The little things in life that fuck you off

[Ian]

Does a CTRL-SHIFT-T not remember anything you'd typed in?

[phonics]

Does a CTRL-SHIFT-T not remember anything you'd typed in?

Nah, that works if you've hit back and then forward, in which case it saves. But if you re-open the tab then it just looks like you've hit 'Create New Thread'

[Disco]

"Content" :harold:

[Pepe]

Ate some spicy crisps. Now I'm feeling like shit. :sick:

[Pepe]

Haven't farted this much in ages.

I'm too old for junk food. :(

[Spikey M]

Onion repeats on me these days, which is shit, because I have it in pretty much everything.

[Pepe]

Even cooked? Raw onion can be brutal.

[Spikey M]

Less so, but yeah. If cheese ever turns on me I may as well pitch myself off something tall.

[John]

Keep a supply of the ranitidine tablets Tesco sell and you'll be safe.

[bruhnaldo]

For the love of fucking God...

You don't need to leave the shit on speaker. Pick up the fucking phone. You're on hold. It's a shared office.

[Dark Soldier]

Onion repeats on me these days, which is shit, because I have it in pretty much everything.

Pastry for me, gives me fucking horrible indigestion and heartburn. No more pork pies or sausage rolls fml

[-james-]

Taps in public toilets and the like that require you to keep the thing pressed down for water to come out. At least give me a few seconds.

[bruhnaldo]

I need to vent somewhere

So after leaving the Orlando City game a few weeks back I hit a slick bit of water in the rain and curbed the fuck out of my left front tire.

Fuck my life, right? Manage to get it home and then to the dealership the next day.

They take a look, buddy calls me, hey man.. gonna be $1200 or so to fix it.

Fuck my life! I was just finally saving up some money. Oh well, gotta have a car. Sure, go ahead, fix the part.

Calls me back again, awww shit we did the lazer point triple XL inspection and actually the back axle is a bit fucked too!

Now it's gonna be $3200 to fix!

FUCK MY LIFE. That's basically my entire savings to this point. Fine. Need a car.

Go, pay for the fucking thing. "It's perfect now!" Oh, word! Great!

So I'm driving and i hear this squeaky noise like a nest of fucking rats has moved in.

Wow, I think to myself, I guess that's just the way it's going to sound now. Still, I'll take it to get it looked at.

Then, as I'm braking at a red light, CLICK CLICK CLICK like the fucking brake rotor is coming off or some shit.

Whaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuuuck?

So I take the car back in today. Buddy tried to tell me oh it's gonna be another $320 to fix. I said hold on, I just paid you $3200, you said it was perfect, but you didn't see the tire hub "bouncing around" when you test drove it?

I said I tell you what let me call you back. I'm a notoriously quick hot head and I felt myself getting too hyped up.

So I go online, find the service manager's name, call them back and ask to speak to buddy. Long story short, "oh he's not in the office" I said okay here's my number have him call me back.

This fucking pussy has the service advisor call me back instead of calling himself... Guy tells me "oh okay, my manager said we'll write off the labor if you'll just pay for the part." Went from $320 to $120. Mind you how fucking outrageous is it that I have to pay your labor.

I said look man, you've been nothing but helpful to me, don't think it has anything to do with you. He said oh I know trust me.

But what the fuck kinda shit is this man. You sent me out with a "perfect" car but you didn't see the fucking tire hub "bouncing around" in the fucking wheel? Fuck off, you fucking cunts.

tl;dr: My car got a boo-boo. It was one price to fix it, then another price. Paid the astronomical amount. Still fucked up. Wanted me to pay for their fuck up. I said lolz manager please. Manager's a pussy, didn't call me back directly. They're gonna eat the cost of labor (more than half the price of the actual part). Fine, I guess.

[John]

You probably paid their labour costs six times over with what they've shafted out of you on the original repair.

[Disco]

What did they actually do for $3200?

[Spikey M]

Shaft him.

[Spikey M]

I can't even make a joke about $3200 being about 50p. Thanks, Brexit.

[Disco]

American cars are made of old tin cans and kinder egg plastic though so $3200 should buy you about eight of them.

[bruhnaldo]

You'd fucking imagine. Hold on I have the original receipt in my pocket.

Let's see then:

Alignment: 89.95
"History Fee" (what in the fuck): 1.50
Shop Supplies: 25.00
Arm assembly: 90.00
Rod assembly: 30.07
Nut: 1.06
Link: 21.43
Nut: 1.76
Rotor assembly: 60.00
Brake kit: 83.00
Valve kit: 15.00
Wheel assembly: 180.00
Shock absorber: 108.88
Nut: .50
Cross Member: 883.92
------------
Parts: 1636.56

Labor: 1563.44

"replace left front lower control arm, tie rod, sway bar link, rear cross member"

fuck everything.

Mind you, $1563.44 over a 40 hour week is damn near $40 a fucking hour. It's literally highway robbery.

[bruhnaldo]

How does one nut cost 70 cents more than the other. What kinda fucking world is this man?

[John]

Six times over might have been on the low end.

[Disco]

You should have gone somewhere else.

[Spikey M]

How much is a car in America? It has to be cheaper to buy a new one.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.carfax.com/Used-Cars-Under-3000_f3

It is.

[Spikey M]

Lol

[John]

Top Gear picked up three for about eight hundred dollars. They were bangers, but if 'oh well, gotta have a car' is the justification then a banger will do.

[Disco]

Fucking hell, what a parade of turgid glop that page is. If those are the alternative you did exactly the right thing.

[7om]

Also cars here don't have an MOT. You can drive until it literally stops working unhindered.

[mikem]

John's right. They'll run but maybe forever or just for three months. Double what he paid and you can get something more than serviceable though.

But Bruh? Didn't someone teach you to never go to the dealer unless you are under warranty and never ever pay what they ask.

[John]

It's like looking down the used cars list on Gran Turismo 2. There's even the obligatory bright red Del Sol.

I'll take the Hyundai Accent that's been averaging fifty thousand miles a year please.

[Disco]

The Del Sol is the highlight, the rest look like they've been partially melted.

[Pepe]

I paid $1800 for mine when I arrived in the US. Lasted me ten years.


Also cars here don't have an MOT. You can drive until it literally stops working unhindered.

That's what I did.

I can probably fix it for $500 or so, but I can't be arsed.

[Giggles]

I miss decent cars but I don't miss car ownership. Robbery.

[Pepe]

They do end up costing a bloody fortune. Bike + the occasional car share rental has turned out to be much, much cheaper.

[mikem]

Yes, I should have said they will all run forever but how much and how often will you have to pay. People pay too much on cars though. $5,000 and at most you are paying for oil / tire changes. Dealerships screw you because most people have a loan they can't walk from.

[bruhnaldo]

John's right. They'll run but maybe forever or just for three months. Double what he paid and you can get something more than serviceable though.

But Bruh? Didn't someone teach you to never go to the dealer unless you are under warranty and never ever pay what they ask.

Shit you not my dad was a mechanic at a dealership and he always told me to use the dealer because of the genuine parts blah blah blah.

But he's a fucking dickhead whom I haven't spoken to for 5+ years so maybe it's time to move on to new advice.

[bruhnaldo]

Also, the thing about my current is I still owe money on it so it's not like I can just bin it off and try again.

It's a 2014 but has been really good to me since I bought it in all fairness.

[Lewis]

Shit you not my dad was a mechanic at a dealership and he always told me to use the dealer because of the genuine parts blah blah blah.

But he's a fucking dickhead whom I haven't spoken to for 5+ years so maybe it's time to move on to new advice.

I bet it was him who fixed it.

[bruhnaldo]

Lmao probably.

[Giggles]

After all the talk, my fucking car is leaking fucking oil.

[Mike]

It's a week of different sports days in work.

If you have kids and go to their sports day, sit/standwhere the school has provided seating.

Do not decide to sit on the other side from everyone else or behind the start of finish like and most of all DO NOT come over to your kid. If they look thirsty it's their own fault for forgetting to bring a drink out, they will have been told to several times and your kids just an idiot. Buy them a lolly/ice cream/ sweets AFTER SCHOOL! Not between races.

Grrr!!

The summer term is the worst!

[bruhnaldo]

Do you teach in China? Haven't they given up on sport concentration camps since Beijing came and went?

[Shindig]

Charity singles being covers of an existing song. Bridge Over Troubled Water for the Grenfell lot. Seriously. Simon Cowell is worthless.

[ScousePig]

It's a week of different sports days in work.

If you have kids and go to their sports day, sit/standwhere the school has provided seating.

Do not decide to sit on the other side from everyone else or behind the start of finish like and most of all DO NOT come over to your kid. If they look thirsty it's their own fault for forgetting to bring a drink out, they will have been told to several times and your kids just an idiot. Buy them a lolly/ice cream/ sweets AFTER SCHOOL! Not between races.

Grrr!!

The summer term is the worst!

Having to organise sports day.

[SvN]

So my broadband has slowed to 0.5Mb today. It's ridiculous to try and use, and basically means I can't work. I have Virgin coming out Monday morning, but it basically means there's no internet this weekend :mad:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've got two of those little tiny bug cunts in my screen.

[Adamski]

Didn't realise the Ukrainian was a twin.

[-james-]

Checked into a Ryanair flight today. Two of us on the same booking. It's given us seats ten aisles apart. Apparently you have to pay for the privilege now. Fuck them.

[Spammer]

Ten aisles? How fucking big is this plane?

[-james-]

lol

Rows

[-james-]

Apparently I was so angry I posted about this in two different threads three hours apart.

Am I losing it?

[Ian]

Apparently I was so angry I posted about this in two different threads three hours apart.

Am I losing it?

You're definitely ON THE ROPES. You may even be having a MELTDOWN.

Medically speaking, that is.

[bruhnaldo]

So I noticed there's a "REMASTERED!" version of OK Computer on Apple™ Music ®... and I cannot tell the fucking difference whatsoever.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I never quite 'got' OK Computer, good though it is. The Bends is their best for me.

God I'm rebooting classic 2003-4 era TTH, ranking Radiohead albums, and there was no In Rainbows to rank in those days either.

[Giggles]

The Bends was as good as it got for them. It was still shite.

[Shindig]

The Bends was as good as it got for them. It was still shite.

Kid A was great. Here's a gripe. Old albums where they couldn't figure out stereo so they just flip between right and left channels. Basically Jimi Hendrix and Beatles albums of a certain age.

[Ian]

Recipes with rubbish quantities. Don't tell me to put "a pack" of something in, bastards.

[Adamski]

That's a good one Ian.

Jamie cunting Oliver and his 'smidge' ruined many a dish for me.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I hate Americans and their 'cup' shit.

[Boydy]

Cups are actual sizes though.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I have different sized cups, which should I use? Heaped? Level?

I want an exact measurement.

[Giggles]

It's always level. Even measuring jugs have cups marked on them and they are an exact measurement. All you need to remember is that US cups are slightly different in volume to UK cups.

http://www.metric-conversions.org/volume/us-cups-to-milliliters.htm

https://www.maxiaids.com/Media/Thumbs/0004/0004240-cooking-measuring-cups-set-of-5.jpg

[Boydy]

I'm pretty sure Mahow thinks it's just a normal cup like you'd drink tea out of.

[Jimmy Floyd]

As soon as I see any recipe with 'cup' measurements it goes straight in the bin.

[Disco]

Using Mahows cup size while cooking would lead to all kinds of issues.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm pretty sure Mahow thinks it's just a normal cup like you'd drink tea out of.

I understand what it is but I just don't think it's exact enough. I much prefer a scale and exact measurements.

Edit: Jimmy :cool:

[Disco]

It's not nuclear fission, a little bit more/less of whatever it is won't make any difference. Also a hearty lol at the idea that scales are any more/less accurate.

[Giggles]

I understand what it is but I just don't think it's exact enough. I much prefer a scale and exact measurements.

Edit: Jimmy :cool:

How do you manage to fathom tablespoons? It's the exact same thing with a larger volume.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's not nuclear fission, a little bit more/less of whatever it is won't make any difference. Also a hearty lol at the idea that scales are any more/less accurate.
They're not but it's comforting to me in a way. I see a 'cup' as being quite throwaway and inaccurate whereas an actual gram amount or ml just works.

How do you manage to fathom tablespoons? It's the exact same thing with a larger volume.
I don't think I've ever come across a recipe using tablespoons. I've only seen that on hot chocolate/nesquick boxes and I just go heaped.

[Giggles]

They're not but it's comforting to me in a way. I see a 'cup' as being quite throwaway and inaccurate whereas an actual gram amount or ml just works.

I don't think I've ever come across a recipe using tablespoons. I've only seen that on hot chocolate/nesquick boxes and I just go heaped.

A cup is in grams or ml's though.

[igor_balis]

3 cups of cilantro? suck my dick

[Disco]

They're not but it's comforting to me in a way. I see a 'cup' as being quite throwaway and inaccurate whereas an actual gram amount or ml just works.

I don't think I've ever come across a recipe using tablespoons. I've only seen that on hot chocolate/nesquick boxes and I just go heaped.

Seriously? Every recipe book I've ever read has them, I don't believe you.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Maybe I have but just moved on, been a while since I used a recipe though.

[Lewis]

I wanted to make some pancakes at my brother's house once, and, long story short, he ended up having a MELTDOWN insisting that a 'millilitre is a gram' regardless of substance.

[Ian]

That's a good one Ian.

Jamie cunting Oliver and his 'smidge' ruined many a dish for me.

Smidge, dash, handful, dollop, slug, drop. They can all piss off.

[Giggles]

In fairness, Oliver even tried to con is as to what 20 minutes even was.

[Disco]

Smidge, dash, handful, dollop, slug, drop. They can all piss off.

I agree, my least favourite dwarfs.

[Magic]

I wanted to make some pancakes at my brother's house once, and, long story short, he ended up having a MELTDOWN insisting that a 'millilitre is a gram' regardless of substance.

Did he use the tonne of feathers analogy?

[Spikey M]

Jamie Oliver is a cunt, but horses are responsible for the demise of the Crispy Pancake so they are deserving of the real venom. Glue factory the fucking lot of them. Including Oliver.

[Spikey M]

I wanted to make some pancakes at my brother's house once, and, long story short, he ended up having a MELTDOWN insisting that a 'millilitre is a gram' regardless of substance.

Does we weigh things by the centimeter as well?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm quite Oliverian on the measurements. Life's too short to bother with numbers, just whack the stuff in there. The thing that annoys me about a 'cup' is that it is supposed to be exact, rather than what a cup is, which is a cup.

[Disco]

I'm quite Oliverian on the measurements. Life's too short to bother with numbers, just whack the stuff in there. The thing that annoys me about a 'cup' is that it is supposed to be exact, rather than what a cup is, which is a cup.

I'm right behind an objection as pedantic as this.

[Foe]

What's the story with your brother?

Reckon he'll defect across the bridge to stay in the top division?

[Haystacks Horace]

But why?

[Spoonsky]

What's the story with your brother?

Reckon he'll defect across the bridge to stay in the top division?

Pretty sure that was the other SD.

[bruhnaldo]

I hate Americans and their 'cup' shit.


I have different sized cups, which should I use? Heaped? Level?

I want an exact measurement.

I want these framed and put in my kitchen. :happycry:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Decided to cut my hair today as I was boiling.

Forgot to put a blade on my clippers and took a huge chunk off the top.

Tried to cut the rest with a 3 but I looked like I had a racing stripe.

I'm a fucking skinhead now :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was raising money for cancer research!

:(

[Disco]

I have leukemia.

Girls love that.

[7om]

Why the fuck are you cutting your own hair?

[Spikey M]

He'd have to talk to the barber

[Raoul Duke]

They'd give him "a female" and he'd spend the entire time in the barber's chair sweating, with a boner

[bruhnaldo]

i haven't got a haircut in like 2 or 3 years for that exact reason.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why the fuck are you cutting your own hair?

Because it's just a clipper job. I'll go to the hairdresser like once every 6 months though.

[Spammer]

I don't think I've ever come across a recipe using tablespoons. I've only seen that on hot chocolate/nesquick boxes and I just go heaped.

I'm a bit late here, but you should take the devil may care, blasé attitude you have towards Nesquik and apply it to cooking

[Foe]

Was delighted today when I finally finished off the last of my strawberry flavoured protein, paving the way for a permanent switch to banana flavour (:uhoh:) only to get home and find a delivery of a 2.3kg tub of strawberry protein from an amazon subscription I thought I'd cancelled last year.

:moop: :(

It's so much worse.

[Giggles]

Why the fuck are you cutting your own hair?

If you're shaving it then what's the point in paying someone to do it?

[Shindig]

A couple of fat flies were rolling round my living room. One landed in my cuppa. :moop:

[Raoul Duke]

Was delighted today when I finally finished off the last of my strawberry flavoured protein, paving the way for a permanent switch to banana flavour (:uhoh:) only to get home and find a delivery of a 2.3kg tub of strawberry protein from an amazon subscription I thought I'd cancelled last year.

:moop: :(

It's so much worse.

If it's not opened then send it back?

[niko_cee]

If you're shaving it then what's the point in paying someone to do it?

So you don't end up botching it?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

So you don't end up botching it?

It's the first time I've botched it.

I blame the sun.

[niko_cee]

Never had you pegged as a scouser.

[Offshore Toon]

I cut my own hair for years before growing it long. It's piss easy. I didn't shave it or anything either, just had it short with enough hair to play about with. Dunno why you'd pay some scouse twat to give you the LadBible cut for £20.

[Shindig]

Because you want it done right?

[ScousePig]

Remember those kids from the estate who were causing bother?

http://www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/news/air-ambulance-lands-in-kirkstall-after-youth-falls-off-building-1-8636357

Dead apparently.

[Giggles]

Nice work Scouse.

[Giggles]

So you don't end up botching it?

Well you can't botch it as you're just running it over the whole area the same length*

*Working on the assumption that nobody would actually forget to put the adapter they want on the clippers.

[Greg]

Decided to cut my hair today as I was boiling.

Forgot to put a blade on my clippers and took a huge chunk off the top.

Tried to cut the rest with a 3 but I looked like I had a racing stripe.

I'm a fucking skinhead now :(

Give us a look then mate.

[Foe]

If it's not opened then send it back?

"Not eligible for return". :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Give us a look then mate.

http://i.imgur.com/ixjmaA1.jpg

:(

It's a lot cooler in this heat now though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

So how is the Ayatollah these days?

[Boydy]

Start a heavy metal band.

[Boydy]

People who leave voicemails fuck me off. Just fucking email me.

[Jimmy Floyd]

People (often in the older generation) who are unable to communicate except via phone call piss me off. How fucking hard can it be.

[Lewis]

You were too hot, so you shaved your head? Right.

[SvN]

People (often in the older generation) who are unable to communicate except via phone call piss me off. How fucking hard can it be.

The absolute FUCKING worst are the phone calls to tell you they sent you an email.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You were too hot, so you shaved your head? Right.

I'm a modern day Pedro.

Mahow for President!

[phonics]

I hate both phone and e-mail, I annoy people by walking over to their desks but fuck em.

[Lewis]

Pedro didn't have a seat-sniffer beard also warming his face.

[bruhnaldo]

Your wall frames appear crooked, 'how.

[John]

Pedro didn't have a seat-sniffer beard also warming his face.

No chance he'd be bold enough to sniff a seat. I bet he stops to take a deep whiff any time a heavily perfumed 'female' goes past though.

[SvN]

Leave Mahow alone you cunts. Although that cushion is the most tragic thing about the entire photo.

[Offshore Toon]

Is that the first mugshot of Mahow? You should hit the weights and become a wrestler.

[Disco]

The absolute FUCKING worst are the phone calls to tell you they sent you an email.

Came in here to post this exact thing, so pointless. In addition some moron called me this afternoon to chase an email she'd sent 2 whole hours before complaining that I 'hadn't come back to her yet'. Totally oblivious to the fact that it had taken her almost 2 weeks to send the information I'd asked for and it turned out to be exactly the same inadequate rubbish.

There are times when I wonder how people get through the day when they're so obviously stupid. I deal with someone who works relatively high up in a major high street retailer who didn't know the difference between square and linear metres. How do these people get this far?

[SvN]

The other day I got an email at 5:25pm (we work 9am to 5:30pm) so I obviously left it til the next day. The next morning at 8:30am I received a shitty email stressing how URGENT this matter was (it wasn't) and demanding a response. I made sure I didn't get back to her until after lunch.

[Danny]

We have one like that too. Sends an email and then calls you to let you know she emailed you. There will, and this is a guarantee, also be an IM aboit it and then possibly a desk visit to talk about the same shit over and over.

Please move onto something else and actually do something.


The other day I got an email at 5:25pm (we work 9am to 5:30pm) so I obviously left it til the next day. The next morning at 8:30am I received a shitty email stressing how URGENT this matter was (it wasn't) and demanding a response. I made sure I didn't get back to her until after lunch.

Nothing better. Especially the ones who mark things as high priority or bold/highlight shit to try and make it important. Back of the queue for you my friend.

[Spikey M]

http://i.imgur.com/ixjmaA1.jpg

:(

It's a lot cooler in this heat now though.

Like a shit Eddie Hall :cool:

[Ian]

Mahow's look does not go with his pervo-laugh.

[Sam]

That is one almighty beard.

[Disco]

The other day I got an email at 5:25pm (we work 9am to 5:30pm) so I obviously left it til the next day. The next morning at 8:30am I received a shitty email stressing how URGENT this matter was (it wasn't) and demanding a response. I made sure I didn't get back to her until after lunch.

:D

It's joyously petty in the very best way. I'm routinely working a day or two behind on my emails and whenever someone chases something I'm either in the middle of or just about to look at it gives me pause. I get conflicted because on the one hand I was just about to do it anyway but on the other hand do I really want to give the impression that pestering me actually makes any difference.

[John]

Ridiculously tortured similies/metaphors.

Some islander on the news, talking about a price war between airlines has just said, very smugly, 'I think competition is like ice cream, it tastes great for a short time but it very quickly melts away.'

What the fuck is that?

[Spoonsky]

People (often in the older generation) who are unable to communicate except via phone call piss me off. How fucking hard can it be.

Mine's the opposite, people who'd rather make plans over thirty texts when a two-minute phone call would do it. (Often in the younger generation.)

[Reg]

Similar to John's in a way:

Commentators who focus more on the chance to come up with a witty/clever line (which they fail to do 95% of the time) than simply calling the match.

Happens in both football and tennis.

[Spikey M]

Similar to John's in a way:

Commentators who focus more on the chance to come up with a witty/clever line (which they fail to do 95% of the time) than simply calling the match.

Happens in both football and tennis.

Nothing happens in a Tennis. FUCKING NOTHING.

[Reg]

Also - people have no taste in sport.

:groove:

[Ian]

Fucking orange order band marching about at 8am on a Saturday. How is this not a breach of the peace or whatever the proper term for being a right noisy cunt is?

[Giggles]

Fucking orange order band marching about at 8am on a Saturday. How is this not a breach of the peace or whatever the proper term for being a right noisy cunt is?

#culture

[Jimmy Floyd]

Catholicism doesn't cease its evil at unsocial hours.

[Greg]

http://i.imgur.com/ixjmaA1.jpg

:(

It's a lot cooler in this heat now though.

The bald head is a good look for you. Give the beard a trim and the birds will be gagging for it.

[Ian]

The flute band is back AGAIN. Jesus fucking Christ, don't you people have alcohol dependencies to nurture?

[John]

They'll be marching back to wherever the buses are parked. Standard practice.

[Giggles]

The bus park would be a good spot for a bin lorry.

[Magic]

Sorry why is a table for one so fucking unbelievable? Why does it need to be questioned? Absolute cunt restaurant staff.

[Adamski]

Because it doesn't exist so you're doing them out of another cover.

[Magic]

Because it doesn't exist so you're doing them out of another cover.

Well then I'll just go and phone them up and tell them to fuck themselves and enjoy their no covers.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's a bit tragic for dinner, mate.

[Magic]

Why is it? I'd rather eat somewhere dece than this shitty hotel. Surely business people do this all the time?

[Giggles]

Get a chicken fillet roll and eat it in your car :cool:

[SvN]

"Business people" may well do, but glorified Virgin Media installers should sit in their rental car with fast food like the insignificant peasants that they are.

[Magic]

I'm booked in to a fancy Italian, so suck on that.

EDIT: Ah, it's called Bella Italia I think, bet you've never been to somewhere as nice as that.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

An Italian chain.

The only choice for the faux middle class.

[Magic]

I'm joking obviously. I'd rather contract the plague than go to any sort of disgusting chain.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Any luck getting through to them to cancel the reservation?

[Magic]

No. :(

[Giggles]

Unless you paid up front then I wouldn't worry a big pile. Or at all.

[Raoul Duke]

Bella Italia is a shit chain, like Pizza Hut or something

[Magic]

God that was immense. I love London. A relatively shit little place teeming with utter supremacy.

[Giggles]

It's been 10 minutes already :mad:

http://i64.tinypic.com/t7kbus.jpg

[SvN]

Get an SSD, loser.

[Giggles]

Get an SSD, loser.

It's not my laptop. I'll make sure to suggest it when he's buying me the next one.

[Boydy]

I really want to go play golf tomorrow but it's to rain all over this shitty province all afternoon.

[Alex]

Grown men (largely middle-aged and upwards) cycling around in skin-tight lycra. Often this involves the full on "Team GB" get-up and what have you. They seem to be everywhere at the moment, and growing in number at an alarming rate.

What on earth are they thinking? Do they realise how ridiculous they look? Where applicable, why are their wives or significant others letting them leave the house like this? So many questions, so few answers.

[Magic]

Disco

[Disco]

I don't live anywhere near him.

[Magic]

So you can cycle to Leeds can you not fucking lazy cunt.

[SvN]

I put that alongside people who wear running gear to run and tennis whites to play tennis - who gives a shit? It's just people wearing the right stuff for their chosen activity.

[Magic]

What is 'running gear'? If you mean the correct trainers, then lol at you.

[Disco]

So you can cycle to Leeds can you not fucking lazy cunt.

If I want to cycle to a desolate shithole Cornwall is much closer.

[Giggles]

I put that alongside people who wear running gear to run and tennis whites to play tennis - who gives a shit? It's just people wearing the right stuff for their chosen activity.

Because they're not in the fucking Olympics so that 3 seconds it might shave off is irrelevant.

[niko_cee]

Grown men (largely middle-aged and upwards) cycling around in skin-tight lycra. Often this involves the full on "Team GB" get-up and what have you. They seem to be everywhere at the moment, and growing in number at an alarming rate.

What on earth are they thinking? Do they realise how ridiculous they look? Where applicable, why are their wives or significant others letting them leave the house like this? So many questions, so few answers.

Welcome to 5 years ago.

[Raoul Duke]

Wanking money away on bike shit is just a socially acceptable mid-life crisis. I'm planning on spending mine purchasing vintage guitars.

[Pepe]

I have one of these on pre-order:

https://s7d5.scene7.com/is/image/Specialized/210837?$small$

[Magic]

I'd lol, but I know you'll be wearing some cool ass Mexican colour themed lycra, or red shorts and a green t-shirt made for children.

:cool:

[Pepe]

I do own this one:

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0848/4922/products/short_sleeve_jersey_110rpm_with_silicon_giallo_fro nt_grande.jpg?v=1477578482

[Adamski]

I'd lol, but I know you'll be wearing some cool ass Mexican colour themed lycra, or red shorts and a green t-shirt made for children.

:cool:

*by children.

[Magic]

I do own this one:

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0848/4922/products/short_sleeve_jersey_110rpm_with_silicon_giallo_fro nt_grande.jpg?v=1477578482

:drool:

Aztec shit is so cool.

[Pepe]

https://soccernomad.files.wordpress.com/2016/11/blanco.jpg

:cool:

[Spikey M]

Couldn't even cope with the common cold the fucking pussies.

[Spammer]

Being the +1 at a wedding full of people I don't know.

I've danced around for a bit and pretended to take an interest but the night is getting on, I've had a few to drink and it's damn near impossible at this point to keep the charade going any longer. I'm now sat at one of those circular tables and I plan on staying here for the rest of the nigh. Possible clauses include if the bottom tier of the cake gets sliced and becomes available, or if more proper food inexplicably turns up. Its half 11 so I'm doubtful of that last one, but I'm hopeful.

The minibus is booked for midnight so not too long to wait now.

[Spammer]

Its nearly over now.

I'm told there'll be a decent fry up tomorrow :drool:

[Sam]

I have to do the same on the upcoming August Bank Holiday, girlfriend is a bridesmaid, and I know the bride (she's been around girlfriend) but that's about it. Don't know the groom, his family or the bride's family yet I've got to be there from the start till the end. Made more frustrating as it appears to be a fantastic day of sports as well, will have to remember to bring my phone charger.

[Spikey M]

The evening is the only bit worth going to. Especially if one of the sets of parents have stuck some money behind the bar.

[Giggles]

The evening is the only bit worth going to. Especially if one of the sets of parents have stuck some money behind the bar.

Evening invites are a slap in the face and thankfully dying out.

[Spikey M]

They're fucking brilliant (I assume, never actually had one), you get the party with none of the boring churchy shit. You miss out on the meal, but that's nothing a Dolmio jar/£12 pack of tomatoes can't fix.

[Giggles]

They're fucking brilliant (I assume, never actually had one), you get the party with none of the boring churchy shit. You miss out on the meal, but that's nothing a Dolmio jar/£12 pack of tomatoes can't fix.

If there's any more than 4 tomatoes in that pack then I don't want to know. I'm not a fucking peasant.

[Spikey M]

That's per tomatoe, obviously, I'm not a savage.

[Giggles]

You'd be a laughing stock at any less in fairness. What would the guys say?

[Kikó]

I've had generally good experiences at weddings bar my close mate. His was dreadful. In an Irish social club, something giggles would probably have enjoyed.

[Giggles]

Nah, we don't have them here.

[Spammer]

Im having rice krispies for breakfast.

I'm going to give myself cancer with this level of seethe that I'm suppressing.

[Baz]

I have to do the same on the upcoming August Bank Holiday, girlfriend is a bridesmaid, and I know the bride (she's been around girlfriend) but that's about it. Don't know the groom, his family or the bride's family yet I've got to be there from the start till the end. Made more frustrating as it appears to be a fantastic day of sports as well, will have to remember to bring my phone charger.I've got a 'someone else couldn't come so now your husband is invited' full-day invite to one, where I wasn't even originally invited to the night do. :cab:

It's one of the wife's workmates so I will literally know nobody other than from her workplace stories and the occasional time when they've got ready at my house and I've dropped some of them off at their Christmas party. Gonna be a looooong day.

The only saving grace is there's this girl who is friends with someone I used to work with (who incidentally did my wife's wedding makeup lolwut) that I followed in instagram a few years ago, who randomly started working with my wife about two years ago, who is hot. So at least I can perve on her. Hopefully her fiancé isn't invited. Also the bride is quite fit. But as soon as that novelty wears off, it's gonna be boring. And it's on a Thursday so I've had to book the day off work. And I'm not drinking. Oh man it's gonna be hell.

[Kikó]

Nah, we don't have them here.

They're just called social clubs where you are.

[Giggles]

They're just called social clubs where you are.

We don't have them either. You lot love all your clubs and legions and all but thankfully it was never a holdover here.

[Shindig]

Im having rice krispies for breakfast.

I'm going to give myself cancer with this level of seethe that I'm suppressing.

I think I can outdo that. I've got some fish and chips in the oven and ... for some reason I broke into the lamb steaks I have for later in the week. :moop: Is this how dementia starts?

[Boydy]

How often do you need to mow a lawn? I swear one of my neighbours does his every fucking week. Give it a rest, you wanker.

[John]

That's the way to go if you want to keep it golf course short.

[Spikey M]

Ours needs doing every week if you actually plan to use it. We only actually bother every fortnight though.

That said, unless they're doing it at midnight I don't see what the issue is.

[Raoul Duke]

Buy a cow, they'll do it for you

[ScousePig]

Every week in the summer is pretty standard I imagine.

[Giggles]

Before it gets to be a pain in the hole. Shorter grass means a quick run over and less bag empties.

[Boydy]

Fuck off every week, you bunch of fucking Hyacinth Buckets.

[Magic]

Normally once a fortnight unless it's been a mix of rain and sun then it grows like a fucking sunflower.

[Disco]

Just because you're a hippy cunt who wants to live in a forest doesn't mean the rest of us have to.

[Giggles]

I'll let mine grow on a bit these days to annoy the bint next door that's always going on about gardening and the tone of the street.

[niko_cee]

Should be tapering down at this time of year, but in spring and early summer if you don't do it every 10 days (so really every weekend) it's going to be a motherfucker when you finally get round to it.

[Lewis]

I'll let mine grow on a bit these days to annoy the bint next door that's always going on about gardening and the tone of the street.

When my old man let his garden overgrow in the posh part of the region his neighbours sent him a letter calling it a 'disgrace to the community'.

[Giggles]

When my old man let his garden overgrow in the posh part of the region his neighbours sent him a letter calling it a 'disgrace to the community'.

If I was just about to cut the lawn and received the letter, I'd push the mower back in, pull a deckchair and crack a cold tin.

[Lewis]

His girlfriend caved and they spruced it up a bit, but I think the reputational damage was done.

[Magic]

It is a disgrace and should be illegal to the point of small custodial sentences to have your garden, if your are lucky enough to have one, overgrow and look shit.

[Giggles]

Depends on why. I like a tidy garden too but sometimes battles need fought.

[Queenslander]

Once a fortnight in winter and every 5 days or so if it's a wet summer.

[Dark Soldier]

Ours needs doing every week if you actually plan to use it. We only actually bother every fortnight though.

That said, unless they're doing it at midnight I don't see what the issue is.

Nailed it there. Did gardening last year, if not being used you can get away with 2 weeks, 1 week if its summer and kids/people are gonna be out there. Treat it too, keep that fucker happy. Can also depend on the type of grass, done some gardens were parts grow quicker than others.

Basiclally fuck having a garden and bothering.

[niko_cee]

Pure moss is the dream. Thick, soft, always green, barely grows.

[Offshore Toon]

This feels like a very brief glimpse into the future of the board once we're all retired/dead. Gotta be honest with you guys, I might not pop in too often.

[Mellberg]

Indeed. I know a lot of us are in our thirties/late twenties now, but stfu.

[John]

I had my garden landscaped and AstroTurfed years ago. All I have to do is weed the patio and rake the stones in the side garden now and then and even that feels like a hassle.

[Magic]

Astroturf fuck me that is the most classless embarrassing thing I've heard on here.

[John]

Classless. :harold:

Weapons grade hayfever. I'll take my own comfort over some nebulous attempt to appeal to my neighbours.

[Magic]

I'd rather inject pollen in to my sinuses than suffer having to look at an astroturf lawn.

[John]

Because you're obsessed with appearances, you superficial nugget.

[Magic]

A DLL just flew right in to my ear. :D

Serves me right. :(

[Offshore Toon]

Don't grass and astroturf look the same? Isn't that the point?

[Lewis]

I consider myself to have pretty bad hayfever, but the grass in the garden doesn't set me off.

[Offshore Toon]

I'm not sure which is the greater sign of being a geek between hayfever and having a nut allergy. All allergies are geeky, though, it must be said.

[Lewis]

My brother is convinced he has a nut allergy because when he was a kid he stuffed his face with peanuts and threw up.

[John]

I'm fine with the existence of grass, and I can walk past a garden being mowed without incident if I've taken a Clarityn. If I'm cutting the grass myself though no amount of antihistamine can save me, my eyes are swollen shut within ten minutes and my nose will itch like I've been blowing it with nettles.

[wullie]

I always used hayfever as an excuse to avoid doing any gardening at all, I had a good 20 year run before it was rumbled as bullshit.

[Giggles]

When did this fucking bullshit of Amazon asking you for a postcode for a card (that they only give you two digits of) to log in start? I'm locked out now and will have to open a new account. Cunts.

[Adamski]

Sorry to go all Kiko but I pay someone to cut mine every 2-3 weeks. Can't see it being necessary weekly.

[Kikó]

I wish I had a garden.

[Magic]

Yeah you live in a wonderful apartment don't you? Gardenless wench.

[Kikó]

I live in London. Get tae fuck.

[Offshore Toon]

I've just sent a complaint on to the BBC about the amount of women's football coverage.

[phonics]

I've just sent a complaint on to the BBC about the amount of women's football coverage.

2.2 million people watched the match vs Scotland which is around the same as Love Island, which I can't seem to avoid. Get used to it.

[niko_cee]

It's on Channel 4, isn't it?

[SincereTheRebel]

It's on Channel 4, isn't it?

Yeah, and All 4 omline for all other games. Ive been watching it. Its been decent, besides the level of goalkeeping. Its still comedy.

[Jimmy Floyd]

27,000 at Lord's for the women's final the other day. Women's sport is here to stay, and rightly so.

[Offshore Toon]

There are lies, damn lies and statistics. Nobody watches women's football. Americans might, but that just proves my point.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Increasingly they do and will. Look where it is compared to 10 years ago.

[SincereTheRebel]

If you want to womens football to die. You shoud support them to get equal pay to the mens game. As nobody really cares about it, the income to the game will not support the salary and the sport will die.

[phonics]

How would you enforce equal pay? There's no mandated salary in football?

You can pay the player in Pringles if you want and he agrees to it.

[Amigo]

Our women's team got a shit-ton of press coverage and support during the Euros. Everyone was anticipating a Euro 2016-esque adventure and we ended up getting dumped out in the group stage.

Six goals conceded and just a single shot (!) on target in three games. Fucking lol.

They're ranked 20th in the world as well if the Fifa rankings is anything to go by.

[phonics]

My handwriting is so bad I spent the last 5 minutes wondering why there's a to do list post it note on my desk with 'Ban Kit Man' on it (I've been gone for a week). It was 'Ban Ki Moon'

[SincereTheRebel]

There was some tears on tv about equal pay. They clearly dont understand. You are paid by the interest in the sport. If you cant fill stadiums for a major european tournament. You cant expect to get paid the same as the equivalent males.

[phonics]

Hang on Sincere, I think you're talking about the presenters? There hasn't been anything about equal pay in football because it literally doesn't exist.

[Magic]

Was at my local PO collection centre today to pick up a couple of parcels, it was quite busy so I had to stand in the corner. The Q went down and then this bitch came in and I fucking knew, absolutely knew, she would try and jump in front of me. I had my two red tickets in my hand clear as day, but I could see her actively avoiding eye contact.

The guy said 'next' for me, and she jumped right in.

:drool: I thought.

'Excuse me, I was next' going straight in for the kill. I was about to lecture her on manners sarcastically in front of everyone but it turns out she was my mum's friend's daughter. She told me she'd left the kid in the car, so I said oh on you go then just to avoid further awkwardness but her face went purple so it was great. Hopefully the kid died.

[SvN]

She went first. Mate, you were donned and don't even realise it.

[Magic]

She went first. Mate, you were donned and don't even realise it.

A true alpha makes his point then secedes his position, therefore indicating authority and dominance over the pack.

[Disco]

She left her child in the car? How are the McCanns these days?

[Magic]

She left her child in the car? How are the McCanns these days?

Indeed, this cements that she was trying to purposely queue jump so death must be wished upon her entire family.