The All New Jobs Thread

[Baz]

Not quite that abstract.

[phonics]

Ah... Yoshimitsu it is.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Paul Phoenix is quite a drug death name.

[phonics]

TFW you love skag
https://i.imgur.com/zgNBd4a.gif

[Jimmy Floyd]

Doing another trip this week. Only a two-dayer but suffice to say the overnight venue is the Premier Inn in Worksop, this is about as glamorous as it gets.

[Baz]

A colleague has died. :arry:

[Manc]

Sidekick?

[Lofty]

Unexpectedly?

[niko_cee]

Propositioned?

[Baz]

Some bloke who's not in my team but I work closely with. Probably under 50.

Wife went for a walk with their kids, he wasn't feeling upto it. Came home and he's dead in bed.

[phonics]

Vaxxed?

[Ben]

Had some great fun with one of those shite recruiters who just clicks through LinkedIn.

I got an email at work from a guy offering to help me recruit for my department, the usual bollocks. About a day later I got an email from the same guy on my personal email saying I'm a good candidate for his specialty and he would help me find a better job. Sent him a modified CV for a bit of a laugh to see what come of it. Just now he's emailed my work email saying he's got an ideal candidate and attached the CV as his evidence.

These cunts don't even check the name do they? :D

[Kikó]

Ask him to arrange an interview.

[SvN]

Had some great fun with one of those shite recruiters who just clicks through LinkedIn.

I got an email at work from a guy offering to help me recruit for my department, the usual bollocks. About a day later I got an email from the same guy on my personal email saying I'm a good candidate for his specialty and he would help me find a better job. Sent him a modified CV for a bit of a laugh to see what come of it. Just now he's emailed my work email saying he's got an ideal candidate and attached the CV as his evidence.

These cunts don't even check the name do they? :D

:D

You've got to keep this going.

Recruiters are scum, they use every trick in the book. They'd sell their nan if it earned them an extra £10.

[Danny]

That’s glorious. Keep going until he figures it out.

I got a linked in mail for a senior international tax role (I do domestic US tax - I am already a senior) at my own company. From our own recruiting team. Summed up why we never got candidates for our entry level roles.

[Spikey M]

100% keep it going. Hopefully it's the same cunt that tried to strong arm me into an hour and 45 minute commute each way after the recruiter offered me the job but said I'd have to work from Biggin fucking Hill for 6 months.

"It's only an hour, I'm looking on Google Maps right now!"
I've just done it mate... during rush hour it took an hour and 45 mi...
"I really think you'll regret passing up this opportunity"

Fucking snakes.

[Ben]

Emailed back expressing my interest so let's see how this goes. :D

Bear in mind that I've not explicitly told this guy (from my work email) that there's a job opening. He cold emailed me and I basically said "let's have a look at what you've got then" in response.

[Pepe]

Can you hire yourself and double your salary?

[Ben]

I'm definitely going to ask for more money than I'm on.

Obviously if this gets as far as HR they will lol it off as there's not actually a job available, especially when I indirectly give myself a pay rise.

[Pepe]

:lol:

[niko_cee]

Is it wise to be publishing that sort of information online?

[Yevrah]

Recruitment agents really are the epitome of money for old rope.

[Ben]

The recruiter has messaged my work email asking for a job description etc. because his candidate is ready to have an interview and discuss terms. Lol.

I can do a fake one to keep this going, right? Or will I get a slapped wrist from HR if it came to their attention?

However, minor downside to this. I accidentally left my phone number in my email signature when replying and now he's ringing the shit out of me.

[Boydy]

Is he ringing candidate you or hiring manager you?

Put your numbers in the email signature of the other one and see if he notices.

[SvN]

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BZjQxMzE5ZmItOGI5Yi00MDVkLWE1NGEtZDllMGZkNjJkMD g2XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNjAyNzIzMDE@._V1_.jpg

[Ben]

Is he ringing candidate you or hiring manager you?

Put your numbers in the email signature of the other one and see if he notices.

Hiring manager. I think he's desperate to tell me what a great candidate he's got.

[Baz]

“Wow he sounds almost as good as me. Might take my job lol”

[Magic]

The GMB has narrowly lost its historic bid for union recognition at the Amazon warehouse in Coventry.

Some 49.5% of workers balloted voted in favour, while 50.5% voted against. The union needed a majority to vote in favour.

If the GMB had won it would have been the first time Amazon recognised a union in the UK.

The online giant would have been forced to negotiate with workers on issues such as pay and conditions.

???

[Ben]

I would assume some kind of bribery on the behalf of Amazon there.

[niko_cee]

Don't they just randomly hire loads of people before those votes so the 50% threshold is much harder to get to?

[Gray Fox]

I'm in a place very similar and yes. Usually an influx of agency, possibly even incentivised to vote it down.

RIP those who were outspoken against the company in the lead up to this hoping for some union representation on the back of it.

[Yevrah]

I've never been involved in such things, but if everyone who works there is unhappy then I've genuinely no idea how they've won that vote.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They know that big Jeff is a good man and has their best interests at heart.

[Lofty]

They were threatened with no pay rises etc if it passed apparently. My wife has gone from a job where people scream and shout and bully people to a big corporate unionised job and she can't believe it, she was lolling the other day about everyone being worried about some notoriously stern woman that works there.

[Magic]

Just logged back in to LinkedIn and the first post was a recruitment bro mocking candidates asking for too much money and the video in the post was a guy running across a road getting hit by a bike.

[wullie]

I set up a Linkedin account in the autumn when we were all going to be fired but then actually promoted, I have trouble believing anyone on there making the promoted posts is a real person.

[mo]

Broke up for the summer hols today but my own kids are in until Wednesday. Best bit of the holiday.

[Yevrah]

Job ad is up:

https://careers.thefa.com/jobs/vacancy/england-mens-senior-team-head-coach-nfcsgp0377-national-football-centre-st-georges-park/2137/description/

[Gray Fox]

Embrace DIFFERENCE?

[Ben]

Definitely going to a soft arse like Potter or Howe then.

[niko_cee]

Rushing the process before Yev can get his Pro License. :nono:

Did Southagte have any of the non-bullshit qualities when he took over?

[Danny]

Howe ‘ruled himself out’ already.

[Yevrah]

I'm really hoping the wording in that job spec paves the way for Klopp, or at least the intention to land him.

[niko_cee]

I'm really hoping the wording in that job spec paves the way for Klopp, or at least the intention to land him.

Start date March 2025 would be the only thing that might get close to achieving this.

[Shindig]

Rushing the process before Yev can get his Pro License. :nono:

Did Southagte have any of the non-bullshit qualities when he took over?

- Have a UEFA Pro License : Tick
- Will have significant experience of English football, with a strong track record delivering results in the Premier League and/or leading international competitions.: NOPE when he arrived, Tick when he left.
- Will be an exceptional leader who understands and will enjoy the international football environment. : Tick? These will be the best results of his entire career.
- Will be experienced in successfully identifying, managing and developing English qualified players. : Tick. How many of his U21 squads have graduated to the seniors?
- Will be highly resilient and comfortable in a very high-profile role with intense public scrutiny. : NOPE. Left after some notable scrutiny.
- Will have a track record of creating a high performing, positive team culture and environment. Tick. He never lost the dressing room.
- Will have strong personal values and integrity and understand and embrace the role that the England Men's Senior Team Head Coach has inspiring the nation. Tick. But he's no Serema Wiegman.

I know, I'm doing this in hindsight but it's that hindsight that informs the FA's next pick.

[Lewis]

What sort of rinky-dink shit is that? How many joke applications is some poor administrator going to have to waste their time deleting?

[Pepe]

As if anyone who just applies like that would even be considered. It probably all goes straight to the lol bin.

[niko_cee]

Tell me about a time when . . .

Any serious candidate walks out of the room. Graham Potter remains, jubilant in the waiting room.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They're probably hoping Klopp will send his CV in without them having to suffer the social awkwardness of ringing him up.

[Adramelch]

Do we think Klopp would be a good fit to international football? Seems more like a manager that grows with his squad.

[niko_cee]

His record in one off finals suggests not, but I think realistically he'd be a pretty 'good fit' for any job involving the management of football players for the purposes of playing football.

Not sure how much the role of Head Coach of the England Men's Team requires that though.

[Yevrah]

What sort of rinky-dink shit is that? How many joke applications is some poor administrator going to have to waste their time deleting?

I'm not sure why people are surprised, it's from exactly the same playbook as taking the knee and standing up for LGBQT+ rights.

And actually, on the whole I've come to think it's a good thing. This country is so diverse now that the FA should absolutely be appealing to as many people as possible to get them into football.

[Yevrah]

Do we think Klopp would be a good fit to international football? Seems more like a manager that grows with his squad.

I don't want to shoot the messenger with this reply, but I've seen this take all over the shop and it's the dumbest one ever.

The man is a man management God, tactically astute and his teams play obscenely good football. On paper he'd be the best international manager going and by a country mile. Even if we allow for football not being played on paper he's still miles ahead of the other semi-realistic candidates and (from the never gonna happen bucket) I'd even take him above Guardiola (albeit I would love to know if Pep could actually get us passing a football properly and consistently).

[Pepe]

This country is so diverse now that the FA should absolutely be appealing to as many people as possible to get them into football.

It's true that the minorities have never shown any interest in football. If only they had some representation at the highest level, maybe things would change.

[Lewis]

I'm not sure why people are surprised, it's from exactly the same playbook as taking the knee and standing up for LGBQT+ rights.

And actually, on the whole I've come to think it's a good thing. This country is so diverse now that the FA should absolutely be appealing to as many people as possible to get them into football.

I am actually surprised at the smalltimeness of it. Even with all of the other politicised corporate bollocks taken as a given, there should still be somebody in the building saying come on lads Real Madrid don't put out job adverts for managers.

[Pepe]

Someone should be sending cheeky fake Klopp/Guardiola/Bielsa/Ancelotti etc. applications right now.

[Shindig]

I'm gonna write one as Steve Bruce.

[Yevrah]

They must be getting thousands of bogus applications, some of which could be very amusing.

[Gray Fox]

Having had Klopp in charge of our lot for 9 years I can tell you he's probably the least England manager of anyone out there. What he loves is coaching a player on the training ground until you get a good player out of him. He needs that time and international management is not something that will allow it.

You also saw with Sir Gareth that they like a well spoken, non-offensive yes man for their press conferences. He isn't going to do that sat in a room of hyper critical press, who have spent years annoying him whenever he(rightly) mentions things like fixture congestion being a big issue. He's going to say exactly what he thinks and they wont like that.

Sir Gareth was the perfect man for the FA to trot out at press conferences and whatever public appearances, he just lacked a little in the bravery department come match day. Had he been a little more proactive rather than reactive, he's now probably actually knighted and with at least 1 winners medal of the 3 he's had a great chance at.

[Adramelch]

Exactly. I genuine don't think Klopp's style is suited to international management. Ancelotti on the other hand I think could work relative wonders given a squad full of good players.

[Lewis]

I still think Frank Lampard would be a genuinely good choice.

[Manc]

What a player he was btw.

[Yevrah]

Klopp needing time to improve Divock Origi, the FA prioritising someone who is good in press conferences and Frank Lampard being seriously suggested. I need a lie down.

[Gray Fox]

You say this, but Origi has been a starter for two good teams since leaving us and has been wank. Yet at Liverpool has so many important goals as well as a winner in a CL final.

[Luke Emia]

I think with Klopp you could maybe get by with vibes based on the quality of players available. But you can’t think he’s suddenly going to turn England into prime Dortmund or Liverpool without that training time.

[Danny]

You say this, but Origi has been a starter for two good teams since leaving us and has been wank. Yet at Liverpool has so many important goals as well as a winner in a CL final.

Not sure I would call him a starter or Forest a good team :D

[Gray Fox]

In my mind he played for Villa for some reason. As you were.

[Magic]

Klopp would be an unreal appointment, but I'm hoping for a Gerrard Lampard power sharing role.

[Yevrah]

You say this, but Origi has been a starter for two good teams since leaving us and has been wank. Yet at Liverpool has so many important goals as well as a winner in a CL final.

There's no doubt he improves players, but Engand's are already of a level where he shouldn't need to do much of that so not having the time to wouldn't be so much of an issue.

[Lewis]

International football is about vibes, defending well, and making pro-active substitutions. Let's not over-complicate it. We can manage perfectly well with another binman as long as he can find a way to generate more than a shot a match and can see when to bring another midfielder on without having to check notes made the day before.

[Danny]

In my mind he played for Villa for some reason. As you were.

Absolutely a Pre Emery Villa signing.

[Adramelch]

See, obviously he's not available, but Emery is one of the managers I think would really suit international management. Track record of doing really well in knockout competitions in his first seasons at a club.

[Luke Emia]

Ok take this to the football thread. I’m here to see what drama’s have happened where Jimmy works and for not much else.

[Adramelch]

Ian goes missing and chaos ensues.

[Manc]

International football is about vibes.

Poch and his lemons it is.

[Shindig]

Does Beckham have his badges? That'd be wonderful to see unravel.

Anyway, I did some overtime today and two hours of it was discovering we didn't need to be there in the first place. Someone assumed the work would be there and didn't bother to check before the weekend. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just received an email. Here it is in full and unabridged:


you bunch of pricks scotland is outside your country shipping zone and you want to provide a customs quote how about stick it up yer arse

No context, never heard of the person before. Quite magnificent.

[Magic]

Bring on indyref2.

[Pepe]

Just received an email. Here it is in full and unabridged:



No context, never heard of the person before. Quite magnificent.

He donned you there.

[Spikey M]

It must be the day for it. I've received an email from someone I conducted a tenancy audit with 8 months ago, telling me that it's none of my fucking business how many dogs they have and that they don't care what their tenancy agreement says.

No contact since the start of December.

Fuck knows.

[Lofty]

It's the heat.

[Spikey M]

This particular delight is from Dagenham and I THINK something has been put up on Social Media by the "Coms Team" regarding XL Bullies. It's probably in response to that, but I don't care enough to find out to be honest. Not my area.

[Danny]

It's the heat.

Weather or the dogs?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I will have to one-up you I'm afraid.

Just before lunch had a call from someone wanting a bolt for a Ford tractor. Sorry don't have it. Oh right, he says, I can't find this anywhere, you wouldn't believe the trouble I've had. I think it's those asylum seekers, he says. You know, in our area, they sent a military truck in with a major on it - not a sergeant, not a corporal, a major - with AK47s to fight the asylum seekers. What we had Thursday, Friday, that's just the start. We're all going to be killed. You know, he says, there's a 12,000 year cycle - everything resets. There was a sun spot six weeks ago which was totally abnormal. NASA are covering all this up. I have a friend - a famous face - he knows everyone there is to know at NASA. He was telling me - Brian Blessed, you know him? The actor. He was telling me that NASA don't tell us half of what's going on. Anyway, would you believe, I was talking to this guy the other day, and I said, you wouldn't believe, I've got 12 foot of peat in my field. The deepest peat deposits in the country. This guy said, no you never. He didn't believe me so he got the testing people in. 12 foot, I've got, and you know how many compressed trees it takes to produce that much peat? All the peat in the country, yeah, all the coal, it was all produced 12,000 years ago, at the last reset. Only 30 women survived in the western hemisphere, and we're all descended from those same 30 women. Anyway, the asylum seekers, they've taken my guns off me. Not allowed a licence. I couldn't believe it. The problems they're having in Sweden, Norway - that's just the start. It was just a small one on Thursday. The next one will be big, and I won't have any guns.

20 minutes in, having not said anything more than 'mm', I just said sorry I have to go, and put the phone down. Hope he hasn't topped himself.

[Boydy]

:D

Where was he based?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hampshire I think. It was Brian Blessed's entry into the fray that turned my frown upside down and earned him another 10 minutes of uninterrupted runtime.

[Spikey M]

Reminds me of working at the court and having a guy with a TV Licence fine contesting his it because he was only watching the BBC to collect evidence on them manipulating our weather.

I do love a nutter.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

12 foot of peat? No fucking chance.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That was the best bit in a way. A good seven or eight minutes of monologue solely on his dispute with an unidentified person about how much peat there was in his field. It was like being in a Bob Mortimer sketch.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I think we should use the TTH kitty to hire some of our own testing people.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The resolution to it was that the speaker said to the sceptic 'Come and test my field any time' and the sceptic then actually did arrange for testers to go onto this man's land, which he found them doing a few days later and welcomed their results that he really did have 12 foot of peat in his field. I was impressed that the sceptic cared enough to make it happen. Then it went off into 20,000 trees being compressed to make the world's supply of coal and I lost the thread a bit.

[Foe]

Ordered a tiny little trophy for the winner of my work sweeper and going to set up a little “trophy presentation” tomorrow (hopefully he’s in).

I’ve filled it with as many pound coins as I can to make up (part) of his prize money (thirty five of 70).

Considered getting it engraved but have instead decided that I’m going to claim it’s got “personalised engraving to document the scale of the achievement of his victory” and then watch him hunt on the trophy for the non existent engraving, before highlighting that it was indeed an achievement unworthy of documenting.

Might get sacked.

[Spikey M]

We have a new guy at work and I think he's the most autistic person I've ever met. Constant disagreements with people over unimportant points, the latest being taking issue with someone calling the Union Flag the Union Jack.

I might have to leave.

[Lofty]

Lewis didn't say he had a new job.

[Boydy]

We have a new guy at work and I think he's the most autistic person I've ever met. Constant disagreements with people over unimportant points, the latest being taking issue with someone calling the Union Flag the Union Jack.

I might have to leave.
Be the Jim to his Dwight to entertain yourself during the day.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab and the Romanian have just had a shouting match in the office, about the covid vaccine. The Romanian refuses to believe in the existence of covid at all, whereas the Arab says it does exist but it's a conspiracy by western governments. 1,000 decibels moron tennis for half an hour, I've had to put headphones in and loud music through them which is a first, let's hope I haven't missed the phone ringing. I would moan but there's an established precedent that the Arab is allowed to do what he likes in the office because his sales budget is a million dollars.

[Boydy]

How are these people employed?

[Pepe]

I assume that whoever hired them does not have to listen to their everyday conversations.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They very much do. Arab has had about 14 warnings in the last year for various things, but he's essentially untouchable, because Arab customers generally will only deal with other Arabs, so to replace him you'd have to find another Arab and teach them from scratch as well as re-establish all the relationships. You'd also need them to be the right kind of Muslim (can't remember whether Sunni or Shia is the acceptable one in his countries) and to be related to the Prophet, as his family claims to be.

Even if he gets deported, which is not impossible the way he carries on (already had a police warning for flattening some bloke in Tesco), they'd probably keep him on remotely from Dubai or wherever he washed up next.

[Pepe]

The Arab :cool:

[Manc]

What a character.

[Manc]

Handed in my notice today. What a feeling.

[Kikó]

Great work. Anything lined up?

[Manc]

Cheers. Research role at Leeds Uni.

[Shindig]

Looks like a new team leader role is up. This all came about because the incoming employers fucked up the existing one’s role during the TUPE process.

Their pension and wages look shit. I’m not going forward for that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Today I've had to do 5 extra phone calls because I'm the only one between myself, the Romanian and the Arab who can understand a Northern Irish accent (specifically county Tyrone). Absolutely seething and ready to chuck a brick through the window of Greggs and loot a steak bake, fucking useless immigrants.

[Baz]

Or as the man on the phone would say, hurdy durdy hurdy roind soind durdy.

[Baz]

Spent all day yesterday interviewing people as a favour to someone, and the person who was the standout for the job has decided he lives too far away and doesn't know whether he can accept it. Why get this far only to say no. :cab:

[Ben]

Is there an easy way to claim the extra 20% tax relief from my pension, or is it one of those things I just need to pay an accountant to do?

[Spikey M]

I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm listening. What's this?

[Ben]

My company is backwards so our pensions aren't salary sacrifice (most are now so you don't need to worry if so), so the pension provider claims the basic 20% tax relief for you. However, if you're a higher rate tax payer (ie. 40%) then you've got to manually claim back the difference yourself.

I had a go on my self assessment earlier in the year but it said I owed money so I obviously did it wrong.

Just wondering if there is a fool's guide to doing it before I overpay an accountant to do a five minute job.

[Yevrah]

You could ring HMRC and ask them.

[Manc]

https://www.tax.service.gov.uk/ask-hmrc/chat/paye

[Ben]

Cheers men.

[Spikey M]

Just had to tell a mum that her son is dead... I've had better days. As, I suspect, has she.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How does that come about? He stopped paying his rent six months ago, door bashed in, he's dead, you have to tell her? Surely the police can do it.

[Spikey M]

His mum has consent to discuss his tenancy as he has additional needs (read: addictions), so she calls every now and then to make sure all is OK as he keeps things from her.

However, the police and paramedics were called a couple of weeks ago after a neighbour saw him on the floor through his window, they forced entry and he had been dead for a day or so. I can only assume the police just didn't contact her. Which was nice of them.

[Pepe]

Yesterday in the bathroom at work there were only two stalls available: one sandwiched by two persons having one of those intense grunting shits and the handicapped one at the far end. Needless to say, I took the handicapped one. I did my business and then probably stayed a good ten minutes browsing on my phone. When I came out, I saw a man on a wheelchair leaving the bathroom, who then turned around when he saw me leave the stall. I wonder how long he waited. :rosebud:

[Spikey M]

https://youtu.be/dDZzl9AyXeg?si=S-xF5HXdhVgVdhgR

[Shindig]

I can't match that, although I did read the phrase, "Human debris." on some paperwork this week.

Just handed in my badge as we're moving to a new office (and company) on Monday. I think I'm the only person so far who's passed the vetting process. :D

[Ben]

My company is backwards so our pensions aren't salary sacrifice (most are now so you don't need to worry if so), so the pension provider claims the basic 20% tax relief for you. However, if you're a higher rate tax payer (ie. 40%) then you've got to manually claim back the difference yourself.

I had a go on my self assessment earlier in the year but it said I owed money so I obviously did it wrong.

Just wondering if there is a fool's guide to doing it before I overpay an accountant to do a five minute job.

Sorted this.

Weird that you still have to do it by post when pretty much everything else is online now. But easy enough.

[CJay]

Sorted this.

Weird that you still have to do it by post when pretty much everything else is online now. But easy enough.

I just exchanged my Irish driving licence for a Northern Irish licence (yes, 8 years after moving here). The application had to be posted with a cheque and proof of ID. It took 2 months from date of posting to the new licence arriving at my door. The website claimed it would be a maximum of 3 weeks.

[Shindig]

The new office has no bins. Feels like the last office I may ever work in. There's no mobile coverage and the place is just barely out of reach of civilisation.

[Baz]

Today I'm hosting a Q&A session after a film screening at a cinema.

Remember when I tested eyes in care homes? :cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

You probably should do stuff like that for a living. MC, hire yourself out for a grand a night.

[Spikey M]

Today I'm hosting a Q&A session after a film screening at a cinema.

Remember when I tested eyes in care homes? :cab:

Can it be watched and - more importantly - can questions be submitted online?

[Baz]

Can it be watched and - more importantly - can questions be submitted online?

Sadly not. Went well.

[SincereTheRebel]

Should you put your references direct on your cv or should it say 'available on request'?

[Yevrah]

The latter. They’re all bollocks anyway.

[Magic]

I don't have references but direct quotes from customers and clients. They are named along with the company they own/work for so easily contactable. Gets you loads of interviews and offers.

[SincereTheRebel]

Thats not a bad idea.

[Raoul Duke]

Probably more relevant if you're in sales. If it's just a normal job then "available on request" is fine. I'm not sure I've ever had mine checked

[Baz]

I have. My current job was delayed for about a month cos my previous job was stalling on giving a reference until they hired a replacement. I wouldn't have put them down but they insisted on 'current employer' being one. F U Specsavers.

Speaking of which, got a 'congratulations on six years' notification on the payslip website today.

[Shindig]

Speaking of payslips, got the last one for the old employers today. Got the bonus :cool:

[Foe]

Been battling with business ethics in my head recently. Heard something last week which really ticked me off and I couldn’t stop thinking about it over the weekend, even impacted my sleep.

My employer are looking to reduce costs and are restructuring, whilst simultaneously hiring in a low cost area (where they currently don’t operate). It’s clear their plan will be to gradually shift roles from area A to lower cost area B.

In some aspects of the business you could argue that might be acceptable, but it seems to be being used widely as a “we have a problem, hiring a UK employee or contractor is too expensive, get them to do it” which is abhorrent for a company extracting a natural resource, profitably, from a country.

Told my team leader and then direct line manager I believed how it was being used was unethical and am now working out to approach someone more senior to understand what ethical assessments have been done to define ethical boundaries for use.

Hopefully I don’t get sacked, but I suspect the “but we need to reduce cost” is the new ethical culture basis. Spoke to a few other people who hadn’t really thought about it, but seemed to then come to the same scathing conclusion I did.

[Magic]

Suck it up cupcake or go work for a charity.

[Shindig]

How close is said ethical quandary to something like ... say, a Piper Alpha scenario?

[Manc]

I've landed on my feet with a new job. Less hours, more money, and greater flexibility.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Unless it will produce dirt that could hit top people personally, you'll get nowhere with ethical anything in the analytical efficiency age.

[Baz]

Someone at work bangs on about some project he lead on being a huge success and getting loads of engagement and spent almost all of his puny budget (£7k vs my £4m lol) on the launch and advertising the website people visit to ‘pledge.’

One of my service managers asked if something I’m involved in could have a similar pledging system so I did some digging and found the person in the comms team who set it up for him. Emailed her expressing my wishes and her response was basically ‘don’t do it, it’s a massive failure, they had a handful of pledges in the last 12 months’ olol good one pal.

Really enjoyed forwarding that on to stakeholders saying we’re not gonna do it and here’s why.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I got up at 4.30am this morning to go to Leeds and do a customer meeting. Drove 4 hours there and 4 hours back in the driving rain, as well as 4 hours at the meeting. Got back home half an hour ago. Got a whatsapp from my boss complaining that I didn't take pictures at the meeting to put on the company LinkedIn.

Fuck off.

[Pepe]

Been at my new job for two months and still done fuck all. Best part is that scamming time is piss easy, even though we're supposed to log in everything we do in six minute increments for a total of 40 hours per week. Lad next to me has spent the last three weeks discussing the purchase of a heat exchanger. 200 billion dollar company and they cannot agree on who to buy a $2k piece from :harold:

[Spikey M]

What are you doing now?

[Pepe]

Nothing.

[Pepe]

Designing airplane engines.

[Magic]

Boeing, is it?

[Shindig]

They don't do engines. General Electric or Pratt and Whitney?

[Spikey M]

Designing airplane engines.

*Aeroplane you noob

Foe, go short on all Aviation stocks.

[niko_cee]

He's had us all on and took a job at Rolls Royce.

[Magic]

They don't do engines. General Electric or Pratt and Whitney?

It's a joke m8

[Foe]

I’ve been asked to do something similar recently re logging time.

I’m working on the assumption they want to sack us all and move jobs to India so I’m filling it in showing I do zero admin tasks and everything I do is value adding and requires specific knowledge.

I have not booked the time I spend sifting through trading212 and buying shares in Snapchat.

[Spikey M]

RIP Jimmy

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y97k4w7llo

[Jimmy Floyd]

We'd be impossible to catch. We have impenetrable deception measures in place, such as using the same account number of the old Russian customers but putting -KZ at the end to denote we're shipping to Kazakhstan instead.

[Lofty]

Whatever happened to the salesman the Saffas insisted had to visit Belarus or whatever to inspect a part he wasn't qualified to look at?

[Magic]

I've just been told my department is being made defunct and I'll be redundant before December, unless I'm found a new role.

I'm just about to receive an order for £1.1m that I'm about to tell the customer not to place. :drool:

[Magic]

It's done. Fuck them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's an open secret now that our head of IT (supposed to be full time employed, paid probably six figs) is simultaneously the head of IT for another similar sized company and gets paid two salaries while darting madly between the two. We required three days a week in the office, the other place one. You should get involved in that kind of game.

[Bernanke]

I could honestly easily pick up a second job effort wise, but not sure I'd want to do it on a schedule juggling level.

There's a whole subreddit dedicated to people doing it.

Edit: This one: https://www.reddit.com/r/overemployed/

[Boydy]

It's an open secret now that our head of IT (supposed to be full time employed, paid probably six figs) is simultaneously the head of IT for another similar sized company and gets paid two salaries while darting madly between the two. We required three days a week in the office, the other place one. You should get involved in that kind of game.

This was all the rage during COVID particularly in the software industry because most companies were hiring like mad for a while. I thought it didn't really work in the UK though because we have PAYE and your second job would be able to tell from your tax code? Is that not true?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's probably an independent contractor for at least one of them rather than an employee. He's been with us about 20 years but has a long history of having tantrums to get more money, then fired and then re-hired so at some point during that he's probably fiddled himself into an untouchable corner.

Also has a photography business on the side.

Also is the Arab's brother, obvs.

[Ben]

That guy is doing it right. My side business gets me about £500 a year.

[Pepe]

I could definitely do my previous and my current job simultaneously and I still wouldn't be anywhere near 40 hours per week of actual work.

[phonics]

My favourite IT story was the guy who outsourced his own job to China without telling anyone. He was paying 1/5th of his salary to a company in China to do his job and spending the day on Ebay.

They only found out because they thought they were under attack from Chinese hackers but it was just the company accessing documents to do his job for him.

[Magic]

You can only do that in sales if you have a good customer base (I inherited one when I moved here). So I've basically done account management and upselling rather than business development. My figures are great and I've barely worked at all.

I knew this team well before I joined so they trusted me. I am totally screwed now in the respect of getting a 'proper' sales job i.e building it up from zero. That is going to be insanely hard unless I can luck out and replace someone else who had a base already.

Fuck. Either that or I get a job to practice my counselling, but £21,000 pro-rata for 16 hours a week as a school counsellor doesn't really excite me...

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab, who in recent times has been an irritating prick rather than entertaining, has just told us that he's spent the last year being blackmailed by a woman. Said woman went out with him for 3 months, then asked for a lot of money, then upon the resultant breakup emailed his boss, family etc with kompromat of them together and demanded money to stop doing so. The Arab paid up and continued doing so, to the tune of £1,300 over the course of a year. He's only now got the police involved.

He also claims that three or four named people who work in our warehouse have been subject to similar blackmails in their relationships. Is this something I've missed, an epidemic of blackmailing women, or am I just naive?

[Bernanke]

I would think there is something about you that makes you a less ideal target than The Arab.

[Manc]

Are there any applications integrated within Teams that improve meetings significantly?

[Pepe]

The do not disturb button

[Foe]

Are there any applications integrated within Teams that improve meetings significantly?

Co-pilot? Let AI figure out what people are talking about.

[Manc]

My GOAT. :cool:

[Magic]

Do I mention or put on my CV that I'm doing an MSc or do I wait until interview stage to mention it? I feel like it would disqualify me almost immediately...

[Jimmy Floyd]

I just wouldn't mention it until I was about 2 months into the job, if at all, but maybe I'm a cynical piece of shit.

[Magic]

I'd need approval for the 26 days off a year to attend though.

[Pepe]

I'm with Jimmy. They'll seethe when they find out, but will just take it because companies are firing-averse. Just like you wouldn't recommend a woman to mention they are pregnant, you should do the same.

[Magic]

I understand, but this is sales. Firing-averse doesn't apply here.

I'm leaning towards disclosure at interview stage, or at least raising it. I don't feel all that comfortable lying, it's not my modus operandi.

[Boydy]

What's the MSc in?

[Magic]

Counselling.

[Boydy]

Counselling.

"This guy's studying to be a counsellor, he'll leave in a couple of years, no point in hiring him."

[randomlegend]

Presumably you can use your communication skills from your MSc to convince them.

[SvN]

I understand, but this is sales. Firing-averse doesn't apply here.

I'm leaning towards disclosure at interview stage, or at least raising it. I don't feel all that comfortable lying, it's not my modus operandi.

Ignore these lunatics, you obviously need to tell them. Interview stage is probably right, ideally after you've nailed the first 90% of it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was counting on it being an evening course that would only result in your eventual departure, rather than five weeks off a year, no sane person would give you a job doing that unless it was commission only or something.

[Spikey M]

The truth is somewhere between SvN and Pepe.

You have to tell them, but at the same time you have to be aware that if you tell them the full details it will be received in much the same way as a woman turning up and saying "oh, I'm hoping to start a family this year". You aren't getting the job and neither would she.

So the question is; how do you tell them in such a way that you can downplay the obvious impact its going to have on the business?

[Lewis]

I would be more wary about him turning any workplace into a mindfulness wankathon than a few days off.

'You do realise we don't have a mental health first aider?'

[Kikó]

And then Baz swoops in.

[Baz]

Retired from that.

[Magic]

"you haven't hit target"

"Thank you for sharing that with me in this safe space, I understand how hard that was for you, it was really brave. Maybe we can explore some of your feelings around that at a later session?"

[Shindig]

"I understand you don't want the thing we're selling, but think of it from my perspective."

[Raoul Duke]

"Fuck you, pay me"

[Mike]

Tell them you’re doing one, but be vague in what it’s in. Make it seem like it’s just something you’re interested in, rather than a new career.

[randomlegend]

I'm definitely not hiring someone who does a course in counselling just because they are interested in it.

[Spikey M]

"I'm doing an MSc in Counselling, but DON'T WORRY! I'm just a busy cunt"

[Magic]

I'm not averse to canning it for the right opportunity, but only as a last resort. In this day and age people skills are absolutely critical for sales (unless you're selling dog shit and it needs to go at all costs).

It's not a million miles away from the job at all.

Edit: the uncertainty is killing my motivation to study.

[Kikó]

I've decided to send a few feelers out for new things (2 year itch). I have a "senior solutions consultant" interview tomorrow with HR (the check if you're an idiot) which will be for the first time on the vendor side. Also have a friend from my old employer who seems really interested but it really will depend on the seniority (and obviously the money). I'm pretty happy to stay put but still good to know you're wanted.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We sacked our useless remote Italian today. Lovely man but doesn't get sales at all, to the extent that he steadfastly refused - for 12 years that he inexplicably lasted at the company - to lower any prices in 13 of his 14 national territories despite getting fuck all sales and his prices being obviously way too high. Our total sales to date in Switzerland this year are £7.90. Slovenia, couple of hundred quid. Montenegro - it's a small country, sure, but seven months in the total is zero. Serbia, one thousand pounds.

We came up with the theory in the office that he was being paid another salary by our competitors to be incompetent and keep our product out of these countries. Kind of stacks up. Anyway, it takes me another step closer to seizing my empire.

[Spikey M]

Not Benito Nipplini? :(

[Magic]

I've decided to send a few feelers out for new things (2 year itch). I have a "senior solutions consultant" interview tomorrow with HR (the check if you're an idiot) which will be for the first time on the vendor side. Also have a friend from my old employer who seems really interested but it really will depend on the seniority (and obviously the money). I'm pretty happy to stay put but still good to know you're wanted.

What do you mean vendor? Don't you work for in finance?

[Kikó]

What do you mean vendor? Don't you work for in finance?

I work for a bank but I don't work in finance. A vendor selling the software/services banks use.

[Magic]

I work for a bank but I don't work in finance. A vendor selling the software/services banks use.

So are you like system support or something similar?

[Lewis]

'Your free trial of Pensioner Swindler 9000 expires in 30 days...'

[Kikó]

So are you like system support or something similar?

Anti financial crime. We try to stop the pensioner swindling.

[Spikey M]

Grass.

[Pepe]

'Your free trial of Pensioner Swindler 9000 expires in 30 days...'

:lol:

[Magic]

Anti financial crime. We try to stop the pensioner swindling.

I genuinely thought you were a banker lol. Wow.

[Kikó]

It's a filthy lie shared by the powers that be.

[Magic]

Time to put you in the same bracket as Shindig.

[Spikey M]

Wash your hands Keeks.

[Ben]

Probably better to be a banker than a "senior solutions consultant" or whatever wanky job title it was.

[Lofty]

Regarding the job, Magic, is the qualified counsellor salary not a lot less than your current sales earnings? Might be aswell to take the crap wage and re-adjust now, at least you'll be doing what you want? Or look at jobs where they will actively like you doing your course.

[Baz]

Just win the lottery. Thats my plan.

[Kikó]

Probably better to be a banker than a "senior solutions consultant" or whatever wanky job title it was.

I just want to be part of team sales.

[phonics]

Magic giving you counselling. It truly is 'Those that can't do, teach'.

[SvN]

In unrelated news, I'm training to be a barber.

[Magic]

Regarding the job, Magic, is the qualified counsellor salary not a lot less than your current sales earnings? Might be aswell to take the crap wage and re-adjust now, at least you'll be doing what you want? Or look at jobs where they will actively like you doing your course.

Yes. Like half. There are no real jobs that compliment it, unless it's like school guidance counsellor or something and most of them are part time just above minimum wage lol.

I love the course, the first year is teaching you how to human on a much deeper level. Could always jack it in when they start preparing you for practice in year 2.

[Spikey M]

If you're not intending to do anything with it you could likely get the same out of watching university lectures on YouTube and buying the set books suggested. Doing the actual course is only really worth doing if you need that bit of paper.

I am quite surprised it's a low paying job though. Surely there's some money in listening to Big Banker Kiko's woes twice a week.

[Manc]

Is the plan to counsel people through gluten intolerances?

[Pepe]

I hope a module on the replication crisis comes soon.

[niko_cee]

I am quite surprised it's a low paying job though. Surely there's some money in listening to Big Banker Kiko's woes twice a week.

They'd probably want someone, if not with medical training, then not Mr fucking Mackey up there.

[Magic]

If you're not intending to do anything with it you could likely get the same out of watching university lectures on YouTube and buying the set books suggested. Doing the actual course is only really worth doing if you need that bit of paper.

I am quite surprised it's a low paying job though. Surely there's some money in listening to Big Banker Kiko's woes twice a week.

£29-£40k if you work for someone. You can probably up that to £50k in private practice and maybe more if you have a proper niche. It's really limited by your own mental capacity. 25 clients a week @ 50-55 minutes is the max recommended.

I got dealt a rough hand in life as I'm sure some of us on here did, I crave connection and meaning and I desperately need to heal. That said, it doesn't put food on the table and I feel like chucking away my career in toxic capitalist land is probably a bad idea at the moment. I am devastated my plan (working here for 3 years, saving then quitting and trying to build my own practice) has fallen through so quickly.

[Foe]

Just win the lottery. Thats my plan.

Ditto. Tonight might be the night.

[Magic]

Interview tomorrow. Only applied today.

[Manc]

Seems legit.

[Kikó]

Passed the first HR hurdle and the hiring manager already liked my profile. Salary isn't an issue either. Might be a goer this one.

[AyDee]

It must be the season of job moving! I'm hopefully about to land my first client secondment with a video game & entertainment company, which probably has the potential to either br the coolest 6 months of my career or just a period where I get fucked by the US & Japanese overlords.

Keen for a short-term change either way, plus an excuse to have a taste of the in-house life. Win.

[niko_cee]

Is it CA?

Secondments always sound a bit shit unless you get to go somewhere on a jolly as part of it. You're just being leased out to manage relationships at a higher level.

[Magic]

I've got my first consultation next week. The guy that's shutting my technology team down is a director of plumbing and HVAC. And he'll have a trainee HR assistant with him. Employment lawyer calling me tomorrow lolz.

[AyDee]

Is it CA?

Secondments always sound a bit shit unless you get to go somewhere on a jolly as part of it. You're just being leased out to manage relationships at a higher level.

CA?

We've got a pretty large commercial team and so there's usually half a dozen secondments on at any one time, with some of them definitely being more valuable for the secondee than others (some are dross).

My guess is this will fall somewhere in the middle - some work will be simply negotiating templates and pulling together playbooks, but there should be scope for some more strategic level input on more interesting workstreams.

Worth it for the name on the CV, if anything. And some of the team are based on the West Coast so there's an outside chance of a jolly, otherwise it's the continued joy of central London.

[niko_cee]

Not CA then (creative assembly) although I think they only have Japanese overlords (Sega) so sort of realised straight away. Doubt they're really big enough to be getting lawyers seconded to them.

[AyDee]

Ah, got you. Yeah, it's one of the big boys in the sector, rather than a UK-based games studio or anything like that.

[Shindig]

Clearly he's been drafted in to fix FM 25. Sega of America demands it.

[Dquincy]

In unrelated news, I'm training to be a barber.
For some reason I thought you owned your own company, no?

[niko_cee]

Wasn't it a self-bald joke?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He does. He's too shy to admit it but he's actually a bit of a tycoon in the hair and beauty game. Bought out Nicky Clarke several years back.

[Dquincy]

Wasn't it a self-bald joke?

Ah, was not aware of that fact.

Commiserations SVN on the lack of hair, but congrats on being a tycoon.

[Manc]

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2024/oct/30/ghost-jobs-why-do-40-of-companies-advertise-positions-that-dont-exist

Magic

[Magic]

Thanks m8

[Magic]

I'm trying the self belief thing and it seems to be really working, even if it's almost delusional.

So either I'm exceptionally negative or people only care about can, not can't.

Anyway whatever it's working. Blag it, lads.

[Lewis]

On Thursday our area manager (for lack of a better term) was down pretending everything isn't terrible, and when she asked if anyone had anything they would like to raise my line manager did a full Rafa Benitez - piece of paper from his pocket and everything - pulling her and the organisation to bits. The next day she sent him a properly shirty e-mail calling him unprofessional and playing to the gallery, so he came in today and retired. I am proper lolling at that for a move.

[Pepe]

:cool:

Are you applying for the job?

[Lewis]

I would last about a week so there wouldn't be much point, but we've all agreed to refuse to take on any of his duties if they fail to replace him. Fun times.

[Ben]

Brilliant.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm getting up at 5am to go to Sheffield tomorrow. I'm going with the newish Romanian, who is a proper legend. We got him from McLaren. He's about 5 foot 1 and in his spare time he sells trainers on ebay. This involves having a dodgy connect somewhere in the arse end of the Mike Ashley empire, who gives him a call if and when a shipment of rejected trainers is about to leave. He then hotfoots it up the M1 to the national distribution centre (in Newark or Hucknall or some place like that) and sits around for hours waiting for this mythical lorry to turn up. If it does then he shoves as many of the rejected boxes as possible into the back of his boat of an Audi (doesn't even hire a van, because bang goes the margin), drives back down south and then catalogues and lists them all for sale under retail price, even if he makes a loss. Makes something like a 4% margin overall from this charade. Says he could do it full time if he wanted, but it's too boring sitting around in lorry parks so instead he just does it on the side and sells parts for us, which he is bloody good at.

[Mike]

Well, he sounds top!

[niko_cee]

What's the margin on Jimmy's organs?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sheffield is a dump. Jesus. A pit. I nominate it for destruction should we have to offer anywhere in particular up to Sir Vladimir Putin for nuking.

[Spikey M]

I think Threads is still on iPlayer Jimmy. That should cheer you up.


https://youtu.be/p5IAXoOfFf0?si=S-gUCAT5220Xl-Jl

[niko_cee]

Yeah, I was going to say you're 40 years late on that opinion Jim.

[Pepe]

Playing pickleball with the office LADS today. Better than working, I guess.

[Spikey M]

Pickleball?

[Shindig]

Low-intensity tennis.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's a paddle racket sport played with a hollow ball that has holes in it.

You play on a half-ish sized tennis court with a low net.

Played it at Centre Parcs and it's pretty fun, you can get some sweet spin action when hitting the ball.