The All New Jobs Thread

[Ian]

I may actually try that at some point and see if anybody believes me.

[Pepe]

Brlan.

[randomlegend]

Went with a consultant today to break the news to some parents that their kid probably has leukaemia. They only brought them in with some joint pains. Totally blindsided. It was brutal; haven't been affected by something at work like this for a long time.

[Ian]

Well, absolutely fuck that on all fronts.

[Baz]

Was in a meeting with someone using a standing desk yesterday and it was like a birds eye view but from a urinals perspective. Although he didn’t have his knob out.

Also had a meeting mostly discussing Mason Greenwood. :cab:

The big big bosslady wants me to do a “work based learning qualification” which is essentially an apprenticeship but people seem to stray away from saying that cos it’s associated with people bordering on special needs learning a trade. If I can swing it that I can get a day off a week but do nothing extra other than fill in a form every so often saying what I’ve been upto, it sounds great - brownie points with the director, which will likely lead to a promotion, and more time off. However, if it turns out to be actual extra work, I’m not so keen. Anyone done one, as an adult?

[Manc]

Avoid at all costs.

[Spikey M]

Fell in to that trap when I was in a Civil Service job. Ended up with loads of little jobs to do but not a sniff of actual career progression.

Never again.

[Lofty]

Remember that it is actually brownie points for your boss to show she is 'developing' you so it is worth being wary of that angle, happened to my mate where they kept insisting he did additional degrees and post graduate qualifications until he was burnt out and no better off in the role for it.

[Baz]

“I would prefer to focus on my role.”

Cheers boys.

[Spikey M]

Realistically, being good at your job should be sufficient to step up when the opportunity presents. If it isn't good enough, then it's a dead end job and you're best served fucking it off in short order.

[Ben]

I've got zero qualifications (relating to my job). I've been casually asked a few times if I want to do any but honestly they'll mean nothing but letters after my name. My job is so niche that there's not really anything applicable that I've found.

If they're going to pay for it and it's definitely useful for career progression then snap their hand off, otherwise question what's actually in it for you.

[Baz]

Realistically, being good at your job should be sufficient to step up when the opportunity presents. If it isn't good enough, then it's a dead end job and you're best served fucking it off in short order.Every single job in my department, above mine, says a degree or equivalent qualification is essential and I dropped out of uni after 4 days. Meanwhile the lad with a degree in graphic fucking design is considered a possible candidate.

[Ian]

That's mad if all they're after is a degree.

And especially mad that it still matters if the job is the natural progression for the one you're in.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, I'd be fucking off ASAP.

[Kikó]

On the flip side, having a qualification that someone else pays for is not a bad thing.

[Spikey M]

Depends what it is really. If your own employer insists on a degree for progression, then anything under that is a bit of a waste of time. Or, at best, fluff to "support" you in your current role.

I'd potentially find out what the qualification is and how respected it is though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab has tested positive for covid. His brother, the IT guy, was just installing new monitors on my desk. Literally 5 minutes later, he tested positive as well and is going home.

If I survive this onslaught I'm superhuman.

[Spikey M]

My wife gets a lift to work with a woman and 2 others. She managed to give 2 of the 3 Covid, but one of them just can not catch it. Her husband and kids have had it and now she's sat next to my wife who tested positive 6 hours later.

I heard on the radio the other day that they believe the Common Cold (atleast the ones caused by CoronaViruses) can give you some immunity. Or, more likely, you may have just been asymptomatic at some point.

When I had it last month I literally only knew because my daughter tested positive and I did some cautionary tests afterwards. I'd never have known otherwise. I just felt a bit tired.

[wullie]

Near enough everyone in my daughter's room at nursery has had it the same time she's been there and I've been sat near people at work who've then called in the next day after testing positive, still none of us in the house have tested positive for it at all. There's got to be something in regular colds bumping up your resistance because we've always got some kind of cold or bug every few weeks it feels like.

[Lofty]

Get your plague talk in the plague thread. The degree as a requirement is ridiculous, especially when it is unrelated. A hangover from Blair I think, at least some sane employers recognise that if you have worked in an industry for years that is equivalent experience in lieu of a degree.

[Ben]

20% of regular "colds" are one of the four endemic coronaviruses we already live with (the other 80% is rhinovirus mainly).

If the immunity to COVID because of those is true, then sound, because otherwise I've had an asymptomatic infection at some point. No way I've actually avoided it all this time if it's as contagious as we're told (England's Euro campaign spelled the end of all COVID "mitigations" in the North East; it's always a shock to the system when I go further south and see how much more seriously they're taking it in comparison).

[Spikey M]

Degrees are pointless about 90% of the time. I have one of the pointless ones.

Degrees to become Lawyers and Doctors are probably the only actual necessary ones.

[randomlegend]

Well, absolutely fuck that on all fronts.

Yeah, it fucking sucks. I really feel for the Dads because you can tell they feel like they have to be strong for everyone else and can't show their emotion.

People who can do paediatric oncology are either very special people, or sociopaths. My experience is of the former but there must be some of the latter around too.

[Spikey M]

20% of regular "colds" are one of the four endemic coronaviruses we already live with (the other 80% is rhinovirus mainly).

If the immunity to COVID because of those is true, then sound, because otherwise I've had an asymptomatic infection at some point. No way I've actually avoided it all this time if it's as contagious as we're told (England's Euro campaign spelled the end of all COVID "mitigations" in the North East; it's always a shock to the system when I go further south and see how much more seriously they're taking it in comparison).

It's definitely regional, but I don't think it's a North / South thing. Masks have been gone for a long time in deepest Essex and they were pretty rare in London when I went on New Years Eve. Kent was pretty masky before Christmas, mind.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's a corporate / non-corporate thing. If you have an arse worth covering then it's being covered. Otherwise, who cares.

Would probably map well onto the Remain/Leave voting map.

[Ian]

Degrees are pointless about 90% of the time. I have one of the pointless ones.

I too am in the pointless degree crew.

[Ben]

And me. Economics degree. Realised two months after graduating that I can't cope with London so my career in that industry was torpedoed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My politics degree is useful in all aspects of life. Especially useful for the two areas where I spend thousands of hours a year, an international sales office and amateur cricket.

[Giggles]

I work in the same field as my degree. How do you end up doing something different?

[Baz]

I work in the same field as my degree. How do you end up doing something different?

I imagine by applying for all and any "graduate opportunity" jobs.

[Pepe]

Most degrees do not have an associated field.

[Giggles]

They have some sort of ties rather than political selling of engine parts.

[Ian]

I work in the same field as my degree. How do you end up doing something different?

In my case by going to uni because from the age of about 11 that was all school (and my parents, but I was at that point set to be the first in my family to go and get a degree so I don't hold it against them) told me you did. You're always working towards GCSEs, A Levels and uni and there was never another thing I specifically wanted to do or had in mind and just going to uni seemed the easy option.

Chuck in a bit of what Pepe said and I ended up with a degree that wasn't especially useful, I did get a job related to it and didn't like it, just took a call centre job initially while I worked out what I went to do and have ended up where I am now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A politics degree doesn't get you into any job directly (especially not one in politics). Out of uni I wanted to go into market research, I had several short term contracts in firms which I hoped would constitute a foot in the door. None of them were and the last one (on a phone bank) made me think I wasn't cut out for it anyway. So I went down the local employment agency and said here I am, I'll do whatever. The Koreans hired me from that without an interview. Three years with them was more than enough and so I moved here, as I saw the pay was the same and it offered progression. At my interview the MD asked me to point to a piston from among the bits shown on the corporate poster, I said I couldn't. He gave me the job later that afternoon, on the basis that I can speak French and Spanish (did them at school and just about kept them going well enough in between).

I'm sure many TTHers employment history bear some sort of relation to that pathway, unless you're in a specialist trade of some kind it's just go wherever, work hard enough in between and you'll find a way - and an education, of any kind, doesn't hurt.

[Spikey M]

I work in the same field as my degree. How do you end up doing something different?

Finishing my Business Degree in 2009, a year into a financial crisis and global recession, was admittedly poor timing. :moop:

[Shindig]

Could've been worse. I packed my Computing degree in and then didn't find work for three years. Not that the degree would've got much use. I'm just not that kind of nerd.

[Pepe]

At my interview the MD asked me to point to a piston from among the bits shown on the corporate poster, I said I couldn't. He gave me the job later that afternoon

:D

I once applied to a job as a waiter. The manager asked me to roleplay selling a specific wine to him. I said 'I don't know. This one's good,' or something along those lines. He told me to show up the week after for my first shift.

[Giggles]

All my interviews bar one were slogs of things. Hate doing them.

[Kikó]

Finishing my Business Degree in 2009, a year into a financial crisis and global recession, was admittedly poor timing. :moop:

High five brother.

I ended up in financial services because I wanted to do an internship which placed you in companies in New York. The placement ended up at a bank and then once in, I've not bothered looking outside

[Lewis]

My qualifications are perfect for my job, but I was unemployed for years because they're worthless for literally everything else.

[igor_balis]

I work in the same field as my degree. How do you end up doing something different?

Common sense at the university of life followed by a postgrad at the school of hard knocks, aye?

[Lewis]

Post-graduate study at the University of Knowledge.

[igor_balis]

:D

I once applied to a job as a waiter. The manager asked me to roleplay selling a specific wine to him. I said 'I don't know. This one's good,' or something along those lines. He told me to show up the week after for my first shift.

My first ever job (after getting a politics degree like Jim) was stacking shelves on the night shift at Asda. They gave us some Heinz oven gloves and made us roleplay a corporate sales pitch as though we were from Heinz and trying to convince Asda head office to stock them in their shops. Really good way to guage how many cages of pizzas and chicken nuggets we could chuck into freezers while telling pissed Polish people "sorry no, we're not allowed to sell alcohol after 10pm".

[Luca]

I did management, concentrated in economics and finance, and I’m a management consultant serving mainly financial services clients.

I could have done any degree, to be honest. Wouldn’t have mattered a lick. Maybe it would have made ramp up at the beginning a bit slower, I suppose. But the functional knowledge all gets re-picked up anyways.

[Lewis]

*slides over business card*
'The Brand: Luca'

[Shindig]

"See this tea towel? Samsung gave it to me. This could be your life."

[Ben]

I work in the same field as my degree. How do you end up doing something different?

Do a degree that interests you but you didn’t do any research on what the career post-graduation entails. Fuck it all off because London, move back home, run a random business because no commitments so why the fuck not, fail, get a random job at the company next door, automate your entire job but don’t tell them you’ve done that so you look awesome, get poached via LinkedIn for current job, bore you lot to death with life story.

[Lofty]

I dropped out of uni after being quite ill in my first year studying English Lit and Film. I preferred making money to studying and got on the railway. I managed to get promoted once I moved away having been stuck before hand. Not sure I'd have been any better off with a degree.

[Ian]

Do a degree that interests you but you didn’t do any research on what the career post-graduation entails. Fuck it all off because London, move back home, run a random business because no commitments so why the fuck not, fail, get a random job at the company next door, automate your entire job but don’t tell them you’ve done that so you look awesome, get poached via LinkedIn for current job, bore you lot to death with life story.

What was the random business and then company next door?

[Ben]

Business was primarily cabling supplies working with the companies who provide the camera setups at sports stadiums. Timed it perfectly because they all went wireless for a lot of things around the same time. Company next door was run of the mill business solutions, completely unrelated, they just offered me a job because I had got friendly with a few of them over time and they knew I was suddenly available.

Now work in the construction industry…

[Bernanke]

I did management, concentrated in economics and finance, and I’m a management consultant serving mainly financial services clients.

I could have done any degree, to be honest. Wouldn’t have mattered a lick. Maybe it would have made ramp up at the beginning a bit slower, I suppose. But the functional knowledge all gets re-picked up anyways.

Yeah, there's a lot of "what the hell did I actually learn after 4-5 years of business studies". Then sometimes you end up in a discussion with an engineer who has no idea how the company he is in actually makes money, and realize that maybe all those marketing courses actually had an effect overall. Mostly it's this though:

https://i.imgur.com/OdXwTMZ.png?1

[Luca]

I may actually try that at some point and see if anybody believes me.

The most significant thing I learned in university was how to communicate. I did a case-based program in my masters and it really forced you to refine presentation skills, how to logically structure arguments (written and, importantly, verbal), how to communicate persuasively, and how to tell a story with data.

The technical stuff (my undergrad) was all basically bollocks. You learn how to do a DCF/build a unit economics model/whatever on the job.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Admittedly I work in a properly bullshit-free industry, but I am yet to discover anything in business that isn't just applied common sense.

[Bernanke]

The most significant thing I learned in university was how to communicate. I did a case-based program in my masters and it really forced you to refine presentation skills, how to logically structure arguments (written and, importantly, verbal), how to communicate persuasively, and how to tell a story with data.

The technical stuff (my undergrad) was all basically bollocks. You learn how to do a DCF/build a unit economics model/whatever on the job.

You never ended up in Stockholm, right?

[Don]

I did a respectable amount of drugs during uni and associated myself with some properly unsavoury characters, both of which were absolutely vital in my development and future successes. It cost about £30K in total, I think. Would be easy to regard it as a waste of money but I know full-well it was good value.

[Luca]

You never ended up in Stockholm, right?

Nah. HHS/SSE was an option for my CEMS degree but I ended up in Sydney because...well, yeah. It's Sydney.

[Giggles]

Business was the one I wanted to do. No real idea why but it was top of my submitted list. I’d say I’d have hated whatever I’d have ended up in from it unless it was some form of accounting, and I presume that’s all been replaced with software these days (the bits that are legal anyway).

[Kikó]

Accounting in a degree is too superficial to be useful so you still need to specialise if that's your interest. I might still go and do something accountancy rated to future proof myself but it's incredibly dull.

[Spikey M]

I don't really understand how you can get a full 3 years of study out of accounting. I did a module in it - and it was an unexpected strength, considering Maths is generally a weakness. Balance Sheets and Profit / Loss accounts are piss easy, even without the software to do it for you.

I assume the bulk of the course must be around the legalities of tax dodges and declaring expenses.

[niko_cee]

Isn't accountancy largely on the job training? Do you even need a degree for it?

My view is probably somewhat distorted by living in an absolute hive of the bastards. Pretty sure when I left school you could go straight into it if you wanted and be fully professionally qualified by the time most folk were coming out of uni with no idea what to do, having been paid for the privilege to boot.

[Ian]

The most significant thing I learned in university was how to communicate. I did a case-based program in my masters and it really forced you to refine presentation skills, how to logically structure arguments (written and, importantly, verbal), how to communicate persuasively, and how to tell a story with data.

The technical stuff (my undergrad) was all basically bollocks. You learn how to do a DCF/build a unit economics model/whatever on the job.

Either you didn't quote the post you meant to reply to, thought I was replying to a post other than the "Ian is short for Brian" one or you're somehow replying to the joke in a way that is going way over my head. :D

[Kikó]

Isn't accountancy largely on the job training? Do you even need a degree for it?

My view is probably somewhat distorted by living in an absolute hive of the bastards. Pretty sure when I left school you could go straight into it if you wanted and be fully professionally qualified by the time most folk were coming out of uni with no idea what to do, having been paid for the privilege to boot.

I think it's a mixture of on the job and professional qualification (CIMA, ACCA, ACA).

Spikes, I imagine the complexity is in the details of how you treat certain items.

[Lofty]

Logged on and the company IT system is absolutely knackered across the board, glorious morning to be at home :drool:

[Don]

3 days in. Lord have mercy. The messaging is going down a treat.

"Are we completely ignoring COVID now? There are 300 people a day dying from COVID. Many more being hospitalised."

It's heroes like that I'm relying on to see us get a U-turn. Big national employers have gone to full flexibility/WFH, this won't last. It can't. It bloody can't.

[Spikey M]

I just called someone with the surname "Shatcock" and just about held it together. You'd get that changed, surely.

[niko_cee]

I'm fairly sure the other night on Newsnight that Kirsty Wark, when introducing some lady called something Slocock, barely contained a giggle and had to recompose herself fairly sharpish.

[Ben]

"Are we completely ignoring COVID now? There are 300 people a day dying from COVID. Many more being hospitalised."

These people were nowhere to be seen in pre-COVID flu seasons which takes out ~150 people a day. Their reasoning for continued restrictions is absolutely selfish.

[Ian]

I must have shared before that we had a customer call in one day in my last place whose surname was Cunto. I also spoke to a guy who pronounced his name zeh-men but when I brought up his account it was spelled Semen.

[Manc]

So my 2022 project has lasted 6 weeks. Christ on a bike.

[Ian]

So 40+ weeks of feet up, then? :drool:

[Manc]

If only. During the last pause I somehow forged a reputation as the go to excel head. No doubt they'll have me managing all manner of unrelated shite.

I desperately need to move on.

[Baz]

Get spreadsheet badboy on your LinkedIn

[Luca]

Either you didn't quote the post you meant to reply to, thought I was replying to a post other than the "Ian is short for Brian" one or you're somehow replying to the joke in a way that is going way over my head. :D

I most certainly quoted the wrong post. :D

Mine was a reply to Bernanke. But let’s pretend I made an ultra clever joke, yeah?

[Ian]

I most certainly quoted the wrong post. :D

Mine was a reply to Bernanke. But let’s pretend I made an ultra clever joke, yeah?

https://i.giphy.com/media/OBuyIUMHO6yVq/giphy.webp

[Danny]

I think it's a mixture of on the job and professional qualification (CIMA, ACCA, ACA).

Spikes, I imagine the complexity is in the details of how you treat certain items.

100% :nodd:

I did accounting in college here and have worked in tax for 10 years since. The majority is on the job training, but the degree provides great grounding for the various accounting segments we interact with.

It feels like the course selection provides you just enough to be dangerous but nowhere near enough to get you ready for the real world in any capacity. Example being my one tax class focused on personal income tax but didn't touch various business taxes in any way. We generally hire anyone with a degree in the finance world though to keep it somewhat relevant.

[AyDee]

Law degree, law job. Doesn't come much more vanilla really.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm sitting here on what I believe to be day 4 of Covid isolation (I tested pos 11pm Thursday so I take Thurs to be day 0), with what is still a shitty head cold, my shitty laptop open to WFH, desperately trying to smash out the backlog of quotes and orders from over the weekend. What do I get from the MD? A challenge to my interpretation of the covid rules, i.e. that it is actually day 5 and if I test negative tonight I should be in the office tomorrow.

I get that he's probably desperate given several people in the department have covid at once, and the South Africans are in this week so he probably wants to present a full office, but you know what, I did the fucking time back in 2020 when I covered three people's work for months while they cynically claimed furlough money despite the workload not really dropping that much. He was the one who has consistently not put any covid measures in place for two years, and then he acts all hurt when it finally rips through the office. I have no desire whatsoever to be on my own in this 1 bed flat for a second longer than necessary, and on Friday afternoon I was still trying to do business for him from bed with a heavy fever while he swanned off to the golf course on a half day. He can absolutely get fucked.

[Spikey M]

Play the game Jim. Just say you did a test and it's positive. You're probably safe to actually do the test, as there's no chance you'll be negative. This whole 5 day thing is bollocks. Nobody is negative on day 5.

[Spikey M]

Or, better yet, call in sick for the week and give us a Leatherhead FC FM save to read through.

[Shindig]

You can kiss that £44k goodbye. I'm trying to enjoy what might be my last week working from home. I'm waiting on a new token to keep me working from home (basically a random number generator) but the DWP have gone suspiciously quiet on that.

[Kikó]

Loyalty really brings no rewards.

[Don]

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2022/feb/14/welsh-government-urged-trial-four-day-week-public-sector

The WFH war is not over but we need to distribute our weaponry and manpower across both fronts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How do you people do this? My back is already killing me.

[Don]

Office furniture on sale to the public is quite the phenomena.

[Spikey M]

I brought my chair home from work.

[Baz]

How do you people do this? My back is already killing me.

Wait, you're actually doing work? Don't tell Giggles.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I just sold an oil filter to someone calling themselves 'Lionel Messi UK' so luckily I can now afford to punt £400k on the two bed flat I would need to be able to house a comfortable working environment.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm looking out the window as I work from home and there's a dad who has brought two small boys to the park with a football. He's also brought his own stand-up goal (with net), which he has set up on the 18 yard line of the marked pitch, so that the D forms a kind of goal zone. Both boys are wearing Newcastle Utd tops. He's then donned goalkeeping gloves and is getting them to shoot at him (from outside the D), hasn't let a single one in yet.

Older boy must be six tops.

[Lofty]

That is an improvement on my Leeds supporting colleague who puts his ten year old in nets and pings absolute thunderbastards at him for an hour.

[Boydy]

https://youtu.be/WqOxNspUPyE

[SvN]

That is an improvement on my Leeds supporting colleague who puts his ten year old in nets and pings absolute thunderbastards at him for an hour.

:D This has suddenly brought back a memory from my football days as a kid. Our U-10 team used to train indoor at a local sports hall with 5 a side goals. For a laugh once, we did a Kids v Dads game.

There was, of course, one dad who took it way too seriously and was shoulder barging 9 year olds full force into the walls. A few dads told him to "chill out, Mick" but he insisted "It's a man's game" and carried on. After a few minutes of kids literally running away from the ball when he was nearby, his final act was to volley the ball into the face of the 9 year old goalkeeper, which nearly ended up in a fist fight with the kid's dad.

He got his son and went home in a strop, and neither was ever seen again.

[Spikey M]

I have a friend that flat out refuses to let his son win at anything. He says that it builds character because nobody let's you win in the real world.

I countered that he may be taking Hungry Hippo's a little too seriously and that a childhood full of failure may have some negative impact on self esteem, but nah. Apparently not.

[Manc]

Spoken like a true failure.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D This has suddenly brought back a memory from my football days as a kid. Our U-10 team used to train indoor at a local sports hall with 5 a side goals. For a laugh once, we did a Kids v Dads game.

There was, of course, one dad who took it way too seriously and was shoulder barging 9 year olds full force into the walls. A few dads told him to "chill out, Mick" but he insisted "It's a man's game" and carried on. After a few minutes of kids literally running away from the ball when he was nearby, his final act was to volley the ball into the face of the 9 year old goalkeeper, which nearly ended up in a fist fight with the kid's dad.

He got his son and went home in a strop, and neither was ever seen again.

There was a tenant in my Dad's place who used to play football with me and my friends (10-12 I'd say) in my Dad's garden. He'd always hack us down, shoulder barge us etc etc and he once hit a volley into my face from just a few yards out.

He was such a prick.

[Spikey M]

Believe me now Manc?

[Manc]

Touché.

[Pepe]

:D

l

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D/:(

My Dad let me win at things though.

[Mellberg]

Got it all out the way early then.

[phonics]

Looking for jobs and this popped up:

https://i.imgur.com/5dDB92s.png

Get on it @Don (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=69).

[Shindig]

Human trafficking in action.

[Giggles]

Get on it Don.

[igor_balis]

I have a friend that flat out refuses to let his son win at anything. He says that it builds character because nobody let's you win in the real world.

I countered that he may be taking Hungry Hippo's a little too seriously and that a childhood full of failure may have some negative impact on self esteem, but nah. Apparently not.

My dad had to stop letting me win things when I was about 8 cus I could tell he was and had a few hissy fits demanding he try to win. I then consistently and genuinely started winning (chess and pool) from about 10, but that's less a character building thing, more a case of him being a drunken spacker incapable of convincing an eight year old he wasn't letting him win or beating a ten year old at chess and pool.

[Panda Bear]

At least he was a drunken spacker who spent time with his son.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Email this morning from the 79 year old guy I'm (maybe) waiting to replace in lat am, to the 20 something year old technician:


Thank you Daisy,

What a lovely lass you are.

John

Any danger of them pensioning off the old fool or do we just carry on with these cretins in the workplace forever?

[Ian]

In your place? I think you know the answer to that question.

[Lofty]

Has Succession taught you nothing, Jim?

[Jimmy Floyd]

TBF our Logan did get offed, by a combination of Marcia and a springbok Stewie with an elephant rifle on his shoulder.

[mo]

School closed because on wind tomorrow :drool: chuck some Oak National lessons online and put my feet up. Wife's school currently still open so could mean her and eldest out of the house tomorrow as well.

[niko_cee]

Schools closing for wind has to be a new low [the wife mentioned the possibility of it earlier and I thought she was joking].

[Giggles]

Schools closing for wind has to be a new low [the wife mentioned the possibility of it earlier and I thought she was joking].

When it’s easily the most destructive and dangerous type of weather, and the only one with absolutely zero means of safeguarding against, then I don’t see how it’s a low.

[Shindig]

100 mph winds versus tiny children. I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.

[Spikey M]

Schools closing for wind has to be a new low [the wife mentioned the possibility of it earlier and I thought she was joking].

The South of the country hasn't seen winds like this for decades in fairness. It's not going to be as bad as 1987, but it's close enough for concern to be fair. Especially as 1987 atleast had the decency to turn up at night while everyone was in bed.

Trees are going to come down, dickhead lorries will be blown over and debris is going to be flying about all over the place. If people crack on as normal there is going to be injuries and potentially deaths.



Annoyingly I have no choice as I have a Court Hearing in Basildon. Rip.

[Raoul Duke]

Annoyingly I have no choice as I have a Court Hearing in Basildon. Rip.

At least you croak doing something you love...

I can occasionally hear the planes coming in/out of Schipol Airport and there were a few yesterday having a fun time coming through it :D

[mo]

Most schools can tolerate around 10% loss in staffing before the site becomes unsafe. Lot of our staff live in red zone i.e. do not travel, few more with young kids whose schools have themselves closed and it quickly racks up.

Also a lot of places had half term last week, mine is next week which is even better.

[niko_cee]

Perhaps I am underestimating the SEVERITY of Eunice. We have a red warning as well it would seem so I'll let you know how many children survive the walk to school tomorrow morning.

[Don]

I've just moved my balcony plants inside, if I'm not woken up by a Tesla through my bedroom window I'm gonna be seething.

[Shindig]

Taz using his powers of foresight to ensure he lives a long life.

[Giggles]

I take it there’s been a delay? We were meant to be going all wizard of oz at 4am.

[Baz]

An emails gone out saying to avoid travelling if you’re not an essential frontline worker.

[Spikey M]

An emails gone out saying to avoid travelling if you’re not an essential frontline worker.

It's not even meant to be bad up there is it?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The roads were completely empty this morning. Utterly laughable.

[Spikey M]

The roads were completely empty this morning. Utterly laughable.

I'm half hoping the Court bottles all hearings, but I'll have to go if they don't. :moop:

[Ben]

Our weather station at work is saying currently 20mph with 35mph gusts. Child's play compared to the other night. Although pressure is dropping like a stone at the moment and I don't think that's usually good news.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All this official arse covering is such a load of shite.

MAROON WARNING IN NORTH KENT

MAUVE ALERT IN THE LONDON BOROUGH OF SUTTON

Fuck off.

[Boydy]

There's barely even a breeze here at the minute.

[Spikey M]

There's barely even a breeze here at the minute.

Not meant to be is there? It's windy here, but nothing mental. The warning doesn't kick in until 10am though.

[Spikey M]

All this official arse covering is such a load of shite.

MAROON WARNING IN NORTH KENT

MAUVE ALERT IN THE LONDON BOROUGH OF SUTTON

Fuck off.

It's Yellow, Amber and Red, Jimmy. I remember it as its a bit like a traffic light.

[Boydy]

Not meant to be is there? It's windy here, but nothing mental. The warning doesn't kick in until 10am though.

There's a yellow warning in place from 7am to 6pm. :sorry:

[Ben]

Look (https://www.ventusky.com/?p=51.70;0.16;6&l=wind-10m) at what's in the Severn estuary now. End of days for you soft twats if that blows east.

[Spikey M]

Just shut up and get squating lad.

[Boydy]

Just shut up and get squating lad.

My fucking weights aren't arriving until Monday. :moop:

[Magic]

I am leaving a well paid job I'm comfortable and well respected in that was just starting to take off to move to a smaller company selling something I know nothing about.

ENFP. :drool:

[Shindig]

It's just one win after another for you.

[Magic]

It's just one win after another for you.

It is in my eyes. A lot of people would see it as mad though, correct.

[Manc]

What are you selling?

I haven't done any work since Wednesday morning. Head's gone.

[Kikó]

My paternity leave ends today. Actual work begins next week. The positive is the boss is having a week off.

[Magic]

What are you selling?

I haven't done any work since Wednesday morning. Head's gone.

I went from direct selling comms for an ISP, to a wholesale comms supplier indirect selling comms to providers, now to an IT company direct selling managed services, security etc.

75k, to 55-60k, to hopefully 120k (if it goes well, and I will make sure it does).

I could have quite happily spent the next 10 years doing the indirect stuff, really enjoy it and have a great relationship with all my customers (only 30) but there's just not enough going on to satisfy me. As it's wholesale and volume based there's only so much money you can make.

[Baz]

Sounds good Magic. Smash it and get paid :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

The MD just ran in. "A tree's come down on the vans next door!" It has, too, a big one. "I didn't know it was going to be this bad, or I'd have closed the company!" I mean, I told you yesterday it was going to be this bad, and you said 'Nah, that's Sunday, I saw the forecast'. But never mind, eh.

[Ian]

Is there any circumstance, any at all, where he would actually close the company? If an actual zombie apocalypse broke out I imagine he'd be talking up the importance of supporting agriculture to keep the food supply going and demand everybody do double shifts to flog as many tractor engines as possible.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We went home an hour early one day during the 'Beast from the East', but that was when the snow was piling up at the actual door. He'd never plan ahead or anticipate anything, because he doesn't think about anything other than the nuts and bolts of the business, ever.

In the zombie apocalypse scenario, he'd keep the company open until the zombies had actually broken into the warehouse, then he'd say 'I didn't know there was a zombie apocalypse on' because he'd have not turned the TV on for a month beforehand.

[Pepe]

I went from direct selling comms for an ISP, to a wholesale comms supplier indirect selling comms to providers, now to an IT company direct selling managed services, security etc.

75k, to 55-60k, to hopefully 120k (if it goes well, and I will make sure it does).

I could have quite happily spent the next 10 years doing the indirect stuff, really enjoy it and have a great relationship with all my customers (only 30) but there's just not enough going on to satisfy me. As it's wholesale and volume based there's only so much money you can make.

Weren't you supposed to become a millionaire a few years ago when you were switched to working on commission?

[Ian]

'I didn't know there was a zombie apocalypse on'

:D

[Magic]

Weren't you supposed to become a millionaire a few years ago when you were switched to working on commission?

I said I'd double my wage (I think). I'll be quadrupling it if I do well in this job so that's fair enough.

[Pepe]

When do you start? Good luck with the new job. :)

[Magic]

End of March. Offered to do my existing place an extra couple of weeks to help them out. Totally forgot commission is the month after so all the deals I help bring in March will go to the next person. :face:

[Lewis]

Magic has been on seventy-odd grand 'plugging phones in' all this time whilst people (not me) tee-heed at his life? He's donned you all.

[Shindig]

Depends how much he's kicking back to the ex-wife.

[Panda Bear]

Even if it's half his earnings, he's making as much or more than most of you, no?

[Magic]

It's £200 a month so not too bad.

[Giggles]

And how much of it is actually real. His whole personality is built on trying to be an odious billy big bollocks.

You need serious real money for that, or at least you need fake money (or a fake payslip when it's only online that you're blowing). Plus there's no way someone in such a remedial industry is making anything close to that unless they manage a good few mongs.


Edit - @Panda

[Magic]

I'm not lying lol.

[Giggles]

I make €200,000 a year delivering parcels.

I'm not lying lol.

[Giggles]

I make £300,000 plugging in ethernet cables.

I'm not lying lol.

[Giggles]

I make $750,000 a year shaving pigs.

I'm not lying lol.

[Lofty]

Even if it's half his earnings, he's making as much or more than most of you, no?

Fair play to anyone who is happy working their way up the greasy pole but for me personally I have my lifestyle balanced nicely with work, not sure the extra stress of changing role for more money would be worth it for me - I'd only have to think of more crap to buy with it. Struggling to offer birthday present suggestions for myself to my immediate family, such is the amount of crap I already own.

[Magic]

Are you suggesting I don't have a balanced lifestyle?

[Lofty]

I'm saying whatever works for you. My brother in law works on comission selling Ford cars and can barely stop deepthroating them in any conversation to come up for air, yet he's terrified of taking a day off due to lost comission and the basic is pretty paltry. I couldn't be arsed with that.

Obviously you'll be making a lot more than that, but the only way I can make more now is to leave my nice role where I don't have to speak to anyone for days at a time and no-one bothers me aslong as my work is done. So for me, that is worth more than the higher paid options in my field where it is either shifts or having to talk to a lot more people and have a lot more stressful conversations and enforced overtime.

I'm travelling to a wedding which requires me to stay over the night before next week, so I'm taking a half day wednesday in addition to the thursday and friday off. I don't have to clear this with anyone, I just do it. There have been physical altercations on the shift side over holidays not being granted, and the exec level jobs I know people plan their holidays to places with no mobile signal or they wont be left alone.

I've also seen younger, more ambitious people in the team jump for the big money roles only to be desperate to come back to us within 18 months due to the particular nature of those roles so I'll stick with the devil I know, already got 15 years in my final salary pension scheme so why rock the boat when I'm happy where I am? I've worked enough jobs and been unhappy.

[Lewis]

Get a load of RollerCOPER Guy here.

[Giggles]

He already did a fly-by yesterday.

[Mellberg]

Fair play to anyone who is happy working their way up the greasy pole but for me personally I have my lifestyle balanced nicely with work, not sure the extra stress of changing role for more money would be worth it for me - I'd only have to think of more crap to buy with it. Struggling to offer birthday present suggestions for myself to my immediate family, such is the amount of crap I already own.

You only have a few years of stress whilst you’re directly managing chancing idiots. Once you start managing managers who have half a brain (in most cases), you have a nice buffer from the day to day bullshit and can get stuck in to improving things/drinking coffee.

[Lofty]

Haha not on the railway, the union angle means most people earning £70k+ look to age the same way premier league managers and prime ministers do.

[Mellberg]

:D

I work in manufacturing. The union is rife. Cards are still stacked in the manager’s favour though. So long as the process is followed, Tommy Ten Absences is off to work in Carphone Warehouse.

[AyDee]

Don't see why Magic would lie about his income. Not actually sure what he does but tech sale jobs - at least for SaaS etc. - pay pretty handsomely.

Magic being one of TTH's higher earners is a tasty plot twist. :drool:

[Manc]

Giggles firmly on the ropes.

[Giggles]

Yes it's my dream to be magic. Top deductions there.

[Spikey M]

Lend us a tenner Magers.

[Giggles]

Don't see why Magic would lie about his income. Not actually sure what he does but tech sale jobs - at least for SaaS etc. - pay pretty handsomely.

Magic being one of TTH's higher earners is a tasty plot twist. :drool:

Magic aside, do you really take everything here as gospel? I definitely treat it more like some entertaining fiction for the most part and I doubt any persona here is close to real life.

[Spikey M]

I'm actually a pole dance called Tabatha.

[Kikó]

She is. She's got amazing pins.

[Spikey M]

Both legs and the head?

[Giggles]

I shave pigs and do charity work on weekends for the climate.

[niko_cee]

I think I had a dream [or just imagined] that someone came on here defending magic saying there are plenty of jobs in IT that pay very well [sort of like what's happened], but then he came back and said no, he does just plug phones in, thank you very much.

[Spikey M]

Henry was the phone plugger inner wasn't he?

[Lewis]

He wasn't even that. He just sold the broadband tariffs.

[Giggles]

I bet he's an undercover for the British government.

[Magic]

I was a network/voice engineer, moved in to selling it as the sales people were shit. I was only on 35k, dropped down to 25k and made 50k in commission in my first full year. I left because the company were cunts and on my new/current job went up to 30k but my comp plan wasn't anywhere near as good so dropped to about 48k in the pandemic. This last year has been really good so up to 61k but my new/new job is 41k basic and a much higher comp plan so 6 figures is very achievable. I only have to hit 75% of target to get 100k.

I'll do it. I'm always successful as an ENFP with ADHD. I know so much more about myself now, I do have a good balance and stay true to my values. But I can see why neurotypicals struggle to understand why I do the things I do when to them it makes no sense and is always the difficult option.

[Spikey M]

You don't have to explain it Magic. We all know this is just 7D chess from Jimmy to justify his own wage. He has Baz booked in to surreptitiously slip Barney one of his TTH cards next week.

[Don]

The soft shites are too busy planning their boosters to succeed in things like their career. They'd probably be too worried about breaking the median range if they earned a higher salary.

[Shindig]

Magic earning as much as two Jimmys. Take all the brown paper packages you want, lad.

[Magic]

And I live in a comparatively cheap part of the world so the cost of living is low. :drool:

[Lofty]

Does anyone else believe in those personality types or horoscopes?

[Shindig]

He's more saying he's a card carrying autist, Lofty. A man of science has confirmed it at some point.

[Lofty]

I just find it odd when people act like neurodiverse is a badge of honour over the 'neurotypical' people. I'd say 4/5 out of my work team (and I am included in the 4) are broken brained oddballs but it's good for a laugh, that's about it.

[Magic]

It's a great gift and a huge curse. I just know how to use it.

[Magic]

He's more saying he's a card carrying autist, Lofty. A man of science has confirmed it at some point.

Such a strange guy.

[Shindig]

I mean, you're not carrying like Pavel does where he thinks it's an actual magic power. That's a plus.

[Spikey M]

Some of the reactions to this have been properly lol.

I'm happy for you Magic. (Can you get back to me about that tenner? Fence geezer is due round in a bit.)

[Baz]

Does anyone else believe in those personality types or horoscopes?Just losers who try to justify their own rotten personality, I’ve experienced.

[Lewis]

https://i.imgur.com/8pfgUh3.png

[Spikey M]

Someone find a decent one of those personality tests and start a Fred.

[Lewis]

We did it years ago:


No, this is the Nadir of the board.

Personal growth in real time.

[Lewis]

Other ENFPs include igor_balis, phonics, and mokbull lmao turns out he's making this salary stuff up. Sorry Lofty.

[Spikey M]

Phonics earns well doesn't he? Or did before he left Tax Paradise for this shithole. No idea how Mockers earns.

Igor being on the same list as them is mental though. When even is an ENFP? Because I'm struggling to think of a unifying characteristic between Magic, Phonics, Mokers and Igor.

[Spikey M]

"Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting"

They are all loud fannys to be fair. The personality horoscope works. Although Magic has no feelings, so maybe not.

"These people tend to embrace big ideas and actions that reflect their sense of hope and goodwill toward others"

Fuck off Magic :D

[Giggles]

Did phonics actually move to Wales that time?

[Giggles]

I don’t know if I did it first time round. Does it take long?

[Lewis]

Phonics earns well doesn't he? Or did before he left Tax Paradise for this shithole. No idea how Mockers earns.

Igor being on the same list as them is mental though. When even is an ENFP? Because I'm struggling to think of a unifying characteristic between Magic, Phonics, Mokers and Igor.

No idea about their earnings. It's just the worst night out imaginable.

[Pepe]

Didn't mokbull attend a good university to do a proper degree (cs or something)? He probably is on good money now. Igor is letting team ENFP down.

[Giggles]

Did mokbull just piss off, go aloof, die, or what?

[Spikey M]

After being 100% Czech, then 100% American, he moved to Sweden and - in an effort to become 100% Swedish - died in a flat pack furniture and meatball accident.

[Giggles]

He was an odd cunt. I know that’s rich coming from me, but still.

[Lofty]

Apparently I am an ENTP. Best stick that bad boy on my LinkedIn.

[Panda Bear]

Apparently I am an ENTP. Best stick that bad boy on my LinkedIn.What colour is your aura?

[Giggles]

ISTPT :sorry:

[Spikey M]

CUCK :o

[Giggles]

Excellent.

[igor_balis]

He was an odd cunt. I know that’s rich coming from me, but still.

An absolutely lovely and incredibly normal guy IRL. I am a fan of his work on the board but I don't think it's particularly representative of his non-tth personality.

[igor_balis]

Didn't mokbull attend a good university to do a proper degree (cs or something)? He probably is on good money now. Igor is letting team ENFP down.

Hey i got a promotion recently, dickhead. I've gone from about 31% of a Magic to 34% or something.

[Giggles]

An absolutely lovely and incredibly normal guy IRL. I am a fan of his work on the board but I don't think it's particularly representative of his non-tth personality.

Which slots right in to what I was saying before. We're all actors here, or at the very minimum we're exaggerating our real life traits to cartoonish levels.


_

[Luca]

Isn’t he at a quant hedge fund? My man. :cool:

Probably making more than the rest of us combined.

[Spikey M]

https://y.yarn.co/73c98341-6f2c-48ea-8c02-33b3c7538cb8_text.gif

[Baz]

Dear Big Big Bosslady

I hereby give my notice of resignation as I have been presented with the opportunity to invest in a guaranteed money making opportunity on the internet.

Regards

Resignation Champion

[Spikey M]

It's really hard to concentrate at work when I'm counting down to my retirement in Mauritius like this.

[Magic]

I've amended my notice letter. :drool:

[Luca]

When Mellin runs off with all of your money I’m honestly going to cheer him on. Serves you right.

[Spikey M]

Someone's annoyed they joined the wrong offshoot group.

[Luca]

I’m in the one with Mellin and Kiko called “The Swindlers.”

To be fair, if it hits I’d be thrilled. What a story it would be.

[Kikó]

He says sat on a beach in Jamaica.

[niko_cee]

A real swindler would be doing it from Barbados.

[Manc]

Or Sandbanks.

[niko_cee]

As a minimum I expect the "well, we had a good run" message to be delivered from the window of a Land Rover, which should be eminently possible if I have followed things over the years.

Probably around 4pm tomorrow.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab is in a right mood this morning, because he went for a Tinder date last night and the girl walked out after 20 minutes because she's 'not into Arabs'. I'd have thought his picture and the name xxx Al-xxx would have given a fucking clue, but maybe not.

[Spikey M]

:D Unless he is the world's best Catfish that makes no sense.

Is he Mert?

"Nah bruh, I'm white bruh"

[Lofty]

Another one I'm suprised jasn't resurfaced in the other thread.

[Ben]

Our self-proclaimed best civils team in the world have just managed to destroy some ducting (I won't even get started on their "ducts") and its contents so I've just spent an hour splicing in an absolute monsoon.

Fuming. And wet.

EDIT: Now it's fucking blue sky not 20 minutes after I'm done. Fuck off.

[Lofty]

Out of interest, if your organisation is subject to FOI requests would that include chat logs in Teams etc?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Depends what they asked for, but potentially yes.

[Lofty]

That explains why my junior colleague has been bollocked for constantly swearing on Teams then.

[Ben]

Short answer yes. It’s compliant to the same level as other Microsoft applications (eg. Outlook).

[Ben]

That explains why my junior colleague has been bollocked for constantly swearing on Teams then.

Did someone officially complain about them? Because I’m not sure IT should be sifting through chat logs for lolz, or even just on a hunch.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I managed to nurse the Arab through a successful phone call with our favourite customer from Ballinasloe (Co Galway) whose phone line sounds like he's calling from the moon. I told him he's now passed the final boss of accents in the English language, no one will be harder to understand than that.

[Lofty]

Did someone officially complain about them? Because I’m not sure IT should be sifting through chat logs for lolz, or even just on a hunch.

To be honest I think the person who gave the bollocking has had an axe to grind since pre-covid times since the bollockee does swear far too much even in person, for a professional office that had plenty of official visitors floating around day to day. So this was probably an opportunity to push that issue.

[Giggles]

I managed to nurse the Arab through a successful phone call with our favourite customer from Ballinasloe (Co Galway) whose phone line sounds like he's calling from the moon. I told him he's now passed the final boss of accents in the English language, no one will be harder to understand than that.

Balnashlow.

[Baz]

Out of interest, if your organisation is subject to FOI requests would that include chat logs in Teams etc?

It’s ridiculous what you can request with those.

1211405783272837120

[Boydy]

It’s ridiculous what you can request with those.

1211405783272837120

https://www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/zookeepers_sodmomized_by_a_goril#incoming-950245

:lol:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I believe Tony is on record as saying bringing in the FOI Act was one of his worst mistakes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fuck me it's been an interesting afternoon. Three Iraqis turned up in a Mercedes taxi, after calling ahead in the morning. The Arab greeted them and took them up to see the MD. Two hours later, the Arab came down and told a fucking long story which involved one of the Iraqis trying to hit on all the female staff in the building, a suitcase containing $400,000 cash (which was politely declined, I think) and finally, after a load of big orders were placed, the Arab summed things up thus: "They give me money, I am say bye-bye". I think I might have been outdone in the bungs department.

Apparently we're now in with the US Army and 25% of Baghdad's household electricity generation. All in a day's work for the Arab off 3 months' experience.

[Ian]

Barney's going to be absolutely fuming.

[Spikey M]

Fuck me it's been an interesting afternoon. Three Iraqis turned up in a Mercedes taxi, after calling ahead in the morning. The Arab greeted them and took them up to see the MD. Two hours later, the Arab came down and told a fucking long story which involved one of the Iraqis trying to hit on all the female staff in the building, a suitcase containing $400,000 cash (which was politely declined, I think) and finally, after a load of big orders were placed, the Arab summed things up thus: "They give me money, I am say bye-bye". I think I might have been outdone in the bungs department.

Apparently we're now in with the US Army and 25% of Baghdad's household electricity generation. All in a day's work for the Arab off 3 months' experience.

:D I'm going to miss him.

[Lewis]

I don't think Freedom of Information would cover chat logs unless you work in a policy environment, and even then it would be a stretch without it being part of some issue where people ten positions above you feel the need to get involved. I deal with FoI for historic matters, and you also reserve the right to reject things on grounds like cost and them being timewasting wankers ('vexatious requester' in official terminology), so some nerd expecting you to trawl your internal communications could also fall under that.

[Luca]

Fuck me it's been an interesting afternoon. Three Iraqis turned up in a Mercedes taxi, after calling ahead in the morning. The Arab greeted them and took them up to see the MD. Two hours later, the Arab came down and told a fucking long story which involved one of the Iraqis trying to hit on all the female staff in the building, a suitcase containing $400,000 cash (which was politely declined, I think) and finally, after a load of big orders were placed, the Arab summed things up thus: "They give me money, I am say bye-bye". I think I might have been outdone in the bungs department.

Apparently we're now in with the US Army and 25% of Baghdad's household electricity generation. All in a day's work for the Arab off 3 months' experience.
Feels like the Arab is going to run the place in about 6 months, so it’s good you’re close to him.

Once the Springboks get wind of the sweet, sweet corruption dollars they won’t be able to help themselves.

[Shindig]

I was expecting a hostage situation and an exploded taxi.

[Manc]

It's taken six weeks for me to get on the wrong side of my new manager. A personal best.

[Ian]

Do they think Leeds are staying up too?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Today the Arab's come in with a full suit on, as he has a meeting with the new South African owner who has just jetted in from Bloemfontein. This might be the fastest rise to power since Rasputin.

[Spikey M]

He drove a wedge between you and Barney and exploited it expertly. :cool:

[Luca]

Tactical genius. He knows about the bungs too now. That’s Jimmy over a barrel.

[Manc]

Steady on.