The All New Jobs Thread

[Shindig]

I'm hoping the pay bump I'm due can let me slap another 1% of contributions on my pension but the news isn't that good. :moop:

[randomlegend]

Update:

They inform me I've paid off my overpayment from December. (I know, I'm talking about the one from March which I told you about 3 months ago).

The rebate is paying back my pension contributions from the start of this locum post due to my opt out. (I have not opted out of pension contributions).

Incredible.

[Shindig]

Fuck it. If they say otherwise, crack on.

In better news, we've moved desks. I can see the TV in break room from there so that's me sorted for the World Cup. Assuming I'm not sitting somewhere else by then.

[Magic]

So latest is: my only sales colleague has been fired and has been painted as having a drink problem. Was also told he didn't even own his house(!). :harold:

I have moved up from ignored to absolutely controlled, which is awful but not as awful as being ignored. Dragged through to the office last Friday to do cold calling with a poor part-time woman from one of the sub-companies who is the owner's neighbour. I had to go through at 0900 as that's when it was in my calendar, leaving the house at 0700. I got there and then was told the woman and the sub-boss guy from the sub-company wouldn't be in until 10 (LOL).

We were told a bunch of info about a 'grant' that may or may not be applicable and got given a list of companies. From what I gathered it was basically a lie and an in to organisations so we could then find out more about their IT. Not great but whatever. The sub-boss said go in to your separate offices in the afternoon to make the calls as it's not great doing it in front of other people.

So, the afternoon comes and the owner comes in and brings up Wolf of Wall Street on YouTube and says 'that's how you make a cold call! Don't tell them where the grant is from, don't tell them anything. Use the board room phones, most appointments gets a bottle of Moet'. :D

The woman (owner's neighbour) left in tears and I just made up my own script and obviously didn't get any appointments and in fairness neither did the account manager who also had to do it. This place is literally insane and changes almost every day. I can barely cope.

[SvN]

Are you making up stories to try and beat Jimmy at his own game?

[Magic]

I really, REALLY wish I was.

[Baz]

The big big bosslady wants me to do a “work based learning qualification” which is essentially an apprenticeship but people seem to stray away from saying that cos it’s associated with people bordering on special needs learning a trade. If I can swing it that I can get a day off a week but do nothing extra other than fill in a form every so often saying what I’ve been upto, it sounds great - brownie points with the director, which will likely lead to a promotion, and more time off. However, if it turns out to be actual extra work, I’m not so keen. Anyone done one, as an adult?


Every single job in my department, above mine, says a degree or equivalent qualification is essential and I dropped out of uni after 4 days. Meanwhile the lad with a degree in graphic fucking design is considered a possible candidate.

This seems to be working out well. Started a level 5 apprenticeship (dunno) in March and today got a call from my line manager asking me to apply for the job above mine, that states a degree is required. “Well, you’re working towards one so that counts.” :cab:

Annoying but it seems like I’ve got a job on 50% more if I want it, right?

[Ben]

It would appear so. My company tends to be the same, they like to promote from within so back us to go for any relevant training/qualification that may help with that. More companies should be like this; you know, favouring industry knowledge and expertise over a random Desmond from University of Whatever.

[Foe]

BazBot elite slush fund.

[Lofty]

https://i.ibb.co/k6dd6R6/Picsart-22-06-28-21-09-39-496.jpg

[Dark Soldier]

I now work at the GMC. Please call in RL.

[Mike]

https://i.ibb.co/k6dd6R6/Picsart-22-06-28-21-09-39-496.jpg

:lol:

[Giggles]

We've hired a fucking Brazilian. I know it's about time they branched out from selling coke out of rickshaws, but still :face:

[Don]

Jesus, lad, glass houses and all. Or should that be tin ones with horses roaming around them.

[Giggles]

Can you throw a stone at a cave?

[phonics]

niko_cee

https://i.imgur.com/mq0g0eU.png

[Giggles]

Is Reg not the Brighton fan?

[Don]

Who is Brighton?

[Lewis]

I had a minor seethe at somebody eating microwaved Chinese leftovers at their desk today, because our sub-office is windowless and what have you so it fucking stunk, and people thought it was just my usual epic banter. Why would anyone think that that is acceptable?

[Ben]

We have a salmon offender so I can sympathise.

[Shindig]

We've had a cod botherer in our office.

[Don]

Brav there's a cost of living crisis, let the man eat for 10 mins and deal with the very temporary odour.

[Lewis]

He never stops eating. It's amazing. I'm a big lad and I can put it away, but he has my daily calories covered by half-eleven.

[Don]

Ah fucking hell, not one of those gluttonous cunts. My misophonia is a real problem with these lot.

[Giggles]

We’re only allowed bring old stuff or buy it in the shop. No reheating. Just as it should be.

[niko_cee]

Is Reg not the Brighton fan?

Reg is the Brighton based Man United fan, I'm the Brighton match going Liverpool fan.

[Lewis]

Ah fucking hell, not one of those gluttonous cunts. My misophonia is a real problem with these lot.

Most people are disgusted by the various noises that accompany the performance, but I find the fact he never drinks water most distressing. People lol at the amount I go through a day, but living purely on tea and Diet Coke is a world beyond me.

[Lofty]

Assuming you are smashing through large volumes of it are you not up for a piss every 20 minutes?

[Lewis]

Not quite that, but a lot yes.

[Baz]

Most people are disgusted by the various noises that accompany the performance, but I find the fact he never drinks water most distressing. People lol at the amount I go through a day, but living purely on tea and Diet Coke is a world beyond me.Treat yourself to an Air-Up bottle. They’re 650ml so plenty in them, the straw has a wide base so easy to drink fast (a pet peeve of mine when using regular straws) and you get a sense of flavour even though you’re drinking 100% pure water. Amazing thing.

[igor_balis]

Treat yourself to an Air-Up bottle. They’re 650ml so plenty in them, the straw has a wide base so easy to drink fast (a pet peeve of mine when using regular straws) and you get a sense of flavour even though you’re drinking 100% pure water. Amazing thing.

Surprised there wasn't a referral link in there. Enter the code baz to save 10% off your first order. Or just drink squash like a normal person.

[Don]

This is the first I'm hearing of this Air-Up and, well that's got to be a new low for humanity. Frightening.

[Manc]

Squash. :harold:

[igor_balis]

I meant if you must have flavoured water, rather than a default option. Now I'm trying to be less of a fat cunt, my occasional glasses of Robinson's fruit and barley are genuinely a treat for me :(

[Baz]

Surprised there wasn't a referral link in there. Enter the code baz to save 10% off your first order. Or just drink squash like a normal person.
I checked and they don't offer a referral scheme. :baz:

And water is the healthiest thing on this earth. Why drink anything else, other than tea or beer? Air-Up isn't flavoured water, it's just water. But somehow you think you're drinking pop.

[Pepe]

Water-drinking crew. :cool:

[Kikó]

High five h20 brothers.

[Lofty]

Water doesn't need polluting it just needs to be cold.

[Baz]

Mix it with dihydrogen monoxide for the ultimate refreshment.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Flavoured water is on my 'sign of a wrong un' list, along with tinted glasses and white belts.

[Shindig]

Ah, the Jim Jones trilogy.

[Magic]

Sparkling water is the worst form. Or anyone that owns a sodastream.

[Kikó]

Sparkling water is brilliant.

[Giggles]

I keep a keg of sparkling water on the go at all times. So handy.

[igor_balis]

Lol the trustees are visiting the office for two days of board meetings. There are plenty of conference rooms in the area they could have booked, but instead they've insisted on booking out the entire second floor of our office and doing it here. Bear in mind that there's only about 15 of them. Yesterday the instructions were that people were still allowed to use the canteen (also on the second floor) as long as people were really quiet (annoying enough as it is) but today an all office has gone around telling people they aren't allowed up there at all and that a microwave has been moved downstairs.

When I heard the trustees had insisted on doing it in the office I assumed it was to meet members of staff and patronisingly pretend to show interest in our work, but if they didn't want to be disturbed by us plebs...er, maybe have the meeting not in a working fucking office lol. Melts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of my favourite things that happens in our office is when the South Africans come over, the company orders in a big platter of fancy sandwiches etc for their lunch in the boardroom upstairs each day, and then at 4.30pm the leftovers are brought down to the sales office in case we're interested in a stale chicken and pesto focaccia, or a slime-green cannoli, to end the day.

[Pepe]

https://i.insider.com/5e74f1aa235c180a1708f958?width=1000&format=jpeg&auto=webp

[Spikey M]

One of my favourite things that happens in our office is when the South Africans come over, the company orders in a big platter of fancy sandwiches etc for their lunch in the boardroom upstairs each day, and then at 4.30pm the leftovers are brought down to the sales office in case we're interested in a stale chicken and pesto focaccia, or a slime-green cannoli, to end the day.

I can't even imagine how tragic you would have to be to accept the crumbs from their table. Surely nobody actually takes anything?

[randomlegend]

I now work at the GMC. Please call in RL.

:uhoh:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't even imagine how tragic you would have to be to accept the crumbs from their table. Surely nobody actually takes anything?

I've never done so, but there are those who will just take free food from whatever source.

[Ben]

Yep, we have leftovers dumped in our kitchen after the monthly board meetings and blokes on £400 day rates hoover it up.

[Smjffy]

I was handing in my notice in my current job about two months ago. I felt a change of scenery would do the world of good. I wrote it out, handed it to my head chef and whilst he wasn't happy, he understood.

No drama, right?

Following day, I was given a torrid time by a team mate who was pissed off at me because I was leaving.....makes sense, init. Whatever, I'd ride that shit out for a month if that was how it was to be I told myself. I didn't know the reason was because I was leaving at the time though so in a odd way, it was nice in hindsight.

You know what was nicer though.....less than a week later, chef approaches me and asks if there is anything he can do or if there was something that would change my mind, I initially said no because I'd lined up the next job already (I hadn't) then he asked what they were paying. I fibbed, just 50p more an hour than what I am on but free accommodation included. He offered me a pay rise there and then. I knew the second he said it I'd be accepting it but you know, gotta stay cool so said I'd sleep on it and get back to him.

tl;dr ^^

I got a £2 raise to stay. :drool:

[Magic]

I'm totally fed up. Thought I had my career nailed and it's all crumbled in 3 months.

I feel 'stuck'. I will get fired from this job just not sure how long they'll give me. Got an interview with BT Enterprise in a couple of weeks but not sure I want to be in a PLC either.

Guessing everyone has these moments but nothing is clear to me apart from I am not putting myself in an early grave for someone else's dream. "Go self employed then" yeah I have ADHD so it ain't happening without a partner in crime. I've thought about building my own website/app and monetising something which will give me enough to live on so I can have time to do what I want.

[mo]

Parent complained to me today that their child is being cyber bullied by being excluded from a Whatsapp group, related to the now closed school production of the Sound of Music.

What on earth she expects me to do about it, I'm not sure. Tell the admins to let him in? And then what, they start a new group without him? Sounds harsh but clearly no one likes this kid, no idea why he hasn't moved schools.

[Manc]

The kid not involved in the Sound of Music production is getting bullied. What a world we live in.

[Shindig]

Billy No Notes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Climb every mountain
Jump every hoop
Hassle every teacher
Till you're in the group

[niko_cee]

no idea why he hasn't moved schools.

Is this genuinely seen as a solution?

[Boydy]

Yeah, that's fucked up, mo.

[Spikey M]

How is it fucked up? :D

Have we become the cunt parents that complain to the school when lil Tyler-Tyler isn't invited to a classmates party?

Life isn't fair. It's a life lesson.

[mo]

Is this genuinely seen as a solution?

Not for the cyber bullying of exclusion, no. There is a wider context in which he perceives he is the victim, but does nothing to help himself. Mum says he's been bullied since Year 1. Year 1! That's insane.

Anyway, apologies if that came off callous, it's why I don't tend to post about specifics normally. But now I work as part of the pastoral team I get a lot of this shit and the dickheads are grinding me down a bit.

[Shindig]

"My son is being bullied. Please put him in a situation where he is humiliated in front of a live audience."

[SvN]

I'm terrified at the idea of my kids being bullied. How do parents stop themselves from chokeslamming the little shits responsible?

[Spikey M]

One of my friends punched another dad in the face after school when his kid was being bullied. That worked pretty well (apart from the fine and compensation he had to pay).

[Shindig]

My dad chased after my bullies a couple of times. Most of the time I just rode it out, though. That shit stops dead when everyone heads off to college.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Barney is really getting on my tits today. Earlier on he asked me if the sun always rises in the east. I said 'yes, famously so'. He then said 'Alright, alright, give it a rest'.

I've now had to spend the last ten minutes explaining that snooker and pool are different games. He contends that they aren't.

[Ian]

Sounds like he's a must for your office pub quiz team.

[Bernanke]

I'm terrified at the idea of my kids being bullied. How do parents stop themselves from chokeslamming the little shits responsible?

Simple, beat up their father instead.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHOGs5x90PU&ab_channel=Axhol3Rose

[niko_cee]

How is it fucked up? :D

Have we become the cunt parents that complain to the school when lil Tyler-Tyler isn't invited to a classmates party?

Life isn't fair. It's a life lesson.

It's fucked up because the bullied person [without making any judgement as to the legitimacy of the claim or the dickhead level of the complainant] shouldn't really ever be the one being expected to make significant changes surely?

Kids are fucked now though. The bullying opportunities device culture offer are off the charts and what with their over exposure to everything they are literally kids in the candy shop when it comes to exploring the arsehole side of adolescence [which was always pretty strong anyway].

On a similar theme one of the secondary schools here got nuked by Ofsted today. How about this for an opening gambit:


What is it like to attend this school?

The quality of education at St Sampson’s High School is not good enough. Senior leaders have not ensured that the curriculum is implemented well.

Pupils’ behaviour around the school is poor. While most pupils show respect to their teachers, some do not. Some pupils ignore or directly challenge their teachers. Poor behaviour sometimes goes unchecked because staff do not apply the behaviour policy consistently.

When bullying happens, pupils report it to their teachers, but they have little confidence that staff will be able to put a stop to it. As a result, many pupils do not feel safe in school.


:happycry:

[Spikey M]

Someone being refused access to a WhatsApp group is not bullying. If they aren't liked, they would be more likely to face bullying if they were allowed in.

Bullying is horrible and I agree that the Interwebz makes it easier (although I don't think it's worse than it used to be by and large), but this softshite worldview where everyone has to be included in everything at all times is just silly.

There are presumably people you know that you wouldn't want to invite on a night out. Is that bullying?

[Don]

Spikey it sounds like you ain't done your 'bullying at the workplace' e-learning module, son. When the gammon boss hosts a team social in the boozer so Sadiq can't make it, that's amore.

[Spikey M]

Completely different. The school aren't excluding Kayden-Jayden from anything. A group of school kids don't want to talk to a classmate outside of school. That's it.

If they're also doing shit to him, starting rumours, making memes etc. then fair enough, that's bullying. But not liking someone is not bullying - and insisting people be friends with people that they don't like isn't really a viable option. Not unless you want the girls in the office to be forced to let Leering Leon befriend them on Facebook, so he can tug himself off to Sunita's "Malta 2016" photo album, anyway.

[Boydy]

I don't think anyone said the other kids should be forced to let him into the whatsapp group.

It was that a teacher who presumably has some sort of pastoral duty towards this kid (since confirmed) was so flippant and callous.

[mo]

Gonna put that in my linkedin bio.

[Spikey M]

Is there a feeling on earth like donning your manager senseless?

Since WFH started we've been using a third party to send letters remotely. It's an absolute sack of shit unless you're sending basic letters. If you want to include a form or anything, you're shit out of luck. But management weren't interested, so we just sorted a work around.

The work around was that we got reception to print and post it for us (genius, I know). Except - completely out of the blue - they have now closed reception and sacked the lot of them with no notice. I asked my manager how I was supposed to post the 3 urgent letters and forms that need to go out today and she has had an almighty stampy tanty about just using the software provided and everyone being old fashioned. So I sent the stuff over to her for her to work out how we could post it.

Long story short, they're offering me double pay to go out tonight and hand deliver them. No thanks love, there's a steak marinating in the fridge. Have fun though.

[Lofty]

Beautiful. The best is when you can rebutt their argument with their own words.

[Shindig]

Is this boss also an alcoholic?

[Spikey M]

No, just over worked. She's generally alright but they still haven't replaced the other manager so she's doing it all at the moment.

I'll make an allowance, but I'm still not doing overtime to fix their fuck up.

[Shindig]

Fair play. If you do it once for them, they'll expect it. I'm back to pandemic levels of busy, at the minute. That's surprising considering the area I work has the smallest intake. Anyone working London or Scotland is royally snowed under.

[Giggles]

Condemn her.

[Shindig]

It's Sunday and I'm bored so I fancied looking on google maps to see how many of my former workplaces are still around. Most of the buildings are still standing but tended to have changed ownership.

- The old HBOS office - Condemned. :D Looks like the same for most of the Business Park but that building's easily the worse for wear.
- That place in Jarrow where I worked for a couple of months - now an Amazon fulfilment centre. Makes sense as that was mostly a warehouse.
- The place I scanned cheques at before getting the HBOS job - Now a TNT office.
- The computer shop I worked in whilst on the dole. - Unsurprisingly, no longer in business. Easily the most crooked place I've spent time in. :D

Nostalgia.

[Ben]

All my old places of work no longer exist. Not sure if that's a reflection on me.

[Giggles]

Mine are all still going strong. Probably because I left.

[Raoul Duke]

One of mine was flagged up as one of the buildings in Grenfell-style cladding at the time it happened :uhoh:

[Manc]

If only.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I check back on the Koreans occasionally. They seem to have terminated Mr Choi and DH Son a while ago, which is a shame for them I guess, but good news for new man at the helm JK Hwang. UK office really is the fucking pits as a gig to get in that company. It's like being sent to the Night's Watch. Nine hours' flight from home and a mystifyingly bad selection of instant noodle pots in the shops.

[Mike]

Last day in work before the summer holidays today. In Y6 this year, so a water fight and dominos is the plan for the day.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There had been rumours that I might finally be summoned on a South America trip, but I was in the 'believe it when I see it' camp. Well, my 80 year old boss has given the go ahead for my 78 year old boss to book the trip for this autumn. The 78 year old is in the office and has just rattled off the possible itinerary to me.

15-20 days: Colombia (2 cities), Ecuador (2 cities), Peru (3 cities), Bolivia, Paraguay, Chile, and maybe we'll pop to Buenos Aires at the end.

Absolutely no idea, other than maintaining passable Spanish over a period of time, how I've ended up in this position.

[Kikó]

Sounds pretty intense. Love it.

[Yevrah]

That will be one hell of a trip. Any downtime likely away from whichever incompetent liar you'll be going with?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't imagine so, it'll probably involve sitting in airports and queuing at borders a lot.

[Lofty]

Trip sounds immense, Jim. You'll be documenting it daily on here, of course?

[Pepe]

That sounds dreadful. Good luck. I hope at least you get to stay there for a while at the end or something.

[Baz]

https://i.ibb.co/d24xgw7/02700558-1-C94-406-B-9447-62-F22807-F696.jpg

[Spikey M]

I'll take Bolivia in the Kidnapping / dismemberment sweepstake please.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That sounds dreadful. Good luck. I hope at least you get to stay there for a while at the end or something.

The Mexico-Honduras-Guatemala-Panama-Dominican Republic-Guyana sequel is set for early next year.

[Ian]

The thread which comes from that. :drool:

Did the Spain one even make the nominations for the awards? Was that this year? I'd have nominated it if I could remembering stuff.

[Shindig]

It didn’t but I think that’s because it was associated with this one. I forgot Jimmy gave it a separate thread.

Also, Colombia . Day 2 he’s killed by one of Escobar’s hippos.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Tim Vickery wearing loafers but no socks is the exact sort of thing I'm trying to avoid. I might have to go for the slob look with outsized polo shirts.

[Luca]

Free the ankle, Jimmy. And wear a gold chain.

[Pepe]

The Mexico-Honduras-Guatemala-Panama-Dominican Republic-Guyana sequel is set for early next year.

Bring your bullet-proof vest.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The 78 year old has just left Mexico City and moved back to Yorkshire after 42 years. He says the country (Mexico) is going to rack and ruin, you get routinely raided / your car stolen by either bandits in the city or narcotraficantes on the motorway, and health insurance costs £10,000 a year.

Sounds the ideal place for a business trip really.

[Pepe]

Sounds about right.

Lovely city to visit though. Tons of stuff to see/do and the food is obviously excellent.

[Giggles]

Ankles should only ever be uncovered if the knee is also. Or you’re under 25.

[phonics]

I had a good time in Mexico City. Unrelated but there was a man with a balaclava and a machine gun outside my hotel.

[Yevrah]

Security guard? Or just in that get up and tooled for the lols?

[Pepe]

Many places are hiring their own private security, which usually involves pick up trucks and machine guns. Some crummy restaurant we used to always stop by on the way to Acapulco has a couple of them now, which is pretty lol.

[Luca]

Ankles should only ever be uncovered if the knee is also. Or you’re under 25.

Another terrible opinion that I disagree vehemently with.

[Giggles]

Acting your age is never terrible.

[phonics]

Another terrible opinion that I disagree vehemently with.

You definitely dress like the I had to do it to em guy so this opinion is not surprising.

[Don]

Giggles knows. I'd go as far as to say they shouldn't be uncovered unless the foot is also. Ankle socks are an atrocity.

[Lewis]

I'll let you have sandals on cultural grounds, but lol if you're walking around in sports socks with shorts like some nineteen year old zoomer perm faggot.

[Don]

I'm sorry but if you're gonna apply the f-bomb to one side of this debate, it ain't my side.

[Spikey M]

As a resident of Essex I am uniquely positioned to inform you all that loafer wearing, ankle swinging, sockless fannies are amongst the worst people in society.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't stop looking at that Vickery photo. It's so perfect. I think it's the tie that does it.

[Don]

I thought it was Prince Andrew.

[Lewis]

Tim Vickery wearing loafers but no socks is the exact sort of thing I'm trying to avoid. I might have to go for the slob look with outsized polo shirts.

Cricket whites.

[Luca]

You definitely dress like the I had to do it to em guy so this opinion is not surprising.

I’m not Mert, for fuck’s sake. I don’t wear shorts like some sort of child.

[Spikey M]

Children don't know instinctively how to dress for the weather, so if you don't wear shorts you are just dressing like a child with terrible parents.

[Lofty]

My wife is complaining that two of the younger women at her spot have come in today wearing 'tiny tops and shorts up their arse like they're on Love Island'. Given she works in a male dominated industry (Haulage) I suspect she will be in the minority complaining. They are a weird spot though, they don't have any dress code at all so there are lads cutting about bare foot in shorts and united shirts. Even on our office 'casual' days pre-covid no-one would be pulling that shit.

[Baz]

Reply: sounds terrible. I don’t really understand the problem though? Take a photo so I can see what you mean.


I’m not Mert, for fuck’s sake. I don’t wear shorts like some sort of child.

Is this really an ‘only children should wear shorts’ take? :saywhat:

[SvN]

A don doesn't wear shorts.

[Spikey M]

Wearing shorts with your coat would look stupid to be fair.

[randomlegend]

The Tories are such bastards for saying that "doctors" are included whenever they announce pay rises for the healthcare sector.

What they actually mean is consultants and GPs and no other doctors. Every other doctor's pay rise will be 2%. This was what was negotiated when the new contract came in what, ten years ago now? With the proviso it would be renegotiated if circumstances changed. The government are claiming circumstances haven't changed so it can't be renegotiated. Cunts.

Long-term I want to stay working in the NHS but they don't half try to put you off. The temptation to just do private allergy clinics or something and rake it in once I qualify becomes more attractive by the day.

[Ben]

The Tories are such bastards

That would have sufficed.

[Pepe]

My wife is complaining that two of the younger women at her spot have come in today wearing 'tiny tops and shorts up their arse like they're on Love Island'.

Tell her to not be jelly.


The temptation to just do private allergy clinics or something and rake it in once I qualify becomes more attractive by the day.

Everyone loves their public sector stuff until they have to deal with it, init.

[randomlegend]

Tell her to not be jelly.



Everyone loves their public sector stuff until they have to deal with it, init.

I love my job. I genuinely look forward to going to work. I hate the Leetards who manage hospitals and how this government treats the NHS.

[Pepe]

Take the monies.

[Lewis]

Everyone loves their public sector stuff until they have to deal with it, init.

Everyone loves monopoly provision being used to suppress producer costs until they are the producer.

[Baz]

I'm all for daft references when the time's right but what's this about:


In 2021/22 councils planned spend on services for young people in England was £382 million. That's over three times what it cost Paris St Germain to re-sign Kylian Mbappe, the most expensive teenager in football of all time!

:cab:

[Spikey M]

It would be better value for each council to sign JLingz on a free

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A 1 in 2 success rate over a short period of time with the right manager is a much better rate than most councils are used to.

[igor_balis]

After being off ill all week I've had a great chance to fully reflect on the first few months in my new role. I reckon I could have done all the work I've done in about 50 hours, I've honestly spent the vast majority of my 4 months playing Pokémon showdown, watching shite on YouTube and messaging the other new starter on teams like "what the fuck are we actually supposed to be doing?!"

It should be the dream for someone as lazy as me but I'm slowly losing my mind. We'd been given this very low intensity task of going through stuff sent to us by a wealth screening company, basically seeing if people are worth pursuing for £££££, it's just the kinda busy work you plod along with when you're bored of the proper work. I messaged my manager like "anything else you want me to be doing or shall I just do the wealth screening stuff?", to which he just replied yeah just do that. That was about a month ago lol.

[Manc]

It's easier said than done, but I'd be using that time to find a better job.

[Shindig]

Or a time-consuming hobby.

[igor_balis]

It's easier said than done, but I'd be using that time to find a better job.
Yeah you're bang on really, I was sorta hoping it would turn around cus my manager is actually a really nice guy, and they were massively behind from being previously super understaffed but I think 4 months is more than enough leeway to give him.

I don't even think I've got much room to progress anyway - they hired me and this other girl as juniors, but she's been given thousands of pounds of training with the intention of making her a senior in twelve months time, which pretty much cements me in the junior bitch position for the indefinite future anyway. It's the most money I've ever earned (27k, so not that much), so I'm a bit worried I won't find anything half as decent with my patchy CV but I think at this stage I'd take significantly less if it meant I didn't throw myself in front of a fucking train or something.

[igor_balis]

Or a time-consuming hobby.

The devil will make work for idle hands, I was getting a bit out of control with my drinking until one day I cracked open my first can at like 2pm and realised I was losing the plot a bit and knocked that all on the head.

[Manc]

Have you considered the public sector? You'd piss your current wage.

[Baz]

Nope. You’re getting paid 27k to chill out all day at home? Ride that out for as long as you can. I used to have it that cushty and it was class. It’s obviously gonna get busier, so just make the most of it while you can. Get World Of Warcraft [Classic] or something.

[Kikó]

My last week at work next week and the notice period has been particularly brilliant. Managing to completely shut down and not do anything for 8 weeks while still getting full pay has been quite excellent. I'm going to travel to meet my team early August in Berlin which will be cool. Also getting a mac to work on so will need to figure out how the fuck to use it.

[Boydy]

After being off ill all week I've had a great chance to fully reflect on the first few months in my new role. I reckon I could have done all the work I've done in about 50 hours, I've honestly spent the vast majority of my 4 months playing Pokémon showdown, watching shite on YouTube and messaging the other new starter on teams like "what the fuck are we actually supposed to be doing?!"

It should be the dream for someone as lazy as me but I'm slowly losing my mind. We'd been given this very low intensity task of going through stuff sent to us by a wealth screening company, basically seeing if people are worth pursuing for £££££, it's just the kinda busy work you plod along with when you're bored of the proper work. I messaged my manager like "anything else you want me to be doing or shall I just do the wealth screening stuff?", to which he just replied yeah just do that. That was about a month ago lol.

Are you working from home? The only way this could be bad would be if you're in the office and have to look like you're busy.

[Boydy]

My last week at work next week and the notice period has been particularly brilliant. Managing to completely shut down and not do anything for 8 weeks while still getting full pay has been quite excellent. I'm going to travel to meet my team early August in Berlin which will be cool. Also getting a mac to work on so will need to figure out how the fuck to use it.

I got a mac at my last job about 15 months ago (and one at the new one I started a couple of weeks ago). I probably wouldn't pay that money myself for one and it took a bit of getting used to but I love it now.

[Baz]

Been sent a load of parking fines for the Covid mobile testing unit. :harold:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Do parking wardens have revenue targets? I bet they do.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, pretty sure Panorama have done stories about them being on targets and/or commission/performance related pay.

[SvN]

There was that show in the 90s that followed that absolute jobsworth who worked late (for free) because he wanted to beat the daily record of tickets given. I think it was The Clampers?

[phonics]

Some guy came in the bar tonight asking if I knew any local hotels/BnBs because he’d been kicked out of his one. I told him a couple then asked how he managed to get kicked out of his one. He’d shit in the bed and then threw a plate of spaghetti bolognese at housekeeping when they asked why he shit in the bed.

I served him his alcohol in plastic glasses and told him it was closing time.

[Giggles]

Just as I was making my coffee to head off the wife rang my phone to tell me it was a bank holiday :)

[Ben]

Turns out it's a bank holiday in Scotland too so the jocks at our place are seething about driving down at 4am this morning.

[Spikey M]

I've booked today off to take the kids out, so I'm basically Scottish. No wonder I was so miserable last night.

[Magic]

I'll have hopefully 3 job offers doing very different things by the end of the week. Got one already. Getting out of this place it's a fucking joke.

p.s I lied about my basic and each offer is at least 10k more basic. :harold:

[Ben]

Doesn't everybody do that?

[Baz]

I bloody hate referencing. What's the point in writing something if I've got to then go and quote some other bugger who once thought something vaguely similar? I just don't get it. :mad:

[SvN]

Currently hiring for 4 roles at the moment and it's hell. I can see why people use recruiters now. I'm ready to throw in the towel and join them.

[Giggles]

I’m starting some in a couple of weeks but it’s such a shit time to be doing it.

[Spikey M]

I'm looking for work lads. Happy to pretend I have whatever experience you're looking for.

[Boydy]

Currently hiring for 4 roles at the moment and it's hell. I can see why people use recruiters now. I'm ready to throw in the towel and join them.

Why's it so bad? Just tons of shit candidates?

[Giggles]

I'm looking for work lads. Happy to pretend I have whatever experience you're looking for.

After the last couple of broken sticks that the bossman hired I’m going to guess you’d be fine.

[SvN]

Why's it so bad? Just tons of shit candidates?

I'll give you an example. I posted one job on Friday and there's been 170 applications so far.

It's a hybrid role, so 2 days in the office. Clearly stated in the job type (which people can filter by on LinkedIn) and in bold letters at the beginning of the job description. Yet 70% of the candidates are overseas. And most of those in the UK are either the other side of the country and (too far to commute) or have zero qualifications or experience. One guy applied for a Senior Full Stack Developer role having worked on the checkouts at Sainsbury's for the last 12 years since leaving school. And has no reference to any technical skills in his CV or LinkedIn profile.

So I've got to manually review each of these cunts and dismiss any that aren't suitable. The remaining pool of viable candidates may contain 1 or 2 that are worth an interview. From 170.

Multiply the admin involved in that by four and you'll get an idea of why I'm nearly suicidal.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In your industry you must just get spammed with people in Bangalore and Karachi?

From my experience they aren't great readers of ads in that part of the world.

[Kikó]

I've started my new job today. Totally different setup and vibe is the first impression plus feeling like it's going to be a hard challenge to figure out what I'm doing. Still, at least my manager isn't a knob (yet).

[Boydy]

I'll give you an example. I posted one job on Friday and there's been 170 applications so far.

It's a hybrid role, so 2 days in the office. Clearly stated in the job type (which people can filter by on LinkedIn) and in bold letters at the beginning of the job description. Yet 70% of the candidates are overseas. And most of those in the UK are either the other side of the country and (too far to commute) or have zero qualifications or experience. One guy applied for a Senior Full Stack Developer role having worked on the checkouts at Sainsbury's for the last 12 years since leaving school. And has no reference to any technical skills in his CV or LinkedIn profile.

So I've got to manually review each of these cunts and dismiss any that aren't suitable. The remaining pool of viable candidates may contain 1 or 2 that are worth an interview. From 170.

Multiply the admin involved in that by four and you'll get an idea of why I'm nearly suicidal.

Could you not set up some sort of keyword screening at least to filter out people like the Sainsbury's guy?

And are you sure the ones on the other side of the country wouldn't be willing to relocate?

[Ben]

It's a hybrid role, so 2 days in the office. Clearly stated in the job type (which people can filter by on LinkedIn) and in bold letters at the beginning of the job description. Yet 70% of the candidates are overseas.

We just advertise as all hours on-site now, even if remote is possible in some roles, for that very reason. Telling people after the fact they can do a bit from home is never a deal breaker, and if they're a worthy candidate and you're an attractive employer then they'll probably apply anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

To be fair he's got 12 years' experience of developing full stacks (of Pringles etc).

[Spikey M]

I worked at Tesco for a bit about 10 years ago SVN. Last chance or I'm off to be Giggles Drivers Mate.

[SvN]

Could you not set up some sort of keyword screening at least to filter out people like the Sainsbury's guy?

And are you sure the ones on the other side of the country wouldn't be willing to relocate?

LinkedIn do try and autofilter out the retards, but it's very hit and miss. It actually filtered out the person we ended up hiring last time (I just happened to check out of interest) so I've turned it off now, because it's not reliable.

And the people that look good, but are in the UK are still getting a message about the commute. So far I've messaged 7 - 4 didn't reply, 2 of them said "they didn't realise it wasn't a remote position" and the 1 said they're moving to the area, and has an interview scheduled with us later this week.

But having to do that for every candidate just takes forever.

[Don]

The devil works hard but the gammon trying to keep the brown man out of his company works harder.

[Magic]

I'll give you an example. I posted one job on Friday and there's been 170 applications so far.

It's a hybrid role, so 2 days in the office. Clearly stated in the job type (which people can filter by on LinkedIn) and in bold letters at the beginning of the job description. Yet 70% of the candidates are overseas. And most of those in the UK are either the other side of the country and (too far to commute) or have zero qualifications or experience. One guy applied for a Senior Full Stack Developer role having worked on the checkouts at Sainsbury's for the last 12 years since leaving school. And has no reference to any technical skills in his CV or LinkedIn profile.

So I've got to manually review each of these cunts and dismiss any that aren't suitable. The remaining pool of viable candidates may contain 1 or 2 that are worth an interview. From 170.

Multiply the admin involved in that by four and you'll get an idea of why I'm nearly suicidal.

My pal has created an AI platform that plumbs in to CV libraries and you can filter on keywords, job type, experience, but most importantly skills. Then it returns 'matches' based on your criteria and you can choose to view their CV and reach out to them.

It's pretty cool but I'm reticent to tell you what it is.

[Giggles]

You can rest assured he already knows what it is.

[Spikey M]

Repurpose the BazBot to sack and employ people instead. You may end up 2000 employees in the red at times but you know it'll always come good.

[Pepe]

In your industry you must just get spammed with people in Bangalore and Karachi?

From my experience they aren't great readers of ads in that part of the world.

I get emails every so often from people wanting to join my research team as PhD students. I work in a university that does not grant PhDs. Bastards follow up on their emails too, after I ignore them.


I am ***, a teaching and research professional, has been working as Research head in Engineering at Whilebooks LLP, Cochin, India. I am writing this email to explore an opportunity of working under your guidance as PhD research scholar for the next intake.

...

I consider it is a great honour for me to work under you in this university since your guidance, research experience, knowledge, professional approach is really quite resourceful for my research.

Please find my CV, Statement of purpose, Research proposal, and Education certificates for your perusal. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you about my candidacy.

:harold:

He looks to be about 40 years old in his picture too.

[Lewis]

Tries to curry favour, gets naan at all.

[Lofty]

There are actually jobs going in my team at present but you need to be a rail nonce. We have had to readvertise as there were no suitable candidates out of the latest round of interviewees :D

[Shindig]

We're also hiring but I don't like the idea of being back on the phones forever. Or negotiating with claimants to stop calling our HP's racial slurs.

[phonics]

I was on the way to saving my boss from a prison sentence for accounting fraud and he called me up saying ‘just saw you walking through town, walk of shame is it’

Was so close to just telling on him.

[mo]

We've got the opposite issue to SvN - advertised for a Geography teacher (mat cover). 1 applicant, and they pulled out the day before due to getting a permanent job elsewhere. So it's gone back out - thankfully not needed until October, but you do worry about what dregs you'll get around that time (mostly anyone half decent will have a gig by that point). The recruitment/retention crisis in teaching is rearing it's head.

[Spikey M]

I looked into teaching once and it's just nowhere near enough money for the amount of grief. Especially Senior School Teachers who must be clinically insane.

I could teach Junior School kids probably, but £25 grand a year? Lol.

[SvN]

The pay does get better as you get more experience - especially if you take on extra responsibilities (which typically results in less teaching, so win-win). My wife's on around £48k and she's one of a team of 5 that head up a year group.

[Boydy]

Also big savings on childcare during school holidays

[Spikey M]

The Tory propaganda has finally toppled the Oxbridge Communist. :(

[Baz]

Also big savings on childcare during school holidaysBut lost on the “school holiday tax” on holidays abroad.

[mo]

The pay does get better as you get more experience - especially if you take on extra responsibilities (which typically results in less teaching, so win-win). My wife's on around £48k and she's one of a team of 5 that head up a year group.

Yeah and you move through the main pay scale quite quickly, you either have to be incompetent or at a toxic school to not progress every year. Plus they’re talking about bumping the starting salary to £30k now.

Apparently there are only 40 physics teachers training this year in the entire country (after all, if you have a physics degree, wtf would you go into teaching?) and assume 20 of those will drop out between now and 2027, paints a pretty bleak picture for our children’s futures. Schools will be chosen because they have an ‘actual’ physics teacher, as opposed to a PE teacher winging it.

[Ben]

Well there's the problem then. Anyone who is committed and intelligent enough to put themselves through a physics degree and qualify is not the type of person who'll be looking at £25k jobs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Excuse my ignorance, but does a newly-qualified physics teacher have the same starting basic as a newly-qualified history teacher / whatever type is in least demand?

If so, that's insane.

[Pepe]

The humanities profs here still bitch because they earn less than engineering/management profs. What else are they going to do?

Physics teachers earning the same as history teachers is obviously insane, but good luck having 'market-based' salaries on the public sector.

[randomlegend]

Isn't there a golden handshake type deal for certain High School subjects? Or you get a load of money whilst training or something? I can't remember exactly but I'm sure I remember there being *something*.

You do progress pretty quickly through the payscales as a teacher but it's not long until you hit the cap unless you want to go into being a head.

You also become stuck in a particular school because nobody wants to hire you once you become expensive.

Teaching is honestly brutal and there's a crisis coming. It's not the actual teaching that's the problem either, it's the fact the teaching unavoidably takes up 6-7 hours of your day but only constitutes about a third of the work load. They just bring in the new ones, burn through them for 5-6 years and they leave to be replaced by the next bunch.

[mo]

Excuse my ignorance, but does a newly-qualified physics teacher have the same starting basic as a newly-qualified history teacher / whatever type is in least demand?

If so, that's insane.

Everyone starts on the same. The training is where the difference is - there’s no longer any financial incentive to train to teach history (I got £4k back in 2014), but Physics is at least £20k (might be 30 now).

[mo]

You also become stuck in a particular school because nobody wants to hire you once you become expensive.


This is where I’m at now. The only way out is a step up - luckily I’m not desperate to leave and can wait for the right opportunity, but many aren’t as fortunate.

[Lofty]

Are they taking non-graduates as teachers now?

[mo]

Are they taking non-graduates as teachers now?

Not yet, but it's hard to see how we don't go down that path in the next 10-15 years, purely out of necessity.

[niko_cee]

Wouldn't it be better to do away with the teaching qualification bit rather than the graduate bit and/or doesn't the 'academy model' boil the role down to 'content provider' status where the teachers are essentially delivering scripted lessons [I have no view as to whether that is a good thing or not]. If you want to see an education system in proper collapse you should looks at ours in Guernsey, and I think we spend double per pupil that they do in the UK. :face:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I would have become a teacher (modern languages or maybe English) if it made even any sense to do so. I looked into it quite seriously at one point. There just isn't anything about it that is going to drag the average person away from a likely better-paying, lower stress nine to five. Full respect to those who do, they must just love it.

[Waffdon]

A lot of them definitely do. My missus blew my mind the other day when she said no matter how much money she had - or won through a lottery win etc - would stop her from teaching because she’s not in it for the money. Weirdo, definitely gets it from her Maw.

The pay isn’t bad though. Well, for cost of living in Scotland anyway. £33k in 1st year and over £40k in year 5 (think that’s the cap). I’m sure that’ll go up when they start striking again. She’ll be a Deputy Head/higher up within 10 years anyway. Mon

[Ben]

There's a fun hypothetical: would you quit your job immediately if you won the lottery (as in enough to comfortably live on)? I'm not sure I would.

[Mike]

Without a doubt, and I enjoy my job a lot, I just enjoy not being at work a lot more.

[Spikey M]

The place would never see or hear from me again.

[Giggles]

There's a fun hypothetical: would you quit your job immediately if you won the lottery (as in enough to comfortably live on)? I'm not sure I would.

I wouldn't even tell them I was leaving.

[Shindig]

I'd be off. As long as I don't piss it up the wall or die of boredom.

[Kikó]

Why would you stay? I can understand perhaps wanting to work (in the loosest sense) but surely then you're not needing the cash, you could just go and do something you want like saving leopards or buying a football team.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I might stay on while I worked out what I wanted to do, but escaping wage slave status is basically the ultimate dream in a modern human society.

[Lofty]

Yeah fuck that I'd be gone.

[Ben]

I was meant to be interviewing someone at 10am for a job. He didn't join the Teams call so I rang him and he's basically fobbed me off saying he's got another job. Yeah nice one mate, but you could have told us.

SvN was right, fuck this shit.

[Giggles]

I'd have no sympathy for any company in that respect. 99% of them wouldn't let you know if you hadn't got a job, you're just supposed to guess.

[Ian]

Anybody who wins the lottery then keeps on doing their job if it's not some actual dream job scenario needs stripped of the money then put it back in the pot.

[Ben]

I'd have no sympathy for any company in that respect. 99% of them wouldn't let you know if you hadn't got a job, you're just supposed to guess.

It's not the company that needs sympathy, it's me. I had to sit and look at myself on a Teams call for ten minutes. The guy confirmed yesterday he'd be available at 10am.

[Spikey M]

Anybody who wins the lottery then keeps on doing their job if it's not some actual dream job scenario needs stripped of the money then put it back in the pot.

Exactly this. I mean, I would probably do some form of work if the money was just enough to sustain my life, rather than turning me into a billionaire, purely because I would get bored. But we're talking a part-time job stacking shelves or something.

[Ian]

I would probably have good intentions of working my notice if my manager wanted me to but if I had millions in the bank it'd be sorely tested the first time anybody have me shit for anything to not just shut the laptop and be done forever.

[Spikey M]

If it was lottery win money I would quit immediately by hosing them all down with champagne.

[Ben]

I'd put it all in BazBot and carry on like nothing happened.

But seriously, I'd keep working short-term. The project I'm on now finishes in about 2025 and I've had a big hand in building it from the ground up (well, down, technically) and I'm actually quite proud of it so I'm not sure I could fuck off out of the blue. Three more years is nothing, the money will still be waiting for me.

[niko_cee]

Not when a giant pipe squashes you in 2024.

[Pepe]

I would quit immediately.

Also lol at the 'I'd get bored' people.

[Spikey M]

I would quit immediately.

Also lol at the 'I'd get bored' people.

The "I'd get bored" only applies to the stipulation that the money was enough to retire on but nothing else. It would essentially make you one of the people that sit around on Benefits. And considering the amount of unnecessary drama they get involved with I can only assume they are very, very bored.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You always need the next challenge, don't you? I'd buy a golf course, or something.

[Yevrah]

There's a fun hypothetical: would you quit your job immediately if you won the lottery (as in enough to comfortably live on)? I'm not sure I would.

The sensible thing to do would be to work one's notice rather than start spending immediately to let the whole thing sink in, but I expect the reality would be that you'd be out of the door as soon something came up I didn't want to do.

[Pepe]

The "I'd get bored" only applies to the stipulation that the money was enough to retire on but nothing else. It would essentially make you one of the people that sit around on Benefits. And considering the amount of unnecessary drama they get involved with I can only assume they are very, very bored.

If it was enough money to keep a yearly income similar to my current one, I'd be laughing my way through life. I get bored in my job. I have plenty of stuff to keep me entertained outside of it. If we're just talking about some sort of minimum wage then fuck that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab sent me a Teams message this morning. "I know one big secret from the company yesterday, but I will tell you on Whatsapp in case Teams is read by the bosses"

Can't fault him for watertight security, so we moved over to our phones, whereupon he told me that the director of finance, a hapless Indian, has been SACKED. I was slightly surprised, as the last we saw of said hapless Indian was a couple of days ago when a message went out from the MD sending condolences on the death of his father. If the Arab is right, I reckon father dead and SACKED in the same week has to take the biscuit/biltong for heartless South African behaviour.

[randomlegend]

Maybe he was sacked for killing his father.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The MD sent an email announcing the SACKing. He's now come down saying 'It's the South Africans, man. What could I do?'

Violins everywhere.

[Baz]

How did The Arab know?

[Magic]

I got my offer for a cyber security company. A £14,000 increase in basic and a much, much better comp plan.

Can't quit yet, have to wait until me expenses are paid as I know if I hand in my notice they wouldn't pay.

[Baz]

It's amazing how one 20-minute meeting can be the difference between aimlessness with zero motivation, to knowing exactly what you need to do.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How did The Arab know?

His brother does the IT, so he gets to hear early of any hirings/firings when IT change the accounts over / set up new computers.

[randomlegend]

his brother does the it, so he gets to hear early of any hirings/firings when it change the accounts over / set up new computers.

IT-K.

Dots.

[Lofty]

The Arab is a tier one source.

[Luke Emia]

HERE WE GO!! OFFICIAL, JIMMY HAS BEEN SACKED AND HAS TO GO BACK TO THE KOREANS!

Deal is subject to satisfactory medical and confirmation he is happy to eat dogs. Terms agreed on a 2 year deal.

[Kikó]

Ornstein already confirmed that. You're a fraud.

[SvN]

People really are retards, aren't they?

Had a reasonable interview yesterday with a guy for our junior developer role. He has fuck all experience other than a 16 week coding bootcamp, but he came across well, and seemed enthusiastic enough and his work actually doesn't look too bad for a beginner. So I emailed him today with a small coding competency test. His reply was to ask what the salary range for the role was - despite it being on the job advert he applied on, and still present on our website.

He's now decided that the range is too low for him to consider because he has a mortgage to pay for. Maybe you should've considered that before you decided to switch careers and apply for junior roles at the age of 36 you fucking moron?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Heads have gone.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bump him up, Bazbot is running wild you can afford it.

[Shindig]

Nah, you'd set a dangerous precedent. Plus he sounds like a bottlejob.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've had a right lol episode today. The Indian had his bike nicked the other day, and saw it come up for sale on Facebook marketplace. Barney took up his case for him, and messaged the person who was selling it to say he was interested and arrange a meet at 11am. A date was arranged around the back of TK Maxx in Hounslow. The Indian started ringing round his hardman mates from the Indian community to join him on the mission to get it back. None of them were available at such short notice (or perhaps because they felt the mission foolhardy), so a crack two-man team of the Russian and the Arab volunteered to join him on the hunt (the Arab seemed particularly keen to spill some criminal blood, despite my warnings about the consequences for his temporary visa).

I sat there utterly bemused, not only that it was suddenly OK to leave in the middle of the working day to perform this vigilante rescue on a bicycle, but also about the logistics. I asked them what they were planning to do with the bike once they had (somehow) stolen it back - ride it away? The Indian said he hadn't thought about that part yet.

Barney stayed behind at HQ to monitor Facebook, which proved an important role, as no sooner had the hit squad departed in their shiny black Mercedes than the 'seller' got cold feet and cancelled the appointment, claiming the bike had now been sold. Minutes later, the ad had been taken down. Undeterred, the trio headed to Hounslow, got out and found three nearby policemen who they asked to come with them on the rescue. The bobbies sucked their teeth and said well, actually, we'll need a crime reference. The Indian gave them the crime reference. The bobbies called someone and said that the case had been closed, and that the Indian would need to ring 101 to get the case re-opened. The Russian, quite reasonably, said listen, you lot are literally police officers, can you not just come with us and you might find a whole load of stolen bikes and/or a trail to other criminal activity. The bobbies said no, sorry, we're community police, you need to get the case re-opened first.

Tails between legs, the trio came back to the office saying oh well, at least we tried. That was until just now, when the Indian found that the bike had been stuck back up on Facebook at a higher price. He's just shut the door and started ringing round his mates again...

[Yevrah]

The police element of that story is genuinely insane.

[Magic]

I got my offer for a cyber security company. A £14,000 increase in basic and a much, much better comp plan.

Can't quit yet, have to wait until me expenses are paid as I know if I hand in my notice they wouldn't pay.

Haha, the new sales director stepped in and wanted to meet me first. Had another lengthy interview and they've lowballed me and reduced the offer.

By 5k :happycry:

EDIT: Context is the new sales director hadn't started when I went for my first interview, was only in the job a week when I had my second with the sales manager and he made the verbal offer.

[Don]

Sounds like you made a good impression :D

[Magic]

Is that even a thing? I mean, if it was a horrendous impression surely it's offer rescinded not fucking lowballed?

I'm trying to keep perspective here on the basis I get out of this nightmare, it is a salary increase regardless, but it's not exactly a huge vote of confidence is it. Then again, did the sales manager have any right to make me a verbal offer in the first place?

[Boydy]

Stand your ground. He's chancing it. That 5k will probably go into his bonus.

[Giggles]

Weren't you on a million a week before this anyway?

[Shindig]

Most of that million was on commission, I think.

[Magic]

Stand your ground. He's chancing it. That 5k will probably go into his bonus.

I said I'd accept the original offer, but it's not giving me the greatest of vibes.

[Baz]

You seem to have rotten luck with jobs.

[Magic]

It's sales, I think.

[Lewis]

They put some 'executive leadership' poster up at work, with all the bigwigs on it, so I bought some googly eyes and glued them onto everybody.

[mo]

Calm down, igor.

[Lewis]

Hey this happened.

[Magic]

I got two other offers:

£50k basic and £30k OTE
£65k basic and annual revenue bonus

Can't wait to quit this pile of shit.

EDIT: The first company said I could get the extra £2k after my 3 month probation...

[Raoul Duke]

The latter seems a far better deal?

[Baz]

What car do you get?

[Baz]

Can't be arsed with people pretending to know stuff. Some of you may recall an interaction I shared with a "Rachel" trying to delegate tasks to me that aren't in my job description.

Well a group of us were involved in creating a massive document for national publication. Some bright spark decided to just copy the 2018 version and "update" it. I provided my part (which pharmacies deliver which services) and they come back to me asking which ones have a certain accreditation. I've never heard of this accreditation and Google was throwing up nothing. I was previously unaware of this accreditation, I don't think any of our pharmacies have it. Job done, get rid.

Lo and behold it was left in, claiming all 31 of our pharamcies have this accreditation. No.

Now big trouble has ensued.


I’ve had a quick look, only as far as the introduction and conclusions and the HWB are leaving themselves wide open to legal challenge. Some of what I have read is completely inaccurate or misrepresentative.

Top job everyone. And this is just one example in a long list of people pretending they know what they're taking about being put in charge of stuff they've absolutely zero knowledge of. Extra annoying cos in this case, the people in question are agency staff getting paid 4 times what the people who could do a far better job are getting paid.

Thankfully I'm off for 2 weeks after tomorrow so can't be roped into cleaning it up. :youpi:

[Spikey M]

I think being petty might be my main hobby these days. It's probably going to end up blowing up in my face at some point, but I can't help it. It's the drama Mick, I just love it.

Last week of school term my daughter had a "showcase" at school, it was only an hour long, but baking in the commute and queuing I needed an hour and a half. My manager wasn't in, so I had to ask the head of department if I could start half hour early and have an hour and a half lunch. Such a thing has never been a problem.

Her response: "you will need to keep to normal hours going forward. Please book annual leave." OK, looks like we're not being flexible anymore.

Guess who wants me to set off at 7:30am to cover a court hearing on Monday? Sorry boss, I am under strict instructions to stick to normal hours. No can do.

[Ben]

The recruitment manager has booked me two interviews for today: 3pm and 4pm. On a Friday. In this weather.

Seething doesn't cover it.