The little things in life that fuck you off

[Disco]

You could always take them with you and just give them a sleeping pill when you go out of an evening, I can't see that going wrong...

[Reg]

Borrowmybaby.com. Let's do it.

Better contact Mert. You'll definitely need a lawyer.

[John]

You'd be Yewtreed to death within about fifteen minutes of registering that URL.

[Giggles]

Speaking of offspring, entitled parents have to the the biggest fuck off of them all. Expecting people to stop smoking for their filthy spawn.


.

[Pepe]

Sincere's idea sounds good to me.

[SincereTheRebel]

Borrowmybaby.com. Let's do it.

Dumpmybaby.com

[Giggles]

Dumpmybaby.com

Saint has that bought already. .net is still available though.

[Magic]

Ratemybaby.com

[Shindig]

Went over to the other side of the road to see if they wound up with my tickets. They're not in. Crisis.

[Giggles]

Went over to the other side of the road to see if they wound up with my tickets. They're not in. Crisis.

Should have answered the door.

[Shindig]

I did. After he left. This is the fucking problem when you've had years of avoiding answering because your smackhead neighbour's pisshead friends keep showing up.

[Spikey M]

Should answer the door to the postman though.

[Shindig]

Alternatively, if you're delivering some misdelivered post ... like, post it through the letterbox.

[Disco]

Or knock on the door, a conscientious postman likes to make sure it arrives safely.

[Spikey M]

If he does knock, be sure to answer.

[Shindig]

Well, I've checked all the options so it could've been just some random at the door last night. The person across the road hasn't had owt and neither have the guys next door.

[Giggles]

Every cunt in the country is now an expert in, and lifelong lover of rowing now.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've had family members go to Oxford, so I'm all clued up.

[Giggles]

I've had family members go to Oxford, so I'm all clued up.

You're ok, I meant this one as two muldoons won a medal in it today.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The banter when the 4 lads won was amazing.

'Well he went to Oxford so he's not used to winning'. Or something along those lines, I was too busy lolling.

[Boydy]

Calling TTH 'family' is going a bit far, Mahow.

[Dquincy]

Speaking of offspring, entitled parents have to the the biggest fuck off of them all. Expecting people to stop smoking for their filthy spawn.
.

Where do you and others stand if your neighbour smokes outside the front of his house (because his wife wont let him smoke in the house or by their rear windows cos the children sleep on that side of the house) and that smoke then rises in through my windows where my new born baby is sleeping?

[niko_cee]

Close the window if it bothers you that much?

Unless he's puffing it directly through the window does it really make that much of a difference? Or, you know, get the chainsaw.

[Dquincy]

Close the window if it bothers you that much?

Unless he's puffing it directly through the window does it really make that much of a difference? Or, you know, get the chainsaw.

Can't really close the window in the summer when the room is 25 degrees.

Yeah the room absolutely stank of smoke. Not great for a baby. I sent them a text last night. I fear it may have got awkward now. Not that i speek to the husband much. His wife wears the trousers.

[Giggles]

I'd do what I could to accomodate the neighbours if they weren't wankers.

My annoyance comes from when you're in a pub/hotel OUT IN THE SMOKING AREA and some couple lands outside with a pushchair and annoying little 3 year old, sit near you, and ask you to put it out.

[Shindig]

"For the love of God, vape."

[Giggles]

In a smoking area I'll do whatever I like, those cunts have the whole inside to themselves. Luckily the management backed me up after they complained when I told them to fuck off.

[Dquincy]

Giggs, yeah fair point if you're out in public.

I text the wife last night and then the husband text me back asking me 'not to burden her with his bad habbit'. Bit hard when I didn't have his number.

[Magic]

Maybe your baby is smoking and just blaming it on the neighbour. That's just the sort of sneaky cuntish behaviour I'd expect from your shithouse offspring.

[Dquincy]

Aaaah, lovely stuff. Hope you're well, in yourself.

[Boydy]

Maybe your baby is smoking and just blaming it on the neighbour. That's just the sort of sneaky cuntish behaviour I'd expect from your shithouse offspring.

:D

Don't worry, Quincy, he's raising a stripper.

[CJay]

Having just moved permanently to the UK, I was in Carphone Warehouse trying to buy a new phone contract yesterday. However, apparently you have to be a UK resident for three years (!) before you can successfully pass a credit check? :cab: I've been on pay as you go until now, but I'd rather not pay all that money for a phone outright again. I didn't realise you needed one for a phone contact.

I had got all hyped up to be rid of my old one that's dying on its arse. :(

[Giggles]

Having just moved permanently to the UK, I was in Carphone Warehouse trying to buy a new phone contract yesterday. However, apparently you have to be a UK resident for three years (!) before you can successfully pass a credit check? :cab: I've been on pay as you go until now, but I'd rather not pay all that money for a phone outright again. I didn't realise you needed one for a phone contact.

I had got all hyped up to be rid of my old one that's dying on its arse. :(

Get a resident to go in with you and they can sign as kind of a guarantor like in a bank. I got one after a few weeks with Vodafone.

[CJay]

Get a resident to go in with you and they can sign as kind of a guarantor like in a bank. I got one after a few weeks with Vodafone.

Really? Awesome, I'll try that. Cheers. :thbup:

[Giggles]

Really? Awesome, I'll try that. Cheers. :thbup:

That said though, it was 2006. But worth a try. I think I had worse hassle getting a bank account sorted.

[Giggles]

A London accent. Sweet Lord no.

I keep expecting people to start chanting and put the nearest cafe chair through a window.

[Yevrah]

Those massive cars that are basically like domestic tanks.

[Adamski]

That's a big thing.

[bruhnaldo]

i'm getting drug through the coals on another forum because I said I don't want Rooney breaking Sir Bobby's record.

Why do some United fans love Wayne Rooney so much? He literally tried to leave the club twice. It's disgraceful he's the captain of the side. He hasn't been worth a shit for years, but if you mention he played poorly OH GOD don't even want to imagine the vitriol.

I'm so annoyed man.

[mugbull]

You're in luck, the wisemen of TTH are some of the biggest Rooney haters out there. I don't really understand that either; he's a good player, just not good enough to make a bad team play well.

[bruhnaldo]

In which way is he a "good player" now?

What is it that he does "good"?

[mugbull]

Finishing, movement off the ball, passing.

[Yevrah]

That's a big thing.

You know what I mean then. :nodd:

I saw one today that I literally couldn't believe. It was like a silver aircraft carrier. Anyone know what I'm talking about have any linkage?

[Yevrah]

As for Rooney, we all know the caps and goals mean fuck all if all you have to show for it is two quarter-final appearances 10 years ago.

[Spikey M]

You know what I mean then. :nodd:

I saw one today that I literally couldn't believe. It was like a silver aircraft carrier. Anyone know what I'm talking about have any linkage?

They call them buses, Harv

[Ian]

When Rooney first went properly to shit I'm sure the statistics still said that we won more games with him in the side.

I'd be interested to know how/if that holds up now.

[Kikó]

Rooney was good, should have been a lot better and his lifestyle has now caught up with him. Now he's a wage thief who is desperately poor.

[Yevrah]

A wage thief. :D

What is lifestyle by the way?

I still hold Ferguson partly responsible, for convincing the world it was acceptable to turn him into Dirk Kuyt.

[CJay]

Now he's a wage thief who is desperately poor.

He mustn't be a very good one.

[bruhnaldo]

Finishing, movement off the ball, passing.

1. He had 2 great chances he just shot straight at the keeper Sunday

2. He doesn't create chances with his movement, doesn't stretch the defense, doesn't make them think about him in any way whatsoever. His whole party trick is dropping back into the midfield, picking up the ball from someone, then shooting a moonshot pass that takes 30 days to arrive to it's target

3. Same as above really. like Mou said, most people who are proficient with a football can kick it far without any pressure.

I've never seen a guy kill more forward moves because he's a slow plodding piece of shit than Rooney and I regularly watch MLS nowadays.

I'm sorry if I sound like a dick but I just really hate Wayne Rooney. I'll be completely honest about it.

[bruhnaldo]

The next time Rooney TRULY "picks out a deft pass" will be the first time in years.

If Rooney is so amazing (not saying that's what anyone here is saying) then I beg the Chinese to offer United 40m or more for him so he can revolutionize football in their country.

Cause he's sure as fuck not doing it for United or England.

[Yevrah]

His pointless 40 yard sideways-cum-slightly diagonal passes really are a sight to behold.

[Kikó]

He takes about 15 touches these days and then goes backwards.

His lifestyle is booze and fags. It eventually catches up with you.

[Lewis]

Plus it looks like he's had a facelift.

[Spikey M]

Some twat has binned his motorbike into a barrier on the A127 (pretty much outside my gaff) and as a consequence we've had 3 police cars, 2 Ambulance cars, an Ambulance and now a FUCKING helicopter turn up.

That's without the Hells Satans all pitching up to see how their mate is and - for some reason - feeling that the situation needs engine reving and toplessness. Cunts.

[Shindig]

Its the biking equivalent of a Viking funeral.

[Giggles]

When did your whole country stop selling cigarettes in pubs? :mad:

[John]

Around the same time we stopped letting people smoke them in pubs.

[Giggles]

Around the same time we stopped letting people smoke them in pubs.

Really? We stopped the smoking in pubs and displaying them but all pubs still could, and do, have a machine. So long it was a token one.
It's strange being in a decent sized town before 10pm where I can't get any.

[Spikey M]

Some fucker has just crashed into the back of another car because she was rubbernecking. :D

[bruhnaldo]

we've had 3 police cars, 2 Ambulance cars, an Ambulance and now a FUCKING helicopter turn up.

This is literally probably going to happen around my neighborhood tonight, as it does every other night. Sigh.

[Shindig]

Some fucker has just crashed into the back of another car because she was rubbernecking. :D

Great Britain. Makes you proud.

[bruhnaldo]

For the fucking love of Christ, Magic

http://i.imgur.com/0SD44u6.png

I beg of you.

[Magic]

:)

[bruhnaldo]

:D top, top, top top lad.

[Adamski]

Pepe spelling Crocker wrong in the US Presidential elections thread.

[Giggles]

Asians must be the most manner lacking people on the planet. Just been getting breakfast and there's a troop of them down there, they stand on top of you and have absolutely no concept of queueing.

[John Arne]

Welcome to my fucking world. The amount of people if had to tell to fuck off back behind me in the queue.

[Baz]

On holiday and there's a pretty good tick ting of a cherno. She's white but she's alright, probably 17 max. Anyway she's with her annoying, fatter, younger sister. Can't perve on the good one without the chubby 14 year old braces wearing knobhead clocking me.

In better news there are four dark-skinned princesses also here, ranging from 16 to 40, at a guess. They don't fuck me off cos they're all hot.

Speaking of hot, it's too fucking hot. I've not stopped sweating for five days but my tan is terrible. Fucked off. Not helped by the missus wanting the parasol up and the shade going on me. I take it down once I've stopped sweating but it's back up within 10 minutes.

EDIT: I've took a stance and moved my sunbed. Happy honeymoon! :baz:

[Kikó]

Lovely to read about young love.

[Baz]

The tan sitch is a more pressing concern.

http://i.imgur.com/VWh43avh.jpg

[Disco]

Are you sucking that tummy in?

[bruhnaldo]

It's uneven and it's glorious :drool:

[Baz]

Never thought a shirtless mugshot would get a drool smilie response.

And no I don't think so. Sweated my Brussels Beer Belly away.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Went to the dentist the other day and told her that my gum just after the bottom left molar is hurting. She said I probably bit it (no idea how that could happen) but I think a wisdom tooth is coming through. So much pain and I can sort of feel the top of a tooth now.

[bruhnaldo]

I hate when I come here and it shows me all new threads with new posts etc. etc.

Then if I click on one thread and go back to the homepage it says all threads are old. :(

[Spoonsky]

Hangovers. I used not to get them unless I went far overboard but these days I can hardly cope.

[Spoonsky]

I've also started to get these back aches on long drives and even at the movies recently. I'm turning into an old man ffs.

[mugbull]

I was listening to a (comedy) radio show on the way to work this morning and I noticed that, behind the two incredibly pointless hosts cracking shit jokes, there was a third guy laughing really obnoxiously. It occurred to me that this man wakes up every morning, eats some toast or gruel or coffee or whatever, and goes to work where his job is to laugh at other people's humorless antics and occasionally offer bizarre exclamations ("Ooh wow that's a good one!"). I bet the studio even has a mix engineer who fades this sad man's audio into the background so that it's not too evident what's happening.

I've never felt so hollow inside.

[John]

He'll be the mix engineer.

[Lewis]

My friend in Los Angeles found a job advertised (thirty hours a week, and something like twenty dollars an hour) to follow a 'well-known comedian' around, write their 'musings' down, and help produce their online content. Whoever it was must be unbearable.

[Boydy]

How it's starting to get dark a lot earlier.

[Shindig]

Nah, it's just the shit weather.

[Boydy]

The shit weather's not helping but it is getting dark earlier too. I hate this time of year when it starts happening and you know it's just a long, slow trudge to Winter and darkness at 5pm. Ugh.

[Spikey M]

Winter :cool:

Summer, with its insects, sweaty bollocks and Children off school can fuck right off.

[Kikó]

Go and have some winter sun.

The one thing I miss about living in Manchester is how it used to stay light until about midnight in the summer. In London you're done by about 10.

[GS]

The run in to Christmas is great. January and February are bleak, though.

[Shindig]

Any stint where I have three months til my next week off is bleak, to be honest.

[GS]

I've spaced my holidays well this year, although I benefit from a ludicrous amount of discretionary and statutory holidays.

[Ian]

First day of holiday, set my alarm for two hours later than it would normally be so I get a bit of a lie-in. Of course I wake up at the time my alarm would normally go off for work anyway.

[John Arne]

Body clock be a bitch.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I still have 16 days to take in the next 4 months, and work itself is increasingly a doss. It's going to be awesome.

[phonics]

They were only selling the half a liter cans of Red Bull. I look like an absolute deviant drinking this.

[Boydy]

Just have a coffee, you fanny.

[phonics]

Tastes like wank, mate.

[niko_cee]

As opposed to a 'half-liter-a' Red Bull, Farva?

[Baz]

I hope you got sugar free. (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2212680/Red-Bull-gives-wings-Super-sized-energy-drink-.html) :dirk:

[John Arne]

To be fair, that's pretty much the same as can coke (33g for a 330ml can).

[bruhnaldo]

Trying to get back into school. Have to prove my Florida Residency to the school so that I can receive the "In-State Tuition" rate.

I've provided them my government state issued ID, my W2's (tax forms) for 3 straight years, my government issued Voter's ID card , and 53 weeks worth of paystubs..

But one of the paystubs incorrectly showed the pay period of the pay period before (i.e. 8/24/15 - 9/4/15 on two stubs).

Soooo they won't accept my residency.

Three forms of identification provided by the state, the fed, and my employer... but because one of the stubs has a typo I'm fucked until I can find something else.

I'm livid.

[Pepe]

:harold:

Go back with the same except the wonky stub?

What will you be studying and where?

[bruhnaldo]

:harold:

Go back with the same except the wonky stub?

What will you be studying and where?

Just going to the local community college for now, taking general studies/prerequisite shit .

I've been out of school since 2011 and even then I wasn't really "there" as much as just enrolled and missing class for various reasons. Going to be interesting.

They have a program that so long as you graduate your AA you can transfer over to University of Central Florida, which isn't the best school or anything but I hope eventually I can work a 4 year degree out of the whole thing.

Better late than never, I guess. Plus, the only thing I have is my job. No wife, girlfriend, kids, anything to hold me back. Plus I'm a much more mature person than I was even a few years ago, so I'm hoping it'll work out this time.

Slight update: I sent over my lease agreement as they said that could be used as proof, now they want the year prior to the most recent because my current lease is from 10/2015-11/2016... and doesn't show one full year of actual residence.

Fuck. My. Life.

[Pepe]

UCF is pretty decent.

[phonics]

I did a poo in a public toilet and when I stood up I realized the whole thing had landed on the bowl instead of the water and five flushes later found that it would not be leaving anytime soon. I couldn't even use the bog brush because then that would just be covered in poo. Now some poor, minimum wage cleaner is going to have to deal with it and I'm feeling a huge amount of guilt about it.

[Boydy]

Was that one of those weird shaped ones that has a dry part of the bowl that the water doesn't reach? I hate those.

Like a fucking shelf above the water. What's the point?

[Lewis]

Isn't it because filthy Europeans like to inspect (and occasionally play with) their poo?

[Spikey M]

Moving. I mean, having finally moved is great. But it's 2016 and I am living with no TV and no Internet (4g on my phone aside). What is this poverty? It's like living in Liberia or Scotland or some shit.

[Kikó]

I managed to break my phone in the gym by clogging a weight on it twice before realising. Now I'm on some tinpot phone with no numbers as I can't log into my Gmail because of two step verification.

At least I have you guys.

Right?

[Lewis]

No.

[Kikó]

I'm not even in the group ffs.

[Lewis]

We're all tee-heeing at your broken phone.

[7om]

I'm seething at the idea of there being a secret group, got to admit.

[Spoonsky]

It's not all it's cracked up to be.

[Spammer]

I'm beginning to realise that my main group of mates in Leeds are really fucking stifling.

They're nice and all, but they're all so delicate. With my mates from home we just take the piss out of each other all the time and chat shit and it's great. I feel like I've got to tread on eggshells so as to not make people uncomfortable. It's kinda annoying me actually. Need to meet people I can just chill out and chat shit with. Like, someone will say something in an attempt to be funny but which patently isn't, and I swear people laugh purely out of courtesy. But everyone does it to everyone else, and I don't think they know any differently. Maybe it's because they're all Christian, I don't know. It doesn't seem genuine though.

[niko_cee]

Knowing they're "all Christian" sounds like alarm bell material. No one joins a cult for the banter. Well, almost no one.

[Spammer]

There's a lot of cognitive dissonance going on, that's for sure.

[bruhnaldo]

Damn you guys have a Whatsapp group without the rest of us? :(

Bastards.

[Kikó]

You can replace spoons, the ungrateful fuck.

[Magic]

Damn you guys have a Whatsapp group without the rest of us? :(

Bastards.

Don't worry mate, it's not that great.

[Giggles]

Ah, it's a whatsapp group? :harold:

[Magic]

Let's not ever invite Giggles, lads.

[bruhnaldo]

Ah, it's a whatsapp group? :harold:

I just assumed to be fair.

[Giggles]

I've put on some deep heat over an hour ago. My eyes are still watering, that smell doesn't die easily.

[Baz]

The Photobox website is 100% dog turd.

Combined with how rubbish my mouse has been since getting Windows 10, and it's fair to say making a stupid photobook for my mum's birthday has put me in a foul mood.

Fuck off.

[Shindig]

For the second time since moving to this town, I've heard a busker completely murder Outkast's 'Hey Ya'. The first person who did that wound up on The Voice, though. Maybe it's some path to being molested by Ricky Wilson.

[Spoonsky]

The Photobox website is 100% dog turd.

Combined with how rubbish my mouse has been since getting Windows 10, and it's fair to say making a stupid photobook for my mum's birthday has put me in a foul mood.

Fuck off.

Blurb seems like a good option, especially if you have Lightroom on a Mac.

[Baz]

I managed it in the end. Cheers though.

Today I'm fucked off by the man who rang me out the blue while I was in Kwik Fit offering me a good SIM only deal, but spelled my name wrong and got my billing/residential addresses the wrong way around so I failed the credit check. Went to the shop to complain and they just lolled me out of there saying I couldn't try again for 90 days. Just spoke to someone who sounded like he at least had some brain cells, on the phone who said he'll ring me back before eight. Idiots. They're ruining iPhone day. :cry:

[Baz]

Lawnmowers broke. The motor makes a noise but the blades don't spin. Hopefully Groundsman Dave can fix it.

I tried to finish it off wth my old manual one but the grass was too long so it just slid over it. My own fault for not cutting it in about two months, I guess, but still annoying.

I do have another electric one, a flymo, but the amount of spiders in the shed put me off bothering to finish it.

When that fake grass is made to look like actual grass, I'ma get some.

[Giggles]

I was only saying to the Mrs the other day that the next house will have no grass, shrubs, flowers of any description front or back. Stones, paving, and concrete and up to 3 plants in large pots. Fucking hate gardening.

[Magic]

Men with long fingernails.

See How, Giggles and surprisingly Kiko.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Men with long fingernails.

See How, Giggles and surprisingly Kiko.
I used to bite mine really low and let them grow out a bit to show that I don't. Plus I'm shit at clipping them.

Not sure how you knew though.

[Kikó]

I see my manicurist biweekly so have lovely nails.

[Magic]

I used to bite mine really low and let them grow out a bit to show that I don't. Plus I'm shit at clipping them.

Not sure how you knew though.

Because you're a disgusting shitbag.

[Giggles]

Men with long fingernails.

See How, Giggles and surprisingly Kiko.

What are you on about?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Because you're a disgusting shitbag.

Appreciate it babes.

I'd say that biting is more for disgusting shitbags though.

[mugbull]

Fingernails taste great. Poor man's capers.

[Giggles]

Magic is just taking it out on us because the wife took a big sticky dollop in the eye from a masseur earlier on.

[Shindig]

I don't bite them any more. I grew out of it. Teeth-grinding's the thing I can't quit.

[Magic]

I pull my hair out.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I still bite the skin around my nails.

[Spikey M]

Taz used to (probably still does) rub his finger on his 'gooch' and sniff it. Simmer down, you lot.

[Baz]

Don where you you? :(

[Magic]

Neighbours smoke alarm has been chirping for 2 days on the low battery warning. Awesome.

[Giggles]

Neighbours smoke alarm has been chirping for 2 days on the low battery warning. Awesome.

I never understand why cunts can't keep a spare 9V in a house.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Or just remove the battery until they buy a new battery.

[Pepe]

Or just remove the battery.

[Disco]

Burn their house down to teach them a lesson.

[Lewis]

My old Norwich landlord tried telling me that intermittent beeps meant that the alarm was working properly. I just stood there Cornette Facing him until he realised that I wasn't some idiot foreigner and agreed to 'take a look at it'.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Was meant to get a payout from life insurance by last Wednesday at the latest. Asked what was happening today and apparently the decision has been contested.

Ugh.

[Magic]

That for your old man?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That for your old man?
Yeah.

I'm guessing his wife wasn't happy that I was given a percentage.

[SvN]

How much are we talking?

[Pepe]

How much is TTH getting?

[Lewis]

Probably less than other websites.

[Magic]

How much is camwhore getting?

[phonics]

The difference in quality summed up right there when you see Magic make the same joke as Lewis, 5 minutes later and worse.

[Magic]

I thought he was referencing darkweb child porn websites.

[Pepe]

:face:

[Magic]

You know...I really thought I'd returned well there.

[bruhnaldo]

Maybe next year, Magz.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How much are we talking?

Touch over £15,000 for me.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't imagine anything worse than family / pseudo-family squabbles about money.

[Pepe]

Agreed. Guaranteed family ruiner.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I can't imagine anything worse than family / pseudo-family squabbles about money.

It's fucking horrible.

Hopefully everything will be sorted within the next few months.

[Lewis]

My nan lived for family arguments, and by spending all her money before she croaked she managed to cause one from beyond the grave.

[Magic]

If I was old I'd leave everything to the least liked member of the family so the rest of them would think we had a special secret relationship.

[Raoul Duke]

I can't imagine anything worse than family / pseudo-family squabbles about money.

That + a death.

I had to give my mum's boyfriend £14k when she died, due to some vaguely legit claim or risk spending a billion quid on solicitors. It's one of these things that is entirely set-up to cause the maximum amount of grief and solely benefit shithouse chancers.

[Spikey M]

My Mum and Dad were both potless. Gutted, losers.

[igor_balis]

My nan has been financially comfortable forever and when my grandfather died she lived in a paid-off £200k house, had about £100k in savings and has a HUGE pension. My granddad left her about another £150k. The solicitor said something like 'yeah, you're entitled to all of it, but almost everyone leaves a bit to the children - maybe give them all £5,000 each or something?', and she just looked confused and said 'no, I won't be doing that'.

This considering that my mother has basically been in penury for the last 25 years because of having me and my dad training to be a social worker when I was a baby, then going to prison when I was a toddler, and my aunt's financial situation is possibly worse.

Money makes people strange.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That + a death.

I had to give my mum's boyfriend £14k when she died, due to some vaguely legit claim or risk spending a billion quid on solicitors. It's one of these things that is entirely set-up to cause the maximum amount of grief and solely benefit shithouse chancers.
It's a solicitors wet dream.

[Spoonsky]

My nan has been financially comfortable forever and when my grandfather died she lived in a paid-off £200k house, had about £100k in savings and has a HUGE pension. My granddad left her about another £150k. The solicitor said something like 'yeah, you're entitled to all of it, but almost everyone leaves a bit to the children - maybe give them all £5,000 each or something?', and she just looked confused and said 'no, I won't be doing that'.

This considering that my mother has basically been in penury for the last 25 years because of having me and my dad training to be a social worker when I was a baby, then going to prison when I was a toddler, and my aunt's financial situation is possibly worse.

Money makes people strange.

Your nan's a cunt mate.

[Magic]

Your nan's a cunt mate.

I think I was just blinded by the venom in this post.

[igor_balis]

Nah I still love my nan, and I'm sure there's an argument that she earned the money and it is my mum's fault for spazzing up her life or something. Still thought she could have given her a grand or something.

[Disco]

http://i.imgur.com/aX0tcHw.png

Let your entire life be a lesson to you.

[Magic]

Nah I still love my nan, and I'm sure there's an argument that she earned the money and it is my mum's fault for spazzing up her life or something. Still thought she could have given her a grand or something.

Let's hope when she dies and goes to hell she showers with molten coins and bathes in notes that turn to acid when they contact human skin.

[Giggles]

Your nan's a cunt mate.

Her money.

[bruhnaldo]

Fighting the urge to defend anonymous Nana from you cretins. The shame.

[Boydy]

My nan has been financially comfortable forever and when my grandfather died she lived in a paid-off £200k house, had about £100k in savings and has a HUGE pension. My granddad left her about another £150k. The solicitor said something like 'yeah, you're entitled to all of it, but almost everyone leaves a bit to the children - maybe give them all £5,000 each or something?', and she just looked confused and said 'no, I won't be doing that'.

This considering that my mother has basically been in penury for the last 25 years because of having me and my dad training to be a social worker when I was a baby, then going to prison when I was a toddler, and my aunt's financial situation is possibly worse.

Money makes people strange.

Wait, what?

[igor_balis]

Badly phrased, my dad rather than my mother. He got 6 months. Probably explains why I'm a bit weird.

[Boydy]

No, I assumed you meant your dad going to prison. What for?

[igor_balis]

Uh, he used his position as a social worker to defraud vulnerable people of their money to fund his amphetamine addiction. Oops!

[bruhnaldo]

"So my parents, who couldn't really afford having a kid, thought 'fuck spending money on a box of condoms, the possibility of having a child is way less expensive!!!' and wouldn't ya know, 9 months later.... haha here I am!

Then my Dad, now with a new found sense of responsibility, decides to take up one of the worst paying professions on the planet!! Hilarious!

But wait! There's more!! To top it all off, my Mum, the crazy bird she is, fucks off to jail!!! Hah!

I honestly cannot believe why Nan hasn't left my Mum a pound!"

[bruhnaldo]

^ I'm just being a dickhead don't take it seriously.

Edit: Of course I spend all that time being said dickhead and it wasn't even your mom who went to jail. Fuck my life.

[Magic]

I know it's a bit cliche, but I had Igor's dad down as a child molester. At the very least possessing or even taking pictures of children in his care.

[Giggles]

I wouldn't joke. That's exactly what you're going to be branded once you're in the bedsit.

[Boydy]

I wouldn't joke. That's exactly what you're going to be branded once you're in the bedsit.

:D

[Lewis]

Uh, he used his position as a social worker to defraud vulnerable people of their money to fund his amphetamine addiction. Oops!

Even Adderall that she still didn't help you out? It must have been a bitter pill to swallow.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Hotmail/Outlook.

It's a mess, no idea why anyone uses it.

[Adamski]

Use Spark.

[-james-]

What an excellent page. Well done, board.

[Foe]

Some junkie bastard just climbed two floors onto my balcony to try and steal my flat mates mountain bike. Caught him as he got to the ground so he left the bike behind but Jesus Christ. It's day light and I live on the second floor. What the fuck.

[Giggles]

Some junkie bastard just climbed two floors onto my balcony to try and steal my flat mates mountain bike. Caught him as he got to the ground so he left the bike behind but Jesus Christ. It's day light and I live on the second floor. What the fuck.

Pity you didn't get to him a few minutes earlier so he could have 'fell'.

[Magic]

Where do you stay Foeb?

[Foe]

A pretty studenty area near morrisons on king street.

[Magic]

Creepy. I stayed at the premier inn just up the road not so long ago.

[Kikó]

Are you okay magic? Makes you stop and think some times how close you are to such danger.

[Giggles]

Ah now. Foe is harmless.

[Magic]

Are you okay magic? Makes you stop and think some times how close you are to such danger.

I feel like Amigo after Morocco.

[Giggles]

Took me 35 minutes to get to work this morning and I live 2.6km away. Lazy striking bus driving wankers.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Giggles]

Just sheer volume with the schools back and the buses all stopped. Every set of lights I must have had to sit through at least 5 greens before getting through. Even on a good morning it takes over 15 minutes.

[phonics]

I was wondering why I was getting so many spelling error fix requests on my documents. I was correcting everything to the American standard as we spell it 'realize' not 'realise' but no, apparently we use Oxford as standard so I get to researching and find this

'The main difference between British and Oxford spelling is that the latter uses -ize (and -ization) instead of -ise (and -isation) (organize and organization instead of organise and organisation, for instance). This use of z instead of s does not apply, however, to words ending in -yse, such as analyse, which are written with an s in both standards (but not in the American standard, in which it is written analyze). Broadly speaking, it can be said that in all other cases, the Oxford spelling standard follows the British spelling standard'

What a bunch of fucking nonsense. Yeah, we use z all the time EXCEPT for analyse? What? Fuck language.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Greek roots for analyse, I think, and Latin for the -ise ones. Might as well argue to spell it eyez instead of eyes.

[Pepe]

Took me 35 minutes to get to work this morning and I live 2.6km away. Lazy striking bus driving wankers.

You could get a bicycle and be there in like three minutes.

[Giggles]

You could get a bicycle and be there in like three minutes.

I'd look well heading to my first job of the day on a bicycle.

Mind you, not that I'd stoop that low even if I was staying in the office all day.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My speakers have failed.

They did so a few weeks ago and after a few hours randomly started working again. It's been 24 hours and everything I've tried has failed :\

I cannot fucking wait until I buy something decent.

[Shindig]

Some old couple knocked a bairn over yesterday and didn't apologise. She just looked over and carried on walking.

[Giggles]

I initially read that as barn :D

[Shindig]

Also, is there anything worse than a person going to their first match that won't shut up about it? Someone in our office is going to Tuesday's cup game and she's bought a t-shirt with Rafa the Gaffer on it (that she's shown everyone) and now she's planning on ambushing him after, before or during the game.

[Kikó]

Don't be so miserable. Nice that they have a bit of excitement in their life.

[Shindig]

"Will Rafa notice me? I bought this T-shirt for him. I'm in the Milburn stand. Is that near the dugouts!? EEEEEEK!! I WANT TO TACKLE HIM!"

[Kikó]

Look, GS doesn't get to see his hero much. Let him have his moment.

[Spammer]

There's a housemate thread, but this is the closest thread without searching.

Two toilets in our gaff. One for me and another bloke to share, and an en suite for a lass. Bloke was having a shit and I desperately needed a piss so I asked use the lass' loo. She said she'll just make sure it's alright, and I joked that she'd better make sure there's no used tampons in there. Then she said that she actually often dries them out so she can re-use them.

Is this a thing, or has she outdone me and is whooshing me with my own dry sense of humour?

[Spikey M]

I think what's happened here is you've outed yourself as autistic.

[Giggles]

The main question is why you said that to her in the first place.

[Lewis]

You should have just waited a couple of minutes.

[Spammer]

I think what's happened here is you've outed yourself as autistic.

I'm not sure if you know what autism actually is. It sure as hell isn't being unsure how someone means something.


The main question is why you said that to her in the first place.

I was joking. I think she was going further with it. Pretty rank if she wasn't hough.

This was a pretty stupid place to come to ask about it, in fairness.

[Spikey M]

Somebody missing that level of sarcasm is somewhere on the spectrum.

[Spammer]

Somebody missing that level of sarcasm is somewhere on the spectrum.

You're a retard.

Some women actually do it, it turns out.

[Spikey M]

Delete your internet history.

[Spammer]

Nah, I'm good.

[Disco]

Delete your internet history.

As if that would have been the worst thing.

[Boydy]

Look at old man Spike, not knowing what incognito mode is.

[Spikey M]

It's not for buying Christmas presents using the family computer?

[Disco]

Apparently fruit polos are still a thing but they aren't all irrevocably stuck together any more. For some reason I find this mildly disappointing.

[Spikey M]

They haven't dusted them in that horrible shit that ruins Jelly Babies and Milk Bottles have they?

[Magic]

I just did a 30 minute HIIT session on my dad's racing bike and the turbo. On minute 29 I thought I was pissing myself so I grabbed my boab and couldn't feel a thing. Totally numb, my whole groin, my balls and my chappie. Still numbish now and that was an hour ago.

[Giggles]

I used to always get that from my drum stool. Takes fucking ages.

[Adamski]

Chappie :D

I knew a guy who used to call it Gordon. Fucking Gordon :D

[igor_balis]

Woke up with my right eye feeling all gritty and the vision all blurry. Went pharmacist and the chick on the counter was like 'yeah that's infected'. Got doctor's appointment to confirm it later today. It would only be a minor annoyance, but the vision in my left eye is pretty much permanently fucked from detaching my retina, so I can't really see a whole lot right now.

Might pass the time today watching a film with audio descriptions on, was thinking:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIAuUQZVGGI

[Jimmy Floyd]

My teeth are killing me, or, to be more precise, the area behind my teeth at the back is killing me. Yet to work out if it's some wisdom teeth induced nightmare, or just a bad ulcer or something. If the former, I'm really not looking forward to explaining to Mr Choi why my teeth are forcing me to take sick leave.

[John Arne]

I had a wisdom tooth removed a few months back - fucking hell, terrifying experience.

Good luck :D

[phonics]

I had them removed when I was a young'n. I dreaded it and then it was over within 20 minutes and I hadn't even noticed.

[Kikó]

My dentist dropped the "I'm going to have to take those wisdom teeth out soon" bombshell last time I was in. Terrifying.

[Lewis]

All four of mine came through without a problem. Teeth wisdom.

[Shindig]

None of mine came through alright. Not enough to yank them and potentially open to abscesses and such.

[Disco]

Mine came through fine. Genetic Jackhammer :cool:

[Pepe]

I just did a 30 minute HIIT session on my dad's racing bike and the turbo. On minute 29 I thought I was pissing myself so I grabbed my boab and couldn't feel a thing. Totally numb, my whole groin, my balls and my chappie. Still numbish now and that was an hour ago.

You need to get yourself one of those saddles with a cutout. Also try pedaling out of the saddle every ten minutes or so.

[Shindig]

My dad went into hospital this morning and, as they advise you leave as much stuff at home, he's left his phone and wallet at home. I hate not being able to contact someone.

[Spoonsky]

I got my wisdom teeth out in June. They'd come through but still needed taken out, but because we're cheap we went to my normal dentist and I didn't get put under. I could fucking feel them cracking the tooth out, awful. Then a diet of frozen yogurt and supportive friends for the next two days.

It's shit, lads.

[Pepe]

I don't know if mine 'came through' or not.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I don't know if mine 'came through' or not.
Neither do I.

I think they have but I'm not entirely sure.

[Giggles]

I've no idea either. Is there a time of life they tend to arrive? Do they be in the back of your mouth?

[Shindig]

In your twenties. Mine are next to my molars.

[Giggles]

In your twenties. Mine are next to my molars.

I've no idea what molars are but I'm well past all that shit now, so happy days.

[Disco]

I've no idea either. Is there a time of life they tend to arrive?Arr, Do they be in the back of your mouth?

Are you turning into Robert Newton?

[randomlegend]

I just did a 30 minute HIIT session on my dad's racing bike and the turbo. On minute 29 I thought I was pissing myself so I grabbed my boab and couldn't feel a thing. Totally numb, my whole groin, my balls and my chappie. Still numbish now and that was an hour ago.

The fuck is a boab? Not even urbandictionary could save me.

[Giggles]

Are you turning into Robert Newton?

Who? Arr?

[Giggles]

The fuck is a boab? Not even urbandictionary could save me.

I presumed it was his manhood.

[Disco]

The fuck is a boab? Not even urbandictionary could save me.

Number three was 'Small annoying creature' which can't be far away from the truth.

[Giggles]

Number three was 'Small annoying creature' which can't be far away from the truth.

He must have grabbed the wife so.