The ULTRAMEGA Summer 2017 Transfers and Rumours Thread [featuring THE MIGHTY BLADES]

[Spikey M]

Mahow's gonna get sexually Horaced.

[Haystacks Horace]

I don't understand the slides.

The self styled "super mong" has sure gone quiet though.

[McAvennie]

I think you need to stop and just have a bit of a think about the tripe your peddling here. Get off your computer/phone/tablet and just go sit in a quiet room and think about it.

Defoe will bag even a shite team 15 goals a season pretty reliably because he's a poacher and proven at many clubs in the premier league. Staying in the premier league is everything to Bournemouth, the money that rolls in dwarfs that 100k a week spend. Should they be relegated they could well lack the infrastructure and stature to bounce back up straight away so 100k a week for the high probability of those goals overrules any age concerns. Understand now?

He's scored 15 goals or more in a season 4 times in his career. Not that reliable really. Certainly not enough to think that at the age he is he's going to do that for the next three seasons, so a little incredulity seems well placed and your misplaced mansplaning more than a tad optimistic.

[Haystacks Horace]

He's scored 15 goals or more in a season 4 times in his career. Not that reliable really. Certainly not enough to think that at the age he is he's going to do that for the next three seasons, so a little incredulity seems well placed and your misplaced mansplaning more than a tad optimistic.

He's one of the most accomplished Premier League strikers since the leagues inception.

Raise your decrepit claw to the side of your neck, grope about a bit. Found the crank? Good now wind your neck in.

[Mazuuurk]

Wha are all these people? :cab:

[phonics]

So lads, you might have thought Tim Sherwood is shit but I have news for you

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDkYDjQXoAAKye4.jpg:large

[Disco]

They really do just write any old shit don't they.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Surely he must never again work in football. Who would employ him?

[wullie]

World class defenders are similarly scared of DJ Campbell.

[Disco]

Being terrible has never been much hindrance in the past, especially if he's considered a 'football man'.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Football, football man
I've got to be
A football man

[Jimmy Floyd]

Nathan Aké sold to Bournemouth, and Nathaniel Chalobah looks to be following him out the door. I really hope we sign some heavily tattooed 28 year old South Americans to replace them.

[Giggles]

Lol at this (http://m.independent.ie/sport/soccer/premier-league/john-aldridge-liverpool-have-had-a-lucky-escape-by-not-signing-greedy-dortmund-star-aubameyang-35880738.html), but I missed the main part. Did Aubemeyang really sign for a Chinese club?

[phonics]

There's no football thread so I'll mention it here. This Rangers European qualifier has looked a similar level to Swiss non league.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Lol at this (http://m.independent.ie/sport/soccer/premier-league/john-aldridge-liverpool-have-had-a-lucky-escape-by-not-signing-greedy-dortmund-star-aubameyang-35880738.html), but I missed the main part. Did Aubemeyang really sign for a Chinese club?

They're offering him just over £800k a week.

They'd also have to pay Dortmund about £70m.

[Giggles]

They're offering him just over £800k a week.

They'd also have to pay Dortmund about £70m.

Not saying he's wrong, but I just totally missed it.

Any time I seen him (in Europe mainly in fairness) he looked completely piss and wind.

[Spikey M]

To think we All thought the Yanks would ruin football. Fucking China.

[niko_cee]

I didn't realise Aubemayang was as old as 28.

Piss and wind you say? :drool: Is he also perennially injured?

Nope. The £70m is going on Naby Keita who I only know this about. If Liverpool sign him for £70m, he'll be shit, but if anyone better signs him next summer (when he has a release clause apparently), he'll be amazing.

[Spikey M]

Also, I would take England/Spain/Germany/etc for £250k a week over a fucking £gazillion per week in China. Either way I'd be richer than I ever thought possible but only one of the options has the bonus of not having to live in fucking China.

[Giggles]

Also, I would take England/Spain/Germany/etc for £250k a week over a fucking £gazillion per week in China. Either way I'd be richer than I ever thought possible but only one of the options has the bonus of not having to live in fucking China.

I know it sounds good and all and you'd still be rich. But still, over half a million extra. A week. That's a whole lot fucking richer. 78 million quid over the 3 years richer.

[Ian]

The £70m is going on Naby Keita who I only know this about. If Liverpool sign him for £70m, he'll be shit, but if anyone better signs him next summer (when he has a release clause apparently), he'll be amazing.

If this goes down the way I've seen it reported / lied about it'll be the most Liverpool transfer ever.

[Lewis]

Unless somebody like Madrid or United came in for him, you could understand China. Five years ago he was probably coming round to the idea of being a middling player for the next decade, bouncing between bollocks clubs in the hope of being offered relatively good money to phone it in at Sunderland, and now he can make some mental money. Plus he doesn't have to worry about his national team overlooking him like somebody from a decent country would.

[-james-]

There's no football thread so I'll mention it here. This Rangers European qualifier has looked a similar level to Swiss non league.

They were really, really shit.

A 1-0 win against the fourth best side in Luxembourg is still miles better than St. Johnstone's home defeat to a side from fucking Lithuania though.

[-james-]

If Liverpool get Naby Keita they're winning the league.

[Disco]

Are there enough people in Luxembourg for four teams?

[Giggles]

If Liverpool get Naby Keita they're winning the league.

They're really not (the latter).

[Lewis]

The only reason not to go is if you want to be the best player you can be, playing at the best level you can play. If you've probably already done that, fuck it.

[Foe]

To be fair to him. He's from Gabon or wherever so Germany isn't exactly home to him anyway. He probably thinks he may as well go wherever he can maximise his earning and feed his ego.

If he was German it'd be a different question.

[Gray Fox]

While I'd like us to sign Keita, he still only has 1 season to go off. While a very good one, I'm not sure that warrants £70m.

But there's no point in playing accountant any more. Given the money available at the top now, you pay what you need if it's the player you want.

More news from us. Apparently we would be willing to spend more than £70m on top of the Keita deal to get Mbappe. Almost a blank check book to throw at him. As far as I know it's either Mbappe or nothing for a striker. We're still looking at Robertson to replace Moreno, with Milner as back-up at left-back.

[GS]

There is literally no chance that Liverpool are signing Mbappe.

None. At all.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He's probably more French tbh.

He was born and bred there (he joined Milan in 2007 and then went back to France on various loan deals) and his Mum is French. Also played for the French youth teams at international level before switching.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=21kFVrDQ_Fg

Dwight :cool:

[Giggles]

Ben Thornley, legend?

[Baz]

If we get Mbappe I'm buying a replica shirt. :drool:

Taking Stevie's number eight too. Oh boy. :alan:

[Spikey M]

I disagree. I mean, China might be a bit shit (maybe). But when you're earning THAT much money. Who gives a fuck where you live, really? I mean, it's all the same. A luxury apartment in London or a luxury apartment in China, it's still fucking luxury and he's earning absolute cash. I'd take China on 800k a week over pride and 250k a week anyday. Why wouldn't you...

I went to Uni and met Chinese people.

[GS]

You'd almost chance living in Raqqa if someone was prepared to pay you £800K a week.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

£824k a week apparently.

[Giggles]

128 millon quid for 3 years :drool:

[Gray Fox]

There is literally no chance that Liverpool are signing Mbappe.

None. At all.

I know this. At least they're trying I guess.

[Giggles]

I know this. At least they're trying I guess.

Really trying or Arsenal trying?

[Ian]

Ben Thornley, legend?

This gets by because all his youth team mates claim he was the most talented of all of them before his leg fell off or whatever and they feel sorry for him.

[Adamski]

Mbappe or bust but a championship left back :D

[Lewis]

A few years ago moving to Liverpool would have made sense as a stepping stone if he just wants to play, but now you would be daft to use an English club as one when they could sit and take the piss should Madridcelona come in for you. Look at Everton. Liverpool would have lolled Barcelona out of the country if they had offered seventy million for Luis Suarez this summer.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Auba has always been a piss taker. Scoring a few goals in a great counter attacking side in a league where defending is illegal is the best he's getting anyway.

[Adamski]

Auba has always been a piss taker. Scoring a few goals in a great counter attacking side in a league where defending is illegal is the best he's getting anyway.

I didn't realise Chelsea were in for him.

[Reg]

Deulefeu back to Barcelona. They need more depth, so seems logical.

Rudiger to Chelsea is an interesting (possible) one. Can probably slot in at right-sided centre back but Azpilicueta has been very good, no? Rotation, I guess.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/40454783

Linfield and Crusaders are saying that they've signed Josh Robinson.

[Giggles]

Speaking of China, this one is really weird/interesting to me. The guy doesn't even have any background in the sport until very recently (2013).

https://www.irishtimes.com/sport/soccer/jim-mcguinness-takes-assistant-role-to-roger-schmidt-in-china-1.3138318

https://www.balls.ie/gaa/jim-mcguinness-is-blazing-a-trail-never-before-contemplated-by-a-gaa-man-368138



.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Saul Niguez has signed a NINE year contract (well a 5 year extension on his current 4 year deal) to say at 'Atleti'.

Why would someone sign that?

[Disco]

Presumably because he wants to stay there.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

But he's got a lot less leverage when he wants a new contract with increased wages.

[Shindig]

Job security, innit? And if he does go at some point, he'll have an inflated price tag.

[Lewis]

Jason Taumalolo recently signed a ten year deal in rugby league, which nobody could really make sense of. It's for good money by current standards, but the way things are going he will probably end up getting short-changed for at least half of it, and the club must have written in some sort of injury release clause.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.skysports.com/football/news/11668/10933074/chelsea-agree-33-4m-deal-to-sign-antonio-rudiger-from-roma

Chelsea have signed Antonio Rudiger for £33.4m.

[Mellberg]

Terry deal done. Confirmed in the next couple of days.

Bit of a throwback. Musn't have fancied LA Galaxy.

[Mazuuurk]

Mahrez to Arsenal it seems?

Fucking shit signing if that.

[SincereTheRebel]

Mahrez to Arsenal it seems?

Fucking shit signing if that.

Disagree. Ive been trying to tell this arsenal stan that arsenal would be better of signing mahrez and try and get lukaku over lacazette and lemar. I would prefer they strengthened with players from the same league over foreign french fairys.

Try and keep sanchez, but sell ozil.

[SvN]

I had no idea Sincere was back :cool:

[Weaver]

I reckon Arsenal should sell Ozil and keep Sanchez too, but which clubs who can actually afford the money Ozil's after, realistically would want him? There'll only be the Manchester clubs, Chelsea, Madrid, Barca, Bayern and PSG, maybe Juventus too, and I don't think any of them have a real need for an Ozil type player.

John Terry has signed for Villa officially. They announced it via a mockup of a WhatsApp chat between some players, the manager and the owner, but here's a picture of him holding his shirt:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDzuM9GXYAEz6G9.jpg:large

[SincereTheRebel]

Why is he wearing a shirt, and also holding a shirt?

[Mazuuurk]

Disagree. Ive been trying to tell this arsenal stan that arsenal would be better of signing mahrez and try and get lukaku over lacazette and lemar. I would prefer they strengthened with players from the same league over foreign french fairys.

Try and keep sanchez, but sell ozil.

Yeah, in principle that's OK thinking. But sign good players from the same league then, not fucking Mahrez. He's never going to do well in a team like Arsenal who keep the ball so much, the only reason he was doing OK in Leicester was he always had a lot of space to work with. He doesn't provide much that someone like Oxlade or Iwobi isn't able to already.


As for Sanchez, it would be nice to keep him if he did want to stay, but since he clearly doesn't seem to want to, why not just get like 50M for him now anyway.
I don't get why they aren't looking for any defenders though. If I were them I'd have been all over Michael Keane for instance.

Lacazette seems like a complete wild card. Seems like he's scored like half of his goals from penalties and the rest from Tap-ins (which I suppose might be what a team like Arsenal needs in a way, the latter that is).

[Mazuuurk]

Why is he wearing a shirt, and also holding a shirt?

Because he never quite could stick to just the One of anything really.

[niko_cee]

He doesn't provide much that someone like Oxlade or Iwobi isn't able to already.


To the database!

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Unibet linkup has the potential for some first class adverts, anyway.

[Max Power]

Mahrez is approximately 12 times more talented than "The Ox" or Iwobi. Don't think he'd be great at Arsenal though, think they'd indulge his worst qualities.

[John Arne]

Full kit wanker.

[Mazuuurk]

Mahrez is approximately 12 times more talented than "The Ox" or Iwobi. Don't think he'd be great at Arsenal though, think they'd indulge his worst qualities.

I disagree. I think someone like Oxlade would be able to excel in a team like Leicester that season they won. Or sort of how Ashley Young looked like the next big thing in one magical Villa season at some point. They are all decent, good, but not something that will really drastically change anything for Arsenal.

Now, I dunno what would, really, but it's not Mahrez.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why is he wearing a shirt, and also holding a shirt?

He could never resist wearing a full kit.

[Mellberg]

Ashley Young was exceptional at Villa for 5 seasons, Maz.

[SincereTheRebel]

I don't get why they aren't looking for any defenders though. If I were them I'd have been all over Michael Keane for instance.


Gibbs, Jenkinson, Debuchy, Mertesacker, Gabriel, Koscielny, Holding, Monreal, Mustafi, Chambers, Bellerín, Kolašinac.

That is a lot of defenders they have already.

[phonics]

Gibbs, Jenkinson, Debuchy are all gone. The rest is fine.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Half of them are horseshit though.

[SincereTheRebel]

They need to figure out if they are playing three at the back or four. Then take it from them.

[Lewis]

John Terry has signed for Villa officially. They announced it via a mockup of a WhatsApp chat between some players, the manager and the owner, but here's a picture of him holding his shirt:

They what?

[SvN]

881840731551391744

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Jesus Christ.

[Reg]

:D It's so weird that that shit is part of football now.

[Giggles]

Christ.

[John]

I doubt even Zim could spin that. Thoroughly embarrassing.

I was going to say I was glad we're still announcing players in exactly the same way we did fifty years ago, but Pedro has been getting 'inspirational' quotes from former players painted on the walls of the training ground and he's just banned green boots, so we'll probably get involved in this turbo plebbery at some point.

[Lewis]

And to think people lolled at that Chinaman when he bought them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Banned green boots?

Is he going to ban potatoes and pots o'gold next?

[John]

I wouldn't rule it out. He wants 'WE ARE THE PEOPLE' painted on the wall of the away dressing room as a form of intimidation too. I reckon there's a real case to be made at this point that vaguely handsome Portuguese managers are just all fucking insane.

[-james-]

I had missed Chelsea signing Rudiger. Why? I realise they've sold Terry and Ake, but neither was exactly key last season, and center back is one of the areas they're surely alright in. Is £30m for a defensive backup player reasonable these days?

[John Arne]

Dave back to right wingback, perhaps?

[-james-]

I dunno why you'd change that back three, seemed a winner to me.

[Pen]

That was painful to watch.

Can't Rudiger play both right and centre back. They don't have that many defenders anyway. Zouma, The Daves, Cahill and Alonso. That's only six defenders, although on top of that you have the world class Victor Moses to gallop on the wing if they play 3-5-2 again.

[Reg]

I think Moses will stay at right wing-back (rather than Azpilicueta) and they'll get someone else quick and attacking as competition for him.

They needed more centre-backs. Azpilicueta, Luiz, Cahill, Zouma and Rudiger is now 5 for 3 spots.

[-james-]

It felt like the wing backs where were any replacements might happen, and they could have signed Vlad Chiriches or someone as a fourth centre back.

[Lewis]

Isn't Andreas Christensen meant to be good, and, more importantly, the long-awaited proof that their hoarding/loaning system works?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I still don't get Chelsea signing Alex Sandro.

Alonso was brilliant last season.

[-james-]

Isn't Andreas Christensen meant to be good, and, more importantly, the long-awaited proof that their hoarding/loaning system works?

They've just sold Ake for £20m so are effectively getting Rudiger for pennies, so I think that's their proof that it works.

[Adamski]

Rangers linked to George Thomas of Coventry.

What you saying wullie?

[Lewis]

They should just invest in property.

[SincereTheRebel]

Ive just been told that john terry comes off as a bisexual. She claims he moves kind of funny. Feminie like in his interviews...

[Danny]

881794502775668736

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Surprised no one has mentioned our signings made today.

881747628110819329

And Di'Shon Bernard:

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/852127349722292225/9N-xyFcc_400x400.jpg

What names.

[Ian]

He'd go well with the newgen I have on my FM15 save, "Bigger Lumanza."

[Lewis]

Wayne Rooney will be United's only white outfield player by 2025.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He'll have added a further 10 goals to the record by then.

[Lewis]

Legend.

[Weaver]

881946694413422593

Everton have signed Michael Keane, from Burnley, for a fee which could rise to £30m.

The look on his face at the end of that :D

[Lewis]

'Roy, what we've decided to do...'

[wullie]

Rangers linked to George Thomas of Coventry.

What you saying wullie?

I really don't get the interest in him from top division teams, as recently as January it was questionable whether we'd try to keep him on, never mind some kind of bidding war. I assume he's off somewhere, but I'd rather in England if only to get more sweet compo.

Saying that, he is my ultimate dreamboy after scoring in the JPT final and I've got a picture of it on the wall because I have little to cheer, so I hope he does well.

[Disco]

I really don't get the interest in him from top division teams, as recently as January it was questionable whether we'd try to keep him on, never mind some kind of bidding war. I assume he's off somewhere, but I'd rather in England if only to get more sweet compo.

Saying that, he is my ultimate dreamboy after scoring in the JPT final and I've got a picture of it on the wall because I have little to cheer, so I hope he does well.

What about Rangers?

[Max Power]

I heard he was coming Leicester (he's from here I think?) so you may get that £500k or whatever.

[7om]

http://www.football-italia.net/105195/report-donnarumma-milan-deal-agreed

Donnarumma has re-signed with AC Milan. Apparently his 100m Euro release clause gets halved if Milan don't qualify for the Champions League.

EDIT: And the agent has only gone and forced the club to sign Donnarumma's brother to a 1m euro contract as a backup keeper :D

Fucking hell. The scenes if it comes down to the final game of the season and he throws one into the goal to guarentee a move on a cheaper release clause.

[Spoonsky]

Did Buffon get this sort of treatment when he was up and coming? I know he's supposed to have them covered in goal for twenty years but I can't see it turning out well when he was getting death threats as an 18 year old.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Agents then weren't like they are now. Donnarumma will have absolutely no control over his own career whatsoever, and I mean dead zero. He'll play where instructed to by his agent. It's also possible he is himself a twat, to compound matters.

If he was in 1998 he would be Milan's goalkeeper until he was dead, would be highly paid to do so but you wouldn't have all the agitation. Unless, of course, Milan now = Parma then.

[wullie]

Milan have signed a few terrible family members to keep players happy over the years haven't they? Digao and at least a couple of Seedorfs for starters. Must be nice to have that many pegs in the changing room spare.

[Kikó]

Morata expected to be complete by the weekend.

[phonics]

I'm hoping he's as Olivier Giroud-esque as I think he is or I'm going to be rather annoyed at that one.

I'd also like to take a moment that I don't think Lacazette will be any better than Giroud. He's going to be our Wilfried Bony, crap when it actually matters but he'll score a hat-trick in a 5-1 destruction of whoever this years Sunderland are..

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/40491372

Iborra to Leicester.

[Weaver]

http://i2.chroniclelive.co.uk/incoming/article13277426.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/Newcastle-Unveil-New-Signing-Florian-Lejeune.jpg

We signed this guy last night, Florian Lejeune, from Eibar. £8.7m, French CB, know nothing of him.

[Danny]

Moyes back in charge of transfers at Sunderland?

EVERTON TRIO FOR SUNDERLAND?

Sky sources: Sunderland are on the verge of a double-signing from Everton this afternoon. We understand defensive duo Brendan Galloway and Tyias Browning are currently on their way to Wearside to undergo medicals ahead of season-long loan deals.

In addition, Sunderland are close to agreeing a permanent deal for Everton winger Aiden McGeady, which would take the Everton arrivals to three.

However, the Republic of Ireland winger's move is less advanced than the other two, but Sunderland remain in advanced talks with Everton.

[Max Power]

Iborra seems a good buy. The Spanish Fellaini one pundit dubbed him, what more could you ask for??

Less promising is our continued obsession with Troy Deeney. I'd have had him last year but not now. £20m :|

[Spikey M]

£20m is about 50p these days.

[Reg]

Not liking the idea of Newcastle signing Sevilla players. Three teams to be crap please (I think Huddersfield, Burnley and Watford is the hope).

[Shindig]

Lejeune looks world-weary enough to know what he's in for. Optimistic.

[randomlegend]

Morata expected to be complete by the weekend.

Is this the return of #ITKiko? :drool:

[Dark Soldier]

Lads

https://twitter.com/ncustisTheSun/status/882350823048708097

Legend please no

[Haystacks Horace]

Chancel Mbemba, best centre half in the premier league. Discuss.

[GS]

Genuinely surprised they'd want him, given he's useless.

[niko_cee]

Aye, makes no sense from Everton's perspective (other than sentimentality and, I assume, noodle endorsements).

[Offshore Toon]

Chancel Mbemba, best centre half in the premier league. Discuss.
Looking like the next Yanga-Mbiwa tbh. Shame as there's plenty of potential.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Aye, makes no sense from Everton's perspective (other than sentimentality and, I assume, noodle endorsements).

It's a name, if they're trying to muscle in on Big X territory, which it appears they are.

[niko_cee]

May as well re-sign Dixie Dean if that's the logic.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dixie Dean's dead, but Stormzy would probably do.

[Gray Fox]

We need Stormzy to announce the next United signing.

[Lewis]

Joe Dolce seems like the more obvious choice.

[Yevrah]

Dreadful signing. I'd lol my arse if they've given him a 4 year deal as well.

[Lewis]

I reckon he will get into his best shape in years, be really good for two months, get an injury, and then be fat and rubbish for the rest of his contract.

[Reg]

Ed Woodward being Ed Woodward again. https://www.theguardian.com/football/2017/jul/03/jose-mourinho-frustrated-lack-manchester-united-signings?CMP=share_btn_tw%3FCMP%3Dfb_a-football_b-gdnfootball


We need Stormzy to announce the next United signing.
He got close enough with Pogba. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Jfn-U6EGzU)

... Or was that the reference? :uhoh:

[Gray Fox]

... Or was that the reference? :uhoh:

That's a bingo.

I imagine when they sign Morata he'll do the press conference himself whilst Pogba dabs in the background. Although this time I do think the new signing will hit the ground running.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's a bingo.

I imagine when they sign Morata he'll do the press conference himself whilst Pogba dabs in the background. Although this time I do think the new signing will hit the ground running.

The dab has been retired.

He's gone balls deep on 'The Billy Dance'.

869638186250649600

I hope Lingard has been practising.

[Kikó]

Great news that he's finally going. No idea what Koeman thinks he can get from him but not our problem.

[wullie]

I understand Rangers taking an interest in Cov players now.

[Yevrah]

I reckon he will get into his best shape in years, be really good for two months, get an injury, and then be fat and rubbish for the rest of his contract.

He'll just be shit. He simply doesn't have it in him anymore.

[Toppedogge]

Rooney going back to Everton is too funny and I don't think much of the others they have signed either. Too early to say what will happen as others still haven't bought much but I reckon it'll be a long hard and disappointing season for them.

Lukaku is still going ain't he?

[Andy]

Surely Everton aren't buying Rooney for footballing reasons?

They'll sell a lot of shirts, be far more attractive to potential sponsors and will just make them look like they've made a step up.

As much as he is completely shot now he's still a big deal in football, England and United all time top scorer.

Anything he actually does on the pitch is a bonus. I reckon with the right sort of manger and in the right system he could get 15 combined assists and goals in a season.

[Andy]

Rooney going back to Everton is too funny and I don't think much of the others they have signed either. Too early to say what will happen as others still haven't bought much but I reckon it'll be a long hard and disappointing season for them.

Lukaku is still going ain't he?

Keane and Pickford are both great signings. I don't know much about the other two but id be confident as an Everton fan.

[Toppedogge]

Isn't there intention to close the gap on the top four though? 7th is standard form for them and I don't anticipate it changing.

I also think that it when Lukaku goes as expected that they are going to struggle for goals. I can't see them replacing him with a like for like option as there simply isn't many in that bracket that they can or will attract.

Also with regards to Keane, different set ups. He'll be exposed for Everton unlike at Burnley I think. Good defender for sure but no more than that. I just don't see it being any different to usual.

I want to be wrong as it makes a nice change to see other clubs compete but I can't make sense of what Koeman is going for. Again though it's early days so see what others do first I suppose.

[phonics]

Isn't there intention to close the gap on the top four though? 7th is standard form for them and I don't anticipate it changing.

I also think that it when Lukaku goes as expected that they are going to struggle for goals. I can't see them replacing him with a like for like option as there simply isn't many in that bracket that they can or will attract.

Also with regards to Keane, different set ups. He'll be exposed for Everton unlike at Burnley I think. Good defender for sure but no more than that. I just don't see it being any different to usual.

I want to be wrong as it makes a nice change to see other clubs compete but I can't make sense of what Koeman is going for. Again though it's early days so see what others do first I suppose.

Have to disagree with the 'exposure' thing. Koeman is secretly one of the most boringly defensive managers in the league, just doesn't get stick for it because he's Dutch so it must be total football.

[Sam]

GK has been a weakness for Everton, Pickford a good signing to cover that.
CB again, a bit of a weakness, Keane covers it nicely.
Decent foil upfront in Sandro and a work horse in Klaasen.

Keep Lukaku and that's a rather strong Everton side.

[nsd]

Stoke sign Josh Tymon on a 5-year deal from Hull, fee to be decided via tribunal. I know nothing of him other than that he's great on FM, but some competition for Pieters is no bad thing.

[-james-]

Where are all of these newbies coming from?

[Weaver]

Stoke sign Josh Tymon on a 5-year deal from Hull, fee to be decided via tribunal. I know nothing of him other than that he's great on FM, but some competition for Pieters is no bad thing.

882608345819041793

And here's the announcement, ANOTHER THUMBS UP.

Can't we have anyone standing in the stadium, with their new manager, wearing the shirt and holding a scarf with the other new signings?

[SvN]

He looks fucking thrilled.

[Jimmy Floyd]

These social media antics by provincial wanker clubs are further proof that transfers are now far bigger than the actual football results.

[SincereTheRebel]

This lacazette deal is funny. Its like some girl in your life and she wants to pick a new boyfriend from a Shortlist of 5. She makes it known to the world she wants a new man. She picks a man publicly, but then he catches a charge and ends up in prison. Now he is gone, she then tuns up on your doorstep with her knickers in her hand talking about im yours if you want me, im available.

[Spikey M]

Oh, right.

[Disco]

This lacazette deal is funny. Its like some girl in your life and she wants to pick a new boyfriend from a Shortlist of 5. She makes it known to the world she wants a new man. She picks a man publicly, but then he catches a charge and ends up in prison. Now he is gone, she then tuns up on your doorstep with her knickers in her hand talking about im yours if you want me, im available.

These transfer videos are getting much grittier.

[Lewis]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/jul/05/aston-villa-fan-boycott-john-terry-racist-past

Your move, Mellin.

[Mellberg]

I'm not too fussed. Bit of a twat. May be decent, may be too old. Will be interesting anyway.

Boycotting the club though :D

[Spoonsky]

Terry claimed he had said “fucking black cunt” sarcastically because he thought Ferdinand had accused him of saying it already. As an explanation, it cast enough doubt for him to be cleared.

That's pretty good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

John Terry's family are all criminals and so is he. That article is precious as fuck though, 'Birmingham is a multiracial city', yeah sure and London isn't.

[Max Power]

882608345819041793

And here's the announcement, ANOTHER THUMBS UP.

Can't we have anyone standing in the stadium, with their new manager, wearing the shirt and holding a scarf with the other new signings?

What is this shit :D

Hope we go old school and announce Iborra eating a big bowl of paella or something.

[John]

Graham Dorrans all but done. I'm surprised he hasn't sacked his agent and ran a mile after that circus last night.

[Shindig]

Look lads, just announce your signings with a picture next to the club crest. If they're a record signing, drag a local radio personality to present them to a baying crowd outside the ground.

[Gray Fox]

Do what Madrid do. Big signings get paraded out in full kit at the stadium. They let fans come in to watch them do a few kick-ups. I bet the fans even pay to get in.

[Reg]

We should have announced the departure of Stockdale in that fashion.

[Kikó]

Rooney celebrated with a McDonalds last night in Lymme. What a waster.

[Shindig]

Do what Madrid do. Big signings get paraded out in full kit at the stadium. They let fans come in to watch them do a few kick-ups. I bet the fans even pay to get in.

We unveiled Michael Owen that way. :D

[wullie]

There's a theme with most of our new signing announcements, and it's sports-casual

http://i.imgur.com/1uFYCsn.jpg

At some point Robins realised that if he's going to go into double figures with new players, he couldn't be arsed meeting them all

http://i.imgur.com/8P7mqQv.png
http://i.imgur.com/UgPWjnr.png

[randomlegend]

The rumours are saying we've got fed up with dealing with Madrid over Morata and have agreed a fee with Evertone (£75m, ouch) for Lukaku.

EDIT:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/40516483

The beeb are on it.

[Pen]

Rather Lukaku than Morata tbh. I'll believe it when I see it though.

Edit: straight swap for Rooney :drool:

[SvN]

That seemed to come out of nowhere

[Giggles]

Would Kane have cost much more? I'd rather him.

[randomlegend]

Considering we'd be dealing with Levy (and Kane doesn't seem to have any particular interest in leaving), Kane would have cost about £6454359 million.

[SvN]

Kane would be double.

[Giggles]

I forgot the Levy factor.

[Kikó]

Lukaku has been crap every time he's played against us but he's obviously got talent. Hopefully we still try and sign Morata as well as both are required.

[SvN]

Everything is suggesting we've told Madrid to swivel.

[Jimmy Floyd]

£75 million for Lukaku I am afraid you have been absolutely had.

[Kikó]

Worth it to sell Rooney.

[SvN]

He's no Loic Remy, that's for sure.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Lukaku has been crap every time he's played against us but he's obviously got talent. Hopefully we still try and sign Morata as well as both are required.

He's very talented but lazy as fuck, say the sages at Chelsea.

Odd that Mourinho would go for him as he was instrumental in binning him from Chelsea, but then the same applied with Mata.

[randomlegend]

Lukaku has been crap every time he's played against us but he's obviously got talent. Hopefully we still try and sign Morata as well as both are required.

We aren't going to play 2 up front (right?) so spending another £70m or whatever when one of them will end up as backup (which neither will want anyway) doesn't seem likely to happen. Surely it was one or the other with Rashford second fiddle?


£75 million for Lukaku I am afraid you have been absolutely had.

We were getting absolutely bent over whoever we went for this window. We're rich as fuck and everyone knows it, we absolutely HAD to sign a striker and there are very few good ones actually available. Honestly I feel like he could be exactly what was missing last season i.e. someone to finish off the billions of chances we created, and if that turns out to be the case then who cares what he cost.

[SvN]

In this market, I don't see the slightest problem with the fee. He's a 24 year old who scored 25 league goals last season. Who else could we buy for similar (or less) money?

[randomlegend]

Also seems it will have Conte SEETHING which is an added bonus.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We were getting absolutely bent over whoever we went for this window. We're rich as fuck and everyone knows it, we absolutely HAD to sign a striker and there are very few good ones actually available. Honestly I feel like he could be exactly what was missing last season i.e. someone to finish off the billions of chances we created, and if that turns out to be the case then who cares what he cost.

I suppose if that's what transfer fees are now then it's true, but ffs the game has gone.

[Kikó]

Troy Deeney was 30m rated last year. This seems proportionate.

[randomlegend]

I suppose if that's what transfer fees are now then it's true, but ffs the game has gone.


Yeah, the TV deal (+ noodle sponsorships and official tractor partners) have sent the money a bit nuts, but as a fan I don't really care. It's all pretend money anyway from the point of view of a pleb student with £200 in the bank, whether it's 30 millions or 100 millions being chucked around.

[GS]

The money is bordering on ridiculous now. Liverpool are apparently prepared to spend £70m on a midfielder I had literally never heard of before this summer.

At some point, the bubble is going to burst and clubs are going to go bust from the MASSIVE wages you're presumably having to throw at these people when you've paid £75m to bring them in.

[SvN]

Without a doubt. With more and more people telling Sky to fuck off, eventually they're going to stop paying the ridiculous TV rights, and small clubs are going to be fucked paying 200k per week for 5 years to the likes of Jack Wilshere.

[Kikó]

I think Arsenal will be ok.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, the TV deal (+ noodle sponsorships and official tractor partners) have sent the money a bit nuts, but as a fan I don't really care. It's all pretend money anyway from the point of view of a pleb student with £200 in the bank, whether it's 30 millions or 100 millions being chucked around.

Yeah but you could literally build three schools for that, if my google of how much it costs to build a school is correct.

Or alternatively you could buy about ten League Two clubs.

[randomlegend]

So what?

It's just money moving around between the 'businesses' of football clubs. Compared to proper big businesses it's still pittance as well.

When Facebook buys instagram for a billionty trillion dollars (or whatever) everyone doesn't start converting it into hospitals.

[SvN]

LIKE this if you think these greedy footballers should be forced to give up their wages to soldiers and nurses!

[Lewis]

That seemed to come out of nowhere

Everton are either rubbish at selling players (not only is it less than they were said to be after, but United are obviously struggling elsewhere, so they could have spun this out for weeks), or nobody else was interested. Whatever. I'm not a MASSIVE fan, but we'll see how it works out.

[-james-]

The money is bordering on ridiculous now. Liverpool are apparently prepared to spend £70m on a midfielder I had literally never heard of before this summer.


Do you work for the BBC?

[Jimmy Floyd]

So what?

It's just money moving around between the 'businesses' of football clubs. Compared to proper big businesses it's still pittance as well.

When Facebook buys instagram for a billionty trillion dollars (or whatever) everyone doesn't start converting it into hospitals.

Yeah but it's all a bit tulip craze.

[GS]

Yeah but it's all a bit tulip craze.

It is. It won't last.

[Kikó]

It'll be fine. Money and demand is infinite.

[Reg]

Yep, it'll go on for a long time yet. China, the US etc. are new markets which will get bigger. Eventually clubs here will not worry about season ticket prices at all and just make sure the stadium's full for TV.

[Raoul Duke]

Pretty happy with Lukaku. If he signs and then Ibra comes back we'll have the most gigantic strikeforce on Earth

[Kikó]

Football 2.0 is the new generation. And you only need one or two players for your brand.

[phonics]

We're the first game of the season. On a Friday night. Fuck football.

[Max Power]

0-1 (Huth 41)

New signings Mahrez and Lacazette off injured.

[phonics]

0-0, last two games were fucking dirt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've just realised we'll have to go in for Morata now and it will cost us three hospitals, an army regiment and Gibraltar.

[Magic]

Pookaku worth £75m now? :harold:

[Ian]

I suppose even if Lukaku just smashes goals past the shit for something approaching a decade it might help us improve on our fifteen sodding draws.

[Spikey M]

Pookaku worth £75m now? :harold:

Poocackpoo amirite?

[Magic]

Poocackpoo amirite?

Too far, pinhead.

[Spikey M]

Too far, pinhead.

:(

[bruhnaldo]

The league is won by capitalizing on all of your shit away fixtures and not dropping points at home.

Lukaku will (hypothetically if signed) fix this massive problem for us.

[Magic]

It's won by having more points than you opponents in the league after 38 games.

[Max Power]

Iheanacho? Yes please :drool:

[bruhnaldo]

It's won by having more points than you opponents in the league after 38 games.

If only you used this deep cutting analysis in your personal life.

[Lewis]

The league is won by capitalizing on all of your shit away fixtures and not dropping points at home.

Lukaku will (hypothetically if signed) fix this massive problem for us.

And Jesse Lingard will start all of the big games anyway, so it works out.

[bruhnaldo]

https://media1.giphy.com/media/fnCGPwdgjTDDW/giphy.gif

[Lewis]

I've run the numbers, and United could potentially field an all black XI provided 1) Antonio Valencia goes in goal; and 2) one of Cameron Borthwick-Jackson and Jesse Lingard isn't merely half 'n' half. If they both are then you're dipping into unknowns like some American called Matthew Olosunde, but it's still a handy side.

[Spikey M]

Can they do an all white side?

[Lewis]

Yes, as long as Juan Mata doesn't mind being a 'False Nine' (factoring in Wayne Rooney going and James Wilson being forgotten).

[Pen]

Which side would win in a one off game? Managers would be ex-United players, say Ince and Neville.

[Lewis]

The one with Antonio Valencia.

[Lofty]

Sanchez is demanding £400k a week to stay :D

[Spikey M]

The one with Antonio Valencia.

Even though he's in goal?

[Lewis]

He would be the best 'keeper in the world.

[Andy]

Sanchez is demanding £400k a week to stay :D

Would that make him the league's highest earner? He could probably earn similar at City.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

883042706791989248

Keeping in TOP condition.

[Lewis]

Imagine taking that.

[Shindig]

Wayne's face says it all. "Every fucking time ..."

[Kikó]

Why wouldn't you just hire a chef to make you that stuff if that's what you liked to eat?

He's a regular there as well.

[Andy]

Such a massive chav.

[niko_cee]

Nothing wrong with going to Macca's.

Hire a fucking chef instead. Dear lord.

£75m for Lukaku is probably decent value in today's market (at least he has some kind of track record) but I'm not really convinced he's any good. Doubt he'll get the same space at United as he did at Everton and in any games where the opponents were vaguely decent he looked wank last season.

[Giggles]

There's times only a Maccy D's will do.

[Kikó]

Nothing wrong with going to Macca's.

Hire a fucking chef instead. Dear lord.



Nothing right with it really.

The guy earns millions. He could have the best food whenever he wants at home. He lives like a fat Chav. Probably because he is.

[Giggles]

Nothing right with it really.

The guy earns millions. He could have the best food whenever he wants at home. He lives like a fat Chav. Probably because he is.

He earns millions so he could have what other people perceive to be the best food rather than what he wants?

[Ian]

I could win the Euromillions and I'd still have a Big Mac now and then. I don't always want GOOD food.

[SvN]

When I think about the most I've enjoyed a meal, it's usually a massive burger after a piss up rather than a sit down meal at a restaurant.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That's because you live like a fat chav, as indeed do I.

[Offshore Toon]

Either Thai places or top(, top) restaurants have provided the most enjoyable experiences for me.

[Davgooner]

Kiko's hired a fucking chef, hasn't he?

[Offshore Toon]

£25k a year for 99p burgers.

[wullie]

Imagine that Rooney's just gone to get his kid a milkshake to cheer him up like a nice dad, and instead gets a load of shit because of a sneaky photo of him.

[Giggles]

Kiko's hired a fucking chef, hasn't he?

It's definitely all gone to his head anyway.

[bruhnaldo]

#NotMyCaptain

[Kikó]

I don't have a chef but would if I was earning shit loads a week. And you know one that would be someone who ties in with the nutritionist as I'm paid to be fit.

[John]

I don't see why him going for a McDonald's is an issue at all, particularly if the fact that he can afford not to plays any part in it being an issue.

I could afford to eat nothing but steak and lobster but I'll still occasionally make toast and beans with a load of grated cheese on it, go to McDonald's, and get a grotty kebab if I take the notion for one.

[phonics]

I don't see why him going for a McDonald's is an issue at all, particularly if the fact that he can afford not to plays any part in it being an issue.

I could afford to eat nothing but steak and lobster but I'll still occasionally make toast and beans with a load of grated cheese on it, go to McDonald's, and get a grotty kebab if I take the notion for one.

You're also not a professional athlete being paid 300k a week to be one which seems to be more Kiko's issue.

[Giggles]

I don't have a chef but would if I was earning shit loads a week. And you know one that would be someone who ties in with the nutritionist as I'm paid to be fit.

His money is made. If anyone else still wants to give him money then that's on them.

[John]

You're also not a professional athlete being paid 300k a week to be one which seems to be more Kiko's issue.

Professional athletes can still eat the occasional burger and not immediately weigh thirty stone you know.

The issue is that Kiko hates him so everything is an excuse for a jab. A bit like you with GS.

[Kikó]

I just know he's a regular there so it's not a one off. He likes to booze and smoke. All while being paid to be fit.

He's just a mess rather than an exception.

[Shindig]

I mean, he's there with his kid so cut him some slack. And it's not like he's chiseled.

[Ian]

I just know he's a regular there so it's not a one off. He likes to booze and smoke. All while being paid to be fit.

He's just a mess rather than an exception.

Hasn't he been doing all of these things for the better part of a decade now? And by giving him more and more money the club have encouraged it. He's an idiot and has been continuously rewarded for unprofessional behaviour. What's a few hundred calories of burger going to change for him at this stage?

[Kikó]

Anyway he's gone now so fuck him.

[Spikey M]

Didn't that American Swimmer used to eat about 100 chicken nuggets a day?

[Lewis]

If he has been smashing nuggets for a decade then he must have been living like this when he was actually good, when he used to run about like an idiot, so how much of his state is actually down to having already played 750 games at the highest level (and in the fastest league)?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Didn't that American Swimmer used to eat about 100 chicken nuggets a day?
Yeah but Phelps was swimming a fuck ton every day. I heard that he needed around 10,000 calories a day.