The Cricket Thread

[niko_cee]

There's no good reason for Broad to be anywhere but No.11 these days.

Yeah, I thought this too (and have for a while). If you aren't willing (or able) to get in line and block the straight ball then that's where you belong. It's embarrassing to watch and I always think it's a bit of an affront to Anderson and Finn (or whoever else gets stuck at 10/11) that he goes in ahead of them.

Moeen with a bit of a Tino Best moment, but it's the top order that have botched this (as per). Probably all comes down to Root throwing it away whilst they were cruising in the first innings (and then the shit that followed).

[Max Power]

Some Welsh teenager just hit the fastest first class double ton ever.

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/947031.html

Gerrimin for Old Trafford.

[Ian]

234 runs of 136 balls. :cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nye Donald is a lovely bat, saw him in the U19 World Cup. Will go to some fashionable county and stagnate no doubt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As much as he genuinely seems a top bloke and his better innings are glorious viewing you'd think if literally anybody proves themselves to be a reliable spinner against teams who can play spin he'll be fucked.

There's probably an argument for bringing in Rashid for Moeen now, particularly if Stokes comes back and is able to bowl. The selection maths with this England side never seems to work though. You'd have to be:

Cook
Hales
Root
Vince
Barry
Stokes
Bairstow
Woakes
Rashid
Broad
Anderson

That kind of works actually, apart from being massively dependent on Root.

There's an even better argument for bringing in Gareth Batty but they don't pick people from outside the 'England setup' anymore.

[Max Power]

You could pick a side that has even less of a middle order and even more all rounders.

Cook
Hales
Root
Ballance
Stokes
Bairstow
Ali
Woakes
Rashid
Anderson
Broad

But really if Vince is dropped (and he should) they should bring in Hildreth or someone.

[Danny]

I would be giving Vince the rest of this series. He needs scores and soon though.

If Stokes can bowl I would go for Jims team. Finn has looked horrible, Ball tired massively and I would fire Mo into the sun for that shot (as much as I like him).

[Jimmy Floyd]

In reality, I'd stick with Moeen.

[Max Power]

I mean, he did score 150 two Tests ago...

Rashid has been called up which is interesting, along with Anderson and Stokes

[Danny]

True but he is averaging 90 with the ball (according to cricinfo) which is really what we need him for.

You could have made a case for him over Vince but he needs a sit down after that.

[Ian]

Are we happy with shuffling Root up a spot?

[igor_balis]

So we went with Ali rather than Rashid. I don't think I ever really believed we'd play 2 spinners.

This is the most ridiculously long batting lineup I can remember seeing in test cricket...I know Ali's batting has been really inconsistent and Broad has basically been hopeless for years but them at 8 and 10 either side of Woakes is pretty mad.

[igor_balis]

Amir :cool:

[igor_balis]

Pakistan's fielding is shocking.

[Ian]

Ticking over very nicely, this.

We'll probably be 437 all out.

[niko_cee]

We really ought to be looking at 600+ by tea of shortly thereafter with the batting that is to come.

[Max Power]

Root triple :nodd:

[igor_balis]

Root triple :nodd:

caught on the boundary on 198

[Mr. Malik]

Ballance looks so timid and insecure every time at the crease. No matter how good his technique is, it would always give the bowlers a lift to bowl to a guy who looks scared of his own shadow.

[Max Power]

It's weird because he's a big, beefy lad and whenever I've seen him play t20 for Yorkshire he's given it a right smash. Comes to play Tests and it just camped deep in the crease pushing and prodding. Still would drop Vince before him though.

Could be a fun afternoon. Stokes wants to do damage

[igor_balis]

Bairstow playing for his average here, nurdling it around at about half a run a ball at 530-6 with about 8 batters still to come, just have a slog mate. He practically padded away all of one of part-time spinner Azhar Ali's overs recently, and I don't really see the point.

[Danny]

The over before tea? Makes sense if it was. Be there after for the mad dash.

Have we broken Yasir? Double ton for 1 wicket!

[igor_balis]

The over before tea? Makes sense if it was. Be there after for the mad dash.

He was basically blocking for about 5 overs before tea, but I see your point and he did accelerate afterwards.

Pakistan 37-3 at close today and 284-3 at close tomorrow?

[Max Power]

Woakes really is the man right now. Fair play to the lad

[niko_cee]

Did anyone tell Rahat he was supposed to be the night watchman and not a pinch hitter?

[niko_cee]

Shambolic decision to bat again, although all too predictable in the modern age. I'm with Vaughan on this one.


"If it rains all day now, what do England do? Declare in the morning on 11-0?"

Quite.

[Max Power]

Off again for rain having added 0 to the lead :D

[Ian]

I was pondering that, niko.

What's the lowest anybody's ever declared on?

[niko_cee]

I guess you sometimes get those games where a side forfeits an innings (which I guess would be declaring for nothing) but other than that I've no idea.

The (entirely predictable) weather has made an absolute mockery of the decision to bat again. It's just infuriating.

[Davgooner]

Fucking seething at this.

[Max Power]

Hopefully Anderson is getting padded up for a nightwatchman stint

[Jimmy Floyd]

As far as I can see the computer says no on the follow on. They don't really like enforcing it in any circumstances. Today it makes no sense not to, there's no benefit to not doing so. Are they going to bowl us out for 45 on the final evening after batting two days? I don't think so.

[Ian]

Live text was giving it some chat about how it'd give the likes of Hales and Vince the chance to do some good if we were trying to motor through some extra runs but that sounds like absolute tosh to me as well. Even if Vince get a quick fifty, say, by trying to thrash a four off every ball how does that help when we're back to normal test conditions?

[niko_cee]

Absolutely. Allowed Hales to get a quickfire 24 at a pitiful strike rate, whilst looking mostly hopeless whilst doing so. Confidence building stuff. If they let Vince get a fifty then Boycott needs to go and stove someone's head in. Got to manage those bowler workloads. Did the computer bother to look at the weather forecast?

[leedsrevolution]

I'm not a "HUGE" cricket fan but not enforcing the follow on really confused me. I assumed there must have a really good reason for it, obviously not. Mon the draw.

[Davgooner]

This Root lad. :happycry:

[Max Power]

Wtf is going on with Younis Khan? He's absolutely all over the shop

[Jimmy Floyd]

Knowing him he'll be on some kind of manoeuvres.

[Max Power]

http://m.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/current/match/947537.html

Jesus. Duckett smashed 150 the other day as well.

[Ian]

Joe fucking Root. What a man.

[Mr. Malik]

I missed Russel Arnold in the commentary box, issuing death threats to his co-commentators for questioning the Sri Lankan board.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Kusal Mendis setting this up for Rangy like a boss.

We have seven Tests in the winter on these decks (Bangladesh and India). Wonder how useless we will be this time. Would help if we took a couple of actual spinners who don't habitually bowl beamers as well.

[Ian]

Sri Lanka beat Australia by 106 runs in Pallekele to claim only their second Test victory over the tourists, who set a Test match record in defeat.

Chasing 268 for victory in the first Test, Australia were all out for 161, their innings including a record 154 consecutive deliveries without a run.

Must have made for cracking viewing.

[Danny]

Sounds like 2013 England in an ODI

[ItalAussie]

I'm fine with heroic rearguards. South Africa nearly pulled off an amazing one against us a few years ago.

How long before away series wins become a historical footnote?

[Jimmy Floyd]

South Africa are quite good at serving up away series wins, both for themselves and for teams touring them.

Also, you'd be surprised how few away wins there have always been. India didn't win away for decades after starting Test cricket.

[ItalAussie]

South Africa are quite good at serving up away series wins, both for themselves and for teams touring them.

Also, you'd be surprised how few away wins there have always been. India didn't win away for decades after starting Test cricket.

How long did it take them to start winning at home? Most teams were pretty dire for their first few decades.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They got up to speed at home pretty quickly. Drew 1-1 with England in their third home series, beat Pakistan in their fourth, and then were beating decent teams at home by the early 60s, but didn't win a single away Test match (let alone series) until (then hapless) New Zealand in 1968.

Pakistan and West Indies fared better but if anything I would guess there are slightly more away wins now than the historical average.

[igor_balis]

Sri Lankan did this on debut against Australia the other day:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7v8uP8zAEPI

Left-arm wrist spin. :drool:

[niko_cee]

That Sri Lanka v Australlia series had escaped my attention.

A 4 run 30 over stand? That sounds amazing.

:D

[Danny]

O'Keefe had a pulled hamstring iirc so couldn't run singles.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Vince James, batting at four and five, has five Tests and 130 runs at 18.57 with a highest score of 42. Trying to imagine how many times he would have been dropped by now in the 1990s. Possibly three times.

He really is a vanity pick. Nothing whatsoever to suggest he'll be a good Test batsman. Now watch him score a hundred here.

EDIT:

A Wiltshire boy who found his way into the Hampshire set up, James Vince, a calm and elegant batsman, has long been tipped as a star of the future since the former England coach Duncan Fletcher, who worked with Vince at the Hampshire academy, said he was reminiscent of Michael Vaughan.

:sick:

[Davgooner]

Cook should be fined for this strike rate.

[Max Power]

His first class record is bang average. Most of his runs came in division 2.

With Cook and Root gone might get rolled here

[Danny]

It's only been two matches how have we forgotten what it's like to bat against right arm seam....

[Max Power]

Hearing the third umpire talking is one of the great modern improvements to the game.

Dharmasena calling Bruce Oxenford "Brucie" a new highlight.

"Just rock and roll that for me..."

[niko_cee]

Our long batting line-up still misses Stokes quite badly. Only Moeen and rabbits now. They'll do well to sneak up to 300, which should set the game up nicely.

[Max Power]

My boy Mo in lovely touch. That drive through mid on :drool:

[Max Power]

Hafeez is such a nothing player

[Jimmy Floyd]

This Sami Aslam, I'm told, will be their best bat for years.

[Max Power]

https://mobile.twitter.com/robkey612/status/761177272409808896

Rob Key really is the man :D

[igor_balis]

That's brilliant :D

[niko_cee]

:D

Such a legend.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some of the stuff he comes out with on county commentaries on Sky is top, top tier. My favourite of late being a close up of someone eating a Ginster's Cornish pasty in the crowd, and he says 'That reminds me, I need to get some petrol on the way home.'

[Max Power]

On a county game the other day he was talking about naff motivational slogans and phrases. Which naturally morphed into quoting The Office. Great stuff.

[Mr. Malik]

Does anybody still play international cricket captain

http://i.imgur.com/uKSdYHT.png

http://i.imgur.com/P8vlyR8.png

http://i.imgur.com/B66pBOc.png

WestHamGaz'd that win :cool:

[igor_balis]

I do. Fuck knows why, it has barely changed since ICC2005. Got Bangladesh to be top 5 test team, then realised the schedules (obviously) aren't dynamic, so I'd be stuck playing annoying 2 match test series forever, and I'd never get to tour India etc etc.

Still think domestic game is the most fun.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Safe to say we're getting absolutely donned here by Misbah and his boys. Not for the first time.

[igor_balis]

Probably the only way we were going to get a wicket, that.

[Max Power]

Feel for the lad Sami, played really well.

Younis absolutely all over the place again by the looks of it

[Danny]

snip

Yeah I got the new one off kinguin for about 7 quid

[Jimmy Floyd]

G'day.

[Max Power]

Hattrick for my man Rangy :D

Australia worst side at playing spin around these days? Bold shout with England going to India in a few months but we'll see

[Jimmy Floyd]

South Africa are worse than us as well.

India will no doubt dish up some 'rank turners' again and lose to us again because we'll hopefully take Rashid and a left armer, and also because lol India.

We could actually take almost a full team of all rounders, Clunge style.

Cook
Hales
Root
Moeen Ali, baby
Bairstow
Stokes
Woakes
Rashid
Broad
Batty
Anderson

Four seamers, three spinners.

[Max Power]

Need to find a slow left armer somewhere for the ultimate BAT DEEP BOWLING OPTIONS. Liam Dawson for Broad.

[Davgooner]

Made a classy 18 last night in my first game for fucking ages. Unfortunately we were set 217 and only just got within a hundred. :moop:

[niko_cee]

Need to find a slow left armer somewhere for the ultimate BAT DEEP BOWLING OPTIONS. Liam Dawson for Broad.

Samit?

:drool:

[Davgooner]

Aussies need 413. Herath with the new ball. :D

[Davgooner]

And lol.

[Mr. Malik]

Lovely leave there by Uzzy. On the plus side

https://gyazo.com/31f5c9dc4abd833efadee65d5191aee3.png

I'm not a gambler but I couldn't resist that Sri Lanka were somehow priced at 11/4 underdogs before the match, it was free money.

[Davgooner]

Great stuff this. Utter carnage at one end, while at the other Warner's just blazing away.

[Mr. Malik]

I don't think there are any excuses for this shocking performance (you know, the usual DOCTORED PITCHES crap). Starc fucking took career best figures of 11/94. And in the previous test they knocked over Sri Lanka for 117. If the batsmen had a backbone between them Australia should be winning this series.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Need to find a slow left armer somewhere for the ultimate BAT DEEP BOWLING OPTIONS. Liam Dawson for Broad.

Ansari if he stops getting freak injuries.

I've taken up left arm spin recently after years of being a seamer and I can't believe I didn't do it a decade ago. When you add in my poor fitness and hard as nails attitude, it's like literally being Rangana Herath for a few hours every weekend.

[niko_cee]

MDK Perera. Nice initials.

We're getting spannered here. When was the last time we batted better in a second innings? Has it ever happened where the first wasn't a full on debacle?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Christ, I was checking the scorecard to see if there was any chance Australia might be able to bat it out tomorrow.

'Stumps - Day 2'

:D

[Jimmy Floyd]

If you offered it now, I'd take Misbah as heir to the throne I reckon.

Hard to imagine a bigger boss in sport.

[Max Power]

If you offered it now, I'd take Misbah as my fucking Dad

[Jimmy Floyd]

Well obviously. Or possibly as another uncle to go alongside Uncle Claudio.

If he gets a hundred here he should go off the press-ups script, turn his bat upside down and pretend it's a walking stick.

[Max Power]

Can only imagine how incredible a man I would have turned out with Misbah and Claudio as role models.

Sadly not to be

[Jimmy Floyd]

Even him hacking on is part of some benevolent plan for the betterment of humanity I reckon.

[Max Power]

Jimmy is going to explode. If Sarfraz does some star jumps on reaching 50 it'll tip him over the edge

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't get why England (and their slimy ex team mates in the media) are getting so pissy about the press ups. It's a bit of fun you desperate humourless wankers.

[Max Power]

Woah. This is a step up from the shit cricket related adverts. We're in the movies now. Brett Lee starring in a romantic comedy...



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiWW56n8yPU

[ItalAussie]

Christ, I was checking the scorecard to see if there was any chance Australia might be able to bat it out tomorrow.

'Stumps - Day 2'

:D

I loled.

[niko_cee]

Well, this is unexpected. It's the sort of thing that usually happens to us. 165/7 by lunch tomorrow.

[Mr. Malik]

Woah. This is a step up from the shit cricket related adverts. We're in the movies now. Brett Lee starring in a romantic comedy...



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiWW56n8yPU

I was an extra in that film, for one day in Parramatta. I'm no expert but it didn't look like Binga was much of an actor. And all he had to do on that day of shooting was stand around getting colours thrown at him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I find it remarkable how Indians put up with the quality of films that it seems they are made to put up with.

[niko_cee]

Excellent work by the fair dinkums. Does this clear the way for Indian Cricket Team to be the top ranked test nation, or does it make this England series the true battle of the top test nations? I guess the most likely outcome is that Australia will have consolidated their place as number 1, somehow.

[Davgooner]

Well, this is unexpected. It's the sort of thing that usually happens to us. 165/7 by lunch tomorrow.

I blame you for this.

[niko_cee]

I was going to further curse it by saying Hales really needed to be getting a hundred from the start he had, so, on that theme, contribution needed from Vince and Baz Gallaz.

[niko_cee]

What is that woman up to?

:D

[Max Power]

How did she even get there? :D

This is some proper attritional fare, never seen Misbah look so delighted.

[niko_cee]

Maybe we're looking to have a dart at them tonight.

:cool:

[Max Power]

Great partnership. Could really declare overnight. Pakistan aren't the sort of side to chase down 300+

[igor_balis]

My mate drunkenly told me he'd pay for a ticket if i went with him tomorrow, so I might get my white ass down to the Muslim no go zone of Birmingham and take in the cricket.

[niko_cee]

The poor dear ended up as a news story.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/36996724

[Jimmy Floyd]

TMS think we should bat for three overs.

I'd pull out now.

[niko_cee]

Great stuff from Moeen but now we'll have to wait for them both to get to 100 (or out).

[niko_cee]

5 dots and then Woakes pinches the strike.

:masterplan:

Thank Christ for that. 4 overs down the toilet though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

6 when you add the innings break. 312 in 90 overs or 343 in 84 was the choice? Hmm.

[niko_cee]

Yeah. I was being generous and giving them the Yasir over as a productive effort.

351 overs so far in the match. There should have been 360 (probably 367 by now). Are those overs just lost? That's a lot to have lost considering there has been no issue with weather or light in the match. Just fine teams at innings run rate for the overs they fail to bowl.

[Max Power]

Nine down with Misbah 25*(168) hogging the strike at the close

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah. I was being generous and giving them the Yasir over as a productive effort.

351 overs so far in the match. There should have been 360 (probably 367 by now). Are those overs just lost? That's a lot to have lost considering there has been no issue with weather or light in the match. Just fine teams at innings run rate for the overs they fail to bowl.

Our over rate was an utter joke in the first innings, and the Misbah Express wasn't exactly rattling through Edgbaston Central on the fast rail yesterday either.

[igor_balis]

Aren't slow over-rates partly because of DRS and all that stuff?

[Danny]

Went here (http://smaaash.in/events) in Guargon (just outside Dehli) tonight. Batted for the first time in about 12 years on the simulator. A lot more tiring than I remember and I didn't even have to run.....

Walked outside to us having taken 4 quick wickets. Can't complain.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yesterday I walked in at 48/7, hit an England under 14 spinner for six, and then had their fast bowler call me a prick mid-pitch for running at him every ball, B-Mac style.

We lost, but it was worth it.

[Ian]

Showboating against a 13 year old. :nono:

[niko_cee]

In a way, and quite a big one, I hope Pakistan can cling on here. Preferably 9 down and all over the shop at the close.

[Danny]

Don't have him play against the adults if them hitting him is going to make you whine.

Although charging him every ball is seriously lol

[Ian]

Wasn't he running at the fast bowler? I also assume/hope that was a former U14 and not a current one. :uhoh:

[niko_cee]

It's happening.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Wasn't he running at the fast bowler? I also assume/hope that was a former U14 and not a current one. :uhoh:

A current one. Kids are generally the best players in lower league cricket as they're on the way up and the only ones with a decent technique.

[niko_cee]

10 overs with the second new ball is looking like it would have been nice at the moment.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pakistan's bowling cost them that.

Wahab back for the Oval in place of Amir?

[Davgooner]

Cook's series strike rate is 70.68. Ha.

[Davgooner]

This middle order could be No.1 in the world in a few days. Combine that with the big crowds watching the WI-India tests at the minute and it's very much a golden time for test cricket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's got to the point where they're basically the opposite of the late 80s and early 90s, they just stick with people for the sake of sticking with them. James Vince is not going to magically turn into Ricky Ponting by virtue of simple continued selection.

[niko_cee]

Mayhem.

[niko_cee]

Someone seriously needs to tell Our Stuart that he is a bona fide No.11 nowadays.

Moeen will no doubt get a stinker after those two reviews.

[Max Power]

Defo should be dropping Ali imo

[niko_cee]

Decent day in the end.

Something needs to be done about the continued loss of overs though. I don't see why they can't just play later or start earlier. TV, I guess.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I saw a tweet saying this is all very well but he should still be dropped because his spin isn't good enough. Oh how I laughed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're getting donned by the nightwatchman here.

[Ian]

That Unibet ad about cricket is worse than ebola.

[niko_cee]

Christ, bit of work to be done here.

[Davgooner]

Swashbuckling stuff again from Hales.

[Davgooner]

Turgid shit, fuck all to show for it, and a fucking war crime of a review.

Fuck off.

[Davgooner]

Pack Vince into the same taxi as Hales and give the driver a couple of hundred quid.

[Ian]

We're going to chuck this, aren't we?

[niko_cee]

Do you reckon?

Vince is just not up to it and if we take him to the subcontinent we may as well just concede now.

[Ian]

Who's the Next Cab Off The Rank?

Or do we just persist with Vince forever?

[niko_cee]

Borthwick? Jimmy's mate (Ansari)?

Anyway, I see Yasir's figured out that actually spinning the ball is a bad idea against English batsmen. Nothing like a deadly, slow straight non-spinning delivery to eviscerate a batting line-up.

It's been a cracking series. Can we just bin off the limited overs garbage and have a deciding test?

[Ian]

Obviously Broad is going to come in with a swashbuckling 11 to turn things around here but what's the lowest total a team has ever been set in the last innings?

[Mr. Malik]

Obviously Broad is going to come in with a swashbuckling 11 to turn things around here but what's the lowest total a team has ever been set in the last innings?

I vaguely remember Jayasuriya and Atapattu staring down a mammoth fourth innings chase of 8 many years ago, against India I think.

6, as it turns out, Galle 2001. http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/63943.html

[niko_cee]

Yeah, there's bound to be a few single digit 'chases'. Has anyone had to go out and knock a single off?

More interestingly, what's the lowest total that has failed to be passed in a fourth innings? It must be England bottling something horribly. That disaster in the UAE a few years ago springs to mind but I think we might have been set over 100 before folding to whatever it was we ended up with. I guess someone probably got rolled on an uncovered pitch by Deadly Derek once upon a time.

[Danny]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/62606.html
http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/62533.html

A couple of 10 wicket wins with 1 run scored.

http://stats.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/stats/index.html?class=1;filter=advanced;innings_number= 3;innings_number=4;orderby=team_score;result=1;run smax2=10;runsval2=runs;template=results;type=team; view=innings

Query of 10 and under.

Most recent on the list was in 2012
http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/514034.html

[Max Power]

Sri Lanka send a nightwatchman to open the innings at the end of the third day. He's out in the first over with 8 off 4 balls :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Vince is just a crime against Test cricket at this point. Has every one of his dismissals been some form of loose shot outside off?

Pakistan are legends though, make no mistake.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/946905.html

Don't fear the future. It's almost here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

lol lol lol at Australia, and :cool: at Rangy.

No doubt everything will be fair dinkum cobber again when they are '2 for 541' in their next home Test on a farcically flat pitch as opposed to these cheating spin wickets.

[ItalAussie]

Nah, it's meant to spin in Sri Lanka. Fair play.

Also, Herath is another one of those universally-liked players, so it's hard to feel too aggrieved.

[Mr. Malik]

I won $180 over the last two tests thanks to the ineptitude of Australia, so I don't mind coming in for poundings away from home in the slightest as long as we continue to get 2/541 (Warner 400*) come every summer. This must be why you get such favourable odds betting against Australia on away tours. The bookies take the inflated stats and rankings of Australia at face value. And if they continue to thrash everybody at home then it's just fantastic, free money every time Australia tour Asia.

[Mr. Malik]

Before this series Sri Lanka only had one win against Australia in 35 years of test status. :D

Also when Australia go down 2-0 in India after the first two tests next year, they'll hold the record for most consecutive test losses in Asia - 11.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're going to win in India this winter, against all cricketing logic, and it's going to be glorious.

[niko_cee]

Fairest pitches in the world, mate.

[ItalAussie]

They used to be, until the flat drop-in pitches ruined everything.

It used to be that there was something for every kind of cricketer. Adelaide for big hitters, Perth for fast bowlers, Sydney for spinners. Melbourne tended to reward very high quality play from anyone. Brisbane was weird in that Australia never, ever lost there for no apparent pitch-related reasons.

Now they're just all photocopied batting tracks. Boring.

[elth]

If cricket was actually as popular as CA dream it is, they wouldn't need to let AFL grounds have primary use of all their stadiums to keep the lights on and they wouldn't have to use drop in pitches. But only the Ashes and domestic 20/20 actually make any money, and 20/20 is fine played on homogenous roads.

Starc and Smith are the only genuine quality players Australia has right now. The rest are jobbers and flat track bullies. Cricket's bunk these days, that a side as mediocre as this Australian one ever got close to the number 1 test ranking is a joke.

[ItalAussie]

Starc and Smith are the only genuine quality players Australia has right now. The rest are jobbers and flat track bullies. Cricket's bunk these days, that a side as mediocre as this Australian one ever got close to the number 1 test ranking is a joke.
I agree with this paragraph almost entirely, although I actually think that David Warner is pretty good. Cupboard's bare outside of that though.

There's no great team doing their thing at the moment, which shows in the way that the number one ranking (as if that means anything) bounces around.

Starc's great to watch though. I had a front row seat at an ODI in Sydney a while back. It was rained off, but he got five or so overs in. Seeing him bowl in person, I know for a fact that I'd not even have time to register what had happened before the ball smashed into my stumps/legs.

[niko_cee]

Flat roads + an entirely pointless ball = home wins = test ranking points

[elth]

I agree with this paragraph almost entirely, although I actually think that David Warner is pretty good. Cupboard's bare outside of that though.

Warner would be fine if he had someone with as much spine as Justin Langer beside him, but his aggressiveness just doesn't work when the team is his wicket away from a collapse in every game, because his style means he's going to give it away as often as he scores a run a ball century.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If there's one thing that sums up where international cricket is, it's the never-ending calls, including from 'experts' who should know better, that Jos Buttler be reinstated to the England Test side.

[Max Power]

I think everyone is scared about watching Bairstow keep wicket in Asia. Think of the missed stumpings. Not that Buttler is significantly better...

Who do we reckon is going to go then? I think an Ian Ronald Bell recall is coming despite him not being in great form for Warwickshire. Bit of chatter about Lancs wonderkid opener Hameed who's passed 1000 runs for the season. Batty as a another spinner?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gaz Batts would make my life but think it runs contrary to everything This England Setup is about. More likely they'll bring a left armer, maybe Ansari, surely not Fat Sam.

Rashid should play. Reckon England's Chris Woakes will go well over there, on his way to pipping all the Olympians to Sports Personality of the Year.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'd go with this:

Cook
Hameed (fuck it, read any Paul Edwards match report about his innings this season, he sounds the business)
Root
Borthwick
Moeen
Bairstow
Stokes
Woakes
Rashid
Broad
Anderson

Also on the trip: Duckett, Foakes, Ansari, Wood, Finn. Gallance, Hales and Vince can all fuck off.

I saw Simon 'the analyst' Hughes tweet some nonsense lineup which dropped Broad, retained Vince, and had Stokes at 4.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And for reference this is the Championship stats for English qualified spinners this year.

Div 1
Batty 38 @ 27
Rayner 35 @ 23
Leach 34 @ 24
Rashid 29 @ 34
Kerrigan 23 @ 38 (lol)
Ansari 22 @ 29
Fat Sam's Grand Slam 22 @ 36

Div 2
Tredwell 19 @ 41

What this tells you about Div 2 is a bit alarming, as is the fact that Ravi Bopara has taken 37 wickets at 20.

[Max Power]

As I think George Dobell said, if England win in India it's not going to be through their spinners. No Swann and Monty now. Just need some solid citizens to take advantage of raging turners and Rashid to mop up the tail. I think Wood could be a factor with his extra pace.

If you are going to blood (another) new opener then India isn't the worst place to do it. Go for the kid.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cook and Root were both introduced in India...

[ItalAussie]

Warner would be fine if he had someone with as much spine as Justin Langer beside him, but his aggressiveness just doesn't work when the team is his wicket away from a collapse in every game, because his style means he's going to give it away as often as he scores a run a ball century.

I wonder if we could pull Langer out of retirement. Maybe our best option.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You must have a stodgy as fuck opener somewhere in the Sheffield Shield, or do they just pick strokeplayers these days?

Chris Rogers was perfect really. Well, ish.

EDIT: Wait. Marcus Stoinis and his ten inch Stoinis. Get him in.

[ItalAussie]

You must have a stodgy as fuck opener somewhere in the Sheffield Shield, or do they just pick strokeplayers these days?

Chris Rogers was perfect really. Well, ish.

EDIT: Wait. Marcus Stoinis and his ten inch Stoinis. Get him in.

Everyone's a bit useless at the moment. Michael Klinger would have been perfect, but he's about a hundred now.

Maybe Travis Dean could do a job.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/1046701.html

Grudge match :cool:

[niko_cee]

Losing 6/21 in 4 overs is fairly lol.

'mon the 'tarians!

[Max Power]

Ben Duckett is the absolute business if you didn't already now

[Danny]

Extras with the joint 3rd highest score in that innings :d

I can't wait for Yorks to sign Duckett.

[Max Power]

Mark Wood is the man

[niko_cee]

Bit of a partnership here.

:|

[Davgooner]

Northants in the process of mugging off all the England wankers.

[niko_cee]

Quality running there.

NO! *starts running*

:D

[Davgooner]

Duckett's an actual dwarf.

[Max Power]

Pakistan number one Test team in the world confirmed.

All hail King Misbah

[Jimmy Floyd]

All things considered, probably the greatest captain of my lifetime. You could argue Steve Waugh, but he had a whole army of world-leading players at his disposal, a full array of home Tests, and a non-mental cricketing culture behind him.

In fact I'd go:

1. Misbah
2. Ranatunga
3. Waugh
4. Ganguly
5. Hussain (yeah, really)

For argument's sake, let's say my lifetime began with Allan Border's retirement.

[Max Power]

Can't imagine how much I'd hate Mohammed Hafeez if was a Pakistan fan.

Think England win this series 5-0 tbh, weather permitting

[Jimmy Floyd]

Azhar Ali opening up with his 50 strike rates is so gash. I guess the rest of them are stark raving lunatics though.

[niko_cee]

That first review.

:drool:

The DRS system does need sorting. The theory about it being there to correct obvious errors is all well and good, but that isn't how it is used and I'm not sure the way it functions at the moment is really having an overly positive effect on the game.

[ItalAussie]

That first review.

:drool:

The DRS system does need sorting. The theory about it being there to correct obvious errors is all well and good, but that isn't how it is used and I'm not sure the way it functions at the moment is really having an overly positive effect on the game.

The first obvious change is that the player should have to explain the reason they think the decision is incorrect, and that's the only thing that the review checks. No optimistic reviews which happen to come good because of unrelated bowler overstepping, for example.

Wouldn't have helped here, but it really bugs me when that happens. And it should probably cut down on the more frivolous reviews, because having the player actually say that they thought the decision was wrong because of [reason] should at least make them seem a bit silly if they're clearly having to make something up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The main problem with reviews is that most teams are completely incompetent at using them. Like, literally fucking clueless.

[niko_cee]

The main problem is the umpire's call. You either embrace the predictive element, or you don't. The thinnest snick and RTS can have you on your way (or not), but a ball can be knocking leg stump out of the ground and you're fine. There is inconsistency between modes of dismissal. I suppose as a halfway house you could say a review lost to 'umpire's call' wouldn't be lost, but even then, I'm of the mind that if the ball is (predicted to be) hitting the stumps, and a pad stops it from doing that, then that is, by definition, lbw, and should be out.

It isn't used to correct clear errors. It is used speculatively and too much emphasis then rests on the original decision. Not that it is a system aimed at achieving the 'correct decision' in absolute terms anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The problem they have is that historically umpires used to uniformly not give things which were clearly lbw (I got into massive grief at the weekend for giving something when the batsman 'got a big stride in' - it was hitting the stumps you mooks), and so the consequences of liberalising the review system will be that wickets tumble freely and games are over more quickly.

Broadcasters want batsmen to succeed and games to last the distance.

[niko_cee]

Exactly. The review system was invented to stop batsmen getting 'bad ones', not to make decisions better in terms of overall accuracy, and the "umpire's call" lbw anomaly is the last bastion of the old "going down leg" decision rationale. Get rid.

Not seen much of this, but going as it's at the Rose Bowl I'm going to assume Pakistan are at least 100 runs light here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

When Pakistan bat first, a par total is basically whatever they get.

[Max Power]

The sound off the bat when Jason Roy middles it :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

My boy out for 96 this morning. We're basically looking at an 18 year old English Wasim Akram here, but with better batting.

[Max Power]

I read that he's more likely to end up as a batting all rounder in the future. Fuck all that, focus on the left arm swing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's not. He's going to be absolutely amazing at both in a way people can't comprehend these days. From what I've seen he could legitimately end up batting 4/5 for England and also being the main opening bowler.

If he avoids injury he'll surpass Botham easily.

[Davgooner]

Fucking hell. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Trying to think of comparable cricketers I've seen at the same age, I guess Mohammad Amir was bowling-wise at 17 but he didn't bat as well. Rabada... nah.

Dan Lawrence at Essex is also mega and should be playing for England within 18 months.

[niko_cee]

How on earth is that conclusive evidence to overturn an on field decision?

[niko_cee]

Start the car.

Ironically, that's the sort of ball/stump contact that the DRS would have as inconclusive.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Messiah batting on Sky now (in a semi final against the dreaded yorkies).

[Danny]

Our batting has been abysmal recently. Surrey are going to walk this

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bairstow and Ballance just chucking their wickets away to nonsense shots was a nice touch.

Two teenagers playing for the 'rey :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Super Jade :cool:

Fuck off Yawkshur.

[Danny]

Got much closer than we should have in the end. When I saw Rhodes runout it looked as if had he actually ran it hard he would have been safe and we would have had more of a chance

[Max Power]

400 on the cards here. Pakistan in full on mong mode in the field

[Max Power]

Might have been a conservative estimate.

Buttler :|

[niko_cee]

Had a look and it was 289 after 39 overs, 350 up within 3.5 overs from that point . . .

:|

[John Arne]

Ooft.

[Max Power]

About par I reckon.

It's been said a lot, but the transformation since the World Cup is ridiculous.

[niko_cee]

Don't worry, by the time the next one rolls around we'll be crabbing Cook back in to open as Gaz Ballaz to sure things up in the middle overs.

[Ian]

That fellow who dived over the barrier to try and catch a six, dropped it and then claimed it anyway was the real hero.

[niko_cee]

Batshit to the very end.

:D

[niko_cee]

Also, poor old Mick Lewis. He must have thought he might get off the top of that list today.

(I wondered when I saw 110 was the 2nd highest total conceded by a bowler whether Mick had been overhauled in the intervening years, but no, it remains the stand out performance).

[Davgooner]

Solid performance. Actually, Buttler slogged and missed a good dozen times in the final 5 overs or so. Drop him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Irresponsible shots throughout by the looks of it.

Apparently Morgan doesn't want to go to Bangladesh.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We looked like genuine amateurs against Wahab, Amir and Hasan there. Morgan in particular. Just swinging the bat down a completely imaginary line.

[Max Power]

Morgan needs binning. He is the weak link in both sides and ain't exactly Brearley.

Get Duckett involved

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of the all time worst overs here from CJ. Making Khalid Latif look like Viv Richards.

I have always thought Morgan is a twat. See my World Cup review post whenever it was.

[Ian]

Shit, did the two Jimrages get lost with the titanic? I have a feeling I might have brought them over....

EDIT:


I'm still awake, and angry, so I'll do a WDYTOE. Let's pretend for the sake of argument that the fifth Test has been called off for humanitarian reasons.

Cook
Shows the sort of leadership last exhibited by Captain Schettino when the Costa Concordia smashed into some rocks. Bowled the wrong bowlers at the wrong times, set horrible, defensive and inflexible fields, and then, once the series was lost, resorted to utterly bizarre shite in an attempt to ape his opposite number's (crap) Funky Fields. Selection also abysmal, for what part he has in it. With previous successes now confirmed as being down to his leading players, he's got to go, as captain, and concentrate on his batting, which - predictably - has turned to utter shite with him chasing and dabbing at wide filth outside the off stump like he probably chases and dabs at his wife outside the stables.

Carberry
Why do people constantly state he's a good fielder? He's not. Has at least applied himself with the bat, making him unique among the tour party, but is old and probably isn't quite good enough. Bye.

Trott
If anyone ever doubted the great man's value before, survey the apocalyptic scenes of doom before us now.

Root
Since the previously settled order has crumbled around him, seems to have suffered a crisis of identity and is much more successful at making 'who's a cheeky monkey?' grins than at any aspect of playing cricket. Has some nice shots in his locker, but seems petrified ever to play them. I'd put him back up to opener and back him for a bit.

Pietersen
He's never going to change, so we might as well keep him at number four until he finally minces his way into the record books. Has an ego to make Muhammad Ali look like a hermit living in the Swiss Alps by a forty year unbroken vow of silence.

Bell
Gah. Fucking hell, Ronald. If you start driving uppishly early in the innings again I'll have to take it all back.

Stokes
Has shown promise, albeit only actually in a single innings, but he's blatantly not a Test six. Bowling fine. Saying he's the light at the end of the tunnel is massively overdoing it, but he's worth persisting with.

Ballance
Has emerged with the most credit of all England batsmen on the tour, by virtue of never having left the fucking nets. Might as well be Lara.

Prior
Bye. In every sense. I hope he doesn't go in vogue and Retire From All Cricket because in April I'm going to take a trip to Hove to watch him with his hands in his pockets, fielding at third slip for the Sussex 2s against fucking Cardiff MCCU as he bids to regain his form enough if not to get an IPL or Big Bash contract, then certainly to have a stab at Bangladesh. 'One thing I know about this Barisal Burners team is that we always come out fighting'.

Bairstow
Not good enough with bat or gloves. Will probably become a Ramprakash figure. Bye.

Broad
Criminally underbowled at times by Cook, by far our most impressive bowler (though still gets too obsessed with our crap PLAN of bowling short all the time) and if any of the current shower of absolutely putrid shite could have even a look at being the next captain, it might be him - although even suggesting that makes me feel like I have AIDS. However, his batting, which on natural ability should be a very handy second string to his bow, is instead a total embarrassment to him and his family.

Bresnan
Bowls a heavy ball, keeps the run rate down, will never let the side down, useful with the bat, etc. Let's face it, he's fucking shit, has always been fucking shit, and always will be fucking shit. Fuck off. Bye.

Tremlett
We might as well have brought a photograph of Tremlett for all the use he has been. His top level career is over, I warned the England selectors about this all summer having actually watched him play then as opposed to whipping out the DVD of 2010/11 for a cheap Thursday night wank. But did they listen? Did they fuck. Bye.

Anderson
Let's not kid ourselves that a 'lack of assistance' or 'the Kookaburra ball' is at fault for Jimmy's failings in the series. No. He bowled beautifully in Australia last time out and has done so in all conditions, all around the world. What's at fault for his failings is the fact that he's been programmed into needing to swing the ball - conventionally or reverse - by the England stat computers so much that he's forgotten how to actually bowl, hence the humiliating episodes every innings when he tells Aleem Dharmasena that the ball is out of shape after three overs. It was so in 'helpful conditions' in the summer as much as here. Probably deserves the Sri Lanka series as a final chance to sort himself out.

Finn
Another example, along with the above and others, of the cancerous effect of our 'scientific' management on our best talent. Here we have a raw talent who has all the things you can't teach - so we decide to fucking unteach them, and try and make him more like Timothy Twatface Bresnan. It is, in sporting terms and for Finn as a man, a tragedy.

Rankin
Why would you take him on tour if you have no intention of trying him out, even amidst the wreckage of the most embarrassing attempt at a Test series in the last 25 years? He's 29, so not a youngster as everyone seems to assume, and if not good enough for Tests, surely you'd know that before bothering to tempt him over from Ireland?

Swann
RIP. Bye.

Panesar
The England Setup clearly fucking despise this man, and all spinners not called Swann. First they didn't select him in Dubai, then they didn't select him in Ahmedabad, then they selected Kerrigan over him after he was pissing on bouncers, and finally Cook starts bowling Joe Root ahead of him here. What's going on? I doubt they'll pick him again after this tour.

Management
Flower's time has run its course, while Gooch and Saker also have to go. In their place I would suggest Ashley Giles and Graham Thorpe would be a good start. Less southern African thinking required, more Englishness. Also, I am reliably informed that James Taylor's height is what keeps him out of the team. You what? Selection is batshit mental and clearly picked off some graph that doesn't mean anything.

So this is an approximation of what I reckon we should start next summer with:

Cook
Root
Bell/Trott
Pietersen
Bell/Taylor/Ballance
- (wk)
Stokes
- (spinner)
Broad (c)
Finn/a young quick (not Tymal fucking Mills)
Anderson/a genius 1990 style journeyman

Then hopefully, by the time MS Hitler brings the Nazis over for their five match series, a few people will have stood up in county cricket and sensed their opportunity.


Last year these (http://www.thedugout.net/community/showthread.php?p=4093239) were my thoughts on the Ashes, and I hoped I would never have to write such a cathartic rant post again but here we are, and here we go. Let's start with the players.

Morgan
This bloke has puzzled me for a long time but in this tournament I've finally chanced upon what he is - a fucking shitcunt version of KP, who, himself already a fucking shitcunt, is setting the bar very high. Morgan has totalled about one good year in an England shirt and on his day etc etc - I don't care. Ultimately you have to ask why he has come over the sea. He doesn't give a fuck about playing for England, as he has shown on numerous occasions and not just with the anthem, so you can only imagine he came here to enrich himself on the back of English cricket. Fine, many have, but England captain? Once you get past the pleasant manner and the come-to-bed eyes he's just another underperforming cunt who can fuck off. Put him on the ferry at Liverpool and let him play for a country he wants to play for. Shouldn't play for England in any format again.

Moeen Ali
This morning I saw a picture of him playing chess with Ravi Bopara, which appeared to have been taken by an ECB sniper. I like to imagine that it was a piece of performance art, a cry for help. He's a fucking legend. We don't deserve him.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4atgkfCYAEvdqB.jpg:large

Ian Bell
I really want Ronald to be the best player ever but the fact is, the guy has spent his entire life at fucking Loughborough and it shows when the crunch comes. He's never been a good enough one day cricketer, because one day cricket is about big, swinging testicles and unfortunately Ronald's have to be hoovered out of his ginger perineum every morning. Shouldn't play in one dayers again.

Alex Hales - he has a shit technique, I don't really rate him and he is one of those guys (like Stokes) who people latch onto and turn into the Messiah because he's not in the team. He does at least take the bowling on but he is not the future and is frankly no better than ordinary. That's the sad truth.

Barry Gallance - I have watched Barry smash the fuck out of T20 and one dayers with Yorkshire, so ultimately his utter fucking disaster of a tournament has to be another for the long, Tolkien-esque book of people England have made worse. He has come into the side because they want a batsman, they've put something through a computer and told him he has to be their solid number three, and it's broken him, as has the humdrum tedium of having to have 800 throw downs from Simon Short-Shorts and his dog chucker every day. I want Barry to go back to topless nightclub singing. He enjoyed that.

Joe Root
I love Root. He has talent, he has guts, he has a pair and he's the future, and now the present, of English cricket. Make him captain of everything.

James Taylor
The ECB's treatment of Taylor is the cricketing equivalent of that woman who was filmed putting a cat in a bin. Reliable sources have told me he wasn't picked for years because 'DATA' (hopefuly this is now a thing) suggested he was too short for international cricket, despite being taller than arguably the greatest batsman to play the game since the war. When finally picked, he has been moved up and down the order according to the needs of other people, all of whom make lesser contributions than he. He must now be treated as an asset in all formats.

Ravi Bopara
We've been trying him for fucking years and he never does anything. Why the fucking fuck was he in Australia? We have aggressive, stylish batsmen like Vince and Roy not even threatening the squad because this dickhead and his little no-backlift pushes behind point are deemed a crucial cog in the machine. Fuck off and take your shithouse bowling with you. Shouldn't play for England again.

Jos Buttler
If he's been a bit under par its because our batting plan is 'lose loads of early wickets while scoring at a poor rate, and then hope Jos hits 150 off 40 balls'. Like all our other shit plans, this one has been execution-free. Obviously a big player going forward along with Root, Moeen and Taylor.

Chris Woakes
I have always been a fan, and still am despite his complete inability to think for himself on a cricket field, but that started to diminish when the other day I heard him say 'execute our plans/skills' in five consecutive sentences. I'll stop here to explain why skill execution is so sinister and wrong. It implies that a textbook skill is perfectly formed and can be pumped into the very flesh and bone of Chris Woakes, and then it's down to him to execute it and the coach can say not me guv. What it does is elevate the coach and the analyst to a level above the player, which is not surprising since it's them who came up with the concept. It's also the reason why everyone - EVERYONE - must be sacked.

Chris Jordan
Can't blame him.

Stuart Broad
I was dreading getting to this absolute CUNT of a man because with everyone else a bit of sweary slagging off is enjoyable, but with this fucking disgusting person it just makes me more and more angry. In the first game against Australia he repeatedly ran away from the ball like a little girl, which for an international cricketer claiming to bat at 9 is pathetic, and that summed up his World Cup - averaging less than 3 with the bat and almost 80 with the ball. He's a coward, he's a simpleton, he's a cunt and the ECB gave his sister a job as an analyst, which is BCCI-esque. He has to go. I can't bear it any more. Oh and as Alex Hales so neatly puts it, who indeed does have their initials on a golf shirt? https://twitter.com/AlexHales1/status/553032242029547520

Steven Finn
If you took his pants off you would find a penis and then a void behind it with a stamp saying DAVID SAKER WOS ERE. He bowls like he's on death row, with no conviction, with no venom, with no confidence. But can you blame him? This is a setup that intentionally drains all of those things from anyone who had them initially. He is done, he is finished, and so is England.

James Anderson
He was past it as a one day cricketer at the last World Cup, we rest him from every one day series, so he turns up at the next World Cup, bowls like a hologram and people are surprised? Fucking get rid.

James Tredwell
He's probably just made his own way home by now.

Management
It doesn't matter if we sack Peter Moores. The next person will be the same. The ECB has built a system in which conformity is paramount, whilst individuality and fun and joy are to be distrusted and stamped out at all levels. It broke Jonathan Trott, by all accounts the most decent man in those better England sides, not that that was any great achievement. It's broken Steven Finn. It's well on its way to breaking Ballance.

They are such a corporate set of cunts that they feel everything has to be controlled by them and the protection of revenue and the brand is the only thing worth fighting for. The England brand must be worth about 3p by now, but they still cling on.

David Saker is a fucking useless cunt, and I have no idea how he still has a job. Moores seems to be broken, has failed miserably twice, and has to go. Downton is an absolutely ridiculous fungus of a man and has to go. But none of these people has to go like the one who has seemingly permanently entombed himself at the centre of English cricket, Giles Clarke, who has damaged our game, damaged the world game and all whilst aping David Mellor. If he drowned tomorrow I genuinely wouldn't be that upset. In fact, fuck that, I'd pay to watch it.

I love cricket, like thousands of others I put a lot of time into the game, and we all get up at 4am and watch these cunts represent us and we deserve better. They can all fuck off and some new ones can come in. We were fucking shit in the 90s, but at least then we were shit for the right reasons. This time we're shit because parasitical cunts have made us so and it didn't need to happen.


Yas!

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jesus I was harsh in that second one (though not on Giles Clarke). It must have been properly terrible.

[Ian]

Ronald's testicles being hoovered out of his ginger perineum might be my favourite TTH thing ever.

[Max Power]

Yeah that Bell line is so good. It genuinely comes to mind everytime I see him mentioned.

[Danny]

Jesus I was harsh in that second one (though not on Giles Clarke). It must have been properly terrible.

I think you were spot on with all of it tbf

Hales maybe a coming out a bit better than that assessment in the short stuff but not far off.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hales is still a wafty prick. When it comes to the next big tournament he'll be exposing Root like he's Ian Botham with a camera phone.

[ItalAussie]

Pakistan are sitting at ninth in the ODI world rankings. There's a very outside chance of them having to qualify (and even failing to do so) for the next World Cup.

Nothing against Pakistan, but it'd be nothing less than the vile ICC deserve.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Realistically, faced with a qualifying scenario in which they have to come in the top 2 out of themselves, Zimbabwe, Ireland etc they will piss it.

Also, the ICC is only made up of its members, in and of itself it cannot do anything.

[ItalAussie]

Realistically, faced with a qualifying scenario in which they have to come in the top 2 out of themselves, Zimbabwe, Ireland etc they will piss it.

Also, the ICC is only made up of its members, in and of itself it cannot do anything.

I lose track of who's actually running the show sometimes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Here's a cryptic clue as to who is running the show:

A din? Remix with added ego (5)

[Jimmy Floyd]

Eoin Morgan has pulled out of Bangladesh.

I must say, I find this whole thing curious. Why is everyone else fine with it and he isn't?

[Danny]

He is so full of shit going on about Bangalore 2010 yet has played (iirc) every year of IPL since

[Max Power]

Fingers crossed its the end of his international career.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I always remember the story about how Andy Flower first made him captain of an ODI series after seeing him dance with some children at a wedding and admiring his interpersonal skills.

You can google it but I'm pretty sure I didn't dream that.

[ItalAussie]

Here's a cryptic clue as to who is running the show:

A din? Remix with added ego (5)

Just want to say for the record that this is quite nice.

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANp49ra0TWU

Probably the closest we'll ever get to seeing match footage of WG Grace batting.

My favourite bit is the trademark quick single at around 5:10.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Morgan and Hales have both declared themselves unavailable to face the might of Al-Amin Hossain and Shafiul Islam. Twitter is seething.

On the plus side, many are tipping Gaz Batts for a call up :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/bangladesh-v-england-2016-17/content/story/1056685.html

I haven't seen him yet but have read extensively (mostly from this writer, who is amazing incidentally) and I believe.

[Max Power]

Yeah was gonna post that earlier.

Made a duck today naturally but he will be going to Bangladesh and I'd imagine he'd be opening the batting. Good luck to the kid

[Ian]

If he's as good as that writer says then how soon is too soon? Hales doesn't look the part, is there an obvious 'next cab off the rank' if and when Hales is given the shove?

EDIT: Oh, will he be in the team as soon as that? Ace.

[Max Power]

Hales has given himself the shove because he's scared of terrorists. Hameed will be playing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hales has been given the shove / given himself the shove, and I'll be surprised if Hameed's not in the squad named on Friday.

Also:

http://www.theboltonnews.co.uk/resources/images/4023827.jpg?display=1&htype=0&type=responsive-gallery

Some people you can just tell from their face they are a hero.

[Ian]

Ah, I don't think I knew that Hales was definitely refusing to go. Makes life easier.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think they were dropping him anyway. There have been big hints about what the squad is going to look like for some time now, and it seems Liam Dawson is going as the extra spinner (or one of them) which really harks back to the bad old days of Duncan Fletcher bits and pieces wankers. First class averages of 34 and 38.

[ItalAussie]

So here's a thought.

There was one test hat-trick between February 1961 and October 1988. There have been twenty since 1998. What changed?

[Danny]

Bigger bats and flatter pitches. No, wait, wrong question.

More cricket? Poorer defensive technique? DRS? (how many came post DRS would be interesting to note)

[ItalAussie]

When did DRS come in?

The last three are Herath (2016), Broad (2014), Gazi (2013), Broad (2011), Siddle (2010). Surely DRS can't be older than that.


EDIT: JP Duminy has an ODI hat-trick. The more you know.

[niko_cee]

I was going to say Stuart Broad happened. He must have been involved in the most from both a batting and bowling perspective.

It sounds like some stats finagling though.

The volume of cricket played must be the most significant factor, more tests, more crap teams playing tests, packed schedules meaning teams don't have time to properly adapt to foreign conditions. The death of the forward defensive. It's just the extreme end of the modern predilection for batting collapses.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If you watch any footage of 1960s Test cricket, you'll see why there were no hat-tricks (or anything else of any interest). But yeah, there have been vastly more Tests since about 1990, at least among the big nations.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/county-cricket-2016/content/story/1056773.html

What an absolute unsolveable mess. I would nevertheless love it, nay, LOVE IT if the ECB don't get their way.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sam the man mopping up Borthwick, Burnham, Stokes and Collingwood in the space of six balls. What a boy.

[Max Power]

Sounds like franchise cricket is a go then.

RIP Leicestershire.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Reckon Leicestershire will win one of the 8 city franchises tbh. Hinckley Heat.

Melton Mowbray Mizzle? They all have to be named after weather, or it just wouldn't be English, although I note that 4/8 Big Bash teams are also named after weather.