The All New Jobs Thread

[Shindig]

Missed payments? Is the company doing alright or is the money being filtered through to Johannesburg as we speak?

[Boydy]

I'm going to Seattle tomorrow for a week with work. I really cannot be arsed. There's work shit every day and the CEO said the other day in a message to everyone "we will have lots of team time for fun/connection in the evenings" so the evenings won't even be our own.

[Ben]

Work-related after hours "fun" is just the worst.

[Shindig]

Especially miles from home in a city where you'd rather do anything else.

[Lofty]

Anti-Strike rhetoric whilst hoping they remember to pay you, there's a reason they never fuck the wages on railway :D

[Spikey M]

I don't know if I mentioned it in here, but a while back I visited an old boy that wears nappies (for some reason he can't have a colostomy bag) and he sat there for the duration of my visit slowly shitting himself.

Well, guess who's been racist to one of his neighbours and needs another visit later today? Fuck sake.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Strange to think you've been considering a career change.

[Spikey M]

:happycry:

Considering accompanying you to South America and starting a new life as a drug mule at this point.

[Baz]

Work night out tonight for someones 30th*. They're all meeting at 5:30 and going for food at 7, so when I rock up at 8 when the kids are in bed all the work talk will be over and done with and everyone will be merry. :youpi:

*Sat in the office yesterday people watching members of other teams going to and from the kitchen made me realise how old I am now. Like I'm not one of the fresh-faced 20-somethings anymore, but one of the old heads. Depressing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Peru is kicking off big style, which is making life interesting. It seems to be impossible to actually plan anything properly, as the senior road sales type guys here (and no doubt everywhere) are impulsive shitheads who can't sit still. If we can't go to Peru (which is in the middle of the itinerary), I would have thought we should just bring forward the subsequent destinations and skip it, but no, Old Man Idiot seems to want to delay the start of the whole thing so that we can attend a company sales seminar. You see, it was booked for the first Monday of our trip, and he recently found this out and started a massive seethe, believing they're trying to force him out. He also had a diva strop about not being invited to the Christmas lunch, even though he lives 250 miles away and so a trip down south for a pub lunch seemed silly.

All the while, I can't plan anything in my life at this point, as I have no idea whether I'm flying in two weeks' time as has been booked for the last two months, or not. In these guys' minds, because I don't have a wife/kids, my life only involves work, so I can operate on this basis forever. They even asked me if I was willing to travel alone to the Ivory Coast in May (I lolled that idea into the bin).

Mate, you're 79. Fucking retire.

[Ben]

Have you been paid yet?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, we got paid at about 11am once the finance department had finished their artisan coffee and gourmet pastry selection, and decided to log on for the day. Just hadn't bothered doing the payment run on time.

[randomlegend]

Yeah, we got paid at about 11am once the finance department had finished their artisan coffee and gourmet pastry selection, and decided to log on for the day. Just hadn't bothered doing the payment run on time.

Can't help but have a rye laugh when you've got private sector workers moaning about not getting paid until 11am on payday whilst we have doctors being paid over a year late and having debt collectors sent after them for money they were never told they owed (and actually didn't owe).

[niko_cee]

What's that an argument in favour of? Privatisation?

[Ben]

Strikes. :cool:

[randomlegend]

I guess it's an argument about private sector workers saying they have everything just as hard and the public sector should stop moaning.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Surprised you even have energy bills when your halo can light and heat the place.

[Spikey M]

"When I were a lad I had to to walk 10 miles to school, barefoot, in the snow, uphill both ways"

[niko_cee]

I guess it's an argument about private sector workers saying they have everything just as hard and the public sector should stop moaning.

Was it even really moaning though? More wry commentary.

[Foe]

Work night out tonight for someones 30th*. They're all meeting at 5:30 and going for food at 7, so when I rock up at 8 when the kids are in bed all the work talk will be over and done with and everyone will be merry. :youpi:

*Sat in the office yesterday people watching members of other teams going to and from the kitchen made me realise how old I am now. Like I'm not one of the fresh-faced 20-somethings anymore, but one of the old heads. Depressing.

This is a depressing reality. Particularly when there’s a new hottie in the office and you have to screen out the “will she think I’m a creepy old guy?”. The answer is always yes, because as it turns out, I probably am.

[Kikó]

I'm not sure why the doctors feel so entitled. I clapped for them which is more than I did for the parts sales people.

[Spikey M]

I thanked the surgeons that delivered my kids, meanwhile I called the MOT geezer that charged me £180 for new brake disks and pads a cunt under my breath.

[Baz]

Sucks that you have to do both together now. Bring back asbestos!

[Magic]

Got a 5% pay rise even though still on probation. :drool:

[Boydy]

Well I fucked up. Had to rebook my flight for monday as I didn't know what an ESTA was and that you had to do it before turning up to the airport.

I swear someone told me once that you just signed a visa waiver form on the plane?

On the bright side, missing one of the days of the corporate shite on monday.

[niko_cee]

:D

Haven't ESTAs existed for most if not all of your adult life?

On a side note, the new EU one sounds like it's going to be a bit of a bureaucratic nightmare so that may put pay to going there for a few years until everyone has been sufficiently fingerprinted etc.

[Boydy]

I have no idea, I've never been to the US before.

[Boydy]

The girl at the desk said it normally comes through quickly (within an hour) once you've submitted it. So I did and waited around at the airport for like an hour and a half as I had time. Gave up and got them to rebook it and got the coach home again. It came through about 15 minutes after I got on the coach. Would've been too late then anyway.

[Boydy]

Also have to go via San Francisco on monday instead of direct. I'll probably fuck something up there too.

[Shindig]

I always figured they checked ESTA's at customs rather than check-in.

[randomlegend]

I'll probably fuck something up there too.

:console:

[Raoul Duke]

ESTAs are valid for two years as well, so bear in mind it can run out

[Ben]

I always figured they checked ESTA's at customs rather than check-in.

Probably some bollocks about the airline being held liable for the costs to customs to turn you around. Same reason they were arsey about COVID forms.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, airlines get stung for loads for any type of entry failure, which is why they won't let you on a plane unless you have over the actual maximum allowed expiry left on your passport.

[Shindig]

I can't remember ever being asked for it at check-in. Speaking of which, now's probably the time to ask this:

Can you change contact details on an ESTA? If shit were to go down, I don't want someone bothering a hotel I'm not even staying in.

[Magic]

I have no idea, I've never been to the US before.

So creepy as you know he's smiling when he's typing these posts.

[Boydy]

You what?

[randomlegend]

Yeah that post has me baffled too.

It's always good value when Magic calls someone creepy. Remember when he posted on here saying he was considering setting up secret cameras to film his wife doing spray tans?

[Giggles]

And he calls us boomers. Learn to use a plane you gobshite.

[Don]

Giggles on his 3rd pint.

[Giggles]

Giggles on his 3rd pint.

No. You’re flying and you’re doing connections then you plan and have everything covered. Not moan afterwards like you’re entitled to something.

[randomlegend]

Taz halfway through his first Smirnoff Ice.

[Magic]

Yeah that post has me baffled too.

It's always good value when Magic calls someone creepy. Remember when he posted on here saying he was considering setting up secret cameras to film his wife doing spray tans?

Remember when you got a boner after finding garlic in some seven year old's cunt.

[Don]

:weeping:

[randomlegend]

Remember when you got a boner after finding garlic in some seven year old's cunt.

Coming out with stuff like this doesn't really help your case.

[Boydy]

In the air now. Got up at 6am this morning to get the coach to Dublin at 7:40. By the time I get to the hotel in Seattle, it'll be 4am UK time. :cry:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Enjoy the team bonding mate :)

[Shindig]

If he can get through customs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A completely unrelated person has just told me that I'm now leaving for South America a week later than planned (as far as I know, we're leaving in 12 days' time). First I'd heard of it, not heard a peep from the guy who's going with me and organising the trip, but he's clearly told the unrelated person. I've emailed him asking wtf.

Am I really expected to suspend normal life on the expectation I could be leaving for South America for 2-3 weeks at any random point in the next month, or is this just amateur hour?

[Pepe]

Both.

[Ian]

These bloody snowflakes these days aren't even prepared to write off months of their life in case a work trip happens during that time. Makes me sick to be honest.

[Boydy]

If he can get through customs.

Already done that. Preclearance in Dublin.

[Shindig]

That's thinking ahead ... two days behind. Enjoy.

[Boydy]

Only been in SF airport for an hour or two and seen two service dogs already. Not guide dogs, mind. "Service" dogs. Americans love that shit, don't they?

Maybe get some universal healthcare instead of having to drag service animals around with yiz, yiz mad cunts.

[Don]

We got Shinners for these anecdotes, get a fucking hooker in and eiffel tower him with your boss.

[Shindig]

At Seattle I saw a fat cow get wheelchair assistance so she could use it to carry her one bag of luggage.

[Spikey M]

Not a peep since 1am. He's definitely been arrested. An Oxbridge Communist was never going to go bowling in.

[Lofty]

Especially one who got his entry documents muddled up. Some sexually frustrated TSA agent is currently rummaging around his bowel.

[Spikey M]

More than 12 hours now. Should have hid in the Venezuelan Embasy lad.

[Giggles]

Him and the boss are still trying to get rid of the hookers body.

[Boydy]

:D

By the time I got to the hotel I'd been awake for 23 hours. I had two beers and went to bed. Just up now. All ready for a day of BUSINESS.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Make sure you read the financial news with your breakfast of black coffee and extremely crunchy toast. Wouldn't want to miss a change in the NASDAQ.

[Shindig]

I just had to spend a day in the office after my home gear decided to brick itself. :moop:

[Lofty]

Been offered 9% pay rise over two years (5% then 4%), the first part being backdated to April 2022. Suspect that will be accepted rapidly despite the various strings, though the strings mainly fuck over new starters.

[Baz]

Spent a while yesterday colour-coding my Outlook calendar and my god it's glorious. All 25 available colours have been utilised to great effect.

[mo]

I went on strike today. Couldn't make it to picket in time, but went to a rally at the town hall instead. Will strike on the three other proposed dates too.

[Ben]

Good man :cool:

Workers unite.

[Spikey M]

My daughters school was open as normal. Something to do either being an academy. Do they get better pay or something?

[mo]

My daughters school was open as normal. Something to do either being an academy. Do they get better pay or something?

No. My wife's school was the same - 2 out on strike, so carry on as normal. One teacher has been really unwell recently, but came in in case people thought she was striking. Mentalist.

[Baz]

I went on strike today. Couldn't make it to picket in time, but went to a rally at the town hall instead. Will strike on the three other proposed dates too.Well in.

There was nobody in my booked parking space today, and didn't have to turf anyone out the meeting room I'd booked. Frustrating that these are seen as positives and aren't taken as a given.

What's TTHs view on this: You book a parking space in the work car park but when you arrive, someone has parked in it. There is public parking elsewhere which will add 5 mins onto your morning. Do you drive off and park in the public carpark/street, or do you just find an empty space in the work car park and fuck someone else over? I always drive off and park at the Church nearby, but it seems most of my colleagues just nick someone elses spot.

[Ben]

Having to actually book a parking space aside (is this normal?), be a decent person and park in the public car park. Then pour a tin of paint over the offender's car.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This frequently happens to me as there's a driving test centre right opposite my allotted space (don't have to book as obviously I'm in every day) and there are often trembling teenagers with their loser instructors sitting waiting in my spot. I just take someone else's space, and so in turn do they, etc.

The more annoying issue is a certain group of south Asian instructors often get out their fold out chairs and sit down for a smoke in my space while their charges are off doing a test, so when I wind the window down and ask them to move, they start seething.

[randomlegend]

I have to pay a monthly fee to park in the staff car park, and if I start in the afternoon there may well not be a space so I have to pay again (£12) to park in the public hospital car park.

:thbup:

[Foe]

I hate that I have to book a desk in the office, booking a parking space would drive me mental. Do you just block book for like 3 months or something?

I’ve decided I don’t mind going back to the office 3 days a week.
The chips are seriously good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've just had an order to create/update LinkedIn profiles. Groan, but OK. I go on there for the first time in months/years and what do I find: colleagues I thought were reasonable human beings posting absolute wank. "Love the technical side of my job - amazing to work with *customer X* on evaluating his needs and achieving a great value solution". What the fuck are you talking about, Dave?

[Lofty]

It really does reveal the hidden bellends. Some lad I used to play grid iron with is on there with twenty letters after his name waxing lyrical about being a global big player in industrial health and safety. I once saw him put his cleats on the wrong feet then swig a bottle of other people's piss.

Obviously he wasn't a hidden bellend but amazing the facade people put on for that shitshow.

[Shindig]

Are they actual qualifications or has he gone Jack Munroe and started listing diseases he's self-diagnosed with?

[Lofty]

I think they are but it's a bit like the nonces you see on facebook with degree letters after their name, except it is minor industry certificates.

[Ben]

It's a complete load of toss generally (people posting/messaging) but I got headhunted on there so it's worth keeping updated if you've any ambition about progressing your career.

[Baz]

The day I have LinkedIn, is the day I have completely given up on taking any enjoyment whatsoever from my life.

Also why is everything such a ballache. :mad: For some reason all the contracts I’ve inherited are set up for 12 months, renewed every year and have been since at least 2014. And every year some schmuck (now me) has had to renew them, after advertising the service and confirming no other providers are interested. I assumed it had to be done that way but nope, so wheels are in motion to extend them for 2 or 3 years this time. Why has nobody else ever done this? :mad:

[Spikey M]

I had one, but some cunt I worked with once started writing glorified blogs about the dangers of silo working and other shite he definitely doesn't care about. It cringed me all the way to the delete profile button.

[Giggles]

I got this job through it and hired my last two people through it, so it’s definitely worth keeping. Never read the bullshit in the feed though, and make sure to immediately block anyone sporting a preferred pronoun in their title.

[Kikó]

Yeah similarly, I was hired through a recruiter looking on LinkedIn last time out and actually try to use it as my most up to date CV. Then I just update the CV document when I'm looking without as much effort.

[Boydy]

:D

By the time I got to the hotel I'd been awake for 23 hours. I had two beers and went to bed. Just up now. All ready for a day of BUSINESS.

This day of business started with seeing a homeless man doing his business on the street on the walk to the office. Right next to his sleeping bag too.

Also saw someone shooting up in the street on wednesday on the way back from the office. And a few others at various points who looked like that's what they were doing but I couldn't tell for sure.

Downtown Seattle is grim. It's just a bunch of skyscrapers that rich people drive into, park underground, ascend to their offices then go home from in the evening while the streets outside are full of homeless and mentally ill people.

Spent the last couple of evenings in a more residential area which had a main street with bars and restaurants and stuff. A lot nicer than downtown but we still witnessed a load of police cars zooming past with sirens blaring towards what was apparently gunshots so that's still not great.

Food was disappointing. Some of it really quite crap. The better stuff - a couple of burgers and some Mexican stuff, honestly, I've had better burgers in Belfast and Mexican just as good in fucking Belfast.

Customer service, which is something I thought they'd be really good at, was ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SHITE. Like seriously abysmal. We were late into the office a few mornings because apparently it takes over 20 minutes to make a breakfast muffin or a ham, cheese and egg croissant. They take fucking ages in bars too. And then they still want tips, the cunts. Even Starbucks was extremely slow compared to what it's like back home.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And yet we wet our pants with excitement when Ryan Reynolds is on BBC1.

[Pepe]

California. :harold:

All downtowns in US cities look like that tbf, except for like NY, Chicago, and Boston. Horrid stuff.

As for the service, see 'California :harold:' above. What can you expect from those hipster wankers?

[Spikey M]

California. :harold:

All downtowns in US cities look like that tbf, except for like NY, Chicago, and Boston. Horrid stuff.

As for the service, see 'California :harold:' above. What can you expect from those hipster wankers?

Seattle, California.

[Boydy]

Why are you talking about California?

Edit: Spikey has it covered.

[Pepe]

Wait, I though he said he was going to San Francisco?

Anyway, Washington is the same but even more hipster.

[Pepe]

Why are you talking about California?

Because I suck at reading. In any case, all my comments still apply.

[Boydy]

Wait, I though he said he was going to San Francisco?

Anyway, Washington is the same but even more hipster.
Did fly to SF and get a connecting flight to Seattle tbf.

[Pepe]

At least San Francisco is pretty.

[-james-]

Nobody has used the word "hipster" since 2014, grandad.

[Pepe]

What are we using now?

[SvN]

The shit service in the US was something that surprised me, too. I suppose when tips are automatic then they stop giving a shit.

[Spikey M]

What are we using now?

Heroin. Did you read any of Boydys post ffs?

[Boydy]

The shit service in the US was something that surprised me, too. I suppose when tips are automatic then they stop giving a shit.
You'd think with their terrible employment laws they'd have to at least worry a bit about keeping their job?

[Shindig]

The nicest way I'd describe service over there is 'direct'.

[Pepe]

The shit service in the US was something that surprised me, too. I suppose when tips are automatic then they stop giving a shit.

Would you like to add a tip?

20% 50% 200%

[Boydy]

Oh, another absolutely insane thing I forgot - and I'd heard of this before coming to the US but didn't realise just how bad it was - the gaps in cubicle doors in public toilets.

No wonder the mad cunts all shoot each other when you can't even take a shit at work in peace.

[Lofty]

The mexican food in California was good when I was there, in fact all food and customer service was notably good. I was there for a month splitting time between San Diego, San Francisco and LA. Not sure where the lolling is coming from? This was 2010, mind.

[Shindig]

That sums up my experience, to be fair. I also never got the whole preciousness about the homeless problem over there. It's just a fact of city life.

[Luca]

And yet we wet our pants with excitement when Ryan Reynolds is on BBC1.

To be fair, he is from Canada, the Better America™️

[Pepe]

Maybe once global warming makes it pleasant enough.

[Luca]

See you on the beaches of Nunavut. :cool:

[Pepe]

:drool:

[Boydy]

I'm on the flight back to Dublin. I have never been so happy to be returning to Ireland/the UK.

Sinne fianna fail/God save the King.

[Kikó]

Oh, another absolutely insane thing I forgot - and I'd heard of this before coming to the US but didn't realise just how bad it was - the gaps in cubicle doors in public toilets.

No wonder the mad cunts all shoot each other when you can't even take a shit at work in peace.

Unreal isn't it? Who's idea is it too leave that much of a gap when you just want to have a shit?

There was times in work where I could see someone waiting through the gap. I mean fuck off.

[Foe]

As part of my job every 4 years I have to go to a training centre put on a “survival suit” and escape from a helicopter being dumped in a swimming pool, and let me tell you, it is unpleasant.

I’d rather just sign a form saying I accept likely death if I was ever involved in an actual incident.

I don’t back my chances of escape if it ever happened for real.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Starting from today, my next day fully off work will be Saturday 11 March. Absolute fucking ironman stint coming up.

First of all we have a company sales seminar on Wednesday which will seemingly decide much of the future of this place, then on Saturday it's Bogota...

[Spikey M]

I will be expecting some real life contributions to the new "where am I" thread.

[Shindig]

"Our first day in cartel country and none of these blokes look like farmers. I asked them what crops they grow as a way of making small talk. The mood soured quickly."

I suspect Jimmy's boss will end this trip paying off more than just Jimmy.

[Lofty]

I except Jim's lot take that out of his annual leave allocation.

[Lewis]

We are having a work beano to Normandy next week to see the D-Day beaches and hopefully the Bayeux Tapestry (I can take or leave the beaches). I managed to duck out of doing a presentation by jokingly offering to be the liaison officer with the locals, and the organiser appears to have taken it seriously.

'Le fry up, mon ami? Comprende?'

[Baz]

https://pictures.thisisbigbrother.com/userpics/Big%20Brother%205/Best%20Bits/Big_Brother_Best_Bits-321.jpg

[Giggles]

"What you mean you got no facking chips. I come ere on a plane you caant".

[Jimmy Floyd]

Drama here earlier. At about 12.25, the South Africans called a 12.30 meeting for all sales staff. Everyone goes upstairs with uh-oh faces on. The announcement is... they're setting a 40% growth target for the company next year, and to achieve this they're putting us all on same salary + commission for our own markets, which will be re-allocated on Thursday.

On the face of it a quality deal for us all, but jesus christ, I'm going to get Togo and Mali or something and end up getting kidnapped by Boko Haram.

[randomlegend]

🤞

[Boydy]

Does that mean the south America trip is cancelled?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Well, no. I'm going. Whether it's going to have long term significance or just be good general experience, we'll have to wait and see.

[Boydy]

Well don't rule out being kidnapped there before Boko Haram even get the chance then.

[phonics]

40 percent growth seems alot.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It is a lot, but this is what happens when you get bought out by South African venture capital. That said, we have been doing things on a 1970s basis for years so there's probably a lot of room for growth.

[Lofty]

The firm is full of virile young go getters after all.

[Kikó]

Had another encounter with our wonderful French counterparts today. They're really massive arseholes.

[Lofty]

Mad that despite it being a universally ackowledged fact, the pro-Brexit lot (who were probably their biggest detractors) reckoned it would all be hunky dory with Anglo-French relations in the aftermath.

[Baz]

Lads I need your input to avoid something turning out really really shit.

So at work they have these awards ceremonies where you nominate colleagues for certain categories. The shortlisted nominees (3 for each category) get to go to the ceremony as do those who nominated them. I didn't get to go last year but some of my team did and it basically turned into a mini Christmas Do, with free 4pm wine that spilled over into the pub for an afterparty. So obviously this year I'm going.

This came round:

This year we will have 28 videos to prepare and produce and will be supported by colleagues in our comms team and from an external professional production team. As you can imagine we will be working within fairly tight deadlines, so your flexibility would be grately appreciated to enable us to complete the task on time, within budget and to a high quality.

You will see from last years' videos that we had a variety of themed, avatar illustrated, and voice over/cut to the workplace videos, (sorry I'm probably not using the correct terminology here, but hopefully you get the gist), which we would like to continue this year. So, if you're happy to do something a little bit different, like be a quiz show guest, great, but if not, no problem.

The production team are currently preparing a schedule for us, so I will be in touch again shortly, but in the meantime could I ask you to have a think about ideas/themes for you video please. I have some thoughts which I'll share with you next time.

tldr: I can come up with any idea for a video talking about why I voted my mate for the Wellbeing Champion Award, and work will film it.

Turns out two of us voted for him, and the other person is my line manager. :uhoh: Why she voted him and not me, I do not understand either, but we digress. Your ideas should probably incorporate her having a supporting role though.

This video will then be played at the awards ceremony before the winner is announced.

I'd forgot about it and just had another reminder, with the following suggestion:


. To avoid repetition and the event becoming overly corporate we are aiming to create light-hearted, humorous content in a mix of styles, but we also want to ensure that our nominators feel comfortable with their recording. With that in mind I wondered what your thoughts were about doing your video in the style of Family Fortunes? Maybe answering some questions based on your nominations - 'we asked our workforce..... our nominators said'

Your video will be a minute long and I would provide you with a short script based on your nomination.

https://th.bing.com/th/id/R.d2fac136af66c02fea52905560c49590?rik=5kKGjc%2fsy WflsQ&pid=ImgRaw&r=0

Hit me with it. How can I steal the awards show, without actually being up for an award?

[randomlegend]

Just show them the TTH awards video instead.

[Lofty]

Just film Garden Soccer.

[Don]

I'm not reading that shit in detail as my brain is melting currently from a long meeting so apologies if misunderstood but...Love island if the audience are into that. You all have a short clip in which you say why the geezer is a don but dress it up with a few 'he's a proper peng sort'/'he doesn't stop grafting'/'id put all my eggs in his basket' and a load of love island editing which you'll obvs be able to pull off. Get one of those z-list celeb videos from an old love island contestant for ultimate melty points.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Is all this happening in a professional setting? Am I missing something?

[Boydy]

i ain't reading all that
i'm happy for u tho
or sorry that happened

[Gray Fox]

Is there enough time to get Vince Russo involved?

[Baz]

Is all this happening in a professional setting? Am I missing something?Yes.

Some workplaces aren't complete misery.

[Lofty]

One team at my spot used to have a daily lunch time quiz, a leaderboard for their daily jogs in work time and a badminton round robin league. They were unsurprisingly wank at their jobs.

[Shindig]

I'd leave Vince off the table for this one. He's done more than enough.

[Manc]

Floyd getting it from all angles recently.

[Giggles]

Yes.

Some workplaces aren't complete misery.

It doesn’t sound like a place it work at all. Absolute bluffers.

[Spikey M]

Yes.

Some workplaces aren't complete misery.

Shit like this would make me more miserable than just working. I absolutely fucking hate this type of wankery.

[Baz]

Shit like this would make me more miserable than just working. I absolutely fucking hate this type of wankery.
Don't be mistaken, I've chosen to get involved. It's easy to avoid/ignore. It passed me by completely last year, until I asked the nominated colleague where his glasses where and he explained that he'd lost them after the awards ceremony. Awards ceremony?

[Shindig]

What could be better than a Domestic Abuse Champion? An award-winning Domestic Abuse Champion.

[Manc]

I wonder how many people up and down the country are genuinely stealing a living.

[Lewis]

I think you could sack ten per cent of my organisation and nobody would notice, and if you replaced a couple of people with better ones then it could probably be twenty per cent smaller.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You couldn't lose anyone from my place, at least not in the serious departments. Everyone hammered to the bone and holiday cover is a nightmare. The South African private equity whirlwind has blown through again this week saying they want massive annual growth from the same number of staff.

[Boydy]

You could get rid of the overpaid yanks in my place and we'd probably be much more productive.

[Giggles]

We only have two complete wastes of time. One is finally going this month, I don’t know what he’ll do if the new place expects him to work.

[Shindig]

We're so tight on staff you wouldn't even sack the bad ones.

[Lofty]

My company has an annual awards do but rather than the bollocks Baz is on about they just hire a venue, put on a free bar for attendees (nominees and nominators) and book a professional comedian.

[Baz]

Sounds identical, only I shall fulfil the role of said comedian in a 1 minute video where I'm pretending to be Les Dennis.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's 4.42am in Bogota.

I'm here with my 79 year old colleague for the start of a 19 day trip. Such an odd dynamic between us. He mainly calls me 'old son', 'young man', or 'Steve', which is the guy he used to travel with in the 70s and 80s. I had to start by driving to the office, then walking 20 minutes across town to meet him at the crap hotel and wait for the taxi. During this time his opening gambit was to tell me that he doesn't have any friends now because they've all died. He listed them off - Richard, Tony, Andrew, Stephen, Victor, etc etc. None of them had surnames.

When we got to Heathrow and had a couple of beers his stories became a bit less morose. I can only really remember the punchlines. One was 'Well, I tell you, she had some body, but not sure about the face'. Another was 'I looked down [from an opening in a rickety plane in Honduras] and it was all pineapples, man.' I hope he has plenty more to get us through the next three weeks. A notable feature is that he'll be telling a story that sounds like it's just from a few years ago, and then he'll say 'Yes, this was during the Mexico 86 World Cup, so we watched the final in a bar and then...'

10 hour flight to Bogota, in economy obvs, perched between him and Big Mama Sanchez, was no fun. Having to wear a mask for the full ten hours and still having to provide covid vaccine status at both ends was a bit of an eye opener - they still take Covid extremely seriously down here I think. After about six hours the mask started to wear me down and I felt like I was going to throw up several times. Fortunately managed to keep it down.

When we arrived we looked for the booked airport shuttle but apparently it doesn't start until five in the morning. We then got in a taxi and asked to go to the hotel which is a big brand one about 5 minutes from the airport. Unfortunately this, and everything else about his home city, was well beyond the taxi driver's ken and in a proper 'you couldn't make it up' moment, within minutes of being in Colombia we ended up being driven into some murky barrio with boarded up windows, massive security bars across every house (not sure if this is widespread or specific to that neighbourhood) and a live ambulance situation. Right in the middle of this area, his sat nav said ha llegado a su destino with no corporate hotel in sight. We then both started berating him until he turned back and after another half hour or so we managed to navigate him to the right place.

I'm going to bed. See you on Monday.

[Manc]

And so it be begins.

[Shindig]

It begins. :drool:

And yeah, a long-haul in a mask is no fun.

[Lofty]

Jim listening politely to grandad reeling off his favourite clunge tales :D

[Spikey M]

I hope you let your neighbour know you're going away Jim?

Although, thinking about it, your car isn't there this time, so she'll probably think you've been Nicola Bulley'd. I await your channel 5 documentary with interest.

[Lofty]

The interview with the arab will be epic.

[Pepe]

The security features are pretty common across the entire continent.

[Danny]

I would have lost my mind if they made us wear masks when I went home in November.

[Baz]

I've landed a new job and I'm genuinely DELIGHTED. 65% pay increase and I'm no longer allowed to express my political opinion publicly. Dream job. :huhu:

How's this going?

[Offshore Toon]

Nearly three weeks in and it's great, cheers la. Got a 7.9% pay rise before joining and flexi time is incredible, plus it's genuinely interesting and very relaxed. God has blessed me with this one.

[Shindig]

You've smashed it out of the park there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Great stuff, nothing like actually loving your job or at least wanting to go to it each day,

I think the weirdest thing about Colombia (a very pleasant country full of pleasant people, as far as I can make out) is that the coffee is absolute shit. I've had about 10 cups and all taste like dishwasher tablets dissolved in wee. I woke up at 5 this morning, spent 9 hours with a customer going through the product line in incredible detail and 98% in Spanish, it's now 7.20pm, I'm meeting the old fella again at 8pm to write up our reports to be sent back to England before they get in tomorrow morning, I guess we'll be done about 9.30pm, will get about 6 hours sleep and then up at 4am for a flight to Ecuador that takes off at 7am and seeing the next customer at 10am.

Only 2 weeks and 2 days to go.

[Shindig]

Our assessments close and go over to the DWP automatically now. Slip of the pen errors are (potentially) going all the way through the process. :D

Although I think the most annoyed claimants are the ones DWP repeatedly misgender.

[Ian]

flexi time is incredible.

It's amazing and it'd take an awful lot for me to move to a job without it I reckon.

[SvN]

Do you lot have core hours you need to keep?

[Lofty]

At my spot we are contracted 37.5 hours a week and our boss expects us to be available between 10-3 most days (aslong as you aren't wandering off in those hours every day it's fine).

[Jimmy Floyd]

Since we went to flexi time, everyone in our team with children / who lives more than half an hour away has gone on to early starts/early finishes, and I am the sole person who doesn't care and sticks to 8.30-5.00.

A foolproof system that never goes wrong.

[Ian]

Do you lot have core hours you need to keep?

In my case, without checking in with a manager to work around this, you:
- either have a start or a finish to stick to (8am, 9am, 5pm and once in a blue moon 8pm) to make sure enough people are about across the day.

- shouldn't work less than half your shift if you're knocking off early / starting late

- shouldn't owe or accrue more than three days.

So in my case it's not total free rein but still more than enough to get lots of early finishes and build up some days off.

[randomlegend]

Got to work and Children's A and E is closed because there's sewage coming out the sinks.

An hour later, someone's drilled through a pipe in the drug room in the Paeds ward and flooded it, destroying all the drugs in the process.

Absolute chaos :D

[CJay]

Flexi-time with us is core hours of 10-4 but you’re supposed to work 7:24 minus at least 20 minutes for lunch. Same as Ian’s place, we can’t go beyond minus 3 days. I don’t know if there’s an upper limit. People with no lives start at 8 and finish at 5 every day and make at least an hour of flexi. It’s absolutely mad. That’s on top of having about 30 days holiday (plus public holidays) if you’ve been in the organisation long enough.

[Baz]

My job started out as flexi time and it seemed mega but then switched to “agile working” and there’s definitely no going back from it. No core hours, so long as you aren’t noticeably never around.

Sure I don’t get the flexi time buildup back to book additional annual leave, but I more than make up for it on going out for breakfast and doing school runs.

Also just banged out a 22 page service spec from scratch (well, plagiarised one I found online for Hertfordshire) and feel like I’ve just shagged Nicki Minaj. :cool:

[Lofty]

You can either accrue overtime as hours banked to take back or cash. I get mine paid but there's a guy I know who goes to New Zealand for a fortnight every year purely on his banked overtime hours, no holidays used.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Christ, when I said we're on flexitime I mean we can start 1 hour earlier or later than and it has to be balanced within 2 days. True luxury.

The idea of accruing time or taking extra whole days would make this lot keel over with shock. We don't even get TOIL (he says, typing this from fucking Quito at 6.30 in the morning).

[niko_cee]

I dunno, it rather sounds like you get to toil most of the time.

[Lewis]

I do half-eight until four and take my break at the end of the day to go home slightly early.

[randomlegend]

The sewage is radioactive. Not joking :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Looks like the UK office is immediately going to rack and ruin in my absence.


As many of you are aware, there will also be a Ping Pong Tournament held in Unit 2 which will be a great opportunity for members of staff to come together - details of this are to follow from xxx.

I also intend to try and organise some 'Social' lunches each month which can include a group walk, a crafting lunch, a card game lunch etc if people are interested in joining.

[Spikey M]

I've predicted a number of twists, but not even I saw Baz becoming Jimmy's new boss coming.

[Ian]

Any work activity featuring "lunch" that isn't just having your lunch on a work day can fuck off.

Current job and last one have loved doing what they call a 'lunch and learn.' Absolutely fucking not.

[Spikey M]

My work have tried to make it fly a few times and got the huff when only a couple of tragic cases have turned up.

Leave employee's alone at lunch time. If you want to do some boring bonding shite, do it during your time, not mine.

[Baz]

I've predicted a number of twists, but not even I saw Baz becoming Jimmy's new boss coming.

Nah I don’t get involved with force networking/socialising in the workplace. I’ll go for drinks outside of work with the sound ones but everyone else knows not to approach me with shite like ping pong, well-being walks and the town businesses sports day they did.

[Ben]

You lot work in some bizarre places. Between liberal flexi time and lunch time orgies, no wonder the country is fucked.

[randomlegend]

We've got radioactive shit coming out our sinks but it's Flexi time people think is MENTAL.

[Spikey M]

I'd swim in radioactive sewage before I took part in a "crafting lunch".

[Giggles]

Even if we get food brought in to the office for lunch I won’t have any. That way I owe them absolutely nothing more than my actual job that they reimburse me for.

[Dquincy]

Even if we get food brought in to the office for lunch I won’t have any. That way I owe them absolutely nothing more than my actual job that they reimburse me for.

What if they offered you a financial bonus?

[Giggles]

What if they offered you a financial bonus?

That would be for reimbursement for my actual job.

[Pepe]

What if they offer you a burger for a job well done?

[Spikey M]

Depends if the bank will accept it in lieu of cash.

[Giggles]

What if they offer you a burger for a job well done?

Then they’re being cheap.

[Foe]

Anyone have to do a self assessment tax return?

How much of a pain in the ass is it?

I might have to this year and trying to work out whether I should shunt a bunch into pension in March to avoid it (I might already be too late).

[Luke Emia]

Anyone have to do a self assessment tax return?

How much of a pain in the ass is it?

I might have to this year and trying to work out whether I should shunt a bunch into pension in March to avoid it (I might already be too late).

You aren’t too late and you probably should hung it into your pension especially if you are a higher rate tax payer. Needs to be done by the 5th April thoug.

What’s the tax return for I assume for stocks and shares income?

[Manc]

Sex services.

[SvN]

My accountant does it for £100

[Foe]

Yeah going to dump some into pension.

Promotion plus large bonus expectations will see me into “high rate tax payer” but I’ve sold a shit load of shares (below capital gains allowance) but filling in the tax form could be a fucking nightmare for that, so I’d rather avoid that hassle.

I’ve made £0 from sex services, but my net expense for sex services is also £0.

[Dquincy]

Anyone have to do a self assessment tax return?

How much of a pain in the ass is it?

I might have to this year and trying to work out whether I should shunt a bunch into pension in March to avoid it (I might already be too late).

I'm an equity director so need to submit one for dividend payments. So a relatively straightforward process.

Having done it, if it was more than dividends then I'd farm it out to a pro.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Unusually it's my job to lighten the tone. This morning we flew from Quito to Guayaquil, which is a 55 minute flight within the same country but in terms of climate it's like flying from Edinburgh to Marrakesh. Gone are the spectular high mountains, fog and altitude sickness, and in come palm trees, crunbling colonial edifices and the general sense that the place has at one time been fertile hunting ground for a military coup involving blokes in dark glasses and peaked caps.

We head off to see one of our three customers in the region, who I will call Sr. Xavier, for that is his name. We get to his office quite near the centre of the city and as so often in these places, we are welcomed into a bustling engine workshop, with our boxed product conveniently front and centre all across the shopfront. Out comes Sr. Xavier and his brother, Bolívar, and they invite us into the honcho office upstairs. Suddenly the vista is transformed from concrete workshop with sweaty blokes everywhere into a pseudo-plush office with mahogany walls. My usual strategy in these situations is to look for a football team colours and point them out (people in little countries are always stoked when the English know their football teams) but the colours are blue with a light blue sash and not even years of FM has taught me enough to know that.

Sr. Xavier is a man with a similar hairline to me but whereas I've gone number 3 all over, he has taken a different approach: grow the front hair island out to its absolute maximum extent and then comb it all the way back. It's like a hybrid of Bobby Charlton and Pat Perez. This man owes us $30,000, which the old fella pushes home in really quite aggressive terms (I can't imagine myself ever showing such emotion), and eventually he signs a letter saying it will be paid within a month. Relations then thaw and after about an hour of tough negocios he says 'almorzamos', and we leave with the current Mrs Xavier (he has been married 4 times) and his boy - not son, but a young man from the shop - drives us all to the banks of the Rio Guayas where there is a row of restaurants. Here we all order 'Moro' which is apparently an Ecuadorean favourite involving a sort of rice mixture alongside your chosen meat and (as seems to appear with every course on this continent) fried bananas

The Rio Guayas is a very very wide river, maybe 4 times as wide as the Thames, and has a lot of vegetation floating in it as flotsam, presumably washed in from far upstream. The old fella tells Sr. Xavier that he wants a Stella Artois, which they are serving in this particular place. Sr. Xavier, having never heard of Stella Artois, agrees. (side note: one of my favourite things about South America thus far is that the beer glasses, as well as the beer, emerge ice cold. I haven't seen this in Europe before).

The rest of the afternoon descends into a right mess. Stella proves to Sr Xavier's taste and he just keeps ordering the fucking things, more quickly than we can drink them. In between he keeps asking questions about the same topic that has fascinated all our customers so far: how come el Principe Carlos is el Rey de Inglaterra mientras que ya no está coronado? Just getting through that constitutional explanation gets us through another couple of Stellas, but Sr. Xavier does not stop. Tres mas, he keeps saying, when the waiter comes anywhere near. Tres mas, tres mas, like a death rattle every time. I think we ended up having about ten and then he clicks his fingers and his office boy - who, I must say, was muy muy guapo - drives us back to the hotel. However, this was not before a promise that on Friday evening we will go to his house for more booze and some kind of food, which sounds a horrendous idea to me as this guy drinks for Ecuador, but uh, I dunno. We're here.

Throughout the entire day I just kept thinking: how the fuck have I ended up here?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Sr. Xavier :cool:

What a man. I can't wait for the house party.

[Pepe]

Food is not that good in most of South America and the Caribbean. Ice cold beers are quite excellent though.

[Pepe]

Come to think of it, whether plantains are involved is a great predictor of whether a Latin country's food is worth your time.

[Luca]

I’m here for the Jimmy <> Office Boy love tryst.

[Lofty]

They definitely do ice cold beer and glasses in Greece.

Steel yourself Jim, Xavier's lining up a bunga bunga party and you might be publicly molested by a prositute.

[Pen]

Sex services.


My accountant does it for £100

These lined up nicely. Jimmy’s tractor diaries are always a good read. Keep em coming.

[phonics]

Pub is under new management. It’s a hell of a lot better but I’ve also been given day shifts which are the absolute pits.

[Foe]

You aren’t too late and you probably should hung it into your pension especially if you are a higher rate tax payer. Needs to be done by the 5th April thoug.

What’s the tax return for I assume for stocks and shares income?

I’m fucked. Checked my taxable pay and even if I lob 100% of my salary into pension in March I’m still over the threshold. Did it anyway because I might as well shove it in pension rather than pay an effective 63% tax.

Better not forget to switch it back in March. :uhoh:

Looking forward to torture in September as I scramble to do a tax return.

[Shindig]

Apparently I can tweak my pension any time (although the window on the website says I have two days) so I've bumped up to 9%. If the rumoured pay bump hits in the summer, I'll max it out.

Back to training next week and we're hiring new agency staff. No doubt I'll be training some of them as well. :moop:

[Foe]

I had a quick glance at the FAQs and I think I can change it each month.

If not, I’ve locked myself into 0% salary for the next 10 months, which would be brilliant.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I went to Babahoyo today and grafted about 10 hours there to come away with a $14,000 order.

I can guarantee that you haven't been to Babahoyo, no one you know has been to Babahoyo, and no one they know has been to Babahoyo. What a place.

[Luca]

https://media.premiumtimesng.com/wp-content/files/2019/05/celestine-babayaro-chelsea.jpg

[Bernanke]

The Wiki page is incredible.


It is a prototype of the activity and height of different orders of national life, and will continue to be so, because it has its own resources; it is the backbone of two regions: coast and mountains; being the most influential point in between the two, where the forces of many enterprising villages are bonded; because here the agricultural and commercial aspirations were founded.

[Shindig]

Why I do I feel like there's a Geoguessr round related to this entire trip?

[Spikey M]

We are now entering the worst part of the year for me. Rent Review season. Always an annoying time, but this year the government have capped rent increases at 7%, which we have implemented, and people are not going to be happy.

The letters only went out Wednesday afternoon, and already the emails and call back requests are rolling in.

My first one is from a lady that lives in the same block as her sister and her sister is paying less rent than her. She NEEDS to know why. So now I get to phone her and explain that developments are made up of various tenancy types, from Social rents to affordable rents (that aren't particularly affordable) and they're set at a different percentage of the market average. It's basically luck of the draw which one you get, and no that isn't fair, and yes I understand why you're upset, I know, I hear you, it's terrible isn't it? When all I want to scream is UNIVERSAL CREDIT ARE PAYING YOUR FULL FUCKING RENT ANYWAY YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

[Ian]

At the other end of the scale I've just picked up a case for a bloke who was told to make a note of his desktop shortcuts and shared mailboxes so he doesn't lose them when we reset his profile to try and fix an issue and he's responded saying it's too "difficult and worrying."

Imagine your life being so easy this constitutes "worrying."

To top it all off it transpires he's a mental health first aider. Fat lot of use he's going to be if somebody comes to him with an actual crisis.

[Baz]

Leave him alone.

[Adramelch]

They definitely do ice cold beer and glasses in Greece.

More of an island/beach resort thing I'd say, but ye it's fairly common.

[Jimmy Floyd]

At the other end of the scale I've just picked up a case for a bloke who was told to make a note of his desktop shortcuts and shared mailboxes so he doesn't lose them when we reset his profile to try and fix an issue and he's responded saying it's too "difficult and worrying."

Imagine your life being so easy this constitutes "worrying."

To top it all off it transpires he's a mental health first aider. Fat lot of use he's going to be if somebody comes to him with an actual crisis.

I always liked to imagine these people were just a figment of the Daily Mail's imagination but jesus christ almighty.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's 2.10am in Guayaquil and I've just come back from Sr. Xavier's party. Absolutely no idea how I had the strength to come through it, at one point I thought it was never going to end and I'd actually physically accessed one of the circles of hell.

I'm not telling you the whole lot but if you want a flavour, his living room / party room / bar room (all one large salon) is dominated, decor-wise, by a fifteen foot high floor-to-ceiling painting of a tiger.

[Spikey M]

his living room / party room / bar room (all one large salon) is dominated, decor-wise, by a fifteen foot high floor-to-ceiling painting of a tiger.

Alright People, it took a while, but we're finally going Scarface. :cool:

[Lofty]

Did you partake in the yayo, Jim?

[Shindig]

First you get the tractor parts then you get the women. So ... erm ... try to look like you're into it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Longer version. We went to Sr Xavier's shop at the end of the working day. He whisked us into his car and off we went into what must be a rich suburb and pulled into his house. I only saw one room in his house, but what a room - like I said, the fifteen foot high tiger painting is what first catches the eye, but there's also a bar, an oil painting of Lionel Messi, a huge Ecuador flag, several replica World Cup trophies gleaming around the room. A long table was set and there was some help which I can only reasonably call a butler, since he was constantly on hand to top up your drinks, and dressed like he was about to take on Nigel Bond for a place in the UK Championship last 32.

First of all things seemed to be going ok: guests gradually arrived for what appeared to be a dinner party. Most of them were part of a vast, sprawling extended family (who also make up the employees of the family business) and I couldn't get all the names or who was married to who. His son, also Xavier, appeared with his novia Paulina of whom more later. His brother was there, then some old geezer who he said was also his brother but looked 20 years older. There were loads of interchangeable women, most of them dressed up whereas none of the men were. I was placed opposite a bloke called Edison who was nice but enjoyed the sound of his own voice. His wife was awful. All of them were very friendly. I would say, from the two countries I've been to so far, Latin Americans are more friendly than anyone that exists in Europe or North America.

Eventually some food was served - once you've had one meal in this region you've had them all (some meat, rice, and slimy vegetables). Full dinner party style conversation ensued. At times I was embarrassed because although I'm probably at the top of the tree for Spanish skills if you limit the field to people who have never lived in a Spanish speaking country, when 15 muchachos are talking at once it can be hard to keep the thread. I held my own pretty well and kept thinking, you know, I'm a lot better at Spanish than any of these fucks are at English, so I'm doing better than they would be in the reverse situation. This kind of logic is the only technique I really have to keep my confidence up, as I tend to lose it quickly otherwise, both as a foreigner and one of life's natural introverts.

I was thinking right, you just have to get through this meal and you can get back to the hotel and everything will be fine. No. After we finish up, three blokes and about five women file into the room carrying a large speaker, some jungle drums, and a tin bucket which turns out also to be a percussion instrument. One of the blokes is in a sort of beige tracksuit with a shabby cap, and he's the lead singer. Another, with a hawaiian shirt, plays the drums; the third hits the bucket with a stick. The Ecuadorean classics start rolling, to the sound of a really naff backing track. After a few songs, people start dancing. Now, there is nothing in the world I hate more than dancing. I am bad at it and it makes me deeply unhappy, so in normal circumstances I just don't do it, following the principle that if things really make you feel uncomfortable then why do them. In order to try and validate the host's hospitality and look like I'm enjoying myself, I got up and shuffled through a couple of songs, much to their good-natured amusement.

I sat down again and in the endless, endless period of time that followed they dragged me up maybe a couple more times. However, in a way, sitting down watching was almost worse, because it meant I had to bear witness to what my elderly colleague was getting up to. Now, this guy is 79 years old, so in a sense it's quite impressive that he's up on the dancefloor at all. However, I started feeling quite uncomfortable in the way he was constantly inviting the youngest three women to dance with him - not in a lovable grandad dances with the girls way, but in a really squeezy breasty dirty old man way. Many more men then you want to admit are basically creeps, and he is one of them (I didn't get the same vibes from any of the Ecuadoreans).

Towards the end of this hellscape, probably the best looking of the women there (if I am any judge) decided to adopt me as her useless Latin dancing partner so that saw out the last few songs and finally it was time to fuck off. I watched the cringe on the face of Xavier's daughter in law as my elderly compadre slobbered all over her. Even though I'd contributed very little to the evening in terms of conversation or bailando, they were all really nice to me at the end and told me how wonderful it was I was visiting their country, etc. I came away thinking well, you know what, I did as well as I could here. Now I just have to spend another 11 days travelling with this man I know to be a dirty old perve. Profesionalismo.

[Kikó]

That sounds absolutely brilliant. What a night!

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Stunning.

[Boydy]

How did the old guy get on with the conversation at dinner?

[-james-]

There's a sitcom in this.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How did the old guy get on with the conversation at dinner?

He's lived in Mexico for 40 years, so no problem, even though he speaks it in a Yorkshire accent.

[Lofty]

No wonder laddo isn't keen to finish up and retire to the land of Yewtree.

[Jimmy Floyd]

No wonder laddo isn't keen to finish up and retire to the land of Yewtree.

I definitely got the sense that he has a last dance feeling on this trip. When he wasn't groping women 50+ years his junior he was sitting moaning that the music was too loud and why couldn't they play God Save the King instead.

[Boydy]

He's lived in Mexico for 40 years, so no problem, even though he speaks it in a Yorkshire accent.
Ah, I thought he didn't speak Spanish like the guy you were travelling with in France.

[Lofty]

This is Jim's warm up to a life where he takes over and has to go to Xavier Sr's parties every three months.

[Spikey M]

You should collect evidence of his letchery and use it to userp his position Jim.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You should collect evidence of his letchery and use it to userp his position Jim.

Old Father Time should do my work for me on that one.

[Pepe]

You should collect evidence of his letchery and use it to userp his position Jim.

As if anyone would care.

[Shindig]

He's not old enough to ascend the ladder.

[niko_cee]

Old Father Time should do my work for me on that one.

Indeed. If anything, egg him on and hide/swap out his heart medication.

[Raoul Duke]

I definitely got the sense that he has a last dance feeling on this trip. When he wasn't groping women 50+ years his junior he was sitting moaning that the music was too loud and why couldn't they play God Save the King instead.

Isn't this whole trip kinda your audition to take on one of these roles from the ancient fuckers?

[Jimmy Floyd]

In all probability yeah, but these guys just don't retire so he'll have to be punted from above.

The 82 year old guy at the company had his retirement announced for him last week but then claimed he wasn't going anywhere. Fun times.

[Giggles]

It’s absolutely crazy you’re still even working there. Glutton for punishment?

[Shindig]

I assume the money's alright. Plus the backhanders.

[Giggles]

I assume the money's alright. Plus the backhanders.

If he’s not getting paid for every second he’s travelling or the salary isn’t massive then he’s just nuts.

[Shindig]

He spent years with the South Koreans as well so he probably does like the grind.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My basic salary has doubled in the last 8 years (across two companies) without me ever kicking up much of a fuss about anything, and now I'm weeks from going onto a salary + commission I believe. Quiet extreme competence is the strategy that suits me.

The one time I lolled them off was when they wanted me to go and work off site in Hampshire using my personal laptop. I said I wouldn't go unless they gave me a company laptop. The MD had a massive cry and said the company didn't have the resources to just give people laptops willy nilly. I said well you've just been bought out for £12 million so you should have the resources. About twenty minutes after that I had a laptop.

[Baz]

And got to go visit a dog in the process.

[Giggles]

It’s always just a pet hate of mine.

[Giggles]

Probably more than a pet one.

[Boydy]

Quiet extreme competence is the strategy that suits me.

While I respect that, if you're in sales, you should probably be blowing your own trumpet a bit more.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If that ever becomes mission critical then I'll probably have to stop, as I'm just not that guy. In a way it's an advantage as customers don't care as long as product and price are good, while internally I'm always confounding their expectations and flipping the bigger egos, or should I say the louder egos - I am aware of my own strengths as well as weaknesses, as one must be in any job.

[Shindig]

Same here. I'm not interesting in climbing the ladder. I could land a senior admin or team leader job but I detest the idea of taking extra time (unpaid) just to get today's work done.

[Giggles]

There’s not climbing the ladder and there’s not being a doormat.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I mean, I literally am climbing the ladder. It just doesn't suit me to whinge all the time. They have 12 sales guys or something who travel weekends and aren't paid for it, why would they change it for me.

[Giggles]

They don’t have to change anything, but you’d get that paid in 95% of proper companies that you’re well qualified for. Keeping an employee meek is a long known tactic.