UK General Election 2017 - 8 June

[Jimmy Floyd]

The King and the PM (which every country has in some form), a couple of fighter jets, the Red Arrows, a guy looking into a camera, the national football eleven, and an unidentified sports car.

At least put bangers and mash or something.

[Spikey M]

Quit your naysaying, Doomsters.

[phonics]

Having to put second most powerful country in the world in text so small it looks like terms and conditions they make you put on a dodgy medical ad is the piece de resistance.

[phonics]

Having to put second most powerful country in the world in text so small it looks like terms and conditions they make you put on a dodgy medical ad is the piece de resistance.

Sorry that was unpatriotic of me.

The piece of resistance.

[Giggles]

Have they no advisors?

[Lewis]

Poor old Alan Duncan is right about something for the first time in about thirty years, and now it turns out he's an anti-Semite and we should ignore it.

[Yevrah]

I’ve just read what he said. How the hell
Is any of that anti-Semitic?

[phonics]

You might have noticed there was quite a high profile Labour politician who was cast as anti-semitic for sharing the same opinions.

[Yevrah]

You might have noticed there was quite a high profile Labour politician who was cast as anti-semitic for sharing the same opinions.

You might have noticed that numerous comments he refused to defend went further than what Duncan’s just said, on the back of an aid boat being torpedoed no less.

[phonics]

1) Boat?

2) Israel has been doing exactly this for 50 years. I'm not sure the fact that the person who died in this "Boat" with wheels (3 times, miles apart) being white makes it any worse.

3) What comments are beyond the pail?

Always good to see how on top of the issue the average person is though.

[phonics]

Btw the AI algorithm they're using to bomb families being called 'Where's Daddy?' is legitimately one of the most evil things I've ever heard of. Hitler levels of evil.

[Lewis]

I’ve just read what he said. How the hell
Is any of that anti-Semitic?

He's criticised the Israeli lobby that doesn't exist (and if it does it doesn't have any influence), so now he's going to get it. As for Wor Jezza, did he ever touch upon the kosher nostra? His crime was nodding along to various psycho Muslims seething about Jews and being a thicko about it all rather than articulating anything useful.

[Alex]

1776201275580838054

Ridiculous (albeit unsurprising) that they are trying to spin this as "good on him for owning up" when at best it's a case of massive gross misconduct and at worse (and probably in actuality) goes some way towards falling under a national security issue.

The funniest thing about this whole story though is we can assume the bloke who got all the numbers has just sent unsolicited pictures of his pecker to various MP's and two of them apparently saw fit to respond with back with pictures themselves. :D

[Lewis]

The funniest thing is that that bloke is thirty-six.

[Spikey M]

1778841772455493653?t=T1-JkwmFTgZEF7c_o0WAFA&s=19

He's not having it anymore. Over his mum's dead body.

[Ben]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-68833077

Inflation down to 3.2% due to a drop in crumpet prices.

Thanks to Rishi and Jeremy for their hard work.

[wullie]

Meat and Crumpet used to be a great club night.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Time to take advantage, just bought a shipment of 100,000 crumpets. Anyone got any butter?

[niko_cee]

I do but you can't have any.

[Spikey M]

1780517596745400708?t=qP5JLDFOxo-XPGekc8hrTA&s=19

[Ben]

1780863186759041492

[Spikey M]

1 in 5 people still complete spastics though. Shame.

[Manc]

A third if we're being accurate.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Lib Dems have got some serious problems down the tracks with this post office inquiry, that could save 20 odd blue seats.

[Luke Emia]

Lib Dems have got some serious problems down the tracks with this post office inquiry, that could save 20 odd blue seats.

Surely that’s as much on the Tories as well?

[Spikey M]

Out and voted already. First of the day, apparently. So our local Independent is currenty winning. I look forward to all the pensioners voting Tory at lanch time.

[Jimmy Floyd]

*lanch taaaaam

The Tory candidate in my ward is called Alain Dubois, might as well be asking me to vote for Napoleon.

[Spikey M]

It's just Mark Francois attempting a rebrand.

[niko_cee]

Only police and crime commissioner voting here. Fuck that American style wank.

[Spikey M]

I got given one of them and just picked the one that wasn't Labour or Tory. Just Googled who the English Democrats are off the back of it, and apparently I'm now an accidental Nazi. Whoops.

[Shindig]

We're voting on a North-East mayor or something.

[Lofty]

Not bothering here, a two horse race, Labour incumbent and useless on local issues so they can all fuck off.

For example there is a residential street round the corner from my house, maybe 300 yards from the council HQ, that has a huge speeding issue. They tried the traffic calming measures years ago where they make you wait at one end of the road if there is oncoming traffic but the result is twats just try and beat the gap by speeding. The limit is 20mph, regularly see people doing closer to 50mph. The council's repsonse to a resident on said street? Try building a decoy speed camera in your front garden, or dress a scare crow as a police officer :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

I got given one of them and just picked the one that wasn't Labour or Tory. Just Googled who the English Democrats are off the back of it, and apparently I'm now an accidental Nazi. Whoops.

Listen, it happens to the best of us. One day you're plucking your newly prominent nose hairs, the next you're singing tunefully about the fatherland. It's just what happens when a man gets older.

[Lofty]

Spikey now on a government watch list.

[phonics]

Seems to only be a vote for Police Comissioner here.

[Ben]

We've got Police Commissioner and Mayor. I look forward to being confronted by all the Tories at the polling station later on, begging me to ignore their blatant corruption because the freeport brought some jobs to the area.

[Shindig]

I just went double Labour. Their mayoral candidate has been bombarding me with youtube ads so she's got the vote.

[Mike]

Drove past my polling station and thought about stopping to vote but I had Mars Ice Creams in the car so wasn’t worth the risk of melting.

Back at my old flat my polling station was in the function room of my local pub, didn’t miss a vote back then.

[7om]

Does Sunak have a realistic chance of being ousted before the General Election?

[Lofty]

Surely be suicide for the Tories, another unelected PM.

[Ben]

I went round to vote at 9:30pm last night. Rather predictably I was confronted outside by someone canvassing from the Tories. He tried to speak to me on the way out to which I politely declined because I needed a shower and well, he was a Tory. The guy got pushy, desperate for some type of conversation even though I made it abundantly clear I had no time for his lot (lots of "but Labour" in there). Anyway, long story short, I got asked by the polling station to leave the premises. Even though the tosspot who started it all got to stay and pester the next person. Can't wait to spam the geezer on Facebook when the result is announced later.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I didn't think you were allowed to canvas at polling stations.

[Ben]

You're not. I think he got round it by not wearing the colours and only speaking to people after they'd voted. Fuck knows why the polling station let him loiter in the lobby.

[Ben]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-68947834

:D

[Clunge]

Absolute spade. There was another Tory who blamed his dyspraxia for forgetting his.

[Shindig]

You know Boris gave the 'Do you know who I am?' speech.

[Spikey M]

My local Independent won.

Just waiting on news from the BNPolice.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Does everyone not keep their driving licence in their wallet? Maybe Boris doesn't have a driving licence. Or a wallet.

[Don]

Wallet's are being phased out, I believe. I assumed it was just the retard generations but it must be the same pattern of behaviour that's seen these seniors start rocking fitbits and apple watches thinking they're progressive or something.

[niko_cee]

My wallet went years ago.

Why on earth would you need to carry your driver's licence, or any form of ID for that matter, around with you on a daily basis?

It's probably just the reporting, but it is quite funny that this measure seems to have succeeded in targeting the true blue most effectively, oldies, veterans, Boris. Perhaps the red bastards it was aimed at, students, minorities, just don't vote anyway.

[Don]

Labour: "It’s the Middle East, not West Midlands, that will have won [Conservative candidate] Andy Street the mayoralty. Once again Hamas are the real villains."

:happycry:

[phonics]

Why on earth would you need to carry your driver's licence, around with you on a daily basis?

To drive?

[SvN]

To drive?

Indeed, my car won't start unless I hold mine up to the inbuilt camera.

[Magic]

Does everyone not keep their driving licence in their wallet? Maybe Boris doesn't have a driving licence. Or a wallet.

If you're specifically going somewhere that specifically requires it then wallet or no wallet you'd ensure you have it on your person.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All I'm saying is that my method of having a wallet with payment cards and a photo driving licence therein protects me against various forms of administrative failure or mishap, either from myself or others. Boris would have done well to do the same.

[Spikey M]

I didn't realise the culture wars had extended to wallet carrying.

I'm Pro-wallet. There. I said it.

[Gray Fox]

Tories really taking a battering, but if I'm seeing it right it's not quite what Labour might have hoped. Results seem to be more anti-Tory than wanting to vote Labour.

[Boydy]

I don't carry a wallet but I do carry my driving licence around. It just goes in my pocket with my debit card and I don't usually bother with cash.

Dunno why I bother though, can't remember the last time I got IDed for anything.

[Spikey M]

Tories really taking a battering, but if I'm seeing it right it's not quite what Labour might have hoped. Results seem to be more anti-Tory than wanting to vote Labour.

I don't think there's anybody that actually thinks Labour are the answer to the shitshow this country has become. That's why. They're just hopefully a bit less corrupt and maybe half as useless.

If the war in Palestine continues they will end up a fractured mess within 6 months of taking power though.

[Gray Fox]

Starmer has basically done nothing but stand back and watch them fuck it up themselves. It's done him well in some places, but the rest of the votes wont come until he starts taking a stance on things. He can get away with that while not being in power but assuming he gets in, that will have to change. As you say, the Israel-Palestine stuff could well trip him up.

If it is just Tory-lite, there will only need to be one popular candidate in blue in 5 years time to oust him again.

[Lofty]

I'm a real meat and potatoes, straight up and down, cards in the wallet, beef Wellington, don't trust the Argies, dick in the vagina, Cheddar cheese and chicken tikka masala man.

[phonics]

I feel Lofty has a non zero amount of time on this planet with a flare up his arse.

[Magic]

All I'm saying is that my method of having a wallet with payment cards and a photo driving licence therein protects me against various forms of administrative failure or mishap, either from myself or others. Boris would have done well to do the same.

I agree in principle, however that's for unexpected scenarios. This was not unexpected.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

No wallet on me and just my debit card in the pocket.

[Magic]

No wallet on me and just my debit card in the pocket.

Why not NFC? This sounds like the worst of both worlds.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why not NFC? This sounds like the worst of both worlds.

No idea, just never got "into" it.

Maybe it's a case of being old and SHUNNING technology. Was wary it wouldn't work unless I have my card on me for example and/or it wouldn't work and I've got no means of paying should I not have my card.

[Don]

Mad to think Killer Starmer fooled us/me into thinking he was a human.

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[Kikó]

Wallet with everything in it, multiple cards, health card, driver's licence, id cards, you name it.

[Lofty]

:D

Good to know he's got the softball questions nailed down.

[Magic]

Wallet with everything in it, multiple cards, health card, driver's licence, id cards, you name it.

"I've lived in other countries"

[Lewis]

Where was it I read that Starmer is actually a massive and genuine football fan, it's just that such a spastic melt that he can't even speak about that without sounding like David Cameron?

[Boydy]

Why not NFC? This sounds like the worst of both worlds.

Debit card still works via chip and pin if contactless isn't working. Debit card allows you to get cash from an ATM if you need it. Debit card doesn't need to be charged.

Fuck relying on just a phone.

[Boydy]

Where was it I read that Starmer is actually a massive and genuine football fan, it's just that such a spastic melt that he can't even speak about that without sounding like David Cameron?

Yeah, I've read that too. There were photos of him playing a few years ago too. I do think he is a genuine fan, I don't know why he's such a fucking wally about it.

[Alex]

I'm definitely #teamwallet. The idea of just carrying your debit card around in your pocket is horrifying to me for some reason (no offence Mahow), similarly just relying on your phone.

I have a bit of a thing where I subconsciously judge other men by the type of wallet they are carrying when I see them get it out too. Sort of a less psychotic version of Patrick Bateman and the business cards.

It should be relatively plain and not outwardly flashy but still noticeable that some thought and at least minor expense went into buying it. Preferably brown. Black I will accept, I feel like that is a bit more old school though. If you own a velcro wallet as a grown man I feel that is reasonable grounds for a sectioning.

[Magic]

Debit card still works via chip and pin if contactless isn't working. Debit card allows you to get cash from an ATM if you need it. Debit card doesn't need to be charged.

Fuck relying on just a phone.

Stop catastrophising.

[niko_cee]

Surely watches are what you 'judge' other people on if you're that sort of twat, sorry, person.

[niko_cee]

Dunno if there's some sort of constituency bias on the go, but if not these results must be a bit disappointing for Sir Ed Davey and Co. Getting larruped by independents in terms of gains. I thought they were supposed to be the party of local government.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm definitely #teamwallet. The idea of just carrying your debit card around in your pocket is horrifying to me for some reason (no offence Mahow), similarly just relying on your phone.

I have a bit of a thing where I subconsciously judge other men by the type of wallet they are carrying when I see them get it out too. Sort of a less psychotic version of Patrick Bateman and the business cards.

It should be relatively plain and not outwardly flashy but still noticeable that some thought and at least minor expense went into buying it. Preferably brown. Black I will accept, I feel like that is a bit more old school though. If you own a velcro wallet as a grown man I feel that is reasonable grounds for a sectioning.

I love the idea of a wallet and usually have a good one (I have a black Ted Baker one with a dark grey stripe bifold) but I just never carry it with me.

[Lofty]

The sub postmaster's revenge.

[Shindig]

I'm a wallet guy, too. Although I don't fill them with receipts like my dad does.

[Manc]

Where was it I read that Starmer is actually a massive and genuine football fan, it's just that such a spastic melt that he can't even speak about that without sounding like David Cameron?

Is it not just that their brains are fried and anything off-topic sends them through a loop?

[Manc]

Does a card holder qualify as a wallet?

[Lewis]

I carry my card in my pocket and never take my phone out.

[Giggles]

Sooner the better we can have our passport, drivers licence, etc on the phone too.

[Waffdon]

Exactly.

Carrying your debit card in your pocket is a bit odd but passable. Carrying your driving licence and debit card in your pocket every time you go out is a monstrosity

[Gray Fox]

I.D being able to go digital and be stored on your phone would be great.

[Lofty]

Until Grandad gets his identity stolen because he clicked on the dodgy deepfake porn link.

[Luke Emia]

Panesar has decided he does not want to be involved with George Galloway's mob.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This could swing the election.

[phonics]

Labour choosing to take in another shitty Tory instead of win their seat is so pathetic.

Who's next? Mark Francois?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Both of them are stepping down so the new Labour candidate will have to win the seat. It's more a stunt to embarrass the Tories, and done 2 mins before PMQs as is the time-honoured tradition.

[Lofty]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-68997960

Lol at this fucking PR own goal.

[niko_cee]

I like the idea of defections as some sort of political Trojan horse. As has probably been pointed out and I was lamenting elsewhere the other day, the quality of person in political life these days is just so poor. Defections from either major party to the other are categorically unacceptable. Become an independent if you want, or a green or a lib dem, but crossing the floor in the way that has become barely bat an eyelid de riguer is just wrong. This is something that ought to be acknowledged by the party being defected to. Tell them to sling their hook

[-james-]

Election in July apparently.

[Yevrah]

Hold me. My mortgage renewal could work out ok after all.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It would be thoroughly unpatriotic not to call an election now, given that the government isn't functioning on pretty much any level.

[niko_cee]

Be lol if Rishi is just resigning.

[niko_cee]

Now talk of letters of no confidence.

:drool:/:D

Just give up guys, you had a good run, even if you pretty much fucked it from the get go.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What the country needs is a three-month Tory leadership contest, to choose who gets to lead them into an election in which they lose 300 seats and borderline cease to exist.

[niko_cee]

Paula Vennells barely able to believe her good fortune.

[niko_cee]

5pm announcement. 99% election, 1% declaration of war on Russia.

[Spikey M]

Have these cunts ever done anything on time?

[Yevrah]

Quite fitting that he's getting drenched while doing this.

[Spikey M]

Rishi getting BlairRoll'd. :D

[Yevrah]

Things can only get better. :D

[niko_cee]

Is that D-ream in the background?

:D

[Yevrah]

What an absolute shitshow. So fitting.

[niko_cee]

Peter Mandelson on the sound system

[Spikey M]

This is the type of petty nonsense that actually stirs some national pride in me.

[Ben]

:lol:

[Lewis]

What an odd thing to do. Are they betting on Labour not having anything ready to go with? I mean, that is true; but will it matter?

[Spikey M]

Labour could replace Starmer with Gary Glitter and still get more votes that these cunts.

[Ben]

A meme to the very end.

[Waffdon]

Labour could replace Starmer with Gary Glitter and still get more votes that these cunts.

Based on them being 1/20, I’d agree. Might get more Tory voters changing over if they brought Glitter in

[Jimmy Floyd]

What an odd thing to do. Are they betting on Labour not having anything ready to go with? I mean, that is true; but will it matter?

It's full on mental. I guess they think that their numbers are only going to go further to shit by the autumn.

Middle of Euro 2024 and when all the poshos are on holiday, not exactly 'five more years of Sunak' peak enthusiasm time.

[Shindig]

I can only assume there's something terrifying and immediate behind the scenes they don't want to have tied to a Tory government.

[Luke Emia]

My thought was that he’s realised no matter what he’s done he can’t win. So fuck it get it over with and enjoy the rest of his life seeing as he’s fucking loaded.

[niko_cee]

Him talking about peoples' bank balances in his little speech was particularly grating.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My thought was that he’s realised no matter what he’s done he can’t win. So fuck it get it over with and enjoy the rest of his life seeing as he’s fucking loaded.

I liked Mad Nad's theory about the US school term starting in August.

[-james-]

New fred/poll?

[John Arne]

1793425368860541384

[Ben]

You’ve got to be an extra special retard if you vote Conservative believing they would make the necessary changes after enduring 14 years of Conservative government.

This can’t be their sell, surely? My guess is that they’ve been tipped off that some kind of abyss is heading our way so they want out ASAP.

[Lofty]

The prevailing theory is that Sunak floated the idea of a summer election, the top bods in the party said no so he had to race to Buckingham Palace to get Charlie to rubberstamp his election before there were enough letters to depose him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I imagine the MPs are all absolutely furious, 6 months of gravy train money down the shitter and their holiday plans ruined.

It does smack of Sunak doing it for personal reasons, which would both be completely outrageous and should probably see him executed, and also be an appropriate coda given how they have governed in the second half of the 14 year run, or at least since Boris. Theresa May was useless but probably not self-serving in the same way.

[niko_cee]

New fred/poll?

I think this needs to be done.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'll do it now, beats selling tractor parts.

[Yevrah]

I imagine the MPs are all absolutely furious, 6 months of gravy train money down the shitter and their holiday plans ruined.

It does smack of Sunak doing it for personal reasons, which would both be completely outrageous and should probably see him executed, and also be an appropriate coda given how they have governed in the second half of the 14 year run, or at least since Boris. Theresa May was useless but probably not self-serving in the same way.

Hypothetical for you. Your vote is the deciding one to guarantee which of the two parties has a majority and forms the next government. How do you vote, Labour or Conservative?

[niko_cee]

I think in this case you vote Labour.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hypothetical for you. Your vote is the deciding one to guarantee which of the two parties has a majority and forms the next government. How do you vote, Labour or Conservative?

Labour

[Yevrah]

Labour

A measure of just how bad the Tories have been I feel. Could you ever have imagined that'd be the case prior to the last 10 or so years? Jim, voting Labour.