The little things in life that fuck you off

[mugbull]

That John post invalidates all of John’s posts

[Kikó]

Yeah that John post could theoretically invalidate all 150 (:|) pages of this thread, so it's probably time to retire it.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/pS28VgKwNVg/hqdefault.jpg

[SvN]

The guy who played Neil from the Office was on Pointless and had to guess words ending in ...UG.

And he didn't go with Slug.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just shows you how shit the Swindon lot really are.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I somehow sprained my foot whilst sleeping last night.

For all of today one half of my right foot has been in serious pain. It feels like a combination of cramp and like stepping on a Lego brick.

[Manc]

Top effort.

[Giggles]

Fucking gardening really is the national sport around here. I hope it pisses rain for the next month.

[Disco]

Mainly a Twitter thing but people posting dead celebrities birthdays. Ooh, Alan Rickman would have been 74 today, who could ever give a shit?

[Ian]

Makes you think, though, doesn't it?

[niko_cee]

And then presumably a slew of RIP Alan, sad news follow ups when most of the idiots think it's just happened because the story resurfaces on the BBC most read sidebar (aka The Tony Hart Effect).

[Jimmy Floyd]

I quite like those but only when the person died abnormally young, some time ago.

Jim Clark's 84th was just before lockdown started.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It would have been Madeleine McCann's 17th last month.

[Baz]

A video is being banded around by work of people passing a rugby ball from one shot to the next. It ends with this:


https://i.imgur.com/Stmg9cl.png


The text not being centered in that bar really bothers me. I feel like it just makes them look so amateur. Or maybe that's just me being odd?

[Spikey M]

The text is centred? The building isn't.

[Baz]

The text is centred? The building isn't.

Not on that bar it isn’t. There’s about three times as much space beneath the text than above it.

And now you’ve pointed out the building being off centre. :sick:

[Boydy]

The grass and hedges etc of the grounds of the apartment block I live in get cut every fucking week. So one afternoon every week all I hear is dickheads outside with loud lawnmowers and hedge trimmers when I'm trying to work. Please fuck off, it doesn't need cut that often.

[Pepe]

You'd love it hear. People mow every fucking day.

[Ian]

Is this the littlest thing that's ever fucked anybody off in this thread? :D

Baz's, that is.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Boydy moaning about there being too much gardening going on in his grounds. Next he'll be complaining about the footmen's shoes not being polished properly.

[Giggles]

My cunt neighbour can't power wash his driveway for the next 6 weeks :drool:

Not that that fucks me off, but him doing it twice weekly did.

[Boydy]

Boydy moaning about there being too much gardening going on in his grounds. Next he'll be complaining about the footmen's shoes not being polished properly.

:D

I'm only renting.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The she-devil at work, like fucking clockwork, every day at 14:43 complaining about how hungry she is.

Probably because you only have an orange for lunch, you absolute fucking idiot.

[Kikó]

The woman doing the narration on this audiobook putting accents on different characters. Look, just read the fucking book, I don't need dodgy Russian accents on Putin to make it more authentic.

[Giggles]

I'm hungry and I had a bacon sambo at midday.

[mo]

The word 'sambo'. It just sounds so childish.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The woman doing the narration on this audiobook putting accents on different characters. Look, just read the fucking book, I don't need dodgy Russian accents on Putin to make it more authentic.

Ray Dotrice doing Game of Thrones is the worst.

He has a shit accent for every single character and some of them are ear bleedingly bad.

It's a shame as well because his normal voice is brilliant for audiobooks.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've recently been 'reading' on audiobook a very good American golf book about Scotland which involves the east coast bore-on narrator attempting a Scottish accent every time the author (it's a travelogue style thing) encounters a local. Based on that, every single person in Scotland, man woman or child, sounds like Groundskeeper Willie doing Brigadoon.

[Don]

I feel ya on the gardening one, the council ones came yesterday to do the road and I had to build eggbox barricades to get through a Teams call. More offensive was the heavily tattooed ex-convict operating the driven lawnmower who fucking flattened beautiful patches of wild flowers as if they were ethnics.

[Boydy]

Just had a tesco delivery arrive at my parents' house instead of my flat. Could have sworn I had my flat set as the default address.

:moop:

[Giggles]

Excuse to visit now.

[niko_cee]

It was probably packed full of lube and canesten.

[Boydy]

Excuse to visit now.
I was there on Sunday.


It was probably packed full of lube and canesten.

:D

Thankfully nothing dodgy in there.

[Giggles]

I’ve only seen mine once in all this. It’s the only element of lockdown that wasn’t class.

[Shindig]

I've not seen mine since pre-lockdown. Talk to them plenty but I really want to see them. Hopefully this mask from China doesn't take ages to turn up.

[Disco]

I see mine every Saturday morning as I do their shopping and drop it out to them.

[Don]

I shag mine.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My phone is fucked with a reboot loop thing. How does one survive this sort of thing in the modern world? I can't get to a repair shop until Saturday.

[Giggles]

My phone is fucked with a reboot loop thing. How does one survive this sort of thing in the modern world? I can't get to a repair shop until Saturday.

Is it an LG? Never heard of another model doing it.


You could try get it to boot into recovery mode during one of the loops and clear the cache partition.

[Shindig]

Can you not force a factory reset on it?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Samsung S10. I can't turn it off, can only do the manual reboot and then it's back to the loading screen. Never boots the OS.

[Queenslander]

Rip

[Giggles]

Samsung S10. I can't turn it off, can only do the manual reboot and then it's back to the loading screen. Never boots the OS.

Hold volume up and bixby while it's booting.

[Kikó]

My pixel did a complete death loop not long ago and I had to do a factory reset - thankfully most of my stuff is on google cloud so it lost a day. It's not too catastrophic to do a full reset.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My pixel did a complete death loop not long ago and I had to do a factory reset - thankfully most of my stuff is on google cloud so it lost a day. It's not too catastrophic to do a full reset.

I'm looking into this but I can't find out how much stuff I've got on the Samsung cloud because it won't let me log into said without doing a two-step verification including a phone call, which, fucking evidently, is not available to me.

Tech companies are honestly the fucking pits.

[Kikó]

It should be on a daily basis Jim.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What about contacts etc? I can deal with losing messages or whatever, but contacts would be a killer.

[Boydy]

Should be backed up to your google account.

[Giggles]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ER5W8J159os

[Giggles]

Should be backed up to your google account.

Only if you have Gmail set as the default account for your contacts. On a Samsung you can also have Samsung account or phone as default or a mixture of all.

I'd definitely be backing up to Google if I got into the phone though.


@Jimmy Floyd (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=111) Go to https://contacts.google.com/ on a PC and see what's there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cheers all. Fuck all on google so I'll have to check what's on Samsung, but the inability to log into Samsung account without an SMS verification is the fucking bane of my fucking life so I might have to get my old Korean manners out and contact them directly.

[Boydy]

Take the sim out and stick it in another phone to get the text?

[Giggles]

Can you pop the sim into another phone to get the verification text?

99% of the time support will get you to ship the phone off and they'll wipe it anyway. I'd keep trying that recovery mode thing even if it isn't working the first time (if it's boot looping then you need to time holding vol up+bixby at the right time) as there's very little won't be fixed by wiping the cache partition (this won't reset the phone).

You could also let the battery run down, then charge it for a little while and power it on into recovery like the video above.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I got into the thing and did the wipe cache partition, but that didn't achieve anything.

[Ian]

Try hurling at your MD's head.

It won't fix the phone but you'll feel better.

[Giggles]

Ah right. Hopefully you can get into the Samsung account then.

No matter what the manufacturer you're best using as many Google services to back up things anyway on an Android phone (Google Photos, contacts to Gmail, whatsapp to Drive, etc). Makes setting up a new phone much handier too if you change brand.

[Giggles]

Safe Mode might be worth a look. Can be a bit of a pain to get into when you can't do it from the normal power menu but just in case it's a recently installed app that's fucking you up you could get in and delete it, or at least back up your stuff.



To restart your S10 to safe mode:

Turn off your S10. If you can’t turn it off normally, let the phone drain its battery until it turns itself off.
With your S10 off, press and hold the Power key past the model name screen.
When “SAMSUNG” appears on the screen, release the Power key.
Immediately after releasing the Power key, press and hold the Volume down key.
Continue to hold the Volume down key until the device finishes restarting.
Safe mode will display in the bottom left corner of the screen.
Release the Volume down key when you see Safe Mode.

If you are able to reboot the phone to safe mode, that means that you have a bad third party app. If you want to identify which of your apps is preventing Android from booting up, you must use the method of elimination. This is what you need to do exactly:


Boot to safe mode.
Check for the problem.
Once you’ve confirmed that a third party app is to blame, you can start uninstalling apps individually. We suggest that you begin with the most recent ones you added.
After you uninstall an app, restart the phone to normal mode and check for the problem.
If your S10 still refuses to boot up normally, repeat steps 1-4.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's still only the second most 'fuck you off' thing that's happened to me today, after spending ten minutes behind a street cleaning lorry doing 8mph in the rush hour.

[Giggles]

Those fucking things should never be let out between 7 and 9am and 4 and 6pm.

[Spikey M]

I used to have to park in another street or have to leave for work 15 minutes early every Thursday because the fucking bin lorry would be coming down our road and fuck me over otherwise

I remember nearly going on a rampage one morning when the cunts drove past just as I was getting in. Let the shit pile high like 70's Britain for all I care. Just fuck off.

Another victory for working from home.

[Raoul Duke]

Yeah, boot it into Safe Mode - have you installed anything recently that might have caused the problem? If so, kill that then try rebooting it. Alternatively check for any software updates for your operating system

[Spikey M]

Have you tried shouting at it? If you have +1 for pitching it at the old mans head.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, boot it into Safe Mode - have you installed anything recently that might have caused the problem? If so, kill that then try rebooting it. Alternatively check for any software updates for your operating system

I haven't managed to get it into Safe Mode thus far. I can get it into recovery screen, but that isn't a whole lot of help unless I want to factory reset.

It had been acting up of late, crashing and restarting the whole time but it's impossible to know which app(s) - if any - had been the cause.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My Sister is moving into a flat on Monday so we rang Sky for the home move. The lady said the building has a communal Sky and that we could set it up ourselves but the earliest a engineer could come out is the 3rd.

They sent an e-mail saying that the engineer is coming round on the 23rd so we rang them and a guy told us that there is no communal Sky dish so we'd need the engineer visit and that it is indeed booked for the 23rd and not the 3rd like we were originally told.

Knobheads.

[Lewis]

The Little Things in Life that Fuck Other People Off.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Yeah why should I be fucked off that my disabled Sister wont be able to watch the Sky TV she pays for for close to a month.

[Lewis]

I hope she joins and posts about you leaving it til last minute to arrange the swap.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

She only saw the flat on Friday and was given the keys on Monday.

[Lewis]

You snooze you lose lad.

[Spikey M]

She chose to move.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You snooze you lose lad.

Which would have been fine if the first person we spoke to was competent.

She fucked up twice though.

[Giggles]

The fucking neighbours have got a skip.

[niko_cee]

Why is that bad? Noise? Space? Loads of gypos rooting through it?

[Giggles]

Their three cars (plus their visitors ones) will be in everyone’s way for the weekend because the skip is in their gateway. They were told the last time I had to knock about a car across my gate that it was the first and last time, so if there’s one there in the morning then it’ll be pushed into the hedge across the road.
They’re inconsiderate enough cunts at the best of time regarding parking.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Film the bare knuckle bout please.

[Giggles]

We have a government and the fucking thieving bastard greens are part of it. It’s been a bad day.

[mugbull]

:happycry:

[Mike]

Film the bare knuckle bout please.

I'd rather get the video of him pushing a car into a hedge.

[randomlegend]

You can't push a car with the handbrake on surely?

[Ian]

Not with that attitude you can't.

[Giggles]

There are numerous ways. They seem to be learning though.

[Disco]

Someone called Victoria who then shortens it to 'Tor'. Fuck off.

[Baz]

Never heard of that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I knew a 'Torts' once along the same lines. I like silly names like that though.

[Spikey M]

Alright Imm.

[niko_cee]

Ive.

[Disco]

I knew a 'Torts' once along the same lines. I like silly names like that though.

I can only picture some Sloane Ranger, right out of a Hooray Henry cartoon.

[John]

People choosing stupid names for themselves is far more palatable to me than people giving their children stupid names. The worst I've ever known personally was a girl named 'Looweeze'.

[Spikey M]

That's just a free subscription to the JobCentre.

[Manc]

It's spelt Louise.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can only picture some Sloane Ranger, right out of a Hooray Henry cartoon.

It was a bit like that. She was one of those people who decided they'd 'do Africa' and that was the last I heard. Hopefully she ended up in a jollof rice.

[Giggles]

I knew a 'Torts' once along the same lines. I like silly names like that though.

I knew a Torie once myself too. What's wrong with Vicki?

[igor_balis]

Victoria is one of those names which is just better in its full version.

[Ian]

I knew a Torie once myself too. What's wrong with Vicki?

Torie is at least near enough just part of the name.

"Torts" just sounds like posho bullshit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm an Oliver, irl, and trying to drop all the various Ollie/Olly/Oli legacy forms as I enter my thirties has been seriously hard work. I'm fine with it spoken (although even that will have an expiry date), but written down they all just look like I'm nine years old.

Danny, Jamie, all names that should go at 30 too.

[Disco]

The ubiquitous and terribly boring 'Dave' will suffice at any age, which is handy because it's all I've got.

[Danny]

I'm an Oliver, irl, and trying to drop all the various Ollie/Olly/Oli legacy forms as I enter my thirties has been seriously hard work. I'm fine with it spoken (although even that will have an expiry date), but written down they all just look like I'm nine years old.

Danny, Jamie, all names that should go at 30 too.

:uhoh:

[mugbull]

I've always said that my son(s) will be named something like Lucas, James, Thaddeus etc and I will never call them by their shorter nickname. James > Jimmy/Jamie at all ages

[Giggles]

Surnames still work here when speaking directly.

[Shindig]

It could be worse. I've seen too many Jaydee's, Jaymee's, Lianne, Leigh-Anne, Lee-Ann and Bobbi-Jo's in my line of work. And, for the love of God, unless you're Brazilian, don't call your son Ayrton.

[Kikó]

Surnames still work here when speaking directly.

A few of my colleagues/bosses call me by my surname which can be a bit weird. As long as it's not fucking Drew I'm ok.

[Baz]

Okay Daws

(As in rhymes with horse, not with drawers.)

[John]

Dawsonegger is a bit unwieldy is it not?

[Lewis]

A few of my colleagues/bosses call me by my surname which can be a bit weird. As long as it's not fucking Drew I'm ok.

The shittest nickname I've ever come across in real life was for someone with your names, and he went by 'Ands'. The only thing I thought it could be was 'Hands', and maybe he had weird webbed ones or something, but no it was just derived from his first name.

[John]

Okay Daws

(As in rhymes with horse, not with drawers.)

What the fuck is your accent that it can possibly rhyme with either of those?

[Spikey M]

If he doesn't hear 'George Daws what are the scores?' Atleast 3 times a week he should quit.

[Spikey M]

What the fuck is your accent that it can possibly rhyme with either of those?

The second one is Mayor Quimby.

[niko_cee]

Daws sit on whores. :/

[SincereTheRebel]

Names like James Jameson and Edward Woodward are the worst type. Clearly, the parents had a bad connection and wanted to do bad on the child.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Names like James Jameson and Edward Woodward are the worst type. Clearly, the parents had a bad connection and wanted to do bad on the child.

Thoughts on Neville Neville?

[Kikó]

What the fuck is your accent that it can possibly rhyme with either of those?

Er, *slowly raises hand*

[Disco]

All three of them seem pretty similar to me.

[Spikey M]

Er, *slowly raises hand*

You say Dorse or Dawers?

[Lewis]

Doors, which would rhyme with drawers (as in chest of).

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Celts pronounce their r's, unlike us decent English folk, so for them dorse would be a right tongue-twister.

[Boydy]

Can't even speak your own language properly. :nono:

[Jimmy Floyd]

If you want me to go through the full list of crimes against communication that I suffer daily from my Ulster customers then I will. There's one bloke in Magherafelt who talks like he's been drinking engine oil.

[Baz]

Spikey says drawers (as in chest of) as draw-uh-z :sick:

[Spikey M]

I don't, but there is a very slight difference between drawers and doors (aside from the R).

[mugbull]

Drawers rhymes with doors in my dialect, easily.

[Baz]

Drawers rhymes with draws.
Neither rhyme with doors.

[Boydy]

None of these fucking rhyme.

[mugbull]

I think, in addition to all the accent differences, people just don’t realize when things rhyme

[Giggles]

Drawers rhymes with draws.
Neither rhyme with doors.

Correct.

[Spikey M]

Drawers rhymes with draws.
Neither rhyme with doors.

There is a very (very, very, very, very) soft w in drawers that differentiates it from doors, but I would still say it rhymes with doors.

[Spikey M]

None of these fucking rhyme.

Everything rhymes in your ridiculous mumble.

[Kikó]

You say Dorse or Dawers?

Dorse.

(Thread of the year contender this)

[Giggles]

Nobody really speaks English the way it’s probably supposed to be.

[Lewis]

I say 'Daws' as written, so like 'paws', which is why I would rhyme it with 'doors' and 'drawers'. I'm pretty sure that's how manc sean said it as well, so since between us we popularised it here it stands.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nobody really speaks English the way it’s probably supposed to be.

Shakespearean OP was more like a sort of soft west country drawl. Hampshire accents are probably closest. Few vowel differences, like 'sea' until the great vowel shift would have been pronounced 'say'. 'Meat' = 'Mate', etc.

They would have said the Rs, so the Queen's English is deficient there.

[mugbull]

English isn’t meant to be any way

[Jimmy Floyd]

Englishes ranked

1 Posh Scottish
2 Queen's
3 East coast American
4 English provincial
5 Pleb Scottish
6 Irish
7 the bollocks spoken in the US south that includes the word 'Y'all'
8 Australian
....
198403 International Lingua Franca English

[Giggles]

Englishes ranked

1 Posh Scottish
2 Queen's
3 East coast American
4 English provincial
5 Pleb Scottish
6 Irish
7 the bollocks spoken in the US south that includes the word 'Y'all'
8 Australian
....
198403 International Lingua Franca English

I hope that's counting up from worst because posh Scottish is the equivalent to having an M8 drill bit rammed into your ear. I'd rather listen to those mans blud cunts in London that think they're somewhere else.

[Spikey M]

7 is better than 3 and I will fight you over that.

[niko_cee]

Posh scotch (in fact most of the teuchter accents) is/are just the worst.

[-james-]

The viking sounding stuff you get up the north of Scotland is the best. East coast is generally horrific.

[Ian]

Fuckin' kens and ehs everywhere.

I went to Kirkcaldy once and it may as well be a different language.

[Jimmy Floyd]

7 is better than 3 and I will fight you over that.

1970s New York cab drivers >>>>> the people in 'Justified'

[mugbull]

The “Southern Belle” accent is great. The Cletus accent, not so much

[Boydy]

I loved the accents in Justified.

[Spikey M]

The 'wash myself with a rag on a stick' accent is amazing. I wouldn't want it, obviously, but it's entertaining.

But sometimes terrifying:

1279832473137012737?s=19

[niko_cee]

Fuckin' kens and ehs everywhere.

I went to Kirkcaldy once and it may as well be a different language.

Is that in The Kingdom of Fife™?

My dad had cousins from there and there was just no understanding them. Didn't help that I think some of them were genuinely mental as well.

[Kikó]

I'm going to the Kingdom of Fife this evening :cool:

Takes me ages to understand the FIL (Ayrshire) and no chance with the Dundee folk most of the time.

[Ian]

Is that in The Kingdom of Fife™?

They're fae the Kingdom, eh.

[Spikey M]

Wee Anglish tike hae some baws.

[Raoul Duke]

Shakespearean OP was more like a sort of soft west country drawl. Hampshire accents are probably closest. Few vowel differences, like 'sea' until the great vowel shift would have been pronounced 'say'. 'Meat' = 'Mate', etc.

They would have said the Rs, so the Queen's English is deficient there.

I was having a chat about this the other day - what is the furthest back in time you could go (within England) where you could still expect to speak/read the majority of the language and be understood?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think we could somewhat have a clue in the 17th and maybe 16th centuries, but they wouldn't understand us.

Medieval times we wouldn't have a scoobie. If you read Chaucer and then add in the fact that their concept of pronunciation was miles out from ours, then I don't think we'd have a chance.

I find this stuff fascinating. The earliest recording of speech is I think Gladstone talking into a tin can and he sounds almost impossibly far-off in history.

[Lewis]

Scottish 'folk' who write in their accents are cunts.

[Giggles]

Scottish 'folk' who write in their accents are cunts.

You've 5 unnecessary words in the middle of that.

[Disco]

Is it Irving Welsh that does that? Fucking unreadable.

[Shindig]

Newcastle United's twitter account just signed a tweet off with HWTL.

Howay is one word. Granted, there's not anywhere they can find that out ....

https://cdn.nufcblog.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Howay-the-lads.jpg

Oh.

[Spikey M]

"Howay" is neither 1 or 2 words.

[Disco]

If you can have a fantasy bullshit word then presumably you can acronymise it however you like.

[Shindig]

https://www.lexico.com/definition/howay

Oxford recognise it. Fuck the Queen's English. :D

[Offshore Toon]

Loads of people write HWTL on Twitter. I thought the same as you, but plenty of geordies are using it.

[Shindig]

Well, I can't fight majority rule. Stupid geordies. :(

[igor_balis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ein57OSrqoA

[Spikey M]

He blocked me on Twitter for saying I don't know who he is.

[Disco]

The woman next door is sitting outside with one of her friends and is wittering on about the most vapid fucking he said/they did bullshit I think I've ever heard, worse is that she has the never-takes-a-breath machine gun cadence of the terminally inane. We're forty minutes in and I haven't heard the other person say a word, I assume she must either be waiting for the first pause in the monologue or has actually committed suicide and I really couldn't blame her.

[Spikey M]

We had that the other day. I did the loudest and most obviously fake laugh I could manage and they fucked off. Go for a Boycie.

[John]

I've stopped the couple downstairs from arguing several times through laughing so loud that they definitely heard me. The time that springs to mind is when he responded to a long stream of abuse with 'fuck off then, heavy hole'.

[Shindig]

Nice. :D

[Giggles]

y absolute cunt neighbours told the Mrs the other day that they’re having their cunt daughters 21st this weekend so expect visitors and noise. They can party 24hrs (weekends are fair game imo) but if even one cunt has blocked me from getting out then there’s going to be fun again.

[igor_balis]

1 sp1lled a glass of water on my 700 qu1d less than a year ago laptop last n1ght.

at f1rst 1t wouldn't turn on at all but now 1t worQs but w1th a somewhat...streaml1ned Qeyboard

the number between 7 and 9 the letters eye cay and the comma no longer funct1on

1f anyone has a better alternat1ve to cay than Q let me Qnow cheers

also the bus went stra1ght past me th1s morn1ng and d1dnt p1cQ me up desp1te the fact 1 stepped forward made eye contact and sm1led at the th1cQ cunt fucQ saQe

[John]

Just bring up the on screen keyboard and use it to type the characters for which the keys no longer work.

[Giggles]

Just bring up the on screen keyboard and use it to type the characters for which the keys no longer work.

If it’s a touchscreen. Be better picking up the cheapest USB keyboard he can find until he tries to fix it.

[Disco]

Plug a keyboard in. Or better yet, don't be a mong.

[John]

If it’s a touchscreen. Be better picking up the cheapest USB keyboard he can find.

On screen keyboards exist on non touchscreen laptops too.

[Don]

Trying to decipher the hidden code in that post like peak Turing here (minus the bumming).

[igor_balis]

Plug a keyboard in. Or better yet, don't be a mong.

fucq off w1th that abl1st sh1t who do you th1nq you are R1CQY GERVA1S fucq off d1cqhead

[Disco]

Trying to decipher the hidden code in that post like peak Turing here (minus the bumming).


And presumably the chemical castration.

[Disco]

fucq off w1th that abl1st sh1t who do you th1nq you are R1CQY GERVA1S fucq off d1cqhead

If you post which keys you're missing we might be able to help.

[Giggles]

Or just use your phone for now.

[Shindig]

Never fix it. Th1$ 1$ your l1f£ n0w.

[Boydy]

Post from your phone, you attention-seeker.

[Giggles]

Post from your phone, you attention-seeker.

I was going to add that bit when I posted about the phone and I thought I’d be nice for once :D

[igor_balis]

Post from your phone, you attention-seeker.

Oh mate i just thought it would be a way to milk some humour out of a frustrating situation. Cunt.

[Boydy]

Oh mate i just thought it would be a way to milk some humour out of a frustrating situation. Cunt.

:D

luv u xx

[Disco]

Kalm down mate.

[Giggles]

Kalm down mate.

Qalm.

[Pepe]

Q@IM

caps

[phonics]

CY@ 1gors laptop

edit: decided not to change his username to 1gor bal1s

[Jimmy Floyd]

Because I'm that sort of twat, I decided to buy a half decent coffee machine. Espresso, cappuccino, the lot. Anyway, the thing turns up and it's a beautiful piece of kit, so I start setting it up, with my posho beans and their lovely aroma. Get a space cleared out, plug it in, everything seems to be going in nicely.

Then it's time to pull out the detachable water tank and fill it up with water to make the coffees. So I pull it out, slips out beautifully, put it under the tap and start filling it up. Then I notice a small issue. You see, it looks like this:

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41T6-TWE9iL._AC_.jpg

But in the round hole at the bottom, where there should be some sort of stopper to keep the water inside (as pictured), there is just fresh air. Nothing. The water's just pouring out of that hole as I fill up from the top, i.e. there's a hole in my bucket.

I assumed maybe I've dropped the part somewhere, can't see it anywhere. I go online, no mention of such a stopper/plug/bung even existing as a part, or of anyone ever having had this problem before. I then seethe my face off for about half an hour, convinced that I must be missing something and there must be a perfectly easy way of filling it up without a bung (there isn't, as fans of gravity / basic fluid dynamics will appreciate). As such I then spend the next twenty minutes crossing the kitchen with various fingers covering the hole, desperately trying to keep the water in but each time it slips and the water spurts everywhere in dramatic fashion.

I'm guessing all the nonnas up and down Italy who have this machine don't spend their days trying to plug water holes with their dainty little fingers, so either I'm a total mong, or I've been had, or both.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You can't, it's closed off from the top so you have to pull it out. In the end I've just done it carefully with my finger and it works fine, but Jesus, as if I'm doing that every time.

[Foe]

Fuck me that’s like when I got a new Britta filter kettle and spent the first two weeks filling it from a glass carried across from the sink. Turns out it’s likely every other kettle ever and you just detach it from the holder and take it to the tap.

Jim is it a twist open/close deal?

Or alternatively carry it on an angle?

You checked the wisdom of YouTube. If it’s totes fancy then someone probably did an unboxing video.

[Shindig]

I presume it came with instructions?

[Jimmy Floyd]

If the stopper is still in the machine then I can't see any way of getting it out. Oh well, thank goodness I have manly fingers that can plug any hole (hmm).

[Spikey M]

You can't, it's closed off from the top so you have to pull it out. In the end I've just done it carefully with my finger and it works fine, but Jesus, as if I'm doing that every time.

Watch an online review of the model. There'll be some sad act that's recorded every stage of them making a coffee with it, surely?

[Yevrah]

Sounds like you might need a plumber round Jim...

[Boydy]

Where'd you buy it from?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Watch an online review of the model. There'll be some sad act that's recorded every stage of them making a coffee with it, surely?

They all have stoppers in their tanks. I think I'm just destined to stick my middle finger in this thing for the next twenty years.

[Foe]

Tweet them. Where’s my plug?

Alternatively send it / take it back.

[Shindig]

Black tape might do it.

[Spikey M]

Fuck paying them for anything. Just phone the company and ask them to send you one out.

[Kikó]

More importantly, what machine did you buy?

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://delonghi.encompass.com/model/DEIESAM04110S this is where they have their replacement parts but to be fair i didn't really see just that stopper piece

you can buy a whole new tank for $20 (https://delonghi.encompass.com/item/9616344/Delonghi/7313228241/l, and it comes with that piece already in)

I did see that someone said you can call DeLonghi at (800) 322-3848 directly and ask them for that specific part number which might make it easier to find.

I looked even for a diagram that would mention what part that's even supposed to be but like you said it really doesn't lol. Even the "stopper" they have looks much much different.

As they say in your part of the world, 'Thank you for your service'.

[Boydy]

Just contact the company you bought it from.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just contact the company you bought it from.

I called Jeff Bezos's mobile but he wouldn't pick up.

[Boydy]

Amazon actually have decent customer service.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Indeed.

They sent me a replacement Kindle once. I had dropped it in the bath but told them a nephew left it outside in the rain.

[Manc]

Send the fucker back.

[Lewis]

Indeed.

They sent me a replacement Kindle once. I had dropped it in the bath but told them a nephew left it outside in the rain.

That would still be your fault.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That would still be your fault.

It would but they either didn't see it that way or just didn't give a shit.

[Lewis]

God that annoys me. Like those cunts who ask for replacement ice creams when their arsehole kids drop them.

[Spikey M]

Send the fucker back.

I don't think blagging a free kindle is deportation worthy.

[randomlegend]

Amazon don't give a fuck when it comes to things like that. I'm guessing they've decided the continued custom they get from doing that stuff is worth more than the item.

I had a friend who bought a £500 GPU from there and it hadn't arrived after two weeks. He contacted them and they sent him another one. He felt guilty when they both ultimately arrived and let them know, and they told him to keep it.

[niko_cee]

Then marked his account as sucker/permanently indebted to amazon and adjusted all prices accordingly.

[Giggles]

You can send it back anyway within a certain length of time whether it’s working or not.

[Mike]

They once replaced some headphones for me 18 months after they’d gone out of warranty.

[The Merse]

Right this thread will do.

What the fuck was that site we used to have music rooms on? Like listen along things...?

[John]

Mumu.

[Giggles]

I’m going to guess sporcle as it came into my head but I don’t know for sure.

[mugbull]

I’m going to guess sporcle as it came into my head but I don’t know for sure.

:cab:

[Lewis]

I had one go on that, kept switching the songs because I didn't know how it worked, and - it appears now - set Tobias on the path to leaving.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I went in once and skipped a few songs as I thought it would skip them just for me.

[Spikey M]

Me and John were the Don's on there.

[Giggles]

Could just do it in zoom now.

[Ian]

Me and John were the Don's on there.

*the Taz's

[Spikey M]

I don't know about John's personal hygiene but I wipe my arse and wash my hands.

[Lewis]

Used to love them Idiotmouse rooms with this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOMSZQ7RacQ) and this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckMvj1piK58) on rotation.

:dance:

[Spikey M]

:D Bangers

[Lewis]

We want a donk putting on it, Tobias, you fathead, not some beta breathing out over a guitar.

[The Merse]

Mumu.

Top man.

[Spikey M]

We want a donk putting on it, Tobias, you fathead, not some beta breathing out over a guitar.

I can't think of a single song that wouldn't be improved by a good donking.

[Queenslander]

As if Movember wasnt contrived enough...

https://i.ibb.co/vVHk5Yx/Screenshot-20200811-115847-Facebook.jpg (https://ibb.co/sb2qSHv)
imagehost (https://imgbb.com/)

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You're just annoyed because you can't grow one.

[Queenslander]

You're just annoyed because you can't grow one.

:D

I have full growth at the back thank you very much. My hair fails me up top due to male pattern baldness.

[Baz]

Mac Savage paving the way :nod:

[Queenslander]

Half the AFL have trendy mullets.

https://i.ibb.co/YND1Vxn/1e1ac763a7f3dd9db509eff28270f1ff.jpg (https://ibb.co/zm8Btz9)
upload images (https://imgbb.com/)

[SincereTheRebel]

Really Low England considers that trendy?

[Queenslander]

Apparently in Melbourne.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That picture proves that literally anyone can be made unattractive if you give them a mullet and a beater.

[Spikey M]

https://i.ibb.co/kHjwQ7v/Screenshot-20200811-100239-Facebook.jpg

Bitch please. :cool:

[Dquincy]

:D My gosh.

[Spikey M]

Even the graffiti was mocking me.

[Disco]

There's never been a good mullet so while they may be a trend they will never be 'trendy'.

[Queenslander]

There's never been a good mullet so while they may be a trend they will never be 'trendy'.

It just feels like the standard hipster trend.

Ive watched more AFL than I ever have this year and deadset every game has well over 10 players with them.

[Spikey M]

Mullets>Man Buns.

[phonics]

My lower back has gone.

[Disco]

Not something you want to be lumbared with on a Friday.

[Don]

Serves you right for not doing daily stretching/yoga.

[Manc]

What a coccyx.

[Shindig]

Snappy respondylitis.

[Spikey M]

My lower back has gone.

Where was the last place you had it?

[phonics]

I was trying to adjust the volume of my phone from outside my pocket and somehow set off a rape alarm that immediately called the police?

iPhone 11. Anyone else encountered this?

All banter is obvious don’t even bother.

[SincereTheRebel]

If you would have set off the rape alarm earlier, you wouldn't have lower back pain.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was trying to adjust the volume of my phone from outside my pocket and somehow set off a rape alarm that immediately called the police?

iPhone 11. Anyone else encountered this?

All banter is obvious don’t even bother.

TTH was built on obvious banter.

[Ian]

I was trying to adjust the volume of my phone from outside my pocket and somehow set off a rape alarm that immediately called the police?

iPhone 11. Anyone else encountered this?

All banter is obvious don’t even bother.

Sounds like it should have called the Fun Police for you instead.

[Raoul Duke]

I was trying to adjust the volume of my phone from outside my pocket and somehow set off a rape alarm that immediately called the police?

iPhone 11. Anyone else encountered this?

All banter is obvious don’t even bother.

There's an emergency call mode: https://support.apple.com/en-gb/HT208076


Press and hold the side button and one of the Volume buttons until the Emergency SOS slider appears

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://i.imgur.com/1DH5Be8.jpg

This was seriously fun to clean up...

https://i.imgur.com/gI0s7Y9.jpg

Scooped as much as I could up but I don't really know what to do now. I tried some hot pressure washer but it was too powerful and started spraying shit.

I'm thinking either lob the mat away (but still have some spots on the carpet and seat) or rent out one of those extractor vacuums. As for the plastic best idea right now is to let it dry fully and hope it peels off :\

[Giggles]

Burn it and claim the insurance.