The All New Jobs Thread

[Smjffy]

Where about is it, Smiff? Is it on the promenade?

Strangely I think it would be better situated if it wasn’t along the front, would be better maybe near the market.

Been a while since I had a day sesh in Blackpool but would get one sorted to come visit if you do set it up.

Yeah, it's on the south shore. Perhaps a five-minute walk from the beach, tower etc. 2 mins in car. Big car park too which will be handy.

[Smjffy]

Can't see how this will go wrong Smiff.

If I go then I go with the benefit of a little experience but I don't see how it can go wrong. It either works or it doesn't, if it doesn't then at most I'll waste a few hundred quid and if it does, I'll gain valuable insight and experience whilst topping up the bank balance.

I'm not exactly tied to anything serious so in my mind, it could be worth a go. I'm not just going to jump into it though.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Technically no, he will just have a solid life of not gaining money.

I assumed he'd be having to buy produce. Didn't realise they'd con him into buying booze too though.

[Kikó]

If I go then I go with the benefit of a little experience but I don't see how it can go wrong. It either works or it doesn't, if it doesn't then at most I'll waste a few hundred quid and if it does, I'll gain valuable insight and experience whilst topping up the bank balance.

I'm not exactly tied to anything serious so in my mind, it could be worth a go. I'm not just going to jump into it though.

The hiring people and spending loads up front on food and drink probably means a couple of grand not hundred.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He doesn't need to hire anyone.

He and 'banana' will give it a once over.

[Kikó]

Not to mention the doormen who work Pro bono.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

TTH Meet 2019 will be banging.

[Mike]

Where about is it, Smiff? Is it on the promenade?

Strangely I think it would be better situated if it wasn’t along the front, would be better maybe near the market.

Been a while since I had a day sesh in Blackpool but would get one sorted to come visit if you do set it up.

Count me in!

What’s the name of it Tim?

[Spikey M]

Not to mention the doormen who work Pro bono.

As long as they're not pro Morrissey it'll be fine.

[Smjffy]

The hiring people and spending loads up front on food and drink probably means a couple of grand not hundred.

That was being speculative, I don't actually intend on hiring staff unless it really took off. I think we're thinking different scales at present. I'm thinking fry ups, sandwiches, pic nics, packed lunches. Light meals for lunch, nothing extravagant, your basics like jack spuds and the like. Cheap and cheerful because the hotel/B&B/guesthouse/whatever is cheap to rent so it has to match.

Pies etc I can make and freeze. I'm convinced I can make it work, I wouldn't even need to be open all day. I'm thinking 6 til 6 opening hours, 6-11 breakfast, 12-4 lunch, that's pretty much that. Regardless, I'm surprised it's been ridiculed but then I can't imagine too many of us have experienced the day to day running of a B&B....this one certainly isn't one that requires complete attention, just someone to check guests in, be on site (which we would be due to working ourselves downstairs) and get the Mrs to give the rooms a clean. One of us could do that whilst the other did the rest to be entirely honest. The kitchen side of things given the size will be a walk in the park. I'm used to 150-200 covers a day, asking for 10-20 shouldn't be too difficult.

[Smjffy]

Count me in!

What’s the name of it Tim?

There's just no way I shall release that info until I'm physically there and in charge. The TripAdvisor comments tell me to run away but so did the Boot Inn.

[Lewis]

Can't wait to see Smiffy rubbing his fry-up riches in phonics' cunt face.

[Spikey M]

As far as the breakfast goes, wouldn't it be better to chuck a load of shit on a hot plate and charge a tenner for all you can eat?

[Smjffy]

As far as the breakfast goes, wouldn't it be better to chuck a load of shit on a hot plate and charge a tenner for all you can eat?

As far as I'm aware you can only hold the food for 90 minutes or two hours so it wouldn't be that wise. Also, who wants beans that have been under a light for ages? You can be cheap and cheerful whilst offering quality options and that's the benefit I feel we have on our side.

I'll offer up my plan of action in a more detailed way if I decide to take it on as it's mostly ideas at present but the pro's do sort of outweigh the cons if you look for them. Free digs, no rent, no bills, all maintenance for B&B/Hotel side comes from owners, guaranteed guests (albeit only between 10-20)...in return I manage the B&B/Hotel and keep it ticking over whilst receiving a decent sized kitchen and a small bar lounge to do as I please with. No meddling.

Cons are obviously no secure wage, no staff, bad reviews and owners who seemingly want to get rid of the place. I'm pretty sure that's why so many B&B's there are for sale as once summer ends, so does Blackpool, right?

[phonics]

I can't wait to hear the reviews of the place that 'doesn't actually intend on hiring staff unless it really took off.'

[Smjffy]

Why are you still commenting when you haven't got a clue what it is, phonics? It's clear as day you don't understand yet you persist in believing you know exactly what is best without even knowing what I have to work with?

Strange child.

[phonics]

The conclusion you should take from literally everyone saying it's a bad idea is to think I'm the weirdo. I just think its funny. Please give some of your 20k a month profit to the TTH fund please. We could run the place on your not officially declared wages alone.

[Smjffy]

I'll stick some in if you get me my old account back!

[phonics]

That would be work and therefore someone elses job.

[Lewis]

Worth remembering that the last thing 'literally everyone [other than Lewis and Pepe]' thought was a bad idea was Mahow going to the Ukraine, and that was a right turn up.

[Boydy]

If you're only going to give it a go for a few months to see how it goes, you probably won't lose that much even if it does go badly. Might as well try.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Worth remembering that the last thing 'literally everyone [other than Lewis and Pepe]' thought was a bad idea was Mahow going to the Ukraine, and that was a right turn up.
Yev too, as it would be almost impossible to get a blowjob out of it. Lol.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Oh and THE COLLECTIVE were right about Magic's wife.

[Lewis]

Only one person really knew what was going on there: me (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?39-The-All-New-All-Shit-Relationship-Thread&p=141138&viewfull=1#post141138)

[7om]

How many jobs you had in your life Smiffy?

[Smjffy]

Lots. I tend to get bored after 6-12 months.

[SvN]

Being self employed is probably not for you, then.

[Baz]

Is it just phonics who is a designer or SvN too?

Don’t suppose either of you fancy knocking out a freebie to make an app look pretty? :D

It’s a phone game where the player must guess if a name is that of a horse, or of a beer, called Ale Or Horse. There are a few versions of it in consideration:

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/Screenshot_2019-05-23-22-51-27.png.f6705d910b39232e9ac368b525d5e982.png

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/Screenshot_2019-05-23-22-51-22.png.801e92a926afae03a80b8fd6d6b44112.png

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/Screenshot_2019-05-23-22-50-32.png.0047917d7120c57b9f2099092630a92a.png


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbm9VB-Z-5U&ebc=ANyPxKq7Z-NqzCZu4k7MmwsWIk628u3rg-JaREWJMFi-FMzxvEpSNjuYoZOyE1hRQmRny1_VxAguOJV3z0d-EYub09vMd9GiFA


https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/EDA5ED90-C861-4C49-85CD-12782216A289.jpeg.077c1e1bee535a63eb050ec2f7a92795 .jpeg

If you have an account on rllmuk you can read about its creation here: https://www.rllmukforum.com/index.php?/topic/310845-does-anyone-want-to-make-this-app/

[Magic]

Only one person really knew what was going on there: me (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showthread.php?39-The-All-New-All-Shit-Relationship-Thread&p=141138&viewfull=1#post141138)

Fucking hell. Prophetic. What a manipulative bitch and just shows how warped my thinking was.

[Giggles]

Is it just phonics who is a designer or SvN too?

Don’t suppose either of you fancy knocking out a freebie to make an app look pretty? :D

It’s a phone game where the player must guess if a name is that of a horse, or of a beer, called Ale Or Horse. There are a few versions of it in consideration:

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/Screenshot_2019-05-23-22-51-27.png.f6705d910b39232e9ac368b525d5e982.png

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/Screenshot_2019-05-23-22-51-22.png.801e92a926afae03a80b8fd6d6b44112.png

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/Screenshot_2019-05-23-22-50-32.png.0047917d7120c57b9f2099092630a92a.png


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbm9VB-Z-5U&ebc=ANyPxKq7Z-NqzCZu4k7MmwsWIk628u3rg-JaREWJMFi-FMzxvEpSNjuYoZOyE1hRQmRny1_VxAguOJV3z0d-EYub09vMd9GiFA


https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/EDA5ED90-C861-4C49-85CD-12782216A289.jpeg.077c1e1bee535a63eb050ec2f7a92795 .jpeg

If you have an account on rllmuk you can read about its creation here: https://www.rllmukforum.com/index.php?/topic/310845-does-anyone-want-to-make-this-app/

Tip of the cap in fairness, you'll try absolutely anything for a few bob :D

[Baz]

Literally anything. :chinny:

[SvN]

Is it just phonics who is a designer or SvN too?

Don’t suppose either of you fancy knocking out a freebie to make an app look pretty? :D

It’s a phone game where the player must guess if a name is that of a horse, or of a beer, called Ale Or Horse. There are a few versions of it in consideration:

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/Screenshot_2019-05-23-22-51-27.png.f6705d910b39232e9ac368b525d5e982.png

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/Screenshot_2019-05-23-22-51-22.png.801e92a926afae03a80b8fd6d6b44112.png

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/Screenshot_2019-05-23-22-50-32.png.0047917d7120c57b9f2099092630a92a.png


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbm9VB-Z-5U&ebc=ANyPxKq7Z-NqzCZu4k7MmwsWIk628u3rg-JaREWJMFi-FMzxvEpSNjuYoZOyE1hRQmRny1_VxAguOJV3z0d-EYub09vMd9GiFA


https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/EDA5ED90-C861-4C49-85CD-12782216A289.jpeg.077c1e1bee535a63eb050ec2f7a92795 .jpeg

If you have an account on rllmuk you can read about its creation here: https://www.rllmukforum.com/index.php?/topic/310845-does-anyone-want-to-make-this-app/

Really tempting, but I'll let phonics take this one.

Remember phonics, you owe me one.

[Adamski]

Literally anything. :chinny:

Would it not be easier just to get a couple of nights a week as a takeaway delivery driver if you’re that desperate for extra cash?

[phonics]

Really tempting, but I'll let phonics take this one.

Remember phonics, you owe me one.
I’d rather retire.

[Spikey M]

wullie is your only hope now.

[Baz]

Would it not be easier just to get a couple of nights a week as a takeaway delivery driver if you’re that desperate for extra cash?And do actual work? :roflol:

Don’t worry lads, it’s all coming together. The designer of this little game (http://danpacey.com/horserace/) has stepped up.

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/1418175577_AleorHorse.png.3b9d7a851212932718278205 21da58b9.png

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/186249690_AleorHorse-Incorrect.png.3327f044328c0c0a871d21005084e3b5.png

https://www.rllmukforum.com/uploads/monthly_2019_05/1010597835_AleorHorse-Correct.png.19d88d37ef6c482f740157aaa368fd43.png

Can I trust you’ll all rate it five stars when it hits your phones App Store? Please?

[Mike]

Legit looks boss

[Giggles]

Mine actually made a decent bit of money in the early days and it was a load of shite.

[Spikey M]

Link?

[Magic]

Decent start to the year. I've made £800 more than I would have on my old wage lol. After tax, that is.

[Baz]

Link?https://play.google.com/apps/testing/jbscript.ale_or_horse

[Spikey M]

I meant to Giggles app.

[Giggles]

Mine's gone.

[Baz]

I have an iPhone so can’t test it.

G’wan.

[Giggles]

I open all your links in an incognito window so I can't download it from there.

[Boydy]

For a country that loves capitalism and supposed efficiency, Americans sure love to waste time pissing about.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Have you ever listened to an American podcast? They're all about 80 minutes longer than they need to be.

Most of their TV 'seasons' are 15 episodes longer than they need to be as well.

[Pepe]

The things that Americans say they love and what they actually love are completely opposite of each other.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Have you ever listened to an American podcast? They're all about 80 minutes longer than they need to be.

Most of their TV 'seasons' are 15 episodes longer than they need to be as well.

I've tried many American podcasts, the premise is always great but they're always crap.

I do like Judge John Hodgman and My brother... though

[bruhnaldo]

My boss conveniently forgot to mention I'd be starting to cover at a different facility today, so I've driven approx. 120 miles so far today as my normal facility is approx. 50 miles north of my house and the facility I'm needed to cover at is approx. 30 miles south.

Get to the facility and I don't have access to any of the records for said facility, so I'm basically stuck in fuck off mode for the next 7 hours. There's truly not enough internet to surf.

[mo]

Bumped into one of the other candidates from the Head of History job I went for back in Feb. Turns out they offered him the job but on about £3k less than what he was already on, so he told them where to go. Just confirms what I thought before about it being something of a blessing in disguise that I didn’t get it.

[Baz]

Or he’s lying to you because he’s heard about the toilet cubicle incident.

[Spikey M]

I've been sat at court since 10am, somehow my first hearing didn't go in until 11:45. My next one is meant to be at 2 but unless they make up time my - already hour long - commute home is going to hit rush hour square in the face.

Nobody turned up for this mornings and I'm not expecting anyone this afternoon, which makes my life very easy but I will have sat here for 4/5/6 hours for less than 10 minutes of actual work. Fucking hell. I could be with the lads drinking to Eazy.

[Pepe]

What did you do?

[Spikey M]

Your mum :(

[Pepe]

Sad.

[Ian]

I think you meant "Lad."

[Spikey M]

She is a bit but all the bits are in the right places.

[Shindig]

I can't even begin to describe what the fuck happened today. Just know that it now involves a Monday morning of getting witness statements for a grievance case.

[Baz]

Fridays are class.

Usually my line manager is off; the gimpy woman who steals my work is off; and the girl who sits opposite me who likes to give me “projects” (her work which she can’t be arsed to do) is off. So the rest of us spend most of the day sitting around chatting.

However usually my bosses boss is usually in, and he sits next to me. But he’s now working his notice so, despite being laid back anyway (honestly he’s proper awesome) he bow clearly gives zero l fucks so Fridays are the ultra doss.

[Boydy]

Had a job interview this evening. Bit weird but I'd had a skype interview with them on Friday and was meant to go to their office this afternoon but couldn't get off for it. So they asked if I could meet them for coffee this evening.

Anyway, pretty sure the CEO (it's a start up, I met with the CEO and the CTO) was on coke. He kept sniffing and touching/rubbing his nose loads. He was very animated - lots of gesticulation - and he did nearly all the talking for just over an hour when showing me their product.

[Shindig]

Well, that grievance nonsense vanished quickly. Back to normal until he decides to lose his shit again.

[Lewis]

I get Wednesday off because the Secret Service have basically asked us to close Portsmouth and nobody can be arsed to battle the traffic. #MAGA #TrumpTrain

[Pepe]

Are you going to the RALLY then?

[mo]

Had a job interview this evening. Bit weird but I'd had a skype interview with them on Friday and was meant to go to their office this afternoon but couldn't get off for it. So they asked if I could meet them for coffee this evening.

Anyway, pretty sure the CEO (it's a start up, I met with the CEO and the CTO) was on coke. He kept sniffing and touching/rubbing his nose loads. He was very animated - lots of gesticulation - and he did nearly all the talking for just over an hour when showing me their product.

Hay fever? My nose is really itchy and runny of late. He might just be really enthusiastic?

[Baz]

The woman who steals my work has handed her notice in. :happycry:

[Giggles]

Time to shine.

[Ian]

Probably off to a lovely promotion off the back of a CV filled with your achievements.

[Lewis]

Are you going to the RALLY then?

Took me twice as long to get into work today. Fuck him. #GreenNewDeal

[Boydy]

Hay fever? My nose is really itchy and runny of late. He might just be really enthusiastic?
I considered this but surely if you had bad hayfever you'd have a tissue with you to blow your nose at some point? Or you'd sneeze at some point if your nose was that irritated. Or you'd rub your eyes because they'd be itchy.

[Raoul Duke]

I considered this but surely if you had bad hayfever you'd have a tissue with you to blow your nose at some point? Or you'd sneeze at some point if your nose was that irritated. Or you'd rub your eyes because they'd be itchy.

More than likely a coke fiend. Be very careful about working for them - I've done so in the past and it was a fucking nightmare.

"I've been awake for four days"

[Boydy]

More than likely a coke fiend. Be very careful about working for them - I've done so in the past and it was a fucking nightmare.

"I've been awake for four days"

Yeah. They told me last night they'd be making me an offer and spoke to the recruiter today. He's obviously pressuring me towards them and then the coke fiend himself texted me today saying to come see their office today after work.

I had another final stage interview with another start-up today though and if they offer me the job (which I'm hoping they will, they were very enthusiastic after the first interview and today was just a chance to meet their CEO who was over from the states), I'll be taking it. The two guys who interviewed me there seemed far more wholesome, what they do is more interesting and I was even impressed by the CEO today (I thought he might be a bit of a gimp because he was American but he seemed really sound).

Also, the guy who I thought was on coke used to live in Sydney and lived and worked in Silicon Valley for a while too. So definitely the right background for it.

[Magic]

Bouldy turning in to the wolf of Ballymoney Street is an interesting and unexpected development.

Even him mentioning a 'CEO' without him wanting to turn in to the burning monk is quite something.

[Pepe]

Taking about 'wholesomeness' too. Dem conservative values. :drool:

[Boydy]

Bouldy turning in to the wolf of Ballymoney Street is an interesting and unexpected development.

Even him mentioning a 'CEO' without him wanting to turn in to the burning monk is quite something.

:D

Did you look that street name up?

[Boydy]

Taking about 'wholesomeness' too. Dem conservative values. :drool:

One of them was an older guy in his fifties probably and he just seemed like he'd be a nice fatherly figure type.

Whereas the other place, well, y'know, the cokehead.

[SvN]

Had the first of two difficult meetings today. Had to tell a long serving employee that they had to start bucking their ideas up. He was fairly agreeable and admitted he'd made some serious errors lately, which almost had me backracking and defending him. He seemed devestated by the fact that he'd cost the business more than he'd earned in revenue last year. I hope he starts improving, because he's a really good guy, and a talented developer. He's just had a bad year for some reason - perhaps it's my shit management.

Tomorrow I'm speaking to a member of staff that I think is completely useless. I'm handing them a bunch of new responsibilities - they don't know it, but it's their chance to save their job. They've been so poor at their actual job that other people have ended up taking on a lot of their responsibilies over the last few years, leaving them with very little to actually do. The problem is, she's the one member of staff that's been here longer than me. I have backing from the co-owner to get rid of her if needed, but I'd rather she just stop being so fucking lazy.

[Magic]

:D

Did you look that street name up?

I did. :(

[Shindig]

Couple of opportunities have come up. Not good opportunities, just those inter-departmental ones that means the same money but a chance to add to your skills. Problem being that one of them means talking to the DWP regularly to sort shit out. Might be a nice way to see how the other half live but I've overheard too many conversations where the DWP staff simply hasn't got a clue how their job works. Still, there's very little left in this job for me to learn.

[Ian]

Does moving sideways, even as a means of improving your knowledge, skills, etc., hamper your chances of moving up? Or is there not much chance of that in the immediate future anyway?

[Baz]

Time to shine.At the very least, I hope to move to her desk. It’s by the window and nobody can see your screen.

[Shindig]

Does moving sideways, even as a means of improving your knowledge, skills, etc., hamper your chances of moving up? Or is there not much chance of that in the immediate future anyway?

I've never really fancied progressing upwards there. We're a sister site and progression usually means working out of Teesside. We've not taken any new staff on for about four years and our contract has two years left. We've got plenty of work to do but head office really like to push for automation, even if it means claimants are inconvenienced. I might put in for this for the sake of doing something new-ish. I troubleshoot on most of the calls that come my way and this just focuses more on that.

In other news, the alcoholic came back to the office today. There was definitely a point where she smelt of hot sick.

[Magic]

I actually enjoy enterprise level stuff. There's much more opportunity to build trust and value. Fuck SMEs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I find SMEs all to be quite desperate people living stressful lives. Sod that for a game of soldiers. I'll take the corporate dollar any day.

[Spikey M]

Bar the Civil Service there can't be much worse that working for a 'start up'.

"Wage: £50k*

*if we can afford it. Lol"

[Ian]

https://www.caterer.com/job/bar-manager/radisson-red-job86697194?utm_campaign=google_jobs_apply&utm_source=google_jobs_apply&utm_medium=organic

Just one snippet from this mesmerising train-wreck of a job ad:

"Present; in the soul of house, in the action, happy moving from the RED Sky Bar alive with music, to the events areas and a book reading, over to the lobby where a group are looking for a restaurant recommendation. The phone rings reservation, you’ve got it and now you are flipping an omelette, catch it! This place is alive and you love it. Smile. Photo."

Fuck off.

[niko_cee]

It's sad that the term curator has been lost to the abyss of modern bullshit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Reads a bit like Allen Ginsberg, which is never a good thing.

[thommo]

Had a 2nd interview yesterday for a job much closer to home, on better pay. I'm feeling fairly positive about it, and it seems like a good opportunity.

Cuts a 100 mile round commute down to about 4 miles if all goes well.

[Pepe]

https://www.caterer.com/job/bar-manager/radisson-red-job86697194?utm_campaign=google_jobs_apply&utm_source=google_jobs_apply&utm_medium=organic

Just one snippet from this mesmerising train-wreck of a job ad:


Fuck off.

That might be the worst thing I have ever read.

[Pepe]

-'We don't have cooks or busboys, we have CREATIVES!'

-'Our SOPs must be followed to the letter, no deviating from them EVER.'

Alright lads.

[Boydy]

Every time I click on that it says it's no longer available so I can't see the actual ad.

[Baz]

Every time I click on that it says it's no longer available so I can't see the actual ad.It was Smiffy recruiting for his B&B.

[Pepe]

Every time I click on that it says it's no longer available so I can't see the actual ad.

Keep scrolling.

[SvN]

It was Smiffy recruiting for his B&B.

Imagine having Smiffy as a boss. You'd really be hit with motivation to turn your life around.

[Lewis]

Webly seething because he knows he isn't cool enough for that bar. :harold:

[Pepe]

He can't handle the mischief.

[Ian]

I don't need to take this sort of cheek from the mere 3rd best poster on the board.

[Smjffy]

Imagine having Smiffy as a boss. You'd really be hit with motivation to turn your life around.

I'm an awesome boss. I decided against taking the Blackpool offer anyway and gave myself a month off instead.

[Boydy]

Got the job at the 'wholesome' place. Had to ring the recruiter there and tell him I wasn't taking the other one. He was actually really sound about it.

[SvN]

A few years ago I turned down a job I was offered through a recruiter and they were livid. They acted as if I actually owed them something, the silly twats.

[Spikey M]

I've had the same. I told him the commute was too much for me (over the dartford crossings twice a day at rush hour). The hours advertised were the 'building hours' so I was under the impression the role was outside of rush hour, only to be told at the interview that it was 9-5. That can add an hour to the journey each way. No chance.

He sat on Google maps reading me the commute time (for 11am on a Tuesday) and gave me a roasting for it. Cunt.

[Ian]

Any reason you didn't just hang up?

[SvN]

I genuinely think that recruitment as an industry will largely die in the next decade. There'll be an Uber/Purple Bricks equivalent that employers will start using instead.

I spoke to a recruiter recently about hiring someone. They wanted 20% of their annual salary and if they worked for me for more than 4 weeks, I'd not get a penny back. It's an absolute con.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Recruiters are just salesmen under a different name, and if a salesman loses a sale he thought he had then he will a) seethe and b) claw desperately to recover it.

[Ian]

I genuinely think that recruitment as an industry will largely die in the next decade. There'll be an Uber/Purple Bricks equivalent that employers will start using instead.

I spoke to a recruiter recently about hiring someone. They wanted 20% of their annual salary and if they worked for me for more than 4 weeks, I'd not get a penny back. It's an absolute con.

This won't work everywhere but the firm I work for currently push the refer a friend scheme really hard. They give you a grand if a referral pass probation, which is a good chunk, but is a hell of a lot less than they'd pay a recruiter. We must get things out every month or other month about referring people.

[Pepe]

How many TTHers have you referred?

[Boydy]

I genuinely think that recruitment as an industry will largely die in the next decade. There'll be an Uber/Purple Bricks equivalent that employers will start using instead.

I spoke to a recruiter recently about hiring someone. They wanted 20% of their annual salary and if they worked for me for more than 4 weeks, I'd not get a penny back. It's an absolute con.

There's already some places a bit like that.

[Ian]

How many TTHers have you referred?

I just sent them a link to the members' list.

I've got high hopes for Pharad.

[phonics]

I just sent them a link to the members' list.

I've got high hopes for Pharad.

He's clearly got experience in sales.

[SvN]

This won't work everywhere but the firm I work for currently push the refer a friend scheme really hard. They give you a grand if a referral pass probation, which is a good chunk, but is a hell of a lot less than they'd pay a recruiter. We must get things out every month or other month about referring people.

Yep, some industries need recruitment - my friend is a recruiter who works in a very specialist field, but there's no way you need a recruiter to find kitchen staff earning £17k per year.

[Spikey M]

Any reason you didn't just hang up?

I wanted an interview for a different job.

[Giggles]

I'm drinking free pints on the company, for once work is not shit.

[Spikey M]

It will be in the morning.

[Giggles]

Early bed as I'll be driving to a job first thing unfortunately. The boss would near be offended if I didn't have a few, so happy to oblige. He gave out to me on the phone one evening before because I wasn't going to charge a few.

[Shindig]

https://www.caterer.com/job/bar-manager/radisson-red-job86697194?utm_campaign=google_jobs_apply&utm_source=google_jobs_apply&utm_medium=organic

Just one snippet from this mesmerising train-wreck of a job ad:


Fuck off.


WE CONNECT WITH THAT AGELESS MILLENNIAL MINDSET

That's not ageless. You're aiming specifically for people of a certain age.

[Pepe]

Classic Shindig.

[Mellberg]

Trying to download CV to laptop. MS Word trial has expired. Don't wish to pay. Any top tips?

[Giggles]

Can you save it as a PDF? Way better format to send a CV in anyway.

[Boydy]

Trying to download CV to laptop. MS Word trial has expired. Don't wish to pay. Any top tips?

https://www.libreoffice.org/

[Giggles]

Or google docs actually, I'd forgot that.

I'd still save and send as a pdf though.

[Mellberg]

Thanks, but I don't wish to come across as Jeremy Corbyn to any prospective employers.

@ Boyd

Edit: TBF I could save libre as pdf and send that. Thanks lads.

[SvN]

Open it in Google docs then save it as a PDF. Noone at my place bothers with word anymore.

[Boydy]

Thanks, but I don't wish to come across as Jeremy Corbyn to any prospective employers.

@ Boyd

Edit: TBF I could save libre as pdf and send that. Thanks lads.

What?

[Boydy]

Was working from home today. Got asked via IM by annoying manager if I would be willing to travel for work. I asked where to and for how long. She said that wasn't the question so I said well then the answer is 'it depends'.

Then she sent an email to everyone asking about their willingness and ability to travel and any reasons they have for not wanting to travel. She then sent me an IM saying to consider it and respond as per the email. I asked if we could talk about it tomorrow in person (intending to tell them I'd taken the job offer elsewhere) and she was like 'no - I need it today for X' so I was just like "I'm quittin', how'd'ya like them apples?".

Gotta discuss it in a meeting tomorrow morning though. Not looking forward to that.

[Baz]

What did you really say?

[phonics]

Was working from home today. Got asked via IM by annoying manager if I would be willing to travel for work. I asked where to and for how long. She said that wasn't the question so I said well then the answer is 'it depends'.

Then she sent an email to everyone asking about their willingness and ability to travel and any reasons they have for not wanting to travel. She then sent me an IM saying to consider it and respond as per the email. I asked if we could talk about it tomorrow in person (intending to tell them I'd taken the job offer elsewhere) and she was like 'no - I need it today for X' so I was just like "I'm quittin', how'd'ya like them apples?".

Gotta discuss it in a meeting tomorrow morning though. Not looking forward to that.

That's a pretty shitty attitude to give the place that offered you an entry to the industry, no?

[Boydy]

I didn't actually say the last part. I just told her (politely) that I had accepted another job offer and would be leaving soon so it was probably best not to factor me into any travel for work.

Also let's not make out like they did me some kind of favour by giving me a job like I was some charity case. They weren't the only offer I had at the time.

[Giggles]

That's a pretty shitty attitude to give the place that offered you an entry to the industry, no?

There was only one shitty attitude in that and it wasn't from Boydy.

[Spikey M]

That's a pretty shitty attitude to give the place that offered you an entry to the industry, no?

Is it fuck. The only sensible answer to 'would you be willing to travel for work' is 'how far and for how long?'. If they get shitty about you wanting to base your decision on whether you're travelling to the next town or to fucking Australia then that's on them. Fuck 'em.

[Shindig]

It's a contingency thing, by the sounds of it. They asked us the same questions years back.

[Magic]

Got rid of my fuel benefit today, so that should save me about 250 quid a month in tax. I have to pay for my own fuel now but don't do that much personal mileage.

[phonics]

Is it fuck. The only sensible answer to 'would you be willing to travel for work' is 'how far and for how long?'. If they get shitty about you wanting to base your decision on whether you're travelling to the next town or to fucking Australia then that's on them. Fuck 'em.

1) The reply was based on something he now says he made up.

2) Even in that scenario. It's the way you say how far and how long.

[Boydy]

Jesus christ, do you want me to post a transcript

[Spikey M]

I'm convinced Phonics is autistic.

[Boydy]

I thought it would be obvious the last line wasn't what I actually said. I'm a big fanny, I hate confrontation.

[Magic]

Travel as in part of the job or travel as in we're re-locating to China.

[thommo]

I got offered the job I interviewed for last week. Chuffed all around, cuts out 2 hours of driving every day and the role seems fairly interesting.

Now for the awkward part of handing my notice in at my current place.

[Ian]

Binning off a shit commute. :drool:

That's the dream.

[Baz]

Now for the awkward part of handing my notice in at my current place.The adrenaline from that is hard to match. :drool:

[thommo]

Binning off a shit commute. :drool:

That's the dream.
:drool:

I've done about 50,000 miles in just under 2 years driving up and down that same stretch of M4. My car will be glad of the respite too.


The adrenaline from that is hard to match. :drool:
You weren't wrong there. Heart was racing! I feel a little bad, as I like the guys I work with here but the job move is a no-brainer really.

[Ian]

When moving from my last job to this one was the only time I've put in my notice (a few years before that I'd had a shit job where a fixed-term contract was ending and they wanted me to sign a new one but refusing to do so wasn't quite the same) but the place had gone to shit so it was a good feeling and I couldn't wait to have the new one confirmed so I could do it.

As an added bonus our idiot hag of a senior manager never spoke to me for basically any of my last month after that so it was a win on all fronts.

[Raoul Duke]

Was working from home today. Got asked via IM by annoying manager if I would be willing to travel for work. I asked where to and for how long. She said that wasn't the question so I said well then the answer is 'it depends'.

Then she sent an email to everyone asking about their willingness and ability to travel and any reasons they have for not wanting to travel. She then sent me an IM saying to consider it and respond as per the email. I asked if we could talk about it tomorrow in person (intending to tell them I'd taken the job offer elsewhere) and she was like 'no - I need it today for X' so I was just like "I'm quittin', how'd'ya like them apples?".

Gotta discuss it in a meeting tomorrow morning though. Not looking forward to that.

Good stuff. I fucking live for the bullshit pettiness. What kind of mega-spaz expects you to volunteer for travel when you don't know where/how long for?

btw - she was obviously trying to shaft you - probably getting you to ship out to India/Kiev and train up some outsource people who'd replace your entire team :nodd:

[Magic]

Good stuff. I fucking live for the bullshit pettiness. What kind of mega-spaz expects you to volunteer for travel when you don't know where/how long for?

btw - she was obviously trying to shaft you - probably getting you to ship out to India/Kiev and train up some outsource people who'd replace your entire team :nodd:

@mahow job for you mate.

[Boydy]

Officially resigned now. Got the offer letter from the new place yesterday and felt a bit sad about leaving and that. But then spoke to one of the guys who started around the same time as me (he's been looking out too) and he said he was getting shit from that same manager about not wanting to travel so definitely feel I'm making the right move again now.

[phonics]

I fucking hate printers. There's no one job full of more gatekeeping and more incompetentcy, I swear.

I'm being told that they won't print my flyer because one of the circles is RGB. I sent them this screenshot.

https://i.imgur.com/A8CILeg.png

Still RGB according to this idiot. I haven't had this issue with any printer in my 4 years here. I hate them all.

[Baz]

Turns out some people think switching their monitor off counts as locking their computer when they’re away from their desk.

[Ian]

I fucking hate printers. There's no one job full of more gatekeeping and more incompetentcy, I swear.

I'm being told that they won't print my flyer because one of the circles is RGB. I sent them this screenshot.

https://i.imgur.com/A8CILeg.png

Still RGB according to this idiot. I haven't had this issue with any printer in my 4 years here. I hate them all.

Daily Mash: Science less than a decade away from fully operational printer (https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-technology/science-less-than-a-decade-away-from-fully-operational-printer-20190601186215)

[phonics]

I'm talking about an actual human being here. Fucking useless. I sent exactly the same pdf back to her and now it's CMYK. Fucking bitch. They live to annoy designers.

[Boydy]

Why did it matter that it was supposedly RGB? Shouldn't they still be able to print it?

[Danny]

Once the job is complete you need to email back and tell her you sent the same file again. Office pettiness :drool:

[phonics]

I already did after thanking her for her quick reply that took an hour. I have no patience for these people.

[Spikey M]

That's a pretty shitty attitude to give the place that offered you an entry to the industry, no?

[Ian]

I'm talking about an actual human being here.

Oh. :D

[Boydy]

That's a pretty shitty attitude to give the place that offered you an entry to the industry, no?
:D

Lol

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The machines are dickheads as well tbf.

Go all Office Space on it/her/everything in the office, I'm sure you could get your hands on a baseball bat.

[phonics]

That's a pretty shitty attitude to give the place that offered you an entry to the industry, no?

I don’t work for a printers.

[Panda Bear]

Alright, Pavel.

[Mellberg]

Anyone able to go through my CV for me lads?

[Ian]

I mean I've read enough to know the ones I personally don't like but that doesn't necessarily mean I know what an actual good one is.

My top tip is don't have Word Art as your header.

[Shindig]

No pay rise this month it seems. Union's rejected their offer. Hope this doesn't drag of for six months like the last one.

[Mellberg]

I mean I've read enough to know the ones I personally don't like but that doesn't necessarily mean I know what an actual good one is.

My top tip is don't have Word Art as your header.

*Removes Word Art*

[Lewis]

'There's a few months here that need filling in...'

[Pepe]

I'm sure he did some sort of job while in there, no?

*Hygiene technician*

[Mellberg]

:D

Looking back it was quite nice not having to graft.

[Lewis]

I'm sure he did some sort of job while in there, no?

*Hygiene technician*

Was that making sure the soap didn't touch the floor?

[Pepe]

I'll defer to the expert.

[mo]

I’ve been doing this ‘House Leader’ role for the past year - it’s not much, assembly every half term, school/charity event organisation etc and paid about £500 for the year. Had a meeting with the Co-Heads yesterday where they told me that the job is now going to be done by a sixth former (unpaid of course). Stings a bit to be told that they think a 16/17 year old can do the same job (especially as they’ve been fucking useless this year) but whatever.

They’ve also just gone from 5 to 3 heads of year (so no opportunity there for me) and will probably scrap the second in department role as well. Still, at least we’ve got a huge senior leadership team and that will definitely improve pupil progress.

[Shindig]

Gonna have my fucking hands full next week. :moop:

[Smjffy]

:face: I called the job I agreed to take in Surrey this morning and opted against it. It's been a couple of weeks now and I really don't know what I want to do.

:moop:

[Smjffy]

So a couple more interviews the last two days and I think I'm set on the south coast again. I have to share this though because it boggles the mind how it even gets responses but sure enough, I've had more than a few this last week.

My CV.

https://i.imgur.com/4BoaXr4.png

Personally I think it's a masterpiece.

[Baz]

:cab:

I am also surprised you've been getting responses.

[Smjffy]

It gets worse, Baz.

The remainder.

https://i.imgur.com/zu2Cfws.png

[Spikey M]

Fucking hell :D

[Boydy]

That bit under your latest job reads like a post on here.

[Spikey M]

Guernsey really is an island of Front-Line Security Officer.

[SvN]

If you haven't created that for comedy effect to post on here then I don't know what to say.

[7om]

I've seen a lot of CVs and honestly, I'd probably recommend this one for interview just so I could meet the nutter who wrote it.

[Smjffy]

I'm 100% serious.

Fact is this, if I kept the properCV then it's just going to get lost among the rest but if I get so much as phone call or an interview then I've pretty much got the job. I thought it would stand out and although I was only have assing the applications, it's the one that keeps getting the replies.

[Smjffy]

Perhaps that's what potential employers think. I then use the gift of the gab to talk about pretty much anything other than the job I've applied for.
I'm basically Boris Johnson right now.

Where's my wine box...

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Jesus.

Why are people not instantly shredding that?

[Smjffy]

Jesus.

Why are people not instantly shredding that?

The honest nature of the applicant screams off the page? I even masked my weaknesses which is basically all of it.

[Lewis]

Things like 'pizza's' is probably more likely to get it binned. Good work Smiff.

[Giggles]

Job above in Dundalk got cancelled at about 3pm today which was a real bonus seeing as I was in west Cork for 9am. Time for a brown bottle :cool:

[Smjffy]

Things like 'pizza's' is probably more likely to get it binned. Good work Smiff.

Pizza can get fucked tbh. I've got more scars on my arms from being burnt by that pizza oven than I have scars from being a prick.

[Magic]

Got paid 5k this month. :cool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

*£2.5k, she'll get half.

[SvN]

*£2k He'll spend £500 on dating apps

[mo]

I can’t see Smiffy’s CV on mobile. Need to see how justified the reactions are.

[Shindig]

"I didn't even like cars." :D

[Magic]

:cry:

[Pen]

I started my holiday 20th of this month and the next time I’m back in is January 13th.

Life is great 😎

[Ian]

What??

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Is that what they call being sacked in Finland?

[Giggles]

That doesn't even count as a job.

[Pen]

Holiday, holiday extra pay I swapped for more holiday and paternity leave.

I’ll be home with the boy as the missus goes back to work. We do have quite a bit of holiday as a whole family though.

[Baz]

That’s six months though.

[Pen]

Almost seven. A part of it is not paternity leave, but I don’t know the term for the leave either parent can use until the child is three.

[Baz]

We call it the dole.

[Pen]

We call it the dole.

We have that too, but it’s not the same as I actually have a job. The dole would pay better for the last two months though.

[Boydy]

It's called a decent welfare state. We don't have that.

[Spikey M]

We fund them though. #Brexit

[igor_balis]

I am moving to Norwich.

[Lewis]

They already have a random legend.

[Baz]

I am moving to Norwich.One of the best places in England, that.

[Ian]

They already have a random legend.

Sama is pretty great, it's true.

[Smjffy]

13 hours travelling on buses isn't my idea of fun in today's heat. Jesus.

I arrived in Dorset for my new job and wow, it's beautiful. Durdle Door just a couple of miles down the road. I definitely prefer this beach to Talacre which is nearest to mine. Hopefully I'll stay here now until November, take December off and then January 2020 I'm going it alone. Not Blackpool but I'm going to have somewhere.

Monthly pay is gonna be a bitch though, it's been a while. :moop:

[Boydy]

Just finished at my job there. Start the new one on the 16th. Feel quite sad. :(

[Andy]

13 hours travelling on buses isn't my idea of fun in today's heat. Jesus.

I arrived in Dorset for my new job and wow, it's beautiful. Durdle Door just a couple of miles down the road. I definitely prefer this beach to Talacre which is nearest to mine. Hopefully I'll stay here now until November, take December off and then January 2020 I'm going it alone. Not Blackpool but I'm going to have somewhere.

Monthly pay is gonna be a bitch though, it's been a while. :moop:

Where are you? Weymouth?

[Smjffy]

Swanage but I'm leaving today to go back to Oxford. It's a nice cushy job, 8-2, 6-9.30 with weekends off but this entire week has been so slow that I think I'll go out my mind. I like to keep busy and you can't do that after breakfast in the place I'm currently at.

[Lewis]

I used to go to Swanage loads as a kid. Is it still a nice seaside town, or is it a druggy toilet now?

[Smjffy]

It's very nice to be honest, nice and clean which is pleasant. Hard to gauge in a week when the weather has been spot on though.

I had intended to message you at some point as I saw on that map you were near ish. I was going to get us both out for an evening just to break TTH if anything. Alas it's not to be!

[Lewis]

We could both make the end of summer kickabout.

[Smjffy]

Next meet I'll make a conscious effort to attend. It's well overdue.

[igor_balis]

When my till was over two of my colleagues were saying I needed to withdraw to fix it, to which I was like "nah if you're over, you need to pay IN, cus, like, the till is telling me there's 500 quid more than should be there - if i pay that into an account it accounts for it", and they were not having it. Eventually it got to the point where they were doing Lineker re: Gazza "he's fucking lost it" looks at each other as I tried to insist, correctly, that if your till is over you need to pay in not withdraw. The only way I managed to convince them was to withdraw like they said, run a balance, then show I was even more over. At which point they just went like "oh yeah". FFs

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm sure you've said this before but which bank?

The bank I use in my town only has one manned till and 3 self service and there's still way too much shit that needs to be done by an actual person so there's always a queue. They always have someone asking everyone in the queue what their business is to potentially shift them to the machines but I've never seen someone get moved over.

[Giggles]

Just in the door after a whore of a week. Haven't seen the gaff since last Monday morning.

[Giggles]

Haven't been in NI in ages and have two days booked in for this week, of all fucking weeks. Two of the worst places to be going too.

[niko_cee]

Why of all weeks? Is this marching season?

[Giggles]

Why of all weeks? Is this marching season?

Marching season is about 4 months up there but this Thursday to Saturday are the big ones. They're extra militant this time of year.

[Lewis]

You might want to leave the buckle hat and shillelagh in the passenger footwell.

[Giggles]

I'll be stopping for nothing. Come across Glenanne Snake and the lads doing a fake checkpoint and you'd end up as kindling on Thursday.

Might just pull a dose and let someone else go.

.

[Boydy]

Whereabouts are you meant to be going?

[Giggles]

Whereabouts are you meant to be going?

Portadown tomorrow and Ballymena Wednesday.

[niko_cee]

Get your checkpoint clobbber out Boydy.

[Kikó]

I didn't get sacked today which was nice.

[Foe]

I did wonder that. Was sure that's who you said you were working for.

What's the atmosphere like? We did a raft of redundancies the last few years but they were with months of warning. This seems very abrup, or has it been rumoured?

[Foe]

Glad you weren't sacked though. Obvs. :thbup:

[Kikó]

I think it's been a different story over in that part of the business where poor market conditions has been prevalent for a while. The press have been reporting these rumours for a while and I imagine if you were in those businesses, you'd probably have feared the worst.

I wasn't really over there so can't tell you anything you haven't read in the press. I think I'm okay but this sort of transformation is painful.

[phonics]

You work for DB? :nono:

[Magic]

Lol not so smug now are you. Looking forward to asking you to open my account in a local building society.

[Foe]

I think it's been a different story over in that part of the business where poor market conditions has been prevalent for a while. The press have been reporting these rumours for a while and I imagine if you were in those businesses, you'd probably have feared the worst.

I wasn't really over there so can't tell you anything you haven't read in the press. I think I'm okay but this sort of transformation is painful.

Yeah it's hideous when this sort of thing is going on.

[Pepe]

Have a glass of vinho verde to relax mate.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Lol not so smug now are you. Looking forward to asking you to open my account in a local building society.

:D

[Kikó]

Lol not so smug now are you. Looking forward to asking you to open my account in a local building society.

Fuck that.

[Baz]

Leave Igor alone.

[Magic]

Fuck that.

I know. Will need an offshore account soon with my comish levels.

[Shindig]

I'd imagine redundancies of that size don't feel out of the blue. My two banking ones had years of wind up.

[Kikó]

When you live in an independent Scotland, you can open an offshore one in the free city of Bristol.

[Magic]

When you live in an independent Scotland, you can open an offshore one in the free city of Bristol.

Quoting for prophecy.

Enjoy Bristol.

[phonics]

I'd imagine redundancies of that size don't feel out of the blue. My two banking ones had years of wind up.

Your teller job in Gateshead is not the same as a global private banking/"wealth management" business being outed as the biggest crooks in a game full of crooks. They're dismantling before the cops come through the door. They'll have completed the shredding process so now time to sack anyone that didn't know enough and pay-off anyone that did.

[Magic]

Your teller job in Gateshead is not the same as a global private banking/"wealth management" business being outed as the biggest crooks in a game full of crooks. They're dismantling before the cops come through the door. They'll have completed the shredding process so now time to sack anyone that didn't know enough and pay-off anyone that did.

Lol nice assessment from the black and white reactionary tin man.

[Kikó]

That's not really what's happened and the description is incorrect. It's DB's equity trading desks that are being wound up which has nothing to do with private banking or wealth management (two areas which are part of the core business).

The problem is lack of profitability and they're not the only European bank struggling e.g. Credit Suisse (https://www.fnlondon.com/articles/credit-suisse-ceo-thiam-resists-fresh-wave-of-job-cuts-20190606) and a whole raft here (https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-03-28/jpmorgan-nomura-job-cuts-add-to-wave-of-finance-firms-chopping). The trade wars between US and China have had an impact as have negative interest rates in Europe.

[phonics]

Lol nice assessment from the black and white reactionary tin man.

I'm going off what happened at HSBC when my then room-mate was working there. Cops went to the wrong building (they've got two) and it was shredders a gogo.


That's not really what's happened and the description is incorrect. It's DB's equity trading desks that are being wound up which has nothing to do with private banking or wealth management (two areas which are part of the core business).

The problem is lack of profitability and they're not the only European bank struggling e.g. Credit Suisse (https://www.fnlondon.com/articles/credit-suisse-ceo-thiam-resists-fresh-wave-of-job-cuts-20190606) and a whole raft here (https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-03-28/jpmorgan-nomura-job-cuts-add-to-wave-of-finance-firms-chopping). The trade wars between US and China have had an impact as have negative interest rates in Europe.

Yeah I'm sure the huge swathes of money laundering have nothing to do with it. You can only get away with doing it in the US for so long before you fall out of favour, look at UBS and our 'Americans hide your money here' scheme.

[Lewis]

Didn't the Germans just postpone the reckoning up that London/New York had ten years ago by killing Greece?

[Offshore Toon]

HSBC are the dirtiest I reckon. There's the obvious reason why, then there's also what I know from working there.

[Pepe]

If Tronald puts some big banks out of business I might even vote for him next time. :drool:

[Kikó]

Having Donald as a customer probably hasn't helped.

[Magic]

Are you sure your room mate didn't get arrested for being a nonce.

[Offshore Toon]

Are you sure your room mate didn't get arrested for being a nonce.
How was your adventure smoke?