The All New Jobs Thread

[Giggles]

2-10 in a bank?

[igor_balis]

2-10 in a bank?

Wfh

[Spikey M]

I just spoke to a lady that was born in 1932 as someone fucked up her account whilst I was on annual leave. It was fucking painful. There's no way she knew who I was or what the problem was but she gave me all the details I needed without hesitation. Seriously considering moving to Mumbai / Abuja and becoming a scammer. It must be piss easy.

[Baz]

Send me her deets x

[mo]

She's DNR, Baz, not DTF.

[Spikey M]

:D

[Shindig]

The office is all trained up now. Unfortunately, our boss wants to borrow people from other offices. Piss. :(

[igor_balis]

Oh yeah i start my new job on the 30th

[Spikey M]

What are you doing?

[igor_balis]

Working for a charity. Been looking for jobs there for years, but it's always been fucking 60k management jobs or JAVA CODER jobs etc. Was just chatting shite to my mum about how even a warehouse admin job back home on a similar wage would make me much better off cus I wouldn't need to commute. Just typed in "jobs near me" on google to demonstrate the point, and the first hit was a job at the charity. The candidate spec was like I'd written it myself to most suit my experience - it asked for experience of CRMs, customer service and financial transactions, and that's exactly what I've been doing for the last 5 years. I'm not one to believe in fate and shit, but there was loads of synchronicity stuff going on - the deadline for applications was about 5 hours after I saw it.

Fired off a CV, casual interview a week later, formal interview another week later and job offer two days later. Pretty excited to be fair.

In terms of what I'll be doing, like, various adminny things. Opening letters, phoning up people and being like "yeah you donated £500 last year, how about this year you like...dunno...donate ten grand? cheers".

[Shindig]

Sounds alright, that. Best of luck.

[phonics]

That all sounded really good and I was happy for you and then you dropped in that you’ll be having to do cold call sales right at the end.

Best of luck mate.

[Baz]

Your mum's deffo lined that up.

"Oh really? Why not check Indeed to prove your point? No, Igor, not Totaljobs you loser. God, I hate to admit it but your father was right. Look I-N-D. Er. What's Indian Girl.. book-cake? IGORR!!!!"

[Spikey M]

:D

[igor_balis]

That all sounded really good and I was happy for you and then you dropped in that you’ll be having to do cold call sales right at the end.

Best of luck mate.

Actually I've just re-read the job description and no I'm not expected to actually sell anything, it's more processing the donations once they've been made and responding to queries and telling them all about the amazing work being done with their cash etc. The closest i get is having to phone people who have cancelled their subscriptions and find out why. I can handle that.

[igor_balis]

Your mum's deffo lined that up.

"Oh really? Why not check Indeed to prove your point? No, Igor, not Totaljobs you loser. God, I hate to admit it but your father was right. Look I-N-D. Er. What's Indian Girl.. book-cake? IGORR!!!!"

Fuck :lol:

[mugbull]

As long as they don't force you to ask for donations a predetermined number of times regardless of what they tell you about how their life is going.

Thank you for your generous 100 pound donation last year, shall I put you down for another one this year?
Well my son died in January and my dog has Covid and I'm unemployed now.
Sorry to hear that sir. We really do appreciate any contribution, maybe 75 is more reasonable for someone in your circumstances?
I eat Cup Noodles for every meal
I'm very sorry to hear that. Can I put you down for 50 then?

Working at the Student Fund at university made me feel like a sociopath sometimes

[Shindig]

Eurgh. I've got six people left to train but the fact they don't have accesses means emailing work back and forth at the end of each day. And sometimes other cunts will do that work even though I've marked them for another person.

I just want to crack on and listen to Ice Cube. :(

[Offshore Toon]

I think "I trust that you had a good weekend" is the worst sentence in the world. Do people actually think that comes across as anything but psychopathic?

[Don]

Replacing 'hope you are well' as a throaway introduction I presume before actually getting into the matter? Not for me but meh, it's not that deep.

[Spikey M]

I'm taking my managers place on a conference call with a load of debt charities and citizens advice bods at 10. I would rather shag the plug socket with a foil condom.

[Waffdon]

I need to give my work an ultimatum about permanently working from home - or at least 3/4 times a week - but I’m not sure how to go about it. They can’t really lose me as I’m the only person in the whole of the Council trained to do business rates atm so I’ve got that bargaining tool.

I’m buying a flat nearer where my missus’ family stay and really can’t be arsed with an hours commute (I know, lulz)

[Smjffy]

I almost feel like the campaigning is my new job. I don't really know where else to put it but if anyone watched the Treasury Questions then the debate over tiers yesterday then we were mentioned nearly 20 times with Starmer, Farron, Blackford and Thewliss just to name a few pitching in, even a few Conservative MP's now which is always a good sign as I sense they are backing a winning horse, we've got the treasury committing to a meeting with us and Jesse Norman, owed in part to Rishi Sunak outright lying on GMB recently. We managed to raise over £10,000 for our MH programs via our raffle and I even managed to get WBA to send a signed football we can auction off. I had a fair few say no but still at least 80 left to reply so we'll see. Anyone else have any fundraising ideas? :drool: I legit think we're going to get this done. We've got a meeting with nine of the countries mayors tonight which is great and another step in the right direction. I'm going to be sleeping outside all night on the 17th to raise awareness of our plight in partnership with a charity for the homeless. Live streaming it too. Ha.

I never realised how much things would change for me personally this year but I'm excited about what we can do in the future if/when we win this battle. Reform of Universal Credit maybe? :cool:

[Ian]

Anyone else have any fundraising ideas? :drool:

Marathon WDYTOE livestream.

[Spikey M]

MP edition. :drool:

[Baz]

Would you have rather just worked and got paid from whatever job you worked 4 days at, all this time, or do you prefer campaigning about not doing that?

[Ian]

MP edition. :drool:

"Alok Sharma, which one's he? Who does he support"
*waits for updates from the chat*

[Smjffy]

Would you have rather just worked and got paid from whatever job you worked 4 days at, all this time, or do you prefer campaigning about not doing that?

I do work now, Baz. After my GMB appearance a care home that I worked at a few years ago got in touch and offered me a job in the kitchen. It's only 14 hours a week but it's better than having to rely on Universal Credit tbh as I'll never understand how that works. I'm just going to stick with that and the campaigning until this Covid bollocks smooths out somewhat. I think this is one of the few times in my life I've cursed my lack of skills as with my industry being proper battered, it's hard to see when and how I'll be back to a kitchen full time.

It's also work baring in mind that I returned to Wales and we had firebreak then the job I lined up in Chester got taken away when England went into lockdown. I applied for supermarkets, KFC even but not much luck in any. I'm most likely going to set up shop on my own after this is all over as I have an idea I want to pursue and I've got a little bit of backing to potentially make that a reality.

[SvN]

At this stage, what are you campaigning for? What outcome would satisfy you?

[Raoul Duke]

A hand job from Marcus Rashford

[Smjffy]

At this stage, what are you campaigning for? What outcome would satisfy you?

The ultimate goal is backdated parity but that's probably wishful thinking at this stage although we'll have to see what's said during our meeting I guess. I'd settle for a scheme devised to support the hardest hit whilst ensuring those who still can't work because their industries are still closed such as freelancers in the events industries and the LTD companies that are at risk of going under getting some form of support to keep going because that's the part that worries me the most given the potential for millions more job losses if those 700,000 affected by that don't get the help they need.

There's so many who have furloughed their employees but have been left without any support from the business schemes that if we go into a lockdown again in January as you'd probably expect us to then that's going to finish so many off. We've got a whole range of solutions to raise when we have a date for our meeting with Jesse Norman but it's a difficult one. It's all so dirty and corrupt. I think if I'm honest getting support for all 3M is a fairy tale dream as financially it'll cost billions but then there's the knock on affect whereby it'll cost more later down the line if not in terms of job losses, strain on the welfare and NHS, the MH crisis that's arisen from it and so forth. We've got many solutions but it's not so much about that at the moment, it's finding a way to do it whereby the govt save as much face as possible and paints them in a better light.

After Sunak lied on GMB (Ofcom released figures and it topped the complaints list), he got called out numerous times yesterday too and his excuses don't wash because we have so many case studies that fly in the face of what he says. We also had a meeting with Blackford and Thewliss last night which was insightful enough. I guess it's just a case of getting the direct meeting with the treasury in the next week or so and going from there as we'll for sure have to compromise but it's more about saving lives at the moment. I do think people like myself who missed out as a new starter or those simply denied furlough are going to get a raw end of any deal but it is what it is.

[Don]

You can tell you've been overexposed to politicians and media sorts. Brevity and substance have been sacrificed.

The handjob's more likely than the backdated compensation. Negotiate for a 10% discount on private vaccinations for your boys and be done with it.

What's this lie Rishi told?

[Spikey M]

Platform shoes.

[Smjffy]

You can tell you've been overexposed to politicians and media sorts. Brevity and substance have been sacrificed.

The handjob's more likely than the backdated compensation. Negotiate for a 10% discount on private vaccinations for your boys and be done with it.

What's this lie Rishi told?

Overexposed is one way of putting it tbh but the media picked up again in recent weeks. You also got to bare in mind the first 4/5 months we were told we didn't exist whereas now we've got them admitting we do and there's not a single HoC be it PMQ's or debates that we aren't raised. Even throughout the debate yesterday about the tiers were kept getting mentioned as reasons why they such and such would be voting against the new tiered system but most importantly, a fair few were Tory MP's who are only now mentioning us because there is chaos on the backbenches. It truly is a murky world in Westminster. It's crazy some of the stuff our core team has been told. Hopefully tonight's conference call which we'll be live streaming with the nine city mayors raises further awareness but the media are hit and miss.

Sunak said outright that he'd been back and forth in meetings with us but he hasn't had a single one with us, then they backtracked and gave a different reason when called out in parliament over it, then backtracked again when that was proven to be false too.

[Lofty]

Smiff doing his best to derail my Sunak for next Tory leader bet.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sunak for next PM is a truly great bet imo at 3/1 or whatever it is. 4 years until the next election and there's no way Sir Boris Johnson is lasting that long, on health grounds if nothing else. Then Squishy Rishi would have to lose a leadership election to Michael Gove or someone, and I really can't see that.

[Spikey M]

Don't go shouting for help when Smiffy sees that. You're on your own.

[Smjffy]

Sunak for next PM is a truly great bet imo at 3/1 or whatever it is. 4 years until the next election and there's no way Sir Boris Johnson is lasting that long, on health grounds if nothing else. Then Squishy Rishi would have to lose a leadership election to Michael Gove or someone, and I really can't see that.

Rishi Sunak was the greatest thing since sliced bread only a few months ago but the mask has been falling and my prediction a few months back is more likely to happen, I feel.

"Here's what will happen.We'll go into a second national lockdown because the spread caused by EatOutToHelpOut amongst other things, the failed track and trace ensures thousands more die and Rish Sunak will do a runner to his billionaire family and toast after robbing us blind." 2/3 so far.

[SvN]

I had quite a few friends furloughed in March.

Most of them did fuck all for 6 months, and used it as a break from work while getting full pay. As one of them said to me - "When in your life are you going to get months off work, spending time with kids, etc. and still get paid?" Which is fair enough.

One of them saw it as an opportunity. He lives alone, works nights in a factory and earns around £60k per year with overtime, so he was still earning a fair amount at 80%. But the day after he was furloughed, he went and got a delivery job for Amazon, and a few weeks later picked up some part time hours at Sainsburys.

He went back to work in September when their factory re-opened and he reckons he saved about £12k since March.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Rishi Sunak was the greatest thing since sliced bread only a few months ago but the mask has been falling and my prediction a few months back is more likely to happen, I feel.

"Here's what will happen.We'll go into a second national lockdown because the spread caused by EatOutToHelpOut amongst other things, the failed track and trace ensures thousands more die and Rish Sunak will do a runner to his billionaire family and toast after robbing us blind." 2/3 so far.

Look at the polling numbers, he's miles above other politicians. Your issue is a valid one but affects a narrow portion of the electorate and he's done the rest of us a right number.

[Smjffy]

Quite a few saw the schemes as an opportunity to be honest, whether it be CJRS or SEISS schemes. Some have actually come out in profit which I don't really begrudge but then on the other hand I do because we're all going to foot the bill but from different starting points. In March you couldn't really say they weren't good but now they are poorly targeted as even the latest round of grants for example has seen people who don't need them be able to claim them still and at 80% now too. Furlough itself isn't what it was cracked up to be but people will see that soon enough as the job losses are going to be horrendous. I think if I am honest I would have been like your friend in a different set of circumstances so I contradict myself a little. Myself personally I'll come out of this the other side too but I do fear about what is about to come for the entire country as so many who were furloughed are still going to lose their jobs, essentially it was just a sticky plaster for some. Your friend earning £60K a year is one thing so fair play but those who earn £20-23K a year or so, take my industry for example, you were still taking 20% less than usual, tips were no more and even now places are open, depending on what tier you're in could be the difference of whether you keep your job or not. What use is a chef if the pub can't even sell food and so forth.

I don't think the wider public are going to realise the extent of what has happened until it's too late and it grinds because I'm not the brightest, I'm not the most political yet I've been seeing precisely what is going to happen for months. Watching parliament TV on a daily basis, all the media etc certainly doesn't help but at the same time it does as you see the lies exposed and how politicians spin what they say, manipulate language, outright lie, make false promises and so on.

In short, 2021 isn't going to be any better than 2020 and the news of this vaccine should be taken with a pinch of salt too.

[Smjffy]

Look at the polling numbers, he's miles above other politicians. Your issue is a valid one but affects a narrow portion of the electorate and he's done the rest of us a right number.

Does it really affect a narrow portion of the electorate though? 3M is 10% of the workforce and doesn't take into account family, many being the very same people the Tories appealed to once upon a time and that's just those who were excluded. You think sectors who have been royally screwed by this govt will forget? Big sectors too in hospitality, travel, arts/tourism, even the culture recovery fund was a pile of BS and went to save buildings more than the people who actually make the industry what it is.. He's above every other politician because he hands out the cash, that's all but that will change and to some extent it already has. He's all about Brand Rishi. Perception of him will change by April and I'd even take a punt on that being when he stands down.

[Manc]

In short, 2021 isn't going to be any better than 2020 and the news of this vaccine should be taken with a pinch of salt too.

Give your head a wobble.

[Kikó]

The vaccine is in hospitals now so no need to be so overdramatic.

[Baz]

Working from home is phenomenal when compared to the alternatives, isn't it? I've been wrapping presents as they arrive, keeping on top of the dishes, watch stuff I'd otherwise wait ages to watch, sometimes have two poos in a day, and loads of other perks, and all while keeping really on top of my workload and nobody higher up giving me extra to do cos I happen to catch their eye as they glance around the office looking for a drudge. :drool:

Infact, I've given more work out than I've done myself this week.

[Don]

Fuck off, you domesticated piece of shit. I should be balls deep in jagers and titties tonight and prepping for my beloved Fridays in the office hanging out my arse.

[Offshore Toon]

Got a virtual Christmas party tonight. Somebody ITK has told me there'll be a scavenger hunt, which sounds dreadful, but I imagine it'll mostly be people drinking on mute pretending to laugh for two hours.

[SvN]

Ours is next Friday. I asked if people actually gave a shit (given that it has to be a remote thing), and the answer was they all wanted to do something. It's going to be dreadful. I haven't even thought about organising anything yet.

[Danny]

Mine is next Wednesday. SVP sent out $25 gift cards to a liqour store in the area for people to get prepared. I have 7 a side about 30 mins after it ends so I used the GC to buy something nice for this weekend.

[Offshore Toon]

I'll let you know what they do. I imagine a quiz will be involved, although they haven't mentioned anything. I'm definitely going up have to drink up break up the awkwardness. Might start now since they sent some prosecco in the post.

[Boydy]

Ours is on Saturday 19th. We have to post secret santa stuff before then which I still haven't bought yet.

They've asked for baby photos so there'll be some guessing who's who but no idea what else there will be. I really cba.

[Offshore Toon]

Prosecco is fucking disgusting.

[mugbull]

Prosecco is fucking disgusting.

Aperol Spritz, on the other hand, ...

[Jimmy Floyd]

God it's times like this when working for a true zero-bullshit organisation really pays off. The only party being thrown is the one in the owner's office (attendance: 1) when he realises he hasn't had to pay for a Christmas lunch at the nearby pub this year.

[Manc]

Nothing doing for me. Same for you, Don?

[phonics]

I've had to take 2 hours out of my day to watch a magician on Zoom for our 'Christmas Party'.

[Don]

Nothing doing for me. Same for you, Don?

Naturally. We self-fund ours usually anyway and I'l miss seeing the lightweight puke in the pub at 6pm and embarrass himself but no biggie as since I moved teams 2 years ago, I also left the poon.

Xmas 2017 was the one, waking up in a bed with 2 girls, 1 of which accusing me of sexual misconduct in the days after :happycry:

[Lofty]

Got an online company awards ceremony tomorrow night but they sent me a free hamper with ales and food in it so can't really complain. Hopefully I can work whilst half paying attention to it because I have a fucking mountain to get through if I want to take weeks leave for Christmas.

[Giggles]

We’ve cancelled the party (obviously), the secret Santa thing, and are just supposedly having mandatory pizzas on the last Friday which I’ve already decided I’ll be absent for.

[Spikey M]

We have a 'party' over Teams next week and it's mandatory to have your webcam on. I might actually call in sick.

[Baz]

Wow that’s lame. Doing Christmas jumper day tomorrow so I’ll send an obligatory pic of me in my Christmas jumper to the Teams chat, while watching Bob Mortimer fishing with Paul Whitehouse, and then hopefully that’s it for any work festivities.

[Giggles]

Any boss having the idea of a video Chris party needs to be dumped in a bog.

[Kikó]

Video Christmas party sounds like hell. Maybe like 20 minutes to say hello and bye but beyond that, ffs.

[Spikey M]

She asked us all to send her emails of embarrassing things that have happened to us so that she can read them out and we can all guess who it happened to. But she's now had to send a bolshy follow up today because she hasn't received any.

Read the fucking room woman. Nobody wants any part of it.

[Offshore Toon]

This has definitely gone on far too long. Another hour too ffs. Can't even load up on free shots and make a tit of myself to pass the time.

[randomlegend]

The hospital is offering locum shifts every day for the next month to consent and prescribe vaccines. £35 an hour to fill out forms :drool:

They're desperate for people next week so I'll be getting paid ~£70 an hour to do it on Wednesday :drool: :drool: :drool:

[Lewis]

Somebody at our place has planned a quiz and some other crap people can do from their desks, but I'm out and about that day so lol at them chumps.

[Lewis]

The hospital is offering locum shifts every day for the next month to consent and prescribe vaccines. £35 an hour to fill out forms :drool:

They're desperate for people next week so I'll be getting paid ~£70 an hour to do it on Wednesday :drool: :drool: :drool:

Remember when you were striking - not for money, but for patient safety? Shouldn't you all just be willing to do this for your normal rates?

[Giggles]

For patient safety :D

[randomlegend]

This money is being picked off the magic covid money tree so it doesn't count.

[Giggles]

Thankfully the clapping stopped months ago.

[Offshore Toon]

Don't do a scavenger hunt, SvN, and definitely don't do a 20 minute video on "things you're proud of personally and professionally."

I'm not sure what's worse, your proudest personal moment of the year being a dog or ignoring the task completely by recording a video of you beatboxing to your friend singing Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree with another friend on ukulele (I managed to get a video because it went on for two minutes or so).

Additional highlights were some ventriloquism and some old bloke doing a shit poem like the special guest does on Countdown. Crap, crap, crap.

[Shindig]

Well, that's a new circle of hell.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The appraisals here are absolutely brilliant. You go up to his lair (which has a bronze carving of him outside), and he and Smithers sit at the extreme far end of a very very long board table. Smithers reminds him what your name is, and he puts his second pair of glasses on to look down a list before striking a long black line across your name with a ruler. Then, rather than talking about your performance or anything, he says something like: "People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business? Well, I always say to my employees, it's all down to you. When I started in this business, 55 years ago, I was a young man like you..." and that goes on for ten minutes or so. Then he informs you of that year's 2% payrise, digs a hand into a box of Celebrations, takes two pieces out, puts them on a saucer, pushes the saucer all the way down to your end of the table, and wishes you a good afternoon. I always seem to get Maltesers.

The day has come (it always comes without warning). My colleague has got the call first, got off the phone and asked me directions to the lair as he couldn't remember. This alone surely gives me the upper hand.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He gave me a nice bonus and a Christmas hamper. A Christmas hamper! And the sweets were upgraded from Celebrations to baklava. This is the greatest face turn in history.

Still rattled off the 'People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business?' speech, which was nice.

[Spikey M]

Baklava > a bonus of any amount. :drool:

[Lofty]

Does your company always pay you bonuses in cash, Jim?

[Boydy]

Are you never going to tell us what it takes to succeed in business?

[Ian]

Are you never going to tell us what it takes to succeed in business?

By telling people how to succeed in business, apparently.

[Baz]

How does everyone pronounce expenditure?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are you never going to tell us what it takes to succeed in business?

It dribbles on for a while but the final answer is: "It's up to you"

[Ian]

This feels like you're testing the water because you've been told you pronounce it like a weirdo.

EDIT: Out the way, Jimmy.

[Spikey M]

How does everyone pronounce expenditure?

Ex pen ditch ah

[Baz]

Nah. Had a meeting with a woman higher up than than me from the finance department and numerous times she said “Ex-pen-cha” and it got me wondering if I’d been doing it wrong.

She’s a sadsack who hates her life so that’s probably why nobody has bothered correcting her.

[Spikey M]

Expencha? I don't think I'd even know what she was trying to say to correct her.

[Kikó]

Expencha is one of those holiday parks no?

[Luca]

He gave me a nice bonus and a Christmas hamper. A Christmas hamper! And the sweets were upgraded from Celebrations to baklava. This is the greatest face turn in history.

Still rattled off the 'People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business?' speech, which was nice.

When do you start the drug mule operation in South America?

[Smjffy]

:moop: Wales to go in lockdown again from the 28th. ARGH!

[Jimmy Floyd]

When do you start the drug mule operation in South America?

I have already kind of started it, from the office, I just won't be able to get out there until Covid allows. They will only start paying me proper money once they can shuffle the 77 year old I'm taking over from off the books.

[mo]

Getting a rubber testicle tomorrow (no, not in addition) to help teach 30 sweaty, hormonal teenage boys how to self-examine.

It's just got 'success' written all over it.

[Spikey M]

:drool:

Don't do what our Sex Education teacher did and invite people to volunteer different slang names for private body parts, because you will go from a quietly mumbled 'fanny' to an excitedly screamed 'MASSIVE GAPING BLOODY AXE WOUND' surprisingly quickly.

[Baz]

Salmon garage. Always salmon garage.

[mo]

:drool:

Don't do what our Sex Education teacher did and invite people to volunteer different slang names for private body parts, because you will go from a quietly mumbled 'fanny' to an excitedly screamed 'MASSIVE GAPING BLOODY AXE WOUND' surprisingly quickly.

Yeah the mistake there was getting people to say them out loud :cab: . Writing them down is a fairly common starting point for discussions based around Relationship and Sex Education, fairly sure I did this last year when we did contraception.

[Lofty]

Easily calm them down by scaring the living shit out of them when you explain failure to check themselves properly can leave you a broken shell of a man with no testicles and no erections.

I found out that grim fact today when I saw a former colleague on facebook posting from hospital before an operation, having already had one off he is having the other. I googled that. I advise you don't google it.

[igor_balis]

We had our zoom "Christmas party" today. Alright for the wfh cunts on their 4th glass of wine, but me, the lad who started just before me and our boss had to do it in the office. On our fucking lunch break. Wtf is that?

We played bingo, where the names of the calls had been changed to things tangentially work related.

The big big boss smiling and telling everyone to get a glass of wine or whatver their tipple of choice while i sat there eating my sainsburys salad. Bantz.

[Luca]

I have already kind of started it, from the office, I just won't be able to get out there until Covid allows. They will only start paying me proper money once they can shuffle the 77 year old I'm taking over from off the books.

https://s1.r29static.com/bin/entry/90f/1090x808,85/1856490/image.webp

But with less hair.

[Spikey M]

Yeah the mistake there was getting people to say them out loud :cab: . Writing them down is a fairly common starting point for discussions based around Relationship and Sex Education, fairly sure I did this last year when we did contraception.

It would have been about 1998, so things have probably moved on (and been hugely defunded).

[Smjffy]

Sky News tomorrow morning on the breakfast show, it was meant to be with Kay Burley but you know.....she's kind of off at the moment. :cool:

We're collaborating with WeMakeEvents to raise funds for those who need it and Crisis the charity if anyone wants to donate as I'm well behind on my target (we're raised £13,500 so far). It's quite an action packed night so far and I'll be sleeping outside from 7pm to 7am. We've got comedians, choirs, music, stories, plenty going on throughout the night. I can say more if anyone even cares, not even sure where else to stick it on here so apologies if no one is assed.

https://silentnights.raisely.com/donate

[Spikey M]

My manager has booked my one to one for 9:30am Christmas fucking Eve. It's a half day and the last day I'm in until 4th of January. What are you doing woman?

(I was going to save up some easy jobs and sit and do fuck all anyway)

[Ian]

I had my one to one yesterday but it's only been about a fortnight since my annual review so there was about 3 minutes of confirming neither of us had anything to talk about work-wise and then half an hour of talking about video games.

We're also getting £20 to spend on a takeaway lunch from work today. Think I'm gonna get a Dominos to confirm that my local place is still better while I'm not paying for it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My Christmas hamper had a bottle of rioja, a bottle of pinot grigio, a box of Ferrero Rocher, a packet of Choco Leibniz, a tin of shortbread and a large panettone. I burned the shortbread as part of my economic sanctions against the SNP government, but the rest of it is absolutely mega coming from the world's least generous man.

[Spikey M]

Mine will be utterly pointless as well. We stay in regular contact and I can see from my stats that I'm exceeding every target. Pointless exercise, but they always are.

We're expecting some sort of voucher too, but nothing has turned up yet. When it does it will not be spent on Domino's.

[mo]

Weird, weird end of term. Started with the ball-fondling, had a consultation with a woman from genetics, was given a super weird short story by a very strange girl in Year 9 about a man who falls in love with a jalapeno, and then a Year 10 was taken away by the police for breaking and entering.

Not to mention the staggered start to next term and schools becoming mass testing sites with no notice. Merry fucking Christmas.

[Manc]

Spicy stuff.

[Spikey M]

Post the jalapeño story please

[Baz]

Not to mention the staggered start to next term and schools becoming mass testing sites with no notice. Merry fucking Christmas.Yeah that’s a proper balls up.

[Shindig]

Mass testicles.

[mo]

See what you did there Baz.

[Raoul Duke]

Sounds nuts

[Spikey M]

I don't think I've ever been less productive than I am right now.

[Don]

Glad to hear it's not just me then. It must be something to do with the moon or energy vibrations of the Earth or something.

[SvN]

Likewise. I had a client call at 11am, and other than that, I've done fuck all.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm having to bat off an avalanche of desperate last minute orders, most of which are now too late. People are complete idiots - spend 3 weeks quibbling over prices and then when they realise shit has hit the fan, expect you to get the order out in a 2 hour window on 21st December with the ports closed in the middle of a pandemic. I genuinely hope their businesses fucking fail and they go hungry as a result.

[Ian]

That's what you get for selling to Ed Woodward mate.

[Kikó]

Today is my last proper day of work then the slow down properly happens.

[mo]

Council have fucked up everyone's pay, so the little bump of back pay and my pay increase haven't been applied - just what you want right before Christmas (although tbf I had ear-marked a chunk of it for paying off debts -not Christmas related-)

[Jimmy Floyd]

A new twist as Monsieur Jean-Philippe (surname redacted) gets in touch to complain about the port of Dover being closed and why haven't we found an alternative solution. I wonder why that is, you onion-selling piece of merde.

We made a massive mistake in failing to wipe these fuckwits off the map in the 19th century. Should have divvied it up between the Germans, the Dutch and maybe ourselves.

[Offshore Toon]

Anybody bothering to attempt work right now is wasting their time. Sleep in, reply to emails, drop into Verdansk.

[Kikó]

Just finished working now which is annoying considering the day. Still Wednesday off now so only a three day week.

[Shindig]

I finished at 8pm but at least I've no time to make up before Christmas. And they've changed our hours for Christmas Eve slightly. We still get three hours off but now it's with an late start and an early finish.

[Baz]

Anybody bothering to attempt work right now is wasting their time. Sleep in, reply to emails, drop into Verdansk.I’m “boxing off” stuff before Christmas so I’m the busiest I’ve been for a while. Finally replying to ‘please can you check...’ emails from the end of November. Finish on the 23rd and not back until the 11th Jan so want to have the happy thoughts of not coming back to a ton of bitty rubbish.

[Spikey M]

I've been saving up all my easy jobs for a while, so I'm just doing them at 5% of my usual speed whilst watching Godzila.

[Offshore Toon]

I'm watching The Simpsons and might have a snooze to Kung Fu Panda at 11:40.

[Baz]

37 invoices to process and then I’m done. C’mon!!

[Kikó]

I think I've just hit the critical no more work window threshold.

Missus meanwhile, was just placed on flexible-furlough scheme which means she can clock off at half day every day. Top!

[Shindig]

All my weeks are easy now. It's the benefits of the shit workers dragging the expectations way down for the rest of us.

[AyDee]

Very busy two days but now done until 4th. Big up Jesus. :wub:

[Luca]

I'm on week 4 of vacation. It has been brilliant.

[Spikey M]

I've only got 4 things I need to do today, even for a half day that's pushing it. Whoops. :rosebud:

I'll find some unnecessary emails to send.

[Giggles]

I had to find a bank machine, which was more difficult than I thought considering there are no pubs this year.

Edit - this isn’t the Christmas thread.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have absolutely nothing to do, so am sitting here in the office trying to stalk some of my customers on social media. Very disappointed that the guy in Dublin 12 who seemed a sound bloke on the phone actually looks like a fucking dweeb.

[Giggles]

They can see you looked if it’s LinkedIn.

[Spikey M]

Lol

[Jimmy Floyd]

I know about their careers so no point looking on LinkedIn, it's juice on their private lives I want.

[Spikey M]

*accidentally likes a picture from 2013*

[Offshore Toon]

You better have a decent excuse for when you pop up on their 'people you may know'.

[Spikey M]

Some fucker wants a call back to sort out a repayment arrangement. It Christmas Eve, not even I want your money, you busy cunt.

[Giggles]

A lad in work accidentally did a double tap on one of my old Instagram pictures shortly after he started. He never had the stones to ask why I immediately blocked him in the following two years.

[Manc]

Rock hard.

[Giggles]

Rock hard.

What in Gods name are you on about?

[SvN]

His cock.

[Offshore Toon]

That seems like a bit of an overreaction, Giggs.

[Spikey M]

I don't think he intended to give him an erection.

[Boydy]

Wait, wait, wait. Giggles has instagram?

[Kikó]

I told the 4 guys still working today for me to just log out early and take the long weekend. Everyone is already out of office, no point staring at a blank screen.

[Boydy]

Kindly Lord Kiko allowing his serfs to have Christmas Eve off.

[SvN]

There's one outstanding bit of work left to be done before I tell everyone to finish. Noone knows that though, or I'm sure they'd be seething at the woman who's taking forever to get it done.

[Kikó]

We have to have someone who monitors the systems we run sadly. And they're all Indians anyway so they don't really celebrate Christmas.

[Spikey M]

Wait, wait, wait. Giggles has instagram?

It's his Only Fans that's really turning heads.

[Jimmy Floyd]

For the final piece of business of a very long year, I just had a two grand order in from a Spaniard ordering an item at £60 a pop when we list them at £17. Don't mind if I do, Pedro, you moron.

[Spikey M]

:D

[Spikey M]

Minutes have never moved slower than this.

[Giggles]

Wait, wait, wait. Giggles has instagram?

I think we’ve done this before.

[Giggles]

That seems like a bit of an overreaction, Giggs.

Hardly. Just follow someone and don’t be snooping.

[Shindig]

For the final piece of business of a very long year, I just had a two grand order in from a Spaniard ordering an item at £60 a pop when we list them at £17. Don't mind if I do, Pedro, you moron.

I'm not even sure how that works. Can they name their prices like that?

[Jimmy Floyd]

If the prices are 3x too high then they can name them all day long as far as I'm concerned.

[Spikey M]

You probably get it all the time.

"I WANT A DOUBLE JOIST SPROCKET AND I'M NOT PAYING A PENNY OVER 600 QUID!"

we actually have them for £12 ea...

"£605 OR I GO ELSEWHERE!"

ok, £605 + VAT it is

"You drive a hard bargain Mr Floyd"

[Boydy]

Sunday night dread kicking in yet?

[Baz]

Sunday night dread kicking in yet?I’ve another week off yet.

[Spikey M]

Sunday night dread kicking in yet?

Yep. :moop:

[Shindig]

Not really. It does feel like I've been off more than a few days, mind.

[Kikó]

I'm not quite ready to go back (but I haven't really had a proper holiday over the past two weeks) but I've booked in a week off properly in two weeks before a fortnight in March.

[Boydy]

I'm not quite ready to go back (but I haven't really had a proper holiday over the past two weeks) but I've booked in a week off properly in two weeks before a fortnight in March.

https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/021/464/14608107_1180665285312703_1558693314_n.jpg

[Giggles]

Best not to feed.

[Boydy]

It's the wording of the post.

[Kikó]

https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/021/464/14608107_1180665285312703_1558693314_n.jpg

Sorry. :D

In now, off in two weeks for a week, off for two weeks in March.

[Manc]

Bit keen.

[Shindig]

I've got nothing booked until March.

[Kikó]

Our holiday allowance runs April-March with no carry over which is a bit of a shitter in a year like the one gone.

[Manc]

That is indeed a shitter.

[mo]

I've got two TD days to start the week, so not got the dread as such. Just a lot of anxiety around the whole 'close the schools/keep schools open' saga.

[Shindig]

I could've carried over a week but I was furloughed for five weeks. I can't be arsed with an extra week when you've got a much smaller workforce now and less of a quota to play with. I must've had six or 7 weeks off from reduced staffing alone.

[Spikey M]

Our holiday allowance runs April-March with no carry over which is a bit of a shitter in a year like the one gone.

Same, but I had the foresight to take a load during the spring / early summer when we had the belting weather. I only have a day and a half to take now, mind.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Who in this country has had a 'proper holiday'? I know in my case it's just been sitting around waiting to go back to work, which for all its tedium does at least give me something to do all day.

[Giggles]

That’s what I try to make all my holidays be.

[Foe]

Who in this country has had a 'proper holiday'? I know in my case it's just been sitting around waiting to go back to work, which for all its tedium does at least give me something to do all day.

I was saying that to my parents a few days ago. I’m not actually that bothered about going back to work. It gives me routine again.

I’d rather be retired obviously, but I think being on Indefinite furlough or unemployed would be horrendous for mental health.

[Kikó]

I'm not craving unemployment or furlough but would like to at least switch off and read or something for two weeks without thinking about work. That's what I mean by holiday.

[igor_balis]

I was sorta encouraged into taking my 2.5 days accrued in my new place, though I think it was just about worth getting the brownie points rather than having to spend the 30th-31st moving the trackpad around on my work laptop every hour to not appear away on teams as i did "training".

Not sure what to do with my stuff this year. Probably hoard them as long as possible, maybe use one for an extended weekend when they #opentheclubs.

[Shindig]

I'm going in with the same plan I had last year, minus an actually booked trip. If I get away in March, I'll be happy but I wouldn't bet on that happening.

[phonics]

First day back at work since the 20th. I’ve had 3 dreams in which he called me out on shit I didn’t do before the holiday and in turn I called my boss a cocksucker. I’m thinking I should follow my dreams.

[Luca]

First day back for me since November 27th.

https://cdn.dopl3r.com//media/memes_files/man-returns-to-work-after-vacation-with-fresh-reenergized-hatred-for-job-jpLNj.jpg

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm back in tomorrow (still in the actual office!) and the thing is closed for stock take, so my job for the next week will be sending emails in four different languages saying 'We are closed for stock take'.

[Spikey M]

Could you not "out of office" that?

[Jimmy Floyd]

We could, but we won't.

I should count my lucky stars that we don't have to help with the actual stock take this year, as some bright spark decided that obviously handling and double-counting 50,000 largely metal items obviously needs to go ahead, but only with the warehouse plebs and not us legends with degrees.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Surprising: my work is setting up homeworking.

Not surprising: I'm to be the designated person to stay in the office at all times. Hurrah!

[Spikey M]

:D

All the loneliness with none of the luxury. Time for another pay rise Jim.

[Giggles]

Sounds like the dream.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I actually prefer it as I have a proper working setup here that doesn't do my back in, however it was funny that the boss just walked in and told us. I clearly earned my stripes in the last lockdown.

[niko_cee]

*insert image of Australian Man from Futurama here* (https://futurama.fandom.com/wiki/Australian_Man)

[Giggles]

First day back and already have a pain in my hole with the mask. Just took it off for the first time since morning. Might ask can I work night time for the foreseeable future.

[mo]

After last night's last minute announcement, today has been spent waiting on news on how to proceed with teaching. The plan initially had been to teach children 'live' lessons remotely - 30 mins on Teams, the remaining 30 mins they go off and work on something - on a full timetable. I assumed, wrongly it seems, that we would revert to 'distance learning', whereby teachers voice over a ppt and make it accessible to classes. This is a much more manageable workload for teachers, particularly if they are trying to look after/homeschool their own children. It's also less demanding of students (who could in theory be glued to a screen all day, with none of the social aspects of school or opportunities to get out and move around)

But no. A full timetable of live lessons this week, continuing next week indefinitely. Absolute shit for brains. Hoping enough department heads raise it as an issue as I'm not sure the NEU specify what lessons should be like.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

I'll be in work for the most part still despite this. Motivation has never been so low in all my working life after being off since December 11th so it's probably for the best to be honest. It was fine in the spring and summer but this is depressing.

Set for life tickets getting bought at every opportunity.

[Manc]

Concentration levels are in the toilet.

[Shindig]

Under my desk in the office there's a box there to check you're at your desk. At my home office there's a Playstation. EDIT: Two of them. And a 360. And I'm pretty sure I played through Super Mario Galaxy on company time.

[Spikey M]

Concentration levels are in the toilet.

I've been like this since the start of December. I was blaming being on Christmas Mode but I think I'm beyond rebooting at this point.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I made a genuinely awful (though not costly in money terms) fuck-up this morning through lack of concentration, but was then miraculously salvaged by, just half an hour later, my ever-reliable numbskull colleague being revealed to have taken fake credit card details from a new 'customer' in such a way that it cost us three grand.

I would have sympathised except for the fact that at the time, he asked me if someone called 'Raymond Harris' phoning in with an African accent was likely to be legit, I said absolutely no chance, and then he went ahead with it anyway.

[Spikey M]

Prince Raymond Harris.

[Lofty]

Fantastic :D It's always good having someone predictably poor at their job around to drop a clanger to camouflage your own.

[igor_balis]

i gave 300 quid to a fraudster at my till at my old place, and about 4 days later someone did the same with about 5k. good old tibor.

[Lofty]

I once did a sale to a sketchy looking geezer for £1500, 5% of which was my commission. His card bounced after initially going through and he was later arrested for fraud over £10k. Still got my commission though :cool:

[Kikó]

I remember at Morgan Stanley one guy they had on file who basically sent in a south african passport and then as his picture, basically a sketched version of what he would look like (a drawing). It was laughably bad. Some other guy called a few times saying he had been attacked and now needed a money transfer from his account to a new one, sure mate.

[Spikey M]

I worked at BHS (Rip) for a bit when I was about 19 and one of the old biddies got done over by one of those Change Swapping Scams (https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/cash-swapping-scams-how-work-13530152.amp) about 10 times.

She ended up having to be baby sat by a baby faced, 19 year old me, which seeded a hatred that she probably still holds from her grave.

[Baz]

I worked at BHS (Rip) for a bit when I was about 19 and one of the old biddies got done over by one of those Change Swapping Scams (https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/cash-swapping-scams-how-work-13530152.amp) about 10 times.Someone tried that on me once and I was adamant I had given them the correct change, because I’m Baz, so printed off the till report for the day and started counting out the money to prove myself to the wannabe thief and my colleagues. About 45 seconds into it he miraculously found the other £20 on the floor beside his feet. Dickhead.

[Lewis]

I worked at BHS (Rip) for a bit when I was about 19 and one of the old biddies got done over by one of those Change Swapping Scams (https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/cash-swapping-scams-how-work-13530152.amp) about 10 times.

She ended up having to be baby sat by a baby faced, 19 year old me, which seeded a hatred that she probably still holds from her grave.

Baby headed.

[Don]

I tried to read that explanation and got a brain aneurysm. Clearly written by someone liable to falling for the scam.

[Spikey M]

Basically they just keep asking for different denominations and piling on waves of confusion.

So they get a £20 note as change, then ask for 4 5's, oh actually I need a trolley, can I have some pound coins? This notes a bit damaged can I have a fresh one? Sorry love you've only given me 2 fivers you still owe me a tenner.

It must have a low success rate.

[Don]

Yeah, if you don't show the authority to always revert to square 1 before meeting the new request you're fucked.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Back to being the only one in the office (from my department) and finding that the main constraint is being sent Teams messages by the homeworkers asking me what it's like in the office.

What do you reckon, pal? There are desks, chairs, a ceiling, lights. No people.

[Baz]

First day back today. Hundreds of emails, got a plasterer in all day for two days and no childcare for three days. Not good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Having loads of fun and games with Brexit today as the reality sets in for business. Most things will be ironed out within a couple of weeks once everyone gets used to it, but the main takeaway so far is that whole swathes of Europe appear to be completely unprepared for it, including more than a handful who have never heard of Brexit and didn't know that the UK had left the EU until I told them.

Whoever is in the customs clearance business will be making an absolute bomb out of this, on both sides of the fence.

[Disco]

Our lot seem to be sticking it out this time around, not that they actually closed during the summer. As a result I have pretty much nothing to do, I've run through all the little jobs that always get put off and am now seriously considering bringing a book in to pass the time. I reckon my entire output for this week could have been knocked out in a day, probably less.

[Spammer]

Job is continuing remotely in the same way as it was working face to face. I'm offering the same service to people as before but just online instead of in person.

My colleague, who is the person I've moaned about on here previously, is offering a much reduced service. So where people were offered 4-5 hours each week, they're now getting 1 hour. I'm meanwhile doing the full service as before.

She's recently tried talking to me about how I should be offering less too, because her lot will be annoyed if they hear that my lot are getting so much more than her lot. We need to be offering the same thing, she says, because otherwise it's not fair.

The nerve. Just do your fucking job? How about that?

I'm happy with what I'm offering, the service users are happy...I'm carrying on as before. She should do the same, I'm not colluding in this. Fucking stupid.

Our manager was in the video call too but didn't say anything. She's claiming she's too busy to offer more, though she's not gone into any detail about what she actually needs to do and why it isn't possible. I like this job but a bit confused at the management of the place sometimes. On the bright side, I do have relative freedom to do what I want. Just so happens that 'what I want' is to go home feeling like I've done a decent job and done justice to the clients. If 'what I want' was to fuck about then it seems like I could get away with it.

Don't give a shit if other people arse about, whatever. I can't control it, it's their business. But asking me to reduce my contact time to make them look better? Nah mate, fuck that.

[Baz]

Man takes ewhoring serious

[Shindig]

I'm still in the same mode I was in last year. Once we get caught up with the backlog (we're three weeks back at the minute but our output's ramped up. And one of those weeks is Christmas so we might as well be up its arse.), I don't know what work they'll have for us.

At least working from home makes it go quicker. Roll on March.

[Baz]

Flash being end of life is proper end of days stuff. I figured it would carry on working, but you'd have to bypass some warning first, but it seems completely dead with no way to get it to work on any browser. One of the services my work commissions uses flash for their website and pre-covid (and presumably when things are normal again) I use it most days to check the number of health checks, among other things, done by local GP practices. We pay a lot of money for this service. And now I can't access anything. :harold: I emailed tech support and got this response:


We were under the impression that browsers were going to stop new downloads but existing ones remained however on checking my Chrome, IE and Edge it looks like the plugin links to the Adobe Flash page which is EOL.

Fucked it.

[SvN]

What sort of spastic do you have to be to just do nothing about the Flash EOL when your website runs on it.

[Disco]

Even I could have told them that was going to happen, there's a reason that particular sites have been compiling old Flash based things.

[Raoul Duke]

The first result on Google is pretty unequivocal:


Since Adobe will no longer be supporting Flash Player after 31 December 2020 and Adobe will block Flash content from running in Flash Player beginning 12 January 2021, Adobe strongly recommends all users immediately uninstall Flash Player to help protect their systems.

Cretins

[Ian]

We sent out emails to all our customers, some of whom are of course now claiming they never got them.

[Baz]

We pay them £48k a year for their service too. Gonna throw this into my longstanding “bin them off” campaign and push a spreadsheet I made into the picture, in an audacious attempt to get an unscheduled payrise.

[Raoul Duke]

for £48k a year just hire someone with a few years experience who could build it out properly

[Baz]

It doesn’t work like that in local government. :rolleyes:

[Manc]

Despite only being in my new role for 10 weeks, I've somehow pushed through a transfer to a far more convenient site. Big, big win.

[Foe]

Moved from the dining room table to a desk at a spare room?

Solid upgrade.

[mo]

Wanted to share a couple of websites with my tutor group this morning via Teams - checked to make sure all the tabs open were appropriate, shared the websites with them, then realised this place is bookmarked in the bookmarks bar. So if we've had a a flurry of sign ups today, that could be why (it's entirely unlikely as the edge lords weren't present and the rest don't give enough of a shit).

[Don]

Any hotties in the class? :drool:

[Ian]

Taz aiming to lure a child in with the offer of a sweet bike.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

We all knew the destination, I'm just glad Taz has now reached it.

[mo]

I'd have to leave it to Baz to determine any 'chernos'.

[Shindig]

I'll always read that as "Chemo."

[Manc]

Whatever does it for you.

[Spikey M]

Just got a notification reminding me that my E-Learning needs to be completed today. 11 of the bastards. From 'Equality & Diversity" to "DriveWize".

Fuck off.

[Spikey M]

https://i.ibb.co/6WxQMtb/20210126-095233.jpg

Give me strength.

[CJay]

Post-it with ‘remember to blink’ on your monitor. :thbup:

[Baz]

Just had an email from someone called Helen with (she/her) in her email signature. I don’t think I’ll ever understand the need for this kind of clarification.

[Don]

It's a good practice and that's coming from a geezer who ain't got no time for those LGBTQ+ mentalists.

The amount of times someone has a dirty ethnic name you can't distinguish the gender of and without this you're left with normalising some names based on subjectivity and that will invariably lead to inequality and all that other melty shit. Don't let the trannies own this, it has its own value.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There was a classic case in one of my previous jobs of a lady having the Indian surname 'Dave' (pronounced Da-veh) and the whole time she just got emails saying 'Hi Dave, alright mate, how you getting on'. Even a she/her wouldn't have prevented that but it might have flattened the curve a bit.

[Spikey M]

Just put Miss/Mrs/Mr in front of your name.

[Don]

Just put Miss/Mrs/Mr in front of your name.

That's basically what is being done but in a less egotistical manner.

[Spikey M]

And twice the sense of superiority.

[Baz]

I’ve always used they/their 99% of the time anyway, due to communicating with plenty of “Asians” for my entire working life. But cmon, if your names Helen...

[Don]

Yeah so it saves us having to reword our correspondence. If Helen doesn't make it clear that there is a need for her to do it, Rumbidzai/Alex may be left to feel a bit different. And we can't have that, obvs.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.babynameshub.com/boy-names/Helen.html

Helen has been used for males.

[Spikey M]

The yanks also have birds called Andy. Them/they the lot of them.

[mo]

I think it's an inclusion thing as well. Like it or not, we live in an age now where some people are in a position where they need to clarify their preferred pronouns. There are people who don't need to do this (like the ubiquitous Helen) but do so as a symbol of allyship, to try and lessen the sense of 'otherness' that might be felt.

On the flipside, in EduTwitter terms, someone with pronouns in their bio is usually a bit of a whopper/a nasty piece of work.

[Baz]

https://www.babynameshub.com/boy-names/Helen.html

Helen has been used for males.

The (presumably) bloke commenting on that being chuffed that he’s the only person called Helen. :D

[Don]

I/we (depending on if Manc also shares the same employer) have been offered the most outrageous of pay rises on top of 5 days extra AL and 2 days per week wfh written into contracts. God bless the fucking unions.

You just know there will still be a bitter minority who complain because their lunches have been cut short by 35 seconds or some shit and if they lead to the rejection of this offer, rest assured, I'l cut something else of theirs.

[Manc]

Major coup.

[Lewis]

It will be a sop for when they cut your numbers by twenty per cent next year.

[Don]

Can public sector even get rid of anyone without their agreement? Not in my experience. If they want to reduce numbers they'll just let the natural churn deal with it.