The little things in life that fuck you off

[Magic]

He's a one trick pony. Was a good trick when it came out but very grating now.

[Giggles]

Anything I ever seen was very good but I haven't caught anything recent. Most of them do die off over the years though.

[John]

He's still very funny, though I think he's probably bled the 'describe getting pished in various scenarios' vein he was tapped into dry after this show. It'll be interesting to see if he's capable of being funny on subjects other than being Scottish. The little, seemingly off the cuff, riff about the Pistorius trial early on in this was good, but again it was fundamentally about applying Scottishness to another pllace.

[Giggles]

I mustn't have washed my hands properly after putting deep heat on my neck/shoulders.

I've just had a piss :sick::cry:

[John]

It's a shame this thread isn't named exactly after the old one. Diljeet or Quincy could have wrung a cracking joke out of that post if it was.

I have to put 'movelat' on my back now and then, and I'll wear a tshirt at night on those occasions to prevent it getting all over the bed. There are few feelings less comfortable than a tshirt being properly stuck to you when you're trying to sleep.

[Giggles]

This stuff is absolutely leaping, I'll have to shower before bed. I normally buy Voltarol or Diclac but ran out and this is all I could get in Tesco.

[Disco]

They used to do an aerosol version, that might be better.

[Magic]

Unless you massage your bellend whilst going for a piss would it really hurt that bad?

[simon]

Unless you massage your bellend whilst going for a piss would it really hurt that bad?

Probably has to rummage around to find it. :eyemouth:

[Magic]

His fat belly must absorb it. Bet he hasn't seen it in years.

[Disco]

Not sure about accidental application but I can confirm deep heat is extremely uncomfortable on the junk.

[Magic]

Are you applying it through a urethra sounder?

[Disco]

Well I'm not googling that so I don't really know.

[randomlegend]

Are you applying it through a urethra sounder?

Sound, not sounder, you pleb.

It's something people stick down their cock, disco.

[Disco]

You're a medical bod, what's Magic's excuse?

[randomlegend]

I'd imagine his wife uses one on him.

[Giggles]

Probably has to rummage around to find it. :eyemouth:

I must have got it on the tweezers.

[Magic]

Sound, not sounder, you pleb.

It's something people stick down their cock, disco.

Experience: medical degree

V

Experience: Heavy-R degree

[igor_balis]

I always let my sleeping patterns get so cunted up at the weekend. Woke up at 4pm today, fuck sake.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have to do something boring in Wimbledon tonight, so came to its high street first in order to look for somewhere to shove a burger down my neck beforehand. Within three minutes I had walked past five such places already, four of them also offering 'craft beer' and the other being Five Guys, which probably offers the most appallingly poor value for money of any food establishment ever conceived (sorry, Nando's). I'm now sat in GBK which is somehow therefore not even in the top five most knobhead burger places on one side of one Wimbledon street.

London today ffs. What if I don't want a fucking Brioche bun?

[igor_balis]

I always let my sleeping patterns get so cunted up at the weekend. Woke up at 4pm today, fuck sake.

Still awake. Think I'm hallucinating.

[Manc]

Manchester is much the same, Jim. They've almost become self parodies.

[Pepe]

What's the issue with brioche buns, wanker status aside?

[Giggles]

What's the issue with brioche buns, wanker status aside?

I quite like them, it's just that they're nearly the only option these days.

[Toby]

You'd really think the wanker burger phase would be starting to die out by now. Is this what sushi was like for the generation before us?

[Giggles]

I actually got one in the city the other night with a nice white bread bun on it which surprised and delighted me at the same time, especially as it was the oldest known hipster burger place around. Though I also wanted a pint of Heineken with it, which was completely out of the question.

[Foe]

BDCXL would've done the trick. :drool:

[Spoonsky]

I've come down sick. I was sick a month ago. Fuck off. Especially as my life has become busy in interesting ways - rock climbing, skiing, that Swedish girl asked me to go sledding - and this just makes me want to spend all day calling randomers in Iowa or watching Seinfeld from the couch.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What's the issue with brioche buns, wanker status aside?

They are flimsy, make no sense and the cynic in me thinks there must be some economic reason why they have become so widespread. If you wanted to deviate from the traditional burger bun and make it 'posher' then I would go to wholemeal or even granary white or brown bread in bun format, not that papery shite.

I had 'truffle cheese fries', though, which was the chips version of hiring a hooker for the evening.

[igor_balis]

Brioche buns are good, though I am getting a bit sick of them now. Pulled pork is the real emperor's new clothes of hipster foodstuffs.

[Toby]

Presumably that means everywhere in Edinburgh is still obsessed with it.

[Boydy]

Pulled pork only seems to have gone mad here in the last year. I swear by the time things become popular here, they're already past it in England.

There's a burrito place in Belfast that recently moved into new premises but before that people were queued out the door and down the street for it. They were going mental for it. Shit son, I was eating burritos five years ago. And they were better than this shit here.

[Pepe]

I've never had pulled pork I was particularly excited about. It's pretty shit.

[Giggles]

Pulled pork was gone 3 years ago. Then we had US BBQ, cereal for dinner, and hipster burgers. Their current thing is #cleaneats #paleo #glutenfree

[John Arne]

Palio is a great film.

[Magic]

Pulled anything is disgusting and for classless cunts who don't understand how meat should be eaten or treated.

[Disco]

Says the resident clueless arbiter of class.

[Magic]

Are these frequent attacks due to the fact I don't have a bird feeder?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Being an hour early for a morning lecture as you could have sworn it was at 9 and not 10.

This is only the 14th week of said lecture so it was a pretty easy mistake to make, obviously :moop:

[mugbull]

Being an hour early for a morning lecture as you could have sworn it was at 9 and not 10.

This is only the 14th week of said lecture so it was a pretty easy mistake to make, obviously :moop:

That kind of error indicates some sort of underlying emotional issues, I'm afraid.

[Pen]

I don't get the complaining about brioche buns as they're pretty much perfect for a burger if they're good.

I'm generally very pleased that you can get good burgers from many differerent places for a decent amount. That said, I did have some Kimchi/pulled pork thing on the weekend and whilst it was very tasty, there's no way you can call it a burger.

[John]

I have to do something boring in Wimbledon tonight, so came to its high street first in order to look for somewhere to shove a burger down my neck beforehand. Within three minutes I had walked past five such places already, four of them also offering 'craft beer' and the other being Five Guys, which probably offers the most appallingly poor value for money of any food establishment ever conceived (sorry, Nando's). I'm now sat in GBK which is somehow therefore not even in the top five most knobhead burger places on one side of one Wimbledon street.

London today ffs. What if I don't want a fucking Brioche bun?

There's one corner like that in Glasgow. If you walk out of 'All Bar One', which itself has a dedicated 'Burger Menu', I reckon you could hit maybe five or six burger places with a reasonably well thrown stone. It went past saturation point ages ago, so fuck knows what's keeping all these places in business.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's good news for the cocktail stick industry I suppose, and for anyone who makes miniature tin buckets. I ordered a banana milkshake last night and was asked to drink it out of something from Fireman Sam's equipment.

[Magic]

There's one corner like that in Glasgow. If you walk out of 'All Bar One', which itself has a dedicated 'Burger Menu', I reckon you could hit maybe five or six burger places with a reasonably well thrown stone. It went past saturation point ages ago, so fuck knows what's keeping all these places in business.

Isn't Five Guys or whatever it's called literally right across the road? I do like ABO but it's a bit over-priced and is full of wankers.

[John]

Five Guys, GBK, and Handmade Burger are literally the first three places you see as you walk out the door.

Any bar with its only toilet upstairs can get to fuck.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The place I was in signposted said upstairs only toilets with a set of giant scrabble letters spelling out 'LOOS'.

[Boydy]

Banana milkshake? You deviant.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Which is the approved form of milkshake? I couldn't drink because of what I was doing afterwards, coke should be banned, and I've had enough Sprite in my life to fill the Serpentine.

[John]

Incidentally, dessert only delivery places are the other eateries taking over Glasgow at the moment and apparently the approved form of milkshake is Ferrero Rocher.

There's a 'milkshake bar' in Silverburn which I reckon should be closed down. Some of the shit they're selling would give that little girl in Wreck It Ralph a sore head.


Skittles-infused milkshake made with vanilla ice cream, topped with whipped cream & neon popping candy

Four quid for a large. Fuck off.

[Boydy]

I always just have strawberry milkshakes. Chocolate's alright too but I wouldn't usually go for it.

Banana reminds me of that horrible banana flavoured antibiotic stuff you'd get as a kid.

[igor_balis]

Strawberry is indeed the pinnacle of regular milkshakes, but those ridiculous quadruple fudge sundae with extra chocolate milkshake things you get from places like the one John mentioned are pretty special, as long as you don't have em more than once a year or so.

[Toby]

Jim is being covert about whatever he was up to after this burger.

[phonics]

Banana milkshake is god like you heathen.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That kind of error indicates some sort of underlying emotional issues, I'm afraid.

Other than the mild depression, social anxiety and lack of confidence?

[Kikó]

Banana milkshake is the correct shake. The rest suggests you're a bit of a deviant.

[Disco]

Are these frequent attacks due to the fact I don't have a bird feeder?

Frequent attacks :happycry:

Calm down dear, it's just a bit of fun.

[Magic]

Frequent attacks :happycry:

Calm down dear, it's just a bit of fun.

I'll certainly never have it now my roof is fucked. :cry:

Please don't judge me.

*eats organic eggs on organic bread spread with organic butter and organic tomato sauce*

[Disco]

What's wrong with your roof?

[Magic]

I need a new one.

[Disco]

Get it thatched.

[Pepe]

Chocolate is the only option for milkshake. Of course that assumes you are in a place that uses actual chocolate and not chocolate-looking sugar.

[John]

I enjoy a mint milkshake.

You've timed that beautifully, Magic. Storm JoJo or whatever the latest one is called will be along soon to take the roof clean off and leave you clear to plonk a new one on.

[Magic]

Get it thatched.

Mmm. That would look a bit stupid. Semi-detatched.

Fuck off.

[Magic]

I enjoy a mint milkshake.

You've timed that beautifully, Magic. Storm JoJo or whatever the latest one is called will be along soon to take the roof clean off and leave you clear to plonk a new one on.

:thbup:

Unfortunately it isn't wind damaged it's just the tiles are all porous.

[Boydy]

Bought a bottle of strawberry milk for the train there. Just opened it and took a big swig. It's fucking rank. It must be off. Although it's still in date.

Only have a little bit of water left to wash the taste away too.

Ugh.

[Magic]

Thinking something is off because it tastes like shit. :harold:

What did you expect to taste, a 90's Dom Perignon? Silly cunt.

[phonics]

You're on a train. Use a tap you pleb.

[Boydy]

Thinking something is off because it tastes like shit. :harold:

What did you expect to taste, a 90's Dom Perignon? Silly cunt.

It doesn't taste like how strawberry milk should.

[Toby]

Drinking tap water on a train is depraved.

[Magic]

It doesn't taste like how strawberry milk should.

What are you doing buying a child's drink anyway you wrong 'un? Were you testing it before you lured some kids in to the train bogs and atomised their bumholes?

[Boydy]

You're on a train. Use a tap you pleb.
A tap? In the toilet? A tap in the toilet of a Northern Irish train? I'd probably catch something off it.

The water I had was enough anyway. I'm just disappointed about the strawberry milk now. I was looking forward to that.

[Magic]

Bet that Swiss cunt's trains taps run the sweet tears of Nazism.

[phonics]

Bet that Swiss cunt's trains taps run the sweet tears of Nazism.

Swiss trains are the shit. They're double decker so you always get a seat. Sick shit.

[John]

Thinking something is off because it tastes like shit. :harold:

What did you expect to taste, a 90's Dom Perignon? Silly cunt.

What sort of children's palate do you have that the idea of being able to tell something is off from the taste of it is so foreign?

[Magic]

What sort of children's palate do you have that the idea of being able to tell something is off from the taste of it is so foreign?

Strawberry milk tastes shit at the best of times.

[Kikó]

Drink water from a tap on a train? What the fucking hell?

[Lewis]

Rather than blaming your family, do you think the constant battle against your inner 'ned' is the real reason for your rage problems?

[Raoul Duke]

He said All Bar One was "alright" earlier, the pikey.

[Magic]

Fuck me lads, I'm trying to cut back here.

[-james-]

It has become apparent that the coffee I just drank was not decaff like I asked for. Fucking hell.

[Manc]

When you go on First Dates and don't make the final cut.

[Shindig]

I keep forgetting games need signatures when they come in the post. Trawling off to the delivery place in the morning, then.

[Giggles]

I keep forgetting games need signatures when they come in the post. Trawling off to the delivery place in the morning, then.

I'm the same with beer I ordered yesterday. I'm getting it delivered to the office next time as they said anyone can sign.

[Shindig]

Sadly that's not an option for me. My best bet is to hope the guy upstairs hears the knock on the door. He won't.

[SvN]

My idiot of a wife has taken my keys to work with her for some fucking reason, which means I can't go and get lunch or go to the post office to collect my parcel.

[randomlegend]

They always just leave parcels in a 'safe place' for us, even if they are meant to be signed for.

[phonics]

People eating oranges on the train.

[Boydy]

People eating oranges on the train.
What's wrong with that?

[phonics]

What's wrong with that?

Oranges fucking reek and I'm stuck in a box with no windows for the next 15 minutes.

[Disco]

What happened to your fancy double decker trains?

[Boydy]

Oranges smell nice.

[phonics]

What happened to your fancy double decker trains?

Air-conditioned and I couldn't be arsed to move.

@Boydy (http://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=31): Oranges smell like rotting flesh with sugar.

[Reg]

Complaining about the smell of fruit is proper strange, mate.

[Sam]

They always just leave parcels in a 'safe place' for us, even if they are meant to be signed for.

The Lithuanian geezer on my round ends up just trying to shove them through the letter box. The sly fuck.

[phonics]

Complaining about the smell of fruit is proper strange, mate.

No other fruit seems to travel like oranges.

[randomlegend]

You may have a brain injury if that's how oranges smell to you.

[Giggles]

I only know what rotting flesh smells like with lime, ever with sugar.

[igor_balis]

The smell of orange does travel more than other fruits I reckon, but oranges smell nice so I don't give a shit.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Oranges smell absolutely amazing. Phonics is broken, although we already knew that.

[igor_balis]

https://agoners.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/co.jpg

Curious.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Dah-ta.

I have an Australian lecturer as well as a Northern Irish lecturer this semester. Two weeks in and I'm fucking seething, I can't stand it as it just sounds so wrong.

[Boydy]

That's the proper way to say it.

[Magic]

What is he, a magician?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's the proper way to say it.

No it isn't.

[Spoonsky]

Dotter.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

Cunt tradesman. Has anyone had much joy with trading standards/citizens advice when dealing with one?

[Magic]

:harold:

Why do you never listen to me?

"Hi can anyone recommend a plumber?"

Yes Ross, I know one do you want his details?

*no reply*

CITIZENS ADVICE.

"Hi, does anyone know a roofer? Have nothing but trouble"

Yes Ross, I know one do you want his details?

*no reply*

CITIZENS ADVICE.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

I've never had bother with plumbers you pleb.

[Boydy]

I thought I'd have felt really relieved after finishing my masters dissertation. And I did briefly on Friday when I handed it in and over the weekend when I was down in Dublin with some friends. Now I'm back though, I just feel bored and restless. Probably combining a bit with a post-holiday blues of sorts which isn't helping.

[Manc]

Get back to the gym.

[Boydy]

I'm going tomorrow.

[Giggles]

The only good time for a gym is if carrying a sawn-off and letting rip.

[Raoul Duke]

I worry about you sometimes...

[Giggles]

I worry about you sometimes...

Because I haven't done it yet?

[Giggles]

Four times tonight I had to tell an election canvasser to get off my driveway before he took the hint. Though I suppose I fuck myself off for not just slamming the door in the first place.

[Manc]

Persistent cunts who don't stay at home when there ill as sin. Myself and two others are now showing symptoms. Wankshaft.

[Baz]

I've had a voicemail saying "hi it's Jean from [somewhere] in Warrington, just to let you know your orders ready and can be picked up, but there's no rush to do so." But I've no idea what the missing word is. Says its from an unknown number so can't call them back either. She mentioned something about the text message system being down too, hence the voicemail.

Honestly no clue where she was calling from. Sounded like Enshoz.

[John Arne]

Henshaws Gas?

[Baz]

Nope.

I've scoured my emails and brain but really no idea what it could be. Hopefully it's a mistake but I can figure it out and go and pick up someone else's stuff. She said my name though.

[Toby]

ASOS? Not that I've ever had a call from them directly, but it sounds vaguely like enshoz if you treat it was a word.

[John Arne]

Could it have been Stephane Henchoz asking you to pick up his dry-cleaning?

[SvN]

Post the voicemail

[Baz]

Panic over, my mums cracked the case: I'll post it.

[John Arne]

Aunt Jo's?

[Baz]

Post the voicemailOkay. Sorry it's quiet.

Now that I know what it is, it's pretty obvious. However, me and my dad were completely stumped earlier, so I'll let the good folk off TTH decide: http://vocaroo.com/i/s0ps7FA5dNjM

[Toby]

I hope you've told Mike you're proposing before sharing with us.

[SvN]

I thought that was clear as day. Well, as clear as the rest of the voicemail, anyway.

[Disco]

Sounded like 'H Jones' to me.

[Boydy]

I don't know what it was but I do know that woman's voice was awful.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I thought she said something wine.

[Giggles]

The return of the 6 Nationzzzzzzzzzzzz. The coverage has been fucking wall to wall for the past week.

[Toby]

My old man seems to be on a mission to introduce as many disgusting habits as he can recently, I think at least partly to wind people up. The sound of him eating is sickening enough, but his latest is taking his false teeth put after a meal and licking them clean. May have to look into having him put down.

[Boydy]

:sick:

[Shindig]

Tobes, move out.

[simon]

My old man seems to be on a mission to introduce as many disgusting habits as he can recently, I think at least partly to wind people up. The sound of him eating is sickening enough, but his latest is taking his false teeth put after a meal and licking them clean. May have to look into having him put down.

That's so grim. :D

[John]

I'd refuse to eat in his vicinity. That's vile.

[Toby]

I'd refuse to eat in his vicinity. That's vile.

I very much do usually, but didn't want to kick up a fuss tonight as my mum had gone to extra effort for my birthday tomorrow.

Fortunately I'm only here a couple of night's a week and usually sort my own food, but Jesus. It's not really on. Since he turned 50 a few years ago he seems to have completely given up caring what anybody thinks about him, but there's pushing the boundaries and then there's things like that.

[Magic]

50-odd and a full set of falsers? That's some going.

[Toby]

It's not a full set, just the top front lot. Although he's had them for years. Maybe he's always been a grice and I've only started to noticed now.

[Magic]

He sounds like a horrible cunt.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

50-odd and a full set of falsers? That's some going.

He took too long to buy an oralbrush.

[Magic]

You know you're all over that shit, you utterly disgusting human being.

[Giggles]

You know you're all over that shit, you utterly disgusting human being.

You're particularly chipper this evening.

[Spoonsky]

He sounds like a horrible cunt.

As though you won't be exactly the same when your fifty (which means that Toby = your daughter).

[Lewis]

My old man seems to be on a mission to introduce as many disgusting habits as he can recently, I think at least partly to wind people up. The sound of him eating is sickening enough, but his latest is taking his false teeth put after a meal and licking them clean. May have to look into having him put down.

Fight to the death with Hammers' old man.

[Magic]

As though you won't be exactly the same when your fifty (which means that Toby = your daughter).

What licking the plaque from my false teeth?

[igor_balis]

My inability to work out if I wanna stay in Edinburgh and make it work or sack it off and move back to the Midlands is really fucking me off at the moment. Edinburgh is cooler and there's more stuff to do and more opportunities to meet new people (especially in a romantic sense), but all my mates are at home and they're all sound and fun and I'm mostly bored and lonely in Edinburgh, and don't fully see the point of building a new life for myself here when it wasn't that bad back in R-Town. Fuck knows.

[Magic]

Is it just for work? Aren't there any weird fetish clubs in Gorgie? Like Tynecastle? :harold:

[igor_balis]

Work is related but in a different way. Currently work from home so I can live in rugby or edinburgh, but the pay is so shit I probably need to quit and find a better paid office job. Was assuming I was gonna do that in Rugby until I got phoned by a recruitment agency about an actually decent job in Edinburgh a few days ago. I'm back in Scotland to talk to the recruiter about it and potentially go for an interview but I'm still not convinced.

No fetish clubs, everything around here is either a shit takeaway or a rubbish subcontinental grocers that sells nowt but rotting onions and frozen parathas.

[Boydy]

Why did you move to Edinburgh in the first place?

[Magic]

I know. It really is awful. :D

There are other places in Edinburgh, you know.

[Giggles]

Why did you move to Edinburgh in the first place?

People always feel they have to move to big cities because they might be missing something and society tells them that it's the thing to do.

[Boydy]

That wasn't what I meant.

Presumably he moved for a job or because he knew some people there or something. It seems a bit random to just pick a city and move there with no reason or connection for the move.

[Boydy]

Also, cities are far more interesting places to be when you're young.

[igor_balis]

Because I was going stir crazy living in Rugby. I basically had about 3 mates and we went to the pub every weekend and saw the same middle aged blokes, never met anyone new, never any chance to meet women, it was bollocks basically. I'd visited Edinburgh a couple of times in the past and fucking loved it, and my oldest friend had a room going in his flat at a really cheap price, and I had a job I could do anywhere. Seemed like a no brainer at the time.

Since then Rugby has incomprehensibly gotten quite good, and the reality of working from home and living in a grotty little flat on the Gorgie Road isn't quite what I hoped it would be. Obviously hard to meet people when I work from home as well.

[Magic]

Grass is greener etc. Get the fuck out of Gorgie if you can afford it.

[Giggles]

Also, cities are far more interesting places to be when you're young.

They are if you like living in a shoe box and having everywhere you want to go to be overcrowded.

[Boydy]

How has Rugby changed since you left? Won't you probably just fall into the same routine when/if you move back?

[Boydy]

They are if you like living in a shoe box and having everywhere you want to go to be overcrowded.

The first you can put up with when you're young and don't have any responsibilities, the second is an advantage when you want to meet new people, particularly ones with similar interests since there's a far more diverse range of things going on in cities.

[Toby]

Gorgie is fine. It's not like you're far from the rest of the city, and it has good supermarkets far more handily than elsewhere. Can't wish for a whole lot more at cheapish prices, it's not like the average young adult is going to get a place in Stockbridge.

[igor_balis]

Grass is greener etc. Get the fuck out of Gorgie if you can afford it.

I can't with the current job, but then I can barely afford to live anywhere but in my mum's house paying negligible rent with that. If I get that job the recruiters are offering me I could get a room in a nice flat in Morningside or something. The job is a 6 month contract initially, so part of me reckons I should just go for it and see how it goes. My mates in Rugby will still be there then if I'm still not happy.

You're probably right, Gorgie is pretty grim, and it's probably been having more of an impact on how I've been feeling about Edinburgh than I realised.

[Giggles]

Is Gorgie a place or short for/nickname for somewhere?

[Raoul Duke]

If you can work from "anywhere" why not just do one to Thailand/Costa Rica/Bucharest or something and live like a king?

[Toby]

Is Gorgie a place or short for/nickname for somewhere?

It's an area in Edinburgh, out to the east of the city centre.

[Magic]

Edinburgh is disgustingly expensive so if you're not highly qualified or on that particular path it's going to suck.

[simon]

If you can work from "anywhere" why not just do one to Thailand/Costa Rica/Bucharest or something and live like a king?

This.

[Toby]

It's really not that bad.

Although I was onto a great thing with my last flat and should never have more out. Two seventy a month for a great place just off the Royal Mile. Flats like that probably don't appear very often.

[Raoul Duke]

£270 a month :stamford:

[igor_balis]

How has Rugby changed since you left? Won't you probably just fall into the same routine when/if you move back?
Our gang of friends has grown fucking exponentially (because I left ha ha), so there's always people about wanting to do stuff. Seems to be far more people in their late teens and early 20s just about in general too. Totally unfounded speculation but maybe a few more of the interesting smart kids are sticking around for a bit rather than going straight to uni cus of the fee increases.

But yeah, you're probably right. There's still a glass ceiling in terms of how much I can get out of Rugby, and it still seems pretty useless in terms of meeting women. I can't keep living at home with this shit job indefinitely, because neither me nor my mum are particularly delighted with that arrangement. Basically I want to get this job the recruitment agency told me about, get a nice flat in a good bit of Edinburgh but bring all my mates from Rugby with me as well.

[The Merse]

Our gang of friends has grown fucking exponentially (because I left ha ha), so there's always people about wanting to do stuff. Seems to be far more people in their late teens and early 20s just about in general too. Totally unfounded speculation but maybe a few more of the interesting smart kids are sticking around for a bit rather than going straight to uni cus of the fee increases.

But yeah, you're probably right. There's still a glass ceiling in terms of how much I can get out of Rugby, and it still seems pretty useless in terms of meeting women. I can't keep living at home with this shit job indefinitely, because neither me nor my mum are particularly delighted with that arrangement. Basically I want to get this job the recruitment agency told me about, get a nice flat in a good bit of Edinburgh but bring all my mates from Rugby with me as well.

Gorgie is shite, but Edinburgh in general has a hell of a lot more going for it than Rugby for fuck's sake... That being said, I'd be lying if in the first few months of being in Bristol I didn't think of going back to Swansea due to my mates there.

[Toby]

Gorgie isn't shite you cunts.

[igor_balis]

Gorgie isn't shite you cunts.
Well, it isn't horrendous, but I am pretty deep into it. I'd probably be fine with it if I was the other side of Sainsbury's.

[Toby]

How close are you to the McDonalds? I'd lol if you were in the same block as my sister's flat.

I don't really see the issue. It's well serviced enough by buses - and close enough to walk if you get really desperate - that it really doesn't limit how much you can do in the proper heart of Edinburgh. I guess I just don't care that much about the direct neighbourhood I live in. I did live in Dennistoun for most of my time in Glasgow and not really understand the dim view people had of it either.

[The Merse]

Gorgie isn't shite you cunts.

In the context of that city, it is.

[Toby]

You're just a snob. I'd happily move back there were I to return to Edinburgh.

[igor_balis]

How close are you to the McDonalds? I'd lol if you were in the same block as my sister's flat.

I don't really see the issue. It's well serviced enough by buses - and close enough to walk if you get really desperate - that it really doesn't limit how much you can do in the proper heart of Edinburgh. I guess I just don't care that much about the direct neighbourhood I live in. I did live in Dennistoun for most of my time in Glasgow and not really understand the dim view people had of it either.

A bit less than half a mile away.

I do see your point Tobez - I get why you and others wouldn't give a shit about the direct surroundings of their house, but I guess I do. It is fine for when you wanna get a bus into town to actually do stuff, but I like to be able to walk out of my house and amble up the road in pleasant surroundings when I want to go for a pint or get some milk or whatever. Especially being in Edinburgh, where part of the reason I fell in love with the city in the first place was the pretty buildings and shit. Seems a bit pointless being in this part of town.

[Giggles]

Edinburgh is a kip, so if this is a bad end of it then it must be woeful.

[Toby]

:D

Of course you wouldn't like Edinburgh.

[Giggles]

:D

Of course you wouldn't like Edinburgh.

Explain. There has to be a point to that remark.

[Toby]

It hits the Giggles-hatred point of being almost universally well liked but also being a bit poncey/pretentious in parts.

[Giggles]

It hits the Giggles-hatred point of being almost universally well liked but also being a bit poncey/pretentious in parts.

Universally well liked? I've never heard anyone say anything much in that regard about it before. And most big cities are becoming increasingly poncey and pretentious these days, it's unavoidable but not something to hold against one place.

[The Merse]

You're just a snob. I'd happily move back there were I to return to Edinburgh.

I wouldn't say so. I've lived in some shiteholes like Sketty and St Thomas in Swansea and Cosely in Wolverhampton, the Sliding City in Dudley... All fine working class shitholes, but they didn't sit within the context of a city that has Leith, Tolcross, Stockbridge, New Town etc.

I'm also naturally biased due to my utter distaste for Hearts, I must admit. The maroon pubs put me right off... A colleague of mine who lived (think she's still there) liked it, due to the distance to the city centre, I just felt like it stuck out as a hole for such an attractive city otherwise (that's not Wester Hails, Sighthill, Craigmillar which are a lot less central though undoubtedly the objectively shit places to be - Gorgie being the next neighbourhood beyong the West End paints it in a poor light).

[Boydy]

Is Leith nice then? I always assumed it was a shithole because of Trainspotting.

[The Merse]

The waterfront is particularly 'nice' - like most in the UK (Birmingham and Manchester Canals, Glasgow, Liverpool and Bristol Harbours, etc), the rejuvenation of the place has led to a lot of yuppy shite, but the Water of Leith is genuinely lovely and there's a deep rooted independent seem down there. Recent trips down there have been to nice bars and eateries, whilst my earliest memories are from 2003 staying with a mate from Leith when it wasn't quite as affluent but was still decent enough.

[igor_balis]

Yeah it is lovely by the waterfront. Had some great monk fish at a restaurant near there.

[The Merse]

Bloody expensive, mind. To be fair, thinking on it, there's a fair chance I'd do Gorgie where I living up there too from memory of looking at prices when I was working up there and the ex talked of moving up and us making a go of it in Edinburgh... It's about the most affordable that close to Haymarket and the rest of the city. Seem to remember Marchmont being half decent value too.

[igor_balis]

Guess it depends what you'd want, but when I was tentatively looking for places I found plenty of decent rooms going in areas I'd consider more convenient/nice than Gorgie for like £300-400 PCMish. Plenty of decent one bed flats for £550ish as well. Maybe not by the waterfront though.

[The Merse]

Yeah, Edinburgh in general was good when compared to where she lived at the time in Cheltenham, which was hideous (at least for where we wanted to be in Montpellier) and Bristol where we ended up, which is a ludicrous place for property really.

Remains (along with Glasgow) one of the few other places that I'd consider moving to.

[Magic]

Leith is glorious.

[Toby]

Fuck staying in a one bed flat on your own.

[Giggles]

Is that a 'you have to share for world experience' thing?

[Toby]

Not remotely, just that living alone is boring, especially if you're relatively new in the area.

[Giggles]

Not remotely, just that living alone is boring, especially if you're relatively new in the area.

If you're in a city you can get your fill of people when you're out though if that's your thing. It's nice to come home to your own space and your own things at the end of a day.

[Toby]

Sure, if it's your thing. Igor doesn't sound very happy though.

[Giggles]

He wouldn't be too happy to arrive home and find some cunt had been in his milk either.

[Magic]

With Giggles on this one RE staying on your own.

[Toby]

He's just across the road from Aldi so he'd soon sort it. He doesn't seem like he'd be a Milk Nazi.

[Giggles]

He's just across the road from Aldi so he'd soon sort it. He doesn't seem like he'd be a Milk Nazi.

Not a milk nazi, a boundaries and not wanting cunts pulling the piss 'nazi'. Why should anyone spend their money on chancers?

But seriously, big lol at your solution to that being to traipse out and buy more.

[Toby]

I've never really had a problem with it in flats I've stayed in, with the exception of one lad in uni halls. Obviously there was less choice there, whereas as an adult you meet people before deciding whether to share and in every case I've seen generally share basic stuff like milk and toilet roll.

People who want to live alone but stay with others to save money are cunts, and they're the only sort who get pissy about milk and things.

[Boydy]

Living alone would be shit unless you've already got a wide group of established friends you can call on when you want to go do shit which Igor doesn't seem to have in Edinburgh right now.

[igor_balis]

I'd rather share with people than live alone, unless the people are completely impossible to live with. I've only really experienced the latter in this place - I thought I was untidy until I moved here. The fact you'd have to pay almost twice as much for a crap one bed flat as you would for a room in a nice three bed flat is a factor as well.

But yeah, Toby is right, I'm not particularly arsed about people using milk and stuff. I'm quite easy going as a flatmate. Aldi is a fair old walk though.

[Kikó]

People drinking monster at 7:50 in the morning. What the fuck is wrong with you.

[Giggles]

Probably need a caffeine boost and don't like coffee.

[Raoul Duke]

Yeah, that is pretty obscene.

In a similar vein: people eating sandwiches for breakfast. Come on people, that's lunchtime food.

[Boydy]

What if there's bacon or sausages in the sandwiches?

[Giggles]

What if there's bacon or sausages in the sandwiches?

Fuck you Boydy. Off to the shop!

[Smiffy]

Bang it in the toastie maker and jobs a good 'un.

[wullie]

Sandwiches are an all day food. Cereal past midday though, can't be doing with that.

[Giggles]

Sandwiches are an all day food. Cereal past midday though, can't be doing with that.

Late night Nesquick :thbup:

[Kikó]

I liked my friends story of some larger lass at his work who fills up her bowl with milk first then adds the coco pops. Then continues to fill the bowl with coco pops until the milk has gone and ends up spending 30 minutes scoffing herself.

[igor_balis]

I had to stop buying cereal because it is the one foodstuff that I can't eat in moderation. Last time I had a box of country crisp I finished it in two fucking sittings.

[John]

There was a twonk on Pointless last night who declared himself 'a huge fan of breakfast' and said he'd spend his part of the three grand on a really nice toaster. I've never been so happy to see someone pull out a one point answer.

[Boydy]

'Most every', 'most any', etc. Fuck off. It's almost every or almost any.

Bloody Americans. And also Australians, I think. Stop it.

[Disco]

That went good.

Uugh.

[randomlegend]

"Could care less" has me seething. "Fuck sake" as well.

[Disco]

Really unique.

Fuck off, there are no gradations of uniqueness.

[John]

'Could care less' is the worst one, because the only thing it actually rules out is the exact thing the speaker means.

[John]

The advert currently all over Scottish TV telling people everyone wants to fuck their children is doing my head in. Why must we take such an utterly mental approach to warning people about sex crimes? That 'Rape. Not even once.' campaign we had a few years ago with a woman just explicitly asking not to be raped was bad enough, but this new thing is orders of magnitude worse.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdTjumU6dHg

What the fuck are you playing at, you twats?

[Toby]

That 'Rape. Not even once.' campaign we had a few years ago with a woman just explicitly asking not to be raped was bad enough


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h95-IL3C-Z8

I don't think that one's that bad. Sadly it's a message that actually needs communicating, as this board alone is proof.

[Lewis]

'Not ever?'
'No never.'
'Not ever?'
'Well, hardly ever.'

[John]

That's the chap. It's horrid.

The only advert I can think of that's in poorer taste was that mental Crunchy Nut Cornflakes one set during the French Revolution, where two twats are found hiding because the wacky one just can't stop himself eating that cereal. It ends with a silhouette of a guillotine dropping, just to really give you an appetite for cereal.

[Toby]

For the opening seconds of that video I was sure that was a pre-BBC Limmy.

[John]

I recognise the girl from somewhere but I can't work out where. Now that I've seen the video again I remember thinking the same when I first saw it, so it isn't that she's gone on to be in things after doing shite adverts early on.

[Kikó]

This knob is on the bus again with his monster. Early death.

[mugbull]

Monsters are insanely good. Effective pre-workout.

[Davgooner]

*Chugs a bit more Relentless*

[Samadini]

This knob is on the bus again with his monster. Early death.

http://i.imgur.com/bHEaMiz.jpg

[igor_balis]

This knob is on the bus again with his monster. Early death.

I'm always grossed out by seeing people chug energy drinks, but I'm not even sure it is a righteous health thing but rather a deep seated snobbery thing. Like, the assumptions I'd make and the picture of the person I'd create in my head is probably more negative than if I saw them smoking a crack pipe. Before anyone says I'm a cunt or a weirdo, I'll assure you that I know that already.

[phonics]

I always have a Red Bull or some form of energy drink in the morning. Some people don't like coffee.

edit: Wouldn't drink a whole can of Monster first thing though, that's too much Taurine if you're having two a day.

[igor_balis]

I always have a Red Bull or some form of energy drink in the morning. Some people don't like coffee.

fuck off with your logic and let me make groundless assumptions with impunity

[SvN]

I used to get a cheap energy drink for 35p on the way to work every day. I'm not sure if it actually made a difference or not, but I did feel more alert for those first few hours.

Nowadays I stay in bed til about 10am and just keep an eye on my emails using my phone.

[Disco]

Nowadays I stay in bed til about 10am and just keep an eye on my emails using my phone.

Just die now you bastard.

[randomlegend]

I've had Monster once and it's undrinkably sweet - Tobes might like it I guess. When I had chronic fatigue I went through a phase of drinking Relentless but not any more. I'll have the odd red bull - the blue and red ones are nice.

[Yevrah]

People drinking monster at 7:50 in the morning. What the fuck is wrong with you.

They've basically failed at life.

If you need a crux, get a proper one like smoking or drinking, or prescription drug abuse, not a bloody glorified energy drink.

It stinks as well.

[Giggles]

I know a fella that used to drink 6-10 cans of relentless a day. I never seen him as excited as the day he found 2l cans.

[leedsrevolution]

They've basically failed at life.

If you need a crux, get a proper one like smoking or drinking, or prescription drug abuse, not a bloody glorified energy drink.

It stinks as well.

How about all of them? Erm...

[randomlegend]

On prescription drug abuse, I can see how people get addicted to codeine. I had it for a couple of weeks after my appendicectomy and you just don't give a shit, it's lovely. Was a bit sad to see the last one go.

I reckon I'm probably pretty susceptible to addiction, but it's not something I intend to put to the test.


I know a fella that used to drink 6-10 cans of relentless a day.

I'm surprised his heart didn't explode :D

[Disco]

I've never tried it but the one time I was in the same room as an open can it made the entire place smell awful.

[Toby]

I've had Monster once and it's undrinkably sweet - Tobes might like it I guess.

Scotch pancakes = thicker and with added sugar
Scotch energy drinks = Buckfast

[Yevrah]

How about all of them? Erm...

Oh they're all bad for you, but at least they're things that will kill you having had some fun first. Drinking Monster is just foul.

[Giggles]

On prescription drug abuse, I can see how people get addicted to codeine. I had it for a couple of weeks after my appendicectomy and you just don't give a shit, it's lovely. Was a bit sad to see the last one go.

I reckon I'm probably pretty susceptible to addiction, but it's not something I intend to put to the test.



I'm surprised his heart didn't explode :D

As we speak he's recovering from a double bypass in December. Still in his 40's.

Though takeaways and fags were probably more the cause.

[randomlegend]

How is smoking more fun than drinking energy drinks?

[Jimmy Floyd]

On prescription drug abuse, I can see how people get addicted to codeine. I had it for a couple of weeks after my appendicectomy and you just don't give a shit, it's lovely. Was a bit sad to see the last one go.

I read that as 'cocaine' and spent a good minute wondering what the possible medicinal use might be.

[randomlegend]

Cocaine eye drops are about the only thing I can think of. They use them to dilate your pupil in certain circumstances.

Makes sense that they'd work where you needed to constrict blood vessels (nose bleeds or something) but I've never heard of them used in that context. Maybe just better alternatives.

As if any of you are interested in that :D

[Samadini]

Shitty printer is not letting me print a document in black because my colour cartridge is empty. Black ink levels are solid and I've changed all the necessary settings for a non-colour print.

Fuck off printers. You are shit.

[randomlegend]

Printers and networking are two computery things capable of providing literally endless frustration. There is no rhyme nor reason to their behaviour, they just do whatever the fuck they want.

[niko_cee]

I've put some 3rd party ink into my networked printer and to spite me it is making me reinstall it every time I go to use it.

[Kikó]

As part of some twatty energy saving printer initiative, our printer defaults to print on both sides which is fucking annoying when you're trying to print single sided. Not only that, when you're trying to print in colour or a3 you are either denied and it prints on 500 pages in a4 with a dot of ink on each or you end up forgetting one of the 89 settings to change and it prints in black and white.

[Smiffy]

.....

[SvN]

It's amazing to me that the vast majority of printers are as shit today as they were 20 years ago.