The little things in life that fuck you off

[Magic]

Recently?

[Shindig]

Left in 2001. Convictions came years after. To be fair, each school probably has a couple.

[Disco]

I went to school with three convicted paedophiles.

You'd have been better off getting the bus.

[phonics]

To be fair, each school probably has a couple.

Errr, don't think they do.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

School I went to had one caught a few years back:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2462956/Teacher-27-banned-classrooms-life-inviting-schoolboy-16-home-kissing-him.html

Can't find pictures but getting a 27 year old teacher? :drool:

There was definitely one or two that were suspect when I was there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There was a teacher who I have a clear memory of feeling up boys in the swimming pool when I was 6. I even remember the names of the boys he felt.

He got acquitted (I always associate the word with this incident because at age 9 it was the first time I'd heard it) and then moved to New Zealand or something and changed his name, a sure sign of innocence.

[Baz]

Was he from Brighton? :sherlock:

[Disco]

Was he called Brighton?

[Spammer]

Went to the sex club last night because a friend wanted to check it out. The intention was to sit in the jazuzzi and get pissed, which isn't a bad way of spending an evening by any stretch.

I didn't know but she'd had stuff to drink before we went. She made it clear to me beforehand that she had absolutely no plans to fuck anyone whatsoever and we were just going to chill out, which was fine by me as I was happy to just take things as they came. What I didn't count on was her, despite not wanting to do anything, getting unashamedly flirty with every single bloke that got in the jacuzzi. So now there were loads of blokes chatting to her, and she's loving it and basically leading them on. Occasionally some would make a move and then she'd flirtatiously bat them away...while acting like it's all a joke and continuing to flirt with them afterwards.

Now I'm not one for victim blaming or anything like that, because women have the right to say no at any point and shouldn't have to worry about people not respecting that right. Fact is though, they do have to worry about it, because that's the world we live in. Single blokes pay through the nose to get in those places and when someone is being massively flirty with you, you're (quite reasonably) in the frame of mind for thinking that you might end up fucking her. She's in a sex club for fuck sake. It's a bit different to a random bar.

I didn't go in the frame of mind "let's babysit Anna and make sure nothing happens to her" but that's what ended up happening, because she's selfish and it didn't occur to her that maybe looking after her wasn't the reason I went, and maybe while in a sex club she shouldn't horrendously flirt with people she has absolutely no intention of anything happening with - for the sake of her safety but also for the sake of common human decency and not being a manipulative bitch.

[Foe]

She sounds like a twat. I always assumed these places you went to were pretty much a hobby club kind of deal, rather than a full on stripper club kind of deal.

How much are you paying to play at these places? Sounds like you spent a fortune to sit in the bath with a bunch of dudes and your pal.

[Disco]

Can anyone think of a less sanitary sounding place than the jacuzzi in a sex club?

[Foe]

I imagine hugh heff's corpse rotting in the grotto probably has some pretty dodge fluid characteristics at this point too.

[Spammer]

She sounds like a twat. I always assumed these places you went to were pretty much a hobby club kind of deal, rather than a full on stripper club kind of deal.

How much are you paying to play at these places? Sounds like you spent a fortune to sit in the bath with a bunch of dudes and your pal.

£10 each for couples. £25 for single blokes and free for single women.

What do you mean by hobby club and stripper club? I'm not sure what you're on about.



Can anyone think of a less sanitary sounding place than the jacuzzi in a sex club?

There's chlorine, so no less than a swimming pool.

[Lewis]

That price structure probably explains a lot.

[Giggles]

I'd wager there's normally considerably less bodily fluids in a swimming pool.

[Spammer]

Kinda speaks for itself really doesn't it.
Lewis

[Giggles]

https://pics.me.me/when-you-walk-into-the-club-and-its-a-sausage-13717270.png

[Foe]

£10 each for couples. £25 for single blokes and free for single women.

What do you mean by hobby club and stripper club? I'm not sure what you're on about.


There's chlorine, so no less than a swimming pool.

I'm just pleased you're actually going to a proper establishment rather than basically punting round some doggers house in the country.

That lass been before, or just unaware she's basically missed the point of the place.

[Kikó]

I've heard of some pretty shit nights but considering the location and subsequent events, that's probably number 1 in any list.

[Spammer]

I'm just pleased you're actually going to a proper establishment rather than basically punting round some doggers house in the country.

That lass been before, or just unaware she's basically missed the point of the place.

That's the only kind of place I've been to. I like, have standards, you know.

She knows the gist, she's just a complete and utter cock tease who doesn't think about it. We had some heated words about it and maybe she'll sort her life out a bit. She seemed to 'get it' by the end.



She's been before

[Lewis]

Are you this annoyed because you don't want the regulars thinking less or you, or because any other night it could have been you wasting twenty-five quid?

[Spikey M]

On some level he wanted to gang rape her. :nodd:

[Disco]

Is this how Pavel got started?

[Kikó]

Pavelwuzzi.

[Baz]

Can’t think of much worse than a “sex club.” Worst thing is I’ve got a mate who i know would love it. :nono:

[Foe]

Can’t think of much worse than a “sex club.” Worst thing is I’ve got a mate who i know would love it. :nono:

Nah, The Reid doesn't seem the type.

[Shindig]

I'd wager there's normally considerably less bodily fluids in a swimming pool.

You'd carry less of an AIDS risk, for starters.

[Spammer]

Are you this annoyed because you don't want the regulars thinking less or you, or because any other night it could have been you wasting twenty-five quid?

Both.

[Spikey M]

The fucking Check Engine light is on in my car and changing gear is a bit of a cunt at the moment. Especially 3rd to 4th gear which you can feel the poor sod really struggling to speed up. Great fun on a busy A road.

Going to get it checked out Thursday but I can’t imagine it’s going to be cheap.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Cracked my phone screen today :(

£30 excess with bank insurance but they'll wipe it. Will go and check some local shops to see if they'll do it quick for cheapish.

Decided not to go to some local shops and just sent it.

Took a week and they've sent me a brand new phone to replace the old one \0/.

Edit: Annoyingly nothing is restoring. I had backups on and there is a backup listed when I check Google drive on my PC but not on the phone.

[Spikey M]

The fucking Check Engine light is on in my car and changing gear is a bit of a cunt at the moment. Especially 3rd to 4th gear which you can feel the poor sod really struggling to speed up. Great fun on a busy A road.

Going to get it checked out Thursday but I can’t imagine it’s going to be cheap.

Going in for a diagnostics check tomorrow. Can’t wait to get fleeced. :drool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm saying £800.

[Spikey M]

Just the £35 today. I have a slight misfire which caused it, he said 50/50 whether it will come on again anytime soon, if it does got to take back to have the code read again, if it’s the same then new spark plugs and something else I can’t name.

[niko_cee]

Brushes?

I had them go (whatever they are) a while back and symptoms sound the same.

[Spikey M]

Not a clue. I think he said a rod or a hose but I was high off the fumes of escaping only £35 down and not really listening.

[SvN]

The new guy I just hired is Mac only, which isn't unusual for a designer - but it means I need to go and buy a new iMac, as we don't have any spare. No problem.

Hold on, 2 fucking grand?! Are you having a laugh?

[phonics]

'I only work on Mac' is such a fucking wanker thing to do. You're a graphic designer, the only difference is a UI and you can't navigate it? How are you supposed to be trusted to design a UX that isn't specifically tailored towards you?

[Giggles]

Yeah I'd make him take the 4 minutes it would take to get used to Windows 10 and tell him to leave his notions outside the door next time.

[Disco]

Well you two have ably covered this one, Mac wankers should be lolled out of the office. There are very few Apple products that aren't overpriced and underpowered and most of those I don't think you can even buy anymore.

[phonics]

I'd never used Final Cut before in my life, only Adobe Premiere, before going in for an interview at the Red Cross doing documentary work for them. They gave me 20 minutes to subtitle and color correct a piece. I was 12 minutes into the subtitling when they came in with most of the color correction done. I was mortified that I'd failed so miserably as I was struggling to get my head round the program for the first 5 minutes.

Turned out I was only supposed to do the first three. These things are basic transferable skills.

Got the job and then HR blocked me on a technicality and I ended up at the place I type this from instead doing a completely different job. Life is weird.

[Magic]

Just give him an ancient Linux box and say there, enjoy you fucking wank.

[Disco]

All the programs are the same anyway, what's the difference in using indesign or PS on mac or PC?

[SvN]

The problem is that one of the most popular pieces of software (Sketch) isn't available on Windows. The Windows equivalent (Adobe XD) isn't really up to scratch yet, as it's only just been released.

[Disco]

Developing solely for Mac? Most of us just suspect all our customers are utter wankers, these guys know it.

[SvN]

It's design rather than development. Our devs all use Windows

[Disco]

No, I mean whoever makes Sketch.

[phonics]

The problem is that one of the most popular pieces of software (Sketch) isn't available on Windows. The Windows equivalent (Adobe XD) isn't really up to scratch yet, as it's only just been released.

As a print media designer + video I don't understand the purpose of Sketch but it does seem quite fun. I saw a new one the other day called Invision or something that looked nice but once agian, I can't think of something I'd actually use it for.

Wait, found it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXNk4gQCPSY&feature=youtu.be

[SvN]

oh yeah, they're total wankers. I don't particularly like the software but it seems all the rage these days.

[phonics]

What does it do exactly, you build graphics in other programs and then it just manages those graphics into libraries or something?

[SvN]

No, it's a design tool that's specifically made to design interfaces. It's like a more refined version of Photoshop. A lot of designers have switched to it in the last 2 years or so.

[Pepe]

All the talk about 'Amazon's HQ2,' especially on NPR. It can fuck right off.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My little sister's getting married tomorrow.

Today I had to move a lot of cheese and wine around the south of England. First job I had was to go to the cheese shop and pick up the 8 cheeses that have been ordered. I turn up (this is in twee Lib Dem SW London), park the car on the street where it is, and some old bat emerges from behind a tree telling me to park somewhere else as 'this is a quiet road'. I told her to do one, and went into the cheese shop. 'Wedding order for...' I said. The bloke just looks at me. 'Never heard of you, mate.' So I explained it was for a wedding tomorrow and we'd already paid. 'Nah, mate, no record of that.' Eventually I convinced him to phone 'the boss', but he didn't know either. Then he phoned accounts and they had no record of it either. In this ridiculous Monty Python-esque scene, I was about to just swipe all the cheese off his fucking display cabinet when he suddenly says 'Tell you what, mate, I'll phone Jim.' Before I even get the chance to ask who the fuck Jim is, Jim has already confirmed that the cheese is in a massive box with our name written on it right in front of this mong under the fucking counter.

Next job was to take a hired van down to the venue full of wine and so on, unload the van and dump the drinks with the caterers. An easy job, I thought, and then the day will be done. But no. I turn up and groan myself to death as it turns out the catering manager is fucking French.

'I am surprised,' he says in full Clouseau accent, 'zat you av gone for ze Spanish chardonnay in zis setting. I would have chosen some-sing wiz meur beudy...' and so it goes on and on and fucking on. Being lectured for 45 minutes on something that is nothing to do with me (and subsequently on how great he is at his job) by an egomaniacal Frenchman, probably my absolute worst nightmare scenario. Next thing I know I've been appointed unofficial liaison tomorrow with Jean-Jacques Goldman so that the rest of the family can 'relax and enjoy themselves'. Fuck you and fuck France.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Do you like Hervé Renard?

You'd have been fine had you steered the conversation that way.

[Shindig]

Idea for BBC series: Jimmy is inconvenienced each and every week.

[Lewis]

My little sister's getting married tomorrow.

Today I had to move a lot of cheese and wine around the south of England. First job I had was to go to the cheese shop and pick up the 8 cheeses that have been ordered. I turn up (this is in twee Lib Dem SW London), park the car on the street where it is, and some old bat emerges from behind a tree telling me to park somewhere else as 'this is a quiet road'. I told her to do one, and went into the cheese shop. 'Wedding order for...' I said. The bloke just looks at me. 'Never heard of you, mate.' So I explained it was for a wedding tomorrow and we'd already paid. 'Nah, mate, no record of that.' Eventually I convinced him to phone 'the boss', but he didn't know either. Then he phoned accounts and they had no record of it either. In this ridiculous Monty Python-esque scene, I was about to just swipe all the cheese off his fucking display cabinet when he suddenly says 'Tell you what, mate, I'll phone Jim.' Before I even get the chance to ask who the fuck Jim is, Jim has already confirmed that the cheese is in a massive box with our name written on it right in front of this mong under the fucking counter.

Next job was to take a hired van down to the venue full of wine and so on, unload the van and dump the drinks with the caterers. An easy job, I thought, and then the day will be done. But no. I turn up and groan myself to death as it turns out the catering manager is fucking French.

'I am surprised,' he says in full Clouseau accent, 'zat you av gone for ze Spanish chardonnay in zis setting. I would have chosen some-sing wiz meur beudy...' and so it goes on and on and fucking on. Being lectured for 45 minutes on something that is nothing to do with me (and subsequently on how great he is at his job) by an egomaniacal Frenchman, probably my absolute worst nightmare scenario. Next thing I know I've been appointed unofficial liaison tomorrow with Jean-Jacques Goldman so that the rest of the family can 'relax and enjoy themselves'. Fuck you and fuck France.

What are you serving his Icelandic relatives?

[Spikey M]

I had similar, minus the cheese and xenophobia, at my sister in laws wedding. Running around like a blue arse fly with a list of jobs such as ‘check Dave has the wedding CD’. I had a 9 month old in tow n’all. I still don’t know who the fuck Dave is.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Did he have the wedding CD though?

[Spikey M]

Well, some bird did. I suppose she could have been a Davina.

[Kikó]

Does music still come on CDs?

[Spikey M]

Your mums sex tape does bruv.

[Shindig]

New business opportunity: Audio sextapes.

[Lewis]

I was in an Aldi earlier, and this young ethnic girl tried to buy some beers. She got told to fuck off (whatever), but then she came back in with her mother (who barely spoke any English by the sounds of it), who was also told to fuck off because they couldn't sell them to her 'knowing' that she would give them to the girl. Which war did we lose for that sort of thing to happen?

[Offshore Toon]

I've been ID'd in a Co-op for just being in the alcohol area. They also ID everybody you're with if you buy booze.

[SvN]

I saw a guy in there with his daughter who was about 8 get refused when he was buying a bottle of wine. He was absolutely bewildered at the fact that they wouldn't serve him.

It's ridiculous.

[Giggles]

What the fuck? Were they suggesting he was buying it for the child?

[John]

The place nearest me almost always has a little squad of fourteen/fifteen year olds outside it asking people to buy them drink, and there are certain things the shop just won't sell as long as they're there.

[SvN]

What the fuck? Were they suggesting he was buying it for the child?

They just kept saying they can't serve him alcohol while he's with a minor, its their policy. The guy wasn't even angry or kicking off (I think most would've), he was just confused.

[Lewis]

Well that is stupid. The little gimp telling them was clearly getting off on it as well.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The page isn't redirecting properly

Firefox has detected that the server is redirecting the request for this address in a way that will never complete.

This problem can sometimes be caused by disabling or refusing to accept cookies.

Every fucking time I try to use my laptop at uni to access the online library.


Edit: Some Scouse ladies sitting on the next table have just had an exchange with the tech team which was lol.

They were complaining that they couldn't connect any of their macs to a large screen available.

Do you have a HDMI adapater for the mac?
Macs don't have HDMI
But do you have an adapator?
No
What about VGA?
What about it?
It says here that we can connect using it
You haven't connected a VGA cable though, do you even have a port?
We used this?
That's a USB cable...

They must be thinking about ending it all.

[phonics]

If @Boydy (http://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=31) wasn't a fan of restaurants that wouldn't give you plates. How do we think he'll feel about this relaxation palace?

https://i.redd.it/5umcbjxql4vz.jpg

"You get the round in mate, I'll have a pint of Carlsberg and meet you at the table, they've just opened a spot by the pommel horse"

[Lewis]

A decent rule of thumb is not to sit on things in pubs/restaurants where your feet aren't touching the floor.

[Magic]

If @Boydy (http://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=31) wasn't a fan of restaurants that wouldn't give you plates. How do we think he'll feel about this relaxation palace?

https://i.redd.it/5umcbjxql4vz.jpg

"You get the round in mate, I'll have a pint of Carlsberg and meet you at the table, they've just opened a spot by the pommel horse"

LOL that's where I was working (very near there). You sin the cafe that's a fucking cathedral? Weird!

You need to go here: https://www.timeout.com/london/bars-and-pubs/the-four-sisters-townhouse

It's amazing.

[Pepe]

Anything described as 'quirky' is to be avoided.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've always had a thing about the word 'Kitchen' in the marketing for eateries. You're quite clearly a restaurant, I hope you've got a fucking kitchen.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

LOL that's where I was working (very near there). You sin the cafe that's a fucking cathedral? Weird!

You need to go here: https://www.timeout.com/london/bars-and-pubs/the-four-sisters-townhouse

It's amazing.
Sisters doing it for themselves? Not really: this City cocktail bar was packed with beery blokes in suits when we arrived, crammed round delicate tables with big old pint glasses and plenty of boorish banter. It was a total surprise given the name, drinks and borderline chichi decor.

I'm out.

[Magic]

The City is full of boorish wankers so what do they expect? Showgirls and students? Fucking clowns. The cocktails were amazing and the place was really cool. The couple next to us had a £470 bar bill and the guy made his girl pay for half. :D

[Giggles]

Little fucking rat cunts and their fucking fireworks.

[Mellberg]

£470? They're either being ripped off or had been there for three days.

[Magic]

£470? They're either being ripped off or had been there for three days.

It was £10 a drink plus a 15% service charge on each drink. That was if you weren't downing expensive champagne, that is.

[Spikey M]

Go to a a ‘spoons and have an ale n den we wil c.

[Raoul Duke]

lol @ a service charge at a bar

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I seem to stub a toe every other day :\

Just whacked the shit out of my little toe on my left foot.

[Magic]

I've just ordered a turmeric latte. I fuck myself off. It was either that or the beetroot cortado.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What did your husband order?

[Spikey M]

Did it come in a cheese grater?

[Spikey M]

The drink, not your husband.

[Ian]

And Magic tries to slag off the beer nerds.

[Jimmy Floyd]

A friend has just had their cat killed by the Cat Killer.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M25_cat_killer

Apparently the police literally couldn't give less of a fuck either.

[John]

'may also be wearing a headlamp' :D

[Spikey M]

Considering these fuckers often go on to become serial killers you’d think they’d take some notice.

[Spammer]

I'm glad that Martin Clunes is on the case anyway. thank God.

[mugbull]

Fuck cats

[Disco]

A friend has just had their cat killed by the Cat Killer.

You make it sound like they hired him.

[Giggles]

That's one for Dragons Den.

[niko_cee]

I love that 'The M25 Cat Killer' his his/her own wiki page, and that some of the 'killings' are referred to as murders.

End of days.

[Spikey M]

I’ve gone out for a drive so my daughter can nap. I’ve now parked up and some homeless cunt just started cleaning my windscreen.

1) it’s fucking raining.
2) This isn’t a gritty cop film set in 1980’s New York.

[Shindig]

Our homeless lot have taken to insulting passersby in the hope of spending the night in the cells. I guarantee our council is one of the 'one way bus ticket' types.

[Magic]

It's glorious weather here. :)

[Baz]

Accidentally hotspotted my phone to my computer and downloaded 4GB of UFC :cry:

200mb data to last til the 13th.

[Pepe]

News websites that switch to another article when you hit the left or right keys.

[Baz]

928556576016920576

Not only is it absolutely terrible, but she also can’t spell his name correctly. :panda:

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

This bastard cat that keeps shitting in my garden.

I feel like I'm in some sort of reverse Tom and Jerry.

Got a load of chicken wire and blocked off the cat's most often used escaped routes, only to find it can use other bits in the hedge I thought were too dense for it.

At the minute I've rigged up my sprinkler right next to where it likes to sit in the flower bed looking at the birds and got it so I can turn it on from inside the kitchen. Hopefully I can scare it enough and leave the sprinkler there so that it gets put off the idea of being close to it. Little cunt.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Went to Game to trade in my old phone and PS4.

Was sent away because I didn't bring a controller or charging cables for either.

Went back and they told me they can't take the PS4 because it's missing a foot and they couldn't take the phone because it had one minor scratch.

Seething doesn't even come close.

[SvN]

My wife sent her phone off to one of those envirofone places, after they offered her £55 for it. Decent price, about £15 less than Ebay, but obviously less hassle. It's absolutely flawless condition, she's kept it in a bulletproof case the entire time she's had it.

She got an email today saying that due to the condition, they could only offer her £3.50 :harold:. They wouldn't even give reasons beyond saying it was "due to the device condition". What a con. I wonder how many people just think "fuck it" and take the money.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My wife sent her phone off to one of those envirofone places, after they offered her £55 for it. Decent price, about £15 less than Ebay, but obviously less hassle. It's absolutely flawless condition, she's kept it in a bulletproof case the entire time she's had it.

She got an email today saying that due to the condition, they could only offer her £3.50 :harold:. They wouldn't even give reasons beyond saying it was "due to the device condition". What a con. I wonder how many people just think "fuck it" and take the money.

I tried the same a few months ago.

£90 to £2.50 or something, it's fucking awful.

[Boydy]

Already told you I'll buy the PS4.

[Disco]

It's missing a foot though, knock some money off for that.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

And the glossy part was scratched (shock horror as it fucking attracts getting fucked up) up a bit so was only ever going to be grade C.

[Boydy]

Does it work and what model is it?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It works, it blows loud but it needs to be cleaned out and/or a bit of new thermal paste.

500gb original.

Edit: I've got a syringe of thermal paste which I'd give out too.

[Boydy]

How difficult is it to open up and do that?

[Giggles]

I'll sell you a PS2.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How difficult is it to open up and do that?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG1E-EKhaaw

[SvN]

A spluttering, wheezing 3 legged PS4 that's on it's last legs. I wonder why Game wouldn't take it?

[Boydy]

I cba with all that. You do that bit Mahow.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They didn't turn it on.

It's the front one that's missing and a lot of people even took them off the first batch of PS4s (which mine is) because it was causing the disc drive to auto-eject discs although I never had that problem.

[Spikey M]

I’ll give you £2.50

[Lewis]

I’ll give you £2.50

And you're only really after the thermal paste.

[Spikey M]

And I want the phone chucked in.

[Giggles]

£2.51.

[Disco]

Anyone want to buy some of my ropey old broken shit?

[SvN]

It depends, do I need to disassemble the entire thing to get it to work properly?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It works completely fine, it's just a bit loud.

[Lewis]

You wasted Game's valuable time and you should be ashamed.

[phonics]

I offered 50 quid for the rundown piece of shit a week ago and he got in a strop about it.

Offer still stands.

[Pepe]

I thought you were minted now 'how. Why are you going through the effort of selling old shite?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I thought you were minted now 'how. Why are you going through the effort of selling old shite?

I've had one instalment of my money (solicitor is shit, my Sister who has another solicitor has had all her money) and still waiting for the rest. First instalment didn't last all that long as I had to settle Uni debts from the previous year (I wasn't eligible for financing), pay my Sister off, pay my Mum off and I also loaned my Mum a lot as the house needed work.

[Offshore Toon]

What do you mean by pay them off?

[Lewis]

What a great image of them dropping Ukraine hints around the rest of the family to make him sweat.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What do you mean by pay them off?

I had borrowed money from them.

Not sure why I used 'paid them off'.

[Shindig]

Force of habit.

[Giggles]

Did I miss England becoming smoke free?

[Jimmy Floyd]

2006.

[Shindig]

Who knew what vape hell we were in for?

[Giggles]

But you can't even buy a lighter or matches in a pub.

Also Brewers Fayres are extremely disappointing.

[Kikó]

Loads of people smoke in London. It's pretty common.

[Lewis]

Giggles only smokes because he thinks it looks cool.

[Spikey M]

smoking is big and clever and cool. It’s just a shame they tax all the cool stuff so highly.

[Giggles]

I got sorted.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm in a 'Study room' at Uni trying to read a shit History journal article. Pretty hard to do as there are a group of females behind me practising their shit presentation about women in the workplace. For 5 minutes an Australian woman was constantly tripping up on her part quite painfully.

They could just hire out any number of fucking huge specialist rooms (like normal people) to practise it without fucking people (me) off.

[Magic]

It fucks me off that I see things that fuck me off and intend to post about them in here but then completely forget what fucked me off.

[SincereTheRebel]

Your password needs to be between 10 and 20 characters, but cannot contain any special characters
Your password needs to be at least 8 characters, and must contain special characters

[Magic]

What's the first one all about? Where you sin this?

[Ian]

One of the systems we use at work has had its password requirements changed to be a genuine abomination.

So you need capitals, lower case, numbers and special characters. It must be eight characters, it cannot have any type of character next to another of the same type, it cannot have any three-character sequence be the same as the previous password.

Just fuck off.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've decided to get Lastpass because it's just too annoying these days.

[Lewis]

Are you still in the library frozen to the spot?

[Magic]

One of the systems we use at work has had its password requirements changed to be a genuine abomination.

So you need capitals, lower case, numbers and special characters. It must be eight characters, it cannot have any type of character next to another of the same type, it cannot have any three-character sequence be the same as the previous password.

Just fuck off.

Same. Except ours must be 16 characters long. LOL.

[Foe]

I've got a surface pro for work now and it / windows 10 is the worst thing ever. It's so much worse than my old laptop.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Are you still in the library frozen to the spot?

I'm seething about it even more. I read about 40 pages of seminar reading and we spent about 5 minutes on the readings.

[Giggles]

Yeah Lastpass to generate passwords is the only way. Tick all the shit that it requires and let it work away.

[Raoul Duke]

Why are people allowed to make a load of racket in a library? Just tell them to fuck off.

[Lewis]

It sounds like the 'females' were in the right place to make noise, so you have to wonder what Mahow was doing in there other than lurking to sniff their seats.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They were in a study room (meant to be quieter) than the regular bit.

They should have rented out a room on the first and second floors to practice their shit presentation.

[Lewis]

'Excuse me, ladies...'

[Adamski]

What a shiver I get when Mahow uses the word female.

[Shindig]

I hate that I've only now found out BBC's website has a pidgin English version.

https://www.bbc.com/pidgin/media-40969682

It must be the only way Jimmy wants to hear the news from now on.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The first ten seconds of that is amazing.

[Shindig]

I need to know how 9/11 was reported in pidgin.

[Spikey M]

Wat de fuk is it?

[Shindig]

It's Pigeon English. More specifically, Nigeria's take on it.

[Giggles]

Is that what most teenagers speak in England now?

[Kikó]

I ran for the bus and my phone fell out of my pocket. Now I've got a lovely scratch on the side of my pixel :(

[Giggles]

I dropped mine going through security in Birmingham the other day and how the fuck it didn't smash the screen or the glass top at the back is beyond me.

[Kikó]

Thankfully I heard the thing drop before I got on or I would have been even more wounded.

[Magic]

Is that what most teenagers speak in England now?

Most teenagers in England are African now so probably.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

On Amazon live chat as my Kindle isn't working properly.

I tell them instantly that I've tried multiple USB ports, multiple cables, restarted my device and my PC.

His first thing is to go through them again.

But, I've already done that

But asks me to do it all the same. He then tells me to restart my PC with the Kindle attached

How am I meant to keep the chat open (on my PC) if I restart it?

He assures me that we will not get disconnected as long as I don't close the window and of course the chat is dead. I think he told me to do it just because he didn't want to talk to me anymore :( So fuck you Indrani you prick.

Vignesh is helping me now and he's much better.

[SvN]

lol at you for actually doing it.

[Offshore Toon]

Have you tried pressing CTRL + W, 'how?

[Disco]

Alt-F4

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

lol at you for actually doing it.

I did it to prove him wrong and because he was taking about 5 minutes per response so I was hoping I'd get someone more competent.

[Lewis]

Yet another foreigner mugging you off in a chat window.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Seems that it's not my Kindle anyway but my PC.

The USB ports are fucked. They're charging devices but not recognising any of them, I can plug something in and nothing.

External hard drives are working fine though :\

[Raoul Duke]

Yet another foreigner mugging you off in a chat window.

:D

[Kikó]

Lewis has smashed they out of the park.

[wullie]

The thing I like most about DPD is their professionalism and customer service

Im sorry for the inconvinience and i understand your frustration i am awair that you paid extra but we dont do refunds you will have to speak to your sender for that an they will raise an investigation, I have also put your delivery threw to tommorow as its the fastest time i can get it delivered, I hope u have a good day and thank's for your time.

[Baz]

Oh god. :sick:

I hate stupid people and, moreso, stupid mistakes that I can’t believe nobody has spotted. Like before I phone Specsavers in old swan and the recorded message says to book an appointment go to www dot Specsavers dot old swan. The fuck? It should be dot com slash old swan. Obviously the guy recording it got flustered, messed up, but then they used it anyway. Muppet! In fact, ima tweet them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm having a real issue with old people refusing to adapt to modern life at the moment. In particular, they seem unable to accept a) that mobile phones are now widespread and b) that people often use them.

[Alex]

Another good example of this, in my experience, is their dislike for contactless cards. They seem to think some sort of black magic is afoot.

[SvN]

My mother in law refuses to use contactless because she's paranoid that someone will use some sort of scanning device near her and steal her money while the card is in her wallet. I don't have any fucking idea why she thinks not using it to pay will prevent that.

[Giggles]

There's a load of people now really have their back up about phones. Really taking offence to the fact that a slab of metal and glass is more interesting than them.

[Shindig]

My mother in law refuses to use contactless because she's paranoid that someone will use some sort of scanning device near her and steal her money while the card is in her wallet. I don't have any fucking idea why she thinks not using it to pay will prevent that.

Tell her that, contrary to the name, the field on it has such a narrow range that contact is unavoidable.

[Raoul Duke]

If it's just proximity-based then literally just owning a card will see your account emptied by ne'er do wells?

A phone requires a secondary authentication factor (thumbprint/face unlock etc) so is therefore safer.

tl:dr: your mother in law is an idiot

[Kikó]

My nan thought it meant she could only spend £30 on it i.e. she has a daily limit. No hope with some people.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I wish my Mum would just add things to dictionary when she's typing up her reports which she makes me proof read. Every single time she ends up getting names wrong, I'm currently checking a report where she has used two variations of spelling for one name and I have no idea which is the correct one.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Doesn't fuck me off but there's nowhere to put it.

Huge gas leak just outside our house, they've got 3 vans, have dug up half of our driveway and our coming in to the house every 30 minutes or so to take readings. Haven't switched off the gas yet but they're unsure if they might have to do it later.

[Raoul Duke]

So what are you complaining about? That some people have come to fix a potentially lethal gas leak in your house for free?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm not complaining, hence the first sentence.

There's not a 'shit that's going on near me' or something thread though or even a 'Late Night thread' (let's make one) so this is the next best thing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Still out there with a jackhammer with no idea of when they'll be knocking off.

Must be making a fortune in overtime.

[John]

I'm not complaining, hence the first sentence.

There's not a 'shit that's going on near me' or something thread though or even a 'Late Night thread' (let's make one) so this is the next best thing.

There are several late night threads.

[Boydy]

They're all late night threads if you post at the right time.

[Giggles]

So now we have to use late night threads? I thought we were never allowed those.

[Baz]

Next we’ll be allowing help with homework threads. :brighton:

[Kikó]

+1

[Giggles]

Late nite 4 lyf.

[Mazuuurk]

Lol at us complaining about where something is posted when we aren't fucking posting anything anywhere these days.

[Giggles]

I think it was just a case of Mahow being wrong no matter what he did.

[Mazuuurk]

Isn't that the perpetual state of things? Anyway, carry on.

[John]

So now we have to use late night threads? I thought we were never allowed those.

I wasn't saying he had to use it, just correcting the assertion that we didn't have one.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://i.imgur.com/FcxRDGd.jpg

Still at it btw.

[phonics]

Congratulations on the lipo, hope it does wonders for your confidence.

[Kikó]

What kind of material is used for that roofing?

[Jimmy Floyd]

That photo is the most representative picture of suburban England in 2017 I think I could imagine. Life soaked in an unending greyness.

[John]

What kind of material is used for that roofing?

It looks like bitumen.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It is indeed.

[Jimmy Floyd]

To continue the theme from my previous post.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-42180763

The council concerned should be the subject of mass execution on the spot.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They haven't told us why but they've turned off the electrics.

[niko_cee]

Re: outdoor/community Christmas trees - don't they always look shit? You'd have to blow most of the annual budget on decorations if you wanted to properly kit out a massive tree, which would piss everyone else off even more, no doubt. And anything of value would be nicked within minutes. It's probably the kind of thing that is best left to shopping centres.

[Jimmy Floyd]

All the shopping centres near me tend to have animatronic polar bears/reindeer which I'm amazed don't scare children away from the idea of Christmas entirely.

[Pepe]

What's your cladding situation 'how?

[John]

A house round the corner from me installed an eight foot inflatable Santa in their front garden last night. I walked past this morning and it had already been popped.

[wullie]

We've got a gas thing going on now too affecting the whole area, poor pressure which they're looking at but don't know when will be sorted. Actually good news though as we thought that our boiler was just fucked.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Electricity is back on but they still have no idea where the leak is and have started on another hole just across the road in the hopes of finding it.

[John]

Sounds like you got the right thread after all. You're obviously fuming.

Have you been drinking more Coke Zero than usual lately?

[Spikey M]

Electrics playing up. Unidentifiable gas leak.

Whore Wife is making her move for the full inheritance.

[Giggles]

'Brexit' is seriously fucking me off now. Can't turn on the telly or radio without some boring cunt droning on about it. It's even infested a load of podcasts I listen to at this stage.

[Lewis]

You're right, but Ireland thinking they can give it the big'un has got us all reinvigorated.

[Giggles]

I'm sure the fact that it's a brown gay has the Sun reading public extra up in arms, but jaysus they really just need to build the wall and get on with their lives at this stage. And let I'd ask do the same.

[Lewis]

'We don't want a border.'
'So let's not have a bor...'
'WHY DO YOU INSIST ON HAVING A BORDER?!'

[niko_cee]

The whole of Ireland is going to end up as some sort of 'special economic zone' which, some might say, the southern bit has been for quite a while already.

[Spikey M]

If Ireland and Northern Ireland are run by intelligent people (which they aren’t) they could take massive advantage of being the only UK - EU crossing with little faffing about. Sadly I think knee capping and car bombing will prove too tempting for them.

[Boydy]

Just tried to walk into a toilet cubicle (it was open) at work and someone sitting having a dump on the other side pushed the door back against me. Lock it, you fucking idiot.

[Spammer]

Maybe the lock was broken.

[Boydy]

1. It's not, I was in that cubicle earlier.
2. The other two cubicles were both free so he didn't have to use that one if the lock was broken anyway.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Probably a pervert getting off on almost getting caught.

[phonics]

Would just like to note the thing that fucks Boyd off in this situation appears to be someone not letting him in to watch them take a shit.

[Spikey M]

All the perverts go to Oxbridge.

[Giggles]

Would just like to note the thing that fucks Boyd off in this situation appears to be someone not letting him in to watch them take a shit.

Well that clearly wasn't what he meant, nor did it even read that way.

[Boydy]

Yeah, I thought ending that post with 'Lock it, you fucking idiot' made it pretty clear.

[phonics]

Yeah and Donald Trump is a germophobe, doesn't mean he didn't get those Russian hookers to piss on him.

[Spikey M]

Yeah, I thought ending that post with 'Lock it, you fucking idiot' made it pretty clear.

I just thought he had got your hopes up.

[niko_cee]

You should have started a conversation with him Boydy (said sorry?), to take this whole thing full circle.

[Kikó]

Maybe he just loves the thrill of being caught. Danger shit.

I've forgotten to lock a cubicle before tbh.

[Shindig]

I'm more offended by walking into a cubicle with an unflushed toilet.

[phonics]

Boydy would love that. Cut out the middle man.

[Giggles]

I had to wash my jeans. It was like trying to get into a cornflakes box this morning, in both size and texture.

[Adamski]

Boooo. That’s admitting defeat!

[Giggles]

I need to act my age and buy some trousers for a bit of comfort. Cords are wholly unfashionable these days aren't they?

[Raoul Duke]

Yes. Chinos are where it's at :cool:

[Giggles]

Cords it is.

[John]

The people in charge of designing and executing Scotland's posters and adverts to discourage crime have continued their unbroken thirty year streak of finding the worst possible angle and running with it with maybe their most brainless effort yet. The new anti littering advert, letting you know there's an eighty quid fine if you're caught, is styled as a bet. '£80 says you find a bin' it says, the correct response to which is '£80 says I don't'.

You could put teams of people from all walks of life together for a hundred years and they wouldn't land on a worse idea than that.

[Shindig]

'Keep Scotland tidy. Dump your litter in Northumberland.'

[Spikey M]

Parking down my road is a fucking nightmare at the best of times, but a few houses in a row have been bought by a developer and it is causing havoc. The main problem is that the houses are next to a block of ~15 flats that has it’s own car park. And somehow the developer has chucked the residents out of it so it can be used by them. On top of that, there’s wanker builders, sparks and Bamsters parking on the street (usually on double the yellows) right up peoples arses.

Never mind, they finish in May. :moop:

[Giggles]

Get the cops out every time.

[Giggles]

I've a bastard cuntish eye infection.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've just had a vote for residents' parking in our road. Some whinged about it being a council put up job but I'm fed up with the stream of office worker slags parking their Fiat Puntos in our road and blocking the traffic/our drive, so voted for. NIMBY is the correct outlook on life.

[Magic]

Will you have to pay for a permit?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yes, although we may not buy one as we have off street parking. It's turfing out the vile freeloading scum which is the name of the game.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

Drove half an hour to see a physio and only after I had waited for half an hour after my appointment time was I told it was with a member of staff who wasn't working that day. Fucking useless. I should follow a ten minute waiting rule in future.

[phonics]

What? Did you go in there and say 'I have an appointment with...' and then you just sat there for 30 minutes before they told you?

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

What? Did you go in there and say 'I have an appointment with...' and then you just sat there for 30 minutes before they told you?

Would have been for longer if I hadn't said anything after 25 mins, it was only when they checked their system again that they realised. After thinking it was purely an admin error and I would still be seen, one of the physios then came out, apologetically to be fair, and said the only available time would be 4.30pm today (this was at 1.30pm) or tomorrow.

All because someone booked an appointment for me with a member of staff that wasn't even in. That shouldn't have even been possible.

This is through my work health plan as well so it's private.