The Cricket Thread

[Max Power]

Stupid cricket

[Gray Fox]

I've seen 3 of the 4 wickets so far(missed Pope) and they've literally just given themselves over without fuss. The Root and Duckett ones especially infuriating as Jim says, they know Lyon is out of the day at least, perhaps test/series.

[Ben]

The ball is on the deck with that Root dismissal surely.

[Ian]

The shots I've seen since I got back in have, by and large, been very, very stupid, and the wickets have been stupid.

[niko_cee]

Proper private school thinking. Smelling own farts.

I think it's more modern elite sports thinking. Most players across most sports are now just programmed to go out and do something [as per instructions], not make decisions in the moment. That's obviously hyperbole, but it's definitely a feature of modern sport.

[Max Power]

Stokes has been playing against his own mantra/or he literally is so unfit he can’t so a solid rebuild from him needed here to get to parity.

[Gray Fox]

The question is, do we get to see Bairstow out after unsuccessful LBW review, tonight, or first thing?

[Gray Fox]

What in the fuck is Harry Brook doing there?!

[niko_cee]

Analytics say YOU GO HARD.

[niko_cee]

Vaughan's absolutely seething again.

:drool:

That's definitely the best aspect of the whole shebang. If they can make this work and out-macho Australia you just know that's going to hurt alpha-dickheads like 'Haydos' so much more.

[Dave.]

I think there has been a massive overreaction to the England dismissals today. We are still in a good position and still will be even if we fall just short of Australia's total. Lyon is such a huge miss for them in the final innings.

Australia's own collapse in the first innings is HUGE.

[Ian]

That's definitely the best aspect of the whole shebang. If they can make this work and out-macho Australia you just know that's going to hurt alpha-dickheads like 'Haydos' so much more.

It'll be a 5-0 defeat and "Yeah but look at how entertaining some of those games were!"

(I'm not really predicting 5-0, but it could be.)

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think there has been a massive overreaction to the England dismissals today. We are still in a good position and still will be even if we fall just short of Australia's total. Lyon is such a huge miss for them in the final innings.

Australia's own collapse in the first innings is HUGE.

Yeah, it was still a huge comeback day for us. It should have been Aus on the ropes, though.

[thommo]

I was listening to TMS in the car for the majority of the final session yesterday and at the time, completely baffled as to why we decided to throw those wickets away to the short ball. But listening to Vaughan seethe after the close of play was fucking ridiculous. If you'd have switched on after stumps, you would think we'd been bowled out 150 in arrears. And to be fair to Duckett, he made a pretty good point. Playing the short ball in that situation is akin to driving when they've got a packed slip cordon (something which he always does when you consider his ridiculously low leave percentage).

I'm obviously disappointed for us to not hammer home a dominant position but it HAS worked for us over the past year. And on replay, that Root dismissal looks very dodgy. Surprised that wasn't overturned.

[Jimmy Floyd]

From the angles available I think it was out. Smith is a bad cheat though so maybe another angle might have shown different.

[Ben]

Vaughan is an arsehole. He's decided to carve out a little pedestal for himself as the anti-Bazball analyst.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sri Lanka 67/5 against the clog wearers, this could get dicey. Great tournament this.

[igor_balis]

Jesus Christ

[igor_balis]

surely you can be aggressive and seize the initiative without giving away your fucking wicket

[Jimmy Floyd]

You can't. It's smashing everything for four or Lord's will implode like that submarine.

[Max Power]

Do we have to give them a first innings lead now Lyon is injured to “make a game of it” or something

[Jimmy Floyd]

Honestly can't believe having been 188/1 we're reduced to Stuart fucking Broad batting while 120 behind. Fucking braindead fucks.

[Ben]

Some junior cricket shit these dismissals.

[Max Power]

This is so so dumb :D

[thommo]

Lads, it could be worse. For instance, think back to last spring...

https://i.ibb.co/HGFshYY/could-be-worse.png

[Kikó]

That was pretty wank

[Jimmy Floyd]

The other way of looking at it is if we have the side above we'd be losing most games by an innings. All hail Bazball, making a bit of a game of it since 2022.

[Max Power]

Reminding me of losing to India on this very ground with Ishant Sharma bouncing everyone out.

[niko_cee]

Obviously just fancy a decent 4th innings chase. Bantzball.

[niko_cee]

Slightly weird that what should have been an absolutely pivotal moment in the series in England's favour (Lyon injury) seems to have had the 100% opposite effect, and all the more galling in the way it came about. Still, if the pitch flattens out we can chase anything, right?

[Ben]

Not if they continue to bowl long hops. We seem to have difficulty against that.

It's not like they even bowled menacing bodyline stuff, it was pretty average and we just consistently plinked it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think it's more that we have absolutely no idea how to counteract their defensive shithouse tactics. They've clearly come here and thought the only way to stop Bazball is to pile everyone on the boundary ropes, which is about correct in my view - and we just don't seem to have imagined that they would do such a thing or had any idea how to cope with it. The answer of how to cope with it is just pat singles endlessly into the gaping gaps and leave literally every bouncer, but BAZ would rather impale himself on Old Father Time than do that.

[Max Power]

What’s frustrating is that yesterday afternoon was a perfect point for the elevation of this “strategy” into something really really good. Because they did go hard early on, they were marching along at 5 an over despite defensive fields. It was a time to soak up the bouncers from a depleted attack and then go hard again when they would be forced to change tactics.

No-one is saying rip it all up and get Dom Sibley in - there just needs to be a degree of game management. Which again they have actually shown in this past year I think the nature of this huge series and all eyes on it have made them lose touch with reality

[Dave.]

As much as the batting this morning was absolutely shocking, no one can deny we have been extremely unlucky today. The amount of times the Australian batsmen played and missed before Warner was dismissed was ridiculous and Labuschagne was just outside the line there whereas every mistake we made resulted in a wicket.

[Max Power]

As the narrative shifts, it would be hilarious if they just go and chase 500 now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If we could actually bring ourselves to actually take a few wickets in a row at some point, we're still well in this, thanks to the anti-Bazball of them grinding along at 2.5 an over.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fucking Stokes never wants to review anything. Always has to be talked into it by Broad and other nutcases.

[Dave.]

Another play and miss from a rash shot followed by an lbw that would have been out had we referred it.:moop:

[Waffdon]

Shaheen Afridi casually took 4 wickets in his 1st over tonight. 1st wicket looker a ridiculous call mind

Still look like they may lose as well :lol:

[niko_cee]

Windies 20/2 early doors against the jocks, I know that could end up anywhere given the way modern scoring goes, but why are they so shite now? Is this some kind of composite effect of all the talent drain [US sports, franchise cricket leagues] or are they just reverting to what you'd expect of a disparate alliance of micro-states?

[niko_cee]

26/3

[Jimmy Floyd]

There is still loads of talent. It just isn't playing any format other than T20, and the highly motivated teams below have caught up.

[Clunge]

Surrey-Somerset was a riot last night. This Somerset side is the best I've seen in 20 years of watching T20.

[Kikó]

Moar bouncers please

[niko_cee]

Turns out stupidity is infectious.

[Gray Fox]

I think it was Ponting that said yesterday or the day before, the short bowling from Australia was essentially a challenge to the ego of some of the English batters. Trying to lull them into that mindset of I know what you're doing, but I'm going to beat you at it.

I dare say he's right with it too. Steve Smith is exactly the kind of tit that would fall into that trap too.

[niko_cee]

Rishi's tethering himself to BazBall.

RIP the good times.

[niko_cee]

If we can somehow escape this game without losing I think we might have broken their minds.

[Waffdon]

Scotland:cool:

[niko_cee]

They were absolutely smashing the last time I checked, did it carry on in that vein?

[niko_cee]

Glenn McGrath's such a sneaky customer, suggesting Lyon might be out there trying to get concussed and therefore subbed out.

[Waffdon]

Can’t believe Australia have Lyon out there :lol:

[John Arne]

Why they bowling short to Lyon? He can't move, and he gives him, albeit a slim, chance of getting bopped on the head and subbed off.

[Gray Fox]

All out for sub 100 incoming.

[Max Power]

What a fucking bizarre test match this has been. What banter have England got brewing for us the final innings?

[Clunge]

Knock it off in 40 overs.

[niko_cee]

Crawley double ton off the menu then.

[thommo]

Availability was up this weekend, and lo and behold, a big win for the thirds. And to celebrate, a big night out after. Absolutely rolling in and ready for bed now.

We were 10/4 early on in our chase, but the lads settled and we didn't lose a wicket from that point. Chased down 99 fairly comfortably in the end and the 3s get just their 2nd win of the season.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I stood with the strangest bloke ever yesterday. I'd been warned about him on the circuit but the reality was worse than I imagined. First of all, literally as I pulled into the ground, he called me and said 'I'm in Aldershot, the train drivers have gone on strike. Can you come and pick me up?' So I went up to the captains and said sorry, I have to go 20 minutes to Aldershot and pick up the other umpire. Rather than waiting at an easy landmark, like the train station or a car park, he chose to go and sit on a wall at the Aldershot Traction Club, whatever the fuck that is. Eventually I got him and he spent the journey back ranting about rail replacement buses not running, even though we literally drove past two of the fuckers on the way.

When we got to the umpires room he held up a pork pie and said 'Tactical pork pie!' which was as close to real life Partridge as I've encountered. It wasn't the only tactical thing he did, either: tactical chat, tactical leak, it was all tactics with him. He also began what would turn out to be a bizarre obsession for the day, which was fielders leaving the field of play during the drinks break. I don't give a shit if they do that, as it's their own time they're wasting and there are over rate penalties, but for him it's a crime akin to running through one of his majesty's swans. So I had to go along with this prick saying to the captains at the toss: "Let me tell you in no uncertain terms, if any of your players leave the field of play during drinks breaks, there will be a report sent to the league." Of course they duly did and he duly wrote this on the report.

At the end I was sure he was going to ask for a lift back to Aldershot, but instead he asked me where I was going. I told him (like, 45 minutes back towards London) and he said 'Oh, just drop me somewhere up there'. So I then had to sit in the car listening to him rail against Bazball for 45 minutes before he asked me to drop him off at a random roundabout in the middle of nowhere. I'm a bit worried he will just be wandering the streets until his next game.

[niko_cee]

Tactical prostitute murder.

[Kikó]

This is tactically nervous watching.

[Jimmy Floyd]

With our tail, we're not even into hope-that-kills-you territory until the target's under 100

[Kikó]

Yep. The mild hope with Duckett is now fully extinguished. I'm expecting all out by 230

[Gray Fox]

Any hope of rain to save the day?

[Waffdon]

The gingers will save the day again.

[Kikó]

Cheating bastards again

[Waffdon]

You’re welcome, Ital

[Waffdon]

Cheating bastards again

Stupid from Bairstow but yeah, Aussie’s are just a horrible bunch. Only sport I’ve ever actively enjoyed England winning in. (Not that it happens often against these, mind)

[niko_cee]

Stokes should chokeslam one of them when he eventually gets out.

[niko_cee]

Surely, with that Bairstow dismissal, if you are in your ground when the ball hits the 'keepers gloves, that's when the ball is dead.

Could do without lunch really. This is mental.

[Gray Fox]

He even scrapes his foot in his crease before leaving it to talk to Stokes.

Stokes is perhaps the most entertaining player we've had since Flintoff. Always seems to be him doing something in a big game. This chase is probably a bit beyond him with the length of the tail coming in.
They need everyone on brief to just defend and keep Stokes in.

[Waffdon]

He’ll probably get caught going for another 6 but he’s gotta be the most clutch player going since that nightmare over against West Indies. Properly made him.

On a side note, I wish ‘KP’ was around for Baz Ball

[Gray Fox]

It's the hope that kills you.

[niko_cee]

The egg and bacon brigade getting stuck into the Aussies at lunch.

:lol:

Hopefully someone with a good arm has a few cans of John Smiths for later.

[niko_cee]

I suppose it will somewhat depend on how the rest of the series goes, but so far this has been a great series between two very evenly matched teams, even if that isn't reflected in the [likely] scoreline.

[Gray Fox]

I think as we're seeing the only difference in the current lineups is that the Aussie bowlers are better with the bat than ours are.

And also cheating to get Bairstow out helps.

[Yevrah]

As someone who has watched our football team churn out turgid shite for 90% of the last near 40 years I’m staggered at the grief the England cricket team are getting for this approach.

I know fuck all about cricket but we’re generally pretty dull in that too, no?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The approach is spot on. Execution and in game micro-strategy lost us that Test. Ultimately it's enabling us to compete hard with a far superior Australian team.

And the Bairstow thing was out. Ball becomes dead only in the opinion of the bowler's end umpire. If he doesn't think it was dead, off you pop.

[Shindig]

Yeah, play to the whistle. Like those defences that stop when they think VAR's going to give it offside.

[Gray Fox]

As someone who has watched our football team churn out turgid shite for 90% of the last near 40 years I’m staggered at the grief the England cricket team are getting for this approach.

I know fuck all about cricket but we’re generally pretty dull in that too, no?

It's because it goes against how the sport had been played forever.

There have been some brief patches of proper braindead actions, but theyve actually just been a bit unlucky so far.
For example the Bairstow dismissal today you likely will see once every so many years.

As Jim says, this Aussie team should be winning. Bazball has somewhat evened the playing field.

[phonics]

Im just hoping this brings in a bit of underarm bowling and other shithousery in the next match.

[thommo]

When we got to the umpires room he held up a pork pie and said 'Tactical pork pie!' which was as close to real life Partridge as I've encountered.

:D

The whole story is hilarious but I don't know how you would keep a straight face when confronted with this.

[Waffdon]

Straight shoot out between Scotland and the Dutch for the last qualifier?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yes, though a narrow defeat for the Scots would also suffice. I hope they do it, a) because them sauntering around India in a 10 team WC would be funny, and b) because they got shafted by bent umpiring in the qualifier 4 years ago and deserve it.

[Waffdon]

Twitter says Netherlands need to win by 50+ runs or within 45 overs if batting 2nd.

My body is ready for another glorious failure.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I once saw the Dutch chase 190 in 11 overs or something when they had to in the T20 version of this. Toss is massive, team chasing has a big advantage.

[Waffdon]

Can’t believe Scotland have a bloke bowling 94mph. England will be after him shortly

[Waffdon]

How has Josh Tongue been dropped over Robinson?

[Max Power]

We seem to break every bowler who can top 83mph so may be a rare bit of sensible thinking. That team looks fucking mad though.

[Ian]

Similar wickets I think but Robinson is more economical and I assume that while Tongue has the extra pace that will be replaced by Wood's, whereas if one of Broad or Anderson is rested Robinson is less expendable I'd say.

[niko_cee]

The difficulty now [other than the obvious] is that looking at that Andy Zaltzman thing (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/66097255) the other day, we've been better in both of the first two tests but have somehow conspired to lose them one way or another. Usually we've got at least one stinker in us per 5 match series and how often does a series in England pass by without serious weather intervention at some point. All a bit of an uphill struggle and yeah, that team looks suitably mental. Why are they so opposed to picking Foakes?

[Ian]

He's got too much respect for his wicket and too few vibes.

[igor_balis]

have a feeling this series will be forever remembered with frustration that we let it get away. the mad aggressive approach is brilliant and has been a great leveller against an objectively better aus side, but I feel like we've gone a bit too dogmatic about it, and made key strategic errors. I do get the logic of GO HARD OR GO HOME, and just going fully and totally all in on the approach, and while #bazball has gotten us into winning positions we'd have never have managed with the old approach, we have still then conspired to squander those positions. declaration in the first test I've come to terms with, but it's absolutely infuriating that we didn't just bat aus into the dust when we were like 180-1 in the first innings against ten men.

I know that it's easy to say stuff like that in hindsight, but I dunno. at some point it is just literally terrible game management. to which I'm sure stokesy and co will say if you can't handle me at my spaffing bouncers to fielders on the boundary when you're massively ahead in the test, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my smashing the new ball for 7 runs an over and making test match cricket great again, but fuck them.

I suppose it comes down to whether or not you think diluting the craziness would actively make it less effective.

[Ian]

That last bit is basically where I'm not sure if Bazball isn't for me or if, as you suggest, they're now too dogmatic because I feel like it's basically fucking the key moments where the Ashes matches have turned so far, and when you hear all the "erm actually we don't need to practice before the Ashes" stuff I'm like "Yeah but don't you?"

But this all feels very ungrateful after a year of fun against the rest.

[Waffdon]

Scotland shitting the bed a wee bit here towards the end of the innings. 300 would have been nice and handy.

[Clunge]

Wood absolutely steaming in here. Khawaja gone!

[Waffdon]

Scotland shitting the bed a wee bit here towards the end of the innings. 300 would have been nice and handy.

Netherlands need 178 in 22 overs. Surely to god Scotland don’t throw this.

[Waffdon]

Also lol at Bairstow still being WK. He is genuinely dreadful at times (most the time). He’s too fat and and not agile

[Jimmy Floyd]

Five down, think Scotland have it. Incredible achievement if so and time to find some English players with Scottish grannies.

[Waffdon]

Five down, think Scotland have it. Incredible achievement if so and time to find some English players with Scottish grannies.

I’m not sure with De Leede in there. He’s about to drop 5 wickets and a century

[thommo]

60 needed from the last 6, this is going to be tight.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If they get Bas it's over.

[Waffdon]

I’m not sure I’d be keeping a spinner on.

[Waffdon]

Case in point. For fuck sake.

Fat bastard with the worst possible over at the worst possible time. That should be game

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some effort by Bas, he was a walking wicket earlier in the tourbament.

[Waffdon]

Where the fuck is Chris Sole and why isn’t he bowling

[Waffdon]

The most Scottish result I think I have ever seen.

The umpire not giving out for the LBW decision has fucked it.

[Ben]

De Leede, fucking hell. Harsh on the Scots that.

[Ian]

I see it's been a stellar day for ol' iron gloves so far.

[Ben]

Frying pans for gloves. He'd not look out of place in my team.

[niko_cee]

Only a hundred runs on Root's drop as well.

And all the extras.

At some point the vibes are going to have to face the fact that everything is a bit lax to be taking on a team like Australia.

[Waffdon]

De Leede, fucking hell. Harsh on the Scots that.

Maybe in terms of the whole format but the game itself they just absolutely shit themselves.

[Ben]

Only a hundred runs on Root's drop as well.

And all the extras.

At some point the vibes are going to have to face the fact that everything is a bit lax to be taking on a team like Australia.

To be fair to Baz we've been very average in the catching department since Flower left.

[Ian]

You lads who play would know: is that just a lack of practice? Is there a particular knack to getting your fielding sharp or is it just hours spent correcting technique then doing it until it's as much muscle memory as anything else?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's concentration, I think. Particularly if we're talking keeper and slips. They all know how to catch a ball.

[Ben]

Concentration is the whole game in the cordon.

Personally I'm a good catcher in the ring or on the fence but slips is entirely different. Guaranteed the one that comes your way is the one ball you're distracted by the puppy running round the boundary. Reflexes are useful but it's mostly mental. I'd much rather be under one that's touched the moon than being at first slip to the moonball spinner.

[niko_cee]

I always found the fizz of the ball very difficult to cope with in the slips.

Mark Wood in absolute full flight here.

We've lulled them into playing BazBall.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have a concentration routine I use as an umpire whereby I switch off completely at dead ball, have a walk around and look at the sky/dogs/spectators, then do a mental trigger on some visible landmark (tree/sign/building etc), step into my footmarks again, listen for the bowler coming in, and when he's beside me the focus goes ON and all my concentration is poured into the next couple of seconds. I got it from Mike Atherton who used to do the same batting. Would surprise me if the best slippers don't do something similar.

[Waffdon]

Nothing better than some proper fast bowling :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Carey very much lacking the stomach for it.

[Gray Fox]

There's the difference in a good wicketkeeper.

[Max Power]

Love Mark Wood.

[Waffdon]

Aussie’s might win this test by a fair bit. England’s batting isn’t good enough even with Baz Ball against these lot. Joe Root having a stinker

[niko_cee]

:face:

[hfswjyr]

Agree with Nasser. The options aren't limited to either play a shot and get out, or fend and get out. When the situation calls for it, you can also duck and leave it, but that doesn't seem to be compatible with the new style.

[Ben]

I think attributing every ball (whether a positive or negative for England) to Bazball is overdoing it. Stokes is the leader of the pack and he still has the mentality to play himself in according to the situation. Root is usually like this as well so whatever the tactics, the cream still rises to the top. Take Bazball away and Crawley is still horrendous on that fifth stump line. Take Bazball away and Bairstow is still a poor wicketkeeper.

Ultimately, Australia man-for-man are just far better than we are and Bazball in my opinion has to be seen as a positive because it's allowing players to compete in the Test arena who otherwise would be playing 2nd team by now if Chris Silverwood was still in charge. Take Bazball away and we still lose the series convincingly but do so with Burns and Sibley at 2 runs per over. At least there's a bit of thrill involved now. We got ourselves far too excited during the last year of insane wins but whatever the outcome of this series, English cricket is still miles ahead of where it was 18 months ago.

Vaughan was bleating on this morning about playing "Bazball with brains" which is great but almost unachievable. You'd have to have that 2000 era Australia side to even contemplate being that dominant for any sustained period. Tactics and vibes only get you so far.

[niko_cee]

Should probably start calling is Stokesball really.

How many catches did Australia put down in that innings?

[Waffdon]

Has an England player other than Broad got Warner out in recent years? That’s 17 times he’s got him out

[niko_cee]

Not sure the Bairstow wicketkeeper gambit could really have gone much worse. His batting has been pretty wank as well.

[Waffdon]

He’s just too fat. WK is a specialist position and Foakes is incredibly good. If you want Bairstow in, just put him in at 3 and tell him to do his thing.

[Max Power]

Fuck me he’s caught one. Game on!

[Ben]

That’s a big wicket.

[Gray Fox]

He’s just too fat. WK is a specialist position and Foakes is incredibly good. If you want Bairstow in, just put him in at 3 and tell him to do his thing.

It's been mentioned before that Bairstow will throw a wobbly if he's asked to just bat. And throwing a wobbly is bad for the vibes.

[Ben]

I play in a Yorkshire area Premier League so I know players who are in and around the Yorkshire squad and they all say Bairstow is a wanker.

[Gray Fox]

You can tell by watching him. He's the lad in your group that will always start some trouble on a night out. Gets around it by also being the lad that'll have your back regardless of what's gone on.

[igor_balis]

It's been mentioned before that Bairstow will throw a wobbly if he's asked to just bat. And throwing a wobbly is bad for the vibes.

Bairstow annoys me for his whining about keeping despite being shit at it in exactly the same way C Ronaldo did for insisting on taking freekicks, except he's only barely good enough to get in England's test XI, rather than being arguably the greatest footballer of all time.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Keeping is clearly an emotional thing for him re his dad

[niko_cee]

Best case scenario today would be to get out there for a few bursts in Headingly Special doomsday conditions, or perhaps just an hour or so at the end.

[niko_cee]

Whilst many [perhaps almost all] periods of play in the series have felt pivotal, if they manage to get out here for any amount of time this one feels extra extra pivotal from an England perspective.

[niko_cee]

Also if it starts doing bits straight away Australia should probably declare.

[Gray Fox]

1 whole over.

What's tomorrows forecast?

[niko_cee]

No refunds!

[Luke Emia]

Could do with Jimmy for this hour or so

[Gray Fox]

What a strange way to nick it to the keeper.

[Waffdon]

Utter shambles from England if they can’t win from here

Should be fairly sunny all tomorrow afternoon

[Gray Fox]

If they get the Aussies 8 or 9 down tonight, they should be in prime position. You don't want to be chasing much further north of 250 though.

[Waffdon]

Bairstow continuing to be an embarrassment in the field. Can’t believe he made Brook take that catch there. Properly bailed him out

All this rain has properly helped England out. Finally someone to assist Ben Stokes

[Gray Fox]

England need to stop Australia lulling their way to another 30-40 runs here. This is a great total, but it's creeping up.

Tough though as you'd like to avoid Starc cleaning up Duckett/Crawley tonight.

[igor_balis]

this short ball strategy to head is going well

[Gray Fox]

There's just so much more batting in the Aussie team. This is looking like a chase for something towards 300 at this rate.

[Waffdon]

What an over from Broad this is

[igor_balis]

yeah keep bouncing it mate

[Waffdon]

These short balls :lol:

[Gray Fox]

Think he might have this sussed you know Stokes.

[Gray Fox]

251 to win it is.

Those extra 20-30 runs for free at the end will likely come back to haunt.

[Waffdon]

Should absolutely piss it.

[Gray Fox]

A bit like when they got England in to bad for that disastrous 30 mins, getting bowling at the right time could turn this. Some twists and turns in this yet.

[Ian]

Duckett has properly Bairstow'd that. Fuck's sake.

[Gray Fox]

Get the cape ready, Benjamin.

[Ian]

Apparently Crawley and Duckett have our highest opening partnership average (50.68) since Cook/Compton. :face:

[Waffdon]

Could do with Joe Root actually doing something here

[niko_cee]

RIP the Mo-hawk.

[Max Power]

Stokes better get oiled up for another rescue job.

[Luke Emia]

Crawley gonna Crawley.

[Waffdon]

Crawley gotta be one of the most infuriating players to watch. He looks like he should be an obscene player.

[Ben]

All the shots, nothing between the ears.

[Gray Fox]

'WinVis' can do one. This is a proper 50/50 game.

[Ian]

'WinVis' can do one. This is a proper 50/50 game.

Presumably it doesn't factor in Englandness.

[igor_balis]

uhoh

[Waffdon]

Ohhhh, nervy ending awaits. If Bairstow had anything about him he’d win this here himself

[igor_balis]

mark wood to get the winning runs with a 6

[niko_cee]

How many tickles down the leg side have there been in this series? Seems like one of the prime methods of dismissal.

[Gray Fox]

mark wood to get the winning runs with a 6

Will have to at this rate.

[Waffdon]

If Bairstow starts anymore tests this series then there’s some serious issues. Awful with the bat and somehow even worst with the gloves

[niko_cee]

Oh well, this was fun while it lasted.

Has all the feel of the original 5-0 series now where we kept [inexplicably] doing just enough to lose every game.

Good job the football season is rolling round again as the rest of the sporting summer is going up in smoke.

[Gray Fox]

3rd test on the trot where England should really have won. Still could here, but there's nothing when Brook goes.

[igor_balis]

Johnny Bairstow might not be able to bat or keep, but at least he brings his freaky weirdo personality to the dressing room.

[Waffdon]

Good stuff from Brook here. Proper innings

[igor_balis]

Good stuff from Brook here. Proper innings

well done

[Waffdon]

:D

Hopefully Broad gets in and wins it

[igor_balis]

mark wood to get the winning runs with a 6

close enough

[Ian]

Well we just about scraped over the line. Some shambolic batting again though.

[Waffdon]

Good stuff. Hopefully get a decider in the 5th

[igor_balis]

Foakes for Bairstow, literally anyone for Mo, win the ashes boys.

[Ian]

There's probably about as much chance of me getting a call-up as Bairstow being dropped.

[Waffdon]

Foakes for Bairstow and Tongue for Robinson assuming Stokes isn’t dead.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I would be very surprised if they canned Bairstow. This side is all about macho bravado. You don't admit when you're wrong.

[Ian]

Nobody believes they'll drop Bairstow, only hopes for it.

[Waffdon]

And Bairstow has the gloves again.

[Danny]

Ashwin got out Tangerine Chanderpaul (I cant read his name as anything else) to get out both father and son.

[niko_cee]

Good game in the washes today. England on a bit of a miracle run to level things up.

[Ben]

Big Rakheem Cornwall back in the Windies Test team. He’s currently trying to drag them to a half decent score but nearly got run out taking a single to long on. Aptly supported by the jack of the team sauntering about without a care in the world, packing more flair into his dreadlocks than the all the Windies’ 21st century teams put together.

[Ian]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2023/jul/15/ben-duckett-cricket-the-ashes-england-australia

Blimey, he doesn't have come across as a cunt here. A handful of quotes I could pick to illustrate this but let's have a go with this one:

“Zak is a very witty guy, and he plays more attractive shots than me. We haven’t properly fired yet this series but I said over a couple of beers: ‘Me and you, let’s do a session or longer, because if we do, we will put the team in such a good position.’”

Ah, you mean doing the job of openers, Ben? Revolutionary stuff.

[Jimmy Floyd]

'A very witty guy' is killing me for some reason.

[Dave.]

The mad thing about Crawley and Duckett is that they are statistically our best opening partnership in ages yet Crawley is garbage.

[Ian]

Yeah, says a lot for the absolute shambles that has been England trying to find openers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Third disciplinary of the year yesterday, this time for dissent, which is absolutely rampant at the moment. These people act like victims, but if we had the stomach for the amount of paperwork involved in doing them all then half the league would be under sanction at any one time. My bloke was hit back pad in front of middle and off, what do you want me to do?

I did enjoy this from the Middlesex league though:


27th May : Ealing Hanwellians vs Lanka Lions ; Surapinder Singh (EHA 015) was found guilty of a Level
3(m) offence in that that player “intimidated an umpire by language or gesture” and is suspended for the
2023 season.

27th May : Ealing Hanwellians vs Lanka Lions ; Naresh Naresh (EHA 037) was found guilty of a Level 4(o)
offence in that that player “threatened to assault an umpire” and is suspended for the 2023 season and the
2024 season pending a review prior to the 2024 season.

Sounds like a fun afternoon out.

[Clunge]

Somerset T20 champions again :D. Was at Edgbaston y’day and can confirm it was the bees. Defencing circa 140 twice on finals day must be unheard of.

[Ian]

Third disciplinary of the year yesterday, this time for dissent, which is absolutely rampant at the moment. These people act like victims, but if we had the stomach for the amount of paperwork involved in doing them all then half the league would be under sanction at any one time. My bloke was hit back pad in front of middle and off, what do you want me to do?

I did enjoy this from the Middlesex league though:



Sounds like a fun afternoon out.

Is it notably rampant among players of a certain age? Like is it young players coming through being entitled cunts or is it just everybody is getting arsier?

[Ben]

Somerset T20 champions again :D. Was at Edgbaston y’day and can confirm it was the bees. Defencing circa 140 twice on finals day must be unheard of.

Great day wasn’t it. Did well to only lose 9 overs.

[Clunge]

Incredible luck and effort by the ground staff. TKC’s catch to win the game was a gem.

[thommo]

It absolutely hammered down on Friday and Saturday, so no game for me this weekend. Somehow, the 1s managed to get a game in so I went down to watch. They were at home against the team directly above them (they're in the bottom 2) so really wanted to get the game on in an attempt to jump out of the relegation zone. But it pretty much backfired immediately - they lost the toss and were put in and got skittled for 55, Nye Donald's brother picked up a couple of wickets. Winds were gusting across the pitch, it was swinging and seaming all over the shop, but somehow the rain stayed away. They managed to take 4 wickets in the chase, but continually bowled wides - 19 in a chase of 56 is appalling.

Gap is up to over 20 points now I believe. Really need to string some wins together if they don't want to be relegated.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Is it notably rampant among players of a certain age? Like is it young players coming through being entitled cunts or is it just everybody is getting arsier?

It's always the younger players.

I did another game yesterday in which a batsman with glasses came to the wicket, and immediately someone said 'He'll need two pairs of fucking glasses to see it'. I pulled this up with the captain and said I don't care about cricket related banter, but you do not comment on anyone's appearance and if there's a repeat it will be a Level 2 and five penalty runs. The captain didn't understand at all and kept moaning about how it was unfair to single it out and how they'd had worse things said to them in other games.

I don't know if it's cricketers who are weird or just everyone in society now.

[Ben]

The grief always tends to be from the older folk in our league. The kids are confident bastards but have absolutely no chirp when their feet are put to the flame.

[Max Power]

That Australian side + weather indicates a draw as favourite this week which would be a bit of an anti-climax.

[niko_cee]

God I hope we've some how sneaked an absolute bunsen under their noses and Moeen runs through them.

[Ian]

That Australian side + weather indicates a draw as favourite this week which would be a bit of an anti-climax.

Clearly you haven't read Stokes saying half the game being rained off is in fact great for England.

[niko_cee]

Picking a load of all rounders to add batting depth is exactly the sort of shit bad old England always got up to.

Looking at the weather though I was thinking it wasn't that bad, but then my forecast hadn't got to the weekend. 3 day game? Wonder if the toss will just be a case of stick the other side in, almost regardless of perceived conditions. England probably need Australia batting first to have a chance at winning.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We won't allow a draw to happen, so you can forget that.

Australia desperate to slow the over rate down even more, which is why they've picked as they have.

[Dave.]

I never thought I'd see an Australian team so blatantly set up to play for the draw. "Bazball" has got them shitting themselves, no Australian team of the past would do this.

[Max Power]

Picking a load of all rounders to add batting depth is exactly the sort of shit bad old England always got up to.

Looking at the weather though I was thinking it wasn't that bad, but then my forecast hadn't got to the weekend. 3 day game? Wonder if the toss will just be a case of stick the other side in, almost regardless of perceived conditions. England probably need Australia batting first to have a chance at winning.

What sort of mad shit may we see if the toss doesn’t go our way? Declare at tea day 1 with 270 on the board

[Jimmy Floyd]

I never thought I'd see an Australian team so blatantly set up to play for the draw. "Bazball" has got them shitting themselves, no Australian team of the past would do this.

Yep. They really have run scared. Only our pathetic execution in tests 1 and 2 has stopped us being 3-0 up and even then it was by the baaaarest of maaargns.

[Gray Fox]

Cummins set his stall out with the Bairstow dismissal. He has to go home with the ashes now, especially from having been 2-0 up.

[Ian]

the baaaarest of maaargns.

My instant recognition of this tells me I've watched the four minutes video thing of that match too often.

No regrets.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's entered the classic cricket TV commentary hall of fame I think. Confectionery stall and out again, these little Sri Lankans, Jones... Bowden, remember the name, whyyy did he do that, you cannot do that Ben Stokes (I hate that one, sorry Nas), barest of margins.

[Max Power]

1681591592170434561

What a grab

[Jimmy Floyd]

Get in there Joel my son.

[Waffdon]

Every Ashes ever is England letting an Aussie middle order batsman get to 50+ I swear

[Danny]

What a grab from Bairstow.

[Max Power]

Get in there Joel my son.
And again - hero.

Bairstow redemption arc beginning with a great catch, followed by a barbstorming hundred.

[niko_cee]

Followed by a successful LBW review?

[Ian]

Steady on.

[Gray Fox]

Followed by a successful LBW review?

Let's not get silly here.

[Gray Fox]

A pretty good day there considering they're brought all of their batting.
However they've got what they wanted in batting for the full day.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's all on the England first innings here. If we get on top of them and start to tire out their good bowlers, we can go full Bazball and win it. If we are a load of wispy twats again we'll probably lose trying to force a result.

[Ian]

Hazelwood fifty coming right up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Chris Woakes once went fucking ages, like years, without bowling a no ball. I just can't imagine Stokes or McCullum giving a fuck about such things.

[Ben]

I reckon there's something behind the line on that. Still, no reason to be flirting with the line that dangerously at his pace.

[Ian]

Well that could have been worse but does feel like one we could / should have had them under 300.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's acceptable and OK. Our batting is now what matters. Desperately need someone to grasp the moment and make a big hundred.

[Ben]

We deserve to win this purely because of Australia's team selection. Todd Murphy not getting a go at Old Trafford is spineless from them. He should be telling the selectors to fuck off and getting the next plane home. Gets a couple of token overs at the spinners graveyard Headingley, then bulleted at what is a lovely place to bowl spin.

[Ben]

Sky love to fly in 'DK' for random commentary stints these days.

[Gray Fox]

Well that could have been worse but does feel like one we could / should have had them under 300.

Considering on paper they're the best batting team around and they brought as many as they could, around 300 is grand.

You're looking at Root or Bairstow needing a get-right innings here. We need to score and quickly. Their aim is just to grind this out.

[Ben]

Joe L. Wilson looking great once again.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sky love to fly in 'DK' for random commentary stints these days.

Kumar's gone home, Mikey's retired and they need to keep the quota up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This has been one of the shittest fifties of all time from Crawley, but if he turns the luck into something big and match-defining it'll be in all-is-forgiven territory.

[Danny]

I look forward to us declaring on 350-4 to move the game along.

[Ben]

Fully expect a declaration before 400 if we are in a position to.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I reckon they'll be thinking about declaring tonight, maybe even before the close, maybe even at parity or (whisper it) behind.

[Ben]

Crawley :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's gone at literally everything. Fair fucks.

Disastrously poor selection from Australia. So negative and they're paying the price. Hope the weather allows us to stamp the boot fully.

[Ian]

That's Crawley's place in the team secured for another epoch or two.

[Dave.]

He's gone at literally everything. Fair fucks.

Disastrously poor selection from Australia. So negative and they're paying the price. Hope the weather allows us to stamp the boot fully.

A certain Mr Warne is turning in his grave right now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I genuinely think he'd have been an England fan in this series. The tragedy that keeps on taking away.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Btw, 25 overs bowled in that session, six of them by Travis Head. Be in no doubt about why they've picked five seamers / five blokes with extended run-ups. They're trying to hold the ball in the corner for three days. Embarrassing cricket.

[Max Power]

If the Gods can give us enough time to force a win here there is no way we don’t win this 3-2. They are absolutely RATTLED.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My only worry is that it might get so bad that some of these will fly home / get injured and force them to bring in Michael Neser, who will bowl us out twice with ease.

[Gray Fox]

If this pace keeps up and they can sneak 50 or so ahead by say 5:30 to 6, you could well see a full on Bazball declaration and the scumbags back into bat at the end.

[Danny]

Root knew instantly he didnt hit that. He was just waiting for them to dig their own grave with an out decision :lol:

[Waffdon]

Yeah, assuming it does rain this weekend then England really need to be thinking about going full slog mode and declaring within the hour