The Cricket Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

I agree with Jimmy, with the sole exception that I'm willing to put scores runs over faces balls in some situations.

This is not one of those situations.

I'd want a couple in my team, probably batting at 5-7 in the expectation that the correctly selected top 4 might occasionally do their jobs and time can then be sold. They have to be flexible though. In a Test match, if I'm going to have a one-dimensional batsman I'd rather have the Hameed kind.

If you get a Warner or a Sehwag come along who can go at a good rate AND not throw their wicket away, then you're quids in but there are unbelievably few of those players about compared to the number that selectors seem to want there to be.

[ItalAussie]

I'd want a couple in my team, probably batting at 5-7 in the expectation that the correctly selected top 4 might occasionally do their jobs and time can then be sold. They have to be flexible though. In a Test match, if I'm going to have a one-dimensional batsman I'd rather have the Hameed kind.

If you get a Warner or a Sehwag come along who can go at a good rate AND not throw their wicket away, then you're quids in but there are unbelievably few of those players about compared to the number that selectors seem to want there to be.As you know, I like a balance between one attacking opener and one safe crease-occupier, because I like the idea of a player taking the game away on the first day. Maybe this is because I grew up watching Michael Slater and Matthew Hayden do precisely that.

It's still a test - you can't be throwing your wicket away. But you generally knew that Mark Taylor or Justin Langer would still be there a couple of sessions into the match, so it wasn't panic stations when it didn't work.

[ItalAussie]

We have a huge problem with collapsing though

Yeah, I like that Renshaw valued his wicket. We have Warner to accelerate things, so we needed the safest, occupiest opener we can find.

[niko_cee]

Paine hasn't even been keeping for his state side?

:D

They're just trying to lull us into a false sense of security. I had a dream last night I picked up watching the first day somewhere in the final session and we were 214-1 when I started to watch. 222-5 shortly thereafter. Vivid shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As you know, I like a balance between one attacking opener and one safe crease-occupier, because I like the idea of a player taking the game away on the first day. Maybe this is because I grew up watching Michael Slater and Matthew Hayden do precisely that.

It's still a test - you can't be throwing your wicket away. But you generally knew that Mark Taylor or Justin Langer would still be there a couple of sessions into the match, so it wasn't panic stations when it didn't work.

Fun fact - Langer scored his Test runs at an identical rate to Tendulkar and Sangakkara. They just batted on average for 16 and 22 balls longer respectively.

Another fun fact - Hayden actually survived on average a ball longer than Langer.

[niko_cee]

I hadn't really appreciated how inexperienced this Australian side really is. I suppose it is similar to us, although probably moreso.

Test debutant opening, not really a whole lot of experience in the middle order. Heavy reliance on Warner, Smith and the fast bowlers. I reckon we come out on top in a combined XI. Shame about no Stokes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Woakes's Ashes, this.

[niko_cee]

What is our likely first test team? Cook, Stoneman, Vince, Root, Malan, Bairstow, Moeen, Overton, Woakes, Broad, Anderson? Is it a straight choice between Overton and Ballance for the last spot? Actually I see Gaz Ballaz hasn't been playing much, he'll still worm his way in somehow.

[Dave.]

I think we'll go with the team above. What's the likely Australian line up?

[niko_cee]

Warner, Bancroft, Khawajabear, Smith, Handscomb, Marsh, Paine, Starc, Lyon, Hazelwood, Cummins would be my guess, seeing as there are only 13 to pick from.

Oh yeah, I forgot about Ball for us, who has a chance of being fit apparently. I guess he's switches with Overton.

[Ian]

Should I be taking any heart from Stoneman's form so far? I feel like this is building up to a series of ducks.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It'll be as niko said but with Woakes batting 8 and Overton/Ball/whoever 9.

Aussie team also as niko says and then Chadd Sayers will no doubt come in for Adelaide for whichever one of the quicks gets crocked.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Going back to selectors being idiots, I've just been reminded that a year ago the England mob thought Ben Duckett was the solution at opener. Genuinely mental and without rational faculties.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/sport/opinion/gideon-haigh/an-ashes-team-that-raises-more-questions-than-answers/news-story/4afe108ce5e57c6432fcf25564021d80

Cricinfo also reported Howard as favouring “the use of deep statistical analysis and computer-based modelling to judge the suitability of players’’.

Oh Christ, of course, this is how they've done it. Players who look younger than they are and have below average arse hair coverage score 4.2 runs more in high wind against seamers whose surnames start with the letters A-D, so we'd better pick Tim Paine.

HAVE THEY SCORED ANY RUNS.

[ItalAussie]

Another fun fact - Hayden actually survived on average a ball longer than Langer.That's because when Hayden teed off, he was basically undismissable. There were a couple of seasons - 2004/2005 - where Langer bailed us out a dozen or so times by digging in.

But yeah, Langer wasn't slow. He did, however, value his wicket and not take many risks.

[ItalAussie]

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/sport/opinion/gideon-haigh/an-ashes-team-that-raises-more-questions-than-answers/news-story/4afe108ce5e57c6432fcf25564021d80


Oh Christ, of course, this is how they've done it. Players who look younger than they are and have below average arse hair coverage score 4.2 runs more in high wind against seamers whose surnames start with the letters A-D, so we'd better pick Tim Paine.

HAVE THEY SCORED ANY RUNS.

Sport analytics. :nono:

Baseball? Fine, large sample size and all that. Basketball? It helped them figure out that 3-pointers from the corner were the way to go.

Anything else? Piss off. The best bit is how desperate they are to make it work for football, and how badly even the "best" techniques do at actually predicting outcomes. If you ever want to laugh sadly, look up "expected goals" and its related statistics.

[niko_cee]

I wonder what the excepted wickets figure for the Townsville pitch today was.

Just need to survive Brisbane and get under the lights at Adeleide where, it would seem (seam?), Our Jimeth is going to run riot.

[Ian]

Anything else? Piss off. The best bit is how desperate they are to make it work for football, and how badly even the "best" techniques do at actually predicting outcomes. If you ever want to laugh sadly, look up "expected goals" and its related statistics.

I even have my gripes about assists before you even get to the likes of that, which is clearly invented by a statistician trying to justify his job at a club or broadcaster or whatever.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If the season lasted 30,000 games with the same players playing every game, it might have some predictive value.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/42056362

Lyon must have had the onerous task of borrowing Warner's brain for the day. Good luck getting Root dropped with your gentle offies, cobber.

[niko_cee]

It's fairly embarrassing stuff. One can only hope it comes back to bite them in he arse after an unexpectedly recalled Chris Tremlett reduces them to ruins again.

Even more amusing is Sky's intended output on their cricket channel, which appears to be entirely womens cricket. I assume they are applying the same 'not on Sky so it isn't happening' rationale they do for things like the World Cup.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I guess if you don't have the rights, what can you show.

[niko_cee]

Are any highlights available on terrestrial or is it all BT?

[Jimmy Floyd]

All BT. I therefore won't watch a single ball apart from whatever gets spewed onto Twitter. Will have TMS all the way.

[niko_cee]

Seems you can get some sort of highlights package off their website for free, but I'm not sure what that will entail.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It will entail marvellous banter from Vaughany and KP, and I believe the Channel 9 picture feed (but without their equally distressingly bad commentary team).

Some people I know are paying whatever to have BT for the three months, but I personally believe away Ashes tours are best experienced in a state of near sleep paralysis with the radio on drifting in and out of sleep at 4am. Which is both something you can only do if you're single, and a good pointer for why I'm single.

[Queenslander]

Lyon mate stay in your lane you mong.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, I fear 6 minutes of triple-distilled ultrabantz, and would agree as regards the away Ashes experience.

There's really no way to properly follow it and function as an adult at the same time.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If some way can be found of getting Warne, KP and 'Tubs' or 'Heals' into a booth bantering about golf handicaps, that might be a good time to test any new chemical warfare technology that the Australian government may be harbouring.

[Max Power]

Ponting will be the saving grace on BT.

Unsure as to how much I will see despite having BT. Work and other commitments... will never be like 10/11 again when I was depressed and unemployed. The glory days.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My depressed, unemployed glory days were the India tour where we did them 2-1 after losing the first Test where Pujara scored a million. What utter scenes.

[Byron]

I'm one of these wankers that only turns up for the tournaments but I can tell you now that struggling through work with TMS live feed is the best way to experience cricket, mainly because it's relaxed and I can take in precisely as much as I want to.

[Danny]

Lyon in for a bit of deflection after that shambles of a selection. Nice spin, Gaaaary

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/42078910

The Cheese has been smoking some good shit.

[Ian]

Is it midnight that this actually starts?

I'm tempted to get an early night and set my alarm for 5, say, so I can see some but then I'll regret it when I get up and we're 103-7.

I suppose my consumption of this will mostly be whatever highlights I can find online if Sky aren't getting any of it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yep, 00:00 first ball bowled, if they've managed to drone through the digeridoos and thanking the spirit of our ancestors by then.

Australia has the absolute best national song in the world and yet the worst national anthem, silly country.

[Ian]

How much you gonna watching, Jim? If I sit up even for an hour I'll feel like death tomorrow. Although I'm going into backshifts again from December the 11th so might actually get to see so-..... oh yeah, BT. Fuck.

Listen to some live, then.

[igor_balis]

I'm watching (assuming I find an alright stream) until lunch, and beyond if we're smashing it. Gosh I'm so PUMPED!

[Max Power]

Woke up at 6 today and need to be up about 7 tomorrow. Don’t know whether to stay up and watch the first hour or two or try and wake up at like 4:30 to watch the last session.

[igor_balis]

Knowing my luck, i'll grumpily fall asleep at lunch with Aussies 89-0 and wake up to England a few without loss after Broad had one of his mental spells.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How much you gonna watching, Jim? If I sit up even for an hour I'll feel like death tomorrow. Although I'm going into backshifts again from December the 11th so might actually get to see so-..... oh yeah, BT. Fuck.

Listen to some live, then.

I'll be watching nothing but listening to loads, especially if we aren't 100/9 at lunch and Glenn McGrath isn't purring on the radio.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Woke up at 6 today and need to be up about 7 tomorrow. Don’t know whether to stay up and watch the first hour or two or try and wake up at like 4:30 to watch the last session.

These ones are OK because at least you've got an hour or so at either end of the day.

Perth, though, is brutal in every respect.

[McAvennie]

I chatted to a guy today who is flying out for the Perth test.
He's going all the way to Australia to watch cricket. I genuinely don't understand. He on the other hand was very excited about the idea

[Max Power]

Jesus BT have even roped Boycott in. Their team looks trash.

Weirdly fancy England. I’m staying up for a bit. What am I doing?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Geoffrey has been a great pundit but he's rocking a bit nowadays, he's only ever one awkward silence away from calling someone 'coloured'.

I fancy England to no extent whatsoever. We're getting thrashed. Batting just not good enough.

[Max Power]

One of Australia’s quicks is going to break down. Probably Cummins. Bat first and rack em up. Maybe.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stick them in Joe!

[Shindig]

I'm not unemployed so we're not winning.

[Max Power]

I’m flagging already. Will probably only make it until Joe Root strolls out at 20-2.

[igor_balis]

Work matey gave me his dad's bt sport log in, what an absolute bloody lad.

[Danny]

Starting at 7 for me :drool:

In laws are here for thanksgiving but no way this isn’t going on the laptop.

[Max Power]

Here we go.

Thank god we have, er, James Vince striding out...

[igor_balis]

oh no

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fucking Vince striding out at three at 00.13, it's going to be another one of those tours isn't it.

I genuinely believe Vince is one of the worst England selections of the last 30 years, so let's hope he proves me wrong here.

[Danny]

Go to bed boys.

[Ian]

Well, rain or no, it's a relief to get up and see us still batting and only a couple down.

Has Nathan Lyon ended anybody's career yet?

Edit: did that run out happen as I was typing that!?

[Jimmy Floyd]

If our 2 and 3 score runs then we're in with a chance. Probably a one off though.

[Dave.]

If our 2 and 3 score runs then we're in with a chance. Probably a one off though.

Stoneman is a good player and will have a good series. Despite today, I'm not convinced by James Vince.

[niko_cee]

Nice to see the series isn't in ruins after one day, although that was the case last time out as well (it was the second day in Brisbane where it all went south). At least our mini-collapse today didn't go the same way as things did then. First session tomorrow is going to be critical. Mo is such a dangerous player, if he can stay around for any length of time he can do some serious damage. Especially if they've rolled out a bit of a bunsen as confidence from batting will help his bowling.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stoneman is a good player and will have a good series. Despite today, I'm not convinced by James Vince.

On the wireless it all sounded a bit streaky despite the 83 runs, also the bizarre clown Paine dropped him.

[Cord]

Well, rain or no, it's a relief to get up and see us still batting and only a couple down.

Has Nathan Lyon ended anybody's career yet?

Edit: did that run out happen as I was typing that!?

I don't know why, but I expected a bit better from you than to be the first wally to tempt fate during an England test series. After all the damage this thread has caused over the years.

Nice to see some runs from unexpected places, but I suspect this is going to be one of those matches where England get a semi reasonable score, do some smug interviews, only to have the opposition 600 without loss at the end of the next day.

[Queenslander]

Hold on hold on we a good for a collapse at anytime.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nice to see the series isn't in ruins after one day, although that was the case last time out as well (it was the second day in Brisbane where it all went south). At least our mini-collapse today didn't go the same way as things did then. First session tomorrow is going to be critical. Mo is such a dangerous player, if he can stay around for any length of time he can do some serious damage. Especially if they've rolled out a bit of a bunsen as confidence from batting will help his bowling.

They have four left handers in their top eight, although having said that Mo actually averages 28 against righties and 33 against lefties. I bet England don't even know that as they're too concerned about his revolutions per minute or something.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This sub-plot about Adele doctoring the pitch is absolutely classic as well.

'Aw, look, mate, it isn't fair, we didn't send Men At Work to play Trent Bridge in 2015.'

[Jimmy Floyd]

Geoffrey has been a great pundit but he's rocking a bit nowadays, he's only ever one awkward silence away from calling someone 'coloured'.

Sure enough, at one point I woke up and he was talking about mankinis.

Reaction to the BT commentary has been seriously bad, anyone hear it?

[ItalAussie]

It's telling about my current worklife that I didn't even realise this was on until midway through the last session.

[Max Power]

Sure enough, at one point I woke up and he was talking about mankinis.

Reaction to the BT commentary has been seriously bad, anyone hear it?

It’s appalling. Ponting is decent but otherwise it’s pure banter bus. Swann in particular is unbearable - hopefully he makes like 13/14 and fucks off half way through.

A lot of the people they have on have clearly done a lot of radio so they really have no idea of when to be quiet and let the pictures do the talking.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's why I am a big fan of true pros like, run with me on this, Rameez Raja who can switch from one to the other in ten minutes and know the drill on both.

Someone I was talking to said BT made him appreciate Michael Holding a lot more.

[Ian]

I don't know why, but I expected a bit better from you than to be the first wally to tempt fate during an England test series. After all the damage this thread has caused over the years.

It's fine, I'm going to go with the jinx later with a nice line about a sweep for which of the two batsmen goes in the first over tomorrow.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It only works when you mean it. Vince owes me all those runs.

[Max Power]

Do I stay up in anticipation of Moeen porn or have some well earned sleep and wake up at 5 to watch the final session and see Australia go past our first innings total (Warner 135*)

[igor_balis]

The BT coverage wasn't as appalling as I thought it would be. Ponting is really good, Gilchrist is alright, but my god Swann is the pits. Within about 5 minutes of Swann and Gilchrist's first spell together, Swann was banging on about the fucking A-League, and Gilchrist was barely hiding his contempt as he tried to drag things back to the cricket.

[Danny]

Do I stay up in anticipation of Moeen porn or have some well earned sleep and wake up at 5 to watch the final session and see Australia go past our first innings total (Warner 135*)

The answer is always Moeen. Even when its not an option,

[Jimmy Floyd]

People talking about football on the cricket commentary is always the absolute pits, neck and neck with banter about what they've been up to on the golf course.

Swann a terrible offender on TMS as well, sometimes he'll just ignore whatever the commentator has said about the game and randomly start some banter about reality TV.

[igor_balis]

Fleming is especially bad because he's banterific but seems like a bit of a weirdo too. According to my pal at work he said "he must have downloaded the cover drive app" after one shot. Like, what the fuck is that?

Vaughan is okay when he's kept on a leash. Boycott I don't actually mind. He's like a classic granddad who doesn't particularly engage with what the other person says and just talks about what HE wants to talk about. Over and over again. But it's usually not totally lacking in insight. Ish. I dunno, probably just Stockholm syndrome.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Boycott knows the most about cricket by a long chalk, but he's just such an old caricature now.

[Ian]

So I wake up to the interesting scenario of us being in a decent position but Sir Roobaaarb giving our bowling a going-over.

[niko_cee]

Aye. You wake up to the curious headline that 'England are on top' and then click through to find out that what is actually happening is that Smith and Shaun fucking Marsh are busy batting their way to a first innings lead.

[niko_cee]

Also, you can't argue with this sort of belting logic from Vaughan:


There's a stat I've just seen which says Steve Smith has edged 8% of deliveries he's faced in his career. The global average is 14%. That means he's almost twice as good as everyone else.

Erm.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Vaughan is an utter embarrassment of a human being.

[Max Power]

https://twitter.com/Vitu_E/status/933841300117508096?s=17


:D

[Jimmy Floyd]

So, so good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Speaking of so, so good, TMS has reached god tier now that Blowers has fucked off. There was a passage I was awake for during the night where England were losing wickets and Dan Norcross was on with first Tufnell, then Boycott, and it was sensational radio, better really than having the pictures as your mind was made to create something.

Suck on that, BT.

[niko_cee]

Well, bad as BT might be, Channel 4 news have just told me "Steve Smith got his half century before calling it a day, leaving Australia chasing 137 runs."

Why has sports journalism for 'the news' been so badly thrown under the equality bus? It can't be that hard to find an ethnic or a woman who actually knows something about it, can it?

[Max Power]

Steve Smith being a legit world class batsman will probably never sit right with me, but you can't knock him, fair play.

[niko_cee]

Bumble's playing long and hard for some of the comments he made in 2010/11.

Very nicely poised. Well, until we lose 6 wickets in the morning tomorrow.

[niko_cee]

That should have said paying.

Also, feels like we've had them at various points in this match (120-1, 240-4, 70-4, 210-7) but haven't been able to really press home the advantage, so it's going to be extra galling if tomorrow is the dreaded wake up to being fucked morning. Them having a first innings led is a real kick in the testes considering the above positions in the match.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Vince Almighty has already used up all his series runs, I think, which is an issue at number three.

Our problem here so far and in the last tour down under is compulsive pulling and hooking. Half the team simply cannot stop themselves, Malan and Moeen being the worst offenders but they're not alone. We need to learn a lot from Smith's innings and be a lot more patient. Run rate is simply not relevant in any way.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, I saw Malan's dismissal, and then read about Cook's and wondered how hard it can be, as a professional batsman, to just keep your fucking hands down and not go for it? There is no value in the shot, even if you play it well, they will keep bouncing you. If you resolve to keep your hands low, and just dodge anything short they'll give up a lot quicker (or knacker themselves out). It's depressing seeing such a simple, and relatively skill free, plan be so successful.

[igor_balis]

shame i've slept through most of it, but it's been a cracking opener

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, I saw Malan's dismissal, and then read about Cook's and wondered how hard it can be, as a professional batsman, to just keep your fucking hands down and not go for it? There is no value in the shot, even if you play it well, they will keep bouncing you. If you resolve to keep your hands low, and just dodge anything short they'll give up a lot quicker (or knacker themselves out). It's depressing seeing such a simple, and relatively skill free, plan be so successful.

Exactly, it's just not a percentage shot, and Test cricket is a percentage game. Without wanting to sound like Boycott, I think it's due to a limited overs mentality.

If you're not interested in pulling/hooking, they will stop bowling there and that just brings the better percentage shots into play.

[niko_cee]

I can forgive Moeen (obviously) as he's a bit of a Bevan with the short stuff, but proper batsmen (not being unkind), and most of all Cook, piss me off to high heaven when they get out caught deep square/fine leg. Cook should only ever be out nicking off or falling over his front foot and being trapped lbw. Pietersen was awful for it in the last series, wasn't he? I don't know if it's limited overs or just ego driven (aggressive brand etc).

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have memories of innings in the last series when we lost 6/7 wickets caught on the leg side. Pietersen was the worst offender but it was a disease running through the whole side.

[Ian]

Is it that the players can't get out of the limited overs aggression or are the coaches all obsessed with "positivity" as well at the expense of all else, even with the test side?

[Jimmy Floyd]

There is a lot of the latter with Bayliss I think. A classic Australian approach.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Why is there no one in the Gabba?

[Queenslander]

It is pretty unpleasant outside atm.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Tbf I'd probably go wherever the Barmy Army aren't.

Ffs Dawid.

Sending Moeen out 6 here against a rampaging Lyon is utterly braindead, get the right hander in.

[ItalAussie]

Is Root bowling a "we're out of options" move? Or does he have something about him?

Root seems like a really likeable guy. It's going to be difficult to hate his guts this Summer.

Glad to see Lyon performing really well. He might be the most popular person not named Smith in Australia at the moment. I bet the selectors drop him.

[niko_cee]

He's capable, but hardly 'an option'. Last resort/let's give this a go/relief sort of stuff. I still think it's good he bowls himself, Vaughan completely binning his part-timer tweakers once he became captain always seemed a bit of a loss to the team.

Lyon is probably going to be the difference between the teams in this series.

That and England not having Stokes, but that is what it is.

[niko_cee]

Any chance of a biblical amount of rain in Brisbane tomorrow?

[Queenslander]

30% chance of rain at the moment.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This will be 5-0. Our batting is toss, we only have two bowlers (at least one of whom will soon be injured) and we approach Test cricket in the wrong way.

[ItalAussie]

Nathan Lyon being the difference is quite a state of affairs, given he spent his first fifty tests under the constant threat of being dropped by whichever shiny young thing caught the selectors' eye. Weirdly, some time with Wade probably went a long way to making him feel comfortable. Might have almost been worth having old irongloves in the team for a while.

What chance of England sending back an SOS for a full-time spinner?

[Ian]

Does Root have a knack for key wickets when he does have a go or is it just that those are the one or two I remember?

[Jimmy Floyd]

We have a full time spinner in the party who, although a fine young talent who will go on to have a great career I'm sure, is a genuinely terrible selection because he's clearly only there for the 'experience' and not to actually play.

Jack Leach is probably there with the Lions but that has Kerrigan written all over it. Poor Kerrigan.

[Queenslander]

When did the Barmy Army's average age jump to 65? I drove past a few 100 of them before and they all looked weathered.

[ItalAussie]

The longer Ben Stokes doesn't play, the closer he gets to becoming an unholy combination of Dennis Lillee and Adam Gilchrist.

[niko_cee]

We need him for his batting more than anything.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We need him so that we don't have three rabbits in the tail. Ball must not play again on the tour, we're currently 7 down all out against Starc and co. Overton or even Curran better bets from the current squad.

I see the 'we need to pick quicker bowlers' bus has left the depot already. Sigh. I'll call Fred Trueman, see if he's available.

[Max Power]

Hyped for Mark Wood bowling 5 overs at the WACA

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's only a matter of time before someone does a thinkpiece on whether Tymal Mills can do two 3-over spells per day at 180mph or whatever he supposedly bowls.

[niko_cee]

So Jonny Bairstow greets people by headbuttng them? Is that a Yorkshire thing?

[Jimmy Floyd]

They're sending out press releases (his own side) comparing him to Alan Partridge. Great tour guys, great tour.

[Disco]

As a relative cricketing philistine but a big fan of TMS I like to play the game of 'Has Geoffrey Boycott Finally Descended Into Senility' and last night as he repeated the same rambling anecdote about how England should be bowling I realised he may be there. Agnew especially seemed to be just waiting until he ran out of steam and decided to leave. Apparently he also fell over when he tried to lean against a wall that wasn't there. :D

[Waffdon]

Stokes is back to save the day and fuck some Aussie’s up.

[igor_balis]

my cricket obsessed work colleague just sent me this in response to the news:

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/24129830_10159600052240384_2421483135575434457_n.j pg?oh=d24c7cc1fa01772ffcba5d125b0ea810&oe=5A939B5F

[niko_cee]

Nope.

[ItalAussie]

It's a pity really. If he managed to sit out the entire series, he'd probably be in contention for Test Player of the Year by the end.

[Jimmy Floyd]

my cricket obsessed work colleague just sent me this in response to the news:

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/24129830_10159600052240384_2421483135575434457_n.j pg?oh=d24c7cc1fa01772ffcba5d125b0ea810&oe=5A939B5F

Those are the worst kind of cricket obsessed people.

[niko_cee]

It's a pity really. If he managed to sit out the entire series, he'd probably be in contention for Test Player of the Year by the end.

He'll just have to settle for Franchise Format Player of the Year instead, seeing as he's bound to end up playing in the Big Bash whilst the good ship ECB sinks without a trace.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Speaking of franchise formats, look at the state of this.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T10_League

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/42192294


If Moeen does not bowl, England would have to decide between leaving the slow bowling to captain Joe Root's part-time off-breaks or giving a Test debut to 20-year-old leg-spinner Mason Crane - an option Root said is "not out of the question".

Why the ACTUAL FUCK did you bring him if in the event of an injured first choice spinner, his chances of playing are as small as 'not out of the question'?

[Ian]

Was just coming to post about that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He won, and he bowled.

Bowled.

[ItalAussie]

No idea what to expect from a day-night test against a reasonable side.

[niko_cee]

Win the toss and bowl in Adelaide?

Abandon ship!

[Max Power]

What’s the reasoning behind bowling first please?

[niko_cee]

Batsmen are shit/scared.

The good news is they'll be batting against the new ball, under lights tomorrow, about 500 down. Innings defeat ahoy (unless we can roll them with the magic power of the lights tonight).

Ding.

[igor_balis]

yesss

[Max Power]

Take another and it’s probably justified.

[Davgooner]

Have a bit of that you kangaroo-lookalike cunt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We might get away with it, at least in the sense of not losing by an innings and 250. Bowling sounded garbage in the first two sessions though.

[ItalAussie]

We might get away with it, at least in the sense of not losing by an innings and 250. Bowling sounded garbage in the first two sessions though.

Bowling in the first session was terrible. After that they got their length right though.

[niko_cee]

Short of a morning miracle we're totally boned in this one. Losing the new ball in the dark was a real kick in the gonads, but we'd probably have been better off batting first, going mad for 2 sessions (aggressive brand etc) before declaring/being all out around 'dinner' and having a full 30 overs at them in the dark (if we were that bothered about 'taking advantage of conditions').

I didn't see any of the bowling (obviously) but it is classic England set-up to win the toss in Adelaide, bowl (which no one has done since forever) and then moan at the bowlers for getting it wrong.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We have to get them out for under 320, and then ourselves score 500. Even then... I'd rather have taken our chances getting 250-400 batting first and staying in the series.

High opinion now going out of their way to defend Root but I just think it's a shit call and you just don't stick Australia in in Australia, unless it's a damp one in Hobart.

[niko_cee]

Hyped for Mark Wood bowling 5 overs at the WACA


Michael Vaughan on TMS

People can't keep telling me Mark Wood is injured, when he's saying he's fit. He's either injured or he's not. He's here, playing cricket. In a four-man seam attack, you can have that luxury of a fourth seamer that can bowl a 15 over day. There's no question for me that he plays in Perth. Liam Plunkett should also have been in the squad.

This has gone well. I feel a bit for Root as conditions conspired to totally ruin what I suppose was his plan, but it's still a test match. The only control you have over when you bat is if you bat first, and if when you bat is of critical importance (maybe it isn't) then you need to take that chance when you can. 10 overs against the new ball under lights at the end of a day is going to be far preferable to 30 overs against it with fresh bowlers and a big deficit on the scoreboard. England need a big Root hundred.

Looks like we've already chucked the towel in here.

[ItalAussie]

The bowling isn't really fast enough to be that threatening without sideways movement, or McGrath-like precision. Still, can't judge until both sides have had a go.

Do you guys think of Moeen as a test-quality spinner? Or a solid spinning all-rounder?

[niko_cee]

Somewhere in between, but he isn't fit at the moment, it would appear.

You'd never pick him just for his bowling, but he's more than a part-time tweaker.

[niko_cee]

How many down at the close then?

0?

:harold:

[Ian]

I was glad to wake up and put TMS on and hear we'd taken a whopping three wickets since I turned it on yesterday morning.

[ItalAussie]

England got a little lucky there. That was a nasty spell of bowling.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, the Adelaide weather rather isn't playing ball with the concept of a tricky session under the lights.

[ItalAussie]

So I, uh, said a lot of nasty things about the selectors before this series. Seems like I was not the one in the right there.

See also: Mitchell Johnson, Mitchell Starc, Steven Smith.

[Ian]

Were you wrong about the selection or about England, though?

[niko_cee]

Good to see Stokes getting himself into some form for his triumphant comeback to thwart the whitewash.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Vaughan can/should fuck off and die. Check Plunkett's first class stats this year. Go on, check them.

[ItalAussie]

Vaughan can/should fuck off and die. Check Plunkett's first class stats this year. Go on, check them.

I saw Vaughan describe Stokes as England's best player, which seems harsh on Joe Root, England's best player.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Vaughan is a clueless retard and worse still, he's a clueless retard with a commercial agenda.

If Glenn McGrath hadn't trod on that rugby ball, Vaughan would be working in Sports Direct now selling trackie bottoms.

[Waffdon]

Virat Kohli is a bit good, isn’t he? Lordy.

[niko_cee]

lol

[niko_cee]

They won't (maybe they won't have the choice) but Australia really ought to stick us back in under lights and finish this today/tonight.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Three of the fuckers caught and bowled?

We may have lolled at Shaun Marsh pre series, but who in this England side is willing to bat for seven hours, or even try to? One dimensional fuckheads.

[Max Power]

If Root is getting out like that, we are truly done. He’s head isn’t there, may as well pack up and go home.

[Jimmy Floyd]

James Vince nicking off chasing one in the first over of the day, if anything ever summed a player up. Selectors and Bayliss have to go.

[ItalAussie]

Three of the fuckers caught and bowled?

We may have lolled at Shaun Marsh pre series, but who in this England side is willing to bat for seven hours, or even try to? One dimensional fuckheads.

In fairness, Lyon and Starc's first were miracle catches.

EDIT: Ball's doing a lot here. This is really tough going.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I know they never do it now for sports science reasons, but surely they would have been tempted to stick us back in here.

[Byron]

Oh, this could get interesting now.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, apart from them having too many already.

And they've still got Marsh and the other lower order dipshits to push the total past 400 anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Shock horror we start pitching it up and wickets follow.

Short bowling is the most overrated thing in cricket, just ahead of Test opening batsmen who 'force the pace'. Short balls NEVER hit the stumps (unless you're playing in Trinidad circa 1998) and you take wickets by aiming at the stumps. The Australians were guilty of it during that Woakes/Overton partnership as well, having blown through our top order by pitching it up.

[niko_cee]

I know they never do it now for sports science reasons, but surely they would have been tempted to stick us back in here.

I know we always moan about it, but god bless sports science, and all who sail in her.

[ItalAussie]

We should have put you in.

Also, the ball was moving insanely yesterday evening. It was a good advert for day-night tests. I imagine we have enough from here, but anything over 320 is probably unchaseable.

[Max Power]

Waking up to not terrible news, nice feeling.

Will obviously get rolled before I go to work at 8 but still

[Byron]

Cook is looking dodgy, so I expect him to be out for less than 20.

[Byron]

I hate being right.

[Max Power]

Might not be bad thing to get a right hander in with Lyon being the biggest threat. Shame it’s James Vince but you know.

[AyDee]

This is the first cricket match I've followed for a long, long time. After initially being terrible England do deserve a bit of credit for giving themselves a chance. Can't see us getting too close but great match anyway.

Jimmy Anderson still smashing it too, what a guy. :drool:

2 down as posted this, bye bye England.

[Byron]

I'm taking blame as I watched when we were 45-0 up to Stoneman's wicket, so TV turned off now fellas.

[Ian]

And so it begins.

[Jimmy Floyd]

These two have got to have a dig at Lyon. Malan and Moeen coming in behind them is two free wickets otherwise (and why Bairstow isn't shoved up to five even just for this scenario I have NO idea).

[AyDee]

Vince has given his wicket away a bit there. Going to have to rely on a debut 150* from Overton.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Vince has given his wicket away a bit there.

Surely not.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, so about that follow-on.

[niko_cee]

As I said, god bless sports science.

Now, we're still a long way off here, and in all likelihood will lose, but were the situation reversed I'd be shitting it right now.

[Max Power]

Not sure if Woakes has been promoted or nightwatchman. Think it could work out well tomorrow though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

178 with Root, Woakes, Moeen, Bairstow, Overton, Broad and Anderson at our disposal.

It only takes one superb partnership.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not sure if Woakes has been promoted or nightwatchman. Think it could work out well tomorrow though.

Almost certainly nightwatchman, but I agree.

[niko_cee]

Is the pitch doing much?

Second new ball is the obvious danger, but that won't come until midway through the first session and they aren't going to be able to bowl much in the deadly dark again I wouldn't have thought (it'll be done by then one way or the other). It's the hope that kills you, although it was nice to have one positive wake-up in the series. Two would be sensational mate.

[Waffdon]

Joe Root’s taking it home. I didn’t bother going to bed after planning on watching the first hour. Absolutely dead, god bless half day flexi.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jonathan Liew in the Indy


And as the lights came on, the dismissal of James Vince, slashing at a wide half-volley, offered the first hint of the swing available, as well as a very strong hint that Vince has catfood for brains.

:D

[Danny]

:lol:
Not far from right either. Way too wafty out there

[Ian]

At least he was being positive though, eh?

[Max Power]

Almost certainly nightwatchman, but I agree.

Moeen and Bairstow coming in after an hour tomorrow with the target in sight and Australia a bit frustrated could be ideal.

Ugh this is real dilemma for the alarm. I know if I get up at 4:30 it'll be no doubt 190/8, but I don't want to miss a potential brilliant day of Test cricket/famous England win.

[Ian]

My mate is so genuinely convinced England are going to do it tomorrow he's offered to bet me a pint of beer on it.

[Kikó]

This will be over by 5am. FACT.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm going to set the alarm and have the radio on, so there's always the option of sleeping through if it goes tits up. I should probably have learned from the 98/99, 02/03, 06/07 and 13/14 tours that this is not a good use of valuable energy but if I can't live for England losing cricket why bother at all.

It's like an Indian tour start time, those are brutal. As many coffees as runs in the first hour normally.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't think statsguru would cover it, but it feels like we are egregiously bad in the first 3 overs of the day.

[ItalAussie]

In the end, we had one really bad session. That's all it takes, mind.

The ball won't swing that much again in this series.

[Ian]

I'd love to say there was anything remotely surprising about that collapse. Do we ever start a day well?

[Jimmy Floyd]

No.

5-0 now absolutely nailed on, so the question is more how badly they fuck up the selection.

[Waffdon]

Every team I give backing to are the same. It’s the hope that kills.

English cunts. Bring back #KP.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Might as well bring back Harold Larwood while we're at it.

It was particularly insulting this morning, two nick offs in the first 15 balls or something and all the previous day's work completely wasted.

[ItalAussie]

No.

5-0 now absolutely nailed on, so the question is more how badly they fuck up the selection.

I'm not sure. We could still collapse in a fourth innings chase easily.

I actually reckon you win in Perth, as we collapse on a friendly batting wicket, but then we win the next two.

[Kikó]

The ability to bat time is severely lacking. I blame India.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The ability to bat time is severely lacking. I blame India.

It's not just that, it's that they don't seem to believe that it matters, hence the selection of Vince and other clangers.

Run rate is not in any way a predictor of who wins Test matches. Amount of time batted is.


I'm not sure. We could still collapse in a fourth innings chase easily.

I actually reckon you win in Perth, as we collapse on a friendly batting wicket, but then we win the next two.

We haven't won in Perth since 1978, when you had a shadow team because of Kerry Packer. What about James Vince and Chris Woakes makes you think this is the year?

[niko_cee]

You leave Bloakesy out of this!

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm trying to work out what our team should be for the next Test. Unchanged seems a ridiculous idea, but then the reserve batsman is Gary Ballance, and our reserve bowlers are Jake Ball and two kids.

I guess you could draft Foakes in to keep and release Bairstow up the order. These issues will be solved when Broad goes down with a stress fracture of the spine and is out for 9 months.

[ItalAussie]

We haven't won in Perth since 1978, when you had a shadow team because of Kerry Packer. What about James Vince and Chris Woakes makes you think this is the year?
Perth used to be a nasty pitch that would help our really fast bowlers. Now it's a road.

If both teams bat to the pitch, it should be a nailed on draw. That's exactly the sort of situation for us to lose a bunch of wickets to stupidity in the fourth innings and lose.

I don't think it's anything to do with the calibre of your bowling, so much as none of the bowlers are going to get anything out of it, but we have a tendency to occasionally collapse on flat pitches for no good reason.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, drop a bowler and pick another shit batsman was going to be my suggestion.

Any chance Barry Gallance could trundle down a few Trotties to while away the overs between batting collapses?

Lose a bunch of wickets to stupidity you say? I don't think there is a pitch in the world where England could bat out a 5 day draw. Not even a Nagpur (is that the one?) style deathbowl. The aggressive brand just doesn't allow it, and if the pitch truly is that flat, the scoreboard pressure does for us anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That reminds me of when James Vince came on to bowl his military mediums in whatever home series he was in (Pakistan?) and Michael Holding lost his shit live on air, calling him 'pathetic'.

I think I'd possibly pick Tom Curran for this one just because I know, as a Surrey fan, that he has the right mentality for this. He hasn't got PACE though so they probably won't. Instead we're looking at Mark Wood being parachuted in, replacing, er, dunno.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/42249084

Come on Joe, you're better than this shite. As for this:


Australian Bayliss, who said he can see no reason to change the team for the third Test, said he had spotted "frailties" in the home side which England can "exploit".

:face:

[Ian]

I thought that when I saw it and wondered whether MASSIVELY in it is something the ECB told him to say, or something of the ilk.

Being positive but realistic isn't enough. No no, you want your captain to look legitimately deluded.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Also, this stuff about Root's conversion rate costing us is a fucking myth. Root has a bad conversion rate among the top echelon of batsmen (28%, stats god Smith's is 50%) but guess what, he actually gets to 50 exactly as often as Smith, and for that the two of them are fucking miles out in front of the next current player who is Williamson.

That's right, Root averages 53, despite his shoddy conversion rate. His conversion rate is actually just below Moeen Ali's, but their averages are 20 different, why? Because converting 50s to 100s is NOT what makes Root good. What makes him good is his utterly godlike consistency. He is an excellent player of one type, and to have a good team you need excellent players of multiple types. We have excellent players of two other types, Cook (whose excellence is in his longevity at the crease) and Stokes (who piles them on at a rate). Cook is (so far) out of form in this series, meaning more crease longevity demands are placed on Root, while Stokes is in jail, which means his piling the runs on demands are also on Root.

Numbers 2, 3 and 5 contribute practically nothing, while Moeen and Bairstow are like lower-impact versions of Stokes and batting below the three mentioned twats (perhaps harsh on Stoneman and Malan but whatevs, this is a harsh game) so have much less chance to affect the game.

So the entire demands of top 5 batting, both in batting time and scoring runs, are placed on Root - and he's also captain. Just what is Root supposed to do?

When the lazy cunts who pass for cricket media write their shitty columns, what they should focus on is not the supposed shortcomings of Root, who is England's best player in my lifetime by miles, but the shortcomings of the absolutely useless team-mates whose consistent failure makes us apparently demand Bradman-like numbers from Root and blame him when he only gets 70 every bloody Test.

[Ian]

I don't read a huge amount of the coverage so to learn that Root's batting is getting blame from some quarters baffles me. The problem is that he constitutes about 50% of the backbones in the current batting line up. The other one is shared amongst about three other players on a time-share basis and the rest just do without.

How is his captaincy-stuff faring among the pundits?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not seen much proper analysis (if there even is any) but I think he's done pretty well in that regard personally - we've had decent plans to most of their batsmen, and kept Warner pretty quiet so far. He didn't help himself by bowling first at Adelaide though.

Our issues stem from 1) Steve Smith and their bowlers being really good, 2) our attack having no depth and 3) our batsmen being shit.

[niko_cee]

Also, this stuff about Root's conversion rate costing us is a fucking myth. Root has a bad conversion rate among the top echelon of batsmen (28%, stats god Smith's is 50%) but guess what, he actually gets to 50 exactly as often as Smith, and for that the two of them are fucking miles out in front of the next current player who is Williamson.

That's right, Root averages 53, despite his shoddy conversion rate. His conversion rate is actually just below Moeen Ali's, but their averages are 20 different, why? Because converting 50s to 100s is NOT what makes Root good. What makes him good is his utterly godlike consistency. He is an excellent player of one type, and to have a good team you need excellent players of multiple types. We have excellent players of two other types, Cook (whose excellence is in his longevity at the crease) and Stokes (who piles them on at a rate). Cook is (so far) out of form in this series, meaning more crease longevity demands are placed on Root, while Stokes is in jail, which means his piling the runs on demands are also on Root.

Numbers 2, 3 and 5 contribute practically nothing, while Moeen and Bairstow are like lower-impact versions of Stokes and batting below the three mentioned twats (perhaps harsh on Stoneman and Malan but whatevs, this is a harsh game) so have much less chance to affect the game.

So the entire demands of top 5 batting, both in batting time and scoring runs, are placed on Root - and he's also captain. Just what is Root supposed to do?

When the lazy cunts who pass for cricket media write their shitty columns, what they should focus on is not the supposed shortcomings of Root, who is England's best player in my lifetime by miles, but the shortcomings of the absolutely useless team-mates whose consistent failure makes us apparently demand Bradman-like numbers from Root and blame him when he only gets 70 every bloody Test.

:D

This should be posted somewhere where it would get more attention.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There's a lot more where that came from, just get me onto topics like James Vince's selection for this tour, or Jos Buttler playing 18 Tests.

[Dave.]

There's a lot more where that came from, just get me onto topics like James Vince's selection for this tour, or Jos Buttler playing 18 Tests.

The same Buttler that you advocated selecting ahead of Bairstow on a tour a few years back?

[Jimmy Floyd]

A few years back I was probably still labouring under the common delusion that one day performances have literally any relation to Test match performances whatsoever.

That would probably have been on gloves terms as well, Bairstow has improved a lot in that regard.

[Ian]

Can we expect Jimrage Chapter 3 at the end of this tour?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Quite possibly, the way it's going. Although looking back, having Carberry in there prepared to value his wicket seems like a bit of a golden era.

[Queenslander]

What is the personal sledging directed at Bairstow? Sounds like it is getting nasty or is it just as bad as it jas always been?

[niko_cee]

No idea, but if it's anyone other than Smith or Warner dishing it out then it's pretty lol.

Peter 'smart chat' Handscomb sounds a right bellend.

[Ian]

Quite possibly, the way it's going. Although looking back, having Carberry in there prepared to value his wicket seems like a bit of a golden era.

I'm sure at the time I felt a bit sympathetic to his shtick of getting out for 13 runs after what felt like 98 balls because he was at least trying to do it properly.

[Queenslander]

No idea, but if it's anyone other than Smith or Warner dishing it out then it's pretty lol.

Peter 'smart chat' Handscomb sounds a right bellend.

It really seems to be a bit gross all the old blokes chipping in on twitter this time around.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What is the personal sledging directed at Bairstow? Sounds like it is getting nasty or is it just as bad as it jas always been?

I'm not saying it is necessarily this, because I don't know, but Bairstow's dad (who was also an England wicketkeeper) committed suicide 20 years ago so if it's anything to do with that (and I don't know what else 'personal' would be for him)... then yeah.

[niko_cee]

Curfew lifted.

Incident in a bar leading to Duckett suspension within 24 hours.

:D

Jim's boy batting his way into contention against to Blacktown thirds here.

[Queenslander]

I'm not saying it is necessarily this, because I don't know, but Bairstow's dad (who was also an England wicketkeeper) committed suicide 20 years ago so if it's anything to do with that (and I don't know what else 'personal' would be for him)... then yeah.

That would be too sad if true.

[Dave.]

A few years back I was probably still labouring under the common delusion that one day performances have literally any relation to Test match performances whatsoever.

That would probably have been on gloves terms as well, Bairstow has improved a lot in that regard.

Fair enough.

Agreed on Bairstow and your general point there. I thought the Bairstow sledging was mainly based around the headbutt but looks like its got more extreme.

I see Keaton Jennings was in the runs in the current warm up game. I hope the selectors don't think the solution to our problems is to recall him. :moop:

[niko_cee]

He's probably better than Vince at 3. Maybe not saying much.

Gaz Ballaz balling in with a mighty 1 to ease himself further from contention.

[Dave.]

He's probably better than Vince at 3. Maybe not saying much.

Gaz Ballaz balling in with a mighty 1 to ease himself further from contention.

Both are different kinds of shit. Could probably pick one of us to play and it'll make no difference. :moop:

[ItalAussie]

I'm not saying it is necessarily this, because I don't know, but Bairstow's dad (who was also an England wicketkeeper) committed suicide 20 years ago so if it's anything to do with that (and I don't know what else 'personal' would be for him)... then yeah.

That would be unbelievably dickish. I'm not sure the current Australians are hard-nosed enough to go there, to be honest. They pretend to be hard, but they clearly aren't.

EDIT: To be clear, not that I think they should. They shouldn't. But I don't even think Steve Waugh or Allan Border would've gone that far. Let alone these guys.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I dunno about that. Waugh and AB were hard men, but proper men. I think this lot, especially Warner but also others including the captain, are silly little boys. I'd be less surprised if they did something offensive than if the 90s lot did.

Duckett is a fucking prick, this isn't his first offence on the 'incident in bar' front either. Not sure why he's on the tour in the first place, mind.

I don't know what to make of this tour game. The lineup they have put out is mental. Lawrence as an opener (he's done that in one day cricket but always 4-5 in first class stuff), Ballance at three when he was brought to bat middle order, Moeen at four, and then TC getting 77* down the order.

I would pick him for Perth instead of Overton, but I've almost certainly seen more of him than Trevor Bayliss or any other England selector.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Also, as Ben Duckett, why are you pouring a drink over Jimmy Anderson?

[hfswjyr]

That would be unbelievably dickish. I'm not sure the current Australians are hard-nosed enough to go there, to be honest. They pretend to be hard, but they clearly aren't.

EDIT: To be clear, not that I think they should. They shouldn't. But I don't even think Steve Waugh or Allan Border would've gone that far. Let alone these guys.

There's a difference between being "hard" and being complete scum. I can't see any player willing to go that low, regardless of nationality.
I will say though, that line of thinking seems to me like quite typical English paranoia.

[Samadini]

Also, as Ben Duckett, why are you pouring a drink over Jimmy Anderson?

Isn't Anderson meant to be a quiet character behind the scenes, unlikely to provoke such a thing as well?

[Ian]

To be fair to Duckett, if I had a way to guarantee not being part of this shitshow....

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hopefully Mark Wood's 6-0-37-0 in the tour game ends that nonsense.

Jack Leach 4/104 off 9.5 overs :cab:

[ItalAussie]

Root is having the roughest ride. He lost his pal, his off-sider, the best all-round cricketer in the country, the talisman and a national inspiration (well he was, before Bristol) in the weeks before the players boarded the plane. There has been more talk of Ben Stokes than of Theresa May, Pep Guardiola and Paul McCartney, who is touring Australia, put together. Even Root cannot have realised quite what a miss Stokes would be. Stokes is the fulcrum, the ringmaster and the game breaker.Cricinfo dropped this one without even a hint of irony.

National inspiration. Not bad for a player who averages 35 with the bat and ball.

[hfswjyr]

Is this the same Ben Stokes that's been playing for Canterbury in our national comp?


He has totalled just 36 runs from three turns at bat and gone 1-144 from 26 overs.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/cricket/99692110/ben-stokes-nabs-first-wicket-for-canterbury-but-struggling-for-best-form

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cricinfo dropped this one without even a hint of irony.

National inspiration. Not bad for a player who averages 35 with the bat and ball.

He has an ability to impact games that no one else in our team has. A bit like Flintoff in his prime, but a better bat and worse bowler.

Can't do it on his own, and won't do it consistently, but you want him in the team as opposed to not. That said, we'd still be 2-0 down with him. As I said before this started, we are three batsmen short and adding Stokes would make us still three batsmen short, but with a bit more fire.

[Ian]

If Stokes were there he would, perhaps, have helped turned one of the five defeats we're staring down the barrel of into a draw if some of the others had also mustered a backbone or two together.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Right I've seen enough now. Strauss is fucking useless.

[Ian]

What's he done?

[Ian]

Cook celebrating his 150th in style.

Great family, mind.

[niko_cee]

Stoneman's dismissal sounds interesting.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What is their utter fixation with Mitch Marsh? Surrey have signed him as well to replace the great man. He must have nudes of almost everyone in cricket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fair fucks to Malan, this is a ballsy effort. If he and Stoneman can nail their places down, it just leaves Vince James under a cloud.

[Ian]

Blimey, that's a very un-England recovery.

I've never particularly considered Malan a walking wicket but he feels like he always gets pretty much bang on his average. That's a hell of an effort.

[niko_cee]

Dreams of waking up to 450-5 and Moeen going berserk, so we'll probably be 350 all out and staring down the barrel.

I see even Stokes is getting his act together.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Burger King Super Smash looks like everything a T20 comp should be. I think there are two overseas players in the whole tournament, which are Ben Stokes and Sam Curran.

At the other end of the scale, the 'T10' lolfest is getting underway today. It starts off with the 'Kerala Kings' - featuring no Indian players at all, let alone players from Kerala, but instead Eoin Morgan, Liam Plunkett, five West Indians and Paul Stirling - against the 'Bengal Tigers', who have one player, the Fizz, born within a thousand miles of Bengal.

[Kikó]

All for good reasons

"In India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, people have time and they can watch all day," Wasim said. "Here, they don't. That is why an hour and a half, especially for youngsters, is good.

"What I would like to see is kids playing in the nets outside, with tennis balls, so they can come and watch, and play cricket as well. Cricket is big in this part of the world."

They should just do away with the game instead so people can get home.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I assume 'here' is the People's Republic of the UAE?

From the first game scorecard it looks like one of the worst things ever conceived. 18 overs of cricket, 6 sixes hit and 5 wickets were taken. What is the point?

[Waffdon]

Embarrassing

[John Arne]

35/6 :/

[niko_cee]

So, we've fucked this then. Look at the state of that scorecard.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Let's not get the bunting out just yet, couple of wickets here and we're through them.

*Australia finish tomorrow 774/4*

[Kikó]

Desperately need wickets tomorrow to swing this back. I can see them matching or passing England's score then us being whittled for about 167.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah we'll have to do something special third innings (and fourth innings) to win. Should draw from here though unless we completely melt down.

Another 100 would have been nice but I see the knives are out for Malan for 'costing us' by getting out for 140 *prepares another rant*

[niko_cee]

Really?

:D

But yeah, second innings game. Something we have never, ever, been any good at.