The All New Jobs Thread

[Pepe]

Not the middle of the day, as he was leaving. Common thing to do in Mexico, but who knows what you weirdos might or might not do.

[SvN]

Shaking hands with a co-worker every day? Yeah, we're the weirdos. :uhoh:

[Giggles]

Not the middle of the day, as he was leaving. Common thing to do in Mexico, but who knows what you weirdos might or might not do.

If he was leaving the job then fine but if someone is going around looking handshakes because they're going home for the day then they need a good slap so it only happens the once.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I understand that the French go around shaking hands with all their co-workers at the start and end of each day, but no, it isn't done here.

[Giggles]

I’ve met some Poles that go for that craic too. You can gauge how long they’re here based on whether they still do it or not.

[SvN]

A few years ago we had a Romanian that did it at the start of every day, shaking hands with everyone in the office. After about a fortnight he stopped.

[phonics]

Being in the French part of Switzerland I do the handshake/kisses thing but only outside work. However, I've worked in mostly International places.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We have a family friend who is notionally English but married a Frenchwoman and kind of 'became' French, the story goes that when he worked in London after 20 years in France he came in on the first day, shook everyone's hands, they all stood up and said nice to meet you. In second day, goes around, shakes everyone's hands, everyone's like erm... OK, I guess. Third day, eyebrows raised. Fourth day, listen, old chap, we need to have a little talk about this.

[igor_balis]

My time in my new branch has been absolutely the same as at my previous one. Absolutely nailing the customer interaction stuff, to the extent that I've overheard my new manager say a few times to my colleagues how shit hot I am, and even asked someone to keep an eye on how I talk to customers and see if they can learn anything from it (somehow this hasn't caused my new colleagues to massively resent me, thank christ). Similarly I'm absolutely shitting the bed on everything procedural and practical. My till was a GRAND short on Monday, to the extent that it had to be shut for 3 hours while my manager and AM tried to find it.

AM was going through all my transactions and asking my colleague if she recognised any of the names, as a last resort to see if anything seemed out of character.

AM: "do you know Miss X, [insert my colleague's name]?"
Me: "oh! I remember serving her, deposited 1400 quid into her account"
AM: "...Igor, the receipt says 2400..."
Me "...shit."

We even have a box that comes up that gets you to manually input exactly what notes were paid in, to avoid fuck-ups like that, and I'd still managed to input that she'd paid in 2 grand in twenties, when it was only 1 grand. Fucking hell. Management's policy in this branch is to get all of us cashier plebs to do all the different jobs so everyone can do a bit of everything, but I think they might make an exception and keep me the fuck away from the tills.

[Lewis]

lol someone has been suspended at work for fiddling their flex-time. Seeing as everybody does it, and seeing as nobody usually cares, you can only imagine the lengths they were going to to take the piss.


They probably won't say anything, which is another lol aspect of it, because the unit itself barely follows any rules.

My man got sacked. Gutted.

[Boydy]

My man got sacked. Gutted.

Was he shit at his job and that was just a reason to get rid?

[Pepe]

In Mexico it was easy. Shake all men's hands, kiss all women's cheeks. Since I moved over here I never know what to do, the whole thing is weird as fuck.

[Lewis]

lol someone has been suspended at work for fiddling their flex-time. Seeing as everybody does it, and seeing as nobody usually cares, you can only imagine the lengths they were going to to take the piss.


Was he shit at his job and that was just a reason to get rid?

He was more pointless than shit, but you can't just go around sacking people for that.

[Kikó]

My boss invited us for a drink last night and was half cryptic/half coherent on the future of our wider team and what appeared to be a "do you fancy joining me elsewhere" spiel. Probably would tbh if the pay improved and it was with the other guys.

Managed to get on a conference as well in Amsterdam for a week in December which is cool.

[Baz]

I forgot how to do rudimentary trend calculations I probably learned when I was 13 and haven’t used since then. Curses.

Also one question on the first part was something like ‘explain why there may have been a decrease this year?’ and I’m staring at my graph that’s basically


https://i.imgur.com/3Zmdeqz.png
The figures were cumulative and I didn't realise. :cab: So I added up all four quarters, instead of just taking the figure from Q4. :face:

Job interview didn't feel like a complete waste of time, even though all three of us knew it was. Ah well, find out before 4.

[Lewis]

They were dipping into the reserve list from the last application process today to replace sack man, and the best reserve was discarded for 1) 'having a good degree' (meaning she would be gone in a year from the crappy position); and 2) being too good looking. No wonder it took me ages to find something.

[Pepe]

Sounds about right.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You are just way too sexy.

[Baz]

Did her CV have a photo on? :cab:

[Lewis]

She brought her face to the interview.

[Pepe]

Amateur.

https://img.nbc.com/sites/nbcunbc/files/files/de9b49f9039c2087301abf87d29c908f_4ca51416a51778a2b a2b0fd9e4010d4a.jpg

[Baz]

Didn't get that job. :violin:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Handshakegate has taken a curious turn. Both of them are back in the office and nothing has happened... except today we seem to have randomly hired a new starter in the department, and there isn't a desk for him so he's been sent into the warehouse for a week to 'learn the ropes' (we all did this but only for 1 or 2 days).

Maybe someone is going to get the bullet.

[randomlegend]

Got to work Christmas day. Boooooo.

[Ian]

I'm on call Christmas day and Boxing day (and then that weekend) but apparently in 9 years they've had one call over that period and I'll be getting the better part of £400 for it even if I don't take a call.

Also my sister's in-laws are really annoying so if they start to hack me off I'll just pretend I've got a call and go and get some peace for half an hour.

[Pepe]

That's Halloween.

EDIT: Out of the way.

[Lewis]

You would think there would be enough Asian in a hospital to not need white people in on Christmas Day. Unless you have to keep an eye on them.

[bruhnaldo]

Bro what

[Dave.]

You would think there would be enough Asian in a hospital to not need white people in on Christmas Day. Unless you have to keep an eye on them.

:roflol:

[Baz]

Bro what

Lots of people in the medical profession are Asian English people, who don’t celebrate Christmas.

[randomlegend]

IME even the ones who are of a religion which doesn't celebrate Christmas, they still mostly kinda do celebrate Christmas.

[Spikey M]

Bro what

Don't worry, he means the brown ones.

[Baz]

New office sucks. My seat is dreadful and it’s stiflingly hot.

Only saving grace is it’s a pokestop on Pokemon Go.

Also the stupid fat lesbian who i moaned about stealing my seat in the last office, has stolen someone else’s seat in the new place. I loudly told everyone it’s because all she does is go on the internet all day and doesn’t want anyone to see her screen.

[bruhnaldo]

I loudly told everyone it’s because all she does is go on the internet all day and doesn’t want anyone to see her screen.

Soooo literally what you wanted it for? Respek.

[Spikey M]

Donned.

[Shindig]

So the lad that left for Japan on sabbatical has now been given the boot. You can't really ask for an extension twice when you've married a lass over there, really. He's also changed his name to something Japanese which just makes me think this is all very suspicious.

[Spikey M]

King long dong?

[Giggles]

How brexity is Southampton?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You'd be lynched within a week.

[Giggles]

Grand, I'll only be 2 nights.

[Spikey M]

Giggles is off to Peppa Pig world. :cool:

[Giggles]

Well now I am.

[John]

We'll need footage of you turning up with your bib and two pronged fork.

[Shindig]

He's got one of those in the back of his van.

[Giggles]

I'll have the van and all, 200 miles down from Fishguard. If it's really dodge I'll make arrangements and fly though.


.

[Lewis]

SvN let's all meet.

[Shindig]

Okay, the lad that left for Japan has no photos of his wedding to share because, "It's not the done thing over here." Definite nonce.

[bruhnaldo]

Did you immediately, as I did, google Japanese weddings and ask many, many questions?

Cause shiiiiit.

[Shindig]

Yes. Yes, I did. In other news, Customer services want to borrow some of us because Monday's their busiest day of the week. Guess what our busiest day of the week is?

[Giggles]

It’s 500 notes for the boat for a van. I’m going to have to fly now :nono:

[Magic]

Lol my Dec 23rd pay packet comes with a 11K commission. :)

[Giggles]

Lol my Dec 23rd pay packet comes with a 11K commission. :)

5.5k.

[Magic]

Yes after tax it may be even less.

[Shindig]

This spending freeze is taking the piss now. "Guys, we can't spend frivolously on the bags we need for deliveries. By the way, there's money in the rewards kitty to spend and there's a Christmas event coming up! Oh, we shut the canteen because it wasn't viable but here's a sandwich van!"

[Lofty]

I escaped Barrow to live my own professional dream of sitting on my arse in a office in Manchester, no more shift work, massive flexibility and no weekends. It's a spreadsheet marathon but better than speaking to the general public.

[Lewis]

Barrow's loss is the Pacer train's gain.

[Foe]

There’s so much angel delight offshore. It’s fucking brilliant.

[Lewis]

:drool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Butterscotch or gtfo.

[Raoul Duke]

Lofty :cool:

[Smjffy]

I'm currently bracing myself for a month of hell. Christmas parties. :moop:

[Lofty]

Barrow's loss is the Pacer train's gain.

People slate the pacers but their reliability is top notch, it's just the comfort that is lacking. Although if you've ever sat across from a bustier passenger on one you soon appreciate the merits.

[Lewis]

Yeah, you get people moaning like fuck about them every week on the local news back home, as if their twenty minutes from Doncaster to Wankton justifies doubling ticket prices for a fleet of new toys.

[phonics]

Someone in the office has decided to start eating oranges all the time. It smells fucking rank.

[Baz]

Oranges smell nice.

Oh and I bet they’re not oranges.

[phonics]

Clementines, Oranges. Shame foul smelling shite.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:cab:

[bruhnaldo]

Who the fuck doesn't like the smell of oranges?! God I hate this fucking guy!

[Foe]

Got bumped from my helicopter today so stuck offshore another night.

Platform went into meltdown in that time also. Nightmare.

[bruhnaldo]

People who fuckin whistle should be drug out into the street and shot with several nerf guns.

[mo]

I'm sorry, how should they be taken to the street?

[Spikey M]

Under a heavy dose of Lemsip.

[Mike]

:D

[bruhnaldo]

This reminds me of the time I thought "warsh" was a word because my country ass family used to say they were going to "warsh" the dishes and "warsh" the clothes and "warsh" the car.

[Mazuuurk]

Are your country ass family hostile Scots?

[Baz]

Just picked up the post at work. Two envelopes were identical and both had been redirected from some mail place - the original envelopes they'd been sent in were inside and they'd been intended for two of the top-boys. Anyway, someone had scrawled the name of my department on them, hence me getting them. They contained about 20 pages of printed "questionable" tweets (about 3 per page) of someone I work with quite a lot, who is quite high up.

I've just given them to the director.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Writing that as if you weren't the source, gutsy.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Grats on your promotion.

[bruhnaldo]

Baz really thrives off being the office snitch and it's kinda disgusting.

[Smjffy]

Knowledge is power tbf.

[bruhnaldo]

So either Baz is the one who is stitching up his co-worker or everyone in the office knows for a fact Baz will go straight to the feds and has "accidentally" sent it to him as to not have a paper trail back to them.

In both scenario Baz is more than excited to comply.

Is this all because you didn't get the chair you wanted or have you always been this way?

[Magic]

This is the content for my PRESENTATION to the sales team on Wed:

1) Tag team presentation by IAM and BDM [both must play a part]
2) Mandatory Info
a) Performance Last Month
i) Number of Hosted Seats
ii) Number of Ethernet
iii) Track both of these against your forecast for that month
b) Performance to target FY to date for both Hosted and Ethernet
c) Your Conversion Rate FY to date
d) Forecast for the Rolling 3 months
i) Seats forecast in current month and for the rolling 3 months [show forecast for each of the 3 months]
ii) Ethernet forecast in current month and for the rolling 3 months [show forecast for each of the 3 months]
e) Partner Performance
i) FY to date Hosted Seats Won by Partner
ii) FY to date Ethernet Won by Partner
iii) FY to date Opportunities per Partner
3) Bonus Info
a) Performance
i) One off and Recurring Revenues for each month of FY to date
ii) Total One off and Recurring Revenues for FY to date
iii) Lost Seats and Ethernet opportunities last month
iv) Total qty of lost seats and Lost Ethernet FY to date
b) Partner
i) FY to date Opportunities won / lost / open by Partner
ii) FY to date Total One Off revenues by Partner
iii) FY to date Total Recurring revenues by Partner

PMSL. Surely all of this should be at hand in a proper sales platform? Fucking shite our systems are.

[bruhnaldo]

That sounds absolutely dreadful.

[Smjffy]

This is the content for my PRESENTATION to the sales team on Wed:

1) Tag team presentation by IAM and BDM [both must play a part]
2) Mandatory Info
a) Performance Last Month
i) Number of Hosted Seats
ii) Number of Ethernet
iii) Track both of these against your forecast for that month
b) Performance to target FY to date for both Hosted and Ethernet
c) Your Conversion Rate FY to date
d) Forecast for the Rolling 3 months
i) Seats forecast in current month and for the rolling 3 months [show forecast for each of the 3 months]
ii) Ethernet forecast in current month and for the rolling 3 months [show forecast for each of the 3 months]
e) Partner Performance
i) FY to date Hosted Seats Won by Partner
ii) FY to date Ethernet Won by Partner
iii) FY to date Opportunities per Partner
3) Bonus Info
a) Performance
i) One off and Recurring Revenues for each month of FY to date
ii) Total One off and Recurring Revenues for FY to date
iii) Lost Seats and Ethernet opportunities last month
iv) Total qty of lost seats and Lost Ethernet FY to date
b) Partner
i) FY to date Opportunities won / lost / open by Partner
ii) FY to date Total One Off revenues by Partner
iii) FY to date Total Recurring revenues by Partner

PMSL. Surely all of this should be at hand in a proper sales platform? Fucking shite our systems are.

Stay strong when you get to 'E'.

[bruhnaldo]

Luckily I think he already has a powerpoint template for that if i recall.

[Baz]

So either Baz is the one who is stitching up his co-worker or everyone in the office knows for a fact Baz will go straight to the feds and has "accidentally" sent it to him as to not have a paper trail back to them.

In both scenario Baz is more than excited to comply.

Is this all because you didn't get the chair you wanted or have you always been this way?:D

I hate my desk soooo much it’s not even funny. Literally ever other desk is better positioned.

[bruhnaldo]

Do you not stop and think MAN... there MUST be a reason I was given the worst possible desk possible... despite the fact I wrote a very specific seating plan !

[Offshore Toon]

If Baz is anything like I think he is, he'd be great to work with. Nothing passes the time like chatting shit. Plus, he'd do most of the talking so you'd never get called up for it.

[Smjffy]

A more socially accepted version of Gareth from The Office is how I imagine Baz in work.

[phonics]

Got a promotion. Woo.

[bruhnaldo]

Hell ya phonics.

[Spikey M]

Can I borrow a tenner?

[Smjffy]

I got sent home today for calling out the sous chef. :moop: In the politest manner possible I simply told him that if he's going to be a dickhead then just shut the fuck up and cook some food. He decided to throw his toys out the pram and ensure it was a difficult service then boss texts me telling me to take evening off.

Man City match it is. :cool:

[Ian]

Was "shut the fuck up and cook some food" how you phrased it to him or the paraphrased version you're telling us? Just in case you need clarification for the future of what "politest possible manner" means.


Is this all because you didn't get the chair you wanted or have you always been this way?

:D

[Smjffy]

Was "shut the fuck up and cook some food" how you phrased it to him or the paraphrased version you're telling us? Just in case you need clarification for the future of what "politest possible manner" means.



:D

Word for word tbh. I'm not even sure what actually happened. I covered a shift last night as someone had to go home and at some point he mentioned how I was pissing him off, at first I thought he was joking but then I realised he was being serious so I just kept quiet for remainder of the shift. This morning he completely blanked me then started throwing petty preppy shit at me, I didn't bite, I merely peeled and scored a shit load of sprouts and cracked on.

Then he carried on. And on. And on. So I told him to if he wants to be a dickhead then to shut the fuck up and just cook some food. We actually get on better than any other pairing in the kitchen so I'm a little bewildered to be honest but fuck it.

:sorry:

[mo]

On the lookout for a new job. Even looked through an advert for a private school earlier, but I'm not quite desperate enough to compromise my ideals just yet.

[Giggles]

Imagine the little cretins in one of those. And the parents :sick:

[bruhnaldo]

Fuck private schools.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Having been through one, I'm pretty sure private school teaching is a one way ticket to acceptably-paid misery. There always seemed to be something, you know, wrong with them all.

The best ones were the handful of serious academic sorts who were probably a bit better than school level, had other things in their lives, and didn't give a fuck.

[niko_cee]

As opposed to poorly paid misery in the public sector.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I reckon, knowing a couple of state school teachers these days as well as reading mo's experiences on here, that even though they get hammered into the ground for fuck all reward, their souls and dignity remain intact. I'm not sure the bloke who used to teach me Economics, spent every day of every holiday in 'Thighland' as he called the south east Asian kingdom, and then eventually moved to teach at the UAE branch of Repton School could say that.

That probably sounds really patronising as per from me, but you know what I'm getting at.

[Boydy]

Every holiday in Thailand?

Definite nonce.

[niko_cee]

I really hope there is a UAE branch of Repton School (is it not College)?

Seems not.

Played them at hockey once, on a fucking grass pitch, the backwards northern fuckers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Radley is the college, I mix them up too. And yes there is: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repton_School_Dubai

[niko_cee]

I thought Radley was a bag manufacturer.

[mo]

Dignity. That's a stretch.

[Foe]

How many days of annual leave does everyone get?

I get 25, plus 4 floating bank holidays. I can carryover 5 from the previous year. I work a 9 day fortnight so I get every second Friday off AND I can use salary sacrifice to buy another TEN. Seems mental.

Relative cost of the extra day of leave isn’t that bad either... works out about 14 quid a month after tax per month per extra day.

[Giggles]

I’m not even sure, 26 or something but I work up that many hours to take off that I never need to take most of them and just get paid for them in the December pay.

[Shindig]

25. I can carry 5 from the previous year but can buy as much as 10.

[Foe]

I’m debating buying ten and just not working Fridays.

Career limiting perhaps?

[Jimmy Floyd]

17 plus three at Christmas. In this respect even the Koreans have the edge over my current mob, run, it must be said, by an 80 year old Israeli. People who built their business empire 50 years ago and likely fled the Holocaust as young children give no fucks for time off.

[Smjffy]

17 plus three at Christmas. In this respect even the Koreans have the edge over my current mob, run, it must be said, by an 80 year old Israeli. People who built their business empire 50 years ago and likely fled the Holocaust as young children give no fucks for time off.

24 but you rarely get to use them when you want them and the company doesn't allow you to carry them over which I find a bit rich given the reason you can't take them when you want to is due to staffing issues. I lost 5 days when October ended and now you've got to accrue them again hence why I can't have two weeks off end of January to go away.

In short, meh.

[Boydy]

17 plus three at Christmas. In this respect even the Koreans have the edge over my current mob, run, it must be said, by an 80 year old Israeli. People who built their business empire 50 years ago and likely fled the Holocaust as young children give no fucks for time off.

Is that excluding bank holidays?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yes. It's 20 all in all (the legal minimum) but 3 of them are fixed so we have 17 to deploy ourselves.

[Danny]

I get 20 days holidays, 4 floating days of my choice and then 6 fixed company days off over the year. Make out pretty well compared to a lot of people in the US.

[phonics]

I get 30 with a mandatory 2 week stint. I've had 60 this year because I skirted the rules as a temp and they'd get sued into oblivion if they tried to take it away from me.

[Ian]

I'm currently on 20 plus 8 or 9 bank holidays plus three extras the company just gives specifically for use around Christmas and new year. Next year I'll get an extra 2 for length of service, and if I'm still here the year after that it'll be 25 before the extras.

[Shindig]

Okay, mine's more like 30-ish with the bank holidays. If I get to ten years, I'll have an extra day.

[SvN]

23 plus the 8 bank holidays. After 1 year, you get an extra" duvet day", which allows you to call in on the morning one day per year and tell us you're not coming in. The only caveat is you're not approaching a deadline and don't have any meetings scheduled that day.

[igor_balis]

Having been through one, I'm pretty sure private school teaching is a one way ticket to acceptably-paid misery. There always seemed to be something, you know, wrong with them all.

The best ones were the handful of serious academic sorts who were probably a bit better than school level, had other things in their lives, and didn't give a fuck.

My mum works at one of the poshest schools in the country and the teachers there are pretty sound though will randomly turn up at houses (yeah I know) with a load of their mates and expect to be fed dinner, despite the fact the catering is all subcontracted out and the firm running it has the strictest itemized budgets per student. Usually it means she either gets a bollocking from the school for not being accommodating or from the catering firm for going over budget. Her war stories have essentially convinced me that everything everywhere should be run in-house, efficiency my ass.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't know if this is the same at state schools, but one time in upper sixth a few of us got invited up to the staff canteen, and... fucking hell, it was like going from economy to first class.

[randomlegend]

27 I think + bank holidays (or days in lieu if I have to work one because I'm on-call or whatever). Because my jobs are 4 month rotations I have to take 9 days during each 4 month block or I lose them.

[mo]

13 weeks :henn0rz:

[Spikey M]

I couldn't do your job for 12 days a year in fairness.

[Shindig]

Our seating plan is out for next year. I am miles away from bother. Chuffed.

[Mike]

Our seating plan is out for next year. I am miles away from bother. Chuffed.
You’ll have to give some tips to Baz.

[Shindig]

Not much to say, to be honest. I get on with most of the people in the office and changing teams every year keeps it fresh.

[bruhnaldo]

I like that he actually tried to find advice to give.

[Baz]

:(

[Spikey M]

Yes. It's 20 all in all (the legal minimum) but 3 of them are fixed so we have 17 to deploy ourselves.

Fuck me. J-Corbz might be on to something.

I get 25 + Bank Holidays and a bonus day over Christmas that they decide on (Usually Christmas Eve, but it's the day after Boxing Day this year), and thay still doesn't feel enough.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Although 17+3 is fuck all, it actually feels right within the context of the job, any less and the holiday cover would be a nightmare. I guess that means we are understaffed and the owner is a tight bastard.

[Luke Emia]

28 plus bank holidays and then Christmas thrown in on top for nothing. Loving life.

[mo]

Got called a ‘mong’ today. I swear to God the weeks running up to Christmas are the fucking worst.

[Spikey M]

You'd expect a head teacher to have a better vocabulary.

[Mike]

Got called a ‘mong’ today. I swear to God the weeks running up to Christmas are the fucking worst.

It’s easily my least favourite half term.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Understandable. We all have three months of dark misery behind us, and there is no end in sight.

[niko_cee]

You'd expect a head teacher to have a better vocabulary.

:D

I was trying to find a way to snide this in as some sort of job application feedback.

[Spikey M]

Just had my (late) mid year review and I'm getting a Christmas Brucey. :cool:

2nd best performance in the team and I've not even been here a year.

[SvN]

How much is the bonus?

[Spikey M]

To be confirmed. Won't get anywhere near the numbers posted in here. Couple of hundred probably.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I got £500 last year and since then have worked my arse off and seen our French sales rise by 102%, so if it isn't in four figures this year I'll do a proper diva flounce and smear Brie all over the walls.

The review/bonus/salary review is proper mob style at this company, you know it'll be in December but don't know when, and then Netanyahu will just randomly phone you up and summon you to his office. Terrifying stuff.

[Magic]

I mocked a FOCUS GROUP the Chairman was leading on YAMMER. Wasn't a direct dig at him, just a dig at the already failed focus group with a hint of comedy.

Anyway that was 2 weeks ago and now I've been told to go up to Inverness and bring all my company equipment, so presumably I'm about to get fired after 6 years of service for a sarcastic comment I made on a public forum. After my best month of making them an absolute fortune as well.

[Ian]

Not even a disciplinary or something, just a straight up firing?

I mean I know companies can use that sort of shit as grounds for gross misconduct or whatever if they want to but normally only if they already wanted rid of somebody I'd have thought, where it sounds like you've been doing well since your role was changed.

[Spikey M]

Yammer is a festering bag of shit.

[Magic]

Not even a disciplinary or something, just a straight up firing?

I mean I know companies can use that sort of shit as grounds for gross misconduct or whatever if they want to but normally only if they already wanted rid of somebody I'd have thought, where it sounds like you've been doing well since your role was changed.

If it was a disciplinary why bother asking me to bring all my stuff? And why disrupt all the big deals I'm working on? They are fully aware of the stuff I've got in my pipeline. So 2 weeks leave or whatever would just be insanity.

They are all ex-military so this is probably seen as UNFORGIVABLE and is a case in point of cutting your nose to spite your face, egos etc. I want to walk in and say fucking ram your job you bunch of cunts but I'm kind of upset really especially just before Christmas. I have no car or phone or laptop or anything that's personal and it's already difficult enough for me as a single parent with all my outgoings for maintenance, mortgage etc.

This will kill me.

[Smjffy]

I left my job on Friday and went home. GM and I spoke about the incident with the sous chef and why he lashed out but truth be told, it's not my issue. I think I sort of used it as an excuse to leave if I'm honest. Friday I went into work at 9am, by midday I had told the head chef that that's it, I'm done. I went upstairs, packed my shit and an hour later I was on the NX returning to Wales.

I'm still going to stick with cooking because I genuinely enjoy it and I am getting better all the time at it but I think some home comforts instead of a live in job is for the best. I also get to be back with Ellie so win/win. I plan on taking this month off then see what 2020 brings. Every year I find life gets easier to manage so I take things as they come. I don't think I'm ever going to be a settled individual but I'd rather be me now than the me of yesteryear.

[Giggles]

If it was a disciplinary why bother asking me to bring all my stuff? And why disrupt all the big deals I'm working on? They are fully aware of the stuff I've got in my pipeline. So 2 weeks leave or whatever would just be insanity.

They are all ex-military so this is probably seen as UNFORGIVABLE and is a case in point of cutting your nose to spite your face, egos etc. I want to walk in and say fucking ram your job you bunch of cunts but I'm kind of upset really especially just before Christmas. I have no car or phone or laptop or anything that's personal and it's already difficult enough for me as a single parent with all my outgoings for maintenance, mortgage etc.

This will kill me.

Surely there’s a disciplinary procedure they have to follow. Have you prior warnings, improvement plans, etc?

They could well be trying to strong-arm you into taking it but unless it’s a total cowboy operation they are unlikely to be able to fire straight off like that without you flexing them for it. Engage a solicitor.

[Magic]

Surely there’s a disciplinary procedure they have to follow. Have you prior warnings, improvement plans, etc?

They could well be trying to strong-arm you into taking it but unless it’s a total cowboy operation they are unlikely to be able to fire straight off like that without you flexing them for it. Engage a solicitor.

Dunno, they could probably find a string of OFFENCES (speeding on the tracker, christ I dunno, a whole host of little things) but no I've never had a prior talking to as it isn't that sort of company. I have really smashed one of my targets but I'm under performing on the other more so since having them increased as we haven't replaced a sales person that left. And our other 'new' sales person hasn't sold a fucking thing in 5 months of being here. So if they let me go they'd have two sales people basically.

Could be a public bravado thing to humiliate me and put me in my place, and give me due cause and concern. From a sales perspective though it's really really really easy to fire someone for not hitting target, as it's quite simple, you're either doing it or not. Whether that's the real reason or not is irrelevant really.

[Ian]

'Gross misconduct' covers a multitude of sins. I'd check and see how that stuff is covered in your contract.


If it was a disciplinary why bother asking me to bring all my stuff? And why disrupt all the big deals I'm working on? They are fully aware of the stuff I've got in my pipeline. So 2 weeks leave or whatever would just be insanity.

Yeah, it sounds a bit mad.

Are you and the other sales guys paid the same before commission?

[Magic]

Myself and the other ex-engineer are paid £25,000 basic, but we get double commission.

The most experienced sales guy at our company (who has less target because he's a fucking snake cunt) is paid £31,000 (we think).

The most experienced sales guy in general (newest one, has same target as me and other ex-engineer) is paid probably upwards of £50,000 as a basic.

[Ian]

Hmm.

Is it today you've to go up?

[Magic]

Hmm.

Is it today you've to go up?

No tomorrow for 11AM.

[Ian]

Oh, so 24 hours of stewing on it into the bargain as well.

Arseholes.

[Spikey M]

What was the post and what was your actual comment?

[Magic]

Oh, so 24 hours of stewing on it into the bargain as well.

Arseholes.

48, as it was sent to me yesterday, when I was on annual leave.

[Magic]

What was the post and what was your actual comment?

I got fed up of suggesting things and being told 'it's on the roadmap' so I asked them to share this mystical roadmap, and queried if they were just adding things to it every time someone suggested something.

[Spikey M]

You can't get the kick for that, surely.

[Magic]

You can't get the kick for that, surely.

It wasn't in response to the Chairman either, just a close friend/colleague who posted the roadmap reply.

[Spikey M]

It wasn't in response to the Chairman either, just a close friend/colleague who posted the roadmap reply.

I don't think it matters who it was to really. People should be allowed to ask questions, even if they are word in a passive aggressive way. All you've actually asked for is an update on the direction the company is taking. Unless you're working for Kim Jong-Un any kind of disciplinary would be a joke.

[Baz]

Looking forward to the 'lol was just PAT testing' response from Magic, while he secretly cries and has a conference call with his new missus to discuss the pros and cons of topping himself.

[Magic]

Morning AJ

Its time that we had a face to face meeting.

I want you in Inverness on Wednesday 11th December at 11am. I have checked your diary and its clear .Bring your equipment with you.

Dave

----------

It isn't PAT testing.

[Shindig]

You're building a roadmap.

[Ian]

Where does your missus live, Magic? I was amused by the coincidence ("coincidence"?) of the girl sat opposite me on the train talking to somebody saying they were "taking it too personally" and about "getting banned from Yammer."

I never fucking hear anything about Yammer and now twice in one day.

[Giggles]

I never heard of Yammer before Magic said it today.

[bruhnaldo]

Is this like WebEx or Skype or some shit

[Spikey M]

No. It's basically Facebook but for businesses.

[Foe]

It’s a crock of shit that I avoid entirely.

No good can come of it.

If you’re going to get sacked, get sacked for smashing the receptionist over her desk or smacking the dirty bitch who stole your desk rather than a condescending comment on a shitty forum.

Tempted to apply for a new job at work. It’s also shit and similar to what I do currently, but it’s a promotion so more money. Unlikely to get it but id be stupid not to apply right?

[Ian]

smacking the dirty bitch who stole your desk

Stop giving Baz advice, Foe.

[Shindig]

Yer Maw more like.

[Magic]

Where does your missus live, Magic? I was amused by the coincidence ("coincidence"?) of the girl sat opposite me on the train talking to somebody saying they were "taking it too personally" and about "getting banned from Yammer."

I never fucking hear anything about Yammer and now twice in one day.

Dundee. She has no idea this is going on.

[Ian]

Well now me slipping that laminated TTH card into her handbag when she wasn't looking just feels kinda weird.

[Magic]

Well now me slipping that laminated TTH card into her handbag when she wasn't looking just feels kinda weird.

That was me.

[Boydy]

I'd email him and ask what he wants to chat about. Probably a bit late now if it's tomorrow morning though.

[Adamski]

No. It's basically Facebook but for businesses.

Isn't that LinkedIn?

[Giggles]

LinkedIn is basically just generic Facebook now.

[Spikey M]

Isn't that LinkedIn?

LinkedIn is more external facing as I understand it. People use it to find jobs, no? Yammer is literally Facebook, but limited to you and the people you work with. It's Internal only and used by organisations (or mine at least) as an opportunity to shove the company line down everyone's throat a few times a day.

[Smjffy]

I've never had a LinkedIn account.

I'm due for a trial on Friday at a local brasserie but I'm so tempted to fuck it off and take the whole month to myself. The part that puts me off is I think January would be a shitty month to try and find a new job. I'm thinking I'll stay put in NW for a while now as although I like the live in positions, I do sort of miss the home comforts.

[Baz]

Morning AJ

Its time that we had a face to face meeting.

I want you in Inverness on Wednesday 11th December at 11am. I have checked your diary and its clear .Bring your equipment with you.

Dave

----------

It isn't PAT testing.

Well?

[SvN]

Also intrigued.

[bruhnaldo]

Isn't it like 3pm over there ffs

[Ian]

Yeah but it was 4 hours ago he had his meeting. And we're sitting at our own jobs bored and impatient.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Well he's either still working or lying in a ditch somewhere.

[Giggles]

Trying to find out which bus goes home?

[bruhnaldo]

Yeah but it was 4 hours ago he had his meeting. And we're sitting at our own jobs bored and impatient.

Dude I'm right with you that's what I'm saying !

[Ian]

Oh I see. :D

I thought you were telling us to back up and give him some time.

[Smjffy]

Power of Positivity tells me MJ will come back with good news. :nodd:

[Lewis]

'Good news, lads. I can sleep in tomorrow.'

[bruhnaldo]

Ian man fuck no I want answers now now now!

[bruhnaldo]

Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead

[Giggles]

Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead Please don't be dead

Should have slipped a phonics is a cunt into the middle of that.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm sure he read that from beyond the grave.

[bruhnaldo]

Should have slipped a phonics is a cunt into the middle of that.

it came to mind tbf. Still sorry to phonics for being the cunt in that situation tho.

[mo]

One of our students died last night, so today has had an odd, subdued atmosphere. He was a sixth former so most of them have been a wreck all day and eventually went home early. Students in lower years reportedly in floods of tears but unable to articulate why. Think I've mostly been in shock all day - he was in Y7 when I started at the school and although I didn't know him that well it still hits home. I don't really think of the children I teach as mortal; they're children, with long lives ahead of them.

[John]

What happened?

[mo]

No idea. If anyone in school knows they're keeping it tightly under wraps. I wouldn't like to speculate.

Means that this year, all three secondaries in the town have lost students. One in a road accident on his bike, another murdered (you might have read about Ellie Gould) and now this lad. A rotten year for the young people and families affected.

[Bam]

Mo works in a school? :|

[Giggles]

Mo works in a school? :|

He’s a head of something (I don’t know how your secondary schools work).

[Boydy]

I really hope Magic is okay. Anyone got him on facebook or whatever to check in on him?

[Giggles]

I really hope Magic is okay. Anyone got him on facebook or whatever to check in on him?

I’d suspect he still has a job (because a company can’t be that stupid) and he knows everyone is dying to know what happened.

[Boydy]

I’d suspect he still has a job (because a company can’t be that stupid) and he knows everyone is dying to know what happened.

Hopefully. :)

[Smjffy]

I had intended to take the month off but some half-hearted searching has led to an informal interview on Friday for a place right on my door step. It's so easy to find work as a chef though so I'll take it with a pinch of salt. I'm always confident when I get the interviews, the gift of the gab ensures I get it nine times out of ten.

If I do then I might try stay in NW for the first time in many years. It's time to stamp down some roots, I feel.

No news on MJ?

[John]

I had intended to take the month off but some half-hearted searching has led to an informal interview on Friday for a place right on my door step. It's so easy to find work as a chef though so I'll take it with a pinch of salt. I'm always confident when I get the interviews, the gift of the gab ensures I get it nine times out of ten.

If I do then I might try stay in NW for the first time in many years. It's time to stamp down some roots, I feel.

No news on MJ?

Not happy with the level of interest when you told us all of that this morning?

[Smjffy]

:D So I did.

[Giggles]

Hopefully. :)

I looked and thought he was on the thread at 5 this evening but I don’t think that active users thing works properly anyway.

[mo]

Mo works in a school? :|

Fucks sake Bam you absolute whopper. That's why the 'nonce' comments (which, hilarious by the way everyone, loving your work) are funny.

I'm just a bog standard classroom teacher. No 'head of' anything.

[Lewis]

I don't want to tell you you how to do your job, mate, but I reckon half them sixth formers were just angling for the day off.

[Giggles]

I don't want to tell you you how to do your job, mate, but I reckon half them sixth formers were just angling for the day off.

If your TV has taught me anything, sixth form is basically just one long day off.

[Lewis]

It was pretty great looking back. We got that EMA doss money for doing nothing as well. :lewis:

[mo]

Our sixth form is more akin to a gulag. You've got to work pretty hard to bunk off.

[bruhnaldo]

we talking about 11-12 years olds?

[Spikey M]

16-17

[igor_balis]

Hot facebook chat gossip: MJ is fine.

[igor_balis]

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/78824943_10162605395680384_7782962455293984768_n.j pg?_nc_cat=102&_nc_ohc=TfhNW-nNQQYAQmo3YjHceVXH3N8YjYogQ9okM3byMKTlsR93Niqn0wFE w&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=922ce4f0834706f28cba1ab5ad97f146&oe=5E742F88

[Giggles]

Don’t be screenshotting private conversations and sharing them you letch.

[igor_balis]

That's my usual policy but I think it's alright considering the content, or lack thereof.

[John]

Yo. :D

[Spikey M]

Tell the pussy 'ole to get on here and spill.

[Shindig]

I'm telling you, he's building a yellow brick roadmap.

[bruhnaldo]

Yo? Is MJ the 46th member of So Solid Crew?

[Shindig]

Nah, you're thinking of Blazin' Squad.

[igor_balis]

Yo? Is MJ the 46th member of So Solid Crew?

https://www.thepoke.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/so-solid-crew.png

Never forget.

[Shindig]

There's too many good ones in that list and a few pisstakes. EDIT: It's mostly pisstakes. Someone had a fun night on that edit.

[Magic]

I'm ok guys. I'm ok.

[Spikey M]

Yesterdays news m8.

[Ian]

Yo Magic, don't milk it. Details of why they were cunting you about or gtfo.

[Shindig]

How's the roadmap?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Had my annual review and a 2% payrise (it sounds like everyone is receiving the same). Given they gave me only positive feedback in the review, the 17+3 holiday allowance, the fact I do significant legwork for them and that I now have a mortgage, I think that is no good and I need to be doing better. I shall cast the net out in the new year.

[SvN]

Do you enjoy the job? If so, give them chance to increase their offer before you hand your notice in.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If I actually receive a job offer elsewhere at a higher salary I'll give them the chance to better it. But in the context of the annual review, resistance is futile. They gave me a good hike last year but in hindsight I think that was because someone had just left and they didn't want to risk losing me as well.

The sales director is a good boss and knows my value, but in the review it's all about the 80 year old Israeli patriarch chairman, and the sales director just sits there like Smithers.

[Smjffy]

I was informed today that I got the job I went to on Friday. I didn't have to do a great deal other than a little bit of prep and answer a few questions.

The only downside if you can call it that is they don't need me over the festive period but I start on January 2nd. I'll use the next couple of weeks to relax then get back on it for the start of 2020. It probably couldn't have worked out much better and I'm pleased I get to stay in and around my hometown for the first time in a few years.

Happy Smiff.

[Kikó]

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be promoted this year so upping the corporate title. Not sure what it means on the pay side but hopefully something reasonable considering I had a freeze last year.

[Shindig]

I'm going to bring the tone down by informing you I spent the morning next to a massively hungover alcoholic. She had a carrier bag ready in case she needed to be sick into it. She felt the need to tell me that.

[Ian]

You mean FUNCTIONING alcoholic. I mean she brought her own carrier bag after all.

[Shindig]

Functioning but not productive. I barely saw her for the first hour. And when she did turn up, all I got was the whiff of sick.

[Raoul Duke]

Had my annual review and a 2% payrise (it sounds like everyone is receiving the same). Given they gave me only positive feedback in the review, the 17+3 holiday allowance, the fact I do significant legwork for them and that I now have a mortgage, I think that is no good and I need to be doing better. I shall cast the net out in the new year.

2% is actually a pay decrease. It's below inflation.

I've been offered a job in Amsterdam, so it looks like I'll be moving there next year. Still got the financial stuff to sort out and relocation logistics, but I reckon I'm about 75% good to go. It's a lovely city and culturally loads going on. Pretty excited although it doesn't quite seem real yet.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I thought it was 1.75%. Either way, it's dogshit.

[thommo]

Just finished work for Christmas. Not back in until the 6th. :drool:

[Foe]

Just finished work for Christmas. Not back in until the 6th. :drool:

Ditto to this. Glorious.

[Ian]

Pricks.

[phonics]

I finished last week. Back on the 13th.

[Baz]

Just finished work for Christmas. Not back in until the 6th. :drool:

Snap!

[Danny]

Finished yesterday but I am back on the 2nd.

Emails have already stacked up but I just can’t be arsed checking.

[igor_balis]

Unsuccessfully interviewed for a promotion the other day.

To be honest I'm desperate to gtfo of here, but thought better to earn a bit more while I looked and figured it would look better on the CV if I'd managed to get beyond being a cashier in 4 years. Ah well. The job itself sounded pretty gash (expected to work ALL Saturdays, and the potential line manager is notorious for being SALES SALES SALES), and I suppose this means I'll be more motivated to actually find something else. Shame I still haven't got much of an idea what I want to do.

I'm on about 18.5, and now I actually have to pay rent, it isn't great. Even an entry level admin bitch job would probably be better.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm sure I've asked you this before, but how do banks of all places get away with paying people 18.5 for full time employment including weekend work?

[Spikey M]

The same way they get away with closing branches down because 'they cost too much'.

[Magic]

Got paid £7,500 after tax. That'll cover some of my December debt (£1000) and the rest is have fun money.

[Pepe]

What are the plans big man?

[Kikó]

I'm sure I've asked you this before, but how do banks of all places get away with paying people 18.5 for full time employment including weekend work?

£18,5 is madness.

Retail banking isn't that profitable (compared to wealth management or investment Banking) and usually has lower entry points.

[Shindig]

And they're never short of takers, assuming they haven't automated or booted those jobs offshore. For reference, my back office jobs have been £10k (full time, 2009) and £16k (2014). That money goes further in the North-East, mind. I'd imagine branch and customer services land on less.

[Spikey M]

I started off on £16k in my first admin job, then £18k, Now £30k (plus expenses). I thought I'd be loaded when I took it but it barely makes ends meet really.