The Cricket Thread

[Jimmy Floyd]

No chance Cook or otherwise, if the thing shoots along the deck as it did in that last session you could have a thousand goes at it and probably not succeed once.

Most other Test teams wouldn't have got anywhere near day five to be honest. Australia would have gone in three days.

[Max Power]

South Africa love a blockathon. Australia would have gone for the win and been bowled out in 30 overs.

Should move Duckett down the order tomorrow.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Swap him with Ansari in one last blaze of glory for the latter's Test career.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, Duckett to get an effortless 150 with every run coming from clearing his front foot out of the way and lofting Ashwin over the covers.

Need to keep getting the rub of the green with the umpires/reviews to have any chance.

I await the SMH take on England's efforts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Watching the 'CSA T20 Slam' or whatever this is called, it strikes me that concerns about the standard of our own T20 are somewhat misguided.

[Max Power]

Bangladesh Premier League is on Sky channel 793 or something. Samit Patel was bossing it with bat and ball when I was watching the other day.

It's fairly low rent and poor quality as you would expect but it is definitely better than the South African edition.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All the players sound like regens. Patrick Kruger. Patrick Botha. Colin Ackermann, who's signed for Leicester actually and is currently hurling down some genuinely club level off spin.

[Max Power]

JJ Smuts which I genuinely think was Graeme Smith was called on Brian Lara International Cricket.

[Max Power]

Maybe would be a bit harsh to drop Duckett after four tests but the lad has absolutely no idea against the off spin.

[Danny]

Maybe would be a bit harsh to drop Duckett after four tests but the lad has absolutely no idea against the off spin.

I like him but Christ he is all at sea against Ashwin..

Almost as bad as that out decision..... you could have got another ball between bat and ball then!

[Danny]

We just have to last long enough for the umpires to become tired of their shit and start ignoring appeals.

[Max Power]

Tucker has somehow had a worse game than Dharmasena.

[Max Power]

Oh well. Back to bed then.

[niko_cee]

Duckett.

:D

How can you become a highly regarded professional cricketer and have no idea against off spin?

[Jimmy Floyd]

If you play in div 2 where the leading off spinner last season was Rob Keogh.

Buttler will get a game now and be just as shit.

[niko_cee]

Not giving Kohli man of the match is fairly lol.

Off to practice your toss winning Al.

[niko_cee]

Wait, what did they just give to Ashwin? Do they have two man of the matches?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ashwin was Player of the Match, Kohli was Man of the Match. Do keep up.

Kohli slated us afterwards for not showing 'intent' with the bat. Fucking moron.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This mintgate/shovegate/whingegate is in danger of moving up the scale of cricket controversy.

Level 1: lol
Level 2: gate
Level 3: fiasco
Level 4: affair
Level 5: somebody gets accused of racism
Level 6: Basil d'Oliveira

It seems to be hovering somewhere between levels 2 and 3 at the moment. I'm not convinced it has full 'affair' potential but they're making a proper go of it.

[niko_cee]

Ashwin was Player of the Match, Kohli was Man of the Match. Do keep up.


I'm still struggling with this.

And then we have the tracer bullet challenge. Maybe these are the end times.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Shastri's commentary has actually been cracking me up rather than annoying me in this series. It's Laxman Seethe-aramakrishnan who winds me up more.

[niko_cee]

There was a great bit during the Cook/Hameed endurance where they were chatting among themselves about how if India did this in South Africa it would be seen as a wery, wery bad thing for cricket. Then they made Atherton do the challenge. Then Ravi assured us that "no one has more wise cracks than *LS*, they just all come off camera".

[Queenslander]

This mintgate/shovegate/whingegate is in danger of moving up the scale of cricket controversy.

Level 1: lol
Level 2: gate
Level 3: fiasco
Level 4: affair
Level 5: somebody gets accused of racism
Level 6: Basil d'Oliveira

It seems to be hovering somewhere between levels 2 and 3 at the moment. I'm not convinced it has full 'affair' potential but they're making a proper go of it.

Id never speak to the Australian media again if I were Faf.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I honestly can't wait until England smash them down under next year. We have the ideal set of players to do so as well. Woakesy in the Bressie Lad role :drool:

Cook
Hameed (this opening partnership will wind the Aussies up as well, not aggressive enough maaaate)
Root
whoever
Moeen
Stokes
Bairstow
Woakes
Broad
Anderson if he makes it that far

That leaves one spot for a luxury bowler, I think Curran jr will have got into the side by then actually, probably batting in the Woakes area to start with.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh, god, Faf is appealing. Approaching full on 'affair' now. I've never liked South Africa this much.

[Max Power]

Have to say all the players posing with sweets and mints and stuff in that warm up was top, top, top banter.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's absolute garbage. Have they really fined him 100% of his match fee for sucking a mint on the pitch?

Ravi Bopara tampers with the ball in literally every match he plays (fairly convinced he owes a lot of his ODI caps to this) but you don't see him getting pulled up.

[ItalAussie]

Meh. Fiddling the ball is verboten. Everyone goes into a match knowing it, and I'm totally on board with the penalty. They all know what happens if they get caught.

Just because your lot are accomplished masters at it, doesn't mean it's alright to do.

EDIT: Or at least what should happen if they get caught. Bopara should face the same stick as anyone else. :sorry:

EDIT II: I don't think it needs to be an "affair" or anything like it. Find him guilty (if he is, and it looks like he is), punish him appropriately, move on.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You should see how Jesse Ryder magically turns into a world beating bowler when he plays for Essex. It's mesmerising stuff.

[Jimmy Floyd]

EDIT II: I don't think it needs to be an "affair" or anything like it. Find him guilty (if he is, and it looks like he is), punish him appropriately, move on.

The problem with that is that the Australian media have had a moral purity complex going since 1932-33 and they're damned if they're going to abandon it now.

[Disco]

They fined him for polishing the ball while eating a mint? :D

Is it possible to explain that one without sound utterly ridiculous?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Putting sweat or saliva on it is legit in the rules but SUGARY saliva - no.

[Disco]

Those Saffer Polos must be brutal.

[niko_cee]

He probably deserves some sort of recognition for undertaking the Sisyphean task of tampering with a Kookaburra ball, although, considering the similarity between biltong and leather, it's surprising he didn't just take a bite out of it.

[ItalAussie]

Don't blame our media for this. The sugary-saliva ball tampering goes back way further than us. It's a well-known trick for shining up one side of the ball, and people have been caught doing it before. Dravid got done for it in 2004, and that's just the first one that springs to mind. Marcus Trescothick said you guys were at it throughtout the 2005 Ashes, too.

So fine, tamper with the ball. But if you get caught, suck it up and move on.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They only got Al Capone on the tic tacs.

[niko_cee]

My favourite part about the Cook effort was the back story that we built into it. You see, he doesn't sweat . . .

No farts either.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Everyone else's failure to spot the great Essex ball-tampering dynasty is one of the bigger disappointments of my investigative career. Apparently Sussex have a crack squad as well, with Matt 'Cheese' Prior bringing some great knowledge to his England sides from the school by the sea, but nothing compares to the boys from the bear pit.

Of course, the genesis of all these great centres of learning can always be traced back to some sort of Pakistani passing through town in years past.

[Ian]

Oi, dickhead, that's Big Cheese.

[Max Power]

I enjoyed the tales of Waqar Younis at Glamorgan always enthusiastically volunteering to fetch the ball when it got smashed into a field/car park/whatever. When it was retrieved it would inevitably start hooping.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've heard both Robert Croft and Tony Cottey tell that very tale at after-dinner speeches in the last 3 years (I go to the best dinners).

Word is we're doing this in Mohali:

Cook
Hameed
Root
Moeen Ali
Buttler
Stokes
Bairstow
Woakes
Rashid
GAZ BATTS
Anderson

[ItalAussie]

South Africa declared at 259/9. Probably smart. Thoughts?

EDIT: There is a very real chance that they declared because they knew Warner wouldn't be able to come out if they did. :D

[ItalAussie]

I've been really impressed with Rabada. And the rest of South Africa's bowling, but I hadn't really had a chance to see Rabada yet.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Faf protecting his average like the good saffa boy he is.

[niko_cee]

Declaring on the first day of a test?

Fuck off.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's the right brand of cricket. It's what the paying punters (Punters?) want to see. Being prepared to lose, to win.

[Danny]

The matey banter on BT is a bit cringey but Swann describing Paul Adams actions as 'trying to change a wheel on a moving car" earned a laugh

[Mr. Malik]

Fucking hell, Karl Ebbett is so good. He doesn't let up. McGrath-like

[niko_cee]

Looks like a doozy of a toss to lose, so we'll either win it and be skittled for not many or be batted out of existence again.

[Max Power]

Win the toss and bat :cool:

Gaz Batts is in.

[Max Power]

Major up and down bounce already.

Ashwin drops the dolly of all dollies, Cook at midwicket. :D

[Danny]

He is having a nightmare. Fucker is going to take 9 for about 15 later on :arry:

[Max Power]

That slide :lol:

But yeah, bound to clean up later so going to get my laughs in now.

[Max Power]

Oh well, game over then. Another big deficit on first innings on the cards.

[Max Power]

FFS England sometimes I really can't be arsed with these predictable failures.

255 all out. India 580/5d. England 220 all out (125 overs)

[Max Power]

Wish Bairstow was coming in at 7 to bat with Bairstow.

[niko_cee]

Clicking it on and being greeted by Ben Stokes saunterng past a straight one.

:face:

[Max Power]

The odd ball turning, the odd ball keeping low. Would have been a good toss to win... Oh wait.

Absolutely gifted them four wickets today :moop:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our 6th wicket partnerships really are something.

[niko_cee]

Those 2016 stats are just ridiculous, as, I would imagine, are Bairstow's generally.

Shame about the top order.

[Max Power]

A sub 300 score on this pitch is an absolute disgrace

[Jimmy Floyd]

This is going to be very similar to the Visakhapatnam pitch I think, so we really need 300 or at least to bat until lunch tomorrow.

[Max Power]

Even if they do it's still a massively missed opportunity. Should be racking up 450+ and dictating the match.

Unforgivably soft dismissals from all but Hameed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dharma is so lol on the third umpire gig. Thank god he didn't go into commentary.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That rhythm which Indians seem to use for every single chant really irks me for some reason.

Fuck offffff... fuck off.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just seen the wickets from earlier, how has Moeen managed to get out on the hook?

Fucking Buttler's as well.

[Ian]

Sky just re-ran the wickets. Some absolute beauties in there. I missed the Stokes one but it sounds like a proper Brand of Cricket affaor from the live text.

Has Hameed made an arse of that delivery or just copped a slightly unfortunate one?

[Max Power]

It looked like it leapt off a length but I can't recall another ball that has done so maybe he misjudged it a bit.

The Root one is the worst for me. Especially for a player of his class.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wouldn't write us off here, we've got something vaguely OK on the board on a pitch that will deteriorate, and have a better six-man attack than in the last game. They have one man in form really.

[ItalAussie]

Amla and Bavuma using up utterly insane reviews. I honestly can't understand how they thought it was going to accomplish anything.

[Ian]

Some cracking facial expressions from Willis on the Verdict when talking about the England wickets. Still, at least the Sydney Morning Herald should be singing our praises for going after some shots, eh?

First time I've heard of the term 'send-off' in cricket terms, I think, and they've said it loads of times here on the Verdict.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've always hated send-offs. England and Australia are both absolutely dreadful for it. Anderson, Mitchell Starc are the worst two I can think of, just scream in the departing batsman's face.

Gareth Batty's scream is more of a general scream than a send-off.

[Max Power]

You've already got him out, what's more to be said?

Only setting yourself up for a fall next innings imo.

[Danny]

I've always hated send-offs. England and Australia are both absolutely dreadful for it. Anderson, Mitchell Starc are the worst two I can think of, just scream in the departing batsman's face.

Gareth Batty's scream is more of a general scream than a send-off.

Batty is a bastard for a send off

[Jimmy Floyd]

Batty's entire career is based around being an angry little northern fuck who pisses everyone off though (I really want him to get Kohli out and scream at him). It's pretty hilarious how much Somerset fans hate him, first from mankading one of their batsmen, then from having some sort of ridiculous fight with Peter Trego and finally from being selected ahead of Jack Leach for this very tour.

Jimmy Anderson has 450 Test wickets. He doesn't need to do it.

[Danny]

Batty's entire career is based around being an angry little northern fuck who pisses everyone off though (I really want him to get Kohli out and scream at him). It's pretty hilarious how much Somerset fans hate him, first from mankading one of their batsmen, then from having some sort of ridiculous fight with Peter Trego and finally from being selected ahead of Jack Leach for this very tour.

Jimmy Anderson has 450 Test wickets. He doesn't need to do it.

I fucking hope so. c Stokes B Batty please

[niko_cee]

There's a familiar feeling of inevitability about this.

[ItalAussie]

Woah, they selected Parthiv Patel? I assumed I'd never see or hear from him again. 83 tests since his last, apparently.

[Max Power]

That runout from Buttler was a bit special.

Not waking up to watch Ravichandran Haddin take India into a decisive lead.

[niko_cee]

Well, it wasn't Ashwin, but waking up to see Jadeja plundering his way to a three figure lead is very much sub-optimal.

India should just pick Kohli, a wicket-keeper and 9 spinners, seeing as spin bowlers also appear to be their best batsmen.

The only silver-lining is that when tail end twats bat for hours on end without looking particularly troubled then there really can't be that many daemons in the pitch, but I'm sure we'll do our best to find them. Probably do need to have some 'intent' (:uhoh:) when we bat again.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As if we let (ho ho ho) Green Jayant get 50 as well as the other pricks.

We're still in this if we get 350. Really just need to bat for as long as humanly possible.

[Kikó]

So the plan is get to 100/0 then lose 6 and stumble to 150?

[niko_cee]

All out tonight.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wonder whether the future for us (given we don't have any more of these spinny type series for a while) might be to build the team around the Woakes-Stokes axis. The boy you want your daughter to bring home, and boy you absolutely don't. Having both of those in allows you to pick extra specialists either side, as required.

I wonder if they would even allow us to get away with picking Adil in England instead of *insert disappointing seamer here*. Probably not.

[Max Power]

With no Hameed, surely Moeen will bat 3 which I reckon means he's batting every spot from 1-9!

[Max Power]

I'm sure the technology guys deliberately delayed the ball tracking there so we could hear Dharma's sultry tones for five whole minutes.

STILL VAITING MARRAY

[niko_cee]

Cook is such a lucky boy. Big score needed. I'm fairly sure they just made up the ball tracking on that Jadeja one, as it looked absolutely stone dead.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I imagine Dharma punches the air when other umpires get overturned.

[Max Power]

Who is the best umpire around these days. Aleem Dar was always a lock but he seems to be a bit shit now as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Richard Kettleborough innit, although we never see him as England watchers.

Most of them are toilet. S Ravi ffs.

[niko_cee]

I just don't understand how you can miss that.

Joe's top trolling to no avail. |Needs to back up his banteriffic behaviour with some runs now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've only got Cricinfo commentary but that alone is absolutely terrifying. White men can't play spin.

[niko_cee]

Counter attack needed.

[Max Power]

Game over. Lost it in the first innings again. Can't chase the game in India.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We need Stokes to do a Botham really. Rapid 180* and ten wickets in the match. Then preferably to clone himself before the fourth Test to replace three or four of our other players.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh and if Has has done a finger, I literally can't wait for Ben Duckett to be recalled to the opening berth in Bombay.

[Max Power]

What's annoying is that for all the pessimism pre series we've not played THAT badly. Bowled fairly well, all the batsmen have made a score at least once. It's just we've lost 1 (soon to be 2) matches by chucking wickets away when it's flat.

[Max Power]

Oh and if Has has done a finger, I literally can't wait for Ben Duckett to be recalled to the opening berth in Bombay.
Compton is in India... :uhoh:

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Lions are in doobuy, let's see who the openers are, oh look it's 'Gubbo' and Keaton Jennings. I would actually advocate flying one of them in tbh, despite my general dislike for 'he's a great player outside the tour' thinking.

Bell-Drummond as well, he's a wristy little fuck, and right handed to boot.

Christ, I see Meaker is out there. That is the very definition of wishful thinking.

[Max Power]

I think Ballance deserves another go, he's been in the wilderness long enough. Hitting them well in the nets.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Has the perfect technique to open against both seam and spin too.

Ian Bell's stock also on the rise, how we could have done here with an elegant 32 ending in a loose drive to cover.

[Ian]

That's "d'you-buy", Jimmy.

[ItalAussie]

So I have no troubles acknowledging that Ashwin is a fantastic bowler, deserving of his #1 ranking in test cricket. He bowls thoughtfully, and can adjust his style to adapt to opposition and conditions. I'd have him in a World XI right now, for sure.

However, I'm still just not sold on Jadeja. His numbers are great, and he seems to come through when the chips are down. But I just can't bring myself to think of him as being a top (top) bowler. Thoughts?

[Max Power]

They say bowling is about partnerships as much as batting and I think the are great foils for each other, especially when conditions and the game is in their favour. They spin it opposite ways, speed through their overs at like 18-20 per hour and the pressure seems to tell. He's accurate and doesn't bowl much rubbish but he isn't a great or even good bowler imo, no range of skills.

Not completely sold on Ashwin at No 1 either. He's improved in the past year but even in this series where India have been on top massively he's bowled rubbish when England have put him under pressure/the game has been against them. Would still take Herath and Shah over him tbh.

Didn't watch any of today's play. Surprised we made as many as we did second innings. Hameed unbeaten fifty with a broken finger confirms what we already knew about that lad. I said 3-1 pre series and that would be a result from this point.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They're both pie throwers made to look a lot better than they are by impatient modern batting. Trashwin has even put his carrom ball away these days and just waits for idiots to miss it.

We've played some fairly Australian-style bullshit cricket in that match. Woakes, Hameed, Root (second innings) and Bairstow the only ones to emerge with any credit. And I guess Stokes and Rashid with the ball. This is the problem, we are good enough and this has the foundations of a great side but we just piss it away at key moments.

I'd like to see us fly a proper batsman in now to bat at four, suspect they won't though. Also think they'll go four seamers in the next match. Please Ball and not Finn.

[ItalAussie]

Can't agree with that. I used to think Ashwin was terrible, but he really isn't. Guy can bowl, and bowl well.

[ItalAussie]

Also, "Australian-style"? :D

I watched cricket in the '90s. Let's not be starting with that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Watch him bowl. He walks up like he has rheumatism, deposits it on a length and overpitches two an over. He is also quite impatient himself and if you get on top of him he gets frustrated and starts pissing around with his angles. His success comes from batsman error.

He does have more about him than Jadeja but the latter benefits from not getting bored and that helps Ashwin at the other end as Max says.

Herath shits on both of them.

[ItalAussie]

That's a weird take, because one of the things that impressed me most about him when he toured Australia was specifically his patience. He was happy to try variations, but it really felt like he was confident in his stock ball, and he truly believed he'd get his man eventually.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm probably being a bit harsh on him but he definitely isn't the world's best bowler and I don't think he's even the world's best spinner. However, his record against England is significantly worse than that against other nations and that's obviously where I've seen most of him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hameed flying home. Replacement said to be between Jennings and Gubbins, but I'd go with Bell-Drummond.

[ItalAussie]

If I were picking a World XI, it'd be a two spinner attack, with Herath and Ashwin both.

Herath is the better bowler, but Ashwin seems more consistently reliable, England trevails aside. Especially on tough pitches for spinners - Australia gave him nothing.

[Jimmy Floyd]

World XI playing at the inevitable venue of Dubai would definitely have both of them in it, Ashwin to bat seven (or eight if this is a World XI) and bowl.

Warner
erm, Cook (A)
Williamson
Root
Kohli
Smith
Bairstow
Ashwin
Rabada
Broad
Herath

There's actually a balance issue there. I might have to bin off Smith for Stokes. I've managed not to pick any Pakistanis as well.

[ItalAussie]

Bairstow? That's a bit of an indictment. Aside from that, the batsmen pick themselves, really.

As for the bowlers, it's Hazelwood v Broad v Starc v Steyn v others. Rabada was good, but overshadowed against us by both of his compatriot fast bowlers, and may even find himself on the outer when Steyn gets back, because Abbott was sensational.

I'd have de Kock over Bairstow, although I feel like we should be able to do better. Chandimal, perhaps.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bairstow is the top run scorer in Tests this year with 1,355 at 64.52, so...

Quinny will get there but not yet.

[ItalAussie]

Bairstow is the top run scorer in Tests this year with 1,355 at 64.52, so...

Quinny will get there but not yet.

Hard to argue with that. Didn't see it coming.

Also, no chance Smith is the one to get binned. One of the first three names on the sheet. :nodd:

Although most of the batting lineup is basically undroppable. Maybe Cook or Williamson if we're really reaching, but nobody else is even remotely putting up their hand to do so.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'll put Starc in for Rabada. Second opener is the tricky one, Chef has been on cruise control for some time now but most of international cricket are intent on filling their opener spots with walking wickets so it's hard to find an alternative.

[Max Power]

On the openers point, Sami Aslam will be there soon I reckon.

Who's skippering this team stacked full of big personalities? Might have to drop one of the young guns to bring in King Misbah at 6.

[ItalAussie]

On the openers point, Sami Aslam will be there soon I reckon.

Who's skippering this team stacked full of big personalities? Might have to drop one of the young guns to bring in King Misbah at 6.

I still think Smith's a good captain. Cook could do it. Williamson's not quite there yet. But unless Misbah decides to have a crack at opening, he's not breaking into that batting lineup.

[ItalAussie]

If you had to find a third opener to put pressure on Cook, it'd probably have to be Azhar Ali, I think. He's averaging quite well, although a not-out triple century will do that for you.

Pujara's averaging better than both of them, but I'm not totally sold.

[Blitz]

Just wait until AB sorts all his injury shit out. And also for South Africa to play more than like 7 tests a year so that Quinny can have a fair shot at being top runscorer. Those two on top form will cruise into any World XI.

Might be slightly biased, but this has some merit.

EDIT: De Kock has a higher average, and at a better strike rate that Bairstow, South Africa just don't play as many games as England do.

[Max Power]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CybQwhgUQAM8C8u.jpg

Nice photo. Hameed apparently pleaded to open the batting second innings, was refused. Spent three net sessions working on a new grip so he wouldn't put pressure on his broken fingers, made an unbeaten fifty. Then pleaded again to stay on tour but has been sent home to have an op. What a geezer, love him already.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hales has been given the shove / given himself the shove, and I'll be surprised if Hameed's not in the squad named on Friday.

Also:

http://www.theboltonnews.co.uk/resources/images/4023827.jpg?display=1&htype=0&type=responsive-gallery

Some people you can just tell from their face they are a hero.

Jimmy (unusually) knew.

[Ian]

I don't watch any club cricket (I don't have an allegiance, though I suppose I'm from Coventry and have been to a Warwickshire match so I guess it'd be them by default) but of the potential openers to come in Bell-Drummond is the only one I've seen mentioned. Has he had a few notable matches and that's how I've heard of him, have I heard him mentioned on Sky/TMS or does he just have a good enough rep that it's leaked through into my consciousness somehow?

Could be Cricinfo I suppose.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's been around for two or three seasons. Gubbins and Jennings are more 2016 breakouts.

[Max Power]

Not entirely sure of the point in bringing and opener out tbh. Just have Root open for two Tests and search for a number four.

[igor_balis]

The most popular opinion on the official England facebook page seems to be bringing Bell into the squad. Okay then.

[igor_balis]

Based on my Cricket Captain 2016 exploits I'd bring in Angus Robson.

[niko_cee]

Has Hales been binned because he wouldn't go to the Desh or for general shitness? Or is he injured? Stick him in somewhere down the order (despite the fact he's a bit of a useless pleb). He doesn't have to be an opener, the way of things in International cricket seems to be you rarely end up where you start out specialising. Strauss was a No.3 who opened on debut due to injury and never looked back. Root was an opener and now he's a 3/4. Maybe 'Halesey' (I want to call him Halo) coud be a counter-attacking revelation at 4. Erm, maybe. Better than bringing back the Ronald, mind.

[Danny]

Shitness. The fact he didnt fancy the travel just made it easier.

[Queenslander]

Did anyone make any money on that Black Caps win?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not entirely sure of the point in bringing and opener out tbh. Just have Root open for two Tests and search for a number four.

There's already a nice strain of twitter opinion developing which wants Billings selected. Sigh.

[Max Power]

I thought yer man Jason Roy would be the twitter pick tbh.

[ItalAussie]

Presumably you bump Root up to open and pick someone else in the middle order. Because if you pick someone to open and they do well, then you have a selection nightmare. But it's easier to find space lower down the order if needed.

[Max Power]

That's what I would do but it seems the form players in the country are all openers. I guess Jennings could come in, and if he makes runs and looks the part could always move down to 4 in the summer when Hameed returns.

Or just keep picking one day shotmakers and hope one of them becomes David Warner.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I thought yer man Jason Roy would be the twitter pick tbh.

Would be better than Buttler at the role Buttler is meant to be doing now, tbh.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Liam Dawson and Keaton Jennings it is. Unconvinced by both, to be honest. Dawson is like Ansari but worse at everything.

[ItalAussie]

"Daddy hundred" is the only phrase in cricket that irks me even more than "tracer bullet".

There's no good reason for it, and it sounds juvenile.

[niko_cee]

It always sounds like the brewing of a sexual abuse in cricket furore to me.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Especially when spoken in Graham Gooch's voice.

I see the commonwealth calls for an ethnically pure England team have begun again with Jennings called up.

[niko_cee]

There ought to be strict elocution requirements for South Africans assimilating into other countries. Strauss and his ilk are fine, but I heard some Bakkies Van der Merwe type character who plays for the Ireland the other day and he was just taking the piss.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hardus 'Nails' Viljoen off to Derby as a kolpak. Who will spearhead South Africa's summer attack now?

[Ian]

From Keaton Jennings' wiki:
Full name Have we given up on the game altogether?
Height Approximately 24 Hobbits stacked on top of each other.

On 89 though, good work, lad.

[Ian]

Century. :cool: After nearly being out for nowt he looked properly composed from the highlights I saw before I left the house this morning.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Quality stuff. If we get to 400 tomorrow we qualify as being BACK IN THE SERIES, at least until Kohli next bats.

[ItalAussie]

Normally I don't pay too much attention to tour matches, but the Cricket Australia XI are playing Pakistan in Perth.

They knocked over Pakistan with enough time for three overs of batting. Four wickets and three runs later...

[Jimmy Floyd]

Mohammad Amir seems to reserve a special kind of rage for tour matches.

That said, the CA XI looks like it's a grade cricket rep side.

[ItalAussie]

I'm going to assume that people are (justifiably) ignoring the bilateral ODI series between Australia and New Zealand. But Smith took two of the finest catches you'll ever see, and it's well worth digging up the highlights reel just for those.

The last one was amusingly wasted taking the tenth wicket in a rout, but an amazing catch is an amazing catch.

[Max Power]

The first one where he landed on his face was unreal.

Bit of a weird pitch in Mumbai. Looks like the most unplayable snake pit at times but if you bat for a bit looks pretty benign. England have four seamers ofc. This one smells like a third innings collapse after India reach parity on first innings.

[Jimmy Floyd]

To me it smells like a draw. Of course fucking Root has bowled three pointless overs. Might as well have played Dawson so that they find out how shit he is.

I like Jake Ball though.

[niko_cee]

Time for a deeply dispiriting Ashwin ton.

Edit: instajinx. :cool:

[Ian]

England have four seamers ofc.

Boycott was trowelling the sarcasm on pretty thick yesterday when talking about that "brilliant idea."

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dropping Kohli twice hasn't exactly helped matters here. Still should get a draw out of it unless we bat like retards in the second innings.

Our players look awfully tired, which I suppose shouldn't be a surprise after six more or less consecutive Tests in the heat.

[ItalAussie]

Time for a deeply dispiriting Ashwin ton.

Edit: instajinx. :cool:

I know it didn't happen here, but I will say that Ashwin getting big runs against your side is one of the most dispiriting things to see. I think it's a bit like when Jason Gillespie would get fifties.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This England v India series should really have been 0-0 if our top order had brought their underpants along. Both sides bat to, like, 10, with proper batsmen too, not just bowlers who can bat well.

[niko_cee]

What's happened here then? I don't even want to look at the scorecard.

[Ian]

Feel like I've seen this match somewhere before.

[niko_cee]

Can we just put Moeen back down where he scores all his runs now?

With Hameed and Jennings looking like they might be worth a go at the top (albeit Keaton could have had a pair here), and 1 and 4 picking themselves it's just a specialist 5 they need to find (Stokes, Bairstow, Moeen, Woakes, Broad, Anderson) when they get back into semi-normal conditions. Why oh why did wee Jimmy Taylor have to go and almost die?

[Davgooner]

"Rewerse your decision [you cunt]."

[niko_cee]

I saw the one Bairstow reviewed when he was given out caught at short leg walking down the pitch and the umpire's reaction when he insta-reviewed it was classic. He just turned away in disgust, as well he might, having given him when the ball missed the bat by about 3 feet. He knew it was a shocker without needing to be told so you wonder why he bothered giving it in the first place.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wish people would stop calling Kohli a genius. He's not, he's the opposite in fact, just mechanically excellent. The only geniuses since the war have been Warne and Sobers.

[ItalAussie]

God. At least make them work for it.

EDIT: Guardian was talking about how well they resisted earlier in the match, and how this was a "great toss to win" for India. Just try saying the words "outplayed in every facet of the game". It's tough, but you'll work it out in time.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In the face of the Indian bullshit assault that inevitably comes with them winning a series, we must resist all forms of grace and humility. Take it to the bastards.

It was awfully fucking quiet when we won there in 2012-13.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Incidentally, I think India are better than us in these conditions and would win this series 99 times out of 100, but our players must be completely out of juice by now. They've done 6 Tests in 6 weeks in 30+ degree heat. I wouldn't be surprised to see us lose by an innings and 200+ in the next match.

[ItalAussie]

I did notice the Guardian bringing up fatigue. Quell surprise.

That said, I'm furious that we put a bilateral ODI series against NZ between test series against South Africa and Pakistan. Throttle that golden goose, gents.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The English and Australian boards are joint world champions at smashing their own players into the dirt. We really need the overarching structure ASAP.

[Max Power]

More noise about Cook jacking it in.

Give it Rooteh til end of season.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm really unsure about Root, I'm sure he'll be brilliant but I don't want us to ruin his batting. Give it to Broad and watch the world burn.

Chef has done it for 4 years, time to focus on scoring runs.

[ItalAussie]

Looks like yellow and red cards are on their way to cricket.

Thoughts? I'm for it.

[ItalAussie]

Also, Amir looks to have injured his knee, which is bad. Memories of Simon Jones.

If they're down to three bowlers, one of whom (Rahat Ali) is all over the place, it'll take some magic from Pakistan.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm pro yellow and red cards too. I used to be against but there was an incident in a club competition near me a couple of years ago in which a bloke literally whacked a kid with his bat, and yet there was nothing the umpires could do to sanction him (in-game, at least) so the only way the situation was resolved was by the victim's team walking off the pitch and 'forfeiting' the match, although I think it was later awarded to them or scrubbed out.

I also do a lot of umpiring and the amount of abuse you get is going steadily upwards, a direct influence from football I think.

It'll also lead to comical scenes involving Ben Stokes, so what's not to like.

[ItalAussie]

Amir's back on the field. Great news.

Smith looks so comfortable. He's seeing it like a beach ball.

[Jimmy Floyd]

James Anderson ruled out of the final Test with 'general soreness'. You'd think the press officer could have worded it better.

[ItalAussie]

http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj240/jbelbo/HIMYMsalute.jpg

[ItalAussie]

"Quickest to N runs" is a stupid measurement.

The only speed measures that matter are innings or tests. Duration of time just means we're scheduling lots of tests, which we all already know.

[niko_cee]

Young Joe sawn off in his prime. Ho hum.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Liam Dawson is such a fucking awful selection it hurts.


Shrey: "Root's inability to convert his 80s/90s into big daddy hundreds is possibly the difference between a wretched 4-0 loss vs a respectable series loss for Eng."

Why do Indian fans always have such deplorably terrible opinions?

[Max Power]

Root does have an odd habit of getting out in the 70s and 80s even when he's looking great, thought he'd cracked it with that double against Pakistan but alas. Not the difference between the two sides in this series though.

Liam Dawson has got to be the least deserving Test cap of recent years? Incredibly modest first class record and no discernable 'X-Factor' talent. Just meh.

[Max Power]

Yes Mo :cool:

Haven't checked but I reckon his five Test hundreds have come at four different positions in the order,

[Jimmy Floyd]

There are no ills that a Moeen hundred cannot cure.

Three at number 7, one each at 4 and 5.

[Max Power]

Funny how he doesn't have one at six as it's probably his best position.

[Jimmy Floyd]

One of them was actually at 6 but demoted because of a nightwatchman. All five against Asian teams.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The new ball has been taken
85.3
Sharma to Ali, FOUR, and the first ball with the new cherry races away to the boundary. Full and wide outside off, slapped to the deep point boundary. Uppish but no one there
85.4
Sharma to Ali, FOUR, just wide of Pujara at cover. Languid from Moeen. Full outside off, Moeen wafts away from hos body and the ball flies past Pujara's right.


:drool:

[Max Power]

Languid from Moeen is the must buy fragrance this Chistmas.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If they put home Tests on free to air I genuinely think it would do a massive amount for inter-faith relations in this country, and decrease UKIP's share of the vote. That's how much of a hero he is.

[niko_cee]

Kohli could probably have a dint at the world record on this pitch if he fancies it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We'll have to take two wickets first.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, I thought that just after I'd typed it. I guess you have to be top 3 to really have a shot at that (Lara batted 3 didn't he?). If a pitch is flat enough to do it on, you aren't going to get too many top order batsmen falling over to let you in, and it can't be England, who's top order could assist in any conditions, because traditionally we are bowling when these things happen.

Parthiv Patel 401*

[Max Power]

If I wake up to a Pakistan win tomorrow I convert to Islam lads...

[ItalAussie]

Pakistan are gradually starting to threaten this chase of 490. Only 40ish runs to get, with the centurion still in and set.


EDIT: We got him. But this has been one of the more tense finishes I can remember. Series well-poised.

[niko_cee]

I see the horror show is well under way in Chennai. 15 wickets in 3.5 days. I'm sure we can manage to lose 10 in a session when the time comes.

[Davgooner]

Fucking riveting, this.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pakistan are gradually starting to threaten this chase of 490. Only 40ish runs to get, with the centurion still in and set.


EDIT: We got him. But this has been one of the more tense finishes I can remember. Series well-poised.

Pakistan are absolute dons, rattled out for 140 in the first innings and then nearly chase 490 in the second. Quite, quite mad.

This England tour has been a roaring success. Fortunately we don't have to visit Asia again for ages.

[John Arne]

India to chase 1,000 given they are 3-0 up in the series?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I dunno about that but if they bat on there's a very real chance that Karun Nair could break Lara's record.

Our spinners have bowled at the time of writing 112 overs, 7 maidens (:D), 3 for 445.

[Max Power]

I was of the opinion that the long break after this Test until the South Africa series meant that Cook wouldn't resign but this is such an absolute shoeing I think he might, especially if we lose tomorrow.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He hasn't been arsed since Mohali. Wants to be back with his kid.

[ItalAussie]

I dunno about that but if they bat on there's a very real chance that Karun Nair could break Lara's record.

Our spinners have bowled at the time of writing 112 overs, 7 maidens (:D), 3 for 445.

I wonder if Jadeja hadn't gotten out whether they might have considered letting him bat on.

[niko_cee]

Kohli should have declared when he got out so he could have another go.

[niko_cee]

Here we go.

[Max Power]

Got £20 on India at 5/1 so if we can slip in another familiar collapse then Christmas drinks are on me.

Stokes gone. Hello!

[Jimmy Floyd]

If we lose this, they should execute three members of the squad entirely at random.

It might even be WDYTOE-worthy if it wasn't a result of such painful inertia.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And guess what, in this match my old mate Trashwin is back with figures of 1 for 206, and yet here's Ravi 'fucking hell' Jadeja with eight wickets.

[niko_cee]

Merry Christmas Max!

[Jimmy Floyd]

There used to be a thread on the Betfair cricket forum (no idea if it's still going, forum or thread) in which they tracked the long term results from backing/laying the various results in Test matches and at the time, the only one which showed a profit was laying the draw. There's some wisdom in there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Root topped the batting and the bowling averages. Give me strength.

We scored 6 hundreds in that series and lost 4-0.

[Max Power]

God bless the England collapse.

I predict Cook will resign the captaincy.

[Max Power]

I mean losing by an innings when you make 477 first up. You have to laugh.

[Ian]

Won four tosses. So many amazing stats.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think it'll be a temporary bump in the road. Our next few series are:

South Africa (home, 4)
West Indies (home, 3)
Australia (away, 5)
New Zealand (away, 2)
West Indies (away, 3)
India (home, 5)

So we've got about two years to find a decent spinner, and probably to replace Anderson.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cook
Hameed
Jennings
Root
Bairstow
Stokes
Moeen
Buttler (gloves)
Woakes
Curran S
Broad

I think we'll start the Ashes with that, although it's contingent on Sam continuing his development and the batsmen (mainly Jennings and Buttler) not being shite in the interim. I don't think Jimmy will make it and I don't think you can play Rashid, and I also don't think you should play Rashid instead of Moeen.

[Max Power]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-england-2016-17/content/story/1073564.html

Very good.

[Ian]

The Duckett/ Hameed bit in that rings true in particular.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think the Duckett vs Hameed thing is the clue which proves the gist of that right. Tricky Trev has his merits I think but I don't understand who, having experienced any amount of cricket, would look at Duckett and look at Hameed and then conclude that the former is the Test opener.

I'm a bit uneasy about giving Root the captaincy, the problem is there are no other alternatives, have any of the others captained a game ever? You could bring Ian Bell back as captain but that feels like something from the 1970s.

EDIT: High five, Ian.

[Max Power]

Splitting the coaching seems logical. But Bayliss taking home £500k a year to wear a sunhat and tell Jos Buttler and Jason Roy to hit sixes is maybe a bit much and I don't know who you'd bring in to coach the Test team.

[Ian]

EDIT: High five, Ian.

o/

Root is going to be captain and it is going to be because there's nobody else. Who the fuck else do you even trust to be in the team in the long term?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Splitting the coaching seems logical. But Bayliss taking home £500k a year to wear a sunhat and tell Jos Buttler and Jason Roy to hit sixes is maybe a bit much and I don't know who you'd bring in to coach the Test team.

Be bold and headhunt that Sri Lankan who runs Bangladesh (brilliantly). That would stick the shivers up a few people at Lord's.

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://twitter.com/DanielHarris/status/811302357787086848

The festive backdrop second only to that time when he called for the entire management to be sacked whilst sitting in front of a glorious, shimmering Caribbean sea.

[Ian]

His absolute indifference toward being matey with the players/SET-UP is what makes him, and a couple of the Sky cricket pundits, so good.

He may not be the best sports pundit working at the moment, but I think he's my favourite.

[Max Power]

https://twitter.com/DanielHarris/status/811302357787086848

The festive backdrop second only to that time when he called for the entire management to be sacked whilst sitting in front of a glorious, shimmering Caribbean sea.
HEADS MUST ROLL

Even a classic "Well Charles..." there. Great to see.

[Ian]

Another thing I like from that article the more I think about it, and something I think isn't talked about enough when people are discussing great sporting teams, is personal accountability.

It's easy to think that once you're a team it's a fairytale, musketeer-esque all-for-one approach. And although it's impossible to say when you're not in the dressing room you can imagine the England cricket team buying into that sort of nonsense. And the idea that THE TEAM protects them from having to personally own up to playing like an absolute twat. Because if most of the team did it then somehow your small part doesn't matter as much, right? I remember when Red Nev was new to Sky and Dave Gayer was still a flaky hatrack of a goalie for United. After he chucked one in against Spurs Neville basically went through various players in the footage and how they clearly weren't going to give De Gea the "It's okay, mate" treatment and were fucking fuming with him.

You feel like England, unless they're hiding it well, just think they're a top bunch of banterlads that when they're doing badly you just crack on with it, stick to The Plan, play your natural game and everybody's home in time for tea with their ECB-approved family.

I might be totally wide of the mark with all this and I don't pay as close attention as some of you guys do, by a long shot, but I can't help but feel that we need a few more players who treat it like a personal slight when somebody manages to take their wicket.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You're right and the great thing is that Haseeb Hameed is the antidote to literally all of it.

Leadership plays a part too and Cook doesn't strike me as a natural leader. His teams have won when they're better and lost when they're worse - there isn't a sort of charismatic, demanding personality in there who can flick anyone's switches when the team's up against it, and I don't think Bayliss is one of those either. Root might be good at that, I don't know.

[Ian]

When the chips are down you need somebody who demands that the team everything they have into rectifying the situation, and for the team to do it because they know the leadership figure in question isn't asking anything of them that they don't demand of themselves. As you say, it's hard to see anybody in the England team at the moment who fits the bill. It's not even a case of having to be blood and thunder about leadership, it's just being the guy who when push comes to shove the rest of the team take absolutely seriously.

Maybe the cheeky chappie smirks bely some greater depth but as much as I love Root it's hard to imagine him getting anybody in line.

[ItalAussie]

Everything I've read assumes Root will get it without any real competition.

Are there any other figures in the side who could do a job? Broad or Bairstow, perhaps? Especially if Buttler can take wicketkeeping duty.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Much as I'd love to see Stuart Broad lead us out at the Gabba, there's more chance of me getting it.

[Ian]

Gary Pratt for captain.

[niko_cee]

Watched a bit of the Big Bash (mate) this morning and was astounded by the quality of the catching. Save for Jordan and Pollard showing the cobbers how it's done there were some absolute howlers dropped.

[Mr. Malik]

Watched a bit of the Big Bash (mate) this morning and was astounded by the quality of the catching. Save for Jordan and Pollard showing the cobbers how it's done there were some absolute howlers dropped.

The security guards too

https://gfycat.com/AncientDrearyFrenchbulldog

[niko_cee]

Yeah, he was good.

Probably the highlight of the match. Did they chase the runs down in the end?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ten short. I liked following the game on Cricinfo purely because 'Mark Steketee' flows quite beautifully in my cod Australian accent.

[niko_cee]

Quite an achievement to blow it from where they were.

[niko_cee]

Cook captains the ICC test team of 2016 whilst Kohli misses out.

:D

Steve 'good chat' Smith too, although he gets to carry the drinks.

Best shuffle this one under the carpet asap.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Broad getting booed in the Big Bash because he did 3.5 years ago exactly the same thing Steve Smith did in Australia's last Test match :harold:

'Aww, look, mate, it's different.'

[niko_cee]

Broad is in the Big Bash?

:cab:

[Max Power]

Getting absolutely smashed by Jason Roy currently

[Jimmy Floyd]

Broad is in the Big Bash?

:cab:

Ian Ronald Bell is also in it. No idea.

[niko_cee]

Is that why there is a massive gap in the schedule between the tests and limited overs stuff?

And do we really not play another test for 7 months?

[Max Power]

Champions Trophy next year chief. England might actually win it :cab:

[Jimmy Floyd]

We have the Champions Trophy en Angleterre next, and then we're somehow fitting seven Tests into the summer after that.

We've played a farcical amount this year so they could do with a break.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've pointed this out before but the Indian TV-inspired CT schedule is a thing of beauty.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_ICC_Champions_Trophy

Can't wait until Jamie Porter, Ben Sanderson and Benny Howell have Bangladesh five down before 11am in our opener.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/super-smash-2016-17/content/story/1073798.html

Poor Jade. Imagine the shame of being duscuplunned by the fucking Wellington Firebirds.

[ItalAussie]

Broad getting booed in the Big Bash because he did 3.5 years ago exactly the same thing Steve Smith did in Australia's last Test match :harold:

'Aww, look, mate, it's different.'

It's not different. It's a stupid thing to boo him over.

It was stupid at the time and it's stupid now. But now he's grown into a pantomime villain there, so what are you going to do.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cricket needs more pantomime villains tbf. Dave Warner :drool:

Ben Stokes has such potential in the role, but he needs to stop apologising.

[ItalAussie]

The thing is, being a pantomime villain is very little to do with what you actually do.

Warner's basically been on his best behaviour since 2013. Doesn't even chirp that much in the field. Broad, aside from general low-grade sledging, is largely decent and well-behaved. It's all about picking a single incident and blowing it wildly out of proportion indefinitely.

[ItalAussie]

We were talking about World XI lineups a few weeks ago, and the opener position was a little troubling.

When I went digging, I saw that Azhar Ali has the best overall numbers this year, although that's boosted by his triple century against the West Indies. Nonetheless, I've had a little while to look at him in this series, and I think he probably is the best opener going around at the moment. Just got to his hundred against us as I type.

He's careful, and values his wicket. A thoughtful batsman. I rate him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He only moved into the opening spot during the series against us in the summer, because Hafeez and Shan Masood (lol) were averaging about 4 each. Good move, it's turned out.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Quite enjoying this South Africa v Sri Lanka Test, the latter are giving as good as they've got in what for them are pretty hostile conditions. Batting looks shaky to say the least though against the moving ball in the early overs.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What I didn't realise was that Cricket South Africa don't consider anyone who played pre-isolation to have been a legitimate South African player. So Barry Richards, Graeme Pollock, Hugh Tayfield, Mike Procter just don't exist as far as they are concerned.

I realised this upon seeing that Temba Bavuma has '85' on his hat.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Rangy Herath counter-attack ongoing :drool:

[niko_cee]

I do wonder what it has all come too when the colour of Andre Russell's bat appears to be some kind of ongoing news saga.