The Cricket Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's unplayable on any pitch to these modern wankers who don't have the patience to outbore him. He literally just sends a pastry selection down on a spot and trusts, correctly, that the batsmen will have less patience than he. Bapu Nadkarni was dispensing the same filth 50 years ago. I'm a slow left armer myself, I know the truth. Most right handed batsmen, including the likes of Pietersen, melt in fear as soon as you say left arm round and through. 'Ooh, it's a tricky angle'. Bollocks is it. You're just shit.

[ItalAussie]

He's unplayable on any pitch to these modern wankers who don't have the patience to outbore him. He literally just sends a pastry selection down on a spot and trusts, correctly, that the batsmen will have less patience than he. Bapu Nadkarni was dispensing the same filth 50 years ago. I'm a slow left armer myself, I know the truth. Most right handed batsmen, including the likes of Pietersen, melt in fear as soon as you say left arm round and through. 'Ooh, it's a tricky angle'. Bollocks is it. You're just shit.

I thought you'd appreciate his accuracy. His pitch map is fantastic, and he has no problems dropping it on the same spot for an entire afternoon.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, but that's exactly what it is. He ain't Rangy Herath and I'm not sure he's even Monty Panesar either in terms of what he can do with the ball.

Pragyan Ojha. He was a gorgeous bowler.

[Danny]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/blogs/content/story/1088278.html


Ramprakash and Hick were new stars, players to stir the soul, ready to sit at the very highest table. Instead, in their separate ways, they were broken on the wheel of English cricket in the 1990s, made living symbols of what went wrong, misrepresented and misunderstood. Added together, their Test averages are lower than Steve Smith's. Joe Root has already made three more Test centuries than they did combined.

:serious:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Thing is with 90s batting averages, as an England player you were up against, in the respective opposition:

McGrath, Warne and their underrated backups
Ambrose & Walsh
Donald & Pollock
Wasim & Waqar
Murali

So you were basically looking at New Zealand and India series to avoid facing usually a pair of all time great bowlers. Pitches were fruitier on average as well, especially in England itself.

Michael Atherton is a great English opener (I know, I watched him) and he averaged less than 38.

[Danny]

Oh I know, bats are million times better too. It was just a bit of a shocking fact to read, and for it to check out.

I would chuck WPUJC Vaas (Somehow I will always remember his initials) in for Murali's partner in crime. I loved watching him bowl.

[Ian]

Perhaps most famous for his role in England's remarkable win against Australia at Headingley in the 1981 Ashes, Chris Old's post-cricket career has included running a fish and chip shop and working at Sainsbury's

Having failed to find a job in the game post-retirement, and having recently gone through a divorce, Old and his new partner opened a fish and chip shop near Penzance, Cornwall.

But, after 11 years, the workload became too much and he was forced to sell at the height of the financial crisis.

He recalls: "What was thought to be a pension for both of us, actually ate into what pensions we both had and therefore made life a little bit difficult."

As a result, he now works part time at Sainsbury's in Truro where the 68-year-old looks after the newspapers and magazines.

"There are people who still come across and ask if it is me and it is a nice situation to be in," he adds.

"Yes [they ask about the 1981 Ashes] but they're also asking about the game today so I have to make sure I'm up to speed with what is happening."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-38678651

I just like that last bit, like those people need him for their cricketing opinions.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cricketers in those days were paid pretty much Sainsbury's wages. They all had to get winter jobs to survive.

[Danny]

I imagine a good chunk still do. I read something the other day about Samuel Badree still being a PE teacher.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's more because he only plays T20 gigs, which are about the least secure form of employment there is, and he has gaps.

The lowest paid county pros over here earn about £20-25,000 I think. The ECB seem to be increasingly hell bent on putting them all out of work though.

Most Pakistanis, on the other hand, earn more playing club cricket in the English summer than they do playing first class cricket at home.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just turned on a T20 international with Pakistan looking to be out of the game. Was on Betfair quicker than you can say 'here comes the madness'.

[niko_cee]

What sort of name for a team is Rising Pune Supergiant? They're not even supergiants, just a solitary rising supergiant. Steve 'good chat' Smith has just steered them to their first ever home win or something. Buttler was expertly sawn off by Umpire Ravi in the Mumbai innings.

Early season carnage everywhere in the counties save for your mob Jim, who are going serenely by the looks of things.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They were Supergiants last season, to have depluralised is weird but then this is India.

My mob have dispensed with Ansari by the looks of things, and yet Jade has somehow found his way into the side. Ravi Rampaul not even in the 14 man squad, these are sad times indeed, although good news for the various chicken shops in the area.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fairly impressive trolling from Hampshire having managed to name an entirely Kolpak five man bowling attack in Abbott, Edwards, Berg, Wheal and Ervine (local boy Dawson an afterthought), as well as Andover's own Rilee Roussouw in the middle order.

[niko_cee]

The BBC still have them as Supergiants, but the IPL website has the new orthodoxy.

http://www.iplt20.com/teams/rising-pune-supergiant

I like it in this new form. Makes it sound even more like corporate wank than it did preciously. Some way to go to match Trillion Trophy Asia Ltd, mind.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Gujarat Lions were on earlier defending 183, and they lost by ten wickets in less than 15 overs. The bowling looked genuinely amateur standard.

[Max Power]

Bollywood Woakes got some tap

[ItalAussie]

The BBC still have them as Supergiants, but the IPL website has the new orthodoxy.

http://www.iplt20.com/teams/rising-pune-supergiant

I like it in this new form. Makes it sound even more like corporate wank than it did preciously. Some way to go to match Trillion Trophy Asia Ltd, mind.

I like how they list the corporate owners before even the coach and captain.

[Ian]

Bollywood Woakes got some tap

Bollywoakes, shirley?

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://i.imgur.com/6nmu1vw.png

It didn't take long for the cricket season to peak.

[Max Power]

Bollywoakes, shirley?

Fair.

Maybe a Bollywood Chris Woakes. Like an Indian version of Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Bandana and thick moustache.

[Max Power]

Watching the Supergiant(s) right now and they hands down have the worst looking sporting kit I've ever seen. Worse than all the 90s football abominations.

Big bad Ben Stokes putting in work though

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some seriously fucking garbage umpiring going on in this RCB v Delhi game. 'Virender Sharma' is such a regen name for an Indian umpire.

[niko_cee]

Just the nine wicket defeat for Gujarat today.

[Danny]

Chanderpaul crabbing his way to 182 against Surrey :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I watched about 60 of them at the ground yesterday. Fucking hell.

[Ian]

Playing Assassin's Creed: Syndicate at the moment and there are games of cricket going on about London. As well as some urchins using a box for stumps and some men of the cloth playing as I have seen with my own eyes, there is this one. Featuring a young Jimmy Floyd at square leg.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIn0hd2SX5w

[Jimmy Floyd]

Disappointed at the lack of 'he's only got one shot' chirping from the fielders.

[niko_cee]

What's the inside scoop on Ansari retiring then Jimmy?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It is what he says it is - he has broad horizons/is a ponce (delete as applicable) and the grind of professional cricket bores him.

Let's put it this way, he's not Tim Bresnan who plays cricket to escape a life of shoplifting and licking chip fat off the pavement.

[Max Power]

Working in The City and banging lines all day trumps standing in the slips all day at Southport you say?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some fairly lol stuff going on in the world of cricket politics, where the 'rest of the world' has for once decided to stand up against India and defeated them at the ICC table: http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci-icc/content/story/1094846.html

As a result indianteam are now threatening to pull out of the Champions Trophy.

[niko_cee]

Having not seen any IPL for a good few weeks imagine my surprise when they flashed up a table during the SUPERGIANT match from the other day suggesting Jason Roy's Gujarat Lions were top of the league? You what I thought. Turns out they are rank last, which makes more sense.

I don't think I've ever seen one of these presentations either. Good grief. And the Cement Manufacturers Association Award for the most solid platform goes to . . .

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm a big advocate of the FBB Stylish Player of the Day becoming a more widespread thing.


A cheque of RS 1 lakh and a trophy will be provided by FBB to the Stylish Player of the Match. The most stylish player of the match selected by the commentary panel. They will award points to players based on the combination of performance and style (confidence, appearance, ability to remain cool/ calm under pressure, attitude, etc.).

'Appearance'. Sorry Stokesy.

[Danny]

Some fairly lol stuff going on in the world of cricket politics, where the 'rest of the world' has for once decided to stand up against India and defeated them at the ICC table: http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci-icc/content/story/1094846.html

As a result indianteam are now threatening to pull out of the Champions Trophy.

The state of the financial model they want :lol:

GIving Pak 13m and they take all of the associates money too.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/db/PICTURES/CMS/262100/262168.jpg

And to think I'm fairly shocked the orange one actually got voted through. Usually Sri Lanka and Bangladesh have raging boners for voting through versions of the green settlement.

[Ian]

Turkeys vote for Christmas by the flock in sport (see Liga, La) which I assume just means corruption.

[ItalAussie]

That 13 on Pakistan is a typo, surely. The wedges are the same size.

[ItalAussie]

The numbers on each wheel - even correcting for the typo - don't add up to the same thing. :cab:

It's not even close enough to blame rounding error.

[John Arne]

$3m out, I get it. $1,734 v $1,731.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The numbers on each wheel - even correcting for the typo - don't add up to the same thing. :cab:

It's not even close enough to blame rounding error.

Probably a tiny amount to associates in the green one that isn't worth counting (or at least I hope so - imagine a sport which thinks everyone except the arbitrarily decided top 10 nations shouldn't be allowed to play - but that is genuinely the Indian view).

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/icc-champions-trophy-2017/content/story/1094721.html

You have to admire the sheer commitment to evil villainy they show.

[igor_balis]

Ansari has retired, fairly bizarrely.

[Max Power]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/royal-london-one-day-cup-2017/engine/match/1068437.html

State of that knock from Big Roelof :|

22-5 when he came in...

[Danny]

His first OD ton too. Madness

[Jimmy Floyd]

As soon as I saw the two saffas uniting at like 60/5 I thought oh ffs, game over.

[ItalAussie]

That's right - Scott Borthwick exists. Whatever happened to him?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Spent last year scoring a load of runs for Durham at number 3, being advocated to bat there in the England team, not getting in it because Gary Ballance (apparently), then losing form and moving to Surrey.

His career path is very much akin to a (very) poor man's Steve Smith.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jason Roy coming home early from the IPL. He's barely been used by Gujarat Lions and when he has, it's been well down the order.

I'll just leave a :sherlock: and leave you to work out the rest.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/800/cpsprodpb/D8D4/production/_95880555_englandkitlaunchgetty.jpg

I don't know what to say about those new one day kits except that they are terrible.

[Ian]

That looks like it should be a Crystal Palace third kit from 1993.

[niko_cee]

Who are the two on the left?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Blind and disability captains, I think. Blind captain doesn't know how lucky he is.

[Danny]

This kits are criminal. Throwback to pyjama cricket

[ItalAussie]

Misbah is now the all-time leader for test 99's.

[Ian]

Blind and disability captains, I think. Blind captain doesn't know how lucky he is.

:D

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C-2c48PXsAAKga5.jpg

Dear fucking lord.

'Held catches'

[Jimmy Floyd]

Great Test match approaching its climax between West Indies and Pakistan. Misbah's Last Stand currently in progress.

[Max Power]

One of the great Pakistan mong outs this

[Danny]

Lol @ them playing tragedy when we take the 5th Irish wicket for 90odd

[hfswjyr]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C-2c48PXsAAKga5.jpg

Dear fucking lord.

'Held catches'
What's the 667 referring to?

[Jimmy Floyd]

That will be the sequential number of the next England player. It's a marketing campaign for New Balance.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Big Fat Ravi Rampaul absolutely donning it for the mighty brown hatters today. I wonder when cricket folk are finally going to realise that being a fat bastard is basically irrelevant in cricket (except in keeping hordes of 'strength and conditioning coaches' in work).

[Max Power]

Mark Cosgrove still racking em up. Better player than some of the clown Australia have picked in the past ten years.

And let's not get back on my favourite player Big Fat Samit Patel.

[niko_cee]

Should have asked Ireland to bat again really.

[Danny]

Bit of a stutter from us in the middle here.

Also in the hit and giggle Narine (yes cheaty spinner Narine) has hit a 15 ball 50.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Regardless of the result it's nice to see a team playing us at Lord's which isn't bloody Australia, India, Sri Lanka or the other usual cunts.

[Danny]

Regardless of the result it's nice to see a team playing us at Lord's which isn't bloody Australia, India, Sri Lanka or the other usual cunts.

:D

Although I would rather the Dutch not come back

[Jimmy Floyd]

The great man is currently 1* (39) in his final Test match. Maybe he has one great piece of performance art left in him.

[Max Power]

Big Fat Samit putting the haters to rights on Sky right now. "I've never missed a game for England or Notts, that's fitness surely?"

Fat lads :cool:

[niko_cee]

I see the cobbers are in some sort of contractual dispute with their (admittedly dreadful) association.

lol

[Waffdon]

Just watching the Ashes on Sky Sports there - what happened to Simon Jones? Injuries?

[niko_cee]

Yeah, his knee was destroyed by the GABBA outfield on the first day of the follow up series.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Somebody writing in to the cricinfo live page has just in all seriousness called for Cook to return to the one day side.

I reckon if we won 500 games in a row then people would still complain that 5 of the team should be dropped.

[Max Power]

Morgan's form since BOTTLING going to lovely Bangladesh has been very good tbf to him. Nice to see Moeen having a good one day knock as well.

Got to strongly fancy us for the Champions Trophy. Some question marks about the bowling but a fit Mark Wood would answer a couple of them.

He says as South Africa chase these down in 42.3 overs...

[Jimmy Floyd]

Woakes is the world's leading cricketer. The only worry is if we're forced to play Willey/Jordan.

Jade Dernbach should now be in the side, btw, but I doubt he'll ever play for England again.

[Max Power]

If you could combine Willey's new ball swing and wickets with Jordan's death bowling and fielding we'd have a good option.

[Danny]

Woakes is the world's leading cricketer. The only worry is if we're forced to play Willey/Jordan.

Jade Dernbach should now be in the side, btw, but I doubt he'll ever play for England again.

I will never believe that to be true.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They picked him back then because of his VARIATIONS when both they and his actual stock ball were shite, whereas now he's matured into a proper one day bowler and has absurd stats this year. Another one on the list of people picked when they shouldn't have been, and not picked when they should have been.

Also, they don't watch county cricket and I do.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sangakkara/Curran partnership of 179 ongoing for the rey. Kumar blazing to a 61st first class hundred. Still overshadowed by tweeting his cock in the middle of a game, but you can't have everything.

[Max Power]

Sanga retiring at the end of the season? Looks like he could still be racking up tons in his fifties if he fancied it. What a player.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah he is (from first class stuff anyway). These last three matches from him have been borderline unfair.

We'll have to replace him with a kolpak De Villiers, or something.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I missed a fairly epic South African choke by the looks of things.

Can't wait for us to get stuffed by the Bangles on Thursday.

[Jimmy Floyd]

England win and bowl against Athar Ali Khan's boys. Rashid dropped for Ball.

These 10.30 starts. Bring back Ian Austin and Martin Bicknell nibbling it around.

[Max Power]

Tamim putting us to the sword as usual.

[hfswjyr]

Cute little cricket game on the google homepage today.

[Max Power]

Bowling attack is so samey. Should have played Rashid.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ball for Rashid looking an inspired choice at the moment.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is 340, isn't it?

And then Shakib prising us out for 194.

[Max Power]

It should have been but they've Deshed it up again.

[Disco]

Cute little cricket game on the google homepage today.

I'm getting very little done this afternoon due to this, unless you count smashing that stupid snail for more than my current record of 103.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Mahmudullah only coming in this late is their worst mistake, he's usually good for an all-conquering performance.

Reckon the Fizz might do us in anyway. Jason Roy's not getting into form against that.

[niko_cee]

Race against time for the cobbers here.

[niko_cee]

lol

If this is anything like the rain we have here then they're fucked.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was just out and we played a full T20 in the same rain. lol at Australia.

Love tournaments in this country which get spiced the fuck up by the weather and make various hot countries seethe.

[niko_cee]

Tomorrow looks like the only day it's going to be feasible to play in Cardiff as well.

Although Bolt and co under leaden skies at 10.30 in the morning might be a bit of a concern.

[ItalAussie]

This tournament is getting absolutely negligible coverage in Australia.

Sign of the times.

[hfswjyr]

Same here in NZ. Apparently we weren't very good this morning?

All America's Cup and Lions tour at the moment.

[niko_cee]

This tournament is getting absolutely negligible coverage in Australia.

Sign of the times.

Sign of the times in that Australians largely ignore (deny the existence of) sport when they're rotten at it?

NZ weren't bad yesterday, but the wheels were always going to come off once Williamson was out. England's batting is just mental at the moment. Hopefully Roy can find some form with the pressure off against Australia (as if it won't be washed out).

[Jimmy Floyd]

Australian media barely cover away series anyway do they? Ashes aside. Half the time you hear they don't even pay for TV/radio coverage or send journalists out.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/icc-champions-trophy-2017/engine/match/1022359.html

Have a butcher's at that Hasan Ali wicket of Parnell. There's something about stumps flying and the Pakistan crowd going mental that really gets me going.

South Africa about to lose under rain rules :cool:

[ItalAussie]

Sign of the times in that Australians largely ignore (deny the existence of) sport when they're rotten at it?

NZ weren't bad yesterday, but the wheels were always going to come off once Williamson was out. England's batting is just mental at the moment. Hopefully Roy can find some form with the pressure off against Australia (as if it won't be washed out).

I think Australia is switching off ODI cricket in general. It all feels so pointless and insubstantial.

We like World Cups, but that's about it. Even the last World Cup - which we hosted - didn't get the same buzz as a big test series.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This Ashes should be quality. Packed with pantomime villains in both teams.

[niko_cee]

Can only assume Sri Lanka have become confused and think they are playing England.

[Max Power]

The lad Gunaratne played an absolutely absurd shot towards the end. Down on one knee he swept 85mph Bumrah 20 rows back :lol:

Kusal Mendis is a star of the future as well. He and Mathews may just be able to anchor the transition from Mahela/Sanga.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bangles need only 266 to send New Zealand crashing out.

I'm sure they'll find a way to mess it up.

[Max Power]

12-3 :face:

[niko_cee]

Need a wucket here chaps or ut could be curtains.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My only concern here is that the king of pathos, Athar Ali Khan, is starting to sound excited.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Love a Bangla win. Just need to stuff the Aussies for them tomorrow.

[niko_cee]

Aye, we're kind of duty bound now, although it's probably not the smart move.

Having the Desh lurking in the semis would make the other group interesting, particularly the Sri Lanka v Pakistan match.

[niko_cee]

Hang on, have Bangladesh somehow managed to get their net run rate to 0.000 or is that the beeb being lazy?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah it's 0.000.

As far as I can see won't it be Bangles/Oz against the winner of India/South Africa, and then England against Pakistan/Sri Lanka? Assuming the Aussies don't manage to bork us by whatever the huge margin would be.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, realistically there's not much chance for shenanigans in that second group as everyone has to win and with the way they are paired up it's essentially a first place play off and a second place play off.

I fancy Roy to go a bit mad tomorrow.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/west-indies-v-afghanistan-2017/engine/match/1089779.html

Er full member status now please, thanks.

[ItalAussie]

I don't think it really needs to be said, but there's not a ghost of a prayer that we're winning this match.

[niko_cee]

Going reasonably ok at the moment. The beeb have rain forecast for later, can that be true? It's glorious here. If this one gets washed out as well (lol) what happens? 2 teams tied on 3 points with 0/0.000 run rates respectively.

Oh, commentator's curse their with Smith going as I typed. Sorry.

[niko_cee]

Jesus. That went downhill fast.

[ItalAussie]

I wasn't watching, but it looks like nothing really happened fast. Anything less than 300 is a pretty straightforward chase at the moment.

[Danny]

Looks like we are going to keep this interesting :facepalm:

[ItalAussie]

Imagine if this one gets rained off as well.

What a waste of our time even turning up. :D

[John Arne]

Australia :D Ta ra.

[ItalAussie]

We didn't even play Chris Lynn. What's the point.

[niko_cee]

I was surprised to see on-reeks in the Australian team for this. He absolute wank. What are they doing picking him? "All-rounder" obsession?

The Australian batting line-up looks extremely shonky, all things considered. I thought Khawaja was back in the international fold, or is that just in tests?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Having Chris Lynn and not playing him is baffling, even if you do have plenty of that type of batsman already.

Bangladesh are having an absolute laugh sneaking into the semi ahead of Australia based on that rained out game, and it's a laugh I'm very much joining in with.

[igor_balis]

Pretty shocking stuff from South Africa.

[Ian]

Two run-outs in six balls? :D

[niko_cee]

This tournament has certainly been characterised by sudden and unexpected collapses.

[Jimmy Floyd]

England v Pakistan semi in the offing, what could possibly go wrong.

[niko_cee]

It's probably marginally better than England v Sri Lanka, where Mathews was (is?) bound to score a double hundred.

[Jimmy Floyd]

England 384/7 (50.0 overs). Roy 118, Hales 94, Root 88, Stokes 65, Mathews 3/92
Sri Lanka 388/0 (34.1 overs), Gunathilaka 194*, Dickwella 165*

Sri Lanka won by 10 wickets

[Max Power]

Pakistan on the verge of a hilarious collapse here. Could go either way...

[Jimmy Floyd]

Tell me something Pakistan are not on the verge of at any given time.

[Max Power]

Sustained competency?

Malik gone. Here we go :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

I predict they will snatch victory/defeat from the jaws of victory/defeat.

[Max Power]

63-6 in the last 15 overs. Love it.

[Max Power]

After Sarfraz spent ages trying to get himself run out, his drive gets tipped onto the stumps at the non strikers end and they are seven down :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jesus Christ that drop from Perera.

Trying to out-Pakistan Pakistan and so far succeeding.

[niko_cee]

Definitely prefer Pakistan from an England perspective. Their batting is just awful.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Malinga and this bloke Gunaratne look like museum exhibits.

[niko_cee]

Not sure what that geezer was up to rolling down sub-Trott buffet when wickets were needed. Or perhaps I should say, not sure what Mathews was up to.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The whole second innings was just of a hilariously low standard. Sarfraz's supposed match-winning knock (and it was, I suppose) was a load of utter fart.

[Max Power]

He should have been out at least four times by my count (two run outs and two drops). No doubt will still have some luck left in the tank when he takes Pakistan home to their target of 180 on Wednesday.

[Max Power]

What I meant to post was...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ab_5iuUh9pw&feature=youtu.be

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yet another arena in which Pakistan > India, and up against such stiff competition too.

[Max Power]

Thought they'd take a hit with no more Boom Boom but they are still going strong.

[Jimmy Floyd]

With the great man finally retiring I sense a shift back to old fashioned fucking mental Pakistan, and what more can you ask for.

As I speak have the highlights on and this Fakhim or whoever has bowled an absolute flattie straight at someone's head at 85mph.

[niko_cee]

Bairstow in for J Roy seems to be the rumour.

Probably sensible, although I'm still not convinced its's something you do mid-tournament.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Anything that makes Yorkshire supporters happy is the wrong decision.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Anything that makes Yorkshire supporters happy is the wrong decision.

Sanga porn alert :drool:

Batting wise I mean, not the literal sort that he tried a couple of summers back.

[Max Power]

If we were playing Sri Lanka in the semis I'd persist with Roy once more but Amir, Hassan and Junaid will expose him when he's in this form.

On Sanga and Surrey, I was listening to the latest Freelance CC ep with Gareth Batty and he was basically talking about him like he was Jesus Christ. Wonder what he'll do after this season? Hopefully he stays in cricket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Everything I hear coming out of the club suggests he's basically the best human there ever has been/will be. I imagine he'll be a commentator (worst news of Russel Arnold's life) and play T20s for a bit.

[Max Power]

What I really meant was President of the ICC or Secretary General of the U.N? Hope it's the former.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not sure he's a grubby enough bastard for that.

He should bloody well carry on playing until he's 50+ tbh.

[ItalAussie]

If I could have dinner with anyone, he'd be right up near the very top of the list.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Apparently this ground is half full because Indian fans bought half the tickets assuming (not sure why) that India would be in this match, and haven't turned up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We are (still) fucking inept against non-spinning spin.

[Danny]

If we lose to fucking Pakistan :face:

[Max Power]

Just got to make sure we post a total. Their batting is flimsy. 260 would be good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If we lose to fucking Pakistan :face:

Pakistan are dons.

[Max Power]

Batting out the 50 overs would be good...

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is like the election the other day, and we're the fucking Tories.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Proper old fashioned Pakistan ambush :drool:

[niko_cee]

You should have been able to see your face in the pitch, but instead we've gone for a low/slow worn track against a team from the subcontinent.

Brains trust.

Even though their batting is rubbish this has 150-8 and then an improbable limp over the line all over it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Think the ICC chooses the pitches rather than us, so I'm calling conspiracy to set up another India-Pakistan game.

The fucking scenes if Pakistan were to win such a game, but sadly they never do.

[Jimmy Floyd]

72/0 chasing 211.

LAY Pakistan.

[Max Power]

This would be more palatable if it wasn't absolutely nailed on that they get smashed by INDIA in the final.

[Jimmy Floyd]

But imagine if they win. Just imagine.

[niko_cee]

In a tournament of unlikely collapses England were never going to get away without one, so better it be now than against INDIAN CRICKET TEAM in the final (seeing as our record in Champions Trophy finals is tragic).

A Pakistan win would be as, if not more, satisfying than an England one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm going to blame changing Roy for Bairstow. Bairstow is a fundamentally different player to Roy; the latter (successful or otherwise) is hell for leather and we've been successful with him there regardless of his own scores. Bairstow is a 'proper player' and his 43 off 57, being out twice before he was actually out, helps no one and disrupts how the team works.

Thing is it wasn't even a Pakistan tamasha mental case half hour slide, it was a slow death in which we fundamentally didn't bat well as a team.

In short, scoring runs is overrated. Woakes being injured also cost us.

[Max Power]

Woakes batting could have been very helpful today.

[ItalAussie]

Would it be fair to say that Stokes likes the ball to come onto the bat quite quickly? How does he normally fare on slow pitches?

[niko_cee]

Yeah, this England team is built to win ODIs in the modern style (ie score 400). Stick them on a pitch where it's not coming on and they'll struggle.

There's also the issue that winning the toss (or batting second) is becoming so statistically advantageous. I don't think it was a major factor yesterday, but aren't teams something like twice as likely to win batting second as they are first? Small sample from this tournament suggests yes and I'm sure it's also the case over the much longer term. The penalty of having to 'work out the pitch' is seemingly very high in the modern game.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Would it be fair to say that Stokes likes the ball to come onto the bat quite quickly? How does he normally fare on slow pitches?

Very much so. His best knocks have been in Australia, South Africa and at places like Lord's.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Desh batting against India. I reckon they could get 900 and India would knock it off two down in 41.3 overs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Final is go. Pakistan batting. Something great about Rameez Raja reading out a tribute to the Grenfell fire victims on air.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fakhar Zaman putting Ashwin and Jadeja in bodybags. Tears of joy.

[Max Power]

The boy Fakhar is a welcome addition to the Pakistan stable. Talented but a bit mental.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just now he attempted to cut Trashwin from well wide of leg stump. Huge fan.

[Cord]

Bugger, I was really rather enjoying Jonathan Agnew's rather enthusiastic pronunciation of his name. Fakhar or bust indeed, Jonathan.

[Max Power]

Even Prof. Hafeez coming to the party. How are they gonna fuck this up?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fuck off Rohit.

Come on you beauties, get Virat.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh my Lord, the scenes :drool:

Must be the maddest team in world sport.

[Max Power]

Amir :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is probably my favourite ever cricket match.

[Max Power]

The fucking boyssssss :cool:

[Danny]

Was not expecting this when I opened cricinfo :drool:

[Ian]

Ugh, why didn't I watch this? :(

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's had everything, but my favourite bit was Ravi Jadeja getting smeared everywhere for a laugh.

[Max Power]

Sarfraz trying to make it interesting with these weird bowling choices. Get Amir back and wrap it up.

[Max Power]

That'll do

[Jimmy Floyd]

Kohli the latest utter moron to bowl first at the Oval.

[Ian]

That result is a real shame. :harold:

[ItalAussie]

I think we can all agree that was one of the all-time most satisfying sporting events ever played.

[niko_cee]

I'm claiming credit for saying their batting was hopeless.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm undecided on what the best part of it was:

- Fakhar being out tamely on 3 to a no ball from the atrocious Bumrah and making 114
- Trashwin bowling a load of leg side shit in the worst 'plan' ever, and getting nailed around the park
- Ravi Jadeja's pies, in Nasser Hussain's words, 'going the absolute journey'
- The Indian crowd letting out a HUGE ironic cheer when Kohli was dropped, only for him to skew one to point next ball and everyone goes mental
- Dhoni's absolutely cabbage innings of 4 (16) before holing out to deep square
- Jadeja lazily running Pandya out, who with Bhuvi had been the only non-useless Indian all day, and Pandya destroying the boundary on the way off

It just had everything.

[Disco]

I don't watch a lot of cricket but judging on that game Jadeja looks like a lazy waste of space, I would have been scared of going back into the dressing room after that.

[ItalAussie]

I could be wrong, but it looked like Jadeja had to really exert himself to avoid getting run-out. There seemed to be more than a little selfishness involved there.

Also, weird innings by Dhoni. Reminded me of his 2015 semi-final innings, where India needed upwards of twelve an over, and he was plodding along at a strike rate of just over 50 for quite a long time.

[ItalAussie]

Nothing brings together TTH like India losing in cricket. :D

[Ian]

Nothing brings together TTH like India losing in cricket. :D

It's a beautiful thing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

lol at Kumble being forced to resign because Kohli doesn't like him. Sounds like he's building himself a Dhoni-esque empire, but with less match fixing and more angry shouting at opposition fans.

[Danny]

This is a battering.

[niko_cee]

Aye.Top notch effort from the saffers. Inexplicable.

Good to see a trend towards playing Tahir as non-spinning half track wank.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Crane is class. Take him to Australia.

Oh and what a day to be on under 145 :drool:

[Max Power]

He'll play in Sydney with Boyd Rankin and Scott Borthwick.

South Africa seem on the verge of a disaster tour. Just look an ordinary side. They won't be scalping a captain this time round.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We should go down there with Mo, Rashid and Crane all in the side. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Bin off Plunkett or whichever boring backup seamer they favour.

[niko_cee]

Was it last time the plan revolved around all our bowlers being really tall or was that the time before?

[Ian]

Whichever one where Broad was the ENFORCER, right? Which seemed to involve bowling them short enough to clear the roof of the stadium.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Last time. They took and played Tremlett even though he had been bowling 71mph potato gun all summer.

Everything about that tour was about as bad as it gets. I think someone brought my end of tour ratings over to this board somewhere.

[niko_cee]

When was the last genuinely competitive series in Australia? Are we still going back to the 80s for one of those? Or earlier?

Bairstow looks in insane form at the moment (making his odd capitulation against Pakistan all the more perplexing). Everything was flying off the middle of the bat today.

[Jimmy Floyd]

1998-99 was 2-1 Australia going into the last game, so that wasn't miles off. Before that it was the one we won under Gatting I think.

[ItalAussie]

1998-99 was 2-1 Australia going into the last game, so that wasn't miles off. Before that it was the one we won under Gatting I think.

Last game was a good one, too. Michael Slater got 123 out of 184 runs in the second innings, which ended up being the difference.

Stuart MacGill got about a million wickets in that series.

[Ian]

Last time. They took and played Tremlett even though he had been bowling 71mph potato gun all summer.

Everything about that tour was about as bad as it gets. I think someone brought my end of tour ratings over to this board somewhere.

Here:


I'm still awake, and angry, so I'll do a WDYTOE. Let's pretend for the sake of argument that the fifth Test has been called off for humanitarian reasons.

Cook
Shows the sort of leadership last exhibited by Captain Schettino when the Costa Concordia smashed into some rocks. Bowled the wrong bowlers at the wrong times, set horrible, defensive and inflexible fields, and then, once the series was lost, resorted to utterly bizarre shite in an attempt to ape his opposite number's (crap) Funky Fields. Selection also abysmal, for what part he has in it. With previous successes now confirmed as being down to his leading players, he's got to go, as captain, and concentrate on his batting, which - predictably - has turned to utter shite with him chasing and dabbing at wide filth outside the off stump like he probably chases and dabs at his wife outside the stables.

Carberry
Why do people constantly state he's a good fielder? He's not. Has at least applied himself with the bat, making him unique among the tour party, but is old and probably isn't quite good enough. Bye.

Trott
If anyone ever doubted the great man's value before, survey the apocalyptic scenes of doom before us now.

Root
Since the previously settled order has crumbled around him, seems to have suffered a crisis of identity and is much more successful at making 'who's a cheeky monkey?' grins than at any aspect of playing cricket. Has some nice shots in his locker, but seems petrified ever to play them. I'd put him back up to opener and back him for a bit.

Pietersen
He's never going to change, so we might as well keep him at number four until he finally minces his way into the record books. Has an ego to make Muhammad Ali look like a hermit living in the Swiss Alps by a forty year unbroken vow of silence.

Bell
Gah. Fucking hell, Ronald. If you start driving uppishly early in the innings again I'll have to take it all back.

Stokes
Has shown promise, albeit only actually in a single innings, but he's blatantly not a Test six. Bowling fine. Saying he's the light at the end of the tunnel is massively overdoing it, but he's worth persisting with.

Ballance
Has emerged with the most credit of all England batsmen on the tour, by virtue of never having left the fucking nets. Might as well be Lara.

Prior
Bye. In every sense. I hope he doesn't go in vogue and Retire From All Cricket because in April I'm going to take a trip to Hove to watch him with his hands in his pockets, fielding at third slip for the Sussex 2s against fucking Cardiff MCCU as he bids to regain his form enough if not to get an IPL or Big Bash contract, then certainly to have a stab at Bangladesh. 'One thing I know about this Barisal Burners team is that we always come out fighting'.

Bairstow
Not good enough with bat or gloves. Will probably become a Ramprakash figure. Bye.

Broad
Criminally underbowled at times by Cook, by far our most impressive bowler (though still gets too obsessed with our crap PLAN of bowling short all the time) and if any of the current shower of absolutely putrid shite could have even a look at being the next captain, it might be him - although even suggesting that makes me feel like I have AIDS. However, his batting, which on natural ability should be a very handy second string to his bow, is instead a total embarrassment to him and his family.

Bresnan
Bowls a heavy ball, keeps the run rate down, will never let the side down, useful with the bat, etc. Let's face it, he's fucking shit, has always been fucking shit, and always will be fucking shit. Fuck off. Bye.

Tremlett
We might as well have brought a photograph of Tremlett for all the use he has been. His top level career is over, I warned the England selectors about this all summer having actually watched him play then as opposed to whipping out the DVD of 2010/11 for a cheap Thursday night wank. But did they listen? Did they fuck. Bye.

Anderson
Let's not kid ourselves that a 'lack of assistance' or 'the Kookaburra ball' is at fault for Jimmy's failings in the series. No. He bowled beautifully in Australia last time out and has done so in all conditions, all around the world. What's at fault for his failings is the fact that he's been programmed into needing to swing the ball - conventionally or reverse - by the England stat computers so much that he's forgotten how to actually bowl, hence the humiliating episodes every innings when he tells Aleem Dharmasena that the ball is out of shape after three overs. It was so in 'helpful conditions' in the summer as much as here. Probably deserves the Sri Lanka series as a final chance to sort himself out.

Finn
Another example, along with the above and others, of the cancerous effect of our 'scientific' management on our best talent. Here we have a raw talent who has all the things you can't teach - so we decide to fucking unteach them, and try and make him more like Timothy Twatface Bresnan. It is, in sporting terms and for Finn as a man, a tragedy.

Rankin
Why would you take him on tour if you have no intention of trying him out, even amidst the wreckage of the most embarrassing attempt at a Test series in the last 25 years? He's 29, so not a youngster as everyone seems to assume, and if not good enough for Tests, surely you'd know that before bothering to tempt him over from Ireland?

Swann
RIP. Bye.

Panesar
The England Setup clearly fucking despise this man, and all spinners not called Swann. First they didn't select him in Dubai, then they didn't select him in Ahmedabad, then they selected Kerrigan over him after he was pissing on bouncers, and finally Cook starts bowling Joe Root ahead of him here. What's going on? I doubt they'll pick him again after this tour.

Management
Flower's time has run its course, while Gooch and Saker also have to go. In their place I would suggest Ashley Giles and Graham Thorpe would be a good start. Less southern African thinking required, more Englishness. Also, I am reliably informed that James Taylor's height is what keeps him out of the team. You what? Selection is batshit mental and clearly picked off some graph that doesn't mean anything.

So this is an approximation of what I reckon we should start next summer with:

Cook
Root
Bell/Trott
Pietersen
Bell/Taylor/Ballance
- (wk)
Stokes
- (spinner)
Broad (c)
Finn/a young quick (not Tymal fucking Mills)
Anderson/a genius 1990 style journeyman

Then hopefully, by the time MS Hitler brings the Nazis over for their five match series, a few people will have stood up in county cricket and sensed their opportunity.


Last year these (http://www.thedugout.net/community/showthread.php?p=4093239) were my thoughts on the Ashes, and I hoped I would never have to write such a cathartic rant post again but here we are, and here we go. Let's start with the players.

Morgan
This bloke has puzzled me for a long time but in this tournament I've finally chanced upon what he is - a fucking shitcunt version of KP, who, himself already a fucking shitcunt, is setting the bar very high. Morgan has totalled about one good year in an England shirt and on his day etc etc - I don't care. Ultimately you have to ask why he has come over the sea. He doesn't give a fuck about playing for England, as he has shown on numerous occasions and not just with the anthem, so you can only imagine he came here to enrich himself on the back of English cricket. Fine, many have, but England captain? Once you get past the pleasant manner and the come-to-bed eyes he's just another underperforming cunt who can fuck off. Put him on the ferry at Liverpool and let him play for a country he wants to play for. Shouldn't play for England in any format again.

Moeen Ali
This morning I saw a picture of him playing chess with Ravi Bopara, which appeared to have been taken by an ECB sniper. I like to imagine that it was a piece of performance art, a cry for help. He's a fucking legend. We don't deserve him.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4atgkfCYAEvdqB.jpg:large

Ian Bell
I really want Ronald to be the best player ever but the fact is, the guy has spent his entire life at fucking Loughborough and it shows when the crunch comes. He's never been a good enough one day cricketer, because one day cricket is about big, swinging testicles and unfortunately Ronald's have to be hoovered out of his ginger perineum every morning. Shouldn't play in one dayers again.

Alex Hales - he has a shit technique, I don't really rate him and he is one of those guys (like Stokes) who people latch onto and turn into the Messiah because he's not in the team. He does at least take the bowling on but he is not the future and is frankly no better than ordinary. That's the sad truth.

Barry Gallance - I have watched Barry smash the fuck out of T20 and one dayers with Yorkshire, so ultimately his utter fucking disaster of a tournament has to be another for the long, Tolkien-esque book of people England have made worse. He has come into the side because they want a batsman, they've put something through a computer and told him he has to be their solid number three, and it's broken him, as has the humdrum tedium of having to have 800 throw downs from Simon Short-Shorts and his dog chucker every day. I want Barry to go back to topless nightclub singing. He enjoyed that.

Joe Root
I love Root. He has talent, he has guts, he has a pair and he's the future, and now the present, of English cricket. Make him captain of everything.

James Taylor
The ECB's treatment of Taylor is the cricketing equivalent of that woman who was filmed putting a cat in a bin. Reliable sources have told me he wasn't picked for years because 'DATA' (hopefuly this is now a thing) suggested he was too short for international cricket, despite being taller than arguably the greatest batsman to play the game since the war. When finally picked, he has been moved up and down the order according to the needs of other people, all of whom make lesser contributions than he. He must now be treated as an asset in all formats.

Ravi Bopara
We've been trying him for fucking years and he never does anything. Why the fucking fuck was he in Australia? We have aggressive, stylish batsmen like Vince and Roy not even threatening the squad because this dickhead and his little no-backlift pushes behind point are deemed a crucial cog in the machine. Fuck off and take your shithouse bowling with you. Shouldn't play for England again.

Jos Buttler
If he's been a bit under par its because our batting plan is 'lose loads of early wickets while scoring at a poor rate, and then hope Jos hits 150 off 40 balls'. Like all our other shit plans, this one has been execution-free. Obviously a big player going forward along with Root, Moeen and Taylor.

Chris Woakes
I have always been a fan, and still am despite his complete inability to think for himself on a cricket field, but that started to diminish when the other day I heard him say 'execute our plans/skills' in five consecutive sentences. I'll stop here to explain why skill execution is so sinister and wrong. It implies that a textbook skill is perfectly formed and can be pumped into the very flesh and bone of Chris Woakes, and then it's down to him to execute it and the coach can say not me guv. What it does is elevate the coach and the analyst to a level above the player, which is not surprising since it's them who came up with the concept. It's also the reason why everyone - EVERYONE - must be sacked.

Chris Jordan
Can't blame him.

Stuart Broad
I was dreading getting to this absolute CUNT of a man because with everyone else a bit of sweary slagging off is enjoyable, but with this fucking disgusting person it just makes me more and more angry. In the first game against Australia he repeatedly ran away from the ball like a little girl, which for an international cricketer claiming to bat at 9 is pathetic, and that summed up his World Cup - averaging less than 3 with the bat and almost 80 with the ball. He's a coward, he's a simpleton, he's a cunt and the ECB gave his sister a job as an analyst, which is BCCI-esque. He has to go. I can't bear it any more. Oh and as Alex Hales so neatly puts it, who indeed does have their initials on a golf shirt? https://twitter.com/AlexHales1/status/553032242029547520

Steven Finn
If you took his pants off you would find a penis and then a void behind it with a stamp saying DAVID SAKER WOS ERE. He bowls like he's on death row, with no conviction, with no venom, with no confidence. But can you blame him? This is a setup that intentionally drains all of those things from anyone who had them initially. He is done, he is finished, and so is England.

James Anderson
He was past it as a one day cricketer at the last World Cup, we rest him from every one day series, so he turns up at the next World Cup, bowls like a hologram and people are surprised? Fucking get rid.

James Tredwell
He's probably just made his own way home by now.

Management
It doesn't matter if we sack Peter Moores. The next person will be the same. The ECB has built a system in which conformity is paramount, whilst individuality and fun and joy are to be distrusted and stamped out at all levels. It broke Jonathan Trott, by all accounts the most decent man in those better England sides, not that that was any great achievement. It's broken Steven Finn. It's well on its way to breaking Ballance.

They are such a corporate set of cunts that they feel everything has to be controlled by them and the protection of revenue and the brand is the only thing worth fighting for. The England brand must be worth about 3p by now, but they still cling on.

David Saker is a fucking useless cunt, and I have no idea how he still has a job. Moores seems to be broken, has failed miserably twice, and has to go. Downton is an absolutely ridiculous fungus of a man and has to go. But none of these people has to go like the one who has seemingly permanently entombed himself at the centre of English cricket, Giles Clarke, who has damaged our game, damaged the world game and all whilst aping David Mellor. If he drowned tomorrow I genuinely wouldn't be that upset. In fact, fuck that, I'd pay to watch it.

I love cricket, like thousands of others I put a lot of time into the game, and we all get up at 4am and watch these cunts represent us and we deserve better. They can all fuck off and some new ones can come in. We were fucking shit in the 90s, but at least then we were shit for the right reasons. This time we're shit because parasitical cunts have made us so and it didn't need to happen.

[Max Power]

The Ian Bell World Cup entry remains my favourite paragraph ever on this board or any. I have thought about it almost every time I have seen poor Ronald since.

[Ian]

I reckon the bit about hoovering Bell's bollocks out of his ginger perineum every morning might be my favourite TTH thing ever.

Edit: Hah, snap.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Coincidentally you reposted that just at the moment I saw a tweet from Kevin Pietersen asking his followers what he can do about patches of his lawn being eroded by his dogs pissing on it. That alongside my Ashes 13/14 review of him make a nice diptych.

[Max Power]

Ginger perineum is the eye catcher, but the succinct truth of "I want to like him, but he's spent his whole life at Loughborough and it shows..." is the real meat.

He's currently leading Warwickshire through a terrible season. Imagine Ian bloody Bell as your captain.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Apart from Bairstow 13/14, I think it all stands up actually. Being a Woakesliever from the beginning is on my CV.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In happier news, Ireland and Afghanistan have just been confirmed as Full Members. Hallelujah.

[Max Power]

Scenes when we play a one test series against Afghanistan in late August on an inexplicable dust bowl and Rashid Khan takes 16-for :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bet it does a bit at Jalalabad.

[Max Power]

Afghanistan is certainly one of history's "difficult place(s) to go". Tricky away day. Wonder if Gladstone Small or whoever will be doing a tour party to Helmand.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All transport provided in armed convoys PLUS special eve-of-the-Test dinner as your host Simon Hughes gives his unique insight on the modern game and special guest Mullah Omar remembers the glory days. Just £1,195 per person per night.

[niko_cee]

Being a Woakesliever from the beginning is on my CV.

I'm sure there was another TTHer who was an even more devout fan than thee, and he was lampooned at the time . . .

[ItalAussie]

In happier news, Ireland and Afghanistan have just been confirmed as Full Members. Hallelujah.

About time. I honestly though they'd never do it, for fear of disrupting the voting blocs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Well it doesn't really disrupt the voting blocs as there's one of each, which is probably why it got through.

Although I'm not sure the voting blocs now are necessarily the same as they were in the 90s.

[niko_cee]

Being as this is Taunton I'm guessing South Africa are a long way short of a competitive score again here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Livingstone really botched that. Proper rabbit in the headlights.

Tom C though :cool:

[Ian]

I'd never heard of Livingstone but he didn't look up to much. Just vaguely swinging at shit and hoping for the best from what I saw.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's come in off the back of a string of decent performances for Lancs/Lions but I suspect he's a bit of a hacker. Famously got 300 in a limited overs club game a couple of years back.

[niko_cee]

Can only assume word had come in from HQ to keep the series competitive. Either that or monumental arrogance has rightly cost them. You don't send Livingstone in at 4 when you have Morgan and Buttler to come and are pissing it. How is that 'having a look at him'? You look at him where you intend to bat him (6). It's unfair on him to send him in to win the game when you have more experienced/capable players in reserve and I don't really see what you learn - either Roy smashes them to victory or the rest of them capitulate in a bit of a heap? He's not going to be batting at 4 (well, realistically not at all but we'll overlook that) in a proper game so what is the value in 'looking' at him there? Morris was properly ticking though. Fun to watch. Just a shame someone didn't launch him into the river and tell him to get back to his mark.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I really like Mason Crane. AB just nailed him a few times in the over and he kept his nerve and got him at deep square.

Behardien now in for the big dot fest that is his life.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/england-v-south-africa-2017/content/story/1106040.html

This is all a bit weird. I trust the Surrey sniffer dogs have been sent in now Sanga is hanging up his magical orb.

Meanwhile, they've named their Test squad. Their chief selector, Linda Zondi, is a bloke, which is a bit of a confusing one.

du Plessis, Amla, Bavuma, de Bruyn, de Kock, Duminy, Elgar, Kuhn, Maharaj, Markram, Morkel, Morris, Olivier, Phehlukwayo, Philander, Rabada

[Matt]

Went to Headingley yesterday, im not sure this day night 4 day cricket/test match is going to work in this country.

The pink ball was fine to see in the first session, got a bit more difficult to see as it lost a bit of colour in the second session and then once the floodlights came on at 7pm in bright sunshine it became impossible to see the ball. At 9pm you would still probably have been ok to play without the floodlights so unless there going to play these games in April or September or play at this time of year from 4pm till 11pm I can't see it working.

Crowd wise there was definitely an increase on what there has been at other championship games ive been to over the last few years. I'd say about 3 to 4 thousand were there yesterday. The crowd got smaller into the evening though as the older guys who go to every game were leaving to get their bus/train home and it was starting to get a bit colder. It didn't seem like many people had come along after work to watch the second half of the day.

Sanga was obviously on a way higher level than anyone else but I was also really impressed with Roy. First time I've seen him live and when he isn't trying to play stupid reverse paddles or hit every ball out of the ground he actually looks a very good cricketer

[niko_cee]

Imagine being a fly on the wall at BT when they realise Australia aren't going to bother putting out a side for the ashes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And the moment when they finally realise it's on in the middle of the night.

[Disco]

I think you mean between the hours of 8 and 6.

And then it won't be on at all.

[niko_cee]

Chef's got a bit of an opening stand on the go here.

[Danny]

Jinx!

[niko_cee]

Aye, proper kiss of death there.

:D

[ItalAussie]

Whether you're into women's cricket or not, Atapattu has just an absolute blinder of an innings for Sri Lanka against Australia. 178* from a total of 9/257.

Watched a bit of it at the pub this evening. Really enjoyable. Women's cricket has really come a long way.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ours managed to lose to India the other day, who unlike their men retain the plucky underdog spirit of yore, probably because India is a violently sexist country and despises women.

Those Little Lankans giving Oz a run here.

[ItalAussie]

Ours managed to lose to India the other day, who unlike their men retain the plucky underdog spirit of yore, probably because India is a violently sexist country and despises women.

I had almost the same thought when I saw them playing. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

The next World Cup has 10 teams, and the top 8 in the ODI rankings as of 30 September this year qualify automatically. Sri Lanka were looking a bit iffy, so they decided to schedule a nice easy home series against Zimbabwe to boost their ranking. The first match was today.

http://www.espncricinfo.com/sri-lanka-v-zimbabwe-2017/engine/match/1104478.html

:harold:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Gaz Ballance back in the Test squad. When will they learn.

[Ian]

Ballance in the test squad? Is the County Championship having a strike year or something?

[niko_cee]

Patel and Mullaney running riot.

The horror.

[niko_cee]

Hales is probably going to have to get a double ton here it Notts are going to win.

[Haystacks Horace]

Which footballers do you think would have made good cricketers? Tony Yeboah as a big fast bowler anyone?

[Max Power]

Hell of a knock from Hales.

On Ballance, having only seen him
in Test cricket, it's baffling to me how he's managed to score so many FC runs. Just seems if you keep bowling full he won't score, will be nailed to the crease and will eventually get out. Dawson is actually the weirder selection though, don't get the ECB brains trust obsession with him in any format.