The All New Jobs Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

Excerpt the p is kind of silent. Obviously the Americans say it in their centuries-long, doomed attempt to make English a phonetic language.

[Giggles]

It’s like Jimmy said, it’s there and it’s not quite silent but you don’t put any emphasis on it. Very close to being silent.

[phonics]

I still refuse to acknowledge the r in February.

[Shindig]

You've just acknowledged it.

[SvN]

Boom roasted

[bruhnaldo]

Obviously the Americans say it

News to me.

[Pepe]

A colleague of mine got her identity stolen. Someone called her and left a message saying that blood was found on a car she had rented, and that she needed to call back the detective so that he could clear her. So she decided to call back, and admits that she found it suspicious that the detective, who had a very American name, had a thick Indian accent, but since she didn't want to make any assumptions, she proceeded to give him all her information: social security number, address, credit card(s) info, the works. Only after she was transferred to another detective, also with an Indian accent, did she decide that maybe something fishy was going on.

Let's not forget, this is someone with a PhD, who has been working as a professor for over ten years. :lol:

[John]

If the original message was left by someone with a thick accent too then she's a fucking balloon.

[Pepe]

It was and she is.

[bruhnaldo]

Wow lol

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

When was the last time she rented a car too?

[Pepe]

She did rent a car a month or so ago, after crashing and totaling hers.

[Spikey M]

I still refuse to acknowledge the r in February.

"Feb-u-ay"?

[Foe]

Career suicide today.

Told the VP of HR that their “target To have x% of senior positions held by women/minority” was causing external and internal people to believe there’s positive discrimination occurring within the company.

Told him that his message of “we need to make bold decisions” to get there is clumsy wording that absolutely suggests they’re going to hire a candidate based on gender rather than merit.

Apparently the solution to years of positively discriminating against women will be solved by a short term positive discrimination against men to get a better balance to meet a metric that someone has set.

Good one. And now you’ve undermined the white male population and women/diverse applicants will/do doubt whether they got the job on merit.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Well at least you wont have to use any more helicopters.

[Ian]

"Can't believe they're now discriminating in a way that doesn't benefit me. :("

[Jimmy Floyd]

Positive discrimination is a fact of life now in any kind of organisation with a public profile. This isn't 1998. It's worth far more to them to have agreeable statistics than it is to have the marginally 'best' person in junior and middling jobs.

[Shindig]

I'm stuck on the phones for two weeks because somebody's cat has died and they're taking the full bereavement leave for it.

[Ian]

That sort of thing is absolute nonsense.

[Baz]

That sort of thing is absolute nonsense.

That’d be me.

[Mellberg]

Two weeks bereavement for a fucking cat?

[Baz]

Came home from work to a letter about my tax code and it had car allowance on. I’ve not had a company car since I quit my last job in September 2018. Rang up and I’ve been overpaying. Hello “at least” £1000 rebate! The man was like “I dinnay nae how ye no noticed” :)

[Foe]

What’s a typical annual pay rise these days?

Got my pay review letter today and it’s a c. 5% rise which seems pretty good.

Bonus this year is pretty :drool:

[Foe]

Baz you going to use that rebate money to collect stickers with sincere?

[Baz]

Baz you going to use that rebate money to collect stickers with sincere?

Unfortunately blurted it out to the missus without thinking so will probably drop most (read: all) of it on paying off our holiday. Tbf I don’t mind that cos it’s not like I’ve missed it but it should mean from now on my monthly pay packet will be a little bit fatter. What this also means is I’ll probably get back into the horses :drool:

[Foe]

Unfortunately blurted it out to the missus without thinking so will probably drop most (read: all) of it on paying off our holiday. Tbf I don’t mind that cos it’s not like I’ve missed it but it should mean from now on my monthly pay packet will be a little bit fatter. What this also means is I’ll probably get back into the horses :drool:

Equestrian is lame. Just collect the stickers.

[Giggles]

Just tell her it wasn’t as much as you originally thought.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've invested into Garden Soccer, love.

[Raoul Duke]

What’s a typical annual pay rise these days?

Got my pay review letter today and it’s a c. 5% rise which seems pretty good.

Bonus this year is pretty :drool:

Inflation rate is 2.48% according to my random Google search

[Shindig]

Finished the week on a high. My last call was a claimant going, "I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" refusing to take the call. This is after someone else in the household passed her over to speak to me. After I told her who I was, where I was calling from and what it was about. :moop:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I had to spend all yesterday looking after some French people. God, French people are a nightmare. I'm the only French speaker at the company, including both my age 65+ managers who run the show and try to tempt them into a relationship, so I have to spend all day translating the awful jokes and the anecdotes that go nowhere, line by line. It starts badly as the boss asks them 'So, how much do you think you will do with us in 2020?' We're thinking 30,000 would be a good start. 50 maybe if they really get going.

'Six cent mille euros,' he says, without blinking. Six hundred thousand. Yeah, sure, Jean-Baptiste, fucking sure. We don't do that with the fucking Saudis, and you're saying your tinpot shed venture in Picardie is going to do half a million in the first year? Definitely believe you, mate.

We take them for lunch to this nice Italian place. One of them orders carbonara and doesn't eat it. The other one orders lasagne and barely touches it. What do you want, for God's sake?

Then the guy buys some stuff and I have to get him to sign the paperwork. I go out back to put the stuff in his car, come back to the office with the paperwork and he's nowhere to be seen. 'Where would a Frenchman run off to?' I ask myself, and sure enough he's outside having a fag, and has also grown a mysterious leather jacket that he hadn't had all day. I ask him to sign the paperwork and he says 'why?'. Turns out he was hoping to pay cash and then just take his pistons and gaskets and pumps back through the tunnel hidden under some blankets. Yeah, mate, great plan. How many Citroen C5s will you need to do half a million Euros on the year doing that.

[Ian]

Sounds like a pretty slick businessman.

[mo]

A rarely spotted work anecdote from Jim there. A sad decline since the Korean days.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nowhere near as much material in this racket, even though on the face of it there should be. The difference is that Koreans are mental and Europeans are pretty boring.

[Lewis]

I'm getting sent up to the arse-arse-end of Scotland in mid-February, and in return for flying up on the Sunday I get two days extra leave(!). Unfortunately, I have loads of leave left over as it is, so I would rather have had the Sunday. Thank you for your service.

I fly on Monday to Inverness (overnight), Dounreay, Thurso (overnight), Wick, and then fly back from Inverness. I've had a look at the takeaways in Thurso to see where does a pizza crunch, but I might have to settle on some fried chocolate if I want to sample the local culture.

[John]

You'll be able to get a pizza crunch in Inverness no problem.

The real prize will be getting a munchy box, then if you really want to immerse yourself getting a fried breakfast munchy box the next morning.

[Lewis]

I was working on that assumption, but our Inverness hotel is miles on the edge of town so that sinks that. It didn't occur to me until I sat looking at the map that Inverness itself is the middle of nowhere and that the Kessock Bridge is basically the end of civilisation.

[John]

Stick the postcode of your hotel into JustEat and you'll find at least one place you can get to. Thurso is big enough to have at least a few decent takeaways too. There's no group of ten thousand Scottish people anywhere who exist without a chippy.

[Lewis]

I think Thurso is just hotels and takeaways.

[John]

My mate's wife is from Thurso. Prepare yourself for the accent.

https://youtu.be/Ein57OSrqoA

[Foe]

I fly on Monday to Inverness (overnight), Dounreay, Thurso (overnight), Wick, and then fly back from Inverness. I've had a look at the takeaways in Thurso to see where does a pizza crunch, but I might have to settle on some fried chocolate if I want to sample the local culture.

Inverness :cool:

The airport at Inverness is quite something.

[Ian]

I'm sure there's one round me that does a munchy box with a half pizza crunch in it, Lewis, so you may hit the jackpot.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've been to Thurso. It is AMAZING. There is also a great account of it in Bill Bryson's 'Notes from a Small Island' which holds very true to when I visited years later.

[bruhnaldo]

"Pizza crunch" sounds fun.

[Baz]

Yeah, can someone explain it?

[John]

It's a pizza dipped in batter and deep fried. Usually sold in quarters.

[mo]

Going to visit a school with a view to apply for a position as second in department there; the current deputy used to be one of the assistant heads at my current school and after emailing the head's PA about the visit, the deputy emailed me back to arrange it all, so will be nice to have a familiar face there.

For now though, half term, and I sure as shit need it.

[Smjffy]

Well, it may have taken nearly three weeks but tomorrow I start my new job and I couldn't have hoped for much better. Hours are 9.30am til 6.30pm so not far off a 9to5, daily specials, relatively easy menu and only around 50 covers a day which should be easy enough. Nothing frozen, everything made on site as it's predominantly home made and other than the two days off when someone covers me, I'll be the only chef in the kitchen. :drool:

I don't have to move away from home and whilst I'll have extra responsibilities in the way of health and safety paperwork type stuff, it's way more than I could have asked for as I only applied as the advert asked for a minimum of two years experience, passionate chef, being creative with daily specials and what not. Slightly nervous as I wasn't aware of what I was getting into prior to the interview which ended up being close to an hour of non-stop conversation before being let loose in the kitchen so I did a pan-fried sea bass with lemon sauce and crushed potato then to my surprise the lass doing my interview said she wasn't expecting that then explained what sort of food they usually had under the last chef so I said I'd bring it down a touch if needed, more home cooked type foods than anything which is probably going to be easier, things like lasagne, pastas, a few vegan/veggie options etc. I have a month working with the reduced menu that is already on and then from April it's down to me. I explained I had very little experience as far as costing etc goes but she's willing to help. I thanked her not expecting to hear back but then they got back in touch and finished off the conversation with "sometimes it's about getting the right person and attitude and willingness to learn which is more important."

Buzzing. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've been called up for jury service. The maximum allowances for loss of earnings are about half of my wage. I know some employers will pay you something but there's more chance of Double Gloucester pyramids falling from the sky than of my lot paying me a single penny for two weeks.

To think people moan about the BBC licence fee. At least you're getting something for that.

[Giggles]

My Mrs got the letter for service the other day too but she can probably get out of it.

[Andy]

I've been called up for jury service. The maximum allowances for loss of earnings are about half of my wage. I know some employers will pay you something but there's more chance of Double Gloucester pyramids falling from the sky than of my lot paying me a single penny for two weeks.

To think people moan about the BBC licence fee. At least you're getting something for that.

I thought you just got paid your normal salary, what a joke.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yep, it's £64.95 a day maximum and that's only if they keep you there over four hours. If not it goes down to £32 something.

£5.71 lunch allowance too, I love the specificity.

[Giggles]

Here you get nothing except lunch provided from the court service end of things but your employer is legally bound to allow you to attend and pay you as if you were in work. If you're self employed you will most likely get an exemption from it altogether.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Here, the employer is legally bound to give me leave but doesn't have to pay a penny. If he doesn't pay me (going to ask this morning), I will have to get him to sign a form saying so which will make me eligible to claim loss of earnings allowance (itself involving several more forms). I'll then pay everything up front while I'm doing it and get a reimbursement about 2-4 weeks later.

[SvN]

I looked into it a few years ago for some reason and couldn't believe how shit it was. No wonder there are so miscarriages of justice when the jury are probably desperate to get home and stop losing money.

[Shindig]

I'd take jury duty over this week of work. It's half term, the office is quiet and there is no conversation.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My office has conversation, but it's all about Marvel films and phone upgrades. How do people live having this few interests?

[Foe]

Do you enjoy your job shinners?

Sounds pretty monotonous.

Any word back from your employer Jim?

[Ian]

My office has conversation, but it's all about Marvel films and phone upgrades. How do people live having this few interests?

I like to think I can talk at least a little about a wide range of things but most people in our office seem to only talk about football or serial killer podcasts.

Or occasionally, if they really want to bore the tits off me, politics.

At least the pathological liar in here has the decency to make up entertaining yarns about how he bumped into his now-lesbian ex-girlfriend who couldn't keep her hands off him.

[Lewis]

The deep-fried Mars Bar was decent, but the Creme Egg was a shocker. It just turned into bird shit.

[John]

I don't think I've ever heard of anyone having a deep fried creme egg. You've gone off piste with that nonsense. Get a portion of deep fried Maltesers.

[Smjffy]

It was on ITV News a couple of years ago someone having a deep fried creme egg and then he bit into it. No, no, no. You don't even have to be a foodie to know that that is repulsive.

[Disco]

I don't think I've ever heard of anyone having a deep fried creme egg. You've gone off piste with that nonsense. Get a portion of deep fried Maltesers.

Only a Scotch could unironically post this.

[Lewis]

I should have got the Crunchie but the Creme Egg is seasonal so... There was a diabetes collection tin on the counter as well.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm not a fan of Creme egg at all.

[Smjffy]

I'm not a fan of Creme egg at all.

I wouldn't mind trying to make them in all honesty. I'd like to think in time I'll start making sweet/deserts again as I used to enjoy that as a youngster. I used to work with a chef who was an actual chocolatier(?) on the side and some of the stuff he did was madness.

[John]

Only a Scotch could unironically post this.

Good thing I'm a Brit.

[Shindig]

Do you enjoy your job shinners?

Sounds pretty monotonous.

Kinda. The job is piss but if there's no craic then it drags. I'm opposite two boomers that live with their earphones on so it largely depends on who else is in. Sometimes you get some fun drama from a phone call (like claimants who've been waiting six months to be seen) which makes the day go quicker. It's piss and that's usually enough.

[Giggles]

I'm not a fan of Creme egg at all.

There’s far better out there (Cadbury caramel, Galaxy, Reeses) so they’re not worth nothing with.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I would not have had you down as a Reese's fan.

[Giggles]

I would not have had you down as a Reese's fan.

The big cups and white cups are my ultimate sweets. What’s not to like about peanut butter?

[Smjffy]

Do yourself a solid, Giggles.

Worth every penny. (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reeses-Chocolate-American-Selection-Striped/dp/B01GQ2XYQM/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2R0ILB4J096FB&keywords=reeses+pieces+gift+set&qid=1582054338&sprefix=reeces%2Caps%2C193&sr=8-3)

[Foe]

I'm not a fan of Creme egg at all.

Those packets of mini cream eggs are the absolute business. Makes them so much better to eat and easy to smash the entire bag and then feel horrendous from all the sugar. :drool:

[Foe]

Found out the reason I was papped for that job was because I am not chartered.

Professional accreditation is such a waste of time, and yet now it’s not. Annoying.

My company is in transition AGAIN though and more job cuts loom. Thankfully I’m above average for my level (lol) so it won’t affect me, but it’s bloody annoying. CEO is pretty deluded too by all accounts which I hadn’t realised until now.

[randomlegend]

Here, the employer is legally bound to give me leave but doesn't have to pay a penny. If he doesn't pay me (going to ask this morning), I will have to get him to sign a form saying so which will make me eligible to claim loss of earnings allowance (itself involving several more forms). I'll then pay everything up front while I'm doing it and get a reimbursement about 2-4 weeks later.

Have you read the secret barrister? This barely registers compared to some of the abject bullshit he talks about.

[Shindig]

Guys, when you hear the phrase 'reducing footprint', what does that make you think of? :uhoh:

[Foe]

If you’re in a big industrial company - emissions/carbon.

If you’re in a call centre, p45.

[igor_balis]

Trying to persuade people to use the self-service machines in my new branch is proving tricky. One day I cheerfully walked up to an elderly lady queuing for the counter, said "hello! what do y..." "NO". Practically screamed in my face. Sorry mate.

I know as a big lefty loser it seems like I should be advocating people refusing to use the self-serve machines to SAVE OUR JOBS, but it really doesn't work like that. The bank reckons each transaction done at a till costs x, and each one done at a self-serve costs about 1/2x. When branch closure decisions are generally made on a profit vs cost analysis, it's pretty obvious that it's gonna be counterproductive for them to insist on it.

Plus, if we're spending our day withdrawing 200 quid for customers over the counter, we're obviously not free to flog life insurance etc. Like, I'm not defending the ethics behind the policies, but it's the reality of it. It's amazing how many people seem to think busy branch = profitable branch.

[Spikey M]

I've never hear of 'reducing footprint' used outside of eco-wankery.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Old people absolutely seethe with howling fury when you ask them to try anything new. It's just a fact of life.

Not just old people actually. People whose lives/jobs haven't required any form of progress. A lot of my customers (engine rebuilders) are like this. Some of them throw proper tantrums and cry with abject frustration when you ask them to check their emails for an invoice we've sent, or whatever. Didn't need computers thirty years ago, why do we need them now?

[Shindig]

If you’re in a big industrial company - emissions/carbon.

If you’re in a call centre, p45.

I could consider both an option, then. We're in a half-empty building with fuck all work. Empty seats cost money, apparently.

[Baz]

Someone at works been signed off with cancer. The atmosphere in the office actually felt better after it was announced. :cab:

[mo]

Went for an informal type of chat at a school where they’re advertising for a second in department. Used to work with the deputy so had a catch up with her and then met the head of history who seemed sound. Big school, surplus budget = they can actually afford stuff. I badly want to work there now. More money, slightly longer commute but not by much. Certain I can get an interview but just as certain I’ll stuff it up.

[Magic]

Holy shit, I nearly did double my wage afterall. Total taxable to date is 53000, from 35000 when I left engineering. So based on this month it looks like I'll finish on 58000.

Not bad for first full FY in sales.

[Lewis]

'If this doesn't win her back...'

[bruhnaldo]

Wait don't tell me Magic and his new girl split

[Magic]

No course not. She met the kiddo too.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Wait don't tell me Magic and his new girl split

He's going to propose next week.

[mo]

Went for an informal type of chat at a school where they’re advertising for a second in department. Used to work with the deputy so had a catch up with her and then met the head of history who seemed sound. Big school, surplus budget = they can actually afford stuff. I badly want to work there now. More money, slightly longer commute but not by much. Certain I can get an interview but just as certain I’ll stuff it up.

Interview week Friday. No details yet on what the day looks like, what I'll have to teach about, but I can start prepping at least.

[Lewis]

A few of us are having our positions upgraded at work (from their current joke level to merely being conventionally under-valued), which means having to re-apply and interview for these 'new' jobs. That ought to be a formality, but I've thrown some excitement into the mix by moaning like shit about the whole process. See you in the re-deployment pool.

[Luca]

Maybe they'll punt you back to the north of Scotland on a one-way ticket. Arctic defense.

[Kikó]

Compensation day today and I'm at giggles normally assumed level of smugness. It's been a good day.

[Boydy]

Post numbers or gtfo.

[Lewis]

Maybe they'll punt you back to the north of Scotland on a one-way ticket. Arctic defense.

I offered to move up there for a few months and sort it all out for 'oil rig money', but they reckon they've got a handle on it (which they reckoned two years ago and yet...).

[Giggles]

We’re hiring another new person and an apprentice. We didn’t even need the last prick they hired.

[Giggles]

Actually, that’s just reminded me that the little ferret is off on holidays tomorrow so I can leave my headphones in the car :)

[phonics]

As you all know I'm a Graphic Designer but this week I was asked to 'look up and report back' someone that is protesting us 'because you're good at that internet stuff'.

In less than 10 minutes, I found out he was on a Sex Offenders list, had his mugshot, criminal record and an article from the 80s about his campaign advocating for branding people who had HIV/AIDS.

Productive day.

[bruhnaldo]

We're starting to finally get some new directives w/r/t coronavirus. Now we can all only enter through one (1) entrance of the hospital. Patients, visitors, employees....

Tomorrow is going to be a shit show!

[bruhnaldo]

As you all know I'm a Graphic Designer but this week I was asked to 'look up and report back' someone that is protesting us 'because you're good at that internet stuff'.

In less than 10 minutes, I found out he was on a Sex Offenders list, had his mugshot, criminal record and an article from the 80s about his campaign advocating for branding people who had HIV/AIDS.

Productive day.

I do this sometimes and it really is satisfying to basically have the power of "yea buddy I can basically be on your fuckin' doorstep tomorrow and you'd have no idea who I am whilst you're post stupid shit on the internet because you think you're anonymous."

[Kikó]

Post numbers or gtfo.

30% bump.

[Giggles]

30% bump.

If you weren’t feeling smug at that one there would be something wrong with you. Nice.

[Shindig]

Congrats. Those don't come around too often.

[Luca]

30% bump.

Legend. :cool:

[Kikó]

If you weren’t feeling smug at that one there would be something wrong with you. Nice.

It's genuinely crazy. I'm not sure how the boss managed it but he's a legend for doing so.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Your knees must be sore though.

[Boydy]

30% bump.
Nice.

[Boydy]

Did Raoul Duke move to Amsterdam yet? I want to hear how that's going.

[Luca]

What are you up to these days, Boydy? Have you sold yourself as well to corporate slavery?

[Boydy]

What are you up to these days, Boydy? Have you sold yourself as well to corporate slavery?

Software development. It's not too corporate-y thankfully.

[Kikó]

Did Raoul Duke move to Amsterdam yet? I want to hear how that's going.

Waiting on Corona I think.

[Giggles]

Waiting on Corona I think.

I thought he'd be more of a Pimms man.

[Danny]

Well it’s no Kiko (congrats mate) but 12% raise and ~12% bonus confirmed this afternoon.

[Giggles]

I’m for the showdown next week. It’s pay rise or gone.

[Kikó]

Congrats Danny - good luck Giggs.

[Giggles]

Mine is more about the whole structure and roles within it. It would be a long boring story to get into it here but my gut feeling is the only good outcome is me finding something else.

[Shindig]

Our systems are going down tomorrow for the whole weekend. We've been allowed an early start but that still leaves 2.5 hours of nowt.

[Raoul Duke]

Did Raoul Duke move to Amsterdam yet? I want to hear how that's going.

Not yet - still working my notice period. Move over in early May.

[Luca]

Software development. It's not too corporate-y thankfully.

Legend. Didn’t realize you were a developer. I thought you read Political Science not Computer Science.

[Boydy]

Legend. Didn’t realize you were a developer. I thought you read Political Science not Computer Science.

History originally. Then did a masters conversion in software development after not having any luck trying to get funding for a phd.

Although originally originally (when I was 18) I started a degree in computer science and dropped out. So I've come full circle now, really.

What are you up to these days?

[Luca]

Corporate slavery for the most part after dabbling in startups - I’m in corporate strategy (focusing on financial services) at a consultancy. Currently on a secondment in NYC with a global NGO, though, which has been a nice change of pace from the consulting grind.

[Shindig]

Finished at 4pm. What generosity. Even helped out during the office move. My old manager's desk is a bombsite.

[Mike]

Took the Y2 football team to a tournament at the Liverpool Academy today. First time I've been, it's pretty impressive, was really well run too, we got through the group stage, winning the opening game 8-0 and lost in the semi final.
Bumped into Yasser Larouci, who was happy to say hello to the kids, they also thought Remi Savage was Mo Salah for a bit.

Wasn't a bad afternoon though, one of those that makes you realise how odd my job can be.

[Ian]

I had to Google Yasser Larouci there to be sure you hadn't just taken pride in some random, unfamous man taking an interest in a group of children.

[Ian]

Also sounds like The Kids were veering into They All Look The Same To Me territory.

[mo]

Also sounds like The Kids were veering into They All Look The Same To Me territory.

Year 2s are notoriously racist. Year 3s are ok but 4s are proper cunts.

[Giggles]

Interview Monday. Would mean a year in Oregon but the Mrs is on board of all goes well.

[Kikó]

That's pretty awesome. What line of work are you? Sorry if you've said before.

[Lewis]

Proper patronising pat on the head that. Don't tell him, Giggles.

[Giggles]

:D

I’ll be doing fuck all once the virus gets me anyway.

[Magic]

I've just accepted another job, hand my notice in on April Fools Day (lol), go on holiday for 2 weeks, probably be on gardening leave for the other 2 and then start on May 1st.

I get 6 months guaranteed commission to get me up and running, and a better basic wage, and an established territory. That should see me through the Corona period. :drool:

My other choice was facing still being with this shit company, having a terrible basic, having reduced commission for not hitting one of my targets (despite getting 200% on the other one, with no bonuses), and not being able to sell because of Corona.

Done pretty well there I think. All within 9 days of approaching the new company.

[mo]

Edit: well done Magic :thbup:

I was on interview today for a Second in Department job - got cut before the final interview (reduced from 4 to 2) but the two they kept were Heads of Department looking to step down, so think I would have to be fairly hot shit to have beaten either of them to the post. Annoying but got some feedback to reflect on.

Question now is, do I go for another job; it's Head of History and a job I interviewed for last year. Got the feeling at the time that something was a bit off there and the fact they're advertising again raises some questions (plus if I didn't get it again that would suck). I guess I'm not desperate to leave my current place and money isn't an issue, but I wouldn't mind a change of scene.

[Giggles]

I did the job of two women today. Do not like.

[Lewis]

Good job mouthwash isn't being hoarded.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:lol:

[Shindig]

Glad to be out there for a fortnight. Fuck the office cough.

[Giggles]

Good job mouthwash isn't being hoarded.

And sudocrem.

[Shindig]

Checking in with the emails. We're anticipating more guidelines to come which will probably push our remaining workload off a cliff.

[Baz]

We've switched from Lotus IBM Notes to Outlook and it's slowed my productivity ridiculously. Gonna take some getting used to.

[Foe]

90% of the office working from home, but not me. And they’re closing the canteen from tomorrow do sandwiches only. Fuck.

[Magic]

Still not had my official job offer letter from my new company yet. :uhoh:

[Offshore Toon]

Luckily I bagged a new job just before this all kicked off. Pay rise to work at home training. :drool:

[Shindig]

The BA refund equates to a month's wages. Six weeks off :cool: That's how it'll work, I'm sure.

[Magic]

Luckily I bagged a new job just before this all kicked off. Pay rise to work at home training. :drool:

I thought I'd nailed the timing but looks like it's too late. Think they'll redact the offer based on coronavirus?

[Offshore Toon]

I thought I'd nailed the timing but looks like it's too late. Think they'll redact the offer based on coronavirus?
It would be poor form if they redact and surely a sign that they'd be unlikely to look after you in the future anyway.

[Giggles]

There’s thousands of jobs going wallop, I’d say it’s highly likely.

[Magic]

There’s thousands of jobs going wallop, I’d say it’s highly likely.

Indeed, but it's not those massively at risk industries. Even on our acceptance call they were totally fine with my start date being 01.05.20, with a further 6-8 weeks of internal getting up to speed.

[Offshore Toon]

As predicted, we've been told to work from home all week after today's test run. :joy:

[Shindig]

Face to face consultations are all being cancelled for three months. That's a lot of phonecalls.

[Pepe]

Spent all day preparing a three minute video. :face:

[Raoul Duke]

WFH time for me from this week.

Good job I'm not moving country to work for a travel company any time soon :uhoh:

[Danny]

WFH here too so I spent the afternoon grouting the tile we laid this weekend

[Foe]

My dual tv arrangement is going to pay dividends tomorrow as I work from home.

Got a couple of extremely long hdmi cables too. Perfect

[Luca]

My current engagement could be done 100% remotely, so unfortunately I don't get to doss around. :(

[Magic]

I'm going to contact new company and say my early April holiday has been cancelled, and my deals are unlikely to close before March 31st. On that basis I'd be willing to hand my notice in now and start mid-April instead of May 1st.

I'm so fucking terrified this is going to fall through.

[SvN]

Had an absolute mare.

We manage social media for a few of our clients, or at least help set them up. One common thing we do is to use Zapier.com to automatically take posts from one platform, tidy them, and then post them on another. It just saves the client effort and means they can choose a single platform and just manage engagement on the others.

For one client, they post on instagram and we setup Zapier to strip the hashtags and copy the post to Twitter.

For some unknown reason, today Zapier has decided to spam their Twitter feed with 8 historical posts from my own personal Instagram account. We have no idea why - my Instagram account was linked to Zapier ages ago when we were testing it. Now, we have the Twitter feed of a global car parts manufacturer filled with photos of me, my wife, my dog and son. And we can't even remove them because they changed their login details at some point in the last month without telling us. Plus, they're not answering the phone.

Fucking cringe. Hopefully they see the funny side.

[Boydy]

:D

Lol

[Shindig]

Those with underlying health problems are being sent home from work. I've been told by my manager I can cancel next week's leave if I want. I'm asthmatic. I'm staying put.

[Ian]

Had an absolute mare.

We manage social media for a few of our clients, or at least help set them up. One common thing we do is to use Zapier.com to automatically take posts from one platform, tidy them, and then post them on another. It just saves the client effort and means they can choose a single platform and just manage engagement on the others.

For one client, they post on instagram and we setup Zapier to strip the hashtags and copy the post to Twitter.

For some unknown reason, today Zapier has decided to spam their Twitter feed with 8 historical posts from my own personal Instagram account. We have no idea why - my Instagram account was linked to Zapier ages ago when we were testing it. Now, we have the Twitter feed of a global car parts manufacturer filled with photos of me, my wife, my dog and son. And we can't even remove them because they changed their login details at some point in the last month without telling us. Plus, they're not answering the phone.

Fucking cringe. Hopefully they see the funny side.

Superb. Was there anything genuinely lol-worthy among them?

[Baz]

:lol:

[Spikey M]

That's a post of the year contender. :D

[SvN]

There's nothing too bad. The worst is a drunken group photo of me and my friends in a pub. The posts have started getting comments and retweets now. Oh God. It's a good job they've only got a few thousand followers.

[Spikey M]

I know you probably want privacy but please give us a link/obscured screenshot.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

Links?

[Ian]

Yeah show us at least that pub one.

[SvN]

Finally got hold of someone, and fortunately they had a good lol about it. They've deleted the posts now.

Photos of my slick bald head will be staying off the forum.

[Magic]

Still not had my acceptance through, and I am a fucking mess with anxiety. Help.

[bruhnaldo]

Just ring them papa.

[Ian]

Finally got hold of someone, and fortunately they had a good lol about it. They've deleted the posts now.

Photos of my slick bald head will be staying off the forum.

:nono:

[Andy]

Still not had my acceptance through, and I am a fucking mess with anxiety. Help.

Have you given your notice?

[Magic]

Have you given your notice?

Fuck no.

[SvN]

What's the stress then? Just carry on as normal and look for a new job when this dies down.

[Magic]

What's the stress then? Just carry on as normal and look for a new job when this dies down.

Because it was my dream job, and I fucking hate it here.

[Andy]

Well at least you've not shot yourself in the foot.

If it doesn't happen you'll find something else.

[Vercetti]

Amazon are looking for drivers.

[niko_cee]

:D

[Ian]

Your DREAM job?

How much does scaling have we done on our dreams at this point?

[Magic]

Amazon are looking for drivers.

:D

Thank you, back to earth.

[Mike]

Your DREAM job?

How much does scaling have we done on our dreams at this point?

He might have been offered a job as an astronaut cowboy who plays up front for Leeds, you don’t know!

[Shindig]

Or he's disguised himself as a nanny to look after his kid.

[Offshore Toon]

He might have been offered a job as an astronaut cowboy who plays up front for Leeds, you don’t know!
He probably gets to wear high heels with an endless supply of kittens.

[Spikey M]

He's going to be a fluffer.

[Disco]

That bionic jaw will come in handy.

[Shindig]

Makes me wonder what staff levels are like now that a) they've sent the pre-existing's home and b) asked me to come back early from leave. The civil service is built off the back of overweight workers. There's probably 4 people in. 3 of them managers.

[Magic]

I got a phone call from another company I asked about a job two weeks ago asking why I hadn't sent them across my CV.

Going to re-do it today and send it over. Forgetting the offer now, weird as we're all pretending it didn't ever happen.

[SvN]

Have you actually called them and spoke to anyone about it?

[Magic]

Have you actually called them and spoke to anyone about it?

No mate, don't feel it's my place to.

[Ian]

You don't feel it's your place to ask what's happening with a job offer they've made you?

[Magic]

You don't feel it's your place to ask what's happening with a job offer they've made you?

Not under these circumstances. It's not like I've not got a safe job already and with my commission for next month too I'm pretty sorted until May. As much as I want to hand my notice in and run, I'm not going to grovel especially if it's not being offered because of uncertainty. If it's not being offered because the Comms industry is *insanely* busy, then that's ok too.

I got this. Chill.

[SvN]

I bet they've hired the kickboxer instead.

[neo_hippy]

Magic - sounds daft but similar happened to me last year. Have you check your spam inbox?

[Magic]

Yep, I found an e-mail from my daughter in there with the subject 'Naughty Daddy'. :D

[Magic]

It came through the post. :drool:

[Shindig]

I've got email today promoting the company's livestreaming service of the Olympic Games. Lads. Stop.

[Ian]

It came through the post. :drool:

Well if you'd told us you'd applied for a job in 1996 that would have made more sense.

[Magic]

Maybe CORONA delayed it. Typical I'd already reached out so now I look like a cunt. :cool:

[bruhnaldo]

Showing initiative is cuntish in... uhhh.... your country?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

First time for everything.

Edit: Fuck off mongo.

[bruhnaldo]

I don't even know what post he possibly could be talking about.

[Ian]

Maybe CORONA delayed it. Typical I'd already reached out so now I look like a cunt. :cool:

What, since you told us to chill less than 5 hours ago? :D

[Magic]

They've advised (on the back of me saying I could start earlier as my holiday has been delayed):

To ensure we are properly set up to support you for onboarding and training “online” should the situation revert to total lockdown lets leave it at the original date of May 1st.

So my notice gets handed in on the 1st of April. :)

[Luca]

I read that as: let's give ourselves as much time as possible to determine whether we need to rescind the offer.

[Shindig]

So my notice gets handed in on the 1st of April. :)

Yeah, they'll really take that seriously.

[bruhnaldo]

I mean maybe don't fuck off your employment until post-pandemic

[Boydy]

I read that as: let's give ourselves as much time as possible to determine whether we need to rescind the offer.

Yeah, same. Be careful, Magic.

[Luca]

What's the minimum amount of notice you can give? A week? Stick to whatever the minimum is while monitoring the situation.

I don't know your employer, but they'd likely happily bin you (read: anyone) off at a moment's notice if needs must, so no sense offering them much more than they'd offer you.

[Boydy]

A month, probably. I assume that's why he said 1st April he's handing it in.

[Giggles]

Yeah, same. Be careful, Magic.

Especially the way things are now. Wouldn’t put it past any company at the best of times.

[Boydy]

In fact, I'd be asking them what their plans for dealing with this are.

[Luca]

A month, probably. I assume that's why he said 1st April he's handing it in.

Wasn't that assuming he was on vacation the last two weeks of April? What does your contract say, Magic?

[Boydy]

Wasn't that assuming he was on vacation the last two weeks of April? What does your contract say, Magic?

Yeah but that'll be included in his notice period.

[Giggles]

In fact, I'd be asking them what their plans for dealing with this are.

He won’t, but he will. It’s brilliant! I’m fucked! Life
Is over! Rolling in cash lads, top of the world... etc, etc.

[Giggles]

All in the space of around 43 minutes.

[Boydy]

:D

Hahaha.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This move will TRIPLE his wages too.

[Magic]

This company is thrice the size of mine and much better placed financially.

I probably wouldn't have any employment to fuck off after 3 months of no sales here.

[Magic]

Yeah but that'll be included in his notice period.

Yep it's 4 weeks, of which I'd be on gardening leave. My current company will fold before the new one, so fuck it.

[Shindig]

Just took a look to see what the new rota for the skeleton crew will be like. 20 people in a week out of a workforce of 120. Hell.

[Giggles]

We’re busier than we’ve been with builds in ages this week, it’s mad. Going to try a few bits and pieces to drum up some more work tomorrow while places are quiet.

[mo]

Our head put together a three team rota for staff to be in school - two out of the three teams in each day. One leading sessions with the kids, the other working elsewhere and covering break and lunch duties. Thought I was going to have to point out how calamitous this would be, but thankfully one of my colleagues came up with a safer system and is sending it to them today. To top it all, Rumour is they’ve been threatening not to pay people who choose not to come in, the shits.

[igor_balis]

I'm still at work for the foreseeable, on massively reduced opening hours. The old customers are just fucking unbelievable. There's this bloke in his 80s who come in EVERY WEEK to get £50 of 50ps and £60 of pound coins. Doesn't run a business, just "likes to have change". HE CAME IN TODAY. I was like, mate, what do you actually NEED these coins for?

"...I just...me and my family LIKE having coins..."

"it's just...we're only really letting people come in to do ESSENTIAL banking..."

"...WELL I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS, HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR POLICIES?????"


Quite honestly, I was on the verge of crying with frustration. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you mate?

I've had PLENTY of people tell me they don't trust internet banking/mobile banking/direct debits/etc. THIS MONDAY a bloke said "...well, I just prefer to pay my bills in cash". WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU CUNTS?

[Manc]

Customer service 101.

[Kikó]

For the old dude, it's a classic money laundering scam. Easy to redistribute his illicit drug money via a suitcase of 50p coins than with his £50. Take him in for questioning next time.

[Magic]

Notice handing in on Wed.

:uhoh:

[bruhnaldo]

For the job they told you that you might not have, yes?

[Ian]

For the job they told you that you might not have, yes?

Chill, mate, he's GOT THIS.

Give it 30 minutes until he's having a wobble then chip in. :thbup:

[Magic]

Final payslip through. £57000. Didn't double my wage but close. Oh well.

[Manc]

Have I missed something?

[Giggles]

Have I missed something?

In about a day you could miss a whole lot.

[phonics]

Double post because it's good enough for both threads.

https://i.imgur.com/1RCLUem.png

[Vercetti]

I just watched Hulk Hogan vs Ultimate Warrior, myself.

Still, probably, the greatest thing to ever happen in Canada.

[Magic]

I'm being furloughed as of 1st April lol.

This is fucking mental, what do I do now? Also my commission is backdated, will it still get paid even though I've been furloughed?

[Ian]

That'll be up to the company policy, I assume. Presumably the furloughing only touches salary.

[SvN]

It's a tricky one, but I'd say you should still get any commission you'd already earned. But if there's any ongoing, monthly commission you get as a result of ongoing contracts, you won't get that.

I bet you'll only get 80% as well, given what cunts your company appear to be.

[Andy]

Its 80% of basic salary.

Assume anything you earned before should be fine though.

[Spikey M]

Errr... Didn't you take a pay cut so that you could have an improved commission package Magic?

[SvN]

Its 80% of basic salary.

Assume anything you earned before should be fine though.

Yeah, I meant they won't top his salary up to 100% from their own pockets, rather than him only getting 80% of any owed commission.

[phonics]

I thought you had a new job anyway?

[SvN]

B2B Sales teams are being furloughed everywhere. Noone is buying anything for the foreseeable future.

[Spikey M]

I thought you had a new job anyway?

We have a new starter due at my place. Her start date has been put on ice indefinitely. I can't see anywhere, bar supermarkets, Emergency services, etc. Trying to press ahead with new starters for now.

[SvN]

My wife is meant to start her new teaching job in a few weeks. Fortunately, she's already signed the contract, and she's been told she'll be paid but doesn't need to go in until further notice.

[Magic]

My only saving grace is they'd pencilled me in for a 3 month training period which can be delivered remotely. Other than that I can start contacting potential partners, as I'm not direct sales but channel based.

So from May to August I was expected to do nothing but be internal. It might actually work out better this way? Who knows. I am phoning my new boss today to see what the score is, as once I hand in my notice I'm committed.

[Magic]

Our new sales guy (supposed to be starting on 15th April) has bottled it and chosen to stay where he is. The MD said if you don't start before 28th Feb you aren't entitled to Furlough pay.

Fuck my life.

[SvN]

Why does that affect you?

[Spikey M]

If moves to new Employer maybe? No idea.

[Magic]

If moves to new Employer maybe? No idea.

Yes, so I thought I may have to start and be furloughed immediately, but not the case. So my new firm would have to incur my full wage (only for 3 months right enough).

And lol, as I type this, one of our senior network engineers has announced his last day will be the 10th of April. :drool:

[SvN]

Ah right. Yeah, you can only be furloughed if you were at your employer by March 1. That isn't the MD deciding, that's in the Government guidelines (https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-for-wage-costs-through-the-coronavirus-job-retention-scheme).

[Baz]

How do you pronounce furloughed?

I’ve been calling it Paul Furlong’d.

[Magic]

Ah right. Yeah, you can only be furloughed if you were at your employer by March 1. That isn't the MD deciding, that's in the Government guidelines (https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-for-wage-costs-through-the-coronavirus-job-retention-scheme).

Aye got that. I'm asking our network engineer and he's not bothered a fuck by it. :cool:

[bruhnaldo]

How do you pronounce furloughed?

I’ve been calling it Paul Furlong’d.

fur-lowed

[Giggles]

Has that always been a thing or is it a new word for the situation like Brexit?

I’m presuming it’s always existed but a strange one for every outlet to latch onto when there’s probably a far simpler way to saying whatever it means.


EDIT: I’d pronounce fur-locked but it would only get said that way here.