The All New Jobs Thread

[Spikey M]

Yeah but the Jersy coke doesn't make your Mrs glass you in a pub.

[Ben]

Fair.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think there's a far higher base laziness index now then there was 20 years ago, but I can't put a full theory together lest I fall into the clutches of boomer thinking. I think there are a lot of people out there who literally never cook a proper meal. This one is peculiarly British too, or at least Anglo-Saxon - not the same in Europe at all.

Think it's the same reason that beards (me included) are popular, because people just can't be arsed to shave every day in the way they did in the 90s and 00s.

[Offshore Toon]

Yeah but the Jersy coke doesn't make your Mrs glass you in a pub.
It definitely does.

[Spikey M]

In that case: new get rich quick scheme unlocked. The TTH Middlesbrough - Jersey smuggling chain will be the stuff of legend.

[Ben]

Not the worst idea we've had.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Barney, bless his little heart, has the new role of 'Sales Executive - UK and Ireland'. This will involve travelling to Ireland quite often to meet customers. He was getting some business cards printed up and showed me the proofs. On there it had his job as 'Sales Executive - UK and Eire'. Christ knows why.

I contended, largely based on distant TTH memories of being snarled at by Giggles, that he really shouldn't have 'Eire' on there, and should have 'Ireland' instead. This caused a massive panic with loads of people including a director coming on strong asking me to prove my assertion. I didn't really know why it was a bad idea, and was starting to doubt myself, so I told them to google it. They googled it and came up with loads of things like this:


The only conclusion to be drawn from the use of the description "Eire" by UK or unionist interests, except where it is used in ignorance, is that its use is intended as derisory or confrontational.

I'm now sitting back lolling while about four people burst blood vessels trying to make calls and stop the printing run.

[Spikey M]

Why would it be seen as derisory or confrontational Giggles?

It's the proper name of the country, right? Is it not the same as a French man making the effort to say "England" instead of "Angleterre" or whatever?

[Shindig]

A lad at my work spent just short of £9,000 on Just Eat last year. ~£180 per week. Staggering. I honestly thought it was bullshit until he showed me the proof.

Walked out of the office earlier and the lad ahead of me was intercepting a driver for his daily KFC delivery. I couldn't do that. Hell, the pandemic killed off my interest in popping over to Greggs.

[Baz]

The country is Éire in Irish, or Ireland in English.

Eire (no fada but that's fairly standard English loanword behaviour) is the name the UK used because they refused to recognise the name Ireland or Republic of Ireland for decades. They didn't habitually refer to other countries as Deutschland, Sverige, Rossiya etc.

British people using Eire is, at best, an unintentional parroting of that behaviour.

[Giggles]

Éire is in the constitution so it’s all good. Just the name of the country in Irish.

[Giggles]

The Republic of Ireland is only for the soccer team, because of northy moaning, and the description of the state, but not the name.

[Lofty]

I hope Eire was Barney's first big idea in his new role.

[niko_cee]

Hopefully Eire was in Gaelic font on the card.

[Lofty]

My work has decided to take the mental step of giving all the managers a one off four figure extra payment in the next pay packet, but not the non-managers. The non-managers have just got wind of it :eyemouth:

[Foe]

The higher up the tree you go, the bigger the bonuses. That’s just the way the world works.

I dread to think the size of some of the bonuses of leadership at my gaff this year.

[Ben]

My work has decided to take the mental step of giving all the managers a one off four figure extra payment in the next pay packet, but not the non-managers. The non-managers have just got wind of it :eyemouth:

That’s bullshit. I get mid four figures and I’m a peasant. Grass them up to the unions.

[Offshore Toon]

In that case: new get rich quick scheme unlocked. The TTH Middlesbrough - Jersey smuggling chain will be the stuff of legend.
I have it on good authority that customs only stop BLMs so its definitely manageable.

[igor_balis]

Commuting into Euston and walking up the Euston Road past King's Cross and St Pancras twice a week, for some reason I just assumed I'd end up seeing famous people out and about. After four months I have finally recognised someone - food writer Jay Rayner. An anecdote so shit even Manc will believe it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not even joking: my sister and I have a long running private joke where we covertly take and send each other photos of people we see out and about that we think look like Jay Rayner (can't remember how it started but a bit like Jools Holland, we find him a comically absurd 21st century British cultural figure). We both dream of one day spotting the original so I am unbelievably jealous.

[igor_balis]

Not even joking: my sister and I have a long running private joke where we covertly take and send each other photos of people we see out and about that we think look like Jay Rayner (can't remember how it started but a bit like Jools Holland, we find him a comically absurd 21st century British cultural figure). We both dream of one day spotting the original so I am unbelievably jealous.

:D :D

My mate was very unimpressed with my story. He lives in Stamford Hill, and says he sees big JR traipsing about all the time. I reckon he could just be confusing him with random curly haired Hasidic blokes. Maybe you should add him to your Jay spotting group chat.

[Spikey M]

I've seen 2 Celebrities in London ("in the wild", not at shows, gigs, clubs or football).

John Bercow, who needs to be added to Lewis' Political Manlet spreadsheet. He was about 5' 5".

And the Asian geezer that set fire to Masood's house in Eastenders circa 2010.

So, you know, atleast I've found the heavy hitters.

That said, I met Frank Bruno, Jamie Oliver, Dennis Wise and Ray Parlour working for 2 years at a shitty Essex Theme Park as a teenager, so there's another reason London can fuck off.

[Ben]

Living up in the barren wastelands, you won't be surprised to learn I've met virtually nobody famous, although I did manage to bump into Tom Hardy and his wife at the local beach one time. :cab:

[Shindig]

No famous encounters for me, either. At best, a lass I used to work with recently appeared on SAS: Who Dares Wins.

[Raoul Duke]

I saw Suggs and Gandalf on separate occasions, both in Soho

[niko_cee]

I once stepped onto a tube train whilst on a stag do and was confronted by Greg Davies, Rhod Gilbert and Simon Bird [had to look him up]. I didn't really know who they were at the time but suffice to say they got off/moved carriages at the next stop.

Also saw Nathan Dyer [plus family] last time I was at Center Parcs.

[Kikó]

Isn't there a thread for this?

I've played football with David May, Clayton Blackmore and Andy Ritchie in the past. Met Anthony Crolla at a United away game once (even have a pic). Continuing the boxing theme, I've seen Tyson Fury in Manchester city centre with his entourage and David Haye having a meal in Soho (no pics).

[Lofty]

Michael Portillo, Paul Merson, John Romero, Adam Woodyatt (Ian Beale).

[Ben]

Scraping the barrel now lads.

[wullie]

Saw Badger from Breaking Bad at a pub in Cov, also met Ray Stubbs outside Wembley which is not exactly a chance encounter but you can't deny that star power.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I saw MC Harvey and Jermaine Jenas at a River Island in Stevenage.

That moment can't be topped.

[Lofty]

Oh yeah I forgot we met Rikishi in Newcastle whilst we were in fancy dress as wrestlers for Wrestlemania Revenge.

[randomlegend]

I've met Stephen Fry. The PT we go to trains a load of the Norwich players so we met them at his Christmas party as well as Jake Humphrey.

Weirdly, the other day when everyone was slagging off Jake Humphrey in the football thread, I was sat almost opposite him in Wagamama after the Norwich game. I considered posting at the time but I thought it was a bit creepy to dox him and his kids in real time.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You should have done it whilst maintaining eye contact with him.

[Pen]

I've ran into loads of Finnish celebrities (I think it is likelier here), most notable being Sami Hyypiä and Jari Litmanen.

My favourite however was when I was on paternity leave and out having lunch with my son. I had to go back in to fetch a water jug for us and when I came back former Crystal Palace great Aki Riihilahti and a well known party leader who had been a minister in few governments where with my son protecting him and our starters from a menacing seagull.

[Ian]

Look, you all need to accept I preemptively won by living over the road from Rene Simoes in the Middle East before he later went on to manage Jamaica at the '98 World Cup.

[randomlegend]

Robbie Coltrane gave my auntie his old lawnmower when they lived opposite each other in London.

[Spikey M]

Yer a gardener Sally.

Sorry.

[phonics]

My three celeb encounters were:

I got my haircut next to Chris Evans but I didn't know it was him till I left and my Dad mentioned it. He was fat as fuck at the time.

I was walking through the airport and several people were asking someone for a photo and I had no idea who it was. Realised 18 months later that it was Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

I was at the fair and this chick I was meeting said 'some guy who just got on the ferris wheel was so tall that people were asking for photos of him just because of how tall he was'. I asked to wait for the ride to end to see who it was. It was Yao Ming.

[Luca]

I once spent a glorious evening in London with Taz and Samadini.

[Baz]

Post has gone to advert for my assistant. :happycry:

What a time to be alive.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was in an airport business lounge a couple of years ago and "Rak-Su" walked past me.

I only know it was them because a waitress walked past saying they were coming in now.

[Spikey M]

Drawing the thread swiftly back on topic from whoever Rak-Su is, I've come into the office deliberately today because I have 3 lots of court prep to do and nobody ever comes in on a Friday so I can be left alone and have free rein of the printer.

So, promptly at 9:00 someone I have never met before has come in and has plonked themselves down next to me. In an empty office. Right next to me. Ominous. So far I have heard about her Easter holidays, her kids favourite day out and what she's thinking of having for lunch. No amount of disinterested "mmm's" will make her stop. :mad:

[Pen]

At least you have company for lunch now.

[Baz]

I came up with what's going to be my legacy yesterday. A positive one too, before you start. Let's forever refer to it as Baz's Legacy. :baz:

As many achievements as I'll reach throughout my career, this will be the one with a lasting impact and will be forever remembered as my best contribution to my, and surrounding organisations. What an accomplishment it shall be.

I've already potentially revealed my cards a little bit too early in regards to my idea and potential execution, but only to two trusted personnel who will play a key role in establishing it as The Way We Do Things Around Here.

More to follow in the coming weeks, months, years and decades, I'm certain of that.

[Spikey M]

I actually have a cracking anecdote about my lunch that I could share with her, because we ordered Domino's last night and the first pizza they delivered was wrong, but they let us keep it when delivering the correct one. See? Fascinating. She will never hear it.

There's also enough to share, but I'm going to eat it in the car now. That bitch is getting none of this - what I think is - Vegetable Supreme. :cool:

[Lofty]

Drawing the thread swiftly back on topic from whoever Rak-Su is, I've come into the office deliberately today because I have 3 lots of court prep to do and nobody ever comes in on a Friday so I can be left alone and have free rein of the printer.

So, promptly at 9:00 someone I have never met before has come in and has plonked themselves down next to me. In an empty office. Right next to me. Ominous. So far I have heard about her Easter holidays, her kids favourite day out and what she's thinking of having for lunch. No amount of disinterested "mmm's" will make her stop. :mad:

Ask her for a nosh in the bog at lunchtime, that'll move her on.

I once checked Timmy Mallet's ticket on a train.

[Dark Soldier]

I had an affair with an at the time England Women's B Team footballer. No fucking idea about the name anymore and probably the lowest form of celeb you can find. Ended in her leaving me a voicemail saying I had ruined her life by sending her nudes to her husband's phone. I didn't even know his number so lass spread that fanny like butter.

[Spikey M]

That tranny you shagged must hold a woman's world record in something by now?

[Dark Soldier]

Aye last I saw it was miles of cock shafted.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just received this email from the big boss:


Dear All,

I have the pleasure to announce that we have increased the annual holiday allocation by two days with immediate effect. Please note the following: -

Starting holiday is now 22 days.
After 5 years continuous service – 24 days.
After 10 years continuous service – 27 days.

Hope you all have a good weekend.

Having just passed my 5 years, I'm up from 20 to 24 just like that. Now awaiting the catch, I wonder what it will be. You get nothing for free in this world.

[Waffdon]

24 days :sick:

I’m on 31 (32 past 2 years due to a ‘covid day’)with 1.5 days flexi most month. Then the usual Public Holidays which seems to be loads with the queen dying and the coronation whenever that is.

[Spikey M]

Increasing holiday from "ridiculously low" to "still pretty uncompetitive" and having Jimmy giddy enough to wonder what the catch is. The old fella still has it. :cool:

[Spikey M]

24 days :sick:

I’m on 31 (32 past 2 years due to a ‘covid day’)with 1.5 days flexi most month. Then the usual Public Holidays which seems to be loads with the queen dying and the coronation whenever that is.

I get 30 days, Bank Holidays, my birthday and whatever working days happen to fall between Christmas and New years.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've forgotten what it's like to have a meaningful amount tbh. The Koreans were the same so this is my first increase from 20 in a decade.

[Ben]

Mine's pretty wank. 25 plus 3 mandatory between Christmas and New Year.

[Dark Soldier]

I get 30 days, Bank Holidays, my birthday and whatever working days happen to fall between Christmas and New years.

Same. It was 24 when I joined in June but now they've just bumped it to 30 for everyone rather than years of service. Plus a 15% pay rise to stay competitive and retain staff.

[Spikey M]

Same. It was 24 when I joined in June but now they've just bumped it to 30 for everyone rather than years of service. Plus a 15% pay rise to stay competitive and retain staff.

Listen lad, I was already trying to show off. Don't take the piss. :moop:

[Baz]

I get 256.82 hours, whatever that means.

[Boydy]

I get 28. Our US lot have "unlimited PTO". One of them took a grand total of three days off last year. :harold:

[Adramelch]

I had 51 in France. Which would have been insane, had it not coincided exactly with the pandemic (I started work 1 day before the first lockdown). In Greece I'm back to a pitiful 22.

[Raoul Duke]

Having just passed my 5 years, I'm up from 20 to 24 just like that. Now awaiting the catch, I wonder what it will be. You get nothing for free in this world.

You have to spend a week of it in Honduras working 17-hour days

[Shindig]

25 days + Bank Holidays. I think the extra days for seniority kick in at 10, 15, 20 years, etc. Assuming I take extra days off instead of B&Q vouchers or whatever.

[Kikó]

I think I'm on 26 rising by one ever year until it hits 30. My old place was 30 and you could buy 5.

[Shindig]

We can buy 10 (!?) but I've never felt the need to dent my payslip like that.

[Giggles]

I haven’t time to ever take all mine.

[Spikey M]

Me neither. I still do though.

[Lewis]

I sold five days back, and still have more than ten to carry over into the next leave period. I asked to be allowed a few extra and got told to fuck off because not having a life isn't an exceptional circumstance, so I'm going to take a half-day every day, work normally, and just carry loads of flexi-time over. #tradesecrets #donned

[Foe]

They gave us all an extra 2 days leave and abolished the whole “years service for extra day” stuff.

They also let us take 2 “well-being” days where we can just decide not to work any day we feel we need to, doesn’t need line manager approval and doesn’t count as leave.

I’m feeling completely run down at the moment so I think I’m going to take the week after next off.

[Baz]

u ok hun?

[Lofty]

You can salary sacrifice for more leave at my spot but fuck that, my manager is fine with people working over and taking it back as time owed if not paid as overtime.

[Foe]

We can buy up to ten days extra too. I always end up carrying five. I just don’t live an exciting life.

[Foe]

u ok hun?

NFL draft week off will give me the knowledge required to become a contender in the fantasy league you’ll invite me to join.

[Baz]

Could have joined TTH. New boy Lofty didn’t even turn up for the draft.

[Foe]

Transfer listed.

I’m available on a free if you can free up the wages.

[Lofty]

Could have joined TTH. New boy Lofty didn’t even turn up for the draft.

And yet made it to the final :cool:

[Dark Soldier]

I always use my annual leave. Take the odd random day off to sit on my fat arse eating crisps and playing the xbox or summat.

[Baz]

I always use my annual leave. Take the odd random day off to sit on my fat arse eating crisps and playing the xbox or summat.My wife’s going back to work from mat leave soon, part time Wednesday to Friday. Her at work, one kid at nursery and one at school, I’m tempted to secretly book a few three-day holidays and chill at home playing Xbox and watching TV.

[Dark Soldier]

My wife’s going back to work from mat leave soon, part time Wednesday to Friday. Her at work, one kid at nursery and one at school, I’m tempted to secretly book a few three-day holidays and chill at home playing Xbox and watching TV.

Mate its so good. Took the day off the other week when missus was in office. Got up at 10, played Resi 4 all day, ordered maccies for lunch. Feet up, best time.

[AJ23]

Mate its so good. Took the day off the other week when missus was in office. Got up at 10, played Resi 4 all day, ordered maccies for lunch. Feet up, best time.

Alright for some. I'll give your number to Marcus Rashford. Maybe you can help him out.

[Dark Soldier]

Alright for some. I'll give your number to Marcus Rashford. Maybe you can help him out.

He a Resi fan?

[Pen]

I had 51 in France. Which would have been insane, had it not coincided exactly with the pandemic (I started work 1 day before the first lockdown). In Greece I'm back to a pitiful 22.

This is pretty obscene if you get public holidays on top of that (even if they're included in that it's good). Could work a 4 day week all year.

I think I had 33 last time. I usually trade my holiday pay (is that a common thing? I.e you get roughly 50% of your monthly wage on top of your wage every July) to as many extra days as possible.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You see why the frogspawn are out launching le creuset lids into shop windows any time a politician suggests cutting holiday to just 12 weeks a year or raising the retirement age above 39. It's not the anglo-saxon way.

[Foe]

My friend works for a French company and seemingly one of his colleagues was surprised and appalled that having a child in the UK was not a financial benefit, and was in fact financial suicide.

It doesn’t surprise me that their holiday allowance is obscene also.

[Adramelch]

This is pretty obscene if you get public holidays on top of that (even if they're included in that it's good). Could work a 4 day week all year.

I think I had 33 last time. I usually trade my holiday pay (is that a common thing? I.e you get roughly 50% of your monthly wage on top of your wage every July) to as many extra days as possible.

You do get public holidays on top of that.

That said I was in a research center which sort of followed the public sector rules, where you get an extra X amount of days (I think it was 21 out of the 51) if your contract had you working more than 35 hours a week, or something along those lines. I doubt the private sector jobs include that, but 30 days a year seemed to be the starting point even in the private sector, which is quite good.

Holiday pay is pretty common yeah. In Spain it was 50% in July and 50% on Christmas, but in Greece and France it's commonly a full monthly wage extra in both July and Christams (although it's obviously used as a "bargaining chip" to pay you a lower wage altogether).

[igor_balis]

the Microsoft outlook grammar corrections continue to baffle me, "thanks kat, that's really helpful" got the blue squiggle and the suggestion to change it to "thanks kat, that's helpful" as it's more concise.

I know I generally would benefit from being more fucking concise, but cmon.

[Kikó]

You can turn that off in the settings.

[randomlegend]

the Microsoft outlook grammar corrections continue to baffle me, "thanks kat, that's really helpful" got the blue squiggle and the suggestion to change it to "thanks kat, that's helpful" as it's more concise.

I know I generally would benefit from being more fucking concise, but cmon.

It always tries to get rid of verys and reallys. It's (really) annoying.

[Giggles]

Fit them better to sort out that whole OneDrive/sharepoint/sites/etc/etc hellscape.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab has been going around the office this morning with his jacket turned inside out, saying 'People are calling me the Fresh Prince of Bel Air'. Think he's finally lost it.

[Lofty]

Say 'smell ya later' to him.

[Ian]

The Arab has been going around the office this morning with his jacket turned inside out, saying 'People are calling me the Fresh Prince of Bel Air'. Think he's finally lost it.

:D

[Mike]

Amazing!

[Lofty]

Has Barney recovered from his Eire gaffe, Jim?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's doing alright. The Arab is completely off his face though. Just went for lunch with him and a few others, he spent the whole thing just going off on one with a big smile on his face and not listening to any of our replies/acknowledgements or attempts at participating in the conversation, like he was talking to himself in an empty room. He once told me he takes these special upper pills you can only get in the Middle East, wasn't hard to see them in effect. Also it's Eid so he must be happy that he doesn't have to pretend to be fasting anymore while actually chomping crisps in his office all day.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Taz could do with those pills.

[Manc]

Ominous department wide meeting booked in for next Tuesday. Hopefully heads will roll.

[Baz]

We had an “away day” yesterday to discuss our business plan and come up with ideas to improve workplace wellbeing. My only contribution was we should get free rugby tickets and a subsidised Christmas Do.

[Giggles]

We are supposed to be going to do a fucking team building exercise in a few weeks and we’re not even a stupid yank multinational.

[Lofty]

My work had leadership conferences scheduled for two days but I was already annual leave for both :cool:

[mo]

Found out tonight that it looks likely that I'm going to be losing part of my job - no threat to my employment status, but it is very annoying. Essentially our pastoral structure has three Heads of Year (7, 8&9, 10&11) and three Assistant Heads of Year, plus four non-teaching 'Pastoral Leaders'. I've been doing the AHoY job for 18 months, which I enjoy as it's a little pay bump, doesn't have the responsibility of HoY but does give me a bit less teaching time as well. But it looks like they're going to scrap the AHoY role moving forwards. We've speculated as to what that means (a HoY for each year? surely not, that would be fucking sensible and more expensive) but at least one HoY needs replacing as they're retiring and joining the Pastoral Leaders team.

So at some point, hopefully this term, at least one HoY role will be advertised, likely internally. I'd be in with a good shout of getting it I reckon but equally if it's only one position and not three, I'm not sure I want it. Poisoned chalice, etc.

Plus I think that would technically make me a Binman.

[phonics]

Got a real job :cool:

Back in graphic design.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I kicked off at the Arab earlier for being a spoiled little bitch (details are too boring to recount). He then kicked off at the Russian, the Russian kicked off back at him, then the Indian got involved, and about 4 of them are now in the director's office having a really loud bust-up and gesticulating while I chill sipping coffee.

I feel like the British Empire.

[Ben]

Where's the real G in all this, Arab's Dad?

[Giggles]

I kicked off at the Arab earlier for being a spoiled little bitch (details are too boring to recount). He then kicked off at the Russian, the Russian kicked off back at him, then the Indian got involved, and about 4 of them are now in the director's office having a really loud bust-up and gesticulating while I chill sipping coffee.

I feel like the British Empire.

Give them back their stuff.

[Kikó]

Got a real job :cool:

Back in graphic design.

Hospitality in the mud.

[Baz]

Post has gone to advert for my assistant. :happycry:

What a time to be alive.One applicant. She seems keen.

[Foe]

Fit?

[Ben]

A very, very attractive woman has started in our H&S department and the young new manager hired her without clearing it with his wife. Rookie mistake.

[Shindig]

No lookers have come through in our latest agency intake. My mind is firmly on the job. :moop:

[Offshore Toon]

I kicked off at the Arab earlier for being a spoiled little bitch (details are too boring to recount). He then kicked off at the Russian, the Russian kicked off back at him, then the Indian got involved, and about 4 of them are now in the director's office having a really loud bust-up and gesticulating while I chill sipping coffee.

I feel like the British Empire.
Chuck a load of potatoes in there and they'll never stop bringing it up.

[igor_balis]

6 months short of almost 10 years continuous employment, and I've finally gotten the sack :cool:

Well, failed my probation. Knew it was coming like, already had it extended by a month, and last week got an email that invited me to my probation review meeting...that would also have someone from HR attending, and told me that I could bring a union rep with me, lol. Basically an hour of being told by my manager all the ways she thought I was a dickhead, as I grinned and occasionally interrupted to say I thought she was talking shite. I feel like if I proper grovelled I MIGHT have persuaded them to extend it by another month, but what's the fucking point?

The thing that pissed me off was that it was all very unnecessary. I understand they have to tick boxes and that to cover their arses on wrongful dismissal grounds or whatever, but my manager clearly fucking hates me on a personal level (fair enough, probably), and was clearly just using it as an opportunity to get it all off her chest. There were four sections - conduct, attendance, quality of work and some other thing, and after we'd done two of them I just said something along the lines of "is it really necessary to go through all these sections one by one? clearly it isn't working, you think i'm rubbish, I disagree, but clearly I'm not the candidate you thought I was and I don't want us all to waste any more time...". HR girl was clearly a bit surprised but definitely agreed, and wrapped things up, with my manager clearly fuming that she didn't get to continue with her list of reasons I'm a cunt, Father Ted Golden Cleric award style. That was 3pm-4pm, and the cunts made me go back to my desk until 4.45 before they brought me back for a supplementary meeting to give their judgement.

Told me they've decided to end my employment, told me all the logistical stuff re: notice period, bringing back my laptop and shit, and manger AGAIN tried to start going through all the reasons they're sacking me. Yes, I know, I'm a dickhead, can I go home now?

She was a deeply unpleasant and difficult manager, but I'll bore you all with the details about that another time. The amount of managers I've had issues with would suggest it's obviously generally a ME problem, but I think I was fucked with this one from the start. She's notorious in the organisation for being an irritant, despite being piddly middle management that nobody in other departments should even have an opinion about. Appaz my predecessor knew she was going to leave to go travelling for about 4 months, but deliberately didn't hand her notice in until exactly a month before she left, what a legend. This one wasn't my fault, I swear!

[Giggles]

Your mission for your notice period should now be to annoy her enough that she explodes and has a breakdown.

[Spikey M]

I would be aiming to cause longterm distress and damage any way I could.

Tuna and scrambled egg behind / inside every radiator. Weigh down the floats in the toilets on your last day. Buy some mice from a pet shop and introduce them as free range office pets, etc.

[Giggles]

:cool:

[Ian]

I've worked in with so many people who should have failed promotion for being useless and/or cunts but didn't I had started to assume it never actually happened.

Try and get her done for harassment or something if she keeps pestering you before you go. Don't ruin everybody's lives just because one person is a fanny but certainly try and make hers more effort than it's worth.

[Baz]

Why? She’s likely right. :henn0rz:

[Spikey M]

Don't ruin everybody's lives just because one person is a fanny

Disagree.

[Foe]

You got anything else lined up? Is this not the gaff you said was a shambles anyway?

Why not request to be out on gardening leave for your notice period if she has that much of an issue with you?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't mean this in a dickhead way, but what do you think it is about you that means managers (pissy middle management witch-vampires or otherwise) often don't like you?

[Baz]

Fit?Dunno, don’t think so. The lads I work with have a pretty good idea of who is and isn’t fit and I’ve never heard her mentioned before.

Bit awkward anyway because the one applicant is also the person from HR who was responsible for posting the job advert. And she’s not met some of the criteria so it’s gonna be a ‘none of the applicants met the essential criteria, please advertise the job externally’ conversation. :stamford:

[Lofty]

Good luck with that one :D

[Ben]

Post has gone to advert for my assistant. :happycry:

What a time to be alive.


One applicant. She seems keen.


Bit awkward anyway because the one applicant is also the person from HR who was responsible for posting the job advert. And she’s not met some of the criteria so it’s gonna be a ‘none of the applicants met the essential criteria, please advertise the job externally’ conversation. :stamford:

A short story.

[Offshore Toon]

I don't mean this in a dickhead way, but what do you think it is about you that means managers (pissy middle management witch-vampires or otherwise) often don't like you?
She probably just hates a good story.

[Spikey M]

Dunno, don’t think so. The lads I work with have a pretty good idea of who is and isn’t fit and I’ve never heard her mentioned before.

Bit awkward anyway because the one applicant is also the person from HR who was responsible for posting the job advert. And she’s not met some of the criteria so it’s gonna be a ‘none of the applicants met the essential criteria, please advertise the job externally’ conversation. :stamford:

Just give her the job you self important fanny.

[Lofty]

How qualified do you need to be to edit Love Island parody videos?

[Baz]

Just give her the job you self important fanny.
I’m already reluctant to have someone supporting me (everyone’s thicker than me) but especially so if they’re not ticking all the boxes. She couldn’t identify Kenny Omega and doesn’t know base set Charizard’s HP.

The biggest red flag was the job is advertised as 6 potential levels of pay, and she’s already on the top level. I want some entry level up-and-comer who buzzes every April when their pay increases.

[Spikey M]

Shindig

[Manc]

You really have to go some to be sacked in the modern working world. Fair play.

[Giggles]

Imagne Baz being your boss.

[Pen]

I would imagine it to be much like the Office.

[Manc]

Emphasis very much on FUN.

[Ben]

"Working" on Monday. Basically a bit of over the phone advice from home as I recover from Sunday. I thought it was double pay but just been told quadruple. :cool:

[Lewis]

I don't mean this in a dickhead way, but what do you think it is about you that means managers (pissy middle management witch-vampires or otherwise) often don't like you?

You could argue that something like 'conduct' is subjective, especially since some people obviously won't get igor's randomness, but if they have enough material to make 'attendance' an issue then lol what you thinking mate?

[Shindig]

Shindig

Not for me, Clive. Although I might say otherwise next March.

[Spikey M]

One of my tenants has stopped engaging and it is completely unlike him. I have tried visiting him twice along with phonecalls, emails, etc. So I called the police on Tuesday and asked if they could do a welfare visit.

Just had a call at 11 o'clock at night. He's dead. Presumed suicide but they aren't sure. Fuck.

Not sure what the point of this post is lads, so carry on, I guess I'm just processing.

[igor_balis]

I don't mean this in a dickhead way, but what do you think it is about you that means managers (pissy middle management witch-vampires or otherwise) often don't like you?

It's a fair question, though it's not just that managers often dislike me - it's that they almost always really like me and think I'm quality, or they think I'm a massive wanker. I know some people would fucking love that, and be all if you can't handle me at my worst you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best #marmite, but I don't. I don't get that mixed John Cena reception from anyone else (cus everyone just thinks i'm a twat wayyy).

I think there's two main things.

One is that I'm obviously fairly bright, and capable of actually doing good work (you'll have to take my word for it on those), but also have moments where I get the brain fuzz, struggle to maintain attention, make stupid little mistakes and all that stuff. Been the same story since school - obviously almost every school report I had was "igor is more than capable, but needs to put more effort it/pay more attention" etc etc. In terms of my professional performance, it obviously doesn't really matter what causes it, but the problem is that some managers interpret it as laziness/not giving a shit, or in the case of my most recent manager, outright insubordination. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, but I really can't help it. I'm just an idiot.

I remember one particularly pathetic moment where I actually went home and cried like a little girl when I was working at the bank, because I made this mad effort to be more attentive, had been eating really well, not drinking, sleeping loads, doing exercise, and proper pushing myself at work, and I still ended up managing to fuck something up really badly and my till ended up £200 wrong. It was a bit like that simpsons episode where Bart actually does loads of revision for that test and still fucked it up.

The managers who have liked me have I think put up with the shit, cus they know I can't help it, and because I've made up for it with other work.

The other thing is basically just how I carry myself. I'm quite casual and jokey and shit and don't exactly have a "work mode". I'm not trying to do this to brag about my #authenticity, it's more an admission that I'm fucking rubbish at changing this when it ain't working. I guess the managers who like me just think I'm a sound, genuine guy with top bantz, and the others think I'm an unprofessional dickhead who needs to grow up and think me acting like the class clown now i'm in my 30s is pathetic - and like, fair enough. To clarify, I'm not a bantersaurus going round putting whoopie cushions on the ceo's chair and saying alright dickhead to my manager.

Bit high risk high reward I suppose. At the rural Norfolk bank branch I got told by my manager I needed to stop being so casual with customers, and say Sir and Madam and shit, whereas at the city centre branch in Birmingham, they had new staff shadow me to watch how I interact with customers as it was exactly the kind of personable, approachableness they wanted, and said you shouldn't try to be deferential to posher customers cus it comes across really fake and insincere. As I said, the problem is that I'm fucking rubbish at switching to being more professional and serious when managers prefer that. I guess I need to work on that.

[Luca]

I'm not a doctor (I'm just Yevrah), but the first bit of that kind of sounds like ADD, Igor. I don't mean that as a barb at all, but in a "there are treatments for that, man" kind of way.

[Ian]

One of my tenants has stopped engaging and it is completely unlike him. I have tried visiting him twice along with phonecalls, emails, etc. So I called the police on Tuesday and asked if they could do a welfare visit.

Just had a call at 11 o'clock at night. He's dead. Presumed suicide but they aren't sure. Fuck.

Not sure what the point of this post is lads, so carry on, I guess I'm just processing.

That's shit. How often are you in touch with somebody like that?

[Spikey M]

That's shit. How often are you in touch with somebody like that?

Fairly common. It's the nature of Social / Council housing that we have a large number of vulnerable people, but in recent (read: Tory) years Supported Housing (Along with every other support service) has been cut back to the bone. So we have quite a few residents that probably shouldn't be living in "general needs" accommodation, but it's that or nothing. So subsequently we have people coming from Harp (Southends charity for the homeless) with drug and / or alcohol dependency issues just being left to crack on alone. That's what's happened with this bloke. Nice man, down on his luck, turned to the booze and completely let down by the support services that are meant to be in place to help him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

On the subject of death, one of our warehouse supervisors is leaving to become an undertaker. Just walked round the offices saying his goodbyes. Someone asked him how he found the role / got into it, since he's been here for 20 years. He said 'I dunno really, it's just something I've always wanted to do'. Not a hint of sarcasm/irony. Love it.

[Raoul Duke]

Maybe he's really into 90s wrestling

[mo]

I'm not a doctor (I'm just Yevrah), but the first bit of that kind of sounds like ADD, Igor. I don't mean that as a barb at all, but in a "there are treatments for that, man" kind of way.

Exact same thought. Adult diagnosis is possible, although you're probably looking at a 2-3 year wait assuming it's the same for adults as it is for kids. I only mention it because if that is the case then suddenly igor's manager goes from being 'a bit of a cunt' to 'discriminatory'.

Although a guy I used to work with got himself diagnosed as autistic aged 35 and it was like a switch flipped, he just sort of stopped trying. All he does now is talk about being autistic and he's pretty well known for it, but it is really fucking grating. His twitter threads about how to treat/talk to autistic people are really conceited.

[mo]

Found out tonight that it looks likely that I'm going to be losing part of my job - no threat to my employment status, but it is very annoying. Essentially our pastoral structure has three Heads of Year (7, 8&9, 10&11) and three Assistant Heads of Year, plus four non-teaching 'Pastoral Leaders'. I've been doing the AHoY job for 18 months, which I enjoy as it's a little pay bump, doesn't have the responsibility of HoY but does give me a bit less teaching time as well. But it looks like they're going to scrap the AHoY role moving forwards. We've speculated as to what that means (a HoY for each year? surely not, that would be fucking sensible and more expensive) but at least one HoY needs replacing as they're retiring and joining the Pastoral Leaders team.

So at some point, hopefully this term, at least one HoY role will be advertised, likely internally. I'd be in with a good shout of getting it I reckon but equally if it's only one position and not three, I'm not sure I want it. Poisoned chalice, etc.

Plus I think that would technically make me a Binman.

Got a request from the Assitant Head to chat to me and one of the other AHoYs (not sure why not all three) about the structure going forwards. Annoyingly It'll have to wait til Wednesday as my body has decided that I'm dizzy whenever I stand up today but I'm hoping the other guy will go and chat to him and report back.

[Baz]

All he does now is talk about being autistic and he's pretty well known for it, but it is really fucking grating. His twitter threads about how to treat/talk to autistic people are really conceited.
Especially when it’s all made up. ;)

[Gray Fox]

An adult diagnosis of Autism can take several years no? I would imagine if he was faking it, it would have shone through.

[Spikey M]

An adult diagnosis of Autism can take several years no?

Fuck that, I reckon we can sort this out by Tuesday. Someone start a thread. "Igor: Autistic or Twat".

Make a poll.

[Raoul Duke]

Fuck that, I reckon we can sort this out by Tuesday. Someone start a thread. "Igor: Autistic or Twat".

Make a poll.

Replace WDYTOE? with Who Do You Think Is Autistic?

[Lewis]

I once missed out on an in-year reward because of my 'conduct around the office', but I'm basically unsackable/irreplaceable (this is more a reflection of my shit pay than me), and people just think I'm a bit of a retard anyway with my mega memory and cheeky sexism, so now nobody thinks about it.

[Giggles]

I’m too thick to be autistic.

[Foe]

Do you have a photographic memory Lewis? How does it actually work so well?

A girl I went to uni with had a photographic memory and she just read everything because once she had, she could go back to it later.

[Shindig]

Although a guy I used to work with got himself diagnosed as autistic aged 35 and it was like a switch flipped, he just sort of stopped trying. All he does now is talk about being autistic and he's pretty well known for it, but it is really fucking grating. His twitter threads about how to treat/talk to autistic people are really conceited.

I'd guess he was doing a fair bit of masking (i.e. he knew something was up but tried to pretend he was normal) and now the diagnosis gives him a reason to drop all that behaviour. I think masking is generally frowned upon because some ACADEMICS think it increases the likelihood of suicide and depression.

I don't buy it.

[Lewis]

Do you have a photographic memory Lewis? How does it actually work so well?

A girl I went to uni with had a photographic memory and she just read everything because once she had, she could go back to it later.

I can't read things and instantly memorise them or anything proper mongworthy, and I would struggle to remember a phone number if you told me it and asked me again later. I just sort of remember what I do/interact with, so when I get asked whether I remember something we did at work (or on the forum) I generally can.

[Spikey M]

Literally everyone is "masking". If we were all bowling around without filter the world would be a very different place.

Autism is a victim card. One of the must have accessories of the decade, that's why mateyboy is larging it up on Twitter, nothing else.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Everyone at work thinks I'm a maniac with a photographic memory, but that's just because I can remember things like who was the Prime Minister in 1975, and where Rawtenstall is. Lewis has an orders of magnitude freak show memory for remembering things people said in offhand posts ten years ago. Even then I'm not sure it's photographic, which is for turbo-freaks only.

[igor_balis]

I have a similar memory to Lewis then, at least for random conversations I've had since, well forever pretty much.

[Kikó]

Do you have retard strength as well Lewis?

[Lewis]

Sort of, yeah, and picking cabinets and stuff up during the office movearound has only added to the spastic mystique.

[Kikó]

🤣

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab came in this morning carting a massive cardboard box, which it turned out was full of probably 60 bottles of Powerade, and then he went to the shops to get more. The office fridge is now full of Powerade and the rest is stacked up in his office. We asked him why he needed to bring in so much Powerade, and he explained: he was going to use it to bribe warehouse staff to pack his orders quicker and before other people's.

This motherfucker is literally bringing financial doping into the parts sales environment. I need to set UEFA on him.

[Ian]

Is Powerade considered an acceptable bribe among warehouse staff?

[niko_cee]

Barney's going to roll in with a crate of Prime tomorrow. An expensive gamble set to backfire unless the warehouse is largely staffed by children.

Is The Arab giving them that because he thinks they like it or so they'll have more energy to work?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Presumably it is. He has certainly managed to repair relations with them after a few months back his dad wandered through, someone shouted 'Here comes the camel trader!' and got fired.

[Gray Fox]

If it's anything like the one I work in, yes.

[Baz]

What colour? Blue, presumably.

White (arctic shatter) is the ultimate but I don’t think it exists anymore.

[Adramelch]

This motherfucker is literally bringing financial doping into the parts sales environment. I need to set UEFA on him.

If anything, they will offer him a job.

[Bernanke]

If anything, they will offer him a job.

Egypt-Greece-Saudi bid is definitely taking it then.

[Shindig]

The new hire decided to join the increasing list of people that don't show up. We suspect the agency is a bit shit at telling them where they need to be and when.

[Baz]

I had Powerade out the machine at the cinema today, inspired by the Arab.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't tell you how well you and the Arab would get on. You'd eventually get bored of him talking about himself, but the first few days would be a whirlwind romance.

[Baz]

I can't tell you how well you and the Arab would get on. You'd eventually get bored of him talking about himself, but the first few days would be a whirlwind romance.Just seen this. Considering how much everyone on here rates him as an absolute don, this is possibly the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. :happycry:

Elsewhere I’m in a Teams meeting 10-1 today. 3 hours of reviewing drug related deaths. Woooo!

[Manc]

Last day in work tommorrow before a four week break. :rasta:

[Boydy]

Four weeks?! What are you doing with that amount of time off?

[Manc]

Two weeks in Mexico in the middle. House reno either side. Small possibility I never go back.

[Adramelch]

Two job offers and very likely a third one to come soon. When it rains it pours.

[Ben]

Trying to juggle three projects 400 miles apart and sell and buy a house, makes it not the right time to go on holiday. There's going to be a whole load of shit when I get back.

But fuck it, I'm exhausted. Out of office on.

[Baz]

Crap, it's happened. I've been made semi-responsible for accepting and rejecting alcohol license applications.

https://pa1.narvii.com/7205/48d51bc9a48a5080f7c7b38eaf5897993095f3d6r1-500-372_hq.gif

[mo]

An interesting situation arose yesterday at work which is forcing me to make a choice by Monday.

I applied for, and yesterday was offered an interview, a Head of Year job at another school. It would double my commute roughly, but the money is much better (my normal wage plus an additional £7,300) and I'd only teach 32/50 hrs a fortnight (5 hrs PPA is protected, so 13 hrs focused solely on my HoY role). The interview is an all-day thing on Tuesday.

Meanwhile, a similar role has come up at my own school. My position as Assistant Head of Year is being ditched, as is Head of Year, and they're moving to 'RSLs' (Raising Standards Leaders) - one for each year group so there are three roles available (two current HoYs are staying on, one is retiring). It's essentially Head of Year but with another name. The money is less (£4,800) and the time to do the job is half that of the other school (so teaching 38/50 hrs). Interview is also on Tuesday, but is just a formal interview that in theory could be done at any time next week.

I went to the Assistant Head who is the line manager for pastoral staff and told him the situation. He checked with the head about whether they could interview me at another point. The head has said no; I have to choose which to go for, therefore limiting my options. This is a cunt move; good leadership in schools invests in developing all staff and supports them to step up to new roles if they choose to, whether there or at another school.

So, scenarios:

I go for the external job. Much more risky; I don't know what I'm up against, other interviewees (there will be 3/4 others) could have loads more experience than I do. If I don't get that role and can't interview for the internal role, I won't have any extra responsibility in September. Money isn't the crux of it but obviously is a factor; I genuinely want now to be doing this sort of role.

I go for the internal role. Trying to avoid sounding arrogant but I would back myself here; there are 3 positions available and a lot of the people who would go for this sort of role are moving on. I already have strong relationships with tutors/students established and I've been told I'm doing a good job. Much less risky, although entirely possible I don't get it and end up as above, with no additional role in September. Either way, I'm stuck working for a cunt of a head who has no vision or passion for the job and allegedly wants to retire in three years and go into property.

I really want to go for the external role and risk cutting my nose off to spite my face. But I'm the only one who loses out in this scenario, the head doesn't. So I think I've got to go for the internal and use it to build my experience and maybe move on next year if the right role comes up.

[Baz]

I really want to go for the external role

Do this. Like you said, your current employers are being dicks and purposely restricting your career growth. Back yourself, get that other job.

[Boydy]

How long is your current commute that would be doubled? That'd probably be the biggest factor in my decision. Unless your current one is like 10 mins and it's only going to go up to 20 mins.

[mo]

20 mins to 40/45. That's another big factor as our mornings are quite challenging due to our son's additional needs.

[Gray Fox]

Interview for the job internally imo. You'll get the experience that seems to be the only thing you may lack for essentially the same post externally. You'll then be in a perfect spot if something else comes up. Maybe even closer.

I would personally value the extra time at home and not upsetting your sons morning routine, than the extra bit of pay on top and reduced teaching hours.

[niko_cee]

Sounds like you should go for the external job, unless the commute is a problem.

I suppose in money terms if you are spending and extra 2 hours a week commuting, that adds up to what 60 odds hours a year [how many weeks do teachers work?], so is that worth the difference between the two salary increases?

But obviously it slices both ways, so it's whatever is the main priority - getting experience, getting away from a knobhead, life balance, money . . .

[Foe]

Can you ask the external one if they can do Wednesday or Thursday instead?

“I have a personal issue on Tuesday, would I be able to interview later in the week please?”

[Lofty]

Our spot have brought in a little spend counter that grasses you in for printing :D

[mo]

Can you ask the external one if they can do Wednesday or Thursday instead?

“I have a personal issue on Tuesday, would I be able to interview later in the week please?”

A reasonable suggestion. I've considered this - trouble is in schools, 9/10 they offer jobs on the day. They might consider re-arranging all the elements for me to the day after, but I can't do that either and it's beginning to look like I'm just being difficult.

[Boydy]

The commute is increasing by 20 mins. So that's 40 mins every day. What's that, 3 hours and 20 mins extra a week you'll be sat in your car, I assume? Plus messing up the morning routine with your son. I would not be doing that for two and a half grand extra. But people value different things, I guess.

How much extra money is 2.5k a year in your monthly pay packet? Isn't fuel/whatever travel costs probably just gonna cancel that out?

Do you like your current school apart from the head? If he's gonna retire soon too might be worth sticking it out, especially if you back yourself to get the job there. Have you heard anything about what the other school is like?

[mo]

The commute is increasing by 20 mins. So that's 40 mins every day. What's that, 3 hours and 20 mins extra a week you'll be sat in your car, I assume? Plus messing up the morning routine with your son. I would not be doing that for two and a half grand extra. But people value different things, I guess.

How much extra money is 2.5k a year in your monthly pay packet? Isn't fuel/whatever travel costs probably just gonna cancel that out?

Do you like your current school apart from the head? If he's gonna retire soon too might be worth sticking it out, especially if you back yourself to get the job there. Have you heard anything about what the other school is like?

I went and visited the other school. One of the Assistant Heads there met with me, showed me around a bit and spent a good 45 minutes telling me about the school, the role etc, like a pre-interview almost. This was a big part of the draw - you're right, the extra money is peanuts every month tbh, it's more about being valued appropriately. That was the appeal of the move really.

My current school I mostly like. Department is great and most of the leadership I trust. But the head is an arse and is driving out some of the most valuable senior teachers to satisfy his own ego. His best mate's wife is also assistant head there so she's sat on a plum ticket and is phoning it in.

Anyway. Other school emailed this morning to ask me to confirm, so I replied and withdrew. I emailed the AH who showed me around and gave a bit more of a detailed explanation, which I think I kept the right side of professional.

[mo]

I got the internal job today. Head of Year 10 from September - on the balance of probabilities that was probably the best outcome from the situation.

[Boydy]

Congrats, Mo.

[Foe]

Yeah, nice one. Nice to see it all work out.

[Mike]

Top stuff!

[Shindig]

Played a blinder there.

[Raoul Duke]

I got the internal job today. Head of Year 10 from September - on the balance of probabilities that was probably the best outcome from the situation.

Mo money, mo problems

[mo]

Thanks all, appreciated.

[phonics]

My Year 10 head was a guy who dubbed himself Mr. G and was a complete cunt.

[Baz]

Someone sent me a spreadsheet today and I instantly replied all saying it had given me PTSD, without thinking. :rosebud:

I followed it up about 15 minutes later, once me and ChatGPT had got our VB codes in order, with a much better version of the spreadsheet.

Will they continue to use the shit grey one with size 24 Century Gothic font? No doubt. Will I continue to be a Spreadsheet Badboy? You know it.

[Spikey M]

My Year 10 head was a guy who dubbed himself Mr. G and was a complete cunt.

I didn't know Andrew Tate did teaching.

[Spikey M]

Just signed the new contract after a frustrating "consultation period" in which no ground was given. The only positive is that we have it recorded that there are no performance issues within the team and they agree that if the workload isn't being maintained the issue is with too few staff, not the staff themselves.

It's a bit shit that we now just have to watch this fall on it's arse while they push the only staff with lease management experience out the door, but here we are.

Morale at an all time low across the team. Top management. :happycry:

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab's brother just paced through looking for him. The Arab then went out in tears. Came back in after about ten minutes, still in tears, and said he had to attend an urgent matter and would see us on Monday.

Reckon his dad could have popped it, given his age, alcoholism and general state of health. Horrible silence in the office now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

False alarm, his uncle's popped. The legend lives on (for now).

[phonics]

I’ve never know someone who’s family members who don’t work there are so integrated into the office environment.

[Baz]

Had 22 applications for the job that had to go external. Some of them are foreign and ticked ‘no’ to being eligible to work in the UK. Why waste my time? No I won’t sponsor your visa, Abdul.

Anyway, got AI to score all the applications against the essential criteria and it’s given me five who scored top marks. Interview them and employ the fittest. EZ PZ.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The 82 (now 83) year old VP is finally being pensioned off, and he's throwing a retirement 'evening meal' on Thursday for a select group. I'm the only person from the sales floor who's been invited, which is fantastically awkward. When the Arab finds out he's going to have a full-on tantrum.

[Magic]

I've been offered a job with a vendor, managing partners and helping do indirect deals in Scotland (up to 50k worth). The next promotion up is a named account manager where deal size is up to 250k.

Basic starts at 60k plus the same again in commission and as they are a $10b organisation with some absolutely ace products that's easily achievable. Might take it, given the only reason I joined here is because of my boss who is leaving over the next couple of months. He asked me to go with him and 're-create' the department from current place but don't fancy that.

p.s obv I'm going to ask for a better basic, currently on 70.

[Ian]

The 82 (now 83) year old VP is finally being pensioned off, and he's throwing a retirement 'evening meal' on Thursday for a select group. I'm the only person from the sales floor who's been invited, which is fantastically awkward. When the Arab finds out he's going to have a full-on tantrum.

Will Barney be quietly seething?

[Baz]

Dawned on me today that I’m going to have to do interviews. 5 on Teams and 3 in rl. Imagine going for an interview and I’m sat there. :lol:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Will Barney be quietly seething?

No, because he holds his knife like a pen and therefore is dodging the bullet of any of the big cheeses seeing him eating thus and ruling him out of any future promotion shortlists as a result.

[Lofty]

Did the Arab not respond by marching round the office shouting indignantly?

[Adramelch]

Two job offers and very likely a third one to come soon. When it rains it pours.

I'd made it clear to the third company that I had to decide by last Friday and they'd told me they'd get back to me by then, which they didn't, so I ended up accepting one of the other two.

I received the following e-mail from them today:

"The team really liked your profile, and we would like to consider it for a more senior position than the one you initially applied and interviewed for. But since this is a newly opened position, it would take us two to three weeks to get back to you."

It's like we're playing 4d chess or something.

[Magic]

Just tell them you don't have that sort of time. They need to remember this is your actual life.

[Adramelch]

I told them that I'd made it clear in the interview that there was a deadline of sorts in regards to the other offers. I mean I'm happy with my choice regardless, it's just weird from their side that they'd go as far as to offer me a more senior role yet couldn't do it in a more timely manner.

[Baz]

Serves you right for being so good. :thbup:

I have a similar conundrum. I only started my current role in October, for a significant payrise, but my old boss who now works for a different place has come to me saying I can have a job if I want it. 31%-45% payrise depending on what I can negotiate. But it would mean three days a week in an office that's about 40 mins commute, and probably having to do actual work. It would be a 12 month secondment, possibly up to 24 months, before likely returning to my current place but who knows what doing.

Is it daft to choose comfortable mediocrity over chasing piles of cash? I've even been considering asking to condense my current work down to four days, once my apprenticeship is finished. This would put that idea to bed.

I think I'll say thanks but no thanks.

[Magic]

Absolutely not. Bare minimum for maximum cash. If you have to work for it what's the point. Always take the easiest option. If my boss wasn't leaving here I'd stay because I've got an awesome work life balance, full autonomy and full trust. When he goes in the next couple months, that goes hence why I'm looking to leave.

I'd love to work with him at the new place but I just don't see merit for my role there even though he wants me to go. They aren't big enough (staff and money) to not ask questions.

[Lofty]

You don't want to be unhappy all the time if you don't need the money. Everyone's different but I see enough people at my spot chasing the big salaries, hating it and continually switching roles to try and balance the new salary they got for a job they hate less. After tax, by the time you've opted for a nicer car, planned a better holiday, how much is left from the uplift? Enough for an NFT and a few rare pokemon cards?

I've been tipped that a job at my spot maybe opening up and I should apply for it, £10k uplift in salary but if I have to give up home working to traipse round to loads of meetings I'll stick with the quiet spreadsheet life walking my dog and not having to talk to anyone I don't want to.

[Adramelch]

Serves you right for being so good. :thbup:

I'm basically reaping the benefits of having been at my current job for a couple of years. The pay is shit (for my qualifications at least), but it's at the energy regulator so you basically get to see the whole energy sector inside out. New job is a 65% payrise, plus up to another 25% in bonuses.

In regards to your dilemma, I'd say it also depends on the work itself. I'd do it if it looks like it might be enjoyable, but wouldn't otherwise despite the pay raise.

[Mike]

Serves you right for being so good. :thbup:

I have a similar conundrum. I only started my current role in October, for a significant payrise, but my old boss who now works for a different place has come to me saying I can have a job if I want it. 31%-45% payrise depending on what I can negotiate. But it would mean three days a week in an office that's about 40 mins commute, and probably having to do actual work. It would be a 12 month secondment, possibly up to 24 months, before likely returning to my current place but who knows what doing.

Is it daft to choose comfortable mediocrity over chasing piles of cash? I've even been considering asking to condense my current work down to four days, once my apprenticeship is finished. This would put that idea to bed.

I think I'll say thanks but no thanks.

Not at all, and for what it’s worth, dropping down to 4 days is amazing, and really has me believing that a 4 day working week should be the norm.

[Ian]

I've never had a proper four day week, but I did have a stint doing "condensed shifts" where I did four ten hour days and even that was amazing. But sadly our overlords are the sort of weird freaks who think happiness is finite and if the proles are happy it must mean they're lass happy somehow so I doubt the four dayer will become a thing here any time soon .

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's definitely where an advanced society would end up. We're a long way from it now. 'Business leaders' would need emergency heart surgery.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A recruiter in Guildford called me about a job last week. I'm ok here now but thought I'd listen. It was for a salary £5k less than I'm on here, so I said no thank you. Anyway, she's called me again every single fucking day since (I haven't picked up once) and left a voicemail begging me to reconsider for the same role, as I'd 'make a great fit' and it 'really suited my skills', whatever those are. Every day, no respite, just called me again now and left another voicemail. How desperate are these people?

[Magic]

Probably measured on activity metrics, gotta feel that pain.

[Spikey M]

That and commission. If they don't fill the role, they don't get any money for it. If there's slim pickings available then they're going into hard sale mode.

It must be a miserable job, but these cunts deserve every second of suffering.

[niko_cee]

Slim pickings, you gonna stand for that Jim?

[Spikey M]

As in quantity, not quality, obvs. :D

[Magic]

Slim pickings, you gonna stand for that Jim?

:eyemouth:

[Jimmy Floyd]

We had a customer visiting from Nigeria today. First thing he did was walk in, ask where the toilet was, went into the toilet (leaving the door open) and pissed all over the floor. Like, we're not talking just missing the bowl, we're talking spray gun all over the room, from coast to coast, backwards, everything.

Is the toilet bowl a white man's construct, oppressing the global majority's natural creative freedom?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Power play.

[Offshore Toon]

China's influence in Africa is worse than I thought.

[Spikey M]

He'll be defrosting fish in the sink by morning.

[Adramelch]

Turns out he wasn't even a customer.

[Lofty]

We had that in our shared office building where people were coming in off the street for a shit, until a massive security crackdown like it was a terrorist threat :D

[Dark Soldier]

I'm noticing a severe rise in aggression and anger in my work of late. I handle calla for GMC, can handle them no problem but fucking hell of late it just feels like spates and spates of hatred and anger simmering all across the public.

State of the NHS and life in general for most clearly firing this rage but I'm chucking my CV at everything non-public facing from her on out.

[Dark Soldier]

Quite a lot of "I'm not a racist but" too creeping in

[Spikey M]

Noticing the same tbh. My favourite was "atleast the Pikey's didn't come over and take our houses". Appreciative racism is almost beautiful.

[Dark Soldier]

Yep ours is always about Asian doctors. Or any non-white doctors. Always worded in a way where you can't just terminate the call.

[Bernanke]

I'm noticing a severe rise in aggression and anger in my work of late. I handle calla for GMC, can handle them no problem but fucking hell of late it just feels like spates and spates of hatred and anger simmering all across the public.

State of the NHS and life in general for most clearly firing this rage but I'm chucking my CV at everything non-public facing from her on out.

Feels like something just snapped in a lot of people during lockdown. You notice it everywhere. Nightlife, on the roads, customer service, people are just losing it across the board.

[SvN]

I was queueing to be served in Tesco express a few days ago and a hi-vis wearing tradesman of some sort was being served. After about 30 seconds he shouted "Any chance of this being fucking done today?". The guy serving him looked bewildered and just responded with a confused "huh" - from what I could tell, he was scanning stuff at a perfectly reasonable pace. The bloke just shouted "FOR FUCK SAKE" and stormed out without taking the stuff. Was utterly bizzare.

[Dark Soldier]

Feels like something just snapped in a lot of people during lockdown. You notice it everywhere. Nightlife, on the roads, customer service, people are just losing it across the board.

Yep seeing it in traffic, on the metrolink, a lot of places. Also noticing via my role a lot of the results of unsupported mental health. A lot of calls from people with severe problems and not getting any help spouting absolute fantasies.

[randomlegend]

Power play.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/2d48cdac4d0595e8aae9faa650eba2b1/tumblr_mznkozsNvH1r9yflwo4_1280.png

[randomlegend]

Yep ours is always about Asian doctors. Or any non-white doctors. Always worded in a way where you can't just terminate the call.

GMC is also pretty racist though.

[Dark Soldier]

Eh now we did equality training the other week.

[Magic]

Feels like something just snapped in a lot of people during lockdown. You notice it everywhere. Nightlife, on the roads, customer service, people are just losing it across the board.

It's compounded in the UK by everything being absolutely fucking shit.

[Offshore Toon]

My phone hasn't rang once since I started on Feb 1st. :drool:

[Yevrah]

Yep seeing it in traffic, on the metrolink, a lot of places. Also noticing via my role a lot of the results of unsupported mental health. A lot of calls from people with severe problems and not getting any help spouting absolute fantasies.

Now every fucker is encouraged to talk about their mental health, even people who are actually absolutely fine, is that leading to some of the genuine cases getting lost in the noise?

[Spikey M]

Possibly, but I think Custard has hit the nail on the head. Absolutely everything is shit at the moment and people are at breaking point, so minor inconveniences are being catastrophised and people are kicking off over shit that would have been an eyeroll and a whispered "ffs" a short while ago.

[Dark Soldier]

Now every fucker is encouraged to talk about their mental health, even people who are actually absolutely fine, is that leading to some of the genuine cases getting lost in the noise?

If you heard some of the calls I've had you'd be saying yes.

[Lewis]

I could easily lose it in supermarkets when half the tils are closed to give the workers chance to stand around doing nothing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I had someone yell 'This is a fucking disgrace!' down the phone earlier because we are sending them a £7 rubber hose today and not yesterday. There seem to be a lot of people right on the edge be it financially, emotionally or whatever.

[Offshore Toon]

The one benefit of this major economic downturn is we're starting to identify who genuinely loves banter and who was wearing a mask. Schofield the most prominent example. Mellin another.

[Boydy]

Now every fucker is encouraged to talk about their mental health, even people who are actually absolutely fine, is that leading to some of the genuine cases getting lost in the noise?
Everyone talks about mental health and is AWARE of it. But if you actually need help, there's none fucking there.

Also what Magic said.