The little things in life that fuck you off

[Baz]

And fuck Joe Wicks’ stupid goddamn short shouty videos

[Ian]

Recipes online. Fuck off with your cunting little story and history, just tell me what the fuck goes in it and when.

No idea if it works because I only think about it when I'm looking at one of those sites but there's a Chrome add on called "Recipe filter" designed to just give you the recipe on those pages.

[niko_cee]

Home school being back in session (R, Y2, Y4) as of tomorrow morning.

PE can get to fuck. Is Joe Wicks still doing that or has he made his millions now?

[Kikó]

He's gone to 3x a week.

[niko_cee]

Does he keep a room in his mansion to make it look like he still lives in a pokey townhouse?

[Giggles]

No idea if it works because I only think about it when I'm looking at one of those sites but there's a Chrome add on called "Recipe filter" designed to just give you the recipe on those pages.

Handy, I’ll give that a go.

[Giggles]

I’ve a day off tomorrow because of the NFL but I’ve just remembered I need to leave this hire car back. I hadn’t been planning on getting dressed.

[Boydy]

This Irish sea border Brexit shite means the place I normally get vape liquid from for a quid a bottle isn't shipping to NI any more. Now I have to pay like three times the price to get it locally.

Fucking bullshit.

[Giggles]

I think vape ape ship (new) nation wide and have decent offers.

[Spikey M]

I know there's nothing else going on at the moment, but I don't think obsessing over Pancake Day is the answer. All over the TV and social media at the moment.

It's flour and egg folks, shut the fuck up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm having fish and chips tonight, just to fuck with their brains.

[Spikey M]

We're having a roast to really make heads wobble.

Might even use the pancake mix to make Yorkshires.

[Giggles]

I'm having blueberry pancakes.

[Spikey M]

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1a/4a/c3/1a4ac33029bfbf72e485ebdd68ef3e6a.jpg

[Giggles]

Not to forget some chocolate chips and maple syrup.

[niko_cee]

I stuck some chocolate chips in a non-crepe style pancake this morning (one of those thicker/yank style ones) and it was alright [from a making perspective, I didn't eat it], if a bit of an abomination post flip due to the melting.

[bruhnaldo]

At least tell me it was for someone else

[Jimmy Floyd]

Down the road from me, there is an elderly lady whose son (I presume) has developed an unfortunate Saturday habit of turning up with his electric guitar and amps, setting them up on the grass verge across from her door, and giving her an impromptu socially distanced rock concert while his obedient wife does some unconvincing percussion in the background. It's always the same set list, in the same order, and obviously the whole area has to listen too because of all the fucking speakers.

As I type he's in the middle of 'Mamma Mia' by Abba, about 2x too fast and completely out of tune. Next up, I seem to remember, is 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love'.

[Spikey M]

:lol:

Video please.

[Lewis]

The Middle Class and White Stripes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can only hear him from here, I'll get a covert video next time I walk past this scene (and it is an amazing scene, they are both about 50 and the wife acts like a mannequin). All the while the old lady stands in her doorway like 'Yeah...'

Regret to report he's now doing 'Sweet Caroline', but obviously the wife is mute so he does all the 'Do doo doo' and the 'so good, so good, so good' himself.

[Spikey M]

:D

Honestly feel robbed that this is just being brought to our attention.

Set up camp in some nearby bushes next Saturday and live stream the lot to us.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why aren't you belting out Sweet Caroline with them?

[Kikó]

I can only hear him from here, I'll get a covert video next time I walk past this scene (and it is an amazing scene, they are both about 50 and the wife acts like a mannequin). All the while the old lady stands in her doorway like 'Yeah...'

Regret to report he's now doing 'Sweet Caroline', but obviously the wife is mute so he does all the 'Do doo doo' and the 'so good, so good, so good' himself.

For some reason, it's reminding me of these two..


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khkKfMotNoI

[Spikey M]

Where's the shameful lustage thread gone when you need it? :drool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Central heating must be broken.

[randomlegend]

Surprised them nips allowed on youtube.

[Kikó]

You can tell this is all her idea as well. He would happily be having a brew and reading the Sunday paper .

[Lofty]

They have done a few and she is always braless smuggling peas.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Here's a question. Why do the working class/blue collar sector ALWAYS WRITE COMPLETE EMAILS IN ALL CAPS, whereas the clever online educated sorts type out everything in lower case including their own name i'm going to islington smugness festival at the weekend, my girlfriend got tickets. love north london x bye

Both utterly infuriating. Write properly you tarts.

[Ian]

Yeah it's always especially galling when somebody earning twice what I do types like an illiterate.

'ian can you plaese check this and get back to me

KR

Managertwat."

What. are you too busy for the shift key, dickhead?

[Baz]

I heard someone use ‘alliterate’ in place of ‘reiterate’ the other day.

[Spikey M]

"KR" should be a stoning worthy offence.

[Queenslander]

Gonna throw my fellow white middle aged males who happen to drive for Uber under the bus. No chat please.

[Spikey M]

Just had to fill out our Census. What an ordeal that is.

"Are you employed?"

Yes.

"By an employer?"

... yes.

"Do you work for a company?"

Mate, I get what you're driving at, but this could have been one question; "What is your fucking employment status?". Sort it out.

[Kikó]

I really enjoyed this email from our concierge yesterday. Must have been a heavy night:

Dear Residents

We have a full parcle room as at this morning with some flats having multtiple parcels for days now. Kindly have the parcels collected if you received notification email from the Estate Team to make room for new badges. Also, check with your falt mates who is not registered and expecting deliveries to check with us as we have loads who are not on the system. Help us to serve you better.

Thank you for your coopertion

Kind Regards

[Spikey M]

Help them to serve you better Keeks.

[Kikó]

Thanks for the coopertion. Get ready for the badges.

[SincereTheRebel]

Cleaning dusty blinds.

[Disco]

Hairdryer.

[Offshore Toon]

I ordered a laptop from Curry's at the end of March and had it sent to a mate for him to forward on as Curry's don't ship to Jersey and he said he could send it using the DPD account at his work. I asked him if it was insured at the time and he said yes. Fast forward a couple of weeks and it's still in some warehouse in Birmingham with the app telling me there are issues delivering in my area despite delivering some earphones to me in that timeframe. After another couple of weeks they've given up on what happened to it and said we'll need to fill in a claims form. After two months of trying to get the claims form processed by DPD, I called up this morning, already fuming, thinking I'd get this sorted once and for all and got told that it was already paid on the 28th May.

£24.

"£12 per kilo. It's in the T&Cs".

Can't remember the last time I was that angry. Managed to not do or say anything over the top and I've calmed down now, but fuck me what a slap in the face. I've told my mate he needs to throw his company's weight about and make sure they're aware that £900 isn't worth losing them over. He's offered to pay, to be fair, but I'd still feel shit if he became liable instead of me. At the same time, I don't feel I should have to fork out £900 for trusting the word of a mate I've known for decades.

Some rat in the warehouse must have seen that it wasn't insured properly and knew that DPD wouldn't bother trying to track down who did it. Bet he's loving life cause it was a great laptop. :happycry:

[Disco]

It's almost certainly still sat in the depot or hub, far easier to credit someone twenty odd quid than to actually look for it.

[Shindig]

Got a bit over zealous trying to hook the washer up. I can't put the sink pipes back together.

EDIT: Sink's mega-fucked. Turns out there were already problems. I love this shit house. :moop:

[Baz]

Using stupid fonts like Gulim (https://copyfonts.com/fonts/gulim.html) as your default email font.

Verdana is king.

Arial, Calibri and TNR are acceptable, and give off quite an impressive cba-vibe. I’ll even allow Tahoma. But Gulim? No. Take your spindly characters elsewhere and address me properly, Sam from Liverpool University.

[Giggles]

Calibri or nothing.

[wullie]

Having weighed it up, people sending screenshots as an image inserted into a Word doc is possibly the worst thing to come out of this whole covid time.

[Ian]

It's racist flute band season again.

I hope an out of control lorry mows the fuckers down next time they're about to do a circuit of the roads round me.

[Giggles]

It's racist flute band season again.

I hope an out of control lorry mows the fuckers down next time they're about to do a circuit of the roads round me.

Expect a visit from John and GS in your dreams tonight.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fucking bullshit on adverts. Just transcribed this one from a car advert:


When intention meets relentlessness, when passion meets craftsmanship, then is the creation of something truly progressive.

Shut the fuck up.

[Spikey M]

I've maintained an ardent sneer at aftershave/perfume adverts for years now.

[Yevrah]

Fucking bullshit on adverts. Just transcribed this one from a car advert:



Shut the fuck up.

I was watching Taskmaster on 4 Music last night and an advert for hair loss helping nonsense came on that was genuinely horrible.

[Disco]

They're all awful, companies trying to be your friend or normalise massive debt. Spikey is right too, you can't sell an odour so you have to come up with some other bullshit to flog your pointless smell-water.

[Giggles]

Bints on mens sports coverage. Fair enough if it’s the main presenter as they’re just a TV person but why someone that didn’t even play the sport giving ‘expert’ opinion? Just watched the hurling and switched over to soccer and both have one stuck in the middle of it.

[randomlegend]

Buying stuff from outside the UK is an absolute ballache now. A lot of places outright won't ship here.

Brexit voting retards.

[Giggles]

Taking me ages to get stuff from Amazon.es now too, was so handy before on .co.uk. Sooner the better they open that distribution center here.

[Boydy]

Buying stuff from outside the UK is an absolute ballache now. A lot of places outright won't ship here.

Brexit voting retards.
It's a ballache getting stuff to NI from GB for the same reasons. So annoying.

[Luca]

Was just locked down in a mall with an active shooter event going on. Nothing like gunfire to get the blood pumping.

[Queenslander]

Anyone dead?

Was this in Canada?

[Luca]

It was in Canada. The stupid cunt managed to fire five shots into a crowded mall and hit no one. It was almost certainly a targeted, gang-related shooting, mind - not some American-style mentalist who hates women or ISIS.

[Queenslander]

Yeah we get Bikie gangs doing that down here.

[Spikey M]

It was in Canada. The stupid cunt managed to fire five shots into a crowded mall and hit no one. It was almost certainly a targeted, gang-related shooting, mind - not some American-style mentalist who hates women or ISIS.

You don't hate ISIS?

[Queenslander]

Isis-C

[Raoul Duke]

Isis-eh?

[Queenslander]

Perfect.

[Kikó]

Bravo

[Foe]

Ps glad you’re safe Luca.

Did you get locked down in a sweet shop? Or was luck not on your side?

[Luca]

We were in a restaurant, and they’d just brought our starters out. :moop:

(ISIS-eh is great)

[igor_balis]

My colleague has suggested our other mate and us go and play mini golf at the place that just opened round the corner, cus he went with his own mates and had a laugh.

I was like "did you win", and he said ah we stopped keeping track of scores half way through.

I was like hey I don't think I could cope playing something like that without actually paying attention to the scores and stuff, and just got "lighten up it's just a bit of fun, but we can take it DEADLY SERIOUSLY when we go if we must" in response.

Like, yeah I am a fun police cunt, but I just cannot get my head around playing a game and basically ignoring the entire internal logic of the game. Large grey area between taking it super seriously and just not even keeping score. It's like when I went bowling as a teenager and my doofus mates insisted on having the bumpers up and just lobbing the balls at random, I'm still fucking raging about that fifteen years later.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm with you on this stuff but the general public can't deal with it.

My dad gets properly wound up if I mention playing golf and say 'Oh I won/lost by this score', and he sits there incredulous as if keeping score is for squares and FUN is all you should ever do. For me the fun is in trying to do well / watching as someone else beats me.

Crazy golf, I dunno, I hate it so couldn't comment on the vibe.

[Disco]

You should keep but not care about the score.

[wullie]

People who are too shit to win don't pay attention to the score. I stopped paying attention about halfway through the last time I played

[igor_balis]

You should keep but not care about the score.

Bingo.

[igor_balis]

Which, now I think about it, would be a fun one to apply this logic to. Just fucking cross off whatever numbers you want.

[Yevrah]

Monica was so right, rules bring the fun.

My personal bugbear are wankers who make up rules in pool. No, I don't need to double the black if we haven't previously agreed that before the frame started (I asked what rules do you play) and nor am I not allowed to shoot backwards when you've fouled.

[SvN]

It makes no sense at all to not keep score. Isn't part of the fun in doing amazing well on one hole, then comically badly on another? How to you measure that without a score?

Your friends are retards.

[Boydy]

Monica was so right, rules bring the fun.


:D

I was looking for a gif of this but couldn't find a decent one.

It's right though. What's the point of not keeping score?

[SvN]

Monica was so right, rules bring the fun.

My personal bugbear are wankers who make up rules in pool. No, I don't need to double the black if we haven't previously agreed that before the frame started (I asked what rules do you play) and nor am I not allowed to shoot backwards when you've fouled.

Can't stand this. I was playing a guy recently and the white went in when I was on the black (missed the pot), which is obviously a foul. He declared himself the winner (despite having 4 balls left on the table) and when I said "wtf" he scoffed and argued it was "standard pub rules".

I also witnessed someone claiming you could pot the black on a free ball and win the game at any point.

[Yevrah]

I wonder if there's some loser mentality generally that can be attributed to people who don't keep score. I mean, when I was growing up everything had a score associated with it. Playground games, board games, arcade games, pub games, actual sport - you name it, there was a way to define a winner and perhaps more importantly a way to define whether you've improved.

[Spikey M]

Bad losers. :nono:

[Pepe]

Harold was right all along.

[igor_balis]

Your friends are retards.

They were, I managed to make friends with less spasticated people in sixth form thankfully. The golf people are my colleague and his mates.

They are all a bit nerdy and unsporty, and colleague has extended his story to "well we took it seriously at first but we weren't very good" which absolutely makes it worse cus they were basically sore losers but not internally with each other but collectively against the whole concept of mini golf.

I imagine for nosebleeders like that, doing badly at anything vaguely resembling sport brings back memories of getting bullied in PE lessons so I almost sympathise. Almost.

[Spikey M]

Bingo.

Agreed. You have to keep score in Bingo.

[Baz]

I’m glad nobody has sided with igors mate on this one. We’ve really weeded out the shite haven’t we. :happycry:

[Offshore Toon]

Bingo is the most boring thing I've ever done. It's just slow gambling for idiots.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I just can't get on board with people who don't like competition. Their brains are wired so differently to mine that there's basically no point us being in the same room. And I was very much not the class jock / alpha male at school, so I'm not giving them that excuse.

[Spikey M]

Bingo is the most boring thing I've ever done. It's just slow gambling for idiots.

My wife's 93 year old nan used to go and I think she was one of the youngest there.

[Spikey M]

I just can't get on board with people who don't like competition. Their brains are wired so differently to mine that there's basically no point us being in the same room. And I was very much not the class jock / alpha male at school, so I'm not giving them that excuse.

I was reading an article the other day about our whole generation basically being sensitive little narcissists (it may have been posted on here) because we spent our whole childhood being told we were amazing at everything and that losing doesn't matter.

There's definitely some merit in that, even if it was just a boomer seethe-fest.

[Disco]

I spent most of my youth playing club rugby in a team that won maybe two or three games a season, I feel like that bred a healthy attitude to competition and winning/losing.

[Offshore Toon]

I was reading an article the other day about our whole generation basically being sensitive little narcissists (it may have been posted on here) because we spent our whole childhood being told we were amazing at everything and that losing doesn't matter.

There's definitely some merit in that, even if it was just a boomer seethe-fest.
The boomers are the sensitive little narcissists tho.

[Pepe]

I am not competitive at all, yet I love competition. I don't know if that makes any sense.

[wullie]

I've never heard those wacky rules come up in pool before, heads and volleys is the game where everyone comes armed with their own scoring though. Political nightmare.

[Spikey M]

The boomers are the sensitive little narcissists tho.

Yeah but they're sensitive about society wanting them to be sensitive. Sensitively insensitive.

[igor_balis]

Boomers be like wah wah young people get participation awards and are sensitive little snowflakes then have a fucking breakdown because someone put their pronouns in their email signature.

[igor_balis]

I also think it's important to value self improvement in sports and games. I used to play pool with some lad who was a million times better than me, and it was shit losing most games each time we played, but I got satisfaction from getting less shit each time we played.

[niko_cee]

Can't stand this. I was playing a guy recently and the white went in when I was on the black (missed the pot), which is obviously a foul. He declared himself the winner (despite having 4 balls left on the table) and when I said "wtf" he scoffed and argued it was "standard pub rules".

I also witnessed someone claiming you could pot the black on a free ball and win the game at any point.

:D

The yanks used to do my nut for this when playing over there. What do you mean I can;t play my ball in off one of your balls? They just make them up as they go along.

[Lofty]

If you get 7 balled you get naked is the only 'additional' pool rule worth it's salt.

[Lewis]

I also think it's important to value self improvement in sports and games. I used to play pool with some lad who was a million times better than me, and it was shit losing most games each time we played, but I got satisfaction from getting less shit each time we played.

Is this about me? I ask because you're using capital letters.

[-james-]

I've always played by the you lose if you pot the white with the black rule. I've never thought about it but it is really stupid now that I think about it.

[Boydy]

I've always played by the you lose if you pot the white with the black rule. I've never thought about it but it is really stupid now that I think about it.

Is that not the actual rule?

[Giggles]

We always played first foul on the black loses once both players are on the black.

[niko_cee]

Seeing as they'd have 2 shots on the black it'd be pretty much a default loss anyway, although there is always scope to fuck things up.


Is that not the actual rule?

Yes.

I sort of understand what James is getting at, but I guess the rule derives mainly from the game ending nature of the foul and the fact that pub tables don't give you the ball back. Interestingly, if you manage to get the black to leave the table it gets put back on its spot. Obviously a fairly unusual occurrence.

[Manc]

Pool tables definitely aren't a thing in 2021.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, it's definitely a dying thing.

[Yevrah]

Is that not the actual rule?

Not necessarily. Pool as a game hasn't helped itself by having a million different rules floating about. The version I like to play doesn't have two shots carrying, for example.

[Spikey M]

I think SvN meant me missed the black and potted the white rather than potting them both.

[Yevrah]

He did indeed.

And the latter has indeed always been a loss.

[niko_cee]

Not necessarily. Pool as a game hasn't helped itself by having a million different rules floating about. The version I like to play doesn't have two shots carrying, for example.

There are basically two [UK] rule sets I believe. Old rules (with 2 shots carrying etc) and new rules, where they don't, you always have to pot or a ball has to touch a cushion, deliberate fouls are allowed, but you get ball in hand etc

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pool is a stupid and badly-designed game, hence the many stupid rule variations which try to account for how bad a game it is even though the basics (pot balls with a cue) are fun.

There needs to be six-red snooker everywhere on little tables instead.

[Giggles]

9 ball is the king of all these games.

[Boydy]

Not necessarily. Pool as a game hasn't helped itself by having a million different rules floating about. The version I like to play doesn't have two shots carrying, for example.
Two shots should carry. It's not a proper punishment for fouling otherwise.

[Yevrah]

Ball in hand (behind the line) and one free shot works for me. Two shots carry is too much of a punishment for my mind. When I was good years ago, one foul from whoever I was playing was enough to clear up more often than not.

[Kikó]

Pool is a stupid and badly-designed game, hence the many stupid rule variations which try to account for how bad a game it is even though the basics (pot balls with a cue) are fun.

There needs to be six-red snooker everywhere on little tables instead.

Please explain re pool.

[Giggles]

Do you really need an explanation? It’s right up there with the most jimmy opinions of all time.

[igor_balis]

I think the having to touch a cushion is a good rule, along with ball in hand rather than shots carrying with fouls.

I think Jimmy has a SLIGHT point in that I think the mechanics of the game do creak a bit when it's actually really good people playing, mostly because it is really easy relative to other games, and that makes balancing quite difficult I think. It's not a problem at my level though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Please explain re pool.

Having one ball at the end being far more valuable than all the play that happens before that is nonsense, when the two players are playing independent sets of balls. 9 ball is a much better game as each ball in turn has a higher value than the last, and both players are playing the same ball which allows far more options in terms of potting/safety etc and playing your opponent as well as the balls.

[Yevrah]

Having one ball at the end being far more valuable than all the play that happens before that is nonsense.

On that note, it does make me laugh when playing casually on a night out hearing things like "you're doing well, you've potted 5 more of yours than he has of his".

[Baz]

Turns out I don't know the rules to pool cos I've no idea what some of these posts are saying.

[Lewis]

All the lads playing pool and having a laugh at the TTH Meet, Floyd reading the menu and muttering 'I thought... Yeah, I thought it was a Greene King' to himself.

[Kikó]

I think the having to touch a cushion is a good rule, along with ball in hand rather than shots carrying with fouls.

I think Jimmy has a SLIGHT point in that I think the mechanics of the game do creak a bit when it's actually really good people playing, mostly because it is really easy relative to other games, and that makes balancing quite difficult I think. It's not a problem at my level though.

I never play the cushion rule tbh. Prefer not to play two shot carry or not playing backwards on a foul, definitely nothing on nominating where you're potting the black.

[Lofty]

Is Killer better on a pool table or a snooker table?

[Yevrah]

I've never understood why the not playing backwards after a foul rule ever existed. The rationale is unfathomable to me.

[Yevrah]

Is Killer better on a pool table or a snooker table?

For the vast majority of people, a pool table, 100%.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All the lads playing pool and having a laugh at the TTH Meet, Floyd reading the menu and muttering 'I thought... Yeah, I thought it was a Greene King' to himself.

What actually happens is I play, use a snooker bridge (because why the fuck do people thread the cue through some weird finger loop), clean up and everyone has a miserable time.

[niko_cee]

Is Killer better on a pool table or a snooker table?

Surely it's borderline impossible on a full size snooker table? Probably more just though.

[niko_cee]

I've never understood why the not playing backwards after a foul rule ever existed. The rationale is unfathomable to me.

It doesn't exist, which is probably why it is unfathomable.

[Dave.]

In pool, what ruling do you guys have when the black is potted off the break? Re-rack?

[Yevrah]

In pool, what ruling do you guys have when the black is potted off the break? Re-rack?

Yep.

[Offshore Toon]

Bridges should be illegal. If you can't make a shot you shouldn't be playing or even in a pub with a pool table to begin with.

[niko_cee]

Do you mean rests?

Always lol a bit when one comes out on a pool table. Apparently it is legit but I don't know.

[Giggles]

In pool, what ruling do you guys have when the black is potted off the break? Re-rack?

Win if it’s only the black.

[Dave.]

Yep.

I played against a randomer in the pub a bit ago and he tried to claim victory after potting the black off the break. I consider myself to know almost any permutation of the rules of pool (I've heard of most of them stated in this thread) but this was a new one on me.

The best way to approach pool is to agree on the basic rules beforehand.

[Yevrah]

The best way to approach pool is to agree on the basic rules beforehand.

Yep, that's what I always do. And I've come across that approach to potting the black off the break, it can die in a fire.

I didn't realise there were so many pool players here. We should organise a little competition.

[Spikey M]

Spots vs stripes. 8 ball last. First one to pot it wins (as long as the white doesn't go in too).

Anything else can fuck off.

[Giggles]

Having to always hit a cushion after a ball is a load of bollocks of a rule too. I’d rather just keep my 2 quid if I’m somewhere they’re at that.

[niko_cee]

Yep, that's what I always do. And I've come across that approach to potting the black off the break, it can die in a fire.

I didn't realise there were so many pool players here. We should organise a little competition.

TTH 25th Anniversary Trophy?

I've never come across anyone claiming the black off the break to be a win, but then I play with players who are better than me for the most part. My fondest lol break memory was doing a terrible foul break where they barely split and I sank the white, their guy uses the first of his two to effectively re-break and pots the black. And then the desperate search for the "it was a re-rack" began from their team. No sir-ee.

[niko_cee]

Having to always hit a cushion after a ball is a load of bollocks of a rule too. I’d rather just keep my 2 quid if I’m somewhere they’re at that.

You can pot as well, but yeah, I would say new rules are good, but the people that tend to play them are either way too serious or way too good (or both) for it to be fun to play those rules sadly. No laying up though is brilliant. God I g=hate the tippy-tappy shite.

[Yevrah]

Having to always hit a cushion after a ball is a load of bollocks of a rule too. I’d rather just keep my 2 quid if I’m somewhere they’re at that.

It's one of those rules that shouldn't be needed, but it stops people playing like Mark Selby on a pool table (Mark Selby the snooker player I should add, not pool player as I understand he was quite attacking then), so I'm all for it.

[Giggles]

You can pot as well, but yeah, I would say new rules are good, but the people that tend to play them are either way too serious or way too good (or both) for it to be fun to play those rules sadly. No laying up though is brilliant. God I g=hate the tippy-tappy shite.

I don’t mind having to hit a cushion but it’s when it has to be after contacting then it’s shit. If you do something like going off two cushions to land on a ball and it’s a foul the premises should be burnt to the ground.

[Yevrah]

I don’t mind having to hit a cushion but it’s when it has to be after contacting then it’s shit. If you do something like going off two cushions to land on a ball and it’s a foul the premises should be burnt to the ground.

It doesn't apply if you're snookered.

[Giggles]

It should never apply. Thankfully it’s a rarity here, for some reason you find it mostly in oddball places that use solids and stripes instead of reds and yellows.

[niko_cee]

Playing the white off the cushion satisfies the 'a ball needs to hit a cushion rule' as far as I know. It's just there to stop the lay-up behind a ball shit which infests low tier competitive play.

[Yevrah]

It should never apply. Thankfully it’s a rarity here, for some reason you find it mostly in oddball places that use solids and stripes instead of reds and yellows.

It only came in because arse holes were just tucking up behind their own balls over and over again, to draw a foul or advantage.

[Offshore Toon]

I had no idea that was a rule, but I'm glad it is. There's nothing worse than some bellend that thinks they're clever just snookering non-stop.

[Yevrah]

Playing the white off the cushion satisfies the 'a ball needs to hit a cushion rule' as far as I know. It's just there to stop the lay-up behind a ball shit which infests low tier competitive play.

I could be wrong as I stopped playing in the league here before it came in, but I think it's the object ball that has to hit a cushion or go in, unless you're snookered.

[niko_cee]

I could be wrong as I stopped playing in the league here before it came in, but I think it's the object ball that has to hit a cushion or go in, unless you're snookered.

I don't play new rules so I don't really know, this extract from the new rules where I play suggests a little from column A and a little from column B.

G. Legal Shot

On all shots, the player must:-
Cause the Cue Ball's initial contact with a ball to be with a ball "On",
AND THEN
Pot a ball "On" OR Cause the Cue Ball or any Object Ball to contact a cushion.
Failure to play a Legal Shot is a Standard Foul.
Exceptions:
On the Break, the conditions of a Legal Shot do not apply. (see (F) The Break)
When playing out of a Total Snooker a player is only obliged to meet the conditions of (1)(a) above. (see (Q) Total Snookers).

So 3 cushion lay-up escapes as OK, but dinking a snooker off the cushion into a ball isn't, which seems a decent set-up.

[Yevrah]

Yep, that all makes sense.

[Boydy]

All this pool talk is just reminding me I can't fit one of those pool dining tables jobbies in my new house. :(

[niko_cee]

Pool table at home is best kept as a remote an unattainable dream, imo.

[Lofty]

Surely it's borderline impossible on a full size snooker table? Probably more just though.

I have done it a few times, working on a pot red/pot colour system where all players are handed a colour out of a hat (usually corresponding to a playing card value, to make it more complicated when pissed) to be kept secret. If you pot your own colour when all reds are cleared you win, if your colour has gone you need to help clear the table to reset it for another chance.

The best pool tactic, for reds v yellows, is surely to just cover pockets with your own balls without actually potting them, leaving yourself with easy finishes and making life hard for your opponent. That's what I was told when I was stuck in the pub as a child when my ma couldn't get a babysitter anyway.

[Queenslander]

I never play the cushion rule tbh. Prefer not to play two shot carry or not playing backwards on a foul, definitely nothing on nominating where you're potting the black.

This is the Law of the land down here.

[Danny]

Pool table at home is best kept as a remote an unattainable dream, imo.

This. I am 6 feet away from one and I don’t think we have played in over a year. It’s literally a giant cat bed/storage.

It’s one of the things I really wanted too.

[Yevrah]

I really want one, but it involves spending thousands in the garden to do it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://www.gamesroomcompany.com/products/8ft-brunswick-centennial-american-pool-table?gclid=Cj0KCQjwm9yJBhDTARIsABKIcGak5BekP1kIRM weoOf3zGk502NS4qFV4D8xrpoAep3T4L5cl30I6PQaAv7FEALw _wcB

I'll take two.

[Lewis]

We had a proper pub one in the garage as kids. My brother asked for one for his birthday like the dickhead he always was, and somehow the old man knew someone who knew someone who knew someone with a pub who was getting rid of one. It felt like we got loads of use out of it for a few years, and it became a bit of a social hub for the twats in the street, but by the time we were teenagers it was collecting dust.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My Dad used to have one from a pub or something and it used to take 20p to release the balls. It was great fun but it was barely used by the time I was a teenager and eventually he gave it away for free to a neighbour.

[Boydy]

What the fuck sort of teenagers were you two? My teenage years were when I played the most pool in my life.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What the fuck sort of teenagers were you two? My teenage years were when I played the most pool in my life.

N64 > Pool.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was also given a 60cc quad bike when I was 8 which took up a lot of my time when I was at his place.

[Lofty]

The two I played on in people's houses inevitably suffered from having one corner that was too tight to play in, and the host being enough of a cock to keep playing you into it.

We had one in our old staff room which was excellent though.

[Kikó]

My dad had one in the conservatory for years so him and my brother are much better than me. I haven't played in years since I moved away from the pub which had it but spent many a year playing.

TTH Pool tournament is the one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wouldn't have a pool table, but if I lived somewhere with room for a snooker table I would undoubtedly get one (no matter the cost) and use it constantly, to the detriment of my career/social life/etc.

[SvN]

My eventual plan is to build an outbuilding for my home office that will definitely include a pool table and bar.

[Lofty]

My mate from school's family were absolutely minted and had a room with a snooker table in it, which was used by his older brothers to hustle visiting idiots into playing £10 a point games.

[Ian]

I wouldn't have a pool table, but if I lived somewhere with room for a snooker table I would undoubtedly get one (no matter the cost) and use it constantly, to the detriment of my career/social life/etc.

This would be me. One of the places we visited my dad when he was working the company clubhouse had a pool table and during the day when everybody was working I had it to myself 99% of the time and was quite happy doing that for hours.

[Offshore Toon]

The place where I lived in London had a pool table as they grabbed one for £50 just before I moved in. It got plenty of use as there were always people coming round who loved the novelty of it. Very few games were played without a drink, however drinking at home without a pool table has been insufferably boring since leaving.

If you've got space for it (that house had three living areas) then I'd say it's worth having one. As someone who generally can't sit still I loved it.

[Baz]

Fake sums on social media, and I don’t mean the ones Lofty comments on.

SURVIVOR LED TOOLS = MEANINGFUL SOLUTIONS + VICTIM EMPOWERMENT.

Like, what? It’s usually unnecessarily added onto the bottom of an otherwise decent comment too, that has already explained what they’re trying to say. Dumb sums for dummies.

[Yevrah]

Skill share.

It might well be the best service in all of the World ever, but I've paid for Youtube so I don't want to see adverts for it embedded in creator's videos.

[Pepe]

I came to my office for an appointment I had at three. It is now 3:09 ad the person isn't here. I was going to chimp out about that, but then I just noticed that my appointment is tomorrow, not today.

[Ian]

I came to my office for an appointment I had at three. It is now 3:09 ad the person isn't here. I was going to chimp out about that, but then I just noticed that my appointment is tomorrow, not today.

:D

Good work.

[niko_cee]

Ah, the Dutch version of three o'clock on Thursday.

[Raoul Duke]

Just before (after) the weekend

[Pepe]

:D

And now today it's raining so I might have to cancel.

[Spikey M]

Why? Are you meeting Mogwai?

[Lofty]

My mother in law managed that at the doctors the other day. Was waiting for nearly an hour before complaining, only to be informed she was a day early. Then came back with 'well I hope I wont be waiting an hour tomorrow!' Which obviously opened the door for 'well you wont be because your appointment is tomorrow'. She admitted it wasn't her finest hour.

[Ian]

My mother in law managed that at the doctors the other day. Was waiting for nearly an hour before complaining, only to be informed she was a day early. Then came back with 'well I hope I wont be waiting an hour tomorrow!' Which obviously opened the door for 'well you wont be because your appointment is tomorrow'. She admitted it wasn't her finest hour.

:D

Was that meant to be bants or was she seething and hadn't thought this comeback through?

[Spikey M]

If she'd seen Dr Pepe all would have been well.

[Lofty]

:D

Was that meant to be bants or was she seething and hadn't thought this comeback through?

She is an absolute loose cannon so maximum seethe gone wrong.

[Spikey M]

I'm having difficulty understanding how your mum and dad were ever together Lofty. :D

They have some... erm... differences.

[Lofty]

Mother in law this one, she's like a hybrid of Hyacinth Bucket and Peggy Mitchell.

My mum shared my dad's hippy dippy interests, then she grew up and he didn't.

[Spikey M]

Ahhhh... OK, that makes sense. I had Neil out of the Young Ones sitting down for dinner with Miss Trunchball in my head.

[niko_cee]

Is it not standard practice to check-in/tell the reception folk at the doctors when you arrive for an appointment?

[Shindig]

Not if it's in the office you work in.

[randomlegend]

My mother in law managed that at the doctors the other day. Was waiting for nearly an hour before complaining, only to be informed she was a day early. Then came back with 'well I hope I wont be waiting an hour tomorrow!' Which obviously opened the door for 'well you wont be because your appointment is tomorrow'. She admitted it wasn't her finest hour.

Yeah fair play that's incredible :lol:

[Spikey M]

I really hope they keep her waiting now.

[niko_cee]

Says here your appointment was yesterday...

[Ian]

Says here your appointment was yesterday...

:D

That would be an incredible end to the story.

[igor_balis]

Felt vaguely ropey all day, just tired and run down and that, start of a cold maybe (there's one going round these parts, or maybe the other well known illness going round).

Get home and quickly force dinner down and get dressed, ready to go get a train with a mate to meet up with some other mates to watch our other mate's gig. Mate.

About 25 minutes before the absolute last moment I could leave and still get the train I suddenly felt a massive wave of disgustingness heading down my torso at great speed, and I just about managed to get to the toilet in time, before a wave of brown mucusy liquid shit flew out of my arse, the first of three poos in half an hour.

The worst part about gastro stuff (not the sort smiffy posted the photos of) is that sods law means I'll probably feel absolutely fine now and will have stayed in for no reason, but if I did go out you just know I'd end up having to poo during the gig and having inspected the pub online, it's almost certainly the sort of place where one bogs clogged up with someone else's bangers and mash, and the other one has no lock, seat or toilet paper. Having actual diagnosable IBS must be fucking nads.

[Lofty]

Good old bangers and mash, a staple on many a train toilet. I know a lad once who shit in a carrier bag in a back street between pubs on a pub crawl, the pubs in question were 5 minutes walk apart.

[Dquincy]

I once shat diarrhea in a female toilet at a girls netball match. Then realised there was no toilet paper, so waddled out into the girls changing room, found a parish magazine and used that to wipe my arse. Then realised the flush was broken on the toilet.

Have not legged it so fast in a long time. I still wonder what they must have thought when coming back into the changing rooms.

[igor_balis]

Good old bangers and mash, a staple on many a train toilet. I know a lad once who shit in a carrier bag in a back street between pubs on a pub crawl, the pubs in question were 5 minutes walk apart.

I did that in a tesco carrier bag in a tent at WOMAD in 2008.

When we were packing our stuff away at the end of the festival to go home, my dad and I had a very similar interaction to Homer and Millouse:

https://frinkiac.com/meme/S05E07/177226.jpg?b64lines=SVQgU01FTExTIGxpa2Ugc2hpdCBJTi BUSEVSRS4KTk8sIElUIERPRVNOJ1Qu

[Giggles]

I had to go commando for half a night in Bangor one time after having to leave my kacks in the cistern. Marine Court staff, I salute you.

[igor_balis]

I had to go commando for half a night in Bangor one time after having to leave my kacks in the cistern. Marine Court staff, I salute you.

:moop: I drunkenly convinced myself I'd shat myself in a pub I go into all the time. I think I just had a really sweaty arse, but drunk logic led me to trying to flush my pants down the toilet "just in case". The perfect crime, until about 30 mins later when the scary matriarchal landlady came storming back from the toilets shouting "who on earth tried to flush their pants down the toilet?", all of my mates immediately stared at me and demanded I lift up my jeans and show the top of my pants. Bollocks.

[Shindig]

A lad I worked with ditched a pair of soiled boxers in a Las Vegas McDonalds toilet. When he went to buy a replacement pair, the lass asked, "Do you want a bag for them?" and his response was, "No, I need them now."

She looked disgusted with him.

[igor_balis]

:D excellent

[Spikey M]

My mate shat himself in the queue for the Vampire at Chessington. I kept his secret for 20 years.

Then he made me his Best Man and I obviously had no choice to tell all of his family and friends at that point.

[Shindig]

He had 20 years to come up with a better story, to be honest. It's all on him.

[Giggles]

This is the way.

[SvN]

I've shit myself once, when I was in 6th form at school. I was on my way home, and within minutes knew it was coming. It was a mile walk home, and I walked as briskly as possible to get back home.

As I got to the top of my street, it started, and I clenched my cheeks as hard as I possibly could to stop it - which somehow managed to contain it.

I waddled down the road to my house, then just as I got to the bottom of my garden path, my makeshift arse-gate buckled and my boxers were absolutely filled with diarrhoea.

So near, yet so far.

[phonics]

Pissed myself 3 days ago 6 inches from the door after getting caught short going for a cigarette downstairs.

[Pepe]

This is not a little thing but we don't have a massive things that fuck you off thread, so here we are:

I did my shopping yesterday. As I reached the butcher, a sign saying 'Closed, we retired' received me. One of the few decent things in this fucking dump and now it is closed. All that is left for me is the $25 pizza (well, and a job.) Might have to move soon.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You'll have to get your meat from Cheese-O-Mart or whatever they have over there. Might be cheaper and more morally sound just to walk straight into a field and cut the meat directly off the living animals yourself.

[Spikey M]

Someone's wishing their daughter was a Subsistence Farmer after all.

[Pepe]

I might have to learn to butcher cows and take the place over myself.

It was good business too. I guess following from the UK thread, why are there no young people willing to take that shit over?

EDIT: The local Cheese-o-Mart is called Sheetz. :D

[Spoonsky]

This is not a little thing but we don't have a massive things that fuck you off thread, so here we are:

I did my shopping yesterday. As I reached the butcher, a sign saying 'Closed, we retired' received me. One of the few decent things in this fucking dump and now it is closed. All that is left for me is the $25 pizza (well, and a job.) Might have to move soon.

Are you still in College Station?

EDIT: I'm thinking of State College. College Station is in Texas.

America :cool:

[Pepe]

Are you still in College Station?

EDIT: I'm thinking of State College. College Station is in Texas.

America :cool:

I've never been in College Station. I live in Lewisburg PA right now.

[Lofty]

I might have to learn to butcher cows and take the place over myself.

It was good business too. I guess following from the UK thread, why are there no young people willing to take that shit over?

EDIT: The local Cheese-o-Mart is called Sheetz. :D

Why get your hands dirty when you can chance going on reality tv and being a professional instagrammer instead?

[Lofty]

I haven't been in a butchers in ages but I have fond memories of the smell.

[Shindig]

It was good business too. I guess following from the UK thread, why are there no young people willing to take that shit over?

As a butcher's son I can tell you: Turns out you have to be really good with knives.

[Spikey M]

That sounds so sinister that I'm not sure if you're praising a difficult skill or outing your dad as the Tyneside Torturer.

Possibly both?

[Giggles]

People won’t spend the little bit extra to use a butchers any more. It’s easier to buy something full of water in a packet.

[Gray Fox]

So our youths should be well into it.

[Spikey M]

People won’t spend the little bit extra to use a butchers any more. It’s easier to buy something full of water in a packet.

Most people don't think there's a difference. I was one of them until we lived round the corner from one.

[Offshore Toon]

This country's attitude towards food is just appalling. I'd love to see statistics for the percentage of people in each country who eat a 'beige diet'. We'll be the kings by far.

[Spikey M]

Lewis is the King of Beigetown.

[Lewis]

I haven't bought supermarket meat (except for slow cooker stuff) since I started working. :cool:

[-james-]

Vegan revolution. :cool:

[Giggles]

I don’t think anyone is talking about giving up personal hygiene just because they’re not going to the butchers.

[Boydy]

I got some meat pack thing from a local butcher that delivered back in the early days of the pandemic when you couldn't get a supermarket delivery for about a month. I didn't notice much difference and I'm not gonna go out of my way to go to a butcher's shop when I go to Tesco on a roughly weekly basis anyway.

[Don]

What James said :cool:

[Spikey M]

It's telling that Team Vegan is exclusively made up of people under 5' 7".

[Boydy]

Is James not quite lanky?

[Offshore Toon]

I must bring the average up to 5'10".

[Spikey M]

I would like to change my insult. Please can you all post mugshots so I can pick a different characteristic to go after?

[randomlegend]

They've already told you they're vegan, what more ammunition do you need?

[Offshore Toon]

I also probably double the average weight but I can't think of anything that links James, Taz, Boydy and me tbh.

[Boydy]

Being cool dudes.


I'm not vegan though.

[Shindig]

I absolutely got the difference when my dad brought stock home. Not all of it was good, mind. Potato and Leek sausages? Never again.

[Waffdon]

Why do you have to look 25 to buy a can of red bull? Some Spoonsky lookalike just attempted to ruin my Tesco Meal Deal until some other worker recognised me and put it through.

[Ian]

Caffeine is banned for under 16s or 18s or something isn't it? So it'll just be the same challenge 25 policy as alcohol where they're setting it as that for a bit of cushion.

Do you not usually have ID on you?

[Offshore Toon]

Without Boydy the link is being intermittent wreckheads.

[Don]

Not vegan also, just a relentless don. It's a very strong quartet if we can snap Boydy out of the gender dysphoria.

[Waffdon]

Caffeine is banned for under 16s or 18s or something isn't it? So it'll just be the same challenge 25 policy as alcohol where they're setting it as that for a bit of cushion.

Do you not usually have ID on you?

I thought it was just banned to sell to school kids on their lunch hour or something. I go there to buy fags and never get ID’d so never bother taking my wallet since Apple Pay works everywhere these days

[Ian]

Hm, yeah it's weird that they'd ID you for one but not the other.

Were you looking spectacularly youthful today?

[Pepe]

He went with his future wife and they thought that she was his mother.

[Ian]

:D

[Waffdon]

:lol:

Nah, the person doing it was about 17 and they’re always the jobsworth bastards

[Ian]

To be fair I think it's just young people have no fucking idea how old anybody older than them is. Everybody just looks like Older People.

[Baz]

Being cool dudes.

:D

[-james-]

I got ID'd in Waitrose buying a 175ml bottle of wine in amongst a £70 shop the other day [and didn't have it on me]. I'm clearly not under 25 ffs.

[Yevrah]

I got ID'd last year, just laughed and she didn't bother asking again. ID'd at 40. I think I'll take that to my grave.

[randomlegend]

:lol:

Nah, the person doing it was about 17 and they’re always the jobsworth bastards

They send people in who are 18-19 to try and buy age-restricted stuff and if the employees don't challenge them both the shop and the individual can get into shit. That's why the employees are strict about it.

[Ian]

I got ID'd last year, just laughed and she didn't bother asking again. ID'd at 40. I think I'll take that to my grave.

I definitely have been IDed more with a mask on so clearly it's the bridge of my nose and below which is letting me down.

[igor_balis]

Without Boydy the link is being intermittent wreckheads.

Based on the photo on my phone, I presume you mean it isn't intermittent for Boydy?

[phonics]

I got ID'd buying scissors aged 30.

[niko_cee]

I got ID'd last year, just laughed and she didn't bother asking again. ID'd at 40. I think I'll take that to my grave.

Same thing happened to me a few weeks ago, after I'd just gone past the milestone. The same approach worked. I assumed she was winding me up, but then on reflection wasn't so sure.

[Pepe]

If the meat you get from the butcher is about the same as the one from the supermarket, you need a better butcher.

[Offshore Toon]

Based on the photo on my phone, I presume you mean it isn't intermittent for Boydy?
A true wreckhead would never pass out like that.

[igor_balis]

Touche

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

If the meat you get from the butcher is about the same as the one from the supermarket, you need a better butcher.

Yep. the quality difference when going to a proper butcher is incredibly wide.

[Spikey M]

When I lived in Birmingham the local Butcher had a big sign up saying "not suitable for home freezing. All meat has been frozen previously".

I imagine that sort of butchers isn't going to offer any kind of upgrade on the vacuum packed shit in Tesco.

Our local Butchers does it properly though. Seeing whole pigs and giant cow parts arriving is a reassuringly grim sight.