The little things in life that fuck you off

[Dquincy]

It smells worse actually.

My friends used to fart on their hands and then waft said hand against other peoples noses. I almost threw up once as one friend produced a proper rotten egg one.

:lol: tickled me.

[Dquincy]

Nearly got caught wanking by a group of friends when i was younger. Luckily the house phone rang seconds before they started peering in through the window.

Anyone ever caught someone wanking?

[Smiffy]

.....

[Dquincy]

I got caught fucking a girl on a one night stand on the sofa in her living room whilst my mate came into the house with a pizza and her two mates.

[Giggles]

I got caught fucking a girl on a one night stand on the sofa in her living room whilst my mate came into the house with a pizza and her two mates.

I hope that one turned full orgy. And with pizza; result.

[Dquincy]

I hope that one turned full orgy. And with pizza; result.

Fraid not. They all came in and sat down on the sofa, whilst i pulled up my trousers and she saw to her knickers. It was all a tad awkward after that.

Another time, i fucked a girl at Alton Towers.

[Spoonsky]

i once had a hungover wank at my mate's house a few years ago and finished inside my sock from the previous day as the only readily available receptacle. was gonna bin it straight away but forgot about it. my mate woke up a few hours later, rummaged around in the room i'd slept in, then came downstairs wearing the fucking spunky socks, saying 'mate all my socks are in the wash, hope you don't mind me wearing yours'.

only had the heart to tell him the truth the other week.

How did he react when he put them on?

That's almost worse than Simon getting his friend's used condom tossed onto his face.

[Adamski]

Fraid not. They all came in and sat down on the sofa, whilst i pulled up my trousers and she saw to her knickers. It was all a tad awkward after that.

Another time, i fucked a girl at Alton Towers.

Splash Mounting? [sic]

[SvN]

Are we just listing times we've had sex?

[igor_balis]

How did he react when he put them on?

That's almost worse than Simon getting his friend's used condom tossed onto his face.
It had dried so he had no idea.

[Spammer]

I lost my virginity on 18th September 2005.

[Disco]

It had dried so he had no idea.

Why would he not wear his own dirty socks (or none at all for that matter) before deciding to just take someone else's who presumably wouldn't have a spare pair with them?

It doesn't make sense at all.

[SvN]

Why would he not wear his own dirty socks (or none at all for that matter) before deciding to just take someone else's who presumably wouldn't have a spare pair with them?

It doesn't make sense at all.

http://i.imgur.com/qmDO6uj.jpg

[phonics]

My favourite meme that. The best.

[Disco]

He's friends with Igor though, I didn't want to rule out rank deviancy or serious mental issues.

[Spammer]

Own socks dirty........wear friend's dirty socks instead.

Yeah I don't get the reasoning either.

I had a orange juice drinking contest when I stayed over at a friend's house and won, but then pissed about 2 litres all over his room in the middle of the night. Luckily it was basically pure water so once it dried I got away with it.

[Spikey M]

There's also no fucking way you wouldn't notice. Anyone who remembers 'wet dreams' knows how crispy your hidden undercrackers would get.

[John]

I had a orange juice drinking contest when I stayed over at a friend's house and won, but then pissed about 2 litres all over his room in the middle of the night. Luckily it was basically pure water so once it dried I got away with it.

Last time you told that story you deliberately spilled a full glass in the morning to hide the piss.

[igor_balis]

I assume his socks from the previous day had been chucked in the wash as well. He's also a fucking weirdo and probably just wore them to wind me up.

He sort of has previous; when we were 18 he was staying at my mummy's house, visiting from his childhood home in Wales. We'd had a night out, got home 1ish, I'd put him in the spare room which also doubles up as an overspill wardrobe for rarely worn clothes, electric cables etc.

At 4am I heard a bang on my bedroom door, and he walked into my bedroom wearing one of my mum's dresses, and my other mate had somehow turned up as well, and was wearing a kid sized west brom shirt from when I was little and some old PE shorts. I told mate 1 to go back to bed and mate 2 to fuck off home.

Clearly they hadn't followed my instructions; my mum told me the next day that she'd been woken up by them, and had gone into the room to find them in aforementioned garments, having some sort of playfight with shaving gel which went all over the walls and on some of her clothes. I thought she was gonna fucking kill me, but she got her revenge by sickening me instead; she had a wry grin and told me that 'it sounded like they were having sex' 'ugh, gross mum, i'm pretty sure they were playfighting' 'igor, i think i know fucking when i hear it'.

I was already mortified when she followed it up with the immortal line 'there was also some sick in the toilet...a blowjob gone wrong, maybe?'.

I'm not sure why I'm still friends with these people.

[Giggles]

Just took me 58 minutes to get home. 3.1km.

This was meant to be a quiet traffic week too :moop:

[John]

Is the 'mummy' there as a sort of incantation against having to tell a story in which your mum talks about a rough blowjob?

[igor_balis]

it still feel impure

[Spammer]

Last time you told that story you deliberately spilled a full glass in the morning to hide the piss.

Do you enjoy your life?

[leedsrevolution]

I assume his socks from the previous day had been chucked in the wash as well. He's also a fucking weirdo and probably just wore them to wind me up.

He sort of has previous; when we were 18 he was staying at my mummy's house, visiting from his childhood home in Wales. We'd had a night out, got home 1ish, I'd put him in the spare room which also doubles up as an overspill wardrobe for rarely worn clothes, electric cables etc.

At 4am I heard a bang on my bedroom door, and he walked into my bedroom wearing one of my mum's dresses, and my other mate had somehow turned up as well, and was wearing a kid sized west brom shirt from when I was little and some old PE shorts. I told mate 1 to go back to bed and mate 2 to fuck off home.

Clearly they hadn't followed my instructions; my mum told me the next day that she'd been woken up by them, and had gone into the room to find them in aforementioned garments, having some sort of playfight with shaving gel which went all over the walls and on some of her clothes. I thought she was gonna fucking kill me, but she got her revenge by sickening me instead; she had a wry grin and told me that 'it sounded like they were having sex' 'ugh, gross mum, i'm pretty sure they were playfighting' 'igor, i think i know fucking when i hear it'.

I was already mortified when she followed it up with the immortal line 'there was also some sick in the toilet...a blowjob gone wrong, maybe?'.

I'm not sure why I'm still friends with these people.

Two questions, did you ever find out if they were fucking? and is your mum fit.

[Adamski]

Do you enjoy your life?

Don't know why but I'm pissing myself at this comment :D

[Boydy]

Don't know why but I'm pissing myself at this comment :D

:D

It made me laugh too.

[Magic]

:D

And me. Violent.

[Lewis]

He's smoked another FRAUD out, so I reckon he'll enjoy it even more now.

[Spikey M]

This thread has been like the TTH of old over the last few pages. MJ :cool:

[Giggles]

This thread has been like the TTH of old over the last few pages. MJ :cool:

Best poster :nodd:

[Raoul Duke]

Brutal :D

John is like the enforcer for Lewis' autism.

[Adamski]

Best poster :nodd:

...at getting a pasting from Smiffy

[Magic]

It was all a ruse to fire some life in to the board. My wife isn't really leaving me.

























:cry:

[Boydy]

It's okay, you can move to Leeds with me and Igor.

[Magic]

:drool:

Hammer's bedsit?

[Pen]

Just took me 58 minutes to get home. 3.1km.

This was meant to be a quiet traffic week too :moop:

Why don't you just walk or cycle home as that seems to happen to you every week. I know you drive a car around Ireland for work, but surely you can get to the office in the morning without one.

[igor_balis]

It's okay, you can move to Leeds with me and Igor.

F is for friends that do stuff together, U is for for you and me!

[Adamski]

It's okay, you can move to Leeds with me and Igor.

Don't forget your socks.

[Magic]

Speaking of queues, the M8 is a total lolshitfest and has been since these stupid fucking works started. Scotland's busiest motorway. Good one you cunts.

Also kettles that define watermarks for cup amounts. Maybe if your cup is a fucking espresso cup will you get 4 cups of tea from a drip of water. Stupid.

[Giggles]

Why don't you just walk or cycle home as that seems to happen to you every week. I know you drive a car around Ireland for work, but surely you can get to the office in the morning without one.

I don't always go to the office. Most mornings I go wherever from home.

It's my only vehicle too, so thre's no point in leaving it behind even if I knew I was in the office a few days.

[Pen]

Then I guess you just have to become a bike messenger full stop. Do you guys have Foodora? They seem to always need more people.

[Boydy]

F is for friends that do stuff together, U is for for you and me!

wat

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Anywhere and anytime, Igor.

[igor_balis]

wat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfNdbYP8Hj0t=58s

[Boydy]

Why would you do that to me?

[Spammer]

Wait, what? People are moving to Leeds?

[Boydy]

Maybe.

[randomlegend]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfNdbYP8Hj0t=58s

What the fuck.

[Disco]

She'll get a rude surprise if she thinks the weather in Devon is predictable but I suppose the cliffs are ok if you're into that kind of thing.

[phonics]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qaNgjqOjcJA/RXKVaLHYHDI/AAAAAAAAAAM/oryneoHSVK4/s320/dover.jpg

[Disco]

Don't be silly, we only have 7 immigrants down here.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Having to use 5 sources in an English Language 'project' which consists of using critical discourse analysis and multi-modality (language used as well as the underlying meaning plus text, fonts etc) to pick apart a newspaper advert.

I could write it without using a single one, 5 is mental.

Here is the advert that I've picked out:

https://snidanevparfumerii.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/vintage-10.jpg

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Should be getting the life insurance payout today.

Look out camwhores, Mahow is back :drool:

[igor_balis]

Can you pay off my credit card please

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

No webcam, no money.

[Disco]

I'm not hearing a no there 'how.

[Magic]

I have a webcam but no inclination to reveal my sweaty vinegary bits to someone who looks like a bearded, bespectacled Triceratops turd.

[Disco]

I'm sure he'd take the glasses off if you asked nicely.

[7om]

I thought I'd treat myself tonight so I had a mooch down to the local (supposedly) British restaurant. Their bangers and mash was right on the money so I went one further and ordered their English trifle. Twats brought me two pancakes with whipped cream on top. Seething.

[Giggles]

I thought I'd treat myself tonight so I had a mooch down to the local (supposedly) British restaurant. Their bangers and mash was right on the money so I went one further and ordered their English trifle. Twats brought me two pancakes with whipped cream on top. Seething.

:D how the fuck?

[Giggles]

As always, airports. They definitely bring out everyone's inner wanker. Doesn't help that this is no time to not be in a duvet either.

[7om]

These days I find the whole flying experience completely grim. Having to turn up several hours in advance, the ridiculous prices you're forced to pay after the security check and the flying conditions just seem to get worse and worse. The fuckers are slowly taking more and more room in economy to the point where I can't even sit properly anymore. The food is shit and after all that you've got the prospect of waiting God knows how long going through immigration.

[Lewis]

My friend is scared of flying, so he drinks in the airport and then gets on the sleeping pills waiting to take off. That might be the way to go.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just ordered some stuff from Prime Now and the driver brought his kid along with him and he decided to give me one of the Amazon freezer bags which he wasn't supposed to leave me.

So I got a nice cool bag thing but it also had 4 or 5 small packs of dry ice inside :drool: So I got to mess around with that for the first time in my life.

What fucked me off was my butterfingers dropped one bag on the floor and once picking it up stepping on some very small dry ice fragments which had escaped from the holes in the bag. Hurt like a fucking bitch.

Dry ice is awesome though and I get why chefs are all pissing about with it now.

[Spikey M]

Left my cunting phone charger in our hotel room.

[Spammer]

I flew to the USA a few weeks ago and all they had for entertainment was Finding Dory on repeat on a TV about 30 feet away from me. I couldn't believe it, it was like being back in the fucking 16th century or some shit.

I got 5 flights with American Airlines and there was only one where you got the TV in the back of the chair in front of you.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Left my cunting phone charger in our hotel room.
I'm the reigning and defending world champion of that. Reckon I've gone through easily six in that manner.

[Giggles]

American Airlines are about as shit an airline as there is. Just count yourself they didn't lose your luggage for a few days.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was the champion of losing gameboys.

I left about 8 or so of the bricks in airplane seat pockets.

[John]

I'm home today waiting for a fridge to be delivered and I doubt I could have timed it worse. Virgin are laying fibre optic cable literally right outside my house so I'm in for a full day of complete fucking racket outside.

On the plus side, I plan to spend all day playing FM.

[Spammer]

I've got a picture of me an a mate scuba diving with my Blades shirt on. Me and him are in front of a shipwreck near the Cayman Islands. My mate is a Wednesdayite and I thought it'd be funny to get the picture in the programme describing us both as Blades, and they used to have a little section for pictures of Unitedites in different places around the world.

I've got in touch with sufc and they've got back to me saying that it costs £35 to get it in there?!?

Maybe I'm looking at things in an old fashioned way, but this doesn't seem on to me. For one thing, I thought they had a section for that kind of thing. In any case though, charging fans £35 to stick a picture in the programme seems a bit out of order, but then again maybe I'm just being sentimental?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Are you suggesting that something in the football industry is more expensive than it should be?

[Adamski]

Is Unitedite the worst name for a group of fans in history?

[Spammer]

Is Unitedite the worst name for a group of fans in history?

It's Blades usually. Just 'ite' at the end when referring between Wednesday and United. Otherwise it's baffling as there's millions of Uniteds out there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Got into the office and realised I'd just done the entire commute in to work with my fly open. This must be one of the signs of getting old.

[Boydy]

There are so many middle aged women in my building who just traipse around like zombies. They look like they need someone to shake some life into them.


Do they lose like 50% of their ability to function with the menopause or something?

[Spikey M]

They don't lose the ability to be annoying cunts.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The NHS blood service.

I'm a massive girl when it comes to needles but I signed up a few months ago just in-case I'd ever get over it. They seem to ring me every other week now trying to get me along.

Why can't they just add a little note to my account 'beta cuck who needs time to be less of a pussy in regards to needles'.

[Spikey M]

I might book a sky dive just in case I'm not scared of plunging to my death at some point. :cab:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I might book a sky dive just in case I'm not scared of plunging to my death at some point. :cab:

I didn't book anything though, I just registered an account so I can see where/when they take place.

[Disco]

Equally, why not wait until you were ready to do it before signing up?

[John]

You're what, twenty five, Mahow? If you're still shit scared of something now you're going to have to actively try to get over it.

Fear of needles is one of those sort of rational fears that I've never been able to get my head around. With heights at least there's the risk of falling, spiders are cunts, etc, but it seems to me a fear of needles must actually be a fear of psychotic murder nurses or Harold Shipman or something.

[Spikey M]

It's as if they take registering as an expression of interest, the weiro's.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's as if they take registering as an expression of interest, the weiro's.

Which is why I understood them calling the first few times.

They call me up every other week.

[John]

Have you deleted/deactivated the account?

[Disco]

You're what, twenty five, Mahow? If you're still shit scared of something now you're going to have to actively try to get over it.

Fear of needles is one of those sort of rational fears that I've never been able to get my head around. With heights at least there's the risk of falling, spiders are cunts, etc, but it seems to me a fear of needles must actually be a fear of psychotic murder nurses or Harold Shipman or something.

It doesn't have to be fear of actually dying, it's pretty easy to see how someone could spin out a dislike of being poked with pointy things so much it becomes a genuine fear.

[phonics]

It doesn't have to be fear of actually dying, it's pretty easy to see how someone could spin out a dislike of being poked with pointy things so much it becomes a genuine fear.

Really?

[Spikey M]

Fear of needles is most likely either due to the very mild pain involved, or due to seeing your own blood. Either of which makes you a pussy.

That said, I'd let my whole face go rotten before going to a dentist so glass houses and all that.

[Spammer]

You're what, twenty five, Mahow? If you're still shit scared of something now you're going to have to actively try to get over it.

This.

I imagine they're in touch because they desperately need blood.

[Spikey M]

His type of blood, probably. He's got foreign stuff in his veins.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Have you deleted/deactivated the account?
No, it's still active.

Fear of needles is most likely either due to the very mild pain involved, or due to seeing your own blood. Either of which makes you a pussy.

That said, I'd let my whole face go rotten before going to a dentist so glass houses and all that.
I don't know what it is. Dentist needles are the worst (they're fucking massive and leave them in for so fucking long), but I hate the normal ones too.

They don't hurt and I can look at all my blood coming out (and do) but I hate the needle going in.

His type of blood, probably. He's got foreign stuff in his veins.
I don't even know what my blood type is.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Went to get contacts today and I monged it up so much.

Spent about 25 minutes making myself look like a fucking spazz in front of a hot girl. She said you have to put them in and take them out 3 times before you can take some home. I took them out twice on my left eye, putting them back in once. In my right I took them out 3 times and put them in twice (the optician put them in first time as they needed to test if they were the right prescription).

Dropped four or five on the floor and I went through all the ones they had ordered in, they have to order more and I need to go back in next week.

[John]

That'll be why they're still contacting you then. Fucking hell.

It sounds like you should probably just turn around and leave if you're about to be served by someone attractive.

[Lewis]

Did any spaghetti fall out of your pocket?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That'll be why they're still contacting you then. Fucking hell.

It sounds like you should probably just turn around and leave if you're about to be served by someone attractive.

I should but it seems that 90% of the people that Specsavers hire are attractive females, probably to target people like me :(

[phonics]

Fucking hell Mahow. You make Uni-Samadini look like an absolute world beater.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fucking hell Mahow. You make Uni-Samadini look like an absolute world beater.

I have actual furniture though, I win.

[Offshore Toon]

Nobody actually likes needles. I really don't like them because I don't like blood or gore or any of that stuff, but you just have to get on with it and realise its a bit pathetic. Same thing with the dentist.

[SvN]

Mahow in action

http://i.imgur.com/6iy8YW8.png

[7om]

:D

Fucking hell.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Neckbeard :face:

Disgusting.

That wouldn't bother me though, I'd be more shifting around wondering if she likes me.

[Spikey M]

This may be a hypothetical scenario but the answer is still no.

[7om]

Here's a hint: she doesn't.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Cheers lads :(

[7om]

Told you I'd get you.

[leedsrevolution]

Savage.

[Disco]

I used a pen at work today that smelled of almonds. I don't like almonds.

[Raoul Duke]

I used a pen at work today that smelled of almonds. I don't like almonds.

Cyanide :nodd:

[Dark Soldier]

Dunno if anyone here is (well, was) a member, but what.cd is dead. RIP. Everything has been deleted.

Didn't wanna start a thread, and this seemed an ample place to post it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Dunno if anyone here is (well, was) a member, but what.cd is dead. RIP. Everything has been deleted.

Didn't wanna start a thread, and this seemed an ample place to post it.

I was but my downloading was disabled a year ago or so.

Only site I've had problems with my ratio.

[phonics]

Was what.cd not one of the splits from waffles.fm? It was only a matter of time.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Was what.cd not one of the splits from waffles.fm? It was only a matter of time.

No. It, along with Waffles, were set up after Oink got raided.

[phonics]

That's the one. I just download mp3s from youtube nowadays.

[Dark Soldier]

PTP will be down for a long while now, too. Don't expect to see it again until next year at least.

Possibly BTN next.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The fuck?

[Adamski]

Torrents are dead lads. Long live Kodi.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

PTP will be down for a long while now, too. Don't expect to see it again until next year at least.

Possibly BTN next.

Where you getting the ETA on?

https://www.reddit.com/r/trackers/comments/5dlrn9/btn_ptp_could_they_be_next/

This suggests that they've gone down to find some better hosting option so they don't get fucked up.

[Disco]

Torrents and Aceplayer gets me anything I want, I barely watch 'tv' though so there's not that much I actually want to see.

[Dark Soldier]

Where you getting the ETA on?

https://www.reddit.com/r/trackers/comments/5dlrn9/btn_ptp_could_they_be_next/

This suggests that they've gone down to find some better hosting option so they don't get fucked up.

I'll PM you.

[Giggles]

I presume Kodi will eventually die like the rest of the methods too.

[Dark Soldier]

There will always be a replacement, there's already TOR trackers etc, just the speed is a ballache.

[Adamski]

I presume Kodi will eventually die like the rest of the methods too.

Maybe, although Kodi itself isn't illegal so you would have to locate the people who run the streams which is totally independent of Kodi. At least with torrents, i imagine its relatively easy to locate whoever uploaded the host file to the site.

[Dark Soldier]

At least with torrents, i imagine its relatively easy to locate whoever uploaded the host file to the site.

Depends on many factors really. The story of the guy who leaked The Revenant screener on PTP, and subsequently got caught, is textbook how not to upload.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Site is undergoing planned maintenance. We will be back soon. Bad peering has caused the downtime to take longer than expected. ETA < 6 hours :) -- Updated Fri Nov 18 20:02:50 UTC 2016

Surprising.

I'll probably grab a shit load when it comes back up.

[Dark Soldier]

Yeah my buffer is getting tanked.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I wish mine was being tanked right now :(

Damn tracker.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My cousin has invited me to his wedding. This came as a bit of a surprise because I've seen him about once in the last 10 years and he's a total dickwad, but there we are. What I do take issue with is the 'invitation' came about a year in advance with an instruction to 'save the date'. Fine, if he wants to tie people down, but this is before I discover it's taking place in a small village about 50 miles outside Warsaw (he's marrying a Pole). So what he expects me to do is sign away a weekend in a year's time to spend probably £750 all told to go and watch him marry his mail order bride, in some sort of gothic tavern in the middle of eastern Europe, baboushka stirring away at the cauldron, boiled cabbage on the menu, the ghosts of Nazi soldiers clawing at the snow-dusted windows, and my mother tells me it would be 'rude' not to go.

I'm quite willing to risk a family spat in order to avoid that wedding.

[Offshore Toon]

My mate got angry at me when I told him that certain people shouldn't be invited to his wedding just because they're a partner of a friend or distant family. He admitted I was right in a lot of cases after the wedding. Some girl that they've never met being there because she's been going out with a friend's brother is just stupid.

Expecting people to travel far is pretty selfish, but they might just be putting the offer out there and won't mind if you say no.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's the other thing, if I got myself a girlfriend between now and then (more likely that an arctic hare will become President of France, but you never know) they would also be making the trip from the mule rank at Warsaw airport, as the fictional missus has also bagged herself an invite. They must be short of mates, tbh, which I can well imagine.

[Kikó]

My wedding list was pretty disciplined to either family or good friends. Anyone with partners would have had to be serious (e.g.. living with them, engaged etc) otherwise it wasn't a plus 1. Having it abroad culled numbers as well which was a relief as the initial 129 figure whittled down to about 79 which saved me about £4bn.

[Offshore Toon]

You got married, Kiko? To the Portuguese lass?

[Kikó]

Yes and yes. In July this year.

[Foe]

You got married, Kiko? To the Portuguese lass?

He liked it. So he put a ring on it.

Apparently 'dibs' doesn't cut it these days.

[Smiffy]

Jimmy really needs to get back to writing.

[Offshore Toon]

Yes and yes. In July this year.
Congrats. I've probably asked before, but she's not from Madeira is she?

[Kikó]

No, her family is based around Lisbon and her grandfather the interior (near Covilha).

Are you still offshore?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Where's the wedding being held, Jimmy?

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

Older boy, probably late 60's, opens up his car door in the Tesco car park, drops a sandwich container then fucks off. I don't know why I'm surprised but it seems like such a teenager thing to do.

[Smiffy]

You shouldn't stereotype teenagers then it wouldn't be such a surprise.

[Disco]

Teenage cunts tend to grow up into adult cunts, it's not that complex.

[Smiffy]

That's people in general.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

Teenage cunts tend to grow up into adult cunts, it's not that complex.

You expect people to mature a bit though. I've never seen an OAP behaving like such a shocking lout before.

[Offshore Toon]

No, her family is based around Lisbon and her grandfather the interior (near Covilha).

Are you still offshore?
Sweet. Seems a bit weird you being married. When was the proposal made? It doesn't feel like I've been gone for that long.

Back in Brighton now. Getting third year out the way then fuck knows what.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Where's the wedding being held, Jimmy?

Fucked if I know, he hasn't actually sent the invite out yet, just sent a 'save the date' thing with a picture of a demonic skull figure on it, something which screams romance. Word of mouth tells me that it is indeed in a small village 50 miles outside Warsaw.

[Offshore Toon]

You should intervene to make sure its love. A couple of blokes I used to work with got hitched to Polish women and taken to the cleaners.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The place my family live in is about 50 miles outside Warsaw, it's a pretty big city though so you wont be meeting any of my Polish half, unfortunately.

[John]

Room was robbed in Berlin so I've just spent the day in the British embassy paying a hundred euros for an 'Emergency Passport'. The staff there are entirely useless.

I had a bit of a laugh at the Russian embassy though. Every other nation has a fairly nondescript building with their flag hanging outside, then the Russian one is a colossal big place with gold gates and writing chiselled into the walls.

[Foe]

Room was robbed in Berlin so I've just spent the day in the British embassy paying a hundred euros for an 'Emergency Passport'. The staff there are entirely useless.


I had a bit of a laugh at the Russian embassy though. Every other nation has a fairly nondescript building with their flag hanging outside, then the Russian one is a colossal big place with gold gates and writing chiselled into the walls.

In a hotel or hostel?

Being robbed in a hotel is all sorts of crazy.

[Spoonsky]

There's a special circle in Dante for people who recline their seats all the way on airplanes, and it probably involves a flight that never ends and where the seatbelt light never goes off.

[Pepe]

It's not even comfortable.

[Raoul Duke]

I've been to a Polish wedding before (my cousin did pretty much the same). It's mental. Like going back in time to the early 90s, in one of those You've Been Framed! videos. They had some absolutely bananas cover band alternating between dad-rock classics (SIMPLY THE BEST, BETTER THAN ALL THE REST) and bobbins Polish music.

It goes on for two days, you eat nothing but their awful food and drink litres of neat vodka.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You've summed them up pretty well.

They all seem to take place in venues which are almost identical. I could have sworn that I had been to three weddings in the exact same venue but it turned out that it wasn't the case.

[Giggles]

The Polish lad I work with can't get his head around the idea of a wedding not having a completely free bar.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's brilliant, they keep bringing out bottles of vodka for each table.

And as Raoul says it's over two days.

There's always some brilliant bits of comedy for me as a sober person.

[Spikey M]

*boring

[Foe]

Room was robbed in Berlin so I've just spent the day in the British embassy paying a hundred euros for an 'Emergency Passport'. The staff there are entirely useless.

I had a bit of a laugh at the Russian embassy though. Every other nation has a fairly nondescript building with their flag hanging outside, then the Russian one is a colossal big place with gold gates and writing chiselled into the walls.

Two days? Fuck that.

That being said though, turn up with a bottle of lemonade and you become the most eligible batchelor there.

[Spoonsky]

Yeah John, you'll be hitched with a cute Russian secretary in no time.

[Pepe]

Wait, there are weddings where you have to pay for your drinks? :D

[Giggles]

Wait, there are weddings where you have to pay for your drinks? :D

99% here, and I'd imagine a very high percentage in the UK too. We drink properly at weddings though in this part of the world rather than poncing around all night on sparkling wine.

A normal wedding costs around €20,000 so fuck getting 200 people pissed too.

[Offshore Toon]

Rent a patch of grass somewhere and set up a marquee then buy shitloads of spirits and wine. The last wedding I went to was like that, although everybody was probably a bit too drunk. Making people do shots during speeches won't end well.

[Giggles]

Rent a patch of grass somewhere and set up a marquee then buy shitloads of spirits and wine. The last wedding I went to was like that, although everybody was probably a bit too drunk. Making people do shots during speeches won't end well.

Shots? Spirits? Pints. People want pints.

[Jimmy Floyd]

At weddings I've been to, all the wine and so on is free but the bar later on during the raucous bit you generally have to pay.

[Offshore Toon]

Shots? Spirits? Pints. People want pints.
If you want a cheap piss up spirits are the way forward.

[Pepe]

In Mexico drinks are always provided. No lol sparkling wines either, the proper stuff.

Weddings are stupid.

[Giggles]

If you want a cheap piss up spirits are the way forward.

It's not enjoyable that night or the next day though. Most people at a wedding here will be drinking beer given the choice.

[Offshore Toon]

I still feel like shit no matter what I drink. I've gone well off booze recently, but I've never actually liked the taste anyway.

[Pepe]

Most people at a wedding here will be drinking beer given the choice.

So I guess there is no 'stigma' regarding beer over there.

[Giggles]

Anyway, hotels here don't let you provide your own drink for a wedding. Except wine and they'll charge you for doing that anyway.

[Giggles]

So I guess there is no 'stigma' regarding beer over there.

Like the American thing of packing you off to AA meetings if you have more than 3 Budweisers?

[Pepe]

Like the American thing of packing you off to AA meetings if you have more than 3 Budweisers?

More like that it is low class shit therefore not to be drunk in events such as weddings.

Never been to a wedding in the US by the way.

[Shindig]

Mexican weddings usually end in gang warfare before you've had a chance to get tipsy.

[Giggles]

More like that it is low class shit therefore not to be drunk in events such as weddings.

Never been to a wedding in the US by the way.

Weddings are a feed and a party here. No point in putting on graces for the night if you drink beer the rest of the time.

[Offshore Toon]

There's no stigma against beer here, or drinking in general, really. If anything, you've got the poncey hipster nonces lauding their fancy IPAs.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's not enjoyable that night or the next day though. Most people at a wedding here will be drinking beer given the choice.

Do you all get a potato for the left hand too?

[Giggles]

Do you all get a potato for the left hand too?

In a mind blowing turn of events they come with the dinner.

[Adamski]

:D awful chat Mahow.

[Danny]

Our wedding was open bar :cool:

For $100 a head we got the meal, open bar (the 'premium' spirits were off the menu) and cake included. At a lovely country club too and was only that cheap because it was "out of season".

[Baz]

I should but it seems that 90% of the people that Specsavers hire are attractive females, probably to target people like me :(:flirt:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D awful chat Mahow.

It keeps this place ticking over.

[Kikó]

Sweet. Seems a bit weird you being married. When was the proposal made? It doesn't feel like I've been gone for that long.

Back in Brighton now. Getting third year out the way then fuck knows what.

Missed this - proposed in August last year. It was all pretty quick actually.

You should come to the meet. :nod:

[Offshore Toon]

Missed this - proposed in August last year. It was all pretty quick actually.

You should come to the meet. :nod:
Good stuff.

I had a look at that and it won't happen this time. Got a hand in on the 6th. Now that I'm in the UK again, though, I'll definitely try and make whatever meets I can.

[leedsrevolution]

I just had to spend 15 minutes pulling poo out of the puppys butt cos it had got stuck in the hair. I'm now drinking a whiskey.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Spent 20 minutes poking myself in the eye in front of the hot contact lens specialist today :(

Made myself look even more pathetic and wet by saying 'sorry I wasted your time'. I did get the pity vote from her though.

[Baz]

I bet you kept opening your mouth as your finger got closer to your eye as well, you gorm.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I bet you kept opening your mouth as your finger got closer to your eye as well, you gorm.

Nope. I just started blinking like a fucking mental.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Also. Dell has to be the worst company when returning something.

I told them that the only day I wouldn't be at home this week was Tuesday so they obviously organised the delivery for Tuesday. They then rearranged it for today, someone came to pick it up and I've just been sent an email saying that the collection has failed and it has to be rearranged.

Proper fucking shit.

[Boydy]

Lewis, you never complain about your mum any more. She alright?

[Lewis]

She's the most irritating person alive, and her entire mindset/worldview just baffles me, so moaning about specific incidents seems pointless. .

[Boydy]

It keeps us entertained.

I thought to ask because I was off work today and was just arsing about at home but my mother was doing my head in all day. She came in this afternoon and told me to look out my window because there was some kid wearing a Santa hat. What.

[Lewis]

I'm constantly trying to work her out, and I'm currently developing an idea that she is really arrogant. What I used to think was just whinging for its own sake (like as a hobby) is actually taking any criticism or disagreement personally, as if the it's the mere idea of doing so, rather than the criticism or disagreement itself, that is beyond her comprehension. The result being that - to use a recent example - when I claimed that my brother makes a better roast dinner than her, she didn't really argue the point so much as point out that my old man doesn't make any dinners so why don't I go live with him if she's such a terrible parent.

The question is why? My brother is the same, except more volatile with it, so it would make sense; but he has a massive chip on his shoulder. What is her problem?

[Lewis]

It's basically like arguing with Harold, except you can only go so far because he does your washing and pays the car insurance.

[Offshore Toon]

My mum is a wanker like that and I've tried sitting her down and explaining why she's an idiot, and she gets it, but still returns to form a couple days later.

I've realised now that I'm more mature than my parents ever will be and trying to make my relationship with them perfect was worth a shot, but ultimately I just wiped the slate clean and now enjoy what I can.

[Magic]

Egos, lads. They must defeat their egos.

My mum is emotionally mature but my gran is a total cunt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The key is not to claim to your mother that someone else makes better roast dinners than she.

[Offshore Toon]

Maybe our generation has heightened self-awareness from growing up with the internet.

[Baz]

Haha in your faces, my mum is top.

[Offshore Toon]

Yeah, but your mum was born in Kenya.

[Lewis]

The key is not to claim to your mother that someone else makes better roast dinners than she.

Somebody should have had a word in 1981. It's never too late.

[Magic]

To tell her she should have a termination?

[Lewis]

I don't think they have much effect several years before any actual pregnancy.

[Giggles]

Top maths there MJ.

[Magic]

In 1981 they did. Boy let me tell you.

[mugbull]

My mom has her moments too but i can imagine some 30 year old stay-at-home son telling his mother and benefactor that her roasts aren't very good being an annoying prospect to deal with and that, when taken in the wider context of tactlessness and lack of empathy, could compound into some serious emotional and spiritual damage

[Spikey M]

Shut up you tart.

[Lewis]

Exactly.

[mugbull]

:happycry:

[Shindig]

Does she still introduce you as "My son, published author?" Lewis?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Left my laptop charger at home :\

[Gray Fox]

A guy from work was complaining a while back(about 4/5 weeks ago) that he was feeling really run down. One of his mates told him to get into the doctors as he looked ill. He caved in and made an appointment, did his tests etc. He got a phone call back telling him to come back in. He tried to make an appointment for the next week but was told that he was needed in as soon as he could get down there. It turns out it was leukemia.
Since then he's had further tests done to see how bad he had it. As soon as the results came back he was moved to a hospice and told he had very little time left and there wasn't much point trying to treat it, but they would give it a go. Some of the lads went in to see him on Friday to the news that he's now been given days.
We got word today that he died late on Sunday. He's gone from being at work and feeling run down, to dead from leukemia in a space of 4 weeks. Life can really be a bastard.

[Kikó]

That's got to be everyone's number one fear. Absolutely devastating.

[John Arne]

Fucking hell, that's horrible. How old was he?

[Magic]

Fuck. How ill did he look? Surely there would have been other symptoms if it was that bad?

[Magic]

Speaking of which actually my father in law's boss got diagnosed with ALS or some sort of neurological disease. He died within 8 months of the diagnosis. This is someone who was in his early 40s that cycled 25 miles to work and 25 miles back home every day.

Also the CEO of that company, who became the CEO of one of the shareholding companies, died also in his mid-40s after a very short battle with cancer. Jinx.

[SvN]

My dad had a similar timeline. He was feeling knackered all of the time and went to the doctors. 6 weeks later he was dead.

[Gray Fox]

In his 40's.
He didn't look bad at all until that day he came in. Even so you never expect to go the doctors to get checked out and come out with that.

[Magic]

I've heard many, many people describe themselves as run down, even myself too. Can't even imagine thinking 'well better go and see about it' then fucked.

[Kikó]

Trick is, never go to the doctor.

[Magic]

Trick is, never go to the NHS doctor.

Fixed.

[Pepe]

That's got to be everyone's number one fear. Absolutely devastating.

Agreed. Running out of battery with hours left on the workday would bring anyone down.

[Kikó]

Agreed. Running out of battery with hours left on the workday would bring anyone down.

Having to use pen and paper :/

[Lewis]

Trick is, never go to the doctor.

My friend avoided a possible IBS diagnosis last year by never going back to the doctor.

[bruhnaldo]

the girl in my shared office space (read: closet) is listening to salsa music, which is fine

but she's humming along with it, and not very descriptively...

so therefore it just sounds like one long hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmm sound

it's awful and i want to die.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Agreed. Running out of battery with hours left on the workday would bring anyone down.

I've managed to stretch it out by hibernating my laptop and turning the screen brightness to just above pitch black.

Oh and thanks for one upping me, Fox.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-38141319

Noticing that you have his pyjama bottoms :\

Mine are the shorts though, so I'm winning there.

[Lewis]

And the rest.

[Spikey M]

'Abe gets sad when you forget to check Timehop'.

WELL ABE I GET SAD WHEN I CHECK IT EVERY DAY AND NOTHING HAS FUCKING HAPPENED BECAUSE I HAVE NO LIFE AND HAVE DONE NOTHING OF MERIT FOR 9 YEARS ACCORDING TO YOUR FUCKING APP BUT THATS ALL OK BECAUSE YOU TELL ME THAT 37 YEARS AGO PINK FLOYD RELEASED THE WALL YOU CUNT.

Great album tbf.

[Offshore Toon]

Timehop is so fucking annoying. If I want to laugh at my old stuff, I'll purposely go on Facebook/Twitter to look at my old stuff.

[Gray Fox]

We usually have a work kick-about down the 7 a side pitches every Friday after the early shift. It's suddenly been turned into a charity match in aid of the poor fella who kicked the bucket at the weekend, with any money earned going to his wife/young kid. As such there are now about double the amount of people going. We usually end up with the place to ourselves anyway but I've no idea how it's going to work out with about 30 people coming.

I'm just hoping management don't see opportunity to look good and hi-jack the thing.

[Adamski]

Get Fat Mike in goals.

[bruhnaldo]

how Rooney wears the armband under the shirt

soooooooo fucking annoyiiiiiiiiiing

[John]

soooooooo fucking annoyiiiiiiiiiing

Nothing like as annoying as that.

[bruhnaldo]

The beeeeeeeeeeeeest part is even when I typed that out I even thought to myself "Oh the lads are going to love this one."

[John]

The best part will be in four posts time when you get all stroppy because you can't actually handle anyone having a pop at you, but still insist on being an antagonistic shit with stuff like that.

I've just got home to find my heating having packed in. The boiler is fine so I won't be going without warm showers, but it'll be Tuesday before I can get anyone to look at the heating so the house will be freezing all weekend. I'll be out most of the weekend so not a huge problem, but still a pain in the balls.

[mugbull]

John you're the most annoying shit i've ever encountered in my life, just shut up

[John Arne]

What part of Bruh's post was antagonistic?

[bruhnaldo]

The best part will be in four posts time when you get all stroppy because you can't actually handle anyone having a pop at you, but still insist on being an antagonistic shit with stuff like that.

Imagine this being the case. Seems you're just not used to people having a pop back at you, which is surprising considering the especially useless and pedantic bullshit you tend to take issue with others.

Literally upset about me using extra letters so people would read as I intend the words spoken.


What part of Bruh's post was antagonistic?

Because I used loooooong draaaaaaawn ouuuuuuuuuut words with extra letters for effect whilst simultaneously knowing someone like John would take issue with it.

[Spikey M]

Antagolistic is the wrong word. I'm not sure what the right word is but he's an odious cunt.

[bruhnaldo]

I'm honestly nothing but nice to people.

I really don't understand where all of this vitriol has come from.

[John]

Three posts. I wasn't far off.

[bruhnaldo]

Lol right.

[7om]

Where has bruh been an 'odious cunt'?

The extra letters was always going to get a rise out of someone but he's pretty sound, most of the time.

[Spikey M]

It's a general aura he has around his posts. It's like when you look at someone and just know they fucking stink.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He comes across as those 'lol 420 brah' type of dicks.

No offence though, Bruh.

[Pepe]

Leave it to the WDYTOE lads. Starting to make a shortlist of first chimpout favorites.

[Spikey M]

Just found out my Dad (well, Step-Dad, but the closest thing I've ever had to a real one) has Colon cancer.

This comes after 18 months of him telling everyone who would(n't) listen that he was ill and being told it was all in his head. This was based on a scan (which we've since found out was read by someone not qualified to do so) coming back as all clear and his career as a Paramedic meaning he must be prone to hypochondria.

What makes it worse is that after a while you side with the Dr's and stop listening. For 6 months I've thought he was full of shit and now I feel like an absolute cunt.

FUCK the NHS.

[bruhnaldo]

Terribly sorry to hear that Spike. What's his prognosis?

[Spikey M]

Not known right now. An actual consultant has now looked at the old scan, seen 'thickening' and a biopsy has been taken. They are 99.999% sure it's cancer (their words) but will have to wait for confirmation. Then it will be a full body scan to look for 'secondaries' which will decide if a simple removal will do or radiation and/or Chemo will be needed. It wasn't too bad on the old scan, but then that's a year old.

The NHS really is fucked. People may lol at the American system, and it has its faults, but the NHS seems to deliver for nobody these days. Cuts and failures. Failures and cuts.

[Spoonsky]

Lee

[igor_balis]

antagonistic shit

come on now

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Sorry to hear that Spikey and I can understand your issues with the NHS.

It took them months to discover that my Dad had lung cancer (he went in a few times after falling on his ribs and they just kept saying it's probably just a cracked rib and he needs to rest), he also went into hospital a week before he died, on the first day they say his cancer was treatable and then the next day they said there is nothing they can do and that he only has a couple of weeks at best.