I'm hoping the pay bump I'm due can let me slap another 1% of contributions on my pension but the news isn't that good. :moop:
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I'm hoping the pay bump I'm due can let me slap another 1% of contributions on my pension but the news isn't that good. :moop:
Update:
They inform me I've paid off my overpayment from December. (I know, I'm talking about the one from March which I told you about 3 months ago).
The rebate is paying back my pension contributions from the start of this locum post due to my opt out. (I have not opted out of pension contributions).
Incredible.
Fuck it. If they say otherwise, crack on.
In better news, we've moved desks. I can see the TV in break room from there so that's me sorted for the World Cup. Assuming I'm not sitting somewhere else by then.
So latest is: my only sales colleague has been fired and has been painted as having a drink problem. Was also told he didn't even own his house(!). :harold:
I have moved up from ignored to absolutely controlled, which is awful but not as awful as being ignored. Dragged through to the office last Friday to do cold calling with a poor part-time woman from one of the sub-companies who is the owner's neighbour. I had to go through at 0900 as that's when it was in my calendar, leaving the house at 0700. I got there and then was told the woman and the sub-boss guy from the sub-company wouldn't be in until 10 (LOL).
We were told a bunch of info about a 'grant' that may or may not be applicable and got given a list of companies. From what I gathered it was basically a lie and an in to organisations so we could then find out more about their IT. Not great but whatever. The sub-boss said go in to your separate offices in the afternoon to make the calls as it's not great doing it in front of other people.
So, the afternoon comes and the owner comes in and brings up Wolf of Wall Street on YouTube and says 'that's how you make a cold call! Don't tell them where the grant is from, don't tell them anything. Use the board room phones, most appointments gets a bottle of Moet'. :D
The woman (owner's neighbour) left in tears and I just made up my own script and obviously didn't get any appointments and in fairness neither did the account manager who also had to do it. This place is literally insane and changes almost every day. I can barely cope.
Are you making up stories to try and beat Jimmy at his own game?
I really, REALLY wish I was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
This seems to be working out well. Started a level 5 apprenticeship (dunno) in March and today got a call from my line manager asking me to apply for the job above mine, that states a degree is required. “Well, you’re working towards one so that counts.” :cab:Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Annoying but it seems like I’ve got a job on 50% more if I want it, right?
It would appear so. My company tends to be the same, they like to promote from within so back us to go for any relevant training/qualification that may help with that. More companies should be like this; you know, favouring industry knowledge and expertise over a random Desmond from University of Whatever.
BazBot elite slush fund.
I now work at the GMC. Please call in RL.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
We've hired a fucking Brazilian. I know it's about time they branched out from selling coke out of rickshaws, but still :face:
Jesus, lad, glass houses and all. Or should that be tin ones with horses roaming around them.
Can you throw a stone at a cave?
Is Reg not the Brighton fan?
Who is Brighton?
I had a minor seethe at somebody eating microwaved Chinese leftovers at their desk today, because our sub-office is windowless and what have you so it fucking stunk, and people thought it was just my usual epic banter. Why would anyone think that that is acceptable?
We have a salmon offender so I can sympathise.
We've had a cod botherer in our office.
Brav there's a cost of living crisis, let the man eat for 10 mins and deal with the very temporary odour.
He never stops eating. It's amazing. I'm a big lad and I can put it away, but he has my daily calories covered by half-eleven.
Ah fucking hell, not one of those gluttonous cunts. My misophonia is a real problem with these lot.
We’re only allowed bring old stuff or buy it in the shop. No reheating. Just as it should be.
Reg is the Brighton based Man United fan, I'm the Brighton match going Liverpool fan.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Most people are disgusted by the various noises that accompany the performance, but I find the fact he never drinks water most distressing. People lol at the amount I go through a day, but living purely on tea and Diet Coke is a world beyond me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Assuming you are smashing through large volumes of it are you not up for a piss every 20 minutes?
Not quite that, but a lot yes.
Treat yourself to an Air-Up bottle. They’re 650ml so plenty in them, the straw has a wide base so easy to drink fast (a pet peeve of mine when using regular straws) and you get a sense of flavour even though you’re drinking 100% pure water. Amazing thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Surprised there wasn't a referral link in there. Enter the code baz to save 10% off your first order. Or just drink squash like a normal person.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
This is the first I'm hearing of this Air-Up and, well that's got to be a new low for humanity. Frightening.
Squash. :harold:
I meant if you must have flavoured water, rather than a default option. Now I'm trying to be less of a fat cunt, my occasional glasses of Robinson's fruit and barley are genuinely a treat for me :(
I checked and they don't offer a referral scheme. :baz:Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
And water is the healthiest thing on this earth. Why drink anything else, other than tea or beer? Air-Up isn't flavoured water, it's just water. But somehow you think you're drinking pop.
Water-drinking crew. :cool:
High five h20 brothers.
Water doesn't need polluting it just needs to be cold.
Mix it with dihydrogen monoxide for the ultimate refreshment.
Flavoured water is on my 'sign of a wrong un' list, along with tinted glasses and white belts.
Ah, the Jim Jones trilogy.
Sparkling water is the worst form. Or anyone that owns a sodastream.
Sparkling water is brilliant.
I keep a keg of sparkling water on the go at all times. So handy.
Lol the trustees are visiting the office for two days of board meetings. There are plenty of conference rooms in the area they could have booked, but instead they've insisted on booking out the entire second floor of our office and doing it here. Bear in mind that there's only about 15 of them. Yesterday the instructions were that people were still allowed to use the canteen (also on the second floor) as long as people were really quiet (annoying enough as it is) but today an all office has gone around telling people they aren't allowed up there at all and that a microwave has been moved downstairs.
When I heard the trustees had insisted on doing it in the office I assumed it was to meet members of staff and patronisingly pretend to show interest in our work, but if they didn't want to be disturbed by us plebs...er, maybe have the meeting not in a working fucking office lol. Melts.
One of my favourite things that happens in our office is when the South Africans come over, the company orders in a big platter of fancy sandwiches etc for their lunch in the boardroom upstairs each day, and then at 4.30pm the leftovers are brought down to the sales office in case we're interested in a stale chicken and pesto focaccia, or a slime-green cannoli, to end the day.
I can't even imagine how tragic you would have to be to accept the crumbs from their table. Surely nobody actually takes anything?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
:uhoh:Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
I've never done so, but there are those who will just take free food from whatever source.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Yep, we have leftovers dumped in our kitchen after the monthly board meetings and blokes on £400 day rates hoover it up.
I was handing in my notice in my current job about two months ago. I felt a change of scenery would do the world of good. I wrote it out, handed it to my head chef and whilst he wasn't happy, he understood.
No drama, right?
Following day, I was given a torrid time by a team mate who was pissed off at me because I was leaving.....makes sense, init. Whatever, I'd ride that shit out for a month if that was how it was to be I told myself. I didn't know the reason was because I was leaving at the time though so in a odd way, it was nice in hindsight.
You know what was nicer though.....less than a week later, chef approaches me and asks if there is anything he can do or if there was something that would change my mind, I initially said no because I'd lined up the next job already (I hadn't) then he asked what they were paying. I fibbed, just 50p more an hour than what I am on but free accommodation included. He offered me a pay rise there and then. I knew the second he said it I'd be accepting it but you know, gotta stay cool so said I'd sleep on it and get back to him.
tl;dr ^^
I got a £2 raise to stay. :drool:
I'm totally fed up. Thought I had my career nailed and it's all crumbled in 3 months.
I feel 'stuck'. I will get fired from this job just not sure how long they'll give me. Got an interview with BT Enterprise in a couple of weeks but not sure I want to be in a PLC either.
Guessing everyone has these moments but nothing is clear to me apart from I am not putting myself in an early grave for someone else's dream. "Go self employed then" yeah I have ADHD so it ain't happening without a partner in crime. I've thought about building my own website/app and monetising something which will give me enough to live on so I can have time to do what I want.
Parent complained to me today that their child is being cyber bullied by being excluded from a Whatsapp group, related to the now closed school production of the Sound of Music.
What on earth she expects me to do about it, I'm not sure. Tell the admins to let him in? And then what, they start a new group without him? Sounds harsh but clearly no one likes this kid, no idea why he hasn't moved schools.
The kid not involved in the Sound of Music production is getting bullied. What a world we live in.
Billy No Notes.
Climb every mountain
Jump every hoop
Hassle every teacher
Till you're in the group
Is this genuinely seen as a solution?Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
Yeah, that's fucked up, mo.
How is it fucked up? :D
Have we become the cunt parents that complain to the school when lil Tyler-Tyler isn't invited to a classmates party?
Life isn't fair. It's a life lesson.
Not for the cyber bullying of exclusion, no. There is a wider context in which he perceives he is the victim, but does nothing to help himself. Mum says he's been bullied since Year 1. Year 1! That's insane.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
Anyway, apologies if that came off callous, it's why I don't tend to post about specifics normally. But now I work as part of the pastoral team I get a lot of this shit and the dickheads are grinding me down a bit.
"My son is being bullied. Please put him in a situation where he is humiliated in front of a live audience."
I'm terrified at the idea of my kids being bullied. How do parents stop themselves from chokeslamming the little shits responsible?
One of my friends punched another dad in the face after school when his kid was being bullied. That worked pretty well (apart from the fine and compensation he had to pay).
My dad chased after my bullies a couple of times. Most of the time I just rode it out, though. That shit stops dead when everyone heads off to college.
Barney is really getting on my tits today. Earlier on he asked me if the sun always rises in the east. I said 'yes, famously so'. He then said 'Alright, alright, give it a rest'.
I've now had to spend the last ten minutes explaining that snooker and pool are different games. He contends that they aren't.
Sounds like he's a must for your office pub quiz team.
Simple, beat up their father instead.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHOG...nel=Axhol3Rose
It's fucked up because the bullied person [without making any judgement as to the legitimacy of the claim or the dickhead level of the complainant] shouldn't really ever be the one being expected to make significant changes surely?Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Kids are fucked now though. The bullying opportunities device culture offer are off the charts and what with their over exposure to everything they are literally kids in the candy shop when it comes to exploring the arsehole side of adolescence [which was always pretty strong anyway].
On a similar theme one of the secondary schools here got nuked by Ofsted today. How about this for an opening gambit:
:happycry:Quote:
What is it like to attend this school?
The quality of education at St Sampson’s High School is not good enough. Senior leaders have not ensured that the curriculum is implemented well.
Pupils’ behaviour around the school is poor. While most pupils show respect to their teachers, some do not. Some pupils ignore or directly challenge their teachers. Poor behaviour sometimes goes unchecked because staff do not apply the behaviour policy consistently.
When bullying happens, pupils report it to their teachers, but they have little confidence that staff will be able to put a stop to it. As a result, many pupils do not feel safe in school.
Someone being refused access to a WhatsApp group is not bullying. If they aren't liked, they would be more likely to face bullying if they were allowed in.
Bullying is horrible and I agree that the Interwebz makes it easier (although I don't think it's worse than it used to be by and large), but this softshite worldview where everyone has to be included in everything at all times is just silly.
There are presumably people you know that you wouldn't want to invite on a night out. Is that bullying?
Spikey it sounds like you ain't done your 'bullying at the workplace' e-learning module, son. When the gammon boss hosts a team social in the boozer so Sadiq can't make it, that's amore.
Completely different. The school aren't excluding Kayden-Jayden from anything. A group of school kids don't want to talk to a classmate outside of school. That's it.
If they're also doing shit to him, starting rumours, making memes etc. then fair enough, that's bullying. But not liking someone is not bullying - and insisting people be friends with people that they don't like isn't really a viable option. Not unless you want the girls in the office to be forced to let Leering Leon befriend them on Facebook, so he can tug himself off to Sunita's "Malta 2016" photo album, anyway.
I don't think anyone said the other kids should be forced to let him into the whatsapp group.
It was that a teacher who presumably has some sort of pastoral duty towards this kid (since confirmed) was so flippant and callous.
Gonna put that in my linkedin bio.
Is there a feeling on earth like donning your manager senseless?
Since WFH started we've been using a third party to send letters remotely. It's an absolute sack of shit unless you're sending basic letters. If you want to include a form or anything, you're shit out of luck. But management weren't interested, so we just sorted a work around.
The work around was that we got reception to print and post it for us (genius, I know). Except - completely out of the blue - they have now closed reception and sacked the lot of them with no notice. I asked my manager how I was supposed to post the 3 urgent letters and forms that need to go out today and she has had an almighty stampy tanty about just using the software provided and everyone being old fashioned. So I sent the stuff over to her for her to work out how we could post it.
Long story short, they're offering me double pay to go out tonight and hand deliver them. No thanks love, there's a steak marinating in the fridge. Have fun though.
Beautiful. The best is when you can rebutt their argument with their own words.
Is this boss also an alcoholic?
No, just over worked. She's generally alright but they still haven't replaced the other manager so she's doing it all at the moment.
I'll make an allowance, but I'm still not doing overtime to fix their fuck up.
Fair play. If you do it once for them, they'll expect it. I'm back to pandemic levels of busy, at the minute. That's surprising considering the area I work has the smallest intake. Anyone working London or Scotland is royally snowed under.
Condemn her.
It's Sunday and I'm bored so I fancied looking on google maps to see how many of my former workplaces are still around. Most of the buildings are still standing but tended to have changed ownership.
- The old HBOS office - Condemned. :D Looks like the same for most of the Business Park but that building's easily the worse for wear.
- That place in Jarrow where I worked for a couple of months - now an Amazon fulfilment centre. Makes sense as that was mostly a warehouse.
- The place I scanned cheques at before getting the HBOS job - Now a TNT office.
- The computer shop I worked in whilst on the dole. - Unsurprisingly, no longer in business. Easily the most crooked place I've spent time in. :D
Nostalgia.
All my old places of work no longer exist. Not sure if that's a reflection on me.
Mine are all still going strong. Probably because I left.
One of mine was flagged up as one of the buildings in Grenfell-style cladding at the time it happened :uhoh:
If only.
I check back on the Koreans occasionally. They seem to have terminated Mr Choi and DH Son a while ago, which is a shame for them I guess, but good news for new man at the helm JK Hwang. UK office really is the fucking pits as a gig to get in that company. It's like being sent to the Night's Watch. Nine hours' flight from home and a mystifyingly bad selection of instant noodle pots in the shops.
Last day in work before the summer holidays today. In Y6 this year, so a water fight and dominos is the plan for the day.
There had been rumours that I might finally be summoned on a South America trip, but I was in the 'believe it when I see it' camp. Well, my 80 year old boss has given the go ahead for my 78 year old boss to book the trip for this autumn. The 78 year old is in the office and has just rattled off the possible itinerary to me.
15-20 days: Colombia (2 cities), Ecuador (2 cities), Peru (3 cities), Bolivia, Paraguay, Chile, and maybe we'll pop to Buenos Aires at the end.
Absolutely no idea, other than maintaining passable Spanish over a period of time, how I've ended up in this position.
Sounds pretty intense. Love it.
That will be one hell of a trip. Any downtime likely away from whichever incompetent liar you'll be going with?
I can't imagine so, it'll probably involve sitting in airports and queuing at borders a lot.
Trip sounds immense, Jim. You'll be documenting it daily on here, of course?
That sounds dreadful. Good luck. I hope at least you get to stay there for a while at the end or something.
I'll take Bolivia in the Kidnapping / dismemberment sweepstake please.
The Mexico-Honduras-Guatemala-Panama-Dominican Republic-Guyana sequel is set for early next year.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
The thread which comes from that. :drool:
Did the Spain one even make the nominations for the awards? Was that this year? I'd have nominated it if I could remembering stuff.
It didn’t but I think that’s because it was associated with this one. I forgot Jimmy gave it a separate thread.
Also, Colombia . Day 2 he’s killed by one of Escobar’s hippos.
Tim Vickery wearing loafers but no socks is the exact sort of thing I'm trying to avoid. I might have to go for the slob look with outsized polo shirts.
Free the ankle, Jimmy. And wear a gold chain.
Bring your bullet-proof vest.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
The 78 year old has just left Mexico City and moved back to Yorkshire after 42 years. He says the country (Mexico) is going to rack and ruin, you get routinely raided / your car stolen by either bandits in the city or narcotraficantes on the motorway, and health insurance costs £10,000 a year.
Sounds the ideal place for a business trip really.
Sounds about right.
Lovely city to visit though. Tons of stuff to see/do and the food is obviously excellent.
Ankles should only ever be uncovered if the knee is also. Or you’re under 25.
I had a good time in Mexico City. Unrelated but there was a man with a balaclava and a machine gun outside my hotel.
Security guard? Or just in that get up and tooled for the lols?
Many places are hiring their own private security, which usually involves pick up trucks and machine guns. Some crummy restaurant we used to always stop by on the way to Acapulco has a couple of them now, which is pretty lol.
Another terrible opinion that I disagree vehemently with.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Acting your age is never terrible.
You definitely dress like the I had to do it to em guy so this opinion is not surprising.Quote:
Originally Posted by Luca
Giggles knows. I'd go as far as to say they shouldn't be uncovered unless the foot is also. Ankle socks are an atrocity.
I'll let you have sandals on cultural grounds, but lol if you're walking around in sports socks with shorts like some nineteen year old zoomer perm faggot.
I'm sorry but if you're gonna apply the f-bomb to one side of this debate, it ain't my side.
As a resident of Essex I am uniquely positioned to inform you all that loafer wearing, ankle swinging, sockless fannies are amongst the worst people in society.
I can't stop looking at that Vickery photo. It's so perfect. I think it's the tie that does it.
I thought it was Prince Andrew.
Cricket whites.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I’m not Mert, for fuck’s sake. I don’t wear shorts like some sort of child.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Children don't know instinctively how to dress for the weather, so if you don't wear shorts you are just dressing like a child with terrible parents.
My wife is complaining that two of the younger women at her spot have come in today wearing 'tiny tops and shorts up their arse like they're on Love Island'. Given she works in a male dominated industry (Haulage) I suspect she will be in the minority complaining. They are a weird spot though, they don't have any dress code at all so there are lads cutting about bare foot in shorts and united shirts. Even on our office 'casual' days pre-covid no-one would be pulling that shit.
Reply: sounds terrible. I don’t really understand the problem though? Take a photo so I can see what you mean.
Is this really an ‘only children should wear shorts’ take? :saywhat:Quote:
Originally Posted by Luca
A don doesn't wear shorts.
Wearing shorts with your coat would look stupid to be fair.
The Tories are such bastards for saying that "doctors" are included whenever they announce pay rises for the healthcare sector.
What they actually mean is consultants and GPs and no other doctors. Every other doctor's pay rise will be 2%. This was what was negotiated when the new contract came in what, ten years ago now? With the proviso it would be renegotiated if circumstances changed. The government are claiming circumstances haven't changed so it can't be renegotiated. Cunts.
Long-term I want to stay working in the NHS but they don't half try to put you off. The temptation to just do private allergy clinics or something and rake it in once I qualify becomes more attractive by the day.
That would have sufficed.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
Tell her to not be jelly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Everyone loves their public sector stuff until they have to deal with it, init.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
I love my job. I genuinely look forward to going to work. I hate the Leetards who manage hospitals and how this government treats the NHS.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Take the monies.
Everyone loves monopoly provision being used to suppress producer costs until they are the producer.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
I'm all for daft references when the time's right but what's this about:
:cab:Quote:
In 2021/22 councils planned spend on services for young people in England was £382 million. That's over three times what it cost Paris St Germain to re-sign Kylian Mbappe, the most expensive teenager in football of all time!
It would be better value for each council to sign JLingz on a free
A 1 in 2 success rate over a short period of time with the right manager is a much better rate than most councils are used to.
After being off ill all week I've had a great chance to fully reflect on the first few months in my new role. I reckon I could have done all the work I've done in about 50 hours, I've honestly spent the vast majority of my 4 months playing Pokémon showdown, watching shite on YouTube and messaging the other new starter on teams like "what the fuck are we actually supposed to be doing?!"
It should be the dream for someone as lazy as me but I'm slowly losing my mind. We'd been given this very low intensity task of going through stuff sent to us by a wealth screening company, basically seeing if people are worth pursuing for £££££, it's just the kinda busy work you plod along with when you're bored of the proper work. I messaged my manager like "anything else you want me to be doing or shall I just do the wealth screening stuff?", to which he just replied yeah just do that. That was about a month ago lol.
It's easier said than done, but I'd be using that time to find a better job.
Or a time-consuming hobby.
Yeah you're bang on really, I was sorta hoping it would turn around cus my manager is actually a really nice guy, and they were massively behind from being previously super understaffed but I think 4 months is more than enough leeway to give him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
I don't even think I've got much room to progress anyway - they hired me and this other girl as juniors, but she's been given thousands of pounds of training with the intention of making her a senior in twelve months time, which pretty much cements me in the junior bitch position for the indefinite future anyway. It's the most money I've ever earned (27k, so not that much), so I'm a bit worried I won't find anything half as decent with my patchy CV but I think at this stage I'd take significantly less if it meant I didn't throw myself in front of a fucking train or something.
The devil will make work for idle hands, I was getting a bit out of control with my drinking until one day I cracked open my first can at like 2pm and realised I was losing the plot a bit and knocked that all on the head.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Have you considered the public sector? You'd piss your current wage.
Nope. You’re getting paid 27k to chill out all day at home? Ride that out for as long as you can. I used to have it that cushty and it was class. It’s obviously gonna get busier, so just make the most of it while you can. Get World Of Warcraft [Classic] or something.
My last week at work next week and the notice period has been particularly brilliant. Managing to completely shut down and not do anything for 8 weeks while still getting full pay has been quite excellent. I'm going to travel to meet my team early August in Berlin which will be cool. Also getting a mac to work on so will need to figure out how the fuck to use it.
Are you working from home? The only way this could be bad would be if you're in the office and have to look like you're busy.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
I got a mac at my last job about 15 months ago (and one at the new one I started a couple of weeks ago). I probably wouldn't pay that money myself for one and it took a bit of getting used to but I love it now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Been sent a load of parking fines for the Covid mobile testing unit. :harold:
Do parking wardens have revenue targets? I bet they do.
Yeah, pretty sure Panorama have done stories about them being on targets and/or commission/performance related pay.
There was that show in the 90s that followed that absolute jobsworth who worked late (for free) because he wanted to beat the daily record of tickets given. I think it was The Clampers?
Some guy came in the bar tonight asking if I knew any local hotels/BnBs because he’d been kicked out of his one. I told him a couple then asked how he managed to get kicked out of his one. He’d shit in the bed and then threw a plate of spaghetti bolognese at housekeeping when they asked why he shit in the bed.
I served him his alcohol in plastic glasses and told him it was closing time.
Just as I was making my coffee to head off the wife rang my phone to tell me it was a bank holiday :)
Turns out it's a bank holiday in Scotland too so the jocks at our place are seething about driving down at 4am this morning.
I've booked today off to take the kids out, so I'm basically Scottish. No wonder I was so miserable last night.
I'll have hopefully 3 job offers doing very different things by the end of the week. Got one already. Getting out of this place it's a fucking joke.
p.s I lied about my basic and each offer is at least 10k more basic. :harold:
Doesn't everybody do that?
I bloody hate referencing. What's the point in writing something if I've got to then go and quote some other bugger who once thought something vaguely similar? I just don't get it. :mad:
Currently hiring for 4 roles at the moment and it's hell. I can see why people use recruiters now. I'm ready to throw in the towel and join them.
I’m starting some in a couple of weeks but it’s such a shit time to be doing it.
I'm looking for work lads. Happy to pretend I have whatever experience you're looking for.
Why's it so bad? Just tons of shit candidates?Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
After the last couple of broken sticks that the bossman hired I’m going to guess you’d be fine.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I'll give you an example. I posted one job on Friday and there's been 170 applications so far.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
It's a hybrid role, so 2 days in the office. Clearly stated in the job type (which people can filter by on LinkedIn) and in bold letters at the beginning of the job description. Yet 70% of the candidates are overseas. And most of those in the UK are either the other side of the country and (too far to commute) or have zero qualifications or experience. One guy applied for a Senior Full Stack Developer role having worked on the checkouts at Sainsbury's for the last 12 years since leaving school. And has no reference to any technical skills in his CV or LinkedIn profile.
So I've got to manually review each of these cunts and dismiss any that aren't suitable. The remaining pool of viable candidates may contain 1 or 2 that are worth an interview. From 170.
Multiply the admin involved in that by four and you'll get an idea of why I'm nearly suicidal.
In your industry you must just get spammed with people in Bangalore and Karachi?
From my experience they aren't great readers of ads in that part of the world.
I've started my new job today. Totally different setup and vibe is the first impression plus feeling like it's going to be a hard challenge to figure out what I'm doing. Still, at least my manager isn't a knob (yet).
Could you not set up some sort of keyword screening at least to filter out people like the Sainsbury's guy?Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
And are you sure the ones on the other side of the country wouldn't be willing to relocate?
We just advertise as all hours on-site now, even if remote is possible in some roles, for that very reason. Telling people after the fact they can do a bit from home is never a deal breaker, and if they're a worthy candidate and you're an attractive employer then they'll probably apply anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
To be fair he's got 12 years' experience of developing full stacks (of Pringles etc).
I worked at Tesco for a bit about 10 years ago SVN. Last chance or I'm off to be Giggles Drivers Mate.
LinkedIn do try and autofilter out the retards, but it's very hit and miss. It actually filtered out the person we ended up hiring last time (I just happened to check out of interest) so I've turned it off now, because it's not reliable.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
And the people that look good, but are in the UK are still getting a message about the commute. So far I've messaged 7 - 4 didn't reply, 2 of them said "they didn't realise it wasn't a remote position" and the 1 said they're moving to the area, and has an interview scheduled with us later this week.
But having to do that for every candidate just takes forever.
The devil works hard but the gammon trying to keep the brown man out of his company works harder.
My pal has created an AI platform that plumbs in to CV libraries and you can filter on keywords, job type, experience, but most importantly skills. Then it returns 'matches' based on your criteria and you can choose to view their CV and reach out to them.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
It's pretty cool but I'm reticent to tell you what it is.
You can rest assured he already knows what it is.
Repurpose the BazBot to sack and employ people instead. You may end up 2000 employees in the red at times but you know it'll always come good.
I get emails every so often from people wanting to join my research team as PhD students. I work in a university that does not grant PhDs. Bastards follow up on their emails too, after I ignore them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
:harold:Quote:
I am ***, a teaching and research professional, has been working as Research head in Engineering at Whilebooks LLP, Cochin, India. I am writing this email to explore an opportunity of working under your guidance as PhD research scholar for the next intake.
...
I consider it is a great honour for me to work under you in this university since your guidance, research experience, knowledge, professional approach is really quite resourceful for my research.
Please find my CV, Statement of purpose, Research proposal, and Education certificates for your perusal. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you about my candidacy.
He looks to be about 40 years old in his picture too.
Tries to curry favour, gets naan at all.
There are actually jobs going in my team at present but you need to be a rail nonce. We have had to readvertise as there were no suitable candidates out of the latest round of interviewees :D
We're also hiring but I don't like the idea of being back on the phones forever. Or negotiating with claimants to stop calling our HP's racial slurs.
I was on the way to saving my boss from a prison sentence for accounting fraud and he called me up saying ‘just saw you walking through town, walk of shame is it’
Was so close to just telling on him.
We've got the opposite issue to @SvN - advertised for a Geography teacher (mat cover). 1 applicant, and they pulled out the day before due to getting a permanent job elsewhere. So it's gone back out - thankfully not needed until October, but you do worry about what dregs you'll get around that time (mostly anyone half decent will have a gig by that point). The recruitment/retention crisis in teaching is rearing it's head.
I looked into teaching once and it's just nowhere near enough money for the amount of grief. Especially Senior School Teachers who must be clinically insane.
I could teach Junior School kids probably, but £25 grand a year? Lol.
The pay does get better as you get more experience - especially if you take on extra responsibilities (which typically results in less teaching, so win-win). My wife's on around £48k and she's one of a team of 5 that head up a year group.
Also big savings on childcare during school holidays
The Tory propaganda has finally toppled the Oxbridge Communist. :(
But lost on the “school holiday tax” on holidays abroad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Yeah and you move through the main pay scale quite quickly, you either have to be incompetent or at a toxic school to not progress every year. Plus they’re talking about bumping the starting salary to £30k now.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Apparently there are only 40 physics teachers training this year in the entire country (after all, if you have a physics degree, wtf would you go into teaching?) and assume 20 of those will drop out between now and 2027, paints a pretty bleak picture for our children’s futures. Schools will be chosen because they have an ‘actual’ physics teacher, as opposed to a PE teacher winging it.
Well there's the problem then. Anyone who is committed and intelligent enough to put themselves through a physics degree and qualify is not the type of person who'll be looking at £25k jobs.
Excuse my ignorance, but does a newly-qualified physics teacher have the same starting basic as a newly-qualified history teacher / whatever type is in least demand?
If so, that's insane.
The humanities profs here still bitch because they earn less than engineering/management profs. What else are they going to do?
Physics teachers earning the same as history teachers is obviously insane, but good luck having 'market-based' salaries on the public sector.
Isn't there a golden handshake type deal for certain High School subjects? Or you get a load of money whilst training or something? I can't remember exactly but I'm sure I remember there being *something*.
You do progress pretty quickly through the payscales as a teacher but it's not long until you hit the cap unless you want to go into being a head.
You also become stuck in a particular school because nobody wants to hire you once you become expensive.
Teaching is honestly brutal and there's a crisis coming. It's not the actual teaching that's the problem either, it's the fact the teaching unavoidably takes up 6-7 hours of your day but only constitutes about a third of the work load. They just bring in the new ones, burn through them for 5-6 years and they leave to be replaced by the next bunch.
Everyone starts on the same. The training is where the difference is - there’s no longer any financial incentive to train to teach history (I got £4k back in 2014), but Physics is at least £20k (might be 30 now).Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
This is where I’m at now. The only way out is a step up - luckily I’m not desperate to leave and can wait for the right opportunity, but many aren’t as fortunate.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
Are they taking non-graduates as teachers now?
Not yet, but it's hard to see how we don't go down that path in the next 10-15 years, purely out of necessity.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Wouldn't it be better to do away with the teaching qualification bit rather than the graduate bit and/or doesn't the 'academy model' boil the role down to 'content provider' status where the teachers are essentially delivering scripted lessons [I have no view as to whether that is a good thing or not]. If you want to see an education system in proper collapse you should looks at ours in Guernsey, and I think we spend double per pupil that they do in the UK. :face:
I would have become a teacher (modern languages or maybe English) if it made even any sense to do so. I looked into it quite seriously at one point. There just isn't anything about it that is going to drag the average person away from a likely better-paying, lower stress nine to five. Full respect to those who do, they must just love it.
A lot of them definitely do. My missus blew my mind the other day when she said no matter how much money she had - or won through a lottery win etc - would stop her from teaching because she’s not in it for the money. Weirdo, definitely gets it from her Maw.
The pay isn’t bad though. Well, for cost of living in Scotland anyway. £33k in 1st year and over £40k in year 5 (think that’s the cap). I’m sure that’ll go up when they start striking again. She’ll be a Deputy Head/higher up within 10 years anyway. Mon
There's a fun hypothetical: would you quit your job immediately if you won the lottery (as in enough to comfortably live on)? I'm not sure I would.
Without a doubt, and I enjoy my job a lot, I just enjoy not being at work a lot more.
The place would never see or hear from me again.
I wouldn't even tell them I was leaving.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
I'd be off. As long as I don't piss it up the wall or die of boredom.
Why would you stay? I can understand perhaps wanting to work (in the loosest sense) but surely then you're not needing the cash, you could just go and do something you want like saving leopards or buying a football team.
I might stay on while I worked out what I wanted to do, but escaping wage slave status is basically the ultimate dream in a modern human society.
Yeah fuck that I'd be gone.
I was meant to be interviewing someone at 10am for a job. He didn't join the Teams call so I rang him and he's basically fobbed me off saying he's got another job. Yeah nice one mate, but you could have told us.
SvN was right, fuck this shit.
I'd have no sympathy for any company in that respect. 99% of them wouldn't let you know if you hadn't got a job, you're just supposed to guess.
Anybody who wins the lottery then keeps on doing their job if it's not some actual dream job scenario needs stripped of the money then put it back in the pot.
It's not the company that needs sympathy, it's me. I had to sit and look at myself on a Teams call for ten minutes. The guy confirmed yesterday he'd be available at 10am.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Exactly this. I mean, I would probably do some form of work if the money was just enough to sustain my life, rather than turning me into a billionaire, purely because I would get bored. But we're talking a part-time job stacking shelves or something.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I would probably have good intentions of working my notice if my manager wanted me to but if I had millions in the bank it'd be sorely tested the first time anybody have me shit for anything to not just shut the laptop and be done forever.
If it was lottery win money I would quit immediately by hosing them all down with champagne.
I'd put it all in BazBot and carry on like nothing happened.
But seriously, I'd keep working short-term. The project I'm on now finishes in about 2025 and I've had a big hand in building it from the ground up (well, down, technically) and I'm actually quite proud of it so I'm not sure I could fuck off out of the blue. Three more years is nothing, the money will still be waiting for me.
Not when a giant pipe squashes you in 2024.
I would quit immediately.
Also lol at the 'I'd get bored' people.
The "I'd get bored" only applies to the stipulation that the money was enough to retire on but nothing else. It would essentially make you one of the people that sit around on Benefits. And considering the amount of unnecessary drama they get involved with I can only assume they are very, very bored.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
You always need the next challenge, don't you? I'd buy a golf course, or something.
The sensible thing to do would be to work one's notice rather than start spending immediately to let the whole thing sink in, but I expect the reality would be that you'd be out of the door as soon something came up I didn't want to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
If it was enough money to keep a yearly income similar to my current one, I'd be laughing my way through life. I get bored in my job. I have plenty of stuff to keep me entertained outside of it. If we're just talking about some sort of minimum wage then fuck that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
The Arab sent me a Teams message this morning. "I know one big secret from the company yesterday, but I will tell you on Whatsapp in case Teams is read by the bosses"
Can't fault him for watertight security, so we moved over to our phones, whereupon he told me that the director of finance, a hapless Indian, has been SACKED. I was slightly surprised, as the last we saw of said hapless Indian was a couple of days ago when a message went out from the MD sending condolences on the death of his father. If the Arab is right, I reckon father dead and SACKED in the same week has to take the biscuit/biltong for heartless South African behaviour.
Maybe he was sacked for killing his father.
The MD sent an email announcing the SACKing. He's now come down saying 'It's the South Africans, man. What could I do?'
Violins everywhere.
How did The Arab know?
I got my offer for a cyber security company. A £14,000 increase in basic and a much, much better comp plan.
Can't quit yet, have to wait until me expenses are paid as I know if I hand in my notice they wouldn't pay.
It's amazing how one 20-minute meeting can be the difference between aimlessness with zero motivation, to knowing exactly what you need to do.
His brother does the IT, so he gets to hear early of any hirings/firings when IT change the accounts over / set up new computers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
IT-K.Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy floyd
Dots.
The Arab is a tier one source.
HERE WE GO!! OFFICIAL, JIMMY HAS BEEN SACKED AND HAS TO GO BACK TO THE KOREANS!
Deal is subject to satisfactory medical and confirmation he is happy to eat dogs. Terms agreed on a 2 year deal.
Ornstein already confirmed that. You're a fraud.
People really are retards, aren't they?
Had a reasonable interview yesterday with a guy for our junior developer role. He has fuck all experience other than a 16 week coding bootcamp, but he came across well, and seemed enthusiastic enough and his work actually doesn't look too bad for a beginner. So I emailed him today with a small coding competency test. His reply was to ask what the salary range for the role was - despite it being on the job advert he applied on, and still present on our website.
He's now decided that the range is too low for him to consider because he has a mortgage to pay for. Maybe you should've considered that before you decided to switch careers and apply for junior roles at the age of 36 you fucking moron?
Heads have gone.
Bump him up, Bazbot is running wild you can afford it.
Nah, you'd set a dangerous precedent. Plus he sounds like a bottlejob.
We've had a right lol episode today. The Indian had his bike nicked the other day, and saw it come up for sale on Facebook marketplace. Barney took up his case for him, and messaged the person who was selling it to say he was interested and arrange a meet at 11am. A date was arranged around the back of TK Maxx in Hounslow. The Indian started ringing round his hardman mates from the Indian community to join him on the mission to get it back. None of them were available at such short notice (or perhaps because they felt the mission foolhardy), so a crack two-man team of the Russian and the Arab volunteered to join him on the hunt (the Arab seemed particularly keen to spill some criminal blood, despite my warnings about the consequences for his temporary visa).
I sat there utterly bemused, not only that it was suddenly OK to leave in the middle of the working day to perform this vigilante rescue on a bicycle, but also about the logistics. I asked them what they were planning to do with the bike once they had (somehow) stolen it back - ride it away? The Indian said he hadn't thought about that part yet.
Barney stayed behind at HQ to monitor Facebook, which proved an important role, as no sooner had the hit squad departed in their shiny black Mercedes than the 'seller' got cold feet and cancelled the appointment, claiming the bike had now been sold. Minutes later, the ad had been taken down. Undeterred, the trio headed to Hounslow, got out and found three nearby policemen who they asked to come with them on the rescue. The bobbies sucked their teeth and said well, actually, we'll need a crime reference. The Indian gave them the crime reference. The bobbies called someone and said that the case had been closed, and that the Indian would need to ring 101 to get the case re-opened. The Russian, quite reasonably, said listen, you lot are literally police officers, can you not just come with us and you might find a whole load of stolen bikes and/or a trail to other criminal activity. The bobbies said no, sorry, we're community police, you need to get the case re-opened first.
Tails between legs, the trio came back to the office saying oh well, at least we tried. That was until just now, when the Indian found that the bike had been stuck back up on Facebook at a higher price. He's just shut the door and started ringing round his mates again...
The police element of that story is genuinely insane.
Haha, the new sales director stepped in and wanted to meet me first. Had another lengthy interview and they've lowballed me and reduced the offer.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
By 5k :happycry:
EDIT: Context is the new sales director hadn't started when I went for my first interview, was only in the job a week when I had my second with the sales manager and he made the verbal offer.
Sounds like you made a good impression :D
Is that even a thing? I mean, if it was a horrendous impression surely it's offer rescinded not fucking lowballed?
I'm trying to keep perspective here on the basis I get out of this nightmare, it is a salary increase regardless, but it's not exactly a huge vote of confidence is it. Then again, did the sales manager have any right to make me a verbal offer in the first place?
Stand your ground. He's chancing it. That 5k will probably go into his bonus.
Weren't you on a million a week before this anyway?
Most of that million was on commission, I think.
I said I'd accept the original offer, but it's not giving me the greatest of vibes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
You seem to have rotten luck with jobs.
It's sales, I think.
They put some 'executive leadership' poster up at work, with all the bigwigs on it, so I bought some googly eyes and glued them onto everybody.
Calm down, igor.
Hey this happened.
I got two other offers:
£50k basic and £30k OTE
£65k basic and annual revenue bonus
Can't wait to quit this pile of shit.
EDIT: The first company said I could get the extra £2k after my 3 month probation...
The latter seems a far better deal?
What car do you get?
Can't be arsed with people pretending to know stuff. Some of you may recall an interaction I shared with a "Rachel" trying to delegate tasks to me that aren't in my job description.
Well a group of us were involved in creating a massive document for national publication. Some bright spark decided to just copy the 2018 version and "update" it. I provided my part (which pharmacies deliver which services) and they come back to me asking which ones have a certain accreditation. I've never heard of this accreditation and Google was throwing up nothing. I was previously unaware of this accreditation, I don't think any of our pharmacies have it. Job done, get rid.
Lo and behold it was left in, claiming all 31 of our pharamcies have this accreditation. No.
Now big trouble has ensued.
Top job everyone. And this is just one example in a long list of people pretending they know what they're taking about being put in charge of stuff they've absolutely zero knowledge of. Extra annoying cos in this case, the people in question are agency staff getting paid 4 times what the people who could do a far better job are getting paid.Quote:
I’ve had a quick look, only as far as the introduction and conclusions and the HWB are leaving themselves wide open to legal challenge. Some of what I have read is completely inaccurate or misrepresentative.
Thankfully I'm off for 2 weeks after tomorrow so can't be roped into cleaning it up. :youpi:
I think being petty might be my main hobby these days. It's probably going to end up blowing up in my face at some point, but I can't help it. It's the drama Mick, I just love it.
Last week of school term my daughter had a "showcase" at school, it was only an hour long, but baking in the commute and queuing I needed an hour and a half. My manager wasn't in, so I had to ask the head of department if I could start half hour early and have an hour and a half lunch. Such a thing has never been a problem.
Her response: "you will need to keep to normal hours going forward. Please book annual leave." OK, looks like we're not being flexible anymore.
Guess who wants me to set off at 7:30am to cover a court hearing on Monday? Sorry boss, I am under strict instructions to stick to normal hours. No can do.
The recruitment manager has booked me two interviews for today: 3pm and 4pm. On a Friday. In this weather.
Seething doesn't cover it.
This kinda clock watching annoys the fuck out of me. My wife used to have something similar where she worked longer hours than contract but when she tried to finish early one Friday in a year for a flight, it's met with resistance. Fuck off and treat people like adults. If you're not going to recognise when someone works longer but pull you on a rare early finish then you're going to get the bare minimum.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Somewhere I worked used to be like that they used to have the cheek as well to record how much unpaid overtime you had done and would actually put that in your end of year performance review. Then they wondered why they had a toxic work environment and had massive staff turnover.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
It's just a massive own goal. They do far better out of me being willing to be flexible than I do out of them being so. She's trying to lean on me now for not being a team player. :happycry:
I need to ramp up the job search.
Place I joined a month ago is a bit shit. Thinking I made a mistake leaving my old gig.
Might have to start looking for something else soon if this place doesn't get any better.
A recurring theme of this thread.
The moral of the story: always stay where you are, change is bad.
I've spent most of this morning trying to counter the Arab's insistence that the Pyramids were built because back then everyone was 7 foot tall and much stronger. He's just not having it otherwise.
Typical whitey trying to Gammon-splain an Arabs own history to him.
As if the Arabs ever built anything.
Come and join my new place. We need hipster coders.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Do you need disinterested Tenancy Sustainment Officers?Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Might need his own tenancy sustaining if another woman dares challenge him.
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
You've done better.
We are in the market for DTSOs. Are you interested in moving to Berlin?
The Teams chat at work always has peoples "wins of the week" in on a Friday, which I never contribute to. Our director flagged it in a team meeting that she wants everyone to share their wins of the week this Friday.
So from about 3 onwards they started coming in.
A great response from our market engagement for the new falls prevention service
Excellent collaboration on getting the THLC project documentation sorted
I second this, working with you on THLC project and getting great support.
public health annual report is coming together now, made some bridge infographics to represent some of the data which I enjoyed making and were greatly received so happy with that
Okay what do I say?
Toggle Spoiler
:arry:
I quit last night.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Took the 65k one.
Despite all the other problems, my current line manager is an absolute legend when it comes to flexible working. I semi jokingly asked if "flexible" would extend to doing 7am-3pm or 12pm-8pm and he was like lol sure whatever. When I had to leave early to catch a train he didn't even bother to make me start an hour earlier, fuck it mate whatever. I spose it's probably partly a symptom of the lack of work at the moment but I still appreciate it.
Our union negotiations worked out alright too, 3% COLA increase, and we now get 27-30 days of leave (plus bank holidays) depending on years served, 27 for 0-2, 28 for 2-4 etc.
I get an extra day after 10 years service. :moop: Although they've chucked extra days about for birthdays and other reasons during the pandemic.
I used to get extra days after so many years but think I lost that when I became an office boy. 28 days plus bank holidays but we also have pretty flexible working (although some clowns are really pushing their luck with it, better not spoil it for the rest of us).
My company did away with extra days after extra years and just gave everyone an extra 2 days. Which would be great, had they not removed the 9-day fortnight perk at the same time. So I’m actually down about 20 days off.
I’ve used the “flexible working” mantra to stop working Friday afternoons though.
Boss changed my shift from 6-1am to 3-10pm at 2:54 and then bitched at me for not doing 10-1am. I think I’m going to quit. He only just caught up paying me for the 3 weeks of work I’d already did. Quitting time.
The Arab just came over to my desk. He said what is Euromillions. I said it's a lottery. He looked puzzled. I said do you have lotteries in Jordan? He said no. I said well, you buy a ticket and have a very small chance of winning a prize. He said OK, but someone just called my phone, and asked me if I live above Tesco (he lives above Tesco). I could barely understand her but she said I'd been selected to win Euromillions. She wanted my bank details. I said mate, it's a scam, tell me you didn't give her anything. He said I gave her sort code and account number. I said fucking hell, you did what? He said sort code and account number.
Having facepalmed myself into my desk bin, I looked at him, and he said it can't be a trick, how does she know I live above Tesco? I said she's clearly got your address and phone number from somewhere and put it on Google street view. He said what's Google Street View? We don't have that in Jordan. I showed him what Google street view was. I said you see, that's how she knows you live above Tesco. He said well, I already gave her my sort code and account number. I said mate, please, never give anyone your bank details over the phone. Ever. Ever. It's always a scam.
He said can they withdraw money just with sort code and account number? I said I don't know, probably. He said 'I call my brother'.
If he hasn't already been rinsed it's a miracle.
Yeah, I don't expect they hang about. They must know the dippy cunts they con will flap their gums about winning the lottery immediately.
His brother's given him the all clear. Apparently I'm the idiot for telling him not to give his sort code and account number to random fucks over the phone.
You must feel pretty stupid now, tbf.
Especially when he rolls in in a gold wrapped Lambo tomorrow.
I've lived in some funky joints in my time, but never above a tesco. No excuses for him not getting the biscuits in.
I'm not sure you can do much with the account number and sort code but Jesus, that's thick.
They’ll ring back for the last three digits on the signature strip shortly.
The card details are more useful, but the bank account details are sufficient to set up Direct Debits, take out loans, etc. Considering they know his name, phone number and address it shouldn't make accessing his online banking too tricky either. Plus who knows what else he gave them. They could be sitting pretty with his Date of Birth, email address and mother's maiden name.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
So, since he thinks it isn't a scam, does he think he is a multi millionaire now? Is he quitting?
They've got street view in Jordan, the Arab himself is the scammer buttering up the office with tales of innocence and naivety before he and his brother clean everyone out.
Good point. It's a good step to full steam ahead fraud and identity theft.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
His brother is swindling him.
Do yourself a favour, Jimmy. Stop trying. He's a lost cause.
It's been pretty intense the first three weeks in the new role. The levels of responsibility are going to be huge but hopefully I'll start to get into the chaos. Still struggling to actually mentally stay switched on after so many months doing basically nothing so hopefully I can snap out of it.
Take some mental health time off.
Not on probation. I'm not stupid.
I’m weary from mine at the minute. The spon never arrived along with all the responsibility and extra work
The two people I was going to lean on for this job are on sick leave. I think I pieced it all together before one of them broke their shoulder.
Got Cold Called today for a job in Liverpool for 3 months. Might be fun.
I've just had my draft itinerary through for South America. 21 days (19 of them working days), 13 flights, 7 countries. From the World Cup qualifying table we're only missing Brazil, Argentina and Venezuela.
I will be fucking dead at the end of that.
You may, but the write up is going to be immense. :drool:
When are you meant to be going? That does sound brutal.
Oh and have you told/will you tell your neighbour that there's no reason to worry when you're not there?
Pick up a gram for her just incase.
End of Nov to about 17 December.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Their summertime then. :happycry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Missing the world cup too? Fuck that.
Are you going to take some holiday after it? Might as well if you're out there
Might be a nice place to see it from, tbh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Make sure you collect your air miles.
Don't worry, the old man's said he can get me onto a good loyalty programme with Avianca, the Colombian national carrier.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Absolutely no chance. I will however lap up my two free days, both Sundays, one in Lima and the other in Asuncion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
Won't most of the games be during your working day given the time difference?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Especially silly when footballs coming home so England will be the best place to witness it. Including Qatar.
Surely most of South America shuts down when there's a World Cup on?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
There are actually only 4 South American qualifiers this time and I'm only visting two of them, but rest assured if Ecuador win Group A I will be vibing in the streets of Guayaquil for their last 16 clash.
We really do need a cause of death sweepstake. Kidnapping, heatstroke, Yellow Fever, Brazilian Banana Spider, the possibilities are endless.
I thought we said no more get rich quick schemes?
In a welcome break from all that, I went out for lunch with the Arab (my turn to pay) and he told me how Mossad have agents posted throughout Iraq taking out sets of traffic lights, because they want Arab lands to remain chaotic and prevent the Iraqi people from 'learning how to queue'.
:lol:
You should tell him Barney is half Jewish.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
We've already had a massive barney between him and Barney today, and you can guess who came out on the winning side of that one. Barney has been running sales to Cyprus for a few years, but the Arab, bored and not understanding that August is a quiet month, wanted to take the territory off him. The key decision-maker: the Arab's dad, so over it has gone to Umayyad control, leaving Barney whining about being 'marginalised'.
I mean, that is proper harsh on Barney.
Fuck Barney, he had it coming.
Barney screwed Barney.
Yet more reasons why Barney doesn't deserve £44k a year.
Mini Israel - Palastine confilct :drool:
It was never up to the Arab and the Jew how their territory would be divided up in the first place. I'm sure Jimmy from London and the Russian can handle them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Partition the office.
The South Africans are running the gaff now. Apartheid is a legitimate option.
Meanwhile Baron Jim is swanning about the Amazon basin telling lads of a darker complexion to build more tractors or he'll have their wooden huts knocked down. Disgusting, really.
Floyd your job sounds like total shit.
It's fine, but they'll need to start paying me more soonish.
There are big upsides to it, such as almost never having a meeting.
It sounds like they just save all your meetings up and then make you do the whole lot in two weeks whilst trekking around South America.
Not sure that's preferable.
It's definitely preferable. I'd rather smash that shit out whilst in holiday mode and being treated as a guest in an exotic country than having a weekly catch up with Jess who has had so much going on this week that she totally forgot.
Ten minutes of awkward meetings versus babysitting a boss who speaks no word of Spanish for three weeks? I'd take the meetings.
I have entire days filled with back to back meetings. But not sure I’d trade that for a tractor ride in a Peruvian field.
Are they uplifting your pay (significantly) for this? Or is it a bait and hook for you on the promise of future opportunities?
I'd take the trip. Life is for living.
Ugh, come back from my week off to an email asking our whole team to fill out a survey - what is our charity's purpose, what is our teams purpose, what should our team strive for going forward and what values should our team live by.
If I was less of a coward I'd be tempted to put variations of "to pay me money" for the first few, and hustle, loyalty, respect for the last one. This stuff is so cringe but the big boss of our team lives for this shit - she spent about 30 minutes sharing "inspirational mantras" from other organizations and asking us to think of our own at our recent away day. I thought away days were for paintballing or some other team building bullshit.
What makes you think they'll pay you more soon-ish? They're going to drag out paying you this much as long as they possibly can.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Your workplace smacks of a place where they'd rather hire your replacement at your current value than pay you that.
When you're already bending over backwards with no more money then there will never be more money.
The power play would be to hand notice in a month before the trip. As presumably the only competent Spanish speaker, the leverage will be great.
The two sales managers I work for (total about £3.5 million in annual business) are 69 and 79 respectively. European guy is a contractor and they'll probably get rid. South American guy is 79 years old, can barely walk and should have been retired for 15 years. They have verbally committed to me succeeding the South American guy - now obviously verbal commitments mean jack shit, but if they're going to spend however many thousand to send me round South America, they obviously aren't averse to the idea of me succeeding one of these much more senior roles.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
Now, I'm not the sort to march into the director's office and demand they put these people out to pasture and promote me, so I'm happy to wait it out. However, I feel there is a much better chance of getting a decent promotion here, with nearly 5 years of industry and customer knowledge, than there would be if I upped sticks.
There's worse places to go than South America if you're after a hitman.
"Welcome to Bogata, 47. Our intelligence tells us Mr. van den Klerck is in the Rosary Suite entertaining guests. I'll leave you to prepare."
I was in the 'fuck this job' camp for most of yesterday morning. The spinning plates nature of the job is starting to take the piss. However, just like Jimmy, I'm wary of moving. Not for the possibility of upward mobility but the more likely fact I'll just be doing the same shit in the same circumstances for a different employer.
Rather than fix our air conditioning, the building owners (BAE/Royal Navy) kept sending us more and more plug-in air conditioners and desk fans, and now the electrics have died so we've been sent home indefinitely whilst they frantically try to find a solution. What a tremendous example of civil service thinking.
Being off work is so good.
Gonna be miserable on bank holiday Monday, knowing I’m back in on Tuesday after over two weeks off.
Of all the weird national characteristics of my customers (French huffiness, Spanish cluelessness, Polish bluntness, Belgian rudeness, German inability to think outside straight lines, British entitled moaning, South American dallying and indecision) I think the weirdest is the absolute refusal of all Irish people to tell you who they are on the phone.
I guess over there people just know who people are, so it isn't a thing. Bizarre.
What, even when you ask?
Not that it surprises me. In my job if I'm getting a call from somebody reporting an issue I always say my name and ask who's speaking and the amount of people who don't listen because they're just waiting for their turn to talk is annoying.
This is something that's bugged me recently too. Been contacting a load of window places about getting some new windows and they'd just ring me back from an unknown mobile number and be like "Hello, you were looking for me?" and I have to ask them who the hell they are. Like if you're a business surely the first thing you'd do is identify yourself when you're calling back potential customers?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Unless of course the window operation is a front for seedy activity.
Often when I ask, they'll just say 'Dermot', as if I'm supposed to know who the hell that is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
It’s the obsession here to know who everyone is and what they’re doing that has everyone on the defensive. I went in recently to see about a new van and the first thing the salesman did was ask who I was, who the company was, and why did I want a new van. So I just did a 180 and got one elsewhere.
We just found one of our engineers dead at his home :( Been off sick for 2 days, but today wasn't responding to texts - we sent a guy round and found him on his bed. Suspected heart attacked at 39.
Earlier this year we lost 30yr old to cancer.
Currently listening to a foreign locum having an argument with a recruitment agency - which is not his recruitment agency and he acknowledges it's not his recruitment agency - about why they can't give him information about his pay slip.
He's now moved on to getting annoyed at them because they can't give him the name and direct phone number for the specific person he needs to speak to at his own agency.
Having phoned his own agency and sorted the issue within about 5 seconds, he's now ringing random people in the hospital telling them he doesn't want to pay mess fees and use the mess...he's making this call from the mess which they've informed him he's not paying for.
The mess? Are you military doctors?
Doctors' staff rooms have always been called messes, I don't know why.
That's my thing for today learned.
I think my work have finally managed to achieve peak retardation. They have decided that they want to become more community focused, and they want us plebs at the heart of that. Fine. Sounds good. Today's request is that we involve ourselves in a volunteering effort to clear up the litter on Southend beach following the bank holiday.
Cool, a working day at the beach! Right? Wrong. We are to do this after work or at the weekend. :D
The NHS army recruitment policy innit.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
I hope they've been promptly informed to go and lie in their piss.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
The ripple of laughter and knowing glances that were exchanged suggest uptake may be limited.
Nothing worse than bosses who don't have anything else in their life and expect the workforce to be the same.
That reminds me of one of Sandman's rules for life that his uncle taught him: never shit in your own time.
If you shit for 10 minutes a day at work every day, by the end of the year you'll have been paid a whole week for shitting. :thbup:
What if you need a shit on Saturday?
Expense it
Hold it.
Overtime is paid time and a half.
People who linger on the toilet - reading or whatever - are the worst kind of nonce, so talk about counter-productive.
My mate who works in a junior IT role, his boss, HR woman and the office manager who is part of the same department as IT for some reason had a meeting today - HR person said they're gonna try to be more active in training people so they can progress, to which IT manager said "well I don't agree with that because then people get overqualified and want to leave the role". Great strategy mate.
The IT department is just this manager, a slightly senior officer below him and the junior role my mate is currently in(plus the office manager lady who's sort of her own mini department responsible for watering plants and shit), and he's had about 3 predecessors in 18 months cus people get frustrated at the lack of training and being kept doing crappy turning monitors on servicing shit and leave anyway - Shirley you might as well give people a bit more to do so they are at least not miserable and unmotivated before they fuck off.
Or better yet you just hire middle aged people happy to coast doing basic reactive support stuff - my mate joined specifically cus the job spec asked for a young, ambitious person who wants to progress and actually said they won't just be doing 1st line turn it off and on again stuff. Class.
And they wonder why there's a skills shortage. How are these morons in management.
My mate actually left a place offering him 35k to stay and go more senior cus he wanted to work somewhere more progressive (charity rather than some corporate place with ancient old bastard management team like Jimmy's place), but more specifically cus he was sick of just doing laptop setups etc. Our place (I work here too) as I alluded to said in the job spec it was gonna be more project work and learning network and programming things and room to progress and he's spent the vast majority of his 6 months doing laptop setups lol.
When he told the manager that he left a 35k job for those reasons, manager and his little sidekick basically lolled at him and said ha should have stayed there mate.
Mate.
`More progressive lol.
The agricultural boss (80 years old) is on holiday today, as is his number one consigliere, so he rang me last night to tell me I'm in charge of making sure we hit the August targets today. I said OK no problem, but I don't have permission to access to the relevant areas of the system, so I have no idea either where we are at the moment, or where we need to get to by the end of the day. He said 'Thanks, I'll leave it in your capable hands' and rang off.
Currently starting the day very much like George with the Pensky file.
That's probably your fault for being sarcastic. :D
The not training people because they will leave issue is something I've experienced at my last place. Attrition is going to happen and I get you don't want to train everyone (some people are shit) but the lack of ambition makes people leave anyway. My current lot have said here's €1500, spend it on things you think are relevant to your role.
Yeah it's odd. My company have no issue putting people through master's degrees or whatever course or qualification is necessary. In fact, they actively encourage it. But they're German too so could be a culture thing, because company loyalty is a lot stronger over there.
My old company were German so I'm not sure it's universal :D
The guy who started this job same time as me said his old firm basically discouraged work-funded training by saying you had to pay them the money back if you left within however many months of completing the course.
That's hardly discouraging it, more protecting yourself from leeches.
I’ve got some right nerd trying to step on my toes at work, who thinks Q3 ends in October and Q4 ends in January. If you’re gonna try and intervene, at least don’t be dumb.
Same on the railway.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
Mess is the catchall term for the railway in general iirc.
And the NIH amirite.
Apparently peak retardation has yet to be reached. I have today been asked to drive an hour and a half to help a man write his own name. I have politely declined.
Still don't know if we made it or not. It's like Schrödinger's sales target. The MD even sent out an email that stated 'We have posted strong numbers for August' but didn't state what those numbers were or whether the target had been met.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Transparency is so 1990s. This company inhabits the 1970s.
They might not even know how much they sell.
The real target was the demented customers you acquired along the way.
Surely they can just consult the scribes and the stone tablets and figure it out?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
I'll have you know we've just moved over to an online portal for booking holidays, rather than printing out an application form .doc, writing in the requested days, and having it signed.
I work for a billion pound company and we only moved to an online portal a couple of years ago. Our buying department is still heavily dependent on Excel.
Do you then have to print out the page from the online portal and have it signed?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Or print it out physically, take a picture of it with your phone and then email it to someone?
Those poor agency bastards.
We're working with some massive energy companies at the moment on a project involving electricity trading. Turns out almost everything runs off Excel.
Excel is the lifeblood for a lot of organisations. We had risk models and compensation calcs based off a spreadsheet.
My career woes continue as I approach ten years of service.
After my appointment as carbon champion I’ve actually managed to create myself a reputation as a competent person in in the region for reducing emissions, with people seeking out to learn from and share across the other regions. Great. Who’d have thought that turning emissions conversations into an equipment running cost would be so effective to actually getting stuff reduced?
I’m continually getting told how impressed people are with what im doing and what an impact im having, including at the strategic level way above what my level of influence should be. Great.
I’ve had ten years of being told im “exceeding expectations” and a “high performer”. Great.
Where’s my salary? Bang middle of the road for anyone who joined at a similar time. Will they give me a promotion? Nope, not possible for this role. Whilst they continue to try and load additional shit onto me. Do they have any idea of upcoming roles that would be good for me to apply for? Nope.
Said no for the first time today. I also told my boss I need clarity on my chance for promotion in this role/area and whether it’s the same as the message I received 12 months ago form a previous (totally shit) manager, otherwise im going to start applying for other jobs.
Realising the “promotion” delta is probably worth about £10k in base salary, £5k in bonus and ??? in pension means im an idiot for accepting the status quo because I enjoy my job as eventually I’ll need to leave anyway, so I might as well do it now.
Mental in this company that performance and reward are not linked. Want to get paid more? Abandon your job every 2 years and apply for roles at a higher level.
Could you take your skills outside the oil industry for anything like the money you earn, or are you sort of boxed into it now?
Nuclear power. :cool:
Sounds like the civil service.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Presumably whichever energy giant you work for is bigger than most governments so I guess that figures.
I think it sounds like more or less anywhere, unless you have specialised skills that are a massive ballache to try and replace.
I do love the idea of an Oil Company having a Carbon Champion. It's like Baz taking his Domestic Abuse Championship Belt and taking on Father's For Justice and Chris Benoit in a Triple Threat Match.
I actually debated applying for a government sort of role last year as I though it would be interesting (oil and gas authority). The pay would’ve been roughly the same, but no share schemes or bonus, so a net pay cut.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Ironically the job I’m debating applying for is “new energies” ie non oil and gas, and it’s the grade above so as a minimum would be a 10% pay rise as the grade above me gets an “allowance” on top of base pay.
I’m paid more than an average job, but it’s not massively so. My pal abandoned oil to go work for a whisky distillery and had to take a maybe £10k pay cut to leave.
I’ve got the magic 10 year experience kicker now that should make me very employable given the skills I’ve learned and the company I’ve worked for. Leaving is an option, but I’d rather stay. They just need to pay me what I think I’m worth, and what correlates with the praise they keep giving me.
MATE, I work for an integrated energy company, not an oil company.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
;)
Carbon champion basically does nothing. I’m supposed to just hassle people to do actions related to emissions. I might put it in my email signature actually, and it’s definitely going on my CV.
The sideways move to another company to get a payrise is common in finance as well. It's amazing how little you can move the dial when you're in a job.
Interviewed for this today and got it. :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
:cool:
Every fucker under the sun is getting promoted atm.
At our spot there are whispers of a re-org.
Gonna be in the office most of this week because one of our yanks is over. I don't even know why he's bothering this week as they want an MVP by the end of September so he's just gonna be here and slow us down. Really cannot be arsed. Proper dreading this week.
Really loving my new job lads.
In other news, my ex-employer got their external HR to draft a legal letter asking my ex-colleague who they fired to update his LinkedIn to say he no longer works for them. :D
Real hurt or injured shift today after I rolled and sprained my ankle while hammered yesterday. Absolutely killed it but then my 15 minute walk home took 45 minutes. Best bartender in the biz. I need a raise.
I'm off to Berlin tonight for a few days to work from hq. We've arranged go karting on Wednesday for some organised fun which i am actually looking forward to.. 🤦
There’s the two sides of the coin right there.
Informal drink driving lagers.
It's FUN
I’ve dropped my hours at work to four days and an hour into the first Monday not working and it’s already boss.
This was about as bad as I thought. Two hour meeting this morning when he wanked on about the company values. It apparrently took them two months to come up with 14 and then whittle that down to six. Maybe you should have been doing some productive work like buildjng the product we don't have yet during those two months ffs?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
For context, these "values" are for a company with about five people in the US, four in Belfast and a handful of contractors in Romania. Oh, and one guy in India.
After that we went for lunch where the 3 Belfastians there had a pint with lunch and he had... water. Also had to listen to him say that the US was becoming too socialist these days with Bernie Sanders, trade unions and Biden's student debt relief plan. And he moaned a bit about their stimulus checks and no one wanting to work any more too.
Wednesday afternoon is meant to be a team building day and the boss in Belfast has basically just organised a drinking session so it'll be interesting to see how that goes.
First day in the office since March 2020. Greeting.
The upside is it’s 80% WFH now instead of just going back in the office full time. :drool:
They've started monitoring office attendance using IT login and giving the info to managers in order to 'provide support to those who are yet to return to the office' :D
Can't believe we're still on the 3 days a week policy. Bring on the winter tears.
Anyone who pushes 'values' has absolutely nothing to say.
We were hiring lately and seen about 95% drop off in applicants once the ad was edited to say it was office based, as everyone presumed wfh. Covid has bred a generation of lazy cunts.
Some people don't like being in the office for no reason.
I mean, the work is the reason.
But the cheek of asking someone not to walk the dog or watch Judge Judy while ‘working’.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
I've got far more done today wfh than I did yesterday. No fucking distracting music that gets into our office from the open plan co-working space downstairs and not having to listen to people down there making phone calls.
And I'm still working trying to get something finished off before quitting for the day whereas if I'd been in the office I'd have left at 6pm (it closes then) and would be on the bus now.
If as an employer (through whatever combination of managerial incompetence, being stuck in the past or people just being underworked generally) you can't tell the difference between somebody working or not they'll get away with doing fuck all whether they're in the office or at home.
Everyone is clocked and their productivity is logged either way. The end result is all that matters. I can't stray too far away from the PC because some of my tasks are time sensitive.
The distractions and annoyances are early teething problems to getting adjusted to the new normal of hybrid working so man the fuck up Boydy, we're in this together.
Spent the day at head office doing a "deep dive". Because nothing solves understaffing like wasting a whole day pissing and moaning and making existing processes more convoluted.
The is nothing worse than middle management.
Unless your work depends on the physical location, then it's a weak excuse. I work 3 weeks from home and a few days in the office and I'm equally shit in both locations.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
The Arab is coming with us to the Munich exhibition in October (if he can get a Schengen visa, which as an Iraqi citizen is by no means certain) and has booked himself a flight to Frankfurt, rather than Munich. When I asked why on earth he had done that, he said he didn't know there was more than one airport in Germany. When I laughed at him for thinking that there was only one airport in Germany, he said 'Well I'm from Jordan, there's only one airport in Jordan'.
The company are fast tracking this guy to god status.
Tbf Munich airport is a fucking disaster.
Well, today was shite. Whilst the office were speculating about the Queen's inevitable death, we were pulled into a meeting to announce a colleague had just passed away. Shocked doesn't cover it.
You worked with the queen?
Technically, I work for her.
Past tense
Just had a message through from one of my bosses (79) lamenting the death of QE2.
"I suppose you don't remember the coronation, but..."
You're fucking right there, mate.
Our company flag is at half mast and someone in H&S has stuck an A4 portrait of the Queen to the back of her chair. But other than that, nothing.
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Ben
What a tribute.
Out of respect for her maj the regional director has cancelled his Teams Q&A session no-one attends anyway :D
I'm one of those disgusting layabout civil servants these days and other than a post or two at the top of the intranet page you wouldn't know.
Wish my customers were as keen to confirm orders as they are to console me on 'la muerte de la reina Isabel'. Can't believe she's died too, a hard day for queens everywhere.
RIP Isabel. :(
We've got a full webpage up with guidance for students and staff in these next few difficult weeks, including links to wellness hubs, employee assistance programmes and a chaplaincy. I assumed the kind of people who you see wailing on the news outside the gates after this happens were in the minority but clearly they're everywhere, they walk among us.
The Queen’s firmly in second place in the condolences stakes over here.
There was a ‘special assembly’ in work today. A member of staff got upset and a boy with autism put his hand up on seeing this to ask if he was supposed to be upset about something. :D
Thanks. I hope so too. One of the consultants in the team rang (Teamsed?) me today to “congratulate” me but ended up just moaning that another consultant (my line manager) had got their first as she had previously expressed interest to the director in wanting me to be her commissioner for sexual health. I think I’d rather do substance misuse though, cos there’s some crazy generous funding grants for the next three years, and our service provider is much better for addiction than the one for sexual health services. But yeah, the good news is still sinking in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
Your email signature's going to be ridiculous by the time you leave. It's ridiculous now.
Some people have the weirdest chat up lines.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
From the makers of Domestic Abuse Champion.
It's like a badly translated JRPG redemption arc
I never bothered with that one in the end.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
One of the few available monikers I don't have, granted.
Will be sad to stop being a Dementia Ambassador, but the rest should carry on.
I'm supposed to be doing a demo this afternoon of some stuff I got working last week but in the meantime one of our dickhead contractors has gone and broken something in another service that my stuff relied on so now it's not working. These cunts are literally just breaking shit we get working every other day. Fucking useless.
He left today. "Too afraid to come back to school" were mum's words. Really hope he makes a good go of wherever he's going now.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
Sinister.
The awesome tutor I had for my apprenticeship left and the new one just isn't good.
https://i.ibb.co/FV9p0Zp/yes.png
Good feedback, thanks.
Three day weekend starts now though, lessgoo
"A good reason for this is..."
Or, probably better:
"This allows..."
Tell Jane I want nudes.
I’m off to the ploughing tomorrow. Do your lot set up anything at it at all @Jimmy?
Nope. Oddly we do very little tractor in Ireland, other than some idiot in Longford who never pays his bills. Loads of digger business though, relative to the country's size.
https://i.ibb.co/9HjqKLV/image.pngQuote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Also bear in mind they're probably getting paid twice as much as you :|
Jaysus there’s some tech in farming these days.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
The most modern JDs are basically like NASA space stations. Within 10-20 years they won't even need to be driven.
I liked the story a few years back at tractor owners jailbreaking their firmware because they didn't want to pay John Deere for the privilege. Hacked tractors. :cool:
Managed to dodge having Fire Warden added to my list of responsibilities.
Thought you’d be all over that.
That's probably not so bad. Two drills a year, at best.
My wife thinks I'm a retard, so she often jokes that at work they just give me a little list of "oooh special jobs for Andy" to be getting on with whilst everyone else does the actual doctoring.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
This is what comes to mind every time you post about your list of special roles.
Fire Warden while working from home sounds a pretty sweet deal.
I think it's just exaggerated on here, to be honest. Mental Health First Aider gets me £8 a month so I cling onto that one, but the others aren't really things. Besides, I think it's only Culture Champion and Digital Champion that still exist, and I don't mind the "spread the word" responsibilities that come with them. I'm disappointed my dads suggestion of being "the face of AIDS for St. Helens" never took off, honestly. Hopefully I can become the face of homelessness or substance misuse.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
Fire Warden would require me to commit to being in the office every Thursday, which I don't want to do. Funnily enough, the two blokes who are in the most have been nominated to be the Fire Wardens, so they've brought it on themselves really.
The Organisational Development department do an awards ceremony every year and recently asked for volunteers to read all the nominations and "score" them, so think I'll put my name down for that in the hope of being invited along, cos it means 4pm drinking and getting paid for the pleasure.
Also recently listed the stuff I'll carry on doing and the stuff I'll not do anymore once my role officially changes in mid-October and it's looking very positive for my FM career. :happycry: Essentially I'll be picking up no additional responsibilities but will have time to actual focus on the tasks properly within my working remit, and sacking off a lot of bitty stuff from other peoples portfolios that they can't be bothered doing. Payday on 21st November is gonna be lovely.
My massive MHFA book's just arrived. You could knock a cunt out with it.
I got given THE TEXTBOOK too. Do I fuck get any extra pay for being a MHFA though.
Or a dog.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
So I may well have chosen the best point in the last 10 years to change things up.
I have gone to doing the mortgage advice side of the business on a self-employed basis which means no safety net of a salary on a monthly basis. In a lot of ways it's very good for me as it means overall I earn more money from the mortgages and also means that the money gets paid direct to my business and I can pay myself salary and dividends so not have to pay a huge amount of tax but now at this point I'm sat here wondering how the next year to eighteen months will be with mortgages.
On the plus side I have also set up a financial advice firm which basically extricates me from the idiots that I was previously employed by as all my business now has to go through that firm. I'm hoping the financial advice combined with the mortgages should be enough to see me through any sticky patch over the next year to 18 months. The start up though has been hard work I knew it was going to be difficult but I don't think I appreciated just how difficult it was going to be.
I've just realised I sent a work email to someone where I tried to italicise a word by using the formatting from this place.
Career ending stuff.
_lol_
This laptop I got from work is cooked. It wouldn't boot up yesterday morning, this morning Chrome decided it wasn't going to open the course I was doing and my emails. Then a reboot killed it again. I don't even need a webcam for this but the woman running the course seems to insist on it for safety reasons. I think it's mainly so they can see who's on the call and if anybody kicks off.
My work webcam is taped up at all times and I even swerve turning it on in teams meetings where I am supposed to, unless directly instructed to by my manager.
There's one lad who's had his blocked all meeting and hasn't a said a word. One woman is just hair to me.
Tomorrow for work I am driving 1.5 hours to Stormont to pick up my new work computer. Only I can do this as I have to exchange my current computer complete with login details. I then have to sit for around 2 hours while they transfer stuff from my old device to my new device. Then I have to drive 1.5 hours home. The odds of then being able to sit down when I get home and immediately start working without any issues seem extremely long to me.
Is anyone else’s IT department this backward? Isn’t remote deployment a thing? I get paid mileage, so it doesn’t bother me really, but it seems like an awful waste of company (aka taxpayer) money and time.
I was issued with a laptop in March 2021 that I briefly used to respond to e-mails whilst our building was out of action, but since then it's been in a locker because I'm not allowed to take it into our secure office, and I can't use it for the work we do in the secure office. The idea was that it stays with you for your career, but there are rumblings that they're going to recall half of the unused ones because that was obviously a stupid idea to begin with.
Civil service?Quote:
Originally Posted by CJay
Our laptops don't really do much special. It's more to circumvent the over-zealous firewall and whatever else the thin clients can't access. Stuff like how we all have Teams installed on our desktops but it's only good for the chat client.
Housing Executive.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Ours are basically personal laptops that we access work stuff on (Sharepoint). I just buy one with my work card every few years.
Our IT department used to be more relaxed but have completely shit the bed over the prospect of the railway being shut down by Russia/ransomware.
For the first time in my life, I have been contacted to be a reference for someone I used to manage.
I haven't done one of these before. What's the procedure? Do I just lost the guy's strengths and achievements in the workplace? Anything need to go in about sickness record or anything like that?
It may be a myth but steer clear of anything negative. If he was a liability you just say 'I cannot provide a reference'
Yeah, just stay positive unless he is in the immediate family of Satan himself, in which case don't provide one.
He was fine so don't have that issue. Sickness record is also fine but if a situation comes up again where it isn't, would it be common practice for potential employers to want such information off a referee?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
My employer didn't give a fuck about my sickness record and I was genuinely fired due to taking the piss with it last role. Unless they ask for that info I wouldn't bother.
I thought you literally just confirmed they work there for references these days.
I've done a few for people becoming teachers and all the schools asked me if I thought the candidates were suitable for the post described, and why.
I tend to have to do quite detailed references, and it's a ballache as every place wants them done differently. I had a trainee a couple of years ago who had 3 or 4 interviews before securing a post, it ranged from one place wanting a brief summary of their suitability to a 7 page document :cab: . One earlier this year required me to send my reference electronically AND by post, on school-headed paper. Literally pointless.
Depends if you refer to an individual or just an HR department I guess. The latter will definitely just confirm you worked there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Thanks for the responses everyone.:thbup:
I had a good run, haven't been in the office at all for nearly 12 months solid and maybe 5 times since March 2020 but the time has come. I suspect the lad we took on in the interim who then had some mental health abscences and left for sunnier shores has fucked us.
We've got new starters coming in and have to report to the office at least once a week going forward :moop:
Once a week is genuinely pointless.
They asked us to do Thursdays. I never really bothered but whenever I do go in everyone just spends the day chatting cos we’ve not seen eachother, and slowly everyone’s realised they get no work done when they go in so rather than just limit the chatter, they’ve just stopped going in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
Last Thursday I genuinely spent 40 minutes talking about Married At First Sight, which I’ve never even seen.
There's so few in on my days that small talk struggles to happen.
I'll be manning a stand with some colleagues at New Scientist Live this weekend at the ExCeL and staying at some crappy hotel in Ilford. We leave tomorrow evening, get back Sunday night. Absolutely buzzing, obviously.
Small talk is rife in our office so I'll be saying hi then putting my headphones in until it's time to leave.
My new tablet is a Dell Latitude 7320 2-in-1 kinda thing. It’s actually surprisingly good, with 16GB ram, usb c and an actual HD screen. I also get rid of my docking station and connect directly to the monitor which is another plus.
Show life :drool:Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Absolutely hyped for sitting on an uncomfortable stool for 10 hours a day and then going round Munich nightlife with the Arab in a couple of weeks.
Will he - perhaps unwisely - get involved in the nightlife shenanigans, or will he stand around looking confused and disapproving?
He'll get involved, I'll stand around looking confused and disapproving. Let's just say there are better Muslims out there. He was telling me about receiving some magic mushrooms in the post. I presume he ordered them and they didn't just turn up out of the blue.
Surely you just wait until he inevitably makes horrible night out friends then you can just fuck off and leave him to it?
Christ sounds like you have the worse deal. I get two days TOIL and plenty of time to read my chess openings book (need to nail the Scandinavian, and not my colleague Anna) so I'm fairly alright with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I may have a pint or two.
Reading the chess openings book in front of her will help.
Our contracts are explicit about no time off in lieu. I'm doing Thursday to Monday, obviously, while the senior lads do Monday to Thursday.
I don't know how anyone manages to work in retail. The general public are fucking moronic cunts. This is just pricks trying to put dynamos on tractors. Imagine what it must be like selling shoes or something. Appalling.
Fond memories of standing behind the Customer Service desk at Tesco being shouted at because the HP Ink Cartridge he'd bought didn't have any red ink in it. An exchange was simply not good enough because "how do I know this one won't be a dud too!?"
We don't fill them up here you cunt. I don't know.
Believe it or not there are family history roadshows, where all those genealogy sites and Who Do You Think You Are? and that have stands. My work used to go on behalf of the government to help people access old service records, and apparently Dan Snow is a massive wanker.
Well, I never would've guessed.
Family history is MASSIVE, largely unseen by we millennials. There's a woman in her 60s at work who only ever talks about that, Mike and the Mechanics, or cake.
All fun and games til you reveal something you don't like. Like past lives, no-one wants to be a peasant and no-one wants to find out theie great great grandad was a slave owning meganonce.
Yeah I share a surname with one of the statues that was ripped down during the BLM protests, so I'm leaving this stone unturned.
I will use the extremely diluted victimhood of my maternal lineage as a badge of honour, however. Reparations please.
I did mine a few years ago and I'm extremely proud to reveal there were absolutely no racists or nonces, just extremely attractive, intelligent and honest folk.
My dad went through a phase of really wanting to know the family tree. Doing it without spending a penny seems a proper ballache, though. Someone on my mother's side did hers, though. No drama aside from someone getting disowned for settling with the wrong bloke.
I seem to remember there being a shit ton of suicide on one side of the family and an endless line of useless farmers on the other side. I seem to be going down the latter route.
I always just assumed mine was really boring so never looked into it. If anyone had done anything interesting, I'd have heard about it already surely?
If you line up the free trials amongst the big websites (Ancestry, Findmypast etc.) you can do it but you've got to commit the time and smash it out. I went back into the 1700s before really starting to struggle with the lack of information.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
My family was/is terribly boring so except for a great-great-grandad with loads of illegitimate children I discovered nothing remotely interesting.
My dad was raging when my grans sister did ours in detail as it turned out there used to “lord” in the history but at some point someone just abandoned it.
Apparently also married into the family of that Scottish traitor John balliol (?).
Looking back through old photos is cracking though. Suits and moustaches galore.
Mexican and Scottish traitors in our midst. We roll deep. :cool:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-63204333
If you assume that things like cancer remain at a roughly constant rate, what on earth is causing such a dramatic rise in long-term sickness? No wonder we have a productivity crisis.
It can't be Covid as that's hardly long-term.
Well long COVID is.
Probably the vaccines.
There's got to be some interesting criteria at play here. No way are ~6% of the working population actually long-term sick.
It'll be mental health related issues.
Probably proportional too - lots of people left due to Brexit/Covid and so the people left (along with Covid aftermath) mean the numbers get worse
Every cunt has "fibromyalgia" these days. Which - as far as I can tell - appears to be a completely made up.
It'll fit in well with most of the mental health excuses at least then.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I just looked it up. All the symptoms can also be attributed to "shitty lifestyle".Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
You will be surprised to learn that they tend to have a triple digit BMI.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
Bodes well for my line of work.
First TTH colleagues?? :sst::sst:
'Didn't Jimmy post that last night?'
'What?'
'Yeah. You just added "wank puffin" to it.'
*HR complaint*
First day back in the office since March and only one other person from the wider team is in. *Packs up*
I start my new role on Monday so have just been declining a load of meeting invites to stuff I don’t do anymore. :youpi:
There doesn’t seem to be a way to reassign meetings I’ve organised to someone else so I can delete it from my calendar though.
The best feeling ever. :drool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Sometimes it really is amazing working here. Turned my outlook on this morning and the first email I saw was this cracker from my 79 year old sales manager:
Quote:
The customer is going to say that the price without the plate should be lower.
I have to think how I am going to answer her, female parts managers are more difficult to deal with.
Best regards.
John
Does he mean parts managers who are female or is that OAP slang for minge?
The new version of Female Parts Manager is really good.
He means parts managers who are female.
He has a cracking track record. A few weeks back he told the (female) head of engineering not to 'worry her little head' about something or other. Then he asked me on a Teams call to describe the new girl who works here, looks-wise (he works remotely). I declined to do so and so he simplified the question to: 'Is she a looker?' I suppose we should really be reporting him for all of the above, but the management are South African so you might as well be reporting an assault to the Zodiac killer.
We've got a few Saffers and the casual racism, classism and misogynism is everywhere. No wonder their country is fucked.
Working on no commission and high basic is tough. Hard to get past that can't be arsed feeling.
Email this morning saying 15% pay rise in Feb and bonus in November, alongside regular 4.5% yearly pay rise.
My last pay rise at fucking Dunelm was 8p an hour.
Giz a job lad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
If you can get to Manchester one day a week they're hiring big man
What is it you're doing again? Given I am now being forced to do that in my job but without the pay rise for three years.
How did you people cope with life pre-2020 when five days in the office was normal behaviour?
Perfectly well, but in our absence they remodelled our office and destroyed our team area, made it all hot desking where you are subjected to plebs on teams calls without headphones constantly. I would be a lot happier going back in with my name on my desk and my pc tower not in the bin.
I've had to buckle and switch to almost full-remote due to recruitment just being a nightmare. Any developers that are decent want remote work, which is fair enough I guess.
General Medical Council mate. It's in Spinningfields.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Failing that they're looking for lay tribunal members at £310 a day to help decide tribunals.
No experience needed, minimum 35 days a year. Decent wedge for sitting around deliberating.
https://jobs.gmc-uk.org/vacancy/mpts...rs-502502.html
Basically policing people like Random, top stuff.
I'll send it to Lee. Thanks
I don't understand how any of these employees in fields which have full remote working roles as the norm have any kind of remaining presence left in the UK. Imagine what you could do with a London salary in Vietnam/Costa Rica/etc.
As it is, the war is over and I am raising the white flag. Really didn't think they'd be able to make the 3 day weeks stick but here we are, 6 months+ later. The odd occasion I only do 2 for whatever reason makes it clear just how preferable that would be, the commute is just too much so I think I may be looking at a move back into London.
Spent the day finalising guides on how to do parts of my old job. Who needs a training department eh. :rolleyes:
Are you commuting from MK to London? No wonder you hate it. Would need a helicopter to make that tolerable.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Just the one day a week for me and I'm a forty minute walk away from the office. Read it and weep, Don.
Fully remote doesn't meant "work from anywhere" - mostly it means work from the same country. Some companies are more flexible, but the limiting factor tends to be taxation, i.e. where they have office locations and can route payroll.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
1hr15 d2d with only the single train 5 days a week into the big buzzing metropolis filled with fellow workers was a glorious time pre-pandemic.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
An office move has it now at 1hr45 with 2 additional tube trains and a walk through Westfield surrounded by hyperconsumerism and cultural and spiritual poverty (as well as West Ham cunts on matchdays). The difference is incredible.
I got notified in an email this morning I got 12.5% upcoming. I had to check it wasn't from a Nigerian prince.
My last bump was 2.5% :moop:
12.5% of fuck all is still fuck all, though I wouldn't swap it these days because of the van.
I just boost it with all the overtime I can grab. And whatever rewards colleagues throw at me for being noticeably good at my job.
I'm currently on 1hr30 two days a week into London. I'm not finding it too bad but only 5 months in and much of that has had strikes and other random shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Doesn't help that Thameslink trains are prone to capitulation a few times a week.
This tracks with the people I know. My partner's just changed job and she restricted her search to basically fully-remote roles (junior dev) only.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
In my job woes I’ve since applied for two new jobs.
One sounds great - a bit like Tetris of activity for an offshore platform trying to make it all fit, the other being about “low carbon” project management, which would either be very interesting or just the worst job ever.
What it did do is prick up my boss’ boss as to why an engineer like me would want to do something like that ( ie £££ and lack of recognition in disciple).
He even called me competent.
Told them flat out if they pay me the equivalent to my promotion id get for leaving I’d be happy to stay and guide them through the next 2-3 years of torture they’ve got planned, and he seemed pretty open to it.
Hopefully the £10k modification I’ve just done that will generate £250m over the next 40 years peaks their interest to make it happen.
Sadly, I suspect I’ll be told I’m not allowed to leave and they won’t pay me a penny more.
My commute to work is 4 hours but I only do it once a month. The rest I'm working from the home office. Remote working ftw.
Indicative ballot for strike action over teacher's pay was 86% in favour of strike action; postal ballot up next. Can't see the govt actually meeting demands so this could go on.
They will have to in the end, they can't afford schools closing.
Mon the teachers.
I'll come to the office if you have a Graphic Design position. I'm chronically unemployed.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Yesterday, the Arab was off 'working from home', although it was common knowledge he had Covid, not least because his brother came into the office and said: "He's really laid low with Covid".
This morning, the Arab came into the office looking like death. I said: "Don't you have Covid?" He said "Yes." We all sort of looked at each other. Then he went upstairs and knocked on the MD's office door. The MD answered. The Arab strode in and said I HAVE COVID!
When asked what on earth he was doing here, he sort of lost his head a bit and said he was looking for tests. When questioned further, he walked into the finance office, pointed at Catherine the credit controller, and said: SHE gave me covid!
Catherine the credit controller said well, actually, I haven't had covid, or been ill, so do one mate. He kept on shouting (he only ever shouts, doesn't talk normally) SHE gave me covid! I have Covid from her! until the MD managed to bundle him out of the building.
The company's best brains have come together but still haven't managed to explain this one. Covid has addled his brain? It's the only explanation.
Fucking Catherine, how dare the ugly bitch start handing out Covid.
The Arab's now back at home and sending me stuff on chat. He was talking about using his own money to hire a car while at the trade fair we're going to next week. I said that he didn't need to and indeed that it would be insane to do so. He came back with this:
Read it approximately ten times now and still not the foggiest.Quote:
[16:07]
If you say I dont need a car then ill wear sport to kick ass on trains
[16:07]
ill make sure we will have a full place all by them selfs
with no violence :)
That sort of flair for language and communication is what the gammonati will spill blood to supress.
Between him and Don is it really wrong to say they should all be done away with?
Errr I mean I don't want to sound like some snowflake but Jesus Giggles man wtf
I'd usually be on your side but the only other Iranian I can think of is Omid Djalili. It's not a nation of winners.
EDIT. Shut my mouth. Mansour Bahrami. Protect him at all costs. And the Iron Sheik.
The stupid cunt's just come back into the office again, despite still having covid. He ducked down low below the partition windows as he walked in from reception, so I think I was the only one that saw him. He's just sat down in his office, and I can't be bothered to start the fight, so I wonder how long it will be until someone else does.
I think he's one of these extreme extroverts who literally can't cope with being alone.
He sounds like he needs sealing into his house.
And slapping.
Make him the regional manager for China and send him over
He had a shouting match with the Indian (Arab v Indian shouting matches are good fun to watch) and has been sent upstairs to an exclusion zone.
I'm going to Heathrow with him at 4am next week, what a day it's going to be.
Have you had the Rona yet? And if not are you looking forward to it?
At least he won't have to go on the work trip if he catches it now.
In that place? They'll probably just make him sign something and go on his own.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Yep. It's not like they'll send someone in his place.
Oh my......it's been a bit of a week.....one step forward and two steps back.....think I am incrementally moving in the right direction
No.
Up for my taxi to go to Germany, this day is not going to end until after a dinner with The Boss and 4 Spanish customers (in a shitty Munich Italian) at about 11pm German time.
I'm so over this shit. Let me push pens.
The taxi driver's opening gambit: 'I've had the trots, but hopefully I'll be OK this morning'.
Best of luck to you all in your endeavours today.
:drool:
I predict the arab causes carnage before you even arrive in Munich.
I do sympathise with his plight trying to go through an airport on an Iraqi passport. Didn't even get as far as security before he got dragged into a side room for questioning.
For the sake of the thread it is all of our duties to pray to Montezuma that the cabby has Noro and we get a live-posting version of that Peep Show episode where Mark was due to go on a worktrip with Johnson.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
My longer term prediction is that Jimmy's mate gives the security staff COVID and flights back are cancelled because there's nobody to man security and pester foreigners.
16 hours later, 7 of them spent travelling with the Arab and 8 more on the stand meeting people, this dinner is still ahead of me. FUCK OFFQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
About 3 hours of work talk and belittling you.
And then you have to write your essay detailing the last 24 hours for us, what a day Jim.
What was the last thread called, Jimon Iberico?
I'm here for Jimtober Fest. There might be a better food one but it's not springing to mind.
Either way we'll be expecting the thread tomorrow, Jimmy.
Gott in Jimmel (fix it).
https://i.imgur.com/nD8MPaU.gif
Still funny all these years on.
I honestly don't have time to do the essay treatment. Maybe at the end.
Today's episode ended with me getting sweet talked in the back of a cab by a woman called Noelia (who probably featured in the Spanish road trip) who kept lifting her jacket up to expose her bra straps. As Fred Trueman used to say, 'That were wasted on thee, lad.'
Still, better than the Arab doing his elephant impression in the back of the cab.
The end of this story is Jimmy entering an unhappy relationship with a woman so he can get the South America gig.
Phwoar.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Are you a more spectacularly handsome man than I've been imagining or was it something about your dulcet tones?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
And where was the Arab in all this?
Women want what they cant have.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Mahow?
I'm sure I've seen a photo of Jimmy before. Like a younger Dennis Rader, from what I recall.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Fucking hell. :D
I don't recall seeing a mugshot of Jimmy, but yeah... Ouch. :D
I have him pictured as Toad of Toad Hall in my head. Dunno why. Sorry Jim lad.
I just remember his blue wraparound shades.
It's entirely possible I'm mixing him up with someone else. I'll let Jimmy decide.
Jimmy is phwoar.
I've not posted a mugshot since about 2005 (and that isn't going to change). Weaknesses: receding hairline, somewhat overweight, English teeth, personality. Strengths: eyes.
In my mind Jimmy is a wiley old commentator. Comfortable shoes, little hair, short sleeve shirts (untucked) and partial to casual racism.
He's a cricket player-turned-umpire so I've got him down as Richard Illingworth sans facial hair.
Another 9-6.30 shift on the stand done and I'm off to a fish restaurant with the Boss, the Arab, the Arab's dad, an Italian, and an Indian.
Today started brilliantly with our MD (who has since done a Schettino) telling the Arab over breakfast that he needs to learn conversational skills as he is only capable of talking about himself. He was later heard shouting 'I AM EXCELLENT!' in the back room, so lord knows what's going on.
His dad's tagging along? The mark of a genuine Arab failson. Thank God he's not a pilot.
Ok so we got to this fish restuarant in the centre of Munich. This is a proper restaurant. I'd hesitate to say 'posh' as the Germans don't really do posh, but it was done up in a traditional German style and the menu suggested high end stuff. All on someone else's company card (I'm the only member of the party who doesn't have a company card). Starters were about 20 euros and mains about 40 euros.
We get in and it appears the boss has managed to book a table for 10 even though we're 6, so the restaurant already hate us.
The Arab looks at the menu and exclaims I DON'T LIKE FISH. Bear in mind we're in a fish restaurant. I point out that there's a beef fillet option (surf and turf) and he can always leave the prawns. This placates him briefly but the boss takes up his case with the waitress (the first of many painful experiences for the waitress with our table). The boss says: 'Can he see the meat menu?' The waitress replies that there isn't a meat menu, because it's a fish restaurant. A back and forth ensues. Eventually, the Arab orders surf and turf, as do his dad and the Italian. The rest of us have skate.
Before that, there's the starters. Thankfully, the Arab doesn't want a starter, but his dad, torn between king prawns and quail, orders quail. The starters arrive. I have French onion soup. The boss has snails. The Italian has tuna. The Arab's dad, as mentioned, has quail. He looks down at the quail, and exclaims: WHAT IS THIS? Bemused, the waitress explains what quail is, arriving at the description of 'smaller chicken'. The Arab's dad takes a bite of the quail, and bellows I CAN NOT EAT THIS. We ask him what's wrong with it. He says THIS IS NOT CHICKEN. I tell him no, it's quail. He says I DO NOT EAT THIS and puts it on the boss's plate alongside the snails. The waitress asks if she can get him something else. He says no, he didn't know what quail was so it was his fault for ordering it.
We go on to the main course. The Arab's surf and turf arrives. He has specified to the waitress that the sauce must be separate to the meat and the vegetables must also be on a separate plate, because he isn't going to eat them. This bastard of a meal arrives. He looks at the plate and says WHERE ARE THE CHIPS? I point out that there's a chunk of dauphinoise potatoes on the side. He says I WILL NOT EAT THAT, referring to the dauphinoise. I say come on, it'll be nice. He says NO and dumps it on my plate. Then, again, the boss takes up his cause, and, as I cringe myself into a coma, asks the waitress to bring the Arab some chips. The waitress says they don't do chips.
The skate that I have is absolutely sumptuous, best fish I've ever eaten. The Arab eats the steak and admits it's good but doesn't touch anything else. Then disaster strikes, as the Arab's dad drops one of the prawns onto his red sweater. Again the waitress, battered to a pulp by the point, is summoned with a loud Arabic ABBAS. The Arab's dad says BRING ME SOME FLOUR. The waitress doesn't understand, thinking he means flowers. After about a minute, exasperated, the Arab's dad says HOW DO YOU MAKE BREAD and then she gets it. A ramekin of flour arrives, and the Arab's dad starts rubbing it on his jumper, in an apparent attempt to get rid of the garlic butter stain. He then adds water to try and make it disappear. By the time we leave (bill 500 Euros), he's got flour all down his front. I say entschuldigung to the waitress, on the way out, and she just smiles back.
:D
Do these people always shout?
The two Arabs do. Probably the loudest and most self-assured two people I've ever come across.
The old guy admitting he was at fault for ordering something he didn't know if he'd like was a heartwarming twist I really wasn't expecting.
Skate really is quality.
Excellent stuff. That sounds like hell, Jimmy. Thank you for enduring it for us.
Tremendous as always. Do more work trips.
They sound exactly how I’ve experienced Israeli behaviour in the past. Maybe I’ve insulted all Israelis and Arabs comparing them to each other.
Edit - Hopefully.
We’re all in this thread mostly for Jimmy posts right? :lol:
I've been looking forward to his trip since he first mentioned it.
What's the restaurant Jim? Wouldn't mind visiting next time I go to Munich.
Will you get any downtime today Jimbo or is keeping those cunts entertained at all times just part of the job?
AusternkellerQuote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
And no Giggles, I'm here until Monday with no downtime except for sleeping at night.
I just come for Shindig updates.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike
Awww.
Nothing really to update. I still hate the days in the office because it's so quiet. I need a proper workplace crisis.
Came onto the stand at 9am today, been packing up since 4pm, now having to wait until around 9pm for some prick to turn up with boxes for the display engines. Not even getting paid for this weekend, or given time off in lieu.
You shouldn’t have went then. Not a hope.
My boss asked me to go, and he pays me.
The issue was raised by those higher than me and the answer was that travelling is part of the job. I think the issue is I'm way more junior than anyone who would normally go to these things, but they send me because I speak 3 languages.
Should probably leverage that ability better in the employment market.
Someone else on my level was asked to go, said he didn't want to, and has since been moved to the Purchasing department, which is like a soft sacking.
Rather get sacked than have to go abroad to work unpaid weekends. That's mental.
Yeah, absolutely no way I'd be doing that.
There must be a better job out there for somebody who speaks three languages. The Foreign Office would give you your current wage to sit in a cupboard, and probably double it once they got wind of your whatever it was degree from Peter Oborne Polytechnic.
blessed are the meek for they shall inherit having to do a load of stupid bullshit cus they're too much of a pussy to say no. stiff upper lip, mustn't grumble. Jim prob thinks he'd be somehow less English if he wasn't complicit with being this kinda put upon sitcom trope.
I'm willing to absorb this kind of bullshit for the perks like leaving on the dot of five each day, not having to work from home or have a long commute, and not having to go to bullshit meetings all the time or operate in doublespeak.
The Indian, the last man here with me to the bitter end, used to be a maitre d' at five star hotels in Bombay. I just poked him for stories for about 12 hours and he never stopped.
Hopefully if this trip goes well you'll get Christmas Day off.
You can get jobs like that in other fields Jim, that are properly unionised so you can lol at anyone trying to push something on you that isn't in your job description. They are taking the piss quite a lot given they seem extremely dependent on you.
Given Jimmy's job history, he doesn't want them.
Met Police --> Little Korea --> South Tractrika. Loves the drama.
Got in from Munich 9pm last night, back in the office this morning, reached 3pm and now completely out of juice. Actually fell asleep for a couple of minutes, but no one noticed. Matt Hancock's face was on the screen while I slept. Bullet dodged.
I slipped days off in lieu into conversation with the MD earlier and he said he was sorry they couldn't offer it, as if this was something well above his paygrade.
What paygrade is "well above" the MD? Prime Minister? Jesus?
Call in sick?
I think the official flowchart reads something like P.W. Botha > Piet Morant > Oscar Pistorius's lawyer > Shaun Bartlett > the Managing Director.
Yeah, I'd be taking a couple of unfortunately timed sick days on Friday + Monday for that one
Did the Arab still have covid when you travelled?
Claim you caught off him and have a nice week off.
Wait you're not even getting TOIL? I'm sorry Jim, god love ya, but if you aren't out of that job or at least getting significantly more money/less bullshit in a year or so you go from being a bit of a martyr to just a fucking div. Xx
There are plenty of comically poorly ran outfits that aren't so fucking tinpot when it comes to renumeration.
He's just waiting for the Boomers to die. But Boomers don't die. Boomers. Never. Die.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
The boss is 72 and told me his contract's up in March. The South America guy is 79 and has, literally, just moved into a retirement home. One of the fuckers has got to die.
I could go and be a crappy account manager in some other industry I guess but it's such a ballache, and the easiest route to the next rung is here.
Ignore these fools, Jim. Stick with it and keep providing the content.
Won't some 69 year old take their place once they die?
Nice.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
They'll hand the reins over to his 58 year old son.
I now manage our SHO rota in conjunction with one of the consultants.
We've just been informed (less than 24 hours before they were due to start) that one of our full time GP trainees isn't coming.
These are rotational posts, so it's not like we can just employ someone else. We are just a full-time employee down for the next four months.
At least there'll be plenty of locums going for me to save up for a new car, I guess.
Just been offered a blow job for £30 by a pensioner.
I need a new job.
(Not because I said yes and got fired)
You said yes and didn't get fired? Nice.
Was he handsome?Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I am sure she was a cracker in her day.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I think she was mostly just offering to indicate how much she is struggling financially, but most people just say they're living of noodles and beans on toast. It's nice to see some creative flair I guess.
Should have took her up on the gummer.
I must have received the following a good 30 times over the course of the last year.
"Unfortunately, we will not be offering the role to you on this occasion. It was very clear that you had a great range of creative and technical skills and abilities, but we had a number of very strong applications and there was another candidate that more closely aligned with the skills and experience sought for the role and the wider aims of Company XYZ."
I'm never going to have a job ever again.
One of my team has decided to not log in yesterday and today. I called him asking "is he ok?" and he said "yeah all good actually... " While sounding like he's been taken hostage. Hopefully he's just taking the piss and it's a disciplinary thing rather than some weird abduction.
What kind of work are you applying for?Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
That's a very long-winded way of saying "no forrins".
Been at my place coming up to 8 years now. Youngest kid is now old enough that the Mrs has been able to train up and has been offered and accepted her first job since before our oldest was born(now approaching 11 years old).
Her working at a school that isn't our kids, means I need to be dropping down to part time hours. My place is a bit funny in that you must adhere to one of the shift patterns they provide, but there are limits to numbers on the more 'niche' shifts. So my letter of change of shift request has gone in and I've been given the quick "are you sure there isn't another one of our shift patterns you could do?" chat, but not yet had the official meeting. They told me about the person limit and that I may have to go onto a waiting list.
I can see this getting a bit awkward as it's only going to be a matter of 2-3 weeks before she'll be starting. So while I'm going about the book for now, I'm not really asking, I'm telling them that once she starts I'm doing 10-2 every day.
Had a chat with one of the higher ups earlier and in a rare moment of transparency he let slip how worried they are about the future. Building costs are through the roof and work to sort out cladding is costing a fortune, but we already knew that.
More concerning is that next year's rent reviews are being looked at and long story short - somebody is going to get fucked over. It's just a question of who. Council / social rents are set to track inflation and CPI (whichever is lowest). But they're both over 10% at the moment.
So either the government honour that and rents increase dramatically. Which will fuck Universal Credit and Housing Benefit budgets. Or they don't, and they kiss good bye to any more council / social housing being built nation wide.
I imagine they'll go for a middle ground where everyone gets fucked, but with a slightly less big dick.
Sounds like my brief reign of terror on West Midlands tinder in Summer 2018.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
The dick won't be that small.
I've just been made aware of the Real Living Wage. When did the government decide that was a thing? Let alone a thing I was apparently earning?
That's been about for years. Meaningless as it is.
Loser.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
I knew of the Living Wage but didn't realise they added another tier to the pile.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Got an interview for a different job next week which sounds great but will almost certainly lead to redundancy in future.
In a surprising turn, it seems that there might be an avenue for a promotion in my current role after they realised there really isn’t anyone to replace me and my equivalents are leaving in their droves (for the same reason I was looking to).
Going to be an awkward “thanks but no thanks” on the different job if by stroke of miracle I don’t tank the interview. Thankfully I forewarned them before applying my situation was complicated.
Holidays are over :harold:
Productivity not changing while morale plummets. The Musk effect.
Actually maybe it's a bit of a 4D chess move because I can't imagine if you work for Twitter right now morale could get much worse so you may as well employ you out of date thinking while everybody's jobhunting anyway.
It'll be a way to get rid of more staff without paying any severance.
Yeah loads thought it was going to last forever and bought houses in the middle of nowhere. No more walking the dog on the beach during work any more.
Not a hope they go back commuting now anyway but being asked to do your job isn’t a grounds for an unfair dismissal cash grab.
I was off work today and went to London for a mooch around, went to some museums etc which I haven't done for a long time. It was amazing how packed the place was, again.
As I repeatedly said throughout the pandemic, from my deserted office, nothing has changed.
I permanently work from home and am still able to work. Sometimes I pick up my kid and hug her when I dare to have a break.
Emailing the nanny to pick her up doesn’t count as a hug.
It would be better if you never saw her except for the occasional bath time and miserable trips to the park at weekends. Emotional nourishment is soft parenting.
I never hug the nanny.
Straight to pounding [/UncleRoger].
Not a cuddler :cool: Good man.
There's been an eviction this morning that I couldn't attend due to an appointment later on this morning. They've gone in and there's a dead person sat in a chair. :|
The attending Housing Officer has apparently just been sick in the front garden. Word up to my boy Jesus for allowing me to dodge that one.
Poor people need to get on with it. [/Champagne socialism]
I'm in the wework office today. It's a massive downgrade from being at home (one screen) and the people I'm with aren't even in my team.
Were they getting evicted for not paying their rent because they were dead?
Like was the body there for a while?
Subletting. I'm assuming the person renting from the tenant is the dead person, but things are - to put it mildly - unclear at the moment.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Is subletting a council house a common thing?
If you just push the chair out into the street, does that count as a successfully administered eviction? Someone else's problem after that.
Massively common, yeah. We had one that was being used as a brothel a while back. 3 bedroom house, a bed in every room except the bathroom.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
It is, my idiot father and his idiot hippy on/off mrs think it is a marvellous idea. She was wittering about Airbnb-ing her London council house a while ago, he mentioned the idea years ago in his old one but this is the guy who complained when some Bosnian lads squatted the flat he had been squatting in his absence.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
Or wait long enough until there's nothing left to evictQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Received an email from someone whose signature was
Aimee [Surname] she/her (#MyNameIs Ey-mee)
:wtf:
As someone who has an awkward first name who has heard a hundred variations I really don't give a shit.
My name is 4 letters long and grown adults still regularly get it wrong.
I gave one of my kids a 5 letter name that really isn't hard either and their own teachers still fuck it up.
There are idiots everywhere.
I had a great one the other day that went like
Dear Igor
Blah blah
From John
Dear John
Blah blah
From Igor
Dear John
Blah blah
From John
No dude I'm not John you're John!! And even funnier typed out.
I find that difficult to believe somehow. :sherlock:
I had a bloke in my old job I used to have to talk to sometimes who'd apparently decided I capitalised properly other than on my own name and thus called me Lan.
We used to have a guy called Bhupinder work here. When people asked to speak to him, he had so many butchered variations - usually along the lines of "Bohinder". The best we ever got was "Burrito".
I have a Polish customer called Grzegorz Szwagrzyk whose name I assiduously get spot on every time, and yet he still calls me Olive instead of Oliver.
Life was simpler before I knew Jimmy's real name. I can't deal with Jimmy being an Oliver. It's like finding out Bamster is called Tarquin.
I think the general public has about a 10% success rate when reading out my full name, success rate being I reckon inversely proportional to yearly earnings. It's not even hard ffs.
xname stats
That is Bams name.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Tarquin.dyer@upthehammers.com
Are you saying Oliver isn't a posh name?Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Unless the (aparant) hundreds of children called Oliver at my kids School and Nursery are all posh, yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
I always thought it was a bit posh. Probably upper middle class. Maybe the commoners have got to it now.
About 10 years ago there appears to have beem a law passed that said every boy born in Essex must be called either Oliver, Tyler or Jayden. We're out the other side of it now, but Olivers, Tyler's and Jaydens are 10 for a pound round here.
Sorry Jimmy, I'm sure this is tough for you to hear.
It's not 'posh' in the caricature-ish way Tarquin is [although I would wholeheartedly endorse Tarquin's Scaffolding Services as a concept] but it is firmly middle-class at the very least. Isn't it the most common boys name nowadays [excluding the annual debate as to whether it is or isn't some form of Mohammed]?
We need to see some of these short names so we can make a judgement.
People routinely call me Mick, but that's seems to derive from the fact that people are completely incapable of hearing the 'N' in most situations it would seem. Not people I actually know, I should add, although I did once receive a Christmas card from a friend of my parents which assiduously got my wife and kids' names all correct [these people have never even met half the kids] and then called me Stuart or something. :moop:
Take it from a Northerner, Oliver is posh.
Oh yeah, it's not on the same level as Tarquin but very little is.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
Pretty sure I saw a map of most popular boys and girls names by London borough not so long ago and Oliver was the most popular in a lot of them, yeah.
Here it is. It was actually Olivia that was extremely popular (and Noah for boys). Although there's a few borough with Oliver as the top boys' name too.
https://assets.londonist.com/uploads...es2020data.jpg
It probably WAS posh, many moons ago. But it has definitely been culturally appropriately since then. A risky business for the pioneers. We had a Giles in my year at school. He lasted 2 terms before the relentless bullying forced his mum to move him.
And a Kwaku, who had to leave the country such was the quacking everywhere he went.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Poor kid.
Oliver's been firmly the number one boys' name in this country for many years, until being overtaken by Noah this year. I was ahead of the game in 1988 so in those days it was probably middle class. There should be a crop of footballers starting to come through called Oliver by now which will erode that.
The main problem I have with it is that all the versions of Ollie/Olly/Oli look absolutely shit written down, so professionally I'm stuck with the full version.
Maybe try and get a new short form for it going.
How do you fancy trying Ver?
It's a little known fact that the rebel Saudi tour's full name is actually Oliver Golf.
Any sauce that isn't brown is posh to you people.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
We've never heard what any of the parents of TTH named their kids. Fair enough, you probably don't want to share that info about your kids, but did you play it safe or go for something a bit more out there?
The best name related bants I ever suffered was being introduced as mr Jones to the class I was with for work experience at my old primary and this cheeky polish kid taking one look at my long hair and going "haha more like MRS Jones". Fair play. Couldn't get away with misgendering someone like that these days.
>* AhmadinejadQuote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
All the private school boys now seem to be called things like Jacob, Alfie and Oscar.
Tom, Jack and Alex seem to be the only really timeless ones.
Tarquin is posh? Sounds like a name straight from the NFL.
That would be J'Tarquin.
We had a work experience kid called Otterly. One of my colleagues called him Ottoman for 3 days before he corrected him.
Otterly is a boys name? I know a little girl with that name. Had no idea it could cut both ways.
Tarquin is posh here, Rupert is the apex I'd say.
I know some clown who named their kid Daenerys. I also know people who named their kid Vinnie, not Vincent. Surely you pick the full version and use the short, not christen them the short version?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Is his brother called ican'tbelieveit'snot
Is there anyone actually called Tarquin or is it just a cypher for imagined posh people? In my experience the people you think should be called Tarquin are actually called Rupert.
I have never heard Otterly in my life, male or female. Posh cunts.
This is such a bugbear for me, but no, it would seem that nowadays people put the contracted names on the official stuff. Was a big bone of contention when trying to come up with my son's name as I insisted if he was going to be called 'Fred/Freddie' [he's not] then it would have to be Frederick of Wilfred or something proper on the actual birth certificate, which sunk most options.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
That reminds me, the two rejected options for me at birth were Orlando and Guy. In fact my mother preferred these, but my dad probably threatened violence and/or started divorce proceedings, leading to a compromise.
Agreed.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
You'd never live "Orlando" down in this country. Fuck me.
Yeah, that's a major bullet dodged right there. Guy, Hugh, Hugo [seems quite popular now] always strike me as bad names.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Hugh is a proper boomer name. You read novels either dating from, or set in, the 1970s and read about raunchy sex between young people called Hugh and Ann, I find it really hard to suspend my disbelief.
If you have no intention of calling the child by the longer name why bother calling them it? Name them what you're going to call them.
That said, Vinnie is a lol name for a child.
Hugh is a proper country bumpkin name to me because it seems like half the men in my dad's side of the family were/are called Hugh.
Is Lan short for Landon?Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I was almost called Lawrence (Laurence?). I think my aunt suggested it and my dad liked it or something along those lines. But my mum said no, thank god.
*IandonQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Yeah my mum insisted on me being Samuel on the paperwork cus delusions of middle classness, but I've ALWAYS been Sam, except for the first email or two with HR in new jobs before I tell them it's Sam not Samuel. Sam is a crap name as well though, I think I'd rather actually be Igor.
#justiceforcaoimhe
My Dad was supposed to be Charles after the newly born prince. However upon delivery and the post-partum delirium my Grandmother responddd to t he question ‘what will you call him?’ And she said ‘Dave’. And therefore he became Dave.
My aunt is actually called Lesley but goes by Carole because she went to primary school and there were 7 lesleys in her class.
Going by random other names seemed to be a thing back in the day. My grandad was called Ernest but went by John. My other grandad was called Evelyn and went by Paul. Only two short of a full fake Beatles.
I was originally named "Pavlos".
Bracelet from the hospital has that name on it and it was only 30 days after my birth when I had to be officially registered that my name was changed.
I don't blame him. :cab:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Our old neighbour was saved from being called Archibald by his uncle Robert dying because he was named after him.
Missed Hamish by a whisker.
Also scamp.
I dunno, Evelyn Waugh is a great author and definite bloke. And also the reason my mate didn't get into Oxford as he referred to him using female pronouns oops.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Excuse me?Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
It kind of suits him tbf.
My mum wanted to call me Matthew.
That will be my sole contribution to this topic.
I was supposed to be Peter after my uncle but was named after my grandfather instead. Lucky enough too seeing as Peter turned out to be a complete tramp. Even the old man, who’s placid enough, can’t wait to see the cunt pop.
Any name that can be immediately traced back to a popular culture touchstone is a bit iffy. I'm talking about your Ayrton's born in May 1994 or kids named after Game of Thrones characters.
I wish I knew somebody thick enough to have called their kid Daenerys or Khaleesi or something so I could hear about the first time they google it and go "Erm what were you playing at you fuckwits?"
There is no story, interesting or otherwise, behind me being called Ian. I think they just wanted a short name because we have a long surname.
I still get regular seethes out of Ian at work when I claim it's short for Brian. It might be the best value joke ever.
Presumably the same thought process that went into Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Ian Alebore of Probablystinks.
I may have said on here before that a kid in sixth form decided it'd be hilarious and irritating to me if he shortened "Ian" to just the first syllable, so "Ee", I guess you'd spell it.
I didn't find it irritating, it didn't catch on, nobody found it funny and he soon realised it's more annoying to say so I think that lasted about two days.
And I'll have you know I have a shower once a month whether I need it or not.
I was asked to write a service specification (or maybe a service level agreement? Still not sure if they're the same thing) so thought I did really well typing out a page and a paragraph outlining the need, the solution and the amount of money involved. Figured I'd send it to someone to ask what the formatting should be like and his response was basically 'good start, here's one I did recently for an example of formatting' and it was 22 fucking pages. Full of needless dross that I guess I've gotta try and emulate for this service I'm responsible for. :cab:
2 interviews this week :moop:
Dad wanted to call me Maxim. Wouldn't have minded being a Max.
I was roped into doing a three day first aid course at work on the promise that it's only first aid we'll be out of there by half-two. Give over. I thought it would be about running burns under taps and how to make a sling, but we're half-way to doctor status the depth this thing is going into. Practice defibrillators, chemical burns, and all sorts. I can't be expected to be doing any of that.
I did that early in the year. Got a nice certificate and have already forgotten everything useful with regards to helping any cunt in trouble.
I did it too and helped save a security guards life when he had a heart attack, so it's worth knowing.
That said, I let my certificate expire ASAP so I never found myself having to deal with that again.
HeroQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Indeed. I am a top, top lad.
Gammon.
Racism ban please Phonics?
"Does anyone know first aid here?"Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
"I can't, my certificate has expired so I'm not sufficiently up to date on latest techniques. Good luck"
The boss just called me from northern France. He has gone to see a customer, turned up at their premises and the manager wasn't there, despite having arranged the meeting. He feared this was due to a recent bout of colon cancer. Unable to communicate with the finance woman who was there, he called me up on Teams (8.30am) to simultaneously translate, a skill that is far more difficult than non-linguists imagine, and frankly well beyond my French.
The boss: "I understand that Mathieu has a problem with his colon."
Me: "Erm... Bonjour. Je comprends que Mathieu est malade... erm..."
The boss: "Ask her if it's serious!"
Me: "I'm not a doctor."
The boss: "I need to know if he'll be here by lunchtime."
Me: "Erm... est-ce qu'il va retourner avant de..."
The boss: "I think he has cancer, yes."
Me: "Erm... mon gérant pensait que votre gérant... erm... que votre gérant est malade du cancer? C'est vrai, ou...?"
French woman: "Non."
It turned out to be Crohn's disease, not cancer. Anyway, a fine start to the day.
:D
The police still have absolutely no idea who the dead person is and they subletting tenant has (understandably) gone to ground. I get the feeling that this is not going to be fun.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
GDPR non-existant at Jimmy's gaff then.
We're culturally in about 1977.
There's a GP with the exact same name as me who works in the region and who is also a tutor for the med school.
I used to get emailed all sorts of shit meant for him, including exam results for other students. GDPR would have had a field day with it.
On similar lines, my brother works for a company which provides IT for some of the local schools. When they set up their email system, they asked them if they wanted some sort of safety built-in to try to make sure emails aren't accidentally sent to the wrong people. They said no, it would be unnecessarily cumbersome.
Within a few weeks, a staff member emailed a list of all the students with mental health problems to every child in the school and then tried to blame my brother for not setting up the email system in a way to prevent that from happening.
I've been placed on gardening leave until the end of the year as I'm been made redundant on 31st December and there's very little work. This is all okay though as I start a new job in the new year on a £7,000 per year higher salary and get a nice redundancy payment.
Getting to watch the World Cup in it's entirety on full pay.:cool:
Ooof, juicy. Why the redundancy and what field?
I was a manager of a small team in a contact centre, dealing with access requests for a bank. Work has dried up a little bit due to work now been done by robotics and apps. Now, I'm moving into the accountancy sector. Better pay, better prospects. Disadvantage is less working from home but I can definitely live with that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Muhammad is such a bullshit name to include on those "name popularity" charts given that Islamic naming convention for men is to throw "Muhammad" in front of their actual name.
It's important to me that you know that I hate you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave.
Just had a bit of a gut-punch leaving work.
There's a kid I've got to know quite well over the past few years who comes in semi-often because of their underlying diagnosis. Doctors don't have favourite patients but they are my favourite patient.
I'm not on admissions today, but walk through the admissions unit to leave. Saw this patient's parent so I assumed they'd been admitted. I get on with the parent well so I just checked in with how they are doing and what had happened.
They basically had a total breakdown on me because the kid is having a really unexpectedly bad course with their illness and nobody really knows why or what to do.
Parent clearly completely at their wits end with watching their kid deteriorate and nobody being able to help them.
Don't really know why I'm posting this, I guess writing it out is cathartic somehow. But it was just really heartbreaking. It's these moments that sometimes make me question if I've really got the necessary emotional detachment to do this job for most of the rest of my life.
Hang in there, champ.
The call centre's phone system failed this morning so we were put on cover to hand out the "Sorry, I can't help you." messages. I helped one of them though because 'call back tomorrow' doesn't do much when they've got a text about an appointment first thing tomorrow morning.
Got a polite bollocking for it but whatever.
Imagine RL moaning about dying kids while Shindig is going through all this.
:lol:
:lol:
He did get a polite bollocking.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Look, you come to this thread for that kind of tonal whiplash. I deliver.
We had a week off during the summer because the air conditioning/heating packed in, and our nasty concrete building amplified the heat and got all of the women moaning. You'll never guess what has happened now it's coming in cold, because the management certainly didn't. Four day weekend (at least). :cool:
It's not even that cold. :cab:
The main office dropped below the magical sixteen degree mark, which is apparently grounds to scatter. I run hot and people are astounded that I'm warm to the touch even in such freezing temperatures. Let me tell you, flower, it's not the blessing you think it is.
We don't pay for our electricity at work (Client's problem) so every office, corridor, kitchen, toilet cubicle has its own air con unit and they're all chugging away at 22C. I imagine the bill is eye watering.
'It's not cold. Go on Sandra, touch me.'Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Anaemic/menopausal women and Southerners astounded by the t-shirt-wearing legend. Eleven degrees. How does he do it?
Real men wear shorts.
In the office today and when I went for a wee I definitely heard the rustle of someone who has brought their own wet wipes for use after a poo, which I’ve got a lot of respect for.
That Evian bottle Akram is taking into the shitter with him isn't for hydration purposes.
On that subject, I took the Arab to lunch today (I've learned to flex). He received his order, picked up the onion rings from his plate and dumped them straight onto mine with a cheery 'I washed my hands before I left'. He then proceeded to talk about himself for an hour. Our relationship is almost precisely Wallace and Gromit, and I'm Gromit.
Barney will be Feathers McGraw in this scenario when he tries to destroy you both.
Please. I live in St. Helens, the Caucasian capital.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Did you eat those onion rings?
This is like one of those deep philosophical questions to me, because I take "don't eat food other people have handled" and "never waste an onion ring" to both be indisputable truths.
Proper Christian and Syed vibes about all this. Set your watch.
An extra layer, because as Taz reminds us, it's likely Jimmy's mate was scooping shite out of his arse crack with his bare hands at some point prior.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I ate the onion rings.
Equal parts proud and disgusted.
You have the patience of a saint Jim. I’d have hit the cunt with my plate.
Heard nothing back about this despite pestering them and writing a follow up letter. Even told them last week that the Mrs starts today at 8:30 and so will not be in until half way through the shift. Still nothing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gray Fox
So I did as promised and rocked up at 10 today. Got called into see the manager not long after and got the "I notice you didn't start until 10 today" talk. Tells me the 10-2 shift I want is full and has a long waiting list.
I think it's just a case of not giving me what I want, because he could quickly put me on 6pm-10pm shift for the rest of the week. I can see them getting quite arsey about it.
If I was them I'd tell you to get your gear and fuck off.
Yeah. There’s probably some sort of detail that’s missing but it’s hard to see how “I’m just going to work these hours now” really washes.
You can't ask for different hours, then just do them when they haven't agreed to it because it suits you ffs :D
It's bullshit that they probably could find a middle ground especially someone who's worked there for a long time.
Oh I'm aware I'm in dickhead mode now, but the alternative is to tell the Mrs to hold off on her job for a length of time I can't yet provide. Her prospects there are better than mine are so on with the show.
I'm quite surprised they didn't do as Manc Sean says, or something similar.
Finish at my old place on the 21st, start at the new place on the 3rd. Plus I get paid for all 8.5 days of leave I haven't taken with my final salary on the 15th. Two weeks off and plenty of bonus dosh, I'll try not to be DEAD before I start at the new place, but it's pretty class.
What was this about?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
I suggested a fellow member apply for a job at my current place, they got an interview but didn't get the job sadly. I might have stuck around a bit longer if they'd gotten it as they'd have been in my department and everything.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Name and shame.
@nsd
Nah I'll let them out themselves if they want to.
It's not cool to tell someone to apply for a job only to torpedo their chances like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Dick Cheney?
Anyones work provided support for cost of living?
We are getting a one off payment of 6% of annual salary in our December pay, which is pretty good. Had thought the company were a bit quiet.
Yeah we got a bump. “An extra £1,925 this year, equating to a 10.5% increase for the lowest paid workers. It will be backdated to 1 April 2022 and paid in November 2022.”Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Funnily enough it coincided with my pay rise from changing jobs so my bank accounts looking very healthy, just in time for Black Friday. :)
We're getting something in January, not sure of the details yet. Everyone also got bunged an extra grand on two occasions as thankyou for efforts during covid. I mean I got back into Neighbours and barely spent a penny on petrol for the best part of a year, but you're welcome.
We got a heart-warming statement that amounted to "It's not our problem, stop asking, go blame the government."
“And no you can’t work 10-2 everyday.”
:D
This is pretty generous I think. And for me, who’s not struggling at all, it’s basically a free couple of grand in December. But I can imagine it’ll help a fair bit for a smaller proportion of the workforce who have massive mortgages and/or difficult family circumstances.
I actually asked my region VP flat out last week if they were planning anything as loads of people were asking. Clearly this was already in the works, but I’ll be claiming “man of the people” title regardless.
Bought a new George Foreman grill in celebration.
We got 10% in April and an increased bonus in the summer so they'll probably just point to that if anyone kicks up a stink.
I got an extra £18 this month. :flex:
We are still closed, and we finally have the perfect explainer for the public sector. There is a 'process' that has to be followed to get some heaters sent to the building, so we follow that, and potentially wait however long, rather than just going and spending two-hundred quid on heaters from the supermarket within walking distance of the building, because they don't put a price on the actual work not being done whilst the office is closed for want of a few heaters.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
I’ll get a couple of grand at Christmas but that’s a regular one. I don’t see why they should have to give me more for the same work just because the shopping is dearer.
I suppose it’s the mantra of happy workers are more productive workers? If I’m going to work every day shitting bricks that I can’t feed my kid, then I’m not going to be all that focused on the work.
I imagine we'll be getting fuck all as various parts of the company are on strike through into the new year.
I'm gonna be earning about 50 quid a month more after tax new place but spending about 300 more in trains which is annoying but I think worth it long run.
I love this time of year. 4 day week next week followed by a 3 day week. Then come off Friday 16th December until 9th of January :drool:
Think I’ve used about 10 days of AL for all that too. Lovely
England better win the group and go to the final because I've plotted all my holidays around that.
We've been notified that Ofsted are visiting tomorrow and Wednesday. It's been on the cards for a while, to the extent that we've been in a semi-permanent state of limbo since September. Exclusions have been avoided to keep numbers low, formal grievances ignored by the head in the hope they'll go away, and as has been the trend of the 'post-COVID' times, we continue to follow the path of least resistance with the kids, allowing them greater and greater freedom (and worse - blurred lines to take advantage of) in the hopes that they'll shut up and go away.
I'm ignoring all the panicky emails from senior leaders reminding us of curriculum rationales, teaching and learning foci etc, because it's not going to help anyone. If these things aren't in place and robust already, then reminding everyone now isn't suddenly going to rememdy it for the next two days.
Not sure if I'll get to speak to an inspector, maybe from a pastoral point of view, but they're focusing on Geography not History so I think I'm less likely to be grilled.
I do actually hope they see all the systemic issues, as a rating of 'inadequate' would lead to much needed change. But I suspect we'll get good and trundle on thinking everything is ok.
Funnily enough one of our primary schools got inspected recently and the report was finally released today [although they get to edit out the actual headline ranking]. Most of the secondary schools are beyond bad and it seems the primaries, whilst better, are probably on the same path. The PR operation that went into operation upon publication was impressive. This was the report, and this was the headline reporting that went along with it, which seems to have been largely swallowed whole. Am I right in thinking that, in the UK, where you do get a rating, then if your 'quality of education' is rated as 'requires improvement' then your de facto rating is 'requires improvement' [ie 3 out of 4 on the scale] - whilst our mooks are selling it as if the fact that their 'personal development and welfare' scored as excellent [should be a given, the equivalent of getting an A in General Studies imo] meaning the school has achieved something that
That relates to an overall ranking of excellent though, surely?Quote:
Only 13% of primary schools inspected by Ofsted in England under its new framework have received an 'excellent' rating.
Teachers also moaning online that Ofsted changed the inspection regime shortly before bowling in, natch.
Back in today and I forgot how much the cunts near make you feel guilty for having covid. Nobody did a fucking tap for me while I was out either.
That's hilarious. The press release (which is what it reads as) makes hardly any mention of the fact that they scores badly main category - i.e. the actual learning of stuff. It's like a dentist telling you your teeth are rotten, but surprisingly, your breath doesn't smell that bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
First day back in the office for 3 weeks (thank you, WC) and I get all the way to the train station, greeted by a packed platform, a train parked on it which is unable to depart for unexplained reasons and I proceed to wait for the train that's meant to immediately follow it. The train's departure time continually gets put back minute-by-minute during which time no useful information is released so after 30 mins I give up and return home. Godbless the flexibility my employer offers me and godbless the souls of those who actually have to put up with this country's rail network.
I'm attending a conference for Merseyside providers on Friday. Just had an email to say the Greater Manchester equivalent has been cancelled due to rail strikes. :uhoh:Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Nice one Lofty you layabout prick.
I've managed to get out of a hideous 2-day work thing off the back of the 13/14th strikes so well in, Loffers.
The Arab is back from a holiday trip to Paris (his dad took him there for his birthday). The first night they went to a restaurant and ordered beef. This being France, the beef was cooked rare. They sent it back. The Arab's dad demanded to see the chef and told him that he could cook this beef better with his farts (a bold strategy when dealing with a French chef, I'll grant him). The beef returned no better cooked than it had been before. They refused to eat the beef and only paid for the wine.
They vowed never again to eat French food and so the next night it was McDonald's. The Arab was trying to order from one of the DIY screens but it was all in French. He found an Algerian nearby and asked him why the menu wasn't written in English. The Algerian, not unreasonably, said that it was because, in France, things are written in French. In a huff, the Arab got the Algerian to do his order for him on the screen, then took his ticket to pay up at the counter. Once again pressing the Algerian into service as his translator, he demanded to know why the woman behind the counter wouldn't speak English to him. The Algerian told him it was because she didn't speak English. The Arab said: "This is one of the biggest tourist countries in the world, and you don't speak English? I do not believe this. This is the worst service I ever received. You can keep your burger," and promptly walked out without paying.
The following day, they went to visit Burberry. In preparation for this, the Arab's dad dressed up in full Burberry gear from head to toe, as if he was a United fan dressing up in full kit for a tour of Old Trafford. Upon arriving at the Burberry store, they started looking at things. There was a jacket priced at 700 euros. The Arab's dad said to the shop assistant: 'Who wore this, the King of France?' The shop assistant said: 'Perhaps this store is not the class for you' (10/10 for Frenchness on this response). The Arab's dad obviously seethed at this comment, talking him through each Burberry item he was wearing and how he bought it for thousands. As the final piece de resistance, he bought a hat for 200 euros, gave it to the shop assistant, and said 'Here, keep this hat, from a man of my class, for otherwise you will never wear such a hat'.
The Arab told me all of these anecdotes on a 30 minute walk to town and back, during which he only stopped to pick up a lamb shish and chips which he had phoned ahead to order. I had a salmon sandwich.
:lol:
I fucking love this guy.
:D :D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
This might be my favourite one yet.
What a guy.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Absolutely tremendous. :D
The hat thing is incredible :D
His dad is a don, tbf. Fought Taz's lot in the Iran-Iraq war, then got chucked out by Saddam, only to make bajillions elsewhere. The Arab is like a shit, James Murdoch style version of him.
The Algerian > The Arab.
An Arab immigrant being the biggest little Englander in the country is a beautiful tale of acceptance and integration.
In role promotion confirmed today.
21.5% pay rise.
:drool:
Turns out applying for other jobs makes things happen.
That’s the ticket. Easier than moving on. I got £10k from the same thing.
Yeah, I didn’t really want to move. Had an interview for another (internal) job which I think sort of moved things along.
Target over the next 2 years is avoid getting sacked.
I knew the level above came with a “perk” which would’ve been about a 8.5% payrise in itself, but they bumped my salary up by more than anticipated too.
Class that. You were already on a decent wedge too so that must be bloody mega.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Get a few boxes of World Cup stickers ordered from Groupon while the moneys still hot.
Congrats @Foe
Angling for a promotion myself but I doubt it comes with 20%. More like the 8-10% range you mentioned. Although, right before Thanksgiving and my trip home my boss called to let me know they were looking at doing retention bonuses for select people in the group. 20% to stay for at least another year. Considering they are taking care of me, the money keeps going up anyway and I wasn't looking, it's a no brainer.
We have been seriously short staffed across the whole department this year though. Candidates have been few and far between for the entry level roles, fuck knows whats going on. Talking with one of the others getting it, we came to the conclusion its surplus in the budget they have to use or lose so they thought 'fuck it' give it the ones we like.
The community levelling up. :wub:
I think I posted previously the company was giving everyone a 6% of salary cost of living bonus in December pay. I racked my brain of what to buy in celebration of such an unexpected windfall and ended up with a new George Foreman grill and Pokémon brilliant diamond for the switch. :moop:
Not entirely sure what to do for this one.
Didnt they just bring out a couple more Pokemon games? Settled.
Mine’s gone on heating.
I just want them to re release Pokémon blue and gold for the switch.
Might just order the originals and get myself a gameboy advance.
Can't you buy it on the online store? I had it on the 3DS that way.
You can for the 3ds I think, but it’s not compatible with the switch.
Although you’ve just reminded me I have a 3DS so actually. GAME ON.
Get a steam deck and emulate all the pokemon games.
Anyone else doing "christmas jumper day" today?
Isn't it a Friday thing usually?
Maybe from the roof.
Barney sent news of 'Baby Freddie' at 3am, his second child with as many women, so he's gone. The Arab just hasn't turned up today, he texted me something about penguins living in the UK at this temperature. As such it's just me and various members of the Wurzels to welcome the launch of our new e-commerce website. I say welcome the launch - we've decided to go with what's being termed a 'silent launch', i.e. we make a website but reckon it's rubbish, so don't tell anyone about it and just hope for the best. True marketing genius.
I live for Tales of The Arab these days. :D
I really hope the stories are true and Jimmy doesn’t have a hint of the the Igor’s about him. Regardless, it’s fun reading anyway.
If anything I leave out a lot to improve the narrative flow. I didn't get into their friends Saleem and Albert (fuck knows) also being on the Paris trip and stopping passers by in the street to tell them they were wearing shit clothes.
Jimmy, you're going with them next time and we'll have no arguments about it.
Kids were doing it at school today.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I bet Baz was the one that organised it. Most banterest one wins.
Again, this perception of me as some mad banterlord is weird.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I have 3. All bought for me and all worn once for about an hour or 2 at best.
One features Father Christmas writing "Mary Xmas" on to a snow covered floor in his own piss. Banter.
Another features an office worker Father Christmas wearing a jumper saying "Out Of Office On". Banter.
The last, is actually a t-shirt and claims that "Santa Says Relax" with the S wearing a cheeky Christmas hat. Shit Banter, lad. Fuck off.
My wife rang me yesterday when she was in Asda and wanted to buy me one that said "NUT ROAST" on it because it will make me look like a vegan. Beat that banter Baz.
This is the role you have been assigned. It's easier to just accept it, ask Kiko.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Finally booked the South America trip for February which has been delayed a couple of times, going with a 79 year old man.
I'm there for 21 days, 13 of which contain at least one flight. There are 16 flights in total, mostly on the Colombian and Peruvian carriers. Going to seven countries - all bar Arg, Bra and Ven.
It's the point when you look things like having to arrive at 'Jorge Wilstermann International Airport, Cochabamba' for a 40 minute flight taking off at 7.05am that you realise the sheer scale of this undertaking. All in the name of learning how to do about 1.5 million of business per annum.
Giggles might top himself just at the thought of that many airports.
At least you'll have wrapped up the best thread award early.
A 40 minute flight? Are you ever above 30,000 feet for that?
I don't think the type of single engine, coke shuttling, boneshaker he'll be on ever goes that high.
It takes around that to get to Amsterdam on a good dayQuote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
As the crow flies that one is about the same as London to Leeds, but the drive takes more than 10 hours. Boliviana de Aviación it is.
It's insane how it takes days to get anywhere out in the Andes. Our company has a job about 3 hours up the mountain from Santiago (but only like 100km) so all the workers have to stay in one of those camps that looks like it belongs in Xinjiang. I was asked by a colleague a few years ago if I wanted to go on a visit there (and also Israel at some point too) in one of those jollies branded "knowledge building exercises" but I politely declined and went to Munich instead even though what they were doing there wasn't really relevant.
Yes, sorry that's your role baz. You're so edgy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
The Arab is a tremendous character. It’s a shame we won’t get to hear more about him after Jim dies in a dodgy South American airline accident.
This is also my thought as well. Or we get a rather mundane tale of survival.
Ideally both the Arab and Jim are sent to South America, end up surviving a plane crash in the Andes and Jim just compiles an exasperated survival diary to post here upon their rescue.
His first day back would be The Boss bollocking him for not checking his emails for weeks.
Or the Arab does something mental and gets them sent to prison together.
The Arab has already been to prison. I'm not sure what for (I'm guessing drugs), but whatever it was, prison terms over there seem to be less about what you have done and more about who you know who can get you released. As such he complains bitterly about having been in for 3/4 months, not because he didn't deserve it, but because there was a family friend who could have got him out but elected not to do so.
Out of interest, who gets a Christmas bonus? I've never had one, or worked anywhere that subscribed to the notion. My wife however gets a pretty healthy one every year (£1500+). Is this the minority these days?
I don't, but I get an annual bonus (~10% of salary) which usually drops in the summer so I guess that's the same thing because I can't imagine many companies will double dip.
I've had one job where we got quarterly bonuses which were performance based and were dead easy to max out, other than that it's been firms finding excuses to not give it out that year or just bonuses weren't a thing.
We don't get bonuses. The German government have offered to let companies offer their employees up to 3k tax free to help with cost of living which is pretty good.
Usually get a grand in an envelope so as it can’t be taxed and then a 500 quid gift card as that also can’t be taxed.
I've had a Christmas bonus both at the Korean place and here. I remember one year in Korea it was weirdly high to the point it was about 20% of the pittance salary I was earning there. Here it started off at £500 and last year I got £2k, think it depends how arsed they are about keeping you.
Do you still get brown envelopes from 'the boss' geezer?
When he remembers, yeah. He's visiting the office next week so that normally results in lunch and a magnum of Chateauneuf-du-Pape which then sits gathering dust in my one-bed flat because when the fuck would there be an occasion for me to crack that open.
When the computer lands a 100/1 shot.
What's a magnum? 1.5 litres? Could easily do that over Christmas lunch, surely.
I can't deprive my now retired father of about 34% of his annual leisure time in 'researching wine for Christmas'.
Give him the wine and tell him to research food instead. Fucking paella.
No Christmas bonuses here. I used to get an annual bonus of around ~12% but a large company purchase and corporate restructure saw that off. It was only managers anyway but it seems like they tightened the level it trickles down to. I mentioned angling for a promotion (and the random retention bonus) above and hoping I can slide back in with that.
Though a large chuck of it depends on company performance so I am not sure it’s even been on the table the last year or so.
This.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Had my appraisal today. It was a far cry from the olden days where the Israeli owner would just talk about himself for 5 minutes and then give me a 2% payrise. I got 9% (nurses and postmen eat your heart out) and we had a decent chat about what I could do in the future. At one point I said: 'I'm not unambitious'. The MD said: 'So you're ambitious.' I was seething as that is exactly the sort of 3/10 mickey take gag I would do. At the end, he offered me the traditional bowl of chocolates. They were those round Lindt jobbies in different colours. I took one at random. He said 'Oh, you've taken the best one.' I said: 'Oh, have I?' It was turquoise. I don't know what the colours mean. Apparently turquoise means salted caramel. I said: "Oh, sorry, you must have had your eye on it," in a jokey way. He said: "Yeah." I thought: wait, should I put it back? Then I thought no, of course I shouldn't fucking put it back. So I ate it. It was nice.
9% is Hecking good. Congrats.
Those Lindt chocolate balls are supreme.
I hope you ate while maintaining eye contact with him. Establish dominance over the old man. His time is over.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
We have our appraisals at the end of the calendar year but any pay rises generally only happen at the start of the financial year, so by the time that rolls round the appraisal has been forgotten. Cute.
https://media.tenor.com/RhwLGw3klsUA...sons-lemon.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
A real powerplay.
Two sixth formers excluded for two days for giving year 7s 'sleigh rides' in the school car park, by attaching a boogie board to the back of their car and driving it round the school car park.
Ho ho ho.
Barclays gave an Xmas bonus along with another one or two earlier in the year, but considering the base salary was about 17k it wasn't that exciting. Was usually a couple of quid a pop.
Also, as mentioned before ages ago, when I was about to leave the super senior big boss told me not to worry about me leaving just before Xmas, she'd make sure that I'd get my bonus, which was gonna be £1,000 cus I'd been so fucking class and then I texted her a couple of weeks later I got the lol new number who dis response :moop:
Get absolutely fuck all at place I'm about to leave cus charity and they're so shit scared of OPTICS of some guardian exposé about donation money being spent on blah blah etc etc. Christmas meal isn't paid for, no bonuses, and when I went away to the conference they put us in a budget ibis by a main road and gave us £10/day food allowance. In London. Lol.
My work is having a restructure so had a meeting about it today. Unsurprisingly the job I started in October is still my job and nothing has changed. Yet they still tried to big it up as a super serious important meeting.
Also started with 'we'll just discuss job titles today and not put names to any roles yet... so this is now where Natalie sits'
https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.6137...8,075,t.u6.jpg
They have opened up 2 more steps on the payscale for me to get to though, so there was some good bits.
Never leave before the bonus is paid in financial services. There's a reason why there's usually a mass exodus around April.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
I've landed a new job and I'm genuinely DELIGHTED. 65% pay increase and I'm no longer allowed to express my political opinion publicly. Dream job. :huhu:
Are you the new presenter of MOTD?
I'm too white and too male for that.
Well in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
65% :cool:
Ridiculous pay jump. Well played.
Frig. That's one hell of an effort.
What do you make of this? We had a video call with a new client earlier, and one of my account managers sent a summary email to the people in the call.
One of them just sent an email that contained this:
To clarify, she started the email with "Hi guys". I'm tempted to tell him to go and swivel, but curious to see what others think.Quote:
Thank you for the email.
We look forward to working with you and your team. However, I would appreciate it if you didn't refer to David and I as 'guys', we are both professional people.
Sounds like him and David (those guys) would fit right in here, the autistic bellend loser. :lol:
It's it not mega money, tell them to take their seriousness elsewhere.
I thought it was going to be telling you off for using "guys" for a group of people who weren't all men when I got to the guys part.
Probably don't tell him to go and swivel if they're a client but it's fucking odd.
Also, are they accountants?
The very same as the pronoun cretins, tell them to lie in their piss and fuck off.
I was once reprimanded for using ‘Hey X’ instead of ‘Hi X’
The X means they should have had their head held underwater for 45 minutes.
Giggles is baying for some LGBTQ+ blood here.
Not a fucking clue what the guys are on about though, fucking hell, this ain't Victorian Britain.
I think the X was just a placeholder, you mentalist.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
These days? Are you really certain?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
I wouldn't call customers 'guys' in writing, it's not very professional. That said, them kicking off about it is a bit pompous to say the least.
Customer is always right etc.
Giggles getting full triggered by something that’s been in place for hundreds of years.
Jim is correct, it isn't professional in the strictest sense. Always address them by name. Annoying at our spot because there are several people who go by names that aren't their actual names :moop:
Ignore it. Doesn't matter if they're a cunt, as long as they're a cunt paying you money.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
This is end of days stuff.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
So far it hasnt been problematic but when busy if you just reply using their screen name (for example Carl) but you know they insist on 'Jeff' it can feel like you have commited some inadvertant hate crime.
Someone from work who isn’t fit at all requested to follow me on Instagram. She has a recent bikini pic (phone strategically covering her face) and yowzer. :chief:
You needed the IG account to discover it? Disappointed.
Lol my ex work colleague called a customer buddy and he went mental, shouting at him that he wasn't his buddy. Six months later he came in cus it turned out his russian girlfriend that he'd transferred 20k to wasn't actually his girlfriend, lol bad luck buddy.
Ya what? She's not fit, but she has a cracking body? Sounds like she's fit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Reply with ‘Sorry guys, won’t happen again.’Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
I'd call them a jumped up cunt and invite them to conduct a swivel. Or just get Taz in to gammon them to death.
Just reply to their email with the exact same text but the names swapped if they themselves opened with "Hi guys."
Is your customer chabuddy g?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Regarding the email conversation, start your emails with "Sup cunts" from here onwards.
Love that guy. Honestly one of the funniest characters ever written.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
Right up there with Mrs Brown, yeah?
Or that chav Instagram familyQuote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Polar opposites, from what I've seen.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
I stumbled upon this post as I opened the thread. We had a Section 5 Ofsted this Tuesday and Wednesday. We had to work on our foundation curriculum as it was deemed an area for improvement when we had a Section 8 last September, so we've been a bit on tenterhooks for a while too. It was a pain them coming Christmas week, but much better to get it out of the way.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
There will be nothing official until January, but it went well.
Edit: like you, I'm history coordinator and they did a 'deep dive' into history.
I thought Section 8's were the only a 2 day inspections? The other being a 1 dayer.Quote:
Originally Posted by ScousePig
I also was told that all Ofsted visits recently are to be Section 8 inspections due to the past years disruption by covid and local downs. Could be nonsense though.
Was their recent visit due to your school inviting them back? Or did they do it of their own accord? Seems quite a quick re-visit.
Section 8 and 5 are both two days, 8 being an interim inspection and 5 being a full one.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dquincy
We had a Section 8 the very first day we could have had one after their Covid guidelines changed (the second week of term last September). We were still quite restriction heavy and it didn't go down particularly well. We were a 'good' school and remained so, but if they see a particular area which requires development they will come back after around a year and carry out a full Section 5.
We won't see them now for around 3-5 years.
Ah, I see. Well done on getting through it and achieving a 'good'.
My son's primary school (I'm a parent governor) had one a couple of weeks ago. As expected, it did not go well and the school 'requires improvement'.
The main issue for my son's school is the head teacher previously passed away and they've taken 2 years to replace her. The school was effectively rudderless for those 2 to 3 years. A new permanent head has come in from September and alienated all the teachers. She thinks they're underachieving and she's trying to stamp down her own way of doing things. The next 12 months will be interesting. Not great.
Glad it went well. We've been informally told we'll remain good. I didn't even see an inspector while they were here, but some of my colleagues were seen 4-5 times over the two days.Quote:
Originally Posted by ScousePig
Oddly enough, we've started excluding students again now.
Well that cunt at the end is getting banged up for a long time.
Yep. Definition of heads gone. I wonder if the pool ball hit anyone.
I thought Guernsey was the civilised island and Jersey was the scummy, exploding house, nonce protecting one?
And yeah, the fella at the end is doing time.
Assume this wasn't for the jobs thread though...
News of the day. :uhoh:
I assume this is the harbour lights (aka Harbour fights) fight. Some properly scummy behaviour if it is.
From now on I'll judge all fights on how resource intensive they are.
Time for my annual pre-Christmas "I have zero motivation" post. Thus is bollocks. Pointless bollocks.
Clearly stints in Southend and Coventry have removed your ability to recognise civility.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Today's my last day and I'm doing very very little.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
The Arab is in full send mode as business winds down for the year. He just told me a story about the first time he visited London as a 20 year old. He was a jiu jitsu instructor at the time (or so he claims). He went to King's Cross and wanted a train to Hatfield. Being him he didn't look at the information boards or ask at the information desk, he just went up to a random man in a suit and asked how to get a train to Hatfield. The man in a suit said 'I don't see how this is my problem'. The Arab then elbow-punched him in the face (he demonstrated this, seems to be an MMA move). He was quickly arrested and told that if he offended again he wouldn't be able to enter the UK for ten years.
This was in the context of me trying to explain to him that in this country (especially when on a conditional working visa) it's not a good idea to solve disputes with pre-emptive violence, and that we don't care about 'honour'. He finds this frustrating as, back in Jordan, if anyone insults him or says something he doesn't like, he just lays them out and that solves it.
He genuinely sounds like a man without a redeeming feature beyond being a source of anecdotes for here.
Which is more than enough redeeming feature for me to be fair.
He is quite fun to be around in the sense that he entertains. He is an over privileged man-child with zero self-awareness and an inability to sit still or shut up.
Get him on the board. Best and Worst Poster 2023.
He wouldn't survive TTH. One ":harold:" and he'd be turning up on doorsteps.
I think the thing that sums him up best is that he wouldn't accept that the Ancient Egyptians weren't all 10 foot tall until I showed him a graph of average human height over time. Until then it was all I PROMISE YOU and ON MY FATHER'S HONOUR.
I do love the honour stuff, which should be "I will be honest, modest and devout" but just ends up being "YOU will pretend I am honest, modest and devout or you're getting fucked up, son".
It's basically the Mafia model.
His Dad is the man. :cool:
I'm ready.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I just went and had lunch with him. He told me about both his prison stints. One was for supply of cannabis, the other was for banging an underage girl. 15 day sentence for each, but the first one ended up being longer because he kept breaking people's arms inside when they insulted him.
He also told me about his spell in Canada, where his dad paid for him to rent an apartment in order to study for a degree. He found the degree boring so quit almost immediately and started raking it in as a mixed martial arts trainer. Eventually his dad found out, flew over to Canada unannounced, came to the door and presented him with a ticket for the next plane back to Jordan.
Oh, and (I didn't know this before) someone in the warehouse apparently got fired last month after saying 'Here comes the camel trader' when his dad walked through.
He's a virgin and never been in a fight, isn't he?
Knocking about on lunch with a nonce. Merry Christmas.
He sounds like a brown version of the IT nerd from The Office.
Yeah, I tried to do a 'Hang on there old boy, you're telling this story loudly in a Hungry Horse chain pub' but he doesn't have ears, only a larynx.
She was 16/17 so wouldn't have been underage here but still pretty noncey.
I would simply not go for lunch with the fightnonce, but this is why I never have good stories for the board
The company aren't firing him any time soon, so one is best off learning to live with him.