The All New Jobs Thread

[igor_balis]

I'll be manning a stand with some colleagues at New Scientist Live this weekend at the ExCeL and staying at some crappy hotel in Ilford. We leave tomorrow evening, get back Sunday night. Absolutely buzzing, obviously.

[Lofty]

Small talk is rife in our office so I'll be saying hi then putting my headphones in until it's time to leave.

[CJay]

My new tablet is a Dell Latitude 7320 2-in-1 kinda thing. It’s actually surprisingly good, with 16GB ram, usb c and an actual HD screen. I also get rid of my docking station and connect directly to the monitor which is another plus.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'll be manning a stand with some colleagues at New Scientist Live this weekend at the ExCeL and staying at some crappy hotel in Ilford. We leave tomorrow evening, get back Sunday night. Absolutely buzzing, obviously.

Show life :drool:

Absolutely hyped for sitting on an uncomfortable stool for 10 hours a day and then going round Munich nightlife with the Arab in a couple of weeks.

[Spikey M]

Will he - perhaps unwisely - get involved in the nightlife shenanigans, or will he stand around looking confused and disapproving?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He'll get involved, I'll stand around looking confused and disapproving. Let's just say there are better Muslims out there. He was telling me about receiving some magic mushrooms in the post. I presume he ordered them and they didn't just turn up out of the blue.

[Ian]

Surely you just wait until he inevitably makes horrible night out friends then you can just fuck off and leave him to it?

[igor_balis]

Show life :drool:

Absolutely hyped for sitting on an uncomfortable stool for 10 hours a day and then going round Munich nightlife with the Arab in a couple of weeks.

Christ sounds like you have the worse deal. I get two days TOIL and plenty of time to read my chess openings book (need to nail the Scandinavian, and not my colleague Anna) so I'm fairly alright with it.

I may have a pint or two.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Reading the chess openings book in front of her will help.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our contracts are explicit about no time off in lieu. I'm doing Thursday to Monday, obviously, while the senior lads do Monday to Thursday.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't know how anyone manages to work in retail. The general public are fucking moronic cunts. This is just pricks trying to put dynamos on tractors. Imagine what it must be like selling shoes or something. Appalling.

[Spikey M]

Fond memories of standing behind the Customer Service desk at Tesco being shouted at because the HP Ink Cartridge he'd bought didn't have any red ink in it. An exchange was simply not good enough because "how do I know this one won't be a dud too!?"

We don't fill them up here you cunt. I don't know.

[Lewis]

Believe it or not there are family history roadshows, where all those genealogy sites and Who Do You Think You Are? and that have stands. My work used to go on behalf of the government to help people access old service records, and apparently Dan Snow is a massive wanker.

[Shindig]

Well, I never would've guessed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Family history is MASSIVE, largely unseen by we millennials. There's a woman in her 60s at work who only ever talks about that, Mike and the Mechanics, or cake.

[Lofty]

All fun and games til you reveal something you don't like. Like past lives, no-one wants to be a peasant and no-one wants to find out theie great great grandad was a slave owning meganonce.

[Spikey M]

Yeah I share a surname with one of the statues that was ripped down during the BLM protests, so I'm leaving this stone unturned.

I will use the extremely diluted victimhood of my maternal lineage as a badge of honour, however. Reparations please.

[Offshore Toon]

I did mine a few years ago and I'm extremely proud to reveal there were absolutely no racists or nonces, just extremely attractive, intelligent and honest folk.

[Shindig]

My dad went through a phase of really wanting to know the family tree. Doing it without spending a penny seems a proper ballache, though. Someone on my mother's side did hers, though. No drama aside from someone getting disowned for settling with the wrong bloke.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I seem to remember there being a shit ton of suicide on one side of the family and an endless line of useless farmers on the other side. I seem to be going down the latter route.

[Boydy]

I always just assumed mine was really boring so never looked into it. If anyone had done anything interesting, I'd have heard about it already surely?

[Ben]

My dad went through a phase of really wanting to know the family tree. Doing it without spending a penny seems a proper ballache, though. Someone on my mother's side did hers, though. No drama aside from someone getting disowned for settling with the wrong bloke.

If you line up the free trials amongst the big websites (Ancestry, Findmypast etc.) you can do it but you've got to commit the time and smash it out. I went back into the 1700s before really starting to struggle with the lack of information.

My family was/is terribly boring so except for a great-great-grandad with loads of illegitimate children I discovered nothing remotely interesting.

[Foe]

My dad was raging when my grans sister did ours in detail as it turned out there used to “lord” in the history but at some point someone just abandoned it.

Apparently also married into the family of that Scottish traitor John balliol (?).

Looking back through old photos is cracking though. Suits and moustaches galore.

[Spikey M]

Mexican and Scottish traitors in our midst. We roll deep. :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-63204333

If you assume that things like cancer remain at a roughly constant rate, what on earth is causing such a dramatic rise in long-term sickness? No wonder we have a productivity crisis.

It can't be Covid as that's hardly long-term.

[Kikó]

Well long COVID is.

Probably the vaccines.

[Ben]

There's got to be some interesting criteria at play here. No way are ~6% of the working population actually long-term sick.

[Yevrah]

It'll be mental health related issues.

[Raoul Duke]

Probably proportional too - lots of people left due to Brexit/Covid and so the people left (along with Covid aftermath) mean the numbers get worse

[Spikey M]

Every cunt has "fibromyalgia" these days. Which - as far as I can tell - appears to be a completely made up.

[Giggles]

Every cunt has "fibromyalgia" these days. Which - as far as I can tell - appears to be a completely made up.

It'll fit in well with most of the mental health excuses at least then.

[Ben]

Every cunt has "fibromyalgia" these days. Which - as far as I can tell - appears to be a completely made up.

I just looked it up. All the symptoms can also be attributed to "shitty lifestyle".

[Spikey M]

I just looked it up. All the symptoms can also be attributed to "shitty lifestyle".

You will be surprised to learn that they tend to have a triple digit BMI.

[Shindig]

Bodes well for my line of work.

[igor_balis]

First TTH colleagues?? :sst::sst:

[Lewis]

'Didn't Jimmy post that last night?'
'What?'
'Yeah. You just added "wank puffin" to it.'
*HR complaint*

[Manc]

First day back in the office since March and only one other person from the wider team is in. *Packs up*

[Baz]

I start my new role on Monday so have just been declining a load of meeting invites to stuff I don’t do anymore. :youpi:

There doesn’t seem to be a way to reassign meetings I’ve organised to someone else so I can delete it from my calendar though.

[Magic]

I start my new role on Monday so have just been declining a load of meeting invites to stuff I don’t do anymore. :youpi:

There doesn’t seem to be a way to reassign meetings I’ve organised to someone else so I can delete it from my calendar though.

The best feeling ever. :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sometimes it really is amazing working here. Turned my outlook on this morning and the first email I saw was this cracker from my 79 year old sales manager:


The customer is going to say that the price without the plate should be lower.

I have to think how I am going to answer her, female parts managers are more difficult to deal with.

Best regards.
John

[Lofty]

Does he mean parts managers who are female or is that OAP slang for minge?

[Kikó]

The new version of Female Parts Manager is really good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He means parts managers who are female.

He has a cracking track record. A few weeks back he told the (female) head of engineering not to 'worry her little head' about something or other. Then he asked me on a Teams call to describe the new girl who works here, looks-wise (he works remotely). I declined to do so and so he simplified the question to: 'Is she a looker?' I suppose we should really be reporting him for all of the above, but the management are South African so you might as well be reporting an assault to the Zodiac killer.

[Ben]

We've got a few Saffers and the casual racism, classism and misogynism is everywhere. No wonder their country is fucked.

[Magic]

Working on no commission and high basic is tough. Hard to get past that can't be arsed feeling.

[Dark Soldier]

Email this morning saying 15% pay rise in Feb and bonus in November, alongside regular 4.5% yearly pay rise.

My last pay rise at fucking Dunelm was 8p an hour.

[Spikey M]

Giz a job lad.

[Dark Soldier]

Giz a job lad.


If you can get to Manchester one day a week they're hiring big man

[Lofty]

What is it you're doing again? Given I am now being forced to do that in my job but without the pay rise for three years.

[Ben]

How did you people cope with life pre-2020 when five days in the office was normal behaviour?

[Lofty]

Perfectly well, but in our absence they remodelled our office and destroyed our team area, made it all hot desking where you are subjected to plebs on teams calls without headphones constantly. I would be a lot happier going back in with my name on my desk and my pc tower not in the bin.

[SvN]

I've had to buckle and switch to almost full-remote due to recruitment just being a nightmare. Any developers that are decent want remote work, which is fair enough I guess.

[Dark Soldier]

What is it you're doing again? Given I am now being forced to do that in my job but without the pay rise for three years.

General Medical Council mate. It's in Spinningfields.

Failing that they're looking for lay tribunal members at £310 a day to help decide tribunals.

No experience needed, minimum 35 days a year. Decent wedge for sitting around deliberating.

https://jobs.gmc-uk.org/vacancy/mpts-lay-tribunal-members-502502.html

[Dark Soldier]

Basically policing people like Random, top stuff.

[Kikó]

I'll send it to Lee. Thanks

[Don]

I don't understand how any of these employees in fields which have full remote working roles as the norm have any kind of remaining presence left in the UK. Imagine what you could do with a London salary in Vietnam/Costa Rica/etc.

As it is, the war is over and I am raising the white flag. Really didn't think they'd be able to make the 3 day weeks stick but here we are, 6 months+ later. The odd occasion I only do 2 for whatever reason makes it clear just how preferable that would be, the commute is just too much so I think I may be looking at a move back into London.

[Baz]

Spent the day finalising guides on how to do parts of my old job. Who needs a training department eh. :rolleyes:

[Jimmy Floyd]

As it is, the war is over and I am raising the white flag. Really didn't think they'd be able to make the 3 day weeks stick but here we are, 6 months+ later. The odd occasion I only do 2 for whatever reason makes it clear just how preferable that would be, the commute is just too much so I think I may be looking at a move back into London.

Are you commuting from MK to London? No wonder you hate it. Would need a helicopter to make that tolerable.

[Manc]

Just the one day a week for me and I'm a forty minute walk away from the office. Read it and weep, Don.

[Raoul Duke]

I don't understand how any of these employees in fields which have full remote working roles as the norm have any kind of remaining presence left in the UK. Imagine what you could do with a London salary in Vietnam/Costa Rica/etc.

As it is, the war is over and I am raising the white flag. Really didn't think they'd be able to make the 3 day weeks stick but here we are, 6 months+ later. The odd occasion I only do 2 for whatever reason makes it clear just how preferable that would be, the commute is just too much so I think I may be looking at a move back into London.

Fully remote doesn't meant "work from anywhere" - mostly it means work from the same country. Some companies are more flexible, but the limiting factor tends to be taxation, i.e. where they have office locations and can route payroll.

[Don]

Are you commuting from MK to London? No wonder you hate it. Would need a helicopter to make that tolerable.

1hr15 d2d with only the single train 5 days a week into the big buzzing metropolis filled with fellow workers was a glorious time pre-pandemic.

An office move has it now at 1hr45 with 2 additional tube trains and a walk through Westfield surrounded by hyperconsumerism and cultural and spiritual poverty (as well as West Ham cunts on matchdays). The difference is incredible.

[Giggles]

I got notified in an email this morning I got 12.5% upcoming. I had to check it wasn't from a Nigerian prince.

[Shindig]

My last bump was 2.5% :moop:

[Giggles]

12.5% of fuck all is still fuck all, though I wouldn't swap it these days because of the van.

[Shindig]

I just boost it with all the overtime I can grab. And whatever rewards colleagues throw at me for being noticeably good at my job.

[AyDee]

1hr15 d2d with only the single train 5 days a week into the big buzzing metropolis filled with fellow workers was a glorious time pre-pandemic.

An office move has it now at 1hr45 with 2 additional tube trains and a walk through Westfield surrounded by hyperconsumerism and cultural and spiritual poverty (as well as West Ham cunts on matchdays). The difference is incredible.

I'm currently on 1hr30 two days a week into London. I'm not finding it too bad but only 5 months in and much of that has had strikes and other random shit.

Doesn't help that Thameslink trains are prone to capitulation a few times a week.

[AyDee]

I've had to buckle and switch to almost full-remote due to recruitment just being a nightmare. Any developers that are decent want remote work, which is fair enough I guess.

This tracks with the people I know. My partner's just changed job and she restricted her search to basically fully-remote roles (junior dev) only.

[Foe]

In my job woes I’ve since applied for two new jobs.

One sounds great - a bit like Tetris of activity for an offshore platform trying to make it all fit, the other being about “low carbon” project management, which would either be very interesting or just the worst job ever.

What it did do is prick up my boss’ boss as to why an engineer like me would want to do something like that ( ie £££ and lack of recognition in disciple).

He even called me competent.

Told them flat out if they pay me the equivalent to my promotion id get for leaving I’d be happy to stay and guide them through the next 2-3 years of torture they’ve got planned, and he seemed pretty open to it.

Hopefully the £10k modification I’ve just done that will generate £250m over the next 40 years peaks their interest to make it happen.

Sadly, I suspect I’ll be told I’m not allowed to leave and they won’t pay me a penny more.

[Kikó]

My commute to work is 4 hours but I only do it once a month. The rest I'm working from the home office. Remote working ftw.

[mo]

Indicative ballot for strike action over teacher's pay was 86% in favour of strike action; postal ballot up next. Can't see the govt actually meeting demands so this could go on.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They will have to in the end, they can't afford schools closing.

[Waffdon]

Mon the teachers.

[phonics]

I've had to buckle and switch to almost full-remote due to recruitment just being a nightmare. Any developers that are decent want remote work, which is fair enough I guess.

I'll come to the office if you have a Graphic Design position. I'm chronically unemployed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yesterday, the Arab was off 'working from home', although it was common knowledge he had Covid, not least because his brother came into the office and said: "He's really laid low with Covid".

This morning, the Arab came into the office looking like death. I said: "Don't you have Covid?" He said "Yes." We all sort of looked at each other. Then he went upstairs and knocked on the MD's office door. The MD answered. The Arab strode in and said I HAVE COVID!

When asked what on earth he was doing here, he sort of lost his head a bit and said he was looking for tests. When questioned further, he walked into the finance office, pointed at Catherine the credit controller, and said: SHE gave me covid!

Catherine the credit controller said well, actually, I haven't had covid, or been ill, so do one mate. He kept on shouting (he only ever shouts, doesn't talk normally) SHE gave me covid! I have Covid from her! until the MD managed to bundle him out of the building.

The company's best brains have come together but still haven't managed to explain this one. Covid has addled his brain? It's the only explanation.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fucking Catherine, how dare the ugly bitch start handing out Covid.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab's now back at home and sending me stuff on chat. He was talking about using his own money to hire a car while at the trade fair we're going to next week. I said that he didn't need to and indeed that it would be insane to do so. He came back with this:



[16:07]
If you say I dont need a car then ill wear sport to kick ass on trains

[16:07]
ill make sure we will have a full place all by them selfs
with no violence :)

Read it approximately ten times now and still not the foggiest.

[Don]

That sort of flair for language and communication is what the gammonati will spill blood to supress.

[Giggles]

Between him and Don is it really wrong to say they should all be done away with?

[igor_balis]

Errr I mean I don't want to sound like some snowflake but Jesus Giggles man wtf

[Shindig]

I'd usually be on your side but the only other Iranian I can think of is Omid Djalili. It's not a nation of winners.

EDIT. Shut my mouth. Mansour Bahrami. Protect him at all costs. And the Iron Sheik.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The stupid cunt's just come back into the office again, despite still having covid. He ducked down low below the partition windows as he walked in from reception, so I think I was the only one that saw him. He's just sat down in his office, and I can't be bothered to start the fight, so I wonder how long it will be until someone else does.

I think he's one of these extreme extroverts who literally can't cope with being alone.

[Ian]

He sounds like he needs sealing into his house.

And slapping.

[Raoul Duke]

Make him the regional manager for China and send him over

[Jimmy Floyd]

He had a shouting match with the Indian (Arab v Indian shouting matches are good fun to watch) and has been sent upstairs to an exclusion zone.

I'm going to Heathrow with him at 4am next week, what a day it's going to be.

[Ian]

Have you had the Rona yet? And if not are you looking forward to it?

[Boydy]

At least he won't have to go on the work trip if he catches it now.

[Giggles]

At least he won't have to go on the work trip if he catches it now.

In that place? They'll probably just make him sign something and go on his own.

[Shindig]

Yep. It's not like they'll send someone in his place.

[Baz]

Oh my......it's been a bit of a week.....one step forward and two steps back.....think I am incrementally moving in the right direction

No.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Up for my taxi to go to Germany, this day is not going to end until after a dinner with The Boss and 4 Spanish customers (in a shitty Munich Italian) at about 11pm German time.

I'm so over this shit. Let me push pens.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The taxi driver's opening gambit: 'I've had the trots, but hopefully I'll be OK this morning'.

Best of luck to you all in your endeavours today.

[Giggles]

:drool:

[Lofty]

I predict the arab causes carnage before you even arrive in Munich.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I do sympathise with his plight trying to go through an airport on an Iraqi passport. Didn't even get as far as security before he got dragged into a side room for questioning.

[Spikey M]

The taxi driver's opening gambit: 'I've had the trots, but hopefully I'll be OK this morning'.

Best of luck to you all in your endeavours today.

For the sake of the thread it is all of our duties to pray to Montezuma that the cabby has Noro and we get a live-posting version of that Peep Show episode where Mark was due to go on a worktrip with Johnson.

[Ian]

My longer term prediction is that Jimmy's mate gives the security staff COVID and flights back are cancelled because there's nobody to man security and pester foreigners.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Up for my taxi to go to Germany, this day is not going to end until after a dinner with The Boss and 4 Spanish customers (in a shitty Munich Italian) at about 11pm German time.

I'm so over this shit. Let me push pens.

16 hours later, 7 of them spent travelling with the Arab and 8 more on the stand meeting people, this dinner is still ahead of me. FUCK OFF

[Giggles]

About 3 hours of work talk and belittling you.

[Lofty]

And then you have to write your essay detailing the last 24 hours for us, what a day Jim.

[Ian]

What was the last thread called, Jimon Iberico?

I'm here for Jimtober Fest. There might be a better food one but it's not springing to mind.

Either way we'll be expecting the thread tomorrow, Jimmy.

[niko_cee]

Gott in Jimmel (fix it).

[Lewis]

https://i.imgur.com/nD8MPaU.gif

Still funny all these years on.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I honestly don't have time to do the essay treatment. Maybe at the end.

Today's episode ended with me getting sweet talked in the back of a cab by a woman called Noelia (who probably featured in the Spanish road trip) who kept lifting her jacket up to expose her bra straps. As Fred Trueman used to say, 'That were wasted on thee, lad.'

[Lofty]

Still, better than the Arab doing his elephant impression in the back of the cab.

[Shindig]

The end of this story is Jimmy entering an unhappy relationship with a woman so he can get the South America gig.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I honestly don't have time to do the essay treatment. Maybe at the end.

Today's episode ended with me getting sweet talked in the back of a cab by a woman called Noelia (who probably featured in the Spanish road trip) who kept lifting her jacket up to expose her bra straps. As Fred Trueman used to say, 'That were wasted on thee, lad.'

Phwoar.

[Ian]

I honestly don't have time to do the essay treatment. Maybe at the end.

Today's episode ended with me getting sweet talked in the back of a cab by a woman called Noelia (who probably featured in the Spanish road trip) who kept lifting her jacket up to expose her bra straps. As Fred Trueman used to say, 'That were wasted on thee, lad.'

Are you a more spectacularly handsome man than I've been imagining or was it something about your dulcet tones?

And where was the Arab in all this?

[phonics]

Are you a more spectacularly handsome man than I've been imagining or was it something about your dulcet tones?

And where was the Arab in all this?

Women want what they cant have.

[Spikey M]

Mahow?

[SvN]

Are you a more spectacularly handsome man than I've been imagining or was it something about your dulcet tones?

And where was the Arab in all this?

I'm sure I've seen a photo of Jimmy before. Like a younger Dennis Rader, from what I recall.

[Ben]

Fucking hell. :D

[Spikey M]

I don't recall seeing a mugshot of Jimmy, but yeah... Ouch. :D

[randomlegend]

I have him pictured as Toad of Toad Hall in my head. Dunno why. Sorry Jim lad.

[Baz]

I just remember his blue wraparound shades.

[SvN]

It's entirely possible I'm mixing him up with someone else. I'll let Jimmy decide.

[Kikó]

Jimmy is phwoar.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've not posted a mugshot since about 2005 (and that isn't going to change). Weaknesses: receding hairline, somewhat overweight, English teeth, personality. Strengths: eyes.

[Manc]

In my mind Jimmy is a wiley old commentator. Comfortable shoes, little hair, short sleeve shirts (untucked) and partial to casual racism.

[Ben]

He's a cricket player-turned-umpire so I've got him down as Richard Illingworth sans facial hair.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Another 9-6.30 shift on the stand done and I'm off to a fish restaurant with the Boss, the Arab, the Arab's dad, an Italian, and an Indian.

Today started brilliantly with our MD (who has since done a Schettino) telling the Arab over breakfast that he needs to learn conversational skills as he is only capable of talking about himself. He was later heard shouting 'I AM EXCELLENT!' in the back room, so lord knows what's going on.

[Shindig]

His dad's tagging along? The mark of a genuine Arab failson. Thank God he's not a pilot.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ok so we got to this fish restuarant in the centre of Munich. This is a proper restaurant. I'd hesitate to say 'posh' as the Germans don't really do posh, but it was done up in a traditional German style and the menu suggested high end stuff. All on someone else's company card (I'm the only member of the party who doesn't have a company card). Starters were about 20 euros and mains about 40 euros.

We get in and it appears the boss has managed to book a table for 10 even though we're 6, so the restaurant already hate us.

The Arab looks at the menu and exclaims I DON'T LIKE FISH. Bear in mind we're in a fish restaurant. I point out that there's a beef fillet option (surf and turf) and he can always leave the prawns. This placates him briefly but the boss takes up his case with the waitress (the first of many painful experiences for the waitress with our table). The boss says: 'Can he see the meat menu?' The waitress replies that there isn't a meat menu, because it's a fish restaurant. A back and forth ensues. Eventually, the Arab orders surf and turf, as do his dad and the Italian. The rest of us have skate.

Before that, there's the starters. Thankfully, the Arab doesn't want a starter, but his dad, torn between king prawns and quail, orders quail. The starters arrive. I have French onion soup. The boss has snails. The Italian has tuna. The Arab's dad, as mentioned, has quail. He looks down at the quail, and exclaims: WHAT IS THIS? Bemused, the waitress explains what quail is, arriving at the description of 'smaller chicken'. The Arab's dad takes a bite of the quail, and bellows I CAN NOT EAT THIS. We ask him what's wrong with it. He says THIS IS NOT CHICKEN. I tell him no, it's quail. He says I DO NOT EAT THIS and puts it on the boss's plate alongside the snails. The waitress asks if she can get him something else. He says no, he didn't know what quail was so it was his fault for ordering it.

We go on to the main course. The Arab's surf and turf arrives. He has specified to the waitress that the sauce must be separate to the meat and the vegetables must also be on a separate plate, because he isn't going to eat them. This bastard of a meal arrives. He looks at the plate and says WHERE ARE THE CHIPS? I point out that there's a chunk of dauphinoise potatoes on the side. He says I WILL NOT EAT THAT, referring to the dauphinoise. I say come on, it'll be nice. He says NO and dumps it on my plate. Then, again, the boss takes up his cause, and, as I cringe myself into a coma, asks the waitress to bring the Arab some chips. The waitress says they don't do chips.

The skate that I have is absolutely sumptuous, best fish I've ever eaten. The Arab eats the steak and admits it's good but doesn't touch anything else. Then disaster strikes, as the Arab's dad drops one of the prawns onto his red sweater. Again the waitress, battered to a pulp by the point, is summoned with a loud Arabic ABBAS. The Arab's dad says BRING ME SOME FLOUR. The waitress doesn't understand, thinking he means flowers. After about a minute, exasperated, the Arab's dad says HOW DO YOU MAKE BREAD and then she gets it. A ramekin of flour arrives, and the Arab's dad starts rubbing it on his jumper, in an apparent attempt to get rid of the garlic butter stain. He then adds water to try and make it disappear. By the time we leave (bill 500 Euros), he's got flour all down his front. I say entschuldigung to the waitress, on the way out, and she just smiles back.

[Boydy]

:D

Do these people always shout?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The two Arabs do. Probably the loudest and most self-assured two people I've ever come across.

[wullie]

The old guy admitting he was at fault for ordering something he didn't know if he'd like was a heartwarming twist I really wasn't expecting.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Skate really is quality.

[Ian]

Excellent stuff. That sounds like hell, Jimmy. Thank you for enduring it for us.

[Ben]

Tremendous as always. Do more work trips.

[Giggles]

They sound exactly how I’ve experienced Israeli behaviour in the past. Maybe I’ve insulted all Israelis and Arabs comparing them to each other.
Edit - Hopefully.

[Mike]

We’re all in this thread mostly for Jimmy posts right? :lol:

[mo]

I've been looking forward to his trip since he first mentioned it.

[Kikó]

What's the restaurant Jim? Wouldn't mind visiting next time I go to Munich.

[Giggles]

Will you get any downtime today Jimbo or is keeping those cunts entertained at all times just part of the job?

[Jimmy Floyd]

What's the restaurant Jim? Wouldn't mind visiting next time I go to Munich.

Austernkeller

And no Giggles, I'm here until Monday with no downtime except for sleeping at night.

[Pepe]

We’re all in this thread mostly for Jimmy posts right? :lol:

I just come for Shindig updates.

[Shindig]

Awww.

Nothing really to update. I still hate the days in the office because it's so quiet. I need a proper workplace crisis.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Came onto the stand at 9am today, been packing up since 4pm, now having to wait until around 9pm for some prick to turn up with boxes for the display engines. Not even getting paid for this weekend, or given time off in lieu.

[Giggles]

You shouldn’t have went then. Not a hope.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My boss asked me to go, and he pays me.

The issue was raised by those higher than me and the answer was that travelling is part of the job. I think the issue is I'm way more junior than anyone who would normally go to these things, but they send me because I speak 3 languages.

Should probably leverage that ability better in the employment market.

Someone else on my level was asked to go, said he didn't want to, and has since been moved to the Purchasing department, which is like a soft sacking.

[randomlegend]

Rather get sacked than have to go abroad to work unpaid weekends. That's mental.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, absolutely no way I'd be doing that.

[Lewis]

There must be a better job out there for somebody who speaks three languages. The Foreign Office would give you your current wage to sit in a cupboard, and probably double it once they got wind of your whatever it was degree from Peter Oborne Polytechnic.

[igor_balis]

blessed are the meek for they shall inherit having to do a load of stupid bullshit cus they're too much of a pussy to say no. stiff upper lip, mustn't grumble. Jim prob thinks he'd be somehow less English if he wasn't complicit with being this kinda put upon sitcom trope.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm willing to absorb this kind of bullshit for the perks like leaving on the dot of five each day, not having to work from home or have a long commute, and not having to go to bullshit meetings all the time or operate in doublespeak.

The Indian, the last man here with me to the bitter end, used to be a maitre d' at five star hotels in Bombay. I just poked him for stories for about 12 hours and he never stopped.

[Lewis]

Hopefully if this trip goes well you'll get Christmas Day off.

[Lofty]

You can get jobs like that in other fields Jim, that are properly unionised so you can lol at anyone trying to push something on you that isn't in your job description. They are taking the piss quite a lot given they seem extremely dependent on you.

[Shindig]

Given Jimmy's job history, he doesn't want them.

Met Police --> Little Korea --> South Tractrika. Loves the drama.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Got in from Munich 9pm last night, back in the office this morning, reached 3pm and now completely out of juice. Actually fell asleep for a couple of minutes, but no one noticed. Matt Hancock's face was on the screen while I slept. Bullet dodged.

I slipped days off in lieu into conversation with the MD earlier and he said he was sorry they couldn't offer it, as if this was something well above his paygrade.

[SvN]

What paygrade is "well above" the MD? Prime Minister? Jesus?

[Foe]

Call in sick?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think the official flowchart reads something like P.W. Botha > Piet Morant > Oscar Pistorius's lawyer > Shaun Bartlett > the Managing Director.

[Raoul Duke]

Yeah, I'd be taking a couple of unfortunately timed sick days on Friday + Monday for that one

[Boydy]

Did the Arab still have covid when you travelled?

Claim you caught off him and have a nice week off.

[igor_balis]

Wait you're not even getting TOIL? I'm sorry Jim, god love ya, but if you aren't out of that job or at least getting significantly more money/less bullshit in a year or so you go from being a bit of a martyr to just a fucking div. Xx

[Lofty]

There are plenty of comically poorly ran outfits that aren't so fucking tinpot when it comes to renumeration.

[Spikey M]

Wait you're not even getting TOIL? I'm sorry Jim, god love ya, but if you aren't out of that job or at least getting significantly more money/less bullshit in a year or so you go from being a bit of a martyr to just a fucking div. Xx

He's just waiting for the Boomers to die. But Boomers don't die. Boomers. Never. Die.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The boss is 72 and told me his contract's up in March. The South America guy is 79 and has, literally, just moved into a retirement home. One of the fuckers has got to die.

I could go and be a crappy account manager in some other industry I guess but it's such a ballache, and the easiest route to the next rung is here.

[Manc]

Ignore these fools, Jim. Stick with it and keep providing the content.

[Pepe]

Won't some 69 year old take their place once they die?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Won't some 69 year old take their place once they die?

Nice.

[Shindig]

They'll hand the reins over to his 58 year old son.

[randomlegend]

I now manage our SHO rota in conjunction with one of the consultants.

We've just been informed (less than 24 hours before they were due to start) that one of our full time GP trainees isn't coming.

These are rotational posts, so it's not like we can just employ someone else. We are just a full-time employee down for the next four months.

At least there'll be plenty of locums going for me to save up for a new car, I guess.

[Spikey M]

Just been offered a blow job for £30 by a pensioner.

I need a new job.

(Not because I said yes and got fired)

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You said yes and didn't get fired? Nice.

[Ian]

Just been offered a blow job for £30 by a pensioner.

I need a new job.

(Not because I said yes and got fired)

Was he handsome?

[Spikey M]

Was he handsome?

I am sure she was a cracker in her day.

I think she was mostly just offering to indicate how much she is struggling financially, but most people just say they're living of noodles and beans on toast. It's nice to see some creative flair I guess.

[Lofty]

Should have took her up on the gummer.

[phonics]

I must have received the following a good 30 times over the course of the last year.

"Unfortunately, we will not be offering the role to you on this occasion. It was very clear that you had a great range of creative and technical skills and abilities, but we had a number of very strong applications and there was another candidate that more closely aligned with the skills and experience sought for the role and the wider aims of Company XYZ."

I'm never going to have a job ever again.

[Kikó]

One of my team has decided to not log in yesterday and today. I called him asking "is he ok?" and he said "yeah all good actually... " While sounding like he's been taken hostage. Hopefully he's just taking the piss and it's a disciplinary thing rather than some weird abduction.

[Shindig]

I must have received the following a good 30 times over the course of the last year.

"Unfortunately, we will not be offering the role to you on this occasion. It was very clear that you had a great range of creative and technical skills and abilities, but we had a number of very strong applications and there was another candidate that more closely aligned with the skills and experience sought for the role and the wider aims of Company XYZ."

I'm never going to have a job ever again.

What kind of work are you applying for?

[Manc]

That's a very long-winded way of saying "no forrins".

[Gray Fox]

Been at my place coming up to 8 years now. Youngest kid is now old enough that the Mrs has been able to train up and has been offered and accepted her first job since before our oldest was born(now approaching 11 years old).

Her working at a school that isn't our kids, means I need to be dropping down to part time hours. My place is a bit funny in that you must adhere to one of the shift patterns they provide, but there are limits to numbers on the more 'niche' shifts. So my letter of change of shift request has gone in and I've been given the quick "are you sure there isn't another one of our shift patterns you could do?" chat, but not yet had the official meeting. They told me about the person limit and that I may have to go onto a waiting list.

I can see this getting a bit awkward as it's only going to be a matter of 2-3 weeks before she'll be starting. So while I'm going about the book for now, I'm not really asking, I'm telling them that once she starts I'm doing 10-2 every day.

[Spikey M]

Had a chat with one of the higher ups earlier and in a rare moment of transparency he let slip how worried they are about the future. Building costs are through the roof and work to sort out cladding is costing a fortune, but we already knew that.

More concerning is that next year's rent reviews are being looked at and long story short - somebody is going to get fucked over. It's just a question of who. Council / social rents are set to track inflation and CPI (whichever is lowest). But they're both over 10% at the moment.

So either the government honour that and rents increase dramatically. Which will fuck Universal Credit and Housing Benefit budgets. Or they don't, and they kiss good bye to any more council / social housing being built nation wide.

I imagine they'll go for a middle ground where everyone gets fucked, but with a slightly less big dick.

[igor_balis]

I imagine they'll go for a middle ground where everyone gets fucked, but with a slightly less big dick.

Sounds like my brief reign of terror on West Midlands tinder in Summer 2018.

[Spikey M]

The dick won't be that small.

[Shindig]

I've just been made aware of the Real Living Wage. When did the government decide that was a thing? Let alone a thing I was apparently earning?

[Spikey M]

That's been about for years. Meaningless as it is.

[Lewis]

I must have received the following a good 30 times over the course of the last year.

"Unfortunately, we will not be offering the role to you on this occasion. It was very clear that you had a great range of creative and technical skills and abilities, but we had a number of very strong applications and there was another candidate that more closely aligned with the skills and experience sought for the role and the wider aims of Company XYZ."

I'm never going to have a job ever again.

Loser.

[Shindig]

That's been about for years. Meaningless as it is.

I knew of the Living Wage but didn't realise they added another tier to the pile.

[Foe]

Got an interview for a different job next week which sounds great but will almost certainly lead to redundancy in future.

In a surprising turn, it seems that there might be an avenue for a promotion in my current role after they realised there really isn’t anyone to replace me and my equivalents are leaving in their droves (for the same reason I was looking to).

Going to be an awkward “thanks but no thanks” on the different job if by stroke of miracle I don’t tank the interview. Thankfully I forewarned them before applying my situation was complicated.

[Giggles]

Holidays are over :harold:


1590924780164685825

[Ian]

Productivity not changing while morale plummets. The Musk effect.

[Ian]

Actually maybe it's a bit of a 4D chess move because I can't imagine if you work for Twitter right now morale could get much worse so you may as well employ you out of date thinking while everybody's jobhunting anyway.

[Boydy]

It'll be a way to get rid of more staff without paying any severance.

[Giggles]

Yeah loads thought it was going to last forever and bought houses in the middle of nowhere. No more walking the dog on the beach during work any more.

Not a hope they go back commuting now anyway but being asked to do your job isn’t a grounds for an unfair dismissal cash grab.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was off work today and went to London for a mooch around, went to some museums etc which I haven't done for a long time. It was amazing how packed the place was, again.

As I repeatedly said throughout the pandemic, from my deserted office, nothing has changed.

[Kikó]

I permanently work from home and am still able to work. Sometimes I pick up my kid and hug her when I dare to have a break.

[Giggles]

Emailing the nanny to pick her up doesn’t count as a hug.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It would be better if you never saw her except for the occasional bath time and miserable trips to the park at weekends. Emotional nourishment is soft parenting.

[Kikó]

I never hug the nanny.

[niko_cee]

Straight to pounding [/UncleRoger].

[Giggles]

Not a cuddler :cool: Good man.

[Spikey M]

There's been an eviction this morning that I couldn't attend due to an appointment later on this morning. They've gone in and there's a dead person sat in a chair. :|

The attending Housing Officer has apparently just been sick in the front garden. Word up to my boy Jesus for allowing me to dodge that one.

[Kikó]

Poor people need to get on with it. [/Champagne socialism]

I'm in the wework office today. It's a massive downgrade from being at home (one screen) and the people I'm with aren't even in my team.

[Boydy]

Were they getting evicted for not paying their rent because they were dead?

Like was the body there for a while?

[Spikey M]

Were they getting evicted for not paying their rent because they were dead?

Like was the body there for a while?

Subletting. I'm assuming the person renting from the tenant is the dead person, but things are - to put it mildly - unclear at the moment.

[Ben]

Is subletting a council house a common thing?

[Jimmy Floyd]

If you just push the chair out into the street, does that count as a successfully administered eviction? Someone else's problem after that.

[Spikey M]

Is subletting a council house a common thing?

Massively common, yeah. We had one that was being used as a brothel a while back. 3 bedroom house, a bed in every room except the bathroom.

[Lofty]

Is subletting a council house a common thing?

It is, my idiot father and his idiot hippy on/off mrs think it is a marvellous idea. She was wittering about Airbnb-ing her London council house a while ago, he mentioned the idea years ago in his old one but this is the guy who complained when some Bosnian lads squatted the flat he had been squatting in his absence.

[Raoul Duke]

If you just push the chair out into the street, does that count as a successfully administered eviction? Someone else's problem after that.

Or wait long enough until there's nothing left to evict

[Baz]

Received an email from someone whose signature was

Aimee [Surname] she/her (#MyNameIs Ey-mee)

:wtf:

[SvN]

https://www.raceequalitymatters.com/my-name-is/

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

As someone who has an awkward first name who has heard a hundred variations I really don't give a shit.

[Gray Fox]

My name is 4 letters long and grown adults still regularly get it wrong.

I gave one of my kids a 5 letter name that really isn't hard either and their own teachers still fuck it up.

There are idiots everywhere.

[igor_balis]

I had a great one the other day that went like

Dear Igor

Blah blah

From John

Dear John

Blah blah


From Igor


Dear John


Blah blah

From John


No dude I'm not John you're John!! And even funnier typed out.

[P_3]

I find that difficult to believe somehow. :sherlock:

[Ian]

I had a bloke in my old job I used to have to talk to sometimes who'd apparently decided I capitalised properly other than on my own name and thus called me Lan.

[SvN]

We used to have a guy called Bhupinder work here. When people asked to speak to him, he had so many butchered variations - usually along the lines of "Bohinder". The best we ever got was "Burrito".

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have a Polish customer called Grzegorz Szwagrzyk whose name I assiduously get spot on every time, and yet he still calls me Olive instead of Oliver.

[Spikey M]

Life was simpler before I knew Jimmy's real name. I can't deal with Jimmy being an Oliver. It's like finding out Bamster is called Tarquin.

[-james-]

I think the general public has about a 10% success rate when reading out my full name, success rate being I reckon inversely proportional to yearly earnings. It's not even hard ffs.

[Spikey M]

xname stats

[Kikó]

Life was simpler before I knew Jimmy's real name. I can't deal with Jimmy being an Oliver. It's like finding out Bamster is called Tarquin.

That is Bams name.

Tarquin.dyer@upthehammers.com

[Boydy]

Life was simpler before I knew Jimmy's real name. I can't deal with Jimmy being an Oliver. It's like finding out Bamster is called Tarquin.

Are you saying Oliver isn't a posh name?

[Spikey M]

Are you saying Oliver isn't a posh name?

Unless the (aparant) hundreds of children called Oliver at my kids School and Nursery are all posh, yes.

[Boydy]

I always thought it was a bit posh. Probably upper middle class. Maybe the commoners have got to it now.

[Spikey M]

About 10 years ago there appears to have beem a law passed that said every boy born in Essex must be called either Oliver, Tyler or Jayden. We're out the other side of it now, but Olivers, Tyler's and Jaydens are 10 for a pound round here.

Sorry Jimmy, I'm sure this is tough for you to hear.

[niko_cee]

It's not 'posh' in the caricature-ish way Tarquin is [although I would wholeheartedly endorse Tarquin's Scaffolding Services as a concept] but it is firmly middle-class at the very least. Isn't it the most common boys name nowadays [excluding the annual debate as to whether it is or isn't some form of Mohammed]?

We need to see some of these short names so we can make a judgement.

People routinely call me Mick, but that's seems to derive from the fact that people are completely incapable of hearing the 'N' in most situations it would seem. Not people I actually know, I should add, although I did once receive a Christmas card from a friend of my parents which assiduously got my wife and kids' names all correct [these people have never even met half the kids] and then called me Stuart or something. :moop:

[Ben]

Take it from a Northerner, Oliver is posh.

[Boydy]

It's not 'posh' in the caricature-ish way Tarquin is [although I would wholeheartedly endorse Tarquin's Scaffolding Services as a concept] but it is firmly middle-class at the very least. Isn't it the most common boys name nowadays [excluding the annual debate as to whether it is or isn't some form of Mohammed]?

We need to see some of these short names so we can make a judgement.

People routinely call me Mick, but that's seems to derive from the fact that people are completely incapable of hearing the 'N' in most situations it would seem. Not people I actually know, I should add, although I did once receive a Christmas card from a friend of my parents which assiduously got my wife and kids' names all correct [these people have never even met half the kids] and then called me Stuart or something. :moop:
Oh yeah, it's not on the same level as Tarquin but very little is.

Pretty sure I saw a map of most popular boys and girls names by London borough not so long ago and Oliver was the most popular in a lot of them, yeah.

[Boydy]

Here it is. It was actually Olivia that was extremely popular (and Noah for boys). Although there's a few borough with Oliver as the top boys' name too.

https://assets.londonist.com/uploads/2021/10/i875/newbornnames2020data.jpg

[Spikey M]

It probably WAS posh, many moons ago. But it has definitely been culturally appropriately since then. A risky business for the pioneers. We had a Giles in my year at school. He lasted 2 terms before the relentless bullying forced his mum to move him.

And a Kwaku, who had to leave the country such was the quacking everywhere he went.

[Boydy]

And a Kwaku, who had to leave the country such was the quacking everywhere he went.
:lol:

Poor kid.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oliver's been firmly the number one boys' name in this country for many years, until being overtaken by Noah this year. I was ahead of the game in 1988 so in those days it was probably middle class. There should be a crop of footballers starting to come through called Oliver by now which will erode that.

The main problem I have with it is that all the versions of Ollie/Olly/Oli look absolutely shit written down, so professionally I'm stuck with the full version.

[Ian]

Maybe try and get a new short form for it going.

How do you fancy trying Ver?

[niko_cee]

It's a little known fact that the rebel Saudi tour's full name is actually Oliver Golf.

[Spikey M]

Take it from a Northerner, Oliver is posh.

Any sauce that isn't brown is posh to you people.

[Boydy]

We've never heard what any of the parents of TTH named their kids. Fair enough, you probably don't want to share that info about your kids, but did you play it safe or go for something a bit more out there?

[igor_balis]

The best name related bants I ever suffered was being introduced as mr Jones to the class I was with for work experience at my old primary and this cheeky polish kid taking one look at my long hair and going "haha more like MRS Jones". Fair play. Couldn't get away with misgendering someone like that these days.

[igor_balis]

We've never heard what any of the parents of TTH named their kids. Fair enough, you probably don't want to share that info about your kids, but did you play it safe or go for something a bit more out there?

>* Ahmadinejad

[Jimmy Floyd]

All the private school boys now seem to be called things like Jacob, Alfie and Oscar.

Tom, Jack and Alex seem to be the only really timeless ones.

[Pepe]

Tarquin is posh? Sounds like a name straight from the NFL.

[niko_cee]

That would be J'Tarquin.

[SvN]

We had a work experience kid called Otterly. One of my colleagues called him Ottoman for 3 days before he corrected him.

[niko_cee]

Otterly is a boys name? I know a little girl with that name. Had no idea it could cut both ways.

[Lofty]

Tarquin is posh here, Rupert is the apex I'd say.

I know some clown who named their kid Daenerys. I also know people who named their kid Vinnie, not Vincent. Surely you pick the full version and use the short, not christen them the short version?

[igor_balis]

We had a work experience kid called Otterly. One of my colleagues called him Ottoman for 3 days before he corrected him.



Is his brother called ican'tbelieveit'snot

[Jimmy Floyd]

Is there anyone actually called Tarquin or is it just a cypher for imagined posh people? In my experience the people you think should be called Tarquin are actually called Rupert.

[Ben]

I have never heard Otterly in my life, male or female. Posh cunts.

[niko_cee]

I also know people who named their kid Vinnie, not Vincent. Surely you pick the full version and use the short, not christen them the short version?

This is such a bugbear for me, but no, it would seem that nowadays people put the contracted names on the official stuff. Was a big bone of contention when trying to come up with my son's name as I insisted if he was going to be called 'Fred/Freddie' [he's not] then it would have to be Frederick of Wilfred or something proper on the actual birth certificate, which sunk most options.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That reminds me, the two rejected options for me at birth were Orlando and Guy. In fact my mother preferred these, but my dad probably threatened violence and/or started divorce proceedings, leading to a compromise.

[Ben]

This is such a bugbear for me, but no, it would seem that nowadays people put the contracted names on the official stuff. Was a big bone of contention when trying to come up with my son's name as I insisted if he was going to be called 'Fred/Freddie' [he's not] then it would have to be Frederick of Wilfred or something proper on the actual birth certificate, which sunk most options.

Agreed.

[Spikey M]

You'd never live "Orlando" down in this country. Fuck me.

[niko_cee]

That reminds me, the two rejected options for me at birth were Orlando and Guy. In fact my mother preferred these, but my dad probably threatened violence and/or started divorce proceedings, leading to a compromise.

Yeah, that's a major bullet dodged right there. Guy, Hugh, Hugo [seems quite popular now] always strike me as bad names.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hugh is a proper boomer name. You read novels either dating from, or set in, the 1970s and read about raunchy sex between young people called Hugh and Ann, I find it really hard to suspend my disbelief.

[Ian]

If you have no intention of calling the child by the longer name why bother calling them it? Name them what you're going to call them.

That said, Vinnie is a lol name for a child.

[Boydy]

Hugh is a proper country bumpkin name to me because it seems like half the men in my dad's side of the family were/are called Hugh.

[Spikey M]

If you have no intention of calling the child by the longer name why bother calling them it? Name them what you're going to call them.

That said, Vinnie is a lol name for a child.

Is Lan short for Landon?

[Boydy]

I was almost called Lawrence (Laurence?). I think my aunt suggested it and my dad liked it or something along those lines. But my mum said no, thank god.