The Cricket Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

You'd have to be a complete cunt to actually appeal and enforce said appeal in these circumstances. An actual vile prick. It's not like mankad where the batsman is trying to gain an advantage.

[Ben]

Well it is this guy.

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[Jimmy Floyd]

Last year I stood with a guy from the NZ first class list, who knows and regularly works with their international umps Gaffaney and Chris Brown. We were talking about all the reports he'd heard back from international cricket, and it's apparently widely known that Bangladesh are the biggest bunch of cunts on the circuit. Genuinely horrible people.

He also said Jimmy Anderson was a cunt, which was disappointing. Also said that Bowden eventually got removed from the elite panel because all the other umpires had had enough and refused to stand with him :D

[Ben]

I wonder why nobody does the same with our mate Joe L. Wilson. If Billy was in the DRS era, who would be worse?

[Max Power]

Joel seems like a good bloke despite his sight affliction. Bowden is just a show-off - you know he’s a twat to work with.

[Ben]

Darrell Hair always struck me as a bell end.

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://gcdnb.pbrd.co/images/mRW8Mfx8kdpY.png?o=1

This England Team Just Won't Lie Down.jpg

[Ben]

Detective Angelo.

1721607828740407758

[Jimmy Floyd]

I love the idea that the 4th umpire sets a timer as soon as every wicket falls and is then relaying that information live to the on-field umpires. Not a prayer.

I was talking recently to someone who did an ICC game and apparently the 4th umpire's main job is to monitor the whereabouts of the batting side and fielders who have left the field, because almost all of them are usually trying to find their phones and sneak off to fix the match.

[Jimmy Floyd]

291 for the new titans of cool-headed sensible batting. Either Aus will piss it or, well, lol.

[Waffdon]

I’ll take that. Probably should have been more but a decent enough score to work with.

Mon

[Waffdon]

Cannot believe I’m missing this masterclass.

[Max Power]

Azmatullah is some talent. Bats in the top six and strikes it clean and has the new ball on a string here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Australians vs lateral movement challenge. If they get Maxwell it's game over.

[Waffdon]

Could do with this Maxwell prick getting out right about now.

[Ben]

He's chancing it big time. Close review and an absolute knob ender gone down.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's the Cummins 8* off 38 element of this which winds me right up. No other tail ender would bat like this with Maxwell, they'd get out much earlier. Mental titan.

[Max Power]

Maxwell is a freak - the fact he’s injured now ensures a successful chase.

[Ben]

Is Trott trying to get him timed out or something? :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

If he's allowed to keep getting lengthy physio treatment whenever he pleases then they will definitely win it. Should be retiring hurt.

[Ben]

I think Cummins can afford to have a little bit of a go at this point. Blocking maidens every other over might cost them here. He's more than good enough to find a gap once an over.

[Ben]

Well if the Afghans keep bowling right arm slot at Maxwell it won't matter either way.

[Waffdon]

This is like kids bowling to their dads. What am I watching

[Max Power]

Just bump him ffs

[Ben]

Got to be some match fixing going on here. The bloke is playing French cricket and they continue to bowl slot.

[Waffdon]

Is this bloke superhuman strength or is this ground tiny?

[Ben]

Tiny ground.

But a phenomenal effort. Incredible.

[Waffdon]

I watched 20 mins of this. Never seen anything like it before and that’s taking into account Spurs’ high line yesterday.

I need to start backing India to test my luck. Anyone I back is cursed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Shame for Afghanistan, but they'll learn that you can't afford to drop any catches at this level, that's a ranked 8-12 type thing to do.

Maxwell I just don't care unless he repeats the feat against India.

[Max Power]

Maxwell has already struck a blow against them by calling the mid game light show shit so he needs to finish the job by winning the World Cup.

[niko_cee]

It would be nice if a World Cup final, in any sport, could not be contested by the two worst available options in the tournament for once.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're paying all our dues from the 2019 final and will be for some time to come.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Rain around today, so naturally we've chosen to bat against Holland. I think a rain off bottom finish would be even funnier than losing to them.

[niko_cee]

No critic answering today.

[niko_cee]

Stokes inclusion in this whole fiasco has been a real masterstroke.

[Ben]

Not to mention he's going to get that much needed knee operation after this nonsense is over and may well miss the Test series in India. Excellent man management all round once again.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can only imagine the fun that will be had in that series. Our middle order engine room of Jacks and Livingstone sent in by Baz to try and lace Ashwin into the Bay of Bengal and coming away with averages under 5 apiece.

[thommo]

We'll be declaring before we get to the middle order, have faith. Creepy Crawley to break the Don's record and hammer 1000 runs in the series as we stroll to a 4-1 victory.

[Ben]

New Zealand making light work of Sri Lanka's pathetic 170 so that's the semi finals set.

India vs. New Zealand
South Africa vs. Australia

[Jimmy Floyd]

The scenario is that Pakistan have to beat England by 275 runs, or chase the target we set them in 2.3 overs. Looking forward to seeing them try.

[niko_cee]

I see this is getting the requisite amount of interest.

These semis are the wrong way round. You really need to know who is in the final from the other one to know whether it's even worth rooting for New Zealand here. I can't be doing with another lay down and die in the final by them against Australia. And by the looks of it at the moment probably won't have to.

Jinx. :cool:

[Max Power]

Always thought betting on who wins the toss is the most absurd of markets but India should have been priced at 1.02 to win it today.

[thommo]

Ultimately at this point, it's anyone but India.

If that means watching the Kiwis be pulverised by their brash and obnoxious neighbours in a horrendously one-sided final, then that's the price we have to pay.

[Waffdon]

Indian bloke barely looked injured there.

[Ben]

Just seen that they switched from a new deck to a used deck just before the toss. Rigged to fuck man. :D

[Waffdon]

Or India are just miles better than everyone. Which they are. Not even been a close match so far.

[Waffdon]

Kohli :|

[Max Power]

Or India are just miles better than everyone. Which they are. Not even been a close match so far.
It can be both. Which makes it even more funny if they don’t win it (they will)

[Waffdon]

Daryl Mitchell will lead NZ to glory, don’t worry

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just seen that they switched from a new deck to a used deck just before the toss. Rigged to fuck man. :D

Yeah the whole thing is bent. Doesn't mean India aren't the best side, but the whole tournament is a BJP stitch up.

If they lose either this or the final, their fanbase will be out in force declaring it unilaterally unfair.

[Waffdon]

Shami is ridiculously good.

[niko_cee]

15 wides?

:cool:

'mon the extras!

[niko_cee]

Starting to get a bit spicy, apologies in advance New Zealand.

Kane Williamson must have resuscitated about 10 black cats on the way to the stadium or something.

[Max Power]

Getting to halfway with the rate under 10s is some achievement. Now can they take it DEEP.

[Waffdon]

If they can both stay in for the next 5/6 overs, this is ON.

[Ben]

Got to laugh at the Indian crowds. Mitchell hits the biggest six they'll ever see and you can hear a fart.

[Ben]

As a rule of thumb, if you're chasing 400 - as they are - keep yourself n the game for as long as possible.

Pearls of wisdom from the bird on TMS.

[Waffdon]

Fuck sake. A yard from destroying Shami’s confidence. Now he’ll probably run through NZ middle order

[Ben]

Latham is an absolute waste of space. They should have fucked him off ages ago and just had Conway keep. Then they could play Neesham without worrying about losing a bowler to accommodate him.

[niko_cee]

There's probably a case on these pitches to just pick 11 batsmen and accept the fielding part of the game is largely just a case of going through the motions.

Pace off filth probably as good as any type of actual bowling.

[Max Power]

Match winning over from Kuldeep there

[Waffdon]

Kuldeep went huge there. Need Siraj to go for a ride again here

[Ben]

India aren't losing this but their bowling attack taking a battering bodes well for the pending bottlejob in the final.

[niko_cee]

Is the final at the wankhead as well?

[Ben]

Nah it'll be at the massive one.

Not sure if it's bad production but the atmosphere seems shit. You'd expect deafening roars when Phillips was out.

[Jimmy Floyd]

NZ can hit pace but they can't hit wrist spin, 10 overs of Kuldeep is too much.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Is the final at the wankhead as well?

Nope, at the Boris Johnson Arena

[thommo]

Got to laugh at the Indian crowds. Mitchell hits the biggest six they'll ever see and you can hear a fart.

Fucking infuriating. He played a great knock, hit some stunning shots and it was quieter than some of the games I played in this summer.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Completely different mindset over there, they don't go to see cricket, they go to see India win.

[niko_cee]

Wonder what chance a pitch like this gets rolled out for the final.

Thinking back, I recall at the last world cup a big deal was made about the ICC being in charge of pitch preparation, amidst subcontinental cries of the English trying to gerrymander their way to victory, i assume that still applies now although the spiel puts a lot more emphasis on 'the hosts' this time around.

[Waffdon]

South Africa going at 1.8 an over after 10 overs. Impressive stuff.

How will TTH cope with an Australia/India final.

[Gray Fox]

How will TTH cope with an Australia/India final.

Crikey! Time to throw another shrimp on the barby!

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've already made a blow-up Davey Warner sex doll in preparation.

[Dave.]

South Africa doing South Africa things.

[Waffdon]

Smith and Labuschagne forever playing ODI like it’s a 10 day test series

[Ben]

Jansen is an absolute beanpole. Seems like the kind of guy who'd benefit from a few Shepherd's pies.

[niko_cee]

English umps for the final.

The stage is set for the ultimate seethe.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stevie Wilson doing thirders, now these are the scenes we've been waiting for.

Sad news for Marais but these two are probably the world's best tbh.

[Ben]

Gough is better than both. But two Yorkshiremen, who am I to complain.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gough put himself on the shit list by breaching a covid bubble a while back.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Quite a good game developing here but the commentary is a nightmare. Matthew Hayden needs to be fired out of a cannon.

[Ben]

Is there even a crowd in? I turned it on about half an hour ago and not heard a peep.

[niko_cee]

Building nicely, although I have no faith in the cobbers to chase anything beyond 250.

[Jimmy Floyd]

More noise in my living room than the 120,000 seater stadium when Kohli dragged on.

[Ian]

There aren't many better things in sport than Kohli standing about trying to think up an excuse to review while his stumps lay strewn about him.

[niko_cee]

The as yet unrealised risk of future DEW already being blamed in the commentary box.

:drool:

[Ben]

Harsha Bhogle is the worst commentator in the history of sports.

[Ben]

Still think India have enough though. Pitch is wank, Bumrah and Shami will rattle through the mates.

[niko_cee]

They're going to need some Shami/Bumrah heroics.

Pitch is far from wank.

[niko_cee]

"Australia taking advantage of conditions"

Captain Sir Eoin Morgan's in on it too.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm not sure the pitch is the nightmare they're claiming. Bit sluggish maybe.

Smith/Marnus in the game if total under 250.

[niko_cee]

Got to love a bit of umpire's call on the LBW, although it was clearly knocking leg over. That'll add to the seethe.

[Ben]

It’s just slow. Not a bunsen or anything, just crap. I love a low scoring game as much as the next guy, but not on a pitch like this. After a World Cup littered with 400 pitches, it’ll be lol as fuck if they bottle because their quicks didn’t bowl slower balls as well as the Aussies.

[Ben]

Pat Cummins is so good. Not just his bowling skills, but the mentality to actually successfully captain a team when also being the strike bowler is elite. Wouldn’t surprise me if he hit the winning runs.

[Waffdon]

He’s a properly sound bloke too

[Max Power]

Yeah Cummins is disgustingly impressive.

[Ian]

Smith/Marnus in the game if total under 250.

I was just coming ask about this as my gut is any score low enough that Smith and Labooshaaaane can just stodge for a bit feels a bit sticky for India.

[niko_cee]

The good thing about worst case scenario finals like this is that at least, given how this has gone, there is always the opportunity to lol at whoever loses.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Think they do need Davey/Travis to lace the new ball around a bit to get ahead. Jadeja will be a nightmare on this.

[Max Power]

Tbh I think Australia will stroll it. Head to go beserk in the powerplay and the stadium to be half empty by 20 overs.

[igor_balis]

Just woke up, why are they talking about England

[Waffdon]

Still think it’ll be close. Australia staggered over the line against a less intimidating South Africa bowling attack and that was after a rampant start. They were a dropped Cummings catch and lbw away from heads going.

[Ben]

Kohli leaving one first up. :lol:

[Ben]

It pains me to say it, but I love watching Travis Head smoke it through the covers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Shami's thatch just makes me laugh.

[niko_cee]

Quite how Bumrah hasn't got a wicket in that over is anyone's guess.

[Ben]

Rahul doesn't keep very often does he? He's scrap.

That six from Marsh was incredible. Swinging ball 90mph fuck that, off you go.

[igor_balis]

Feel like this innings isn't going to last very long, one way or the other.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The two wickets absolutely garbage shots, but even from here they're in nurdle-it-home range if they can preserve wickets.

[Waffdon]

‘You can really see how well Smith deals with pressure. Even though it’s only 8 balls.’

Gone next ball :D

[Dave.]

And he should have reviewed it.:lol:

Weird as he usually reviews everything.:cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I said outside the line live. Bafflingly poor decision (those aren't difficult at all) and baffling that he didn't review it.

[Ben]

Can't believe he's not reviewed that. He gets so far across he's often outside the line.

Marsh getting out so early is killing them. If Head can't shut the crowd up soon it's curtains.

[igor_balis]

It never looked out live

[Waffdon]

No idea why Travis Head didn’t tell him to review it. If smith wasn’t sure he should be backing him up to make the decision

[Jimmy Floyd]

No idea why Travis Head didn’t tell him to review it. If smith wasn’t sure he should be backing him up to make the decision

Non-striking bats (and bowlers, mostly) don't have a clue on line, they're at the wrong angle. Smith of all people should know where his off stump is.

[niko_cee]

Every game in this tournament has felt like there is a possibility for a few early wickets, but after that it's down to whether the batsmen get themselves out or not. Would not recommend.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Harsha just starting to sound a bit funereal here. I'm holding out until 50 to win.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fucking lol at that. Seething, they are.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Brazil 1950 vibes.

It's happening...

[Gray Fox]

Any signs of tears(or anyone still sat) in the stands?

[Gray Fox]

Kohli is going to trip over his lip on the way off the field.

[Waffdon]

My Indian mate is going full Yevrage. Unreal scenes.

[Dave.]

Imagine not winning the World Cup in your own country.:roflol:

[Jimmy Floyd]

The last 25 overs or so was fucking amazing. A slow strangle of psychological doom. Sanjay Manjrekar spent an entire commentary stint trying to claim conditions were to blame, and Harsha Bhogle sounded like there had been several deaths in the family. The great man Shastri saved it a bit in the last 30 runs by giving it some beans.

[Ben]

I think the crowd had a part in the team bottling it. They're great when India are on top but never get behind them when they're under the pump, so as soon as Australia got the upper hand, it was always finished unless Jadeja or Siraj had a freak over and nicked a couple of wickets. The crowd gave up 80 runs out, so then the team did too.

One moment stood out when Australia were about 65-3 and the crowd were understandably loud, then Head rocked back and pumped a six over mid wicket. Immediate silence. And not just for 30 seconds. That was it from them. Silence until someone on the field gave them another moment to shout about (which never ultimately came).

The Indian culture is strange that they need validation in everything they do. Hence, they've got no fight when they're up against it. It's either romp to victory or nothing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's a country in the grip of nationalist ecstasy, and has been for the last 10+ years. That's quite alien to us as Europe probably hasn't had such a thing since, well, the 1930s or earlier. Unfortunately the realities of sporting competition can get in the way of that kind of crafted narrative, and that's when the people, whether in the crowd or Kohli looking at his broken stumps, don't know how they are supposed to react to failure.

[Jimmy Floyd]

1726284737545744747

:lol: :lol:

[Ben]

They’d get their arse handed to them in a war. Pakistan should invade.

[Ben]

:lol::lol::lol:

[Gray Fox]

That's incredible.

[Ben]

1592256412633427968

This mentality is why they won.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sanjay Manjrekar, writing in the Hindustan Times today, with one of the all-time great seethes.


Australia did the exact opposite of what South Africa does, they raised their game when it mattered. India obviously would be hurting from the result in the final but in time they will find peace in the fact that a champion cricketing nation beat them.

It’s six World Cup titles for Australia now. Next best are India and West Indies with two each. The big takeaway for me from Ahmedabad was how an unconvincing entrant into the final was able to reach true excellence when generally a stage like this gets most to fumble.

This unprecedented performance of Australia in this World Cup started even before the first ball was bowled. One of the most brilliant decisions you will see was taken at the toss, and I said this on the TV coverage the moment Pat Cummins said we will field first.

The pitch was tacky, a bit rough on the top and likely to turn from ball one, so Australia wasn’t really taking a huge risk by going against the cliché of putting runs on the board in the big game.

They knew their pacers would get some lateral movement in the afternoon, plus the sandpaper like top meant that reverse swing could come into play with Mitchell Starc as one of the best exponents of it in the world in their side; also, the slower balls were going to be a great option to go to if nothing else worked.

If dew comes in later, batting was bound to get easier, the ball wasn’t going to turn as much, plus the slower ball as a lifesaver for the seamer when nothing works was not going to be an option.

It was actually a ‘win-win’ scenario for the team bowling first. After that it was all about execution. And that’s where Australia just nailed it! The big moment for me was when Travis Head ran the way he did, backwards, and took that Rohit catch.

It was as much about great athleticism as it was great temperament and the ‘champion DNA’ that Australian cricketers tend to have. At that moment in front of around 100,000 people, Head was thinking nothing else, not the stage, not whose catch it was, he was just driven to do the seemingly impossible because it just needed to be done.

India losing the toss, for me was huge factor, all of us who saw the pitch before the match felt that it just gave the weaker team, Australia, more ammunition.

Let me give you an example. The rough surface meant the ball moved off the seam a little and also didn’t skid onto the bat in the afternoon.

That phenomenon took care of Shreyas Iyer. Reverse swing got KL Rahul. A slow afternoon pitch also meant a batting unit concerned about not losing wickets managed to hit two boundaries in 29 overs.

India’s final hope Surya also could not produce his T20 magic, because of the sluggishness of the pitch, so it was impossible for India to recover after losing early wickets to get a score that would be out of reach of a team chasing under lights in much improved batting conditions.

A good batting pitch and India would have managed to get over 300 and then we would have seen a better contest. This unique surface meant the toss suddenly became a game changer and Australia made their own luck by opting to bowl first.

Don’t think too many other teams would have gone against conventional wisdom, but Australia did. To put it simply, the 10/10 India was beaten by the conditions first and then by a team who when it mattered, had individuals who dug deep to find the champion within.

I believe India are still the best 50 overs team in the world, just that they don’t have the World Cup to show for it.

Sensational stuff. Too many highlights to pull any of them, just bask in it.

[Ben]

Tremendous. :D

[niko_cee]

Yeah, that's good seethe.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just watched Zimbabwe get turned over by Uganda in the World T20 qualifying tournament. These tournaments are just wall to wall scenes, so much better than the finals.

Zim now in real danger of not making the 20-team finals in June. Namibia certain to get one of the two African spots and Uganda or Kenya now well placed for the other.

[Ben]

Kenya in a major tournament. Feels like the good old days.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I also watched them yesterday and would you believe Collins Obuya (star of the 2003 World Cup) was not only still turning out for them, but was man of the match with a blistering 80-odd. Couldn't believe he was only 42, thought he'd be nearer 50.

[Ben]

Stokes had his knee surgery yesterday. He's adamant he'll be fit for the Test series in India, which starts in less than two months. How is he going to recover that quickly? No way was this only a cartilage clean up, and anything more usually requires quite a bit longer than two months. So either he doesn't play, or he does and plays solely as a batter again and ruins his knee properly when we rock up on that Dharamshala outfield.

Stinks of bad planning and you can just see the outcome already.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Rwanda currently 65/8 against Uganda. If the latter win, they qualify for the T20 WC and Zimbabwe miss out.

When they play whoever the number one seed is in their group they will get absolutely poleaxed, but great to see such nations coming on.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As for the WI v Eng series, what the fuck is this squad: https://www.espncricinfo.com/series/england-tour-of-west-indies-2023-24-1373558/west-indies-odi-squad-1409894/series-squads

Embarrassing if we lose a game to that.

[Ben]

Their 50 over cup has been on TNT the last month or so and I've ended up with it on in the background a few times. Absolutely shocking standard, I fear cricket has gone over the edge in the Windies.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The complete lack of young talent is what shocks me a bit, everyone who plays in the island cricket seems to be 34, the rare exceptions are seam bowling all-rounders who get hunted by the IPL and are ultimately very shit. It also seems to be completely impossible to score runs on their decks. The only person I can find with a first class average of 40 is Tagenarine Chanderpaul.

[niko_cee]

40 Overs

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/live-experience/cps/624/cpsprodpb/vivo/live/images/2023/12/3/f7f7a72a-8440-4e0b-9eed-0822fe988c71.png

47 Overs

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/live-experience/cps/624/cpsprodpb/vivo/live/images/2023/12/3/8038e757-b957-4e1b-8858-a26d5b745fa2.png

Never change England.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As for the WI v Eng series, what the fuck is this squad: https://www.espncricinfo.com/series/england-tour-of-west-indies-2023-24-1373558/west-indies-odi-squad-1409894/series-squads

Embarrassing if we lose a game to that.

Needless to say we've managed it at the first attempt. Curran absolutely tragic.

[niko_cee]

Good on Mitchell Johnson for digging out 'Davey' and his retirement series.

[igor_balis]

Good on Mitchell Johnson for digging out 'Davey' and his retirement series.

Ye beat me to it, absolutely brilliant isn't it. Always nice when people so concisely and accurately dismiss stupid stuff like this.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He would be gone if they had a replacement, or at least a replacement who goes at it HARD. There isn't an opener in the Shield who strikes at over 50 really, plus they've decided Bazball is bullshit, so unlucky I guess. Renshaw and (sit still in the aisles please) Bancroft seem to be the current next cabs off the rank.

[Ben]

Good on Mitchell Johnson for digging out 'Davey' and his retirement series.

Excellent stuff.

[niko_cee]

Whatever happened to their wonderkid with a head made entirely out of concussions?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He played club cricket in my manor last year, now currently scoring no runs for Victoria.

[niko_cee]

I see, well, back to your earlier point, at least they've got a ready made hero to step in, in Usman Khawaja's eyes:


"To say Dave Warner or anyone else involved in sandpaper[gate] is not a hero. I strongly disagree because they have paid their dues. A year out of cricket is a long time."

:cab:

[Ben]

Does this T10 only exist for match fixing/betting purposes? All the teams are sponsored by betting exchanges or fantasy cricket websites yet there's no spectators in the ground and I can't imagine TV viewing figures are through the roof, and I doubt the likes of Amir and Pollard would be turning out for less than $50k.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yes. Half of county cricket is there too. Imagine the lack of self respect, playing in that utter shite so that desperate cases in the subcontinent can gamble on you.

[Ben]

Embarrassing collapse from England once again. Salt chips one to mid off first over, Crawley gloves a wide to slip, Brook runs himself out, then the captain top edges his first ball to fine leg.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Losing a series to that lot should be penalised by having to come home in a canoe.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Test squad for India:

Ben Stokes (Durham – captain)
Rehan Ahmed (Leicestershire)
James Anderson (Lancashire)
Gus Atkinson (Surrey)
Jonny Bairstow (Yorkshire)
Shoaib Bashir (Somerset)
Harry Brook (Yorkshire)
Zak Crawley (Kent)
Ben Duckett (Nottinghamshire)
Ben Foakes (Surrey)
Tom Hartley (Lancashire)
Jack Leach (Somerset)
Ollie Pope (Surrey)
Ollie Robinson (Sussex)
Joe Root (Yorkshire)
Mark Wood (Durham)

We've actually picked 4 spinners who are actual specialist spinners, ye gods have we finally learned our lesson? Admittedly Shoaib Bashir is the greenest of the green and a complete punt, I was umpiring him in club stuff a couple of years ago, and I'm not sure Tom Hartley has done much with the red ball either but at least we've not picked Livingstone.

[Ben]

We've allowed a slow left armer the West Indies pulled in off the street to go for just nine in his four overs there. We're an absolute car crash (Livingstone the epitome), the demise has been quite something.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How the fuck has Sam gone for 38 in two overs. I swear the IPL riches, which incidentally come because Indian women fancy him, have killed off his motivation.

West Indies literally always mug us off in the islands. My theory is they're always bang up for it as it's the only time they play in front of a crowd.

[Ben]

Rovman Powell (who?) smeared him to all parts.

I've just had a look and Powell has played 50 ODIs, 60 T20s. He's completely passed me by, I have no clue who he is.

[Luke Emia]

Some going by England to be getting rolled over in a test match and T20 on the same day.

Hang on it's the women...

[Waffdon]

1737814631240913007

Bigger weapon than Phonics

[Jimmy Floyd]

Have to say, if I was umps there I don't think I'd have physically blocked his path, not great conflict resolution really. That having happened, though, for him to physically run at the umpire should be vastly longer than a 4 match ban.

[niko_cee]

You can see that's all about the umpire going fully Aussie macho this is my pitch cobber. He clearly isn't running on the pitch when you can see the little alpha twitch starting, very obviously keen for some confrontation. Completely needless and the type of thing that only serves to erode respect between both sides.

If he actually wanted him to not run on the pitch, why is he showing him the inside line? Should have stood much nearer the stumps and forced him to go wider without having to be completely off the pitch.

[Gray Fox]

To be fair to the Umpire here, Curran very well knows he shouldn't be stepping onto the pitch even just a little. If it was a case of "oh sorry mate, probably did just step on there, wont happen again" then it's likely we never hear of this.

But to go and play chicken with the Umpire is just daft and the thing of more concern really.

[niko_cee]

What level are we talking for stepping on the pitch here? Not sure his feet ever go inside those tramline things, do they have a name or are they just modern wide guides? I wouldn't call that stepping on the pitch unless you don't want people on the cut square at all. Which, if that's the rule, he's obviously bang to rights.

[Gray Fox]

I take it as the cut square but our resident umpire will likely know more than I.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The law says that you're not allowed to practise on the square without the permission of the umpires, either before or during the match. I don't know if the Big Bash has some kind of local rule that supersedes that. Usually you see bowlers mark out their run-up with a measuring tape, and then any actual running in and bowling is done well to the side.

Umps sees him running through onto the actual pitch and gets involved. I have very often been in a similar position and you just ask the players not to. He seems to ask this initially but Curran ignores him. Umps is probably rattled by this and decides to stand in his path to stop him doing it, which, no matter how arrogant Curran is being, isn't really helping the situation. I'd have just let him carry on and then reported him afterwards for minor twattery, unless I thought he was trying to damage the pitch which is something else.

Anyway, umps does make a physical obstruction out of himself which is needless escalation and basically bad officiating. Curran - from all I know about him, a man used to doing what he likes - then presumably gets red mist and escalates it even more by running into him. This is unforgivable because it is, as was described 'intimidating an umpire' which is a Level 3 offence and you'd get 10+ match bans if you did that in league cricket. Pros operate in a different sphere and obviously there's a livelihood thing.

Umps really didn't help the situation at all but Curran still deserves the book thrown at him.

[Ben]

Even as an amateur player, we know we have to stay off the square completely before a game (we can't even practice bowling on the very end wicket). Curran is just being an arsehole and deserves what's coming.

[Ben]

This white ball coach of ours comes across as a right chancer.

[hfswjyr]

If he actually wanted him to not run on the pitch, why is he showing him the inside line? Should have stood much nearer the stumps and forced him to go wider without having to be completely off the pitch.

I doubt the ump is thinking about which side to show him while he's being run at full pace by a guy the size of Curran.
I can't see how the ump has done anything wrong here. Curran just lost it.

[hfswjyr]

Wow. Thanks for the support through this incredibly difficult time??? The man needs to find a PR person pronto.
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fv71t5tojy68c1. jpeg

[Ben]

Some proper shenanigans in Cape Town.

The Saffers got bundled for 55, then India collapsed from 153-4 to 153 all out (yes, 0-6).

[Jimmy Floyd]

Shastri is the man, no one can tell me otherwise.

1742546749854564488]

[Ben]

:D

[thommo]

Markram has somehow hit a 99-ball century (out of 158). Incredible stuff. If he can stick it out a little longer, they might even have a chance of winning this.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This will end up being rated the best innings of all time, or very close to it, on the model that ICC use for player rankings. Even a vague threat of Bannerman perhaps.

[thommo]

Bollocks. That's your fault Jim, any mention of Bannerman and the cricket gods react.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Good, I don't want Bannerman to fall. It's the best record in all of sport. That and 99.94.

[thommo]

I didn't realise how close Michael Slater got to the record in 1999.

I also didn't realise that he's been arrested numerous times in the past 3 years for assault and domestic violence. What the hell happened there?

[Ben]

He's always been a nutcase.

[hfswjyr]

The man needs some help, and quickly.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Slater#Arrest_and_charges

[Jimmy Floyd]

Even in the UK he'd have done some time after about six of those, do Australia not have jails?

[Max Power]

In other 90s Australian cricketer news - Stuart MacGill has been up to some stuff hasn't he?

[niko_cee]

Yeah, he's the one I was trying to think of. The Aussie Escobar. If I'm remembering correctly and that's what all the abduction stuff was about

[Jimmy Floyd]

With Michael Schumacher a vegetable and the class of 92 widely derided as United tumble down the table, all I need to complete revenge for the sporting misery of my childhood is to put the rest of that Australian side behind bars. 'Haydos' first, ideally.

[Max Power]

Ponting can stay a free man. Really like him post retirement.

[niko_cee]

Isn't Hayden one of the worst imaginable people going? Big christian country Queensland superarsehole?

The bowlers were mostly fine. Cricket as a metaphor for life.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I quite like Glenn McGrath in retirement. Gillespie has already served his time by presiding over that mega-racist Yorkshire team. Warne is in the ground and that leaves 'Binga', who showed pretty poor judgement by sending those bouncers at a barely-equipped Piers Morgan so perhaps we can nail him in the future.

[Ben]

I'd say bouncing the fuck out of that twat grants him immunity from prosecution.

[Danny]

With Ben on that one.

Didnt realize MacGill was up to no good. Always a step behind Warne

[Ben]

Even though he was nowhere near Warne, he was good to watch. Turned it a fucking mile and was a pure wicket taker, despite the sprinklings of unmitigated tripe as the great man Bob would put it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

T20 World Cup 'draw'

https://gcdnb.pbrd.co/images/5Wfz4y269H30.png?o=1

I could write a long book on how that has been put together. Every single penny squeezed and not a single pretence of sporting integrity going into it. Imagine if FIFA got the 32 World Cup qualifiers and decided to put Brazil v Argentina together every time because it makes them more money. Actually, they could learn from this.

But yeah, needless to say India v Pakistan will be played at the Cradle of Cricket, Eisenhower Park in New York.

[Danny]

I forgot that was over here. Decided to look for tickets, seems impossible to find them :face:

[hfswjyr]

Didn't we just have this world cup about 3 weeks ago?

What the fuck happened with Group C? We're playing who now?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Didn't we just have this world cup about 3 weeks ago?

What the fuck happened with Group C? We're playing who now?

I think they herded all the teams with no TV markets into one group to give the graveyard slots. So, so much thought has gone into it.

[Ben]

This tournament will 100% not be a shit show, don't worry.

[Gray Fox]

So then are we thinking first embarrassing loss to Oman or Namibia?

[Jimmy Floyd]

This tournament will 100% not be a shit show, don't worry.

I haven't even got into the bit where the Super Eight draw is pre-determined, i.e. one group is going to be India-Australia-South Africa-Sri Lanka and the other is going to be England-Pakistan-New Zealand-West Indies, regardless of whether all those teams finish 1 or 2 in their group. If one of those eight get knocked out in the first round then the team concerned just inherits their pre-arranged spot.

[Jimmy Floyd]

An epidemic of personal reasons is doing the rounds for the England-India series. Harry Brook withdrew from the series yesterday and now Virat Kohli has done the same for the first two games.

[Ben]

And the series is on TNT. Guaranteed shitshow.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Although TNT is shit, it really winds me up when they get an away series and all the online comments seethe at the ECB for failing to put Test cricket on free to air. 1) away Tests have never in history been on free to air, 2) the ECB has no control over who the BCCI ghouls choose to sell their home cricket to.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Truly iconic scenes here as another once-great sport lists towards its own oblivion.

https://gcdnb.pbrd.co/images/0XiYaxjWAEPd.png

[Gray Fox]

That last one is quite literally the current VAR room in football, minus the public being made aware of anything.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It won't surprise you to learn that the Indians have yet to let Shoaib Bashir enter the country (series starts in 2 days).

[niko_cee]

Been sent back to the Indian Embassy in London or wherever it is they insist is the only place on earth visas can be granted, do they still do that? I remember walking past it every now and then and the queues were insane. Good to see shithead McCullum toeing the line with his "ah it happens to everyone mate" commentary. Good to see he knows which side his bread is buttered on.

[Ben]

If everyone is Pakistani then yes. They pull this shit all the time, we would (should?) have known it was coming. Surprised Rehan Ahmed got in so easily tbh.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They'll probably give him a visa in exchange for another million Indians getting student visas to London. Any complaint by us is 'cry more' and references to the Bengal Famine. This is how the gangster state operates.

At some point we'll need to work out a way of playing our cricket without them and their cash.

[thommo]

If everyone is Pakistani then yes. They pull this shit all the time, we would (should?) have known it was coming. Surprised Rehan Ahmed got in so easily tbh.

Rehan's only in because he got one as a standby for the World Cup. Otherwise I'd imagine he'd be in the same situation.

[Ben]

The more I look at our team, the worse it gets. Wood is literally the only seamer. Stokes is crocked and if the pitch offers absolutely anything in that regard, the only other person in the XI that has bowled a minimum of one over of seam in first class is Jonny Bairstow. :D

What's our plan when the Indians inevitably get hold of our very average spin?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bazball logic dictates that they think it'll spin and so you go balls to the wall on that, backing it fully with no Plan B, because plan Bs are for wimps. When India come out for the toss and name their attack as Jasprit Bumrah, Mohammed Shami, Zaheer Khan and Javagal Srinath then we'll know we've fucked up.

[Ben]

Why are we naming our team in advance anyway? Now we've played our hand they'll be dousing the cunt in Miracle-Gro tonight.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have no idea, no other team does it. I always hope it's going to be a dummy. If this is truly the political brinkmanship tour then Stokes will make a dramatic return to bowling, or we'll name a completely different XI at the toss.

[thommo]

Having seen the pitch, I can see why they've gone with the team they have. It looks like every blade of grass has been scraped away from a length down to the stumps.

[Max Power]

The best chance we have of taking any of the 5 is if they are absolute minefields. Gives the rookie spinners a chance and maybe someone does something mental with the bat.

Nice that Bashir has been given his Visa now…

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm trying to stay off twitter for it, the Indian scum army is more toxic than ever before. 4am for a blast of Ravi Shastri may also be too far but we'll see.

[Max Power]

Waking up at lunch and wondering what flavour of shit I would prefer? England 80/7 or India 120/0?

[thommo]

Yeah the Indians are out in full force across all social media channels - the latest stuff I'm seeing is blaming the ECB and the government for not sorting Bashir's visa in time, rather than accept any fault of their own. Need to stay away from all that noise before it genuinely infuriates me.

[Max Power]

They’ll be kicking themselves when Gus Atkinson carries out a terrorist attack.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What's underneath it all, especially when it comes to England although I've also seen it with Australia, is the idea that India has, via its own native brilliance, somehow shaken off the colonial yoke and turned the power tables on the white man. The only problem with this idea is that it's only in the world of cricket that it's really true at all. Still, the opportunity to put this directly to their former imperial masters online gives them such immense excitement that you can sort of feel the wet thrill as it trembles from their fingertips and into these online replies.

The reality is that their economy is a complete one-trick pony, their politics and business is rife with deep corruption, and their government is systematically persecuting religious minorities (which, this being India, means hundreds of millions of people) while having dissidents murdered by their secret services overseas. That's before you get to the insane inequality of the place and the fact that multinationals only use them for mass cheap labour, which bodes ill once something cheaper comes along. Still, cricket is this happy place for them, a place that presents a much happier national story than the one playing out for real.

Oddly, none of this is actually a problem for cricket, which could well use a villainous behemoth that everyone loves to hate. What is a problem for cricket is India's tens of millions of gambling addicts who have hungrily funded the explosion in bent T20/T10 leagues and are collapsing the global professional game in on itself at a rapid pace.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Meanwhile here's the truth on the Bashir visa case as filed by Nick Hoult. Important parts in bold. Poor lad getting caught up in this.


As a devastated Shoaib Bashir was making a forlorn flight home with his dreams of a Test debut in Hyderabad ruined, senior England officials were at a swanky awards ceremony thrown by the Indian board.

Current and former stars of Indian cricket gathered at Hyderabad’s Park Hyatt for the Board of Control for Cricket in India’s version of the Oscars. There Richard Gould, the England and Wales Cricket Board’s chief executive, accompanied by team director Rob Key, made late pleas for help from Jay Shah, the president of the BCCI and son of the Indian home minister.

Shah, like so many in the Bashir case, expressed sympathy and understanding but could do little more because this is government policy. And it is sensitive, too. Rohit Sharma, the India captain, took a long pause before answering a question about the Bashir case. Nobody in BCCI circles wants to say the wrong thing in public.

It is a brick wall the ECB has bashed against many times in this case. It is powerless, and it has been proved again that the Big Three does not really exist, it is the Big One as Australia found out when Usman Khawaja had the same problem last year. The opaqueness of the relationship between the government and Indian board complicates matters, rather than helps.

A week ago, when the Bashir situation started to become urgent, Gould had a meeting with Stuart Andrew, the British sports minister, and the case was on the agenda. Again, there was little actual help the minister could offer.

Bashir was selected on Dec 11, 41 days before scheduled arrival in India, and the visa application process started immediately. Bashir’s Pakistan heritage through his parents was a potential red flag. It is understood there was a mistake on one player’s application, Ollie Robinson, but this was rectified without a hitch. Bashir’s information was filled in correctly and he attended a meeting at the Indian High Commission. Another was cancelled by officials.

The whole England squad left for their training camp in the United Arab Emirates on Jan 11 with some players, not just Bashir, still waiting on visas (others have long-term entry permission from previous tours or the Indian Premier League). Bashir was assured his would be issued in Abu Dhabi and England felt he had to travel to the camp to become immersed in the squad culture and get to know his team-mates, still believing he would be cleared in time.

As late as last Friday, and 48 hours before England were to touch down in Hyderabad, Indian officials were reassuring England and Bashir it would be processed in time. By late Saturday it became clear he would be unable to travel with the rest of the squad to India and he remained in the UAE with Stuart Hooper, the former rugby union player for Leeds and Bath, who joined the ECB only on Jan 1 as head of cricket operations. He has had a baptism of fire.

There was no serious discussion of the rest not travelling. England pulling out of a Test match in India would be a nuclear option, with millions of dollars of television money at stake and relations with the BCCI ruined for a generation.

At first, England were reasonably confident the delay would be only temporary but once Bashir made headlines, the situation actually worsened. The publicity was just what the Indian government wanted. Their hardline stance on Pakistan was now reaffirmed in public, showing that even cricketers are not immune to their discriminatory approach. On Tuesday the ECB learnt Bashir would have to fly home to have his visa stamped.

It should have been no surprise to the ECB. Saqib Mahmood did not go on a Lions tour to India. “These are difficult issues and very political,” Tom Harrison, then ECB chief executive, said. In November two former England players with Pakistani parents were unable to secure visas to play in a veterans’ world series league in India.

Now the ECB is likely to conduct research on young cricketers of Asian heritage in the county academies to pick up any potential issues with India visas in the future and be better prepared to apply.

The timing is sensitive, too, with the India general election looming in April-May. The Hindu nationalist ruling party BJP is responsible for the visa crackdown on people with Pakistani backgrounds and will play its headline stance in canvassing votes.

Visas are also a sensitive part of negotiations between the Indian and British governments over a free trade deal. Trade talks entered a 14th phase on Jan 10. Officials from the United Kingdom arrived in Delhi on Monday to conclude this round of talks.

One of the main sticking points has been the issuing of UK visas for Indian nationals. Indian companies that set up in the UK under the new trade agreement want the freedom to bring staff with them to Britain but issuing more visas will increase migration numbers at a sensitive time for the Government. The message is pretty clear: make things easy for us and we will reciprocate.

Bashir has found out the hard way that politics influences everything. Just a few months ago he was bowling for Taunton Deane in the West of England Premier League. He must be bewildered by events.

He had made a big impression on England in the UAE. His height, bounce and turn impressed Key and Brendon McCullum, the Test head coach. They believe he will be a threat on turning pitches in India. The fact they have picked all three remaining specialist spinners in the squad for the first Test shows he was seriously in the mix to play and they love nothing more than making a bold call based on a gut feeling.

As the England players walked to the nets on Wednesday at the Rajiv Gandhi Stadium, head shots of the squad were being pinned to the door of the stadium for the benefit of accreditation checkers. Bashir’s face was one of them. It is the closest he will come to official recognition in Hyderabad.

[Ben]

We're going to be all out by tea. Start as you mean to go on.

[thommo]

We're going to be all out by tea. Start as you mean to go on.

Never doubt the Blade of Justice.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think this may actually be a fairly decent effort, given the alternative was poke around and be all out for 86. See how we get on with the ball.

[thommo]

It's already surpassed 7 of our 8 innings totals from our last tour. So I went back to look at the carnage:

578 all out (190.1)
178 all out (46.3)
134 all out (59.5)
164 all out (54.2)
112 all out (48.4)
81 all out (30.4)
205 all out (75.5)
135 all out (54.5)

:D

[Ben]

Was that the Channel 4 series? The one and only week I had off work during the entire COVID pandemic, waking up to Alistair Cook every morning.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I remember loving the first morning with a lion-haired Rory Burns flaying their useless bowlers everywhere in between soporific, solo Cook analysis. As dawns go it was on the falser side.

Good to see someone actually get after Jadeja for a change.

[hfswjyr]

Bazball logic dictates that they think it'll spin and so you go balls to the wall on that, backing it fully with no Plan B, because plan Bs are for wimps. When India come out for the toss and name their attack as Jasprit Bumrah, Mohammed Shami, Zaheer Khan and Javagal Srinath then we'll know we've fucked up.

Pretty rough critique of Bazball considering the English test team are in some of the best form seen in your life.

I was trying to double-check recent results.

McCullum's tenure as England's coach coincided with a turnaround in the fortunes of the England Test cricket team. The side had won only one Test match in the seventeen played before the hiring of Stokes and McCullum, with previous captain Joe Root "emotionally shattered after leading a struggling side through two difficult years which included multiple tours with testing Covid-enforced restrictions". With no dramatic change to the players selected, England "against all odds" experienced success: "their bowlers rose to the challenge, taking 20 wickets in six of the seven Test matches, while their batsmen scored at unprecedented pace. England won six of their seven Tests this summer, their second-most in a single season anywhere in the world." Only once (in 2004) had they won more, and in the time since "they had not even matched six wins, let alone bettered it."

[Jimmy Floyd]

It wasn't a critique at all, I absolutely love Bazball.

[Max Power]

This is brutal for the lad Hartley. Maybe jn hindsight another seamer to be able to dry it up a bit would have been better especially with Root as a 4th spinner in this XI

[Ben]

Half volley machine.

Not his fault but I wonder why he was picked. He's a T20 specialist is he not?

[Max Power]

“Release point” i think is the buzz phrase of the tour and explains the selection of Hartley and Bashir.

[Ian]

Could probably have done with I dia not knocking off 25% of their chase in 8 overs, eh.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Definite Simple Simon vibes.

Since they started covering pitches c.1980, our best left arm spinners by average have been: Leach, Edmonds, Panesar all 34, Tufnell 37, Giles 40. It's a thankless task. You just don't get a chance to develop.

There are hundreds of absolutely terrifying ones in club cricket who just haven't been able to go pro because pro conditions reward bustling medium pacers.

[Ian]

Definite Simple Simon vibes.

Literally just referenced this talking elsewhere. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Although it seems that we're in for a hiding here (Rohit's wicket notwithstanding), there is the tantalising possibility of flame-haired Lion of Yorkshire, Jonny Bairstow being called upon as the second seamer at some point and that I think would be far more important than the piddling details of who won and lost the game.

[thommo]

He's settled quite nicely against the right-hander now. That last review was unlucky, looked absolutely plumb.

[niko_cee]

Waking up at lunch and wondering what flavour of shit I would prefer? England 80/7 or India 120/0?

Nearly got a 2 for 1 today.

[Max Power]

Woke up mildly buoyed by a few wickets - then it dawned on me Ashwin is carded at 9! Ludicrous depth.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm hugely enjoying us not getting any lbws because the umpires think they're all bouncing over. Maybe we need to get some hobbit-like spinners with low release points.

[Ian]

Short men can't play cricket, you know this.

[Ben]

Australia struggling big time against Kemar Roach. It'll be interesting to see how the West Indies lose it from this position.

[Ben]

Jadeja must average 100 against us.

[thommo]

Jadeja must average 100 against us.

Only 34.28 apparently. Always seems like he chips in with runs down the order.

I don't think we've been particularly bad, just an indication of our spinning talent when compared to India's. If anything, we're genuinely performing better than I thought we would.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It just shows that the batting has to do better if we're to win a game or two in the series.

[Ben]

How was Root so sure he hit that? Very strange.

[Waffdon]

Baz Ball love an absolute collapse after a decent start.

Root and Bairstow at 4 and 5 :sick:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bairstow is a bit of a problem at 5 in India.

Decent effort by Pope here, must have done a huge amount of work vs spin.

[Kikó]

This is not a complete disgrace so you'll take that.

Edit: sorry about the wicket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Absolute pea roller to dismiss Foakes. If we can get to 180 ahead and refrain from bowling like cunts we could, maybe, make it competitive.

Magnificent knock from Pope, his best.