The All New Jobs Thread

[Magic]

My new company don't want me to join so much they've given me an ancient laptop with an HDD, no battery and a Samsung S8. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Today the Arab's come in with a full suit on, as he has a meeting with the new South African owner who has just jetted in from Bloemfontein. This might be the fastest rise to power since Rasputin.

Update: Piet Retief fobbed him off all day, and the meeting never happened. I left the office as the Arab stood there in his suit asking me: "Should I wait here longer? Should I go home?" and I could only shrug. This plot twists faster than a jet propeller.

[Shindig]

Poor fella. Stood up by apartheid.

[Luke Emia]

Just received confirmation that I have passed my qualification to give financial advice. Which is going to mean quite a big shake up for me because no one in the firm does it. Effectively means I will be going self-employed as a mortgage advisor and the financial advice will be my own spun off business but still working under the banner of the firm I'm with at the minute. Effectively though within the next couple of years I hope that I will be able to strike out on my own with my own firm and do what I want to do.

[Baz]

Still free for TTH though right?

[Magic]

Just received confirmation that I have passed my qualification to give financial advice. Which is going to mean quite a big shake up for me because no one in the firm does it. Effectively means I will be going self-employed as a mortgage advisor and the financial advice will be my own spun off business but still working under the banner of the firm I'm with at the minute. Effectively though within the next couple of years I hope that I will be able to strike out on my own with my own firm and do what I want to do.

There's this thread you should check out...

[Pepe]

@Mellin.

[Luke Emia]

Still free for TTH though right?

My generic free mortgage advice will remain completely free.

[Ian]

Luke Emia

Hypothetical: Let's say a member on a message board I frequent said "Hey lads, I've got a great idea! If you all send me some wonga..."

[Luke Emia]

I've not invested...

But that could mean I'm sat here sucking my thumb like a dick in a few months.

[Ian]

To be fair billionaires need financial advice so you could be quids in all the same.

[Magic]

I've not invested...

This is an extremely encouraging sign.

[Don]

3 days a week into the office beginning from tomorrow. Tube strikes been announced for the remainder of the week. Mon nuclear war.

[Spikey M]

We've just been called into an emergency meeting to tell us that our manager has died over the weekend. She's been off sick for a little while but this has come straight out of nowhere. Fuck me.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jesus. Was it a 'short illness' or something longer term?

[Spikey M]

No idea, very little detail provided. I've never had a coworker die before. It's a really weird feeling.

[niko_cee]

The alcoholic one?

[Magic]

We've just been called into an emergency meeting to tell us that our manager has died over the weekend. She's been off sick for a little while but this has come straight out of nowhere. Fuck me.

A point to be mindful in that you never know what other people are going through.

[Don]

Tube concerns completely ignored by the community. Muslim tax on TTH is high.

[Spikey M]

The alcoholic one?

Yeah. No idea if related. Or if her increased drinking - and the lack of reaction from her manager - was in response to a long term thing. She was quite a private person.


A point to be mindful in that you never know what other people are going through.

Quite possibly, yeah.

[Giggles]

Good to see magics compassion to the fore yet again. Words of wisdom to live by.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The MD, Russian manager and the shipping manager are currently having a mini-conference in the middle of the office discussing how we can get around the sanctions (against truck parts etc) and still sell to Russia. Sometimes you just have to laugh.

[wullie]

We had a guy in a medically induced coma from sepsis last year. It was really touch and go for a while and thankfully he's now fine but the way we were told was in the strangest way, a quick 'by the way' at the end of a meeting where you'd normally have news like someone is bringing in cakes for their birthday.

[Magic]

Having your death announced under 'AOB' is what everyone should be striving for. :drool:

[igor_balis]

First day in my new role, think it'll be a good week of 'er, read this document' and general 'get a feel for stuff' non-tasks. Savouring the doss before I have to actually do the job I've been hired for.

[Manc]

You'll be the milk nonce in no time.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I just had to establish a no-fly zone over the Arab's desk after he began a largely pro-Putin rant about how NATO had 'forced' Vlad to invade. Luckily the Russian (of all people) came in on my side to end things. Probably the tensest moment I've ever had in the workplace.

"You're in a western country, mate, you've got to be careful," is a phrase I have never used in my life before now.

[Baz]

In a webinar where attendees must vote on questions being asked and the top ones with the most likes will be answered. Me and some bloke called Rob asked the same question (will we get copies of the slides?). Mine has 36 likes, his has 4.

Get fucked, Rob. :harold:

[Don]

First day back. £50.60 for the privelege. £607.20 per month. Some of thise Ukranian collections need to be diverted my way.

[Magic]

We'll donate with our millions from Binance.

[Jimmy Floyd]

First day back. £50.60 for the privelege. £607.20 per month. Some of thise Ukranian collections need to be diverted my way.

Where are you commuting from, Donetsk?

[wullie]

On the other side of that, I tried to get a flapjack out of the vending machine and it took ages to authenticate, said I haven't been charged and then fired four of them out at me. Everything's coming up Milhouse

[Raoul Duke]

I'm still WFH and had some leftover pancakes for lunch

[Don]

Just realised the ULEZ doesn't apply to me so £8 parking and ≈£15 fuel cost to replace the 2 hour £50 train and tube journey with a 1.5-2hr car journey may need to be trialled. RIP the London sesh.

[Shindig]

Awesome. My next day in the office is right at the end of the month.

[Boydy]

Just realised the ULEZ doesn't apply to me so £8 parking and ≈£15 fuel cost to replace the 2 hour £50 train and tube journey with a 1.5-2hr car journey may need to be trialled. RIP the London sesh.

A two hour commute. :sick:

[Lewis]

His nose gets there in an hour.

[Manc]

One week back and I'm on the ropes. Inevitable really. Hopefully my immune system hasn't become dormant.

[Don]

You getting the daily email updates of positive cases at your office? These soft shites are our only hope.

[Manc]

If only.

[Ben]

So is the like your first week back in two years? That's mental, I did two weeks at home (doing nothing) when it first kicked off and was back to normal after that.

At this point positive cases aren't even talked about here, it's normalised.

[Manc]

I showed my face in November last year, but aside from that it's purely been WFH. If this week was anything to go by I haven't missed much.

[Lofty]

Apart from the odd day here and there (I'd guess maybe 5) I have been WFH since March 2020.

[Shindig]

Same. I’ve maybe spent 3 weeks in the office since May 2020.

[Ian]

My mate who's an IT type just messaged me there saying he broke his rule today of not doing IT stuff for peoples personal devices at work and instantly regretted as he typed in http in their browser to get something and a very specific 'sexanimalvideos.com' URL was the first thing to pop up.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:lol:

[Spikey M]

:D brutal

[Lofty]

That's why we have rules. When I worked at PC world I saw a customer laptop in for repair and the disc drive was open with a dvd of 'Teenage Cumsluts 4' which I lolled heartily at, then saw the 70 year old owner sat dejectedly ten yards away :D

[Ian]

Was it big Ron Hayward (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2602504/Pensioners-72-75-charged-900-Virgin-watching-porn-claim-didnt-order-five-year-battle-media-giant.html)?

[Manc]

Fucking amateur.

[Spikey M]

Was it big Ron Hayward (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2602504/Pensioners-72-75-charged-900-Virgin-watching-porn-claim-didnt-order-five-year-battle-media-giant.html)?

Do you need someone from IT to help you now Grandad?

[Spikey M]

He beat me with the edit. Mother fucker.

[Ian]

Mugged yourself right off, you cunt.

[mo]

Fucking amateur.

Think you'll find it was the other way round.

[Kikó]

That's why we have rules. When I worked at PC world I saw a customer laptop in for repair and the disc drive was open with a dvd of 'Teenage Cumsluts 4' which I lolled heartily at, then saw the 70 year old owner sat dejectedly ten yards away :D

The sequels aren't as good as the original premise.

[Shindig]

I still giggle at the time my dad picked up some tapes off a bloke at a church fayre thinking they were blank.

He sits down to watch them with the rest of the family present and it's nothing but 80's European porn. I want to know the conversation the bloke had with my dad when he was handing them over. Also, who brings porn to a church fayre?

[niko_cee]

Bet the seller was the more gutted of the transacting parties when the reality dawned.

[Shindig]

He had to have known. The titles were written on the tapes.

[Giggles]

Why did he even try to watch them if he thought they were blank?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why was he watching them if he thought they were blank?

Giggles :cool:

[Shindig]

Look I can't fathom how my dad's mind works.

[Giggles]

What is it with fuckers and WhatsApp groups for work? I’ve just been added to (and immediately left) my third one in two weeks by a customer.

Phone, email, or go and lie in your shite.

[Ian]

Phone, email, or go and lie in your shite.

That's a cracking line for the contact details bit of your email signature.

That said I don't do the sort of job where a customer has ever even had my mobile number let alone wanted to add me to a Whatsapp group.

[Magic]

"I WhatsApp my customers" is the worst flex ever.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What is it with fuckers and WhatsApp groups for work? I’ve just been added to (and immediately left) my third one in two weeks by a customer.

Phone, email, or go and lie in your shite.

What I would loosely call the developing world (i.e. South America / Africa) seems to function almost entirely on Whatsapp. It's a bloody nightmare waking up each morning to find some cunt from Honduras is after parts for 'Jhon Deere'.

[Kikó]

The advantages of not being customer facing. WhatsApp is banned anyway as you need to be able to surveil communication and it's not possible to do.

[Giggles]

Some of the others keep dual sim phones to avoid all that but fuck paying a phone bill because you’re too spineless to refuse it.

[Baz]

What is it with fuckers and WhatsApp groups for work? I’ve just been added to (and immediately left) my third one in two weeks by a customer.

Phone, email, or go and lie in your shite.

Can’t you change it so you can’t automatically be added and instead they have to send you an invite to join?

[Giggles]

Not that I can see any more. It’s contacts or everyone.

[Magic]

Some of the others keep dual sim phones to avoid all that but fuck paying a phone bill because you’re too spineless to refuse it.

My god I'm agreeing with two of the most diabolical members on here today.

[Mike]

I have refused to have even my work email on my phone, when questioned on why, I simply told them it wasn't a work phone.

[Giggles]

Mine is though. But I still only work Monday to Friday.

[Lofty]

Some mentalist in our team has his work email on his personal phone and once chirped up about an email we recieved whilst in Tenerife, what a sad little life Jane. Car salesman brother in law used to think he was billy big bollocks getting called by customers out of hours but eventually realised it was a mug's game. At the time I think he was in with a crowd who thought they were in The Wolf of Wall Street because they made £25 for every motability Fiesta they put through the books.

[Giggles]

If I’m off at all I just divert the mobile to the office. If it’s a personal call I miss then so be it, they should have messaged anyway.

[Ben]

I'm more or less permanently on call so unfortunately I have to screen the calls before deciding whether to answer or not. :(

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab has just been proudly outlining his cunning plan to save money on transport by shipping our goods by road across the border between Egypt and Iraq. I gave him the benefit of the doubt the other day when he claimed not to know where France was, but on his home territory I really expected higher standards of geography.

[Magic]

My work managed to inadvertently employ two twinks who'd been fucking and it ended badly. They only realised when they got on the same bus, to the same location, to the same building.

They were both horrendous and after one of them passed their probationary period the other one crashed his motorbike intentionally (CCTV, he had 3.5 seconds to at least slow down before ploughing in to a car at a junction never mind swerve) and was signed off for 6 months. After the one who passed his probation was fired for a series of horrific mistakes he miraculously comes back to work, only 4 weeks in to his 6 month sign off period. :harold:

[Spikey M]

The Arab has just been proudly outlining his cunning plan to save money on transport by shipping our goods by road across the border between Egypt and Iraq. I gave him the benefit of the doubt the other day when he claimed not to know where France was, but on his home territory I really expected higher standards of geography.

When they say they don't accept Israel as a state, they really mean it.

[Luca]

When they say they don't accept Israel as a state, they really mean it.

Is Jordan Greater Iraq, or is Iraq Greater Jordan?

[Spikey M]

I think she's just gone back to Katie these days.

[Ian]

And isn't that great either way.

[Baz]

Don’t make me dig out the Lorraine Kelly comparison tweet.

[Manc]

Productivity is at an all time low. Think I need taking out back with a shotgun.

[Baz]

Got an “away day” tomorrow morning, which I at least get a curry out of. Then there’s talk of going back to the office for the afternoon. Ehhhhh we’ll see, we’ll see.

[Ben]

Lol someone in IT ran a script on the live environment and accidentally deleted the M365 license for all company email addresses (~40,000 people). Chaos.

[Magic]

If you need an MSP give me a shout. ;)

[Lofty]

An innocuous email at my spot regarding the filling in of reports for staff on the sick has somehow degenerated into the apocalypse with one idiot replying all to the entire company with a screenshot of some poor fucker's report including their full name, recalling it only for some somehow even more idiotic person to reply all pointing out this problem yet including said screenshot in the email chain reply. They have since recalled theirs only for another idiot to reply all an hour later, with the same screenshot :D

[wullie]

I've yet to see email recall work as it's intended, all it does it make all the uninterested people suddenly very keen to see what someone's trying to hide.

[Ben]

My place went full ruthless by disabling the recall function for us, which is always tremendous viewing when reply all emails get out of hand.

[Luca]

I’ve always maintained that folks who reply all to the whole company/massive distribution lists want immediate dismissal. I’d certainly run my company that way.

Maybe the first person who does it gets put on probation. Everyone else however, and especially those who write “STOP REPLYING ALL” while, indeed, replying-all, deserve the ban hammer.

[Magic]

I enjoy it purely for the 'why does somebody not know how to flush the toilet after they've had SHITTT' emails.

[Shindig]

"Look, I don't care who it was but I was planning to have that sandwich."

[Manc]

Covid has downed an entire team a mere two banks away. Pray for me.

[SvN]

6 of our 10 currently have it after out get together last week. 3 are off sick with it today.

[Pepe]

Stop that. Covid is over.

[randomlegend]

Work keep double paying me for my locums, which sounds lovely, except I am going to have to pay it back at some point and it's a ballache sorting it. Also makes it hard to know how much money I actually have.

[Pepe]

Give the money to Mellin until you have to give it back. Richer than Bezos before the end of the year.

[Kikó]

It blew up again with me and my boss to the point where I've escalated to her boss. Going to chat to him tomorrow but difficult to see how we come to any other conclusion but move me to a different boss. She's been at the point where I'd consider it bullying.

[Pepe]

The patriarchy lives on.

[Lofty]

How long have you worked there?

[Baz]

Do you know when you email someone asking something very specific and they reply with the answer, do you then reply to them to say thanks or just presume they know you’re grateful?

[niko_cee]

ty

x

[Adramelch]

I will usually reply, but it depends on the nature of both the question and the working relationship with the person. I will always reply to someone I don't often collaborate with and I will also always reply if the question was fairly complicated. If it's something somewhat simple and someone I work with a lot, I might not bother.

[Lofty]

Cheers shagger.

Regards,

[Spikey M]

Do you know when you email someone asking something very specific and they reply with the answer, do you then reply to them to say thanks or just presume they know you’re grateful?

Depends if I like them, but I usually just reply "Thanks".

[CJay]

Never reply with thanks - it's bad email etiquette. Do you care if someone replies to you saying thank you? It's just another email for you to delete.

Only exception is a customer - client relationship where a thank you can go along with acknowledgement that x has been received.

[Raoul Duke]

Slack > email

[Jimmy Floyd]

I thank people if I'm genuinely grateful.

[Kikó]

How long have you worked there?

4 years.

Had the chat and we're going to get the 'conflict' team in HR to help us through it (or not). I've had this week off with stress from the situation (paging giggles). Need to see if my proposal of continuing to work on things independent of my boss while we wait for mediation is something acceptable for the current boss.

[Lewis]

Bet the Germans love someone coming in and circumventing their structures and ze rules. Have your bags packed ready.

[Lewis]

And you should reply and thank them Baz.

[Giggles]

I’ll say nothing re the “stress” as there’s just nothing good could be said.

Unless you’re pulling a move, as most people off with “stress” are doing. Then I doff my cap to you.

[Lewis]

The stress of somebody disagreeing with him. You can see how that might knock him sideways.

[Kikó]

I was expecting more back slapping and then this happened...

I am actually following procedure to escalate. Unfortunately she has behaved poorly and led to this shit situation.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Talk of actually having an HR department in the company, this brings back memories.

[Baz]

Talk of actually having an HR department in the company, this brings back memories.

To when? Business studies GCSEs?

[Spikey M]

The Koreans probably had an HR department made up of 50+ Korean women that told anyone complaining that they were bringing dishonor to their families.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Korean HR department was actually in Korea, and therefore inaccessible. The one here just doesn't exist. 70 employees I think, no HR function. We've just acquired another company, laid off their HR people in the merger. I think someone in finance writes the contracts and signs off the holiday forms.

Last time I had one was about nine years ago, then.

[randomlegend]

The response from payroll about why I keep getting double paid for my locums so far is "We cannot explain why this is happening".

[Giggles]

HR departments will always help the person higher up. Pointless going near them.

[Baz]

Was in a meeting before and I brought up some pharmacy data for people who had received the morning after pill, just to show what kind of info we have access to. Bloke noticed one of the girls was 13 and started crying. :lol:

[randomlegend]

:D

[Luca]

Surely you've broken some sort of NHS regulation / GDPR?

[niko_cee]

Doubt it.

[Baz]

Surely you've broken some sort of NHS regulation / GDPR?

Course not. He was in my team.

[Spikey M]

There's talk of going back to the office afoot. A new job may be needed. Fuck sake.

[Shindig]

I'm back in next Wednesday. I can be bored at home.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A couple of days' holiday have come at the right time, the Arab has started dishing out his terrible football opinions. Apparently, we English 'don't know how to watch football' because games like Barcelona v Real Madrid attract a lesser TV audience than our domestic games.

His anger was piqued by the fact that Walkers apparently have the rights to use Messi or Salah in their marketing and choose not to do so in the UK, meaning that the UK market clearly 'doesn't appreciate great players'.

[Baz]

Does Gary Lineker still do them (and I of course mean, shag crisps)?

[Ian]

A couple of days' holiday have come at the right time, the Arab has started dishing out his terrible football opinions. Apparently, we English 'don't know how to watch football' because games like Barcelona v Real Madrid attract a lesser TV audience than our domestic games.

His anger was piqued by the fact that Walkers apparently have the rights to use Messi or Salah in their marketing and choose not to do so in the UK, meaning that the UK market clearly 'doesn't appreciate great players'.

I do quite like a terrible opinion prompted by somebody being irritated by something really fucking stupid.

[Lewis]

'He started Mahowing about it.'

[Shindig]

Linekar's the Specsavers bloke. He's not been near a crisp packet in years.

[Kikó]

Mediation hasn't started yet and we're half way through this week and my emails have pretty much dried up. Feel like I'm almost on gardening leave which, while cool for laziness, isn't a great feeling on job security.

[Panda Bear]

Mediation hasn't started yet and we're half way through this week and my emails have pretty much dried up. Feel like I'm almost on gardening leave which, while cool for laziness, isn't a great feeling on job security. If I'm not mistaken, this is your first time in this scenario, correct?

Let's hope it's not the first time for your manager.

[Adamski]

Verbally accepted a new job offer nearly six weeks ago and they’ve dicked about so long with sending me the actual offer I’m considering just sacking it off.

Keep telling them I have a 12 week notice period and I just know they’re going to try and push for 4-6 instead. If they’d got their finger out earlier I’d be in by now. Annoying.

[Raoul Duke]

You can usually negotiate your notice period down, depending on your employer. 6 weeks to get a contract out is pretty shambolic though.

[Kikó]

If I'm not mistaken, this is your first time in this scenario, correct?

Let's hope it's not the first time for your manager.

Yep and not sure for her. The company is big enough for me to find a new role if needed.

[Lofty]

Yep and not sure for her. The company is big enough for me to find a new role if needed.

If you were in a unionised industry in this scenario you could have just cracked open a Warsteiner and lived the dream here.

[Kikó]

We are unionised really. We have a worker's council which pretty much protects the workers.

[Adamski]

You can usually negotiate your notice period down, depending on your employer. 6 weeks to get a contract out is pretty shambolic though.

Yeah, I’m not too concerned about that. Just annoyed I’ve had to play the game in work for six weeks and still got a notice period to go. They’ve said it’ll be sent tomorrow now so we’ll see!

[Jimmy Floyd]

My sister recently left the Scottish government for the English government, and I believe it took her five months before HR in the Scottish government decided whose job it was to sign her out so that she could take up the new position (technically this was an internal transfer within the civil service), during which time she sat around, in London, doing basically nothing on full pay. Her days were spent Teams-calling a rota of people in HR (obviously there's an aggressive work from home culture in Scottish government) for them each to tell her it was the job of one of the others.

That's probably not even in her top five horror stories of working for the Scottish government either, though Sturgeon's dictatorial tendencies account for about three of those.

[igor_balis]

I am going insane. I've been in my new role for 3 weeks and I've basically got no work to do. My manager barely bothers to catch up with me on teams more than once or twice a week, and the last actual jobs he's given me were to process some return to senders we had back from some people - this was about 10 days ago and it took me 15 minutes, and two weeks ago when he realised the handover notes my predecessor had given me where completely wrong and he got me to make a spreadsheet of all the people in my portfolio and all of their most recent donations/and what reports they needed. That took me a day or so.

The worst thing is that I know the whole department is massively behind on stuff, but I can't get stuck in cus I've literally received about an hour of training. My senior colleague was like "hey Igor, how are you getting on with that report for blah blah" and it's like mate I don't even know how we are supposed to write reports. I would use my initiative and just try to train myself on stuff but I literally don't even know what I should be training myself ON. What the fuck is going on.

[Panda Bear]

Use your initiative to tell your manager that you don't know what the fuck is going on, but in nicer language.

Take what you wrote here, make it charity-friendly, and send it to them.

[Ian]

Ignore what Panda said, kill the manager and take their position. Your next new manager will both admire your go-getter mentality and, more importantly, fear you.

[Pepe]

Just spend the day playing video games.

[Manc]

Shag the entire office.

[igor_balis]

Shag the entire office.

The people in the office or the premises itself? The stationary cupboard would be an upgrade on my current romantic situation tbf.

[igor_balis]

When I made the spreadsheet of all my portfolio as a starting point, my manager was like yeah this is great, we'll go through all of them and work out what our next steps are.

This was two weeks ago lol like wtf

[Raoul Duke]

When I made the spreadsheet of all my portfolio as a starting point, my manager was like yeah this is great, we'll go through all of them and work out what our next steps are.

This was two weeks ago lol like wtf

Then put a meeting in with them to review it and also do the stuff Panda said.

[Lofty]

Start a Journeyman save and document it on here. It's what the charitable people want.

[Kikó]

Shag the entire office IMO sounds the best idea. Or go nuclear like I did and escalate to the CEO.

[Giggles]

At least lick their arseholes.

[Giggles]

Shag the entire office IMO sounds the best idea. Or go nuclear like I did and escalate to the CEO.

A bold and very entitled move. But if I was placing bets I’m going to say you’ll come up smelling of roses and about two levels higher in the company.

[Kikó]

I didn't really escalate to the CEO. In my situation, I hope I can just move into a role where my boss isn't this much of an arse and be able to do what I'm paid to do. Banking corporate titles are very flat so if I went two levels up I'd be a managing director (which is pretty much the highest other than the board).

[niko_cee]

Junior Vice President.

:drool:

[John Arne]

I've just been lectured to by 50 year Vietnamese tax auditor about how it's super important that foreigners do the right thing in Vietnam, pay the right thing, stay on top of the law and behave respectfully and responsibly in this glorious country.

Which is all well and good if I hadn't just handed over a couple of grand "lunch money" to him.

[Shindig]

He knows what you're up to.

[igor_balis]

£2000 lunch?? Alright kiko!! :chortle:

[niko_cee]

A couple of grand [in dongs] is 7p.

[Shindig]

No wonder they got rid of coins. Costs more to mint them.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A couple of grand [in dongs] is 7p.

JA has small dong?

[Baz]

When I had igor_balis problem, I created the TTH knockout competition. Put some effort in and make a video WDYTOE or something.

[Panda Bear]

When I had igor_balis problem, I created the TTH knockout competition. Put some effort in and make a video WDYTOE or something.

Follow this advice if you want to climb the ladder as high as Baz, igor_balis.

[Manc]

I'll offer odds of 4/6 for Floyd winning the TTH knockout.

[Ian]

He won the last one but is it harder to win the double?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

And more importantly, can he do it on a wet Wednesday night at Stoke?

[Shindig]

An in-person TTH awards would be something. Can we get Tony Pulis to host?

[Baz]

Follow this advice if you want to climb the ladder as high as Baz, igor_balis.

Oi we’re on the same team, aren’t we.

[Panda Bear]

Oi we’re on the same team, aren’t we.I wouldn't take pot shots if we weren't. :cool:

[Kikó]

The two roles I've gone in for are managed by two ex colleagues (indirectly). Hopefully they don't remember that I'm a knob.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've just had the MD legitimately moaning at me and another guy that we're putting too many orders through, and it's not leaving any warehouse capacity for others.

Just sat there and shrugged. You employ me to work in sales, mate. Too many orders. Black is white, up is down, the Arab speaks fluent English and never makes anything needlessly dramatic. Not sure where to go from here.

[Ian]

So he wants you to work less? Mega, get that in writing.

[Boydy]

Did you not just tell him to get more warehouse staff then?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Did you not just tell him to get more warehouse staff then?

I did, in a diplomatic way.

[Pepe]

Rip Jimmy. Hopefully Korea will take you back.

[igor_balis]

I was in an hour long Teams thing earlier where two people were explaining their roles and future marketing plans (more for the benefit of two totally new starters, but I'm new to the role so I think they thought fuck it Igor can come along too).

It wasn't an interactive thing though , just listening to the two people talk. I dunno if it's bad Teams etiquette, but I almost instantly turned my camera off. I couldn't think of anything worse than having to look attentive for an hour straight, smiling and nodding at appropriate times. Wow that's a really interesting story, nice one.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They all thought you went for a wank.

[Giggles]

And probably weren’t wrong.

[igor_balis]

They all thought you went for a wank.
Listen, I know your experience of live video chats is probably quite different to mine, but an excruciating hour of the marketing strategies for different supporter segments is something even I can't wank to.

[Ian]

Phwoar.

[Jimmy Floyd]

At the weekend I was eating with a few people, one of whose steaks was taking ages to arrive. For some reason I delivered the gag 'The chef's still waiting for the cow to finish sucking him off' and as the words left my lips, I swear to you that igor's avatar appeared to me on the restaurant wall, like that thing in Belshazzar's Feast. No one laughed, two people said: 'Erm, are you feeling ok?' and I was forced to admit that I probably wasn't.

So, yeah, phwoar.

[Shindig]

On the ropes, lad.

First day back at work for a fortnight and it looks like the new faces have had no impact. We'll probably have overtime on at the weekend. Also I remembered all my passwords. Working late in the office on Thursday, though. I'd be mad about that but it does get me out of babysitting.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

At the weekend I was eating with a few people, one of whose steaks was taking ages to arrive. For some reason I delivered the gag 'The chef's still waiting for the cow to finish sucking him off' and as the words left my lips, I swear to you that igor's avatar appeared to me on the restaurant wall, like that thing in Belshazzar's Feast. No one laughed, two people said: 'Erm, are you feeling ok?' and I was forced to admit that I probably wasn't.

So, yeah, phwoar.

:D

[Lewis]

Top Tip for Teams and Zoom and whatever else: Pretend you couldn't connect and just phone in instead.

[Danny]

My laptop is docked behind my monitors, a ready made out I figured out day 1 of WFH.

[Ian]

At the weekend I was eating with a few people, one of whose steaks was taking ages to arrive. For some reason I delivered the gag 'The chef's still waiting for the cow to finish sucking him off' and as the words left my lips, I swear to you that igor's avatar appeared to me on the restaurant wall, like that thing in Belshazzar's Feast. No one laughed, two people said: 'Erm, are you feeling ok?' and I was forced to admit that I probably wasn't.

So, yeah, phwoar.

:D

Not just a joke not landing but people actually thinking there's something wrong with you. Beautiful.

[Kikó]

RIP Jimmy. Phwoar.

[Ben]

A bloke at my work has just got back from holiday. He went to Iran. Didn't know it was such a tourist hotspot for white folk. :cab:

[Don]

What is he, a nuclear inspector? Gahahahahahah

[Shindig]

Is he known to MI5?

[Ben]

He is now. He left his personal laptop at work in case the Iranians confiscated it. I thought he must have been going because his bird was there or something, but no, he just fancied it. Peculiar fella.

[Don]

Sounds like an oddball, Benidorm must have some good rates rn.

[Baz]

I make notes for myself for most meetings I attend, with the thought that only I’ll ever see them.

Turns out Office 365 has been recognising the title matches the name of the meeting and sending my notes to all other attendees, cos they’re saved on a “share point.”

Fucking hell, hopefully nothing bad comes of it. Hopefully Sam from Bolton isn’t offended by my “Sam (female, I think)” note from last week.

[Lofty]

The pen is mightier than the all seeing eye.

[Offshore Toon]

I'd rather go to Iran than most hotspots like Turkey or Egypt. Where's your sense of adventure?

[mo]

I make notes for myself for most meetings I attend, with the thought that only I’ll ever see them.

Turns out Office 365 has been recognising the title matches the name of the meeting and sending my notes to all other attendees, cos they’re saved on a “share point.”

Fucking hell, hopefully nothing bad comes of it. Hopefully Sam from Bolton isn’t offended by my “Sam (female, I think)” note from last week.

I hope that's the worst of it. I'd be on a deleting spree. Have they all been able to see your notes since the get go?

[Adamski]

Yeah, I’m not too concerned about that. Just annoyed I’ve had to play the game in work for six weeks and still got a notice period to go. They’ve said it’ll be sent tomorrow now so we’ll see!

Sorted at last. My boss was decent about it as I knew she would be.

Someone else resigned the other week before I could so the timing overall is spectacularly awful but can’t be helped.

[Baz]

I hope that's the worst of it. I'd be on a deleting spree. Have they all been able to see your notes since the get go?Presumably since we changed over to Sharepoint on 1st January.

It's not that they can see them (I always used the public drive) its the fact that Outlook or whatever is actively sending them to everyone else from the meeting. :facepalm:

[Jimmy Floyd]

This afternoon we were whisked to the local posh golf club for the old man's 'Retirement Do', i.e. just sold the company for 12 million quid celebration party. It was one of those things where pretty much every sentence in the speeches could be being said about a dead man, even though he was standing right there.

The MD started, thanking everyone for being there and eulogising about the old man's achievements over his 60 year career. As a joke he mentioned when he had first joined the company and the old man had ticked him off for going to the pub at lunchtime. People laughed, and then someone (probably warehouse) shouted from the back: "Sounds like you've had a few too many today, mate!" It didn't really work, as the MD didn't sound drunk at all, not to mention the minor faux pas of shouting such a line at the company's managing director in front of the whole company on what was meant to be a jovial/sentimental occasion. I suppose if you're going to go out, go out with a bang.

Anyway, after the speeches and the giving of the traditional crap retirement gift of a glass box with an engine drawn on it, it was time for the 'mingling' bit. I absolutely cannot stand mingling - I'm good to give speeches to 100+ people, but small talk with two people gives me anxiety shivers. We had been given express instructions to each go up to the old man at some point and thank him personally. Eventually I found my window to do this, and approached him to shake his hand and say thanks for the opportunity.

"How long have you been with the company?" he asked.

"Just over four years," I said.

"Oh," he said. "I was there for twenty-nine years."

And with that, he turned away and disappeared into history.

[Ben]

This the same bloke who told you to stop selling so much?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The MD, yes.

[Ben]

Monday: stop selling.

Wednesday: I'm retiring, see ya.

[Jimmy Floyd]

No, he's staying to die of stress in a few years. The retiree is the old man, i.e. Israeli patriarch who is now 12 million quid's worth of rand richer.

[Ian]

We had been given express instructions to each go up to the old man at some point and thank him personally.

Would anybody have noticed if you hadn't?

[niko_cee]

How big is this organisation? It always strikes me as being reasonably small, to the point where someone you have apparently interacted with at points over the past 4 years shouldn't be talking to you as if this was the first time you'd ever met.

Wasn't it just you and a few others [presumably including the old man] during covid?

[Jimmy Floyd]

About 50-60 in UK and 30 worldwide, so yeah, not massive. He's done 4 of my annual reviews. He just doesn't give a fuck.

[Lofty]

At least the warehouse bloke didn't make a quip about bovine fellatio.

[Foe]

Bonus payment day today. :drool:

Celebrated with a packet of haribo twin snakes.

Anyone tried any of those new haribo flavours? Best discovery since squashies.

[Foe]

Also asked a guy at work today (who’s job sounds interesting) if he has any plans to move on. He does not.

Unfortunate.

[Giggles]

Two more jobs came up today with travel and they’ve just assumed I’ll go again. I haven’t broke the news yet that post-pandemic me will never darken the door of an airport again.

[Panda Bear]

If post-pandemic you will never darken the door of an airport again, will post-pandemic you be able to darken the door of your current employ again?

[Giggles]

If post-pandemic you will never darken the door of an airport again, will post-pandemic you be able to darken the door of your current employ again?

Well I don’t fly to my current employer so I think I’ll manage it yeah.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What's wrong with planes post-pandemic?

[Shindig]

Yeah, they're pretty much the same as pre-pandemic except you're wearing a mask the whole way. You get ill either way if you're around that many people.

[Yevrah]

What's wrong with planes post-pandemic?

If you're terrified of COVID, quite a bit I'd imagine.

[Pepe]

Their air change rate is quite high and they have very good filters. It's also not like people talk that much during a flight, but that may vary.

[Spikey M]

I do know alot of people that have caught Covid on Holiday. I'm sure Yev did. Obviously impossible to know if it's the Plane or the hotel though.

Are tests / masks still mandatory on the flights? I'm not sure I'll be going away until the rip-off tests fuck off. A few months ago someone from my School was flying out to the Maldives for their Honeymoon, only to be told at the airport that they can't go because they would be landing in Dubai for their connecting flight 2 hours after their test result expires. What a load of bollocks.

[Baz]

Told a service that we commission there is absolutely no way we’d be reducing their funding for the new financial year. Received an email yesterday while I was off (spa day, babes) with the intention to reduce their funding. :rosebud:

Sent an over the top email this morning to the big big bosslady saying we’d be daft to cut their funding and think she should carry some money forward from elsewhere to ensure their service isn’t disrupted. :uhoh:

I shouldn’t be allowed to attend meetings without any backup. Imagine arranging a meeting to try and secure hundreds of thousands of pounds for your business, and I turn up to sort you out.

[Giggles]

If you're terrified of COVID, quite a bit I'd imagine.

It’s absolutely nothing to do with planes or covid. I despise airports with the fire of a thousand suns. The pandemic has meant I haven’t been in once since 2019 and I’m never giving up that bliss. No bother going on a plane, even now, if someone can drop me from my house straight to the bottom of the steps.

[Giggles]

I’m going to France by boat for my holidays. Same as I went to England by boat last time in 2019 and for the same reason.

[niko_cee]

France by boat must be a bit of a slog, how long does that take?

[Kikó]

Had another superb argument with my manager over email. I don't think this is going to last long.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All the best arguments are via email. Passive aggression to the max.

[Giggles]

France by boat must be a bit of a slog, how long does that take?

About 16 hours.

[Foe]

Just do a round trip and call it a cruise.

[Kikó]

All the best arguments are via email. Passive aggression to the max.

Mostly just aggression at this stage. She cc'd her manager in who is helping us mediate , i'm hoping he's reading it and going wtf is her problem.

[Spikey M]

Have you tried easing the tension with a joke? Or is she a German and naturally immune to humour? Even so, you could ask her to stop being a Sour Kraut?

[Boydy]

Post the emails. :nodd:

[P_3]

Don't do that, but do summarise what her problem with you is.

[Lewis]

'Yeah? Against karate?'

[Panda Bear]

Post the emails. :nodd:

yeah this

[Giggles]

After a browse through a #dublinairport trend on Twitter I feel even more vindicated. Absolute shit show.

[Kikó]

Manchester airport is just the same. I was thinking of going back for a few days next week but can't be arsed battling with this:

1509972456156585986?t=wkiospICfu9pm5fKcUB6Yg&s=19

[Pepe]

Lol.

[Spikey M]

Why is that happening? Aren't flights still nowhere near pre-pandemic levels? Is it just that they have no staff?

It gets better:

1510011573070401541?t=t3Cfz18ZGEk0CMdhNx7SyA&s=19

:lol:

[Kikó]

It's the staff I've read. They sacked loads of them and they haven't been replaced (also read it takes ages to clear the security side of it).

[Pepe]

We really need to get over fucking airport security. The whole thing is ridiculous. Some grandma with her two grandsons will not carry a bomb. Just do some profiling and check those who look suspicious. Let everyone else be.

[Ben]

Clearly the airports are resisting employing new people to reach old staffing levels. Not experienced any issues myself but it looks pretty blatant that this is the reason from the clips doing the rounds on Twitter.

[Shindig]

I'd imagine some of the furloughed staff never bothered to come back. Newcastle are looking for a couple of Air Traffic Control roles which erm ... sounds fun. Beats getting £9.59 an hour to do security or customer service.

Bag handling and cargo's probably handled by a third party as well.

[Ben]

The Manchester Airport Twitter gives no shits. Responding to complaints with "it's your airline's fault" basically. :D

[Shindig]

Cheeky buggers. It's not even remotely true. :D

[Lofty]

I think all businesses are trying it on. I noticed Costco never seemed to bother restoring their staff levels in their takeaway kitchen post covid restrictions - probably worked out they make roughly the same amount of sales for a big wage saving, the customers just wait a lot longer.

[Lewis]

Was it Cardiff or Swansea that manc sean declared to be a 'booming little gaff'? Because I'm in Cardiff and it is rubbish.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You missed me by a day, and yes, it's terrible.

The countryside around it is nice, though.

[Ben]

Got a week of chaperoning international colleagues around our various construction sites and explaining how everything works. I am not a people person.

[Spikey M]

Was it Cardiff or Swansea that manc sean declared to be a 'booming little gaff'? Because I'm in Cardiff and it is rubbish.

Is everyone in Cardiff still 6' 5" and luminous orange?

[Lewis]

It looks to be all students and deadheads without all the hen and stag parties the entire city appears to be built for.

The castle is decent though.

[Lewis]

The Bay is nice, but I had to walk through Aleppo to get there. Five out of ten.

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of my colleagues ('Barney', for long time listeners), who has a bit of a chaotic life including being a divorced dad, is having a shit fit this morning. You see, one of our managers, the Russian, is also a divorced dad, and in the holidays (such as now) he works three days a week from home to cover the childcare. Barney, however, in the same situation, is told by management that he has to 'make arrangements' and 'sort it out', and cannot work from home.

As he tears around the place in a massive sulk, refusing to pick up the phone (which is his job) and whingeing, I'm torn between sympathy for the blatant double standards, and also thinking he has to be more mature and accept that the world is full of such injustices.

[Kikó]

I've got a third interview (a panel interview) with the team I'd be managing on Friday. Both of them are pretty new to the business (2/3 years experience) so I'll try and David Brent it and look cool.