The Cricket Thread

[Ian]

Vince, you chinless little twerp, will you ever stop proving me right?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Vince's dismissal was absolutely end-of-days dire. As was that one from Billings.

Truly dreadful stuff, let the excuses roll out again.

[Ian]

This must be up there with the worst-looking collection of England wickets I've ever seen, and that's a strong fucking field.

[Kikó]

I haven't watched county cricket in ages but I assume the England team are made up of professional players who have played before?

[Ian]

They hide it very well sometimes.

[Danny]

I blame test cricket

[Danny]

As if we almost lost that

[Waffdon]

Why are the playing the exact same team in the same format 24 hours later lol. Could they not just, say, combine the 2 games, add 10 extra overs for a laugh and call it ‘one day international’?

[Danny]

Cant charge people to come in twice that way.

[Jimmy Floyd]

England tours of the Caribbean are an absolute gold mine for the holiday isles of Antigua/Barbados/Dominica etc, right to the point they have different ticket prices for locals and English, it's about fleecing the sunburned twats for as much as they have. A pity really when you think back to the old days of thousands of Jamaicans or Trinidadians hollering from the ramparts as their boys rampaged through England.

Bourda in Guyana as well. What a ground. England absolutely never go there now, too poor.

[Ben]

I managed to convince the wife to take our belated honeymoon in the Caribbean in March. :joy:

Then she got knocked up. :moop:

[Ian]

"Then she got knocked up" really makes it sound like a) you weren't involved and b) are more annoyed about the honeymoon. :D

[Ben]

I think I'm involved but I'm slightly annoyed about missing a Windies Test match. I won't get another chance for years now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The further promulgation of the human race, or the further promulgation of Roston Chase. It's a tough one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is a wild ride:

1485522867768991745

Good thing he wasn't at Notts for several years with Alex Hales et al.

[niko_cee]

Should have just gone along with it tbh.

Seems he's managed to find the worst of all worlds solution.

[Ian]

Yeah he does seem to have managed to get himself just about the worst outcomes of that whole thing. It's almost impressive.

[Ben]

England vs South Africa U19 about to start. I’d love to jab Graeme Swann.

[Jimmy Floyd]

From what I've seen, Dewald Brevis (on the opposing side obvs, at least until our scouts get to him) looks like a superstar in the making.

[Ben]

Yeah this Brevis kid is serious.

[Danny]

Bats at 3 and bowls leggies? Sign him up.

[hfswjyr]

That's an amazing name.

[Ian]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2022/jan/26/paul-collingwood-defends-sitting-ducks-england-and-blames-ashes-bubble-fatigue

I'm not saying there's nothing to this because I'm sure there is but the problem is knackered, fatigued, mentally-shot England looked basically exactly the same as every other England test side in the last however long, just with the added "We're always shit in Australia" on top.

This is good from Ronay too: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2022/jan/25/tin-eared-county-chairmen-show-why-english-cricket-is-in-trouble

Rod Bransgrove sounds like he's really got his finger on the pulse.

[Ian]

I finished that Allen Stanford documentary series last night. He's some piece of shit, eh?

The footage of England trudging through a warmup with Middlesex when suddenly Stanford is beamed onto the big screen with his arms round two of the players wives and a third on his knee while England are in the field with looks of 'u fkn wot m8' is incredible.

[Ben]

I keep forgetting to watch that. The wife is working this weekend so I'll probably blast through it if I remember.

[Jimmy Floyd]

From what I've seen, Dewald Brevis (on the opposing side obvs, at least until our scouts get to him) looks like a superstar in the making.

Bodied Michael Vaughan on twitter, the kid is special.

[Ian]

What's he said?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Can't find it now so it may have been an impersonator. Ignore me and carry on marvelling at Matt Prior's face when he sees his wife being primed by the Texan ponzi profferer.

England v Afghanistan in the first Under 19 semi-final. We're on our way to world dominance.

[Ian]

https://www.espncricinfo.com/series/england-tour-of-west-indies-oct-nov-2008-2008-09-354387/stanford-superstars-vs-england-354386/full-scorecard

I did enjoy that we only made 99 and then subsequently didn't even take one wicket. Ian Bell and the Big Cheese opening was an interesting choice. We didn't even go down purely swinging madly. There's a hell of a lot of dot balls there.

[Ben]

Enjoying Rizwan coasting a 200+ target off his piece in the PSL right now. Quality player.

Also enjoying the random Urdu adverts.

Also enjoying the giddy Lahore bowler horsing it in full pelt at the keeper's ankles from 10 yards away.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I feel like all I ever do on evenings at this time of year is watch England batsmen all at sea against Jason Holder in the Caribbean. He's proper kryptonite.

Steve Harmison just called Jason Roy's genitals 'the unquestionables'.

[Ben]

BT do great advertising but their production and personnel is dreadful.

[Ian]

Seems Mo bossed it. :cool:

Women's test also sounds like it had quite the finish:

England and Australia drew the one-off Women's Ashes Test in Canberra in one of the most incredible finales cricket has seen.

Chasing a record 257, England were on course for a stunning win and required 45 runs from 60 balls with seven wickets left.

But as the tension grew to a crescendo, England lost six wickets for just 26 runs, Australia fighting back to close in on a win that would have seen them retain the Ashes.

When two wickets fell with three overs to go, England's suddenly switched to survival mode in an attempt to keep the series alive.

How very England.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Needless to say, the Australian commentators spent the whole of day 3 bemoaning our refusal to declare when 80 or so behind 'for the good of the game'. I think they've all been fucked in the head somewhere along the line.

[thommo]

The U19s are into the final then, tight win over Afghanistan.

[niko_cee]

The more classic England thing to do would have been to take those 3 wickets in the 46th over leaving them a nigh on impossible task before binning it in spectacular style in the last.

[Max Power]

Rehan Ahmed is a talent

[thommo]

Took all 4 of his wickets with the googly didn't he? The 3rd was a long hop, but the others were pretty good deliveries. Pleased for Sales he took the catch in the deep as well, he must have felt like shit.

[Ben]

We should have walked it but it was a great watch. Boyden and Aspinwall look to be tidy bowlers. Ahmed is one of the enigmas that would be a sure-fire hit in any other white-ball team in the world, but I can't help but feel England are gunna England with him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Adil Rashid's success in overcoming his own total mismanagement for about a decade is one of the more underrated achievements in contemporary cricket. It's nigh on a miracle, and as Matt Parkinson has discovered, we haven't in any way learned the lessons.

[Ian]

The King of Spain is gone.

[Jimmy Floyd]

For a second I thought you meant Juan Carlos had conked out.

[Shindig]

You're not the only one.

[Ian]

Is he a big cricket fan?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's in Abu Dhabi these days so probably catching a slice of the PSL on Ten Sports.

[Ben]

Hopefully Silverwood follows. Selection and player mentality was a shambles and he has to be held accountable for that.

[Danny]

The King of Spain in the (wheelie) bin

.

[Ian]

Silverwood now gone as well. That seemed like a when rather than an if.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I might have kept him on for white ball, but I guess they'll give that to Collingwood.

All lambs to the slaughter to keep £700k a year plus bonuses Tom Harrison in post.

[Ben]

Surprised Thorpe was the last one to go, but he's gone too now.

Also on an unrelated note I'm suspicious about some of the ages of these Afghan lads in the U19 WC.

[niko_cee]

:D

I was thinking the same when I saw them the other day.

[/asbadasYorkshire]

[Jimmy Floyd]

'Alright, son, this will catch you out. Who was your cricketing hero growing up?'
'Shahid Afridi.'
'Bollocks.'

[Queenslander]

Langer's walked before he was sacked. All we need is for Davey to fuck off forever and I think we well be good to go for the next 5 years.


https://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/australian-coach-justin-langer-resigns-after-contract-saga/news-story/0cc549cbe57745187ad96b4de6d457b0

[Ben]

Watch England appoint Langer :facepalm:

[Jimmy Floyd]

It would be the most Tom Harrison thing ever. 'This is a man who knows how to win cricket's most coveted prize: the Ashes'.

[niko_cee]

Looks like the u19 final is going well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Truly miraculous partnership, this. I thought it was a 70 all out job at one stage. Rew looks like a true grinder, left handed Collingwood vibes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pope on the sofa a Sky natural with his assured talk of baddas and their preddy simple techniques. Just needs the career now.

[thommo]

Is any Indian cricket team likeable? Just seem like gits from top to bottom.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Indian cricket system is so chaotic, competitive, arbitrary and patronage-based that almost anyone who makes it to national level is, at the very least, going to have really sharp elbows.

Kind of the opposite to England, whereby if you play a pretty cover drive in the Tonbridge School nets, an international career is mapped out for you.

[Ian]

Is Rahul Dravid the toppest lad of Indian cricket?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, I'd say so. He's probably too honourable and will get done in by politics in the end.

I always liked this (Ed Smith, bleh) article from when he retired: https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/ed-smith-rahul-dravid-a-gentleman-champion-of-timeless-steel-and-dignity-557122

[Ian]

That's a good article. As you know I came to cricket relatively late, certainly compared to I think all of this thread's regulars, but I do remember the first series I paid attention to where we played against Dravid. No idea the result or scores or anything, just that after I'd got past you presumably having to be pretty cool to earn the nickname "the wall" that he just stood out as a professional sportsman. Accountability before bluster and just always seeming like the classiest guy.

[Queenslander]

Known aggro dickhead upset that his fellow aggro dickhead mate didnt get his way.

Cummins will cop plenty of fire going forward from precisely the type of people we dont want near the Test team anymore.


Ex-Aussie teammate Mitch Johnson slams captain Pat Cummins in extraordinary attack

https://www.foxsports.com.au/cricket/australia/he-failed-miserably-exteammate-blasts-gutless-cummins-in-scathing-takedown/news-story/4a24ba151a43f602ebfb6dc5671f0e6f?fbclid=IwAR2lXW-xuoGoA0dABg9iPbiJV4PizvFew4J3Iamf_LJDJlQDCKNXyfmBW dQ

[Jimmy Floyd]

Only Australia could win the Ashes 4-0 and follow it up with a massive egotistical dick-swinging contest between current and former greats, pulling the team into turmoil.

Elite honesty from all concerned, I'm sure.

[Queenslander]

:D

Langer was also grinding his coaching staff into the ground with Elite micromanaging.

[hfswjyr]

I'm not convinced Australia even needed a coach to win the Ashes this year.

[Queenslander]

Fuck me the fallout from this is as toxic as it gets.

Maybe we should run 2 tests teams, one for all the blokes who love kicking puppies and one for the rest of us that have moved on from the win at all costs mentality eg threatening violence, king hitting Joe Root, using sand paper, appointing a sex pest as Captain. etc

The amount of toxic masculinity swirling around atm is shameful.

[Ben]

Mullet and a tash seems unironically incredibly fashionable in Australia these days so I'm hardly surprised toxic masculinity is causing issues.

[Queenslander]

Cummins is getting dragged over being too PC whatever that means.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You will end up with Dizzy surely, which will be very sad as he is brilliant and a good man.

[Queenslander]

Dizzy and Cummins is the perfect combination going forward.


Edit: I just remembered when Langer's generation were coached by John Buchanan they won everything and they all threw him under the bus.

This fallout will takes years to fade away.

[thommo]

I don't often watch or comment on the T20 franchise leagues, but fucking hell, that innings from Roy today was something else. Incredible hitting.

[Ian]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2022/feb/07/paul-collingwood-appointed-england-interim-head-coach-for-west-indies-tour

Obviously I already know how dreamy Foakes is and I'd like to see Mahmood get a go but somebody tell me what to think about Lees, Clarke and Bohannon please.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Lees has been around for some time. At one point was the coming thing, then fell away, then left Yorkshire for Durham, and now seems to have had a renaissance. Can't be any worse than the openers we've had recently.

Bohannon has a good record and looks about 15 years older than he is, not seen loads of him because he plays up north and mainly red ball which is rarely on TV.

Joe Clarke... immense talent. Also been involved in various incidents which means he is on Eoin Morgan's shit list with Hales. Used to be in the Worcestershire rape club, now in the Notts coke club. If he gets picked there will be an outcry from some quarters, I imagine.

[Ian]

'Worcestershire rape club'....?

[Ben]

https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/joe-clarke-tom-kohler-cadmore-on-england-blacklist-after-whatsapp-revelations-1183005

[Ian]

Oh. Lovely.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Seems we're dropping both Broad and Anderson, I can't wait to see which no doubt superior bowlers they pick instead.

[Ian]

What, for the whole series?

[Danny]

I look forward to the "we are managing them" comments but we wont use either of them again until June.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The named squad is totally bizarre. They don't seem to have picked a backup opener (to Lees/Crawley) or a number three at all. Presumably that means Root's doing it, in which case... ah fuck it, who knows.

Matt Fisher is a bizarre choice.

[Ian]

"No-one doubts the quality and experience that James and Stuart bring to the England set-up. It will be up to the new managing director and permanent head coach to decide on whether they will be involved this summer and beyond."

It would be deeply weird for anybody to have somehow come to the conclusion that they are the issue, if that's what's really happening here.

[Ben]

Oh look, another sign of ECB institutional failure! Useless cunts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think the most likely explanation is that one or both of the duo told Root he is a shit captain, and now that Silverwood/Giles are gone there is no one left to quell Root's vengeance.

There's no way Andrew Strauss and/or Paul Collingwood are thick enough to actually believe the above statement.

[Ben]

Waahhh, James and Stuart won’t let us micro manage every aspect of their lives, wahhhh.

Absolutely no chance we’ll appoint a ruthless coach like Kirsten because he’ll call the ECB out for what they are.

[niko_cee]

A jilted Jimmy bunging up the county game for another decade Darren Stevens style would be glorious.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Absolutely no chance we’ll appoint a ruthless coach like Kirsten because he’ll call the ECB out for what they are.

They tried appointing a useless weed before to go alongside our useless weed captain and it didn't work - surely they won't get away with it again? I guess there is absolutely no accountability for Tom Harrison so he'll probably do just that.

Mickey Arthur, who has inexplicably washed up at Derbyshire, would be my choice. Give them a couple of Tests at the county ground as compensation.

[Queenslander]

What a class act.






“There has been much public comment since Justin Langer’s resignation as the Coach of the Australian Cricket team.

For good reason, I haven’t made public comment before today.

To speak about a decision, which was yet to be made and which is for Cricket Australia to make, would have put Cricket Australia and the team in an impossible position. I’d never do that.

I believe in respecting the sanctity of the change room and proper process.

Now that a decision has been made by Justin to resign and given his own public comments and others by Cricket Australia, I can provide some clarity.

Justin has acknowledged that his style was intense. And it was.

He has apologised to players and staff for his intensity.

I think the apology was unnecessary.

Because the players were ok with JL’s intensity.

It came from a good place – his fierce love of Australia and the baggy green – something which has served Australian cricket well for three decades.

It’s what makes him a legend of the sport.

And Justin’s intensity drove a better team culture and higher team standards.

These are significant Justin Langer legacies.

And on behalf of the players, I thank Justin.

More than that, we owe him a lot and Justin will be a welcome face in the change room in the future.

So, his intensity was not the issue for the players and the support staff.

The question is: what is the best style of coaching for the future, given how the team has evolved?

We have been very well schooled in how to play cricket in the right way – in the correct Australian way.

We understand the importance of always playing to the highest ethical standards.

And the players need no motivation as I’ve never played with more motivated cricketers.

To be better players for Australia, from this solid foundation, we need a new style of coaching and skill set.

This was the feedback the players gave to Cricket Australia. And it’s the feedback I understand support staff also gave.

We welcome that Cricket Australia invited the players and staff to contribute to CA’s evaluation.

I add that as professional sportspeople we would have accepted any decision CA were to make because that’s what professionals do.

CA have made a brave call to transition, given the team has been winning.

Finally, we are custodians of cricket, with one very big thing in common: our first duty is to Australian cricket, which is bigger than any one of us.

I take this responsibility seriously. I live and breathe it.

We also have a duty to our mates.

Many former players have reached out to me and silently offered me their advice which is welcome.

Some others have spoken in the media – which is also welcome and comes from a love of the game and their support of a mate.

To all past players, I want to say this:

Just as you have always stuck up for your mates, I’m sticking up for mine.”

[niko_cee]

"change room"

:sick:

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's a dark day for not starting sentences with conjunctions.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm watching the IPL auction (isolation things), the auctioneer collapsed during a bidding war for Wanindu Hasaranga. They seem to have just dragged him off, found some other geezer and carried on :D

Jason Roy nearly went unsold until his old Surrey coach Vikram Solanki stuck up the paddle at the death, love a bit of that sort of thing.

[Ian]

https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/sport/2022/02/english-cricket-is-in-a-deep-crisis-that-the-ritual-sacking-of-a-few-coaches-wont-fix

Love a bit of Liew.

Like the increasingly preposterous Boris Johnson, Harrison has resolved to brazen out a situation that would have swept away lesser men. Like Johnson, there are few questions that he cannot answer with a lavish recital of his successes: in white-ball cricket, England’s men and women have both won World Cups, while the launch of the Hundred competition yielded record crowds and impressive TV audiences.

What's the feeling on The Hundred now that the dust has settled? I appreciate you won't achieve overnight change with one tournament but do they think it's done much to start to make cricket appeal to a wider audience?

[Ben]

As a traditionalist, I hate it. But I can’t deny it was entertaining for what it was and got a lot of people interested who otherwise weren’t. Even my wife was enjoying it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It was great for the women's game. Its (possibly considerable) ill effects are the knock ons for the rest of cricket, rather than people having a terrible time at the actual Hundred games. I'm not sure why it couldn't be 15 overs (if it had to be shorter than T20) rather than the stupid 100 ball mess which was dreamed up by morons.

I've become weirdly obsessed by the IPL auction. I've just watched a bidding war for Jofra Archer, who is listed as an 'All-Rounder', and who won't play this year, reach over $1 million.

[Ben]

All rounder :D

[Queenslander]

:happycry:




https://i.ibb.co/7YwMxwd/273280358-423764366193709-530583712427751546-n-1.jpg (https://ibb.co/4m6vw6n)

[Jimmy Floyd]

That is one of the more laughable quotes I have ever seen.

By older players of course he means 'older men who were once players'.

[Queenslander]

Nah Tubby would back himself to go again.

[niko_cee]

In fairness the could all probably do a job for England right now.

[Ian]

What have the current crop done that is so abhorrent to the ex-pros? Is it literally just that they're not bowing and scraping in their presence?

[niko_cee]

Not macho enough would be my guess.

[Ben]

What have the current crop done that is so abhorrent to the ex-pros? Is it literally just that they're not bowing and scraping in their presence?

The level of Australian cricket through the 90's and 00's was so high that you had to be a complete cunt to stay afloat. The current crop haven't really done anything untoward.

[Queenslander]

It's been turned into a culture war pissing contest by the former players (and the Murdoch media) due to their mate getting the sack. The thing is all these former players had their coach sacked or contract not renewed at some point, Tubby was famously involved with Bob Simpson not getting his contract renewed and the Golden Generation were toxic as fuck getting rid of Buck.


It feels like at least 50% of fans/rubes are treating this like it is the end of the world and that they proudly won't support this current team anymore. Something to do with being snowflakes or weak or entitled or whatever the Murdoch media tells them to believe.

[hfswjyr]

https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/sport/2022/02/english-cricket-is-in-a-deep-crisis-that-the-ritual-sacking-of-a-few-coaches-wont-fix

Love a bit of Liew.


What's the feeling on The Hundred now that the dust has settled? I appreciate you won't achieve overnight change with one tournament but do they think it's done much to start to make cricket appeal to a wider audience?

As far as I can tell, it got zero coverage outside the UK.

[niko_cee]

I think that was the point of it though, to push cricket domestically.

Foreign franchise cricket doesn't reach wider audiences. You can find it if you want to, but it's hyper-niche and gets absolutely no even halfway mainstream coverage.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nonsense, I watched the Mzansi Super League on Freesports TV on Saturday afternoon, felt like the zeitgeist event.

[niko_cee]

I personally enjoyed a Brighto strait drive yesterday off a fast.tv ball, but like I said, pretty niche.

The seamless integration of untold advertisers is the major attraction of the PSL or whatever it is called.

How I yearn to do the Osaka run, whatever that is.

[hfswjyr]

Fair enough. IPL manages gets decent coverage amongst the subcontinent migrant contingent here, and some mention in general news when NZ players are 'bought'.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The best story from the IPL auction is from KKR, who signed a completely unknown player called Ramesh Kumar. He has never played a professional game and also seems to go by the alias Narine Jalalabad. Obviously this raised a few eyebrows so people did some digging and it turns out they seem to have signed him on the back of this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgxMoKJuNdY) fever dream video ft. a clearly psychotic commentator, in which he is seen whacking some bloke called 'Babbu' around a park in tennis ball cricket. Now he lines up in the squad with Cummins, Rahane, Iyer, Billings et al.

Honestly don't think English or Australian cricket has anything to rival that sort of off-the-cuff insanity.

[niko_cee]

:D

Chilly [who seems to have named the team after himself], erm, chilling at the non-striker's end.

He's stolen Shankar's dream. Clearly all the critic-answering-chin-music journalism was the wrong approach entirely. You just need some loon on a tannoy shouting incomprehensible madness as you flay some muppet around the ground. Love that a little 'tournament sixes' box pops up. Tournament?

[niko_cee]

With the IPL auction, does all the money just go into the players' back pocket? Is it spread over a number of tournaments [what's the Archer stuff about if not?] or is it a per year thing? I always find the massive disparities between what some players go for to be somewhat confusing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As far as I understand it, it's basically a 'salary', so I guess that would be annual. So signing Archer makes sense in terms of the idea that he'll be their player if and when fit (I think these run for a few years or whatever now).

The disparities are all supply and demand based. Obviously you only have 4 overseas spots in the XI so you want to use them on weak areas, which in India's case appears to be all rounders. As such, Liam Livingstone's ended up getting over $1 million, whereas Jason Roy has to pleb it out for about $250,000 and Adil Rashid wasn't picked up at all, and nor was the No1 or whatever T20I batsman, Dawid Malan.

[Ian]

I assume Adrian Shankar was the talk of the draft, though?

[Ian]

More Liew: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2022/feb/14/stuart-broad-jimmy-anderson-england-cricket


And so in part Anderson and Broad’s brilliance derived from the purity of their vocation. They didn’t need to perfect a back-of-the-hand slower delivery. They weren’t being pressed to add a few clicks of pace. They weren’t being pulled in five directions by franchises and the next contract. They didn’t have to worry about relearning their natural length every time they switched from one format to another.

Will any England fast bowler ever enjoy that luxury again? Perhaps if they want to. Chris Woakes and Ollie Robinson could ultimately go down that path, even if Woakes is still part of the white-ball setup and Robinson has ambitions in that direction. But the rewards are diminishing and will diminish even further for the generation that follows them. An injured Jofra Archer will earn £783,000 for not playing in this year’s Indian Premier League, more than Anderson and Broad get for playing an entire year of red-ball cricket.

:|

[niko_cee]

Yeah, it still makes no sense to me.

FOMO gone mad. Could they not just bid on him in the next auction, where he might be available to play? What if he is injured for the next however many IPLs? Does he just keep getting paid that contract regardless of actually playing? A strange world beyond reason or regulation.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There was obviously a bidding war between different teams to get him to that lofty price, so it was very much FOMO.

Similarly 18 year old Dewald Brevis commanded 3 crore (like, $400k) in pure future proofing, while Jason Roy got 2 crore and Aaron Finch unsold.

[niko_cee]

The U19 Saffa? :cab:

Has moneyball not hit the IPL then? Just seems there is a lot of talent which goes unexploited in favour of biffing Liam Livingstone a career's worth of central contract earnings in 1 go [fair play to him, quite why anyone who can doesn't just do the franchise circuit is a bit beyond me]. I guess the foreign player restrictions somewhat limit a pure moneyball approach.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think they think they are doing moneyball, but the supply/demand issues are very idiosyncratic, namely:

- Limit of 4 overseas players in an XI / 8 in a squad means that good/useful Indian players get overpaid relative to their talent, especially in sparse talent areas (seam bowlers)
- There is a surfeit of good/decent Indian spinners and middle order bats, less so openers and seamers
- Each team has its own 'biases', e.g. Stephen Fleming is the CSK coach and always signs Kiwis
- All rounders are at a premium, since in T20 they allow you to load up on specialists elsewhere in the team
- The various nationalities each come with their own baggage. For example, English players tend to have very split loyalties as they will be on at worst a county wage and have other playing opportunities at that time of year, so will tend to want a good payday to even bother with the IPL. West Indians, on the other hand, are paid shit at home, are free for the whole tournament, and largely exist to play IPL, with West Indies duty being a nice bonus if they have time. Hence you see 17 of them signed up in this auction, and people like Romario Shepherd commanding $1 million for reasons which are not quite clear to me.
- Analytics is getting bigger and bigger in T20, and analytics tells you it's basically all about hitting sixes - so a Livingstone is going to be worth his weight in gold, especially with the added spin bowling.

Having watched a lot of the auction I think the teams act fairly rationally on their own terms, it's just that those terms are nothing you would recognise from any kind of normal sporting league or tournament.

[niko_cee]

I've obviously not been following it that closely, but looking at this T20 between Australia and Sri Lanka, are the Aussies just taking the piss by having A Agar open the batting or is that a thing now?

[Queenslander]

James Faulkner v Pakistan Cricket Board is mental what a fucking loser that bloke is.

[Danny]

It’s mental

PCB official statement:


In December 2021, Mr James Faulkner’s agent confirmed the United Kingdom bank details to which his fee payments should be transferred. This was noted for action.
In January 2022, for reasons best known to Mr Faulkner, his agent sent revised banking details of his onshore account in Australia. However, the contracted 70 per cent of Mr Faulkner’s fee payment was transferred to his offshore UK bank account.
The receipt of this payment was acknowledged by Mr Faulkner.

Accordingly, his payments as per his contract are fully up to date.
The remaining 30 per cent of his contractual payment only becomes due 40 days after the completion of the HBL Pakistan Super League 2022, which now remains a matter to be reviewed in line with his contract.
In spite of the money being transferred and received in his account, Mr Faulkner continued to insist that a second duplicate payment of the same amount be made to his account in Australia. This meant Mr Faulkner would have been paid twice.
He further threatened and refused to participate in his side’s match against Multan Sultans on Friday afternoon until his money demands were met.

The PCB, as a responsible organisation, engaged with Mr Faulkner early Friday afternoon in an attempt to reason with him. Despite his reprehensible and insulting behavior during the conversation, Mr Faulkner was assured that all his grievances would be addressed. He refused to reconsider his decision to take the field in a crucial match for his side, let his team down and demanded that his travel arrangements be immediately made.

During this time, the PCB was also in constant contact with his agent, who was regretful and apologetic.
Prior to his departure on Saturday morning, Mr Faulkner caused deliberate damage to the hotel property and as a result had to pay damages to the hotel management. The PCB later received reports and complaints from the immigration authorities that Mr Faulkner had acted inappropriately and abusively at the airport.
“In wake of the above, and taking serious note of Mr James Faulkner’s gross misconduct that was an attempt to bring the PCB, Pakistan cricket and the HBL Pakistan Super League into disrepute, it has been unanimously agreed by the PCB and the franchises that Mr James Faulkner will not be drafted in future HBL Pakistan Super League events.”

[Jimmy Floyd]

The fact that the PCB were moved to call him 'reprehensible', and the fact that he chucked his bat and helmet onto a chandelier, tells me that he's the dickhead of the piece.

[Ben]

I always thought he was a fucking weapon so I'm pleased to have that confirmed.

[Ben]

This trend that the IPL started of sponsoring every fucking thing is brutal.

Babar just smeared Irfan through the covers with a Brighto Stainfree Drive. :D

[niko_cee]

Stainfree, that's what I was reaching for upthread. I find it the most appealing aspect of franchise cricket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gower's commentary on top of all the Pakistani madness is such a great juxtaposition. Like your posh uncle reading out the lyrics to gangsta rap.

[Luke Emia]

Caught a bit of Gower the other day. What on earth were SKY thinking of when the binned him off. He’s a really good commentator.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Been there a while so probably too expensive as they chase the fabled 'younger viewership' who can't afford Sky Sports.

[Ben]

England can't even do a draft correctly. Whereas the IPL auction was its usual chaos, all the Hundred teams have retained pretty much everyone. So the auction at the end of March will be a bidding war for de Kock, Warner and Finch, then after that it'll be a case of filling out the squad with 2nd XI sloggers.

[Ben]

That same Australian attack that embarrassed us time and again for six weeks is getting pezzled all around Rawalpindi. :eyemouth:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Imam-ul-Haq peels off an imperious 130* while our openers made about that combined in a five Test series.

[Ian]

I know the Gatting Ball will be the one clip that gets played to death over the next few days with Warne's passing but honestly it doesn't get any less mad with repeat viewings.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Gatting Ball is pure perfection, not only in how good the ball was, but the fact that it was Fat Gat on the receiving end and his body language and look of utter bemusement.

[Ian]

Any batsman looking utterly baffled by what a good spin delivery has just done to them is always good but Gatting, understandably enough, looks like something impossible had just happened.

Recency bias but I'm not sure much, in terms of the batsman's reaction, will top Kohli looking like he was considering reviewing being clean bowled by Mo.

[niko_cee]

The cut to Dicky Bird, completely impassive, is almost as good as the ball.

[Clunge]

Dickie Bird looks like he's freezing to death in the clip. I met Dickie Bird once, he called me a little shit. Not quite as good as when John McCririck told me to fuck off though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dickie Bird having outlived Shane Warne is a joke. In fact, Mike Gatting having outlived Shane Warne is a bit of a joke in itself.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just went onto Dickie's Wiki to check his current age and found this anecdote, which must surely be the least likely of all sporting anecdotes to have actually happened:


Bird was an umpire in the final of the inaugural Cricket World Cup in 1975. A pitch invasion followed the West Indies' 17-run victory, and number of players and umpires had items of their playing outfits "souvenired" by the crowd. A year later, Bird was a passenger on a bus in South London, when he noticed the conductor was wearing a white hat very similar to the one he favoured, and asked the conductor where he obtained it from.

"Man, haven't you heard of Mr Dickie Bird," he replied. "This is one of his hats. I took it off his head at the World Cup final... we all ran onto the field and I won the race."

Sorry Dickie, but nope.

[Ian]

:D


Dickie Bird looks like he's freezing to death in the clip. I met Dickie Bird once, he called me a little shit. Not quite as good as when John McCririck told me to fuck off though.

The latter is like a badge of honour.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What better tribute to the great man than to have Marnus Labuschagne 'operating' with his leg spin as Pakistan cruise past 400 just two down.

[Max Power]

I can hear him pleading for a declaration hours ago to advance the game.

This one has really rocked me tbh, didn’t think it would. Legend. Gonna re-read the Gideon Haigh book on him now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think it's because he was always so alive, whether on the field, or talking shite off it, always absolutely engaged and on it. Big loss for the sport, he just got involved in everything.

[Ian]

Ollie Robinson out of the first test. What a relief we have two 500+ wicket men to rely on, eh?

[niko_cee]

Get Darren Stevens on the plane.

[Ben]

Ollie Robinson out of the first test. What a relief we have two 500+ wicket men to rely on, eh?

He seems to be regularly picking up these "unable to bowl more than 10 overs a day" injuries recently. Maybe he's just not cut out for this much cricket.

I've gone from Premier League opening bowler to Division 3 bowler only when needed by age 30. I can sympathise.

[Ian]

I did see somebody, can't remember who, during the Ashes saying whether his body's just not up to it or it's a conditioning issue there's definitely something there to suggest he's not going to be an every-match test bowler.

[Ben]

All the more reason to bin off Anderson and Broad then.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I still don't understand the Anderson/Broad thing. If we were actually trialling the future of English bowling then it would be stupid and disrespectful to West Indies, but at least would have some logic behind it. What we're actually doing is playing Woakes and Overton.

[Ian]

RED BALL RESET, Jimmy.

[Ian]

That bowling line-up isn't very inspiring. Foakes back though. :wub:

Somebody tell me what to think of Lees?

[Jimmy Floyd]

We have picked two bowlers who aren't functional right arm medium pacers, so I guess there's that.

Dan Lawrence at 4 is bold, hope he makes runs. On the other hand, I'm not sure why Ollie Pope's on the trip at all if his job is to sit in the sheds having a wank. Should be back home with his coaches.

[Ben]

He's alright. No better than what's gone before him.

The wicket looks a bunsen already. Root better have bought his bowling shoes because am I fuck tolerating 40 overs an innings out of Jack Leach.

[Ben]

On the other hand, I'm not sure why Ollie Pope's on the trip at all if his job is to sit in the sheds having a wank. Should be back home with his coaches.

Mind boggling.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Lawrence's absolute megafilth will come into the game I reckon, although Root does love a bowl.

[Ben]

I do a love a my bat, my ball type of captain. Our club captain is the same and it gets the the members seething, which is brilliant. To be fair he's by far the best batsman but he's put on about five stone since his peak with the ball so he just farts it out now.

[Ben]

Ha, just looked at the Pakistan score. 252/0 in the third innings as they shake on a draw.


Australia end the match with a bowling average of 238.33, the second worst for any team in a Test match. (min: 1200 balls bowled)

:drool:

[Ben]

The Windies cricket anthem sounds like the stadium didn't get the rights to play it so dubbed it over with some generic reggae.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In the Melbourne Test against us they averaged 12.63, which according to my calculations means England are almost 20 times worse than Pakistan.

Nothing better than an overweight club seamer still thinking he's 21 and can bowl rockets. Especially now I'm an umpire and I have to hold their sweaty caps for the endless forlorn spells (I assume this horror will come back after covid).

[Ben]

Especially now I'm an umpire and I have to hold their sweaty caps for the endless forlorn spells (I assume this horror will come back after covid).

You'll be pleased to know apparently not. Our league have said holding caps and jumpers is not coming back this season which apparently is at the behest of the ECB, but it's still to be officially confirmed. Sweat and saliva on the ball is set to be permanently banned as well, which I'm livid about.

[Ben]

BT needs to have cricket taken off them immediately, purely for employing fucking Ian Bishop for this series.

[Ian]

Got to love the BT sport app working fine while some dickheads were wanking on about nothing and then conking out the instant the match is actually about to start.

[Ian]

And it's not on TMS.

I'm just going to assume "Fuck the ECB" will cover me here.

[Ben]

Yeah it's on fucking talkSPORT.

[Ian]

I was genuinely about to post "I'm back, so get ready for a wicket" and I've switched on just in time to see a review. :D :uhoh:

[Jimmy Floyd]

You'll be pleased to know apparently not. Our league have said holding caps and jumpers is not coming back this season which apparently is at the behest of the ECB, but it's still to be officially confirmed. Sweat and saliva on the ball is set to be permanently banned as well, which I'm livid about.

I'm surprised about the sweat and saliva, it will be so much admin for us having to penalise the fuckers all the time (did it about 5 times last year and I wasn't even looking for it).

Players will have no idea how great the not holding clothes thing is, though. Will genuinely raise the standard of umpiring by a fair amount. So much easier to get it right when you're in a relaxed position and not twisted up holding some angry bastard's cap and jumper.

[Ian]

Sorry lads.

[Ben]

I'm surprised about the sweat and saliva, it will be so much admin for us having to penalise the fuckers all the time (did it about 5 times last year and I wasn't even looking for it).

I do it all the time. Last year I'd just get a telling off and the umpire would sanitise the ball (some brands worked brilliantly for shining the ball so we were doing it intentionally in big games) but I can't see sanitiser remaining at hand anymore, so fuck knows what will happen.

[Ian]

Red Ball Reset. :drool:

[Ben]

What a catch mind. Classic Crawley.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I do it all the time. Last year I'd just get a telling off and the umpire would sanitise the ball (some brands worked brilliantly for shining the ball so we were doing it intentionally in big games) but I can't see sanitiser remaining at hand anymore, so fuck knows what will happen.

I reckon I did it 4 or 5 times and every single time without fail, the player in question would say 'What? I thought we were allowed to now?' as if I was born fucking yesterday. Club cricketers probably the most predictable bunch of people on the planet.

No ball sanitising though, that's just mental.

Here we go, ripped to shreds by Jayden Seales.

[Ben]

No ball sanitising though, that's just mental.

Batters game.

[Max Power]

Comforting knowing that in an uncertain world, the England cricket team can provide some consistency. Helps keep you centred I feel.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Batters game.

Not when I've got dinner booked for 7.

[Ben]

Not when I've got dinner booked for 7.

:D

[Ben]

Deary me.

[Ian]

:drool:

[Ben]

How low would we have to go for the ECB mafia to eat humble pie and appoint someone ruthless like Kirsten to sort this mess out?

Fuck coups on Putin, Tom Harrison needs to go first.

[niko_cee]

Should probably just open the batting with Broad and Anderson.

[Ben]

All the under 30's back in the shed. Reset going well.

[Ben]

They've just put up the leading wicket takers in Tests list again and I still can't get my head around Dale Steyn. Phenomenal strike rate.

Ashwin doesn't count because 80% of his wickets are in India. Should be a giant asterisk next to that cunt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I never quite knew how Dale Steyn did it. Had basically one weapon, the outswinger at pace. A decent weapon I suppose, but I guess it must have been the relentless accuracy that gave him that strike rate.

[niko_cee]

"Bluey and The Benjamin"™ on the counter.

[Luke Emia]

All is forgiven with the BT coverage. Gower is on that was Sky’s biggest cock up the other year when they cut costs.

[Ben]

Harmison isn't too bad to be fair.

[Ben]

Joe El Wilson is fucking garbage.

[Danny]

YJB with 3 tons on the bounce (including the warmup). Is he BACK? Probably not but lets enjoy it while we can.

We still have some batting to come so if we can avoid the usual morning collapse we really should score 350.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Joe El Wilson is fucking garbage.

Poor bloke in way over his skis.

This is proper 'answered his critics' stuff from Bairstow, so it's important we keep criticising him so he always has 'a point to prove'. A nod too for Foakes finally getting selected and immediately doing something useful (again). If we get 300+ we're well in the game.

[niko_cee]

We still have some batting to come so if we can avoid the usual morning collapse we really should score 350.

:roflol:

[Danny]

It was always a BIG if but we almost got there.

[Ian]

The Windies don't seem to be too perturbed about facing England's hungry young bowling attack.

[niko_cee]

Looks like the red ball reset might have missed the batting and hit the bowlers.

[Luke Emia]

You can never tell what a pitch is like until both teams have batted on it…

[Ben]

Is my dislike of Overton a bit irrational? I don’t know what he brings to the team, but obviously the people who know more than me see something in him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's a nothing cricketer and an unrepentant racist, there's plenty to be going on.

[Ben]

Didn’t know about the racism thing, good to know I’m a spiffing judge of character.

[Ben]

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ian Bishop commentate and him not get a ball in his hand and attempt to explain how swing works.

[Danny]

1501658861366829060

[Queenslander]

:D

[Danny]

"Thank you for obliging us with the speed reads Alan. Can you confirm that Woakes and Overton are being measured by a bloke with a stopwatch at square leg?"

Cricinfo comment on our express new ball pair of Overton and Woakes. Bowling their wonderfully pedestrian mid 70s - low 80s.

Jimmy can do that until he is 45.

[Ben]

Yeah the red ball reset makes zero sense from an on-field perspective.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Woakes and Overton firing pop guns at a determined Nkrumah Bonner, it's basically a county match.

[Waffdon]

You can tell England haven’t had a proper wicket keeper in a good while based on the amount of Ben Foakes videos on my Twitter :D

[Ben]

Now COVID doesn't exist anymore, when are they going to start flying in competent umpires again?

[Ben]

BT bringing up Scott Boland's bowling stats just for grins. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Lawrence's absolute megafilth will come into the game I reckon

First over, removes the centurion. Know the game :cool:

[Ian]

:drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Carlos Brathwaite is a really good pundit. I don't know if he lives over here now but he always seems to be on our TV.

[Ben]

Well his child was born here at least so I'd assume so.

[niko_cee]

We really should have just shaken hands on this before condemning ourselves to 12 months of Zak Crawley opening the batting.

[Ian]

Yeah this innings means we're definitely enduring about 30 innings of Crawley averaging 7 again.

[Waffdon]

I still quite like him but I’ve only really seen him play a handful of times.

[Ian]

He's a very England batsman. When he gets a score he'll look the business. However the rest of the time he'll be chasing at any old filth three yards wide of his stumps and chucking his wicket away.

He's got one way to play and it either looks slick as fuck or, more often, deeply unsuited to test cricket.

I mean I'd love him to prove me wrong.

[Ben]

Oooh we've just taken a third one into tea. A shame we can't ever dismiss Holder and Stokes looks in bits because it could be an exciting last 2.5 hours.

[niko_cee]

So this Bonner guy is going to be the guy who we don't get out all series yeah? Always one.

[Ben]

1503290411858681856

After a TFC in the first Test which is lol enough, Fawad Alam gets smashed dead in front first ball in the second Test. :D

[niko_cee]

Good to see the England Women going full France in their World Cup defence efforts.

[Max Power]

Could be history in the making in Karachi this afternoon…

[Ben]

Wow. I hadn't even bothered looking today.

Babar :cool:

[thommo]

I don't think there are enough overs for the chase, but that's cracking batting to see out a draw (IF they make it).

[Ian]

I would LOVE it.

As you say though, even if they keep chugging along they probably don't have enough time.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How did they manage to get bowled out for 148 in the first dig?

[hfswjyr]

I saw this thread, immediately went over to cricinfo to see what was going on, and the score flashed and changed from 4 down to 5 down. Sorry Babar.

[Ian]

And there goes another.

Fuck's sake, Vowels. :nono:

[thommo]

I blame Max for bringing it to everyone's attention.

[Max Power]

The jinx power clearly crosses country lines.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are these lunatics going for the win?

[Ben]

How has Swepson got himself a gig? Bang average.

[thommo]

Fisher and Mahmood both getting debuts today.

[Danny]

Cant be any worse than Overton.

[Ian]

What is a Matt Fisher?

[Danny]

Yorkshire seamer. Broke into the team at like 17 but has been up and down since then.

I would have expected England to pick Ben Coad before him (looking purely at Yorkshire).

[Jimmy Floyd]

He hasn't even been on the radar before this tour, which makes me think it's a Root pick.

[Jimmy Floyd]

53/1 off 35, absolute party cricket going off in Bridgetown.

[Ben]

I was supposed to be at this Test until my wife got preggo. Actually think I’ve dodged a bullet.

[Ian]

Yeah both have tests have been a bit turgid.

[Luke Emia]

Even if it has been a bit dull at least we have dug in a bit. I’d rather it was dull and we were always in the game than being 100-6 every game.

If you want excitement get James Vince in.

[Ian]

I mean, have we really dug in or are the Windies just not very good on a pitch that's doing nothing?

[Luke Emia]

A bit of both. But we could also definitely find a way to be 30-4 on any pitch no matter how much of a batsman’s paradise it looks.

[Ian]

That map showing where the Windies seamers deliveries have passed the crease since Tea. :sick:

It's the wooden things, lads.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If this rather odd tour means an extended run for Lawrence, I'm all for it.

[thommo]

Oh Dan. :(

[Jimmy Floyd]

He'll get there. He has a bit of vim and something about him, personality-wise, which might sound like a low bar to be selected for a national sporting team but in this bunch of wets it counts for a lot I think.

[Ian]

I look forward to him going back to being shit against anybody good.

[Ben]

He needs to put that off spin away mind.

[thommo]

2 Test wickets at 20, he should be our primary spin option.

[Ben]

Kids action.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Wouldn't get a bowl in club cricket, gets one in the pro game.

[Ian]

This is excellent stuff from Stokes, exactly what we need.

[Luke Emia]

Yep a solid counter-attack. That's what this team has needed for a long time.