The Cricket Thread

[niko_cee]

It's just wrong that you can completely mistime something off the toe of the bat and it still go 90m for six.

[niko_cee]

Brutal hitting.

[Waffdon]

Sharma clearly not interested in losing to Australia in another final

[niko_cee]

Does this thing have straight semis or does it have an IPL/MacIntyre style thing where India get another go if they lose their semi?

[Ben]

Think it’s straight semis thankfully.

Is that Australia out? :harold:

[Danny]

Need an Afghan win, tie or NR.

[Gray Fox]

They need Bangladesh to win, but not by a lot.

[Danny]

Yeah, I meant we need the Afghan one :D

[niko_cee]

Better luck next time cobbers.

[Ben]

It would be outright hilarious if we won it now, given they tried to give Scotland a game and ballsed that up.

Having said that, India look ominous. Bumrah is insane, 11 wickets @ 8.5 with an economy of 4.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah if we beat this India side we'll have earned it.

My main interest is in seeing how South Africa manage to balls it up this time.

[Ben]

Also I've just seen Afghanistan faked an injury to delay the game waiting for the rain to come. Trott the shithouse. :D

[thommo]

Bangladesh would have definitely done the same to be fair. :D

I can't see it happening but a repeat of the 2022 semi final would be nice.

[Waffdon]

It would be outright hilarious if we won it now, given they tried to give Scotland a game and ballsed that up.

Having said that, India look ominous. Bumrah is insane, 11 wickets @ 8.5 with an economy of 4.

Did they? Maybe when bowling but Head and Stoinis smashed them all round the ground. Pretty sure Stoinis had 60 off about 25 balls

[Ben]

It was rather tongue in cheek after Hazelwood's comments.

[Waffdon]

I see the weather is set to be a mess for England/India. If it gets washed out England lose since India won their group. What an odd sport

[Danny]

Apparently that semi doesn’t have a rain day but the other does? Baffling.

Anyway, I know I shouldn’t have but this raised a chuckle

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[Ben]

Apparently that semi doesn’t have a rain day but the other does? Baffling.

Surely not? :D

EDIT: Ah, I see now. Technically true but both semis have the same amount of reserve minutes. Due to the first semi being a night game, it rolls into a reserve day. Our semi is a day game so the reserve 250 minutes are on the same day.

[thommo]

2 days after Shoaib Bashir was taken for 38 in an over, Ollie Robinson has decided to go one better and has today given away 43 (yes, FORTY-THREE) runs in an over. I believe that is a first-class record, barring a ridiculous declaration bowling effort from decades ago.

Louis Kimber, the lad who took him to the cleaners, has made 191 runs in the morning session. That's also a record for a regular morning session AND he wasn't even at the crease overnight, it took 16 balls before a wicket fell and he came in! He's put on 200 for the 8th wicket in 20 overs with Ben Cox (25*). Absolute madness.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That could happen to Robinson a thousand times and it still wouldn't be sufficient compensation for the banality of his podcast.

[Danny]

Surely not? :D

EDIT: Ah, I see now. Technically true but both semis have the same amount of reserve minutes. Due to the first semi being a night game, it rolls into a reserve day. Our semi is a day game so the reserve 250 minutes are on the same day.

I guess that makes some sense but reserve "minutes" on the same day is just wild.

[Danny]

South Africa not messing about. Christ.

[niko_cee]

Presumably the state of that pitch was why, or was due to the fact that India were scheduled to not play there for their semi come what may.

[niko_cee]

England's Duckworth-Lewis-Shastri revised total here will be 343 off 7 overs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

172. Keep Bumrash to 1/20 and... ah bollocks to it, congrats India.

[Waffdon]

That’ll be tough for England to chase.

Butler masterclass incoming

[thommo]

Fucking Axar Patel. Absolute pie chucker and he still gets wickets.

Feels like that's game over already.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh well, all on South Africa I guess. What could possibly go wrong.

[Ben]

That should be the end of Bairstow in an England shirt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

287 England caps for Jonny B across the formats. Feels like about a thousand.

[Gray Fox]

I was for sure here that critics would be answered.

[Ben]

And definitely Moeen you’d think.

[niko_cee]

He'll answer them in the final.

It's fine, Brook and Livingston have this.

[thommo]

How on earth was the Moeen dismissal a stumping? Surely a run out?

[Waffdon]

Oh, England. What a pathetic performance. Very Southgate

[Jimmy Floyd]

Andy Flower was cricket's Southgate. Somewhere he's watching this bemoaning the fact that they haven't adequately replaced Tim Bresnan.

[niko_cee]

Interesting to see how South Africa go about meffing this up from here.

[Max Power]

30 off 30 needed at one point ffs :lol:

[Gray Fox]

That's some fielding.

If the 6 had hit, this would have been on.

[niko_cee]

Epic bottle job.

Never in doubt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A tradition like no other.

[thommo]

Glamorgan need 51 from 15 overs (with 3 wickets left) to complete the highest successful run chase in FC cricket history. No doubt they bottle it now I've posted...

[thommo]

Wow. Even I didn't expect to jinx it that quickly. :D

Northeast out for 187, surely they can't do it now.

[thommo]

Unbelievable game of cricket. Tied off the last ball of the match - Bracey taking a snorter with his ungloved hand. That was unreal.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Imagine getting to 591 in a chase and then tying. I'd rather lose.

[Ben]

IPL eat your heart out.

[niko_cee]

3 in an over and straight onto the honours board on debut. Not bad.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gus is superb and has been very patient over the years. Delighted for him.

[niko_cee]

Another classic batsman's review there. How very dare you give me out!

[niko_cee]

And on the board again, 12-106 in the match. :cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Still not convinced that retiring Anderson is a good idea. Should just keep him going until he falls over.

[Danny]

Its baffling. Its obvious he isnt "finished" just feels like change for sake of change.

Pick the best team to win and he if is in it then so be it. Up to the younger ones to change that.


Whats your thought on the switch to Smith Jimmy Floyd? I dont know much about him but it seems weird when Foakes keeps ahead of him for the county iirc.

[Luke Emia]

Yeah I think with Anderson it’s a case of don’t take him abroad anymore. But if he’s fit and bowling well why not use him in ‘English Conditions.’

[Jimmy Floyd]

Smith is brilliant and will lock down the position for many years. Foakes a better gloveman, but Smith a far better bat and perfectly adequate with the gloves.

[Max Power]

Yeah I think with Anderson it’s a case of don’t take him abroad anymore. But if he’s fit and bowling well why not use him in ‘English Conditions.’
Especially when they seem to be picking Woakes still (as good as he is at home) which doesn’t scream “planning for Australia”.

[Danny]

Smith is brilliant and will lock down the position for many years. Foakes a better gloveman, but Smith a far better bat and perfectly adequate with the gloves.

Until we get a Bairstow renaissance you mean.

[igor_balis]

Kimber made a really interesting point that preferring good wk batsmen over their keeping ability is mostly because nobody has bothered investing the money into tools to accurately gauge the impact of the latter so it's just easier to go with who's better at the former.

Basically asking "what is the material impact of some keepers being better at standing up to the stumps? reviewing decisions? bravery to go for certain catches?" and answering "nobody really has a fucking clue". I used to find it weirdly unappealing and unromantic going for the better batsmen, similar to how I hate designated hitters in baseball, but when explained like that I kinda think fair enough.

[niko_cee]

On the stats front it probably just comes down to there being maybe one or two chances a really good wicketkeeper might make the difference with in a series, but there are 8 or 10 opportunities to make a difference with the bat.

Definitely situational though. It shows up a lot more when spin is dominant, imo.

[igor_balis]

Yeah I think with Anderson it’s a case of don’t take him abroad anymore. But if he’s fit and bowling well why not use him in ‘English Conditions.’

I assume focussing on the future is something we're going to have to get used to, as with the ever increasing monolithic power of franchise cricket, tests will take even more of a backseat, with India and Australia serieses rotating on a two-yearly basis, and the odd one off test against Bangladesh at Grace Road. In March.

I doubt there'd be much point wheeling out the 35+ year old veterans for games like that when there's not test cricket anybody cares about for 18 months.

[igor_balis]

On the stats front it probably just comes down to there being maybe one or two chances a really good wicketkeeper might make the difference with in a series, but there are 8 or 10 opportunities to make a difference with the bat.

Definitely situational though. It shows up a lot more when spin is dominant, imo.

I think it is more complex than that, but you should watch the video rather than reading me inaccuratly remembering it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There should definitely be fielding averages calculated, whereby routine drops see you deducted the global batting average from that match, and non-routine catches or run-outs see you credited with said runs.

So the batting average in this Test was about 20, Mikyle Louis gets credited with 20 for that run out yesterday and his Test fielding average is 20.00, if he had shelled two sitters afterwards it would then be -6.66 or whatever.

[Clunge]

I'm sure it won't be long until we have an algorithmic 'super average' which aggregates your net plus or minus contribution to the game in runs across all disciplines.

[igor_balis]

I'm sure it won't be long until we have an algorithmic 'super average' which aggregates your net plus or minus contribution to the game in runs across all disciplines.

Interesting thought. Any old/current players who could get a massive reappraisal, for good or for bad, if they had something like that? Any ideas Jimmy Floyd and others?

[Clunge]

There are probably some great fielders or 'keepers who would be seen in a very different light. And perhaps some who excelled in a second discipline (i.e. great keeper-batsmen) whose batting might be dragged down by their 'keeping.

[niko_cee]

Jimmy Anderson getting even more greatness for being a world class slip.

Or Stokes just donning everyone by being stupidly good at everything.

[Danny]

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[Jimmy Floyd]

Interesting thought. Any old/current players who could get a massive reappraisal, for good or for bad, if they had something like that? Any ideas Jimmy Floyd and others?

The one that comes to mind is Mark Waugh, his 8,000 runs are pretty good but maybe not so overshadowed by his brother if you took into account 181 grabs at slip.

[Danny]

I do love Wood (oi oi) and Woakes but to say we are retiring Jimmy to build for the future only to play Wood (34) and Woakes (35 and should not go to fucking Australia) is laughable.

Just pick Jimmy until he is actually shit while he guides players like Atkinson and Potts etc

[thommo]

On a personal level, the last few weeks have been really stop-start for my club cricket, lost the rhythm I'd picked up earlier in the season.

22-23 June: Up to the 2s, make 1 (14) and don't bowl.
29-30 June: 3s play on Sunday, we win comfortably. 4-2-7-0 and don't bat.
6-7 July: 3s game called off on Saturday for soggy outfield.
13-14 July: No game for 3s scheduled (Only 12 games this season as they've regionalised the division). Did help out the 2s as a fielding sub.

And that brings us to this weekend. The 3s have a home game scheduled for Sunday, but the 1s have a T20 Cup game scheduled for the same day and have asked if I'm available. So it's either bat/bowl with the 3s, or play with the 1s but do nothing unless we spectacularly collapse with the bat.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's some weird scheduling. I know it's Wales but here it's simple, league game every Saturday, no matter what standard you play, and the cups and other optional extras are on Sundays.

[Ben]

We play cups midweek. Had to travel 1hr 20 straight after work for a cup final last week and got rained off 3 overs into the second innings. Game wiped from the records, go back next Thursday to start from scratch.

[thommo]

We get a few games shifted to Sunday as we only have the one pitch at home, so it's created this awkward scheduling clash. It happens to a few other clubs too if they have 3s and 4s.

We've had a few games played on awful artificial surfaces too. Last year we played on one that felt like Perth, so much carry and bounce. Next week, we went away to a different team and it barely bounced to the top of the stumps.

[niko_cee]

35/1 off 3.

:cab:

Test match cricket. Is there a secret Bazball agenda to entirely sink the ECB/counties by making sure no game ever makes it to a weekend?

[Ben]

If it's up it's off. They should stop bowling half volleys.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's about time we put a proper performance in tbh, maybe it will be today. By proper performance I mean some sort of record-breaking that makes the cobbers and head wobblers seethe. Maybe Pope will break Lara's record. Maybe they bat on until 900. Something like that.

[Luke Emia]

It's about time we put a proper performance in tbh, maybe it will be today. By proper performance I mean some sort of record-breaking that makes the cobbers and head wobblers seethe. Maybe Pope will break Lara's record. Maybe they bat on until 900. Something like that.

They will be hitting 900 in the day at this rate...

[thommo]

Is it too early for Jessop-watch?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Needs 40 off 33 from here. Easier chances have been blown before.

[Gray Fox]

It really is strange looking at an England lineup and knowing it will never again have Broad or Anderson in it.

[niko_cee]

Some of my kids are getting into cricket and I'm being leaned on to do an ECB Foundation Coaching course. Is it going to be a massive waste of my time, and money, Jimmy or anyone else who might have experience of said thing?

Am I just going to be sat in a room having fielding positions explained to me whilst seething about the £150 fee?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Think it's a bit more than that, combination of that and about 500 bits of 'safeguarding'.

Depends if you want to be Involved going forward, probably worth doing if you are, but it's a slippery fucking slope.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Attack getting bodybagged by a hitherto terrible West Indies batting lineup in the first game post Anderson, it's almost as if you shouldn't arbitrarily sack off your best bowler because of his date of birth.

[niko_cee]

Are we doing the Angelo Mathews thing here?

[Gray Fox]

Quite finely poised right now. Letting the tail wag for an extra 50 or so runs yesterday could be the difference.

[Danny]

The one that comes to mind is Mark Waugh, his 8,000 runs are pretty good but maybe not so overshadowed by his brother if you took into account 181 grabs at slip.

1814965611237085274

[Gray Fox]

Windies collapse well underway.

[Danny]

Turned off at drinks :moop:

Turned back on after the 3 though. Maybe I’ll try turning it off again

[thommo]

So I ended up with the 1s yesterday for the T20 cup quarter final, and we pulled off a pretty impressive win. We were away to a Prem 1 side (top tier of Welsh cricket) and we won comfortably, by 7 wickets and with 9 balls to spare. I managed to get a decent sharp catch at mid-wicket to at least contribute in some way.

The regular captain for the 1s handed over the duties for the day as he was hungover. It didn't stop him from taking 3 catches, bowling 4 overs for 17 and hitting 83* (53) though...

That takes him up to 783 runs for the season at 97.88 and at a strike rate of 111. Absolute machine, he picks up length so quickly, it's mad to watch.

[Ben]

I've just seen that with the retirement of James Anderson, the longest still-active Test career now sits with our hothead friend Shakib Al-Hasan. I don't know whether to be surprised by that or not.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I had an absolutely great game on Sunday. It was a club academy game, U21 sort of stuff, so not top, top level but still a good standard with some decent talents on both teams. I rocked up for this (at a first class outground) and no sign of the other umpire. I got my stuff ready in the changing room, still no sign at toss time, so I went out and did that on my own, the captain said that the umpire would be along shortly. Indeed he was, an Indian lad maybe in his 20s, just wearing civvies with no kit. I said where do you usually umpire, he said I don't, this is my first ever game. I said do you play, he said no I don't play cricket. He then proceeded to take my panama hat off the peg in the changing room and said 'I'm wearing this'. I said I dunno, don't think you are champ. Taken aback (I think he thought all my kit was just general kit) he asked if I had a spare, he ended up borrowing a baseball cap off a spectator.

He then went out to the midde - obviously I'm very concerned at this point as this is a good standard of game - and a few of the fielders immediately came up to me and said that he wasn't lined up properly. Sure enough he was standing a yard to the right of the stumps. I went over and lined him up, even making him a mark in the ground. The game then proceeded in suitably farcical fashion. He had five appeals for LBW at his end during the game and every single one of them was given out, including one that was an absolute joke as the ball pitched a yard outside leg stump. After that one I pulled the home captain over and outright called him a dishonest cheat (you get docked points for not providing an umpire in that comp, so he'd obviously pulled one of his mates off the street to avoid this) and that he should be ashamed of himself. He just agreed that yes, he was a cheat and shrugged. A truly bizarre experience.

[niko_cee]

Can you not just do both ends in that sort of situation and have him mooch around at square leg?

[Jimmy Floyd]

That should have happened, but it would have caused a scene and the home team would have had a tantrum so I couldn't be arsed. They'd have had to pay me double as well.

[hfswjyr]

Brilliant. What should the home captain have done instead? Is there like a yellow pages for dialling an umpire for hire?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Assuming all the channels for finding one came up dry, he should have asked me to do both ends and taken the hit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That Mott character has been SACKED. Love a good sacking.

[Ben]

Thank fuck. Obviously a complete chancer, evident from day one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I reckon any member of the public could have coached that Australian women's team to domination. Bizarre appointment in the first place.

[Luke Emia]

Eoin Morgan it is then I assume?

[Ben]

Did anyone else realise the Champions Trophy is making a comeback? Next February apparently. In Pakistan.

[Danny]

https://www.youtube.com/clip/Ugkx80n8aoUUcRZh6muL9RlGVFA6R8NkKuA_

Hopefully this works. Look at this run out :lol:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Couldn't happen to a nicer bloke than Ari, known on our circuit as a massive racist saffa cunt.

[Ben]

Holy shit Graham Thorpe has died.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He'd been very unwell the last couple of years, from what I understand. Fairly sad life, other than his success as a cricketer. His son plays in the leagues I'm in and I know he was estranged from him since a long time ago.

[Clunge]

He once boffed a whopping six into the crowd at Taunton which my uncle tried to take, only to misjudge it and get it right on the bicep. His arm was black for months.

Here ends my recollections of Graham Thorpe.

[Kikó]

I loved Graham Thorpe, desperately sad news. One of the few players in the 90s you just knew could nurdle and make scores while all around him was falling over. Typical he got a decent score of 55 before bowing out.

[Gray Fox]

Stokes crocking himself playing The Hundred is sure to go down well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The talismanic Test captain fucking himself playing in a purple shirt with Popchips on it against Wayne Madsen, it's all part of the plan to win back young viewers.

[John Arne]

Turns out Thorpe took his own life. Terribly sad.

[Danny]

Stokes crocking himself playing The Hundred is sure to go down well.

Seen a few people saying "he could have done it anytime" and sure he could have but if he did it in a county champ game ahead of a test series it makes sense. There is no reason for him to be playing here. Obviously being leaned on to play in this crap to help force it.

[niko_cee]

Turns out Thorpe took his own life. Terribly sad.

Stepped in front of a train.

:sick:

[Ben]

And people moan when train drivers strike for more pay.

My mate does it, he hit a person once and said it ruined his own life for weeks. He said just seeing them step out and waiting for it is absolutely sickening because there's nothing you can do as the driver.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Very tired of all the 'it's important to speak up' stuff left over from about 2014. Sure it is, but this man had access to a lot of help, everyone including his loved ones knew how ill he was, and it still wasn't enough.

[thommo]

In the 1s (mainly for my fielding) for a league game for the first time this weekend. I was in for 2 Sunday cup games so far this season but this being a league match will be more pressure; especially as there are only 3 games left and this is a 2nd (us) vs 3rd matchup. :uhoh:

In general it's been a really stop-start year for me in club cricket. The 3s season being only 12 games long (and completed already) has really prevented gaining any momentum whatsoever. Thankfully there is a re-shuffle in the league next year so it should mean a more regular 16 or 18 game season.

[niko_cee]

Not sure what's more shocking, that leave and review by Mathews, or the fact that he's still going. How old is he?

[Jimmy Floyd]

37.

Speaking of old people, Chris Woakes at seven is a fabulous innovation from the drink tank. All we need is Kerrigan back and we'll be partying like it's whatever awful year that was.

[Ben]

Gus Atkinson at 8 is very ballsy I must say.

Jamie Smith looks the real deal though.

Also, bookmark this one, Ben McKinney from Durham will be a Test opener within two years. Watched him get 120 off his bell end in the Champ today. He’s got it.

[Gray Fox]

Jamie Smith looks the real deal though.

I didnt want to jinx this before, given the conditions, but he really does.

[Danny]

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Very much a 'look at how quirky and different we are" selection.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can see the theory behind these picks (tall, quick, left arm) but the bit where he strikes at 100 in nine county games would worry me.

[Danny]

In Div 2 too :uhoh:

[Gray Fox]

Seems BazBall hasn't made it everywhere yet.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/articles/cj08epv1ejlo

[Jimmy Floyd]

If I had a wild guess, I'd say the team batting first were full of ringers / players dropping down from a higher team and the team batting second wanted to piss them right off.

[Danny]

I saw that on twitter this morning. Was hoping to see Thommo in here sharing his story on this weekends heroics for the 1s!

[Gray Fox]

A quick look says the other teams opener scored 186 from 128 balls. 17 4's and 14 6's. Only got out stumped too so was likely swinging everything for the fences. So that was my reckoning too.

Thommo does have a story full of seethe but I'll let him tell it. He wasn't in his 1sts this week.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I used to be a practitioner of this, though more down at number 8 or 9 when the game was gone. Personal bests were 3* off 76 and 4* off 78.

Thankfully most cricket at that sort of level has gone to limited overs now, which is much better on a number of levels.

[Gray Fox]

Twitter also reckons the lad was clean bowled early on, only for the stand in to call no ball. Not so sure there was a post match beer shared after this one :D

[Danny]

1829466409358840004

[niko_cee]

I was just thinking there can't be many people on both honour boards after 2 games, has anyone ever done it in one?

[Danny]

There is always a tweet

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[niko_cee]

What are the three boards? 5-fers, hundreds and ???? MotM?

6 innings in 2 games also threw me a bit, but I get that now.

[Danny]

10 fer in a match

[Jimmy Floyd]

Beefy scored 108 and took 8/34 in his first Lord's Test (against a no doubt vibing Pakistan).

[Danny]

Bairstow SILENCING HIS CRITICS with a big ton for Yorkshire.

[niko_cee]

lol at that LBW decision by Reiffel trying to chop Atkinson down in his prime. Barely hitting a second set. Where's the fast bowlers' union rep?

[Danny]

It goes without saying but Root is unreal man

[Waffdon]

Pope gotta be one of the worst players to be an England captain, surely? Only in there because he plays for Surrey.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I went out to do the first innings of my game with Root taking guard. Came back after the 50 overs and he was 98*. Unreal stuff.

Picking people because they play for Surrey is a winning strategy tbh.

[Gray Fox]

Assuming he makes 96 runs in the next test, he becomes England all time run scorer above Cook.

To put it into perspective, should he do it in the next test, he will have done it in 15 fewer matches and 25 fewer innings.

[Waffdon]

I liked the graphic of him, Kohli, Smith and Williamson from 2019 to now. Root had the least centuries and has now surpassed them all. Kohli only increased his by two :lol:

[niko_cee]

It's a bit sad to see that sort of crowd at Lords on a 4th day Sunday. I assume the prices have done it. Ten fifteen years ago you'd struggle to get an on that day ticket if it went the full five. I know the comparison isn't quite there with a Sri Lanka series but I vaguely recall the queues to get into day 5 when it was Tendulkar's last match were back past the station and stretching into regents park at other gates

[Ben]

Bazball has quite a bit to do with it I'd say. Nobody dares buy a Day 4 ticket in advance because there's a good chance the game is over. Then if the game goes to a Day 4 you're relying purely on local walk ups.

[Jimmy Floyd]

£125 for a ticket which has to be bought in advance, it's stupid.

The best cricket crowds tend to be spontaneous ones that just go on the day, you can't plan that from a boardroom though can you. There was some pathetic MCC weasel sent on the radio earlier to defend the 'macro pressures' they face.

[phonics]

£125 for a ticket which has to be bought in advance, it's stupid.

The best cricket crowds tend to be spontaneous ones that just go on the day, you can't plan that from a boardroom though can you. There was some pathetic MCC weasel sent on the radio earlier to defend the 'macro pressures' they face.

A full house of people paying 2.5 times less than that would earn more than the 7000 people who forked out and your sport wouldn't look like its dying on its arse. Isn't that the definition of macro economics?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ah but phonics you see, and I quote, in setting prices they were 'benchmarking against similar environments like Twickenham and Wimbledon'.

So much of modern life is just stupid vapid cunts talking shite.

[phonics]

Ah but phonics you see, and I quote, in setting prices they were 'benchmarking against similar environments like Twickenham and Wimbledon'.

So much of modern life is just stupid vapid cunts talking shite.

Imagine benchmarking your prices against the other formerly popular now dying on it's arse sport. If it was India or Pakistan, even Bangladesh (no idea if they're any good at cricket just a slightly racist guess) I'd understand it maybe. Theres only about 100,000 Sri Lankans in the country and they all live in fucking London not Leeds.

[Danny]

Tbf the test was in London.

If it was in Leeds it would have lasted 15 days because the pitch Yorkshire and Middlesex just played on was an absolute road. Bairstows critics unsilenced.

[Ben]

Speaking of Bangladesh, they're currently gubbing Pakistan, in Pakistan.

Quite the feat after being 26/6 in their first knock.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pakistan still wondering after all these years why they are crap and never make the most of their talent. Probably because you're a bunch of hot-headed imbeciles who do everything based on the concept of seniority.

[thommo]

I saw that on twitter this morning. Was hoping to see Thommo in here sharing his story on this weekends heroics for the 1s!
:D

I didn't do much in my appearance for the 1s, but we did absolutely hammer the opposition. Having been put into bat, we were 27-3 with our captain out so potential for a collapse was on, but we took it long and our keeper tonked a lovely quick 50 at the end to set the opposition 168 to win. They crumbled and we bowled them out in 30 overs, for just 41. That, combined with the leaders losing a narrow game, put us top of the league going into the final 2 weekends.


A quick look says the other teams opener scored 186 from 128 balls. 17 4's and 14 6's. Only got out stumped too so was likely swinging everything for the fences. So that was my reckoning too.

Thommo does have a story full of seethe but I'll let him tell it. He wasn't in his 1sts this week.

GF was right, the penultimate weekend was a very tetchy one. Back in the 2s in Division 3 and we were scheduled to host the league leaders, but the rain in the preceding week and particularly the Friday night was torrential. 9am on Saturday morning and the group chat has pictures and videos of the bowlers run ups basically under water. Our captain contacted the opponents to call it off, but they wouldn't take no for an answer and said they'd travel anyway (45 miles or so, 75 minute drive).

So we're required to turn up but the conditions are not improving. It was a pretty cool day and there wasn't much wind so it didn't dry out quickly at all. Upon arrival, they are up and down checking the pitch and outfield constantly. There's nothing we can really do about it but wait and see so we're milling about for 4 hours, in the nets, watching the football, hoping for it to dry up. They are absolutely DESPERATE to play. They're always speaking loud enough for us to hear, saying they've played on worse, time to get the kit on as we'll be playing soon, you get the drift. It gets to half 4 (latest we can start) and our group head out for a final look. It's improved but it's still sodden underfoot, and we say as much.

They are fuming at this point. One old boy supporter comes over for a quick shout "Thanks for the hospitality, fucking shambles the lot of you". Their players are taking pictures and videos, calling us arseholes while we just sit there watching the seethe unfold. Later in the evening, a couple of their players even posted some bitter tweets aimed at the club account. Ultimately, there was no way we could get a game on though. We sent them the info at half 9, they decided to waste their whole day coming down. I'd rather have bloody played as well, it's not like we deliberately didn't fancy a match.

Our captain definitely didn't help the situation by saying "If you'd have won last week, you wouldn't be in this situation so it's your own fault really" :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Those are always awkward. My lot are in a relegation battle at the moment - a proper great escape attempt from three wins behind - in which the bottom of the league are completely adrift (1 win all year) and then we're 9/10 within range of several other teams above us. Last week we played one of those teams, huge rain disaster across Surrey, abandoned. Meanwhile another of our rivals (let's call them 'dickheads') were down to play the bottom side ('useless') who might as well just field their grannies for all the chance they have of beating anyone. Rain there too, so dickheads v useless was abandoned after they spent hours and hours hanging around in the same manner you described.

Fast forward a week and the next fixture is dickheads at home to my lot. If dickheads win then they relegate us and it was made clear that they fully intend to do so. No rain all week, so they artificially soaked the square to wet it up for their star seamer, won the toss and bowled, had us 30/3 and 60/4 or something. We then put on a ridiculous partnership and finished 230/4, and our seamers then ripped through them and won by 100. After the game an absolute seethefest as they told us we were lucky and they were still steaming about their game vs useless being rained off. Who was the side that gave useless their only win of the season earlier on? Of course it was dickheads, who shat the bed against them much earlier on. Your fault lads.

Think the table is now something like this (in football terms)
7 dickheads 35
8 other club 35
----
9 my lot 33
10 useless 8

Obviously last fixture of the season this week is my lot v useless, while 7 and 8 both have to travel to the top two. Unless rain fucks us, it could be an absolutely epic conclusion to the great escape. I want dickheads to go down so, so much. Love club cricket.

[thommo]

I can only imagine the satisfaction in winning that game against the dickheads. Now you need the other club to have the game of their season and win (or have a huge bonus point haul) to subject the dickheads to relegation; much chance of that?

Our league season finished this weekend just gone (I was back in the 2s; didn't play particularly well as we lost by 8 wickets), and the 1s ended up with the equivalent of a final for their last game of the season. 1st v 2nd at our home ground; we had a 6 point advantage going into the weekend so any inclement weather or tie and we'd get promotion (only 1 goes up to the Prem).

We lost the toss and were put in on a really sticky wicket; once again we've had lots of overnight rain over the last week and it was a poor surface for batting. Our captain made 35 but other than that, not many contributions as we were bowled out for 109 in the 47th over. 3 early wickets gave us hope but the opposition really dug in to build a partnership. At 75/3 off 36 overs, it was in their hands but 3 quick wickets brought it back in the balance.

At this point, we've finished our game, had showers, changed and are sitting with a beer waiting for the bus home, ALL checking our phones for the score updates. We end up ringing the captain of the 3s who proceeds to provide TMS-esque coverage down the phone and booming out of a Bluetooth speaker. The balls ticked by to the point where they needed 12 runs off the last 3 overs; our captain proceeds to take a hat-trick in the 48th over, leaving them 9 down. But the last pair continue to get runs, 10 off 12 becomes 6 off 6. They were running everything at this point. 5 off 5.... 3 off 4.... 2 off 3.... 1 off 2....

And then...

1829958876147368415

:rave:

Bus home was bouncing, and many drinks were had back at the club in celebration.

[Ben]

England have signed McCullum to be the white-ball coach too. Whilst I think it will be a fun ride, I can't help but think it shortens his lifespan as Test coach.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's signed up to 2027 which is as long a lifespan as you could hope for. I'm not against it really. We have some horses coming up before then.

[Ben]

Didn't see that. Yeah if he sticks it out until then we've had a good spell from him.

[Danny]

In Div 2 too :uhoh:

Guess who is playing Friday.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This Josh Hull bloke is ridiculous. Looks like some absolute carthorse target man that comes off the bench for BATE Borisov. Either it works, or it's Darren Pattinson mk 2.

[Ben]

Baz's take on Josh Hull:


Six foot heaps, left arm, bowls 90

Genuine this.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Six foot heaps of manure. All I can say is that if 'Baz' had had to grow up in our climate and light conditions he wouldn't be quite so fucking chipper about life.

[niko_cee]

The fact that bad light is an absolute threshold rather than an offered thing was such a bad change to the rules. Don't give me any of that danger to the fielder shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've always been a bad light denier. One of my more controversial takes. Yes, it's dangerous. If they die, they die.

[Ben]

Bad light cost us the league last year. Loads of games rained off so we found ourselves 2nd going into the last game despite only losing once. 1.30pm start in mid-September for some unknown reason, came off for bad light needing about 40 to win because our number five almost decapitated the standing umpire. The opposition even offered to toss up some dross for us to get them in a couple of overs because everyone hated the team that ended up winning the league. Surprisingly, the umpires didn't agree to this match fixing offer and called it a draw.

We got promoted anyway but who doesn't love a bad light anecdote on a Friday evening.

[Dquincy]

Sounds like you lost too many games tbf.

[Ben]

We beat top home and away. :baz:

[Ben]

Late season drama in our league as the league chairman’s club have been caught RED-HANDED playing someone who is registered in another league too (usually not an issue at lower levels but strictly forbidden in ECB leagues). They’ve had their points from last week stripped and really the only fair punishment if they’ve gone down this route is to take the points in all games this guy has played, which will almost certainly relegate them.

Lol.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Last game of the league today. Absolutely nervous as hell for my lot who have the above mentioned relegation scenario. Meanwhile the cricket gods have determined that my third ever Premier League game is going to be the last one for our big local derby rivals as they are relegated for the first time in 16 years.

Such a silly game.

[Gray Fox]

It'd be nice if one of these could stick with Pope here while he cracks on.

EDIT: Taking full responsibility for that one.

[thommo]

Last game of the league today. Absolutely nervous as hell for my lot who have the above mentioned relegation scenario. Meanwhile the cricket gods have determined that my third ever Premier League game is going to be the last one for our big local derby rivals as they are relegated for the first time in 16 years.

Such a silly game.

If I'm reading it right, the dickheads are down?

:drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah. We pissed our game and then it was down to whether one of the other two would lose. Because of rain the games were quite staggered so one of them finished well before the other, and the other club lost, which left the dickheads needing to defend 190 in 27 overs or take 7 wickets in trying which would have kept them up. Instead they lost and went down by a point, cue hilarity.

The real fun part was the previous week they had us 70/4 and in our league you get the first bowling bonus point for taking 5 wickets. Big swirling catch went up with a bloke on 9, their captain dropped it and our guy went on to make 80* and no more wickets were taken in the innings. So it turned out that in that moment he literally dropped them out of the league.

[Danny]

Baz's take on Josh Hull
Genuine this.

Don’t think he has touched 90. The spell I watched yesterday he looked SLOOOOOW.

Edit to echos Thommos :drool: at that relegation

[Gray Fox]

Well this seems to have quickly gotten away.

[Ben]

Jamie Smith is the real deal isn't he.

EDIT: Sorry mate. :baz: I went to the kitchen the ball before thinking that was tea.

[Danny]

1833108199571849637

State of that wicket.

Incredible Coad has never got a look in for England.

[igor_balis]

Ridiculous from Head so far

[Danny]

Rashid :cool:

[Danny]

If the ump cant give that run out as in, he might as well go home.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think they send literally every appeal up for that now. Wouldn't want to umpire at that level. Glorified butler.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jesus mate you've got a finger, use it.

[Danny]

As you said, expecting the tech to take care of it but those were stone dead in real time.

Livingston having his one good game a year to earn his next contract.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jofra is a fucking joke. If he was always fit we'd piss everything.

[Danny]

Was just coming to post something similar. Such a shame.

[Ben]

Jesus mate you've got a finger, use it.

:lol:

Awful umpiring.

[Dquincy]

Jesus mate you've got a finger, use it.
What my wife said to me last night.

[Clunge]

Somerset have just won one of the greatest County Championship games of all time. At 4pm, the game was petering out, talks of handshakes. We then bullied Surrey from 95/4 to 109 all out to keep the CC open going into the last two games. Absolute scenes.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/scorecard/e-218972

Archie Vaughan with 11 wickets in the match, and all 20 Surrey wickets falling to spin. Bananas.

[thommo]

Why on earth are Surrey blocking out a chase of 221 in 80 overs? Play normally and they surely win that at a canter.

[Ben]

Pathetic from Surrey, deserved all they got.

The Taunton ground is receptive to runs even when the pitch spins like it did, so it’s insane that they didn’t even give it a go needing less than three an over. Cameron Steel batting 9, with a first class double ton.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They have 8 players away on international duty (Pope, Smith, Overton, Topley, Gus, Lawrence, Jacks, Sam C). That they even got anywhere in the game against Leach on a turning deck shows how utterly out in front of the rest of county cricket they are. That said, they need to get a front line spinner in the squad. Cam Steel is a club cricketer.

[Ben]

Travis Head absolutely obliterating us here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He is on the point of unplayability in white ball. Not really sure how that's happened.

[niko_cee]

At some point we'll hopefully start playing against Australia before going two down in a series.

[Luke Emia]

Strailia obviously don’t like it up them on a wet and windy Friday night in London. Imagine what they’d be like if we had a stadium in Stoke?

In all seriousness though in a non-Ashes year why the fuck are we playing an ODI series against them in what is basically the winter? And I know the answer is money.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Crocked Cam Green for their season though, so it's been a worthwhile endeavour.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Race to the bottom this morning as a hopeless England side take on a dreadful Pakistan. We seem to have gone back to Chris Woakes taking the new ball abroad, which is certainly an option I suppose. Nice to have TMS early morning anyway.

[Ben]

I watched the first ten overs or so before leaving for work and Woakes is certainly toothless in these conditions, surprisingly.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Willing to eat my words on this but I don't get their obsession with Carse. Never rated him whatsoever and if I'm being ultra-critical it smacks of Stokes picking him because he knows him.

[Ben]

Bashir ain't it either.

[thommo]

This is tough sledding out there. I can't function properly playing 50 over cricket on a hot day in Wales, can't imagine what it feels like to be in the field today in Multan.

[Max Power]

Cannot wait to see how stupidly hard they go in response to 750-6dec

[thommo]

To be fair, batting like that served us well the last time we toured Pakistan.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Leach so important in these games, much more so than he is at home.

Trying to imagine what Babar Azam lbw b Woakes 30 looks like in these conditions. What a wastrel he is.

[Jimmy Floyd]

556 for Pakistan, which is 400 under par and scored at a pathetic 3.73 an over. England well on top.

[Ben]

You say that but Pope has just clipped one to mid wicket for a blob. Blinding catch to be fair.

Duckett bust his thumb dismissing their number 11. :facepalm:

[Ben]

Duckett seemingly fine as he blasts Harry Potter all around Multan this morning. Who is absolutely shite by the way, fuck knows how he bundled us out a few times on the last tour.

Pretty great effort on our part to try and kill the possibility of a draw on this deck, whichever way it goes. Shame we're back here next week. Rawalpindi should be a bit better in the last match.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Crawley is a fucking twat for not scoring 300 on this, and his cap speech about Ollie Pope's 50th, my lord - cap speeches make me cringe at the best of times, but 'Now we run Clapham together' made me want to shred the pair of them and sell the results in a brioche bun for £18.

[niko_cee]

What is the exact rule on trying to run someone out whilst they are in their ground but in the air, ie if you are standing in your ground and then jump and land exactly where you started, are you considered to be out of your ground and therefore run-out-able whilst in the air?

[Jimmy Floyd]

For run outs, if you've made your ground then you've made your ground and you can levitate until such time as you leave your ground again. Same for bat bouncing, feet in the air etc.

Different with stumpings obv.

[thommo]

Stumped (as with run out) does allow for leaving your ground to avoid injury, which I suppose you could have applied to his hop in the air.

I remember in India, Foakes tried to stump Bumrah when he jumped in the air in annoyance that he missed with his shot (he was back grounded when the bail was off). I'd presume that would have been absolutely valid as a wicket as it was not for avoiding injury.

[Ben]

My mate got given out (rightly) for jumping up and down in the crease after letting one go through to the keeper. It was hilarious.

Also the same guy has been "Bairstow"-ed in the past, so that wasn't the first time I'd seen that dismissal.

[niko_cee]

556 for Pakistan, which is 400 under par and scored at a pathetic 3.73 an over. England well on top.

Accurate.

[Ben]

Dross this. We're rattling along at over 5 an over, yet it's still utterly boring. Literally just tip and run, unless Harry Potter is bowling in which case he gets dispatched to the fence twice an over.

[Jimmy Floyd]

No reason for Root and Brook not to go for 300 each tomorrow. Go for some Mahela/Sanga esque mental partnership and get the lead to, like, 250+ and then attack like hell. If the opposite happens and we end up collapsing to parity or just over, then we'll end up dying in a stupid last evening chase because Bazball doesn't do draws.

[niko_cee]

Exhaustion/boredom seems to be the main thereat to the batsmen here.

[Danny]

Brook at home in Pakistan. Almost as if he grew up there :uhoh:

[Ben]

He cleans up in the PSL as well. Although, as my brother said earlier, even he would get 100 on that deck. And this is a guy who retired mid-season because he got a 20 ball duck.

[niko_cee]

How do you even make a pitch that flat?

396-2 on the day. :cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Surely got a shot tomorrow at the first English triple for 33 years. Only way you win this game is getting a huge lead quickly and then bowling them out, no way they are doing it with a funky Baz declaration.

I bet they'll do a funky Baz declaration. Come out absolutely hooning it in the first hour and then declare 50 ahead. Stupid cunts.

[Ben]

Agree Jim. We've got to go super big tomorrow then hope they shit the bed on the final evening.

[Ben]

400 partnership, double ton apiece. And nobody gives a shit seemingly.

[thommo]

As a slightly anal Wisden collector in my teen years, this really just reminds me of numerous sub-continental Test series in the 2000s, where the game was just 600 plays 600, drawn match. Obviously the Bazball run rate might give an opportunity to get a result if Pakistan can collapse in the 3rd innings.

It's also wild that we're about to see the legendary 411 May/Cowdrey partnership broken.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cricket people give a shit, and those are the only people worth the time of day.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As a slightly anal Wisden collector in my teen years, this really just reminds me of numerous sub-continental Test series in the 2000s, where the game was just 600 plays 600, drawn match. Obviously the Bazball run rate might give an opportunity to get a result if Pakistan can collapse in the 3rd innings.

It's also wild that we're about to see the legendary 411 May/Cowdrey partnership broken.

https://www.espncricinfo.com/series/south-africa-tour-of-sri-lanka-2006-249149/sri-lanka-vs-south-africa-1st-test-249193/full-scorecard

The maddest thing about that one was that it was 169 all out and 14/2 when it started. Nicky Boje had an Abrar.

Incidentally I think we should bat well beyond tea here. Get about 850 maybe and we'll probably win it tomorrow.

[Gray Fox]

There's something humorous about the scorecard showing Pope out for a second ball duck, only to see the three in after him be disappointed not to be hitting 300 runs.

[niko_cee]

Should have just chucked the declaration in as soon as Root was out to troll him into having to be on the pitch for virtually every minute of a full five day test.

Best just go for some seethe now and hope to get Brook past THE DON and maybe 'Haydos'.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Smith could have a crack at Jessop here I think.

[niko_cee]

If they're going to be playing here again next week are they just going to use the same pitch?

[thommo]

First England 300 in my lifetime. I think we could see Hutton's record go here.

[niko_cee]

I just about remember Gooch's 333. Old.

[Ben]

The acceleration since lunch is pretty impressive. A draw isn't completely nailed on.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh I think we're reasonably big favourites, Pakistan look absolutely cooked.

[thommo]

Damnit. He looks absolutely shattered to be fair, they've been running so much this innings too.

And Ben, you're right. 140 runs in 17.3 overs since lunch is wild.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not enough made of Abrar not turning up to the ground 'ill' when 0/174 or whatever he is. Pakistanis don't get ill, their digestive systems are like Fort Knox.

[thommo]

He saw the writing on the wall, he knew he was on for the first ever 300 conceded in an innings.

[Ben]

We'd be on 1000 now if he turned up.

[Gray Fox]

Oooh, here we go.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's him and Babar missing Woakes straight ones on this deck.

[Ben]

Imagine getting 556 in your first knock and losing by an innings. That would be peak Pakistan.

[John Arne]

I say this whenever a team declares on a high score... but why not make a little bit of history and go 1000. This test won't be remembered much in the future, but hitting a 1000, even with these conditions, would surely be much more notable?

I kinda know the answer... coaches and playing play to win, but still seems like something bigger than a random test match.

[John Arne]

EDIT: And yeah, I guess 7 down, the odds of getting 1000 were quite low.

[Gray Fox]

Heads have gone here.

[Ben]

Stinking shots from all concerned.

[Danny]

Woke up this morning thinking "we better have scored 1000" but I suppose we will take that.

[Danny]

There's something humorous about the scorecard showing Pope out for a second ball duck, only to see the three in after him be disappointed not to be hitting 300 runs.

https://www.espncricinfo.com/series/sri-lanka-vs-new-zealand-2024-1447091/sri-lanka-vs-new-zealand-2nd-test-1447097/full-scorecard

Not as mad but just a few weeks ago it happened to Nissanka.

[Gray Fox]

Chance of a record tomorrow.

No test side has ever put up 500 or more in a first innings and then gone on to lose by an innings.

[Ben]

Abrar didn't even show up to bat. That ought to be the last anyone sees of him, although Pakistan cricket politics is a complicated beast.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Their first response to this disaster is to immediately co-opt Aleem Dar onto the selection panel. God bless Pakistan.

As a fellow umpire-selector I wish him all the best. A full 7 days a week of people whining at you about their own failings.

[Ben]

Our club isn't as well-manned as yours, so we have our "Director of Cricket" (lol) pick the teams along with the captains. I know how you feel. I will miss at least three months of next season due to my knee injury, and that gives me a great opportunity to get away from all that bollocks for good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I am basically that (though have always refused to use the word 'director' as it sounds really wanky). It's a fascinating insight into male insecurities, I'll give it that.

'What do I have to do to get into the 1s?'
'Be patient, x is having a really good season, keep doing well in the 2s and a chance will come sooner or later.'
'No, but what do I have to do? It's really unfair.'
'....'

[Kikó]

I was once the manager of the second team at my football club and selection Friday was something to behold. 6 team managers all hating the other because (usually) the first team steals all the players in one position the rest will be weak in to have two of them on the bench. It then cascades downwards as players get bumped and negotiations galore to get some sort of respectable team at each team below the first. That's not too mention the players who don't want to play higher that week or annoyed they aren't getting a chance, painful experience.

[Danny]

1845053378742616086

1845035261391942092

[Jimmy Floyd]

That is truly iconic.

[Danny]

Wonderful response from Pakistan to drop half the team and use the same deck for the next game.