looking for a new job. My current one is ending on Friday (well technically next Friday, but I'm off for the last week).

Kind of want to use my paternity leave first and go back to work in January, but at the same time there are a few positions open that look interesting and I might have a shot at them.

Not an ideal situation to be looking for a new spot as government has been hit with big cuts and recruitment is basically at a standstill for now in my line of work.

[Baz]

How long is paternity leave in Finland?

[phonics]

Baz would definitely bash out multiple kids if he knew it came with extra time off. That's how we end The Great Replacement.

[Ben]

He’s already booked his flights to Finland.

[Baz]

Baz would definitely bash out multiple kids if he knew it came with extra time off. That's how we end The Great Replacement.
Not a chance in hell.

[Pen]

How long is paternity leave in Finland?

You can choose how you split your parental leave but basically it's 1(month for the pregnant parent) 5 months for the mother 5 for the father and 5 you can divide how you please. I think you can give a small portion of your five months to the other parent if you wish, but I'm not 100 percent sure what I was able to transfer to the wife.

[Jimmy Floyd]

5 months, bloody hell. Think it's 2 weeks here and bosses still cry about it.

[Spikey M]

It is 2 weeks, but similar to Finland, you can assign some of the Maternity leave to the father too. All the way to the mother only getting 2 weeks and the father having the rest.

I am yet to experience anyone actually taking advantage of this particular equal right, but that's another story.

[Baz]

You’d be mad to. Desperate to go back to work after those two weeks for some normality and some peace.

[Pen]

Yeah, it's the same here. Women tend to stay at home longer and paternity leave isn't fully used.

I think I still have about 4 months of my leave to use and I tend to stay home a bit longer.

I've used the three weeks you can use while both are on parental leave.

[Foe]

Having children sounds like such a hassle.

My friend is just back from 3 months full pay paternity leave and he was the opposite, would’ve happily traded being the stay at home parent part time with his wife.

[Mike]

It is 2 weeks, but similar to Finland, you can assign some of the Maternity leave to the father too. All the way to the mother only getting 2 weeks and the father having the rest.

I am yet to experience anyone actually taking advantage of this particular equal right, but that's another story.

My daughter was born in October, and using school holidays to my advantage, I was off until January. It was great.

[Pepe]

Got an interview for a job in the UK on Thursday. TTH Meet in September is ON. :cool:

Moved on to the next round. I feel like the DR Congo in an AFCON run.

[Luke Emia]

Won’t feel like that when you get here. Don’t think you will be getting to use “our NHS” either.

[Pepe]

Will go into anxiety leave as soon as I am allowed.

[Spikey M]

Do it before you're allowed and if they do anything just say they're being racist. Easy win.

[Lofty]

Good news Pepe, it's stopped raining here for 12 hours, thunderstorms inbound though.

[Magic]

It's saying something when the weather is the least shit thing about Isle de Merde.

[Boydy]

I could see the internal lol when the interviewer asked me for my salary expectations and I told him how much I earn here so something around that would be nice, thank you very much. If an offer ever comes, I am expecting it to be around 30% of my current wage.

It'll be the same in the UK.

[Foe]

I think my equivalent in Houston is paid double if not triple my salary for the same job.

[Shindig]

I'd be on double if I went stateside. Cost of living would eat right into it but I still wonder if I could come out of it with £1000's when I eventually move back.

[Pepe]

The cost of living really isn't that bad unless you are in San Francisco or something.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, but you get 20 minutes paid annual leave and no sick pay. Here we get paid fuck all, but they keep paying us fuck all if we're in Spain / bed for a week.

[Pepe]

Food is the same, cars are the same, gasoline is cheaper, rent about the same, depending where you live and ignoring the massive size difference. Healthcare is expensive but that would only make up like a fifth of the wage different at most.

[Shindig]

The average American worker gets 11 days of paid vacation per year.

Those poor bastards.

[Pepe]

Yeah, but you get 20 minutes paid annual leave and no sick pay. Here we get paid fuck all, but they keep paying us fuck all if we're in Spain / bed for a week.

Depends where you work:

Some random company I applied to:


20 days PTO, unlimited sick time, 7 company holidays, and a 2-week winter break. More PTO after 5 years, and a fully-paid sabbatical at 10 years.

[Shindig]

I really like that last one.

[Lewis]

I feel like my salary doubling would more than make up for having to take the extra two weeks leave off unpaid, and I would probably have better healthcare stateside for the amount the government takes off me for bad healthcare. Britain is very poor in comparison and we run on cope.

[Pepe]

Exactly. There are lots of things you might not like about the place, but it is impossible to argue against the fact that people are just richer here. I knew there was a difference but only now that I have been seriously looking I've noticed how massive the difference is.

[Ben]

My salary has gone up 55% in five years without a promotion, 30 holidays, and I have the fully paid sabbatical thing after 10 years as well, but at the same time I’m having to use company provided Bupa to get my knee sorted despite the NHS, and I could well be out of a job by Christmas and back at the bottom of the ladder. There are uncertainties in our job market like the Americans which aren’t good and even when I compare to my own colleagues employed by the European branches and I’d absolutely take a £10k decrease for the extra security.

The construction industry is volatile but both sides are out there.

[Spikey M]

Exactly. There are lots of things you might not like about the place, but it is impossible to argue against the fact that people are just richer here. I knew there was a difference but only now that I have been seriously looking I've noticed how massive the difference is.

Which begs the question; why are you leaving?

[Danny]

I am definitely on the luckier side of the time off scale for a US company. Newbies at my place get:

3 weeks holiday
6 standard days off (major holidays)
4 floating holidays (instead of the shitter holidays)
5 days of sick that you can accrue up to 15 days.

At 5 years and then 15 you get an extra week off. Closing in on that 5th week :drool:

[Pepe]

Which begs the question; why are you leaving?

So my daughters can be close to family.

[Spikey M]

Only the cheese eating surrender monkey side of the family. :nono:

[Pepe]

Got to pick one unfortunately.

I am also looking for jobs in the US and might stay for a year or two longer if some of the better stuff I am applying to pans out.

[Spikey M]

I am definitely on the luckier side of the time off scale for a US company. Newbies at my place get:

3 weeks holiday
6 standard days off (major holidays)
4 floating holidays (instead of the shitter holidays)
5 days of sick that you can accrue up to 15 days.

At 5 years and then 15 you get an extra week off. Closing in on that 5th week :drool:

I think the horror show employment is largely just for things like bar / waiting staff and other jobs that people tend to go into when they're leaving school.

That's where you're probably better off being in the UK / Europe. Because atleast they're guaranteed minimum wage, rather than having to hope you get good tips.

Once you're into a proper career the ability to earn top money probably does make having a bit less holiday and having to fund medical insurance a good deal.

[Boydy]

Those good jobs will come with medical insurance. Although you still have to pay bits of it, of course. And fuck arguing with insurance companies while you're sick.

I was in Seattle last week. One of my American colleagues was telling us about a time when he took an uber to the hospital instead of an ambulance because the ambulances are all private and too expensive. And that's someone who, I assume, is on very good money.

There's also just loads of mentalists/drug addicts in the street and Seattle probably isn't anywhere near the worst for that.

[Shindig]

Yeah, DC's the only city I've come across where the homeless problem seems better disguised. Granted, I spent most of my time around the national mall but I didn't even see them riding the rails.

[Spikey M]

The opioid crisis is completely out of control in the US and it is on the way here too. (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-67589364)

The "war on drugs" has directly caused this too. Apparently the Yanks leant on The Taliban when pulling out of Afghanistan and said that if they stop the drug dealers, they'll leave them to run the country in peace. In steps China to start a 3rd Opium War and here we are.

[Danny]

I think the horror show employment is largely just for things like bar / waiting staff and other jobs that people tend to go into when they're leaving school.

That's where you're probably better off being in the UK / Europe. Because atleast they're guaranteed minimum wage, rather than having to hope you get good tips.

Once you're into a proper career the ability to earn top money probably does make having a bit less holiday and having to fund medical insurance a good deal.


Absolutely. A tip is pretty much mandatory now. Incredible really. Country wide brainwashing.




Those good jobs will come with medical insurance. Although you still have to pay bits of it, of course. And fuck arguing with insurance companies while you're sick.

I was in Seattle last week. One of my American colleagues was telling us about a time when he took an uber to the hospital instead of an ambulance because the ambulances are all private and too expensive. And that's someone who, I assume, is on very good money.




I pay $200 every 2 weeks for me, wife and son. I make decent money and would absolutely do what that guy did. Especially if you can.

[Pepe]

Just so we are clear, if you are a tipped employee and you don't make enough in tips, your employer is mandated to pay you minimum wage. Every single waiter in here is, at the very least, on minimum wage. The vast majority are above that. I was earning 3x minimum wage when I waited tables.

[Ben]

I pay $200 every 2 weeks for me, wife and son. I make decent money and would absolutely do what that guy did. Especially if you can.

You pay $100 a week just to cover the fact you might need an ambulance at some point?

Capitalism really is the pits.

[Danny]

You pay $100 a week just to cover the fact you might need an ambulance at some point?

Capitalism really is the pits.

For health insurance as a whole. Not that specifically. I agree though.

I live in Florida, so low tax rates, so its probably comparable to back home. If I had a state tax to go with federal I would be hating it.

[Pepe]

The healthcare system is a mess, I will give you that. It is high quality though.

I genuinely believe that 80% of the issues with American healthcare would be solved simply by forcing healthcare providers to publish their prices. The remaining 20% would be fixed by ricocheting the FDA into space.

[Pepe]

You pay $100 a week just to cover the fact you might need an ambulance at some point?

Capitalism really is the pits.

I pay ~$300 per month for insurance. Then I think that my max out of pocket per year is something dumb like $5,000. As long as you budget for that every single year, you will never have to worry about healthcare.

As for the lad taking the Uber, if you can make it to the hospital in an Uber with whatever you have, then you should be doing that instead of calling an ambulance no matter what country you are in.

[Ben]

We’re not the target audience here. What percentage of Americans can’t afford that $300 per month.

I feel inequality is bad over here so my head would explode over there.

[Giggles]

Following on from a meeting on Friday, I've just been offered 2 days of my week as WFH :eyemouth:

[Spikey M]

https://media1.tenor.com/m/LgY9pjkTHLIAAAAC/simpsons-homer.gif

[Mike]

Following on from a meeting on Friday, I've just been offered 2 days of my week as WFH :eyemouth:

Have you turned it down as all people are unable to work from home?

[Boydy]

https://media1.tenor.com/m/LgY9pjkTHLIAAAAC/simpsons-homer.gif

:D

lol

[Kikó]

Following on from a meeting on Friday, I've just been offered 2 days of my week as WFH :eyemouth:

https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/946/559/443

[Magic]

Spikey already nailed it, man.

[Giggles]

Have you turned it down as all people are unable to work from home?

I probably will end up doing that.

[Pepe]

Counteroffer to also go work on the weekend.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Remember the useless woman at my work? Well, she was 'signed off' for unknown reasons in mid-March, mere days after passing her probation, and hasn't been back since. She kept getting two-week extensions to her absence (presumably doctor's notes), all her tasks were divided among other people and to be honest I had completely forgotten about her. It's been made clear that she isn't ill as such, but is 'signed off'.

Today news arrives that she's back tomorrow. She's been off for I reckon ten weeks, maybe eleven. The boss has given explicit instructions that she is just going to sit there, isn't going to be given any work and nobody is to delegate any tasks to her.

Presumably he's setting her up to be made redundant? The whole thing is absolutely bizarre. I have no desire to talk to her or have anything to do with her, clearly she's a cynical scrounging bitch.

[Lofty]

She's going to helpfully delete some more key files before the weekend.

[SvN]

He can sack her for any reason if she's been there less than 2 years, as long as it's not discrimination against a protected characteristic.

Unless she has a related disability, that can include being sick too much.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He absolutely would sack her if he could, so there must be some complication or time limit on it.

Serves him right for appointing her in the first place.

[phonics]

He had a lunge at her big nipples and she said no so she'll have a job for life with ever decreasing responsibilities.

[Pepe]

I think big nipples is a different woman.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, that's the stereotypical loud and opinionated Italian woman. This one is the dizzy cunt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's some office.

Loud and opinionated Italian woman
Dizzy cunt
Short arse Romanian legend
The Arab (who has been off sick with toothache all week)
The laziest Russian in the world
Nice Indian guy
A guy who says 'Cool beans' non-ironically
Me

[Baz]

RIP Barney

Just realised Mike named his dog after him. Forum legend.

[Magic]

I use my personal phone for work (calls, emails etc). They've changed the sec policy now so if you want to do that you have to enroll your device in the COMPANY PORTAL so they can get full control over it. Obviously that means one thing; full uninstall of all work apps. :drool:

It's actually really refreshing to only see work stuff on a laptop.

[Pepe]

It's some office.

Loud and opinionated Italian woman
Dizzy cunt
Short arse Romanian legend
The Arab (who has been off sick with toothache all week)
The laziest Russian in the world
Nice Indian guy
A guy who says 'Cool beans' non-ironically
Me

Diversity :cool:

[Dark Soldier]

Quick one:

I had 3 days off in Jan due to illness. I was paid sick pay. Apparently they have now told me I shouldn't have been, and they have to dock this from my upcoming wages (of which I'm already losing 4 days pay due to this Uevitis issue). I asked if they could just take 3 days of my now active yearly sick pay away to cover it. Nope, not happening.

So essentially they've blamed me. I did the return to work and whoever processed it did it wrong. I'm now being docked for this, for some fucking reason. Are they right to do this?

Never had a situation like this so I've no idea what the process is.

[Magic]

Quit or at the very least start looking elsewhere?

[Dark Soldier]

Quit or at the very least start looking elsewhere?

I'm signed off right now due to this eye issue, can barely see out me eye. Once its healed I'll be looking elsewhere.

Found this, so yeah we have no rights if this happens. Love it.

https://www.davidsonmorris.com/overpayment-of-wages/

[Shindig]

Do you have a paper trail for the return to work bit? I'm guessing not.

[Dark Soldier]

Do you have a paper trail for the return to work bit? I'm guessing not.

Just an internal system stating I did a return to work. Oddly the person handling this on behalf of HR and me is the assistant manager...who did the return to work with me and no doubt fucked it himself.

Its a charity where I work, was a very top place to be tbf. Since he came in, with only a history of retail...yeah things have taken a turn for many employees, many not happy. As Magic says, prob time to look elsewhere.

[Manc]

As Magic says, prob time to look elsewhere.

If only you could see.

[Baz]

My mate was overpaid for years and never let on. He got caught and ended up coming to an agreement of paying it back like £1 a month for basically forever. He handed his notice in at the end of the meeting to get it sorted.

[Dark Soldier]

Quick one:

I had 3 days off in Jan due to illness. I was paid sick pay. Apparently they have now told me I shouldn't have been, and they have to dock this from my upcoming wages (of which I'm already losing 4 days pay due to this Uevitis issue). I asked if they could just take 3 days of my now active yearly sick pay away to cover it. Nope, not happening.

So essentially they've blamed me. I did the return to work and whoever processed it did it wrong. I'm now being docked for this, for some fucking reason. Are they right to do this?

Never had a situation like this so I've no idea what the process is.

So resolution to this:

I asked for it to be split over several months. Turns out they overpaid me 48(!) hours of sick pay. So roughly seven days.

Got a big lol no get fucked. Repeated threats of 'we can make you pay it all on next pay packet'. Ended up with pay 2 days worth this month, and then the other 5 days worth next month. Essentially take it or leave it, get fucked.

So I'm down 6 days pay this month (4 off due to eye issue), 5 days pay next month. All due to their error. What a system lads, love it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are they public or private sector?

[Spikey M]

Just don't go off sick. Turn up, make everyone else sick and achieve nothing at all while you're there.

[Dark Soldier]

Are they public or private sector?

Registered as a charity but essentially Government, public institution.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Petrol bomb the premises.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Registered as a charity but essentially Government, public institution.

I was thinking it sounded like institutionalised low rent wankers who would behave that way. Come forth into the world of making money.

[Magic]

So resolution to this:

I asked for it to be split over several months. Turns out they overpaid me 48(!) hours of sick pay. So roughly seven days.

Got a big lol no get fucked. Repeated threats of 'we can make you pay it all on next pay packet'. Ended up with pay 2 days worth this month, and then the other 5 days worth next month. Essentially take it or leave it, get fucked.

So I'm down 6 days pay this month (4 off due to eye issue), 5 days pay next month. All due to their error. What a system lads, love it.

That's horrendous, that threat is such a massive red flag.

[Spikey M]

red flag.

:happycry:

[Lofty]

No union for that sector, DS?

[Dark Soldier]

No union for that sector, DS?

Nope.

[Spikey M]

I've just been to a home visit and the tenants have stabbed three peep holes into their daughters wall / door to keep an eye on her. Now, obviously we live in an age camera's and baby monitors, so - damage aside - they're not doing anything wrong, but fuck me it felt creepy.

[niko_cee]

How would that even work?

And 3? 2 eyes, and er, was the third lower down?

[Spikey M]

How would that even work?

And 3? 2 eyes, and er, was the third lower down?

They were about 6 foot apart and the door around the corner. Different vantage points, I suppose. Although trying to rationalise this may be a tad pointless.

[Yevrah]

Sounds like amazing parenting and not at all something that will cause long term mental damage to the kid.

[Spikey M]

The tip of an iceberg of lunacy, unfortunately.

[Magic]

Peep or glory?

[Spikey M]

If they're glory holes the dad must be very tall with a penis like a pencil. He wasn't there, so I can't be sure.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The useless woman's been back for 2 weeks and has just been sacked. I know this because she came into the office shrieking 'I've been sacked!' and telling us she's going to sue the company.

[Pepe]

:happycry:

[Lofty]

Quelle surprise. Should have used her paid jolly off work to get a nipple enlargement.

[Baz]

This Friday's "Journal Club" (dont ask) is discussing Vegetarian and plant-based diets associated with lower incidence of COVID-19 (https://nutrition.bmj.com/content/early/2024/01/02/bmjnph-2023-000629), which has raised concerns that the nice data analyst is a bit of a veggie cult follower. :uhoh:


The study published in BMJ Nutrition, Prevention & Health investigates the impact of vegetarian and plant-based diets on the incidence of COVID-19. The observational study, involving 702 participants, found that individuals following plant-based diets had a 39% lower odds of contracting COVID-19 compared to those with omnivorous diets. However, no significant difference was observed in the severity or duration of the illness between the diet groups. The protective effect is attributed to higher intake of vegetables, legumes, and nuts, and lower intake of dairy and meat among plant-based diet followers.

I think it's a camera off, reply to emails style meeting, since I've nothing to contribute.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Going to the Dutch Netherlands next week. Couldn't be dreading it more. I've realised I'm a quality desk salesman, wheeling and dealing, but the bit where you have to be an extrovert and have people skills etc is just so exhausting. Only way to make any money though so I have to drag myself through it.

In the last six months or so I've started to have pipedreams about starting my own business. Absolutely no idea what I'd do though. Some kind of low-level trading. Probably just the start of a mid-life crisis.

[phonics]

but the bit where you have to be an extrovert and have people skills etc is just so exhausting.

Don't worry, the Dutch don't have those either.

[Shindig]

We've found out where our new office is going to be. Back on a business park in the middle of nowhere for the first time in 15 years. :( Looking at the place, there's no nice way to kill 30 minutes on a lunch break, either.

[7om]

I am now a doctor :cool:

[randomlegend]

I am now a doctor :cool:

Unlucky.

[Bernanke]

Oh great, another one.

[Pepe]

Team Engineer falling behind.

[7om]

Unlucky.

I regret everything.

[Magic]

Doctor in what?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Thuganomics.

[7om]

Bovid studies.

[randomlegend]

Bovid studies.

Do you (actually) have any idea what speciality you want to do yet?

[7om]

Do you (actually) have any idea what speciality you want to do yet?

Psych. No doubt about it.

[randomlegend]

What flavour?

[7om]

Probably general adult but I’ve got a liaison job in F1 so we’ll see how that goes.

[randomlegend]

Bet you can't wait to get stuck into your adult general surgery foundation job.

[Spikey M]

This is like watching one of the PhD students trying to pull at the Freshers fair.

[Magic]

Psych. No doubt about it.

So you can figure out how to have a personality lol.

[7om]

Bet you can't wait to get stuck into your adult general surgery foundation job.

I’ve got two surgery rotations ffs. Just got to get through it.

Are you on a paeds training pathway now?

[Baz]

What happened to that other doctor we had? Alex Ferguson.

[Ben]

Thinks he’s above us. Only the fake doctors / dossers stick around.

[Baz]

My boss is a doctor, according to her email signature. Once watched her trying to join in a conversation with some discharge nurses from the hospital and she was so out of her depth. Turns out a public health consultant who bands about how they’re a doctor, thinks they’re a medical doctor and knows fuck all when it comes to what anyone in the medical industry actually knows.

[randomlegend]

I’ve got two surgery rotations ffs. Just got to get through it.

Are you on a paeds training pathway now?

Yeah, finish ST1 in September but looking to step up to reg early because I've already done so much paeds. Just need NICU (:vomit:) experience/competencies.

[7om]

Bloody hell, fair play. Hope it works out.

I’ve been looking into the SAS options. Finish foundation, do core psych training and then become an SAS in whatever sub-specialty takes my fancy.

[randomlegend]

Bloody hell, fair play. Hope it works out.

I’ve been looking into the SAS options. Finish foundation, do core psych training and then become an SAS in whatever sub-specialty takes my fancy.

Starting in neonates as an SHO is such a weird combination of mindless grunt work and stuff that's completely out of your comfort zone with basically nothing inbetween.

One minute you're pointlessly documenting the same blood results in about 8 different places, the next you're going to a delivery on your own and being handed a baby that basically looks dead and everyone looking to you to fix it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dutch trip this week. I woke up at 4am to go to the airport to find that a certain orange-branded airline had cancelled my flight at 2am. The only alternative flight from London to Amsterdam today was via Split, in Croatia. Having waved away my taxi driver I then rebooked from Bristol. So I now have to go and get a train to London, a tube to Paddington, a train to Bristol, then a bus to the airport, then a plane to Amsterdam, and then hire a car drive 2 hours to Groningen or else the whole trip is fucked.

The things I do for my company.

[Magic]

I'd have melted in a puddle and went home crying. Fuck those alternative arrangements.

[Spikey M]

Dutch trip this week. I woke up at 4am to go to the airport to find that a certain orange-branded airline had cancelled my flight at 2am. The only alternative flight from London to Amsterdam today was via Split, in Croatia. Having waved away my taxi driver I then rebooked from Bristol. So I now have to go and get a train to London, a tube to Paddington, a train to Bristol, then a bus to the airport, then a plane to Amsterdam, and then hire a car drive 2 hours to Groningen or else the whole trip is fucked.

The things I do for my company.

You could go to the Caribbean and spend less time traveling. How are your sales in Montserrat?

[Waffdon]

Dutch trip this week. I woke up at 4am to go to the airport to find that a certain orange-branded airline had cancelled my flight at 2am. The only alternative flight from London to Amsterdam today was via Split, in Croatia. Having waved away my taxi driver I then rebooked from Bristol. So I now have to go and get a train to London, a tube to Paddington, a train to Bristol, then a bus to the airport, then a plane to Amsterdam, and then hire a car drive 2 hours to Groningen or else the whole trip is fucked.

The things I do for my company.

There’s multiple direct flights from London today

[Spikey M]

You could fly from LONDON Southend Airport at 17:10. Same orange airline too.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There’s multiple direct flights from London today

Yeah but I can't get on them without spending £600, which they won't do.

[Spikey M]

Yeah but I can't get on them without spending £600, which they won't do.

If Easyjet have cancelled the flight I'm pretty sure they have a responsibility to find you an alternative fight and it shouldn't cost you a penny.

[Spikey M]

Rearranging your flight
If your cancelled flight is covered by UK law, your airline must let you choose between two options:

1. Receive a refund
You can get your money back for all parts of the ticket you haven’t used. For instance, if you have booked a return flight and the outbound leg is cancelled, you can get the full cost of the return ticket back from your airline.
If you are a transfer passenger and you have already completed part of your journey, you are also entitled to a flight back to your original departure point when your connecting flight is cancelled and you decide not to continue your journey.

2. Choose an alternative flight
If you still want to travel, your airline must find you an alternative flight. It’s up to you whether to fly as soon as possible after the cancelled flight, or at a later date that suits you.
Although most airlines will book you onto another of their flights to the same destination, if an alternative airline is flying there significantly sooner or other suitable modes of transport are available then you may have the right to be booked onto that alternative transport instead. You can discuss this with your airline.

https://www.caa.co.uk/passengers/resolving-travel-problems/delays-and-cancellations/cancellations/

[Jimmy Floyd]

They offered me 5.55am via Split and 9pm+ for which I would have to stay in Amsterdam and wouldn't make my morning meeting tomorrow. So the only viable option was to go from Bristol.

And I really don't have the time or inclination to start ringing them up and entering negotiations, it's stressful enough as it is.

[Baz]

At least you’re not with that old geezer.

[Boydy]

Your train to Bristol will probably end up getting cancelled.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, it will, or the flight from Bristol will.

I'd give literally anything not to go on this trip. The French one at least there was some actual interesting work to do, this one is completely pointless. Icelandic volcano, pandemic outbreak, make it happen.

[niko_cee]

You should have just driven there through the chunnel.

Does the Eurostar not do Amsterdam any more?

[Magic]

Think that's a nightmare for business insurance.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It does, but no seats available until the one that arrrives at 11pm tonight.

Remarkably, I'm pretty sure that what I'm doing is the path of least resistance.

[Giggles]

I tried it today, hate it, not doing it again.

[Mike]

What did you do while skiving off?

[Giggles]

Listened to incompetent cunts on the phone.

[Magic]

Listened to incompetent cunts on the phone.

Conference call with the home nations teams?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I got in to Groningen via Bristol and Amsterdam at 11pm local, after getting up at 4am. All of it was a ballache but when I got hauled over by some dope-schmoking coppers, in a clear good cop/bad cop formation, in an unmarked car 15 mins out of Schiphol airport, I thought they were taking the piss. I asked them why they had pulled me over and they said they had reaschonsch. The searched the car and asked me if I had drugsch or weaponsch. I said 'Er, no' (in a total daze by this point) and bad cop said 'You had to think about it, yesch?'

Anyway, 10 mins later the one who had been searching the car told me that it was all a mischtake and that he was schorry for the inconveniensch and hoped I enjoy the Netherlandsch. Bad cop was fucking steaming. They didn't even breathalyse me or anything.

Maybe they just randomly follow cars leaving the airport for drug stops? I dunno. Either way, 24/6/2024 is down in the history books as 'not my day'.

[Spikey M]

If I was a cop trying to take down drug mules in Holland (fuck off Nether Netherland), I think I'd focus on people going TO the airport. What kind of thick cunt is smuggling drugs IN to Holland?

[Waffdon]

:lol:

[randomlegend]

Saw my first dead kid at work the other day. I've been very lucky it's taken this long. It was less bad because they were brought in by ambulance already long dead; would've been much worse if we'd been trying to treat them and they'd died.

2 year old. No previous hospital attendances or significant illnesses to speak of. Parents put them to bed with a bit of a cold, went in in the morning and they were long dead. Fucking grim.

[Spikey M]

Every now and then - and I mean, this is a very rare occurrence - one of my kids will still be asleep when I wake up. It's an occasion that fills me with both joy and dread. It's mostly a positive, because it means I got a bit more sleep usually. But at the same time, the image of them laying in bed, eyes open, foaming at the mouth swims in my mind. I don't think there's any coming back from that becoming a reality.

[Magic]

Saw my first dead kid at work the other day. I've been very lucky it's taken this long. It was less bad because they were brought in by ambulance already long dead; would've been much worse if we'd been trying to treat them and they'd died.

2 year old. No previous hospital attendances or significant illnesses to speak of. Parents put them to bed with a bit of a cold, went in in the morning and they were long dead. Fucking grim.

Shut up man we're trying to hear about Jim's awful day.

[Waffdon]

You definitely don’t sleep enough Mr Spikey.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cot death (or whatever the proper word for it is) is about the worst thing ever. One of my childhood friends was a child who came after a cot death and I remember all over his house there were little mini-shrines to the 1 year old brother who preceded him, mother still regularly in bits a decade later with two more kids around, absolutely grim.

[Spikey M]

You definitely don’t sleep enough Mr Spikey.

Probably not. 6 or 7 hours a night since I was a teenager.

[Giggles]

That's over sleeping.

[Ian]

I got in to Groningen via Bristol and Amsterdam at 11pm local, after getting up at 4am. All of it was a ballache but when I got hauled over by some dope-schmoking coppers, in a clear good cop/bad cop formation, in an unmarked car 15 mins out of Schiphol airport, I thought they were taking the piss. I asked them why they had pulled me over and they said they had reaschonsch. The searched the car and asked me if I had drugsch or weaponsch. I said 'Er, no' (in a total daze by this point) and bad cop said 'You had to think about it, yesch?'

Anyway, 10 mins later the one who had been searching the car told me that it was all a mischtake and that he was schorry for the inconveniensch and hoped I enjoy the Netherlandsch. Bad cop was fucking steaming. They didn't even breathalyse me or anything.

Maybe they just randomly follow cars leaving the airport for drug stops? I dunno. Either way, 24/6/2024 is down in the history books as 'not my day'.

Once flying back from wherever my dad was working at the time the flight I'd got brought me back via Amsterdam. Some Glasgow airport customs guy saw a young bloke on his own coming back with a big case "from Amsterdam" (actually with stuff for a month in the UAE or whereverthefuck) and thought he was onto something. Saunters up to me.

"Good afternoon, sir."
"Hello."
"Ahem. Are you aware that it's illegal to bring drugs or firearms into the country?"
"Yep."
"................good."

And then he sauntered off. Didn't even bother to then inspect my case out of spite so I clearly RATTLED him with my steely, "of course I know that's illegal, dumbass" demeanour.

Either that or because ah dinnae speak like a puir wee mad jakey bastart and thus he thought I must be an upstanding pillar of society.

[Pepe]

Just making sure that you knew the rule of the law like a proper citizen, as opposed to some illegal immigrant.

[Ian]

"I'm sorry officer, it is the custom of my people to bring a suitcase full of meth and AK47s into the country with you, is that not the done thing in Scotland?"

[mo]

Real men sleep a maximum of six or seven minutes a night, don't you know.

[niko_cee]

"I'm sorry officer, it is the custom of my people to bring a suitcase full of meth and AK47s into the country with you, is that not the done thing in Scotland?"

It'd be Ket and, I dunno, what type of gun sounds good in Scotch? Uzi?

[Baz]

They take fish tranquillisers in Scotland, rather than horse. Dunno what it’s called but they soak paper in it, wait for it to dry and then smoke it.

Thats a lot of fish medication sir
Yep.

[Baz]

Had an email from someone wanting to run some nonsense campaign and, within his pitch, said how much of a failure the 'Just Say No' campaign was in the 80s. Was it a failure? I feel like most people have heard of it.

[Spikey M]

Hasn't worked though, has it?

That said, is there a way of stopping people from doing it? Telling some people what not to do, just makes them want to do it more and showing people the harsh reality of drug consumption by forcing dealers to put meth-sore pictures on their packaging seems... unlikely to work.

[Baz]

Hmm I suppose. I think I’m just resigned to the fact that my job means nothing, so someone purely knowing about something I’ve done means I would deem it a success, regardless of any outcomes.

I started Bob Mortimer’s “And Away” book today and there’s quite a fitting part that definitely rings true to me, and no offence is intended Spikey :D but:


I quite like hospitals. They have such a purposeful vibe. In the past I’ve had jobs in the civil service and local government and hated the general malaise that permeated those institutions, due, I suspect, to the lack of a real sense of purpose or direction. The ever-present nagging feeling that you are achieving absolutely nothing. Whereas a hospital is a full-on, in-your-face, achievement factory.

:huhu:

[Spikey M]

Even hospitals are only delaying the inevitable and sweet sweet embrace of death.

And they can't WFH.

[Baz]

Had an email about some kind of audit which included:


Unfortunately, this may mean that office space may need to be booked at last minute to accommodate this inspection, which we will require your support should this affect you in the future.

That's basically 'you might have to stop coming in the office for a bit' right? :youpi:

I've already stopped going in, while I can get away with it, and Thursdays are so much better without having to faff about with idle chit chat and basically everything else that's great about being at home vs being in an office.

[mo]

My line manager is a spineless appeaser, who when tasked with sorting staffing for the pastoral team for next year, royally fucked it up. Each Head of Year has a non-teaching 'Pastoral Lead' who deals with a lot of the issues that come up day-to-day that HoY can't because we teach quite a lot (little Timmy threw a sandwich at me, Sarah's giving me dirty looks, Mark has a rape list on a Discord server, you know the type of thing). We've got a new HoY coming in with Y8 so he decided to move my pastoral lead to them because a) the HoY is new and b) my pastoral lead is fucking ace. Like literally brilliant. Knows when to take stuff off me, does stuff without being asked, knows when to give kids time and when to tell them to fuck off and stop being so wet. So this infuriated me because I'm going to be Head of Y11 in September and myself and the students could do with the continuity. Myself and Pastoral Lead both unhappy about it, plus the Y8s are fucking feral.

So today my Pastoral Lead told us all she'd just accepted a new job at the private school down the road. Less hours, more money, not treated like a mug. I was losing her anyway so it doesn't directly affect me, but totally fucks up my line manager's plans. And that has been some small crumb of comfort.

[Danny]

One of that list is worryingly specific

[Lofty]

Yeah are rape lists just the new panini sticker swap lists in today's schools? You've made that seem more mundane than it should be.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That was the joke wasn't it? Rule of three, well executed.

[Pepe]

Sorry to inform you, but the UK dream is over. I took another job in the US instead for almost 4x more than what your lot offered.

[Spikey M]

I still think less of you for even considering this dump.

[Pepe]

I just wanted to be close to you.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I just wanted to be close to you.
Lol, gay.

[Spikey M]

Good taste though.

[Lewis]

In recent weeks our manager has Lost the Dressing Room, and it's been fascinating to watch it unfold. In short, she committed us to a completely arbitrary yet unrealistic timetable on something with no idea how it was going to be done, refused to let us decide amongst ourselves how to manage it but also refused to make decisions on anything, and it has since become an increasingly desperate scramble to get it done which nobody is engaged with in any way. Proper third season Jose Mourinho stuff. Half-expecting Willian to walk in on Monday and beg us to do overtime.

[Pepe]

Lewis player-manager. :drool:

[Lewis]

I proposed a better way of doing it early doors, and offered to oversee it all myself, and she ended up getting shirty with me in a recent crisis meeting when I said there was still time to consider it. To be honest I think she's still seething about me whipping everybody up into signing an open letter claiming that we aren't graded (paid) appropriately.

[Pepe]

You should suggest a union.

[Lofty]

Lewis would be a brutally effective union rep :drool:

[Lewis]

I've been pointing out for years that my responsibilities should have me at least a grade higher, and they just tell me to go and work somewhere else (which I have tried to), so I did my own assessment of what everybody in the office does and then set about explaining to them all how they are being stiffed as well. The union claimed that they could only get involved if there was a 'policy breach', which I discovered that there was for some people, so I dropped that into informal conversations outside of the open letter to panic the management a bit. They have promised to do a new assessment of what everybody does, so let's see how it pans out. Probably with me not being re-hired as a pain in the arse when they upgrade everyone.

[Baz]

I get notifications whenever anyone dies and it involves substances. Someone's just died who shares a name with a certain Tekken character. :D

[phonics]

Jin Kazuya?