The Cricket Thread

[ItalAussie]

Sohail Khan's running is diabolical. :D

[Max Power]

Big Angie Mathews to bring it home for Sri Lanka tomorrow with an unbeaten double ton?

[ItalAussie]

God. That's why you watch test cricket. Four days of rain and runs, and then a final day of perfect competition.

[ItalAussie]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/review2016/content/story/1073990.html

I think they basically got the Test XI of 2016 (the team that matters) right:

Azhar Ali
Kraigg Braithwaite
Joe Root
Virat Kohli
Steve Smith
Jonny Bairstow
Ben Stokes
R Ashwin
Rangana Herath
Mitchell Starc
Kagiso Rabada

I can't really argue with those results.

[Queenslander]

Mark Waugh trying to dig KP is so cringeworthy.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All Australian commentary is pretty cringeworthy. 'Tubs' needs to be extinguished.

[ItalAussie]

All Australian commentary is pretty cringeworthy. 'Tubs' needs to be extinguished.

I know it has it's terrible moments, but Sky is almost as bad. Certainly as one-eyed.

You learn to ignore it when it's your own lot.

[Queenslander]

Ricky Ponting is class. I had turn the sound due to Junior sniping away at the England stuff at the end of KP's Test career. I'm sure the boomers and bogans love it but fair dinkum it's the big bash where one team is wearing purple and the other teal. Calm the fuck down mate!

[ItalAussie]

A month ago, only twice in test history had a team scored more than 400 batting first and gone on to lose by an innings.

Today, that number went up to five. :D

[ItalAussie]

Incidentally, Stokes' average for the year drops to 34 if you take out his freakish innings against South Africa.

Obviously you can't take that innings out, as it defined his year, but he'll have to up his game if he wants this year not to be a positive blip.

[Max Power]

https://streamable.com/eg7pv

Clean hit that one :|

[Jimmy Floyd]

Incidentally, Stokes' average for the year drops to 34 if you take out his freakish innings against South Africa.

Obviously you can't take that innings out, as it defined his year, but he'll have to up his game if he wants this year not to be a positive blip.
That's basically what he does. If you're looking for someone to compile a neatly crafted 65 before putting his feet up in the pavilion with a cup of strong tea and a copy of the Financial Times, he's probably not your man.

[Danny]

https://streamable.com/eg7pv

Clean hit that one :|

Christ that's massive

[Max Power]

The sound off the bat is unreal.

I'm a bit obsessed with this Carl Hooper six from back in the day.

https://youtu.be/u4y8ppsMRfM

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's not even followed through ffs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Abbott looks like he's leaving South Africa for Hampshire. Better contract and won't have his place taken by a black man (unless it's Tino Best). Can you really blame him?

[Danny]

Davie Switch hit looking at getting himself a ton in the first session

[Danny]

And done with an over and a half to go

[ItalAussie]

That was one of the most brutal blitzes I've ever seen in the sport. And not a slogathon either - just strong technical batting, and not missing a single opportunity.

Renshaw happy to rotate the strike, and why wouldn't you be?

[ItalAussie]

Hundred for Renshaw. Unless things go wildly pear-shaped, we can start to pencil in the long-term best XI for Australia, after a few recent changes.

1. Warner
2. Renshaw
3. Khawaja
4. Smith
5. Handscomb
6.
7. (wk)
8. Starc
9. Lyon
10. Hazelwood
11. Bird/O'Keefe?

O'Keefe's first-class record suggests that he should get the second spinner nod when one is deemed necessary. Six is the "batsman who can bowl" role, and the wicketkeeper is proving a challenge. I'd almost inclined to go with Marsh (S) at six, and accept that we don't have an international-quality all-rounder. That does leave us a bit vulnerable when nothing's working with the frontline bowlers though, because none of those batsmen can even vaguely bowl (and that includes Smith). Maybe Moises Henriques?

I feel like Nevill was a better keeper, but it is possible that Wade brings a certain energy to the side. I'm really uncertain about what the best course of action is there.

[Queenslander]

Renshaw you ripper!

[John Arne]

Yorkshire's finest.

[Queenslander]

And a Quoinslander!

[Jimmy Floyd]

You may as well pick a batsman and the best gloveman, who I'm led to believe is Whiteman.

[Mr. Malik]

I know it has it's terrible moments, but Sky is almost as bad. Certainly as one-eyed.

You learn to ignore it when it's your own lot.

No it's not. It's not the bias that makes 9 so bad. It's every fucking thing else, like Tubbs and Warnie spending 15 minutes in the Boxing Day test talking about why Sydney is better/worse than Melbourne, complete with shit dad jokes about waves at beaches. It's Ian Healy requesting Ross Taylor to "lay down his bat and do a little kummety-hummety for us" and James Brayshaw calling sixes as "hit up into the people".

I can accept bias, it's all of the other rubbish that makes 9 so bad, and it is missing for the most part from Sky's cricket coverage. The likes of Atherton, Hussain, Holding and others would never plumb the depths that 9 do.

[Max Power]

Abbott looks like he's leaving South Africa for Hampshire. Better contract and won't have his place taken by a black man (unless it's Tino Best). Can you really blame him?

With Steyn and Morkel close to the end seems a bit odd still? He'd be in the team fairly regularly now and in the future. It's certainly a significantly bigger blow for SA than losing some loser like Simon Harmer or our mate Hardus Viljoen to England.

[Max Power]

No it's not. It's not the bias that makes 9 so bad. It's every fucking thing else, like Tubbs and Warnie spending 15 minutes in the Boxing Day test talking about why Sydney is better/worse than Melbourne, complete with shit dad jokes about waves at beaches. It's Ian Healy requesting Ross Taylor to "lay down his bat and do a little kummety-hummety for us" and James Brayshaw calling sixes as "hit up into the people".

I can accept bias, it's all of the other rubbish that makes 9 so bad, and it is missing for the most part from Sky's cricket coverage. The likes of Atherton, Hussain, Holding and others would never plumb the depths that 9 do.

The sad thing is most of those guys have good cricket brains and some interesting things to be said about the action if they could step off the banterbus for a second.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Quite a lot more financial security with Hampshire though. And he probably won't be able to Kolpak in 3 years' time because of Brexit, so he's thinking about the rest of his career well into his thirties.

Would do major damage in county div 1, unlike Hardus in div 2 I fear.

[ItalAussie]

Yeah, Mark Taylor is one of the smartest guys in cricket. Stick him with Ian Chappell, who has the perspective of years, and you can't fail to learn things.

Healy's job is to drive the banterbus. Warne's an odd one, because he's insufferable but occasionally very insightful (on the topic of spin bowling, for the most part).

EDIT: @Max.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Also on the subject of Saffers, there are quite a few Saffers (and more Pakistanis) in English club cricket right now who would be at least playing first class, if not pushing for international honours were they full time professionals at home, but it makes more financial sense for them to pro here and hope for a county contract if they do well enough. England is just a much better place to be a professional cricketer than pretty much anywhere else - which is why we get opprobrium from other nations when the very best of these people qualify and make the national side.

Australia you can have a reasonable go playing grade stuff, but it doesn't seem like non-nationals can (or do) play state cricket anymore.

[Ian]

Warne's an odd one, because he's insufferable but occasionally very insightful (on the topic of spin bowling, for the most part).

EDIT: @Max.

Yeah, Warne is generally good in "The [Ashes] Zone" on Sky coverage about bowling.

[ItalAussie]

Also on the subject of Saffers, there are quite a few Saffers (and more Pakistanis) in English club cricket right now who would be at least playing first class, if not pushing for international honours were they full time professionals at home, but it makes more financial sense for them to pro here and hope for a county contract if they do well enough. England is just a much better place to be a professional cricketer than pretty much anywhere else - which is why we get opprobrium from other nations when the very best of these people qualify and make the national side.

Australia you can have a reasonable go playing grade stuff, but it doesn't seem like non-nationals can (or do) play state cricket anymore.

The real solution seems to be other countries being willing to select players who are plying their trade in England. Can't really blame England for selecting them when they become eligible.

[ItalAussie]

You may as well pick a batsman and the best gloveman, who I'm led to believe is Whiteman.

Maybe after the away tour to India. I'd have Shaun Marsh (who can bat in subcontinental conditions) and Peter Nevill (who is a better keeper than Wade). Then hope that O'Keefe and Lyon can put in real shifts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Abbott has officially left South Africa for Hampshire and so has Rilee Roussouw.

Have to say, I signed a South African this winter for club cricket, was given a list of about 50 options by the agent as the fuckers are all clamouring even for gigs like that. When I researched the black/Asian/coloured players on the list, they've all played far more rep cricket than the whites with the same or worse stats. Transformation is necessary I'm sure but they've got a real problem here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

God I love New Zealand v Bangladesh as a series. Shakib Al Hasan swings one forlornly into the leg side, taken by a fielder (let's call him Colin New Zealand) and as Shakib exits to Dire Straits 'Walk of Life', Athar Ali Khan reprises his usual melancholy lament into the microphone as another inevitable defeat approaches and Rubel Hossain walks out to bat to the strains of a saxophone version of 'Smoke on the Water'.

All at a ground called 'Bay Oval'.

[Max Power]

The Coronation Street theme as Ian Bell nicks off to second slip. Amazing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/county-cricket-2017/content/story/1076735.html

Another one down. It'll soon just be Faf, Rabada and Tokyo Sexwale left.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Looks like the chef is about to stand down.

I really hope Root is the best captain ever.

[Max Power]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/38576016

Find this lad ludicrously impressive. Make him captain. Disgusting when you see in articles 'Hameed, 19', the fuck was I doing at nineteen years old?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's one of those very rare youngsters where you just can't really see where it could even theoretically go wrong.

[igor_balis]

Shakib :cool:

[Max Power]

Genuinely pleased to see Bangladesh competing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And we haven't even seen Kamrul Islam rough them up yet.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Anyone who thinks South Africa 2010 was a bit lacking in the vuvuzela department, whack this ODI on.

Jason Roy doing Jason Roy things also.

[ItalAussie]

On the list of experiments that didn't work even a little bit, batting Mitch Marsh at #4. :D

I think they want him to be a player he'll just never be.


EDIT: Also, whatever you get against India, they'll chase it. I'll be happy if they don't - I'll support England against India in nearly ever case - but in India, they definitely will.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They seem to be obsessed with having a world class all rounder. You can't manufacture world class all rounders, they just appear, and not very often at that.

[ItalAussie]

They seem to be obsessed with having a world class all rounder. You can't manufacture world class all rounders, they just appear, and not very often at that.

I'm fine with him down the order. He'd be pushing selection in the ODI side on his bowling alone. But he's very much a bowling all-rounder.

Glenn Maxwell is probably getting there on pitches that take spin. I'd have him at six against India in the first test - he bats well against spin.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our inability to deal with the absolute shite bowled by Jasprit Bumrah does grate. Three full bungers in this over and we've not even threatened a boundary and then slapped a slower ball straight down long on's throat.

[Ian]

I see "Bumrah" and think Mumm-Ra.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Four height no balls in the last twenty minutes. India's seamers are a complete joke as ever. Vile bowling.

[Ian]

What the fuck is with some of these deliveries? Is this a PLAN? Are they trying to ENFORCE us?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Umesh is thick as shit, and Bumrah just isn't very good at cricket.

[Ian]

A sign in the crowd saying "Captain Cool Forever Dhoni."

Didn't know you were there, Jim.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm just starting on the artwork for a CHRIS WOAKES - KING OF OUR HEARTS sign for the next Oval Test.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The only pity about this innings is that I suspect par on this pitch/boundaries against a Virat Kohli chasing squad is probably at least 480.

[Ian]

Yeah, the Sky lot seem to be feeling rather more optimistic about this innings than I am.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm not sure Kohli even needs team mates these days.

[ItalAussie]

The crazy thing is that I'm still not totally sure they won't chase this down from 4/133.

EDIT: When I say "they", I mean Kohli, clearly.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They'll win easily unless they do something stupid. Anything under 400 on this ground with Kohli in your team is an easy chase. We've bowled pretty OK but the bowling is irrelevant.

The openers are both shit, I genuinely have no idea why Yuvraj still plays internationals, and Dhoni was in far too early.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, I was shocked to see Yuvraj and thought Dhoni had jacked it in (was that just the captaincy?).

I didn't see much of our innings and stopped watching this one when Kolhi edged it with the toe of the bat over third man for six. All about the spectacle.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dhoni will cling on for a little while longer until Rishabh Pant replaces him.

[ItalAussie]

We're going to get absolutely pumped in India.

I legitimately believe we have the best pace bowling attack in the world (perhaps bar South Africa, but it's close), and our test batting, while it has developed a propensity for England-style collapses of late and has some work to do in other areas (such as resisting spin), has a great deal of talent split between some world class batsmen and some youngsters with heaps of potential. But none of that is going to matter, because on Indian pitches, we're going to go down harder than a sack of lead.

[Max Power]

Kohli is ludicrous

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nearly had a heart attack when he got out. I'd lol if they now lose.

Amongst some fairly impotent bowling performances from us, Rashid has been AWFUL.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Got to hand it to the 'desh for losing that. I didn't think they had it in them.

[Max Power]

Shakib's dismissal on the fifth morning absolute peak Bangladesh

[Jimmy Floyd]

I saw Jade at the station last week. I see Jade a lot more than I see other cricketers, even though he doesn't live near. Is this about me, or about him?

[Jimmy Floyd]

KOHLI GO HOME

:woakes:

[Max Power]

Genius Woakes all over these clowns

[Jimmy Floyd]

At least three of their top five shouldn't be in the team. They are always so slow to drop people in various formats. Got the Test team bang on now but the limited overs stuff is stagnating.

Still,

http://www.cricket.com.au/-/media/Players/Men/International/England/chris-woakes-eng.ashx

[ItalAussie]

Yuvraj has averaged 18 since his last hundred in 2011. Just worth noting.

Yuvraj and Dhoni getting runs is very turn-of-the-decade.

[ItalAussie]

It's a bit odd that Maxwell hasn't been bowling. Especially since Head bowled his full ten overs for no wickets and a bunch of runs. Doesn't seem fair, really.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'll excuse the Woakesinator because he's the world's leading cricketer of the moment, but our charismatic seam quartet alongside him of Willey, Ball, Plunkett and Stokes just doesn't have enough change-ups.

[ItalAussie]

My favourite Dhoni innings was in the semifinal of the last World Cup. At one point the run rate required was getting up above ten, then up to twelve, and he was still puttering around with singles like it was a test match.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My favourite Dhoni innings have been all the ones I've listened to on the radio and so haven't inflicted upon my retinas their bottom-handed filth.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're chasing these. You heard it here first.

[Max Power]

It's on. But Morgan needs to stay in the shed if a wicket falls. Buttler in next.

[Max Power]

No idea why Buttler isn't in. RRR at over 9. Morgs ticking along at 11(21) though ffs

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wonder when they'll develop the balls to make Root captain and drop the Dublin Dynamo.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They need to get Billings into this side as well. Hales can fuck off.

[niko_cee]

Not a bad knock from wee Irish in the end.

[Max Power]

Yeah fair play. That's him in the team until the World Cup though, and he's a terrible on-field captain.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think for the Champions Trophy they could do this:

Roy
Hales
Root
Morgan*
Stokes
Buttler
Billings
Moeen/Rashid
Woakes
Willey
whoever

That leaves you with Root probably as the sixth bowler but I just want to find a way of getting Billings in there somehow, and you can go all out with that even if you lose early wickets, which is what India are doing. Tell Jroy to crank up his medium pacers.

The other thing I've noticed is that our batsmen seem to get tired more quickly and lose their way. It happens to Roy and Root in pretty much every innings.

[Max Power]

I'd always play Rashid tbh. He takes wickets. Yes he bowls a load of trash at times and can go round the park but so does at least one of our 19545346 right arm medium fast bowlers. I reckon Rashid gets Yuvraj caught deep mid wicket for 70 today.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In England I'd be inclined to play him ahead of Moeen, for the sole reason that I'm not sure Moeen ever wins you an ODI, save for that glorious day at 3am against Scotland with some cunt with bagpipes drowning out Danny Morrison.

[Max Power]

Yeah sadly I think he might be the odd one out. Doesn't really suit batting at 7/8 in ODIs, has to bat top three in that format imo.

In addition to that Scotland innings there was a cracking hundred away in Sri Lanka opening the batting as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Watching us bat against Jadeja is infuriating.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As is watching Jake Ball shelling sitters to dismiss Virat Kohli.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sachin Tendulkar, Indira Gandhi... Ravi Shankar... can you hear me Ravi Shankar?

:moop:

[Ian]

Hold up, we won? I saw our total before I got in the car at lunchtime and assumed we were going to get rogered good and proper.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It was a better deck to bowl seam on today, which, combined with Kohli inexplicably wafting himself out on 55, gave us a chance and the Woakesinator did the rest in the last over.

We're a good side tbh, and hopefully will have been hardened by this series.

[Danny]

Woakster did his best to throw it away. Those first two were poor but it was a brilliant come back in the final 4 balls.

We are in with a massive shout in the Champions Trophy. Roy has become a beast.

[niko_cee]

England? Major tournament at home? We're clearly losing to Ireland.

[Danny]

http://espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/current/match/566948.html

State of that team

[Max Power]

Trotty out stumped with a strike rate of 117 :eek:

Bring him back.

[Ian]

England? Major tournament at home? We're clearly losing to Ireland.

Morgan heel-turn, intentionally getting his team-mates run-out while himself surviving.

[niko_cee]

We really have cranked up a couple of the all time final fuck-ups in the Champions Trophy. I'm sure I've said it before, but that damp afternoon against the Windies in South London is one of my bleakest cricket watching memories. The only saving grace was that all the gobby Indian cunts around me had fucked off thinking we were going to win before Rudi and co got to work.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ian Bradshaw :cool:

I can't even remember if his name was Ian but it was definitely Bradshaw.

[niko_cee]

I see Ronald has found his way into the Big Bash final.

[ItalAussie]

Mitchell Johnson taking 3-3 was pretty spectacular. 21 dot balls.

[Danny]

Boof saying its all KP's fault too was quite interesting.

[Max Power]

Didn't Kev remark on how sad it was none of the Australian stars were playing in the Big Bash. Stirring the pot as usual :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Being Australian with a long stint in Yorkshire under his belt, 'Boof' has unequalled gobshite credentials so for Pietersen to wind him up simply by existing is pretty glorious.

[Queenslander]

Boof has got plenty of ockers offside with his bizarre obsession with KP.

Edit: Also KP is very popular down here ATM don't let any media shit say otherwise.

[Max Power]

Cracking game in the Big Bash. Sydney Sixers absolutely cruising their chase but have just shipped loads of wickets and Johan Botha has been sawn off on the third last ball with four still needed.

[Max Power]

Last ball hoiked in the air, drops safe and they run two. Super over :D

Unbelievable bottle job from the Sixers. Think they needed like 38 off 36 with eight wickets in hand.

[Jimmy Floyd]

T20 ahoy. When we started this subcontinental tour, Trump's campaign looked in tatters.

I always fancy us in this format.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hales now binned in all formats :drool:

Suresh 'the brains' Raina back in for India.

[Max Power]

He's got a broken hand but yeah you'd feel if Billings takes his chance could be the end of the road. Bet he regrets not going to the Desh.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I suspect he knew exactly what he was doing not going to the Desh. Can't be arsed with Tests and there's easier money out there for someone with his skillset.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Why would you play Rashid and not bowl him? Still, seems like a winning strategy.

[Max Power]

Rashid is good for buying wickets. Didn't need to here because we kept it tight AND kept taking wickets.

Pitch is flat tbh, should chase whatever they get with ease.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We bat like we're looting some village and raping all their women. Pity we never tried this between 1880 and 2015.

[Danny]

Boof has got plenty of ockers offside with his bizarre obsession with KP.

Edit: Also KP is very popular down here ATM don't let any media shit say otherwise.

Thats the impression I had too. Just thought it was funny he was TROUBLE again

[Danny]

Lancashire have signed Shiv :cool:

http://www.espncricinfo.com/county-cricket-2017/content/story/1079802.html

Oh and another saffer has defected

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dane Vilas was skulking around the country last year tapping people up for a kolpak deal, so much so that it triggered something on his holiday visa and he got kicked out of the country. I lolled.

I also lolled at the Lancy people on twitter SEETHING about signing 42 year old Chanderpaul.

[niko_cee]

Ronald and Bresilad getting it done.

:cab:

[Max Power]

England priced at 2.2 batting second? Get on it.

[Max Power]

Well Kohli has just driven 90mph Tymal Mills off the back foot over long off for six so maybe not

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm on it. Kohli was plumb in single figs as well before yet another bit of cheat home umpiring stepped in.

We're just a better side than India in this format. This is where their patrician selection policy costs them a bit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Plumb again. This Shamshuddin is a ridiculous cheat.

[Max Power]

Yeah I wanted to see a bit of Risbah Pant.

Yuvraj plumb there. Pitch is turning which is the only scenario I don't see England chasing absolutely anything these days.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nothing worse than a joke decision and then L Siva arriving in the box.

Oh no it's that tache bloke at the other end as well, spare us all. Why can't we fly out Nigel Llong and even it up.

[Max Power]

India has always had shit umpires. The ludicrous S Ravi the only one I can recall on the elite panel.

Probably a mistake getting Yuvraj out. Was playing like a right twat.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Venkat :cool:

Dawson :face:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think this is one of the slowest over rates ever from India. Full on conference between Kohli and Dhoni literally every ball. I make it 10.5 per hour with a spinner at one end.

[Max Power]

Mishra :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Second only to the joy of Tahir doing the same thing.

Stokes is up there with Bell for bad starters against spin.

[Max Power]

Another shocking call

[Jimmy Floyd]

Robbed by the cheat umpire, although Buttler being shit hasn't helped.

[ItalAussie]

Stoinis nearly pulled off one the all-time great thefts. It was one of the great ODI innings, and he was our best bowler in the bargain.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They deserve to lose for continuing to think Shaun Marsh at three is an acceptable ODI selection.

[ItalAussie]

They deserve to lose for scheduling a pointless three match ODI series that literally nobody cares about.

If a tour doesn't have a test series, it doesn't count.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/1075099.html

Poaching players from Bermuda now, we really have got this down to a tee.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A one year drugs ban for Andre Russell. See you with the Bristol Barnstormers in the Super Charge, dre.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're chasing again. Pant plays for indianteam, and opens up at least two more pun genres.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Well, folks, I think we just lost 8 wickets for 10 runs. Bigly.

[niko_cee]

8 for 8.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci-icc/content/story/1080634.html

Think he's being a bit optimistic on the full membership side of things, but an England v Afghanistan Test at Lord's would be :drool:

[Max Power]

Love Jezza Coney

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1564078256941914&id=139129722770115&refsrc=http%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FbGSPCpgKjX&_rdr

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci-icc/content/story/1080868.html

lol at Sri Lanka, who get away with it because no one cares, but they are the most stinkingly corrupt set of cunts there is.

Always cute how many suits they send to foreign tours. Absolute busloads of the wankers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cook has RESIGNED.

Ballance for the job?

[Ian]

I was hoping he'd either chuck it now or stay on and see through the trip to Oz.

Is there any realistic candidate other than Root?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It will be Root unless he dies. It's like a royal succession.

[Ian]

It's a bit sad that there isn't even one other guy who you could imagine them seriously considering.

Please don't let it ruin him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The next candidate would be between a choice of Bairstow, Woakes and Broad or something. I mean, just lol.

[Ian]

Will Broad be thinking it should be him or will he be happy to just stick to his bowling (and, er, batting...)?

[Max Power]

Stokes would be great banter. The fines would be great.

Can see Cook really start racking the runs up again actually. Captaincy never seemed right for him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Problem with having a bowler do it in this day and age is they will end up either getting injured or rotated out for rest and recuperation, which you can't really have as captain.

Wonder who the vice will be, I'd possibly 'go Bairstow' as Nick Knight might say.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://i.imgur.com/y8hghDg.png

JUST LIKE THE GOOD OLD DAYS

[ItalAussie]

Problem with having a bowler do it in this day and age is they will end up either getting injured or rotated out for rest and recuperation, which you can't really have as captain.

Wonder who the vice will be, I'd possibly 'go Bairstow' as Nick Knight might say.

Spin bowler. Captain Rasheed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sounds like it's going to be Root, and Stokes as vice captain. Strauss obviously has a sense of humour.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh, wait. Call it off.

http://www.espncricinfo.com/england/content/story/1081836.html

:uhoh:

[Max Power]

Broad leading England to a win Down Under would be too perfect for words.

[Jimmy Floyd]

ROOTAH has the job. Him and Smith will be the least alpha Ashes skippers in history. Well, with apologies to Kim Hughes.

[niko_cee]

What happens to Irish now? Does he keep that job?

And why are we playing a 3 match ODI series against the West Indies in a few weeks?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Eoin (proounced 'ee oin') Morgan keeps the jobs.

Nobody knows the answer to that.

[Ian]

Just saw part of an interview with Root. He sounds depressed already.

[Danny]

New dad isnt he? Probably hasnt slept since they came back

[hfswjyr]

Got tickets to the 20/20 NZ v SA this evening. I imagine the outfield needs to dry up though, it's been raining for 2 days straight. So much for summer.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Australia's current idea of staging T20Is at home and Tests abroad, simultaneously, will hopefully earn CA officials some gruesome Final Destination style deaths in the next few days.

[Max Power]

One of the worst lbw decisions I've ever seen there. Australians barely appealed :lol:

"Everyone knows Australian umpires are cheats Charles..."

[ItalAussie]

Australia's current idea of staging T20Is at home and Tests abroad, simultaneously, will hopefully earn CA officials some gruesome Final Destination style deaths in the next few days.

It's absolutely insane. There's no excuse for it.

I'm surprised India haven't tried it yet. When was the last time they played an away test?

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's absolutely insane. There's no excuse for it.

I'm surprised India haven't tried it yet. When was the last time they played an away test?

NZ, England, Bangladesh and Australia consecutively at home since October.

At this point they're little more than a whole nation of Bond villains. They're trying to block the new ICC funding formula for reasons that amount to INDIA INDIA IS THE BEST INDIA, and they've also settled on a policy where their players are not allowed to play in foreign leagues because it 'damages Indian cricket' (???). I say a whole nation because their army of loyal BCCI keyboard warriors must number into the millions.

[ItalAussie]

Virat Kohli is going to end his career averaging 65, with twenty double centuries, and having not once dealt with a customs officer after 2015.

[ItalAussie]

Not that I'm defending it for even a second, for the record, but I quite like the T20 lineup that we put out. Maybe we should just run with it, at least until Zampa replaces Lyon in the test side.

Great to see Michael Klinger getting a well-deserved international cap at some point in his career, too.

[Mr. Malik]

Talking of India, Bet365 have them at 10/3 for the whitewash. Free money

[Jimmy Floyd]

Could be rain in Dharamsala.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Australia 2nd XI have been absolutely mugged there. Gunaratne :cool:

[ItalAussie]

Sensational ending to a match I didn't even realise was happening until halfway through the Sri Lankan innings. I can't tell if CA have dropped the ball on publicity, or whether I'm just out of the loop a little bit. I didn't even know the first T20 had happened until I saw the scorecard after the fact.

Also, Australia needs to put an end to the "Mitchell Marsh: Test Cricketer" project. It's getting embarassing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The most inexplicable event in world sport, the IPL auction, is upon us.

Good to see at least some logic has entered Indian cricket though, with Chris Woakes getting a $500,000 deal.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And I'm not sure if it's more of a stain on humanity that Imran Tahir is ranked number 1 bowler in both limited overs formats, or that, given this fact, he has gone unsold.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's just struck me that Steve Smith and Shaun Marsh should really be called Shaun Smith and Steve Marsh. It suits them both better.

Renshaw is class, and nearly did a poo on the pitch.

[ItalAussie]

I like Renshaw a lot. I'm glad he justified his place in the team.

Mitch. Marsh. :moop:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Picking him and Wade for this is the height of selection idiocy, although it's rivalled by the legions of people on Australian Cricket Twitter calling for Adam Zampa's inclusion. Kohli would twat him for 40 an over.

I went to look up who the top spinner in the Shield is this year and it's Jon Holland, followed by journeyman Kiwi William Somerville, followed by Ashton Agar. Christ.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://i65.tinypic.com/etwtuq.png

I'm sorry but what the bloody hell is getting him selected? Those numbers are those of a workaday state player, at best. 20 Tests!

[ItalAussie]

Absolutely no idea.

Also, this pitch is a joke; it's turning like day five. Home pitch doctoring is killing cricket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Umesh Yadav 4/32... if it's that bad then 256 is a decent score.

Is this where the Australians deploy the 'Aww, look, but it's different this time' argument used against Stuart Broad in 2013?

[ItalAussie]

I feel like I've covered the Stuart Broad thing already about six times in this thread. He did the right thing and I'd hope our players did the same.

The only thing we do to our pitches is drop in flat tracks to try and ensure that whatever happens, it happens for five days.

Umesh wiped up the tail. It was Ashwin and Jadeja who did the real damage.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah but I'm conditioned for Australian idiocy after Allan Border started my day saying Renshaw was 'soft' for pooing off the pitch rather than on it.

[ItalAussie]

Captain Grumpy can say anything he damn well wants. He said worse to Dean Jones in the tied test to his face, and that went alright, despite Jones vomiting just off the pitch several times.

Allan Border was more a stick than carrot leader. Unless it involved hitting you over the head with the carrot.

[ItalAussie]

Ah, the old "India prepares a raging turner; gets knocked over by mediocre opposition spin attack". Never not funny.

Still a lot of match to go, of course. But 93/3 turning into 105/10 was pretty impressive.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You'd think they'd have learned by now. Apparently not. If you have extreme conditions then it just nullifies the advantage of the excellent bowler (seam or spin) who can succeed in any conditions, and brings the muppets into the game.

It's why England don't, contrary to Indian internet opinion, ever prepare GREENTOPS at home, because if we did we'd end up being rolled out for 105 by Suranga Lakmal.

[ItalAussie]

Three down. One more and we're into the tail.


EDIT: I agree that, generally speaking, England don't doctor pitches. Your pitches naturally play well for swing bowling, so you don't need to artificially ramp it up at all. That time we went to Cardiff and somehow found ourselves in Mumbai was definitely a one-off example, though. :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

These days we doctor pitches to last for 5 days and be as boring as possible. Lord's is a bloody disgrace.

Didn't Australia score 600+ in that game? I seem to remember Brad Haddin getting top edges over third man for about two days, although that could have been most England v Australia matches of that era.

[ItalAussie]

Matthew Wade was picked ahead of Nevill, despite his inferior keeping, due to his ability to score runs. Now he can't buy a run, whereas in state cricket, Nevill can't stop scoring.

Reckon the selectors will have the guts to fly Nevill over mid-series?

[Danny]

3 or 4 test series? I reckon Wade gets atleast 1 more before they make the change. 3 test series they probably see it through.

[niko_cee]

It's Australia. No way is it more than 3, so getting mugged by Steve O'Keefe on a raging bunsen is quite a funny start to the series for Indian Cricket Team.

[ItalAussie]

It's four tests. We always get four against India, and I think they were really hoping to rub it in this time around.

[niko_cee]

One more needed for O'ten in the match.

:cool:

[ItalAussie]

Here's a weird stat. Ashwin's highest scores, and the opponent he was playing:

124 West Indies
118 West Indies
113 West Indies
103 West Indies
91* England
72 England
70 England
68 England
67 England

After that it gets a less patterned, with his 62 in Sydney then 58 against Sri Lanka and England.

[niko_cee]

O'Keefe has a chance of taking more test wickets in this match than he has in the rest of his career.

[Max Power]

The new Jason Krejza.

Probably harsh, his FC record is good tbf

[ItalAussie]

I was skeptical about O'Keefe until I saw his first-class record and figured he was quite reasonably the next cab off the rank. Zampa's the long-term successor to Lyon though, I think. Took six today in state cricket.

Cricinfo comments are always entertaining on a day like this.


BLACK_BIRD ON FEBRUARY 25, 2017, 8:18 GMT

Another umpiring error. Kohli was not out.
He was bowled. :cab:


EDIT: And that's the game. Can't say I saw anything like that coming at the start, I'll admit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

O'Keefe should have been playing for years, he's much better than Lyon, I'm sure I was saying this as far back as the 10/11 Ashes when you were going through Xavier Doherty and Michael Beer. Presumably Michael Clarke and he had woman trouble or something.

The funniest thing is Shane Warne panning him pre-match so that suggests some sort of problem with O'Keefe's face not fitting in with the good ol' boys.

[Max Power]

O'Keefe got binned off a tour for boozing didn't he? When was that?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just had a classic 'Where does this rank?' 'Right up there' answer from Steven Smith. 'Right up there' is literally the only possible answer to such a question from a sportsman. I reckon I've heard it over a thousand times now.

[ItalAussie]

In all honesty, I'm mostly happy we aren't going to get whitewashed.

Obviously, I want us to push on and win the series, or even just grab another win so we can draw it. But given the utterly embarrassing way in which we bit the dust last time, taking 4-0 off the table is an encouraging result.

[ItalAussie]

For anyone interested in grabbing the highlights, Hanscombe's two catches in the first innings were amazing pieces of reaction fielding.

[hfswjyr]

https://www.reddit.com/r/Cricket/comments/5w3bhr/post_match_thread_australia_v_india_1st_test_2017/de6z49i/

[Jimmy Floyd]

A propos of nothing, I was just looking at this (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ICC_Cricket_Hall_of_Fame) (had no idea it existed) and noted one glaring omission. Where are the pitchforks and the online hate campaigns?

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're off and running in Antigua, and Billings is hopefully consigning Hales to the dustbin of history (though I doubt it).

[niko_cee]

The Windies could be 35-9 chasing 400 against us and some plucky no mark with about 15 first class runs to his name would stand up and hit a triple ton, in the dark.

Isn't Jason Mohammed a BBC sports reporter?

[Queenslander]

Kohloli :lol:

[Max Power]

Indian Team having another mare then :happycry:

[Ian]

Just saw that. Real shame.

[Jimmy Floyd]

:drool:

Tears of joy.

[Max Power]

Nathan Lyon 8/50 I mean come on guys

[ItalAussie]

Mostly happy for Lyon really. Can't unwrite him from history now. (Well, not easily.) He's bowled well though. It's not

Hope we bring it home, obviously.


EDIT: It's a good pitch for spin, but not quite as crazy a pitch as Pune. Lyon had to work a bit for his wickets, and you have to think that Ashwin and Jadeja will be dangerous tomorrow. We're a long way from home yet.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I reckon there might be a bit of India being absolutely knackered as well. They are pretty backward with looking after their players over there.

Shows what having a good spinner or two can do, though.

[ItalAussie]

It'll be interesting to see what Kohli does from here. That's twice he's been dismissed while leaving the ball - once LBW and once bowled.

I'm also slightly worried about batting fourth. Anything over 150 might wind up being defendable, depending on how the pitch goes.

[ItalAussie]

This is basically the perfect bowling pitch map:

https://twitter.com/ajarrodkimber/status/837905861527941120/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

[ItalAussie]

Run-rate for the innings is under two. This is attritional stuff.

Any chase over 150 is going to be a serious challenge come the fourth innings.

[ItalAussie]

I cannot see any possible way that Mitch Marsh keeps his spot for another test. I think that's probably done him, unless he shepherds us home with the bat or something.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We have a really special talent for getting mugged off by the West Indies.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I spoke too soon, enter the Woakesinator to crush yet more foes.

[Max Power]

Underrated stylist is Woakesy. Some of his cover drives are fucking delightful.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's odd because some of them are all a bit MS Dhoni and then he brings out the Ian Bell edition, schooled on the mean streets of Moseley or wherever.

[Queenslander]

Spiteful! :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Kevin has come back to Surrey. Our full strength T20 side is dirty.

Roy
Finch
Kevin
Sangakkara
Stoneman
Borthwick
Sam C
Ansari
Tom C
Rampaul
Dernbach

All born within 100,000 miles of the ground as well. Can't wait to see Rampaul's 2017 rig.

[Max Power]

Another thrilling ODI in progress in Barbados. Got me thinking if an all time Barbadian XI would be better than most Test playing nations all time XIs?

Not sure of the makeup of the side and some guys would have to bat out of position but:

Weekes, Worrell, Walcott, Greenidge, Haynes, Sobers, Marshall, Garner, Hall, Griffith. Plenty other good players over the years as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pretty much that team with Greenidge/Haynes opening, and sadly no place for Pedro Collins.

Think it would beat many sides, only lacking spin apart from Sir Garry's stylings. Especially when you think Zaheer Khan is probably getting in the Indian one.

[Max Power]

Don't need spin with that pace attack :|

Tino Best in reserve as well

[Jimmy Floyd]

Could slip Conrad Hunte in for Griffith to avoid the chucking controversy and play Sobers as the 4th bowler. Sir Frank apparently sent some dirt down for 69 Test wickets. Sir Clyde having to take the gloves I think.

Christ I could balance imaginary cricket teams for a living.

[Max Power]

Even in this hypothetical XI Wayne Daniel and Sylvester Clarke are left waiting in the wings.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Antigua coughing up Vivian Richards, Richie Richardson, Curtly Ambrose, Andy Roberts, Eldine Baptiste, Ridley Jacobs (wk) and others on a population of 90,000 is up there as well. Although I'm a believer in small populations being good for sporting talent.

[Pleb]

Joe Root getting the wicket seconds after getting a ODI hundred is a bit :harold:

Saying that we're heading for a 270 all out at this rate...

[Jimmy Floyd]

Antigua coughing up Vivian Richards, Richie Richardson, Curtly Ambrose, Andy Roberts, Eldine Baptiste, Ridley Jacobs (wk) and others on a population of 90,000 is up there as well. Although I'm a believer in small populations being good for sporting talent.

Not to mention Alzarri Joseph.

[niko_cee]

17:43; Good batting from England you would think they would be about 20 runs short of what they wanted. Nonetheless West Indies will have to bat hard and bat deep to get close to getting back in to this game.

18:35: At three down the thing is to get to a good, respectable score. Being bowled out for 100 is embarrassing. Fight hard and fight deep.

Guess how Tino likes it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Tino released an autobiography last year which, whilst I haven't read it, sounded like basically that over 400 pages.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Mitchell Marsh could be out of the Ashes with a shoulder injury, they say. Fuck that, I'll pay for his treatment myself.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.news.com.au/sport/cricket/indian-pitch-doctors-take-their-craft-to-a-new-low-in-ranchi/news-story/e426b26e9ff9485cf82afa6b769e2ec6

Sorry but the tone of this :D

Read it in Eddie Jones's voice for the full effect.

[niko_cee]

Sounds like a fairly standard Indian pitch.

[ItalAussie]

Mitchell Marsh could be out of the Ashes with a shoulder injury, they say. Fuck that, I'll pay for his treatment myself.

Mitchell Marsh may have finally shot his bow, I think.

I don't think there's a single person in the country (aside from possibly the selectors) who want him in the side.

[ItalAussie]

Smith :drool:

Glenn Maxwell showed that he's more than just a slogger too. Great runs under real pressure.

[ItalAussie]

I will say this. I've never rated Ravi Jadeja as a bowler, but he's a bastard on home turf. Averages 20.09 in India. :cab:

EDIT: His stats make some bizarre reading. He's never played in Australia. He's never played against Sri Lanka or Pakistan at all. Averages 13 against South Africa. Lost the plot totally in New Zealand. Averages 41 away from home. :D

[niko_cee]

Number 1 bowler in the world isn't he? Someone should burn a ball and declare that the new death of cricket.

[ItalAussie]

He's got so much controlled variation that, on a pitch that works for him, he's almost unplayable.

But he relies on it so much that if the pitch is giving him nothing, he's pointless. Variation is his only weapon, but it's a good weapon sometimes.

[niko_cee]

'Natural variation' is just a kind way of saying he doesn't really know which variety of dart he's going to chuck down and hope the pitch keeps low for him.

He came into the test side as a batsman on the back of 3 Ranji Trophy triple tons didn't he? For fuck's sake.

[ItalAussie]

Nah, he's got great control in India. Bowls smart. Sets batsmen up with plans that work. Really canny spin bowler when he's getting turn he can play with.

Incapable when he isn't, and doesn't really have a stock ball, so he's either running through a team or looking terrible.

EDIT: Getting selected as a batsman is a weird one. He's done an inverse Steve Smith. The number one ranked batsman in the world was originally selected as a bowler, and the number one ranked bowler was originally selected as a batsman. How odd.

[Queenslander]

Kohloli is going to be on the end of the most brutal abuse next time he plays in Okerstan.

[ItalAussie]

This final day has been edge-of-the-seat stuff. Absolutely absorbing cricket.

[ItalAussie]

Someone at the Guardian has lost the plot slightly.


A Marsh glide to third man, a Handscomb flick to turn a dangerous full ball on the pads into a single to fine leg. With 13 overs left, should Handscomb hit out and go for a ton? Australia only 30 ahead. Risk-reward.


I’ll revise my 11 overs, this is actually the first of the last 15 overs required in the last hour. Should Australia declare and set India 60 from four overs? It would be pointless but fun. Like most limited-overs cricket.


SHOULD AUSTRALIA DECLARE RIGHT THIS MINUTE IN THE OFF CHANCE OF RESTRICTING INDIA AND GETTING TEN WICKETS IN FIFTEEN OVERS?

[Jimmy Floyd]

India would probably get those.

[ItalAussie]

60 off four? I'd back them every time in that situation. It's the T20 era.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Kohli (probably rightly) blaming the dreadful SG ball. If everyone just used Dukes then cricket would be much the better for it.

[ItalAussie]

Nothing at all wrong with the Kookaburra. It's served us up plenty of fantastic tests. Cricket doesn't need swing if it has bounce. :D

Honestly, there was very little wrong with that test. Don't let the big scores fool you - nobody was comfortable at any point. Even when Pujara and Saha seemed set and trying to push the scoring rate unsuccessfully, the Australian bowlers' deliberate run-strangling project was probably enough to save the match for us.

It wasn't a pretty match, but it was gripping.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Dukes provides seam movement (being that it actually has a seam) rather than swing. Swing is in the air.

You can't do anything with a Kookaburra other than watch it disappear to the boundary. No seam, no grip for spinners, nothing.

[niko_cee]

Fully expected to wake up to see Australia having been Jadeja'd so I guess that pitch wasn't the honking skidder their press thought it was going to be - more it was just a run of the mill, off the shelf dreadful Indian pitch which usually serves them so well.

+1 for the Duke ball.

I never realised Kookaburra made the Red King. I always recall that being a decent ball, although maybe I'm thinking of something else, or they've bought the brand in the intervening decade and a half since I chucked one down in any sort of anger.

[ItalAussie]

Fully expected to wake up to see Australia having been Jadeja'd so I guess that pitch wasn't the honking skidder their press thought it was going to be - more it was just a run of the mill, off the shelf dreadful Indian pitch which usually serves them so well.

It actually wasn't so bad, to be honest. Rewarded good bowling for the first few days, before becoming extremely conducive to spin on day four and five. Exactly what an Indian pitch is supposed to be.

Jadeja is damn near unplayable on a pitch like that though.