The little things in life that fuck you off

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I saw a youtube thumbnail for a video titled something along the lines of "the BEST way to solve wordle, PROVEN with MATHS and SCIENCE" and crane was the word in the thumbnail so I've used that the few times I've done it. I got this one in 3.

It's since been proven that Crane isn't the best although it's still up there.

They also need to be followed up with the best second word and third etc etc.

"Salet" produces the best average when using the optimal word each time.

[randomlegend]

They also need to be followed up with the best second word and third etc etc.


This is where my enormous brain kicks in. No need for any etcs.

[Giggles]

It's probably time to stop bothering with it at that stage.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A 6 today, I thought I wasn't going to get it.

[Manc]

In three.

[Spikey M]

Four.

[Giggles]

Five.

[Kikó]

I did it today because of you guys. In three.

[Shindig]

3. My opener was useless.

[Baz]

Get a Wordle thread, losers.

[Manc]

The words of a man who has lost his streak. Unlucky.

[Baz]

The words of a man who has lost his streak. Unlucky.:D

I’ve only ever played it 7 times, apparently.

Played 7
Win 100%
Streak 1
Max streak 3

1 0
2 2
3 0
4 2
5 2
6 1

It’s boring. Seems impossible to fail.

[Lewis]

I've never played it. :cool:

[randomlegend]

You got it first guess twice?

[X] doubt

[Ben]

I got it with my starting word once. :cool:

[Pepe]

I've never played it. :cool:

:cool:

Bragging about how many tries it took you, as if it wasn't all luck. :harold:

I am still undefeated in both Wordle (which I haven't done in weeks) and Octordle (which I do once in a while). Still think the chances of losing in either must be <5%.

[Ian]

Lewis'd only have a strop when the word length cut him off at 'faggo' anyway so it's probably for the best.

[Don]

How does the streak work? I've got 34 games with a 100% win-rate but only a max streak of 8. Is that just missed days ending streaks?

[Ben]

Apparently.

Also I use Brave which like to erase cookies regularly so I always lose my streak (I rarely actually do more than three or four days in a row anyway).

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm sure Giggles will be pleased to know that I lost my current streak.

OR DID I?!?!?! Maybe I'm lying even now.

[Giggles]

Same here. Streak ended at 61 - just way too many options one letter different in that one.

[Spikey M]

I had 2 goes at the first letter, but same result. :cry:

[Don]

This is where being conservative pays off. Scraped in with a 6.

[Ian]

I got today's on the sixth guess having had five cracks at the first letter and hung at least one more possibility left. If I'd got it wrong it would indeed have been a little thing that fucked me off

[SvN]

3 tries for me :cool: And no greens before I got it.

Edit: That's a lie, 1 yellow and 1 green.

[phonics]

People talking about Worldle.

[Spikey M]

There's an option for you on Ians poll.

[phonics]

I'm using the thread correctly.

[Ian]

There's an option for you on Ians poll.

A mistyped one, enshrined for all time because I didn't proof read it and I can't edit the poll text now. :(

Which I guess means I'm submitting my brain as part of this thread.

Idiot thing.

[igor_balis]

The only two people with too little self awareness to not post their wordle scores on my FB feed are a really sweet middle aged woman I worked with at the bank in Norwich and this wannabe professional wrestler I know. The former i forgive, and the latter is very on brand - he's always sharing links to his fucking prowrestlingtees page, mate, you've lost a couple of opening matches at a community centre in Nuneaton, nobody is buying your fucking merch.

[Don]

The double negative may be causing confusion but why is not posting their scores indicative of a lack of self awareness? I ask out of paranoia as I don't understand the daily updates from people unless something of note actually occurs in the game.

[Spoonsky]

They are posting the scores.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The only two people with too little self awareness to not post their wordle scores on my FB feed are a really sweet middle aged woman I worked with at the bank in Norwich and this wannabe professional wrestler I know. The former i forgive, and the latter is very on brand - he's always sharing links to his fucking prowrestlingtees page, mate, you've lost a couple of opening matches at a community centre in Nuneaton, nobody is buying your fucking merch.

Is the merch any good?

[Don]

The ticketing and pricing of the rail system. I've set up a spreadsheet to record my daily ticket costs from A to B. After 10 days and all manner of different tickets that achieve A to B, we're still no closer to deciphering the madness.

I missed my 17:10 return train yesterday. By chance, the pot luck ticket I had purchased on that day meant the return was for that specific train only. Ticket inspector got me to buy a new ticket and said I could get a refund for the old unused one. Trainline now requesting the ticket I used in order to process the refund when the gates swallow the ticket up upon exit :rasta:

Throughout the last month, I came across one ticket counter attendant who spent 10 mins consulting her peers to then provide me with innacurate information on what the ticket costs for A to B is - this is understandable given the opaqueness and complexity of the system as covered above.

And another ticket counter attendant who said I wouldn't be able to get a refund of my unused ticket from trainline as they'd say I could have just got a later train with that same ticket - she was mistaken and Trainline would have happily refunded had I kept my other ticket.

All in all, I hope my brothers take out a good few more of these cunts and their infrastructure before itgets overhauled by efficient machinery and a long overdue ticketing revolution.

[Baz]

Use this: https://www.ticketysplit.co.uk/

[Shindig]

Buses seem so much simpler.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't understand why the rail network can't use the system that TFL uses, touch in touch out. I know people from outside the south east are less cultured and less sophisticated, but even they could surely get their heads around not using paper tickets.

[niko_cee]

All sorts of alarm bells going off in Rollercoaster Towers.

[Ben]

I don't understand why the rail network can't use the system that TFL uses, touch in touch out. I know people from outside the south east are less cultured and less sophisticated, but even they could surely get their heads around not using paper tickets.

Installing that would require investment, which is a novel thing for the national rail network.

[Boydy]

Is the problem not that it's run by so many different companies?

[Ben]

Probably. Nationalise the lot. Don't even pay them off, just seize it.

[Lewis]

I've gradually come round to nationalisation. Ideally you would just take all government involvement out of it and return to the free-for-all days, but that will never happen, so they might as well just take the full thing over. That is on condition that they return to British Rail, with BRITISH RAIL and a Union Jack version of the double arrow slapped all over everything to make the whoppers seethe.

[Lofty]

All sorts of alarm bells going off in Rollercoaster Towers.
:D

Ticketing is bullshit to be fair.

The problem is for all the good ideas there were in the BR era (drivers sign it all, trains can be held because they aren't different companies etc) there are also comically bad ones (you can drive a train pissed, if you apply for any vacancy - even if unqualified - you get the day off for the interview). The privatised system has only jacked up driver wages and creamed off a load of coin for the execs, passengers get a shit deal. I used rail a lot pre covid but I wouldn't if I didn't travel for free.

[igor_balis]

I'm on some FB group where bands and other assorted live music things get dep musicians, cus my mate used to use it for gigs and it's always got ridiculous drama.

Anyway, someone's gone on there offering £199 for something or other, and someone has rightly been like 'uh, mate, you know you do the rounding down to 99 to make it look like less money...when you're selling stuff, not offering money to people ' which gave me a good lol, but some divs have commented like get a life it's only a quid and the dreaded I bet your fun at parties.

Like, lads, Shirley it's obvious your man isn't actually quibbling about the quid, just calling the bloke posting the advert a spazz. I could well see that happening on the Simpsons, Lisa like "dad, you know you round down to make it look like less money" as homer just stares blankly at her and goes "yes Lisa, daddy is a musician". And then Daz da oasis fan goes get life Lisa lol bet your fun at parties !!

[Shindig]

Speaking of xx.99, pennies are useless.

[Don]

Years of toothbrush selling has taught me 195.00 is the real pros pricing strategy.

[John Arne]

Living in a coinless society is pretty bliss. Fuck pennies.

[Boydy]

Having an appointment for something but having to wait. Currently still sitting in the dentist's waiting room despite my appointment being for 10am.

[Baz]

Posted at ten past ten. :D

[Shindig]

Aye, especially for a dentist. :D I'm never straight in with those.

[Boydy]

Posted at ten past ten. :D
Yeah, as in they were ten minutes late, the useless cunts.

My appointment was for 10am, not fucking 10:20am which it was when I eventually got called in.

[Lewis]

The issue is that you know full well that they would chimp and cancel it if you rolled in at ten past blaming parking.

[Shindig]

So would I, to be honest. You know how it goes. Too many people use their check ups as a way to mention they've actually been dealing with some nasty tooth decay for months/years. Probably more so since the pandemic gap.

[Ben]

My dentist hasn't given me a routine check up since January 2020. Time to fuck them off I think.

[Don]

At the risk of coming across very gammon [but we don't have a 'little things that make you lol'], top category on Netflix films homepage just now was 'Strong Black Leads'.

I reckon 'Funny Yellow/Brown Sides' would beat it for views and once Riz Ahmed's filmography develops we're looking at a real nice competition.

[igor_balis]

Went on the BBC sport website trying to find the starting time for England Vs West Indies today. The test is nowhere to be found in the entire page as far as I can tell, and when I saw something about the women's world cup, I clicked on the "cricket" link underneath the headline, but instead of taking me to BBC.co.uk/cricket or whatever it is, it took me to the England women's cricket team page. I understand wanting to showcase women's sports and I largely agree with the BBC's idea of giving women's sport an artificially high level of coverage when compared to the size of the audience to try to boost it, but if you're going to lengths that annoy even a sjw apologist snowflake like me, it feels like it's gonna be counterproductive. The women's sport equivalent of PETA calling people who eat meat murderers or race activists who say all white people are inherently racist or whatever the fuck. I accept it's probably as likely to be the work experience div just putting the wrong link in by mistake but it's still annoying.

[Lewis]

Suck it up melt.

[niko_cee]

I had that women thing with the cricket the other day which flummoxed me a little.

I also wanted to find the table for the Women's World Cup which was inexplicably difficult to find from the women's cricket page itself. :cab:

Then there was this little beauty in the story about Gareth Bale coating off the Madrid press (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/60876341):


Wales' record scorer Helen Ward agreed with Page that Bale is right to respond to criticism he perceives to have overstepped the mark.

:happycry:

[igor_balis]

I had that women thing with the cricket the other day which flummoxed me a little.

I also wanted to find the table for the Women's World Cup which was inexplicably difficult to find from the women's cricket page itself. :cab:

Then there was this little beauty in the story about Gareth Bale coating off the Madrid press (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/60876341):



:happycry:

Yeah I mean that's the thing, the BBC website is just so comically bad. I should probably use somewhere else for generic sporting information, but I've had about 2 decades of using it, and the muscle memory is overriding the typos, broken links and deranged page layouts.

[Shindig]

I discovered the yanks get an ad-supported version of the site. It's maddening to navigate.

[Raoul Duke]

I discovered the yanks get an ad-supported version of the site. It's maddening to navigate.

Everywhere does outside Britain, it's one of the ways it makes revenue

[igor_balis]

Christ, it's a nightmare ad-free

[Ben]

On that topic, BBC World News Service is actually really good but we can’t get it legally here because it has ads. If you’ve got a VPN there’s some excellent coverage of the Ukraine conflict rather than the heavily biased/censured stuff we get.

[Shindig]

I was thinking the other day about how close BBC are to just ditching the license fee entirely and charging for the iPlayer as a service. That's inevitably where it'll head, right?

[Lewis]

It will end up having to be funded out of direct taxation, which, if we insist on having a 'national broadcaster' (which treats half the country with contempt), is the least stupid way of doing it.

[igor_balis]

I would be happy with the license fee being massively increased if they just got their shit together and had more of their archive available and stop removing stuff after X number of months. And hire some competent people to run their website.

[Kikó]

It will end up having to be funded out of direct taxation, which, if we insist on having a 'national broadcaster' (which treats half the country with contempt), is the least stupid way of doing it.

48% voted brexit so it's less than half.

[Spoonsky]

On that topic, BBC World News Service is actually really good but we can’t get it legally here because it has ads. If you’ve got a VPN there’s some excellent coverage of the Ukraine conflict rather than the heavily biased/censured stuff we get.

:nodd:

Had no idea you couldn’t actually listen to it in Britain.

[phonics]

Did a giant hike today as my local area did a sponsored walk/run to raise money for Ukraine. Thought I'd tag along and make some video. I set the footage to record at 60fps instead of 30 so most of it's absolute unusable dogshit but I did get this shot of this good gurl to make it all worth it.

https://i.imgur.com/Hxnuhoe.png

[-james-]

Why does recording at 60fps make it unusable?

[Disco]

Just use every other frame.

[Baz]

https://i.imgur.com/0025kbg_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium

[Giggles]

https://i.imgur.com/0025kbg_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium


Why did you land at 9:08 when you said 10?

[Baz]

Why did you land at 9:08 when you said 10?
What?

I’m the green. A painter was meant to be coming to give me a quote for painting my garden. He told me he’d be there at 10, then arrived at 09:08 and apparently left at 09:18 in a huff cos I wasn’t in.

[Shindig]

Okay, so he never brought his clock forward over the weekend. Or overdid it :D

[Baz]

I was fully prepared for him potentially arriving at 11. But 9? Get lost.

[Don]

Sound like a cuckold.

[Ben]

Dodged a bullet there Baz.

[Spikey M]

I don't think I've ever met a painter that wasn't a brain donor. It must be the fumes.

[Pepe]

'My wife's been in the shower'

'I know mate. I know...'

[Manc]

It's the apparently that does it for me. I'm guessing she's locked up in the basement.

[Baz]

It's the apparently that does it for me. I'm guessing she's locked up in the basement.
I wasn’t in. I text her at 09:27 when I saw his message, saying he’s there now and asked if she’d spoken to him and she said no, she’d been in the shower and thought he was coming at 10.

[Don]

Is it a widely acknowledged phenomenon that airlines employ dogshit websites? Is it to wear down the customer to just click through things as quickly as possible and hopefully pay the extra for seating/baggage/breathable air? I've done WizzAir, Pegasus and Turkish Airlines in the past fortnight and all have been migraine inducing user-experiences.

[randomlegend]

Found Ryanair's straightforward enough, but then I don't have long-covid brainfog to contend with.

[Don]

Pretty sure having the BMI of a large ocean dweller isn't conducive to effective cognitive performance so I reckon it must just be my taste in UIs and customer journeys then. Cheers.

[randomlegend]

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaneurology/fullarticle/2790735

Or the fact you have actual brain damage.

:thbup:

[Don]

My guy, one need not rely on medical papers when your football takes are what they have been over the years but here you go:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4737453

[randomlegend]

I can (and am) losing weight. Your brain damage is likely permanent. Unlucky.

[Don]

Great work, cheers for the update but keep it in the fat club thread.

[Don]

Fascinating camaign being run on TFL currently.

https://i2-prod.mylondon.news/incoming/article21980407.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/1_USB-Staring-BTP_DR_AW.jpg

What a time to [not] be alive.

[Spikey M]

I'd love to see the hearing on one of those. What a load of shit.

[Manc]

Spoken like a true pervert.

[niko_cee]

Gonna backfire when they've got a load of glass-eye equality campaigners haranguing them for their bigotry.

[Yevrah]

That has got to be a wind up. What mentalist presided over that?

And "Every Journey Matters". :D Jesus, H, Christ. I know I started a thread on this, but the internet is killing society.

[Spikey M]

I thought Zoom calls with female police officers during arrests was the peak of Mount Ridiculous, but the true peak was hidden by the clouds if we are to believe that looking at someone is now sexual assault.

[Yevrah]

Words really do not mean anything any more and a motivated rabble on Twitter have far more influence than they should. It's dreadful and there's no turning back now. Skynet is upon us.

[Giggles]

Isn’t the internet going to be killed with some child protection bill thing or is that just in yankdom?

[Don]

I am struggling to even picture what this 'offence' looks like at its worst. It's not indecent exposure/upskirting/stalking, it's being fucking looked at. It may cause discomfort but so does the lack of cushioning on the tube seats and the lack of soundproofing carriages which also have detrimental health impacts. The conditioning this society is implementing is so misguided.

[Boydy]

Look in the mirror.

[Pepe]

Over here they claim that something like 80% of female college student have been victims of sexual misconduct. That definition has to be really, really wide to include so many people. Wide enough to be completely meaningless. Then the handful of them who are actually raped just get thrown into the mix with girls who felt "unsafe" because someone smiled at them on the hallway. Pathetic.

[randomlegend]

Look in the mirror.

:D

[Disco]

Society is clearly finished, just like all the other times.

[Lewis]

Over here they claim that something like 80% of female college student have been victims of sexual misconduct. That definition has to be really, really wide to include so many people. Wide enough to be completely meaningless. Then the handful of them who are actually raped just get thrown into the mix with girls who felt "unsafe" because someone smiled at them on the hallway. Pathetic.

It feels like a long time since Harold warned us about these campus loonies.

[Boydy]

Been trying to organise a family dinner for my parents' 40th wedding anniversary in Sunday. Unfortunately it's also Easter Sunday. They wanted to go to the restaurant of the hotel they had their wedding reception at. Fair enough. Got it booked without any problem. As it's Easter Sunday and they expect to be busy they're running a set menu. Again, fine, it looks pretty decent so no complaints.


Then my cousin (eldest, female, not the annoying young idiot one I used to post about sometimes, although this is his mum) has now said she can't go after initially agreeing because her nine year old daughter won't eat off the kids' menu and will only eat a steak. But won't manage all three courses of the set menu and she's not paying that much for a child.

So now her, her husband and her daughter aren't going.

I even tried to be accommodating by trying to book Saturday (normal menu) instead but the restaurant was closed for a wedding. Suggested we all get together the following weekend and I just take my parents out on Sunday but she's away in Portugal then. Then she suggested changing both the day (Sunday is their actual anniversary) and the venue (this place is where they had their wedding reception, plus not a chance getting a table big enough on the Saturday of Easter weekend now anywhere else). I asked my dad what he thought and he just said "Just keep it how it is everyone else is happy to come. I'm not being held to ransom by a fucking spoilt brat of a nine year old." :D

Edit: that's longer than I thought it was going to be but I got carried away.

Tl;dr - family and/or organising people to do anything are both fucking annoying.

[Ian]

Fair play to your dad. Not fair play to the morons who've raised a kid who'll only eat the steak of whatever is on offer

[Boydy]

Their kid is a prick tbh.

[Yevrah]

Society is clearly finished, just like all the other times.

I know this pushback happens quite a bit and it's obviously not finished, more far down a path of being changed for good, but this stuff is madness, absolute bloody madness.

[Spikey M]

Your dad's reaction is the correct one. My kids are 3 and 6. Our 3 year old is fussy, but we get on with it. Imagine asking people to change the date and venue because Wee Wendy doesn't like anything. Just have a plate of chips and stfu.

[Boydy]

Back just before Christmas her dad was talking about some Hugo Boss tracksuit he got her for Christmas that cost something stupid like £2-300. It wasn't even her main present.

I was like "She'll have grown out of it in six months!"
"Yeah, but you should see it, it's really nice."

These people are not particularly wealthy. They're just idiots.

The mum's brother told me before they have shitloads of credit card debt. I'm not surprised.

[Ian]

That's even stupider if you don't have the money for it.

Just say no to the little cunt.

[randomlegend]

A 9 year old that will only eat steak :D

Fucking Christ. You went to approximately a million percent more effort to try to accommodate that shit than I would've done Boyd.

[SvN]

All this for a cousin, as well. I wouldn't recognise most of my cousins if I saw them in the street.

[Kikó]

What a knobhead kid. Tell them to fuck off.

[Manc]

All this for a cousin, as well. I wouldn't recognise most of my cousins if I saw them in the street.

Harsh on the wife.

[Boydy]

All this for a cousin, as well. I wouldn't recognise most of my cousins if I saw them in the street.

We're pretty close as a family.

[Lewis]

Harsh on the wife.

:lol:

[Lofty]

Excellent response. Similar issues in ours with brother in law's girlfriend's kids. They can't go on holiday because she is scared of planes, etc.

[igor_balis]

Then my cousin (eldest, female, not the annoying young idiot one I used to post about sometimes, although this is his mum)
Wait, your cousin's mum is your... cousin?



We're pretty close as a family.

Oh right, as you were.

[Giggles]

How is your cousins parent also your cousin?

Or

How is your cousins child also your cousin?

[Spikey M]

Igor has already cleared that up I believe.

[Lewis]

I think your cousin's child is your cousin once removed, so if they're part of a big weird family of inbreds like that lot then you would probably just call them all 'cousin'.

[Lewis]

I once posted that people who are best mates/overly close with their cousins are freaks and Yevrah got all shirty with me.

[igor_balis]

I think your cousin's child is your cousin once removed, so if they're part of a big weird family of inbreds like that lot then you would probably just call them all 'cousin'.

I like to think they address each other as cousin [name], like they're on the bayou or some shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have seven cousins (all on the same side of the family) and fucking hate at least six of them. Every single one of them has a stupid and/or laughable life worthy of one of my self-indulgent essay posts full of swear words. I've come to the conclusion that cousins/uncles/aunts aren't worth a fart unless you happen to like them, in which case go forth and multiply (well, not like that).

[Shindig]

Even as a member of a big boomer family, I've never been close with my cousins.

[igor_balis]

(well, not like that).

Stop shaming Cousin Steven.

[Boydy]

Wait, your cousin's mum is your... cousin?




Oh right, as you were.
The mum is my first cousin and her son is my first cousin once removed or whatever it is.

[Boydy]

I think your cousin's child is your cousin once removed, so if they're part of a big weird family of inbreds like that lot then you would probably just call them all 'cousin'.

When's your parents' 40th wedding anniversary? :harold:

[Ian]

I reckon it's at least a decade since I've spoken to any of my cousins.

[igor_balis]

I have two cousins, one is a massive neckbeard. Super fucking smart, just not built for this world. Got a first in maths from Cambridge, was writing his own fucking language (not computer code, more in a Tolkien way) when he was a teenager, that kind of shit. Hope he's alright.

His older brother seemed a lot more normal, was living in Leeds for years with his girlfriend. Then I added him on Facebook and it was fucking deranged. He was making his own weird memes, but he was posting them all day every day, and they were all specifically about FLEXITIME. Like Linehan levels of monomania, but not about trans people, just...flexitime. I can only assume his workplace kept refusing to let him change from his 9-5 schedule and he had a total breakdown.

[Baz]

Both sound like they’d fit right in on here.

Show us a flexitime meme.

[John Arne]

I'm not 100% sure how many cousins I have... I have 14 aunts and uncles, and I reckon about 35 or 36 cousins. I speak to one of them on Facebook once a year. The rest are predominantly scum.

[Lofty]

One of my cousins is a convicted nonce, another has over 300 convictions for being a general miscreant and once had to ring the police on himself mid burglary because he fell off a back yard wall and broke his leg.

[Ben]

Fucking hell. :D

My cousins are predominantly squares but harmless. I can get along with them cordially the few times a year I see them, although we have nothing in common.

[Pen]

The Loftys 😄

Our family is pretty small so I’m in touch with all of my eight cousins at least a few times a year. One of them I see at least monthly as we play the same sports and help out if either is missing a player for training. He’s also the godfather of my daughter.

[Ian]

I don't think Lofty knows anybody who wouldn't instantly be the most demented person I know.

[Giggles]

I found out the other day I've two other cousins (maybe 3) that I didn't know about. I don't think I could think of them all to count them at this stage.

[mo]

My cousins are all pretty sound. One even has an OBE. Imagine having a cousin with an OBE eh, Lofty?

[Spikey M]

Hasn't got any ASBO's though, has he? Fucking pussy.

[Lofty]

Your cousin might have an OBE but I bet he never came into school and stole the Head of Year 9s whistle, fleeing when the police came. He was 25 at this point.

[Ian]

Fucking what. :D

[wullie]

https://i.imgur.com/pJ4JACc.png

[John Arne]

I booked a flight back to the UK a few weeks back on Etihad.

Yesterday they cancelled 2/3rds of the outbound flight - speaking to them today they offered me an alternative flight with a 10hr layover in Incheon ( :D ), when I asked for the same flight but the day earlier they said it wasn't available - even though it is still listed on their website. I then asked them to cancel it then, and they told me to wait "up to 45 days for a refund". This was all over DM Twitter (after being on hold for over an hour). I asked them to call me, and finally managed to get on the flight schedule, but a day earlier, no extra charge.

What a clusterfuck of an experience.

[Kikó]

Had a similar experience with tap. Flight cancelled at 450am via text but luckily rebooked onto 3 flights going Munich, Paris, Lisbon. Tried to rebook but the website failed on every option and their helpline is built to automatically cut you off after 15 minutes.

In the end, I had to just basically go for the shit journey but who knows if they will cancel my way back or put me onto another magical European tour. I would mind less if the flights were cheap but then they are ridiculous and then you are bumped onto a non-direct route, you want to stab people.

[John Arne]

It's bollocks. Faceless organisations who are almost impossible to talk to.
And waiting 45 days for a refund is just a piss take.

[Spikey M]

steak burgers.


Ooh, is it a Grass Fed, Aberdeen Angus, basted-in-butter-melted-on-the-thigh-of-a-virgin steak burger?

Burger. It's a burger. And if by some miracle it is actually made from steak, then that's a massive waste and I hate you even more. Cunt.

Xoxox

[Giggles]

:cool:

[Shindig]

Maundy Thursday. It just sounds stupid when you say it out loud.

[Pepe]

Brioche bun please and thank you.

[Boydy]

Been trying to organise a family dinner for my parents' 40th wedding anniversary in Sunday. Unfortunately it's also Easter Sunday. They wanted to go to the restaurant of the hotel they had their wedding reception at. Fair enough. Got it booked without any problem. As it's Easter Sunday and they expect to be busy they're running a set menu. Again, fine, it looks pretty decent so no complaints.


Then my cousin (eldest, female, not the annoying young idiot one I used to post about sometimes, although this is his mum) has now said she can't go after initially agreeing because her nine year old daughter won't eat off the kids' menu and will only eat a steak. But won't manage all three courses of the set menu and she's not paying that much for a child.

So now her, her husband and her daughter aren't going.

I even tried to be accommodating by trying to book Saturday (normal menu) instead but the restaurant was closed for a wedding. Suggested we all get together the following weekend and I just take my parents out on Sunday but she's away in Portugal then. Then she suggested changing both the day (Sunday is their actual anniversary) and the venue (this place is where they had their wedding reception, plus not a chance getting a table big enough on the Saturday of Easter weekend now anywhere else). I asked my dad what he thought and he just said "Just keep it how it is everyone else is happy to come. I'm not being held to ransom by a fucking spoilt brat of a nine year old." :D

Edit: that's longer than I thought it was going to be but I got carried away.

Tl;dr - family and/or organising people to do anything are both fucking annoying.

Fucking aunt (grandmother of the fussy 9 year old and my dad's sister) just rang me to tell me she isn't going now. The set menu's too expensive apparently. You've had over a week to decide that and you tell me the day before after we've put our preorders in? I am fucking sick of these people.

[Shindig]

Maybe they just really hate you?

[Lewis]

We're pretty close as a family.


The set menu's too expensive apparently.

:harold:

[randomlegend]

How much is it?

[Boydy]

My aunt's basically taken over organising it now and we're doing it next weekend instead. Glad it's not my problem now.

Gonna take my parents out myself tomorrow.

[randomlegend]

Gonna take my parents out myself tomorrow.

This is what I was going to suggest.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Piss poor organisation skills from Boyd.

[Boydy]

This is what I was going to suggest.

Yeah, I suggested it (and then we all go out the following weekend) myself to melt cousin before but she was away next weekend. My aunt seemed okay with it, said she'll take the melt 9 year old with her if her ma's away.

The set menu was £40 for 3 courses with no 2 course option which seemed to piss a load of people off. I didn't think it was that bad.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

£40 for 3 courses is fine.

[Giggles]

Those two/three course options are a load of cock anyway. Sitting eating your garlic mushrooms while a load of miserable cunts watch you waiting on their main. If one asks you what they’re like (ie: let me taste) then it’s time to flip the table over and walk out.

[Ian]

My aunt's basically taken over organising it now and we're doing it next weekend instead. Glad it's not my problem now.

Gonna take my parents out myself tomorrow.

Please cancel your attendance for next weekend the evening before. Get your parents to do so as well for bonus points.

[Lewis]

Those two/three course options are a load of cock anyway. Sitting eating your garlic mushrooms while a load of miserable cunts watch you waiting on their main. If one asks you what they’re like (ie: let me taste) then it’s time to flip the table over and walk out.

This is a very good point. Our Christmas do was a choice of two or three, and people are getting starters or puddings, and the place nearly had a meltdown over it.

[Giggles]

This is a very good point. Our Christmas do was a choice of two or three, and people are getting starters or puddings, and the place nearly had a meltdown over it.

“That looks lovely, if I’d known it was baileys cheesecake……”. Yeah well fuck off if the fiver was that important to you.

[Spikey M]

"We could share a starter / dessert" is the worst sentence in the English Language. The Germans probably have a witty name for it. Cuntensprakën.

[Yevrah]

Sharing food in restaurants is just an appalling idea all around. I hate it to the core of my very soul.

[randomlegend]

The wife (not used to that yet) and I quite often get two starters with the intention of sharing them both.

People asking for sharing once food has arrived that wasn't pre-agreed can launch themselves off a bridge .

[Pen]

I’m team RL here. Needs to be agreed upon before ordering.

[Ben]

£40 for 3 courses is absolutely fine. We’ve become accustomed to paying peanuts for food for too long. I’ve worked in a restaurant so my view might be biased but if you’re getting great food, don’t be surprised that you should pay for it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The whole eating out / possibly the whole hospitality industry is predicated on paying the staff (waiters, chefs, washers up) absolutely fuck all, so it does grind my gears when people moan about the prices of things.

[Lofty]

People are cheapskates, always have been always will be. I personally am happy to pay top dollar for quality food but most people aren't. I remember going to Miller and Carter after lockdown and some chav lad was complaining about paying £25 for a rib eye steak with all the sides and sauce - I thought that was cheap!

[Lewis]

I've noticed places either making things slightly too expensive or cutting corners since the virus ended last year, so hospitality has clearly been operating on the margins for a while. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot more of it died this year.

[Giggles]

You give a business owner less staff to pay and the hungry cunts will try and do more and more with less. Most restaurants are a shambles now, haven’t had to leave a tip in a good while.

[Giggles]

Why can’t Sky/Now put shows up at a decent hour of the day? We’re nearly halfway through Monday now.

[Lofty]

Someone on facebook has put up a status asking for an emergency plumber. Just google it if it's an emergency, surely.

[Shindig]

Nah, it's so they can find someone local who one of their friends can vouch for.

[Lofty]

They live in Barrow everything is local by default. I'd rather use a company with no recommendation from mutual friends so if there is an issue there's no awkwardness. Would never go for mate's rates tradesmen again.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I refer you to post #8919.

[Lofty]

:D true.

[Ben]

Still needing to book a slot at the tip even though COVID doesn't exist anymore. I live right on the edge of the council area and it's a million times easier to go to the much bigger and better tip in the adjacent town but I can't do that now.

[Baz]

Having a poo anywhere that doesn’t have wet wipes.

[Don]

Wet wipes :happycry: Beautiful to see the white man's evolution.

[Giggles]

Cleaning your arse at all must seem like black magic to you boys.

[randomlegend]

Wet wipes :happycry: Beautiful to see the white man's evolution.

You must be pleased at your recent evolution not to be able to smell your shitty hands.

[Don]

And they wondered why COVID spread like wildfire in hospitals...

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The lack of sockets in hotel rooms.

I'm in a large double room in a "business & spa hotel" in Poland and in the room there appears to only be 3 sockets total. 2 are by the TV (the TV is plugged in and there is a lamp, kettle and mini fridge all unplugged beside the socket) and the other is in the far corner of the room by the window.

Not a single socket beside the bed.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Also, fuck lorries overtaking lorries on motorways.

[Giggles]

10,000,000 times yes.

[Ben]

Fuck those cars that drive so slow that lorries have to overtake them.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's especially painful when driving on the German autobahns.

You go from creaming it at 120mph to having to slow down quickly to 60 because some cunt has decided to pull out.

[Shindig]

Nothing makes me wince more than motability scooters driving on major roads. Saw one on the A167 coming home last night and he was half-way across four lanes of traffic.

[Ben]

ParkingEye. They tried to fine my wife for parking at the hospital she works. She goes to hospital security who cancel the fine and now three months later she’s just had a debt collector letter demanding £140.

She’s even been on the ParkingEye website to check the original fine and it even says cancelled on there.

[Ian]

Nothing makes me wince more than motability scooters driving on major roads. Saw one on the A167 coming home last night and he was half-way across four lanes of traffic.

I might have told this story before but 600 years ago when I still lived in Coventry there was an old fella who used to do this and go round the big roundabouts and whatever, but added to this on each side of his scooter he had a placard prophesising the apocalypse and on a sort of pole/antenna thing at the back he had mounted a mask of Frankenstei's monster on one side and a cartoon Satan mask on the other.

[Yevrah]

ParkingEye. They tried to fine my wife for parking at the hospital she works. She goes to hospital security who cancel the fine and now three months later she’s just had a debt collector letter demanding £140.

She’s even been on the ParkingEye website to check the original fine and it even says cancelled on there.

Some chancing fuckers tried to fine me the other day for parking in their shitty overpriced car park and paying for it. Unreal.

[Spikey M]

I paid on an app in town once and came back to a ticket. Luckily the bloke was still in the car park so I asked him what he was playing at. Apparently their app wasn't working properly so he was told to ticket anyone without a physical ticket to be safe.

No mate. You stop issuing tickets until you can confirm someone hasn't paid. Shower of cunts these companies.

[Yevrah]

They really are absolute scum and their systems fucking diabolical.

[Shindig]

I might have told this story before but 600 years ago when I still lived in Coventry there was an old fella who used to do this and go round the big roundabouts and whatever, but added to this on each side of his scooter he had a placard prophesising the apocalypse and on a sort of pole/antenna thing at the back he had mounted a mask of Frankenstei's monster on one side and a cartoon Satan mask on the other.

I'd have given anything to see that in person.

[Lewis]

My brother got a parking fine from some privately-run car park, and he just refused to pay it and told them to sue him, which they obviously aren't going to do for sixty quid or whatever it was since they have no other means of enforcing it. Try that.

[Spikey M]

My brother got a parking fine from some privately-run car park, and he just refused to pay it and told them to sue him, which they obviously aren't going to do for sixty quid or whatever it was since they have no other means of enforcing it. Try that.

Alot of them do enforce it. You'd be amazed how many £100 parking fines end up with Bailiffs at the door for 10 times the amount.

[Offshore Toon]

Some Vrbo host for a boat I stayed on in March has gone through HM Courts & Tribunals Service to claim £400 off me. Half of if is bollocks and he's a posho rat so I think I'll just ignore it. I'm not sure they have jurisdiction but it'll be annoying if I get arrested on the way to Glastonbury.

[igor_balis]

I got fined for having my feet on the seats on a Merseyrail train once, shortly after the transport police literally read me my rights. I hasten to add it was the standard rows of 2 seats facing the same direction, and my feet were just on the back of the ones in front of me, rather than having my feet where people actually sit. Deffo deserved it though as the old ticket inspector had warned me already, and I thought I'd found a genius loophole by putting them on a metal bit between them rather than on the fabric. I genuinely wasn't doing it to deliberately disrespect the old fella, but if anything that makes it worse as it was just pure stupidity. I was 19 though, so when you consider how stupid I am now as a 30 year old, it's not exactly surprising.

[Giggles]

A cordless dewalt grinder in the van. Job done.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I haven't paid whatever it is some firm charged me for boarding up my door after the police broke it down for no reason and then refused to pay. The threatening letters stopped about three months ago.

[Yevrah]

The police refused to pay for that? What in the actual fuck?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yep. They (or their in-house lawyers) concluded that they had reason to believe there was danger to life, and under section whatever of the Breaking Into Your House Act, that trumps any other considerations and makes them liable for nothing.

The fact that there was absolutely no reason to believe there was danger to life other than the bizarre imaginings of my batty neighbour doesn't enter the legal logic.

[Shindig]

Cops should also be locksmiths, really.

[Giggles]

It’s bad enough at the best of times but currently 6 of 11 Sky Sports channels are showing the same show about George fucking Floyd :cab:

[niko_cee]

I can only imagine the horror a week on Friday for the jubilee. It's going to be the same thing on every channel if there's any sort of official event going on. Fortunately I shall be at sea for at least some of it.

[Giggles]

Even the sports?

[niko_cee]

I recall the grim days of Diana dying where only football Italia rode to the rescue for some brief respite on that Sunday.

Will there be any sport on next Friday? Maybe some cricket?

[Giggles]

Now I know why our northy lad in work has two days off for a ‘public holiday’.

[Yevrah]

In an effort to get fit again I bought a treadmill. Set it up all seemed to work fine until I ran on it and thought it was taking suspiciously long to run a km. Sure enough when I checked a km at 10km per hour is taking 6 minutes and 39 seconds for the first and 6 minutes 30 seconds for any subsequent ones. FFS.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I recall the grim days of Diana dying where only football Italia rode to the rescue for some brief respite on that Sunday.

I have quite a clear memory of the Italian GP running at Monza with Diana stuff going on, but maybe it was the week after.

And yeah, the Test match is on Thursday and Friday.

[Ian]

How fitting it will be on Big Liz's special weekend for us to be getting spanked to death by a member of the Commonwealth.

[niko_cee]

Week after was the funeral [although that was a Saturday] so not sure on the GP.

Death was the last day of the summer holidays. Liverpool's first game of the season [against Newcastle?] sacked off whilst most other teams got to play their opener on the Saturday [made things worse]. Pretty sure both BBC channels and ITV were fully embracing of the nascent 24 hours news culture, with the beeb going above and beyond and running the same fucking coverage on both channels. Wiki tells me the GP was a week later. Channel 4 saved the day. Not sure 5 existed yet.

[Shindig]

Nah, the GP definitely ran because I distinctly remember Damon Hill talking about how it was a bad day for the country. Unless I've Mandela's that.

[Boydy]

In an effort to get fit again I bought a treadmill. Set it up all seemed to work fine until I ran on it and thought it was taking suspiciously long to run a km. Sure enough when I checked a km at 10km per hour is taking 6 minutes and 39 seconds for the first and 6 minutes 30 seconds for any subsequent ones. FFS.

Which one did you buy?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I remember the morning clear as day, my old man had been on the piss the night before, then got called into work at 5am or whatever as he was in royalty protection at the time (luckily, she'd refused their protection for a while before that, presumably so she could shag Dodi in peace, so they didn't all get fired).

Don't remember anything after that until Elton and the funeral. All the political and Tony-related stuff passed me by even as a fairly switched on 9 year old.

[Waffdon]

How many bathrooms does your parents’ home have?

[Jimmy Floyd]

An ensuite in the master bedroom and another one, so I guess that makes two.

[igor_balis]

Walking back from the Tesco by the train station with my marmalade and seeded loaf, I got that terrible realisation that I needed a shit and I might get caught short. Ran into the house, haphazardly dumped (lol) the bread and marmalade on the side, seemingly safe. As I ran into the shower room I heard the marmalade smash, then for the second time in about 3 years I literally shat all over the shower room floor. I feel like my body is capable of holding it in sufficiently to avoid the indignity of shitting my pants, but actually getting to the toilet is a step too far.

Terrible that I didn't even get to enjoy the relaxing last couple of minutes of the poo as I could just see the first 75% on the floor. Thank Christ we don't live in an era of carpeted bathrooms and shower rooms anymore. So just spent the last fifteen minutes hoovering and dustpan and brushing the lovely marmalade I was gonna have for my supper, and literally scooping up my own poo with toilet paper and wiping the floor with cleaning product. I haven't even drank since Wednesday ffs.

[igor_balis]

At least, unlike last time, I didn't get any on my jeans.

[Disco]

You took your trousers off before you got to the toilet?

[igor_balis]

You took your trousers off before you got to the toilet?

It was like manically pulling them down as I waddled/jogged into the shower room. I didn't have time not to multitask.

[Disco]

Fine cut or shredless?

[phonics]

He cut it too fine clearly.

[igor_balis]

Fine cut or shredless?

Frank Cooper fine cut.

And it was about 5 or 6 on the Bristol stool chart. 5.75

[Shindig]

As I ran into the shower room I heard the marmalade smash, then for the second time in about 3 years ...

Once is too many.

[igor_balis]

Once is too many.

I actually had pretty bad IBS as a teenager, so sorta learned to manage it (mostly taking opportunities to shit when presented even if I wasn't desperate), but now my guts are more reliable, the occasions they do go loco I'm less prepared. It's twice now, but I've had a handful of near misses. nothing will probably top shitting in a carrier bag in my tent at womad in 2008.

[Spikey M]

for the second time in about 3 years I literally shat all over the shower room floor.


I actually had pretty bad IBS as a teenager, so sorta learned to manage it

Yeah, sounds like you're over the worst of it.

[Lofty]

I am obviously old now because kids talking to their phone whilst holding it horizontally in front of them really irritates me.

[Shindig]

Yeah, I hate that too. It doesn't just look stupid but must be really ineffective.

[mo]

The portmanteu in the football thread. So clunky when I read it in my head, which I'm doing constantly.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I read it as though it's about the 1978 World Cup.

[Ian]

This is what happens when amateurs have a go at doing the football thread.

[Baz]

Today is my birthday. Opening my presents was interrupted by a car alarm going off outside. My car alarm. Cos the battery’s dead. Happy birthday! :moop: It was replaced in February but I’ve not driven it for about 3 weeks so my own daft fault, really.

[Ian]

So really you got the greatest gift of all: an important reminder about car maintenance.

Happy birthday!

[Disco]

Alarm battery working perfectly too, you've come out on top here.

[Giggles]

Best birthday ever.

[Pepe]

Car alarms have to be one of the bottom five inventions of humanity.

[Giggles]

Spoken like a true thief :sherlock:

[Disco]

I don't think I've ever heard a car alarm and thought even for a second that someone was trying to steal the car.

[Mike]

I wish I had been smart enough to think of getting your car alarm to go off, a true gift for the ages that.

[Ian]

I don't think I've ever heard a car alarm and thought even for a second that someone was trying to steal the car.

No I think any time I've heard one and was able to see the car it's just a car sitting with nobody nearby parping away to itself and being annoying.

[Spikey M]

Some cunt with an
overly-twitchy alarm parked down our old road a few years back. They clearly didn't live anywhere near as it went off every 5 minutes all fucking night without them moving it.

Luckily one of the local residents bricked the windscreen to ensure they couldn't move it in the morning either. Top points for making a bad situation worse, dick head.

[Giggles]

Where I used to live in Dublin you used to nrealy hear one more than you didn't. Most of them are going off because people are mongs.

[Spikey M]

"Functions" at hotels. We're currently in Southampton for a weekend at Peppa Pig World (yes, again) and staying at a Holiday Inn. There's a wedding here, so of course they've just taken over the gaff.

The normal dinner menu is off, in favour of a buffet - no doubt the scraps from the wedding. Fine, McDonald's it is, whatever. But now all the little cunts in their adorable little suits and dresses are thundering up and down the corridor and a terrible DJ is currently clumsily cutting between Eagles and Phil Collins numbers.

On the plus side, the blushing bride - a 40 something mother of atleast 3 with the audacity to wear white - is currently stood outside in the rain having a ciggy. Hopefully that does some damage.

Christ I'm a miserable cunt these days.

[Lewis]

How many 'weekends at Peppa Pig World' before you go out for milk and never come back?

[Spikey M]

The youngest is 3, so this will possibly be the last before he's too old for it. That said, I quite enjoy it. Poultons it's self is pretty good and the eldest can go on some of the bigger rides now, so it's not just going around in slow circles on various undersized trains and boats.

It's just the shitty hotels that irk.

[Giggles]

I’ve never known a good hotel in England. It’s all either airport type cheapo job or some 6 bedroom weirdo spot where the owners live there too.

[Spikey M]

I’ve never known a good hotel in England. It’s all either airport type cheapo job or some 6 bedroom weirdo spot where the owners live there too.

Agreed. Center Parcs is the only exception, but it's not really a "hotel".

[Shindig]

Yeah, even the fancier ones feel empty and dull.