The Cricket Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

Still no one breaks Alistair Brown's 268 from twenty years ago :cool:

[niko_cee]

Brutal scenes and still room for Captain Morgan to put in one of his shit show cameos.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I am pretty fucking impressed that Pieter Seelaar is still going. Bowling left arm spin for them for 15 years must be a thankless task.

[Ian]

That scorecard is a bit mad.

[Ben]

Jimmy, as our resident umpire, what is the deal with saliva on the ball now? I know it's been banned but our club have had an email about my team having had several reports from umpires of (subconsciously) applying saliva to the ball. Other than the first game of the season, we've never actually been picked up on it. Is that the actual protocol, to not pick us up on it during a game and just grass us up to the league? The new Dukes balls are wank and need all the help they can get.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't think it's banned in law until the 1 October changes, but I think by ECB dictat it is banned. The guidance we are given on it by the Surrey panel is that in an unconscious instance of it (i.e. someone doing it out of habit without thinking) you just politely tell them not to, but if you think it's being done deliberately, then the first instance is a warning and the second instance is five penalty runs. I presume that eventually it will fall under 41.3 changing the condition of the ball, so we're kind of pretending it does in anticipation of the law change.

If there is a protocol in your league to grass you up afterwards, then that will be a local decision by their panel. I've done seven league games this season and I think I've given two or three friendly warnings to players who forget it's banned, and they just say sorry and that's the end of it.

[Ben]

Thought as much, pretty weird behaviour by our lot then.

What happens next season then when it is actually banned, if someone does it subconsciously?

[Jimmy Floyd]

If it follows 41.3 as currently written, then first offence is 5 penalty runs, second offence is hooking the bowler who's on at the time.

In practice, I honestly can't imagine umpires (particularly in amateur cricket) shotgunning 5 penalty runs every time they see someone lick their finger, so we'll have to see how it pans out.

[niko_cee]

Is this covid related?

Absolutely mental if that's led to shining the ball being effectively banned forever. Are you allowed a sticky sugar substitute in your pocket in lieu?

Prince Andrew would be completely ball bagged. Didn't Cook also not sweat but that made him a great ball handler? is the shining guy [no sweat] now going to have to stand next to the sweatiest guy to rub the ball on prior to working it over?

[Jimmy Floyd]

You're allowed to use sweat, but not saliva.

[niko_cee]

Maybe Eoin Morgan has eyes on being the designated sweater for the ODI side.

[Ian]

So is Jamie Overton also a racist, or....?

And how good actually is he? Haven't we had so many injuries he's about our 38th choice bowler?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not a racist as far as I know.

He had years of struggle to the point where last year he was mainly playing as a batsman. Then during the winter, Azhar Mahmood joined Surrey as bowling coach and he has been magically transformed into someone knocking over county lineups at good pace. It'll be interesting to see how he goes.

[Kikó]

The issue I have is he's got a second division centre forward's name so surely can't be a good bowler.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The whole team have League One player names, apart from Zak Crawley who has a shit overpromoted county cricketer name.

[Ian]

These Headingley 2019 highlights. :cool:

What a day that was.

[Ben]

The wasted review. :drool:

[Ian]

The shot after Lyon muffs the run out is one of those brilliant moments just capturing a bunch of emotions at once.

Stokes, Leach, Lyon e fielders all in varying states if "what just happened?"

[Jimmy Floyd]

Glenn McGrath's seethe on the radio commentary was an all time great few minutes.

[Ben]

Never heard it. I assume he was kicking off with Lyon for having his hands on back to front and Paine for the worst review of all time? :D

[Ben]

That's no inside edge. Frame by frame always skews that.

[niko_cee]

Think it's pretty harsh to lose a review there where the guy is basically bang to rights out but Aleem Dar didn't fancy it so 'stayed with the onfield decision'.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Aleem has lost his way in the last few years. Marais, though. What a guy. My umpiring hero.

[Ian]

Never heard it. I assume he was kicking off with Lyon for having his hands on back to front and Paine for the worst review of all time? :D

I think there's a slightly longer one but searching on my phone is a pain. But you can see some of his seething face here.

https://youtu.be/7td1U-FuhmY

[niko_cee]

Is it just me or is there now a bit of an unsatisfying 'but is it a no ball?' lull after a wicket falls? At least with DRS you can compartmentalise which types of dismissals should be treated circumspectly at first.

[Ben]

There used to be but maybe I'm just used to it now. I still gave Conway a big send off as soon as the pole got knocked back.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The thrust of the McGrath seethe was around the bad review and the other review which looked out but wasn't.

[Ben]

That's the strangest dismissal I've ever seen.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Twitter Indians in floods of bitter tears about it too. It's amazing what gets them going.

[thommo]

How dare any luck go England's way, eh? I've seen numerous tweets claiming we should have called him back, like the great and wise Dhoni did in 2011.

[Waffdon]

It did in the WC, to be fair.

[Ben]

How the Indians dare to comment on anything to do with honesty, integrity and humbleness I do not know. I suppose you can add obliviousness and ignorance to their list of adjectives when it comes to cricket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Mahendra possibly the most corrupt man ever to play the game as well (though there are a few contenders for that title).

[Danny]

No way he isnt on the take. Some seriously suspicious innings over the years.

[Ian]

https://crickettimes.com/2022/06/all-you-need-to-know-about-crickets-brand-new-tournament-the-6ixty/

Jesus fucking Christ.

[Ben]

:facepalm:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't know why it never occurs to people (even the weary critics) that these things exist purely for match fixing purposes or, being generous, for the purposes of those weird 'Dream 11' gambling apps that the Indians are all addicted to.

[hfswjyr]

Are we just freakishly unlucky when playing in England? Stokes world cup off a deflection, Nicholl's wicket off a deflection, and now Blundell's wicket the ball after DRS goes down.

[Ben]

It was out anyway, calm down. ;)

[Ian]

That is a bad run though as a silver lining two of them have come in a game that doesn't matter.

[niko_cee]

Potts was probably due a bit of luck, bowled very well yesterday without much reward.

DRS was pretty good for New Zealand yesterday. It all evens itself out eh?

[Ben]

Got a lot of time for Potts' economy rate.

[niko_cee]

Shame our catching is still absolutely tragic.

[igor_balis]

Broad is such a lovely guy in interviews but such a pain in the arse on the pitch. Get a grip, man.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My favourite response from cricinfo.

Joydeepsinghgil: "If Drs malfunctioning why they couldn't stop the match for 15-20 minutes "

[Jimmy Floyd]

The changing the ball thing has to stop, mind. You should be stuck with the same ball unless it gets lost.

[Ben]

I would die happy if we beat India by 1 wicket on day 5 with a DRS controversy.

[Ian]

You got TMS on Jimmy? Lots of umpiring chat.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Did they do a you're the umpire? Those are great for listeners but like PTSD for actual umpires who have ever had something weird happen in a game and not known what to do.

[Ian]

It was questions from amateur umpires and theoretical umpiring questions (one involving a parrot) from the bantermen of the TMS listeners.

[Ben]

Trent Boult is just brilliant.

Crawley must have somewhere to be this weekend, trying to run out Root when we're on 14-2.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, that's the one. If the striker has a wooden arm and doesn't wear a batting glove, does the entire arm count as glove, none of it, or just the part where the hand would have been.

If someone climbs a tree outside the boundary, waits for a six to sail towards him and then leaps out of the branches to take a catch, landing within the boundary, is it a fair catch.

The ball is hit in the air. A fielder pulls down his trousers in an attempt to show off by catching it between his arse cheeks, but the ball instead lodges in his rectum and he is rushed to hospital. Is this deemed a clean catch.

Speaking of which. 17/3.

[Ben]

That's got to be the end of Crawley now.

[Gray Fox]

Not so fast. (https://i.gyazo.com/e4c9e7879078c050a8c13857831b898c.png) Better give him another 15-20 matches to be sure.

[Max Power]

Think we are gonna have to take the highs with the lows in the era of BAZBALL. Often coming within the same day.

Looking forward to us having a dart at 570 though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bazball is just basically how those moody mid-division teams from the Pakistani community play in club cricket isn't it? Turn up 5 minutes before the start, smash it as hard as you can over mid-wicket, see what happens, if you win then great, if not then who cares.

All we need to complete the set is miscoloured pads, and some ringer playing under a false name who has 12 first class games for Habib Bank.

[igor_balis]

Intent :drool:

[Max Power]

There does at least some to be some conviction behind the ethos unlike in the Bayliss era. And it’s quite fun so I’m here for the ride (drop Crawley though)

[Ben]

Bazball is just basically how those moody mid-division teams from the Pakistani community play in club cricket isn't it? Turn up 5 minutes before the start, smash it as hard as you can over mid-wicket, see what happens, if you win then great, if not then who cares.

All we need to complete the set is miscoloured pads, and some ringer playing under a false name who has 12 first class games for Habib Bank.

You missed the thigh pad and jock strap on the outside of the trou.

https://ibb.co/PxyNJtz

[Max Power]

Overton shaping up like I.V.A Richards here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This partnership is absurd. Bazball 4 eva.

[Gray Fox]

New Zealand not listening to Jimmy and having the ball switched earlier coming home to roost.

[niko_cee]

I was wondering, with all the ball switching bleating, whether they could have some sort of 1922 committee style rule where if the ball goes through the little hole after you moan about it then you have to use it for the next X overs regardless of state [possibly including being required to retrieve it if hit out of the ground/into the Trent].

[Ben]

I didn't understand Broad trying to get a swinging ball changed yesterday either. There's always the chance it'll do fuck all, especially with the current batch of Dukes which are dreadful.

[niko_cee]

He had years of struggle to the point where last year he was mainly playing as a batsman.

Called it.

[Danny]

Hasnt Sam Curran done some of that lately too? Fingers crossed for his resurgence.

[Ben]

Proper kids boundaries at Edgbaston here.

[niko_cee]

Gutted for Overton.

Was just thinking as the madness set in yesterday quite how irritating this series must be from a New Zealand perspective.

[Ian]

Yeah this is a very England thing to have happened to New Zealand so I feel their pain.

[ScousePig]

Bazball is just basically how those moody mid-division teams from the Pakistani community play in club cricket isn't it? Turn up 5 minutes before the start, smash it as hard as you can over mid-wicket, see what happens, if you win then great, if not then who cares.

All we need to complete the set is miscoloured pads, and some ringer playing under a false name who has 12 first class games for Habib Bank.

Sounds like half of my childhood cricket experience.

I had a 'report writing day' yesterday, which meant I sat all day with the laptop on the sofa and the cricket in the background for the first time in years. It was glorious.

[niko_cee]

Billings should take that.

[Gray Fox]

New Zealand full of luck since lunch.

[Gray Fox]

And so the luck continues. 'keeper getting nowhere near either of the ones from Leach is a bit disappointing.

[Max Power]

Really like Potts. Relentless line and length and good intensity.

[Gray Fox]

Anyone reckon Crawley gets into double figures?

296 seems right on the edge of makeable.

[Ben]

Fully expecting 20-2.

[Danny]

The reverse jinx. Great work gents

[Ben]

Reverse reverse. Great work Danny.

[Danny]

What a review :D

[Danny]

2 in 2 :lol:

[niko_cee]

This has been an extraordinary series.

New Zealand don't really deserve to be on the end of a whitewash.

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of my favourite bits of so-called wisdom I chuck about when it comes to cricket is 'scoreboard pressure is a myth', I think Baz and co might be on board with my line of thinking. About bloody time someone was.

[hfswjyr]

One of my favourite bits of so-called wisdom I chuck about when it comes to cricket is 'scoreboard pressure is a myth', I think Baz and co might be on board with my line of thinking. About bloody time someone was.

Here comes the positivity!


Spinner Jack Leach says he has "never experienced anything like" playing in England's thrilling new Test era.

That's going a bit far really.

[Ben]

It's not when all you've known is Chris Silverwood.

[niko_cee]

Another absolutely absurd chase.

Will be interesting to see how the aggressive brand and middle order counterattacks survive contact with (with all due respect to this New Zealand side) higher quality opposition.

I like the idea of not letting bowlers settle, but we have sort of tried this before. Also wonder how influential the wanky Duke ball has been.

[Ben]

Boult is up there with the best and we absolutely pasted him second innings. I wonder how the partisan Indian commentators will spin Bumrah being demolished.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The thought of us twatting India around the park for 12 an over in the 'fifth Test' has me rock hard, so I'll just savour the thought and ignore whatever comes to pass in reality.

[Gray Fox]

No side has ever chased down 250+ three times to win, in one series before.

[Max Power]

Went into a meeting when they were restarting and when I came out it was over :cab:

Insane.

[Danny]

Apparently Morgan is going to pack it in tomorrow.

[Kikó]

I can't believe how good Johnny Bairstow has been in this test series. He's made it look easy.

[Ian]

It's a bit annoying he spent so long reviewing plumb LBWs from straight deliveries when apparently all he needed was to be told to try and score some runs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It is the very purplest of purple patches. What a bizarre cricketer he is.

[niko_cee]

Hearing Vaughan on the Today at the Test coverage made me wonder if all that cancellation business had gone away but I see it is back following


a joint letter by two groups of BBC staff raised concerns about the 47 year-old's continued involvement in the broadcaster's cricket coverage

:happycry:

Hopefully they just thought he was shit.

[Ben]

He pisses me off more and more these days so whatever.

[Danny]

They pulled him again. Good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's a knob so has it coming to him.

[Ben]

Why 10:30 start? Missed the first few overs, and it seems half the crowd have too.

[Ian]

Forgot Kohli wasn't captain any more.

[Ben]

Bumrah skipper? :cab:

Supposedly the first 10:30 start since the Channel 4 days. Presumably for Indian TV.

[igor_balis]

Earlier the better tbf

[igor_balis]

Fuck off Crawley

[Jimmy Floyd]

They've publicly backed Crawley to hold down the spot forever. I think they're just going all in on everyone and frankly who can say they shouldn't run with it.

[Ben]

The problem with Crawley's situation is that there's nobody to come in. Even the Buttler opening train is gathering momentum because there's no alternative.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Virat Kohli's rapid recession to walking wicket status has been a most agreeable aspect of cricket in the last 12 months or so.

[Danny]

1542871276561350656

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh fucking hell, have they got Shastri on Sky? Sign me up.

[Ben]

Shastri and Pietersen on together earlier, not far off the worst combo possible. They had to get the jaws of life to get them both out of Pant’s arsehole.

[niko_cee]

Getting a bit of counter-attack back from Pant and Jadeja. Feels bad man.

[Ian]

Shastri was genuinely pretty good back when the Verdict was still a thing. One of the India series they had him, Bob of course (RIP) and... somebody else, but I did actually like Shastri on it. A lot more considered and him and Willis had some interesting disagreements without it being the tedious football pundits having performative strops at each other.

I miss Bob. :(

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's a legend. I'm a total convert to his ways.

A quick scan of his twitter account reveals a man who is truly living his best life.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Exhibit A

1527452408322093057

[Ian]

:D

This is quite a 180 Jimmy. When did you start to come around to him?

[niko_cee]

From pantomime villain to pantomime legend.

[Jimmy Floyd]

:D

This is quite a 180 Jimmy. When did you start to come around to him?

2014 Verdicts planted the seed that he might be alright actually, then I also have a very clear memory of (I think) Ebony Rainford-Brent telling a story about him packing her onto a speedboat in Bombay and showing her around his Scaramanga-esque private island. I can find absolutely no reference to the latter anywhere on the internet, but I'm absolutely convinced it happened. She called it 'Shastri Island' and everything.

[Danny]

That sounds like a fever dream :lol:

1542771163297824769

[Ian]

Jimmy, you're among friends so you can be honest with us...... have you been writing Shastri / Rainford-Brent erotic fiction in between tractor engine sales?

[Danny]

And can we see it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wouldn't have just made that up. I don't have an imagination that fertile. I'm pretty sure Alan Wilkins was there as well.

[Waffdon]

Feels like every time I watch England let someone in the middle order rack up a century against them after a promising startZ

[Ian]

It happens every time you don't watch too, if that makes you feel any better.

[Ian]

Also that Broad over sounds like it was a laugh.

[niko_cee]

Real test of the new intent doctrine tonight.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I thought the Test had gone badly, then came back from my game to find out my club's 1s batted out 30+ overs for the draw after being 70/8 (50 odd overs in total), and the 16 year old who was one of the protagonists (4* off 84 balls) kept being told by the oppo close fielders that he was a faggot who takes it up the shitter.

Let's go fill in some forms!

[Ian]

a) what sort of sanctions get doled out for that sort of thing at your level?

b) Is the aforementioned protagonist actually gay? It doesn't matter either way because it's reprehensible homophobia I'm just curious as to whether this was bigotry because a gay person was mugging them off or homophobic bigotry because that is, so far as these idiots think, the worst slander going to the person who is mugging them off?

[Ian]

Also c) presumably the umpire must have heard at least some of that and are we to assume did nothing? I've no idea how much you hear from the other end of the pitch if the insults aren't being shouted.

[Max Power]

Think Broad might be finished.

[Ian]

Was that right before the wicket, Max? :cool:

[Max Power]

The rare reverse jinx :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

a) what sort of sanctions get doled out for that sort of thing at your level?

b) Is the aforementioned protagonist actually gay? It doesn't matter either way because it's reprehensible homophobia I'm just curious as to whether this was bigotry because a gay person was mugging them off or homophobic bigotry because that is, so far as these idiots think, the worst slander going to the person who is mugging them off?

a) a lengthy ban, I hope
b) no, although they could have been
c) the umpires wouldn't have heard it.

I'm putting it down to the fact that the offender plays for a dual sport rugby/cricket club, and rugby culture is the fucking pits. Either that or he's just a cunt. Maybe both.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is... a start.

[Max Power]

The transformation of Alex Lees from crabbing beta in his debut tour to Matthew Hayden is interesting.

[Max Power]

How are we 1.5 to win ffs :D

[igor_balis]

Cya zak

[Jimmy Floyd]

If we lose now from here (which we probably will) it feels a bit like Pickett's Charge. McCullum sacked by September, Peter Moores back for a third stint.

[Kikó]

Idiotic from Root.

[Ian]

Was nice of Root to execute Lees.

Didn't Crawley dick Lees over as well in the last match? Or had Crawley not called the run on that and Lees basically did what Root did but fucked himself over?

[hfswjyr]

OK - how much of this transformation is actually Baz's doing? Say on a scale of 1 to 10?

[Jimmy Floyd]

5 each for him and Stokes? Hard to say from the outside, but it's the same shitty players as before so it must be a vibe switch / mental awakening that you can only put down to one or both of them.

[hfswjyr]

I'm going to claim they're both kiwis, so 100% NZ win then.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A long-running theme in English sport is that we need outside influence to get us out of our habitually conservative ways.

Now, I'm going to dredge up all the twitter replies from crazed Indian fans when people were lolling about us chasing 378 twenty-four hours ago.

[Ian]

Even so, this has been a lot of fourth innings runs even if this one still somehow goes horribly wrong.

I don't know what other teams there have been who just casually knock off big fourth innings chases as a matter of course, how (from this very small sample size) do England appear to be comparing?

It surely can't be as simple as just telling people to try and score runs even when it's typically meant to be tougher.

I know the pitch and ball have done bugger all here but England (and other teams) have fucked up in forgiving fifth day conditions before.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There have been none. It's a rewriting of all the rules. Normally Lees and Crawley go out yesterday thinking 'oh shit don't want to get out early'. With this management they go out thinking we're going to be 100/0 in 20 overs, and we are.

They look like they could chase about 550 if they wanted to.

[Ian]

I keep waiting for reality to catch up with us and for 5 to go down for 8 runs.

[thommo]

This is staggering. How have we managed this?

[Jimmy Floyd]

lol fuck off India.

[Ian]

That was absolutely absurd.

[Max Power]

Piece of piss. Need to absorb salty Indians on twitter now.

[thommo]

Just the 269 run partnership to win it. In 52.3 overs. Didn't even get to the 2nd new ball.

[Kikó]

There have been none. It's a rewriting of all the rules. Normally Lees and Crawley go out yesterday thinking 'oh shit don't want to get out early'. With this management they go out thinking we're going to be 100/0 in 20 overs, and we are.

They look like they could chase about 550 if they wanted to.

This really nails it. The amount of chases we looked like we were petrified to get towards because we wanted to bat time and hope we could knock the runs out.

I know this is obvious but Root is an incredible player.

[niko_cee]

There have been none. It's a rewriting of all the rules. Normally Lees and Crawley go out yesterday thinking 'oh shit don't want to get out early'. With this management they go out thinking we're going to be 100/0 in 20 overs, and we are.

They look like they could chase about 550 if they wanted to.

It's obviously a small sample, but they do seem to have turned all of the received wisdom of test cricket completely on its head with a 'chase anything' mentality that has obviously grown out of the shorter formats.

I suppose, given the rate they score at the pitches aren't even that bad when it comes to the 4th innings. Having players in the form of their lives obviously helps.

Will be interesting to see how they approach batting first when that happens. Are teams going to start to have to think about putting them in as a tactical choice?

Completely remarkable.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Final word to Stokes, who is asked on Sky, have England found 'the line" yet? "Nope," he says. "I almost wanted them to get 450 to see what we could do..." Amazing scenes.

:cab:

Haven't used that smiley in a while.

[Ben]

:drool: applies to everything about this Test match.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The thought of us twatting India around the park for 12 an over in the 'fifth Test' has me rock hard, so I'll just savour the thought and ignore whatever comes to pass in reality.

The current South Africa are unusually likeable by their admittedly fucking rock bottom standards, so I'll miss the 'thank you, goodnight and fuck off' joy of today.

[Gray Fox]

That’s now what, four consecutive 250+ run chases in a 4th innings? Usual England struggle to make about one of those. It looked like each one got progressively easier for them too.

I await Jimmys India Twitter findings with glee.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This approach will backfill once Englishmen leave England LoL even bairistow who is a flat track bully is scoring 100s then something wrong with English pitches. he will do oppa Gangnam style on India/Pakistan/Australia pitches
Fuck off.


Combination of poor batch of dukes balls and flat pitches. That's all there is to #bazball.
Fuck off.


England have lost everywhere in the world. Winning 4 matches at home doesn’t make any team great. Waiting for them to come to India.
Fuck off.


It's not baz ball it's a bastad ball
Fuck off.


Homeball
Fuck off.


Flat pitch in the 4th innings that's what your target Ecb,I have never seen this kind of pitch in England where the bowl is not moving or misbehave or uneven bounce nothing for the bowlers,shame.
Fuck off.

They've also been deducted WTC points for a slow over rate. lol and fuck off.

[Kikó]

It's a shame that India weren't able to bat on the same pitch. Seems unfair.

[niko_cee]

I bet they were moaning about it being a greentop minefield at 90-5 in the first innings.

This new approach does actually lend itself to preparing reasonably docile 5 day banker pitches due to the sheer rate the game moves on at when England bat.

Nothing lasts forever, and it's typical of England to find such a rich vein of form as far out from an ashes series as possible, but it'll be glorious whilst it lasts.

[Ben]

Same blokes were proclaiming how good this series was yesterday afternoon when Kohli danced in front of Lees at tea then after the run out.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The more interesting question than whether England's form will last (it won't) is whether other teams will try and copy the method, if indeed there is a method beyond the XI all getting their dicks out and helicoptering them around the dressing room in lieu of a team meeting.

[niko_cee]

Iit's typical of England to find such a rich vein of form as far out from an ashes series as possible.

I take this back, there is an ashes series next summer?

[Ian]

I suppose that makes sense, 18 months between Australia and England hosting then two and a half years the other way around, right?

We'll surely have been mugged off by somebody by then. What sort of nick are the Saffers in these days?

[Ian]

In all the lol yesterday I forgot the only reason this test happened during the Bazball revolution is because India fancied the weekend off ahead of the IPL.

Glorious.

[Ben]

Yep, tossers in every aspect.

And SA aren’t great at the moment. I think they drew with NZ earlier in the year but they’re certainly a step down in quality.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They beat India too, but who hasn't.

[Gray Fox]

:D

[thommo]

That series was the scene of another India meltdown wasn't it? Kohli shouting into the stump mic, Ashwin saying the host broadcaster was rigging DRS. And SA winning through chasing fairly big totals twice in the 4th innings. :D

[Ian]

Kohli has form for bellowing into stump mics doesn't he? Or am I just thinking of that one?

Decided to give myself a chuckle the other day by rewatching that time he got bowled by Moeen and genuinely looked like he was considering reviewing it.

[Ian]

Another novelty is a renewed look at the role of nightwatchman, with the run chases at Lord’s, Headingley and Edgbaston seeing Stuart Broad padded up as next man in with instructions to slog quick runs, rather than bat through to the close. This role – dubbed “Nighthawk” – has not yet been deployed but is eagerly anticipated.

"Nighthawk." :sick:

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Nighthawk is such an amazingly shit idea that I can't believe it's not some kind of knowing self-parody, aimed at trolling other teams into submission.

[Danny]

Tom Curran batting at 3 and not bowling. Have I missed something there?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't know if the not bowling is because he's injured or because he's shite at bowling these days, but it might be either.

Pope going full #Bazball there, inventing and then getting out from the wrong-foot sweep.

[Ben]

This entire batting order selection and mentality from Surrey is most strange.

[Ben]

There we go. Proper batting shots and positivity and it’s fairly straightforward. This Surrey will only have themselves to blame if they don’t win the whole thing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

3 off 2 is the cursed equation.

[Ben]

Heads have gone again.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gus isn't getting bat on this. Laurie Evans is a fucking waster.

[Danny]

There we go. Proper batting shots and positivity and it’s fairly straightforward. This Surrey will only have themselves to blame if they don’t win the whole thing.

Top work. What an over from Thompson.

[niko_cee]

Impressive bottle job from Jimmy's boys after recovering into an unassailable position.

The catch to dismiss Narine was superb.

[Clunge]

Horrorshow that.

[Ben]

Top work. What an over from Thompson.

As a Yorkshireman, I’m not sorry. I’ll be at finals day also.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I hate Yorkshire more than the other 16 counties combined. Actually that's not true, Hampshire can fuck off as well.

[Ben]

Even though I was born and raised in North Yorkshire, I’ve always felt more affinity towards Durham due to proximity and them generally snapping up more youngsters from my league than Yorkshire do, but you can absolutely guarantee I’ll be joining in the horrendous Yorkshire chants in the Hollies when I’m two pints deep.

[Danny]

Two? So the end of the first over then.

I really wasn’t into cricket enough before moving here to go to anything Yorkshire related. Shame really.

[Danny]

1545475116364189699

[Ben]

Roses semi final to start the day. :drool:

[Ian]

Good start, this.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Rather than watching that you should read Liew on Bazball, one of the great articles I've read on cricket (that's also not really about cricket).

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2022/jul/12/brendon-mccullum-bazball-england-cricket-team?CMP=share_btn_tw

[Ian]

I'm in the office so thankfully I can't watch.

And yes, I really enjoyed that Liew piece earlier. I mean it might be nonsense but he's always an enjoyable read.

[Ben]

I’ve been contending for what feels like years now that Roy is a complete waste of space. That was an awful shot that just sums him up entirely and seemingly where his head is at right now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's always been a funny fish, going from the highest highs to runs of truly abysmal form with no rhyme or reason. I think we can probably do better now, especially in the 50 over game.

[Waffdon]

Four ducks so far can’t be off some kind of record between two decent teams.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Six ducks is the record, done 5 times, three of them by Pakistan (god bless).

[Ian]

We go all swashbuckling in tests and the white ball teams start to relentlessly and explosively shit themselves.

The only solution I can see is that we start playing slow, grindy innings in ODIs and see if we can reverse engineer the logic of Bazball.

[Ben]

They better all get released for T20 finals day on Saturday then. The Roses semi might as well be a 2nd team game.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It'll be my first time not going to finals day for a few years (instead I'm umpiring a division 4 game in 33 degree heat) and all I can say is I won't miss the state of the Jury's Inn at 2am.

[Ben]

We’ve moved hotel for the first time in five years after last year’s shenanigans of a couple of us sleeping in the corridor because we lost our key in Popworld and the Neeskens Kebano lookalike on reception not believing it was our room.

I think we are near St. Andrew’s this time. :eyemouth:

[Jimmy Floyd]

That said, I will miss the state of Wetherspoon's circa 8.30am on the Saturday. £5.50 full English sat four feet away from a 20 stone man dressed as Miss Piggy.

[Danny]

Yorkshire and Surrey putting on a good game at Scarborough right now.

Shame the audio on the stream keeps deciding to switch speaker on me and it makes me want to hurt people.

[thommo]

Topley with a very good bowling performance there. New record figures for England in men's ODIs, beating a certain Paul Collingwood to the record.

[Ian]

Wait, we won? Blimey.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yorkshire and Surrey putting on a good game at Scarborough right now.

Shame the audio on the stream keeps deciding to switch speaker on me and it makes me want to hurt people.

Lol, fuck off Yorkshire.

Ryan Patel got racially abused the last time he was at Scarbados, fuck em all.

[Danny]

He did? Wouldn’t shock me though.

We (loose we since I left 16 years ago) really don’t appear have have progressed with the rest of the world. I say that as someone living in Florida :lol:

[Ben]

Stokes is binning off ODIs. Unsurprising, really.

[Danny]

Remember the fall out when KP did the same. Fun times.

[Danny]

https://www.espncricinfo.com/series/county-championship-division-two-2022-1310355/leicestershire-vs-glamorgan-39th-match-1297754/match-report-4

Declared with Northeast on 410*.

[niko_cee]

Lara's 501 being nearly 30 years ago makes me feel old.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I am genuinely amazed the number of people saying they shouldn't have declared on him (and gone on to win in the next two sessions) because 'history' is more important than a mere match result. It's a team sport, you morons.

[thommo]

At the time I thought the declaration a little optimistic considering only 15 wickets had fallen in 10 sessions, but the fact they pulled it off with 5 overs to spare was pretty impressive and perfectly timed. Northeast will always be wondering in the back of his mind though, I'm sure.

[thommo]

This has been absolutely woeful from the Saffers.

Moeen's cover drive though :drool:

[Ameen1190]

Who is waiting for ICC T20 World Cup 2022 & FIFA World Cup 2022.
ICC T20 World Cup 2022
FIFA World Cup 2022
Vote Starts Now

[Luke Emia]

Who is waiting for ICC T20 World Cup 2022 & FIFA World Cup 2022.
ICC T20 World Cup 2022
FIFA World Cup 2022
Vote Starts Now

Can't wait.

[Danny]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97BgulfeYcA

Brett Lee looking like a young van Gaal in that thumbnail

[Danny]

Athers is doing an AMA on Reddit tomorrow from 2 pm for anyone interested.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Cricket/comments/wouf6x/hello_everyone_im_michael_atherton_former_england/

[thommo]

Saffers have bowled well here in admittedly good conditions. Root's wicket is infuriating, didn't look out but the decision stood because of that millimetre flicking the stumps on DRS.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I am personally a big fan of umpires' call. There seems to be a big demand to get rid of it because people/Indians are too thick to understand margin of error.

[thommo]

Don't get me wrong, it's out and umpires' call is absolutely fine the way it is. I hate the discourse about getting rid of it and making black and white - Holding used to be terrible for moaning about it.

Just didn't look out on the field so a little frustrating to lose Root that way.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What is Stuart Broad doing at 8. Hardly a nighthawk. The Lunch Kestrel?

[Ian]

The Lunch Kestrel?

:D

[Ian]

The Strauss kids both have absolutely disgraceful hair.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Without seeing it, going to guess they have this mullet thing which is sweeping southern private schools this summer?

[niko_cee]

Just saw some little rat child with what looked like a buzz cut on 70% of his head and then long hair for the back portion. Dear god.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A few weeks back I did a Surrey under 15s game or something and I think every single white kid in the game had this same mullet cut. Properly concerning stuff.

Crocs are in as well. Cool as fuck 16 year old boys wearing crocs everywhere. I'd never have believed it.

[Ben]

Different culture down there. Up here it's still Le Coq Sportif poppers and throwing bricks off the motorway overpass.

[Ian]

Without seeing it, going to guess they have this mullet thing which is sweeping southern private schools this summer?

One has a full on Eddie Guerrero mullet but with about four times the volume of hair and the other is working on it. Just this big mop of hair that has a massive trail down the back.

[Waffdon]

That Jansen bloke looks ice cold.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Good to see some variety in the Crawley dismissal for fuck all, on the sweep to Maharaj is a nice change-up.

Averages 26.06 in 26 Tests. How many more? Sounds like unlimited, based on Collingwood saying yesterday 'we don't expect consistency from him'.

[Waffdon]

Mark Butcher not a fan of Crawley then :D

[Ian]

Good to see some variety in the Crawley dismissal for fuck all, on the sweep to Maharaj is a nice change-up.

Averages 26.06 in 26 Tests. How many more? Sounds like unlimited, based on Collingwood saying yesterday 'we don't expect consistency from him'.

That's lower when I did the maths last but give yourself a chuckle and see what it is now without his top four scores.

[Ben]

Who's worse: Crawley or Roy?

[Waffdon]

Baz Ball in the mud

[Gray Fox]

BazBall going very much the way of BazBot here.

[Ian]

I mean with Bairsy not averaging 120 this will be the norm against nations who aren't matching us collapse for collapse you'd think.

[Ben]

We collapsed in boring fashion previously so only the entertainment factor has changed.

[Ian]

Was this more entertaining? Sounds like a lot of the same old shit to me. Only with people saying BAZBALL while it was happening.

I supposed Crawley's sweep was a bit different as Jimmy said and Bairstow at least do didn't go out furiously reviewing a couple of plumb LBWs but if that's all it takes that's a low bar.

[Jimmy Floyd]

South Africa bowling first and bowling well had a lot to do with it.

[Ian]

They fucking 4D chessed us by putting us in and then being good at cricket. Pricks.

[Ian]

Jokes aside Rabada is obviously great and I liked what I saw of Ngidi too.

[Ian]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2022/aug/21/south-africa-england-test-series-lords-first-test

I'd missed that per the released 2023-2027 schedule South Africa are openly playing as little test cricket as they can get away with and only doing one series of more than two matches. Sigh.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Basically all my favourite sports (and probably some sports I don't like) are going the same way at the moment, which is towards revenue maximisation at the expense of basically the integrity of the game. Sure T20 leagues pay well, but none of it means anything to anyone. Where do you go from there? And how did these sports pay for themselves in the last 100 years which they can't do now?

You need people with actual vision in charge of boards, rather than people scrabbling around for pennies on the floor. That's what the Hundred is - the Blast/county competitions mean things to people and make sense, but the ECB don't own the IP for that and are desperate for cash, so they think their only option is to blow it all up and have the Hundred, at the cost of, well, having a meaningful sport.

[Waffdon]

Zak Crawley keeps his place.

:lol:

[Ian]

I did enjoy Baz saying he doesn't have the skills to score consistently but is there to win England matches. The first half of that is an admission he's not fit for test cricket and the second half is an outright lie. Even his 267 we didn't win the match did we? Which suggest failings elsewhere but shows that you can't assume his one good score ever 20 innings is going to achieve anything.

If I was a county cricket I'd be wondering who I need to suck off to get ahead of Crawley in the eyes of the selectors.

[Ben]

Crawley also has the benefit of seemingly nobody being ready to step in. Maybe Sangakkara had a point when he said Buttler should open, just not in the way we thought he meant it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He averages 29.36 in 150 first class innings. That is not a small sample size, and despite what certain ex-players like to tell themselves, no one - not a single player - is better in Tests against Rabada than against 70mph meedos at Derby.

[Danny]

I think I saw a stat that his 'scores' havent even won us games anyway. Kent also renewed his contract for ONE season. Despite him being on a central one and presumably free to them. They might be thinking like the rest of us.

[Ben]

If he leaves Kent (presumably for Surrey like everyone else) then Keysy will have him out on his arse so he best be careful there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've (re-) signed the Vicar so we're just fine for openers, ta.

Maybe he doesn't need a county, and England can just train him up at the Loughborough indoor school in between Tests.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Elgar choosing to bat first and picking two spinners. I feel this is like a hubris-off.

[Max Power]

Maharaj at 7 is wild.

[Ben]

Broad not opening the bowling. Surely it's been a long time since that happened?