The little things in life that fuck you off

[Raoul Duke]

Too much fruit = too bad for you. Some fruit is fine. The whole five-a-day thing doesn't mean eat five different fruits.

Just trying to offer a helpful tip, not be a cunt about it.

[Lewis]

If you're that fat it's more about what you're not eating than what you are. You could eat as normal, but less of it, and the weight would still fly off, so don't feel like you have to choke down oranges.

[Magic]

Quinoa is win (when cooked in my Instant Pot with some stock) and Kale has always been win.

[Magic]

Too much fruit = too bad for you. Some fruit is fine. The whole five-a-day thing doesn't mean eat five different fruits.

Just trying to offer a helpful tip, not be a cunt about it.

Flashback to when the board rejected Raoul's expertise and he seethed and still is seething.

[Foe]

Too much fruit = too bad for you. Some fruit is fine. The whole five-a-day thing doesn't mean eat five different fruits.

Just trying to offer a helpful tip, not be a cunt about it.

I don't disagree with you, but it's definitely a step in the right direction.

How's your metabolism duke?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Sugar = calories :cab:

Well yes fine, saturated fat et al.

Better eating a load of fruits than processed crap because of everything else they offer.

[Magic]

Why don't you just stop eating for a bit maybe Saturn would have one less moon.

[Giggles]

Well yes fine, saturated fat et al.

Better eating a load of fruits than processed crap because of everything else they offer.

Cut out the fruit and go to a Michelin star every evening you fucking peasant mook.

Turbot with watercress or gtfo.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

If you're that fat it's more about what you're not eating than what you are. You could eat as normal, but less of it, and the weight would still fly off, so don't feel like you have to choke down oranges.

I think the most fruit I've eaten in a day this week has been about 5 strawberries, handful of blueberries, handful of raspberries, a kiwi, 2 clementines, handful of grapes and a fig.

Probably a bit excessive but it was tasty all mixed up with yoghurt and some oats.

[Magic]

I think the most fruit I've eaten in a day this week has been about 5 strawberries, handful of blueberries, handful of raspberries, a kiwi, 2 clementines, handful of grapes and a fig.

Probably a bit excessive but it was tasty all mixed up with yoghurt and some oats.

Jesus Christ you may as well have had a fucking triple big mac meal large.

EDIT: Mahow eating a honey-soaked fig whilst wearing a leather outfit is disturbing me.

EDIT 2: Damn you Devandra.

EDIT 3: I'm rekt.

[Foe]

Tbf I had three squares of marabou, bowl of coco pops and a bit of double decker cheesecake for my dinner last night so I'm definitely not an example to follow.

[John]

Fat cunts who lose a stone and start getting smug about their morning smoothies fit in here quite nicely. I know someone who used to post nothing but pictures of their takeaways and McDonalds on Facebook and is now right in with a 'syn' count whenever anyone else does the same. There's no quicker way to let the air out of that sort of twat's balloon than asking 'what's the target?' any time they post an update on their weight loss.

People who constantly post pictures of food they didn't make on the internet are arseholes in general actually.

[Boydy]

Society seems to be fucking obsessed with food in general. It must make up at least 50% of conversations at work.

[Offshore Toon]

I think if you've got nothing interesting going on in your life then you're bound to talk about food. Food is good, and most people talk about what's going on in their life. When you work in an office and watch soaps all evening, food is probably the highlight(s) of your day.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I think if you've got nothing interesting going on in your life then you're bound to talk about food. Food is good, and most people talk about what's going on in their life. When you work in an office and watch soaps all evening, food is probably the highlight(s) of your day.

It's also easy and light.

I doubt many want to talk about politics and religion around the water cooler.

[Magic]

What a fucking dire cliché.

[Offshore Toon]

Yeah, I'd rather talk about food than most things. Worst water cooler chat went as follows:

Alright, mate?
Alright?
Up to much this weekend?
Going to Colchester.
Ah, that's different. How come? Mates there?
There's an Insanity competition on, so gonna watch that.
...
...
Doing much else whilst you're there?
Not sure.
Cool. Enjoy.

A very boring man, indeed.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What a fucking dire cliché.
But it's true.

[Pepe]

Swimming is shit. Bet you just go there to perv on the pensioners.

[John]

I don't think I've ever actually seen a conversation taking place 'around the water cooler.'

[Giggles]

Yeah surely if someone was at it then you'd wait til they were gone before going over. Unless you're American and crave small talk.

[Magic]

I don't think I've ever actually seen a conversation taking place 'around the water cooler.'

I had one. It went 'after you' as me and one of the girls went at the same time.

[SvN]

Indeed. People get their water then go back to their desk. Mahow has never worked a day in his life though, so he wouldn't know.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Indeed. People get their water then go back to their desk. Mahow has never worked a day in his life though, so he wouldn't know.
False.

I helped one of my sisters set up a shop (entering all inventory into the till and displays), a couple of days on her market stall (shop was in my Dad's property, they had an argument and she had to leave) and I did some volunteering at a nursery and primary school the other year.

I'm experienced.

[Magic]

I did some volunteering at a nursery and primary school the other year.

I'm experienced.

That is the least surprising news I've ever read on here.

[Adamski]

Once you get down to the wankery that fruit is bad for you then you've gone too far and before you know it you'll be blogging about quinoa and kale and end up better off dead.

Cut out the shit and eat fruit, veg, and lean meat. Job done.

Don't forget Smash.

[Giggles]

Don't forget Smash.

Asdas flavoured ones are far nicer, the roast onion one especially.

I'd rather just boil a spud though.

[Adamski]

Typical paddy.

[Giggles]

Sweet potato obvs like.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The great thing about our office is not only is there no water cooler chat, but the kitchen is so small that only one person can stand in it at a time, never mind start a dreadful conversation about Eastenders.

[Giggles]

Public transport. Ugh.

[Offshore Toon]

In my last place the water cooler was next to the coffee machine and it was a pretty big floor (150 people) so there was always somebody around. The conversation may not be great, but most of the time its better than pretending to work.

[Shindig]

Yeah, we had less people in today so it was so dry and dull. I ended up taking two shits just to get away from my desk for ten minutes.

[-james-]

I asked for decaf and got given caffeinated.

My day is now ruined.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The other morning I asked for coffee and got tea. In fucking Costa Coffee. How hard can it be?

[Disco]

That sounds like the best outcome of having been to Costa if you ask me.

[niko_cee]

Did you just ask for 'a coffee'?

[SvN]

A Vanilla Bullshit presumably

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Had to go to a mandatory careers conference at Uni today, on my only day off.

That fucked me off in itself, however, I went to the back of the auditorium/hall/whatever they call it and picked out a bank of 3 seats for me (they were alone, I didn't want to sit next to anyone).

This female that was in the third year (she was in tutorial group during the first and she probably doesn't remember me) is a condescending twat who thinks she's better than me (I think the same too but still) and talks to me like I'm slow, decided to come over and ask me to move down one so her and her friend could sit there.

I should have told her I was saving it for someone or just told her to go sit at the front but I was spineless ofc.

:(

Wouldn't have minded if it was someone attractive or even someone who I didn't hate.

[Lewis]

Mahow. I'm a friend. That is the most pathetic thing anybody has ever posted on this forum.

[Pepe]

Had to go to a mandatory careers conference at Uni today, on my only day off.

That fucked me off in itself, however, I went to the back of the auditorium/hall/whatever they call it and picked out a bank of 3 seats for me (they were alone, I didn't want to sit next to anyone).

This female that was in the third year (she was in tutorial group during the first and she probably doesn't remember me) is a condescending twat who thinks she's better than me (I think the same too but still) and talks to me like I'm slow, decided to come over and ask me to move down one so her and her friend could sit there.

I should have told her I was saving it for someone or just told her to go sit at the front but I was spineless ofc.

:(

Wouldn't have minded if it was someone attractive or even someone who I didn't hate.

:lol:

[phonics]

Fucking hell, this bloke is allowed to teach children?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:lol:

She did it the first time we met/had to speak in the tutor group two years ago. It still pisses me off to this day.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fucking hell, this bloke is allowed to teach children?

Might be why I was rejected on the Primary Education degree.

I just wanted to be on my own and she was the worst person who could have come to me wanting to sit there.

There were loads of seats available on the lower level of the auditorium.

Also, I don't 'get' adults but I'm fine with kids. I think there's too much hidden when talking to adults and always try to work out their agenda.

[phonics]

It's a seat...

You're hardly Rosa Parks in this situation.

[John]

Also, I don't 'get' adults but I'm fine with kids. I think there's too much hidden when talking to adults and always try to work out their agenda.

Paging Boydy.

[Lewis]

This has got adult baby fetish written all over it.

[Boydy]

Paging Boydy.

What?

EDIT: The whole Disney thing and creepy reaction to Anna Kendrick being a real person?

[Boydy]

In all seriousness, Mahow, have you been checked out for autism?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

In all seriousness, Mahow, have you been checked out for autism?

Just did a test online:

http://i.imgur.com/ok3jVbd.png

I highly doubt that I'm on the spectrum. I'm just so appalling badly at interacting with adults (other than family) because of my anxiety and lack of self confidence.

[Lewis]

There was a lad in my year who was really, really fat (well beyond the normal fat lad standards of people like me), and in later life he just took to sending half-naked selfies to birds he liked because why not? Was he any less likely to succeed with that approach? So this fucking uppity tart... Get a picture of you wanking sent her way.

[Adamski]

*suffers from chronic anxiety and a lack of self confidence, so much so that someone sitting next to him is the worst thing that could ever happen*

*travels to a warzone to try and pump a camgirl*

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

*suffers from chronic anxiety and a lack of self confidence, so much so that someone sitting next to him is the worst thing that could ever happen*

*travels to a warzone to try and pump a camgirl*
I was in a bad mood and I really don't like the woman who sat next to me.

[Raoul Duke]

I find the use of the word 'female' really odd. Like accurate, but oddly specific and grammatically vaguely off.

[Spikey M]

Fuck sake Mahow. :(

[Boydy]

I find the use of the word 'female' really odd. Like accurate, but oddly specific and grammatically vaguely off.

It's a bit 'fedora bro'.

[Raoul Duke]

It's a bit 'fedora bro'.

I think it's only Mert and Mahow who use it so...

[Spikey M]

The 'Autism Test' should have one question.

'Did you feel the need to take this test?'

[Lewis]

GS used to use 'female', and GS on females was probably the best of the board.

[Lewis]

http://i64.tinypic.com/mmsgsw.jpg

Still makes me lol out loud.

[Raoul Duke]

How many files do you have in your TTH archive? I feel like it should be put online, for future generations.

[Disco]

The Harvey Danger Memorial Library.

[Magic]

So this is where we find ourselves at; taking online mongol tests.

[Lewis]

That was just from another thread. The only thing I have saved is this (https://s24.postimg.org/pf1qil545/trancegimp.png).

[Magic]

Supermarkets and their wank offers. ASDA, Morrisons, Sainsburys and Tesco all have EXACTLY the same fucking deals on alcohol, all at the same time.

EDIT: LolValentines, but at least do sumert different ffs.

[Giggles]

The lack of glasses is finally catching up and my head is pounding all day. Thought I was going to get through til Saturday but I may go tomorrow.

[Magic]

Is your eye sight that bad you can't stop bumping in to things?

[Giggles]

Yes that's it.

[Lewis]

I have an eye test on Friday, because I think I need some reading glasses. Can the resident speccy nerds offer me any advice on living as one?

[Magic]

Yes that's it.

Hopefully it's some sort of tumour.

[Reg]

Lewis Don't buy from the Boots or wherever you're going, have a look around online.

Also who is your avatar? He looks very un-Lewis.

[Disco]

It's Fred West.

[Magic]

John Travolta.

[Raoul Duke]

I have an eye test on Friday, because I think I need some reading glasses. Can the resident speccy nerds offer me any advice on living as one?

- Try and get glasses that 'pinch' your head a bit. It's annoying as fuck if they slide around too much. There are ones with springs inset in the arms (rather than just hinges) are best
- Maybe not for your case as you're only using them for reading, but if you are going to use them outside don't cheap out on lenses - get the anti-glare/UV + anti-fog etc. Being randomly blind just because it's a bit hot somewhere is a ballache
- Pick a frame shape that matches your head shape


It's Fred West.

Kanye West, I thought

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Oh and Helen Lederer was a guest speaking.

She's even worse in real life.

Honestly have no idea how she got into comedy.

[Lewis]

Hmm. Good advice. What about pocket protectors. or the best Doctor Who?

[Reg]

Yeah, alright, dickheads. :worried:

Lewis I bought my last ones from here. https://www.glassesdirect.co.uk 7 day free trial of 4 pairs. And they've got an offer on at the moment.

[Lewis]

My town is pretty pensioner-heavy, so I think we have about three opticians. I'll just go to one of those.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just go to Specsavers (get a voucher for a free eye test on their website), try on loads and then buy two in their offer.

I doubt you'll need any coatings for reading glasses.

[Lewis]

I don't want to be caught short in shit ones if some females see me in them.

[Offshore Toon]

It's Fred West.
:D

Where did you get that picture from, Lewis?

[Lewis]

I saw it on Twitter ages ago, and something - probably God - told me to save it.

[Offshore Toon]

God is great.

[Giggles]

Hopefully it's some sort of tumour.

Be handy alright.


I have an eye test on Friday, because I think I need some reading glasses. Can the resident speccy nerds offer me any advice on living as one?

Don't go for any fancy 'anti' add-ons they try push on you. Most are a load of shit and make no difference.
Day to day, keep a good rag on you at all times. While wearing them you'll need to clean them often. That's the only thing made me contemplate surgery, it's annoying as fuck constantly cleaning them.

[Spikey M]

Get contacts, Lew. You aint got the boat for bins.

[Magic]

I'd rather insert hypodermic needles in to my eyes than contact lenses.

[Baz]

Get ICL (https://www.centreforsight.com/treatments/implantable-contact-lenses) like a real boss. :cool:

[Spikey M]

I'd rather insert hypodermic needles in to my eyes than contact lenses.

You're a mong then tbh.

[Shindig]

They don't insert. The sit on your eye.

[Pepe]

Just go don the test so you can keep lolling at the nerds.

[GS]

Still makes me lol out loud.

:gs:

Christ knows what I was thinking trying to antagonise the Russian mafia.

[Lewis]

I am short-sighted in my left eye, and I have whatever it is (I think he said astigmatism) that strains me when I read for ages, but I don't need them for driving or Star Trek conventions or anything. I'll take that.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

One of us! One of us!

[Giggles]

I am short-sighted in my left eye, and I have whatever it is (I think he said astigmatism) that strains me when I read for ages, but I don't need them for driving or Star Trek conventions or anything. I'll take that.

That's what I have. Means glasses as there's no surgery.

[Reg]

For astigmatism? There is surgery for it. I'd like to have it done one day if possible. I don't mind wearing glasses when I'm in but I wear contacts for tennis and running etc - I feel restricted with glasses.

[Giggles]

For astigmatism? There is surgery for it. I'd like to have it done one day if possible. I don't mind wearing glasses when I'm in but I wear contacts for tennis and running etc - I feel restricted with glasses.

Yeah but not one of the walk-in/walk-out laser ops they can do for the other stuff for around a grand. As far as I was told if need something replaced (lens?) so it'd be a major enough thing.

I don't mind the glasses anyway really. I'm fucked up all this week without them, may book a half day one day next week to go get more.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I have pretty bad astigmatism/some sort of eye disease probably which means I see really pronounced streaks coming from light sources. Some forms of car headlights can also be pretty blinding for me too.

Probably shouldn't drive at night but who needs to see that well?

[Giggles]

I have pretty bad astigmatism/some sort of eye disease probably which means I see really pronounced streaks coming from light sources. Some forms of car headlights can also be pretty blinding for me too.

Probably shouldn't drive at night but who needs to see that well?

I got the filter things on mine for headlights when driving at night. Didn't make one pick of difference, pure scam.

Might buy hipster ones this time.

[Lewis]

I'm thinking some of these (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/17/49/b7/1749b747822d36d1b1d9638c4649deb1.jpg), but if I'm only short in one eye couldn't I get away with a Joseph Chamberlain monocle fit for these times of Imperial Preference?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I got the filter things on mine for headlights when driving at night. Didn't make one pick of difference, pure scam.

Might buy hipster ones this time.
Anti Glare and ultra thin for mine.

Can't say that the glare helps. My prescription anti polarising Ray Bans do the trick in the Summer, doubt they'll help much at night sadly.

[Giggles]

I'm thinking some of these (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/17/49/b7/1749b747822d36d1b1d9638c4649deb1.jpg), but if I'm only short in one eye couldn't I get away with a Joseph Chamberlain monocle fit for these times of Imperial Preference?

They are fucking epic.

[Disco]

Go full Wimsey. :cool:

http://i.imgur.com/1Bx88tw.png

[Magic]

After an horrific curry and some Stella last night I've been up since 3 with a sore stomach. Finally lost my nerve around 5 and had the most prolonged painful sloppy shit ever. Why? I'm staying with relatives, there's absolutely no background noise and their bathroom door doesn't close properly because they area getting it done up. I managed it without a single fart.

Roll on to now and again I lost my nerve this time it felt diahorreary and this time it was very wet and windy. So lol. Feel like shit not set up for a day's drinking or watching us struggle in the freezing pissing rain against fucking Cardiff.

[Giggles]

I'm on fire here too. 3rd drop and my hole is fucking red raw at this stage.

[Magic]

Omg I'm bursting again and still nobody is awake. Hopefully the next one will clear everything out otherwise I can't see me leaving the house. I'll have to wait as it'll be noisy as fuck. Torture!

[Magic]

Eventually got an arse explosion at 8:30. Much better and what I needed. Feel miserable can I cope on 2.5hrs sleep...

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

Boiler has lost all power, what an utter cunt. Turns out my home emergency cover won't touch it cause it's still under warranty and Baxi customer support isn't open until 8am.

Looks like it'll be all the pots I've got on the cooker for my 4am bath/shower. :cab:

[Magic]

My dad found out early on Monday morning that his beloved mother-in-law (who lives there in exchange for giving him 100k so he could have a bigger house) has been washing her stroller's wheels with the same brush that they use to do the dishes and just putting it back.

:D

Fuck!

[John]

I've just seen an advert for Cancer Research in which they were asking to be written into your will. What sort of morbid bullshit is that to put on at seven o'clock on a Sunday?

[Offshore Toon]

Better than having to look at African children covered in flies or half-dead dogs. That shit used to be all over Nickelodeon and the like.

[igor_balis]

I just fucking hate all adverts, original thought I know.

Oh, except this one:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylfOPSokpFQ

[Jimmy Floyd]

I wish job interviews worked like that.

[John]

Adverts are generally shit but you can occasionally marvel at the thought processes behind them. I particularly like this one, which I'm sure had a measurable affect on the crime rate.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGnGPAZcsqE

[Offshore Toon]

https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=Eee9zX8awT8

Dunno how to do video on mobile, but: the cage. :drool:

[Disco]

I'm sure I remember it having more pixels than that.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That rape advert was clearly made for Pavel.

[SvN]

Ebay. So while packing up the house ready for the move, I've found about 30 items of clothing I never wear, most of which are in great nick and cost me a fair bit. So I've listed everything on ebay with a 99p start, thinking it could earn me a hundred quid or so.

Fuck me. I'm just getting bombarded with questions. I've had 14 people messaging me today already. People questioning the colour (are you sure it's blue? it looks black), exact pit-to-pit measurements, asking how many times I've worn it, moaning that international postage is too high. What the fuck do these twats want? I'm just a person selling second hand clothing you nonces, you're not shopping at Marks and Spencer.

[Giggles]

Ebay. So while packing up the house ready for the move, I've found about 30 items of clothing I never wear, most of which are in great nick and cost me a fair bit. So I've listed everything on ebay with a 99p start, thinking it could earn me a hundred quid or so.

Fuck me. I'm just getting bombarded with questions. I've had 14 people messaging me today already. People questioning the colour (are you sure it's blue? it looks black), exact pit-to-pit measurements, asking how many times I've worn it, moaning that international postage is too high. What the fuck do these twats want? I'm just a person selling second hand clothing you nonces, you're not shopping at Marks and Spencer.

Gumtree maybe?

[John]

Remember that fud 'HeAt' who tried selling his tat on here? Two old Henry Lloyd polo shirts for a tenner, top bargain lads.

[phonics]

SvNs struggles remind me of the greatest craigslist listing ever

http://i.imgur.com/KqIme.jpg

[igor_balis]

:D

That's great. This is my fave tho:

https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/imagebuzz/web03/2009/9/16/15/mutual-masturbation-model-trains-and-crab-meat-19020-1253128486-4.jpg

Also, I got me the smoking cessation champix pills. Possible side-effects are sleep problems, weird dreams, constipation and in rare cases really low mood. No issue with sleep or constipation, but I've been having some really intense dreams the last few days. Don't really mind that, but today I've suddenly started feeling REALLY miserable. I just started crying over me pasta ffs (queue my mother saying "it isn't that bad, is it?" which did get a lol). It is worse than fucking mdma comedowns. Guess I'm just in the unlucky x% who are susceptible to it.

Meant to be doubling my fucking dose from tomorrow. Guess I'm just gonna have to be old-school and get back on the gum.

[Boydy]

How much do you smoke?

[igor_balis]

Er, if I'm not working 15-20 a day. Workdays about 8-10, and when I'm drinking all bets are off.

They're almost always really thin rollies but still.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A few family members tried champix and they all had weird dreams and were quicker to anger.

My Mum then tried Desmoxan (a Polish one) and she stopped using them.

[Spikey M]

Films with audio that goes all over the shop.

whisper whisper whis... SUDDENLY A LORY EXPLODES IN YOUR FACE per whisper whisper

[Magic]

Get some decent speakers.

[Spikey M]

It's a tv, not a fucking nightclub.

[Dquincy]

Watching Ballers using my tablet on a packed out train tonight. Was using a dodgy stream when all of a sudden a porn advert pops up with some naked woman with her legs spread open starts flashing her gash. I panicked and couldn't close the page.

[Magic]

It's ok, the passengers probably thought you were looking in to a mirror.

[Dquincy]

That means you want to fuck me.

[Giggles]

Why the fucking fuck is WhatsApp turning into Snapchat? Does everything have to be geared towards imbeciles now?

[Adamski]

Facebook trying to get in on the Snapchat market.

[Giggles]

Facebook trying to get in on the Snapchat market.

They could have done that with their shitty bloated messenger app.

That's said, I may keep using it as everyone else does.

[Adamski]

I think you just answered your own question :D

[Giggles]

Eh? It's only started doing this stuff now. Everyone has been using it as it has been the only decent tri-platform messenger. Hopefully this doesn't mean that ads are next to come, that'll be the one to make people hit uninstall.

[Adamski]

Well by doing this they'll probably take quite a decent chunk of dual app users away from snapchat and also perhaps bring some Snapchat only users in but as you say, I can't see many people moving away from WhatsApp because of this so it's a bit of a win win.

[Magic]

'Dual app' and 'tri platform' may just be the worst phrases I've ever heard.

[Giggles]

'Dual app' and 'tri platform' may just be the worst phrases I've ever heard.

Ah well. Would you rather I wrote out the three in full next time?

[Adamski]

Shite Dundee bistro.

[igor_balis]

I've just seen one of the lamest things ever shared on facebook.

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/16864298_1884483331789150_8033610848881972181_n.jp g?oh=4910abbb384b65d02dea37aacddf92b3&oe=593816CD

I'm not even fucked off, I can't stop laughing. The fucking CAT! What the fuck.

[igor_balis]

Bonus points for being shared from a group called "Unearthing Reality". :D

[John]

I saw an article shared the other day which claimed that some German scientists had proved the existence of an afterlife by 'inducing death' in some volunteers then reviving them 'up to forty minutes later' to ask what they'd experienced. You'll be surprised to know the answer wasn't irreparable brain damage. The comments were full of people who apparently lacked even the most basic facility for critical thought asking WHY IS THIS NOT BEING REPORTED MORE??!?

I'm giving serious thought to just binning Facebook altogether.

[Raoul Duke]

I unfollowed about 90% of my friends list and it's worked wonders. Even now, when people share total bollocks I can easily mute that source, so they're doing me a favour in some ways.

That picture (an accurate representation of The Cyber, btw) is pretty ace

[Lewis]

It's always a German scientist (for good reason, I suppose). That Italian bloke who reckoned he could clone people should have billed himself as Swiss at the very least.

[Raoul Duke]

There was some bizarre story on the BBC the other day about some reporter who'd paid about £50k to some Mexicans to do some bonkers stem cell treatment. Sounded like a right scam.

[Boydy]

There was some bizarre story on the BBC the other day about some reporter who'd paid about £50k to some Mexicans to do some bonkers stem cell treatment. Sounded like a right scam.

That was legit, was it not?

[Adamski]

I unfollowed about 90% of my friends list and it's worked wonders. Even now, when people share total bollocks I can easily mute that source, so they're doing me a favour in some ways.

That picture (an accurate representation of The Cyber, btw) is pretty ace


I saw an article shared the other day which claimed that some German scientists had proved the existence of an afterlife by 'inducing death' in some volunteers then reviving them 'up to forty minutes later' to ask what they'd experienced. You'll be surprised to know the answer wasn't irreparable brain damage. The comments were full of people who apparently lacked even the most basic facility for critical thought asking WHY IS THIS NOT BEING REPORTED MORE??!?

I'm giving serious thought to just binning Facebook altogether.

I deleted my app and only go on now when I get an email about a tag on my name directly.

Also cleaned up twitter using twitter lists and it's fantastic. Like 5 little bespoke feeds and not one huge list of shite.

[Giggles]

Facebook is absolute tripe. That deactivate was the best thing I ever did.

[Adamski]

It's gotten a bit strange over the last few years.

No-one actually says anything anymore, at least not the sane people. My memories are full of conversations with people and loads of people commenting, now it's just like and move on or tagging and sharing everywhere.

You wonder if Facebook even care that it's morphed into something else, or if they're quite happy counting the money and buying a whatsapp every few years.

[Boydy]

Yeah, very few people on my newsfeed seem to use Facebook like we all used to i.e. posting statuses and stuff. My newsfeed is mostly just Simpsons memes now.

[Boydy]

Also, people who don't reply to emails fuck me off.

[phonics]

Brexit+Trump has made me stop using Facebook. I was very much of the opinion that it was just about who you follow but ever since they started putting the 'commented on' and 'liked this' bits into the newsfeed it became a total garbage fire.

[wullie]

Twitter seems to show things people have liked now too, which renders retweets slightly impotent.

[phonics]

I'm not sure how many more times I can click 'Show me less often' before they get the point.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The concept of things 'going viral' is slowly killing Western civilisation.

[phonics]

I've finally got to that level of Twitter where I'm seeing the original jokes before they get screenshotted and have LadBible logos all over and 6 layers of artifacting all over it. It must be quite annoying to constantly churn out stuff only to have everyone just nick it word for word.

[Lewis]

This is where elth would have said 'Stop being friends with idiots', as if everybody he knew wasn't either a dweeb or a tramp, but there is some truth in it. It's the same with Twitter. I follow 192 people, and it remains a solid source of information and lols.

[phonics]

As I said before, that used to be true but now it can't be stopped once you know someone you respect has liked an 'Occupy Democrats' meme.

[Offshore Toon]

If you're actually friends with them then call them out. If you're not friends with them then delete them.

[igor_balis]

Sometimes I want to engage with stuff people post but I get the impression you're seen as a bit of a wrongun if you do. As if people just want the LIKES.

[John]

Sometimes I want to engage with stuff people post but I get the impression you're seen as a bit of a wrongun if you do. As if people just want the LIKES.

That's exactly the case. A girl I met on holiday deleted me a few years ago because I pointed out the experiment she'd posted where someone dunked a McDonald's cheeseburger into a tub of hydrochloric acid wasn't representative of what happens in your stomach because stomach acid isn't pure hydrochloric acid. BUT THEY'RE SCIENTISTS HOW CAN YOU KNOW BETTER?

There's an odd thing on social media where people will believe any complete nonsense posted by any page whatsoever as long as the content exists on a page with its own URL, even if people they know to be smart and would otherwise trust tell them it's bullshit.

[Disco]

They don't want to be challenged they just want to post stuff and have everyone tell them how clever they are.

[Offshore Toon]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhAr_UeroCk

"They show total disregard for the amount of days in each month."

[Adamski]

They don't want to be challenged they just want to post stuff and have everyone tell them how clever they are.

/popular

[Pepe]

I've finally got to that level of Twitter where I'm seeing the original jokes before they get screenshotted and have LadBible logos all over

That is soooo cool.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's exactly the case. A girl I met on holiday deleted me a few years ago because I pointed out the experiment she'd posted where someone dunked a McDonald's cheeseburger into a tub of hydrochloric acid wasn't representative of what happens in your stomach because stomach acid isn't pure hydrochloric acid. BUT THEY'RE SCIENTISTS HOW CAN YOU KNOW BETTER?

There's an odd thing on social media where people will believe any complete nonsense posted by any page whatsoever as long as the content exists on a page with its own URL, even if people they know to be smart and would otherwise trust tell them it's bullshit.

Ugh, I had one like that.

'Look how DISGUSTING tap water is'

I ended up just blocking all his content appearing for me because I was too spineless to delete him.

[wullie]

On Facebook you get the nice middle ground option of unfollowing someone. They never need know you've ditched them, you never need know they think brown people are controlling their thoughts via chemtrails.

[Boydy]

Has anyone seen that Oral B advert that's on TV at the minute? The woman in it goes 'oh wow, I didn't even know Oral B made toothpaste!' Who the fuck is aware of Oral B as a brand but doesn't know they make toothpaste?

[Spikey M]

The actress in the advert. You just said.

[Mazuuurk]

She was prolly referring to something else anyway.

[Kikó]

She was probably paid to say it. FAKE NEWS.

[Spikey M]

Such a cynic.

[Shindig]

Oral B's more famous for their brushes.

[Kikó]

Wasn't she in the spice girls?

#epic

[Kikó]

Actually what is fucking me off is the contact lens somewhere in my eyelid stuck. Absolute bastard.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'd take it out if I was you, mate.

[Disco]

Actually what is fucking me off is the contact lens somewhere in my eyelid stuck. Absolute bastard.

Alright Wordsworth.

[Kikó]

I found it. Top right of the eye trying to creep into my brain.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Time for a rant lads.

Dad's last wife is a money grabbing cunt and her daughter is a twat.

Left home at 7:30 today to get to East London for mediation and got back in at 2:35.

Her daughter wanted an equal share with all of us, the biological kids, despite my Dad hating her. We lolled her out of the room saying fuck off before she claimed that she's just started Uni (she's thick as shit and has no qualifications so how the fuck?) and has social anxiety before I turned on her having previously bit my tongue.

The bitch cunt wanted everything including taking shit from her own kids (turns out she didn't dispute me getting the life insurance but her own fucking daughter) plus even more from us. Sorted it all out late on after solicitor made a final take it or we walk deal and the bitch cunt accepted it.

She's taken half of the main house away from her own son (their solicitors spoke for about 6 hours, how do you take shit from your own kids?) plus shafted more. In the end she's, at the age of 41, walked away with about £1.3m, £50k a year in income plus she gets to keep the rental income she took away from us that she shouldn't have taken.

I'll be ending up with roughly £88k (plus £16k or so from life insurance) or so but not until the end of February or March because of what we've done to get out of paying IHT.

What a shit day all in all.

On the plus side our solicitor was hot as fuck and she kept making eye contact with me, but she probably thought I was slow and trying to communicate slowly with me.
It went to court today as the judge was meant to agree/disagree based on my Sister (who has Downs) and my little brother. 'Her Daughter' turned up and said we bullied/forced her into signing the orders at mediation and the judge decided she was right.

We will now have to pay for her to get counsel and work out a deal.

She went to the mediation on her own without a solicitor, played her hand badly, got lolled out, signed the agreement because she's thick and didn't say a word until a few days ago that she was unhappy.

The judge wasn't even meant to looking at her case because he was only meant to be dealing with minors, it's a joke.

[Lewis]

Do you have idiots representing you or something?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Do you have idiots representing you or something?

Ours have done well based on all the things they've had to deal with.

I have no idea how the judge sided with her considering she went to the mediation and she's a functioning adult.

[Lewis]

Burn through every penny of the inheritance to drag it out for years and spite her. :drool:

[Offshore Toon]

What was your dad doing getting involved with these people?

[Boydy]

Tits.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He met the wife in a strip club in Cyprus and bought her out of her contract...

[Lewis]

In which case start Inheritors 4 Justice and scale the London Eye dressed as Iron Man.

This is still the best idea.

[Offshore Toon]

He met the wife in a strip club in Cyprus and bought her out of her contract...
Jesus, she must have been into everything whilst they were married. Ultimately you should have seen this coming, but it is all a bit shit. Did you mention that she was a stripper in court? Find some evidence of her cheating and say the marriage didn't count or whatever. I'm not sure if its that easy, but its worth a shot.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Jesus, she must have been into everything whilst they were married. Ultimately you should have seen this coming, but it is all a bit shit. Did you mention that she was a stripper in court? Find some evidence of her cheating and say the marriage didn't count or whatever. I'm not sure if its that easy, but its worth a shot.

You'd assume so.

Genuinely seethed when it was told to us that 'we have to ensure that her new lifestyle is maintained'. She spent a lot more of her life shitting in a garden on a farm in the backwater of Ukraine then with a bit of money.

[Offshore Toon]

You'd assume so.

Genuinely seethed when it was told to us that 'we have to ensure that her new lifestyle is maintained'. She spent a lot more of her life shitting in a garden on a farm in the backwater of Ukraine then with a bit of money.
Do you have to maintain that even when the inheritance has gone?

[Lewis]

Are you sure it's her you're seething with?

[Offshore Toon]

Aye, its your dad that's fucked you here.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Do you have to maintain that even when the inheritance has gone?

She's set, everything that gets derailed and people start looking at us to pay it.

This shit wont affect her (she took half the family home away from her son, contested the life insurance decision against her daughter, refused to pay for her son's fees at mediation etc etc).

She's a millionaire effectively now but she's still being a tight cunt.

There is one flat that gets split up between the parties. She almost derailed the whole thing by asking the buyer for an extra £1,000 for the furniture in the flat.

I also inherited my Dad's Rolex which she was meant to give me but still hasn't. I had to get our solicitor involved and she said she'll be giving it to me after everything else is sorted.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Are you sure it's her you're seething with?

I'm seething at her, her daughter my Dad, his accountant, the will, the legal system and now the judge.

Probably some more but it's all been one giant clusterfuck, largely because my Dad decided to let his dodgy accountant mate draft his will.

[Lewis]

I meant Ukrainian tarts, but I'll show myself out.

[phonics]

TBF to your Dads dodgy accountant it sounds like your Dad was up to some naughty stuff.

[niko_cee]

And married a stripper.

[Disco]

And passed on his proclivity for saucy Eastern types.

[Offshore Toon]

Have you thought about turning the story of how they met into a romcom?

[Shindig]

It feels more like a gritty companion to Arrested Development.

"And the son trying to keep them all apart."

Just to completely lower the tone, every day this week I've went into an unflushed toilet cubicle at work. You wouldn't let shit linger at home, you scruffy cunts.

[Offshore Toon]

It feels more like a gritty companion to Arrested Development.

"And the son trying to keep them all apart."

Just to completely lower the tone, every day this week I've went into an unflushed toilet cubicle at work. You wouldn't let shit linger at home, you scruffy cunts.
I found half a Papa John's in the bin the other day. What kind of a prick does that?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

TBF to your Dads dodgy accountant it sounds like your Dad was up to some naughty stuff.

He was.

He used to buy houses under various different names to cut down on tax and shit. He'd over order as a builder, then taken the materials home for free etc.

[Offshore Toon]

He was.

He used to buy houses under various different names to cut down on tax and shit. He'd over order as a builder, then taken the materials home for free etc.
So he was a successful conman that then got conned by a fucking hooker? Get this movie going.

[Giggles]

Just went down for diesel and some headscarf wearing suicide bomber wench in a jeep decided to wait for a pump (4 others were free) by stopping and waiting right across the gate while 3 of us had to sit indicating on the road to try get in.

[Offshore Toon]

That's worth the points. Fair play.

[Giggles]

That's worth the points. Fair play.

Fuck that. If I said she was a baguette toting french surrender monkey an eyelid wouldn't be batted. Same for countless other types too.

[Offshore Toon]

Yeah, but those stereotypes are true. Not all headscarf wearing wenches are suicide bombers.

[Boydy]

How old's your step-mum now, Mahow?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Early 40s I believe.

[Boydy]

She still fit?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You're far too poor.

[Giggles]

Would you sign the lot over for a bit of motorboating?

[Lewis]

Take that as a yes, Boyd.

[Offshore Toon]

Post some revenge porn, Mahow.

[Dark Soldier]

Suddenly Mahow makes so much sense.

[Adamski]

Poor cunt never stood a chance.

[Disco]

The radio is infested with horse racing this week, the very shittest of sports.

[Spikey M]

Just hire a fucking Hitman Mahow. Get a Ukranian one and then blame it on her dodgey life before she fled to Cyprus.

[Offshore Toon]

The radio is infested with horse racing this week, the very shittest of sports.
Yeah, does anybody appreciate horse racing as an actual sport? I thought it was purely for gambling.

[Giggles]

About the only point to it really.

[Disco]

It would die without bookmakers so no.

[Shindig]

Would be awesome if they bigged up the horses like prizefighters but they'd rather slap the trainers on the back.

The internet at my folks is awful. What am I meant to do with 1.8MB down?

[niko_cee]

Why has my phone undergone some sort of update whereby the way you used to answer it instead now rejects the call? Is someone having a fucking laugh?

[Shindig]

Actors who refuse to age. Coronation Street's gone super weird. Sarah Lou's back in at the ripe old age of whatever side of 40 Tina O'Brien is on and she's going out with grown-up Chesney who was about 7 when she left the first time around. They both look 18. Meanwhile David Platt is still acting like a 15 year old.

Age, you cunts. Or act better.

[John]

Tina O'Brien's daughter looks older than her. Considerably older.

[Spikey M]

Had a tooth ache for a day or so, been popping Senna tablets four hourly ever since because they look identical to Ibuprofen and I'm a fucking idiot. Still, the coming arse piss should help with the weight loss.

[Baz]

When you forget about your cup of tea and it goes cold.

[Kikó]

Cold tea :s

[Giggles]

Get another one.

[Offshore Toon]

Microwave it.

[Spikey M]

We're currently staying at Centre Parcs and the boedroom is so fucking hot its ridiculous. No idea how my wife and baby are sleeping in it. The thing on the wall says it's 27c in there. Would be great if said 'thing on the wall' controlled some Air-con, but no, it just controls the heating which is set to 18c.

[Boydy]

I've been stuck in the local Tesco car park for about an hour now. Fucking Mother's Day bullshit.

[Giggles]

I've been stuck in the local Tesco car park for about an hour now. Fucking Mother's Day bullshit.

In the car like?

[phonics]

On foot. Won't admit he's got lost.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How can Mother's Day cause traffic? Is there only one card shop in Ireland?

[Shindig]

Repeal the 6th.

[Giggles]

How can Mother's Day cause traffic? Is there only one card shop in Ireland?

I know you're only trolling but I still feel obliged to correct you and tell you he probably didn't venture from Ballymena to Ireland for the card.

[Boydy]

In the car like?

Yeah, there were plenty of spaces but just a massive queue of traffic all around the car park waiting to get out which was holding up people getting in too. Took about half an hour to get around to where there were spaces and get into one then about half an hour to get out of the car park again after I'd been in the shop for five minutes.

[Boydy]

How can Mother's Day cause traffic? Is there only one card shop in Ireland?

Shit small town with a couple of big supermarkets on the outskirts of it. I was in the town centre earlier but there are only two card shops left these days. Had a look in them both but they were shit. Also wanted to get some chocolates and Tesco was probably the best place to do that.

[Giggles]

Yeah, there were plenty of spaces but just a massive queue of traffic all around the car park waiting to get out which was holding up people getting in too. Took about half an hour to get around to where there were spaces and get into one then about half an hour to get out of the car park again after I'd been in the shop for five minutes.

It's not because of mother's day, it's because it's a standard Saturday and women are fucking obsessed with parking as close to the door as possible. You'd swear a 30 yard walk would kill them.

[Boydy]

Nah, I don't think it was that. Saturdays are always pretty busy there and it seemed worse today. It's a terribly designed car park too. Traffic doesn't flow in and out of it well at all.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I know you're only trolling but I still feel obliged to correct you and tell you he probably didn't venture from Ballymena to Ireland for the card.

He could, if needed, have driven to anywhere on the island of Ireland. He didn't mention any marine transport so it's unlikely he'd have been somewhere else.

[Giggles]

Nah, I don't think it was that. Saturdays are always pretty busy there and it seemed worse today. It's a terribly designed car park too. Traffic doesn't flow in and out of it well at all.

Good weather too (if it's anything like here) so every cunt has the need to buy a tray of Tennents and a disposable barbeque.

[Giggles]

He could, if needed, have driven to anywhere on the island of Ireland. He didn't mention any marine transport so it's unlikely he'd have been somewhere else.

Yeah still, it'd be like constantly referring to Spain and Portugal as Iberia. Which you don't. So like I said, trolling.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Your national rugby/cricket teams must be trolling as well. From now on I will always refer to the rock as 'Ireland', and the nation state as 'the Irish Republic', to avoid confusion.

[Boydy]

Good weather too (if it's anything like here) so every cunt has the need to buy a tray of Tennents and a disposable barbeque.

Ha, there were quite a few fellas with crates of beer. I think Fosters was on offer.

[Boydy]

Calm down, the pair of you. Martin McGuinness didn't die for this.

[Lewis]

My mother parks miles away from the mass because she thinks everybody is out to open doors into or scrape trolleys against her car. This isn't that annoying in itself, but when you combine it with her being the worst and least considerate driver in existence you have to wonder what sort of world she lives in.

[Giggles]

Your national rugby/cricket teams must be trolling as well. From now on I will always refer to the rock as 'Ireland', and the nation state as 'the Irish Republic', to avoid confusion.

That's fine, even though you're completely wrong. Never underestimate a British education though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What is this?

http://geology.com/world/satellite-image-of-ireland.jpg

[niko_cee]

For the sake of clarity, what is the island called then? Great Ireland?