The Cricket Thread

[niko_cee]

Yeah, the BBC was messing with my head with its article date.

Anyway, Vaughan's comment:


I honestly think Steve Smith & Cam Bancroft are decent guys who had a moment of madness .. they deserve a 2nd chance and hopefully get the right support around them now

is pointedly lol.

Does everyone hate Warner?

[Queenslander]

Pretty much.

[Queenslander]

Imagine if this whole tampering thing has a butterfly effect on tax reform? :lol:

http://i63.tinypic.com/2a4tzm9.jpg

[niko_cee]

I reckon Smith has laid the groundwork for redemption with that press conference. Did I hear right that it's the Ashes (AGAIN) next summer (2019)? Really? First series back and star as they retain the urn in England for the first time this century (ok, ok, first time for nigh on 20 years)?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can definitely see him having a feel-good redemption at our expense. Probably rather it happened here as well as our crowds will give him standing ovations which I don't think you get anywhere else for away players.

I remember being at Lord's once when Amla got about 700, hardly a dry eye in the house at every milestone bat-raise.

To be honest it sounds like Warner is the school bully (probably egged on by 'Boof' and others) and Smith wasn't strong enough to stand up to him. He hardly comes across as an alpha male at the best of times.

Very much echoes of Kim Hughes, tearfully bullied out of the captaincy in that side that had harder men/bigger dickheads in Marsh, Lillee et al.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oddly reckon the sympathy has probably now gone over the top, just as the opprobrium initially did.

[phonics]

Finding out Weetabix is owned by a legitimate, in the eyes of the law, church is the most interesting thing in this whole story and that's without factoring in that the whole thing revolves around cricket.

[Lewis]

The general Australian approach is, at least ostensibly, everything up to the line but nothing beyond it. We expect our players to look for every advantage within the letter of the law, but to stay inside that boundary. This is quite clearly not that.

Plus you've gone soft as a country.

[Ian]

I remember being at Lord's once when Amla got about 700

Oh god that was unbearable. He was batting for about three weeks.

[niko_cee]

I can't have been worse than those Smith innings.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Someone is getting a career saving ton here, I'm just not sure who.

[Ian]

Probably James Fucking Vince.

[Ian]

Cook shitting it again, Vince strides in.

Yaaaaay.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://static.cricinfo.com/db/PICTURES/CMS/243000/243003.jpg

We used to have the Trott photo, now all we have is this.

[Danny]

Stokes able to bowl then or is the 5th a combo of Vince and Root?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stokes probably not bowling. If Vince fucking bowls then someone needs to stage an intervention. Michael Holding's furious seethe at Vince's bowling a few summers back was one of the best pieces of commentary ever. It all went silent for a bit as he trundled away, whoever was in the box said 'What's up Mikey?' and he said in his inimitable voice THIS IS NOT BOWLING. THIS IS PATHETIC.

[Dquincy]

The sympathy since that press conference. What a load of bollocks. Why do people fool for it.

Another thing, people seem happy to let slide that the bowlers and other team mates most likely knew what was going on. If you were a bowler, surely you'd know if someone was scuffing up the ball with sandpaper.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This Warner press conference is fucking pathetic.

[Queenslander]

The old hide behind your wife trick.

[Jimmy Floyd]

De Kock stung by a bee while going for a stumping chance. This series truly has it all.

[Danny]

England and NZ doing nothing to contest the fact they are both two bowler teams.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm trying to think what Jimmy Anderson wicket milestone would make Australians seethe the most. Going past McGrath? Only 34 more needed.

The more he takes, the less they count.

[hfswjyr]

England and NZ doing nothing to contest the fact they are both two bowler teams.
Our top order really is woeful at the moment. At least you guys have Cook who should eventually come good again.

[Danny]

Our top order really is woeful at the moment. At least you guys have Cook who should eventually come good again.

That makes both us :lol:

Cook is worrying, I saw this posted somewhere else before this test.

'Since the start of 2017 he's averaged 41.5 but that includes two double hundreds. Take those out and it's 21.3. Obviously you get judged on the total average but it is worrying that aside from the double tons he's only got two 50s in the other 22 innings.

Since the start of the Ashes it's 38.3 with the unbeaten double, 13.9 without it.'

[Jimmy Floyd]

We need to keep him in until he dies just to make sure he overtakes Sachin's run record. Not like there are any better openers about anyway.

[hfswjyr]

Also, is this the longest away tour ever? Seems like you guys have been on the road for the whole year now.

[ItalAussie]

I'm trying to think what Jimmy Anderson wicket milestone would make Australians seethe the most. Going past McGrath? Only 34 more needed.

The more he takes, the less they count.

Doesn't fuss me, to be honest. It's like the Tendulkar thing. If you play for long enough, the records will go eventually. Averages always beat raw numbers.

Alistair Cook could easily end up cricket's highest run-scorer without averaging 50, or even particularly close to it.

[ItalAussie]

Someone is getting a career saving ton here, I'm just not sure who.

Por que no los dos?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Indians will be bothered if he gets to 15,922. Very bothered.

[Danny]

At his current rate it would take him another 70 tests. 100 if the daddy hundreds he chucks in disappear.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just watched I think the worst hour of Test cricket I can remember. New Zealand deliberately wasting time, and England inexplicably blocking.

Williamson and Root are both poor captains unfortunately.

[Max Power]

10 minute drinks break was a laugh as well.

Well at least England are chucking some wickets to move the game forward... :cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm trying to work out what our 'plan' was. Bat to 300 lead and then go? Bat to lunch and then go? Both stupidly ultra-conservative.

Poor old Ish Sodhi not getting a look in because the twelve man attack of Boult, Southee, de Grandhomme, Gavin Larsen, Dion Nash, Chris Harris, Brent Arnel, Daryl Tuffey, Jeremy Coney et al need to shit out 11 overs per hour.

[Max Power]

Jacob Oram into the attack.

Pitch looks dead anyway don’t fancy us winning tbh no matter how this third innings pans out.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think I'd rather be in some sort of Room 101 scenario with my eyelids pinned open being forced to watch a loop of England v Sri Lanka at the 2011 World Cup for the rest of my life than have to watch Colin de Grandhomme amble in ever again.

[hfswjyr]

"Disciplined medium pace".

3 wickets this innings to be fair.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Kiwi commentators have spent the last 45 minutes dreaming up awful alternative DRS systems because they're seething about Kane burning the reviews on shite, and then Bairstow nicking off and not being given.

Only half listening but I think they've just decided it should always be out and then the batsman should have the option to challenge. Mental.

[Max Power]

Some truly electric cricket from Du Plessis and South Africa today as well :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

612, I have so much time for that. Never change, South Africa.

[Danny]

Series is won and they are a bowler down. Can’t blame em really.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Morkel is about to sign for Surrey so a serious injury was inevitable. Bet he can't wait to challenge Jade Dernbach for a place in the red ball side.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Poor old Uzzy falling into the well worn trap of giving Nigel Llong an opportunity to get on camera.

[Max Power]

Classic Broad spell incoming?

[Ian]

Getting up to see that we'd given up and let Malan have the ball for a laugh was heartening.

I don't think a single delivery of his that I saw was threatening.

[ItalAussie]

So what's the deal with playing part-time spinners in the final hour?

Sure, Anderson will get through fewer overs, but he'd still surely be more likely to take a wicket than Malan?

[hfswjyr]

Hoping the batsman lose concentration and hit a stupid shot. Game of chances I suppose.

[Ian]

Malan was literally offering nothing from what I saw, though. Root has managed to snag a few wickets before and generally looks like he's trying something even if he's not good enough to pull it off all the time. Malan was just bowling a commendably consistent line while offering the square root of bugger all by way of a threat.

[hfswjyr]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLifAG_FSeU

[Danny]

I figured we were having to bowl spin because of the light but saw no mention of it on the cricinfo comms

[hfswjyr]

It was the case at the end of day 4, but not sure about day 5.

To be honest, I didn't even realise this was a rule.

The umpires say that it's spin or bust. Too dark for the quicks. Over to you Jack Leach
19.6
0
Broad to Latham, no run, round the wicket, outside off, through to the keeper

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's not a rule as such, just something umpires tend to recommend when the light is borderline.

I'm a cricket radical and believe 'bad light' should be abolished. Just another load of batsman favouring shite.

[Ian]

So is Warner also getting detention for constantly copying Smith and Bancroft's homework?

[Jimmy Floyd]

IPL starting, I'll be watching the first game just to see what Dhoni fixes this time. There's a school of thought among some insiders that say he's at it in most games he plays (hence captaining in all formats and IPL for so long).

[ItalAussie]

https://www.bbc.com/sport/cricket/43824037/

:D

What even is the point of this? Is it because they don't like the idea that everyone else started doing the T20 thing?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm so angry about it that I can't even be bothered to fully explain why.

The fact that they've come out of nowhere presenting it as a fait accompli is the worst thing about it, but by god there are a lot of very, very bad things about it.

[ItalAussie]

I'm so angry about it that I can't even be bothered to fully explain why.

The fact that they've come out of nowhere presenting it as a fait accompli is the worst thing about it, but by god there are a lot of very, very bad things about it.

So many things, but I'm disappointed not to get a proper Jimmy rant out of it to soften the blow.

[ItalAussie]

ESPNcricinfo understands that, during discussions, the idea of abandoning LBW dismissals was considered.
:face:

The worst thing is it's not even a radical change, like T20 was. It's just twenty balls off of a standard T20 match. Difference for the sake of difference itself.

[igor_balis]

I just hate the obsession with RUNS. Making it more and more a batter's game turns it into basketball where the points accumulated mean far less. Having a "death bowler" who can concede like 9 runs and it still be considered pretty good is frustrating.

Like, I love a good slog, but it's about context. Someone like Flintoff or Gilchrist coming in at 160/6 or something at 4pm on the first day of a test and smacking a run-a-ball 50 is great entertainment, having 20/20 games where par score is about 1.5 runs a ball is not. For me anyway.

I just like the battle between bat and ball, rather than the battle between two sets of batters with the bowlers essentially there to lob it up for them. I'm not smart enough to articulate why, but I also really don't like how limited overs cricket, especially in the bits and pieces of English domestic 20/20 I see, seems to mostly reward 65mph trundlers and part-time spinners who don't spin it. It's like being good is counterproductive for bowlers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This arsehole Sanjay Patel who keeps going on the telly chatting absolute bullshit is, I'm reliably informed, a complete thicko know nothing prick who has been rewarded for fucking up his other ECB jobs by being given the job of heading this up.

The short version of this is they have gone as far as literally changing the game to get the BBC to take a few games. The free to air thing is a complete red herring and I wish people would shut up about it.

[Danny]

https://www.iplt20.com/video/124017/boult-from-the-blue-trent-s-one-handed-screamer-stuns-virat?tagNames=indian-premier-league

Christ.

[hfswjyr]

I love how surprised he is with himself when he gets up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Everything about that is lol, from the fact that he caught it, to the fact it was Virat Kohli basically patting a high full bunger to square leg, to the crowd SEETHING. And Bumble always finds a way of being on commentary for these things.

[ItalAussie]

In the spirit of generosity, let's try and solve the ECB's problem. They clearly have an issue with the length of the game. They want it to fit within predictable television windows. Everything else is just a blind to accomplish this goal. However I, and I suspect many others, would prefer whatever they're lift with to vaguely resemble cricket in some fashion, rather than racquetball to cricket's squash.

Let's try this on for size:

- 12 overs per team. That's seventy-two balls, ECB.
- Six batsmen only. They should prize their wicket, rather than hit and hope. The game moves faster when batsmen aren't hitting it into the crowd every ball, and it brings back a role for exciting pace bowlers, who are the unexpected dying breed in T20 cricket. This is by far the most important change - every time you reduce the length of the game without reducing the number of batsmen, you diminish the value of a wicket (and every time you do that, you tilt the game further in favour of the chasing side, which we're seeing in T20 now).
- Four bowlers permitted, each of whom must bowl three overs, barring injury. I'd like to say that there has to be at least one pace bowler and one spin bowler in every team, but that could be hard to enforce.
- One player who is there only for their wicketkeeping. This has the advantage of encouraging more skilled wicketkeepers. A spectacular keeper catch is a nice highlight generator, and the higher level of keeping ability would ensure that they come along more regularly. I would be willing to entertain a permitted keeper-batsmen, with a fielding specialist taking their place. Same deal though - a specialist fielder would have more skill in their speciality, allowing for more spectacular dismissals.

Each player can only fit in one of the three categories. No overlap. Sure, it penalises all-rounders a little bit, and possibly keepers who can bat if we don't permit keeper-batsmen (but let's be honest, the list of keepers who can actually bat properly is rather short). I'd rather watch specialists than sloggers and trundlers. This streamlined version of the game has no place for part-timers. If the optimal strategy is military medium pace and spinners who don't spin, the game has a problem.

EDIT: Also, put the rope back where it belongs - about a yard or two from the edge of the field. Rope creep is one of the most irritating things to have happened in short form cricket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's basically baseball and I approve.

[ItalAussie]

It does start to get disconcertingly similar, I'll acknowledge.

[ItalAussie]

I could countenance 14 overs/7 batsmen. The over/batsman ratio is critical though.

[Danny]

Jim :(

http://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/id/23396055/jonathan-trott-england-meticulous-planner-announces-retirement-four-months-early

[Jimmy Floyd]

We'll always have the picture.

Kohli at Surrey - I lolled. The best/worst thing about it is loads of people complaining that it'll allow him to get his eye in before the Tests. Erm, good? What's wrong with that?

[Danny]

We want him to be shit so we can roll them like usual of course :rolleyes:

[Ian]

I see some Yawkshuh teenager called Harry Brook has scored a century. How big a deal is that at his age? Should we be GETTING HIM ON THE PLANE? (Or the appropriate cricket equivalent.)

[ItalAussie]

We're getting Justin Langer as coach, which is probably the best non-Jason Gillespie option.

[Max Power]

I see some Yawkshuh teenager called Harry Brook has scored a century. How big a deal is that at his age? Should we be GETTING HIM ON THE PLANE? (Or the appropriate cricket equivalent.)

Probably a better knock than James Vince has played in his life. But I am as always aboard the Samit Patel bus, the fat bastard is so talented.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Brook is a Root clone iirc. Plays it late.

[Max Power]

Kevin O'Brien :thbup:

[Jimmy Floyd]

If any team can manage to lose this, it's Pakistan.

[Max Power]

And follow it up with a series win over England no doubt

[Jimmy Floyd]

James Vince getting a double ton today has certainly dampened my expectations.

[Danny]

Leach broke his thumb too today.

[ItalAussie]

Delighted to see Ireland playing tests. Give 'em Morgan.

[Queenslander]

Ireland is such a welcome Nation to Test cricket.

[Max Power]

13/2 hello

[Max Power]

Holy shit this is amazing. Murtagh is unplayable.

[niko_cee]

I was going to post this morning that there was no way we wouldn't lose this were we in Pakistan's position.

[Danny]

Cricinfo talking about Buttler being called up. Does he even know what a red ball looks like?

[Max Power]

Been in great nick for the Rajasthan Royals. Which is more important obvs.

[Ian]

Yeah, BBC said he hasn't played any first class but has 5 50s for the Wherever Whoevers. Great.

[niko_cee]

With Buttler in the team, wouldn't it make more sense for Bairstow to be the specialist batsman at 5, rather than Buttler at 7?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Delighted to see Ireland playing tests. Give 'em Morgan.

I wish we would, to be honest.

The continual wishful thinking of picking Buttler for Tests does not surprise me. Ed Smith is not going to be a competent chief selector. The ECB is descending into full on farce at the moment.

[ItalAussie]

I'm on board with abolishing the toss. Anything it takes to get vaguely fairer pitches.

[niko_cee]

I like the idea, but I doubt it will make much of a difference at International level, where lack of acclimitasiation/decent practice in conditions is always going to be a problem. I suppose if they go the whole hog and let you choose bat or bowl then you can at least prepare with some certainty as to what you are going to do. Australia will never bat first again at home though, you'd think (nor will most countries for the most part).

I haven't really noticed if it has made a difference in England. We're still seeing early season 50-all-outers so maybe it wasn't that the pitches were being prepared a certain way, but rather that seasonal conditions lend themselves to nibbley minefields.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The standard of batting in England is far below the standard of bowling. The opposite thing to what India has where Ranji games all end up 587/3 declared because their bowlers just can't get anyone out. Sure the pitches have an effect, but pitches produce cricketers as well.

[ItalAussie]

That said, it won't come close to eliminating home advantage, because different teams have different strengths. Choosing not to bat last on an Indian dustbowl won't change the fact that their spinners will have their way with you.

[ItalAussie]

De Villiers had a fantastic career. There's no real argument there at all - he might be South Africa's greatest post-ban batsman. But somehow I feel like he should have made just a tiny bit more of an impact than he did.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's always been a bit soft if you ask me, and retiring because he is 'tired' is a continuation of that. A great talent, but not a tough competitor.

[Max Power]

Must admit I never really warmed to him and I’m not sure why, great player though.

One of the only very few world class in all three formats players. Probably only Williamson and Kohli can say that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The obvious contrast is with Dale who is still fighting on to the bitter end.

[Max Power]

England 43/3. Summer has arrived.

[Ian]

The Gingers will save us.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Does Mohammad Abbas look good? I've not seen him.

[Max Power]

Moves it both ways in the air and off the seam at about 80mph. Poor mans Mohammad Asif but looks good in these conditions.

Bit worrying we are 100/4 with Amir having looked way off the pace. If he gets involved could get messy.

[niko_cee]

Good to see the aggressive brand still going strong.

Is there a particular reason Moeen isn't playing?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Him being crap for months, in all likelihood.

I like Dom Bess but I dunno. Feels early. As for Buttler, piss off.

[niko_cee]

A breezy 14 and nicking off is about the least surprising thing in history, but I'm not really sure what was expected, and what he is in the team for. I don't really mind him in at 7 as a 'keeper. Considering how shite our batting is it makes sense for Bairstow to concentrate on that side of his game and go up the order. But as a 'specialist' pinch-hitter at 7, coming in after Stokes (and Bairstow) it just seems, well, ill-conceived.

Root probably needs to go up to 2 (and back to his natural position) if that Hameed, who can barely buy a run for the b-team these days (still?), isn't the answer.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Foakes is a better bat and a better keeper than Buttler, people are just obsessed with Buttler's possession of the greatest of all sporting mirages, 'talent'. He will never improve as a Test cricketer, he doesn't have the skillset to play against unlimited time, for some reason people make no attempt to analyse cricket properly and don't understand this.

Sevens need to be versatile, Buttler can only play one way.

[igor_balis]

I really liked Ed Smith as a commentator. Buttler is making me rethink things. 2 Tests against Pakistan and 5 ODIs in a non-ashes summer is depressing as well.

[niko_cee]

Regardless of Buttler's qualities, the most confusing (offensive) thing is his position and ostensible role in the side. What is he meant to do? Either he's coming in to ice a cake that won't need it, or he's coming in to grind it out at 150-5, and, well, we all know how that is going to go. It's odd.

May as well get him to open if it's all about the brand.

[igor_balis]

The ONE THING i'd say to defend the selection is we've had so many crap top-order players, and have such a long tail/good all-rounders that have practically given us bonus pick where we can do something mad for a laugh, but even if you accept that rationale there's gotta be a better option.

Personally I'd just keep persevering with picking people who've looked decent in the county championship until we find someone decent. I presume they want him there to "counterattack" or "take the game away from them" @ #7, but again even if that's what you want, Shirley you'd be better off picking someone with a decent average and strike rate in FC cricket.

[niko_cee]

Bob Willis has already used the word flabbergasted.

:cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ed Smith is an absolute bullshitter picked for being posh. Just read any of his article archive on cricinfo. He talks utter horse manure.

The problem they still have is that they still won't pick any 'grinding' batsman other than Cook, I think ideologically. There is zero fight in that lineup. Where is your Collingwood/Trott over my dead body sort of player.

[Ian]

The "over my dead body" player is oft mistaken for a player with PASSION, the difference being that it's an actual visible thing you can see in action. Football teams need one. John Terry, dickhead or not, was one. Chris Smalling wouldn't have done what Terry did to get that Ukraine goal incorrectly disallowed.

And Sir Jonathan, at his best, was our best. I love Root but he isn't one.


Bob Willis has already used the word flabbergasted.

:cool:

Proper Verdict or the same shambolic husk I'm now used to?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hameed (if he ever scores a run again) is one, Rory Burns is one, Keaton Jennings is closer to being one than most of the gimps they have gone through. Luke Wells at Sussex is another although he probably isn't quite good enough.

Max Holden at Middlesex, very young kid, has potential in this area too.

[niko_cee]

Proper Verdict or the same shambolic husk I'm now used to?

Possibly somewhere in between? It didn't seem as ephemeral as recent efforts, but at the same time it wasn't Bob rolling his eyes at Charles for a whole hour. I only really had it on in the background though.

Opening gambit on Stoneman (dead man walking and if anyone in domestic cricket had shown any aptitude in the department he would have been dropped by now) was quite funny.

[Ian]

What the fuck has happened to Hameed? How does one injury break a player so badly?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stoneman's own opening partner at Surrey is screaming for selection but they're not even looking at him, probably because his strike rate is 40 and not 80.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Proper Verdict or the same shambolic husk I'm now used to?

At least semi proper by the looks of it. They've got the Debate studio (as seen on the soccer) with Charles, Bob and Ebony Rainford-Brent (who is class).

We are terrible. Root is a terrible captain and should be fired.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Things have come to a pretty pass when the expert consensus is we should move to 'the Pakistan model'.

Paratha breads all round.

[Max Power]

Honestly would love to be more like Pakistan. We are getting there with the dropped catches. but where is our Misbah?

[Jimmy Floyd]

God I miss him. Probably my favourite sportsman ever. How I always wanted a father who looked at me like Misbah looked at any Akmal as they begged him to review.

https://www.brecorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Misbah-ICC-Maiz-1024.jpg

[Max Power]

Thanks for coming Mark. Wonder who the next opening partner for Cook will be? And how long they’ll last.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Roy and one ball.

I like this Bess.

[Max Power]

Good stuff lads.

[Luke Emia]

When is Root getting chucked then? Give him the summer or just do it now? I e never been a fan of your best player being your captain and this is turning into another KP style clusterfuck at the minute(obviously without the massive ego though).

[Max Power]

Baffling that Bayliss is still in a job tbh.

[ItalAussie]

Good bowling?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Root's problem is he just isn't a thinking cricketer and doesn't seem to understand the game. I'm not sure he's a terribly bright bloke in general, actually.

I'd give it to Anderson.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Keaton Jennings is BACK baby.

[Luke Emia]

Well it worked so well when we bought back Nick Compton that time.

[Jimmy Floyd]

England have called up Surrey left-arm seamer Sam Curran as cover for Ben Stokes, who has a tight left hamstring.

https://media.giphy.com/media/rl0FOxdz7CcxO/giphy.gif

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's actually going to dayboo as well. Not a dry eye in the house.

Best teenage cricketer I have ever seen, let's hope he fulfils all of that promise.

[Ian]

What am I to expect from him, Jim?

Other than crushing disappointment, obvs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He scampers in and bowls toe-crushing left arm swing/seam (should really have the new ball). Not RAPID but just really good.

He also bats mercurially in the lower middle order.

[Ian]

Okay so I'm glad the Verdict is on but why is it now "The Debate" and only half an hour? Just show half an hour less of 1990s football highlights you cunts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Butch knows, re Sam. Probably because he actually watches cricket which very few of the Sky commentators (and Michael Vaughan) do.

I don't get why everyone is mourning the loss of Wood. He's played 12 Tests, 30 wickets at 42 and takes 76 balls for a wicket. He also gets injured all the time. What about that suggests he's going to do any better in the future?

Oh sorry I forgot, 90mph MATE.

[Max Power]

Except he isn't 90mph anymore becuase he's spent too much time with England. And everyone is right arm medium fast from now until eternity.

Good day but not sure what we have learned? Pitch it up and get wickets? Thought they'd know that by now. Dunno. Think we do the unthinkable and get rolled by India later this summer.

[Ian]

The Verdict is also less good without a representative of the opposing team there.

At least Bob is back.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Except he isn't 90mph anymore becuase he's spent too much time with England. And everyone is right arm medium fast from now until eternity.

Good day but not sure what we have learned? Pitch it up and get wickets? Thought they'd know that by now. Dunno. Think we do the unthinkable and get rolled by India later this summer.

Unless they do what they usually do over here and crap their pants at any sign of lateral movement, they really should be beating us easily.

I hope they bring BHUVI as I love watching him bowl over here.

[Max Power]

I hope they recall RP Singh.

[Dave.]

Butch knows, re Sam. Probably because he actually watches cricket which very few of the Sky commentators (and Michael Vaughan) do.

I don't get why everyone is mourning the loss of Wood. He's played 12 Tests, 30 wickets at 42 and takes 76 balls for a wicket. He also gets injured all the time. What about that suggests he's going to do any better in the future?

Oh sorry I forgot, 90mph MATE.

I don't get it either. Decent in the one day stuff but he'll never be a test match bowler.

[Ian]

Watchig Nas goin-depth on England's slip fielding is what Saturday mornings are all about.

[niko_cee]

Turns out win the toss and bat isn't the go-to strategy in England in May.

Shame we seem to be in the habit of chucking the first tests of short series in disastrous fashion at the moment.

I still don't really get what Dawid Malan brings other than an unusual interpretation of the name David.

T-minus 24 for Jimmy and THE GREAT MELTDOWN.

[Ian]

Sam Curran in and we're immediately the best.

Get him on the plane.

[Luke Emia]

I'm definitely not having Malan either, his average in tests at home is awful from listening to TMS as well.

Sod Jimmy's boy Bess looks like he can bat I'm not sure his spin will be good enough but you can't really gauge that in the May/June tests.

[niko_cee]

Bats well but dodgy with the ball? Who'd have thunk it from England.

We may as well stick Moeen in at 4 (or Bess).

I'm sure as I said at the time of his call up/inclusion, Malan is just a shitter version of Hales. Although, in fairness to him, and relating to the above, he does twirl a mean leg pie doesn't he?

[niko_cee]

This Roses match is taking the piss slightly.

[Max Power]

Getting pasted all over the shop here by Scotland. Again it’s an ongoing disgrace the World Cup will be ten teams. So much good associate cricket.

[niko_cee]

This pitch/ground makes the Wanderers look like the 1998 vintage Sabina Park.

[Waffdon]

Pitch invasion Hahahahahhaahha

[niko_cee]

That was quite funny.

Especially the look on Bayliss' face at the end.

God I hate Morgan.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I hate fucking bagpipes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Watching the highlights, Morgan choosing to bowl first on that deck is typical of the nasty arrogance that defines him and the England setup. Knock the minnows over, knock the runs off on the small boundaries and get out of here, the thought process would have been. Not so.

[Foe]

I hate fucking bagpipes.

I fucking love them. The Swing low sweet charriot bullshit and god bless the queen can fuck off.

Two sides to every border.

[niko_cee]

No, those things can fuck off as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My sister had a lone piper at her wedding. If only he had been alone, in fact there were 150 people there to hear it.

[Queenslander]

I enjoy a good old bag pipe session.

The English are just plain rude.

[igor_balis]

I like big country honouring their heritage by just having guitars that sound like bagpipes. Similar with the guitar solo in under the milky way by the church. Good song.


https://youtu.be/pWxJEIz7sSA

[ItalAussie]

Everybody is losing their minds that David "Un-Australian" Warner was picked up by the Channel 9 commentary team.

I don't care about the fact that he's still being punished, but I can't imagine ever wanting to hear what he thinks about anything. It's not like he strikes you as a particularly insightful observer of the game. He's basically an idiot. What's the point?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Because he's a famous star and it'll make people tune in.

The same shite leads to the tragic media careers in this country of various Ashes 2005 players including Pietersen, Vaughan and Flintoff.

[niko_cee]

I'm no aficionado of Australian limited overs cricket, but Paine and Stoinis as a third wicket pairing seems like the batting must be a bit light.

[ItalAussie]

I'm not convinced this side wouldn't have gotten the Sheffield Shield wooden spoon in the late '90s or early '00s.

[Max Power]

Just a bit.

Australia are just spectacularly poor players of spin atm, as bad as any of England’s horror shows.

[niko_cee]

How many actual batsmen are in this team? Just Finch and Marsh?

Ashton Agar to the rescue!

[Jimmy Floyd]

Darren Lehmann having a twitter whinge at Alison Mitchell is pretty great. He really is a piece of work.

[niko_cee]

Made a meal of that.

I can't work out whether it's going to be cathartic or depressing when these idiots fail to chase a modest total in a serious knockout match by backing themselves to execute the aggressive brand instead of just playing with a modicum of sense.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've managed to avoid the traditional Sri Lankan quarter-final shambles by abolishing quarter-finals, but we need to almost completely revamp our bowling lineup before then. Wood and Plunkett isn't winning anyone anything, and David Willey is utter toilet if it doesn't not only swing, but swing lavishly.

[ItalAussie]

How benevolent of the English players to permit their hands to be sullied by handshakes with the dirty cheating convicts.

"News".

[niko_cee]

Not news here cobber.

"Complex".

[ItalAussie]

Not news here cobber.

"Complex".

:D It's such a non-story, but the Guardian are running it for whatever reason.

To be fair, the stick from the crowd is both amusing and earned.

[Ian]

Sky ran the 'story' too. But, y'know, Sky.

[niko_cee]

Someone get Mick Lewis on the blower, his record could be in danger here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How are Australia so bad?

[niko_cee]

I reckon T20 has a massive negative influence on bowlers/bowling. It's alright being able to sneak a few odd varietals in when you only have to bowl 4 overs and going for anything less that 10 is an achievement, and everyone is swinging for he bleachers every ball. When you scale that up to 10 overs it's just buffet shite for half decent batsman because there are so many bad balls and they have the ability to wait for them and hit them out of this preposterously little ground.

[ItalAussie]

I don't hate that Smith isn't being forced to play through this.

Why is there even a series on at the moment? It seems like there's a whole bunch of sports that are desperately trying to compete with the World Cup. Surely unwise.

[niko_cee]

Bad day to be a South African lady cricketer.

[niko_cee]

Root heroically chucking down 10 overs for 44 in this runfest is lol.

[niko_cee]

Brutal.

Shame the World Cup isn't this year as no one is living with this England batting line-up in the form they are in. It'll probably all go to shit when they drop Root to get Stokes back into the team. I'm trying to think how the ICC can fudge the pitches to thwart us.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pakistan are going to win the World Cup, so really it's just a case of whether we lose to them in the semis or completely bomb out in the group stage.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Buttler was a joke here.

[niko_cee]

That 6 off Stoinis when they'd just gone 9 down was mental.

[niko_cee]

T20 cricket is, literally, just hit and giggle now. The bowlers can't keep the grins off their faces as they go at 15-an-over.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's going to take Australia years to recover from this ball tampering business. Proper cultural victory for the Kevin Rudd coffee drinking poser side of things.

[niko_cee]

Great tour lads, thanks for coming.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dalmia Cement boundary boards at Malahide, they've finally made it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stayed up watching the rerun of this just long enough to see the recalled Suresh Raina be bounced out by Peter Chase. There are some comforting constants in life.

[ItalAussie]

It's going to take Australia years to recover from this ball tampering business. Proper cultural victory for the Kevin Rudd coffee drinking poser side of things.

Yep. We were being held together by string and chewing gum, and we didn't realise it.

[hfswjyr]

I bet Smith realised it.

[ItalAussie]

I bet Smith realised it.

He made it look so easy. :D

[niko_cee]

Ronald rolling back the years in the hit and giggle cup. Get him in the test team (says Butch). Big Fat Rob isn't sold.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Based on his form this year, him for Malan is definitely an argument worth having. It's India, too, if it was Pakistan or someone you could chuck the series in the name of positive, forward-thinking selection, but we can't be losing to India.

[niko_cee]

I've not seen much of this Kuldeep fella, but from the bits I saw yesterday, he looks a bit of a chucker. Is that par for the course with 'mystery' spinners? I thought they'd gone quite strict on that now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The chucking inquisition did not include Indians, or else Harbhajan and Trashwin would have been in the dole queue by now.

Kuldeep doesn't look like a chuck here, though who's to say if this is his usual action: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-SlqsIac1k

[niko_cee]

I think he's just quite chest-on, which I always find a bit aesthetically odd.

[Max Power]

Dhoni :cab:

[thommo]

What was he doing? Utter joke, seems like he was simply playing for statistics until they told him to hit out or get out.

[niko_cee]

Good example of why England need Root, even if he looks like a bit of a third wheel in 400 run smashfests.

Harsh on Hales that he's the one to make way for Stokes, his form is second only to Bairstow, if that. We could probably do without Wood, Stokes and Root can share his overs . . .

[Max Power]

Stokes doesn’t get in the ODI side as a batsman or a bowler despite his obvious talent, his record in this form isn’t great. Not that you’d drop him due to the balance he offers.

[igor_balis]

For proper (world cup) ODIs, it should definitely be Hales and Stokes and one less bowler.

Plenty of teams go with 4 front-line bowlers and 2 or 3 to share the other 10 overs (not saying that's necessarily a good move), but Ali, Rashid, Stokes, Plunkett Willey, Wood is 6 front-liners! What's the point? Especially as 2018 Mark Wood is pretty shit really, right? Can't help but think his continued selection is a kind of classic English stubbornness mixed with selective memory. Good bantz, KNOWS THE PLANS, used to be pretty rapid at some point, he'll come good at some point. Don't think the ego of selectors/the England MACHINE can cope with the thought that just picking the best players would be more effective than picking ones they've "moulded". It's borderline sunk cost fallacy at times with these wankers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What was he doing? Utter joke, seems like he was simply playing for statistics until they told him to hit out or get out.

Fixing, like he always is.

[ItalAussie]

Fixing, like he always is.

Reminds me of Dhoni in the World Cup match against Australia four years ago. They were drifting behind the run rate, and he just took singles and watched it drain away.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've talked to a couple of people who would know, and apparently it's just a massive open secret that Dhoni fixes voraciously and is one of the most corrupt people in the history of cricket. He gets away with it though because he is untouchable within India and has all the big politicians/businessmen onside, to the point where TV commentators have been sacked for criticising him.

Chennai Super Kings is just a massive fixing racket.

[Max Power]

Maybe Adil can reconsider his red ball retirement. All over the Indians here.

[thommo]

Bit worried how we're going to bat on this against the spinners in the chase.

[Max Power]

They’ve played them better every game. Root looking in great nick now, hopefully a big Test series for him incoming.

[niko_cee]

A summer of Root magnificence would be gladly welcomed.

'Chef' in the runs for the Lions too.

[Max Power]

13 hundreds at 51 for Root in ODIs, with a SR of over 87, didn’t think his record was that good. Such a great player. Think he’s going to have a mega Test series.

[thommo]

Such a professional run chase from Root and Morgan, don't know what I was worrying about.

Interesting to see Hardik, with 2 needed and Root needing 4 for the century, bowl a wide and then lob a full toss down at almost chest height.

[Max Power]

Wonder how we will conspire to not win the World Cup next year? Everything is looking so rosy on the ODI front currently.

[Danny]

I honestly think he was trying to deny him the ton the snidey fuck

[niko_cee]

I thought that with the first wide, but then to biff down a full bunger on leg stump made me think Dhoni had given the appropriate baseball catcher style hand signal.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Wonder how we will conspire to not win the World Cup next year? Everything is looking so rosy on the ODI front currently.

Same way as always, Pakistan will don us.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dhoni fucking bang at it again I see. When will someone break ranks?

[Max Power]

I don't deny the whiff of fixing has been there for a while but having watched him today he just looks finished, he is 37 now. If India drag him to the World Cup they will lose, not like they don't have a gigantic queue of talented wicket keeper batsmen waiting in the wings.

[igor_balis]

The problem with our team is that we have the batting power that i'd back us to win almost any ODI series (as we have done for ages) over 5 games, but in one-off knockout games we just need one game where our batters don't turn up and we're fucked. Probably post 300+ runs in every group game then randomly capitulate against Sri Lanka or Pakistan in the semis or something.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our bowling is also a bit powderpuff apart from the Mo-Rash dynamic duo.

[igor_balis]

Agreed, but generally the bowlers just have to turn up and not be totally shit to defend our fairly regular monster scores (like they failed to against Scotland for example). I just have this feeling we'll absolutely dominate the group stage, then somehow get bundled out for about 250 on a road in the semis, and have absolutely no idea how to defend it. Bring back Jade and his VARIATIONS.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They've changed the 15 overs + 1 ten ball over idea to become 20 five ball overs, except bowlers can bowl two consecutive five-ball overs if the captain desires.

Everyone involved needs to be rounded up and dissolved in acid.

[Max Power]

20 overs you say... 20 overs a side? Revolutionary.

[niko_cee]

Root's continued his form in "the blast" with 50-odd off about 20 balls. Came up short though. Lancs 176-2 (14) plays Yorks 175-4. Thanks for coming bowlers, and Kane Williamson, who only came in with 8 balls to go for Yorkshire and ended 6*(2).

:cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I enjoyed it, there was some genuinely terrible bowling in there to be fair. Including by the clubbie in the last over who was almost bursting into tears having to bowl to Root/Williamson and then finally got it together for the last two balls.

Nice to know that Adil Rashid will unretire from red ball if selected for Test cricket, very good of him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Meanwhile, Ronald has 127* from 59.

[niko_cee]

Someone should start some sort of petition.

[Max Power]

Jordan Clark has just taken a hattrick for Lancs in the Roses match. Root, Williamson and Bairstow :|

[Ian]

the clubbie in the last over who was almost bursting into tears having to bowl to Root/Williamson

:D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jordan Clark has just taken a hattrick for Lancs in the Roses match. Root, Williamson and Bairstow :|

I can't imagine that isn't the best hat-trick in the entire history of first class cricket.

[Max Power]

Irfan Pathan got Salman Butt, Younis Khan and Mohammad Yousuf in a Test. Obvs Butt far inferior to Clark’s three and the other two Pakistanis.

[ItalAussie]

I think it would be the best test hat-trick. The other two, along with Pathan, that jumped out from the list were Glenn McGrath (Sherwin Campbell, Brian Lara, Jimmy Adams) and Harbhajan Singh (Ricky Ponting, Adam Gilchrist, Shane Warne). Also one from 1899 by Jack Hearne (Clem Hill, Syd Gregory, Monty Noble), but it's hard to really compare that one.

On batsman quality it definitely trumps them, although the match state for both McGrath and especially Singh was a solid point in their favour.

[ItalAussie]

Thought I might glance over the ODI hat-tricks, and there's one or two fun ones there. Aaqib Javed got Shastri, Azhuruddin, and Tendulkar. Clint McKay got Pietersen, Trott, and Root. Those aren't too shabby.

[Jimmy Floyd]

OK so as well as the five/ten ball overs they are now proposing to introduce a twelfth player to the team as the DESIGNATED HITTER.

Fuck me can someone arrange Islamic State to do a job on ECB HQ please.

[Jimmy Floyd]

No, wait, I've shot my load early with the Telegraph story. The Times reckon it'll be 15 a side.

[ItalAussie]

OK so as well as the five/ten ball overs they are now proposing to introduce a twelfth player to the team as the DESIGNATED HITTER.

Fuck me can someone arrange Islamic State to do a job on ECB HQ please.

I love that they just keep announcing all of the tweaks in practically real-time. Then they realise everyone hates it, and try and fix it by making it worse.

And that's fine for a laugh once, but they seem to be stuck in a tragic loop. It's like they've got the world's worst ideas dartboard.

"They didn't like the designated hitter? What about extra-time multiball?"
ANNOUNCEMENT MET WITH WIDESPREAD DERISION
"They didn't like extra-time multiball? What about..."

[Ian]

Are the people who run cricket desperate money-grubbers, deeply insecure or both?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The two people driving this are CEO Tom Harrison, who is a shallow money grabber whose only interest in life is the value of TV rights, and Sanjay Patel who literally should be sacked right now.

[niko_cee]

Jordan Clark has just taken a hattrick for Lancs in the Roses match. Root, Williamson and Bairstow :|

And Joe Root sealed victory with (presumably career best) figures of 4-5.

:cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's all irrelevant though as the mighty brown hatters are storming to the title with our crack XI of Rikki Clarke, Morne Morkel and a load of children.

[ItalAussie]

The Hundred (sounds like a HBO series) should do what we all know they desperately want to do, and make the circle into the boundary. It's where we're going at any rate.

[niko_cee]

Ravi Shastri, Len Goodman, Nasser Hussain and Brendan Julian in a little panel giving style points (extra runs) for boundaries scored.

[Max Power]

India 5/2 at Chelmsford, Kohli HIDING at no.5, sending Rahane instead.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They got their whinge in early, demanding that the game be shortened from 4 to 3 days because they didn't like the pitch.

[thommo]

I can't be dealing with five tests of incessant whooping and half-appeals for every single ball bowled by an Indian spinner.

It doesn't matter what is actually happening, solid forward defensive, leave outside off, huge slog for six... fucking irritating.

[niko_cee]

I eagerly await the recriminations for Root and his conversion rate.

[Pleb]

Thought that was a no ball personally.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ashwin seems to have brought a tasty inswinger to the party this time. Probably need to bin all our left handers. Except my boy of course, who is riding this one out nicely.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Do not say you were not warned.

:drool:

[Max Power]

Cracking stuff this. Our sub Pakistan level slip catching aside obvs

[niko_cee]

'Dawid' in serious deficit here.

Get Ronald back.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ronald and/or Joe Clarke. I love Moeen but we really can't be picking any more left handers under any circumstances. I watched Ashwin bowling last night and it was bloody ominous, I think in those spells at Worcester he's worked English conditions out.

[Max Power]

England bowling to a set batsman marshalling the tail always one of life’s most painful viewings.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've decided we can't really carry Broad for much longer.

[Ian]

Jim's boy. :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sam Curran though, my fucking lord, we're talking a once in 25 years player here boys. Strap in. He will end the Test career of Ben Stokes within 3 years.

My first post in this thread, 3 years ago, and probably the most accurate once Stokes gets sent down.

[Danny]

He has about a 8 weeks left. Might actually do it if Stokesy does time :lol: