The Cricket Thread

[Ian]

I did cringe at that stupid KFC bucket shaped seating bit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Looking at that particular Colonel I can only imagine the boy's right leg ended up in a family bucket in the Polokwane branch and the left one will soon be going the same way.

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://www.espncricinfo.com/series/19430/scorecard/1187685/new-zealand-vs-india-1st-test-icc-world-test-championship-2019-2021

Feeling slightly better about our efforts in Hobbiton now, although fair fucks to them for a) rolling out a green one, and b) unearthing some ten foot tall line-and-length ogre who has just pissed through India on dayboo.

[hfswjyr]

We're still the same team that got thrashed by Australia, so this should give some indication of India's strength.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I look at that Indian lineup and I really can't say anything inspires me for overseas performances aside from Kohli and the seamers. Pujara, ok, maybe, but he nicks off a lot against the sideways ball and his home/away splits are 60/39 (Virat's are 68/46). They are desperate to be seen as the new West Indies 80s/Australia 00s but I really don't think they are.

Like current Australia, though, they're probably unbeatable on their own tracks.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Full respect for the hobbits rolling this out vs India:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ER5YVvDWkAE2_5w?format=jpg&name=medium

[niko_cee]

New Zealand won the toss and decided to field.

Of course they did.

[niko_cee]

Pitch looked pretty crap for the first few overs to slightly surprised to wake up and see the scorecard.

[hfswjyr]

That is the greenest pitch I can ever recall seeing. Didn't seem like it did too much though.
Hopefully our openers can survive the opening spell in the morning, which always tends to be the trickiest time.

Also, we're probably never going to produce another spinner ever again if these are our home pitches now.

[Gray Fox]

I'll have to check back on Indian Cricket Twitter. Their general reaction yesterday was disgust at the pitch that turned quickly into "it doesn't matter we'll win anyway" so there should be some top seethe.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Also, we're probably never going to produce another spinner ever again if these are our home pitches now.

Ajaz played in our club league here last year and absolutely cleaned up. Brilliant bowler and I hope he looks forward to the Asia tours because he'll never play a home game again now.

[hfswjyr]

That is the greenest pitch I can ever recall seeing. Didn't seem like it did too much though.
Hopefully our openers can survive the opening spell in the morning, which always tends to be the trickiest time.

Also, we're probably never going to produce another spinner ever again if these are our home pitches now.

Doh.

[niko_cee]

Day 2, 2 innings out the way and 90-6 in the third.

:D/:cab:

Rain delays as well.

[hfswjyr]

Efficiency is key. Forget 4 day tests, can we do them in 3.

[niko_cee]

The Women's world cup sounds likes it's building to a suitably farcical denouement. India to win by virtue of washout?

[niko_cee]

In other lolworthy news Sri Lanka have rolled out an early season County Championship greentop for England's warm-up match.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's the favourite tactic of subcontinental boards these days and it always backfires. Thick as pony shit. They did the same thing last time and got pumped 3-0.

[Queenslander]

Selling out the MCG for the womens cricket world cup final is cool.

[Ian]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_Road_Safety_World_Series

Nothing screams excitement or glamour like calling it the "Road Safety World Series."

[Shindig]

You can only raise awareness if the boundary's an active motorway.

[thommo]

Some of the names taking part don't exactly scream legend either. Good to see big Sulieman Benn get a game though.

[Ian]

I mean the word 'legend' has long since been stretched past breaking point.

[Ian]

I'm liking this "My Favourite Game" series on the Guardian.

A cricket one today:
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/mar/19/my-favourite-game-somerset-v-essex-1978-gillette-cup-semi-final-cricket

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've probably recommended this before, but on that note 'Cricket in the Eighties' by Derek Pringle is a must read.

[Ian]

Another one:
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/apr/01/my-favourite-game-graham-gooch-v-india-lords-1990

[Ian]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/gallery/2020/apr/08/catches-tea-and-nets-wisdenmcc-photograph-of-the-year-cricket-in-pictures

The Ben Stokes photo winning that is the most boring possible option. The runner-up is great and I love the one of the kids playing surrounded by fishing nets.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I love most of those but the Stokes one is already a cliché and it was literally his job to take it.

[Ian]

Yeah. I want unique ones, not one that was on literally every article about that match.

[Max Power]

Have had the day four Headingley highlights on the sky planner since the summer. Tonight was the night. What a day

[niko_cee]

I saw they were redoing the test on TMS on the bbc and flicked onto sky today to see if they were replaying the match itself. What a magical hour or so that was.

[Max Power]

Ricky Ponting’s “OOOH WEEE” after every six is so lovely. Warne early doors praising Lyon for his calmness under pressure knowing what is to come...

Just brilliant.

[niko_cee]

I still reckon that lbw would have ended DRS as a thing if they hadn't dicked their last one moments before.

[Max Power]

Fuck me the punch through mid off with 12 to get off Cummins. Ooh wee

[Jimmy Floyd]

The TMS version of the commentary with Glenn McGrath seething his face into the floor is the best way to experience it. Need rights to be abolished and it to be synched over the pictures.

[Luke Emia]

Root has just gone don’t fancy our chances much from here....

[niko_cee]

I've got a good feeling about this. Big Glenn coming in on co-comms.

[Ian]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/apr/29/cricket-quiz-england-in-the-1990s

I got a respectable-looking 10/17 but I reckon I was only confident on about two of my answers and the rest were either educated or total guesses.

[Jimmy Floyd]

15/17. What a miserable topic to be knowledgeable about.

[Ian]

Any guesses or did you just smash it? I guessed you'd do well.

Didn't get up this morning thinking I'd be pondering which panto I'd cast Ian Botham in.

[Jimmy Floyd]

2 and 12 I got wrong, most of the others I knew or kind of knew, although the one about Athers's insult was an educated guess based on his usual vernacular. For some reason I was absolutely certain about IT Botham's panto as soon as I saw the options.

[Ian]

The panto it felt like the only sensible option, somehow.

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/england-cricketer-ian-botham-and-comedian-max-boyce-star-in-the-jack-picture-id656247648

There he is, opposite Max Boyce of all people.

[Ian]

You don't see many mentions of Max Boyce, do you?

The Incredible Plan is great. Or at least my memory of my dad playing it to me on vinyl decades ago is.

[Max Power]

Sky have had some good content recently. A load of podcasts on their sky cricket podcast feed that are replicated on their YouTube channel. Just watched the David Lloyd one with Nasser and various guests, easy to be cynical but a genuine character - one of a kind.

[niko_cee]

They've been replaying the 2005 Edgbaston test for the past few days. Day 3 today and Flintoff's been going ballistic. It's easy to forget quite how crazy that game was leading up to the final day. Can't wait for Harmison's final over. :drool:

I know I'm biased but there have been so many great ashes tests in England over the years and I really struggle to recall an actually decent game from a series in Australia (instead of massacres one way or, on occasion, the other). Maybe everything feels better in the warm afternoon sunshine, beer in hand, rather than in the early hours of a winter morning.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Adelaide 2006 was probably classed as 'decent' :sick:

But in truth, Australian grounds and wickets are generally well suited for crushing Australian victories (or rather, crushing victories for the better side, which is generally Australia). English pitches have little 1-2 hour bursts where any fucker can rip through anyone else, cf. Tim Murtagh last year, and that tends to make for enthralling Test cricket in terms of the match situations that are created.

[thommo]

Flintoff bowling at full whack really was impressive.

Also, watching a full session of Warne bowling definitely makes me appreciate how much better he is than any spinner right now. Unbelievable consistency.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's the best ever, probably by a long way. Sorry, Muttiah.

[Ian]

Writing (I do this all the time anyway, but on a particular kicker at the moment), improving my Spanish, and something to do with cricket which is too boring to explain.

G'wan then.

If you can't bore somebody to death in here then what sort of cricket thread would this be?

[thommo]

Also intrigued.

As an aside, this was looking like my first summer back involved in cricket for many years as I'd contacted a local club over the winter. I'll be gutted if I have to wait another year.

[Ian]

My growing interest as I get older had had me tempted to see if I could give it a go but I've no idea whether a) anybody wants a dude in his mid-30s trying to start essentially from scratch and b) how it's all set up up here.

We did very little of it in the secondary school I spent the most years at.

And I presume I've talked on here about the time Andy Moles brought Kwik Cricket to our school for a few sessions and I managed to get a yellow card.

[Jimmy Floyd]

People do start playing at older ages, usually the best route in is if you have a mate who plays and his team are inevitably short of players one day. In my experience, people who turn up at a club (especially a bigger club) and just start training tend to get overwhelmed pretty quickly as there's a big learning curve gap to the regulars, let alone the people who are good.

Having played 400 games or something daft and umpired another 100+, though, there is genuinely nothing like it.

The current situation vis a vis Covid is pretty entertaining - as of right now this second, the government is allowing a 2 man net session with social distancing, but the ECB is still saying no, you're not allowed to play under any circumstances. We're expecting another ECB update hopefully this evening, but if anything ever summed up the ECB, this is it. I'm having to send out updates every day at the moment as I have 40 adults and about 200 kids gagging to get out there and net.

I doubt we'll play matches this year. I hope to be wrong.

[Ian]

That sounds like a lot of fucking admin.


In my experience, people who turn up at a club (especially a bigger club) and just start training tend to get overwhelmed pretty quickly as there's a big learning curve gap to the regulars, let alone the people who are good.

Well yes, this is the other thing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We had a guy in his 50s turn up a few years ago and start netting with our 4th team. I thought ok, fine, have a go, either he'll prove alright and get into it, or more likely he'll see the light and stop playing/move somewhere else. He was absolute dogshit (as in, you couldn't have fielded him in a match, for his own safety) but he never gave in, ever. Just kept coming, week after week, and kept being equally hopeless. In the end I just had to take him aside and do the old Lenny and George fields of alfalfa routine. Tragic stuff.

A few weeks later I then saw him attempting to speak French to a bemused cheese seller at the local farmer's market and thought, yes, right decision.

[Ian]

I don't wanna be that guy. I was decent at sport at school (though rugby was more my thng) but as I said, other than my overly physical participation in Kwik Cricket I didn't get to play cricket much.

[niko_cee]

I had an Eoin Musk joke all lined-up there.

:moop:

[Kikó]

We had a guy in his 50s turn up a few years ago and start netting with our 4th team. I thought ok, fine, have a go, either he'll prove alright and get into it, or more likely he'll see the light and stop playing/move somewhere else. He was absolute dogshit (as in, you couldn't have fielded him in a match, for his own safety) but he never gave in, ever. Just kept coming, week after week, and kept being equally hopeless. In the end I just had to take him aside and do the old Lenny and George fields of alfalfa routine. Tragic stuff.

A few weeks later I then saw him attempting to speak French to a bemused cheese seller at the local farmer's market and thought, yes, right decision.

We had a similar thing at our football team. Portuguese London guy. Keen as mustard. Saw the advert on gumtree and was there every week. Problem was he was awful and dreadfully simple.

We eventually had to do the thanks but no thanks (he did last a season in our sixth team). One highlight was him sending a timer image of him 'doing 100m' which was ten seconds dead.

[niko_cee]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/52861230

:cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

We reckon we might be back on 11 July. Test match might be around then too.

[Queenslander]

https://www.facebook.com/246741755487265/posts/1510526992442062/

[thommo]

Tests have been scheduled against the Windies then - it will be great to have some cricket back, even without a crowd in England which will be an eerie feeling.

Hopefully the local clubs start back soon as I'd still love to get involved sooner rather than later.

[Ian]

I guess cricket might be a bit less shittified sans-crowd but it'll still kill the big moments.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hopefully the local clubs start back soon as I'd still love to get involved sooner rather than later.

The government allowed 6 person outdoor gatherings I think it was last Thursday evening. Every other sport immediately adjusted their guidance as to practice/exercise according to the new guidelines.

Here we are the following Thursday morning, and the ECB have still not got beyond 'seeking to understand' the new regulations and their impact on cricket practice. So we're still only allowed to practise with 2 people, as per week-old regulations.

I wonder how long their quest to understand 6 being more people than 2 will take. It must be an epic worthy of Tolkien.

[Ian]

They're waiting to see the DATA.

[niko_cee]

They're trying to work out if 6 would still mean 6 if everyone were James Taylor's height or under.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My little birds tell me that it'll be another 48 hours before 'small group advice' is issued by the ECB. I can't imagine what earth-shattering wisdom will be contained within that document.

It's the worst kept secret in cricket circles that the ball is not an issue unless you smear saliva on it (sweat is fine). What they're shit scared of, apparently, is not being able to 'police' social distancing.

[Ian]

Boycott gone from TMS, then. It was probably long since time.

EDIT: Oh and the article I'm reading has linked to him writing a farewell in the Telegraph in which he explains why women can't be good cricket analysts.

As if it weren't bad enough that whenever he was paired with any of TMS' female commentators he talked to them like a creepy uncle.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yep. Now if they could also eject Michael Vaughan and make it a Yorkshire-free zone it would be much appreciated.

Hopefully clears the way for them to bring in Gower :drool:

[niko_cee]

I never minded the Boycott/Aggers dynamic.

Comms will be poorer for not having him, a bit like when Tony Greig went even though he was generally annoying (particularly with his penchant for shouting GONE! before an edge had been caught or not caught).

Vaughan, yeah, he can go.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, I guess so, but he's such a whopper that I think we can get over it.

Any well balanced box does need someone who isn't too cosy with the current players.

The sharpest analyst they have is Vic Marks but they seem hellbent on not using him for some reason.

[Ian]

Can we not sacrifice Boycott in some Pagan ritual to get another few years of Bob Willis?

[Jimmy Floyd]

South Africa obviously thought the idea for The Hundred was far too sensible, so they've come up with their own: three teams playing in one match.

https://a4.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fi%2Fcricket%2Fcricinfo%2F1225179_1400x192 0.png&w=570&format=jpg

[Ian]

I'm sure I posted some ludicrous solution to the eternal shortening of cricket formats. I can't find the post but it's only marginally stupider than that.

[Queenslander]

Andrew Strauss has been mentioned as a potential Cricket Australia boss.

[Ian]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/53034105

I hope we get the categories that we really care about. Best Family, Best Adherence to Plans, Best Height, that sort of thing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It pains me to say that the title of Best Ever Cricketer Profile Portrait has been taken out of the grasp of Jonathan Trott and taken up by Rahkeem 'The Dream' Cornwall's pre-series photo:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ebr-s0VXQAM5L25?format=jpg&name=medium

[Ian]

What an athletic hunk of man.

[Ian]

I wouldn't have recognised Plunkett.

EDIT:
Okay embedding the image didn't work: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/jun/29/liam-plunkett-overcoming-anxiety-has-improved-me-100-as-a-cricketer

[Jimmy Floyd]

Can't think of anyone treated worse by the ECB than him, and that really is saying a lot.

[Jimmy Floyd]

England streaming a three day warm-up match against themselves, LIVE: https://www.ecb.co.uk/england/men/news/1703010/watch-live-england-men-intra-squad-match. Mr B.A. Stokes's XI vs Mr J.C. Buttler's XI.

Mr B.A. Stokes's XI just took their first wicket, Burns c Foakes b Overton for 21, and they all bumped elbows in raucous celebration.

[Max Power]

Is the always popular bum pat verboten in these times? Cricketers won’t know what to do with themselves when their mate stops one at backward point.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They'll probably have to elbow their bums instead.

[Jimmy Floyd]

3/1 and twice off for rain. Welcome back.

I've got some dollar on West Indies here, and if I was more organised would have for the series too.

[Ian]

I see we are BACK.

[Danny]

Skinny Sibley is the worst Sibley

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sibley played against my club when he was 18 (made 160*) and I have a very distinct memory of him going to the bar and placing a stock order for 12 cans of coke. Obviously left those sugary days behind him, and also those run-scoring days.

[Ian]

I only caught a bit of Sky's bit on cricket and race last night but from what little I saw Michael Holding looked to be absolutely donning it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He really did. Dobbed in Thomas Edison too which is always a nice bonus.

[Ian]

Was the whole show worth watching? Ebony Rainford-Brent came across quite well in the bit I saw too, but then she's always seemed quite articulate.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've only seen the 5 minute package they did and then the subsequent chatter/oratory between Holding, Ebz and Nasser.

[Ian]

Weird hearing an English voice in the booth.

We're so good at cricket.

[thommo]

This is great cricket. Absolutely enthralling morning. Obviously it's a shame we're 5 down but it's fascinating to watch.

Holding was impressive yesterday, as you've already noted. But both Ebony and Nasser also spoke really well, and I took a lot more from the conversation than I have when it's been other sports. Maybe I naturally regard cricket commentators and players more highly, but it resonated more with me.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cricket is a much more reflective, thoughtful game than pretty much all others and that shows up in its prominent figures. Well, some of them. Probably not Ronnie Irani, and probably not David Warner.

[Ian]

Nasser Hussein explaining TikTok to Michael Holding feels like the closest I remember Sky commentary coming to TMS' frivolous side-chat.

[Max Power]

Roston Chase into the attack. Genuine nightmares of that disgusting 8-for he took last year.

[niko_cee]

Didn't turn a single one.

:drool:

[niko_cee]

Also, why don't they just play the full 5 days/450 overs in this match using an extra day if needed? It's not like there can be much planning needed for an extra day in terms of staff at the ground etc. Should definitely have built that into the schedule for these games if they're having to rush off for the next game and so can't/won't do it.

[niko_cee]

Here we go.

[niko_cee]

Am I wrong in thinking that strangled down the leg side is a much more common mode of dismissal these days than in days gone by (other than where it was specifically planned for)? What would be the cause of that? More athletic wicketkeepers? More inept batting? It just seems the absolute worst way to go.

[niko_cee]

Butler back to his best, executing his plans and answering his critics.

We've powerhoused our way from relative comfort to deep in the shit in about 30 minutes.

[Gray Fox]

Just before 5pm Stokes knocked a 4 out and I thought a reasonable 300 to win total would be set. Turned it off to go eat and now there's this.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Am I wrong in thinking that strangled down the leg side is a much more common mode of dismissal these days than in days gone by (other than where it was specifically planned for)? What would be the cause of that? More athletic wicketkeepers? More inept batting? It just seems the absolute worst way to go.

Batsmen are now attuned to fiddle at everything with hard hands.

[Max Power]

West Indies at 2.1 seems insane. No demons in this pitch at all.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I greened out of a huge bet on them yesterday morning before play (7 in to 2.4 I think it was). I just don't trust their batting lineup.

[Max Power]

I had a piece but think we’ll roll that weak batting line up now. Brathwaite a key early wicket in a low chase.

[Ian]

Dendulkar dropped. Crawley moved up the order to bring a bit more waft to the top three.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Thank the Lord, I was beginning to think Denly had state secrets in his possession.


In a sign of indecision in England's ranks in the build-up to the second Test, Root's pre-match press conference had to be postponed by 90 minutes, as England's selection panel - Root, Chris Silverwood and Ed Smith, the national selector - debated the matchday squad, with Smith understood to favour Denly's retention in an expanded pool.

Ed Smith fighting to the end for his true love.

We then need to leave out Wood and pick Broad or Woakes.

[Ian]

I'm just glad that wasn't seen as a move to bring Vince and his 24 average back into the team.

[Ian]

"England fast bowler Jofra Archer has been excluded from the second Test against West Indies after breaching the bio-secure protocols."

Great.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Apparently he did this 'between Southampton and Manchester'. Were they not going on the team bus? Did the ECB lay on a fleet of Ford Focuses and he stopped off for a Harry Ramsdens at Warwick Services?

[Ian]

Jim, as our foremost cricket expert I'd like your thoughts on this please:

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/live-experience/cps/624/cpsprodpb/vivo/live/images/2020/7/16/58c2e79c-19a7-4e79-a151-186a4fa3263d.jpg

[Jimmy Floyd]

There are some real shockers amongst the group. Sam Curran looks like a 90s surfer dude and Ollie Pope looks like the class nerd trying to gain respect. Can the ECB not get a bio-secured barber onto site?

[Ian]

Live text suggesting the pitch would have suited pace bowling.

Good work, Jofra.

[Max Power]

It suits Rory Burns imo. And Ben Foakes can’t be anything other than dreamy.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We have made a complete botch of this whole series thus far. First of all flagrantly disrespected the West Indies by attempting to PREPARE FOR THE ASHES with fast bowlers everywhere on the wrong pitch, got caught out, and now we actually want a fast bowler or two we have ended up bringing in a slate of medium pacers.

I wish we would just fuck the Ashes off until it comes around, and try to win the game in front of us. A lot of our West Indies/Pakistan/Sri Lanka shamings come about as a direct result of the Ashes obsession.

[Jimmy Floyd]

West Indies 5.6. We ride again.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Since I started doing a heavy amount of umpiring, the one piece of wisdom I've acquired is that despite having a reputation as the classy thinking men of the game (with bowlers the working class hod carriers), batsmen are, to a man, fucking morons who never think they are out. This has never been better illustrated than in that Burns review.

[Max Power]

Roston Chase 2/9 on a rainy first day. Amazing commitment to the cause from us.

[Ian]

Sadly I missed it but Bairstow is like that with basically every week. He always seems affronted with the idea that somebody might have got him out.

[Ian]

Sky were discussing some shit chat last night about whether Sibley wasn't scoring fast enough. Given the wickets were falling around him and that a flaky top order has been our issue since we were struggling to find a partner for Cook I thought he did a great job until Stokes came in and he finally had a partner who didn't fall early.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The 'man with loads of runs didn't score them quickly enough on the first day of a five day match' genre of bullshit just tells you they played well.

[Ian]

It's the sort of thinking that gets wafty mongs back in as opener.

[Ian]

Athers just described commentating on crowd-less cricket as 'soul destroying.'

Alright mate, keep it breezy.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I did think, last week, that it might have been easier for England to defend that total if they had 15,000 of Hampshire's drunkest people roaring them on. Maybe. I'm not sure.

[Ian]

Well he mentioned the World Cup so I went back and watched that brilliant ICC video of the end of the game again.

If I'm still bored at work this afternoon I might find the original tweet for all the seething replies.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The best bit of that whole final is when Ian Smith shouts 'We're going to a Super Over!' and then sort of bends double over his desk as if he's having some kind of seizure.

[Ian]

Yeah I love that bit. Every time.

https://i.imgur.com/okuESfM.png

[niko_cee]

You know it's been a real eye-bleeder of an innings when the highlights reel on reaching 100 include edging one over the slips and edging one through the slips.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Four fours and seven threes in a Test hundred is a splendid effort.

[Ian]

:cool:

[Danny]

Skinny Sibley is the worst Sibley

:uhoh:

[Ian]

I thought the Pope wicket was plumb as can be but Hawkeye's suggesting it was barely hitting.

I was flummoxed as to why he was even reviewing it (beyond Jimmy's Law detailed a few posts up.)

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is all very well, but what if they clone Roston Chase so he can bowl from both ends?

[Ian]

To be honest I don't know why visiting teams don't just pack their line-up with questionable spin. We'd be out for about 7.

[niko_cee]

I suppose Buttler just about gets away with a sporty forty in the circumstances.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Now Denly's gone, Ed Smith will be properly ride or die for Jos.

[Ian]

Given where we were I'm very happy with that position.

[thommo]

It was good to see Dom Bess treat Chase with the disdain he deserves, swatting pie after pie to leg for multiple boundaries.

[niko_cee]

There's an obvious answer, I know, but how the fuck has it managed to rain all day at the cricket? It's been fucking belting here.

[Ian]

It's even been nice here in Scotland, but y'know. Manc gon' Manc.

[niko_cee]

Fair fucks for actually sending the heavy artillery in to open.

lol at the outcome.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Given that we really have to give them a carrot to go at here (who cares about maintaining a 1-0 deficit), I reckon there's a non-trivial chance we could lose and that would be peak England.

Good old Chef would bat until tea or something but this lot will have a go and possibly fall flat on their faces.

[Queenslander]

This Makhaya Ntini article is so sad.

https://wisden.com/stories/news-stories/makhaya-ntini-speaks-out-about-the-discrimination-he-faced-in-the-south-africa-side

[Kikó]

Thanks for the share. One of my favourite bowlers - I never really thought of him as post-Apartheid/ new-Mandela era bowler.

[Ian]

I think this is the most I've noticed the lack of crowd in the cricket. The near-misses and wickets here being greeted with almost silence.

[niko_cee]

Great day of cricket though and good going to effectively take 20 wickets in 2 days on a day 3/4 pitch.

[Ian]

Yeah I did really enjoy it, there was a point where I was sure they were going to pile on enough runs to make it a bit more nervy.

Also just saw the video of Stokes legging it to try and stop a shot off his own delivery going for a boundary. Not sure I've ever seen that before.

[niko_cee]

Then taking the game-breaking wicket 3 balls later.

[Danny]

We are going to run him into the ground the man is a hero.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've picked this team for the third Test:

Burns
Sibley
Root
Stokes
Pope
Buttler
Woakes
Bess
Archer
Broad
Anderson

Could have done with a couple more bowlers imo.

[niko_cee]

I'd be worried about Rakheem's gravitational influence at first slip.

[Ian]

The Dream. :cool:

[Max Power]

Nice grab at slip for the big man.

Last chance in Tests for Buttler?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It should be but it won't be, Mister Ed hasn't got any more outriders left if he goes.

[Ian]

Bowling slow, non-turning "spin" really is guaranteed wickets against us, isn't it?

For fuck's sake.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bowling slow, non-turning spin really is guaranteed wickets against us, isn't it?

For fuck's sake.

Q: What is hell?
A: Mohammad Hafeez and Roston Chase bowling at England from both ends for eternity.

[Max Power]

Needs Tillakaratne Dilshan first change

[Jimmy Floyd]

My abiding memory of the 2011 World Cup is just a series of those characters dismissing Andrew Strauss in the first over.

Come in Naeem Islam

[Ian]

Stat there that Burns is 14-4 against Chase this series.

[Max Power]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Thank you to <a href="https://twitter.com/ThamesDittonCC?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@ThamesDittonCC</a> for this snap of Rahkeem Cornwall making light work of a yard of ale <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/EngvWI?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#EngvWI</a> <a href="https://t.co/yR0AZFen6Q">pic.twitter.com/yR0AZFen6Q</a></p>&mdash; Vithushan Ehantharajah (@Vitu_E) <a href="https://twitter.com/Vitu_E/status/1286656511859658752?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 24, 2020</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Yessss Rahkeem :cool:

[igor_balis]

Buttler apologists on sky doing my head in.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Thames Ditton is down the road from me, the road you can see there is between their pavilion and the pitch, which results in one of the most little known laws of cricket being used from time to time - the timed out clock is paused if you're waiting for traffic to pass.

They also had a very old Richie Richardson as overseas around that era, which was fucking bizarre to say the least.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Buttler apologists on sky doing my head in.

Pros are all mad for him, aren't they?

My take is that he's such a massive dressing room figure in all three forms that in the name of Team England and everyone's morale, the powers that be are willing to accept a -5 batting average drop and a couple of chances gone down a series.

Truth is, he averages 31 striking 59 in Tests, and 31 striking 59 in first class, it isn't going to change, time cricket is such a different thing to overs/field restrictions cricket.

[Ian]

They're still obsessed with the idea of this swashbuckling middle order.

And what we end up with isn't even collectively on it enough to earn the damning-with-faint-praise of calling it a glass cannon.

[Max Power]

He does seem to be a key figure in the dressing room. Vice captain etc. But surely all that stuff loses its impact if he’s a drag on the side which he is approaching atm.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The bit I don't quite understand is what they think his role is in the Test side (other than 'a generational talent'). Are they wanting him to counter-attack us out of trouble? He doesn't do that. Are they wanting him to come in and rapidly turn 300-350 alright scores into 500+ winning scores à la Gilchrist? He doesn't do that either. Are they wanting him to bat responsibly with the tail? He kind of does that, but then why don't you pick the better gloveman who could do the same thing?

I think a lot of it - like the Jason Roy pick last year, like playing Wood and Archer in the same side the other week - is just wishful thinking.

[Max Power]

Or they just sort of thought he’d work it out like Ben Stokes and move up and down the gears at will. Despite never showing anything of the sort in the 4/5 day cricket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He doesn't move up and down the gears even in the one day game. It's either bottom handed hockey shot long hitting, or it's not. That's not to disparage his white ball majesty, but he's not a multi-dimensional player like Stokes.

[Max Power]

Yeah even it that form the only knock that comes to mind is to complete the whitewash vs Australia a couple years back. But that probably lands more in the shepherding the tail category anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Probably doing him a disservice on the World Cup final as well, tbh, but then he did also get out at the crucial moment.

[Max Power]

Another five overs of that partnership and those margins aren’t the barest

[Ian]

I assume they basically wanted Roy to be our Sehwag.

I don't know that I ever saw him play in tests but I know he had a good strike rate and a great average so I assume he just knew when to turn it on? Rather than the flimsy shite we put in sometimes who think they have to try and hit everything.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sehwag, whilst brilliant, was also a flat track bully and petrified of lateral movement, he would never have been able to go about things in the same way if he'd played half his games in England. He was also more of a square of the wicket player than Roy who is a bat-straight-and-guns-through-it man, which can get found out by the new red ball if it does really anything at all.

Sehwag was 54 average at home but 27 in England, 25 in SA, 20 in NZ.

Surrey bat Roy at 4/5/6 in first class cricket because they are run by Alec Stewart who, unlike Ed Smith, knows what he's doing. If we didn't have Stokes or Pope I could see a case to bat Roy at 6 for England. But we do.

[Max Power]

And if Sehwag has a failure then Rahul Dravid is next in - not Joe Denly.

I loved watching Sehwag, thrilling batsman.

[Jimmy Floyd]

When I think of Sehwag I think of him in a smog-covered Eden Gardens/Wankhede with some poor sap trundling up and him vaporising it to the square point boundary, perhaps off the back foot but maybe without moving his feet at all. If watching Sachin was doing your homework, watching Sehwag was smoking something good behind the bike shed.

[Ian]

James Vince is your DT teacher letting you all watch The Fifth Element on the last day of term. It's sort of fun while it lasts but nobody involved really gets anything out of it.

[Shindig]

And he starts it so late that you only watch half the film.

[Ian]

Letting the 2020 version of Broad smack out a quick fifty is cause enough to have your cricket team disbanded.

But then so is letting yourself get dominated by Roston Chase.

[Max Power]

He’s always bad for it but Broad didn’t even appeal for that lbw :D

Weather looks shit so would need to enforce the follow on to force a win You’d think.

[niko_cee]

Quite rightly too, leave that shit to the slips.

At least we have the bowling attack to think about enforcing the follow-on.

[niko_cee]

Only Woakes' second no ball in tests?

:sherlock:

Something really needs to be done about the proper calling of no-balls.

[Jimmy Floyd]

His first one was only recently as well. He had some ridiculous record of 8,000 international deliveries without one.

[niko_cee]

Listening to TMS yesterday I particularly enjoyed the bit about the first test ever played at Old Trafford where England's 'Monkey' Hornby managed to become (presumably) the first and still only one of 4 examples of an opener being stumped for 0 in a test.

Imagine what the captain would think if you did that said Vaughan, to which Benedict (or someone) delightedly chimed in that Monkey was the captain.

:D

[niko_cee]

Broad homing in on 500 test wickets and potential for a ten-for. We should just stick him and Anderson in old newspaper/straw/whatever you do with tortoises over the winter.

[Danny]

I think we could wheel the pair of them out at home for the next 4 years.

[thommo]

What a great day of cricket. Root with one of most aesthetically-pleasing innings I've seen and Broad ripping through bottom and top order alike.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It might be raining all day today, but the good news is that James Vince is back in the ODI squad.

[Max Power]

Joe Denly as well. Naturally.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In fairness, Denners's ODI average of 34 and strike rate of 71 more than justifies the decision to leave out Sam Hain (list A average 60, strike rate 86), Phil Salt (scored a hundred yesterday, list A 33/105), Laurie Evans (38/97)... who have all been de-bubbled.

Reece Topley coming in as a LEFT ARMER on the back of basically not playing cricket for three years suggests a high level of monster munch moneyballing in the think-wank.

[Ian]

On Sunday, Burns and Sibley put on 114 together, it was England’s first century partnership for the first wicket in England in four years, and the second anywhere since Cook retired in 2018.

Fuck's sake.

[niko_cee]

And the one time we were probably banking on being a few down early doors to get the actual batsmen in.

[Ian]

It seems to me that the right thing to do would be for one of these two to let Broad take his 500th. It'd give everybody a big lift in these unprecedented times.

[Ian]

:cool:

EDIT: Brathwaite being both Anderson and Broad's 500th must be some pretty slim odds as these things go.

[Ian]

There've been some optimistic reviews today.

[niko_cee]

Typical English bowlers excel in typical English conditions.

An absolute nightmare for the bigwigs in BailAsh Towers.

I suppose the real take away from this series (other than it being an impressive fightback and a thumb in the eye for the ashes obsessed) is that the team we are going to task with said ashes recovery mission is so bad it got walloped by the Windies in Hampshire. Bodes well.

[Ian]

Is winter 2021/22 the next Ashes?

[niko_cee]

Yeah, think so.

Pissing it down for the presentations, as if the weather is trolling the West Indies. Some pretty poor efforts from them today really.

[Ian]

Yeah the timing of the pissing rain was pretty excellent.

[Ian]

Also Joe Root has gone from looking like a cheeky chappy to somebody's haggard auntie.

Was this already happening, is it his lockdown hair or is it the England Captain Effect?

[Jimmy Floyd]

We will lose 5-0 in Australia. I mean, everyone gets thrashed there anyway, but our current team is particularly ripe for a pounding.

India first, though, wowee, that'll be like Passchendaele but without the poetry.

[Ian]

Oh God, India, we're not going to draft in Jennings are we?

[niko_cee]

We'll be alright, Indian spinners tend to turn it, the chumps.

[Shindig]

And they'll probably all have Covid.

[Ian]

Just turned the ODI on and did a double-take at the score.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm really not convinced Ireland are even as good as Scotland anymore, and they're definitely worse than Holland.

Their side today has I think three OK cricketers and the batting is the strong suit. I mean, this Delany kid got picked to open the batting today with a list A average under 20 and that's playing against Irish domestic players with jobs.

[niko_cee]

His backlift/batting stance was an affront to decency.

[Danny]

Vince living up to the hype

[niko_cee]

:D

Nicking off for an airy 25. :drool:

I love that we'll make a meal of this chase before (probably) limping over the line.

[niko_cee]

More of a saunter.

[Ian]

Of course Vince did that. Do the selectors actually watch the games?

[niko_cee]

Tuning in to see James Vince steaming in off the long run is a bit of a turn up for the books.

[thommo]

And he's bounced out Ireland's number 3. :D

[niko_cee]

He'll be opening the bowling at the Gabba next winter.


There's a little bit of Jofra Archer in Vince's action - probably 20mph slower but a very smooth action.

:D

Michael Carberry's obviously started early today.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I remember Vince bowling once I think in a Test match, and Michael Holding basically went into a fit of rage on air because he was so shit.

I'm up for him opening the bowling. Imagine how handy those pretty 20s would be at number ten.

[Ian]

Wait, Vince actually took a wicket? Fucking hell.

[Waffdon]

1289879015638159363

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Is 5 runs the max or can an umpire make it up on the spot?

[Ian]

I'm guessing it's up to the official to determine what offence(s) have been committed a s justify the number of runs by judgement call but Jimmy is the resident umpire.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Penalty runs are always 5 per offence as far as I know. That would have been a Level 2 offence under Law 42, and a pretty blatant one at that.

If you chuck a punch or throw a bat or something, then you'd be into Level 3 or 4 which is capital punishment basically. At level 3 you start getting sin binned.

[Danny]

Interesting to see Surrey nab the crapper of the two Overtons.

[Ian]

I see Bresilad got a debut century for Warwickshire. Get him back in the England team.

[Ian]

Vince already in and Vince has already tried to marmalise something and top-edged it over the heads of the slips. He's so good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Roy out early and the Vinceinator cracks his second ball for four (edged, but still). 49 overs to bat, surely today's the day.

[Max Power]

For all the jokes, when he drives like that you do sort of get it and want him in the side regardless. Just gorgeous.

[Ian]

I know he was clean-bowled but I still half-expected Bairstow to try and appeal it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ankur baid: "Over 2.4, that cover drive by Vince was the best shot of this series so far. Perfect Cover Drive."

Ankur's obviously new to this game.

[Jimmy Floyd]

For all the jokes, when he drives like that you do sort of get it and want him in the side regardless. Just gorgeous.

I'm trying to jinx myself into him scoring runs. Powderpuff attack, main men gone, SURELY today is the day.

[Ian]

What the fuck, Vince? That isn't a wafty edge to the slips you useless cunt.

You owe us 8 runs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Correction: today is not the day.

[Danny]

Narrator: "It was never the day"

[Jimmy Floyd]

Of course we didn't defend 328 against Ireland. Naturally.

[Ian]

That ending was a prime example of a match missing a crowd.

[Ian]

So are we about to get donned by a 17-year old?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't see us doing anything in this series. Pakistan have everything you need.

[Ian]

That was a lovely ball from Archer. And while it's redundant to say it's good to have got an early one because it always is the Pakistan openers hadn't looked too fussed so far so I was a bit worried they'd settled in for the duration.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Woakes in England is an artist. Can't wait to watch Mohammad Abbas though , my favourite bowler in the world.

[Ian]

I love that Wikipedia is telling me he plays for "Khan Research Laboratories."

[Jimmy Floyd]

There are some cracking sides in their domestic league. Sui Northern Gas Pipeline another favourite.

[Ian]

Takes you back to the glory days of "They'll be dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight."

[Jimmy Floyd]

Day off today and the first time I've really been able to watch a spell of live play this summer, these 34 runs from Babar Azam have been worth my full year's leave allowance and then some. Just gorgeous.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Iron Gloves Buttler punching another catch away. I don't think they'll bin him under any circumstances now. Just too big a dressing room figure.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, Warne was going on about how great his 'keeping had been before the game as well ( :cab: ), so it's an all-in commitment to keep him forever.

[Ian]

Just too big a dressing room figure.

Is the chat with this that they think morale would take a catastrophic hit if he was binned for being a bit shit?

Or does he have pictures of Ed Smith eating a Pot Noodle that they'd rather didn't come to light or something?

[Max Power]

Day off today and the first time I've really been able to watch a spell of live play this summer, these 34 runs from Babar Azam have been worth my full year's leave allowance and then some. Just gorgeous.
Just a lovely player. Best timer of the ball going.


<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="tr" dir="ltr">Babar Azam. <a href="https://t.co/9wtlsaJDCt">pic.twitter.com/9wtlsaJDCt</a></p>&mdash; Shot Mate. (@ShotMate_) <a href="https://twitter.com/ShotMate_/status/1266289792452460544?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 29, 2020</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

[Yevrah]

That crowd doesn't look very COVID-secure...

[niko_cee]

:saywhat:

Missed stumping now for Jos.

[niko_cee]

Dom Bess ragging it on day one is a good sign . . .

Also, good to see that whilst the rest of the country is basically melting in a heatwave Manchester has somehow managed to have half a day of rain. Why did they take their bio bubble there exactly?

[Jimmy Floyd]

They're using the two grounds with on site hotels. Should have just put some tents up at the Nursery End and left it at that.

[Ian]

This is a lot livelier today. Would be good to get Rizwan in before he rides out this tricky spell.

[Ian]

Not calling Bob Willis' biography "Well, Charles..." :nono:

[Dquincy]

Pakistan getting a grip on the match now. England haven't done enough with the new ball.