The Cricket Thread

[Max Power]

I'd back Chris Woakes average higher with the bat than Dawid Malan or whoever. Just because you have six bowlers doesn't mean they all have to bowl every innings.

[Dave.]

I'd back Chris Woakes average higher with the bat than Dawid Malan or whoever. Just because you have six bowlers doesn't mean they all have to bowl every innings.

For me, Woakes plays ahead of Ronald-Jones despite his excellent first two test matches.

Cook
Stoneman (got to play ahead of Jennings surely)
Westley
Root
Bairstow
Stokes
Moeen
Woakes
Broad
Anderson

The last place in the team is between Ronald-Jones and Hales for me.

[Max Power]

I reckon Hales would do well in Australia. Pace on the ball, little sideways movement, testosterone pumping from all angles.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If Hales played I'd want him absolutely no higher than 6, maybe even 7. The more licence he has, the better.

Also Martin it's Roland-Jones, not Ronald. Ronald's Test days seem alas behind him.

[igor_balis]

For WIndies and Aus away it's surely just 3 from Anderson, Broad, Woakes and TR-J depending on who is injured/out of form etc.

I don't care how shit our batting stocks are, Woakes isn't a good enough batman to justify coming in for Malan when we already have 5 bowlers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of Broad and Anderson will have broken down by then anyway. Didn't Chris Tremlett break Jimmy's ribs in the boxing ring in the build up to the last one? Maybe this time it'll be Liam Dawson poking his eye out with a snooker cue.

[Dave.]

If Hales played I'd want him absolutely no higher than 6, maybe even 7. The more licence he has, the better.

Also Martin it's Roland-Jones, not Ronald. Ronald's Test days seem alas behind him.

Sorry. :( (might call him TR-J from now on!)

re Bell, it would seem that way. In a way, he slots nicely into this discussion. He would be a decent shout for the no.5 position.

[Danny]

Toblerone-Jones will always be acceptable to me.

Bell isn't a decent shout for anything anymore. He is averaging 24 this season.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You still see a lot of calls on Idiotic Cricket Twitter (as distinct from Cricket Twitter) for Bell's return. Might as well take John Crawley on the same logic. For once, I think England called it a day at the right time there.

[Ian]

So. Mason Crane?

[Jimmy Floyd]

My sources say Mason Crane is a lovely bloke, so I'm all for it.

Probably slightly wishful thinking at this point but he's got 'it'.

[Max Power]

The all rounders at 5,6,7 allows you to carry a young leggie if possible...

Good that Stoneman finally gets a go. Scenes when Jason Holder or some mug is all over him for the series and he averages 8.6.

[Dave.]

The last couple of times I checked Warwickshire's scores, Bell has been in the runs. Bit of a surprise his average is that low.

Don't mind us picking Mason Crane but would prefer the extra batter. We definitely shouldn't go into matches with five seamers or a bits-and-pieces player like Dawson.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If two of the seamers are Stokes and Woakes and the spinner is Moeen Ali, I think you definitely can. People's ability to bowl does not diminish their ability to bat, and vice versa. We have three bona fide all rounders.

[niko_cee]

Caught the end of the roses match last night, just in time to see Bresilad steaming in through the driving rain, returning figures of 6-19, with a run out thrown in to boot.

:|

[ScousePig]

I was thinking of nipping over as it's only less than a mile up the road, but apparently it was sold out.

[Max Power]

That catch from Jack Leaning :|

[Danny]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44zRVNLJmf0

2:55 for the catch. That is outstanding.

The masterclass from Bresilad starts at about 4:00

[ItalAussie]

I thought the India/Sri Lanka series was in India. This is a thumping of highest order.

[John]

I've just turned Sky on and been met with their coverage of Derbyshire vs Durham. The first thing I witnessed was a running commentary of the contents of the Indian they'd just had delivered to the comms box.

Top work, Sky.

[Ian]

Pfft, they're just ripping off Blowers describing cakes and pigeons on TMS.

[John]

One of the commentators dropped a poppadom and the man who'd received the takeaway immediately took the box away from him in case he dropped the rest.

[Baz]

The pink ball is AWESOME.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In ten years I think whites and red balls may be a thing of the past (not necessarily a bad thing).

Stoneman cleaned up already, who's the next cab off the rank.

[Ian]

Sounds like Stoneman got a really good delivery. Is that fair or should he have dealt with it?

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is quite a fun spectacle apart from the fact I can barely see the ball.

[Jimmy Floyd]

West Indies are TERRIBLE.

[Max Power]

I was going to say this day/night Test in England will never catch on but maybe it's not fair when it's such a mismatched game.

[niko_cee]

It's just so pointless though. The ball is ridiculous (looks like one of those orange practice balls in the daylight) and it must be fucking freezing by the time the last overs are being bowled. We have an inordinate amount of daylight in summer, we don't need this wank. What kind of idiot goes along for the final session of a days test cricket (as this is presumably what the after work crowd must be)? Do you have to pay for a full day ticket to do that? Just fuck off with it. Also, lol 'Windies' as I believe they are now officially called.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Eoin Morgan was doing oddly hard work on twitter earlier arguing in favour of it, when him and Buttler get on their marketing soap boxes I always raise an eyebrow.

[ItalAussie]

I thought I'd hate day/night tests, but I'm 100% in favour now.

Do we want cricket to thrive? Make it easy to watch cricket. It's not a difficult calculus.

[John]

I saw someone arguing against it earlier on the basis that the floodlights would get in players eyes as they follow the path of the ball on a high bat. Watertight argument.

[niko_cee]

I thought I'd hate day/night tests, but I'm 100% in favour now.

Do we want cricket to thrive? Make it easy to watch cricket. It's not a difficult calculus.

If you want to make it easy to watch you keep it on free to air tv. We're already way past that and, if anything, moving it into 'prime time' makes that an even more remote possibility. You can't just rock up after work with a slab of tinnies and watch it from the hill over here. I can sort of understand it in Adelaide where it's permanently hot and everyone has well and truly shat the bed about the AFL, but not in England, thanks.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I like them in some circumstances but I really don't think we need them here, having just listened to 'Don't take me home' on a two hour loop in last night's session.

The ECB are pushing it fucking hard though, including releasing random stats to the commentators about what percentage of that day's spectators are 'new to the game'. The ECB is absolutely ram-packed with Australians these days (it works back home, mate) so no surprise.

Also, did anybody ever 'watch' Test cricket live in huge numbers? When did this happen, the 1930s?

[Danny]

Forget all that. Adam Lyth :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

The mighty rey chased down 130 in the last over with Gareth Batty hitting the winning runs. Which reminds me, I saw Moises Henriques enjoying an expensive coffee with an attractive young lady outside a hipster café on Sunday morning. Being the salt of the earth, I had to settle for the greasy spoon next door.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Chef currently just 4,407 runs away from Tendulkar's record. Believe.

We should schedule some 5-Test series against Ireland just to get him to the record quicker, the little master himself would approve.

[Max Power]

Could probably get them in this series tbh. Well this and another 10/11 type Ashes series this winter.

[Danny]

Anderson is back to playing like a cheat player. 3 wickets and a run out.

[ItalAussie]

If you want to make it easy to watch you keep it on free to air tv. We're already way past that and, if anything, moving it into 'prime time' makes that an even more remote possibility. You can't just rock up after work with a slab of tinnies and watch it from the hill over here. I can sort of understand it in Adelaide where it's permanently hot and everyone has well and truly shat the bed about the AFL, but not in England, thanks.I don't understand the rationale here. People have jobs in the UK as well. Why play it when people are working, when you could just play it when they aren't?

I do agree regarding free-to-air, but that ship has basically sailed for you guys.

[Ian]

19 wickets taken in a day. Is that a record in tests or has 20 been managed?

[igor_balis]

I took 2 days holiday at work and went to Wales with a ladyfriend yesterday and Wednesday, with the bonus of two days of sitting on the sofa watching test match cricket to follow. So much for that. Obviously there isn't even gonna be a 4th day, but the gap in quality made today mostly depressing.

Is it sacrilege to admit, except for if we're playing tests against India/Australia, that I'm more of a fan of "test cricket" than of Team England? With the shortsightedness of the BCCI/ICC etc I can't see much future for the long game.

[Danny]

19 wickets taken in a day. Is that a record in tests or has 20 been managed?

http://stats.espncricinfo.com/wi/content/records/283080.html

Not even close.

England against WI at Lords in 2000 has some part of all innings in 1 day (21 wickets on that list)

http://www.espncricinfo.com/series/15675/scorecard/63889/England-vs-West-Indies-2nd-Test

[niko_cee]

I don't understand the rationale here. People have jobs in the UK as well. Why play it when people are working, when you could just play it when they aren't?

I do agree regarding free-to-air, but that ship has basically sailed for you guys.

Because it's still played when people are at work, and you can't just turn up for one session, even if you wanted to (the corollary of this would be the ground being empty for 2 sessions - what a great plan). Test cricket is just a game better suited to being played in the day, in England at least.

The tests are invariably scheduled to take place over a weekend so there is as much chance to watch it then as there is for any other sport, if you want the live experience (feckless opposition permitting).

One feature of this experiment that I have liked is the making up time at the start of the day (ie early start). I have long wondered why this isn't done more routinely - ICC diktat I imagine since it used to be a thing - starting at 10.30 always felt a bit of a bonus.

[Ian]

Test tickets in England normally sell pretty well anyway, don't they? Is the day-night thing geared toward that? Or is it better TV ratings?

Or neither?

[ItalAussie]

I'm talking about getting people to watch it on TV. If you're going to the ground, then you'll probably go either way (although matches played elsewhere suggests that people do come after work to the match, but it's a drop in the ocean compared to television).

The more eyes, the better.

EDIT: Obviously free-to-air is vital as well, goes without saying.

[niko_cee]

I read a bit on this one this morning and now understand. The ludicrously named Mr Snowball, who is in charge of bean counting or somesuch at Egbaston, said they reckon they did 25% more revenue than they would normally expect. I thought this sounded impressive and wondered where it came from as I doubted whether it was purely down to selling more tickets or everyone getting more pissed than usual (although could be a factor) and sure enough there they were, the good old executive packages. That's the deal, isn't it? You can sell all your function venues (or that stupid balcony that faces the wrong way at the Oval) for much more than you would perhaps normally be able to even though, personally, I think a corporate jolly which requires attendance at night rather than the day sounds a bit horrifying.

[niko_cee]

The Ronald's tolling for Westley now. Christ knows what our top order is going to be like (or do) in Australia.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I still don't know what the West Indies ever saw in Kieran Powell. Appalling batsman and that drop has cost them a decent chance of being competitive in the match.

Bit riding on this for me. My club has made it to a T20 finals day on Monday but two of our fucking idiot key players have Headingley tickets for Monday. Ergo I desperately need a three day finish here. Mon the wickets.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some people on the Cricinfo commentary saying that not only Ronald (who is finished), but Paul Collingwood should return for the Ashes. Why not go the whole hog and dig up WG Grace.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bit riding on this for me. My club has made it to a T20 finals day on Monday but two of our fucking idiot key players have Headingley tickets for Monday. Ergo I desperately need a three day finish here. Mon the wickets.

Solid effort so far but the long tail threatening to piss me off. I need the maroons in tonight and I need them calypso-collapsing.

[Danny]

Criminal shot and even worse drop

[ItalAussie]

The Ronald's tolling for Westley now. Christ knows what our top order is going to be like (or do) in Australia.

Root and Cook will get doubles along the way. Stokes will fail eight times and we'll lol, but then he'll get two ridiculous hundreds in the second half of the series to put us away.

[Max Power]

Think it will be a fun series. Two flawed sides but with plenty of "box office players" and genuine match winners.

[igor_balis]

good partnership, this

hope braithwaite gets his century

[igor_balis]

ben stokes is not a very good test match bowler

[igor_balis]

:cool:

great innings

[niko_cee]

The Mo-ssiah.

Looks like Jimmy's team mates picked a good day to go.

[Max Power]

Moeen Ali top five British sportsman of all time imo

[niko_cee]

Can't be many scores of 500 in test cricket knocking about where no one gets a ton (notwithstanding Bloakesy blasting one here).

Edit, damn you Joe!

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Mo-ssiah.

Looks like Jimmy's team mates picked a good day to go.

Yeah. We got smoked as well.

[Danny]

Can't be many scores of 500 in test cricket knocking about where no one gets a ton (notwithstanding Bloakesy blasting one here).

Edit, damn you Joe!

Fourth highest test score without a ton - England's highest - and ninth highest English third innings score ever too

[ItalAussie]

Can't be many scores of 500 in test cricket knocking about where no one gets a ton (notwithstanding Bloakesy blasting one here).

Edit, damn you Joe!

There was one a while back against you guys where India looked like they'd clear 600 without a ton until Kumble got his late in the innings.

Here we are:
http://www.cricbuzz.com/live-cricket-scorecard/3835/eng-vs-ind-3rd-test-india-in-england-2007

New Cricinfo won't even load the old scorecard. Quelle surprise.

[niko_cee]

Is that the lesser spotted Ashton Agar I espy for Australia?

I'm not really an expert on them, but that Australian batting line-up looks a bit shite.

I see where England lead, others follow.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Well this has taken a turn.

[Max Power]

Some absolutely awful catching in this match.

Credit to Windies though, never saw them getting anything in this series. Great effort.

[Ian]

How bad was that from Cook? I know he's usually good (two big ones today) but that one off Hope was going at a fair old lick. Would you still expect him to bring that in?

[niko_cee]

He should catch it.

[Ian]

Broad and Anderson looking weary here.

Not that it matters at this stage, it would take one of the most spectacular collapses you can think of for them to not win this.

[Ian]

Next over maiden, Mo back in to complete a double-hat-trick. :nodd:

[ItalAussie]

Cricinfo now only loads about 10 overs of commentary at a time, starting from the first over. :face:

Utterly useless.

[ItalAussie]

Collapse is on.

[Ian]

Struggling to find a live text I don't hate for this Banglas / Oz game but I'm all over it. Is there a proper, BBC-style live text with decent commentary and the scorecard on the same bit?

Cricinfo is wank. :(

[niko_cee]

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-08-30/bangladesh-v-australia-first-test-day-four-live-blog/8855738?section=sport

[niko_cee]

Well, that was short-lived.

Oh, wait, no. They've done me with a wrong'un by greening that update when it wasn't a wicket.

[Ian]

The number 11 smashing a six. :D I was going to say "Imagine Jimmy trying to do that" but he actually got one against South Africa, didn't he? Or was that a fever dream?

EDIT: Oh, it wasn't the 11. Down to 22 to go! Cummins is sick of this shit, apparently.

Mon the Desh.

[Ian]

The Desh. :cool:

EDIT: http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/wales/41074513

This is a bit shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As an aficionado of cricket points systems, I'm telling you that one is fucking stupid and should be drowned in the sea.

[niko_cee]

Should have batted.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If there are 30 points in the game and the lead is 21 (I'm assuming you don't get anything for losing), you should bat first really as presumably by chasing a small total you're denying yourself points.

The ability to declare in a limited overs game is the thing. It's banned in proper leagues.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Surrey v Middlesex county championship match is currently delayed due to 'crowd trouble'.

The mind boggles.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Update: it's a metal tipped arrow seemingly fired onto the pitch. Are the French invading?

[igor_balis]

Bloody love Shakib.

[Giggles]

http://m.bbc.com/sport/cricket/41103549

What sort of a fucking world is this?

[Shindig]

I mean, was there an archery event nearby? That's the only explanation. THE ONLY ONE.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hameed currently 30* in almost three and a half hours. Get him on the god damn plane, purely to wind up the Australians and their AGGRESSION IS THE NAME OF THE GAME MATE.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Also, I've just calculated that West Indies need to win the ODI series against us 4-1 (and win the game in Ireland) to qualify for the World Cup and knock Sri Lanka into the qualifying tournament. I reckon we should just let them do it.

[ItalAussie]

So the bad news for England is that our top four are really quite good.

The good news is that once you get past them, you're into the tail.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think you should really beat us on your featherbeds. I would be very surprised if Broad and Anderson each have a full series of five in them.

[Ian]

What a shitshow.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There must be a real argument to bat Woakes in the top six.

[niko_cee]

Just recall Hales.

He'll piss it in Australia.

Hameed to grind the fuck out of it at 2 and Ramprakash to lend a bit of class at 3. Sorted.

[ItalAussie]

Full MoU agreed as CA eyes T20 focus

This is what cricket is now. A boot racing like a tracer bullet into a human face forever.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'd missed this particular feud: http://sport.bt.com/cricket/former-west-indies-bowler-michael-holding-hits-back-at-brian-lara-criticism-S11364209971175

Mikey knows where the bodies are buried.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All sorts of mayhem ongoing here, and meanwhile Ireland have appointed Graham Ford. Top of the morning.

[Danny]

That Anderson wicket at the end of the day was unplayable. He can play in home tests until hes about 45

[Jimmy Floyd]

The best of the many great things about Jimmy Anderson is the utter fury he provokes on Australian and Indian Cricket Twitter. Grown men walking around with drool coming out of every orifice because he averages a bit less at Trent Bridge than at the Gabba.

[Pepe]

I still get the weekly emails inviting me to play cricket. Maybe I shoulg go again some day. Friday at 6pm I am usually more in the having a beer mood though.

[niko_cee]

They combine well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I only do it for that reason really. It's more just a way of self-selecting who is worth drinking with.

[Pepe]

Are Indians good at banter?

[Max Power]

Maybe the worst ever.

[John]

There is no 'banter', they just openly fume.

[ItalAussie]

The best of the many great things about Jimmy Anderson is the utter fury he provokes on Australian and Indian Cricket Twitter. Grown men walking around with drool coming out of every orifice because he averages a bit less at Trent Bridge than at the Gabba.

In fairness, he's been underwhelming in Australia in the past. Not always, but enough to make you think he's not really as good as he's said to be if that's all you see.

It's like Ashwin bowling in the UK. If that's all you judged him from, you'd think he was trash(win).

[Ian]

Rainy Tuesday in Stoke, etc.

[Mellberg]

Took 24 wickets in 2010-11. It's not Mitchell Johnson, but they're good figures.

[Max Power]

Bowled well in India and UAE in 2011-2012 as well. Obviously miles better under cloudy skies with a Dukes ball but who cares? You don't get 501 wickets without being some bowler.

[Ian]

Two tests of three done inside three days. Shambles.

[niko_cee]

The other one was a classic though, so it more than evens out.

[Ian]

So are we expecting any changes for the winter? We've no more tests between now and The Ashes, right?

[niko_cee]

Gaz Ballaz to return to the touring squad. How many do they usually take? I'm sure Hales will be 'in the country' at some point for some big bashing.

Cook, Stoneman, Hameed, Westley, Root, Malan, Ballance, Hales, Stokes, Moeen, Rashid, Bairstow, Buttler, Woakes, Roland-Jones, Broad, Anderson, Wood.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stoneman and Malan have probably done enough, Westley is a question mark.

I want them to pick Fat Sam Patel, his time has come. Absolutely smashing it of late.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, clocked him in the T20 finals I think it was where he was being erroneously passed off as Jeetan Patel by the commentators.

They'll take Dawson instead.

:moop:

[Jimmy Floyd]

If Dawson is pointless on any tour, in Australia they could just take a bottle of his hair gel and it would do a similar job.

[Ian]

How's Hameed doing for form at the moment? It was a real shame he got injured.


If Dawson is pointless on any tour, in Australia they could just take a bottle of his hair gel and it would do a similar job.

:D

[Jimmy Floyd]

He got a marathon 88 the other day against champions elect (ffs) Essex. I reckon they'll take him initially as a backup.

[Danny]

If Dawson is pointless on any tour, in Australia they could just take a bottle of his hair gel and it would do a similar job.

Atleast they could use that to bowl at in the nets.

[igor_balis]

feel like pure shit just want hameed back x

[Ian]

I see an Ashes "The Verdict Special" on Sky.

Bob's not even fucking on it.

Bastards. I want my Verdict back.

EDIT: It occurs to me this'll be because they've paid these pundits for five days and want their money's worth. But fuck it. I want Bob.

[niko_cee]

Windies absolutely teeing off here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I particularly enjoyed CJ's 66mph wide full toss. What did he expect?

Fuck me, look at all these right arm seamers.

[niko_cee]

Some effort to be run out there.

He was barely even jogging.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If it was anyone other than Chris Gayle (good old Chris, does everything slowly) you'd say match fixing.

[Ian]

T20 really is a load of bollocks.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It really is, and getting worse. West Indies playing the laziest cricket imaginable here. Not interested in running. Spinners bowling it 'into the pitch' the most effective form of bowling by far.

[niko_cee]

If it was anyone other than Chris Gayle (good old Chris, does everything slowly) you'd say match fixing.

They've clearly pooled their match fees and gone big on England after 10 overs.

[Ian]

It really is, and getting worse. West Indies playing the laziest cricket imaginable here. Not interested in running. Spinners bowling it 'into the pitch' the most effective form of bowling by far.

Boundaries are, as a spectator, utterly meaningless. And yet presumably for your T20 fanatics that's what's supposed to be exciting about it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

People are supposed to be impressed that large men can hit a ball over ropes that aren't very far away.

Once people cotton on that bad bowling is better than good bowling, which unquestionably it is, then it'll really die.

[Ian]

I've got it on for something to watch but really it's just absolute nonsense. I think I've decided that I feel about it much the same way I do about basketball when I've tried to watch that, where the only bit that's ever even remotely interesting are the very final stages of a close match.

[Danny]

I've got it on for something to watch but really it's just absolute nonsense. I think I've decided that I feel about it much the same way I do about basketball when I've tried to watch that, where the only bit that's ever even remotely interesting are the very final stages of a close match.

The exact same reason I have it on. Fuck all else on.

[niko_cee]

Whilst I am absolutely inclined to agree with the sentiment there must be at least a part of you (Jimmy) that can appreciate a format where 50mph dobbers appear to be magic bullets.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Whilst I am absolutely inclined to agree with the sentiment there must be at least a part of you (Jimmy) that can appreciate a format where 50mph dobbers appear to be magic bullets.

Oh absolutely, I'm a genius at it 'irl' with my Michael Yardys. There is also a very enjoyable tactical side to it which gets underplayed somewhat, where every ball is an event. But the professional 'T20 circuit' and associated spinoffs is just horrendous.

I think I've had enough of Eoin Morgan. Opinionated wanker who has about 3 good games in 25.

[Ian]

Nice of us to educate the opposition on what a proper collapse looks like.

[niko_cee]

Ben Stokes appears to be taking the term 'death bowling' a little too literally here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nice to see Marlon the Muppet stink the place out earlier.

This lot are quite capable of bombing in the World Cup qualifier I reckon. Afghanistan are mad, bad and dangerous, Zimbabwe have somehow been getting their act together and just recovered Brendon Taylor...

[Jimmy Floyd]

Quite an interesting finish to the Championship looking likely, largely thanks to this lolfest at Kolpak City: http://www.espncricinfo.com/series/8052/scorecard/1068579/Hampshire-vs-Essex--Specsavers-County-Championship-Division-One-2017/

The men from the Costa del Sunbed are already champions of course and their number five, Lawrence, is the future of English middle order batting. Absolutely brilliant player. I'd take him to Australia, but nobody will possibly be brave enough to do so. 'Ooh, you can't debut someone in the Ashes. Ooh, the Australians will tear them apart'. They're an inconsistent cricket team ffs, not the Imperial Guard.

On which note, Steven Finn's chances have massively soared in the last seven days. 'Ooh, tall bowlers go well in Australia'. Christ help us.

[ItalAussie]

It's weird to me how soon the Ashes are. Why are we playing pointless ODI matches in India at the moment? Just to demoralize us as a team before you lot arrive?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's an absolute race to the bottom.

Root is going to eat up about 85% of the goodwill he enjoys with the British public by insisting they take Gary Ballance.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Mo :cool:

36 off 7 balls at time of going to press.

[igor_balis]

Not a fan of the jamodis but i'm loving this from big Mo.

[igor_balis]

absolute state of your fielding, lads

[Jimmy Floyd]

Marlon Samuels is a genuine disgrace.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I apologise to Gaz Ballance, it looks like (as well as him) we're going down the even more surefire success route of James Vince.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Stokes and Hales arrested. Beat that, Australia.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sorry, only Stokes arrested. Hales is merely helping police with their enquiries.

[John]

Sky Sports initial take on that was terrific. He was arrested after an incident in a pub and had to have an injured hand looked at, but there was 'no indication of the nature of the incident'.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And the victim was treated for facial injuries. But no, absolutely no indication as to what's gone on.

[Max Power]

I thought we were nailed on for some after hours aggro once we got down under, probably after a surprise win at the Gabba. Surprised Stokes has got involved already, great stuff.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, I want a Malcolm Conn thinkpiece and I want it now.

[Max Power]

Vince and Ballance on the plane apparently. Give me strength.

[Danny]

From the Cricinfo article

One the plane: Alastair Cook, Mark Stoneman, Joe Root, Ben Stokes, Jonny Bairstow, James Anderson, Stuart Broad, Chris Woakes, Moeen Ali

Waiting by the phone: Keaton Jennings, Tom Westley, Gary Ballance, Dawid Malan, James Vince, Alex Hales, Ben Foakes, Mason Crane, Adil Rashid, Jack Leach, Liam Dawson

Outsiders: Haseeb Hameed, Sam Robson, Joe Denly, Nick Gubbins, Rory Burns, Ian Bell, Liam Livingstone, Sam Northeast, Dan Lawrence, Jos Buttler, Alex Davies, Mark Wood, Jake Ball, Craig Overton, Steven Finn, Liam Plunkett, Jamie Porter, Samit Patel

If we are taking an 18 man touring party I would take the highlighted. I would be tempted to send Crane on the Lions tour rather than carry drinks and maybe bring Lawrence over Westley but do we really want to chuck him in against the Aussies? He says picking Foakes as the back up keeper....

[niko_cee]

Those Welsh twats who did that declaration to win the league thing have been relegated.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm not sure what the bigger injustice is, Vince on the plane or what niko said.

I have to say Vince and Crane both being from Root's management company, and Ballance being his mate, looks suspicious to me.

[Max Power]

Crane is whatever, guy isn't going to play. Vince and Ballance is pure shit, how many goes do you need before you realise someone is shit. Hameed breaking his hand at the wrong time, surely he'd have gone ahead of at least one of them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I read that Hameed wasn't going anyway. Remember how they left him out for Duckett in Bangladesh? Not a Bayliss player. He wants AGGRESSION and other bullshit Aussie values.

Vince is the one that makes absolutely no fucking sense. At least Barry Gallance has done ok in the championship. Vince has averaged 30 in that and was shite for technically transparent reasons when he played Tests. I can see absolutely no reason for picking Vince over at least 15 other candidates.

This is a shite squad and if Australia don't win at least 4-1 they will have played extremely poorly.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The selectors are backing James Vince to make an impact on his recall to the Test squad. He is a quality strokeplayer and we believe his game will suit the Australian pitches. His understanding of the England set-up will help him settle into the environment quickly and hit the ground running when we arrive in Perth next month.

Gahahaha that's James Whitaker's actual words, not a parody written by me.

[Max Power]

How many recalls does Ballance need before everyone realises his stupid, crabbing, stand 1cm in front of the stumps, no backlift shite technique isn't going to score runs at international level.

Vince seems a classic 'his face fits' selection as backed up by that ludicrous statement.

Bowling is much of a muchness, all lambs to the slaughter and I'm sure others from the Lions will be tapped to play at some point.
At least the Lions are touring at the same time so when both fail again someone else gets a go on the carousel.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bejesus, I had assumed Vince was going as a spare, he's actually going 'to bat at three' with Gaz and Malan dicing for five.

Cook nicks off in the third over, who do we want striding to the wicket at the Gabba. JAMES VINCE. He has the presence of a scented candle, and the face of a world number 81 ranked snooker player who has somehow made it through to his only appearance at the Crucible but destined to lose 10-2 to Liang Wenbo in the first round.

Our best hope here is that the Aussies decide to TARGET Moeen Ali and end up in a heap.

[Max Power]

Why no spare opener as well? Probably have Moeen opening up by the third Test.

[igor_balis]

Bayliss doesn't care about / watch FC cricket from what I've heard, and someone on a cricket forum I look at made a reasonably convincing case that Vince has been picked partly on the basis that he's done alright on the telly playing t20 shite, which Bayliss has actually bothered to watch. Plus #intent etc.

[Max Power]

https://twitter.com/willis_macp/status/913027360366252033

Why is he retiring. What a man.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We are going to get absolutely relegado without him next year unless they can get Amla or someone of that ilk onto Kolpak Boulevard.

[Waffdon]

That Stokes video is brilliant. He isn’t half swinging.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have to say, I'm with Stokesy on this one. It's mostly the tea-and-creams brigade lining up to slate him.

[Ian]

The batting options in our Ashes squad are absolutely vile. Should be interesting to see how we do trying to come back from 80-odd for three every single innings.

[Max Power]

Some twat starts trying to bottle his mate and Stokes knocks him out. No problem there. Well in lad.

[niko_cee]

80-odd for three

Chance'd be a fine thing.

[ItalAussie]

Mellin went down for less.

He's well within his rights to swing back when the guy goes at him, but the damning thing is continuing once he's on the ground.

[Shindig]

He could've backed down but it's not like the other guy's pressed charges.

[Queenslander]

He's touring Australia he's fine none of us are in a position to judge because our National game is played by king hit cowards.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My mum thinks he should never play cricket again, which is evidence enough for me that he's an innocent man.

[niko_cee]

The bloke he smashed was apparently a 'former soldier' which makes him even more of a hero (Stokes that is). Squaddie knobhead trumps sporting knobhead every time.

Nude image(s) of Hales being circulated.

Jos Butler having a stag do in Amsterdam.

It's all going off.

[Shindig]

It's like a 90s England World Cup build-up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/series/18037/scorecard/1120284

Pakistan going absolutely undiluted, full strength Pakistan there.

Rangy Herath 11 wickets, somebody build that man a throne.

[Ian]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/41507153

Freddie's been on the eccies.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He played in at least two better teams than this one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've called up Finn as a (possibly temporary) replacement for Stokes. Fucking like for like.

[Max Power]

Ready made replacement is already there lads. He don' t go out boozing though...

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was at a dinner tonight with Hoggard (semi-dull) and Gareth Batty. Gaz Batts is probably the biggest legend I've ever encountered. Just absolute pure heart on sleeve from beginning to end. He was almost in tears talking about Sangakkara.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/id/21006055/test-odi-leagues-approved-icc-board

I think 4 day Tests are an absolute nonsense sham (no one will ever bowl 110 overs in a day), but there we are. The rest of the stuff is a step forward, even if the format of the Test Championship makes zero fucking sense.

[ItalAussie]

Test Championships. :nono:

You know who the test champion is, because they're the team who everyone else is scared to play. Tables and points are just a way of keeping score, but if people need to check the score, you're not really a champion.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Shall we apply that to football.

[ItalAussie]

Meh - cricket and football practically live on different planets.

[Max Power]

110 overs a day :lol:

Unless they literally start executing captains for poor over rates it will never happen.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It will end up being 95-100 and they won't even manage that, especially now you can review almost anything without losing one.

[Ian]

Does the Test championship not just put a bit more structure to the existing test rankings?

Edit: though reading it again the format is a bit shonky.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sort of but it will have actual points for wins and a final. The flaws are that you don't play everyone, just a random selection of 6 series (presumably to avoid India and Pakistan having to play each other) and that the Zimbabwe, Ireland and Afghanistan will have to play in random tagged on Tests as they aren't included.

Digging into the politics, the main issue is that Bangladesh and Sri Lanka (and presumably Pakistan, were they to become shit) absolutely reject any form of two-tier system. The most logical system would be endless divisions of 6, with one up one down, going all the way down to France and the Cayman Islands.

[Ian]

Ohhh, I hadn't read it properly. And I suppose it didn't occur to me that playing sets of fixtures would mean missing a load out.

[Ian]

It's a bit low of this WACA XI to let Stoneman, Vince, Malan and Ballance get decent scores to to give them a false sense of confidence.

[niko_cee]

Low scores for Cook and Root as well. We're fucked.

Is the head of Clifton CID an Australian or something?

[Max Power]

If Mo is out the balance of the team looks shit. I had a bit of hope a couple months ago, but no Stokes and no Ali takes away our biggest strength - two world class all rounders and middle/lower order game changing runs.

[niko_cee]

Stoneman and Vince also dropped twice each I see.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The middle order engine room that has powered us through any recent victories has been Bairstow-Stokes-Moeen (in some order). Take two of those out of the picture and we will lose 5-0 unless Cook scores a thousand, which he won't.

Bowling wise, without Mo I can see us descending into some 12 overs an hour nightmare and never playing Crane because why the fuck have we taken him.

[niko_cee]

In the process of banking the first defeat of the tour by the looks of things.

[niko_cee]

Maybe Anderson (and Ball) save the day, although the BBC scorecard is struggling to keep up with what is going on and, whilst a bit more accurate, the cricinfo one is about 5 overs behind and is now suggesting Moeen is bowling?

:cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was looking at one of the fuckers on the WA XI to be an overseas last week, little fucker suddenly turns up in this team, gets Root out and his value will have quintupled.

Look at Jimmy's figures compared to everyone else. It'll only make the side strain more galling.

[niko_cee]

They appear to be attempting to contrive a tie.

[niko_cee]

Steve Finn's knee has obviously gotten wind of what is likely to come and has given up the ghost. I reckon they'd have gone with Ball ahead of him anyway. Sir Mo is on the mend apparently, but I'll believe that when he turns out in Townsville (that game should be a laugh). This Pomnishambles thing 5live have on tonight about the last tour sounds like it might be quite entertaining.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Lions bowling cover out there consists of Tom Helm, George Garton and Jamie Porter. Porter bowls at 78mph and is injured; the other two are talented but raw as fuck to the point where they're not necessarily county regulars even.

Wonder which idiot they'll call up next.

[niko_cee]

Presumably Chris Jordan will be over there big bashing it up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Well they've gone for Tom Curran. Not sure he's there as a bowler yet but has the Stuart Broad-esque qualities that will be well suited to an ocker-rich environment.

[igor_balis]

At least it's reasonably interesting as a pick. Don't know bollocks about the lad, but I was half-expecting some predictable bloke who'd already been picked and failed before. Like Finn, basically.

[Jimmy Floyd]

TC is not massively quick and doesn't do a massive amount with the ball, but he's intelligent and a hell of a competitor. Red ball stats don't really add up, but they clearly like him.

He's not a limp dick like so many of the people we pick.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just read an Atherton article built around the fact that James Anderson is 35. Where does the time go ffs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh and Ball's gone down injured in a warm up game, and Paul Collingwood came on as a sub fielder. Absolutely on point Ashes tour so far.

[Ian]

How many more injuries until Bresilad is next cab off the rank?

[Jimmy Floyd]

The County Championship Division 1 bowling averages this year were a curious thing (this is ranked by average given 15+ wickets):

1 Sam Cook
2 Jamie Porter
3 Kyle Abbott
4 Ian Holland
5 Simon Harmer
6 Rikki Clarke
7 Ryan Sidebottom
8 Ben Coad
9 Ryan Sidebottom
10 Craig Overton

In there you've got 4 Kolpaks (including one of the Ryan Sidebottoms), the other Ryan Sidebottom who is retired, Rikki Clarke who is about 60 years old, and then four youngish seamers of whom only one (Overton) is on the Australian trip, main or Lions, at the moment. It's almost like they pick based on some mysterious criteria that only they know about, rather than performances.

[Ian]

So I need stuff to listen to while I'm at the gym (uggghhhhh.) Podcasts feel like the way to go to mix it up with music so I don't tire of the latter. Should I try Cricket Sadist Hour?

[Jimmy Floyd]

You should, although there haven't been any new ones for ages, but the ones there are are quality.

[Max Power]

Freelance CC is decent. Got a recent Ashes preview up as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Switch Hit is normally good if Dobell/Butcher are on as well.

[Ian]

Might check out that Ashes preview one.


You should, although there haven't been any new ones for ages, but the ones there are are quality.

Am I going to lose anything by going from the start? I suppose depending how long it's been going I should know the big names, anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A lot of it's about history and random diversions into statistical oddities, cricketers from 100 years ago, etc. You'll come out of the 30 odd episodes (I think) feeling like much more of a cricket nerd. I am a massive cricket nerd as you know and they were still spitting out things that were way over my head. It's done so engagingly that it's probably entertaining no matter what your prior knowledge.

I'd go from the start, sometimes they're talking about issues of the day but it's only 2 years ago max.

Freelance is good as well, Vish is quality and they interview the more entertaining county cricketers, including a quite revealing one with my mate Jade. There was a brilliant one with Mark Nicholas as well which made me see him in a new light.

[Danny]

Another vote for Sadist Hour, great podcast. I havent tried freelance might have to have a look the next time I have a lull in the usual.

That Pomnishambles thing was crap. i went through the first 20 and gave up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The BBC's cricket output in general is absolutely terrible. I'll make a small exception for Aggers's ball-by-ball commentary (not his articles which could be done by a robot), Alison Mitchell and Dan Norcross, but that's about it.

[Clunge]

Its written coverage is balls / non-existent, particularly on an analytical level.

But TMS, the cricket specials on R5L and preview/post-coverage is still without rival.

[Jimmy Floyd]

TMS is sullied for me by the presence of Vaughan, Swann and their tedious banter. Ebony is good actually, come to think of it.

[igor_balis]

I like Ed Smith a lot. TMS has its faults but I still love it, generally. Switch hit is alright but a bit clinical at times. Butcher is good though. Sadists hour is brilliant, and it's a shame they've not done any for ages. Might be talking out of my arse, but to me it sounded like Andy was getting a bit annoyed with Jarrod at times on more recent ones. More accurate probably is that AZ just can't be arsed to do it.

[igor_balis]

It would have to be a labour of love with the 8 or so regular listeners.

[Danny]

TMS is sullied for me by the presence of Vaughan, Swann and their tedious banter. Ebony is good actually, come to think of it.

Vaughan being one of the main contributors is what put me off that recent one.

[niko_cee]

Bloakesy roaring in by the looks of things.

It would be a significant boon if he could rediscover his bowling of a few summers ago.

[niko_cee]

Anyone had a crack at the all-time ashes XI thing on the beeb's website?

I'm struggling with a fairly Australia-heavy line-up at the moment, but I suppose that's inevitable to an extent (actually 5/6 split with a few tinkers).

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm too busy watching a Sky re-run of the 2004 Champions Trophy final at the moment, what a day.

My main finding is that Nasser Hussain must be a few weeks into his commentary career at this point and he already sounds like a natural.

[niko_cee]

What a day indeed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://ranked-list-images.files.bbci.co.uk/alltimesashesxi-a585dde61469fc9d1a8bab2cac11d7b0.jpg

It's mainly impossible to choose between various world class players, so I've gone for the Ashes specialists. There was a time when 70 Slater runs before lunch were as much a part of life as the IRA and pagers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jesus, Trescothick nicking off their middle order, what sort of warlock produced this match.

[niko_cee]

The graphic won't load for me so I went with Boycott, Hobbs, Bradman, Gower, Waugh, Botham, Gilchrist, Warne, Willis, Lillee, McGrath.

[Dave.]

I've done a team using players from when I first started watching cricket only (circa 1993) and it's depressingly Australian.:moop:

[Dave.]

Hayden, Slater, Vaughan, Hussey, Steve Waugh, Flintoff, Gilchrist, Warne, M Johnson, McGrath, Anderson

Surprised Anderson is an option but Broad isn't.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Broad is usually injured for the Ashes.

I was more miffed about lack of Jardine.

[Dave.]

Broad is usually injured for the Ashes.

I was more miffed about lack of Jardine.

He has performed better than Anderson in Ashes series, I haven't checked the stats but I'm sure they will back this up.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, he's better against Australia than his career averages (by about 1 run each way), and way better than Anderson in an Ashes head-to-head.

[Max Power]

The most notable Ashes series win by a mile during both of their careers was 10/11 and Broad missed basically all of that whereas Anderson was brilliant so I suppose it balances out.

Think if we do anything this time Broad will really have to have a mega series though. Maybe three of his crazy spells.

[niko_cee]

http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/624/cpsprodpb/15744/production/_98767878_ashes_xi_final_editorial.png

Came pretty close with mine. Still think the languid class of Gower would be better at 4 than AB. You've got Steve Waugh for the grit.

I see we're getting some excellent preparation against the whoop whoop thirds on what is no doubt an absolute pudding. When did the preparatory games become such a farce? I'm sure this is something we initiated.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It was inevitable once proper tours stopped being a thing. Visiting team now seen as THE ENEMY rather than tourists. India, as in all things, the worst for it, putting 5 seamers out in their 'A' team against us so we wouldn't get to face any spin (we won that series, lol).

[ItalAussie]

I was off by one Jimmy Anderson.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wanted Botham and Keith Miller in mine but they'd only allow one all-rounder.

Not sure what Jimmy's doing there, I guess Frank Tyson and Fred Trueman are on the wrong side of living memory.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Reports circling that Australia going for an absolutely mental team selection, including Tim Paine as wicketkeeper, and a 483rd recall for Shaun Marsh.

[Max Power]

Darren Lehmann has scored a first class century more recently than Paine :D

May as well just do the inevitable and recall Brad Haddin to kill my dreams again.

[Queenslander]

Chris Hartley was born in the wrong State

[Jimmy Floyd]

He should have done it ever since Gilchrist retired. Then it should have gone to Sam Whiteman (who is now crocked).

As it is they're in an absolute mess in the position.

[ItalAussie]

Chris Hartley was the obvious choice for a long time. Utter incompetence by the selectors.

What a debacle. I'm so annoyed about Paine that I haven't even moved on to being annoyed about Renshaw.

[Queenslander]

Renshaw will have to play this summer at some point surely?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I reckon cricket selection is one of the most incompetently done things in all of sport. I've come across both extremes, either people over-analysing the tiniest details that just don't matter (We'll have to look at the data) and applying lab theories such as James Taylor being too small; or picking on absolute meaningless shite such as how fat someone is, and phrases like 'He'll help us play the right brand of cricket', 'He knows the setup inside out' and my personal favourite for which I recently had to admonish a professional coach who is a lot more qualified than me, 'It makes a lovely sound off his bat' when we were selecting at club level.

There are only two things that matter in long form cricket: the capacity to face balls, and the capacity to hit run-scoring shots (in that order). For bowlers it's the capacity to prevent batsmen doing those two things, in the same order. Those are the only criteria that should come into it and all these players have played LOADS of first class cricket so there's no excuse to get it wrong. That Jos Buttler has played 18 Tests for us is a genuine disgrace.

Matt Renshaw should be a fucking nailed on certain pick and the fact that he had a dodgy run in his last 4 Tests or whatever shouldn't change that. Ed Cowan should have played about 4 times as many Tests as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh and in Tests keepers should be the best fucking gloveman if they are good enough to bat at 7 (or 8 if there's a good all-rounder) - but not in T20, where you should stick gloves on the nearest scarecrow if that scarecrow can hit boundaries.

[ItalAussie]

I agree with Jimmy, with the sole exception that I'm willing to put scores runs over faces balls in some situations.

This is not one of those situations.

[Queenslander]

Brings a tear.

[Queenslander]

I agree with Jimmy, with the sole exception that I'm willing to put scores runs over faces balls in some situations.

This is not one of those situations.

We have a huge problem with collapsing though

[Ian]

Should I have heard of Tim Paine? He's evidently played for Australia during my time watching cricket and yet I've no idea who he is.

[Queenslander]

Back in the day he was supposed to be our long term keeper. Finger injuries ruined all hope