The All New Jobs Thread

[Kikó]

I think being petty might be my main hobby these days. It's probably going to end up blowing up in my face at some point, but I can't help it. It's the drama Mick, I just love it.

Last week of school term my daughter had a "showcase" at school, it was only an hour long, but baking in the commute and queuing I needed an hour and a half. My manager wasn't in, so I had to ask the head of department if I could start half hour early and have an hour and a half lunch. Such a thing has never been a problem.

Her response: "you will need to keep to normal hours going forward. Please book annual leave." OK, looks like we're not being flexible anymore.

Guess who wants me to set off at 7:30am to cover a court hearing on Monday? Sorry boss, I am under strict instructions to stick to normal hours. No can do.

This kinda clock watching annoys the fuck out of me. My wife used to have something similar where she worked longer hours than contract but when she tried to finish early one Friday in a year for a flight, it's met with resistance. Fuck off and treat people like adults. If you're not going to recognise when someone works longer but pull you on a rare early finish then you're going to get the bare minimum.

[Luke Emia]

This kinda clock watching annoys the fuck out of me. My wife used to have something similar where she worked longer hours than contract but when she tried to finish early one Friday in a year for a flight, it's met with resistance. Fuck off and treat people like adults. If you're not going to recognise when someone works longer but pull you on a rare early finish then you're going to get the bare minimum.

Somewhere I worked used to be like that they used to have the cheek as well to record how much unpaid overtime you had done and would actually put that in your end of year performance review. Then they wondered why they had a toxic work environment and had massive staff turnover.

[Spikey M]

It's just a massive own goal. They do far better out of me being willing to be flexible than I do out of them being so. She's trying to lean on me now for not being a team player. :happycry:

I need to ramp up the job search.

[Boydy]

Place I joined a month ago is a bit shit. Thinking I made a mistake leaving my old gig.

Might have to start looking for something else soon if this place doesn't get any better.

[Manc]

A recurring theme of this thread.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The moral of the story: always stay where you are, change is bad.

I've spent most of this morning trying to counter the Arab's insistence that the Pyramids were built because back then everyone was 7 foot tall and much stronger. He's just not having it otherwise.

[Spikey M]

Typical whitey trying to Gammon-splain an Arabs own history to him.

[Lewis]

As if the Arabs ever built anything.

[Kikó]

Place I joined a month ago is a bit shit. Thinking I made a mistake leaving my old gig.

Might have to start looking for something else soon if this place doesn't get any better.

Come and join my new place. We need hipster coders.

[Spikey M]

Come and join my new place. We need hipster coders.

Do you need disinterested Tenancy Sustainment Officers?

[Lewis]

Might need his own tenancy sustaining if another woman dares challenge him.

[Ian]

The moral of the story: always stay where you are, change is bad.

I've spent most of this morning trying to counter the Arab's insistence that the Pyramids were built because back then everyone was 7 foot tall and much stronger. He's just not having it otherwise.

:D

[Kikó]

You've done better.

We are in the market for DTSOs. Are you interested in moving to Berlin?

[Baz]

The Teams chat at work always has peoples "wins of the week" in on a Friday, which I never contribute to. Our director flagged it in a team meeting that she wants everyone to share their wins of the week this Friday.

So from about 3 onwards they started coming in.

A great response from our market engagement for the new falls prevention service

Excellent collaboration on getting the THLC project documentation sorted

I second this, working with you on THLC project and getting great support.

public health annual report is coming together now, made some bridge infographics to represent some of the data which I enjoyed making and were greatly received so happy with that

Okay what do I say?

Managed to get three loads of washing on the line today and now I'm off for 2 weeks.

:arry:

[Magic]

I got two other offers:

£50k basic and £30k OTE
£65k basic and annual revenue bonus

Can't wait to quit this pile of shit.

EDIT: The first company said I could get the extra £2k after my 3 month probation...

I quit last night.

Took the 65k one.

[igor_balis]

Despite all the other problems, my current line manager is an absolute legend when it comes to flexible working. I semi jokingly asked if "flexible" would extend to doing 7am-3pm or 12pm-8pm and he was like lol sure whatever. When I had to leave early to catch a train he didn't even bother to make me start an hour earlier, fuck it mate whatever. I spose it's probably partly a symptom of the lack of work at the moment but I still appreciate it.

Our union negotiations worked out alright too, 3% COLA increase, and we now get 27-30 days of leave (plus bank holidays) depending on years served, 27 for 0-2, 28 for 2-4 etc.

[Shindig]

I get an extra day after 10 years service. :moop: Although they've chucked extra days about for birthdays and other reasons during the pandemic.

[Lofty]

I used to get extra days after so many years but think I lost that when I became an office boy. 28 days plus bank holidays but we also have pretty flexible working (although some clowns are really pushing their luck with it, better not spoil it for the rest of us).

[Foe]

My company did away with extra days after extra years and just gave everyone an extra 2 days. Which would be great, had they not removed the 9-day fortnight perk at the same time. So I’m actually down about 20 days off.

I’ve used the “flexible working” mantra to stop working Friday afternoons though.

[phonics]

Boss changed my shift from 6-1am to 3-10pm at 2:54 and then bitched at me for not doing 10-1am. I think I’m going to quit. He only just caught up paying me for the 3 weeks of work I’d already did. Quitting time.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab just came over to my desk. He said what is Euromillions. I said it's a lottery. He looked puzzled. I said do you have lotteries in Jordan? He said no. I said well, you buy a ticket and have a very small chance of winning a prize. He said OK, but someone just called my phone, and asked me if I live above Tesco (he lives above Tesco). I could barely understand her but she said I'd been selected to win Euromillions. She wanted my bank details. I said mate, it's a scam, tell me you didn't give her anything. He said I gave her sort code and account number. I said fucking hell, you did what? He said sort code and account number.

Having facepalmed myself into my desk bin, I looked at him, and he said it can't be a trick, how does she know I live above Tesco? I said she's clearly got your address and phone number from somewhere and put it on Google street view. He said what's Google Street View? We don't have that in Jordan. I showed him what Google street view was. I said you see, that's how she knows you live above Tesco. He said well, I already gave her my sort code and account number. I said mate, please, never give anyone your bank details over the phone. Ever. Ever. It's always a scam.

He said can they withdraw money just with sort code and account number? I said I don't know, probably. He said 'I call my brother'.

[Lofty]

If he hasn't already been rinsed it's a miracle.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, I don't expect they hang about. They must know the dippy cunts they con will flap their gums about winning the lottery immediately.

[Jimmy Floyd]

His brother's given him the all clear. Apparently I'm the idiot for telling him not to give his sort code and account number to random fucks over the phone.

[Ian]

You must feel pretty stupid now, tbf.

[niko_cee]

Especially when he rolls in in a gold wrapped Lambo tomorrow.

[Manc]

I've lived in some funky joints in my time, but never above a tesco. No excuses for him not getting the biscuits in.

[Kikó]

I'm not sure you can do much with the account number and sort code but Jesus, that's thick.

[Baz]

They’ll ring back for the last three digits on the signature strip shortly.

[Spikey M]

I'm not sure you can do much with the account number and sort code but Jesus, that's thick.

The card details are more useful, but the bank account details are sufficient to set up Direct Debits, take out loans, etc. Considering they know his name, phone number and address it shouldn't make accessing his online banking too tricky either. Plus who knows what else he gave them. They could be sitting pretty with his Date of Birth, email address and mother's maiden name.

[Lofty]

So, since he thinks it isn't a scam, does he think he is a multi millionaire now? Is he quitting?

[wullie]

They've got street view in Jordan, the Arab himself is the scammer buttering up the office with tales of innocence and naivety before he and his brother clean everyone out.

[Kikó]

The card details are more useful, but the bank account details are sufficient to set up Direct Debits, take out loans, etc. Considering they know his name, phone number and address it shouldn't make accessing his online banking too tricky either. Plus who knows what else he gave them. They could be sitting pretty with his Date of Birth, email address and mother's maiden name.

Good point. It's a good step to full steam ahead fraud and identity theft.

[Lofty]

His brother is swindling him.

[Shindig]

Do yourself a favour, Jimmy. Stop trying. He's a lost cause.

[Kikó]

It's been pretty intense the first three weeks in the new role. The levels of responsibility are going to be huge but hopefully I'll start to get into the chaos. Still struggling to actually mentally stay switched on after so many months doing basically nothing so hopefully I can snap out of it.

[Pepe]

Take some mental health time off.

[Kikó]

Not on probation. I'm not stupid.

[Giggles]

I’m weary from mine at the minute. The spon never arrived along with all the responsibility and extra work

[Shindig]

The two people I was going to lean on for this job are on sick leave. I think I pieced it all together before one of them broke their shoulder.

[phonics]

Got Cold Called today for a job in Liverpool for 3 months. Might be fun.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've just had my draft itinerary through for South America. 21 days (19 of them working days), 13 flights, 7 countries. From the World Cup qualifying table we're only missing Brazil, Argentina and Venezuela.

I will be fucking dead at the end of that.

[Yevrah]

You may, but the write up is going to be immense. :drool:

[Spikey M]

When are you meant to be going? That does sound brutal.

[Yevrah]

Oh and have you told/will you tell your neighbour that there's no reason to worry when you're not there?

[Spikey M]

Pick up a gram for her just incase.

[Jimmy Floyd]

When are you meant to be going? That does sound brutal.

End of Nov to about 17 December.

[Spikey M]

End of Nov to about 17 December.

Their summertime then. :happycry:

[Boydy]

Missing the world cup too? Fuck that.

[Raoul Duke]

Are you going to take some holiday after it? Might as well if you're out there

[Jimmy Floyd]

Missing the world cup too? Fuck that.

Might be a nice place to see it from, tbh.

[Kikó]

Make sure you collect your air miles.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Make sure you collect your air miles.

Don't worry, the old man's said he can get me onto a good loyalty programme with Avianca, the Colombian national carrier.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are you going to take some holiday after it? Might as well if you're out there

Absolutely no chance. I will however lap up my two free days, both Sundays, one in Lima and the other in Asuncion.

[Boydy]

Might be a nice place to see it from, tbh.

Won't most of the games be during your working day given the time difference?

[Baz]

Especially silly when footballs coming home so England will be the best place to witness it. Including Qatar.

[Yevrah]

Won't most of the games be during your working day given the time difference?

Surely most of South America shuts down when there's a World Cup on?

[Jimmy Floyd]

There are actually only 4 South American qualifiers this time and I'm only visting two of them, but rest assured if Ecuador win Group A I will be vibing in the streets of Guayaquil for their last 16 clash.

[Spikey M]

We really do need a cause of death sweepstake. Kidnapping, heatstroke, Yellow Fever, Brazilian Banana Spider, the possibilities are endless.

[Foe]

I thought we said no more get rich quick schemes?

[Jimmy Floyd]

In a welcome break from all that, I went out for lunch with the Arab (my turn to pay) and he told me how Mossad have agents posted throughout Iraq taking out sets of traffic lights, because they want Arab lands to remain chaotic and prevent the Iraqi people from 'learning how to queue'.

[Boydy]

:lol:

[Spikey M]

In a welcome break from all that, I went out for lunch with the Arab (my turn to pay) and he told me how Mossad have agents posted throughout Iraq taking out sets of traffic lights, because they want Arab lands to remain chaotic and prevent the Iraqi people from 'learning how to queue'.

You should tell him Barney is half Jewish.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've already had a massive barney between him and Barney today, and you can guess who came out on the winning side of that one. Barney has been running sales to Cyprus for a few years, but the Arab, bored and not understanding that August is a quiet month, wanted to take the territory off him. The key decision-maker: the Arab's dad, so over it has gone to Umayyad control, leaving Barney whining about being 'marginalised'.

[Baz]

I mean, that is proper harsh on Barney.

[Ben]

Fuck Barney, he had it coming.

[Ian]

Barney screwed Barney.

[Gray Fox]

Yet more reasons why Barney doesn't deserve £44k a year.

[Lofty]

Mini Israel - Palastine confilct :drool:

[Panda Bear]

Mini Israel - Palastine confilct :drool:It was never up to the Arab and the Jew how their territory would be divided up in the first place. I'm sure Jimmy from London and the Russian can handle them.

[Shindig]

Partition the office.

[Spikey M]

The South Africans are running the gaff now. Apartheid is a legitimate option.

[Ian]

Meanwhile Baron Jim is swanning about the Amazon basin telling lads of a darker complexion to build more tractors or he'll have their wooden huts knocked down. Disgusting, really.

[Lewis]

Floyd your job sounds like total shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's fine, but they'll need to start paying me more soonish.

There are big upsides to it, such as almost never having a meeting.

[randomlegend]

It sounds like they just save all your meetings up and then make you do the whole lot in two weeks whilst trekking around South America.

Not sure that's preferable.

[Offshore Toon]

It's definitely preferable. I'd rather smash that shit out whilst in holiday mode and being treated as a guest in an exotic country than having a weekly catch up with Jess who has had so much going on this week that she totally forgot.

[Shindig]

Ten minutes of awkward meetings versus babysitting a boss who speaks no word of Spanish for three weeks? I'd take the meetings.

[Foe]

I have entire days filled with back to back meetings. But not sure I’d trade that for a tractor ride in a Peruvian field.

Are they uplifting your pay (significantly) for this? Or is it a bait and hook for you on the promise of future opportunities?

[Manc]

I'd take the trip. Life is for living.

[igor_balis]

Ugh, come back from my week off to an email asking our whole team to fill out a survey - what is our charity's purpose, what is our teams purpose, what should our team strive for going forward and what values should our team live by.

If I was less of a coward I'd be tempted to put variations of "to pay me money" for the first few, and hustle, loyalty, respect for the last one. This stuff is so cringe but the big boss of our team lives for this shit - she spent about 30 minutes sharing "inspirational mantras" from other organizations and asking us to think of our own at our recent away day. I thought away days were for paintballing or some other team building bullshit.

[Panda Bear]

It's fine, but they'll need to start paying me more soonish.

There are big upsides to it, such as almost never having a meeting.
What makes you think they'll pay you more soon-ish? They're going to drag out paying you this much as long as they possibly can.

Your workplace smacks of a place where they'd rather hire your replacement at your current value than pay you that.

[Giggles]

When you're already bending over backwards with no more money then there will never be more money.

[Ben]

The power play would be to hand notice in a month before the trip. As presumably the only competent Spanish speaker, the leverage will be great.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What makes you think they'll pay you more soon-ish? They're going to drag out paying you this much as long as they possibly can.

Your workplace smacks of a place where they'd rather hire your replacement at your current value than pay you that.

The two sales managers I work for (total about £3.5 million in annual business) are 69 and 79 respectively. European guy is a contractor and they'll probably get rid. South American guy is 79 years old, can barely walk and should have been retired for 15 years. They have verbally committed to me succeeding the South American guy - now obviously verbal commitments mean jack shit, but if they're going to spend however many thousand to send me round South America, they obviously aren't averse to the idea of me succeeding one of these much more senior roles.

Now, I'm not the sort to march into the director's office and demand they put these people out to pasture and promote me, so I'm happy to wait it out. However, I feel there is a much better chance of getting a decent promotion here, with nearly 5 years of industry and customer knowledge, than there would be if I upped sticks.

[Spikey M]

There's worse places to go than South America if you're after a hitman.

[Shindig]

"Welcome to Bogata, 47. Our intelligence tells us Mr. van den Klerck is in the Rosary Suite entertaining guests. I'll leave you to prepare."

I was in the 'fuck this job' camp for most of yesterday morning. The spinning plates nature of the job is starting to take the piss. However, just like Jimmy, I'm wary of moving. Not for the possibility of upward mobility but the more likely fact I'll just be doing the same shit in the same circumstances for a different employer.

[Lewis]

Rather than fix our air conditioning, the building owners (BAE/Royal Navy) kept sending us more and more plug-in air conditioners and desk fans, and now the electrics have died so we've been sent home indefinitely whilst they frantically try to find a solution. What a tremendous example of civil service thinking.

[Baz]

Being off work is so good.

Gonna be miserable on bank holiday Monday, knowing I’m back in on Tuesday after over two weeks off.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Of all the weird national characteristics of my customers (French huffiness, Spanish cluelessness, Polish bluntness, Belgian rudeness, German inability to think outside straight lines, British entitled moaning, South American dallying and indecision) I think the weirdest is the absolute refusal of all Irish people to tell you who they are on the phone.

I guess over there people just know who people are, so it isn't a thing. Bizarre.

[Ian]

What, even when you ask?

Not that it surprises me. In my job if I'm getting a call from somebody reporting an issue I always say my name and ask who's speaking and the amount of people who don't listen because they're just waiting for their turn to talk is annoying.

[Boydy]

Of all the weird national characteristics of my customers (French huffiness, Spanish cluelessness, Polish bluntness, Belgian rudeness, German inability to think outside straight lines, British entitled moaning, South American dallying and indecision) I think the weirdest is the absolute refusal of all Irish people to tell you who they are on the phone.

I guess over there people just know who people are, so it isn't a thing. Bizarre.
This is something that's bugged me recently too. Been contacting a load of window places about getting some new windows and they'd just ring me back from an unknown mobile number and be like "Hello, you were looking for me?" and I have to ask them who the hell they are. Like if you're a business surely the first thing you'd do is identify yourself when you're calling back potential customers?

[Manc]

Unless of course the window operation is a front for seedy activity.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What, even when you ask?

Often when I ask, they'll just say 'Dermot', as if I'm supposed to know who the hell that is.

[Giggles]

It’s the obsession here to know who everyone is and what they’re doing that has everyone on the defensive. I went in recently to see about a new van and the first thing the salesman did was ask who I was, who the company was, and why did I want a new van. So I just did a 180 and got one elsewhere.

[John Arne]

We just found one of our engineers dead at his home :( Been off sick for 2 days, but today wasn't responding to texts - we sent a guy round and found him on his bed. Suspected heart attacked at 39.
Earlier this year we lost 30yr old to cancer.

[randomlegend]

Currently listening to a foreign locum having an argument with a recruitment agency - which is not his recruitment agency and he acknowledges it's not his recruitment agency - about why they can't give him information about his pay slip.

[randomlegend]

He's now moved on to getting annoyed at them because they can't give him the name and direct phone number for the specific person he needs to speak to at his own agency.

[randomlegend]

Having phoned his own agency and sorted the issue within about 5 seconds, he's now ringing random people in the hospital telling them he doesn't want to pay mess fees and use the mess...he's making this call from the mess which they've informed him he's not paying for.

[Giggles]

The mess? Are you military doctors?

[randomlegend]

Doctors' staff rooms have always been called messes, I don't know why.

[Giggles]

That's my thing for today learned.

[Spikey M]

I think my work have finally managed to achieve peak retardation. They have decided that they want to become more community focused, and they want us plebs at the heart of that. Fine. Sounds good. Today's request is that we involve ourselves in a volunteering effort to clear up the litter on Southend beach following the bank holiday.

Cool, a working day at the beach! Right? Wrong. We are to do this after work or at the weekend. :D

[Spikey M]

Doctors' staff rooms have always been called messes, I don't know why.

The NHS army recruitment policy innit.

[Giggles]

I think my work have finally managed to achieve peak retardation. They have decided that they want to become more community focused, and they want us plebs at the heart of that. Fine. Sounds good. Today's request is that we involve ourselves in a volunteering effort to clear up the litter on Southend beach following the bank holiday.

Cool, a working day at the beach! Right? Wrong. We are to do this after work or at the weekend. :D

I hope they've been promptly informed to go and lie in their piss.

[Spikey M]

The ripple of laughter and knowing glances that were exchanged suggest uptake may be limited.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nothing worse than bosses who don't have anything else in their life and expect the workforce to be the same.

[Offshore Toon]

That reminds me of one of Sandman's rules for life that his uncle taught him: never shit in your own time.

[Ben]

If you shit for 10 minutes a day at work every day, by the end of the year you'll have been paid a whole week for shitting. :thbup:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What if you need a shit on Saturday?

[Raoul Duke]

Expense it

[Giggles]

Hold it.

[Spikey M]

Overtime is paid time and a half.

[Lewis]

People who linger on the toilet - reading or whatever - are the worst kind of nonce, so talk about counter-productive.

[igor_balis]

My mate who works in a junior IT role, his boss, HR woman and the office manager who is part of the same department as IT for some reason had a meeting today - HR person said they're gonna try to be more active in training people so they can progress, to which IT manager said "well I don't agree with that because then people get overqualified and want to leave the role". Great strategy mate.
The IT department is just this manager, a slightly senior officer below him and the junior role my mate is currently in(plus the office manager lady who's sort of her own mini department responsible for watering plants and shit), and he's had about 3 predecessors in 18 months cus people get frustrated at the lack of training and being kept doing crappy turning monitors on servicing shit and leave anyway - Shirley you might as well give people a bit more to do so they are at least not miserable and unmotivated before they fuck off.

Or better yet you just hire middle aged people happy to coast doing basic reactive support stuff - my mate joined specifically cus the job spec asked for a young, ambitious person who wants to progress and actually said they won't just be doing 1st line turn it off and on again stuff. Class.

[Magic]

And they wonder why there's a skills shortage. How are these morons in management.

[igor_balis]

My mate actually left a place offering him 35k to stay and go more senior cus he wanted to work somewhere more progressive (charity rather than some corporate place with ancient old bastard management team like Jimmy's place), but more specifically cus he was sick of just doing laptop setups etc. Our place (I work here too) as I alluded to said in the job spec it was gonna be more project work and learning network and programming things and room to progress and he's spent the vast majority of his 6 months doing laptop setups lol.

When he told the manager that he left a 35k job for those reasons, manager and his little sidekick basically lolled at him and said ha should have stayed there mate.

[Manc]

Mate.

[Pepe]

`More progressive lol.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The agricultural boss (80 years old) is on holiday today, as is his number one consigliere, so he rang me last night to tell me I'm in charge of making sure we hit the August targets today. I said OK no problem, but I don't have permission to access to the relevant areas of the system, so I have no idea either where we are at the moment, or where we need to get to by the end of the day. He said 'Thanks, I'll leave it in your capable hands' and rang off.

Currently starting the day very much like George with the Pensky file.

[Shindig]

That's probably your fault for being sarcastic. :D

[Kikó]

The not training people because they will leave issue is something I've experienced at my last place. Attrition is going to happen and I get you don't want to train everyone (some people are shit) but the lack of ambition makes people leave anyway. My current lot have said here's €1500, spend it on things you think are relevant to your role.

[Ben]

Yeah it's odd. My company have no issue putting people through master's degrees or whatever course or qualification is necessary. In fact, they actively encourage it. But they're German too so could be a culture thing, because company loyalty is a lot stronger over there.

[Kikó]

My old company were German so I'm not sure it's universal :D

[Ian]

The guy who started this job same time as me said his old firm basically discouraged work-funded training by saying you had to pay them the money back if you left within however many months of completing the course.

[Don]

That's hardly discouraging it, more protecting yourself from leeches.

[Baz]

I’ve got some right nerd trying to step on my toes at work, who thinks Q3 ends in October and Q4 ends in January. If you’re gonna try and intervene, at least don’t be dumb.

[Spikey M]

https://i.ibb.co/mT829J3/S02-E06-S3d-UQq0-X-thumb.jpg

[Lofty]

Doctors' staff rooms have always been called messes, I don't know why.

Same on the railway.

[Spikey M]

Mess is the catchall term for the railway in general iirc.

[Pepe]

And the NIH amirite.

[Spikey M]

Apparently peak retardation has yet to be reached. I have today been asked to drive an hour and a half to help a man write his own name. I have politely declined.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The agricultural boss (80 years old) is on holiday today, as is his number one consigliere, so he rang me last night to tell me I'm in charge of making sure we hit the August targets today. I said OK no problem, but I don't have permission to access to the relevant areas of the system, so I have no idea either where we are at the moment, or where we need to get to by the end of the day. He said 'Thanks, I'll leave it in your capable hands' and rang off.

Currently starting the day very much like George with the Pensky file.

Still don't know if we made it or not. It's like Schrödinger's sales target. The MD even sent out an email that stated 'We have posted strong numbers for August' but didn't state what those numbers were or whether the target had been met.

Transparency is so 1990s. This company inhabits the 1970s.

[Pepe]

They might not even know how much they sell.

[Ian]

The real target was the demented customers you acquired along the way.

[Raoul Duke]

They might not even know how much they sell.

Surely they can just consult the scribes and the stone tablets and figure it out?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'll have you know we've just moved over to an online portal for booking holidays, rather than printing out an application form .doc, writing in the requested days, and having it signed.

[Ben]

I work for a billion pound company and we only moved to an online portal a couple of years ago. Our buying department is still heavily dependent on Excel.

[Ian]

I'll have you know we've just moved over to an online portal for booking holidays, rather than printing out an application form .doc, writing in the requested days, and having it signed.

Do you then have to print out the page from the online portal and have it signed?

[Shindig]

Or print it out physically, take a picture of it with your phone and then email it to someone?

Those poor agency bastards.

[SvN]

We're working with some massive energy companies at the moment on a project involving electricity trading. Turns out almost everything runs off Excel.

[Kikó]

Excel is the lifeblood for a lot of organisations. We had risk models and compensation calcs based off a spreadsheet.

[Foe]

My career woes continue as I approach ten years of service.

After my appointment as carbon champion I’ve actually managed to create myself a reputation as a competent person in in the region for reducing emissions, with people seeking out to learn from and share across the other regions. Great. Who’d have thought that turning emissions conversations into an equipment running cost would be so effective to actually getting stuff reduced?

I’m continually getting told how impressed people are with what im doing and what an impact im having, including at the strategic level way above what my level of influence should be. Great.

I’ve had ten years of being told im “exceeding expectations” and a “high performer”. Great.

Where’s my salary? Bang middle of the road for anyone who joined at a similar time. Will they give me a promotion? Nope, not possible for this role. Whilst they continue to try and load additional shit onto me. Do they have any idea of upcoming roles that would be good for me to apply for? Nope.

Said no for the first time today. I also told my boss I need clarity on my chance for promotion in this role/area and whether it’s the same as the message I received 12 months ago form a previous (totally shit) manager, otherwise im going to start applying for other jobs.

Realising the “promotion” delta is probably worth about £10k in base salary, £5k in bonus and ??? in pension means im an idiot for accepting the status quo because I enjoy my job as eventually I’ll need to leave anyway, so I might as well do it now.

Mental in this company that performance and reward are not linked. Want to get paid more? Abandon your job every 2 years and apply for roles at a higher level.

[Lewis]

Could you take your skills outside the oil industry for anything like the money you earn, or are you sort of boxed into it now?

[Shindig]

Nuclear power. :cool:

[niko_cee]

Want to get paid more? Abandon your job every 2 years and apply for roles at a higher level.

Sounds like the civil service.

Presumably whichever energy giant you work for is bigger than most governments so I guess that figures.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think it sounds like more or less anywhere, unless you have specialised skills that are a massive ballache to try and replace.

[Spikey M]

I do love the idea of an Oil Company having a Carbon Champion. It's like Baz taking his Domestic Abuse Championship Belt and taking on Father's For Justice and Chris Benoit in a Triple Threat Match.

[Foe]

Could you take your skills outside the oil industry for anything like the money you earn, or are you sort of boxed into it now?

I actually debated applying for a government sort of role last year as I though it would be interesting (oil and gas authority). The pay would’ve been roughly the same, but no share schemes or bonus, so a net pay cut.

Ironically the job I’m debating applying for is “new energies” ie non oil and gas, and it’s the grade above so as a minimum would be a 10% pay rise as the grade above me gets an “allowance” on top of base pay.

I’m paid more than an average job, but it’s not massively so. My pal abandoned oil to go work for a whisky distillery and had to take a maybe £10k pay cut to leave.

I’ve got the magic 10 year experience kicker now that should make me very employable given the skills I’ve learned and the company I’ve worked for. Leaving is an option, but I’d rather stay. They just need to pay me what I think I’m worth, and what correlates with the praise they keep giving me.

[Foe]

I do love the idea of an Oil Company having a Carbon Champion. It's like Baz taking his Domestic Abuse Championship Belt and taking on Father's For Justice and Chris Benoit in a Triple Threat Match.

MATE, I work for an integrated energy company, not an oil company.

;)

Carbon champion basically does nothing. I’m supposed to just hassle people to do actions related to emissions. I might put it in my email signature actually, and it’s definitely going on my CV.

[Kikó]

The sideways move to another company to get a payrise is common in finance as well. It's amazing how little you can move the dial when you're in a job.

[Baz]

This seems to be working out well. Started a level 5 apprenticeship (dunno) in March and today got a call from my line manager asking me to apply for the job above mine, that states a degree is required. “Well, you’re working towards one so that counts.” :cab:

Annoying but it seems like I’ve got a job on 50% more if I want it, right?
Interviewed for this today and got it. :cool:

[Ian]

:cool:

[Manc]

Every fucker under the sun is getting promoted atm.

[Lofty]

At our spot there are whispers of a re-org.

[Boydy]

Gonna be in the office most of this week because one of our yanks is over. I don't even know why he's bothering this week as they want an MVP by the end of September so he's just gonna be here and slow us down. Really cannot be arsed. Proper dreading this week.

[Magic]

Really loving my new job lads.

In other news, my ex-employer got their external HR to draft a legal letter asking my ex-colleague who they fired to update his LinkedIn to say he no longer works for them. :D

[phonics]

Real hurt or injured shift today after I rolled and sprained my ankle while hammered yesterday. Absolutely killed it but then my 15 minute walk home took 45 minutes. Best bartender in the biz. I need a raise.

[Kikó]

I'm off to Berlin tonight for a few days to work from hq. We've arranged go karting on Wednesday for some organised fun which i am actually looking forward to.. 🤦

[Giggles]

There’s the two sides of the coin right there.

[Spikey M]

Informal drink driving lagers.

[Kikó]

It's FUN

[Mike]

I’ve dropped my hours at work to four days and an hour into the first Monday not working and it’s already boss.

[Boydy]

Gonna be in the office most of this week because one of our yanks is over. I don't even know why he's bothering this week as they want an MVP by the end of September so he's just gonna be here and slow us down. Really cannot be arsed. Proper dreading this week.

This was about as bad as I thought. Two hour meeting this morning when he wanked on about the company values. It apparrently took them two months to come up with 14 and then whittle that down to six. Maybe you should have been doing some productive work like buildjng the product we don't have yet during those two months ffs?

For context, these "values" are for a company with about five people in the US, four in Belfast and a handful of contractors in Romania. Oh, and one guy in India.

After that we went for lunch where the 3 Belfastians there had a pint with lunch and he had... water. Also had to listen to him say that the US was becoming too socialist these days with Bernie Sanders, trade unions and Biden's student debt relief plan. And he moaned a bit about their stimulus checks and no one wanting to work any more too.

Wednesday afternoon is meant to be a team building day and the boss in Belfast has basically just organised a drinking session so it'll be interesting to see how that goes.

[Waffdon]

First day in the office since March 2020. Greeting.

The upside is it’s 80% WFH now instead of just going back in the office full time. :drool:

[Don]

They've started monitoring office attendance using IT login and giving the info to managers in order to 'provide support to those who are yet to return to the office' :D

Can't believe we're still on the 3 days a week policy. Bring on the winter tears.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Anyone who pushes 'values' has absolutely nothing to say.

[Giggles]

We were hiring lately and seen about 95% drop off in applicants once the ad was edited to say it was office based, as everyone presumed wfh. Covid has bred a generation of lazy cunts.

[Kikó]

Some people don't like being in the office for no reason.

[Shindig]

I mean, the work is the reason.

[Giggles]

I mean, the work is the reason.

But the cheek of asking someone not to walk the dog or watch Judge Judy while ‘working’.

[Boydy]

I've got far more done today wfh than I did yesterday. No fucking distracting music that gets into our office from the open plan co-working space downstairs and not having to listen to people down there making phone calls.

[Boydy]

And I'm still working trying to get something finished off before quitting for the day whereas if I'd been in the office I'd have left at 6pm (it closes then) and would be on the bus now.

[Ian]

If as an employer (through whatever combination of managerial incompetence, being stuck in the past or people just being underworked generally) you can't tell the difference between somebody working or not they'll get away with doing fuck all whether they're in the office or at home.

[Shindig]

Everyone is clocked and their productivity is logged either way. The end result is all that matters. I can't stray too far away from the PC because some of my tasks are time sensitive.

[Don]

The distractions and annoyances are early teething problems to getting adjusted to the new normal of hybrid working so man the fuck up Boydy, we're in this together.

[Spikey M]

Spent the day at head office doing a "deep dive". Because nothing solves understaffing like wasting a whole day pissing and moaning and making existing processes more convoluted.

The is nothing worse than middle management.

[Kikó]

I mean, the work is the reason.

Unless your work depends on the physical location, then it's a weak excuse. I work 3 weeks from home and a few days in the office and I'm equally shit in both locations.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab is coming with us to the Munich exhibition in October (if he can get a Schengen visa, which as an Iraqi citizen is by no means certain) and has booked himself a flight to Frankfurt, rather than Munich. When I asked why on earth he had done that, he said he didn't know there was more than one airport in Germany. When I laughed at him for thinking that there was only one airport in Germany, he said 'Well I'm from Jordan, there's only one airport in Jordan'.

The company are fast tracking this guy to god status.

[phonics]

Tbf Munich airport is a fucking disaster.

[Shindig]

Well, today was shite. Whilst the office were speculating about the Queen's inevitable death, we were pulled into a meeting to announce a colleague had just passed away. Shocked doesn't cover it.

[Pepe]

You worked with the queen?

[Shindig]

Technically, I work for her.

[Raoul Duke]

Past tense

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just had a message through from one of my bosses (79) lamenting the death of QE2.

"I suppose you don't remember the coronation, but..."

You're fucking right there, mate.

[Ben]

Our company flag is at half mast and someone in H&S has stuck an A4 portrait of the Queen to the back of her chair. But other than that, nothing.

[Boydy]

someone in H&S has stuck an A4 portrait of the Queen to the back of her chair.

:D

What a tribute.

[Lofty]

Out of respect for her maj the regional director has cancelled his Teams Q&A session no-one attends anyway :D

[Ian]

I'm one of those disgusting layabout civil servants these days and other than a post or two at the top of the intranet page you wouldn't know.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Wish my customers were as keen to confirm orders as they are to console me on 'la muerte de la reina Isabel'. Can't believe she's died too, a hard day for queens everywhere.

[Ian]

RIP Isabel. :(

[wullie]

We've got a full webpage up with guidance for students and staff in these next few difficult weeks, including links to wellness hubs, employee assistance programmes and a chaplaincy. I assumed the kind of people who you see wailing on the news outside the gates after this happens were in the minority but clearly they're everywhere, they walk among us.

[Shindig]

The Queen’s firmly in second place in the condolences stakes over here.

[Mike]

There was a ‘special assembly’ in work today. A member of staff got upset and a boy with autism put his hand up on seeing this to ask if he was supposed to be upset about something. :D

[Panda Bear]

Baz Congratulations on the new role. I am hoping this means that you've finally cleared the credentialism hurdle where people will no longer care about whether you have post-secondary.

Magic Happy to hear the new place is treating you well.

[Baz]

Baz Congratulations on the new role. I am hoping this means that you've finally cleared the credentialism hurdle where people will no longer care about whether you have post-secondary.
Thanks. I hope so too. One of the consultants in the team rang (Teamsed?) me today to “congratulate” me but ended up just moaning that another consultant (my line manager) had got their first as she had previously expressed interest to the director in wanting me to be her commissioner for sexual health. I think I’d rather do substance misuse though, cos there’s some crazy generous funding grants for the next three years, and our service provider is much better for addiction than the one for sexual health services. But yeah, the good news is still sinking in.

[Shindig]

Your email signature's going to be ridiculous by the time you leave. It's ridiculous now.

[Ian]

wanting me to be her commissioner for sexual health.

Some people have the weirdest chat up lines.

[Shindig]

From the makers of Domestic Abuse Champion.

[Raoul Duke]

It's like a badly translated JRPG redemption arc

[Baz]

From the makers of Domestic Abuse Champion.I never bothered with that one in the end.

One of the few available monikers I don't have, granted.

Will be sad to stop being a Dementia Ambassador, but the rest should carry on.

[Boydy]

I'm supposed to be doing a demo this afternoon of some stuff I got working last week but in the meantime one of our dickhead contractors has gone and broken something in another service that my stuff relied on so now it's not working. These cunts are literally just breaking shit we get working every other day. Fucking useless.

[mo]

Not for the cyber bullying of exclusion, no. There is a wider context in which he perceives he is the victim, but does nothing to help himself. Mum says he's been bullied since Year 1. Year 1! That's insane.

Anyway, apologies if that came off callous, it's why I don't tend to post about specifics normally. But now I work as part of the pastoral team I get a lot of this shit and the dickheads are grinding me down a bit.

He left today. "Too afraid to come back to school" were mum's words. Really hope he makes a good go of wherever he's going now.

[Manc]

Sinister.

[Baz]

The awesome tutor I had for my apprenticeship left and the new one just isn't good.

https://i.ibb.co/FV9p0Zp/yes.png

Good feedback, thanks.



Three day weekend starts now though, lessgoo

[Don]

"A good reason for this is..."

Or, probably better:

"This allows..."

Tell Jane I want nudes.

[Giggles]

I’m off to the ploughing tomorrow. Do your lot set up anything at it at all Jimmy?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nope. Oddly we do very little tractor in Ireland, other than some idiot in Longford who never pays his bills. Loads of digger business though, relative to the country's size.

[Boydy]

I'm supposed to be doing a demo this afternoon of some stuff I got working last week but in the meantime one of our dickhead contractors has gone and broken something in another service that my stuff relied on so now it's not working. These cunts are literally just breaking shit we get working every other day. Fucking useless.

https://i.ibb.co/9HjqKLV/image.png

[Raoul Duke]

Also bear in mind they're probably getting paid twice as much as you :|

[Giggles]

Nope. Oddly we do very little tractor in Ireland, other than some idiot in Longford who never pays his bills. Loads of digger business though, relative to the country's size.

Jaysus there’s some tech in farming these days.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The most modern JDs are basically like NASA space stations. Within 10-20 years they won't even need to be driven.

[Shindig]

I liked the story a few years back at tractor owners jailbreaking their firmware because they didn't want to pay John Deere for the privilege. Hacked tractors. :cool:

[Baz]

Managed to dodge having Fire Warden added to my list of responsibilities.

[Waffdon]

Thought you’d be all over that.

[Shindig]

That's probably not so bad. Two drills a year, at best.

[randomlegend]

Managed to dodge having Fire Warden added to my list of responsibilities.

My wife thinks I'm a retard, so she often jokes that at work they just give me a little list of "oooh special jobs for Andy" to be getting on with whilst everyone else does the actual doctoring.

This is what comes to mind every time you post about your list of special roles.

[Mike]

Fire Warden while working from home sounds a pretty sweet deal.

[Baz]

My wife thinks I'm a retard, so she often jokes that at work they just give me a little list of "oooh special jobs for Andy" to be getting on with whilst everyone else does the actual doctoring.

This is what comes to mind every time you post about your list of special roles.I think it's just exaggerated on here, to be honest. Mental Health First Aider gets me £8 a month so I cling onto that one, but the others aren't really things. Besides, I think it's only Culture Champion and Digital Champion that still exist, and I don't mind the "spread the word" responsibilities that come with them. I'm disappointed my dads suggestion of being "the face of AIDS for St. Helens" never took off, honestly. Hopefully I can become the face of homelessness or substance misuse.

Fire Warden would require me to commit to being in the office every Thursday, which I don't want to do. Funnily enough, the two blokes who are in the most have been nominated to be the Fire Wardens, so they've brought it on themselves really.

The Organisational Development department do an awards ceremony every year and recently asked for volunteers to read all the nominations and "score" them, so think I'll put my name down for that in the hope of being invited along, cos it means 4pm drinking and getting paid for the pleasure.

Also recently listed the stuff I'll carry on doing and the stuff I'll not do anymore once my role officially changes in mid-October and it's looking very positive for my FM career. :happycry: Essentially I'll be picking up no additional responsibilities but will have time to actual focus on the tasks properly within my working remit, and sacking off a lot of bitty stuff from other peoples portfolios that they can't be bothered doing. Payday on 21st November is gonna be lovely.

[Shindig]

My massive MHFA book's just arrived. You could knock a cunt out with it.

[Gray Fox]

I got given THE TEXTBOOK too. Do I fuck get any extra pay for being a MHFA though.

[Manc]

My massive MHFA book's just arrived. You could knock a cunt out with it.

Or a dog.

[Luke Emia]

So I may well have chosen the best point in the last 10 years to change things up.

I have gone to doing the mortgage advice side of the business on a self-employed basis which means no safety net of a salary on a monthly basis. In a lot of ways it's very good for me as it means overall I earn more money from the mortgages and also means that the money gets paid direct to my business and I can pay myself salary and dividends so not have to pay a huge amount of tax but now at this point I'm sat here wondering how the next year to eighteen months will be with mortgages.

On the plus side I have also set up a financial advice firm which basically extricates me from the idiots that I was previously employed by as all my business now has to go through that firm. I'm hoping the financial advice combined with the mortgages should be enough to see me through any sticky patch over the next year to 18 months. The start up though has been hard work I knew it was going to be difficult but I don't think I appreciated just how difficult it was going to be.

[randomlegend]

I've just realised I sent a work email to someone where I tried to italicise a word by using the formatting from this place.

[Spikey M]

Career ending stuff.

[Kikó]

_lol_

[Shindig]

This laptop I got from work is cooked. It wouldn't boot up yesterday morning, this morning Chrome decided it wasn't going to open the course I was doing and my emails. Then a reboot killed it again. I don't even need a webcam for this but the woman running the course seems to insist on it for safety reasons. I think it's mainly so they can see who's on the call and if anybody kicks off.

[Lofty]

My work webcam is taped up at all times and I even swerve turning it on in teams meetings where I am supposed to, unless directly instructed to by my manager.

[Shindig]

There's one lad who's had his blocked all meeting and hasn't a said a word. One woman is just hair to me.

[CJay]

Tomorrow for work I am driving 1.5 hours to Stormont to pick up my new work computer. Only I can do this as I have to exchange my current computer complete with login details. I then have to sit for around 2 hours while they transfer stuff from my old device to my new device. Then I have to drive 1.5 hours home. The odds of then being able to sit down when I get home and immediately start working without any issues seem extremely long to me.

Is anyone else’s IT department this backward? Isn’t remote deployment a thing? I get paid mileage, so it doesn’t bother me really, but it seems like an awful waste of company (aka taxpayer) money and time.

[Lewis]

I was issued with a laptop in March 2021 that I briefly used to respond to e-mails whilst our building was out of action, but since then it's been in a locker because I'm not allowed to take it into our secure office, and I can't use it for the work we do in the secure office. The idea was that it stays with you for your career, but there are rumblings that they're going to recall half of the unused ones because that was obviously a stupid idea to begin with.

[Boydy]

Tomorrow for work I am driving 1.5 hours to Stormont to pick up my new work computer. Only I can do this as I have to exchange my current computer complete with login details. I then have to sit for around 2 hours while they transfer stuff from my old device to my new device. Then I have to drive 1.5 hours home. The odds of then being able to sit down when I get home and immediately start working without any issues seem extremely long to me.

Is anyone else’s IT department this backward? Isn’t remote deployment a thing? I get paid mileage, so it doesn’t bother me really, but it seems like an awful waste of company (aka taxpayer) money and time.

Civil service?

[Shindig]

Our laptops don't really do much special. It's more to circumvent the over-zealous firewall and whatever else the thin clients can't access. Stuff like how we all have Teams installed on our desktops but it's only good for the chat client.

[CJay]

Civil service?

Housing Executive.

[Giggles]

Ours are basically personal laptops that we access work stuff on (Sharepoint). I just buy one with my work card every few years.

[Lofty]

Our IT department used to be more relaxed but have completely shit the bed over the prospect of the railway being shut down by Russia/ransomware.

[Dave.]

For the first time in my life, I have been contacted to be a reference for someone I used to manage.

I haven't done one of these before. What's the procedure? Do I just lost the guy's strengths and achievements in the workplace? Anything need to go in about sickness record or anything like that?

[Lofty]

It may be a myth but steer clear of anything negative. If he was a liability you just say 'I cannot provide a reference'

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, just stay positive unless he is in the immediate family of Satan himself, in which case don't provide one.

[Dave.]

It may be a myth but steer clear of anything negative. If he was a liability you just say 'I cannot provide a reference'

He was fine so don't have that issue. Sickness record is also fine but if a situation comes up again where it isn't, would it be common practice for potential employers to want such information off a referee?

[Dark Soldier]

My employer didn't give a fuck about my sickness record and I was genuinely fired due to taking the piss with it last role. Unless they ask for that info I wouldn't bother.

[Boydy]

I thought you literally just confirmed they work there for references these days.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've done a few for people becoming teachers and all the schools asked me if I thought the candidates were suitable for the post described, and why.

[mo]

I tend to have to do quite detailed references, and it's a ballache as every place wants them done differently. I had a trainee a couple of years ago who had 3 or 4 interviews before securing a post, it ranged from one place wanting a brief summary of their suitability to a 7 page document :cab: . One earlier this year required me to send my reference electronically AND by post, on school-headed paper. Literally pointless.

[Ian]

I thought you literally just confirmed they work there for references these days.

Depends if you refer to an individual or just an HR department I guess. The latter will definitely just confirm you worked there.

[Dave.]

Thanks for the responses everyone.:thbup:

[Lofty]

I had a good run, haven't been in the office at all for nearly 12 months solid and maybe 5 times since March 2020 but the time has come. I suspect the lad we took on in the interim who then had some mental health abscences and left for sunnier shores has fucked us.

We've got new starters coming in and have to report to the office at least once a week going forward :moop:

[Manc]

Once a week is genuinely pointless.

[Baz]

Once a week is genuinely pointless.They asked us to do Thursdays. I never really bothered but whenever I do go in everyone just spends the day chatting cos we’ve not seen eachother, and slowly everyone’s realised they get no work done when they go in so rather than just limit the chatter, they’ve just stopped going in.

Last Thursday I genuinely spent 40 minutes talking about Married At First Sight, which I’ve never even seen.

[Shindig]

There's so few in on my days that small talk struggles to happen.