News of the day

[Spikey M]

ffs.

[Disco]

:harold:

[Adamski]

Because the more it happens then it has more chance of spilling over into my world.

Until your missus or Second Captains mentions it I think you're safe.

[Giggles]

Yep.

[Dquincy]

Why broadcast such a shit non-story. Pricks.

http://news.sky.com/story/trump-spokesman-sean-spicer-wears-upside-down-flag-pin-10797414

[Shindig]

Clearly a House of Cards fan.

[John]

They've made that a complete non-story by going with the now typical Twitter rundown in place of actual content. If they had anyone with an even vaguely satirical or even functioning mind working there they'd have picked up the 'vessel in distress' angle and ran like fuck with it, rather than taking up a tenth of the total real estate with some genius who photoshopped him upside down.

I expect SNL will try to do it as some version of Spicer being held hostage and trying to signal for help, and it'll be crap.

[Shindig]

Yeah, turning articles into a twitter feed is a piss-poor practice. I'd rather hear more about John Surtees' fantastic career instead of "Here's Paul Hollywood's thoughts in less than 140 characters #bread."

[Dquincy]

1. Just took a massive dump and my father in law went in straight after me. Regretting not cracking the window.

2. 34 dead by runaway bus. Sounds a bit mental. http://news.sky.com/story/bus-driver-kills-34-speeding-away-from-accident-in-haiti-10799761

[Offshore Toon]

I'd quite like to take a walk around Haiti, even though it'd be a daft idea without blacking up first. They're all mental.

[7om]

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/jessica-farrar-mans-right-to-know-masturbation-fine-texas-abortion-law-emission-a7626441.html

:lol:

[Giggles]

Fucking hell.

[phonics]

Before Giggles gets mad without reading more than the headline. You get what the point of the bill is right?

[Giggles]

Before Giggles gets mad without reading more than the headline. You get what the point of the bill is right?

Giggles didn't post the link fucko. Who not what, eh?

[Offshore Toon]

The Independent is just clickbait nonsense since they stopped printing.

[Giggles]

The Independent is just clickbait nonsense since they stopped printing.

Never even realised they didn't have a newspaper any more.

[Offshore Toon]

Yeah, they don't have to abide by the same regulations (or something like that) so now they're able to post utter shite.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-39266323

I'm not interested in the story so much as how the writer has painstakingly avoided any use of personal pronouns. Is Monroe one of those made up genders you get now?

[Magic]

Lol at her splitting up 'untrue' in to varying levels of non-truth.

[phonics]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-39266323

I'm not interested in the story so much as how the writer has painstakingly avoided any use of personal pronouns. Is Monroe one of those made up genders you get now?

Yes.

[Disco]

Fell apart as a person after reading a tweet? Fair enough it was a shitty thing to post (and he's well within his rights to nail someone for it) but fucking hell, get a grip.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yes.

Should get 'it' into the BBC style guide to cover all those.

[Magic]

Fell apart as a person after reading a tweet? Fair enough it was a shitty thing to post (and he's well within his rights to nail someone for it) but fucking hell, get a grip.

He?

[phonics]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-39266323

I'm not interested in the story so much as how the writer has painstakingly avoided any use of personal pronouns. Is Monroe one of those made up genders you get now?

Having sat in on this exact meeting inside a pro-LGBT HIV Charity, that meeting would take about 7 years at the Beeb.

@Disco (http://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=57) She/He/Whatever has been very public about suffering from anxiety/panic attacks long before they were even a public figure. I know it's easy to say 'get a grip' but you may as well go into the Depression thread on here and tell everyone to just cheer up.

[Magic]

Is it a fucking bloke? Haha. :D

I shamefully remember thinking I'd probably bang it too when this story came to light thinking it was an emo bird. Fuck.

[wullie]

There's a woman in one of the departments here who has changed from a Ms to a 'Mx'. No idea.

[John Arne]

Telling depressed folk to "cheer up" is not comparable to using the wrong pronoun.

If someone called me "her", I would correct them and move on. Actually, if someone continually used the wrong pronoun for me, I would probably block them and move on with my life - it's not my job to force people to use pronouns that they don't want to use - they would be a dick for not doing so - but then I wouldn't hang out with them - problem solved.

[Disco]

He?

Look, if it's not immediately obvious then I just pick one and be done with it. If people want to he overly precious about it that's up to them.

[phonics]

Telling depressed folk to "cheer up" is not comparable to using the wrong pronoun.

If someone called me "her", I would correct them and move on. Actually, if someone continually used the wrong pronoun for me, I would probably block them and move on with my life - it's not my job to force people to use pronouns that they don't want to use - they would be a dick for not doing so - but then I wouldn't hang out with them - problem solved.

That's not what she was falling apart from. She was getting it from all sides from a bunch of people who thought she vandalised a war memorial. Reading helps.

[Magic]

Look, if it's not immediately obvious then I just pick one and be done with it. If people want to he overly precious about it that's up to them.

Calm down you fucking goblin, I genuinely thought it was a (shaggable) bird with a funky 90s name.

[Disco]

Who isn't calm? Just my thought process, I went mainly on the name.

[Lewis]

If [s]he is that prone to panic attacks then maybe carving out a career as a mouthy Twitter personality isn't the best idea. Anyway, remember when [s]he accused David Cameron of using his dead son as cover for not actually privatising the NHS? That strikes me as being pretty libellous (even under the superior American system), so lol at this entire story.

[phonics]

She got famous off writing a cooking blog for people on/below the poverty line to make healthy family meals not being a 'mouthy Twitter personality' so let's drop that line of attack.

On the judgement, it's a terrible, terrible case that'll be abused by the 'bad' people as much as used by the 'good' people. What happens if Hopkins writes yet another terrible article and I call her a racist that wants brown people dead (she is) and then she gets sacked?

[Disco]

It would be another notch on your internet bullying bedpost at least.

[Lewis]

The cooking got things rolling, but [s]he has since developed into an all-round activist rent-a-gob sort, largely through social media and Guardian articles. The [wo]man is a cunt.

[Shindig]

Monroe, who was assigned female at birth, identifies as non-binary transgender

Nah, Melisa, you're a lesbian. Like millions of others. 'Assigned' makes it sound like some stolen birthright. Transgenders despise their physical form. You seem alright with yours. Still, props on the court win.

[Disco]

'Assigned female at birth' :D

Fuck off.

[Magic]

So it's a fucking woman then? Yeeees still would bang.

[Boydy]

Katie Hopkins is a fucking toxic cunt so good.

[Magic]

I'd bang her too. And Kate McCann.

[Disco]

And Kate McCann.

At least you know she'd be able to keep it a secret.

[Spikey M]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/articles/39265883

Shut up and take my money.

[Offshore Toon]

Fucking hell that's so cheap.

[John]

Giggles didn't post the link fucko. Who not what, eh?

Even within your misidentification of that situation, your 'who not what' mantra wouldn't apply.

[Giggles]

Even within your misidentification of that situation, your 'who not what' mantra wouldn't apply.

Your delayed response is noted and taken under consideration. Thank you for your time.

[Adamski]

Giggles :cool:

[Giggles]

Some top grinder work.

http://www.thejournal.ie/penis-ring-stuck-dublin-3289755-Mar2017/

[Spikey M]

Why did I go to the photo?

[phonics]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C7W3Z7OW4AAuUeB.jpg:large

It's not quite 'piss off we're full' but it's a start.

[Jimmy Floyd]

She's done a serious stint there.

[Disco]

Went to Burma when no-one else gave a shit, top top lady.

[Lewis]

She'll be hanging on for Brexit. :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I read the news today, oh boy (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-39350444)

[Lewis]

Twenty-eight years ago today
FA Cup semi-final to play
We'd been waiting on the fans a while
Turned up pissed-and-late and forced the turnstile
So may I introduce to you
The act you've known for all these years
Sgt. Kenny's Hillsborough Justice Band

[Shindig]

They're really showing up their lack of culture, there.

[Reg]

I read the news today, oh boy (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-39350444)
Is there a more perfect first line than that? The melody, Lennon's voice, everything.

[phonics]

Is the Mark Morris Dance Group a morris dance group comprised of Marks?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Is there a more perfect first line than that? The melody, Lennon's voice, everything.

I've always been a fan of 'We skipped the light fandango', but that's probably up there too.

[Offshore Toon]

I didn't know Bowie (in Young Americans) had lifted that from The Beatles.

[SvN]

BREAKING NEWS

http://i.imgur.com/2SwqcMh.png?1

Fuck off.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Chocolate twists could be a euphemism.

[SvN]

I didn't know Bowie (in Young Americans) had lifted that from The Beatles.

John Lennon was at the recording sessions for the album, so it was probably done as some sort of homage.

[Magic]

She is so fit.

[Lewis]

He's reached the cropping his hairline off pictures stage, so she will have blown him out before long.

[Offshore Toon]

Is there a velodrome cyclist out there that isn't dull as shit?

[Disco]

What proportion of sporting bods in general are anything other than tedious? Not many, look at how many complete and utter mongs there are in football for instance.

[Magic]

Look at footballers 30/40 years ago though. Same with racing drivers etc.

They were all cool as fuck for the right reasons.

Now you've got big nosed cunts like ZLATAN being cool to the kids for doing a 6 second Snapchat video.

[Offshore Toon]

Quite a lot of footballers are entertaining, for better or worse. The fact that its a shit rich person sport definitely takes them to another level of dull.

[Magic]

Quite a lot of footballers are entertaining, for better or worse. The fact that its a shit rich person sport definitely takes them to another level of dull.

Only if it's inadvertent i.e their own fuckwittery.

You only have to read the MOTD 'PLAYERS TWITTER' sections to see they are all written by the same PR person, because they are too thick to write anything other than 'GRATE WIN LO1l'

[Jimmy Floyd]

Golfers are the worst.

'Good round today, Justin.'

'Yeah, we (always we) hit it real solid, made a couple putts. Had some fun out there. Hopefully we can go low tomorrow.'

'Thanks, Justin.'

[Pepe]

http://cdn.velonews.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/20021194-42640-400x600.jpg

http://cdn.velonews.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/20051396-52668-800x533.jpg

[Disco]

Look at footballers 30/40 years ago though. Same with racing drivers etc.

They were all cool as fuck for the right reasons.

Nigel Mansell
Alain Prost
Derek Warwick

Your argument was basically invalid the moment I started typing Mansell, a man so tedious out of the car that you could use him to hang wallpaper. Golfer too so you fell asleep coming and going.

[Mazuuurk]

He's reached the cropping his hairline off pictures stage, so she will have blown him out before long.

:D

Why are you so obsessed with people who go bald?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nigel Mansell
Alain Prost
Derek Warwick

Your argument was basically invalid the moment I started typing Mansell, a man so tedious out of the car that you could use him to hang wallpaper. Golfer too so you fell asleep coming and going.

Nigel is another who uses the royal we. I just don't get it. There was no one else in the car with you. Just you and a dreadful Judd engine.

I've read an interview with Derek Warwick in which he sounded quite interesting. Prost has no redeeming features though. French as well.

[wullie]

I always liked Eddie Irvine, he gave off the impression that they'd have to breathalyse him in the paddock before the parade lap.

[Lewis]

Black and white racing drivers were probably cooler than average, but they were all on borrowed time so probably felt the need to live it up a bit.

[Magic]

What is the sport with the least amount of dullards? Athletics surely has to be at the absolute bottom due to the fitness = boring cunt formula.

[Pepe]

Maybe one of those shite 'extreme sports.'

[Mazuuurk]

Dart pros?

[wullie]

Definitely darts. They're all dressed like big fat silky party animals with nicknames on their back.

[Lewis]

Phil Taylor likes to party.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Snooker has loads of characters. I remember Quinten Hann deciding to become a character, as he didn't think snooker had enough characters, and started a frame by smashing the reds open, then challenged Mark King to a fight. Don't think anyone ever heard from him again after that.

Marco Fu. He's a character. Barry Hawkins. The list goes on.

[Magic]

Neither of those are really sports.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Boxing they make everyone out to be a character, which is almost always just marketing fluff. David Haye is one of the dullest men alive and Anthony Joshua is far worse.

Cricket was great actually until they started bringing in high end sponsors and required Jimmy Anderson to walk round Waitrose bowling an apple in his whites.

[niko_cee]

Didn't Quinten Hann get banned for life for match fixing or something?

[Shindig]

I'm trying to think about decent Motorcycling options but, for every Marco Simoncelli you have three James Toselands.

[Giggles]

It's ok though because it's shit.

[-james-]

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17499315_10207176855940113_3952866681962580465_n.j pg?oh=1a6c8c0cff7610073cf01d28ac1e1cfe&oe=59258627

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17457701_10207176856140118_2965211939928642939_n.j pg?oh=9c9a4547a9599bef9aa012ad900dc80b&oe=5965698F

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17458360_10207176856380124_5920089192342922987_n.j pg?oh=1aba8ffc22e8b7f821ea12626b3c5e59&oe=5968B919

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17458247_10207176856740133_3077808898905006031_n.j pg?oh=8696dac2893fdad746e0b5271334ac41&oe=595EA86C

[CJay]

Excellent. 😂

[Spikey M]

Seething :D

[Lewis]

How does an Argie end up speaking like that?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's gone full native hasn't he? I saw an article about him playing for a pub team there.

[Offshore Toon]

He's gone full native hasn't he?
Seems like it from the second article.

[SvN]

Oh my God :D

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/football/2017/03/29/124582504_AFP_Portuguese-footballer-Cristiano-Ronaldo-large_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqzhC_wx102xa17MHAde_wYTsqI4 ijn6UhPI2gzM8ujPE.png

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/football/2017/03/29/cristiano-ronaldo-unveils-horrifying-bronze-bust-madeira-airport/

[John]

See Giggles' new avatar.

Peter Lovenkrands was on Twitter saying it looked more like him. I can see that.

[Baz]

http://i.imgur.com/6bjZ3ce.jpg

[Spikey M]

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/87/Raoul_Moat.jpg/100px-Raoul_Moat.jpg

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's who it looks like. Raoul Moat. Been annoying me for 24 hours.

[John Arne]

https://gyazo.com/e16b3d6e380a2521acb81776476ba838.png

[leedsrevolution]

Oh my God :D

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/football/2017/03/29/124582504_AFP_Portuguese-footballer-Cristiano-Ronaldo-large_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqzhC_wx102xa17MHAde_wYTsqI4 ijn6UhPI2gzM8ujPE.png

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/football/2017/03/29/cristiano-ronaldo-unveils-horrifying-bronze-bust-madeira-airport/

Niall Quin

[Spikey M]

Bank of England considers palm oil for the new £20 note - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-39441971

Replacing the animal fats with Palm Oil, which is directly responsible for putting animals on endangered list. Trolololol

[Disco]

As if vegan pricks use logic when considering, well anything.

[SvN]

Fucking hell. Thanks a lot, Blair.

[Giggles]

Some sense does remain in the world.

http://www.thejournal.ie/skankhole-bus-stop-driver-dublin-3321852-Apr2017/

[SvN]

So she was so embarrassed that she refused? What sort of logic is that, you fucking cunt?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-39490648

The ultimate winner of Hide and Seek.

[Offshore Toon]

http://www.bailiwickexpress.com/jsy/news/tractor-driving-court-case/?t=i#.WOZk2FXyvIV

[Giggles]

Finally. Though it uses to be a good day for parties.

http://www.newstalk.com/Good-Friday-alcohol-ban-to-be-lifted-

[Magic]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4399506/Woman-sex-dogs-bestiality-party-SPARED-jail.html

Bloody hell.

[Mazuuurk]

How does she even get the dogs to do that to her..? :cab:

[Disco]

Women would have sex with dogs before having sex with their male owners.


Jesus.



before


:|

[Magic]

Dunno but anyone who says they don't want to see the videos is lying. :drool:

[Offshore Toon]

Jesus.



:|
Ain't no fun if the homies can't get some.

[Disco]

Why not just cut out the middle man/woman.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX3ENRaEPFU

[Magic]

Can you double penetrate a female dog?

[Disco]

Can you double penetrate a female dog?

https://media.giphy.com/media/13iAt1Tc0kybpm/giphy.gif

[Spammer]

How does she even get the dogs to do that to her..? :cab:

Dogs are often quite randy so it isn't usually a problem. The problem is if the women is in pain and wants the dog to stop. This can be difficult because the dog penis is a strange shape and is difficult to remove until it goes limp, I believe, although obviously how much of an issue this is depends on the size/type of dog.

[Magic]

http://www.gifbin.com/bin/052009/1243594993_cupcakedog-war-flashbacks.gif

[Offshore Toon]

Why am I not surprised?

[Shindig]

I absolutely would. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-39568635)

See, Mert? Get yourself one of those.

[Offshore Toon]

The second photo shows us how filters are the devil.

[Mazuuurk]

Dogs are often quite randy so it isn't usually a problem. The problem is if the women is in pain and wants the dog to stop. This can be difficult because the dog penis is a strange shape and is difficult to remove until it goes limp, I believe, although obviously how much of an issue this is depends on the size/type of dog.

You know an awful lot about this stuff :sherlock:

[Shindig]

He gets the invites but he's not much of a dog person.

The state of these mugs. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-39573922)

I never understood why American kids would go for a European fascist ideology.

[Offshore Toon]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/13/hero-commuter-wrestles-knifeman-london-bus/

Taz would be so erect watching that. What a serious badman, though.

[Alex]

Fair play to him. How much of a cunt have you got to be to get your phone out and film that though? I'm not necessarily saying jump in and risk your own life, that's obviously a very personal choice you would have to make in that moment. But to whip your phone out and stand there filming it from a safe distance? Fuck off.

[Offshore Toon]

Could be used to help find him tbf but yeah I'd probably just bolt.

[Shindig]

The footage will help identify the assailant. How stupid do you have to be to rob a bus full of witnesses who probably all have phones?

[Offshore Toon]

He probably didn't plan on them all having phones upon completion.

[Dquincy]

Is this racist?

http://m.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/39601728

[Shindig]

Damn, Ross Barkley in the African Cup of Nations could've been something.

Oh, God.

Odd cunt out. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-39599079)

You couldn't have went with Chris Evans?

[Disco]

Blatant trolling by the Sun there the day before the anniversary of Hillsborough, Lewis could have told us he'd got the editors job. Still, the part about Barkley being thick is pretty spot on

[Giggles]

Yeah, he's not said anything that isn't true.

[Magic]

Now I know why he was so lazy for us.

[Lewis]

Liverpool Mayor Joe Anderson told BBC Sport he reported the article to the police for a "racial slur". Speaking to BBC Sport, Anderson said: "Not only is it racist in a sense that he is of mixed-race descent, equally it's a racial stereotype of Liverpool. It is racist and prehistoric."

:lol:

[Lewis]

The Sun suspending him for being 'unfunny' is funnier than had they just done nothing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-39629099

:lol:

[phonics]

The winning team at the biggest e-sports event, the League of Legends World Championship, shared $1m (£810,000) in prize money last year.

:cab:

This was the Dota prize pool from 2 years ago

https://arthouseanime.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/prize.png

[Shindig]

In contrast, EVO's 2015 prize pool:

http://i.imgur.com/nKCZldk.png

Granted, fighting games don't have the monetisation nailed or the shelf-life to really capitalise on it.

[phonics]

The community at large also doesn't want to be like DotA/League/Starcraft and have always rallied against it.

Evo spends more on scholarships than it does any individual prize pool so more power to them. It's as grassroots as it gets.

[Magic]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-39706205

Jesus H. :|

[SvN]

Lightbulb moment?

[Smiffy]

It's not even a shock anymore. :(

[randomlegend]

:cab:

This was the Dota prize pool from 2 years ago

https://arthouseanime.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/prize.png

Riot pays all the LoL players a wage, Valve doesn't.

[Spikey M]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-39706205

Jesus H. :|

Ffs :(

[Disco]

That is fucking grim.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-39714301

Luca will be ordering 10 pairs.

[SvN]

The other photo on that article is better :D

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/12BF4/production/_95788767_4a20972d-1914-48fa-b4af-c3c1bb719193.jpg

[Smiffy]

The knee windows one is even worse. :D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Yeah but they're not expensive enough for Luca.

[Offshore Toon]

You'd need to have incredible knees to pull that off.

[randomlegend]

The knee window ones are for Boom, otherwise you wouldn't be able to see the mud on the ones underneath.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

[Kikó]

Rip boom.

[Smiffy]

RL just smashed it. :cool:

[Giggles]

Sweet Jesus, how much of a fucking neck would you need to even go through with this? At least judges are starting to go against these lol ones though.

http://www.irishmirror.ie/news/irish-news/cork-teen-footballer-who-lost-10313293.amp


An Irish teenager who lost his claim against his former boyhood club for dropping him has said it still 'upsets' him on a daily basis.

Sean Cooke, 18, sued his local Cork club, Carrigaline United, claiming that he had been mistreated by management.


The youngster claimed that he suffers from post traumatic stress disorder because he was dropped by the club when he was 13.

[John]

Judge Sean O'Donnabhain said it was an "emotional" and "difficult" case. He said Declan Cooke was undoubtedly a "caring parent" but that he was not "over blessed with insight."

I always enjoy judges trying to be diplomatic while calling someone a moron.

[Giggles]

That said, I meant to post this at the time last month, this is the other end of the scale. Absolute insanity, judge should be locked up for it.

She looks like she touches at least 3 legs of every table she sits at anyway.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/courts/high-court/hairdresser-awarded-20-000-after-banging-knee-off-table-leg-1.3030842

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fucking hell, I'm always smashing my knees on table legs.

I'm going to be a millionaire.

[John]

How keen was she to get her chair pulled in and embark on the free bread that she fucking injured herself doing so?

[randomlegend]

When she returned home she had attended her local doctor, the Beaumont Hospital for X-rays and later a specialist in muscle spasm.

Mmmm hmmmm.

[Spikey M]

The law really needs a 'shit happens' clause, because sometimes, sometimes, you're just unlucky and nobody is actually to blame. Of course, in this (and Monghow's) case, if you're too dense to check for table legs before chucking your considerable weight in the direction of the table then you are completely and utterly to blame.

[Shindig]

Stait fyre, son. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/39743303/luxury-fyre-festival-is-cancelled-with-ticket-holders-still-stranded-in-bahamas)

I can't say I expected more from Ja Rule.

Also, This is not flight. It's hovering. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-39441825)

[Yevrah]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-39742670

Jesus christ.

[Lewis]

Working on these diversity/equality things these days must be what it was like working for the CIA in the fifties and sixties. Is this a fucking stupid idea? Probably, but let's spend six months and a fortune making our minds up.

[Magic]

"racial micro-aggressions"

:D

If you don't give a black man your wallet when asked, this could be racial micro-aggression, and you could be sent to jail.

[Pepe]

According to our center of diversity and inclusion, a woman instructor cannot call her husband her husband, as it can be deemed to exclude those who are no in typical relationships.

[Shindig]

Allow an internet man to clue you in.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp9jye0q2ZQ

Long and short of it is, "This kid isn't mine. Let's abuse him for profit. His mother seems unconcerned."

[Spikey M]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/39791805/female-shop-mannequins-are-medically-unhealthy-and-unrealistic

I am this close to buying one of those awful Meninist t-shirts.

[Magic]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-39798988

Holy SHIT!

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/item/acdc97cd-5e08-40c4-84fc-601d2541ed50

Brilliant.

That's how these gluten free twats should be treated.

[Magic]

Yeah coeliac is for poofters.

[Magic]

https://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/fp/teen-admits-offensive-behaviour-swearing-street-way-dundee-fc-match/

:D

What a fucking retard.

[Dark Soldier]

Good old Africa

http://dailypost.ng/2017/05/13/pastor-eaten-crocodiles-trying-walk-water-like-jesus/?utm_source=dlvr.it_dp1&utm_medium=twitter

[niko_cee]

It's gold all the way through but I particularly liked this bit:


“He promised he would demonstrate his faith to us today, but he unfortunately ended up drowning and getting eaten by 3 large crocodiles in front of us.

“We still don’t understand how this happened because he fasted and prayed the whole week.”

[Disco]

One of life's great mysteries.

[Shindig]

I'll not lie. I searched liveleak to see if there was a video. There was not.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Clearly should have prayed for a month.

[Giggles]

Wouldn't be a new week here without the obligatory fuckwit judge handing out a fortune to a chancer story.

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/voice-contestant-who-gave-false-and-misleading-evidence-awarded-18k-over-traffic-incident-35716504.html

[leedsrevolution]

Good old Africa

http://dailypost.ng/2017/05/13/pastor-eaten-crocodiles-trying-walk-water-like-jesus/?utm_source=dlvr.it_dp1&utm_medium=twitter

Surely you would practice in the bath before you attempted crocodile river.

[Spikey M]

I can only assume his fast was in an effort to become less dense that water?

[Magic]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-39932366

WTF. I've drunk more coffee than that in 2 hours.

[Queenslander]

Energy drink involved as well?

[Browning]

Why can they name McDonalds and Mountain Dew, but not the energy drink?

[SvN]

I've had 3 energy drinks in less than an hour before. Actually, it's something I've done a few times.

[leedsrevolution]

Why can they name McDonalds and Mountain Dew, but not the energy drink?

It says in the article they weren't sure which energy drink he had.

[phonics]

I have a 2 red bulls per day maximum as that gets you slightly over your reccomended Taurine levels for the day but then I drink coke the rest of it so my caffeine levels are through the roof.

[Queenslander]

Surely your teeth must be rotten?

[Raoul Duke]

A large US drink is about a lake's worth, so it's probably the equivalent of necking thousands of cups of coffee.

[7om]

I have a 2 red bulls per day maximum as that gets you slightly over your reccomended Taurine levels for the day but then I drink coke the rest of it so my caffeine levels are through the roof.

Taurine? I'd be more worried about your sugar intake.

[randomlegend]

I downed 7 red bulls for a bet once. I definitely thought I was going to die.

[-james-]

Lol at "Davis Cripe". That's my new username for everything.

[Magic]

I downed 7 red bulls for a bet once. I definitely thought I was going to die.

Anybody else would have been fine.

[randomlegend]

Good on you for volunteering to test that hypothesis. Lifestream at the weekend?

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/39961502/student-banned-from-university-wi-fi-for-downloading-chicken-run

Other than the person in question living near a BBC building and having recently-legal breasts and vagina for the website's avid readers to imagine, how in the fuck has this story made the BBC homepage? She's not even moaning about it.

[wullie]

We ban students on a daily basis for torrenting films, so I assume it happens everywhere else too. We get emails from that Australian company who work on behalf of the studios that tell you what they've been downloading, so you see when they've lost their access for a film you'd get on ITV2 or some dirty porn.

[Offshore Toon]

"Another person got caught for downloading Shrek and she's still blocked."

I like how they've singled out that quote. It reads like an Onion article at points.

[Offshore Toon]

We ban students on a daily basis for torrenting films, so I assume it happens everywhere else too. We get emails from that Australian company who work on behalf of the studios that tell you what they've been downloading, so you see when they've lost their access for a film you'd get on ITV2 or some dirty porn.
Can they see when people have used Tor or any dark web sites?

[wullie]

I know people have been pulled up for it in the past, but not sure if it was automatically detected or because they were just clumsy.

[Giggles]

We have a new winner.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/courts/high-court/woman-who-slipped-on-chip-awarded-40-000-1.3089556?mode=amp

[Boydy]

Fucking hell, I'm coming down south to find me some chips on shopping centre food court floors.

[Disco]

It'll take you a while to grow the hair though.

[Lewis]

She looks like a cross between Martin McGuinness and Miss Piggy.

[Giggles]

Every judge in the country must be on the take.

[Boydy]

She looks like a cross between Martin McGuinness and Miss Piggy.

:D

[Mellberg]

"She claimed a chip was allowed to remain on the floor of the food court and alleged failure to warn her of the danger posed by the chip."

:lol:

Probably dropped it herself the fat cunt.

[Lewis]

That seems unlikely.

[Giggles]

She never dropped a chip in her life.

[John]

I wonder what she slipped on in LIDL.

[Lewis]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/05/21/south-african-hunter-crushed-death-elephant/

:lol:

[Spikey M]

I can't be arsed to read it in full, but I really hope he lived long enough to suffer.

[Magic]

What a bizarre article almost glorifying him.

[Yevrah]

It's the Telegraph, they'll love a bit of (fox) hunting.

[wullie]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-39999839


A light-hearted music quiz about the Moors Murderer Ian Brady broadcast on BBC local radio has been described as "unacceptable" by the corporation.

The segment, on BBC Radio Leeds, was hosted by presenter Nathan Turvey during Sunday's breakfast programme.

Listeners were asked to guess the identity of a person "who'd been in the news" from a series of musical clues.

Turvey played excerpts from tracks including The Brady Bunch theme song and The Smiths' Suffer Little Children.

The presenter, who was standing in for the station's regular Sunday host, also played Mott The Hoople's All The Young Dudes and Talking Heads' Psycho Killer before saying: "They were four songs all linked to someone in the news this week, all you've got to do is work out who it is," and asked listeners to call in with their guesses.

[randomlegend]

The Smiths' Suffer Little Children.

Holy shitting hell :D

[Mellberg]

Was thinking storm in a tea cup until reaching that song. What the fuck :D

[Spikey M]

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/one-armed-mum-daughter-ridden-10477619

Lads and Gentlemen, I give you the story of the year.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

‪ http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/one-armed-mum-daughter-ridden-10477619‬

Lads and Gentlemen, I give you the story of the year.

And a mong who can't copy and paste a link properly.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/one-armed-mum-daughter-ridden-10477619

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Having read that I'm stunned.

The Poundland staff and the 'Two customers', what the fuck?

[Giggles]

Well it's not made up anyway, as you couldn't make that one up.

[John]

A similar thing happened a few years ago in a McDonald's or similar. There's a film about it called 'Compliance'.

[Boydy]

"I had to go in again to get these special straws for the holiday"

What?

[Offshore Toon]

I like that she was too scared to go back as if she might be tempted to do it again.

[Spikey M]

I like that they left after realising it was a prank (presumably with some minimum wage irks toes in their mouths) only to go back for another hour after the prankster told them they would piss out on the prize.

[Offshore Toon]

I wonder if she lost her arm in a similar competition.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-40042260

Carried quite a lot too.

[Magic]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-40168417

Reality Leigh Winner, 25, allegedly removed classified material from a government facility in the US state of Georgia.

Reality Winner? :lol:

[-james-]

http://www.glasgowlive.co.uk/news/glasgow-news/strathclyde-university-bosses-send-email-13170825

Lol at them calling out the ethnics and then apologizing.

[Magic]

So what country is it customary to shit in the bin or the shower?

I know India you pretty much shit wherever you are at any moment in time but other than that...

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's grim.

[Disco]

We recently had a (white, British upbringing) guy stop in a service station car park, get out and shit on the ground so you really can never tell.

[Magic]

That's kind of acceptable in a way, desperate for a shit what else can you do other than shit your pants. In a communal shower or a bin though? WTF.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Communcal, lol.

[Disco]

I'm not so sure, he pulled his trousers back up and got straight back in the van and carried on his day. No trip into the services to clean up or anything.

[Gray Fox]

The league cup has been renamed as the Carabao Cup.

Apparently this was agreed in April. We have to put up with that name for 3 years.

[7om]

http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/40289256


The English FA's latest guidance to youth coaches, published in 2012, is designed to "challenge the win-at-all-costs mentality that is stifling development and enjoyment for young people".

'It's the taking part that counts!'

[John]

I'm sure I remember reading a while ago that one of the more successful European youth conveyor belts, possibly Germany, doesn't even have games with a quantifiable winner until they're about twelve. I don't know how they do it, constantly rotating teams is the only way I can think of, but it must be a viable plan.

[Lewis]

If we have been trying to coach that sort of mentality, then the 100% failure rate of the coaches should be the bigger concern.

[randomlegend]

http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/40289256



'It's the taking part that counts!'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/40289256

The Spanish are at it as well.

[John]

That's exactly the same link he's posted.

[randomlegend]

The fuck?

I swear I clicked that earlier on my phone and it was something different.

I'm having a proper breakdown today.

EDIT: I think I read the quote but didn't click the link so didn't realise it was this story.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-40300062

From $43m to a cheap steak.

Imagine the seethe.

[Shindig]

I wouldn't even react to that number. A slot machine wouldn't offer that kind of pay-out.

[mikem]

This story is nuts. How speculative is it from a U.K. perspective?

https://www.buzzfeed.com/heidiblake/from-russia-with-blood-14-suspected-hits-on-british-soil?utm_term=.gqXEQL1y5z#.su07G5q6K2

[John]

https://www.derrynow.com/news/derry-man-head-butted-himself-court-told/32904


A Derry man who smashed a window “head-butted his own reflection”, Derry Magistrates Court heard today.

:D

[Shindig]

That has to be a "Well, we haven't tried this before." legal defence.

[Dark Soldier]

What a way to die:

http://www.sundayregister.com/tragedy-popular-jav-actress-drowns-filming-bukkake-scene-tokyo/

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Imagine having to tell the family that she 'died after drowning in semen' :D

Edit: Scooping it out of her mouth to try and resuscitate her :sick:

[Shindig]

She died doing what she loved.

[bruhnaldo]

Imagine being the family having to tell other people.

[Baz]

Spunked to death. :drool: