The Cricket Thread

[Ben]

We haven’t been bundled out for 200 on the first day of an Ashes Test. If the weather stays fair, Bazball is all giveth this summer gents.

[Ben]

Declaration. :D

[Gray Fox]

Fucking hell balls straight on the table and what have you got lads.

[niko_cee]

I think we're just taking the piss at this stage.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They are just all doing lines at tea, aren't they.

[Max Power]

Broad gets Warner and the roof comes off

[Ian]

Get fucked, Warner.

[niko_cee]

Harry 'Harold' Brook on bowling within the first hour. It's like some sort of comedy roadshow.

[Ian]

Yeah, I might think that was to try and get them to do something silly before drinks but I think he might just be on the wind up.

[Ian]

Mo. :cool:

[Gray Fox]

Ffs Bairstow.

[niko_cee]

Bazball giveth etc.

In fairness it was a blinding catch to get Marnus, so he has some credit in the bank.

[Gray Fox]

More Mo > less Mo.

[Max Power]

On the keeping debate, you have to say Bairstow has way better chat than Foakes. The commentary on that Brook over was gold :D

[niko_cee]

Have we lost all our Aussies on here? Ital, Elth, Spav, Queenslander, others I can't recall. When was the last time one surfaced?

[Gray Fox]

There he goes again, though obviously that one was harder.

[Gray Fox]

England have had some bad luck here, eh.

[Danny]

Beauty from Broad

Edit: and never mind.

[Ian]

Some silly mistakes have rather cost us the upper hand there and the more runs Australia score the sillier it feels not at least letting Root finish his innings.

[Max Power]

Think we’ve fucked it today.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If the ball was doing a bit then the declaration would have some logic but it isn't, so leaving potentially 50 runs out there is probably reckless. They won't care though and can still win from here.

[Gray Fox]

Yeah the chances were there. They should be at least 3 more down than they are now. It makes the declaration look a bit more silly without those chances taken. Root adding another 30+ looks like being the better option now.

Wicket offering little other than the odd turn for Mo. Potential for thunderstorms tomorrow as well.

[niko_cee]

Probably have to say that wicketkeeper JB is now an official full on failure, so he's going to have to be in as a batsman if he's in.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's in because they think his batting (and that of the extra batsman who is also there because of him keeping) overrides his shit keeping. Statistically they're likely right too.

[Ian]

Doesn't he also get all huffy if he's only batting?

Maybe he just has extremely cold hands.

[Ian]

Could probably do with getting Mo out of there for a bit.

[niko_cee]

Feel today is going to be quite pivotal, perhaps in the series. Not sure what the weather forecast is, but get the feeling that when we bat [if we don't then we're fucked anyway] we're going to be even more PROACTIVE than normal which could go either way.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah we need to be 150 ahead by the close maximum 4 down.

[Max Power]

I mean we’d need to set about 450 to win (which will probably be seen as too negative anyway) Don’t see how this attack bowls them out on this deck, even with Stokes proactive captaincy.

[Gray Fox]

How quickly the mood changes.

Got them all out with a lead, despite a good 4 wickets going begging and them doing their best to slow the game down. It didn't look all that great 2 hours ago.

[igor_balis]

I know we're in the banter era of England cricket, but I'll be annoyed if we lose a couple here being careless and then the rest of the day gets rained out

[Gray Fox]

It's absolutely horrid and gloomy in the midlands. Hold onto your wickets lads.

[igor_balis]

:D here we go boys

[Ian]

It's absolutely horrid and gloomy in the midlands. Hold onto your wickets lads.

Yeah when I saw the light as they were walking back out I had a bad feeling about it.

They're all over us here.

[Gray Fox]

This will be off for light or rain again soon.

We're already in need of a good Stokes/Root innings.

[igor_balis]

I was annoyed with the arrival of rain at 20 odd -0, now I'm doing a rain dance. 5 overs here could be enough to lose the game

[Gray Fox]

This has gone from the dream to bat on to a nightmare.

If you had Anderson bowling now you'd be skittling them out.

[igor_balis]

time to declare

[Gray Fox]

You know it's bad when even Root looked a bit lost.

England need this to rain all night. It's not far off but it could be lost this evening.

[niko_cee]

The joy and the pain of cricket in England. Going to be a horrendous time to bat if they can get back out there again.

[Gray Fox]

Given some time to clear water, inspect pitch etc, you're looking at them not getting back out until 5 or so at the earliest I think. Unless some more wet stuff comes down it's going to be a ropey hour or so.

[niko_cee]

When can play go until, 7? Could do with another sneaky downpour to get the day fully canned as they're probably keen to get us out there to lose the match in an hour or so.

[Ian]

If it keeps doing what it was doing before they went off then yeah, we really need to see the day ruined.

[niko_cee]

Conditions look much better tomorrow, before becoming sketchy on Tuesday, so I would expect England to go hell for leather and look to be declaring/being all out by tea.

Another inspection at 6pm?

:uhoh:

No thanks.

[Gray Fox]

Rain is still falling. At best now you get 30-45 mins.

[Max Power]

Forecast looks bad for Tuesday - what mad shit is Stokes cooking for tomorrow

[hfswjyr]

I know we're in the banter era of England cricket, but I'll be annoyed if we lose a couple here being careless and then the rest of the day gets rained out

Wow, what a call.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Forecast looks bad for Tuesday - what mad shit is Stokes cooking for tomorrow

Do you reckon he 'writes off' day five and declares at lunch today? A real test of how not interested in draws he is.

[John Arne]

You have to be prepared to lose, to win. /Warney

[Max Power]

Do you reckon he 'writes off' day five and declares at lunch today? A real test of how not interested in draws he is.

Not sure to what extent they’ll put faith in the forecast but they are defo teeing off from the start today and I would be stunned if they are batting at 5pm

[Gray Fox]

It's glorious again in the Midlands but a little more cloud in the air. The grey stuff is expected to hit me around 4, so I'd expect some slogging this morning with a hope to have a few hundred on the board and them back in to bat a bit after tea.

[Max Power]

Why do we never start early in England to make up overs? TV?

[Shindig]

TV plus how do you let the punters and ground staff know?

[niko_cee]

Also if you want more time you can probably just play later, although I agree 10.30 starts would make more sense seeing as the extra time is always used at the end of the day to make up the day's overs which aren't bowled.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was standing at the weekend with a bloke who has done a lot of pro stuff / some televised games, and he said when you umpire at that level most of what you have to deal with is just the TV director barking things about timings into your ear. So the answer is TV, even if they won't admit it.

Notice that when India play here on global terms (World Cups/WTC) it always starts at 10.30 for their TV market.

[Ben]

Watchful start.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I feel fundamentally unsafe. Where is Jonathan Trott and Cook batting for 70 overs too long.

[Ian]

Root really isn't fucking around

[Kikó]

Superb by Cummings.

[Gray Fox]

With the ball now doing something you're going to need to look to get the target at close to 300 as you can.
Root coming out slogging says to me they want a bowl today, one way or the other.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They'd probably take a chance on 250 if it came to it. It's just all out attack, all the time. Goes against everything that is culturally drummed into us from birth in this country. Not just cricket-wise, everything.

[Ben]

Tubs having a meltdown saying Stokes hasn't hit it. As soon as he leaves the comms box, Hawk Eye shows it missing the stumps anyway. :D

[Gray Fox]

Surely Bairstow isn't going to give us one of his LBW moments now.

[Ben]

Heart in mouth stuff here. In big bother if we lose one soon.

[Gray Fox]

Fucking hell Johnny. Sort it out lad.

[Max Power]

Feel that’s a huge moment in the match. Need to add another 100-150 next session.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ahsan Raza, AR, always review.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm picking up the online-seethe Indians breaking heavily for Australia here. Something about Bazball properly winds them up. Fucking bring it.

[Ben]

I could listen to Sangakkara all day. What a voice, what a man.

[Max Power]

I think we’ve fucked it Pt. 4

[Jimmy Floyd]

250 an hour before tea? Are Aus slapping for that before end of the day or taking their chances on the weather?

Lyon will pass 500 Test wickets soon, jfc.

[Ian]

Barstow insta-reviewing an LBW and being wrong? Very, very surprising stuff.

[Ben]

I thought it was plumb like. Assumed he got a glove going off his confidence in review, even with us having all three in the bag still.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Never review Marais. 6/7 correct from him. Fucking legend, I love him.

[Gray Fox]

I think we’ve fucked it Pt. 4

Still finely poised. If England can get between 250 and 300 ahead and get in to bowl after tea I think you'd take it.

It's not the batters dream this was in the 1st innings.
You're looking at stokes needing a 50+ knock and Mo slogging away.

[Ian]

I thought it was plumb like. Assumed he got a glove going off his confidence in review, even with us having all three in the bag still.

The plumber they are the more likely he is to instantly call for the review so far as I can tell.

He should be banned from reviewing his own.

[Gray Fox]

Your problem there is he reviewed one that was very close before and was right on it. That'll tell him he was right and should do it every time.

[Ben]

Stokes: "My knee is fine, I'll bowl loads this series."

Also Stokes: limps after playing a sweep.

Enjoy him lads, I don't think he's long for this, especially if we win the Ashes.

[Gray Fox]

Yeah this is starting to look like a pray for storms on Tuesday kind of day.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stokes is completely fucked and I think this is the last we're seeing of Moeen as well.

[Gray Fox]

I'd love for Mo to go out with a quickfire 50 here.

Given the thankless task he was given as relief bowler I think he's done well for 2 years away.

[Ben]

Would love a big nick, not given here. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Would love a big nick, not given here. :D

Can't remember a similar thing happening before in a home Ashes, especially not where certain batters still to come in are concerned.

[niko_cee]

Going to be interesting to see how Australia go in their innings. Best batting conditions definitely going to be this evening. Forecast maybe not so bad for tomorrow as first thought [so we may have gone a little early on this one] but 70-80% humidity on a Day 5 pitch sounds a bit tasty.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Could be a classic, depending on how we bowl.

[Max Power]

The Burnley Lara :drool:

[Gray Fox]

Tea taken before we get in.

281 is a little on the lower side of acceptable, but it can be done. Davey Warner needs skittling ASAP though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We defended this by two in 2005 but then had prodigious reverse swing. That said, that chase included 40 extras including 18 no balls (what the fuck were we doing?) and went at over four an over which I'm not sure these Australians will manage.

Need, dunno, three tonight? Four?

[Gray Fox]

Weren't all of those extras Steve Harmison?

You need at least 3 tonight for not too much damage. Really need Mo to be able to bowl some with some good turn on show.

[Max Power]

Need 3 including Smith. Don’t think we lose that many overs tomorrow to necessitate them having to bat aggressively.

[Gray Fox]

What's that, 4 edges in an over? Bairstow not even diving for that is irritating.

[Max Power]

Bairstow has got to take that

[Ian]

I've long since accepted that England don't care about wicketkeeping.

[Gray Fox]

This is looking a little ominous as it is.

[niko_cee]

Rain all day tomorrow it is then.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I thought Ollie Robinson would be the key in this series, but on this deck he looks completely threat-free. Pace is well down.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gottim! My plans a lot simpler than Ben's.

[Gray Fox]

Wonderful set up Jim.

[Ben]

Well played Jim.

[Gray Fox]

Get jinxing Root. He'll be up in a minute. Mos' finger looks grim.

[Kikó]

This is very nicely poised.

[Gray Fox]

England really need one of Khawaja or Smith tonight really.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's it, fuck off you smarmy little prick.

Broad is a force of nature.

[Max Power]

I’d have played Wood ahead of him this Test. Mug.

[Ian]

Now then.


Broad is a force of nature.

I'm trying to think if I have more great specific memories of an England bowler than Broad. Big wickets, absurd spells of him monstering people, being a WUM-y bastard.

[Kikó]

I'm trying to work out how England can ever play cricket again once we lose Broad and Anderson. Ultimate big game players.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is still fairly even I think. Aus were less than this for three first dig and made 380. Best we can hope for is the rain juicing things up a bit for Anderson and Robinson.

[Gray Fox]

Now that is a finely poised test match.

Khawaja looks in top nick, but you have to think if there's wet stuff in the air tomorrow it brings Anderson back into play.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Looked up the umpire appointments for the rest of the series because that's the sort of thing I do. Joel Wilson doesn't arrive until the fourth and fifth Tests, how dearly we will need him.

Also see Ireland were twatted by Oman in the World Cup qualifier, good job they rested Little from that Test really.

[Ben]

Wilson? Dear me, there’s some pony umpires about these days. You won’t be far off this level now Jim.

[Shindig]

"Sorry, the boss says I can't have the time off for the 4th test. I'm needed in Quito."

[Gray Fox]

Absolutely hammering it down around me. Due to stop around 10, with the cloud sticking about to early afternoon. Assuming we get a full first session, we're getting a result today one way or the other.

[Ben]

:drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Had to explain to two colleagues what Bazball is this morning. We've arrived.

[niko_cee]

Rain radar doesn't suggest we'll get much of the first session, but due to clear around lunchtime, hopefully into horrific batting conditions.

[Max Power]

Yep looking like a 2 session game max. Still very gettable for Australia but more scope tor ultra attacking fields and hopefully a bit of juice in the pitch/assistance from the skies.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If we can get Cummins in for the addition of no more than 70 more I think we'll do it. Target under 100 with two established bats in, then Aus will have a good chance.

[Ian]

No play before 1.10 at the earliest? Fucks sake.

[Ben]

Whereas Sky Sports absolutely love Bazball and everything about it, TMS are still very cagey. Just got it on in the office here and Vaughan is a fucking misery especially, whining about them doing team bonding over a county game. It's to be expected from the old time badgers like Aggers but even Cook doesn't sound sold on the new England either.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cook probably tries to get his wife in the mood by showing her diagrams of an in-out field. I don't think he's the benchmark on this stuff.

[Max Power]

I do get the sense there is a significant portion of English cricket fans itching for a loss so they can pile onto to the aggressive tactics.

Whereas I am an evangelist for it all.

[niko_cee]

I think it's just how at odds it is with a lifetime of received wisdom.

My dad [being Scotch and therefore uncultured in the ways of cricket] would always question why teams [England in particular] didn't just try to hit the thing instead of passive blocking to their eventual doom all the time [strong advocate of Jason Roy being allowed to just swing from the off] and no amount of well there's a lot of time in the game and the red ball is different would have him think any different.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The thing is that mostly the naysayers are right. We just happen to have the perfect blend of cricketers, coach and captain available who are a) willing to actually go through with it and b) talented enough to pull it off.

If you say have the same players but Alastair Cook in charge, does it happen? No chance. Stokes as captain, but Peter Moores the coach? No chance. It's a perfect storm.

[Ian]

I suspect it's an approach that won't last forever and am trying to just enjoy it while it lasts but there are still times I can't help wondering what the fuck they're doing.

The biggest selling point for me is that it's forcing more results. Now if that means we lose this series 4-0 because the Aussies mug us off while we're going for it then that would be annoying but some of those Pakistan games, for example, couldn't have been anything other than a draw if we hadn't forced the issue because if the garbage pitches which were being prepared which is as bad for the format as anything else.

[Max Power]

I’ve watched a bit on my lunch break and Scott Boland is looking like Rahul Dravid. Got the fear.

[Gray Fox]

Need to knock Khawaja off quickish but he looks in good nick.
Win Vis being not 50/50 at this point is an odd one. Really is too close to call.

[Ben]

I didn't want to say but I piled on Australia just before the start of play. Sunny spells already and the bookies are reflecting WinViz.

[Gray Fox]

I don't like Mo coming in this early, but if Stokes isn't fit to bowl it has to be, I guess.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm not watching but I'm telling you now Mo will not last more than 2 overs.

[Gray Fox]

Thanks again Jim.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And another!

He's on fire!

[Ian]

Thanks again Jim.

:D

Mo. :cool:

[Kikó]

MVP is Jimmy.

[Ben]

Jimmy, do another one!

[Jimmy Floyd]

It only works if you really believe it. 'Jimmy Anderson is shit' isn't going to butter any parsnips whatsoever.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, but still, we could do with a bit of magic before team so maybe kibosh Stokes or something.

[Gray Fox]

I suspect they'll trickle over 200 here. Seems to have gone a bit flat right now.

[niko_cee]

'Jimmy Anderson is shit' isn't going to butter any parsnips whatsoever.

Worked when you said it 10 years ago or whatever it was.

[Max Power]

Pitch is just utterly dead. I’m sure there will some spark at some point and a couple will fall but I make Australia fairly decent favourites from here.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, pitch hasn't been great, but then, you're going in to the final session with 1 side needing 100 to win and 1 side needing 5 wickets, which is pretty much exactly what you would want in every test, and overheads in England can be so influential [as was seen on Saturday]. For me, if Australia manage to get up then that 20 minute mini session essentially swung the game. If England come out on Sunday morning at 26-0 or whatever then they put up a much bigger score.

[Ian]

Did any of you guys know there had been an Ashes series in 2005? Sky have mentioned it about 578 times so far today so I suppose I'll just have to take their word for it.

[Gray Fox]

I reckon the Aussies have it unless they give away Khawaja, or a couple of his partners quickly. They've batted through the worst of today.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's very hard to insert chaos on this kind of pitch. Stokes bowling would be the obvious way but he's patently cooked.

[Kikó]

Yeah I'm pretty sure we're done here. Another 20-30 runs may have swung it but that's anti Bazball.

[Kikó]

My turn!

[Gray Fox]

They'll start pushing up the run rate now. If we can get another quickly it's game back on.

[Gray Fox]

Okay this is going to be so very tense.

[thommo]

It's very hard to insert chaos on this kind of pitch. Stokes bowling would be the obvious way but he's patently cooked.

Jimmy's on fire, Aussies are all terrified!

[Kikó]

I couldn't have been the only one who shouted a massive yes when that one went? 😃

[Max Power]

I yelped a Bill Lawry style GOTTIM

[Max Power]

The Nathan Lyon 25* is gonna be a dagger to my heart.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have it on radio and punched the air hard. TV/being at home during it is for chumps. Amazing drama on radio.

[thommo]

TMS in the car is just one of the best things. A decent length journey on my own with the cricket on.... bliss.

[Gray Fox]

They're all over the place here.

[Ben]

They will surely pick out a fielder soon enough. Rascal shots.

[Gray Fox]

They'll want to tee off before Broad comes back in. Keep it tight.

[Gray Fox]

Stuart Broad now licking his lips.

[Ben]

My heart.

[Max Power]

Stokes cricketing instincts are second to none.

[Gray Fox]

Whichever way this goes it has been immense.

Two very even teams, though England did leave a lot on the table in the first Aussie innings.

[Max Power]

Fucking hell this is tense

[igor_balis]

he's hit that

[Gray Fox]

I just dont have the confidence that Robinson is going to get one out.

[Kikó]

We're done.

[Ian]

Bah.

We let them off the hook too many times in their first innings.

[Waffdon]

Proper captains performance.

[Gray Fox]

Yep. Considering we have a half fit Jimmy Anderson and Mo was wounded and the deck was dead, we still should have won that.

Some bad luck to be put in during the horror show 20-30 mins, but thems the breaks.

[niko_cee]

Thought we had that.

I blame Andy Zaltzman and his quiz of the day today.

Pretty epic game and even ended up justifying the declaration given those overs were probably needed [how many were left in the day?]. Swung on the killer mini-session, although we had plenty of chances to put them to the sword in all four innings.

[Ian]

There were still 8 or 9 overs left I think.

I think the only justification for the declaration looking at it now is if you think draws are worse than a loss.

Apparently Stokes talked about getting "a result" so clearly he does.

[niko_cee]

It's within tolerance though, the game going to the final hour means your 'time based' decisions were probably right.

50 runs or two wickets, 10 times out of 11 you win that as the bowling side, unfortunately today was the first time Australia got up in a close game against England for nigh on a hundred years.

The one weird thing I thought he said was about wanting the public to engage with the ashes or whatever it was he said. I mean, I understand the idea that test cricket is probably suffering worldwide, but not in England, and not against Australia, unless he's talking about the Queen dying/winning the [football] world cup levels of public engagement/interest, which, given they're all mad, he probably is.

[Ian]

Counterpoint: get Root's runs while he's in and going and declare later if you need to force things to happen.

If it'd been Robinson downward left then sure, maybe you're leaving dozens of runs but it might be fuck all. Buy cutting off your best batsman to have a go on a pitch that wasn't even doing anything just doesn't feel great to me.

I don't hate the thinking or the mentality, but it's a classic looks bad if you lose / genius if you win affair, and unfortunately we didn't win. No matter how pleased Stokes is with the result.

But look, I've seen plenty of England fucking it out of cowardice, I can live with us fucking it with a captain rolling the dice because he backs his team.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't mind the declaration. On the bold side but that's what declarations are for. I think Australia outbowled us and Lyon, who should have been man of the match, was the difference.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's also probably a good result for the series, as it was in 2005 and indeed 2019. I know Aussies, as WINNERS, don't think like that, but fuck them and fuck their stupid spiders and jellyfish.

[igor_balis]

The Bazball craziness dragged us back into the game and threw it away about 10 times each. It's very after-the-facting, but I can't help but think "yeah, do the mad stuff the times it works, but don't do it when it doesn't...perfect", which I know is fucking stupid. Perfect example being leaving Root on for that one extra over (yes!), and then leaving him on for another one afterwards (no!)

I do think there is some sense in my having my bazball and eating it too bitterness though, insomuch that they can definitely hone it a bit. Maybe it's a bit too Blairite Third Way, and would go completely against the whole point of it, but I kinda feel like they can sorta...urgh, forgive me, optimize it.

I'm not fully convinced by the way we managed the end of our first innings. I'm not saying we should have batted on, but the run rate was actually pretty turgid for a good 10 overs or so before the last over - I think they'd have been better off just having a proper slog a bit earlier. Root and Robinson added 22 from 7 overs after Broad got out, with Robinson facing THREE TIMES as many balls as Root, a couple of times blocking out an over and then taking a single off the last ball. I'm sure someone who understands cricket better than me (Jimmy Floyd or literally anyone who posts in this thread) will explain why doing that then smashing 20 off the last over was a better plan than Root trying to bash it about and keeping the strike for the last 7 overs but whatever, lol. Splitting hairs, I know.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think with the declaration they just weren't bothered about runs at all and simply wanted to bowl at Australia for exactly that period of time before the close, thus getting two cracks with the new and then nearly new ball. It's all out attack and is hard to get your head around because it's neither following received wisdom about how the game should be played, nor is it calculated from data and analytics. It's just as aggressive as possible for the sake of being so. Australia had to play some top notch boring cricket to scrape by us by two wickets. Our execution was ordinary throughout and we still nearly won. I'm with them personally.

Weirdly, having a slog at the end of the first innings and scoring another 50 quickly to finish on 430-450 would have been less aggressive because it would have put Australia more in survival mode. That's something which is key to understand the dynamics of time based cricket and is something which (certainly at club level) modern day players brought up on limited overs with a max-out-your-runs mindset really struggle to comprehend. It's not only about doing your own bit but also about goading your opposition into taking more risks.

[Clunge]

I think there's some industrial grade over-analysis going on by way of a post-mortem. We failed to take 4/5 clear-cut chances, and had Broad not overstepped when he cleaned up Khawaja, we would have won. Fine margins, bazball or no bazball.

[Jimmy Floyd]

No ball wickets are a red herring too, most of them wouldn't be 'out' without the overstepping advantage.

[thommo]

I can't quite understand the outrage I'm seeing regarding Robinson giving a few verbals. The send-off in the 1st innings seems a bit ill-timed considering Khawaja hit 140-odd, but I can completely relate to the feeling of "fucking finally" that he must have at that moment.

But his little chirp on day 5 is now hitting the Aussie news and they all seem to be losing their minds over it. Their obsession with pace shines through too - lots of digs at Robinson bowling at '120', completely missing the fact he has an average of 21.1, better than Cummins, McGrath, Lillee to name a few. It's not even like he played poorly; match figures of 5/98 is pretty impressive on that pitch.

[Max Power]

If you give it out you have to expect backlash but there is a lot of pearl clutching going on from those you wouldn’t expect it of.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Australians have a weird psychological issue when it comes to the English getting in their faces. They properly can't handle it. They genuinely believe that they have the right to do it but the English don't. Even the Scots and Welsh aren't as bad for it.

They are insular as fuck and very rule-bound except when that bubble of comfortable insularity is threatened.

[Dave.]

Jimmy hit the nail on the head with his comments on Nathan Lyon. He is the difference maker as the only class spinner on either side. If he and Moeen (as much as I love him) swap teams, the result would be very different. I also believe that if Jack Leach were fit and played instead of Moeen, the difference would be negligible as his record against Australia is equally as poor.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, we should abandon the experiment at this point and pick Liam Dawson. We won't though because we're a little high on the smell of our own farts when it comes to selection (not when it comes to the gameplan).

[Max Power]

They’ll go after any spinner we can pick and tbh I’m not sure Dawson gets the dismissals of Green and Head. So I can see the logic - although maybe it could have been anticipated his finger would fall off having only bowled max 4 over spells with a white ball for the last 2 years.

Definitely need Wood involved as a point of difference in the right arm medium-fast battery we have.

[thommo]

Anyway, now the Ashes Test is over, we can go back to talking about the important matters - my club cricket escapades.

Ended up nabbing 3 wickets for the thirds at the past weekend but I did have the true village experience. We only fielded 9 for the first 20 overs of the match (2 of which had never played before) and our 10th man turned up to bowl 4 wicketless overs and get bowled for a duck. :D

We lost heavily but it was honestly very enjoyable, in roasting conditions again. Good team spirit throughout and one of the youngsters, a 12 year old, bowled a full 8 overs and got his first senior wicket. We even managed to pick up 3 bowling points; a lot better than the 20 points deduction and fine we would have received had we conceded.

[Dave.]

I would go with the 4 seamers (plus Stokes and the part timers) for the next test. We don't have any spinners that are good enough and the Aussies are fantastic players of spin. Even if Australia end up batting for 130 overs in the first innings next time around, we have enough bowlers that workload shouldn't be too much of an issue.

[niko_cee]

70/5 turning into 286/8 for Ireland, bit disappointing for the Scotch, thought they had them on the run there for a bit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oman steaming through the UAE as well. If they somehow accidentally manage to qualify I will seethe. Fortunately think two of SL, WI and Zimbo will be too strong. Slightly fear for WI.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jocks won off the last ball :cool:

[igor_balis]

stokes being unable to bowl more than a few overs doesn't help the balance of the side does it? if he could be a legitimate 4th bowler, and Bairstow wasn't such a fanny about insisting on having the gloves I'd just bring foakes in for mo, and have root as the spinner.

[hfswjyr]

The over rate would be horrendous. Does anyone other than the ICC care? Where does the money from all the match fee fines go anyway?

[Jimmy Floyd]

38% of it goes to the BCCI presumably.

Over rate is important not only for the 'paying public' but because if you bowl your overs slowly it gives you an advantage in being able to use your strongest bowlers more. In my view there should be penalty runs by the dozen.

[Ben]

Whilst policing of over rates at Test level is generally non-existent, in my local league it's at Gestapo levels (I wish they were for wides as well but hey-ho). Every game at drinks I'm lectured, scolded and beheaded about how we are behind for time, mainly due to our opening bowler running in from the car park. Luckily I've got a few spinners who rattle through the 25-40 portion in no time.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In Surrey we're expected to chivvy them along at 17 per hour which is pretty fast and results in a lot of spin being bowled. What I would say in defence of the regs is that it's incredible how much pissing about there is on a modern cricket field. The rhythm of the game is:

--- bowl (hits wicketkeeper's gloves) Yes Dave, that's you Dave (ball passed to slip) This is it then boys, when's the shot coming eh boys (ball thrown to cover) Great lengths here Dave, blow that front pad off now (ball thrown back to bowler) (bowler takes a big breath) (bowler looks at field) OI RAJ FINER MATE, YEAH FINER, ON THE BENCH, NO THE OTHER BENCH (pause) (batter still not ready) Here we are then boys, here we go eh? ----

and only then does the bowler come in again. All of the above is a fucking pointless waste of time and just men trying to feel or sound important.

[Pleb]

The ladies test match could be rain affected if the men's match was anything to go by.

Shame it's only one test.

[thommo]

Only got 10 available today and we're on an artificial wicket. Considering we're going to playing in 90% humidity throughout, it's going to be tough in the field.

[Kikó]

Can't stand the current commentary duo on the washes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Absolute scenes yesterday in Zim v WI at the WC qualifier. Probably the best home crowd I have ever seen at a cricket match and almost certainly swung the outcome.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This WI v Holland game is mental. The dope smokers needed 200 off the last 20 overs and got it down to 1 off 1 ball, only to get out on the last ball and tie. Now there's a super over and Jason Holder (who took a stunning catch to secure that tie) has shipped 4-6-4 against number nine Logan van Beek on the first three balls of it.

EDIT: 30 scored off the super over :D fuck me.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Van Beek hit 30 off the super over, then grabbed the ball and took 2-8 to win it by 22 runs. Doesn't get any more alpha than that. RIP West Indies.

[Danny]

Bess has gone on load to Warks for two weeks and Yorks have loaned Dan Moriarty for 4 weeks.

I was figuring Bess was trying to hunt some D1 cricket to make England remember he exists but apparently its cover for Briggs.

Jim, talk to me about Moriarty. He has three against Gloucestershire on his debut.

[thommo]

Van Beek hit 30 off the super over, then grabbed the ball and took 2-8 to win it by 22 runs. Doesn't get any more alpha than that. RIP West Indies.

I've just watched the highlights. What an utterly mental game. Looked like it was virtually dark for that super over too.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bess has gone on load to Warks for two weeks and Yorks have loaned Dan Moriarty for 4 weeks.

I was figuring Bess was trying to hunt some D1 cricket to make England remember he exists but apparently its cover for Briggs.

Jim, talk to me about Moriarty. He has three against Gloucestershire on his debut.

Moriarty is really good. Should be getting games for Surrey apart from the fact that they are ludicrously good and Gaz Batts loves playing five seamers + Will Jacks.

[Ben]

Green top at Lord's and an all-seam attack with Tongue in for Ali. Interesting.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not sure that really plays to our strengths. Hopefully Ollie Robinson is in full troll mode.

[Waffdon]

Are scotland qualified for the World Cup or do they have to go into another group table? Super Sixes or something

[thommo]

Are scotland qualified for the World Cup or do they have to go into another group table? Super Sixes or something

They go into the Super Six now, where they play the other 3 qualifiers from the other group. It also carries forward their two results against the qualifiers from their group (so it'd really help if they can chase this down against Sri Lanka today). Top two of the Super Six then qualify for the World Cup (and play a seemingly meaningless final).

[Jimmy Floyd]

If they win this game against Sri Lanka, which would be an outrageous upset if they can pull it off, I'd say they have an outside prayer of making the World Cup (a ridiculously high bar to qualify for a 10 team World Cup). If they lose it's pretty unlikely as they still have to play West Indies and Zimbo in the next round.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A more likely outcome is they won't chase these runs, and Sri Lanka and Zimbabwe will end up as the two qualifiers. Outside chance for Holland and a very outside chance for West Indies.

[Waffdon]

Christ. Yeah, not a chance they qualify then.

[igor_balis]

what a terrible fucking format, I've never seen a sport seemingly so desperate to shrink its reach

[Ben]

Blame the Indians.

[Danny]

Moriarty is really good. Should be getting games for Surrey apart from the fact that they are ludicrously good and Gaz Batts loves playing five seamers + Will Jacks.

Good to know. He is going to get a lot of work in.

No sign of Coad or Thompson in the team, one of the opening bowlers is 22 with 3 games behind him.

[Ben]

The Just Stop Oil pricks are at the cricket now. YJB carted the fella off very tidily, hopefully his keeping benefits from that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The thing that always strikes me about JSO (and many of their fellow travellers, small t obvs) is how joyless they are. It's a bit like all those urban lefty wankers during covid who were bang up for boarding us up inside forever.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I regret to inform you that literally everyone I know has sent me a Jonny Bairstow / carrying protestor off gag of some kind on Whatsapp. Non-cricket fans by far the worst offenders.

Meanwhile we've already shelled each opener once, it's just so sloppy from this side pretty much all the time.

[Max Power]

Glad I’m not watching this - reeks of the bad old days. Put them in on a green pitch and fail to take advantage. Bowl to short and drop catches. Pain.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If we keep serving up these slow CEO shitheaps then our right arm medium pace battery is going to struggle. Tongue is tongueing them though.

[Ian]

You'd think if Stokes and McCullum are fixated on making Test cricket fun and watchable they wouldn't have ordered a load of roads the Aussies are quite happy on.

Both teams conspired to make the last one dramatic but it won't so fun and freewheeling when Smith and Labuschagne calmly knock out a 400 run partnership.

[Max Power]

Amount of no-balls is ridiculous.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, it was the same in the first Test - Baz has obviously shifted back to the old ways of allowing quicks to practise off 19 yards. In the Bayliss era we went months at a time without bowling one (I think it was Woakes who set some kind of record).

[niko_cee]

Weather looks fine for the entire match so this is veering towards series fucked territory already. Can Bazball muster a 5 day draw?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Another one of my pet hate shit umpiring decisions there, giving it out just because the bloke padded up. Those are almost never out. Batters just don't get it wrong by the margin required.

[Max Power]

We are going to get smashed, and it will be a soul-destroying defeat where there is never even a glimmer of hope. Behind by 250 in first innings and they grind us into the dirt.

[Max Power]

Smith and Labuschagne 100 partnership, Joe Root bowling bouncers. Make the pain stop.

[Jimmy Floyd]

On the plus side, Liam Dawson scored a hundred and took 10 wickets in the Championship game just finished, so there's now no excuse for the stupid fucks not to bring him in for the next match (they still won't).

[niko_cee]

I've not seen any of it today [other than the score], was the bowling first logic down to the pitch/conditions or was it out of a desire to chase?

[Max Power]

Green pitch, cloudy morning. The bits I have seen there has been sideways movement we’ve just bowled shit/dropped catches.

[Gray Fox]

I reckon England are going to regret not taking advantage of getting Smith and Stupidname for about 30 across both innings in the first test. I'm not sure they'll be getting that again.

[niko_cee]

There's not much about the first test to not regret from an England perspective. Would be quite lol if the MAKE TESTS GREAT AGAIN agenda was entirely derailed by a series of terrible pitches.

Although I think this one will probably turn out to be fine.

[Dave.]

A hammering.

[Ben]

Root turning it around corners. :D

[niko_cee]

The seethe from Vaughan and co somewhat softens the blow of this 'methodology' potentially foundering.

What do we need then? Roll them for sub-400 and then bazbat for 2 days? Piece of piss.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A massive Zak Crawley double ton followed by the Australian batting lineup killing themselves before the second innings.

Oddly I was confident about the bowling but they really need fast decks (and competent catchers) to get that zip to exaggerate the movement, on these slow ones we might as well pack up and go home.

[Ian]

I missed that Crawley had predicted a 150 run win in this test. Add this to him "well actually"-ing any critique in a Sky interview I saw to the pile of reasons he's an infuriating twat who needs hurled into the sea.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Well if he breaks the world Test batting record, at a run a ball, in this upcoming knock it will give us a shot at winning by an innings and 150.

[Ian]

I assume their plan is to have a lead and declare just after tea.

The ball has started to carry so I can't imagine Crawley will have any trouble.

[Ian]

What's that I hear? The sound of a dickhead who's been told it doesn't matter if he's any good or not chucking his wicket away again?

[Ben]

If one of my batters runs past one nonsensically he gets pumped into the 2nds.

[Jimmy Floyd]

4 of Lyon's 9 wickets in the series so far have been stumpings. Fuck me.

[Ian]

If one of my batters runs past one nonsensically he gets pumped into the 2nds.

Consequences? Accountability?

This is why nobody's talking about Benball, mate.

[Ben]

Consequences? Accountability?

This is why nobody's talking about Benball, mate.

I don't provide sofas and bucket hats either so I don't blame them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A Nathan Lyon injury would be a real shame. A real, real shame. A real, real, real, real shame. A real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real shame.

[Ben]

Bazball coming up Milhouse here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, absolutely must cash in and get 600+ here. They don't even have a Roston Chase figure in their side as far as I can see, although wasn't Marnus bowling offies at Glamorgan earlier in the year? Fear of god into me if so.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sorry. Any mention of Roston Chase automatically means England lose a wicket.

[Max Power]

He bowls leggies I think. Travis Head has a filthy 4-40 in him I’m sure as we stroll down the track every ball.

[Gray Fox]

For fucks sake Duckett.

[niko_cee]

The whole ethos is just absolutely committed to keeping the game interesting, even if that means losing pointless wickets when you look like you're getting on top.

[Gray Fox]

They're absolutely brain dead here.

That's also touched the ground so shouldn't be out.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's violently stupid. Their anchor bowler is fucked and off the field. Give them fuck all and grind them into the dust. But no, just hit it in the air.

Proper private school thinking. Smelling own farts.