The Cricket Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

A quick look around suggests it will be Lord's, the Oval, Headingley, Trent Bridge, OT, Edgbaston, and then you'd only have two from Cardiff, Southampton, Bristol and Durham. Probably not Durham, so two from those first three. Surrey and Yorkshire will insist on playing with their own names, too.

I think it's an absolutely terrible idea that London-centric money men have come up with without any sort of understanding of how English cricket actually works.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gaz Batts :drool:

Can see him steaming onto the pitch in his drinks carrying bib to give it large if we take a wicket. Get him to India as well please.

[Max Power]

Ben Duckett replacing Morgan in the ODI squad as well. Hopefully for good. Lad is absolute quality.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our one day batting is a bit daft these days. Not sure when that happened. Roy, Hales, Root, Duckett, Buttler, Stokes, Billings, Moeen as a top eight is not out of the question and I've left Bairstow and Fingers McGinty out of that.

About 5 keepers in there as well. We should, but won't, piss the Champions Trophy. I see we've landed Australia, New Zealand and Danglabesh in the in no way rigged draw.

I was wondering why all the games in that are 10.30am day games (Darren Stevens ahoy) and then I remembered the Indian TV market.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Anyone at a loose end tomorrow, get the One Day final watched, coverage 10am on Sky. Surrey v Warwickshire, two quality teams. Trott and Ian Ronald Bell in action for the brummies, but Surrey will munch them because we have Curran junior and Gaz Batts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Woakesy getting taken to the cleaners by the mighty rey. Although this is Davies's last game, we've conveniently raided all Durham's best players for next year.

[Shindig]

Good. I hate Durham.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Well this went well. Lord's playing like day 5 Chennai for some reason.

[Danny]

Woakesy getting taken to the cleaners by the mighty rey. Although this is Davies's last game, we've conveniently raided all Durham's best players for next year.

I heard Davies is going to Somerset. He said he wants the gloves back so I think he would be perfect for Yorks since our keeper is always gone with England and our second choice is 32 and averaging under 30.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah but the western terrace would probably call him a poofter when he hoys it to mid on 12 times a season. Somerset is quite a good fit.

He's deluding himself if he thinks he can get into the England picture with the gloves though.

[Danny]

:D I don't think Nicola Adams has had any stick but they again that would be the younger crowd you dont get at Headingley.... go to Somerset Steve lad.

Agreed, that time has come and gone. Bairstow, Buttler, Billings, Foakes and Duckett are all ahead of him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

County championship deciders today, mainly Yorkshire v Middlesex which is on Sky and the winner is champion (Somerset could sneak through if it's a draw). The build up has featured England withholding Root and Bairstow from Yorkshire's team, and more spectacularly Adil Rashid opting to rest himself, sparking riots on the streets of Pontefract and Pudsey and Yorkshire fans (cricket's Liverpool fans) claiming that it's a massive ECB Strauss-led pro-Middlesex conspiracy, and Angus Fraser is popping people from the grassy knoll.

Really hope Middlesex mince them.

[Max Power]

Rashid reckons it's because of an ill relative. I'll take him at face value so the intitial press release it very odd, he's been thrown under the bus.

Does a draw do for Middlesex? Surely a famous Lords road is in the offing

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm not sure I buy Adil's story tbh. If it was that bad then Yorkshire wouldn't have chucked him under the bus, unless they are all complete morons, which is always possible up there.

A draw would potentially let Somerset in through the middle.

[Max Power]

Draw + Somerset win would have it down to bonus points? Could be a cracking four days

[niko_cee]

Somerset losing 5 for nowt at the end of the day yesterday is a bit :cab: even if they can blame it on madly trying to accumulate bonus points.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nottinghamshire having already gone down is lol enough, but if Warwickshire somehow manage to join them I might poo myself with mirth. That said, imagine Trott's run aggregate in Div 2 :drool:

Surrey looked certain to go down at the halfway mark, but then the pitches dried out, Sam C came back from his A levels and we pissed it.

[Max Power]

Yorkshire struggling. Three down and Bresnan coming in at five!

[Jimmy Floyd]

Please let Yorkshire get stuffed and then Strauss come out and do a lap of honour with the Middlesex players. Maybe Fat Gatt as well. I'm meant to hate Middlesex, but the boring northern farts are the greater enemy to mankind.

AH'LL SITHEE bore off Dickie Bid.

[niko_cee]

Go in with 4 batsmen. 3 of them get ducks.

lol

[Ian]

I went and saw Warwickshire play about 20 years ago as part of the same arrangement that saw Andy Moles come round promoting Kwik Kricket. In hindsight there's a chance I might have seen Lara.

I was also the only person he gave a yellow card. :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Trott calling out Michael Vaughan in the Times this morning :drool: :drool: :drool:

He's such a hero.

[Max Power]

His book could be worth a read for sure.

Was lolling at Bresilad in at five for Yorkshire but he's 102* and they are in the box seat now

[Jimmy Floyd]

If the vile Yorkie twats now go on and win it, I'll seethe(e).

[Max Power]

2-2!

Yorkies have it in the bag

[niko_cee]

Only the weather can save us now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Compton really is broken. Christ knows why England cling on to people for so long. Tremlett was the most egregious example.

[niko_cee]

Do you think Middlesex have got it in them to take one for the nation and just bat for as long as possible tomorrow?

[Jimmy Floyd]

No, but can you imagine the Yorkshire moaning? It would be glorious. They'd invoke the spirit of the game and all sorts.

[Danny]

You are starting to sound like the cricket version of Smiffy, Jim

[Ian]

Jimrage to TJ1mm would be a hell of a fall if it became (cricket thread) consensus.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I turned against them when I went to watch a day of Test cricket at Trent Bridge a while back and the bloke next to me in the Radcliffe Road End whipped his shirt off after half an hour's play, told me his life story (all of which seemed to take place in either Wakefield or Pudsey), kept saying 'I've only come t'see Bressie', and after lunch just stood up and shouted YAWKSHUR YAWKSHUR YAWKSHUR every ten minutes as the watery Nottingham lager got the better of him.

[Ian]

I don't necessarily disagree. Yorkshiremen are consistently pegged as Straight Talking and Characters. I've not spent enough time around them to have a proper opinion of my own but there's rarely a clearer euphemism for an obnoxious cunt than those.

[Danny]

We played Payday without me stopping to yell 'YAWKSHUR YAWKSHUR YAWKSHUR' every ten minutes so thats a positive

[Ian]

That's only because you were too busy talking about whippets.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Christ I hope New Zealand continue making a fist of this. Long, long home Test season coming up for India. If they start tying themselves in knots and preparing raging turners after shitting the bed in the first of 13 Tests it could all get spectacularly entertaining.

Saw a bit of Kane munching Trashwin earlier with my 6am coffee :drool:

[niko_cee]

Did I read right that Ashwin is India's leading test run scorer in 2016?

:cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

He is at the moment. Two tons.

Bairstow leads the world with 992 at 76 this year. Blimey.

[niko_cee]

Looks like Middlesex have dropped anchor.

[Danny]

They are happy with second apparently. Madness.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Scrumpy still firmly on ice but Andrew Gale is going to start seething if this goes on much longer, and I for one can't wait.

[niko_cee]

Christ. Things have escalated a bit since I last checked in.

[Danny]

Buffet Bowling :drool:

[niko_cee]

Yeah, just stuck it on the tv. Fair enough but it's rank as a spectacle and not something I particularly agree with.

[niko_cee]

Absolute shambles.

Hope it tips it down (doesn't look likely).

This is no way to win the title.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ridiculously generous declaration. Hoping for a draw but imagine Yorkshire will piss it.

[Danny]

At this point we won't win it, we need to go at 6's

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah but the scummers will have to go all out for wickets so there will be gaps aplenty. Only way it's a draw is if one of them gives up.

I'm being clouded by immense hatred for both sides here.

[Max Power]

Pretty hard pitch to score quickly on from what I've seen

[niko_cee]

Somerset are sausaged either way. Their only hope is meteor stops play.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I dunno, if it goes tits up for Yorkshire are they going to keep swinging to the last man? 80 for 8, 'tis but a flesh wound?

Got to factor in Barry Gallance taking 65 balls to reach double figures as well.

[Danny]

I imagine they will and it was probably part of the agreement that got us 240 instead of 280

[Jimmy Floyd]

Never do a deal with a Yorkshireman.

I see Peter Trego is seething on twitter so it's not all bad news.

[Max Power]

You wanna see some seething, then have a look at Craig Kieswetter's Twitter :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Probably unwarranted seething at this rate. Time for Middlesex to bring some declaration bowling on imo.

[Jimmy Floyd]

99 off 69 balls. I dunno. That's too many really.

[niko_cee]

Thrownig the bat to the end. If that's how the last one goes they should just abolish the county.

[niko_cee]

Farcical, but at least the flat caps lost.

[Danny]

Went down swinging, why the fuck not. Middlesex lead all season so fair play to them.

Maybe we can get a batsmen or two in next season so Bressie isn't batting at 5 anymore. As well as he's actually batted this season.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You can blame the groundsman really, since there was always going to be a result set up but the poor pitch meant they had to do it in a completely barbaric way.

[niko_cee]

It seemed decent enough for a day and a half and then it went all Nagpur.

[niko_cee]

Although I see the last time they played at Nagpur it was an absolute minefield. Am I misremembering that as the interminable road which we duly copied for wherever it was (Trent Bridge?) against Australia?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nope, Nagpur 2012 was indeed the deadest thing imaginable. The pitches in that series were a classic example of Indian top brass being thick as shit. We played all around Ashwin and Ojha on a flat one in Ahmedabad, so the ever intellectual MS Einstein then demanded raging turners to press home the perceived advantage, which he was given and India were promptly ravaged by Swann and Panesar to go down 2-1 before finally, needing a win, they served up that Nagpur shitfest on which Root made his debut.

A classic series.

[Jimmy Floyd]

An all time classic umpiring decision just then in India v NZ. Ross Taylor back in his crease, Ashwin gets one to shoot on low, smashes into the pads right in front of middle. Not out. Probably the worst decision of all time.

Ravi Shastri seething on comms. Get DRS, mate.

[hfswjyr]

This could be interesting if true tomorrow morning.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news/article.cfm?c_id=4&objectid=11722147

Could save us the embarrassment of a third test.

[ItalAussie]

Woah. That's crazy. I assume they'll find a way to play, but if they don't, they should be forced to compensate NZ. Especially given how they leaned on the WICB after the cancelled tour a few years back.

[ItalAussie]

We're playing South Africa? I had absolutely no idea. Is there anything more pointless than biliateral ODI tours? Just a waste of time and players.

We also seem to have sent our fourth-string bowling attack. We've called up players that I've literally never heard of. And I even watched Big Bash games. Seriously, who or what is a Joe Mennie?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've heard of Joe Mennie, there is one in that squad who I haven't heard of though and these days I have a properly dirty, almanac-style knowledge of world cricket which extends to following Shield games and all sorts of things.

EDIT: Daniel Worrall. Literally no idea.

[ItalAussie]

I think I might have seen Worrall and Tremain bowl before. They clearly didn't leave an impression though.

[hfswjyr]

Plenty of Saffas I know are complaining that now they're winning, the Aussies don't seem to care about cricket anymore! Itals just proven them right...

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wouldn't care about cricket if the consequence of doing so was to have Piet van der Fuckhuizen sending mocking belches my way as he wipes Wimbledon baconnaise from his sweaty, beer drenched top lip.

[niko_cee]

All this Durham business seems a bit off.

I don't really know all that much about it, but isn't the fact that they had to spend a shit ton of cash to upgrade their ground to be allowed to host insane loss-making May tests one of the main reasons behind their financial ruin?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah. It goes beyond that, as building a ground suitable for international cricket was one of the requirements for them to be admitted as a first class county in the first place. They then only get given wet May Tests against Sri Lanka/Bangladesh because you can't sell expensive tickets/hospitality up there, so disaster was inevitable.

The two things that are the most fishy are 1) the fact that the ECB told them not to accept a consortium bailout which was on the table, and then forced them into their own, punitive bailout, and 2) four of the other eight Test ground counties have been in massive financial problems of their own but have faced no such penalties (Colin Graves's Yorkshire being one).

As far as I can see, it's down to the ECB playing power games and trying to basically humiliate a county in order to scare all the others into accepting their city-based T20 (and also handily get those pesky 9 Test grounds down to 8, which is their stated number of city teams...)

Surrey are fighting the good fight but everyone else is either cash strapped (half the shire counties), in hock to bent councils (Warwickshire, Glamorgan) or just plain retarded (Yorkshire).

[Shindig]

I like how they got a very short Ashes test which apparently put Chester-le-Street on the map.

[ItalAussie]

Plenty of Saffas I know are complaining that now they're winning, the Aussies don't seem to care about cricket anymore! Itals just proven them right...

I don't even care about bilateral ODI series when they're being played up the road at the SCG. If there's no tests, it's not a real tour.

But the truth is, I legitimately didn't know this series was happening. I suppose that it's mostly for South Africans, given that it's taking place in one of the busiest weekends in Australian sport.

[elth]

I knew it was happening, and that we'd sent a squad with a lot of "potential". It's basically a "made for Indian gamblers" series as far as I can tell.

Even I'm surprised at how little state cricket some of the guys we've selected have played though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Shafiul Islam to Vince, OUT, picks out mid-on!

He's like MegaRonald.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Subcontinental teams seem to have cottoned onto the fact that the best way to play against England is just not to use any seam whatsoever.

[Max Power]

Just flicked on and Stokes has been dropped twice in six balls :D

Good to see Duckett playing well

[Jimmy Floyd]

I got on over 250.5 when we were 60 odd for three and am now planning my retirement in the Bahamas. Have the bookies not watched 'this England side' before?

Watch out for Mosaddek with the bat though, serious talent.

[Max Power]

329.5 was about 3/1 20 minutes ago. Buttler still to come...

[Jimmy Floyd]

I guess the theory is it's a slow pitch that's hard to accelerate on and there won't be any pace on for the scoops etc, but these two seem to be managing just fine.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Now here's a question. If a team of 11 Stokes played a team of 11 Woakes, who would win?

Should probably make this happen actually.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jesus Christ, Bangladesh, talk about being bottling wankers.

[igor_balis]

Fucking Bottlerdesh.

[Jimmy Floyd]

1. lol at Australia
2. Kohli wasting all his runs on New Zealand.
3. I'm glad I'm not watching the above, 447/3 at 3.11 runs per over? Ye gods.
4. lol at Australia
5. We're bowling first.

[Max Power]

The way Mongladesh utterly bottled that last game means I can't see anything other than a whitewash. Such a fragile side.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The permanent melancholy in Athar Ali Khan's voice is one of the most beautiful sounds in cricket, bettered only by the crack of a Jason Roy straight drive, and the start of a Ramiz Raja anecdote.

[Max Power]

He is still the sole Bangladesh representative isn't he? Every series, every world ICC event, he gets wheeled out to insist that "they are an improving side".

Look for him at the 2023 World Cup still sort of hoping that Tamim Iqbal will fulfil his potential.

[niko_cee]

The state of that Australian scorecard.

[ItalAussie]

No excuse for that. The bowlers are fifth-string, but the batting isn't.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He is still the sole Bangladesh representative isn't he? Every series, every world ICC event, he gets wheeled out to insist that "they are an improving side".

Look for him at the 2023 World Cup still sort of hoping that Tamim Iqbal will fulfil his potential.

Suspect he's their only one who speaks any English.

Vince James driving loosely to backward point, well I'm shocked.

[Max Power]

Vince is such a poor mans Ian Ronald Bell. Bin him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I purvey a lesser version of some of the non-turning, round arm slow left arm that Shakib is currently sending down and I have to say it is the sort of bowling that God would do, were he not too busy. Just get it somewhere in the right hander's middle and off, turn one in ten, and utter terror ensues.

[niko_cee]

This all sounds fairly lol.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There was nearly a punch up when Buttler was out. Deshis are a bit into it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Surely even the bangles can't bottle this one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/800/cpsprodpb/12BAA/production/_91741767_bangladesh-getty.jpg

That was Bangladesh screaming at Buttler when his LBW got reviewed to be out. I mean, come on chaps. They seem to have a guy watching the TV in the dressing room shouting down to inform their review decisions, which is illegal and was riling the England players.

[Max Power]

Buttler is exactly the sort of player that'll smash a hundred off like 30 balls next game now.

[Max Power]

Rashid running riot here. The perfect leggies blend of jaffas and absolute filth.

Shaping up to be another good game, don't fancy this inexperienced England team chasing 250+ on a turning track though

[niko_cee]

If you don't want to see rank non-turning filth running through a batting order then avert your gaze now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

141 all out I reckon. Willey top scorer.

[Davgooner]

Absolutely no chance.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh, Willey isn't playing. Plunkett top scorer.

The public school trio of Duckett, Billings and Buttler to each be bowled through the gate.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Vince James with another pretty 30. Reasonable platform for us to fall off.

[Max Power]

These two looking good. So comfortable against the spin.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I reckon they might end up putting Duckett in the Test side ahead of Hameed for that reason, although to be honest there are probably several spots available.

[Max Power]

Duckett takes this home and we can bin Morgan forever.

Hales and Root to fit in somewhere as well. ODI batting looking very good now and in the future.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We should be contending for the next World Cup really, which means we'll go out in a rain-affected embarrasment against Namibia. The batting lineup never stops and Root is basically the straight man. Could do with finding some sort of kinky seamer like the Fizz, but being as we're England it's probably unlikely. Actually, what am I saying? Sam Curran will be 20 by then.

[Max Power]

Bowling is still a major issue. And use of the bowlers by the captain. So unimaginative in the field.

The way Duckett played that Shakib over was pure class.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was thinking the first thing that needs to happen as a result of this series is Buttler keep the captaincy.

[Max Power]

Still think he makes the same mistakes as Morgan. Predictable bowling changes. New ball bowlers are on too long, spinners bowled together in blocks in the middle overs etc.

If he is made captain permanently should take the gloves off him and bat him higher up. Not exactly short of keepers in the squad.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Test side

Cook
Hameed
Duckett
Root
Moeeeeeen
Bairstow
Stokes
Woakes
Gaz Batts / Adil
Broad
Finn

Have I missed anyone? Could we play all three spinners instead of Finn? Classic England-in-Asia tying yourself in knots selection conundra.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Still think he makes the same mistakes as Morgan. Predictable bowling changes. New ball bowlers are on too long, spinners bowled together in blocks in the middle overs etc.

If he is made captain permanently should take the gloves off him and bat him higher up. Not exactly short of keepers in the squad.

All the keepers are shit tbf.

I've long thought we should be dumping the great man and his beard on in the powerplay but that I suppose would dent prime Woakesage. There is a bit of an obsession with basing the first 10 on 'finding some swing' but then in fairness most Asian batsmen play the laterally moving ball like it's just arrived from the planet lol.

[John Arne]

Why would you play a day/nighter in a country with so much humidity in the evening? It must be (and appears to be) fairly difficult to spin it.

[Max Power]

Seriously good series win that.

Normally struggle in Asia, missing Root and Hales and Bangladesh have a mega home record in the past couple of years.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not to mention beating us fairly comfortably in the World Cup.

Our next ODI against them is at the Oval on 1 June next year in the Champions Trophy, 10.30am start, overcast and David Masters will knock them the fuck over. With a couple of exceptions that entire tournament is being played to 10.30am starts, including both semis and the final, and it's magnificent.

[Max Power]

Is that for TV reasons?

Sidebottom recall please.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Indian TV reasons. I'll research market conditions in the cement industry pre-tournament and see if there are any opportunities for a flash mob.

[igor_balis]

Are Bangladesh significantly worse at tests than the limited over stuff?

[Max Power]

No mugs at home but England should beat them.

Bit of an amazing knock from David Warner in progress here. 149*, they need 68 off 36 to prevent a whitewash

[Jimmy Floyd]

I turn it on and the first thing I see is Imran Tahir unsuccessfully attempting boundary fielding. Such a great sport.

[Max Power]

Hahahaha and Tahir runs him out for 172

[Jimmy Floyd]

Christ, imagine making 172 in a one day international at Newlands and whenever you gaze back at the scorecard for the rest of your life it says 'run out (Imran Tahir)' next to your name.

Still, Davey Warner can't read so probably not an issue.

[ItalAussie]

The Pakistan-West Indies test looks like it's going to be a barnstorming finish.

Not bad for a test with a triple century and an 8-wicket haul.

[Max Power]

Cracking final session coming up. Can't call it. But I'm watching it on the brilliant Channel Zing.

[igor_balis]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/bangladesh-v-england-2016-17/content/story/1061808.html

Reckon the tests might not be as even as the ODIs.

[Max Power]

Bravo :(

[niko_cee]

Team-mate Simon Katich reportedly grabbed then vice-captain Clarke by the shirt over a disagreement about when the team song would be sung.

It's hard not to lol.

They fucking love their team songs. We are Geelong da da da-da da-da da (that's an attempt on Toreador, by the way).

[Jimmy Floyd]

I remember hearing some story about Katich shouting SING THE SONG at him repeatedly, but I could have imagined it.

[elth]

I believe the issue was that the team culture is that nobody leaves the dressing room until the song is sung,and Clarke wanted to get onto his next engagement - hobnobbing with the Sydney socialite set on a Harbour cruise.

Katich took exception to Clarke's demands that the song be sung immediately, rather that in another couple of hours after everyone had knocked back enough VBs to ensure they couldn't stand up. Or Crownies, whatever the horse piss they were drinking at that stage was.

Personally I find the idea of mid to late thirties men drinking themselves into a coma because they won a test match a bit pathetic.

[niko_cee]

Crownies.

:D

They're in gold bottles! They must be good!

Nothing wrong with drinking yourself into a coma, and being mid to late 30s probably only exacerbates that desire/requirement. Certainly better than a harbour cruise.

[Max Power]

Looks as if this will be the team.

Cook
Hameed
Root
Duckett
Ali
Stokes
Bairstow
Woakes
Rashid
Batty
Broad

11 FC centurions :drool:, Broad at 11 :drool:, that exciting middle order :drool:

Now just the dilemma of when to wake up. Do I spend my last few days of holiday waking up at 5am to watch some attritional test cricket in Chittagong?

[niko_cee]

I think the answer to that is fairly obviously yes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'd get up at any hour to watch Gaz Batts scream for England.

'Over to our commentators in Dhaka, and it's Nasser Hussain, with Athar Ali Khan.'

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some saying Barry Gallance for Hameed.

[Max Power]

Gaz Baz in the middle order against their 8 spinners ffs :facepalm:

I'd guess the logic is they don't want two blockers opening up when the ball is new and scoring is easier. Wanted to see Hameed though.

[Max Power]

There is indeed no Hameed.

Cook wins the toss and bats first on a dry pitch. It's dark outside. Nick Knight and Rob Key on comms. Rack em up.

[Max Power]

Ball is spinning but this is fairly shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Think the folly of not playing Hameed being exposed here, this is a Test in Asia, not a one day game.

Mo already :uhoh:

[Max Power]

If that shot indicates a Root/Ali counter attack this could be a fun half hour

[Max Power]

Root taking too many runs off the rubbish seamers. They'll never bowl again now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't know why teams bother playing any seamers against us in the subcontinent. Should literally be an all spin attack unless you've got someone world class, which Kamrul Islam probably is not.

White men can't play spin.

[Max Power]

The boy AAK is absolutely fuming at the captaincy here :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Based on the first nine balls, I really like this Taijul.

[Ian]

No Hameed? Booo.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In this hour I've watched, Root has looked absolutely class.

[Max Power]

This Hameed/Ballance thing really annoys me. Not just because they've given a player a series too many (again).

What is more irritating is that if and when Ballance fails this series they have to drop him for India. So then Hameed is chucked straight into one of the toughest tours there is for his debut when he could have had a relatively low key series under his belt in similar conditions.

At least we've got Joe Root though. Different level :drool:

[Max Power]

DRS carnage here. Dharmasena having a mare

[Jimmy Floyd]

They absolutely always fuck up the selection in the first Test of subcontinental tours. Usually it's with bowlers though.

Ballance's dismissal was classic clueless England in Asia stuff, on the back foot, hard hands, playing for three feet of turn. Morgan used to succumb the same way in Tests.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The only good thing about this turn is that it's going to bring Gaz Batts into the game :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm also quite open to the idea of a late Moeen Ali push for Sports Personality of the Year.

[Max Power]

He'll always be Sports Personality of my heart.

Another crucial knock yet you look on twitter pre match and there's plenty of mugs trying to drop him

[Jimmy Floyd]

I saw someone trying to drop Bairstow on there yesterday and bring in Buttler. Some people will stop at nothing to be idiots. Another favourite category of selection moron is those who want Ansari instead of Batty because 'we don't have a spinner who turns it away from the bat', failing to note a) that we do, and b) that half the deshis are left handed.

[Max Power]

Yeah because Bairstow has been really scratchy in the last 12-18 months... :cab:

Runs coming easier now. Get the Bangla's head dropping and 300+ is on the cards. Would be a very good total.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If we can bluff our way to 300 or even 280 that would be a good start. Looks a runs on the board pitch to me. I wouldn't buy too much into this stuff about our long tail, Broad is a walking wicket and Batty isn't that great.

My main concern is if Moeen/Rash go the distance, Gaz Batts will have to bowl thousands of overs and Broad/Woakes sweat their pretty faces off for the half inch of reverse swing that may or may not be on offer for about a five over window.

[Ian]

From the football thread:

I'd happily watch a 24 hour marathon of their football coverage if it means I never have to encounter the KP/Swann/Vaughan trio of doom that is going on their upcoming cricket coverage.

You what? Is this on the test coverage?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Of Australia v South Africa, yes, and they have the right for the next away Ashes.

[Max Power]

BT have all Australia based cricket now. Starting with the South Africa series I believe.

They seem to have gone down the banter bus route which is a shame. Also a shame because Sky's coverage is very good imo.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sky will probably phase out Botham/Bumble/Holding soon enough and replace them with Key/Butcher/Cork, which wouldn't be a bad trade to be honest, even if the older three all have their charms. I like how they've resisted the temptation to get the trio of unmentionable twats above involved as well.

I could watch Hussain/Atherton talk to Gower about anything for weeks.

[Max Power]

Key and Butcher are good but Cork is a massive twat.

Sir Beef really needs putting out to pasture and Nick Knight needs firing into the sun

[Ian]

Sky are at a point where they generally seem to make the right choice. I thought Strauss would be shit and too close to the players but he was solid enough as well. Warne might be the biggest mistake.

The Indian guy whose name totally escapes me is good on the Verdict with Lord Bob as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nick Knight's commentary has done a great public service by making KP seethe so hard he got fined.

Still, a tour of India is coming up and Ravi Shastri is back in the box, so me and my cousin against the world and all that. I put their one dayer on the other day to find Laxman Sivaramakrishnan referring to MS Dhoni as a 'leadership genius'. Ugh.

[Max Power]

Even Sanjay Manjrekar, who I used to think was alright, is in full on Pravda mode these days. IIRC he gently criticised the BCCI a while back and got benched so now he's just another insufferable sychophant.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They seem to have sent Harsha Bhogle to the gulag, which is a pity as I quite liked him.

[elth]

Pietersen is a bit of a chameleon commentator from what I've seen - when he's with a team that is thoughtful and incisive and he can be a great contributor; put him with Warney and Slats and he'll be Bantersaurus Rex.

[John Arne]

789324650874441734

Dharmasena :face:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Mahmudullah is probably the absolute king of all England's bogey players. Literally cannot stand the sight of him.

[Max Power]

My word Dharma is having an absolute shocker :D All a big conspiracy to get India to adopt DRS for the next series?

[niko_cee]

Outstanding work Jim.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It only works when you really fucking mean it.

[Max Power]

I never got it to work for Brad fucking Haddin

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think Brad has superpowers, much like Andy Bichel.

Imagine playing Rashid as your main spinner, it'd be like your daughter bringing home a different boy each evening. Terrifying and wrong, but you know a good one's statistically on the way.

[Max Power]

Batty looking properly innocuous here. Can he at least scream in someone's face?

[Max Power]

And he nips Tamim out. Reverse jinx everywhere

[Jimmy Floyd]

You see? You see?

That one he pushes through is his chief weapon, especially to left handers who are always trying to milk him out to deep cover.

[ItalAussie]

I know I won't find a lot of opposition to this idea here, but Misbah-ul-Haq deserves to be remembered as one of the all-time great cricketers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This Mehedi Hasan I think is the first player Bangladesh have produced who's going to be properly world class. Shakib is good and all in a more prosaic way, but this kid is special.

[Max Power]

His accuracy is incredible, I think I've seen him bowl short like twice in all the overs I've seen him bowl this test.

Can't call this one. What total will be enough? Part of me thinks Bangladesh will bottle anything in three figures because they are Bangladesh but probably 200 lead minimum.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, I was thinking 180+ and Bangladesh will bottle it. ODIs are one thing but they have won fuck all Tests, especially Tests against proper teams.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Would be tempted to call Baz Gaz unlucky there, but he didn't really commit to the shot and that's why that field is set to him. Still, 1 and 9, piss off and get Hameed in please.

Our top order is quite reliably shit these days.

[Max Power]

He's just so tentative all the time. Nailed to the crease, tapping full tosses to midwicket and even his sweep is a bit wishy washy.

Ali/Stokes/Bairstow is where the magic happens anyway. Fancy a trademark Woakesy 40 odd as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://i.imgur.com/tvS5b23.png

Those must be the most nonsenical rankings in all of sport.

[Max Power]

Great to see master blaster Rangy Herath on there.

Pitch looks like you want to bowl spin with the new ball and seam with the old, reversing ball. Gives England the edge as we actually have good seamers who can use the old ball. Need to get a score though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The more I think about this Ballance selection, the more it winds me up because not only is it based on absolutely nothing other than pure, undiluted caution, but in order to reverse it for Dhaka they'll have to fuck around with Duckett, and if they want to reverse it for India they'll be asking Hameed to debut there in the toughest cauldron there is for an English player.

What were they expecting, a sparkling ton from the Harare Hutton?

[Max Power]

They've done it fairly consistently recently. Given players one series/match too many. Even in the NEW ERA.

Maybe thought Desh would prepare roads in the hope of a 0-0 draw and Ballance could rack up some runs and gain confidence.

I think they might pick Buttler you know.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I still don't understand what makes people think Jos Buttler is going to improve on his first class average of 32 if brought back into the Test side. It's probably because they just don't watch/follow any cricket other than internationals and therefore don't understand the completely different skillset required in the different formats.

In a limited overs game you have x number of balls and it's down to the batsman to score as many as he can, which Buttler is world class at doing. In the first class game it's down to the bowler to get the batsman out, because there is as much time as the batsman needs. These are two completely different forms of batting, some like Root can transfer across both, others are only good at one. They used to get it wrong in the other direction by picking Cook in ODIs, why is this different?

It's Eoin Morgan all over again, but more so.

[Max Power]

I have always agreed with that point of view but everytime I watch him bat it gets chipped away. He's just such an absurd talent I can't help but feel he'd succeed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's an absurd talent at hitting bowlers who are trying to defend against him with limited resources and knowing the time limit. Is he an absurd talent at overcoming bowlers who have a free run at him with no field restrictions or time limit? I'm not so sure.

If he was a great gloveman I'd run with it at number 7 but he isn't.

[Max Power]

I'd still go Hameed but I understand the temptation to play Buttler. Literally anything is better than Ballance at this point anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Right, they've brought a seamer on, we've won.

Stokes in huge credit.

[Max Power]

Staggered that this Kamrul twat has been chucked the ball again. Absolute garbage :D

Just bowl spin. Any spin.

[igor_balis]

I can't see us losing now, Bangladesh will regret being skittled so easily in today's first session.

[Ian]

It must be great standing next to Wee Jimmy Taylor.

[Jimmy Floyd]

These two just sneaking onto this list of 6th wicket partnerships: http://stats.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/stats/index.html?class=1;filter=advanced;orderby=fow_run s;partnership_wicketmax1=6;partnership_wicketmin1= 6;partnership_wicketval1=partnership_wicket;templa te=results;type=fow

The third one down :moop:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've been debating during this Test match how many of the 18 first class counties would put Kamrul Islam into their squad, were he English, and I have concluded that the answer is none.

[Max Power]

Great knock from Stokes. Didn't fancy him in Asia with bat or ball tbh but hopefully this is sign of things to come.

[Jimmy Floyd]

When he gets those innies going he is dangerous as hell. Quite an underrated bowler really and allows us to play that third spinner without having to worry about balance (Woakes also helpful in that regard).

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gaz Batts and Moeen tearing shit up. Rashid looks pretty impotent in comparison.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Wonder how close the desh will have to get to the target before chef realises that 'let's try to get it reversing' is not a matchwinning strategy.

[Max Power]

I'm unable to watch any of today's play. What's going on? Pitch gone flat or bowling like twats?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Mostly Bangladesh playing well, but also our spinners a bit off it and Cook being a negative dweeb. Pitch is ragging. Gaz Batts has just ridden in on his golden steed of fury to get his second one from around the wicket.

[Max Power]

I'm calling it now. This will end in a tie

[Jimmy Floyd]

Broad's sheer barrage of nonsense appeals and terrible reviews seems to be winning the day for us.

[Max Power]

Opening the bowling with pace from both ends...

New ball after this over. Better chuck it to the spinners Cook ffs

[Max Power]

Sticking with the old ball, sticking with Broad. Hmmmmm

[Max Power]

Oh shit never thought that was out in real time. Still get spin on at the other end

[Max Power]

Great stuff from Stokes. Absolute gun player.

Back to bed

[ItalAussie]

Commentators who refer to "script-writers" should get the exact same (very severe) punishment as those who talk about "tracer bullets".

[John Arne]

Take that, Deshi's.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Great Test match. More teams should play Bangladesh. I don't understand why they don't.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Looks like our team in Dhaka will be thus:

Cook
Duckett
Root
Ballance
Moeen
Stokes
Bairstow
Woakes
Ansari
Rashid
Ball/Finn

The amount of batting in that side is farcical. Zaf could bat above Woakes comfortably. Bats, like, 4 for Surrey.

[Max Power]

Is he a good bowler though?

Ballance gets a stay of excecution.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yes, albeit with limitations. He doesn't have a pretty action and get lavish drift and dip like Monty or Herath, but he keeps it in an area and doesn't bowl too many bad balls. He'll probably get a bit of grip on these decks as well.

He's also one of the best fielders in the country. There was a lot of outcry that they didn't take Leach from Somerset who took more wickets in the summer but to be honest, if you're looking for an England cricketer, I think Ansari is the better option.

[Max Power]

It's good to get a left armer for balance and we do need at least one of the spinners to be consistently accurate (thought Batty would do that tbh but even his lengths were a bit off). Just hope he isn't being picked over Leach because of BATTING DEPTH because we really don't need it.

Bit weird that Broad is being 'rested' after one Test and Woakes isn't when the latter played all the ODIs as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think he's being picked over Leach because he's shown promise to be an international class player over a period of time, whereas Leach has basically had about 10 good games out of almost nowhere. Same reason Keaton Jennings wasn't picked. I also fear there might be a touch of the Kerrigans about Leach, having seen him a couple of times.

The batting is where they're fucking up, if Hameed comes in for Gaz Baz in Vizagapatnam or somewhere with the team 1-0 down against a rampaging Ashwin and Kohli then good luck kiddo.

[Danny]

I read something where apparently Chris Rodgers said Leach wasn't there mentally.

Edit: "Even Leach's captain at Somerset, Chris Rogers, remarked that "emotionally, he still has a bit of a way to go" before he would consider him suitable for selection. He will instead be given an opportunity to familiarise himself with the England environment as part of the Lions programme."

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/content/story/1063416.html

[Max Power]

Watching this today it's only just dawned on me how massively we are going to get smashed by India

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cook trusts all four of the spinners on this trip (and all the ones in the country, presumably) so little that we're going to end up bowling far too much seam in humid conditions, one of them will get injured and it'll all go to pot.

I've never seen Ansari bowl as many full bungers as he did in his spell earlier. He tends to be a little short if anything. I would say it's nerves, but then Moeen still does it after 30 odd Tests.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bangladesh are going to bottle even this start, aren't they.

[Max Power]

Dunno about bottling it but they may blow a golden chance to bat England out of the game.

Rashid and Mo have bowled better this session. More consistent.

[Max Power]

Stokes is a beast. Have to make sure we don't overwork him. He's a prime candidate to break down half way through the India series.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bangladesh 231 all out, England 798/3 dec (Moeen 401*), Bangladesh 123 all out (Moeen 8/21). England won by an innings and 454 runs.

[Max Power]

Incredible spell from Stokes and Ali. Peak Mongladesh though.

[John Arne]

Dharmesena with another plumb decision overturned. He really is pish.

[Jimmy Floyd]

England cricket twitter is such a marvellous thing. Literally an hour ago, these were the worst bowlers ever and Jack Leach was like Murali/Warne with a sprinkling of Bishen Bedi. Now, it's incredibly quiet. It's like we thrive on failure.

Utterly vile effort from the 'desh after being 171 for 1, mind.

[Max Power]

Don't think the pitch is as good as that partnership and England's bowling made it look, but Jesus this is some collapse.

Hope Moeen gets five for to silence the HATERZ

[Max Power]

Yes Mo :cool:

England's best bowlers this series both bat in the top six. If we had one quality front line spinner team would be looking very good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Trying to think if I've seen anything good around the counties, but the answer is probably no. All the Leach, Rayner etc options that people mention would in reality be just like this lot, but without the extra batting credentials.

Mason Crane looks good but you never know what will happen to leggies.

The reality is that England have had three world class spinners since the war, and one of those was Deadly who was kind of his own genre of bowler.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have to say, there's a huge lobby out there which states we have to play an attacking brand of cricket and score quickly against the new ball yadder yadder, but I think it's total horseshit. We're constantly 20 for 2 in all conditions against all attacks. Hameed has to come in and open alongside Chef.

[Max Power]

Cook is usually getting out in that early cluster and he's hardly Sehwag.

Do think they missed a trick by not blooding Hameed before India though. Ballance nailed on for a career saving 65 here as well btw.

[Max Power]

Or not

[Jimmy Floyd]

Mehedi is class, hope they get enough Test matches that he can really flourish into a top class bowler.

[Mr. Malik]

http://i.imgur.com/pdiN3j3.png

[igor_balis]

Two down when I started work, what the fuck Bangladesh

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gaz Baz record this year slips behind that of NRD Compton.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Meanwhile in Australia:


Australia's deplorable batting displays in Sri Lanka have apparently cost Jackson Bird a place in the Test team, after the South Australia seamer and lower order batsman Joe Mennie vaulted several other contenders to take the last place in the squad to face South Africa in the first Test at the WACA Ground.

"I talked to Jackson again this morning and I said to Jackson the thing that probably cost him a place was his batting," Marsh said in Perth. "We've got to get runs at the bottom of the order as well, particularly against a very good attack."

'As well'

Joe Mennie is legit rubbish.

[Max Power]

"Probably". Like he isn't sure of his own reasons for dropping him :D

Enjoying all this Mitchell Johnson/Michael Clarke book stuff as well.

[Queenslander]

I feel that the Gabba crowd is now justified booing Clarke a few times as he walked out to bat as Australian captain.

[Max Power]

Another cracking Test match. Chasing more than 25 might be a bit hairy though

[Jimmy Floyd]

I know we play spin like it's nuclear waste, but Mehedi Hasan really is quality.

[Max Power]

Yeah he's a class apart. Looks to have a great temperament as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

lol they've called Ansari 'Zafar' in the caption like he's some legit Pakistani. He's from Egham and talks like Prince William.

[Max Power]

The fabled BATTING DEPTH might just save the day. Ansari in at 8, Rashid with 10 FC hundreds and an average of 35 in at number ten!

[Jimmy Floyd]

Athar Ali Khan has rocked up in a pink bow tie, so nothing else matters anymore.

[Max Power]

Game over

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have to say, I'm really not convinced how much better the Indian spinners are than these ones. Their batsmen just won't collapse like a pack of cards.

Ballance still being in the team is the usual reckless shite.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The long lineup earning its corn even with these burgled runs. Within 40 would be a result.

[Max Power]

Kamrul Islam Rabbi Priest into the attack. A minor victory.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm trying to work out if he's the worst seamer I've seen play Tests. Does Stuart Binny count?