The little things in life that fuck you off

[Shindig]

Word. Although I dunno how my dad did all those years operating bandsaws without losing thumbs or worse.

[Lofty]

My dad's mate had some dodgy sideline bringing fairly standard fare from Cumbria down to London in a van and selling it for a high mark up as 'fresh Cumbrian meat' for a while, made a fortune.

[niko_cee]

You sure he wasn't a gigolo?

[Lewis]

My dad's mate had some dodgy sideline bringing fairly standard fare from Cumbria down to London in a van and selling it for a high mark up as 'fresh Cumbrian meat' for a while, made a fortune.

Beano lad do you know anyone who isn't a lowlife?

[Pepe]

:lol:

[Lofty]

That's nothing I know a lad who's fetish is being abused by text and called a bitch, threatened, insulted and bullied into buying other lads trainers. As in it culminates in him delivering new trainers to the texter's house, ringing the doorbell and running off. Presumably he wanks himself silly when the trainers are collected.

In short, no.

[igor_balis]

Hahahha fucking hell

[Ian]

How the fuck do you even figure out if that's your fetish?

[Spikey M]

I could do with a new pair of Vans. I was going to get some on Saturday, but if he wants to drop some round I'll be happy to call him a maggot and spit in his hair or what evs.

[Lofty]

I just asked about him in a group chat and after initial static one lad said he had 3 pairs of new trainers off him this year, the other lad who pretended to not know what I was on about then admitted recently when he couldnt get a taxi he got a lift off this guy but the price was standing on his back in his bare feet. When he sensed initial reluctance he offered to accept him standing on his hands instead as the fare :D

[Spikey M]

If he doesn't end up a victim of Modern Slavery it'll be a miracle (and probably a shame because it sounds like he'd enjoy it).

[Baz]

Paid a man to mount my new TV on the wall this morning and he’s done a shite job. Literally the only positive I can say is at least he didn’t break my telly.

Went to a wedding yesterday with a load of people I hate and couldn’t even drink cos I was driving. Got to about 9pm and I couldn’t be arsed pretending and just went and sat on my own and looked at my phone for half an hour and then left.

Works so goddamn busy right now but rather than being motivated to smash it, my drive is at zero.

Consider me overwhelmed, fed up and pissed off.

The TV is so disappointing. :mad:

[SvN]

What sort of manlet needs to bring in another man to mount a TV?

[Spikey M]

The geezer he hired, apparently. :baz:

[Baz]

What sort of manlet needs to bring in another man to mount a TV?He was booked to come and chase all the wires in the wall and replaster it.

He was just a waste of time.

[phonics]

Why are club sandwiches always bad. It’s a toasted sandwich with bacon and chicken in it and they somehow fuck it up.

[Shindig]

On a similar note, Curry Pot Noodles now have no heat to them. I'm not happy.

[Ian]

There was a place near the office for my last job which did brilliant club sandwiches, including specials which were hit or miss but they did some bangers.

Also made one myself recently. Worth the minor faff. :nodd:

[Giggles]

I didn’t realise they were a thing.

[Ian]

What, you'd never seen or heard of a club sandwich??

[Giggles]

I thought it was the way it’s cut into 4 triangles that made it one.

[Disco]

I couldn't have told you what a club sandwich was but I am of course aware of chicken and bacon as well as the concept of triangles.

[Ian]

I think of it as being the double layer that's the thing, and while it seems that's a more modern invention I'd wager that's what most people (here, at least) would think of. And am genuinely surprised that it's not just a thing everyone's aware of.

[Offshore Toon]

I can't remember having a bad club sandwich.

[Giggles]

WhatsApp better be fucking back by morning.

[SincereTheRebel]

On a similar note, Curry Pot Noodles now have no heat to them. I'm not happy.

I stopped eating pot noodles at 16.

[Dquincy]

WhatsApp better be fucking back by morning.

Why? Who are you missing?

[Don]

Noodle mix (96%): Dried noodles (69%) [WHEAT flour (contains calcium carbonate, iron, niacin, thiamin), palm oil, salt, firming agents (potassium carbonate, sodium carbonates)], maltodextrin, WHEAT flour, sweetcorn, potassium chloride, flavour enhancers (monosodium glutamate, disodium inosinate, disodium guanylate), flavourings (contain MILK), sugar, skimmed MILK powder, palm fat, salt, onion powder?, yeast powder (contains WHEAT, BARLEY), mushrooms (0.4%), herbs (chives, sage), potato starch, mushroom juice concentrate, acid (citric acid). Sauce sachet (4%): Soy sauce [water, soy sauce (SOYBEANS, WHEAT), salt, molasses, sugar, acid (acetic acid)].

Brutal.

[Shindig]

Yep. I can't say I enjoy them. I just need something at that exact point in time.

[Dquincy]

It has mushrooms in it. One of your 5 a day. Tick.

[Shindig]

And the worst peas money can buy.

[randomlegend]

MSG :drool:

[Don]

Fry an egg and stick it on some cous cous with tabasco if you need something in under 5 mins and save getting Chinese Restaurant Syndrome/Yellow Fever.

[Boydy]

Bombay Badboys are great.

[Pepe]

Browsing the internet at work. The amount of ads is incredible. I can't imagine that there are people that do this all the time.

[Giggles]

Between ads and cookie notifications it’s gone to fuck.

[Pepe]

Yeah those fucking cookies are killing me. Can't wait for an addon that can bypass that BS.

[Lewis]

YouTube seems to have drastically increased its adverts recently.

[Yevrah]

I've been paying to get rid of them on Youtube for a couple of months now and it's worth every penny of the £11.99 they charge.

[Disco]

Do people not just use adblock?

[Pepe]

I do, but not on my work computer. It was Youtube that reminded me of this. No, I am not going to skip three videos before watching what I came to watch. I will just close the window instead.

[Giggles]

I don’t think safari has an ad blocker and I pay for the ad free YouTube anyway.

[Yevrah]

Do people not just use adblock?

I've got Youtube set up on various TV's and consoles in the house and while I understand there is a way to restrict adds on those platforms too, I can't be arsed with the fucking about. Plus, I watch it loads so doesn't seem too unfair I pay for it.

[Don]

What the fuck are you watching on youtube for £11.99 a month to be value?

[Pepe]

Haul try ons.

[Yevrah]

What the fuck are you watching on youtube for £11.99 a month to be value?

Loads of stuff. There's some quality content on there if you stumble upon it and no, I'm not talking about conspiracy wank.

[Giggles]

I watch more YouTube than anything else.

[Yevrah]

Have we got a thread for the best Youtube channels?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I watch loads of Youtube these days and the amount of ads is mental now.

There's always two (sometimes you can't skip the first) and they seem to be every 5-10 minutes.

[Yevrah]

Indeed, it's proper brain damage inducing stuff.

[Giggles]

Have we got a thread for the best Youtube channels?

We will have once you make it.

[Luca]

Fuck sake, imagine paying 12 quid a month for free content when AdBlockers exist across platforms and require about 15 seconds of setup. :D

[Baz]

You can get YouTube premium for a pittance with some VPN foolery.

https://www.reddit.com/r/nordvpn/comments/nu4st9/youtube_premium_subscription_for_way_cheaper/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

My TV doesn’t have “ad block” so this is better.

[John Arne]

Anybody with an android should be using Vanced... a Youtube app providing ad-free, minimising, window-in-window, continue playing when turned off.... all that jazz.

[Offshore Toon]

Anybody with an android should be using Vanced... a Youtube app providing ad-free, minimising, window-in-window, continue playing when turned off.... all that jazz.
Legend. Had no idea this existed.

I tried signing up to YouTube premium so I could listen to sets in the gym but they don't offer it in Jersey for some reason.

[Giggles]

I’d rather pay for the proper subscription and app, get YouTube music and some other stuff with it too. Can’t be arsed with slowing down my connection with a vpn either.

[Baz]

I’d rather pay for the proper subscription and app, get YouTube music and some other stuff with it too. Can’t be arsed with slowing down my connection with a vpn either.

You only use the VPN to pay for it. After that you’re good to use it normally.

[Lofty]

My mrs has been offered some £500+ Kitchenaid coffee machine by the lad she works with, basically it was bought by someone else they work with who was then gifted the same one for their wedding and is rich enough they sold him it for £100. The lad offering it has decided he doesn't use it enough so asked her if we want it. We offered him what he paid for it but he says he doesn't want anything for it so the mrs is getting worried about taking it (because the original seller might find out, as if that matters) :moop:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You can get YouTube premium for a pittance with some VPN foolery.

https://www.reddit.com/r/nordvpn/comments/nu4st9/youtube_premium_subscription_for_way_cheaper/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

My TV doesn’t have “ad block” so this is better.

Just tried this (Argentina didn't work for me) and it's working. £1.26 as an Indian.

[Luca]

My mrs has been offered some £500+ Kitchenaid coffee machine by the lad she works with, basically it was bought by someone else they work with who was then gifted the same one for their wedding and is rich enough they sold him it for £100. The lad offering it has decided he doesn't use it enough so asked her if we want it. We offered him what he paid for it but he says he doesn't want anything for it so the mrs is getting worried about taking it (because the original seller might find out, as if that matters) :moop:

He’s hoping she’ll make him coffee from it in the morning someday soon.

[Lofty]

:D

Nah it really isn't like that, he is just a bit daft like that. He's a young lad into young blonde dolly birds and cocaine, he has realised he only needs instant coffee in his life.

[Lofty]

Royal Mail. Tracked 48 may aswell be 3rd class.

[Shindig]

Some twat's going round the area trying to get people to switch energy suppliers. His sales patter looked suspect which makes me think he was working for one of the ones five seconds from death or he's on a con. Proper cunty. "Who's your supplier? They're about to go bust and I wouldn't call them large. Their price is going up."

His opener was, "There's been a lot of complaints from your neighbours." :D

[Baz]

So who did he sign you up with?

[Shindig]

I was already with SSE. Fuck switching in this climate.

[Lofty]

My mrs has been offered some £500+ Kitchenaid coffee machine by the lad she works with, basically it was bought by someone else they work with who was then gifted the same one for their wedding and is rich enough they sold him it for £100. The lad offering it has decided he doesn't use it enough so asked her if we want it. We offered him what he paid for it but he says he doesn't want anything for it so the mrs is getting worried about taking it (because the original seller might find out, as if that matters) :moop:

Lad in question has been having it away with the girl who lives in the flat opposite his and last night her ex keyed his car and slashed all the tyres. He went back to sort the keys for the insurance company at lunch time but the ex came out taunting him and now he's battered the lad and gone radio silent. So the coffee machine probably been nobbled now.

[Spikey M]

:lol:

[igor_balis]

Irresponsible cat owners calling their morbidly obese cats hecking chonkers, not a fan. Doggos and puppers was bad enough.

[mo]

One of my heckin chonkers brought in a mouse's head today. Just the head. No sign of the body, yet.

[igor_balis]

Fat cunt ate it

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Don't fat shame his cat you cunt.

[Baz]

There’s 100% a mouse living in my house.

Wish my hecking chonker would eat it.

[Giggles]

There’s 100% a mouse living in my house.

Wish my hecking chonker would eat it.

I caught one this evening. Or rather the trap I set did. Big enough fucker too.

[Lofty]

My cat is a wanker as he is mega fluffy making him appear a hecking chonker when he actually isn't.

[Manc]

Fireworks.

[mo]

Agreed. Fireworks are fucking shit and annoying.

[Shindig]

BBC's new logo looks a bit second-rate.

[Panda Bear]

why can't I edit posts on mobile

[Giggles]

You can.

[Panda Bear]

You can.I see that now with the little pencil icon, but I swear on the life of mo's children that it wasn't appearing.

[Giggles]

All4 is such turd.

[Boydy]

Is it half term? The little shits in my street are making tons of noise. :moop:

[Spikey M]

Alright Karen.

[Boydy]

It's just constant drumming and football chants. Like if they're just playing football, fine, there might be a little noise but they don't need to create a fucking stadium atmosphere too.

[Spikey M]

Having fun during half term? Kids have no respect these days. Bring back National Service. Etc.

[Boydy]

Exactly. Thank you for understanding.

[Manc]

Lob a Molotov at them.

[Offshore Toon]

Lob bread at them.

[igor_balis]

Lob bread at them.

:D

[igor_balis]

Christmas markets are proper crap aren't they? My colleague and his missus (who has major issues getting leave approved when she wants it) are trying to coordinate taking days off work just to go to the one in Birmingham. Lunatics.

[Spikey M]

We usually go to a couple. They're alright. The kids get to eat sugary shit and touch expensive breakables and I get over priced German beer and a hotdog. 6/10.

[igor_balis]

We usually go to a couple. They're alright. The kids get to eat sugary shit and touch expensive breakables and I get over priced German beer and a hotdog. 6/10.

You actively choose to go to more than one each year? You're fucked in the head.

[Kikó]

The UK version of the Christmas markets is just overpriced and overcrowded shit unfortunately.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've never been to one.

[Shindig]

Living in a market town kind of kills the novelty off.

[phonics]

The one in Swansea used to be the one time of year you could get the ultimate food stuff. The ostrich burger. So I like them.

[mo]

The Bath one is full of overpriced tat (as I’m sure they all are), hotdog is literally the best bit. Went on a school trip to one in Aachen a few years ago though which was cool. I think it’s the English touch that ruins them.

[Spikey M]

You actively choose to go to more than one each year? You're fucked in the head.

Meh. They're fine if you like "being Christmassy" and "getting in the spirit", which my wife does and my kids enjoy it. Easy win.

You probably wouldn't see me strutting round one on my own, but they're fine.

Anyway, I'll have to check with Ian , but not liking them to this degree seems performative?

[Lewis]

'Haha don't get igor started on christmas markets!'
*has a tightly-rehearsed five minute 'rant' ready to go*
*does it loudly in the pub so the normies on the next table can hear*

[Lewis]

A stranger once said he 'sounded like David Mitchell'. He pretended to be appalled but was secretly delighted.

[Giggles]

The wife and her friends go to one somewhere foreign every year which saves me from them.

[Shindig]

Maltesers adverts. "Oh, girls. Chocolate is so naughty, isn't it? Tee hee."

[igor_balis]

Meh. They're fine if you like "being Christmassy" and "getting in the spirit", which my wife does and my kids enjoy it. Easy win.

You probably wouldn't see me strutting round one on my own, but they're fine.

Anyway, I'll have to check with Ian , but not liking them to this degree seems performative?I think your defense of them is reasonable. I don't even particularly mind the constituent parts (beer and sausages are good and I am a big fan of Christmas), but the queues and the prices and just the general vibe isn't to my taste. I'd rather be drinking a mulled wine by an open fire in a pub, but I guess that's not really an option with kids.

I might have been a bit extreme in my VITRIOL, but i can't quite get my head around going more than once a year, I'd be equally perplexed if you were going to two, er, I dunno...those things where you get pumpkins or whatever the fuck it is.

I think part of the problem is my mum is the absolute worst person in the world for just not doing...stuff? Like I don't think she ever once took me to a fun fair or an adventure park or whatever when I was a kid. I don't think I've ever even been bowling with her, and I think maybe about twice to the cinema. She's the kind of person who'd be like 'why!? no' if you were at the seaside and suggested going in the arcade. I've definitely inherited a bit of that, though I try to fight against it. Christmas markets I'll allow myself, though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

These people have kids, igor. They're not free to waltz around the landscape like you and I. They have to go to things that will just get them through to tomorrow.

[Don]

Big kudos to Igor's mum, that's some proper parenting, don't fucking sleep on it.

The markets must be tempting even Giggles to back Sharia law. Winter Wonderland in London must be one of the top 3 grimmest places in the modern world.

[Bam]

Winter Wonderland in London must be one of the top 3 grimmest places in the modern world.

Fuck off back to your dirty shit hole then.

[Kikó]

Milton Keynes isn't that bad.

[Don]

Calm the fuck down, you prick, those no-go zones for non-muslims like Birmingham and shit are also in the top 3. Shopping centres round off the list.

[Baz]

Igor’s mum sounds right up my street.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'd have never had Bam down as a Winter Wonderland wanker.

[Lofty]

My employer actively encourages people to volunteer to assist travellers during the Christmas Market weekend periods, possibly the only thing worse than attending one?

[Spikey M]

Dark at 5pm for the first time today. That's it until fucking February now.

[Manc]

Beats being dark at 7am.

[Spikey M]

Won't be long until we get to enjoy both.

[Boydy]

Beats being dark at 7am.
No it fucking isn't. Especially not when I don't have to get up till quarter to nine these days.

[Manc]

Shut the fuck up you lazy cunt.

[igor_balis]

:D

[Giggles]

We shouldn’t have been changing at all this past weekend. Useless EU cunts.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Peter Hitchens thinking that BST is a bourgeois connivance is one of the greatest opinions going around.

He's sort of right - it will never change, as various agriciulture and industry stuff makes 7am a much more productive time of day for the economy than 6pm, unseen by coffee-drinking wankers in cities. Something you learn in my industry.

[Kikó]

Peter Hitchins is dangerously thick as he thinks he's actually intelligent.

[Lewis]

Peter Hitchens is right about - as he calls it - 'lying about the time'.

[Dquincy]

Dogs. They're the worst. (Apart from guide dogs and the companionship ones)

[Spikey M]

Ban the cunt.

[Manc]

What's the Mrs done this time?

[Dquincy]

:D

Arguments against:

They smell
They bark
They're noisy
They're dangerous
They bark
They smell
They carry fleas
They jump up at my testicle
They cost money
They cannot talk
They bark

NB: I've got two testicles.

[Spikey M]

What's the Mrs done this time?

Dunno but atleast her Guidedog is behaving.

[Spikey M]

:D

Arguments against:

They smell
They bark
They're noisy
They're dangerous
They bark
They smell
They carry fleas
They jump up at my testicle
They cost money
They cannot talk
They bark

NB: I've got two testicles.

All of that is true for people from Kent too.

[Dquincy]

All of that is true for people from Kent too.

Wtf, we are literally neighbours. I can see you across the water.

[Shindig]

:D

Arguments against:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMGx0rWyYCQ

[Ian]

All of that is true for people from Kent too.

All people from Kent have two testicles??

[Giggles]

Outed.

[Shindig]

And dogs are mostly class. You can kind of extend that to most pets, though. Proper pets. Not exotic toss.

[Manc]

Class for kicking the shit out of.

[Spikey M]

All people from Kent have two testicles??

Atleast 2.

[Spikey M]

Wtf, we are literally neighbours. I can see you across the water.

The police have already told you to stop doing that.

[Baz]

Dogs are the worst.

Well played, dquincy.

[randomlegend]

Dogs > Baz, Quincy and Manc.

[Ian]

I like dogs but I've never seen Quincy so I'm not able to commit to that one.

[Manc]

Dogs > Baz, Quincy and Manc.

Let the record show I was simply referring to that time Shindig kicked a dog to death. Many thanks.

[Ian]

:D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dogs are great, but too many people have them. You should have to undergo something akin to a driving test.

[Spikey M]

Indeed.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-59219695

[randomlegend]

I'm always shocked/appalled seeing the amount of people all over the internet who let their dog right near to their baby/small child, often unsupervised (I know that wasn't the situation in that story). It is a completely fucking insane thing to do.

"Oh but they are such a gentle dog they'd never hurt him". They are animals. No matter how much you think you know their personality, there will always be a degree of unpredictability. Why would you risk even the smallest chance of your child getting hurt?

The first dog we ever had was the gentlest creature I have ever come across in my life. Never showed a single iota of aggression towards people or even other animals. We had chickens when I was a kid and they would often be roaming the garden with the dog, he never showed any interest in them for years. One day he just killed one. You just can't know.

Rant over.

[randomlegend]

Let the record show I was simply referring to that time Shindig kicked a dog to death. Many thanks.

Noted and abuse rescinded. I hope we can move past this incident.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Trying to replace a gas lift on my chair is proving to be a lot trickier than YouTube videos make it seem.

The cunt seems to be fused to the chair. I've tried hammering it out as well as using a pipe wrench plus heaps of wd40 but it won't shift.

[Spikey M]

I'm always shocked/appalled seeing the amount of people all over the internet who let their dog right near to their baby/small child, often unsupervised (I know that wasn't the situation in that story). It is a completely fucking insane thing to do.

"Oh but they are such a gentle dog they'd never hurt him". They are animals. No matter how much you think you know their personality, there will always be a degree of unpredictability. Why would you risk even the smallest chance of your child getting hurt?

The first dog we ever had was the gentlest creature I have ever come across in my life. Never showed a single iota of aggression towards people or even other animals. We had chickens when I was a kid and they would often be roaming the garden with the dog, he never showed any interest in them for years. One day he just killed one. You just can't know.

Rant over.

Agreed, and on the flipside of the coin, kids can be little cunts. One of my friends got a hamster for his 3 year old and he loved it. Fed it every day and handled it regularly. Then one day it was in its ball and he just hoofed the thing down the stairs. RIP. I often wonder what type of serial killer he'll end up being.

[Yevrah]

The most horrifying example of that I can recall is the pet monkey/ape one in the US, where the cute fluffy thing took umbrage to the way a friend of the owner handled its favourite toy and decided the best way to register its displeasure was to eat her face.

[Lofty]

The Louis Theroux pets episode is terrifying for that.

[randomlegend]

Agreed, and on the flipside of the coin, kids can be little cunts. One of my friends got a hamster for his 3 year old and he loved it. Fed it every day and handled it regularly. Then one day it was in its ball and he just hoofed the thing down the stairs. RIP. I often wonder what type of serial killer he'll end up being.

The fact kids can be unpredictable little cunts is yet another reason not to leave them unsupervised with animals which could seriously injure them. If that was a Labrador rather than a hamster the kid booted then you could hardly be shocked if it turned around and ripped the kids face off but it wouldn't be much consolation.

[Lewis]

The most horrifying example of that I can recall is the pet monkey/ape one in the US, where the cute fluffy thing took umbrage to the way a friend of the owner handled its favourite toy and decided the best way to register its displeasure was to eat her face.

Wasn't that an adult chimpanzee that some lunatic kept in their house?

[Spikey M]

My wife follows this fella on Instagram and it's hard to see past the inevitable headlines that we're going to get one day.


https://youtu.be/a0PUsvHWPgI

[Lewis]

'Lion Whisperer Steal's Local Pinhead's Wife'

[Spikey M]

:D

[Dquincy]

I like dogs but I've never seen Quincy so I'm not able to commit to that one.
I bloody uploaded a photo on here a month or so ago. No one commented. Was a bit awkward.

[Ian]

I bloody uploaded a photo on here a month or so ago. No one commented. Was a bit awkward.

I was doing a joke about the TV show.

Not that I remember what you look like either.

[Offshore Toon]

Disliking any animal entirely is probably psychopathic.

[Giggles]

True. Unless it’s a cat.

[Offshore Toon]

On second thoughts, it's probably only true for non-aggressive animals. I wouldn't begrudge someone hating all sharks after their mum got turned into pulled pork on a surfing holiday.

[Shindig]

Cats are great. Especially when they hit that, "I don't give a fuck. Just feed me and I'll sit here for the day." stage.

[Offshore Toon]

You can tell you're your parents' son.

[Baz]

Disliking any animal entirely is probably psychopathic.

Dogs smell. They make peoples houses smell, and it’s unpleasant.

You get the occasional “and the house doesn’t even smell of dog” remark but it does. It definitely does.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I don't like dogs. When I was little two big ones jumped on me (I know they weren't trying to be aggressive) and that has put me off most of them.

My Brother's first dog was brilliant though and I'd like dogs if they were all like that.

[Boydy]

Trying to get workmen to do shit. I called a plumber last week to fix my shower and he was all "yeah, yeah, text me the details and I'll get back to you, might be able to fit you in on friday, if not it'll be next week". Grand. That was over a week ago and I've heard fuck all from him.

Had similar with a guy who came to look at fixing up my garage. He came out, had a look, said he'd price it up and give me a quote and I never heard from him again.

Another guy who had given me a quote for the garage and had generally kept in contact quite well said he'd be here this week to do it but there's no sign of him yet.

Also had similar with cavity wall insulation companies. Spoke to about three or four of them on the phone who all said they'd get back to me to arrange a survey but only one has actually bothered to.

It's fucking infuriating. If you're too busy with other stuff, that's fine but just fucking say that so I can try to find someone else instead of waiting for a call back that never happens then having to go looking for someone else again.

[Don]

They ain't in the business of providing top-notch customer service that melts like you expect. Too busy recovering from last night's sesh.

[Yevrah]

The general availability of tradespeople is definitely something that's Tony Blair's fault.

[Pepe]

I once needed someone to come repair a small section of wooden floor. 'Our earlierst appointment is in 8 months' he said. :cab:

[Boydy]

The general availability of tradespeople is definitely something that's Tony Blair's fault.
Nah, at least he replaced all the native ones with Poles. Now they've all fucked off home because of brexit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The key (probably not an option in NI, mind) is to get ethnic minorities. My Somalian car mechanic I found on some dodgy app is a fucking godsend.

[phonics]

I’ve been getting my haircut by people who don’t speak English or French for years. I think they’re Kosovan looking at them but I don’t actually know.

[Baz]

Yeah it's solid finding a) someone who actually turns up and b) they're any good.

Once you find a good plasterer, spark, plumber, joiner, etc. that fits both criteria, tip them well and hope they'll come back next time you need them.

[Giggles]

DIY is the only way.

[Manc]

I’ve been getting my haircut by people who don’t speak English or French for years. I think they’re Kosovan looking at them but I don’t actually know.

It shows.

[Giggles]

My doner just arrived and when I look back I did indeed accidentally click ‘salad’.

Bin :face:

[Ian]

As in.... You've ordered some sort of salad-only kebab or you've binned an entire regular doner kebab rather than just take the salad off?

[Giggles]

I was just about to ring and I said I better check first, and I had hit ‘salad’ instead of ‘no salad’. It was too intertwined in it to scrape, plus the lettuce would put a taste off everything anyway.
Fucking raging with myself.

[Don]

Remember this people when COVID 24 has us getting molested. Fucking hell.

[Giggles]

Better remembering the tinfoil hat unvaccinated filth.

[Baz]

Throwing away a kebab cos it’s had lettuce on it. :harold:

[Giggles]

In it.

[Kikó]

How can someone hate it that much to bin it? It barely tastes of anything.

[phonics]

Giggles stopped posting for ages because he had a heart attack clearly.

[Giggles]

For me if you mixed it among 20 other things it’ll be the strongest flavour I’ll pick up. There was raw onion too (:sick:) but the lettuce would be by far the worse of the two for me, one shred on a lump of meat would completely destroy it.

[Giggles]

Giggles stopped posting for ages because he had a heart attack clearly.

The junkie with the health chatter :harold:

It’s a Saturday night and it’s a kebab you prissy cunt, like millions of others are eating. Hardly an 8-day foie gras binge.

[Kikó]

That's a pretty incredible extreme (my missus is fussy but for things that are more severe in flavour like mustard). I'm definitely getting a kebab in the next few days though, too many Turkish places round here not to.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If he's throwing away food because some lettuce has been near it, I'm more surprised he hasn't starved to death.

[Giggles]

I’ve heard of different people tasting certain things differently. The idea that lettuce tastes of nothing seems crazy to me. Give me a Big Mac and I might as well be biting into a head of it.

[-james-]

To be fair I'd probably bin anything that had cucumber through it and it wasn't feasible to remove it. It's pretty tragic that I'll never enjoy tzatziki.

[Lewis]

Giggles is right. The taste would linger in it and leave it soggy. It's why I never understand people who put half a dozen things in sandwiches.

[Spikey M]

I really want a kebab now, lettuce and all.

[Boydy]

To be fair I'd probably bin anything that had cucumber through it and it wasn't feasible to remove it. It's pretty tragic that I'll never enjoy tzatziki.

My parents are like that with cucumber too. Day it flavours everything around it. I didn't care for it as a kid but I like it now. Smashed a whole tub of tzatziki earlier. The M&S one is banging.

[Kikó]

Giggles is right. The taste would linger in it and leave it soggy. It's why I never understand people who put half a dozen things in sandwiches.

There's a time element to it as well though. If you've just made a sandwich then the bread should keep it's integrity.

Never realised the secret anti-lettuce group that lingered on this forum.

[mo]

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

[Lewis]

There's a time element to it as well though. If you've just made a sandwich then the bread should keep it's integrity.

Never realised the secret anti-lettuce group that lingered on this forum.

The sandwich point was more a taste issue. My friend gets a load of shit in their Five Guys burgers and I don't see how it doesn't just turn it into tasteless slop.

[Offshore Toon]

Lettuce, tomato, cucumber and onion on any sandwich improves things immensely. If you're in subway, you're going to want jalapeños and olives on there too, then maybe sweetcorn or gherkins depending on the filling.

[Lofty]

When ordering a subway the only way to go regarding salad is 'the works'.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Onion, tomatoes, lettuce, olives, jalapenos and gherkins for me at a Subway.

[Offshore Toon]

Getting multiple sauces is the sign of a winner too.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Big fan of the spicy cheese but it seems to have been phased out.

[niko_cee]

Sacking off a kebab (even, presumably, a terrible abrakebabra Irish Kebab) due to salad inclusion is beyond tragic. That said, I always preferred the more premium grade establishments [read: Green Lanes kebab houses] who eschewed such things for parsley in the mix (or does that count as 'salad')? I was going to say I can't recall the last time I had a kebab, but now I remember I had one wandering around Hammersmith at Christmas last year whilst the rest of the mob were watching Nativity the Musical (the day Chelsea inexplicably beat Mikel Arteta's first game Arsenal I think - so maybe 2 years ago)? Yeah, christ, 2 years, covid has fucked everything. I guess last year was the early days of the old Kent Variant so no idly moseying about London then. Anyway, it was a lettuce joint, but you can't expect too much from the West London folk, so I wasn't unhappy.

[Giggles]

Abrakebabra is just a shitty chain like subway or papa johns. Did you think they’re the only place to get one here? Any establishment that think pitta bread is acceptable is to always be avoided.

And anyway, you’re all still wrong. The way I pick up the taste of lettuce it would be like asking someone else to eat one that had been doused in lynx or air freshener.

[Spikey M]

I wouldn't explain myself to a "man" that hasn't had a kebab in 2 years. Sort yourself out Niko, you slag.

Oh, and while we're here; Olives? :sick:
Olives in a fucking sandwich? You belong on a register.

[Spikey M]

The perfect Subway is simple.

BMT, Cheese, lettuce (yes, lettuce), Onion (YES, ONION), Gerkins, Jalapenos, peppers, Chipotle and Mayo.

[Kikó]

Surely the perfect subway is the meatball marinara which needs no addition?

[niko_cee]

Abrakebabra is just a shitty chain like subway or papa johns. Did you think they’re the only place to get one here?

I was only winding you up dear.

And Spikey, there be no kebab shops here really. Make of that what you will. I seized the chance when I could the last time one was available.

[Spikey M]

Surely the perfect subway is the meatball marinara which needs no addition?

It's good, but if you're not adding atleast Cheese and Onion you're doing it wrong.

[Giggles]

Subway would always be a last resort for me seeing as most counters in petrol stations will do a proper roll, but if I’m getting one then it’s steak, spicy cheese, tomato, jalapeño, and chipotle sauce. It’s adequate.

[Dquincy]

Only ever had three Subways and all times it was bland, tasteless and messy.

For that reason it's a no from me.

[Spikey M]

Subway is fine, it's never top of the list though. The last time I had it, it was at a Service Station and it was that or Little Chef.

Edit: Google tells me they closed down in 2018. It can't have been that long ago. Must have been another shite Diner.

[Shindig]

I've only had it once and it was in New York. After being on a subway. On my way to a Cold War submarine. I didn't mind it.

[Ian]

Was it a sub-par outing?

[Shindig]

Nah, probably the best day of the trip.

[Lofty]

If a Subway is bland and tasteless you need to sort your options out. Put your big boy pants on and get some olives, gherkins and jalapeños in there.

[Giggles]

It’s more that it’s just a bit of a mess of sogginess rather than a lack of flavour.

[Disco]

The man doesn't like lettuce, I think we can just let him have that one lads.

[Pepe]

The proper Subway is going to the local deli and getting a better sandwich there.

[Spikey M]

Especially in New York which has more Deli's than people.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Going back to kebabs.

I just had a pretty filthy one in Warsaw. Mixed lamb and chicken doner with cabbage, gherkins, tomatoes, onions and a mix of chilli and mild sauce.

They put it in a wrap and then toasted it in a George Foreman grill. Pretty sure the outside had butter on it too.

It worked.

[Luca]

In fairness, iceberg lettuce is a bit of a waste of space on a shawarma/kebab. Less room for the meat/tomatoes/onions/parsley/whatevs.

But throwing a kebab out for some lettuce is properly weird.

[Pepe]

Iceberg lettuce is a waste on any circumstance.

[Giggles]

In fairness, iceberg lettuce is a bit of a waste of space on a shawarma/kebab. Less room for the meat/tomatoes/onions/parsley/whatevs.

But throwing a kebab out for some lettuce is properly weird.

Hardly. Throwing out anything if you don’t like it is the exact opposite. I think the concept is hard for people to wrap their little heads around if it’s something they like themselves.

[Luca]

I properly dislike cumin (lol), but am not going to waste food just because it’s full of it.

That being said, I understand the frustration of anticipating a filthy kebab and then it having something you don’t like in it.

[John Arne]

Just whack a load of MSG on it.

[Giggles]

If you properly disliked cumin and got something covered in it then eating it would be the waste.

[Giggles]

Just whack a load of MSG on it.

I’d assume there already was.

[Spikey M]

I properly dislike cumin (lol), but am not going to waste food just because it’s full of it.

That being said, I understand the frustration of anticipating a filthy kebab and then it having something you don’t like in it.

You can't hate cumin that much if you can eat it. I hate Salad Cream and would bin anything that had it on it. The stuff makes me retch. I couldn't power through.

[Don]

If you properly disliked cumin and got something covered in it then eating it would be the waste.

Was this a clause in the COP 26 agreement?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think my lack of understanding is that there isn't a food that I properly dislike to the point where I'd discard other food because of it.

I really hate beetroot but even if its ruddy evil has infected other things I'll still shovel them down the hatch.

[Kikó]

I'm pretty similar. The only food I actually disliked strongly enough was kidney and liver but that's not a common food anyway.

[Dquincy]

Oysters?

[Kikó]

Bit of an odd time for it but sure. Pass over the tobasco.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fennel/anything with aniseed, beetroot and coffee.

If anything has those flavours I'd lob it. I also hate raisins with a passion but it's easy to pick those out of a tainted dish.

[igor_balis]

I think my lack of understanding is that there isn't a food that I properly dislike to the point where I'd discard other food because of it.

I really hate beetroot but even if its ruddy evil has infected other things I'll still shovel them down the hatch.

Yep exactly the same. Goats cheese is about the closest to binworthy for me, but I'd still be indifferent enough to eat it.

[Dquincy]

Snails?

[igor_balis]

Love snails

[Jimmy Floyd]

Love snails, hate racism.

[Adramelch]

Do you just hate anything that comes with a shell? Dquincy

[Raoul Duke]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

[John Arne]

Snails are good, as is fertilised duck egg :drool:

I'm with Jimmy regarding food/tastes you don't like. I don't like the taste of celery at all - however, if it's served in a dish - I just mix it up and eat - sod faffing around.

[Ian]

as is fertilised duck egg :drool:

Is this the one where it's half-grown inside the shell?

If so: no no no. No.

[John Arne]

Is this the one where it's half-grown inside the shell?

If so: no no no. No.

Honestly, it's just matter of ignoring the look of it, and getting used to it. It's genuinely rather tasty - like more eggy than boiled egg, with a little bit a meat to munch on. It's a great little snack. Either that or a bag of crisps.

[Ian]

I'll stick with the crisps.

[Spikey M]

Honestly, it's just matter of ignoring the look of it, and getting used to it. It's genuinely rather tasty - like more eggy than boiled egg, with a little bit a meat to munch on. It's a great little snack. Either that or a bag of crisps.

This is more offensive than the noncing. Sort yourself out.

[Disco]

They always look deeply unnappetizing but I do still wonder how they taste.

[Dquincy]

Do you just hate anything that comes with a shell? Dquincy
Not at all. :dc:

I'd devour muscles in a white wine and garlic sauce.

[Dquincy]

Honestly, it's just matter of ignoring the look of it, and getting used to it. It's genuinely rather tasty - like more eggy than boiled egg, with a little bit a meat to munch on. It's a great little snack. Either that or a bag of crisps.

This is what promotes xenophobia. The EDL wouldn't be seen anywhere near eating this.

[igor_balis]

They always look deeply unnappetizing but I do still wonder how they taste.

Actually, this is probably my lettuce. I cracked an egg that had a tiny embryo in it, and it put me off eggs for about 6 months, having eaten about a dozen scrambled eggs a week for a year prior to that.

[Disco]

I know what you mean but 'too much embryo in my egg' will never not be funny to me.

[phonics]

Almost just died. If it weren’t for wrestling I would have. Just bumped my way down 20 stairs. Tripped on the second one and fell the whole way down.

[Giggles]

Just parked up having a coffee in a filling station and there’s easily more cunts can’t use a parking space properly than can. Parking right at the door, parking at the pumps and not using them, I just seen a cunt in an A7 park across two handicap spaces. Every one of them should be snipered as they walk out of the shop.

[Spikey M]

The people with flashy cars that park in the middle of 2 spaces so nobody parks too close always confuse me. I'm not the type to go around keying cars, but If I was I'd start with those cunts every time.